Plumbing the Death Star - Which Would be the Worst Ghost to be Haunted by?

Episode Date: October 30, 2022

Join Joel "Hell" Duscher, Jackson "Balyinsten’s Monster" Baly and Joel "Spooky Joel" Zammit for a special Halloween episode of Plumbing the Death Star were they discuss which ghost is the worst to be haunted by.Joel "Hell" Duscher thinks Casper the Friendly Ghost would be a nightmare to live with because he is too happy. It would be like babysitting a cousin you don’t like. Jackson "Balyinsten’s Monster" Baly says a dreaded name too many times and summons Beetlejuice (and Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis), but it gets away from him a bit. And last but not least, Joel "Spooky Joel" Zammit chooses a ghost ship, but not the ship from the film Ghost Ship, one of the ships from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. But also maybe the ghost from Ghost Ship. We'll be honest lads, this whole episode kinda got away from us.Come see us Britainology live in Melbourne on November 19 at 5:30pm!Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

you're listening to the sans pants network hey everyone and oh my god it's halloween i'm fucking shitting piss right now i'm a fucking witch yeah also uh yeah so hey welcome to this very special halloween edition of plumbing the death star i'm'm Joel. I'm Jackson. Oh wait fuck fuck sorry I'm Joel hell. I'm Jackson Bailey and Stein's monster. I'm spooky Joel. That's one of them all. Yeah And today we're asking The important questions Like which Would be the worst ghost To be haunted by

Obviously getting haunted By a regular ghost Bad Yeah Come back from the dead Make it my business Yep Go to heaven You're fuckhead Obviously getting haunted by a regular ghost is bad. Yeah. Come back from the dead, make it my business. Yep. Go to heaven, you fuckhead.

Okay? Great uncle fuck, leave me alone. You're dead, cunt. Yeah, who cares? And I'm alive. I've got living to do and you've got dying to do. What unfinished business do you really have that's so important that you've got to involve me? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Go away. I have unfinished business too and I'm alive. All you're doing is going to mean that I'm in your spot. The living should take priority over the dead. It's not a controversial statement, you ghost cunt. Get out of my house. But getting haunted. But there are specific ghosts that would somehow be worse.

Yeah. So I think I'll start here because I've got probably the most obvious one. And the one that listeners are thinking of off the top of their heads. Oh, yeah. Worst ghost to be haunted by. There's one name. It comes up straight away. The world's most loathed ghost.

Casper the Friendly Ghost. Annoying. His positivity is too much. It combines the annoyingness of a child with the annoyingness of a ghost. And then added the tragedy of a dead child. I don't need that constant reminder that you got hit by a car, maybe.

I think he died of pneumonia. Got left in the snow or whatever. Like the little drummer boy or something. Yeah, like the little matchstick guy. That's the one. The little drummer boy. He went, played the drum for Christ, and then on the way home died in the sun.

He was there. Got lost. Drumming away to keep warm. Got too cold. Yeah, you can follow a big star to get to Christ to get home. No star to speak of, yeah. Cold in the desert. Yeah.

So, like, Casper the Friendly Ghost is, like, quizzical and curious and endlessly positive and a dead kid. Yeah. So it's like babysitting a cousin you don't like but because like some ghosts like you move into i guess you've got a spooky mansion you move in and that ghost leaves you alone maybe you just hear footsteps above you or whatever you know a door creaks at night chains rattling yeah exactly but because, yeah, he's a curious little cunt. He's going to start manifesting to you. And one, Casper is scary looking.

He's got feet sometimes, which I don't like. He's got a big, bald-less head. Giant eyes. Was he a bald boy in life? Let's find out if I can find out what Casper the Friendly Ghost looked like as a kid. Yeah. Why did his hair go when he died? Rich from memory.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, he looks a bit like Richie Rich. There's about the inquisitiveness of that 10-year-old child. Why is that? Why is that? Why is that? Why am I dead? Why haven't I passed on to the afterlife?

Did you have some unfinished business? Excuse me. Excuse me. Why do I have feet sometimes and a tail other times? Mate, I don't know. I'm not dead, you little shit. I can't answer every fucking question. I don't know, maybe your feet, I don't know, they froze

off last? Is that, there's less a ghost than the rest of you, kid? I don't know. Kid, I don't know. I don't fucking know. Why don't, excuse me, excuse me, sir, why do I have the same sort of rules as a genie in terms of manifestation, where sometimes

I have a tail and sometimes I got legs? What? That's what Casper looks like? Yeah, that's what Casper looks like. He looks like he should be in a fucking boy band. Oh, I see we're using the Casper from the live action from Casper. Well, that's the only one He full on lost his hair

when he became a ghost. That's not true for every ghost, though. Some ghosts keep their hair. The ring girl kept her hair. Oh, that's sad. That's not true for every ghost, though. Some ghosts keep their hair. The ring girl kept her hair. Oh, yeah. Is she? Yeah. I was going to say, is she a ghost?

Yeah. Sort of. Yeah. She's a ghost. She died in a well. She possesses television. That's not quite an accurate reading of the movie. And also- Sorry.

Types. She- No, she possesses television. She comes out. She comes out of the TV. And what is that but not the possession of a television? She uses it like a door. It's like a ghost coming through the door and you're like,

it possessed the door. Is it that possessed the house? If I crash my car through a window and then say I possessed the window, is that accurate? You possessed the car. No, because if a ghost comes, it's not even like a ghost opening a door. It's like a ghost walking through a door frame. You're like, it's possessed my whole house.

It's not the screen, though. It's the whole TV. It's the videotape. She just comes out of the TV. Yeah, I guess. Possessing is when you become the thing. I guess she didn't possess the tape either. Did she possess the well?

No. There's a lot of... Well, no, I can answer that pretty easily. No, she didn't. Okay. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff with Samara. I'm pretty sure she's actually an evil, horrible child, and they kill her in the well.

Yeah. Not as, like, a sad thing where she... What, as a good, happy thing? Yeah. Like you gotta get rid of her. Yeah, yeah. The movie's like, oh, she just needs a mother

and then they try it and then no, she does not need a mother. She has to stay the fuck in that well. What would you do with Casper haunting your house? Call Ghostbusters

as quickly as possible. They'd be like, we... Oh, little boy, I don't know how I feel about this. Morally, it's hell inside the ghost boxes i

gotta tell you they don't live a good life i'm like yeah good that's that's what i want to hear i hate this fucking kid does casper come with his annoying uncles oh yeah those guys are cool they smoke cigars play poker so maybe that'd be nice yeah yeah yeah and they bully casper yeah they're on your side. Yeah. They also want Casper to leave so that they can... Why do they hate Casper so much? Why do you hate Casper so much?

That's the reason. No, but I hate Casper. That is the reason. Because he's an annoying little wiener. That's why you hate Casper. Yeah. I hate him because he won't leave me alone. He's endlessly just asking questions, yapping away.

I'm trying to take a shit. He's like, excuse me, that's my cast. Excuse me, fella. Why am I dead? Why have I not passed on to the afterlife? Why did I lose my hair when I became a ghost? Excuse me, fella. Are you shitting?

I can't shit anymore. My head is too big and bulbous. That's unrelated, I think. Why do I have big eyes? This wasn't what my head looked like when I was a boy.

I looked like a regular person. I looked like a teen heartthrob. I could have been in a boy band. Yeah, I looked like

a teen heartthrob that could have been in a boy band, but somehow I died by playing in the snow for too long. I'm no serpent now, fella.

Have you ever played in the snow? It's a lot of fun. You actually lose track of time and how cold you are. Right, two more years. I'm no serpent outfeller. Have you ever played in the snow? It's a lot of fun. You actually lose track of time and how cold you are. Right. That's it. I'm gone, Bill Murray. Getting out your phone, on the toilet, shitting, staring at Casper.

Not even stopping because he's in the room. Fair enough. I'm shitting both out of necessity and also out of angle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think Casper fears Christ? Like, have you held a crucifix up? You don't think you could exorcise him, a priest, to do nothing?

No, that's where all of... Because Casper is like the friendly ghost or whatever. He's not really a threat, so I think he does not fear Christ. Yeah, that's annoying. Doesn't respect an exorcism. Fuck. What are you doing with that candle? Why'd you make a cross?

What's that big circle for? Why are you trying to do it on the Bible? I've got an adventure. I like the Bible. Well, that's pretty. I like the story. I like the news stories. Do I play video games?

I didn't have video games when I was alive. I died in the 20s, maybe. I wouldn't have died if I had video games because I would never have gone outside. What are you playing? Donkey Kong Country Tropical Return. Oh, no, there's ice in this one and I'm frightened. I was scared of apes in real life. I know I shouldn't be scared of them as a ghost

because there's nothing an ape can do against a ghost, but I'm really still quite scared of them. Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze gives me Uncanny Valley. Because I've never seen a video game before. This is too much for me. Shut up! You keep dying. Getting more and more frustrated.

Donkey Kong keeps falling into pits. What are you making? You're wrecking it! You're wrecking my fucking run. You haven't eaten lunch yet. You haven't lunch. What are you having for lunch? Imagine this, Cas.

Are you going to have a milkshake for lunch? Can I have some milkshakes? No. It'll go through you and splat on the kitchen floor. Like what happened with the meatballs last night. I promise what happened this time. Just try it. You got no stomach.

And then you put your hands in his guts. Oh, fuck. That's bad. That tickles. Can you give me a milkshake? If I put my hand in Casper and he giggled, I would have to leave the house. But also, Casper isn't confined to a house, I don't think. Oh, no.

I just like it here. I think he'd just be confined to me. Oh, that's bad, dude. Just like when he meets Wendy, cursed and dunced. Yeah. I think. Christina Ricci? Casper meets Wendy.

I think it is cursed and dunced. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. We're about to find out. Hillary Duff? Fuck!

That copyright. That copyright. The one with Bill Pullman. Yeah, copy Hilary Duff. No way. Casper meets Wendy, it's Hilary Duff. Fuck. Well, we were all off.

Fuck. Hilary Duff. No, it's not. It's Christina Ricci. Does it say Hilary Duff? Yeah, it says Hilary Duff. That's crazy. You're not talking about the one with Bill Pullman?

I'm talking about when Casper meets Wendy. Literally the movie called Casper Meets Wendy. The sequel to the movie you're talking about. Yeah, but it is Christina Richie in the first one. And that's Hilary Duff as Wendy. Whoa. The reason I talk about that. Oh, wait.

Christina Richie plays someone called Cat. Oh, damn. Watch out because she dies. Fuck. Well, damn. Why? Because she dies. Fuck. Well, there you go. Casper is annoying, but he's not annoying in the way a ghost is. He's as annoying as a kid you can't get rid of annoying. It's a younger cousin that doesn't grow up.

Got any games on your phone? You don't know what a phone is. I could learn. It's what's in your hand all the time. You're always looking at it. You want to see what I'm looking at? How to kill a ghost. Is that a new game? Can I watch you

play another game? Please? Mr. Juicester, can we play it? What do you mean? The sequel to Casper, A Spirited Beginning, has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 0%. What?

With an average rating of 2.2 out of 10. Oh, no. Even critics agree. Casper sucks shit. Yeah, I guess Ghostbusters is the best way to get rid of Casper. Put him in one of those horrible hell boxes. Or put sand in your shoe. Not sand.

Salt in your shoes and kick the shit out of him. That's an option. Oh, that's a good idea. Casper comes close to you and you roundhouse kick him in the head. And he's like, why did that hurt? And you're like, salt in my shoes, bitch. What do you think? Well, like, yeah, like with most ghosts, they would fear you.

Yeah. Well, not fear you, but they were trying to, like, spook you. Yeah. Or anything like that. And if they see you with you know you're putting salt in your shoes they're like oh shit things are gonna go down exactly i'll lay low casper never suspected why are you putting salt in your shoes you're like oh just give me a second to lace up my shoes you'll find out you don't get cold when you go into the snow. Yeah. Salt's bad against snow and elf's belt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me five seconds. A rabbit goes through the loop

and you pull the laces tight. I wish I had salt when I was alive because then I wouldn't have done it. My God! Why did you boot me in the face? Then Casper's just like Casper that goes for the boot print

on his big brown head. What are you doing? Get out of my house! Karate kicking Casper out the front door. Kick him in his little tail. Maybe you get salt in your gloves. Pick him up by the tail.

Swing him around like fucking Mario with Bowser and throw him into a tree. And the tree puts salt on him. Yeah, salt the ground. Throw Casper into the ground. Casper's like, you'll never defeat me. And then you just like body slam into a big pile of salt and then lie on your back in the big pile of salt

so you're just covered head to foot. I'm going to beat the effing loving shit out of you, Casper. You're going to be Casper the fucking dead ghost when I'm done with you.

Oh, fuck. You can just chase him down. Through the snow. Snow's melting. He's insulted. You try and give him snow's melting he's like salted you try and fucking make him dive pneumonia twice

pushing his ghost should have stayed dead can a fucking ghost get pneumonia let's find out let's find out bury him under the snow

which is also mixed with salt although that would melt the snow getting him cold can you drown a ghost in salt water? Let's find out Time to go to the beach, fuckhead

Taking Asper to the beach Everybody watching you get out of your car Wrestling him, covered in salt Walking down through the sand into the sea It hurts to breathe this salty air Everybody at the beach just stops staring. You just pick up Casper's corpse. Everybody claps.

Yes. Throw it in the ocean. Watch him float to sea. I did it. I killed a ghost. I killed that little boy ghost. Casper's 12, so it's fine. That's what you say as you're getting back in the car.

Can't arrest me for killing the dead. He's already dead, officer. Worst you've got before is desecrating a corpse, but no body, no crime. It wasn't a corpse. Desecrating a soul. And last time I checked, not a crime. A sin? Not a crime.

Souls aren't real. Somebody would be like, no body, no crime. And they're like, what's that floating out the sea? And you're like, you tell me, officer. I don't know. I believe that is a ghost. I believe that's out of your jurisdiction, dude. That's well beyond you. Until they invent priest cops, I'm fine.

Well, there you go. Took care of Gaspar. Yeah. Feel very annoying. yeah you had to kind of wage a one-man salty war against the against casper but yeah cut him in the end yeah what's up listeners do you remember when we used to sit around and ask hey what do we think is going to happen in that big time upcoming new blockbuster movie film and then also do you remember that we just suddenly stopped doing those episodes because it felt like a totally different show and then do you also remember that everyone got mad at us for stopping

doing those episodes because they were everyone's favorite type of plumbing the death stars and stopping them seemed really stupid both in a listener sense but also from a business side of things well years later we finally listened to all of that feedback and have brought back the exact same format, but as a brand new show called Baseless Speculation. Baseless Speculation is a weekly show where Jackson, Zamet, and I dive into the newest trailers, conventions, and even leaks to gather information and research before asking the big question,

hey, what do we think is going to happen in that? It's like an up-to-date pop culture show, but wrong. You can find Baseless Speculation and subscribe via all the usual podcast platforms. We hope you enjoy the show, and most of all, I really hope you leave me alone. Well, I'm thinking the worst ghost for me to live with would be Beetlejuice because I know he'll trick me. Beetlejuice. Do you remember my name?

Beetlejuice. Are we sure that's right? Yeah, I think it's pretty sure it's Beetlejuice. Let me say it one more time to make sure. Beetlejuice. Yeah, that's my name. I'm free now or whatever. He doesn't even have to trick me that bad.

Hey, can you say Beetlejuice three times? Yeah! I can say it six. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. And he just comes back. What happens when you say his name three times? He comes into real from living on a model. Nice fucking model!

Yeah. Ha ha! I'm like, and then what? Then he tries to fuck your wife. Yeah. Then he makes your entire family dance. Yeah. That's good. Because he wants to come your wife. Then he makes your entire family dance. Yeah, that's good.

Because he wants to come back into reality, basically. To fuck again? Yeah, well, just to live again, basically. Yeah, and to be honest, the people who summon him, oh, no, anyone can. For a second, I was scared it was just the two ghosts that only ghosts could summon him. No, no, no, because whatever her name is, Ramona? Gina Davis?

Yeah. She summons him in the end. So anyone can summon him. I'll just be upstairs in my brand new country house with a nice model at the top. Beetlejuice will fuck me over. He'll come into real. He'll push me into the desert with the sandworm. Bada bing, bada boom.

I'm done. Oh, that's right. Sandworm, bada bing, bada boom, I'm done. Oh, that's right. You hire Beetlejuice as a ghost to do a bio-exorcism, which is to remove the living from your house. It's going to work. Yeah.

Because Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis are sad they crashed their car and died. So I guess I'm actually kind of haunted by three ghosts. Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis, which is fine. They just hang out, whatever. And then they hire Beetlejuice. Now they got three ghosts, and yeah, I don't have a plucky teen to help me save the day. Beetlejuice is just gonna scare me, and I'm gonna go. Oh!

Oh my god, what's wrong with your face? I hate it when you made my friends and family sing. That was scary! Oh my god. Anyway, I'll see you Beetlejuice. It's your house now, I guess. So is that the,

I mean, you just, you've just lost a house. That's pretty bad. Yeah, that is, that's a, it's like out of the things to lose.

Yeah. Losing your house is top three. Yeah. Yeah. What do the others do? Cars, cars, losing your car,

three, losing your house, two, losing your wife, one. your house 2, losing your life 1 Yeah, fair enough Oh, losing your wife though Oh no

Housewife life Housewife life Car Cars 4 Yeah, yeah, yeah Well, a car is really You can live in your car

You can live in your car Or I might have to Fuck your You can love your car You can fuck your car People do People do fuck their cars And they're fucked by their cars Yeah, yeah, yeah car you could well I might have to fuck your you could love your car you can fuck your car people do people do fuck their cars

and they're fucked by their cars getting fucked by your car is trickier I mean well it's more

like I've seen people lube up the gear stick and sit on it oh actually I guess that's pretty easy

yeah but then I guess you're kind of still fucking the car because it's a car yeah

cars are fucking you unless you leave it in drive so you Then I guess you're kind of still fucking the car, because it's a car. Yeah. Cars are fucking you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless you leave it in... Well, it's kind of... Okay, so... Leave it in drive and let it run. So you turn the car on.

Yeah. No, okay, before you turn the car on. Yep. Suction cup dildo on the bonnet. Okay. Okay. But pointing forward. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

On the grow, kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Turn the car on. Lube up your arsehole. Lube up your arsehole and or pussy. Yeah, yeah. Lean forward. Well, no, nosehole. Lube up your arsehole and or pussy. Yeah, yeah.

Lean forward. Well, no, no, no. Before you do that, you've got to turn the car on. Okay. Run out the front. Kind of like your ghost in the whip. And then hope you don't go down a very steep incline. I hope you don't become a sort of human hood ornament on your own car.

Into a wall. Well, neutral's probably better than drive. Oh, make sure the handbrake's on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you not moving? No. You need the handbrake off. Ah, but then the rumbling of the engine.

Still be good. Yeah, but the car doesn't move forward to fuck either. Well, do you say that you're getting fucked by, say, a vibrator or are you fucking yourself with a vibrator? You fuck yourself with... So I guess technically I'd be fucking myself

with a car. What about a fuck machine? Yeah, that's what I mean. You use a fuck... No, you're getting fucked by the fuck machine. Yeah, the fuck machine provides the fucks.

I guess you could... You kind of need someone in the driver's seat to go forward and reverse. If you fuck someone with a car, if you're driving a car, did you have sex with them? Yes.

I would say love was made. Yeah. Well, okay. Say we have a- In this awesome setup, if there is a driver in the car, have the driver and the person that's getting the dildo fucked. But that's bad because if I'm driving the car and with the way we have it set up. You don't know how to drive.

Well, that's bad for me. But also, I can't see them because of the way that the car is angled. So I... You'd see their shoulders and head. Yeah, that's true. You have to put the seat up. Or, extra better awesome idea. Rub it on the hood. Put it on the boot, like the back of the car.

Oh, yeah. Reversing camera, rear camera. Yeah, that's true. All up close. Imagine that reverse camera on a human ass. Oh, my God. That's awesome. I think putting your car into reverse and seeing that, it's the best thing you could see.

Imagine you're not even planning to fuck. You just turn your car on to get out of your driveway. reverse and seeing that. It's the best thing you could see. Imagine you're not even planning to fuck. You just turn your car on to get out of your driveway. Just an exposed arse. Today's going to be awesome. And then, talk about a ghost for this. You get out of the car and have a look. Nothing there. Maybe that's the worst ghost.

Arse ghost. Arse ghost. Get back in the car, turn it back on again, arse is back. Every time you look in a reflective surface, you just see a bare arse. What does this mean? What the? Is it the same arse? Is it the same arse?

Is this like, am I being mooned slash is this an insult? Is it provocative? Is it titillating? Am I enjoying it? Yeah, is this good? Is this what I've been aiming for the whole time? What do I do next? Up a casino.

I'm on the wind. Pack it up. I'm trying to get fucked by a car. Oh, is it just a purse? Is that how you died? Dead? Died? I hope not.

Oh. But if so, I definitely have unfinished business. Yeah, you have unfinished businesses to get fucked by a cock. You're backing it up. With Beetlejuice as well, because he tries to marry the daughter of- Winona Ryder. Winona Ryder, exactly. Why does he want that again?

Horny. So he's just a horny ghost? Yeah. I think maybe just a horny ghost would be bad. Yeah. Succubus or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. If he's a succubny ghost? Yeah. I think maybe just a horny ghost would be bad. Succubus or whatever. Oh God, if he's a succubus, I'm fucked. I'm fuckubus. Yeah.

Because like I will. Incubus. Incubus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. Yeah, the incubus has got a wiener. Succubus has got a pussy. That's awesome.

It is good. It's pretty good. Is he an incubus? Am I going to wake up with fucking Michael Keaton slobbing my fat knob? Well, I think, I mean, yeah, but not because of incubus reasons. I'm not going to get like drained of my life essence. I'm just going to be like, oh, I guess I'm fucking Beetlejuice. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I mean, you will be getting drained of your life essence. In a good way. Yeah, in the way we all enjoy. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm wondering why he's trying to marry Winona rider is is there some i think there's some goal there it's not just like he gets the house yeah like what does he get out of it so it's a seance going wrong because they accidentally do an exorcism rather than a seance yeah whoops uh linda winona rider summons

beetlejuice for help but he will only help her on the condition that she marries him, enabling him to freely cause chaos in the mortal world. Okay. So he just needs a mortal wife. Well, I think if he marries a mortal wife, then he doesn't have to be summoned. Yeah, he'll just forever be in real. Yeah. Dangerous person to have

in real. But also, maybe I would marry him if he was convincing enough. I mean, he's a certain kind of handsome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, maybe I would marry him if he was convincing enough. I mean, he's a certain kind of handsome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's charming. Yeah, absolutely charming. Kind of got good dirtbag energy.

Does look like he's moldy, which is not so cool. But, like, he'd treat me not right, but, like, fucked up in the bedroom. Yeah. So it's kind of worth it. The kind of fucked up sex I will have with beetlejuice would maybe make bringing him into real worth it this is not the purview of the question it's not so much worse as in maybe greatest yeah i've just realized that i'm trying to convince myself to marry beetlejuice and i'm like well that's actually not what we're talking about

though jackson is it? Yeah, good point. It's a bit of a dirtbag. Yeah, it's a bit toxic, but oh, he fucks. What do you think the website Sexypedia is? Oh, I don't know. The reason I ask is because I was trying to find a picture of Beetlejuice and be like, you think this guy could trick you? Yeah. And the picture

I pulled up was just a picture of his face. Very innocent. Very innocent. A classic face. But it's from Sexipedia wiki. We can visit and see what happens. Maybe it'll just be like showing hot guys, maybe?

Hot guys from fiction? Could be? Yeah. You found out? The premium wiki for fucking horned up dudes. I'm not even really sure what I'm looking at. The information I got immediately is confusing. Okay.

It's got sexual archetypes listed. Thanks to Burton. Chaos Lord. Clown. Distinctive voice. Dominating. Eldritch. Power.

Mysterious. Unkept, suit guy. What's shunable? Is it a Wikipedia to put certain characters into archetypes? Like this one, he's a suit guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does Beetlejuice fall under? Sexypedia is a crowdsourced project attempting to document, categorize, and explain characters that fall into the archetype of fandom sexy man. Oh, like a Tumblr sexy man. You know a Tumblr sexy man?

I've been off the internet too long, I think. On Tumblr, there's a thing called a sexy man. It's often a guy in a suit. There's like this particular archetype that Tumblr finds very attractive, like the Onceler from the Lorax movie. But the problem with the Onceler, right? He was very sexy, but the Onceler movie only has Danny DeVito's Lorax. And pretty much no one else, the Tumblr freaks, to ship the Onceler with, i.e. to be like, who's the Onceler fucking? And so what they did, there's a little bit of internet history for you.

What they did is they created alt Oncelers for the Onceler to fuck. So there were like 40 different Oncelers that in your fan fiction, you could make the Onceler fuck. And they would be like, cool guy Onceler, robot Onceler. Anyway, the internet's awesome. Yeah. They should

have just made him fuck the Lorax. Danny DeVito's up for it. Yeah. He would have voiced it. I think so. Oh, yeah, stick it in me. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, just wreck my little Lorax body. I don't give a shit. That's a pretty good

sex scene, I think. Yeah. Yeah, do it for the trees. Yeah, do it for the trees. I am the once-ler, I fuck for the trees. I feel like this one got away from me. Huh. When you were like,

what's the worst ghost to be haunted by? And I said Beetlejuice. In no possible future could I have imagined I would be voicing the once-ler. No, Lorax getting railed by the Onceler. Fuck for the trees. I'm the Onceler, I fuck for the trees. I love you, I'm down on my knees.

Whatever, you know. Yeah, I get it. Anyway, so yeah, maybe I'll just pass. I'm looking at the Onceler, he looks like if Loki and Willy Wonka From the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Were the same guy Well Loki's also A Tumblr sexy man Oh yeah That I could've figured out I'm gonna guess So is Bill Cipher From Gravity Falls

The triangle guy That's awesome The 10th Doctor Yeah He's a suit guy I guess Sans From Undertale That's a Tumb guy, I guess. Sans from Undertale. That's a Tumblr sexy man.

Oh, no. Not Sans. Yeah, the rules are complicated, Manny. Well, apparently Beetlejuice is too. Yeah, I can see that. He's got dirtbag energy and he's in a suit. Yeah. Plus, he's kind of a monster.

That's what Tumblr's looking for. And horny. And horned up. He's very horny. And just sort of pervert horny too, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why any of this is bad for you, Jack. This actually sounds awesome. It sounds like you've got a new

best friend. I've got a new boyfriend slash husband who's causing chaos in the world. And you get to watch and cheer on. Yeah, I get to watch and cheer on and then go home and get sucked off or whatever. Yeah, if Beetlejuice has made you dinner it's going to be something that you love. It's like, hey chopped up hot dogs on cold spaghetti. And also he has a fucking glass of worms. Yeah, if Beetlejuice has made you dinner, it's going to be something that you love. It's like, hey, it's chopped up hot dogs on cold spaghetti.

And also, here's a fucking glass of worms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. I'll have milk, but that's awesome. Yeah, you're going to lean down with a big old fork, just twirl that up, and as you lean down, you're going to get a Beetlejuice finger right up you. Whoa!

My life is perfect. And then he's going to nibble your neck, and things are going to be all right. Yeah. Getting fingered whilst you try and eat your hot dog spaghetti is... What a gummo energy, I think. Getting my arsehole fingered while I eat spaghetti? I don't really like, this is my life moment, you know?

I might have experienced depersonalization and ego death in that moment. Record scratch. You're probably wondering how I ended up here. My mouth full of spaghetti and hot dogs, my eyes bulging, Beetle just behind me with his fingers up me. You're probably wondering how I ended up.

Hi, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in such an awesome position. I know what you're thinking. You're pretty jealous right now. Well, it all goes back to the greatest summer of my life did it at Barbara O'Reilly place okay well that's my answer

pass cause I got lost in my own answer and ended up doing Lorax Wadsworth fan fiction I think a pretty bad ghost to be haunted by would be like a ghost ship. Like the Black Pearl from the

Pirates movies. First off, a ghost ship, scary. Big. Big. Nowhere near water. And there's ghost pirates. I got a couple questions. You've picked something that Jackson is very fond of. Is the Black Pearl a ghost?

I mean, there's... It's cursed. It's cursed. But how? It's a boat. Because the reason the pirates are cursed, the pirates of the Caribbean are cursed by the Black Pearl, and I am aware that it's the curse of the Black Pearl,

and the Black Pearl is the titular ship. What? Well, technically it's the curse of the stolen gold or whatever. Well, yeah, they stole Cortez's treasure and that's what made them cursed to be ghosts

you best start believing in ghost ships buddy and what is I'm on one cause you're on one so and what did he say

there Jackson well he doesn't actually say that that was not a correct quote the correct quote no shut up the correct quote is

you best start believing in the curse of the black pearl, Johnny. This is that. Because you're in the movies. Johnny, I'm Keira Knightley. But Johnny Depp's also in the film. He's over there. He's watching.

His scenes later on. Oh, he's cursed too. Barbossa? Stick to the script. Sorry. You best start believing in the curse of the black pearl, Keira Knightley. No, no, no. It's Miss Swan.

Miss Swan. Keira Knightley's her actual name. Elizabeth Swan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Orlando Bloom! No, no, no, no. His leg. No, fuck, you're me doing it.

You best start being on the boat that is the Black Pearl, Mrs. Knightley. I'm in it. Babosa, Jeff, you've really lost your mind. What am I doing? You best start being a Pirates of the Caribbean, actors. I am on in one! Your face is getting real red, man. Yeah, he's freaking out.

Yeah, because the ship never takes any of Cortez's treasure. So how is it a ghost? What do you mean? They take the treasure and presumably they put it on the boat. Yeah, but it's not about... Isn't there an entire scene where the- The goat appears- The goat, the ship appears- The goat? Yeah, the goat.

The ship appears as a ghost? Yeah. Like when the moon comes out or something? I don't- Does the ship get rotten too? Yeah, they do. Or is it just the crew?

Yeah, pretty much. Because the ship never took- In the moonlight. Because the reason that they're cursed is they took a treasure out of the treasure chest. That's why the monkey, Jack Sparrow,

when it takes a coin out at the end, it gets cursed to be an undead monkey. Yeah. But does the ship- The ship never takes a coin out at the end, it gets cursed to be an undead monkey. Yeah. But does the ship, the ship never takes a coin out. When it goes to the moonlight, aren't the sails, are they all fucked up and shit?

Maybe they are. Does the ship get, that's rough for the ship. The ship did nothing wrong. I mean, it stored the treasure. Well, yeah, but not on purpose. Yeah. I mean, I guess not on purpose, but it still is, you know,

contributing to stealing Cortez's treasure. I guess it's an accomplice. Okay, so I try to look up the ship. Yeah. And I got a t-shirt that says, and I believe this is probably also Barbosa saying it. Good girls go to heaven, Kira. Bad girls go to the Black Pearl with Jack Sparrow. On a t-shirt.

That's very funny. You best not believe in it. You best not believe in it where good girls go into heaven. Bad girls go into the black pearl with Jack Sparrow. You're in one. It is really hard to tell whether or not the ship's a ghost. Yeah, it's dragged

to the depth by the Kraken. Yeah, yes. I guess it actually kind of is more like a zombie in later Pirates of the Caribbean movies. You can outrun the Flying Dutchman. That's pretty good. It's a quick ship. It also goes in a bottle at some point, which is pretty cool. I mean, can a regular ship do this?

It just sounds like a ghost ship. No, well, it's put in there by Blackbeard the Wizard. Okay, what about then the Flying Dutchman of the same franchise? That's more like a ghost ship. I'll choose that one then. Yeah, or what's the name of the Salamanca's ship from Dead Man Tell No Tales? Because that's a

legitimate ghost ship. Okay. Whatever the hell that ship is. Is that... Okay. Hector Salamanca? No, that's the guy from Breaking Bad. That sounds... Okay, was he selling meth on this? You bastard, believe it in meth ships.

I made one. The Silent Mary. The Silent Mary. I'll choose that one then. Okay, here's my question about ghost ships. Does it appear... Right now, there is no water around. But, like, if you had a glass of water, would it appear?

How much water does a ghost ship need to appear in? Because it is a ghost. I mean, it is a ghost, so it doesn't need water. Does the Silent Mary in your favorite film franchise, Pirates of the Caribbean, ever appear not on the water? No. Does it fly? Yeah. Does it fly above land?

I don't think so. I'm pretty sure not. Who cares about a ship flying if it's over the sea then? What? Okay, I'm in a boat. If the boat next to me flies, who cares? Well, yeah. I mean, it's still a ghost ship.

Yeah, but I see what you mean. You're like, if it's flying on land, that's unusual, but it might as well just be in the sea if it's on the sea. Ships basically are already flying, just on water. Yes. Ships are flying on water. I get it. Because if I see a ship flying over land,

I'm like, well, that's where a ship should never be able to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it's just flying over water, it's like, oh, cool. You've got 15 feet on me. Who cares? Well, whatever. Your cannons are actually probably not going to hit me. Do you still abide by the rule of the water?

So if you get to shore, you can't go on? If so, that's a weird fucking ship. Yeah. What? What's the rule of the water? Well, it can't go above. It can't go. It doesn't go on land.

Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Ghost ship's pretty bad. Yeah, I just think because the ghost ship is big and also has pirates on them. Yeah, the pirates are scary because ghost pirates can still slit your neck.

Yeah, dude. Me and Dusha, I mean, I'm getting my ass fucked and it's awesome. Dusha killed Casper with his fists. Yeah. Which is also awesome.

I'm getting hunted for my treasure or some shit. You're actually probably going to get killed. Yeah. That's scary.

And also, like, make a glass of water, I look in and then it's like it starts fogging up and then it looks like it's like the Silent Mary was it? Silent Mary in the distance there.

I'm like... But you're made up of water. Can the ship come out of you when you piss? Oh no. It's like a mirage or whatever. In the stream it starts shimmering and appearing and it's like... But then you flush it.

But then the water still is there. Can you flush a ghost? Because the water isn't going anywhere. water's still there can you flush a ghost because the water isn't going anywhere it's still just remaining in your toilet yeah ghost ships

have complicated rules to figure out yeah and like because like you are made of like water so could the ship

come out of you alien style yeah or or if it's like a because like your eyes that kind of

wet membrane oh they have a film oh no so could it sail across my eyeballs you see Hector Salamanca or whatever ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ah

ghost ship ah oh no the man that Brian Cranston blew up is coming for me he's got half a face. That's scary. He's got a ship.

Wrong idiot. Idiot. Can you get stabbed? He didn't get blown up. He got blown up, but he got all the way blown up. He had no, like, you know, Gus Fring had half a face. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. If a ghost pirate was in your eyeball, could he stab your brain? Could you stab your brain? Yes. What do you mean? I could do that now. No, could the ghost pirate in in your eyeball, could he stab your brain? Could you stab your brain? Yes. What do you mean? I could do that now.

No, could the ghost pirate in your eye, manifesting in the film of water on your eyeball, stab you in your brain? Depends how long the sword is. Because he could stab me in the eye and go through, I guess, the pupil and then into the brain. You might just die then. Oh, no, ghost ship. Yeah, how long is he- Why was Am its last words, Ghost Ship, do you reckon?

Do you reckon he was talking about the movie Ghost Ship? Probably. Was he saying, oh, no, Ghost Ship, because we were saying we were going to do a special on Ghost Ship or something? Was he thinking about Ghost Ship because it has an awesome tagline, which is C evil, but C with an A? That is awesome. We'll never know.

Is Ghost Ship the movie where people get cut in half? Yeah, in the opening. That was a very famous thing about the Ghost Ship movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an elevator scene. I don't know anything about it,

but I remember people talking about the elevator scene. The elevator scene. That's crazy, because the Omen has elevator scenes. That's very true. Very true. It's shining.

That's true. Elevators are scary. So does Devil. Devil? The whole time he's in Elevator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of That's very true. Very true. That's true. Elevators are scary. So does Devil. Devil? The whole time he's in Elevator. Yeah. One of them's the devil.

It's the Dan. It's obviously. Yeah. Duh. Yeah. You can do anything about the ghost ship? What can I do

with a ghost ship? I mean, you do should figure out something to do with the house. Well, I figure I'll go landlocked, but I guess if I can go above the land.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess you just get massacred by ghost pirates. Unless it is just the ghost ship and without the ghost pirates, which I think is maybe scary. Oh, yeah, empty ghost ship's scary because you're thinking,

like, does it want me to be its captain? Yeah, I would assume it's the flying Dutchman situation and you're Orlando Bloom. Yeah, you're about to step on the ship. You're about to become Davy Jones. Do I need to pilot said Dutchman? Yeah, I guess so. Part of the ship, part of the crew.

Part of the ship, part of the crew. 10,000 years in the water or whatever happens. 10,000 years in the water or whatever happens. What happens? What's the deal with me? Do you fear death? Would you like 10,000 years in the water or whatever? Or for me to kill your shit right now.

You mean kill my shit right now? What? Falling for my favorite drink. My favorite drink. You want a drink, mister? Are you the Dutchman? Slit your throat. You're going to be a fish man.

Don't wait. I'm going to be a fish man? You're going to be dead. You're only a wait. I'm going to be a fish man? You're going to be dead. You're going to be a fish man if you live on the ship, I think. I guess I'll take the living ship. Well, now you're going to get a crab for a dick or whatever. Can I not get a crab for a dick? I think it's a random.

To roll the dice. Sometimes you get a crab dick. Sometimes you get a dolphin head. Sometimes you get a crab dick, sometimes you get a dolphin head. Sometimes you get dolphin heads. That's like one of the least scary Dutchman fucking crew designs possible. You got to scream. It's annoying.

Snip, snip, snip. Oh my God, why is that naked? It's just naked. Just like fully regular human body dolphin head crab dick. Do I have a dick of a crab or do I have a crab for a dick? You put a crab for a dick. A crab for a dick.

A whole crab or just a crab claw? A crab claw coming out where a dick should be, but then just a hole that it pisses out of in between. Like somehow in the palm of the crag door is still a knob. He should put clothes on. Yeah. Can you guarantee that whatever happened to him not happened to me?

Like I said, it's random. Fuck. Has that happened before? No. Okay, well the chances of it happening to me are smaller. One of them is bad. We're both together. It's a real bum deal.

What's your dick look like? When I got a squid face, it's probably a squid penis. Okay, but how come he has crab claws? It's random. I've been saying saying the whole time. So you rolled the dice and got squid twice, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes both die come up squid.

I think another question is, what's on the dice? Why is one dice for head and the other for penis? I don't make the rules. I just roll the dice. I am pirate's life for me. Yeah, I guess I'll roll the dice. All right. Join the Flying Dutchman.

Nice. Then you get, well, because the way that works is you get 10 extra years or whatever. Then you've got to join the Dutchman. So I get 10 years of curse-free or ghost-free house, and then I go sailing for a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For eternity, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The eternity is a bit. And I might get a crab claw for a penis, but I might get something cool like, what do people get in it? Hammerhead shark head? Yeah. One guy's head is a shell with a crab under it. That's pretty cool.

It can come off. Become a turtle man. Somehow just the least threatening aquatic creatures. Turtle man. Sea horse. Sea urchin. Rock. Sea cucumber.

Sea snake. Whale. Yeah. Beluga whale. Seagull. Is it a sea cucumber? Sea lion. Looks like a turquoise. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Beluga whale. Seagull. Is it a sea cucumber? Sea lion. Looks like a cucumber.

Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, sea lion. Sea lion's good. That's nice. Oh, Jack Sparrow. Oh, oh. Yeah.

Just a full-on seal. Yeah, seal. That was a man once. Seal, the singer, seal. Oh, kissed by a rose. Kissed by a rose, Mr. Jack Sparrow. Are you Jack Sparrow? And this phone got away from us too, I think.

Hey, where are we? You're Davey Jones, right? Yeah, how did we get... Are we even talking about ghosts anymore? Crab's not a ghost. It just sort of slipped through our fingers. After Castle, we really couldn't hold on to that bar of soap. Ghosts are slippy. Ghosts are slippy.

Ghosts are slippy. It's true. Yeah. So I guess, look, in one of our worst ghosts, you're killing a 12-year-old again. Yeah. Another one, you're getting fingered while eating hot dog spaghetti. Yeah. And the other one, you're going to grab for a penis.

You're going to grab for a dick. None of those are good. You tell us, I guess, which one is the worst. Yeah, let for a dick. None of those are good. You tell us, I guess, which one is the worst. Yeah, let us know. Are any of... Yeah, you come out of change, person. Yeah, oh yeah. And like we've said, we'll be honest, it got away from us.

It got slipped out of hand. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it does. Fumbled the bag. Fumbled the bag on this one. Whoa. Yeah, exactly. Whoa, fingered by Beetlejuice.

Whoa, I'm on the Flying Dutchman Okay Wow I'm beating the shit Out of Casper the Ghost I mean even that Wasn't an answer I dunked my hands In salt

And now I've got A crab claw for a knob Yeah So look Let us know Which one Were any of them bad Yeah

Or maybe they were all good Or were they good answers And they all were bad Yeah that's true We don't know We don't know. We don't know. It's up to you to let us know. And on that note, I've been Joel Howell.

I've been Jackson Stein Bailey Steinsmonster. And I've been Spooky Joel. Happy Halloween! Nice fucking model