Plumbing the Death Star - Which Video Game Could You Beat As Yourself As You Are Now Live(ish) from PAX 2021 with James aka Mr Sunday Movies

Episode Date: October 31, 2021

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You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Hey Pax, and welcome to a very special edition of Plumbing the Death Star. I am Joel Dusha. I am Jackson Bailey. And Dan. I am Jay- oh sorry. No, no, perfect. Please. James, please. I forgot that you normally say that the other person yeah if they're not supposed to be there you normally say james packs don't know shit yeah the audience the audience the convention they love it uh so you're james yes i am thank you and packs thank you so much for having us we are here to ask the important questions like which video game could you beat as yourself as you are now?

Grand Theft Auto 5. What? Put me in, baby. Give me a gun. Give me some money. I will take that town on. Grand Theft Auto 5, I can hop it, yeah? Not a free guy situation where you're like a background character

just be like, just keep your head down, Jackson. This game will be over soon. I am the protagonist. I'm not the guy getting hit by the car. I'm the guy in the car hitting the guy with the car. Yeah. That's me in Grand Theft Auto V. Dusha, you look skeptical.

I'd like to hear why. Jackson. Yeah. I would hate for you to say anything that could get you in trouble, but have you ever killed a man? Look, no. I'll admit I haven't, but I think I have the potential to. You have to do gunfights and run from the cops. I'm quick.

They're very complicated missions, you know what I mean? You've got to sit through long dumps of dialogue when you're sitting in a car driving or whatever like i could just throw myself out of this car yeah well so james uh you'd be aware like obviously and and listeners and packs everyone i grant the thought obviously there's a lot of action and combat and gunplay a lot of like drama and criminal stuff but it's also a lot of driving and jackson bailey do you have your license i do not i i'm a 30 year old man who does not have his driver's license but i i do think that would matter in the world of grand theft auto 5 yeah do you know how to drive a car

i've taken some lessons so it wouldn't matter provided that you can drive yeah i could i could drive i could drive a car can't drive a helicopter or a boat. But how hard could that be? How hard can it be to drive a plane? Here's how I think it works. Okay? Yeah, go ahead. There's probably a button that starts the motor.

Okay? This is for a plane. You know what? I'm not going to interrupt. I'll let you go. Okay. Yeah. So there's probably a button that starts the motor

that starts the plane going. And then there's that little handle they hold down near their thigh and you push forward. Handbrake? No, it seems like an accelerator. Yeah, it goes like... And that makes us start to move forward. Okay.

Okay. I will admit, and this may be a problem, but maybe not. I can't fathom how you turn a plane. You've got a steering wheel. Does that not just go up and down? No, no, it tilts. It's a whole thing. Okay, well, I'm good then.

That's great to hear. You're not on a rail. This is really good news, because I just thought I'd have to get in a plane, crash it, get out, get in another plane to move. But then, as the plane accelerates, I pull back on the steering wheel, just thought i'd have to get in a plane crash it get out get another plane to move but i then as the plane accelerates i pulled back on the steering wheel and we crest off the runway and we're in the sky you also have to land it or jump out at some point as it as it hits a building or something well this is probably an important question uh so in grand theft auto you just

have a parachute yep now do i have like a weapon wheel and a parachute i guess not because it's me as i am now yeah it's you as you are now do you have a parachute currently no i'm just gonna cardigan and a shirt okay um planes will probably have parachutes on them but here's the here's the trick here's the tricky part i think i could figure out how to fly a plane i don't know if I can figure out how to activate a parachute. Okay. So one is made to be worn in a disaster or an extreme situation, at least, where adrenaline is at an all-time high and you've tried to make it as simple as possible.

The other one requires you to study and have a full-blown license for, and you're making the claim that that one, for some fucked reason, is going to be easier for you. There are so many toggles on a parachute, man. What the fuck do they all do? There's so many fucking buttons on a plane. It's not just toilet things. But I think, to Jackson's credit...

Thank you. I don't hear that enough. I don't hear that enough. I think the controls of a plane within the world of Grand Theft Auto wouldn't be more complicated than a PlayStation controller. Exactly. I don't think it would necessarily be mapped the same, but it would be pretty much.

It's intuitive. It would have to be intuitive. Whereas in the game, if you jump out with a parachute, all you do is press X. I don't have an equivalent of that. I'm pulling toggles. I pull out the. This is what I'm pulling toggles. I pull out the... This is what I'm always scared of

if I jump out of a plane with a parachute. Heights? Because I also know you're scared of heights. Yeah, so jumping out in the first place is scary for me. I'm more likely to be like, can we just see? Maybe the plane will get better or whatever.

But no, I'm scared that I'll... Autopilot surely also lands the plane. If we just leave that on, it should be fine, right? Yeah. The fire will burn itself out, right? Like, eventually it will. Like, eventually the plane will be okay. Is there a plane doctor on this plane?

But what if I pull the toggle on the parachute and I accidentally pull the emergency parachute before the parachute? The idea- I don't think you can. No, I'm pretty sure. I'm scared of doing it. I don't think they have emergency ones.

Do they in that game? It's like you get one. Oh, yeah. That's true. You hit the ground. Like, yeah. If you deactivated early, you'll die. Yeah.

To be like sitting in a plane thinking you're getting turbulence, and then the pilot to walk out, just, like, kind of, like, looking around, tapping things, like, whispering to, like, a flight attendant, you just over here, is there a plane doctor on this plane? I'd be like, I'm about to die. Like, what do you mean? That's so funny. Just holding your face, you're like, is that the fucking pilot? Hey, um. Is there a plane doctor? holding your face you're like is that the is that the fucking pilot hey um is is is playing doctor fuck it I'm asking is there a play doctor

oh god okay here's the question though for this like in general like whatever universe we're in it's one death right

yeah surely I don't get lives like if it's Mario you eat a goomba or whatever you're poisoned you die i think mario like or if i'm me in mario and like a turtle bumps into me am i just like hey what the fuck and then i like squash it yeah true good question the the frail things that hurt mario do they hurt me yeah well that's a good question i i think that like because when you look at the original design of mario and even though he does start in his pre-mushroom state i feel like yeah we're entering the world of mario in the side scroll ones at least i mean we're regular adult man sized uh so presumably if we

got hit with something that would kill mario it would just simply make us small for a bit and then kill us okay so we do get the powers of the people that we're in the game of is it that seems like what you're indicating therefore point actually i would have a weapon wheel yeah and be able to drive a tank so like yeah you get your default and i guess i did say at the start as you are now so i guess no if you went in mario you could just snap turtles necks as much as you want. They bump into your shit. Although, turtles, and I found this out at the zoo because I was standing in a place I shouldn't have been standing. The turtle enclosure.

And they said, be careful, like, get out. And I was like, because it's like, this turtle enclosure, it was like, not... I've seen it. The wall's like, this high. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's still pretty obvious you're not meant to go in it. Well, yeah, but like, I don't know. I think what was going on in my head i was like well the wall's really small so maybe it's like a like not like a petting zoo situation what was going on in your

head maybe i can get to touch a turtle yeah i was a teenager when this happened i wouldn't have judged if you were if it was yesterday i don't care yeah um although less in my defense i feel like that as a teenager i was far first of all clever off for some reason and also way more tim well not timid but like not whatever the fuck i am now you were like these days you might go in and like give the turtle a noogie or whatever well i would probably defend against this idiot yeah too slow dickhead what are you gonna do put your head in your hole i can yell in that hole uh no i feel like that now i would be like i'm not meant to be in there but would probably be like well i can step over it so yeah i'm fair feckle feckle like look at me i'm 30 i'm standing in a thing that i shouldn't be

standing in in the zoo what can they do so? Kick you out? So were they like, yeah, were they like, that'll bite you, that turtle? Oh, no, it was just like, turtles, they're like, turtles are slow, but they can, like, speed up slightly, and like, yeah, but like, they were like, they were like, if it charges you and you're not expecting it, it will snap your shin in half, and I was like, oh. Oh, okay. Okay. So apparently, yeah, turtles, if they want to attack you can do so you know they'll take you down yeah so are we to then assume that if a cooper came at james's leg it would crack him

in the shit like it would it would yeah but it's not like it's like a one-hit turtle though yeah true it's not like a real joel ducha yeah not the type of turtles that I was risking my life for at the zoo. Yeah. Well, I guess with the Mario situation, you need to ask the question, why does it kill Mario? Like, what is happening? He doesn't believe in himself enough. Oh, that's sad. There's a lot going on in Mario.

Because then also, so yeah, turtles killing in one hit and so does a mushroom. Which again, I reckon if a Goomba hit me me it would hurt the goomba more than it hurts me they look soft i think there would be nothing more satisfying than punching a goomba on the top of its head like imagine how awesome that would feel as your fist went in as it squished on oh my god it'd be like flattening a top hat yeah just be just be like, ooh, that's good. I think I'd let out a little noise like, oh, as I did it. You shouldn't do that. I'd be like, it just feels great. It's not sexual.

It's just tactile. But it's too late. Yeah, it's too late. You've been called a Goomba pervert and arrested. I'm trying to think if there's a Mario game that I could beat. And the only one that I think I'd be even close would be tennis because you don't die. But aren't there like special power-up serves?

Oh, yeah, big time. Oh, yeah, that's right. If Donkey Kong had a tennis ball into you, it is you. That's a good point. I forgot that. I was thinking of like, for some reason I was thinking of the Virtual Boy. I was thinking of the Virtual Boy version for some reason. Like, yeah, this weird black and red world.

I could probably get through that. It would give me a headache, but I'd survive. I'm not going to die. Well, okay. We need to figure out in Grand Theft Auto 5. Yeah, I was going to say, we need to go back to Grand Theft Auto because we left you on a plane. I can jump out.

You're saying it's easy to open a parachute i will just believe you i i did not say it was easy i just said it was i when compared to flying an actual plane okay one would be easier and that would be the parachute another question is important so in gda5 you can get shot a bunch before you die. Yeah. I can get shot one time. You can get shot a bunch in real life before you die. You can take more than one bullet. How many bullets do you reckon I could take? Me as I am now. I mean, like, comfortably, none.

Yeah. It's not going to feel good. But I can shoot you two to three times before you actually die. Two to three times? Yeah. Where? Well, not in the heart or the lungs or the brain would be yeah okay you could shoot me yeah i was gonna say if you get to a gta gta hospital

true with that would that work on you or they'll be like we've never seen anything like this man you just walk out of this place that's all that happens You actually can't come inside. What? Hi, I need to be healed over there. Like, are you dead? Excuse me? If you're dead, you can leave. I don't know what the hell that means. I have been shot.

My friend, Joel Dusha, shot me three times claiming that I would be fine. He said, and I quote, I could probably shoot you two or three times he was right yeah so um okay two or three shots that's okay that's pretty good i just gotta kind of almost do a perfect run of gta5 okay well if i remember correctly and i probably don't because I look GTA 5, not really a game for me, but I have played it, but not heaps. I'm pretty sure, though, the start of the game you're playing is Franklin. I think that's his name, who is kind of introduced into gang violence pretty much immediately. And automatic weapons are involved in the first mission where it teaches you how to do like cover cover-based shooting sure sure sure yeah can you completely run up to a thing and crouch surely i'm so desperate to test it now i think you're getting shot directly in the top of the

head because you don't crouch enough i think it would be be so hard to do. Because you'd be like, I can't see him, so he can't see me, forgetting you have a forehead. I think I... The end of the wall is just above my eye. I'm good. I think running and then crouching was so much more difficult than you assume it would be. Oh, it's crazy difficult, yeah.

Like, to do that, I don't think I could do that. I think i would make a little noise like because it would hurt and then i'd fall over well it's kind of like it's almost like a similar thing that you have to do with like a burpee can you do a burpee no goodness no can you do a burpee with an ak-47 i'm still trying to figure out i'm like i don't know otherwise is If you aren't standing, you're just sprinting with a gun you've never held before. Then I had to do a burpee. Ugh! Oof! Dug-a-dug-a-dug-a-dug!

Why? Okay. We need to address this as well. In this situation, every time you've been greeted by something that you could feasibly, I mean, less feasibly that you're going to be handed an AK-47, but like a parachute and stuff. Those are like real life things. But the idea of you being like, oh, no, if I was holding a gun, I'd be in so much trouble, but I can fly a plane. Well, I don't know.

Guns are dangerous. They feel volatile. Do you think maybe you would survive better in the game flight simulator than you would go to their daughter potentially i'd be scared of flight simulator because the earth isn't fully real you know and i can never leave the plane that's true you can't i'd get a parachuting yeah yeah just a weird like 2d wasteland of earth that's frightening um i think i would know i would also not be able to withstand lamar's uh criticisms if he said i had a yee-yee ass haircut i would be so upset i wouldn't be able to handle it i'd start crying yeah don't understand that

reference but it sounded funny that's good let me show you what it was for those gda5 heads out there uh it was a classic yeah i haven't played the game all the way through but doesn't he kill every all the other protagonists yes he does is that so that but that doesn't include you well if you let's presume let's presume you got this far yeah i made it to the end somehow through all of the heists and all of the shenanigans. But I guess you know what's coming, right? Yeah, exactly. Well, I don't remember it though very much. Yeah.

Which is the protagonist that kills the other one? Because there's Trevor who is definitely not the one who does the killing. I think Franklin kills Trevor and the other guy, Michael. Michael? Yeah. Yeah. So I probably would be killed by Franklin, you know. And it's also so funny to imagine because if you'll recall in GDA 5,

you could do that thing where while you were playing, you could swap between protagonists, and the idea of it being four protagonists and you swapping to me and being like, ah, why is he stuck in a bin or whatever? Why is he Oscar the Grouch in it at the beach, and I'm just like half in, half out of a trash can

screaming for help? I fell in! I fell in! I fell in! How? I'm a height! Come on! I parachuted out of the plane directly into a trash can. Now I'm Oscar the Grouch in it at the beach.

And you can't do anything, you just gotta swap back to Franklin or whatever. Well, hopefully when I come back to franklin or whatever well hopefully when i come back to jackson it'll have figured out that problem you're still in the bin but in the ocean now oh there's sharks this far out oh my god um and then yeah presumably i'd be i would be killed at the end but that i think is beating the game right like that counts yes i mean isn't it about surviving okay because i guess but if you get killed by franklin then i guess that is technically beating the game so i guess if after franklin kills trevor and michael he gets another thing that's like eliminate jackson and he has to go down to the beach and shoot me in the trash can or whatever where i've washed up on the shore and i'm moving around like a hermit crab now and i'm running away on the sand as franklin chases me down yeah yeah in a way i

beat the game in many ways what about what about you guys well james how do we think you keep thinking like yeah i i don't i don't buy any of it quite frankly like i don't think you went? I keep thinking like, I don't buy any of it, quite frankly. Like, I don't think you get, but like, if you say you could do it, who am I to say that you can't? I just think that the moment the game starts and you're like, GTA 5, you drop into GTA 5, you get handed a gun, dead. Not even, you somehow die while the gun's loading in. Somehow by drop into the game, I just literally drop from a height into the game and die when I hit the ground.

Well, I think the first part of the game where you have to drive, so I reckon that's probably it. Crash the car. Too bad. That's a shame. All right. Fair enough.

Fair enough. I'll accept that. James? You still thinking Mario? My brain keeps going, say Tomb Raider. And then I'm like, why would I say Tomb Raider? Obviously I couldn't do any of the Tomb Raiders. One jump.

One jump. One jump. Exactly. One ledge I have to like scale. Like one handhold. You know, that's it. But that's so funny because you're not dying. They're like like get up

here to complete keep you know progressing the game but you just get like a bit of the way up can't do it climb back down huh well exactly i guess i'll go and there's like especially in the early ones there's like jump based puzzles where you're gonna do like a backward somersault than a sideways somersault can you do just like a regular somersault on the ground now? Like a forward roll? I mean, yeah, I think so. Okay, just joking. I cannot remember the last time

I did a forward roll. Do you reckon you could do it? It's really dizzying. Because I've got kids. You know, you muck around. Your inner ear just gets older. It's just fucked. You stand up and just have no idea

where you are yeah it's great to imagine you do like perfecting a flip landing on the other side of the ledge but your inner ear is fucked you're just like oh too dizzy just fall back off oh my god or alternatively perfectly execute the front flip land vomit but like not a full-on bomb but just a little bit of sick up you know okay yeah carry on moving on how long do you reckon it would take you to complete a regular tomb raider level given enough time do you reckon oh my god well i've recently replayed the start of the like rebooted series and that game lara is in theory just a regular person at first probably your best bet because of the game but it's the same thing as jackson where you're gonna have to kill someone pretty quickly like true take another human life this time with a bow and arrow yeah do you think

that's that's something you could do yeah probably i don't, like, I physically couldn't do it. Yeah. But I'd do it. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, for sure. The Batman! Yeah, weird nightmare island where it's always raining. Fuck, whatever. Yeah, sometimes you get a crack of your wax.

Probably a ghost. Probably doesn't even count. Yeah. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Holy shit, we have such good shirts available at the moment. Seriously, if you head to sanspantsradio.com slash shop, we've got a bunch of new amazing shirts available for you to grab and wear on your filthy bodies. I personally currently own a long-sleeved black Plumbing the

Death Star tee with the Sans Pants logo on the breast and a huge Plumbing the Death Star logo on the back. I wear it all the time. And I also have one with the logo of the Greyhill Free Company on it from the latest season of D&D is for Nerds because it looks sick as hell. It's probably one of the best designs I reckon we've had in ages. So head to sanspantsradio.com slash shop

and grab yourself an awesome t-shirt. We also do limited monthly runs based on specific designs like references or in-jokes. They're so good. So once again, that's sanspantsradio.com slash shop. I think the hardest thing to do in a Tomb Raider-style game would be that move they do where they jump onto a ledge, but it's not a ledge you can climb up.

It's just like a little gap that you have your fingers in, and then you shuffle along and then around a corner. That would be almost impossible, I think. No human. Your fingers would snap right and then you would fall to your doom to spikes below there's also i'm trying to think of like what also happens towards the start after the murder there's a part where you've got to solve a puzzle to flood a tunnel or whatever and then you slide down a tunnel like a water slide but if you yeah

what is you could do a water slide right yeah but you, but you've got to do a jump in the middle of it. Have you ever tried to do an eight-foot jump in the middle of a water slide? Jumping onto a different water slide? That would be the biggest shock in a water park. Jump! What? I don't know how you go from sliding to a full jump. How do you start? The body's not designed to make that change

you'd have to I don't know why I'm trying to act it out for myself, for my own person you'd have to be kind of, either sitting on your ass or on your back and then quickly use the momentum to just jam your feet down and it would for that to happen

you're gonna jam your feet then you're going head first down the slide. Well, you'd break your nose. That's exciting. That's exciting. That's fun. No one's saying it's not exciting. Broken bones, still cool.

It's still very exciting. It's very, very exciting. Puzzles. That's an interesting thing. Do you think you could solve the puzzles in Tomb Raider? Do you reckon you could figure it out it's just lighting torches if I could do it in the game if I was

physically able to do it I could get to the things yeah sure put a lever and a whatever roll under a door what about this one where you gotta move a big cube around or like a big stone cube that's tough but again Lara is just a regular person and

yes like obviously mario is he he's italian yeah and a ghoul maybe i don't know he's in the sewer he does he does live in the sewer yeah i yeah because like lara clearly i mean in great shape at the start of tomb raider before everything goes wrong i if i had her job would not be in good shape no she's an academic yeah that's where does she find the time anyway but like i i think that you would be able to move anything that lara croft in okay that tomb raider game would be able to move i'd agree with that yeah well here's something I want to find out. And we can't find it out. I like that we've basically bullied James into agreeing that,

yeah, he could finish Tomb Raider. Yeah, I was like, I shouldn't say Tomb Raider, I said. I distinctly remember saying I could finish Tomb Raider. Well, what I want to know is, is it physically possible for a human being to jump as far as Lara can? Because she's jumping like three metres, four metre gaps or whatever. what i know is is it physically possible for a human being to jump as far as lara can because she's she's jumping like three meters four meter gaps or whatever like is it just the kind of thing that this is a thing no human being could complete it's not your fault yeah you're right don't take

it personally and also she's got like a grappling hook sometimes, right? Yeah, she does. So I got to hook onto a rope attached to an old tree and swing across a ravine? Yeah. Like, come on. Or like, you need to notice that a wall looks like you could jam your pick into it and just jump face first and then just slam that pick in. Oh, yeah. It requires a lot of bravery. And a lot of-

Incredible strength and grip. That's true. And I break my nose you continually are breaking your nose doing this guaranteed it is crazy to imagine swinging off something with the momentum you have and then trying to jam two picks into a wall because presumably what would happen you jam the two picks into the wall slam your face into the wall blood nose slip off the picks fall to your doom, right? Every single time.

And I think you start the game with one pick. I think you get a second pick later. Is that right? Yeah, I think you're right. No, I think you're right. You actually start the game with no picks. Yeah. Nice.

Doing a zero pick run of Tomb Raider? Difficult. Too impossible, I would say. Because, yeah, you're just going to just gonna i guess have to jam yeah a lot of like okay i'm standing on this wooden structure that's half fallen down and people have shot guns at and i'm gonna jump onto this swinging platform that's also made of woods yeah and then true time it so it's like swinging to then jump to another yeah, hope you've got great legs James, because you're going to be jumping a lot

I have very distinctly average legs both aesthetically and physically also Lara Croft doesn't get puffed so even if you do a great job and you do them all, you will need to take like a 10 minute sit down to just

sort of quietly vibrate on a log or something, you know? Yeah. We've got to factor that into like literally every game. Cause there's so much like stamina involved. You know what I mean? There's a reason they make like a lot of the time,

you know, first person shooters, you can only sprint for like five seconds or whatever. It's realistic. It's real. But it doesn't, with us human beings, it doesn't build back up so quickly you know what i mean you're just done for the day like it's it's it hands on knees i shouldn't have sprinted for three to four seconds oh damn that's so funny one jump and you're like too bad well we'll tackle the next part of this

puzzle in the morning that's fine but then also resting is going to be terrible like jackson i know you've probably never experienced this in your life actually you go on hikes i take it back thank you being like feeling great going to sleep waking up the next morning being like my entire body feels like it doesn't work anymore. Cool. That's if you've slept in a bed. You're on a weird ghost island. And also, you're in between ledges because you did a big jump.

Just a storm's just whipping through you at night. You're only in a singlet. Like, it's just, you're going to die of a knife. That's what's going to happen. You're in a singletulate little short shorts that's right you'll be freezing it's also so funny to do the jump onto the swinging platform and have to sleep on that wake up dizzy and exhausted okay time for the next job yeah wow that's gonna be difficult for you to do but i still have faith in you i think you could do it i'm backing okay you're right i could do it we've worked out so far we'd all be able to do it what about what about

you well i've uh i've actually been racking my brain because much like you james uh my brain was just firing off things where i was like okay that is just factually not even close to true my brain because i've been playing a lot of like switch recently my brain was like yeah like a zelda or a metroid i'm like wait no no no no no but there is a new game that has come out recently that everyone's talking about that i think i could do no problem whatsoever yeah that is titled goose game among us yeah among us i could vote someone out or kill a friend and pretend it was i wish it was Among Us. I wish I rolled in and was like, I could easily do Among Us. In real life.

It's just simple tasks. Yeah. Well, it's simple tasks. And also, you can just vote to throw people into space. Every time I just walk up to the table, like, calling a meeting. Yeah. This person sucks. Yeah.

And then just keep doing it. Although, I would do it twice, and then just keep doing it although that's fair i would do it twice and then i would probably get voted out and killed in space yeah yeah um no but i was gonna say a death loop oh okay it's a time loop game the game starts with your character not knowing what's going on sounds a lot like me that's true i don't know how i got there don't remember but you have the advantage yeah because you've played the game you could think to yourself oh i'm in the game death loop yes oh okay and they would throw things at me and i'd be like i don't remember how to do this and then i would be in the same

position i was the first okay okay sorry my dogs that's okay it's good thing this is recording we can't edit anything don't stress the dog the exciting part about this is it sounds like the dog is like in the room sitting at the table with you like it's so loud no no it's great dog is crazy like that's good i'm just gonna close the door no that's okay deal give me a sec that's all right, we'll carry on. So, Pax, are you liking this so far, Pax? You say this is good or that you regret clicking on that link, you know? All right, Pax, while you're listening to this, give us a cheer if this stuff is good. Pax, three, two, one.

Thank you so much. If you booed, that's even better, I would say. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that's fine. Or fuck you, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, choose your own adventure but noise is fine yeah yeah

as long as something's happening that's all we can ask for and presumably because this is an online event everyone's sitting in their bedroom watching this cheering or booing you made a noise bad rules actually just looking down like your laptop just on your

fucking leg and your chest boo if the people watching this uh uh anything like me it's um sorry my sound's just gone all weird oh oh the cord fell out that's why i've got these backlets i don't know what the fuck's going on um it's that they watch everything in complete silence it could be like incredibly funny or exciting and scary but i'm just like yeah i'm usually the same but recently there was one video and pax i know that you're all over video game stuff so i know everyone's losing their mind that i've mentioned this but in real life i uh caught myself responding to a video recently uh that's when i was watching the nintendo direct live and they just hit me with a

chris pratt as mario and i said what is happening out loud i do the same thing as you james but if a video was funny when it finishes i'll be like that was pretty funny to no one. That's worse. Can you at least hit the like button? Come on, man. Ring that bell, Jack. As content creators, we're going to throw each other a bone here. That's worse. Laughing would be better.

Laughing in your phone versus that's pretty funny. That is pretty funny. I don't do it to every funny video but if it's particularly funny i need to let the void know why you say pretty funny and not very funny well i don't know because for it to be funny enough for me i don't know leave me alone isn't this a plot of seinfeld doesn't george break up with someone because she doesn't laugh she just says now that's funny or something i jerry jerry comedian yeah george is just a loathed little man

anyway deathly yeah yeah well in death loop so you'd have the death loop powers right well oh that's a good point i hope so otherwise i'm like all right run out of the day how do how do you acquire the Deathloop powers, though? Because I haven't played it at all. Okay, so for anyone, and look, again, I know that there is people that, if you're watching this, you probably love video games, or at least love middling Australian podcasts.

And I'm going to do a massive favor and not spoil the game too much. Okay. Or just give vague plot stuff, because it's all, whatever. It's actually the island you're on that is causing the time loop not you yourself okay that's good so everyone everyone is in a time loop not just you but is everyone aware that they're in a time loop only the two main characters are everyone else knows they're in a time loop but don't retain the memory of the time loop will you be disappointed you're in a time loop on a gun island and not living the plot of Groundhog Day in a nice town in the snow? Will that upset you?

It would upset me. Well, in Deathloop, there's like a fireworks display every night, so that's nice. Oh, that's pretty nice. Yeah, that's good. There's a big party in Deathloop at night. Well, because I guess my question is, because you're trapped here, right? You're here for good. There's a big party and death loop at night, so. Well, because I guess my question is, like, because you're trapped here, right?

Like, you're here for good. Well, I mean, I know how, like, I'm far enough in the game that I know what I'd have to do to escape the time loop. And I suppose you believe you could do it. Well, let's kill eight guys. Oh, okay, that's pretty easy. Yeah.

With what? Well, when you wait- However, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's kind of the whole thing, Jackson However I want Do you have a PS5? I do have a PS5 Thank you

Pax, if you want to cheer for me Now is the perfect time to do it Do I just PS5? We've already done it I just don't know anyone who's got one You know one person now Yeah You have a PS5 I just don't know anyone who's got one nobody I know can get one you know one person now yeah

you have a PS5 it feels good I wouldn't know it's good to live in the next I'm living in the next generation all of my friends are living in the past I've actually had mine since April 2021

so I've had it for a while damn oh wow yeah okay good stuff yeah me and uh friend of this show and not here currently but i'm gonna name drop him anyway andrew levens also has yeah ps5 boys anyway yeah so like there's eight guys i have to kill they all do possess because that because they know that they're, like, the key to breaking the loop or whatever. Yeah. They all do possess abilities that make them hard to kill. But the kicker is, if I die, the time loop just starts again for me. It's one of those, it's a weird one, because it's not-

You've kind of tricked your way into a victory here, where you actually can't lose, yeah? Yeah, yeah. But does it reset for you or does it reset for the actual protagonist of Deathloop? Yeah, because you die. You have to wait until they die. Well, I'm not far enough in the game to have a full-on answer for that.

Yeah, hang on. Because I was a protagonist alongside Franklin, Trevor, and Michael. So I was in the game in addition to them. Therefore, you i was in the game in addition to them therefore you should be in the game in addition to the protagonist and also i guess for james lara croft was also on the island i guess i was gonna say because we went through that like i was james it's a simple jump you just have to jump to the other side james are you kidding me i'm not i'm not fucking invincible what are you talking about yeah i'll

jump back to you you're not real and i'm real i'm sorry i'm sorry to like drop that on you james we can't just keep sleeping we need to find my friend james i don't they're not real either i need out i need out of the simulation james i've only found one pickaxe. You just keep going to sleep, so I'm going to take it. You just wait here. Fine. Good. Let me know when we can go.

Lara gets to the end and they're like, is there any survivors? She's like, no, we can definitely leave. We can leave. That's a good point. Can you just wait it out? Can you just be like, I'll just wait until the main player completes the game.

It's the opposite for me, presumably, in Deathloop. Having finished it, I think if the time loop breaks and I'm unaware, I would... Bad things would probably happen to me. But every time you kill someone

in the game, they're like, I'll see you again tomorrow. So I don't know if me dying in the game means that... By me going to this island, if I've just created a million, well, infinite consciousnesses for myself, kind of like variants in Loki. There we go.

Just throw it out. Sure. Feeding the masses with knowledge of things I've seen. This is what you'd like, you swill. Based on everyone. Swine, thank you. Swine eats swill, so i understand what happened yeah that's fair well if everyone is fucking stoked for andrew garfield to potentially reprise his role as spider

man in the uh in spider-man no way home even though everyone hated the amazing spider-man it's clear to me that people just like seeing and hearing things they recognize it's true i'm unlocked you did it well okay so look do sure yeah death loop please yeah so the worst thing could potentially happen for me is that i do not retain my knowledge of every day going forward so you've so kind of entered a weird hell really haven't you yeah yeah i'm gonna wake up on a beach not know my name or why i'm there yeah solve a couple of puzzles and then probably get shot in the head and then because you're never gonna be competent enough to get far enough into the game to learn what's happening so you've just even if i do it doesn't matter because if i because yeah the two characters

in the game they retain their knowledge per loop. But not you. It's even worse for you because at least the other characters are like, I'm on this island for some reason. If you do remember why you're on the island, it's because you claimed you could beat this video game as you in real life. Oh, yeah. And you would like, you could have done it a million times and you wouldn't know. You're just doing the same puzzle. Yeah. Again and again and again. Well, yeah. And you could have done it a million times and you wouldn't know. You're just doing the same puzzle. Yeah.

Again and again and again. And then get shot in the head. Well, yeah. I think under these circumstances, you would have to have the death loop. Yeah. I would have to. At least retain the knowledge. Or maybe...

Because you do... I probably would find out that I'm dying over and over again and not remembering. Well, I guess- Early enough before I get killed that I could probably leave a note for myself. But then every morning I have 50 first dates myself. Another reference. I'm the king of- Yes!

He's knocking him out of the park. Waking up and reading a note that said you are in a death loop and being like, what? What do I mean? Well, waking up on a beach and knowing that i'm dying over and over again means that some mornings i probably start my day differently and rather than walk towards the land walk towards the ocean am i in inception that's what i would think so yeah am i doing an inception right now did i am i big inception or am i doing it did i claim that i could beat the video game death loop or survive the movie inceptionception. Which one did I-

Another reference. What claim did I make here? Surviving the movie Inception seems easy, provided that I remember that my wife's dead. But I'm still on the beach, so- Clearly, if I'm on the beach, I have forgotten my wife's dead, or she's tricked me into- And then you're shot in the head, and you're like, it was Deathloop. Oh, okay. It sucks I won't remember this tomorrow

my last thought is like I'm not going to remember that it's Deathloop and not Inception but can you leave yourself a note does the island physically reset so if you shoot like a bullet hole in a wall it will be there the next time no

so notes stick around because there is like uh one of the characters in the game is clever and even though she is having her mind reset every day a code changes every loop because she knows that there's certain people that are remembering even though she's not and there's like a notebook that she's written in where she's like reading over it and being like i've realized that i'm forgetting every day but it also feels like she she made a breakthrough to realize that this wasn't her first day in the loop and was actually the 100th day which means that yeah i am probably just in hell yeah i think that's what you would ultimately come to the

conclusion of that you were in hell even though i was killed on a beach like a crab and james just got very puffed and had to sleep on a beach you've really ended up in the worst one there well yeah also because like even if cole the main guy yeah uh if he does succeed breaking loop i mean i don't know what happens to me uh because i've yeah have not succeeded as cole doing that yet yeah uh do you still have to get off the island? Like, independent of him? Yeah. Like, if he breaks the loop, then do you have to be like, oh, shit.

I've got to get out of here. Really, I put myself in the worst possible situation. Because everyone that's on the island knows that they're in a time loop. They just don't know that it's not the first time they've been in a time loop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like a weird experiment, alternate future well yeah i reckon i think look yours is too confusing so how about we wrap it up by saying could the three of us beat the original donkey climb up some girders and fight an ape do we think we could do do that now? Hit a gorilla with a hammer. One level.

Hit a gorilla with a hammer. I mean, I couldn't do, like, the whole thing because you're supposed to time that game out. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just the first level. Yeah, and you've got to run up a ramp, though. And jump a barrel.

And we're also, in this scenario, we're doing it together? Yeah, all three of us. Three people trying to jump a barrel is the biggest recipe for disaster I can imagine. Well, in the 2015 movie Pixels, they get stuck doing exactly this situation. Oh my God.

And it's fine. And then Josh Gad gets sucked off by Q-Bert, which sounds like a joke, but Q-Bert turns into a hot lady from another video game, and they have Qbert kids. Which means that while he physically changed, Qbert was still Qbert in his DNA. I would want him to stay Qbert, I think. That's fair enough. I don't like any of that. I could just have sex with a person whenever.

When am I going to get a chance to have sex with Cuba? That's a good point, I guess. There was one that I mentioned in passing, but I think it kind of got lost. But one I could definitely do, I figured it out. I could do Untitled Goose Gang. I'd just storm in and be like, steal this farmer's rake. I'm like, fuck yeah.

And he'd be like, oh no. And I'd be like, get the fuck out of my way. And then there's like, how do I open this gate? Just kick it open. I'm into the next yard. You've got to scare this boy. No problem. Kid, I will kill you.

Untitled James game is the best. Just rampaging through a town is so funny. Steal a fruit. You've got to get all in your hands, throw it in a river. Why are you doing this? Solely out of anger. And that's it. My only motivation here is that I hope you have a terrible day. This fucking bell, it's mine.

Fuck you. Do you think the goose would like, because it's also there, run from you? Or would the goose be like, all right, we're causing havoc in this town. I think we'd say that. I think you would too. Like we wouldn't be friends, but it would be like common enemy of my enemy kind of situation. Common enemy, i.e. the town.

Ruining picnics. Yeah, beautiful. So what's the tagline of Goose Game? It's like... It's one annoying goose. It's six in the morning and you're a terrible goose or something yeah something like that it's a quiet day in the

village and you are a horrible goose i think is what it is anyway yeah it's a love it's a lovely morning in the village and you're a horrible you're a horrible james and i feel like that a horrible person is way way way more intense than a horrible goose I would love to terrify this town of just like featureless people although would that terrify you back? looking at a man and seeing that he's got no face why are you wearing glasses kid?

you got no fucking eyes also these are going in the river I'm taking your glasses I think the joy of taking an entire picnic into a river would it could be as bad as like nothing will make that make that worse you know what I mean yeah yeah that's heaven that's heaven yeah I think you've unlocked it the only other game I can think of that I think I could beat as a person or me currently as I am is if you put me in a tetris game i could get rid of those blocks real easy oh yeah push it out of the way cleared the line motherfucker it's no big deal no big deal at all i could probably survive pong i reckon i reckon you're standing in the middle not realizing what's going on immediately get hit in the nuts and then hit in the back of the head dead wait oh yeah because you're not one of the paddles like it's you're also there destroy you

like i have to be careful and run away from the tetra well at least sidestep the tetris box because if one of those falls from a great height it's going like one of those four straight blocks just straight through my skull true true embatt be cannibal holocaust yeah but my references they're on fire everyone thinks my reference isn't right killing it kill i mean but the problem is with like tetris and pong also they're infinite yeah there is no way it's true i gotta hope you'd have to yeah you'd have to sleep i know douchey you sleep and get impaled and i'm already dead because i got hit in the balls and the back of the head at once and we all know that that kills you yeah it's the instant kill switch here person if you manage to hit them in the back of the head and the balls at exactly the same time dead

everybody talks about you know like that ninja grab on the shoulder like the Vulcan grab on the shoulder or is he giving the right pressure point. No real spies. They get one fist coming down, one fist going up. Clunk. The chloram clunk instantly dead. In her majesty's secret service, you know, that's how it's done.

Well, I think we've done it. We've mastered every video game. And before we go, we just want to say a big thank you to PAX for having us. Thank you. PAX. Thank you. Yeah. We salute you. Thank you say a big thank you to PAX for having us thank you PAX we salute you PAX thank you for your service PAX and on that note

I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've been James and you can find us at well you can find me and Jackson at and you can find James at planetbroadcasting.com correct

all of that stuff is there we're doing real different salutes yeah i know i'm like i'm trying to i should match the salute yeah i'm pretty sure this is the australian one but i'm not a hundred percent sure hey see you next time pax thanks for having usax. You can cheer again now. What if I told you everything you know about the world is wrong? What if I told you that all the things you were told were impossible were, in fact, very much the opposite? Reality is not what you think it is. It's so much more complicated. Fascinating. And, above all terrifying we are at the fringes of the map and there's more than just dragons as you're traveling further and

further and further north you're looking at your phone watching as five bars becomes four becomes three becomes two becomes one becomes that little emergency E sign. About a year ago, a company called Bismarck Oil & Co. collapsed. When it collapsed, several documents became unsealed. It was filled out by Officer Lenny McBride. That's who I am. I got one girl at home. I got a daughter and a wife, but she's looking after the daughter at the moment.

And, um, yeah, that's who I am. Land to my friends. You see a big painted sign in very big and bold words, both in English and in French. Warning, at all times, please keep your weapon. Uh, uh, uh. Okay. At all times, please keep your weapon. Okay. The elevator takes you down underground. You get the willies. Do you think that once it's out, it will be gone, or...? It'll be free.

What are we dealing with? What is this? What on earth could you think it is? An awful thing. Something that turns men against men. I gently put my finger under Wade's chin and lift him up and kind of look him in the eyes. You're right there, Wade. You took a bit of a tumble.

I don't know. I don't know. You don't believe these stories, do you? Beyond the Map, an anthology series set in a world not that different from our own. Listen week to week on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Alternatively, you can just grab the whole campaign as a digital download on our website, sanspantsradio.com.