Plumbing the Death Star - Which Video Game Trope Would You Exploit for Personal Gain or Profit?

Episode Date: July 26, 2020

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You can also grab the same wild magic table that we used for that campaign. Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com. Hey, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, which video game trope would you exploit for personal gain or profit?

Double jump. Okay. Bo-boing. Yeah, no, boing, then boing. Bo-boing. The bo no, boing, then boing. Bo-boing. The bo is the first jump. The boing is the second one. That implies that the second jump is only giving you...

The first jump is only half the amount of height as the second jump. Okay, it's a one and a half jump. Are you happy? Yes. Anyway, I'm going to... So, out of every video game trope... Yes, I'm listening....to exploit every video game trope Yes I'm listening To exploit for personal gain

Or profit Or profit You've gone for the double jump Something that Will not really do either of those things So please show your work I got faith in you If not I can

I can help and steer you How you can do this Go on Jackson Step one Go to a bank Okay not where I thought you were going You're on your own Good luck

Good luck Step two, rob the bank. How? Go up, say, hey, give me all the money. Or I'll, or you'll be sorry. Step three, when the cops come, jump the bullets. Ha!

Bada bing, bada boom, billionaire! So, you're using double jumps exclusively in this situation to jump over bullets. Well, hey, idiot, guess what happens when you land? I double jump again. Also, you can shoot in the air. Yeah, but they're not going to be expecting me to be there. Maybe the first time.

They'll miss it the first time. Exactly. That's all I need. I'm in my getaway motorbike and I'm out of there. So, okay. A hot pursuit. Yeah. That's going to be a problem, yes.

When they're chasing me in a car, the double jump won't help. I'll be in a lot more trouble then. Yes. Yeah. Possibly even dead. in a car, the double jump won't help. I'll be in a lot more trouble then. Possibly even dead, because I think that immediately. Because when they ram your bike with a... And it is a motorbike, a Harley Davidson. When they ram the

bike with their car, you can go flying, but I guess you could double jump as your face hits the pavement. Yeah. Getting more momentum. And I land no doubt. Oh, no.

You've picked the motorbike, so they're going to hit you. You double jump off your bike onto their car. Exactly. Get in their car, drive it into a ditch, run away. Do you also get the ability when you double jump to also aim where you're going to land or jump while you're in the air? Absolutely. I'm unpredictable now to bullets. Yeah, they can't tell where I'm going.

Unpredictable to bullets. Yeah, good. Can jump counters at stores. Think the counter's going to stop me from getting behind there opening the cash register? No, sir. Jackson. Yes. Since you've only picked the double jump and not a video game jump,

how high do you reckon you can jump with one jump currently? Not super high. A foot? Yeah, about that. I'm giving him the video game double jump. Can I pick a specific character's double jump? Yes. Okay, then Kirby's because then I float.

All right. That's more like an infinite jump. Okay, then Kirby's. Because then I float. Alright. That's more like an infinite jump. Okay. It's not a double jump. You idiot. Kirby jump and then whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. So are you U-shaped? That's a float or a fly.

Yeah, I'll give you like... It's not a double jump. Yeah, I'd give you a Mario. I don't know if I'm going to give you a Kirby. Mario doesn't have a double jump. If I get a Mario, can I go triple jump? Jump, jump, woohoo! But that's... neither of those a video game

double jumps jackson means a double jumper he does a second jump out of the air mario never does that except in smash bros i guess yeah yeah that never is a sometimes well that never is only in super smash brothers yeah i think yeah where every character has a double jump. Yeah. So basically we're talking a Super Smash Bros double jump. Yeah. You mean a second jump out of the air. Yeah, I jump quite a distance up and then another on top of that onto the roof of the bank and I'm out of it.

And then how are you doing personal gain and profit again? Robbing a bank. Jumping over bullets. Jumping over bullets. Somebody comes to ram me with their car. Jump the car. May I propose, Jackson? Just quickly, Zamit, before you propose what will

get Jackson out of this hole. So you gave Jackson the benefit of the doubt. He asked for a double jump and you gave him a video game double jump. Are you giving him anything else from a video game as part of this benefit of the doubt? The double jump and that kind of ability to change direction midair. I think that includes...

That's it? That's it. That's all. That's all I need. Okay, Jackson, do you still have Jackson legs? Uh-huh. Okay. You get one double jump, then you've broken legs. I don't know if they break, but they hurt.

Yeah. I think they would definitely hurt. Dislocated knees, for sure. I don't trust that you know how to land safely from a height now you do the motorbike land onto my motorbike anus and ball sack immediately your taint is now a hole yeah all right hell yeah whole taint aside yeah so look i like look you double jump. You could potentially use this for personal profit and gain,

but the way you're using it is balls to the wall stupid. So look. The dumbest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, yeah. And I've done 300 episodes with you. So what you could do is enter the Olympics. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, sure. Maybe we're working. Jackson seems unconvinced already. He's like, yeah, but that's dumb. All right. I could just rob a bank. You can either do the high jump, the pole vault, or like the long jump. Anything where it's like-

How's it going to help me with pole vault? How is it going to help you avoid bullets? Shut up, Jackson. Shut the fuck up. So we can do the long jump, whatever it is, and you are a dumpy-looking man, potato-shaped... Looks like a gnome without a hat. Naked frog held up.

Frog held up by the titties, whatever. Yeah, so, you entering, and I'm imagining you in classic, you know, sporting gear of short shorts and a singlet. People are not going to bet on you. People are going to be like, this piece of garbage, he ain't going to do nothing. And then you wow everyone by succeeding

and probably breaking some records. Everyone is like, oh my God, look at this person. He can do something that is physically impossible. Will I be accused of doping and lose my gold medal? You can be accused of it, but you haven't been doping. No, I'm doing a doping job. my gold medal You can be accused of it But you haven't been doping It doesn't matter if you get accused They'll test you and you won't have drugs in your system

Everyone will be like we don't know how he's doing it But he's definitely doing it But what about my reputation You found not guilty Do you want to be doping Because you think that's cooler to the kids? What? I've been through the rigmarole.

They've been through my personal life. I was in the news. Yeah, yes. Do you know how they test for doping? That's bad as well. No, they don't just accuse. It doesn't make the news if you're accused of doping. You don't understand how sports work I just realised

There is routine drug testing And they will test someone that maybe they suspect Of doping Do you think the public Will suspect me of doping No because they will have seen you do a double jump Everyone will be like What the fuck is that

And you're being like they reckon it'll be a drug what what what no what alcohol or drug or substance or whatever it is that you can consume can make you jump in midair please tell me you fucking moron what do you even think what what other What other fucking option do you have? It's either doping or magic. Holy shit! This man is doing something that no other physical man can do. That is impressive.

I don't know. Accused of witchcraft, equally as bad for my reputation. Shut up. Enter the Olympics. Do a high jump and then be like sweet, I get some great endorsements and advertising money

but I guess that's going to ruin your reputation with the kids. I don't know. Everyone's going to accuse you of witchcraft and doping. So fuck me. I don't know. Everyone's going to accuse you of witchcraft and doping. Or doping, yeah. So fuck me, I don't know, Jack.

Go rob a bank and get shot by a fucking cop in the head. You shit. It's also good, going back to your original idea, you're going to jump over the bullets. Bullets are quick. So you're going to get one jump out of the way. The double jump's not going to do anything. You're going to get hit in the fucking lower abdomen as you jump over but you know a stick that is stationed

you gotta leap hard i don't know how a double jump could possibly help me in that situation they might accuse me of doping in the cop situation as well you don't know here's my okay what if i reduced it doesn't have to be so elaborate as the o. I find, like, a river, and I bet people $50 I can jump across the river. And they're like, of course not. And then I jump across the river with my double jump. Then I'm on the other side of the river. I run away. You don't have to pay me.

Yeah. As opposed to potentially, like, an endorsement deal with Nike or some kind of breakfast seal or like anything that can kind of throw like millions of dollars your way. Even just winning or even being in the Olympics is pretty like lucrative in terms of any kind of thing like that. You want to throw that away for $30 to jump a river. I don't want to be under that much public scrutiny. If I'm just by a river, I wake up in the morning, head down to the river. People know the deal.

They come. We make the bet, jump the river, and go home. You do it once. You get 50 bucks. And then no one's going to take that bet because they saw you do it. I go to another river. There's lots of rivers.

How many people do you think are gathering at rivers to do this bet? I go to town first. Jackson. Hey, who reckons I could jump that river? Oh, you again? The man that jumped the river yesterday? Yeah, we saw you do it. Different river every day.

You said you go to town. I go to the town it Different river every day You said you go to town I go to the town near the river every day And then I say, hey, check me out I could jump this river, bet you 50 bucks I can And they say, you're on No, because I watched that YouTube clip Of some other dumb cunt Where you were like, hey, I bet me 50 bucks to jump the river

We know you can do it I had a no cameras rule He must have filmed me secretly. I'm a sue. And then million dollars. Jackson. Sue him into the fucking earth. I have a rule.

You're suing for what? Someone illegally filmed you whilst you were doing an illegal gambling practice? It's not illegal. What's illegal about it? Do you have a license? Yeah, I'm not a casino. Do you need a casino to make a friendly bet between pals?

You just said you went to a town and spruced this whole gambling thing up. You advertised about an event. You threw a, I guess we'll classify this as a sporting event, maybe? I'd rather you didn't. I don't want this to damage my reputation. My reputation! I just don't want this to be on record, you know? I like that you're worried about doping damaging your reputation,

but not your very low intelligence. There's nothing I can do about that, Dusha. intelligence. Something I can do about that, Dusha. You worried about me. It says don't affect your reputation, but this illegal gambling ring you've established. I don't know where you got this illegal idea from.

What's the crime? Okay, it's just a friendly bet between two friends who can jump over a river. You win. The person doesn't give you any money. They film it, they just put it on the internet. They make money from it. I take it.

Once again, the court throws it out. Hang on. Did you own this river, Mr. Bailey? Or is this public land? It's public land, I think. And this is your friend, right? Yeah, we're pals.

Did you explicitly say, don't film me? Yes. I made it very clear. Did they sign a contract? So it's a verbal agreement. It's a verbal agreement, and he's saying that it didn't happen, and you're saying it did. And also, it's happening on public land, which means you can film.

Could I at least get the $50 he owes me? no you've lost this case you probably owe him money now and again once again it seems to be an illegal gambling ring because you keep going to town to town to do this

where's this ring idea? you keep doing it, that makes it a ring it's just me and a pal every time it still makes it a ring. It's just me and a pal every time. It still makes it a ring. It's a different pal. It's just a friendly bat between friends. That's all it is. The amount of money.

Let's say they're fine with this. Let's say that you're okay with this. The amount of money that you are only getting. Sure, it's $50 a day. However. Get a real job. You'll get paid that in two hours. The time it takes you,

the money and time that it might take you to go to, say, town, the, again, once again, the time and money. Every day you're losing money. Also, $50 a day isn't a lot of money. Surely you could use this in a job. I go to this. You're fired. Don't fire me. I'm not committing any crime i'm firing you for participating in illegal gambling i gotta think of my reputation jack i've worried about your

reputation of the man who jumps over a river um we think that that reflects badly on the company so we've had to let you go because i'm think I'm doping? Because I'm not doping. No, if you were doping, that would be a different thing. Because doping is really easy to prove if you did or not. They do a test. And if you come back negative, you didn't dope. If you come back positive, they still test you again because false positive a thing. Anytime you've seen someone accused of doping

means that they have tested positive for doping, but they can't say that they doped because they need to double check. I'm just concerned about doping because I'm worried about my reputation. You're fired! So how'd I do? Bad! The worst!

You picked the worst one! You've picked no, it's fine. You've picked a fine thing you could do a lot with. There are probably jobs out there that would benefit from you being able to double jump. I don't know what exactly right now on top of my head. I'm too furious at you, but you've

done bad. You've done so bad. You either got shot or ended up owing people money. Or drowned in a river by your good friends, I guess. If you had to give me a grade, what would we be talking? I'll give you a D.

Just because in your situation you did double jump. That's the only reason. That's a personal gain of profit, JD. That's not a D. That's true. You didn't answer the second half of the question. It's an F. I made 50 bucks at least once.

No, you didn't. You've lost 50 bucks. Eventually. You're a fucking idiot. You're the dumbest man. And now a quick word from our sponsor. Also, if you want to keep up to date with everything we do, why not join our newsletter? Just check the show

notes or head to our website, sanspantsradio.com, and sign up today. I'm angry. Oh, fucking hell. Okay, so a video game trope that I would choose for personal gain and or profit would be the character creation screen, or at least the character stats,

and just bumping my charisma to 20, the highest it can be. Do you get to pick now or when you're a baby? Generally, in most character creation, it happens when you're roughly, I want to say an adult man. It happens just before your adventure starts. Yeah, that's true.

So when has your adventure started? Yeah. Has it started? Has it started? Has it started? Well, has it? I don't know. It's your fucking situation. Well, I haven't left my house in several months, so no.

Okay. Or is this the start of your adventure now? You pick your stats now, nothing happens for like another month, and then all of a sudden a lot happens. Yeah. See, I feel like it's when you're a baby. The moment you're born, the adventure of life begins. That's not how it works in any RPG

Jackson think about video games No I know I know I know But I was like maybe for a human Maybe that's how it would work But no that's fair if we want to start it with Zammett's an adult man Great okay you put all your points Into charisma that means you have no points In anything else

Well no I just max out my charisma And maybe my wisdom is quite low Or I just Maybe I just put Because you've got to have a dump stat Maybe I use that dexterity Or let's say, nah strength Okay wait, what's maximum though?

Out of what you've got Like is it 10? 20? 10 is your kind of minute I guess The average I'm just trying to figure out how clumsy and stupid Like, is it 10? 20? 10 is your kind of minute, I guess, like, yeah, the average. I'm just trying to figure out how clumsy and stupid you've become. This clumsy, stupid, beautiful man. Imagine myself here would be akin to Jon Hamm's character in 30 Rock.

Oh, okay. Dummy shit, very handsome, very charismatic. Okay. But also, you have to be very weak. I don't think you can get a 20 stat without losing at least two stats. Well, I'm choosing wisdom, and I'm choosing intelligence. Those can be my very bad stats. So at least I'm a little bit strong.

I'm not, you know, getting hit by a bus every time I walk outside the door. And Christmas up the walls. But you're a beautiful grade A moron. That's what we're dealing with here. Such a beautiful little prince. And I'll just have to smile my way through everything.

So, you know how Jackson often gets distracted and walks into traffic and you're there to stop him you're gonna be that level of dumb jackson's dead you're gonna be dead too you're not because if you know but here's the thing here's the thing i die but people will look out for zamit because he's beautiful i have the downside in that i am a moron yeah but also look like a toad man. Zabit, on the other hand, is a moron, but gorgeous. So somebody will slam their hand into Zabit as he crosses a road,

whereas normally Zabit would slam his hand into me. He won't, and I'll get cleaned up by a bus. That's what's going to happen. If anything, the people driving might stop and gawk at me and be like, that's a beautiful man. I'll say something, they'll be like, fuck, he dumb. What an idiot. But damn, if he ain't beautiful. What situations in your life are going to be improved by you being stupider,

but more handsome? I will become some kind of model. Yeah, are you too stupid to figure out how to become a model now? Okay, so let's do a quick, quick, let's do a real quick test here. Joel Zabat, currently with your current intelligence and wisdom, how do you become a model? Right now. Get an agent.

Okay. And have some headshots. Uh-huh. Okay. What's next? Getting an agent is enough in itself. That's step one of like 20. What's your next step? Where do you get an agent is enough in itself How would you do that? What's your next step?

Where do you get an agent from? Because surely you have to submit your headshots To the agent This is why if you are a handsome idiot From the start Hopefully people will look out for you Well because a lot of time With models they get discovered by doing stuff but

since you've picked that your adventure is starting in a month from now so you're gonna get real dumb and real handsome and then people you're podcasting currently no one's gonna discover how hot you are from your voice the company's in ruins yeah we've got to find new jobs because sam it's a beautiful moron now i don't know You run the company so there's no one that will manage your social media Hang out at the beach Hang out at a park It's cold in Australia At the moment

He's too dumb to know that dude No one else is at the beach is what I'm saying He's not going to get noticed He's standing there at his speedo Hey I'm the beautiful idiot. It is not for me to devise the plan because now our company is in ruins

because I'm not there to manage it. So it's the opposite of financial gain. You two have a great asset of a beautiful moron. Yeah, actually, if you're thinking about it... How do you two exploit this handsome bitch? Yeah, we can make profit off Zalman, easily. Hey, John Zalman, remember... You've got to keep me accustomed to the style that I live in, like the style that I'm used to.

So it's in your best interest to make me happy. Yeah. Well, I was just thinking you're stupid enough that if I was like, like if I just said that I was getting you a modeling career, like I just feel like it'd be very easy to exploit you now, you know? Well, we can be his agent. I mean, I don't know what the next step is either, to be honest, but...

Well, let's roleplay this. I'm a beautiful idiot. You've done exactly the same fucking thing that Jackson did before, which is you've ignored part of the question and picked something that doesn't actually answer it. I'm sorry, I came to you for advice. What?

Okay. I'm going to call a modelling agency do sure i'm gonna be like we got a beautiful moron on it zamit don't you worry you're pretty little head about it you go to sleep whatever okay so we so this is jackson and doucher modeling agency co we're the best model agents in the world uh our fee is a grand a day yeah we promise to get you the best modelling job you've ever fucking had oh thanks and then you pay us a grand a day and we're like we're still looking

until you run out of money and then you're like okay sweet but then I'm like I don't got no money have a good life yeah we're like oh sorry you can't afford our services anymore once you've got some more money call us again and at this point me and Dushar have enough money that we can start a legitimate modelling agency Have a good life. Yeah, we're like, oh, sorry, you can't afford our services anymore. Once you've got some more money, call us again. And at this point, me and Dusha have enough money that we can start a legitimate modeling agency.

This has always been our dream, obviously. But the problem is that I have no money. Yeah. Well, no, that's not our problem. It didn't work out for you, it worked out for us. That's your problem. No, as you're saying, give me a grand a day, I'm like, okay, but then I have no money right now to give you that grand a day.

So even though I might owe you, say, $20,000, I can't pay that debt. Are you beautiful idiots as well? No, but we can get a grand a day until you can't pay us. Presumably that's like, at least, you know. Correct, JD. I'm saying I don't have money now to pay you. Oh, well then we like we like well we can't help you yeah good life yeah like good luck like that's why do we care i mean it's sad because

my seditious dream of starting a modeling agency is burning in flames but you go live your life enjoy i'm a beautiful charismatic idiot you might want to take pity on me or at least someone will well okay you give us we're like we ask for your headshots. Yep. Then we start an Instagram page where we get sponsorships and just use your headshots and we just don't pay you and then we make money. You're done. We're exploiting you. Yeah, but you've got to keep me to a level of, like,

some kind of livability, right? No, we can keep you living, but, like, it doesn't have to be well. You're stupid in now real life, Cone. This is not a legitimate business Jackson and I aren't actually helping you out We're exploiting you Because you're dumb

You said you'd help me No we wouldn't We'd like looking at you Oh man this guy's real handsome I'm glad he sent his pics Yeah Alright I'll start my own Instagram account then I guess Kicks. Yeah. All right. I mean, here's how-

I'll start my own Instagram account then, I guess. Can't I have the password? Your Instagram account will all be two close photos of your face because you can't figure out the camera. Yeah. And then, like, the words I beautiful at the bottom or something. This is a great thing of having other like maybe friends that aren't Complete asshole jerks like you two

Well Maybe I'll go to some actual good friends of mine That'll help me You're gonna get lost somehow I think the only way it can really benefit you Is the fact that You can do what you like and it'll always be forgiven Like people are gonna look after you

You're not gonna really make a lot of money out of it, but you're never going to be wanting. You're never going to be hungry. You're never going to be, you know. I'll go to a place and I'll be like, hey, can I have some food? They're like, yeah, sure. They'll be like, oh, he's so beautiful and stupid, of course. I don't have any, I forgot my wallet.

They're like, well, he's hot as hell. Here, dude, have a sausage on me. So you've picked something that has made your standard of living worse than it currently is. Well, yes and no. What if you change it, Samit, so that instead of not being very clever, you're really, really weak, but beautiful? Then you can start your own modeling agency, and you've just got to avoid tripping over.

All right, so kind of like Look like a very porcelain Like kind of Delicate features Kind of beautiful Unimaginably delicate Alright, so yeah, we'll bump down what? We'll bump down strength

We'll bump down Dexterity Although I kind of like The idea of being very delicate and very bendy How about instead we bump down endurance So you're very bendy But you're not very And very beautiful

And smart and wise But you're not very strong And you can only eat like Specific foods or whatever Yeah My constitution is shit And my strength is garbage So now I can run my own modelling agency

After my two so called friends Tried to fuck me over I had a quick re-roll And was like oi Wait a second What do you mean tried to fuck you over You had no money so we didn't take anything from you Yeah in fact you owe us money now

And now you're clever enough to know about it Can you believe this anything from you yeah in fact you owe us money now you're clever enough to know about it I gotta be stupid again let me rearrange make yourself stupid and ugly and run away and live in a cave strength lower your beautiful and tear our heads off. Wait a minute. Pause. That's adjusted.

Yeah, hang on. Hey, I have an idea. Okay, if I can alter my stats on the fly. Yeah. That's easily. But I feel like you're going to end up in situations where you've made yourself stupid, and then when you make yourself clever, you realize what you fucked up when you were stupid, and you're going to end up in situations Where you've made yourself stupid And then when you make yourself clever You realise what you fucked up when you were stupid

And you're going to have to solve that It's a terrible loop It's exactly what happened here today It's fucking Jekyll and Hyde Except it's moron And not moron Hot moron And strong hitting

Beautiful moron hot moron and strong hitting nope beautiful moron and normal guy intelligent man delicate beautiful delicate person yeah yeah there's no there's no coming out of this well because you're not average you need to be mario that's the only way to have you know what i mean that's that's how you have your stats if you're either way in any direction If I just go beautiful And intelligent And wise And nothing else I'm gonna die pretty quick

Someone's gonna push you over You're gonna trip off the catwalk And shatter into a million pieces Yeah Look If I had to give you a grade, it would be an F. Maybe a D because you did do better than me, arguably. I would say that he fell over the same hurdle,

which was Zamat's idea immediately out of the gate was exploiting a video game idea that gave us money, not even himself. Sort of the opposite of the... He ignored the you. money not even himself sort of the opposite of the I needed a better lackey or a better partner in crime in this situation

instead I've got you two who are definitely not after my best interest no why would we be I would be a hot asset you idiots Babin I guess but me and Dushan can make Moolah and start a legitimate modeling agency.

That's what I mean. You could have used me in that situation. Well, we tried, but you had no money. What were we meant to do? I had the hot potential to make money. You just didn't think enough. No. What we did

was reveal that you don't know how to be a model, then you put it on us, and then we exploited you, then you got upset about it. No, if Jackson was a beautiful idiot, I reckon we could have definitely done a lot with that under my guidance. You two have none of that moxie. I am a beautiful idiot. Claiming that I don't have moxie is ridiculous.

I'm all moxie, you fucking idiot. Yeah, i got no forethought what would you do what would you do yeah go on then okay so uh speaking of forethought and moxie and you know exploiting something for my own personal gain uh pause menu oh okay so what are the good options great good oh, I can take off my shirt and replace it with another shirt. Yeah. Cool.

Again, evidence that you two are fucking idiots. Out of everything on a pause menu, why would I go to options? Oh, I know. Pause, quit game. Yeah, that's sick. But also, like... Back to the start menu, baby.

Yeah. Do shit. Press start. Well, it also means that i can uh reload encounters so if something doesn't go the way i want oh no no no that's a save function yeah not a fucking menu and you can just pause where is it okay well even if i could just pause it's real easy because like a tough like i'm in an argument or something like that and yeah look just thinking and a little bit extra will probably help pause think and process what has happened in a rough situation like as in

well yeah it's a pause menu yeah yeah yeah but when you pause a game like everything player is no yeah like do you stop thinking so you're like you're a piece of shit. I had to calm down. Pause. You're like, all right. Unpause. Still angry? Think about a pause menu in combat or something like that in a game. If you pause a game, the thing's frozen. Yeah. But I'm still a player.

All right. So, okay. A fist is coming towards you. You're like, ah, pause. You're like, okay. I got to think my way out of this. I reckon I got this unpause Fist connects the face

I could duck You're not getting it quick enough But I can at least try The time you'll need the pause Is always at the time where shit's kicked off You never Shit doesn't kick off You're never gonna get the brief moment where you're like shit's about to kick off

And then pause. It'll have started. Someone will throw a bottle at your head, and you'll be like, pause. What do I do now? All right, I need to duck. So when I unpause it, I'm going to quickly duck. Unpause. Ah, my eye!

Glossed. Well, all right. What about... I think options is great. You can mute everybody. You can turn up your ambient sound to hear i just want to clarify you're gonna give when i originally said it you're like oh so you can play in options but then the moment i said no i'll use the save and load file which is on the

same fucking menu like nah that doesn't count that's a completely different thing i realized options was great if you were thinking about like if you're not giving jack any of his like ability to land you are not getting a save option. Exactly, that's a totally different function. You pause for options. You can turn people down. You can turn the music up, change the graphics.

Make it look worse for everyone. Exactly. You can change your graphics, you can change the sound, you can kind of fuck around with that, or you can start again. If you're like, oh, but you're going from the start, JD, and that's it. You can kind of fuck around with that. Or again, you can start again. Yeah. If you're like, oh, but you're going from the start, JD. And that's it. You can start from the beginning. Born again as a baby.

That's my worst idea. I like the idea of quit game. It just being done. Yeah. So you can start again. Quit game brings you to the start menu. So you've got to be able to start again. I mean, you can turn the game off.

It's also funny if I'm the only one who pauses. Because if i'm the only one who pauses because if i'm the only one who pauses every time i do it people are like he's hovering over that quit game function i guess you could use it to blackmail earth i will start this again i will go back to 1991 we will start. Please don't for some reason. So many people have lived lives. Yeah, so you could exploit this for your own personal gain by just

reliving your life over and over again. Like Groundhog Day, but in the largest game. Yeah, rather than one day, it's the last almost 30 years of my life. So it would be great to be like, you could start again and never meet us. Yeah, absolutely. And I feel would be very beneficial for you.

Well, when you say, hey, we're doing a podcast called Plumbing the Death Star, I'll be like, oh, that's a funny joke. And I didn't realise it was a Kevin Smith reference and I said yes. Yeah, and then you could go start again. And then they'll be like, want to start Plumbing the Death Star? I'll be like, absolutely not.

I'm going to go get a real job. It's good to imagine you fucking it up. Like, you know how sometimes that happens? You're like, hey, do you want to do Plumbing the Nest? You're like, yeah, maybe. Fuck, fuck, hang on. Fuck you. Damn it.

Also, it'd be hard because if I get really good at the first parts of my life, that means the second half of my life, the parts I want to change. So, like, if I'm like, oh, last week I made a bad decision and i'm committed to living 29 years of my life to relive it yeah to like fix it that means that i have to continue to be to make exactly the same decisions up until that point that's hard you just start you might forget like again you you you start again and it's like oh yeah 20 odd years, two bumbling fuckwits are like, hey, you want to start a podcast? You're like, yeah, I do.

Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah. Or you just get good at speedrunning the first half. At five. Time doesn't work like that. You just come to us at five, and you're like, you want to start a podcast? Or you're like, hey, you're going to have the idea

of starting a podcast in the future. Don't. And then you've taken care of that. And I gonna be like what i am also five what is a podcast i'll be like don't worry about it it's bad whatever it is whatever it is when you you were gonna have the idea of starting a podcast called plumbing the death star and i'm gonna be like goo goo gaga and you're gonna be like just, just don't do it. Yeah, it's going to worm its way into my mind. We are the same age. Why are you still talking like a baby

and I can form full sentences? Because I am a beautiful moron. It takes me longer. But even just like accidentally being cleverer in school will be hard, like not to do. Because if I'm restarting with the same knowledge. Why not be cleverer? You'll be a gifted kid no but that's bad because that means my life changes entirely and you'll and also you'll be a bit bored but are you having the same knowledge because when

you start again you have the smooth brain of a child yeah this ain't no new game plus this is just new game but when you if you're playing a video game and you just new game it, your character knows different stuff, but you the player have the same knowledge, so it depends. Are you the player or are you you playing? If I'm me playing me,

but Zammett was in control of his own stats and they affected him. So he was the player and the controller. well we got to pick then i guess it's up to you it's you i guess i'm the like in my mind when i picked this well said it didn't pick it i picked pause menu but here we are um i was the play yeah the player and the controller okay so you will everything, but you're controlling a terrible... Like, what happens when you have the knowledge...

Like, I'm still going to shit my pants when I'm a baby. Yeah, of course, of course. But what happens when you have the knowledge, but your baby's brain... Your baby brain, excuse me, is too smooth to know the knowledge that you know? You know? Yeah, so you might get, like, vague recollections

of being like like I know something I know plumbing is Plumbing is bad but I don't know why I'm watching Star Wars they say Death Star And I'm like I hate this for some reason Just start to avoid Star Wars entirely Something about it makes me physically ill

I don't know what And then I guess if it works that way, you're going to hit that point in university where we're like, hey, I want to start a podcast called Plumbing the Nut Star. I throw up on cue. Yeah, your Twilight Zone moment where it's like, because you've realized why you've had these feelings your whole life. Accidentally panic, press pause, restart.

No. restart no it'll compound so much that the very mention of stars or death or plumbing makes you fucking die or something watching Star Wars

as a child in the cinema with my father they say we need to destroy the Death Star I just explode in my chair game over screen happens start again with my father. They say we need to destroy the Death Star. I just explode in my chair. Game over screen happens. Start again. Hey, would you like to go to the movies with me?

Then you do it so many times that just the moment you're birthed, you just explode and destroy the hospital. You've broken the game. That's what's happened here. Corrupted the save file. So how do we think I went? I think you also got an F.

I think it's Fs across the board. Oh, what the fuck? I think I did good. Yeah, look, I'm going to have to grade this as a big F. At least I answered the question, sort of. We all did, maybe. We all answered the question, Dusha. Some just better than others.

Well, no. But somehow we still all got an F. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Game over. Bum, bum, bum, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Da've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Game over. Bum bum bum na na na na na na na

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