Plumbing the Death Star - Who Do We Think Will Lead The Avengers Next/Now?

Episode Date: September 5, 2021

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SazPants Radio, Australia's most five-thumbed podcast network. Hey everybody and welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Joel. And I'm Jackson. And today we're asking the important questions like, who do we think will lead the Avengers next slash now so both options yeah well because like i guess there's another option well because like next makes it feel like we're like whoa we've just seen Infinity War or Endgame, but no, that was years ago. The Avengers are already fucked.

They need a new leader. Yeah, that's true. Which is why... Tone's dead. Yeah, he went, oh, I'm gone. Steve is dead enough. He's old now. He's basically dead.

He's retired. They're buried in the Avengers' graveyard out the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you could be like, hey, new Captain America, sure, Falcon could lead the Avengers, but do they respect him as enough as they respected Steve? Maybe. I don't think Vision ever caught his name. Who? Sam Wilson.

Which guy's that? He had wings. Oh! Sam Wilson. Lovely guy. Bird guy. Loved the wings wings. Oh! Sam Wilson. Lovely guy. Bird guy. Love the wings. But will you follow someone into battle named Sam?

I know I wouldn't. I would be like... Like Bam Majera. Exactly. Look, Sam is good for recruitment. That's great. But actually leading me? No, thank you.

No, thank you. No, thank you very much. Yeah. Well, see, you've actually raised a very interesting point and also i'm gonna say my suggestion first before any of you fucking idiots jump in because horseshit be like being like i actually think that the avengers will be led by a dog riding a horse i actually think the avengers will be okay with no one in charge yeah like a democracy almost. No, just chaos.

Oh, I see. They can fight whoever they want at whatever time, but we're still going to call them a team. Jackson, that doesn't make any sense. I don't care. So I think you're right that no one would follow someone called Sam into battle. But what is a name that is tried and tested and we would absolutely follow into battle? Steve. Stephen Strange. The obvious new leader for the Avengers.

Okay. Now, you're probably coming at me being like, Joel Dusha, that is a very boring answer. And if I wanted someone to tell me that Stephen Strange could lead the Avengers next, I would simply just look at the front cover of a comic book or think about who is the most logical choice. But I'm also here to tell you that this, whilst obvious and will probably happen, is a bad call. Okay. Which is, you know, a bit of reverse psychology. So I'm here to tell you that this will happen, but also it's bad. It's like a twofer. I get to be right.

And also I get to make fun of people. Huge. Incredible. Everyone's debased. No one knows what's going on everyone's looking at their phones it's vibrating and they're like i don't know what's going on are they downloading something yeah downloading terrible vibes from my mouth hey anyway um anyway steven strange as seen in the most recent Spider-Man trailer, is a fucking moron.

Yeah. And clearly will lead the Avengers into battle wrong. He is dumb as hell. Never grant a wish. That's day one, dude. But also, he'll probably become the leader of the Avengers solely because they're like, well, the oldest one, I guess. We gotta have a Steve.

We need a Steve. You're the oldest one. Everyone knows your name. That's enough! You've met everyone. And then Stephen Strange will be like, I actually have a job already as the Sorcerer Supreme, but thank you, I know, but no thank you. Tony Stark had a building

that was already a thing. Yeah, Tony Stark already owned a building. Yeah, Stephen Strange also owns the fucking... Wait, do you think that was already a thing. Yeah. Tony Stark already owned a building. Yeah, Stephen Strange also owns the fucking... Wait, do you think that was his job? Do you think his job was own a building? He was a landlord. No, no, no, I think he was to... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was renting it out. He was a landlord. That's why he never liked it. Every floor of the Florence Stark Tower had tenants in it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, Tony. Yeah, the fridge is on the fritz. That's not my hi tony yeah the fridge is on the fritz that's not my problem sorry the sink is on the fritz you come and fix that yeah i guess

no i mean like he owns the building like i don't he's a weapon or whatever the fuck actually what does he do after he Retires from weapons He was a CEO and then he ended up Handballing that And then he handballed that to Pep But I think she hated it and then Handballed it back from memory And he made Robotman

Come on Did you go to Sark Expo 2011 Yeah After he started making Ironmans, he's just spending heaps of money on his Ironmans. Yeah. And he's not selling anything anymore. No.

No. So how's he making money? Well, he had the Expo thing. Remember the Expo he had? Yeah, remember the Expo? What the fuck was the point of that Expo? Because was he going to sell those Or was he just like look at this thing I did

I think it's I guess advancements in technology He's just flexing I think it was just like I want Because it was other people to flex as well Because it was like hey you if you got a thing Come and do a demo Was it just a robotics convention No it was like a science fair

Yeah weird Maybe he charged like for tickets Was it just a robotics convention? No, it was like a science fair. Yeah, weird. Well, maybe he charged for tickets. Yeah, he would, but still. But no, because there was no set schedule. I mean, there was sometimes. Yeah. Maybe the president gives him money because he saved him that one time.

Or he's a landlord. Maybe when all of the Avengersgers were in the avengers building in whatever the fuck they were paying tony rent yeah here's your paycheck by the way i've already deducted the rent anyway bye sorry maybe the reason sam wilson has no money in falcon and winter soldier is you have has to pay Tony Stark all this rent. We don't know. It's an expensive building. It is. Anyway, so we're ticking a lot of boxes

that Stephen Strange also fills. Has his own building. Has his own building. Earns money through question mark, question mark, question mark. Used to be a doctor, which would have earned him a lot of money, but now isn't, so we're not sure where it's coming from.

He just magics gold, presumably, whenever he needs. He just sells an artifact every now and again. That's huge. He's got his own Jarvis in Wong. That's pretty cool. That's good. Doesn't quite fulfill the same functions.

Yeah, no. Wong, turn off my jacket. No, do it yourself Your jacket's another guy, Doctor Strange I have no power over it So is his jacket like Jarvis? Yeah, his jacket's like Jarvis Wong is kind of his pepper pot

It's true Well what qualities Are we looking for in a leader Of the Avengers And how does Steven fit these ones, and how will he fuck it up? Yeah, exactly. As you are predicting. Yeah.

Yeah, so, I mean, he'll fit the qualities simply because, like, he is someone that has predicted the end of Endgame, so that's automatically earned everyone's respect. Okay, so you want someone to respect, charismatic, I guess like a personality. Owns a building. Owns a building. Owns a building. At least has a big building that everyone fits in.

That's true. True, everyone can live in. And presumably, you know, the Sanctum Sanctorum is full of like ooky-kooky corridors and magic TARDIS rooms or whatever that are big. There'll be room for everybody. He has showed leadership skills before in like, I guess leading

The other sorcerers True true true He's also willing to put a child at risk Just like how Tone was It's an important element of leading the Avengers He's willing to put a child at risk And they'll need to get a new one As Spider-Man grows up

Yeah yeah yeah Spider-Man hits 18 they're like shit we need someone like a small child to throw into danger you don't understand but an element of having an avengers it's a magical element is child endangerment do we have a kid thor available well the young avengers what's your Yeah, yeah, yeah, they'll be fine. I think, I mean, putting a child in danger is actually important. And also, he passes the child barometer test of who does the child respect. So, obviously, we've seen that the child respects Iron Man, who was the leader of the Avengers, and follows him and listens to all of his bad ideas. But we also know that he's a huge fan of Captain America, who is also the other leader of the Avengers and follows him and listens to all of his bad ideas but we also know that he's a huge fan of

Captain America who is also the other leader of the Avengers and then in the third Spider-Man movie Stephen Strange passes the kid test again where Spider-Man's like Doctor Strange it's me little boy Spider-Man please help me with my problems

I've got a dirty wish can you please make it through yeah I know dude Help me with my problems. I've got a dirty wish. Can you please make it through? Yeah. I know, dude. And that's another thing. I mean, Stephen Strange can answer, he can grant everybody's dirty wishes,

which is something that Iron Man could never do. That's something he kind of really wanted in a leader. Like, if I was like, I need, I don't know, bigger arms, he's like, yeah, whatever, there you go, bang. And I'm like, look at my muscles. Good. He could fix almost every problem that the current Avengers have. You know? Like, if any, I know, like, Tone helped out Rhodey by giving him Iron Man legs.

Whereas Stephen Strange could magic him new legs. Or just do hospital. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I guess. Yeah, but he could magic him new legs. Or just do... He's a surgeon. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I guess. Yeah, but he could magic him new legs. For some reason, you were like, the Avengers problems. And I was like, what are the Avengers problems? And my brain was like, Hulk, too big.

Ant-Man, too small. You need to even them out. You need to even them out. Oh my God, you know what Steve and Chase can do? Right, what we're going to do here is do a Freaky Friday situation. Hulk, you're going to be in an Ant-Man. Ant-Man, you're going to be in a Hulk. And then the problem is fixed. This solved Hulk problem by giving Hulk separate problem.

And then he just squishes him. Yeah, he doesn't care. Ant-Man's like, I'm a man, you've just given me the... You do realise we had other problems, Doctor dr strange but he's moved on from that point he's shut down his airpods he ain't listening yeah he's dancing yeah just quickly on wishes what killed tony stark a wish making a wish oh my god something that stephen strange can clearly just do without dying grand wishes he can that's true i think the problem with stephen strange is that what we've established that tony stark had no other responsibilities

than being being the c like he wasn't the ceo of anything he just made iron man suits and went and did avengers shit when it was necessary any personal problems often he invited himself like the the Mandarin and shit Whereas Doctor Strange Is going to have to fuck off to fight D'Amamo Or fuck off to fight Cackleon I don't remember the names of the other bad guys Cackleon and Baddadoon

Or what was his name Mordor Mordrick Mordo And those are problems that the rest of the Avengers can't handle Are you Surely Mordo could fucking cop Thor's hammer And just die

Okay maybe Mordo but imagine Dormammu Nobody's ready for Dormammu Well with Stephen Strange A lot of like say problems are going to be now in the supernatural element Of that kind of thing And when you look at the current line up of like Who may or may not be in the Avengers, Stephen Strange could be pretty good.

Like, he could be a good mentor to, say, a Scarlet Witch if she hasn't gone off the deep end. That's true. That's true. Who else have you got? Thor is basically a magic alien. But Thor's not magic. He's just got a big hammer.

And he's also in space. If I had a magic hat you wouldn't say i was magic yes i would you have control well do you control the hat i wear the hat does the hat respect you what are you what it's just a hat well there doesn't well well no these are not the same question then jackson you can wear the hat well then it's not that it's not the hammer the hat let me explain the hat okay explain that and let me tell you why this is immediately different from the hammer you know the movie you know the story the magic pudding yeah yeah yes yes but no actually that's

how i'm gonna reiterate the story of the magic pudding is that it's a pudding that could become any food and you can eat as much of it as you like and it it reconstitutes itself yeah you get more food the hat's like that so there's food inside it when i take it off my head and i can eat as much of it as i like and it can be any food and it comes right back after i've finished yep and it's my hat yeah yep so how would you say that's a no that's a magic hat but that's different from the hammer how's that different from the hammer that's a magic hat, but that's different from the hammer. How's that different from the hammer? That's exactly the same. Well, I mean, the hammer Thor controls. I control the hat.

Can I pick up the hat and get food from it? You could. Well, then, no, you're not. You're not controlling the hat. You're at this point maybe poorly guarding the hat. But I can control the hat. Well, no, you're guarding the hat because I can take it. No, I can control the hat if I take the hat off

And I say plum pudding Or jelly Yeah but can I do that But it's my hat Well then no because I'm just taking your hat Now I have the hat I can't take Thor's hammer that's the problem If you took my shoes

And put them on they're still my shoes Yeah but Do I get the speed of Jackson If you took my shoes and put them on, they're still my shoes. Yeah, but... Do I get the speed of Jackson? No, they're just shoes. These aren't magic shoes. Well, but they're just shoes. Yeah, but they're my shoes. No, the hat's magic.

What are you saying? The hat's magic. The hat is magic, yes. Yes. The wearer is not magic. Therefore, Thor's hammer is magic. Thor is not magic therefore thor's hammer is magic thor not magic look even though you were immediately wrong with this what happens in thor ragnarok i don't remember his hammer gets destroyed immediately and he the whole thing is like you're not the god of hammers

yeah well he's got electricity powers, I guess. That's not magic. If I shot electricity out of my hand, and you saw it, you would say that's electricity powers and not magic. Yeah, I would not immediately assume magic. Certainly not in the MCU. What do you say?

Well, it's just, it's not necessarily magic. It could be any number of things. Is Electro magic? No! He's just electric. But isn't like that whole, what was it, like any sufficiently advanced technology or whatever is

indistinguishable from magic? Are you at any point just going to be like, nah, not magic? Surely you'd be confused. I would, if I found out it was magic, I would be like, that is one of many explanations that I could possibly learn. But if you told me that you'd eaten enough electric eels, or that you had, like, an extension cord coming out of your anus and plugged into a generator. I could believe that as well. Okay.

Okay. I just think Thor at this point is magic. Basically. We're about to have differing opinions. So, I just before we move on. Yeah.

What is he if he isn't magic? Just some guy, I don't know. Just a guy. Just a guy. He's a guy with powers, yeah. So, what's Scarlet Witch? Well, she might be magic, yeah. What's the difference?

She can do any number of different things. But you know that she... The witch stole her power. You also know that she got her powers from a stone like yeah like there seems to be something else going on you know is captain marvel magic no she's just got powers but she also got the powers from i guess the stone yeah but there's no multiverse stuff happening with Captain Marvel. There seems to be some... They keep saying Wanda's a Nexus or whatever. So she could be magic.

Thor is just an alien who has electricity powers. Not necessarily magic. But maybe magic. I don't know is the point. We just know that his hammer isn't magic. Is that what you're trying to say? And he might also not be magic, yeah. So his hammer's not magic.

His hammer's not magic. Yeah. But is his hammer magic? We don't know. But then is your hat magic? Well, my hat is magic, yeah. But the hammer would grant the power of Thor and no one else can lift it except if you're worthy enough.

Surely that's at least a cursed item. Oh, yeah, maybe. And what is curse if not magic? It could also be highly advanced technology. We don't know. But my hat was made by a wizard. So we know that's magic. I paid the wizard $50

In Bitcoin And he made me a magic hat So it's not traceable So no one else can get one of those magic hats Exactly, I gotta stay off the grid dude So back to Doctor Strange I think he'd be a pretty decent leader He's in the run for the money

Partly because I guess a lot of people I think, yeah, he'd be a pretty decent leader. He's in the run for the money, partly because, yeah, I guess a lot of people that he could be leading would benefit from his skills of being a very learned man. He's done quite a lot of studying in terms of, like, reading all the different books because he does it in, like, you know, triple time or whatever. He's basically, like, you know, chucked on some entrepreneurial podcasts on leadership and played it at, like, four times speed. He's done chucked on some entrepreneurial podcast on leadership and played it at four

times speed. He's done that but with magic books. Will that make him a good leader? I don't know. I'm unconvincing myself as I speak. Just because he's a big book nerd, maybe he hasn't got the kahunas required to lead a team. He's a big nerd.

He is a big nerd, and most of the Avengers in today's day and age are kind of jocks yeah if you look at look at like say the hulk uh i probably would not follow him into battle but he is a jock and nerd yeah yeah but he was a nerd first that became jock no no and then nerded out again yeah i think the hulk's a nerd now. I think the Hulk is a nerd. I don't really... He's a nerd. I don't fear Professor Hulk at all. Like, he could crush my head and I would die unscared. Yeah, unscathed, whatever.

Who cares? Ant-Man? I'm afraid. He's a bit of a nerd. Nah, he's a bit more of a jock. Nah, he's more of a jock, I reckon. He's more of a jock. He stole his suit.

Yeah. He comes into... I know that the jock and nerd dichotomy is the only way to judge anything. But unfortunately Ant-Man I feel like comes into like the scumbag kind of thing. Which is kind of, scumbags often, scumbags, stoners, skaters. Also like maybe kind of class clowny, you get the vibe. You know like the class clown, They're like funny in a classroom But like

It gets a bit exhausting after a while That's the kind of vibe of Ant-Man I feel like he could be a good criminal But he's too much of a coward Yeah He's not quite He's like bang in the middle of jock and nerd Yeah

Vision, I don't respect a robot. Who else is in the current Avengers now? We're not sure. That's a thing. We don't know. Anyway, look. Doctor Strange. Doctor Strange, yeah.

What are the odds here? I reckon it's probably like a... Look, I don't know if this is too short, but I reckon three to one odds on Doctor Strange being the new leader of the Avengers. No, I reckon you're right. Three to one of the Avengers getting magic. Sounds about right, yeah.

Especially now they're dealing with more magic threats. Well, I like where you're going with this. And while I probably think, yes, now that we've said it out loud, I reckon it's probably going to be Sam Wilson. However, Icarus, the new boy from the Eternals, I think the leader of the Eternals, or the weapon of the Eternals, I forget what Icarus' role is, I think is kind of like

basically a bullet. You point him somewhere and he goes and then he ruins everyone's day. And I think we have seen in the trailer someone joke, or I might be just misremembering this, but someone's like who's gonna be leading the Avengers now? And everyone looks to old mate I this, but someone's like, who's going to be leading the Avengers now? And everyone looks to old mate Icarus and he's like, maybe me.

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head on over to youtube.com slash stupid old channel. Once again, it's only available at youtube.com slash stupid old channel. That's pretty good evidence. You know, that's the kind of thing Marvel love to fucking do. That's pretty good. Plus, you've got, who's the actor playing him? Guy that was in Game of Thrones. Is he handsome enough to lead the Avengers?

Don't know his name, though. It's not Kit Harington. Not him, right? No, no, the other guy. But Kit Harington is in the Eternals, and he does play the Black Knight, so maybe he can be, like, handsome enough to lead, but no, I think it's going to be the other guy. What's his powers?

What's he got? What does he do? Laser eyes, right? Lasers? I think he's, like, a laser eyes and, like, flight, strong. That's kind of Iron Man's powers In a lot of ways It's also close to Superman's powers I guess

He's not that clever From memory As the Eternals go he's not the tactician He's just the kind of like As I said you point him somewhere You fire him and off he goes He is very much a weapon Do we want a doofus leading the Avengers?

I think we need a himbo in charge. Oh, okay. I mean, we've got Thor, and I follow Thor around, but he's in space. Yeah. Thor, idiot. But someone that we don't often consider

as unintelligent, but probably is Captain America, Steve Rogers. True, dumb as shit. When did he learn? Absolute fucking moron. Nothing. He didn't even go to school, dude.

Yeah, he went to war. Yeah. He can't read to save his life. And he probably died a virgin. Yeah, exactly. He knows gun. He knows tank. He knows shield.

Does he know book? Absolutely not. He probably loves comic books, Captain America. He loves Archie comics i imagine that makes jughead up to aha that's the american way what year is it it's 2020 09 or whatever is jughead still relevant please god next year Captain America it's 2020-09 Jughead unfortunately at this moment is not relevant but stick around for a few more years and then he'll be back on your television sets

but not the Jughead that you know that's so funny to imagine Captain America watching Riverdale and being like what did they do ruined it coming in and they're like we gotta deal there's an intergalactic threat facing Earth

and Captain America's like, I'm sorry, I'm so distracted by what they have done to Jughead from Archie. Let me finish this email. He doesn't even wear the crown. He doesn't even,

he wears, they made the crown a little beanie for some reason. He fucks. That's wrong. It's disrespectful. He doesn't fuck ever.

Captain America, what the hell are you talking about? I'm sorry. I'm going to need a minute. It's really got to him. Yeah. It's worn him down. He's affected.

Well, yeah, okay. So Icarus is stupid and he's a bit dumb, but he's like a gun. He's strong like a Superman. He's basically a Superman. He's Superman, but a little bit stupid. Probably easily manipulated, which is what you kind of sometimes need in a leader. From the subordinates to be like, we need to do this. And he'd be like, good idea.

I reckon he'd probably put a lot of children in danger. That's good. I think he's the kind of person to me that looks at collateral damage like oh well uh he's already been around for long enough time that probably everyone to him is a child so just by default everyone is a children so he is um irresponsible either way yeah could might that not be a problem where he's like your life is a blip to me you know if you die it's meaningless because humanity has existed for such a long time. Jackson. Yeah.

You're like, people can be in charge of dogs. Yeah, that is true. Well, if I was in charge of dogs at war, I probably would take that mentality. Yeah, I guess. People might still consider me a good leader of these dogs. So what if Ikura starts treating the fellow Avengers like dogs? What if it's like, all right, go defeat that well-done Doctor Strange and he gives him a treat? I think that would be great.

Or if he lets them know, as I would in the dog war, lets them know before they go out, your life is meaningless to me. Good luck. There are thousands of you. Good luck. Spider-Dog, come here. Come here. Come here.

I need you to go and punch that one over there, and if you want, I'll give you a monster energy drink. I know you love him. It is easy to imagine Spider-Man chugging monster energy drink as he flips around New York. Do you think he's at risk? Like, if Spider-Man flips around New York, right, and like you say, he beats

up the rhino. Self-topic, but it's occurred to me. I need to get it out. And he beats up the rhino, and he stops, and he has a monster energy drink and i'm a reporter or anyone other public like spider-man endorses monster energy drink like do you think that's a risk for him does he have to no no no name brand like bring his own water i don't think that's a risk for him but i think he might be at a risk for say a Monster Energy drink Then contacting him and being like Hey Spider-Man we'll give you a crate of Monster Energy drink If you only drink Monster Energy drink

And then if he signs a contract And then he's seen with a Red Bull then he might get sued But he has no identity like he's not a person So like Say I take a photo of Spider-Man Chugging a Monster Energy drink Tropical blast And then I sell that photo to monster energy drink

and then they use that in their advertising what can spider-man do sweet fuck all well he would have to reveal his identity as a person to go to court that is not the problem that you just had but i mean that's a totally different situation. Your original prompt was, are people going to be afraid that Spider-Man is sponsoring Monster Energy Drink? Well, yeah, but then even with the photograph, I wouldn't know. As John Q. Citizen, I wouldn't know. I would be like, I guess Spider-Man works for Monster Energy Drink now.

Well, if I was Monster Energy Drink in this situation, I'd be taking that photo, paying you quite handsomely, and then I would use that as my marketing campaign. I'd hire someone that maybe kind of looked a little bit like Spider-Man's build, make my own shitty Monster Energy Drink Spider-Man suit, and have that plastered all over billboards. And you know what? Peter Parker can't do shit.

He can't do shit about it. Unless he's like, I'm Peter Parker and I'm Spider-Man, which... Yeah. And then he might take me to court. But apart from that... Wait, does he Wait hang on Can he Has he copyrighted Spider-Man

He hasn't He's fucked I can do whatever the fuck I want I can do whatever the fuck we want With the Spider-Man IP It belongs to New York baby And Monster Energy Drink Except

Monster Energy Drink would be committing Marketing suicide by doing this Because everyone hates Spider-Man Oh fuck shit Tear them down Oh god Oh god except Monster Energy Drink would be committing marketing suicide by doing this because everyone hates Spider-Man. Oh, fuck, shit. Tear them down. Oh, God. Oh, God. They might just buy that picture to bury it, you know,

or doctor it so it's a Red Bull and be like, look at that piece of shit Spider-Man drinking all that Red Bull. Masked Menace loves piss juice or whatever will be the headline of the Daily Bugle. Well, look, Icarusarus great choice beautiful choice but also has the same problem dr strange does oh yeah other stuff's going on in his life he's got he already leads a team he's gonna have to abandon he can't he can't like like like a man who has two families he's gonna have to split his time up between either one and hopefully none of them talk to each other.

But I feel they will. Yeah. He's going to end up with a double divorce. Emancipated. Everyone will emancipate themselves from Icarus. But you know who's got nothing going on in their life? Howard. How would the duck? Fuck you.

What are the odds for Icarus? I reckon the odds for Icarus are poor. I reckon they're kind of high. Maybe a 5 to 1. 5! 5 to 1. Okay. All right.

You're making the call, so that's fair. 5 to 1. I would go closer to 20 to 1. Yeah. Like the famous television show on Australian TV, 20 to 1, where it counts down the 20 top X of Y. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes there was nudity on television in Australia,

but Australia loved that. We do. Anyway. Look, you're right. The thing is, because what we also probably have to consider is also the matter of it all and trying to sell this to John Q Public, the cinema-going audience. They know Doctor Strange.

They see him in a film. Icarus, we only maybe see him in Eternals, and it looks very artsy. Maybe I don't see Eternals because it confuses and scares me. And also, again, I have – is his name John Marston? Is that the actor? It's not John Marston. Oh, Richard Madden is who you're talking i was close um i only just realized who you meant by you getting the name totally wrong yeah uh john marston did you mean james marston as in a sonic sidekick is john marston the protagonist of red deademption yes that's funny

so yeah Richard Madden is that face the face of the Avengers the face of the MCU going forward is this a face that the big rat himself Mickey's gonna be like we love him I don't know if he can bear that on his shoulders

I associate him with fucking over Elton John in Rocketman. Yeah. You've got to hope the public doesn't have the same opinion as Dusha. So, yeah, I reckon maybe 20 to 1. Everyone knows me. Because he has been a leader before in Game of Thrones, and he cooked it.

He got his head cut off and replaced by a big wolf. That's right. So I don't know if he hasn't got a good track record is what I'm saying. So, yeah, no, look, you've convinced me, JD. 20 to 1. 20 to 1. Anyway, Jackson, let's get to your bullshit. Howard the Duck, baby.

He loves to smoke cigar. He loves to drink booze. He's a duck, for one. He's worldly. He's been around a little bit. And he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty plus he knows man things so you know it's kind of a twofer in many ways oh god they're there they've got a car yeah everyone will be allowed to smoke at the avengers mansion finally okay yeah man how

the duck doesn't care if you turn up drunk he doesn't mind so let's get the job done he's a cool boss he's a cool boss i mean, Tony Stark was a big drinker. But do you think if you turned up to the Avengers drunk, Tony Stark would have something to say about it? No, because Tony Stark was already drunk, I reckon. Well, which... No, because Avengers 3 or whatever, he got a bit shitty, so I reckon he would be.

That man when he's drinking green juice or whatever, when he's on that big health kit. Yeah, I think he would be like... Yeah, that version of Tony would be mad at us. You can drinking like green juice or whatever, when he's on that big health kit. Yeah, I think he would be like. That version of Tone would be mad at us. You can do whatever you want in your own time, but don't come to work drunk. Whereas Howard the Duck is like, I don't give a fuck. And then he goes out there with a big gun or whatever.

I don't actually know if Howard the Duck ever fights himself, but that's not important. He gets the others to do it for him. You know what I mean? The leader doesn't have to fight. He can, you know, lead from behind and dictate and be like, I go over there and punch that guy in the face. You know, like soldiers die in the trenches, generals die in bed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes. General Duck. General Al the Duck. Exactly. He'll die in bed from too many cigarettes. You'll never see a day of battle. Exactly. You're like, look, Tone Stark died from wishing on battle.

Me, I'm dying from lung cancer and hedonism. You know? Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. Too much cocaine for my little duck heart. People said that there's no such thing. You ever snorted cocaine off a duck's bill? It rules.

And that's great because you know how ducks' bills get the little nostrils? He lines the cocaine up over his nose and they go to snort it, but he snorts it down before they can get to it. He'd be a party animal. Exactly. Which is what the Avengers need. Look, Tone's version of celebration was what?

Going out for shawarma? Yeah, exactly. Shawarma? Oh, lovely. A good meal? Yes. A dinner. Nice, sure.

A dinner. And I reckon he probably split the bill as well. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Whereas Howard the Duck, a sweet celebration, a reward for saving New York. I'm not sleeping for a week. Oh, goodness, no. Goodness. The rocks are on Howard.

Yeah. I won't have PTSD because that would be a blip from going into space. That is a blip on my radar with how much drugs are just going through my system. Nobody is aware of what they're doing anymore. What's reality? They don't know. Tell me you don't want to roided up. Roided up?

Yeah, sure. Roided up. Fuck this part as Yeah, sure. Roided up. Fuck this party's world. We're doing roids. Why? That's crazy because they're all already so muscular. But Howard the Duck wants them muscly up. Fair enough.

Yeah, yeah. He looks at the Hulk and he's like, why don't all of you look like this? Fair enough. All right, let's mix these roids up with some gamma or whatever. Swallow these pills. Yeah. Tell me that's not going to be, you know, nobody's going to come for Earth anymore because that's scary. It's frightening is what it is.

Yeah. Question. How is he going to become in charge of the Avengers since the last time we saw him, he was in a cage? He gets out of the cage. cage he gets out of the cage because uh jackson i know you haven't seen this because of your famous i'm not gonna watch what if stance unless what if i do yeah uh he appears in a what if episode and he's still in the cage well that's in an alternate timeline but he gets out though yeah yeah and then there you go he doesn't do anything, though. He doesn't escape. Yeah, he sits at a bar and gets drunk. Yeah, exactly.

We want a leader. Exactly. He's drunk. Yeah. Drunk at a bar. I just... 10-day bender. Wakes up.

He's in charge of the Avengers. There you go. Yeah. Let me just put it... Let me put this in terms that maybe both of you can understand. All right, look. I am... As your boss, I'm like, all right, everyone, you did a good job.

Well done doing the recordings. We're going to go out for a lovely meal. Don't worry, it's going to be split three ways. Okay. You going to respect me for that? No. Or I'm like, boys, well done. Here's a bag of your cocaine.

Enjoy. Party time. Yeah, that's true. I would respect second boss more. But then if you were doing that from inside a cage Where if you were strong enough you could escape But you're not so you can't I don't know if I

The cage is comfortable Maybe dude It's not to protect us from him It's to protect him from us dude Also the cage is small So it's probably full of duck shit yeah yeah he's a party animal dude he's wallowing in his own again bro it's sick this is where jackson would follow that into battle but i don't think i'd respect anyone covered in their own shit when jackson respects

nothing more covered in his own shit a little bit of blood leaking out of his bill, eyes nearly closed and crusted over. Let's go, he says. And he pulls out his big pistol and he walks towards Thanos. I'm following that guy. Jackson stands at the nearest table, says, oh, captain, my captain.

I'll burn all the books you want, Howard the Duck. Yeah. I'll burn all the books you want Howard the duck Yeah In terms of putting a child in danger Well Everyone's in danger I don't think it would have the trust of a child

I think children would fear Howard the duck Maybe but he's a duck And children love ducks Exactly he's cuddling Children are scared of ducks Both of those statements are so bold but he is a duck and what children love ducks. Exactly. He's cuddling. Our children are scared of ducks. Both of those statements are so bold. Well, look, I'm going to take a leaf out of the Hey Hey It's Saturday guidebook in terms of great entertainment.

And they have one of their biggest mascot that took Australia by storm. Literally their biggest mascot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was Pluck-a-Duck. Love your Pluck-a. Now, you tend to tell me that the marketing geniuses behind Hey Hey It's Saturday didn't think enough to realise that children hate ducks. Exactly.

Come on. Pluck-a-Duck also advertised KFC. Yeah. So let's not forget that Yeah, it's chicken, not duck, you idiot He's allowed to do that because he's like, it's not me It's these motherfuckers who can't even swim Exactly, you can feed a chicken duck, I think I've seen that

Yeah, a duck is like a superior chicken, bro Like, basically Exactly Look, it's kind of like us if we were maybe, I don't selling i don't know chimp meat is it is it right no but is it cannibalism no that's that's true that's true i hope they answer this on the uh 50th year anniversary of hey hey it's saturday which is coming to australian television this year for some fucked reason. That's crazy. Let's hope it only lasts maybe two episodes. I think it's just a one-off special,

which is safe, because when it inevitably gets cancelled due to racism, there was never any extra episodes planned. They've kind of baked in the fact that no one will like it, and that's very funny. Yeah, they've baked it. No one will like it,

and they're going to do something that was maybe funny, in quotation marks there, oh, 30 years ago. Oh, yeah, probably more. Probably like 40, 50. It's got to be bad. Well, yeah, what are the odds? I hope Fred Simons dies on live television.

Anyway, what were you saying? What do we think the odds are going to be for Howl at the Dock? I want to say. 500 to 1. I'd say 50 to 1. Okay. Not impossible Well I guess Annoyingly If Icarus is 20

Howard I guess is twice as unlikely Plus 50% So 50 to 1 Probably sounds fair We got any other suggestions? Obviously, we, uh,

we've looked at the obvious ones. Sure. Yeah, that's right. Obviously, we've looked at the obvious ones. Obviously, we have, yeah. But, as we've learnt in the past, sometimes Marvel

like to, you know, be a bit sneaky and maybe go for a longer shot, like when it came to Peter Quill's father ended up being Ego the Living Planet.

Something that not everyone saw coming, except maybe this podcast. Except the Plum and Boys, oh yeah. So, look, it's worth diving into some of the longer shots. And that is why I think that William Dafoe, as the Green Goblin, as Iron Patriot, will be the new leader of the Avengers. Oh, my God. We can rule this city, Avengers. Yes. Multiverse.

Tick. Bringing back a thing from another movie and a comic book so that everyone goes, oh, that's that thing. Oh, sick. Two big ticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've seen the Iron Patriot before in Iron Man 3. And, like, look, it was a pretty armor.

Yeah. And that's bringing another thing back, you know? It is taking away a lot from Sam Wilson's Captain America. Although, if you had the Iron Patriot armor next to Sam Wilson, it's a very all-American Avengers. That's true. Which I don't oppose. Or if you had, like, I Am Patriot, and then Sam Wilson's like, I'm in opposition, because I think that's not the right America, then that's, you know, like a common...

The two America Avengers. Yeah. Yeah. You have, like, American Avengers, and then US Avengers. Yeah. Okay. We'll work on the market. There's the West Coast Avengers and the Avengers Avengers.

Is it Salt Lake Avengers? Yeah. I don't know. Okay, but the Willem Dafoe Green Goblin, we assume, just wants to kill Spider-Man. So is he like, Avengers next target The Spider-Man Spider-Man's like I'm in this team I'm right here

Sam kill him with your shield Sam Wilson just like Slices his head off Victory And then he leaves He's done Job done He steps down gracefully

They have a very strange like you know goodbye party at the Avengers tower where they're like well we got cake

and um yeah okay here's an interesting question do any of the Avengers know Spider-Man well enough that they'd properly

mourn him if he died nah nah not in a million years Hulk's not thinking about spider-man 99 of the time he's got his own problems dude they don't care about spider-man maybe the vision but only if you programmed it yeah yeah they they take up their token effort but they wouldn't stay long you know do they know who art may is no do they know they know nothing about spider-man's

life they probably don't even know what he looks like oh actually happy would mourn him that's it You know. Do they know who Aunt May is? No. Do they know? They know nothing about Spider-Man's life. They probably don't even know what he looks like under the mask. Oh, actually, Happy would mourn him. That's it. That's true. But Happy would also be mostly just be like, I let down Tony Stark. So if the Green Goblin made the Avengers kill Spider-Man, you know, who cares? Yeah, it's actually good. He is a masked menace.

Yeah. He did kill that handsome boy, Mysterio. Yeah, exactly. We do hate him. Exactly. So we killed Thanos. We killed Spider-Man. It's fine. Green Goblin. menace yeah he did kill that that handsome boy mysterio yeah exactly we do hate him exactly so we killed thanos we killed spider-man it's fine green goblin job done yeah he gets back on his glide up flies back to his own dimension he's happy well the reason i think that this is maybe on the cards is that uh depending on when they have brought green goblin and dr octopus and

whoever else is coming back from Spider-Man No Way Home, all the Spider-Man villains kind of just before they die or as they die have a redemption. True. So if Green Goblin's brought over mid-dying or from heaven, he might be a good guy. That's true. He does seem to throw a pumpkin bomb at Peter in the trailer, but maybe. Maybe he's a good guy. Jackson, how often have you dropped a thing? oh dude accidentally all the time and then maybe laughed maniacally

about it you know embarrassed that's why he's laughing jackson if you were holding an egg and you dropped it would you laugh i would i would find if i would be if it didn't crack and just rolled like the pumpkin ball. I'd probably be more going like, whoa, did you see that? Let me see if I can do it again. Oh, no. Not going to clean up this egg.

No, it's not a bad idea, not a bad idea. It's a long shot. I reckon maybe you're looking at, like maybe 500 to one. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that checks out. I think the biggest problem is that William Dafoe is pushing 100 years old true

but I reckon this may be a little bit better on the odds there in terms of a long shot so look they've already led a team we've definitely seen them definitely lead a team of powered individuals.

Okay. And they are perhaps maybe even more eager than Tony Stark to put, say, children in danger. Oh. But I reckon Charles Xavier. Oh, great choice. Jesus. The man, the mutant, the myth himself. I've come over from my dimension

Full of fucking weenies And I'm gonna come help you guys out That's the plan now He sounds drunk My child sounds drunk Almost always He loves to put a kid in danger In fact, I think he'd be disappointed

That the Avengers only has one child to endanger. Yeah, like, what is it, Ant-Man? Bring your daughter next. Put her in a uniform, why not? Hawkeye? You're fired. But just get your daughter involved. Sam Wilson? You know that Isaiah Bradley?

He had a kid. Get him! He'd be so excited by the idea of the young Avengers. Yeah, he'd be like, so many children for me to send into battle. I started saying that as me, and then halfway through, it was like a bit of an accent. Didn't really commit. I like, I think my favorite thing about Xavier in charge of the Avengers is that he would give everyone new names when he rolled in.

Yeah. Well. You're Bo. Scarlet Witch. Welcome to state. Scarlet Witch and Hawkeye are gonna find yeah hawkeye is a very very charles name oh that's why you can see very well no yeah i would imagine you had the whole eyes of a hawk but what do you have i'm just good with a bow well that's not about at all what about what about what do we call you bowstring yeah

i liked you're coming in and just saying bow like he's coming in and giving the laziest names possible green witch big bigger red witch uh robot yeah yeah the h. I don't like that. What about the smart big mass? You're gonna say the smart big man. What if we call you the smart big man? How does that sound? Bad. I like the Hulk. Hmm. Well, I

don't. You like the Hulk. Let me just hang on. Boop, boop. No, you hate it. Yes, you hated the Hulk. You always have Smart big man smash Rolls off the top That's what I like to see Yeah

And then yeah And you get it fits that Yeah it's again multiverse It's a thing becoming a thing That people remember That's true It's that final like you know Like everyone's talking about

The X-Men coming in And to the MCU No no no they're assimilating And they're actually joining the Avengers And becoming one Only Charles Xavier is coming across I like that no other X-Men No other lord nothing

It's just Charles coming over Imagine they do that they bring Charles over And then he just calls the Avengers his X-Men, and then that's how the X-Men are in the MCU. To me, my X-Men. What? We've already got a name. We're the Avengers. You've already avenged.

Vengeance is done. Now you're the X-Men. You killed the purple Hulk, now you're mighty. Now you're X-Men. Time to kill a guy you don't know, called Magneto. He's're X-Men. Time to kill a guy you don't know called Magneto. He's a friend of mine. We're really just fighting my own personal battles.

I forget why I hate him, but I do. Off we go. Well, yeah, good choice. What are our odds here? What do we reckon? At least 100 to 1. You think it's more than your old mate, whoever you choose?

I forgot. Willem Dafoe. See, the other reason I would say it's higher odds than that is because Willem Dafoe is actually an actor that already is appearing in the MCU. You can get James McAvoy. Patrick Stewart. Who cares?

No, no, no. Again, these people haven't been in the MCU at all. Exactly. Yeah, so it's fresh and exciting to see them in the MCU. That's another... They're not tied down yet. Surely you can see why that makes it less likely.

I'm afraid not. Five to one. Yes! Okay, I'm gonna put... What about uh he also leads a team uh i must say and an efficient one uh and he's managed to lead this team despite the fact that the uh the company that he works for should really have uh a boon and failed a long time ago i'm talking j jonah jameson okay because it's really a testament to his leadership skills that this rag the daily bugle has remained in production despite having one very specific agenda seemingly only like of importance to j Jonah Jameson himself. That's amazing. That shows leadership skills and he's mean and he's cruel and they come

crawling back. I think J Jonah Jameson in charge of the Avengers is, it makes the most sense out of anything we've suggested today. It does make a level of sense. Like again, it's, it ticks that kind of box of like, you know,

Hey, a thing from a thing. And then that thing is now this thing. Ah, it's, it's a, a man we kind of box of like, you know, hey, a thing from a thing, and then that thing is now this thing. It's a man we all respect and like. I will happily go to battle of a man whose first name isn't an initial. Yeah, exactly. Plus, Peter Parker, he takes a photo of Spider-Man. He takes it in.

He gets chewed out by J. Jonah Jameson. Then he goes off to avenge, gets chewed by jay jonah jameson spider-man get in here you call this avenging and he throws like you know whatever an infinity stone at peter's head who knows double chewed out for spider-man i think that's great and spider-man does need you know he does need to learn that not everything comes easy he does need uh you know a nice father figure in jay jones and he yelled it yeah so how would how would jay jones jameson lead someone like the hulk hulk get in here you call this a magic get out of my office hulk get in here you know what i need pitch the spider-man go, throw his camera, and off he goes.

Take pictures of Spider-Man. Hulk just stepping out, Spider-Man sitting out the front like he's waiting at the principal's office. Takes a photo with his phone, steps back in. Perfect! This is the best idea I've ever had. J. Jonah Jameson becoming the leader of the Avengers solely so he gets even more photos of Spider-Man. I'll do it! He loves photos of Spider-Man! Peter Parker comes in one day to the Daily Bugle

with like a not great photo of Spider-Man J. Jonah Jameson's like, I'll do it myself! And then he goes Hey, do them both! And he leaves the Daily Bugle, which he still runs gets in charge of the Avengers they're like, what do we do? And he's like, ah, who cares? And he just takes off after photo of Spider-Man

in the front row waiting for their mission briefing. And then goes back to the Daily Bugle where Peter Parker comes in confused because Peter Parker knows what's happened and J.J. and Jameson's like, you're fired. Look how easy this was for me. I've got a brand new photographer on the beat. Me!

That's such a weird position for Peter Parker to be in. He's like, I can get you good friends. I don't need you anymore. I'm good friends with Spider-Man. I'm great friends with Spider-Man. I'm his best friend. Yeah, but... Oh, fuck.

As the leader of the Avengers, Peter Parker, I need you to beat up this old woman So I can take photographs Not Peter sorry Spider-Man I need you to beat up this old woman So I can take photographs of it I wasn't going to besmirch the name of Spider-Man I know Now the Avengers are no longer dealing with like

Say world ending threats They're just dealing with bad PR for Spider-Man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. I guess the problem with J. Jonah Jameson leading the Avengers is, yeah, like, I don't know what he'd do if, like, Thanos happened. Probably not.

Yeah. He probably would just take photos of Spider-Man still and, you know. So I guess it's the kind of situation where it'll be good for him but bad for earth, you know? Well, this is the only person we've selected to run the Avengers where they've actually got like, there's a benefit for,

yeah, that's true. Everyone else is doing. Again, if you could hire JJ Jonah instead of, of, of say like, as you're leading the,

the Avengers, but kind of like, um, how Bezos basically as Huffington post as his sort of like PR kind of newspaper. You could kind of do the same thing, whereas like, oh, wow, the Daily Bugle once again putting out really great pieces about how the Avengers are just fucking tip-top. Still hate Spider-Man, but the Avengers, though.

Spider-Man's a piece of shit when he's by himself. Must I say, when Spider-Man has no accountability and no one looking after him, he's dog shit and we hate him. But as part of a team, a great team like the Avengers, I guess, like, you know, it really is like the sum of the parts is better than the individual is what I'm trying to say. He's a piece of shit. I think there'd still be articles with headlines like

dragging the team down. Oh, God. Spider-Man is worthless in the Avengers. Spider-Man would be like, can I then leave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then J. Jonah Jackson would be like, no, I need you here so I can take pictures of you. And it's a horrible.

Top ten worst Avengers. One, Spider-Man. Two, Spider-Man. Why do I subscribe to this fucking newspaper? My God. Just like different outfits that he was in. Ranking Spider-Man's outfits from worse to even more shit. Spider-Man's trapped.

He's got to get out of there. I guess the downside or the reason maybe he wouldn't be so perfect on top of all this is that the other Avengers might be like, this is just a fucked up thing that's happening. We don't like bullying this team. He's like a child. Well, Black Widow has no issue with murder, so it would probably just... Oh, she's dead. Never mind.

No one's killing J. Jonah. Yeah. Is there anyone on the Avengers that's fine with just killing a random guy for better... Hawkeye, maybe? It's not the Winter Soldier, but nah, he's learned to be a better man. Hawkeye only kills's not the Winter Soldier but nah He's learned to be a better man Hawkeye only kills the mob dude So probably Peter Parker just gets bullied to shit

But then when Finally like a Avengers level Threat does happen J. Jonah Jameson has no powers And just dies But awesome to imagine J. Jonah Jameson In Iron Man's In the Infinity War or whatever Or in Endgame, sorry.

And he gets to do the click and he just kills Spider-Man. And explodes. He's like, I am, you know, whatever the fuck. Inevitable. And then, I hate Spider-Man. Just like Peter Parker on the battlefield holding two aliens, looking over and seeing that J. Jonah has the gauntlet and being like, I'm about to fucking die. No, no, no, no, no.

Rather than fade away, he has a fatal heart attack. Ah, fuck! J. Jonah died as well because, you know, his measly human body could not contain the cosmic power, but he doesn't care. He's just happy. Yeah, because he died with a grin on his face. I've never seen a skeleton smile before.

And Thanos just, like, bends over and picks up the gauntlet out of the rubble. It's like, what just happened, though, actually? Is this a win? Was that your guy's plan to kill that guy no he's just lying on the ground clutching at his chest he's not dead I think I'm gonna oh fuck

I think he's gonna die though and then Thanos just snaps everybody back to earth and he just does what he wanted to do you know he takes care of it so hey okay if J Jonah was in charge Thanos would win maybe that's a mark against him i'll admit that but he's standing in after thanos anyway so he doesn't need to worry about it no problem whatsoever and just as long as there's no

more wishes to be made spider-man won't have a heart attack dr steven steven steven get in here i need you to make I need to make a wish wishes for Spider-Man that's what I'm here that's what we're trading in wishes for Spider-Man or wishes for J. Jonah

yeah get rid of him give him a heart attack but he's just a boy why does Dr. Strange sound like J. Jonah Jameson but he's just a boy? But he's just a boy I know he's just a boy

It doesn't matter He's a menace That's what he is The boy menace has yet another heart attack We keep resuscitating But fuck J. Jonah keeps making them wishes He's heart attacking that boy So what do we reckon the odds of J. Jonah are?

What do we think? 15 to 1. Yeah, I think I know. 15 to 1. Yeah, 15 to 1. It's a bit of a low note. He's got a motive. Second favourite.

Yeah, second favourite for the new leader of the Avengers is J. Jonah. Yeah, yeah. I still don't think Sam Wilson probably like a 2 to 1. That makes sense. That probably is more reasonable. But I'm holding out hope. I'm holding out hope. I'm holding out hope. And on that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. And I've been Joel. And yeah, let us know when you're listening to this episode in the future after the new Avengers films come out. Avengers 5. Goddamn, they're back or whatever it's called. And how correct we are. We'd like to hear that.

Will we on the money or will we off the money? Yeah, let us know. We're on the money. We know. Oh, yeah. We are. We'd like to hear that. Will we on the money or will we off the money? Yeah, let us know. We're on the money. We know. Oh, yeah, we know. We know. Hey, dickhead. Are you thirsty for more Sandspants?

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