Plumbing the Death Star - Who Would You Be Drift Compatible With?

Episode Date: August 23, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's dumbest podcast network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, Who would you be drift compatible with? Okay. Pacific Rim. That's the one. It's happening.

It's happened. The boys have been the Jäger League. I don't know who the government body is in this situation. The Jäger boys. Have gotten together and they've decided that us three the greatest jaeger pilots who ever lived yeah are gonna need to band together to battle the kaiju but unfortunately all of all of our partners have died we all had brothers that are dead yes yeah we're like oh they got killed by a train but we don't say how or why. In the tradition of Pacific Rim, all of our brothers have names that aren't real names. Jackson's brother's name was Quanci.

Zammet's brother's name was Juga. And my brother's name was... Lips. Rest in peace, Lips, and you put a rose on his grave. Lips Dusha. His gravestone is in the shape of Lips. He was the greatest of us all. Did he have big lips?

Was his name? It's so unclear. But he's dead now. Killed by a train. Yeah, an undisclosed train accident. Yeah. And now we're going to find new partners to drift with so we can fight the Kaiju Manus.

So the way it works, if my memory is correct, is that you have to find somebody that you can just absolutely sync up with, like, one-on-one, perfect, 100%. If there's any kind of, like, problems or that kind of stuff, it's just all shit. You need to be able to mirror each other in the in the uh throws of combat because we are piloting big robots to fight giant kaju a complete soul mate is i guess what you're looking for here really a complete soul you can have differing opinions or wife stances it's just you need to be able to like willingly i guess surrender yourself

to the other person but also you've got to be careful because you can't get sucked into their memories or feelings too much because they're not real but you can live them out accidentally which causes bad sync rates you need to just kind of let their life wash over you and them your life wash over them and okay yeah because like in the an example is in the movie there's a father and son combo, and the son's always angry, and the dad's like, I'm not an angry man. Oh, yeah, but they can still nevertheless kind of sink, 100% sink compatibility. I feel like you kind of need a bit of chill, and just to kind of go with it.

Yeah, and no secrets as well. Yeah, that's fair enough. No secrets, of course. Keep nothing from your... Soulmate drift person. Yes, okay. All right, okay. So I need to find someone that I'm very compatible with

That I'll accept their life They'll accept my life We won't have to have any arguments or problems We can just kind of Winnie the Pooh Ah, ha ha ha The bear himself The first thing that I encounter as a problem

Is that I think your life Is far more stressful than Winnie the Pooh's. Yes. And so when you connect your brains together and Winnie the Pooh, for the first time in his life, experiences the stress that a small business owner experiences every day, it may kill him.

Oh, bother. Yeah, he says, oh, bother, gets a nosebleed and dies. Yes, but again, you need to have that kind of like, because in general, I'm a pretty chill kind of person, but yes, that is true. Yeah, that is true. Stresses. But Winnie the Pooh is kind of pretty chill

and he's a good problem solver. Yeah, yes. Isn't he a big moron? Yeah. Jackson. That's like calling Jackson a problem solver. He solves a problem in a unique fashion. He definitely thinks outside the box

winnie the pooh gets himself stuck in pots and windows all the time and i'll accept that it's good to imagine you in a jaeger stuck in a hole because you got like just pulling that classic winnie the pooh you're stuck in a hole both of of us like, think, Pooh, think, think. Think with a big Jaeger hand. Think, Pooh, think. Big Jaeger metal hand just slamming into our face. Think, think. Think, Pooh, Sam. God damn it.

God damn it. He's stuck in a hole. He's stuck in a goddamn hole. I just think, you know, we both love honey. That is fair. We both don't like wearing a lot of pants. Yeah. Are you both pantsless in the Jaeger?

Yes. I just want to point out that I am currently very much pantsless. Oh, my God. Just having his pantsless butt for Uggs. Damn. This is a thirst podcast. And wearing a flannel shirt, which is... It's a look.

Yeah. Damn. I like... Yeah, it's a look. Yeah. Damn. So, I like... Yeah. So, bad news. Just, I'm so sorry. In regards to the pants situation, there's a Jaeger suit. Like, you have to wear, like, a pilot suit.

Can we not have it? Yeah, imagine this. Winnie the Pooh, they're like, they put their head helmet on or whatever. And that's it? It's like 80... Totally nude. So Winnie the Pooh's in his shirt, right? But Zammett's wearing clothes.

And it's like 80% sync. 85, 80, 85, 86, 85, 84, 85. And Zammett looks over at Winnie the Pooh and he's like, I know what to do. And he just slowly shuffles his pants off. And it's like 85, 86, 87, 98, 99, 100, 100, 100, 100% sink. That's all it took. That's all it took.

And then they can fight the kaiju together. Do you have, because like each kaiju, not kaiju, each Jaeger has like a weapon, right? Like, and a name. Do you have a name for your Winnie the Pooh Jaeger? Does it look more like you or more like Winnie the Pooh? I guess that's not how a Jaeger looks. Yeah, no. That is not how a Jaeger looks. That is not how a Jaeger is not how both of us usually it's about like our our country of origin uh are you representing australia malta

or 100 acre woods that's true ah maybe we can yeah yeah we'll represent both i feel uh that's good and like a nice kind of theme that comes on that is representative of Malta and also Hunter-Yager-Wood. That'd be good. I feel maybe we call ourselves the Honeypot. Like, that's the Jaeger, the Honeypot. Right. If I'm looking at that, I'm thinking,

is that a Jaeger designed to seduce the kaiju? Is that how it works? Yes. All right. I've got some terrible news for well this is definitely impacts winnie the pooh as a choice yeah but it's going to impact all of us because you need to apparently one of the steps is during the drift pilots have to lapse into silence and attempt to keep their minds clear of all thoughts winnie the pooh i don't know if he can do that because he's always think pooing think no he has to force it yeah that's true it's not happening automatically i reckon

we could easily do that me and winnie the pooh could be just we can just shut down yeah stare off into the distance it's great i think the problem is going to be that winnie the pooh is too empty it's all stuffing in there you're gonna get sucked into so like because that's one of the risks of drifting is that you could get sucked into the head of the person you're drifting with and i think winnie the pooh's head is such a gaping hole that you're gonna get sucked in and you're gonna be part of his memories how does that work douche like is it the kind of thing where zamit's gonna be sitting with rabbit staring at winnie the pooh's big round ass as it's stuck in a hole from eating too much honey.

Is that the kind of situation? Yeah, or is this going to end up like, say, you know, two Zammets. Just one in the shape of Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. Not too bad. Not too bad. So you can, one of the side effects is like, it's called ghost drifting, apparently. Oh, no.

And you can kind of, the link stays. It's called ghost drifting, apparently. Oh, no. The link stays. Because you see each other's memories and feelings and stuff like that, you can just sometimes lapse back into that. Getting stuck in memories happens mostly with yourself. So there's a chance that Zammett will... Because everything just opens up,

so Zammett might remember that time that he decided to start a really bad podcast network and then oh no gone to that zamet shaped hole in my head and i'm gone yeah right in the middle of the battlefield in the middle of fighting a kaiju and you're just drifting remembering being like hey what about if we started a podcast called sans fence radio and winnie the pooh who's controlling one of the arms is like zamet zam, Sammit, you gotta help me fight! Oh, bother! And you're just staring there like, eyes wide.

Oh, no! I don't know why Winnie the Pooh has a Mickey Mouse kind of voice. Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, boy! Oh, actually, Mickey Mouse would be alright. He's a very stressful man. And he understands the pressure of running a small business.

Come on, Sam. Oh, boy. Yeah, no, you and Mickey Mouse is a much better team. Mickey Mouse is higher stress than you, dude. Mickey Mouse does tiny little... I mean, a rat does tiny shits anyway. And Mickey Mouse's shits are like a tiny version of rat's shits just from the stress you can imagine he's like hard just going like you know a million miles a minute absolutely mickey mouse will die of a heart attack at 50 that's

guaranteed and so might i so i reckon that's gonna be pretty good so yeah yeah i think that you're on to a good choice here with mickey mouse but I think you forget that the first 20 to 30 years of Mickey Mouse cartoons, maybe even longer, was almost every single plot was about how someone was cocking Mickey. And I just don't think if you can relate to that experience. Yeah, but Mickey always gets the girl in the end. Yeah. Nobody's denying that Mortimer Mouse attempts to cock Mickey Mouse

throughout Mickey Mouse cartoons. Mortimer Mouse, by the way, the greatest Disney character who ever lived. He's me if I'm in a Disney cartoon. I love Mortimer Mouse. But in the end of the day, Mickey Mouse gets the girl. Him and Minnie end up together.

Not always. I don't think Mortimer and Minnie Mouse have ever had sex, do sure. I don't think anybody's ever animated Mortimer and Minnie Mouse going at it. Like mice. I don't think anybody's ever animated mortimer and minnie mouse going at it like mice i don't think it's ever happened no but there is early cartoons it's like the same with uh with popeye sometimes there's like really early cartoons with olive oil just like the the cartoon short ends no one fucks on screen but like the cartoon ends and the characters alone

well here's okay here's here's what i think the best, because I think we're going to struggle. Mickey Mouse can lose is what I'm saying. Yeah. I think a better choice is Zambit is Kermit the Frog. Yeah. Oh yeah. I can see that as well. In fact, you and Kermit the Frog do share a lot of similarities.

Yes. Running, running an empire full of absolute fools. Just morons. The biggest fucking idiots known to mankind. Just by fucking dumb shits left, right, and center. Stressed. You do the arm shaking thing when stuff's not going right. We both do the arm shaking thing.

Before a live show, you're probably going to be like, everything's wrong. He's been in an abusive relationship. I've been in an abusive relationship. It all makes sense His trauma and my trauma are probably going to sync up And be like I think a good way to do this

Is to figure out the person we're trying to drift with A couple of things about them And see if they match up to us So I think we need to figure out who we're drifting with Biggest fear, life goal Maybe One of their worst memories And one of their best memories

We see if those things sync up Across the board So what do you think? What's his life goal? What does Kermit the Frog want out of life? It feels like he wants a successful business With his friends Yeah I think so

But I also think Kermit secretly would love to be left alone That's the feeling I get Like Kermit secretly would love to be left alone. That's the feeling I get. Like Kermit is like, yeah, I'm running this empire, but also Kermit dreams of a vacation he'll never have, you know? Jackson, are you reading me like a book? I feel like I'm being read. Yeah. It's like Kermit imagines that one day he'll be on a tropical island

drinking like a wonderful, like a pina colada or something. But Kermit also knows deep in his heart that he day he'll be on a tropical island drinking a like a wonderful like a pina colada or something but kermit also knows deep in his heart that he'll never really be there because he's always working to make the muppet show like like an operating functional business wow you are kermit the frog holy shit yeah you're gonzo yeah i know fucking a chicken dude i get it You're gonzo. Yeah, I know. Fucking a chicken, dude. I get it. Okay, so yeah, I think our life goals kind of do line up.

Not just our surface level life goal, but our deep desire for a holiday also lines up. Absolutely. The knowledge that that holiday is, who knows when it'll happen, you know? It's like a future dream that'll never come. All right, so life goal, bam. Biggest fear. What's Kermit's biggest fear? I don't know.

Kermit seems like he's so highly strong. Maybe it is a heart attack that's Kermit's biggest fear. I think every time Kermit sees his doctor, the doctor's like, your blood pressure is so high, Kermit the Frog. Mr. the Frog, you need to cut down on your stress. Yep. Relax.

And my biggest fear is a brain aneurysm, so I think this lines up. That can get you any time. Like now. Who knows? You could go. You and Kermit, this is a stressed Jaeger, and I love it so much it's highly strong this jaeger yeah no it could lash out at any moment yeah it feels like there's a

real danger between you and kermit the frog if you're just like elevating each other's stress or you're like what if sans pants crumbles and kermit's like i have the same worries about the muppet show you're like yeah man you you never know at any moment we could just have a brain aneurysm and kermit's like i never thought about that oh my god if we go who's looking after us we need to be steering the ship nobody that works for the puppet show could ever do what i do oh my god i'm not gonna leave gonzo and animal in charge i can't leave jack in charge and then it just cuts to both doucher uh putting me in a cannon to fire me out and Animal putting Gonzo in a cannon.

You both look at each other, you and Kermit, you're like, where the fuck did they get two cannons from? 3, 2, 1, go! And I die because I'm not a Muppet. I wipe the dirt off my hands. I know what was happening. I'm like, finally.

That was easier than I expected. Animal's like, I can't kill Godzilla, no matter how hard I try. And then you high five and go have beers together. Yeah. Yeah, great. All right, well, this Jaeger feels unstable, but you're sinking perfectly.

What about, I guess, dreams or those kind of things? I mean, does Kermit want kids or does he have kids? Kermit, I think, knows he can't have kids because his wife's a pig. Although they are both Muppets. Maybe Kermit's worried about children. Like he wants to do it, but he doesn't know what will happen. Does that sync up with you? No, you really just want kids.

Yeah. All right. We've got some discords here. There is a baby Kermit, I'm pretty sure Isn't that baby Kermit? I'm looking at a Kermit was a baby at one point Muppets babies, remember?

I'm looking at now this concept art For Miss Piggy and Kermit's Offspring Oh, well, you know what To be honest, if Kermit and Missit and miss piggy do oh fuck me they're gross oh jesus christ no it's a pink pig and a pink i mean a green pig and a pink frog it's awful but zamit i think the fact that kermit went through with having children even though he knew they would be abominations, shows that he wants kids.

Yeah. And he'll have kids at whatever the cost. Yes. So I think that syncs up pretty well as well. That does sync up quite well. All right. Yeah. All right.

What else about your life that is relevant to Kermit the Frog? Like, where else are you going to sync up? Where else is necessary? I think, yeah, we got work, which is pretty much on par. Yeah. Relationship, though. See, because I feel Miss Piggy ain't exactly the right... No, Miss Piggy's not right for Kermit.

Absolutely. We can all agree on that. Who's Kermit the Frog dating currently? Oh, that's a great question. I think you go back to Miss Piggy. Yeah, he's usually single or with Miss Piggy. He was dating another pig for a while. Yeah.

Yeah, look. Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog Shocked the world When they called it quits Kermit has since moved on He's very publicly dating A pig named Denise Well okay That's good

I mean hey Like Being in a rough spot In a relationship And then moving out Into a happy relationship Man you and Kermit Are just sinking like

Oh my god Kermit doesn't want kids By the way He mocks Miss Piggy's idea Of having. Kermit doesn't want kids, by the way. He mocks Miss Piggy's idea of having children. Kermit doesn't want kids. At all. Oh no. He takes it and says,

but does he not want kids with Miss Piggy? Oh, that is true. Maybe Kermit knows Miss Piggy would be a bad mom. But Kermit and Miss Piggy break up often because Kermit is too focused on work. And has no time knows Miss Piggy would be a bad mum. But Kermit and Miss Piggy break up often because Kermit is too focused on work and has no time for Miss Piggy,

which she doesn't like. Okay, so what this could be, though, is that Kermit the Frog is probably at a point of my life where I was maybe four years ago. Okay. And so, again, this might help the drifting because Kermit is like, oh, I see that you can actually have work-life balance.

That's true. That happens. It constantly happens, which is why they get back together. But, yeah, Kermit doesn't appear to want children at all. Okay. But I don't think that that's necessarily going to be discordant enough that Zammett and Kermit the Frog can't pilot a Jaeger. Here's where I think is going to be the struggle for both you and Kermit the Frog.

Is that if you're out piloting the Jaeger, who's running the Muppet Show and Sandspan's Radio? If you're out there fighting Kaiju, you've left Animal and Gonzo in charge and me and Dusha in charge. And that means that both empires are crumbling. And you and kermit are going to be out there wrestling with a big frog monster but in the back of both of your heads which i guess will make the sink better but your fighting abilities worse you'll be like what are those idiot what are those morons doing with my company you say worse jack but that is very very good motivation for us to get the job fucking done quick and so we can

go back to our empires and and and do the jobs that need to get done because nothing is like no we need to get this fucking thing done more than realizing you and douche are in charge so oh yeah oh yeah i feel that's the greatest motivation uh basically that's gone from 100 to 101 i think it's going to come back down again because remember what I said before, when you're piloting the Jaeger, you've got to be on a neutral headspace. You've got to not be thinking about anything.

That's true. It's good to imagine, though, in the middle of a city, the Jaeger connects with one of the frog monster, the Kaiju, and then you two are just so stressed about your respective companies that the Jaeger stops moving

and you see a little door at the foot open and both you and German running out both of you get on a bicycle like in the first Muppet movie and you both have big Muppet legs as you bike and everybody's like whoa it's the first time I've seen Jos Amet's legs that's cool what an adventure and both the Muppet Show and Sandspace Radio

are both on fire. That's what you come back to. It was 25 minutes. You were gone 25 minutes. So, there's a situation where, yeah, you are drift compatible

with Kermit the Frog, but not for long enough. Yeah. Just because you are doesn't mean you should. Yeah, you're almost too drift compatible with Kermit the Frog

That you both have such legitimate fears That's the worst part Is that when you both arrived back at the Muppet Show You were both vindicated You should have left The Jäger It's good if you come back and it's Monster and me And Duscha and Kermit

I mean and Gonzo We swapped We couldn't tell each other apart. What the hell? It's on plumbing now and Zandusha's on the Muppet Show. So while I guess me and Kermit are pretty compatible, look, we probably die pretty quickly, maybe like the Russians in Pacific Rim.

I would say 100% drift drift compatibility but in the end it didn't work out for you i pick the crazy frog from the crazy frog ringtone song he's a troublemaker he loves to have his dick out he has a little head uh very annoying yeah round head like me uh rides an invisible motorbike i can't do that well i can pretend to do that um bad to look at bad to look at exactly speaks gibberish weirdly smug all the time seems too confident given everything about him yes so let's go through those various steps that we had with the with kermit what do we think the crazy frog's goal in life is yeah what does the crazy frog want out of existence does he want to win is he in a race

i think the crazy frog just wants to keep kicking its weight he wants to keep riding his invisible motorbike dick flopping in the wind around the highways of the weird future world he lives in according to the music video for the crazy frog you both looking up the crazy frog music video now good no I'm currently looking at

ah okay so crazy frog wants to sell ringtones yeah I can get behind that it's basically a scam that's pretty funny like we gotta sell ringtones man i'm like crazy frog it's 2020 nobody really that's not really how ringtones work anymore that's sad for the crazy frog nobody's buying anything he's selling anymore well actually great news for crazy frog fans he came back buying anything he's selling anymore. Well, actually, great news for Crazy Frog fans. He came back this year.

What? He's releasing an album. Crazy Frog's back. Well, there you go. Crazy Frog bounces back. Can't keep him down. Just like this guy right here. So I'm having a look at Crazy Frog's Twitter.

Oh, great. And his banner is he's now in a Hawaiian shirt and riding a surfboard. It's not invisible. That rules. He's not invisible. He's casual. He doesn't give a shit. Crazy Frog rules. Does he still have his dick out? Yes.

Good, good, good. I think that the struggle I'm going to encounter with Crazy Frog is that he's maybe more relaxed than I am. He's got, not more relaxed, but more distracted than I am, or distracted in a different way, if you know what I mean. I don't think he's relaxed. It's not how I would describe crazy frog The biggest problem you're gonna be like hey crazy frog we need to not think Crazy frog looks like to me a person who never stops thinking Yeah It's not good but it is constantly going

Crazy frog just seems like he's done a line. Like, that just kind of is the feeling you get from Crazy Frog. Yes. Crazy Frog is constantly singing annoying tunes that are clearly stuck in his head. And he's probably not thinking about anything, which is like Jackson when he sings and jumps.

Yeah, remember sometimes I just sing one line of a song? Because I can't remember all of the lyrics, and I just do it again and a song Because I can't remember all of the lyrics And I just do it again And again and again And again and again And you don't realise you're doing it? Yeah I don't even notice

Here's a thing I do sometimes That I've only recently realised is maybe odd Is sometimes I'll have a thought And then I will put that thought Say it's a sentence like I love the crazy frog And then I will put that thought, say it's a sentence like, I love the crazy frog. And then I will put that sentence in my mind like as a backing track.

So it'll repeat below other thoughts. Like a DJ deciding that'll be the beat for his set. That goes repeated, looped. And then I think other things and then I return to the original thought later. So I don't know what that is, but it's a thing I do. It's a bit similar to the crazy frog constantly thinking.

What do we, what do we think? Um, there's a lot to unpack there. That isn't how my brain works. Yeah. I've done it my whole life, but only recently in the shower was I like, hey, that's odd. I wonder if everyone thinks like this.

So, look, hey, does Crazy Frog have ADHD? Very possibly. Do I have ADHD? Very possibly. That sinks. That sinks. 100% compatible baby 100% sink

Does the crazy frog like to jump He's a frog So next question I'm looking at him now And when he's not riding his invisible motorbike He's doing some hops and jumps So yeah he's a fidgety boy Does a frog like to jump

Shut up What was the crazy frog's first name? Crazy. Last name frog. Incorrect. Before he was called crazy frog, he was called the annoying thing. Okay. No, that's more like a title.

Crazy frog, the annoying thing. Jackson Bailey, the annoying thing. Oh, my God. It's all lining up. Yeah. Oh my god, it's all lining up. It checks out. We often describe you, like your body,

as a frog that someone has held up by its front legs and just is dangling there. We're not physically dissimilar, me and the crazy frog. I don't know if that helps when you're drifting in a Jaeger, but I think it's important to note, absolutely. Crazy frog's biggest fear. What do you think that is? I think, like me, Crazy Frog lives without fear Or without thinking about consequences

Yeah Does he have a fear? I don't know Stopping? I think Crazy Frog's This is the problem, I think Crazy Frog's fear is probably slowing down or stopping, right? Yeah

Now, you're a hedonist. That is true. So you love doing nothing. So I think the biggest problem is that Crazy Frog has so much jittery energy whereas you're like jittery energy. It's there.

But you're also very happy to lie down and put your belly on the cool tiles. And even though Crazy Frog has a belly that looks like it would and put your belly on the cool tiles. And even though Crazy Frog has a belly that looks like it would be incredible to put on the cool tiles. Yes. No one's denying that Crazy Frog, were he to put his belly on the cool tiles, would have a great time. He's never going to do it. No.

That's true. That's a great point. That is disappointing. I mean, look, it's not going to be completely like, you know, I feel that's not going to like cause you to not be drift compatible but that is just something in the back of my mind I think you're right the more I think about it Crazy Frog is fast and I am slow you know at our very core

Crazy Frog is high energy I'm just kind of weird energy I guess low energy you know what I mean I think there's like a discordance there with me and Crazy Frog. Plus, Crazy Frog is going to be a little bit stressed because the company he works for came into hot water for trying to advertise Hitler-related SMS downloadable content as a goof.

Wow. Wow, Crazy Frog. Well, that's not good, Crazy Frog. That's a lot, dude. That, Crazy Frog. Well, that's not good, Crazy Frog. That's a lot, dude. That's heavy stuff. Yeah. If I get trapped in that memory of Crazy Frog, where the producers of his company are like,

Crazy Frog, we're in hot water. You've got to go. Maybe that's why Crazy Frog has been gone for so long. Because they're like, you've got to go into hiding, Crazy Frog. Our mobile ringtone company is in the deep shit. Also, obviously, in 2005 a year before the hitler controversy uh there was controversy involving crazy frog himself who kept showing his penis and scrotum according to this on television aimed at children okay so

yeah i guess i never really saw crazy frog is at children, but I guess he is like a cartoon frog. I guess maybe the moment me and Crazy Frog drift together, I'm like, oh my God. And Crazy Frog's like, yeah, I have a past. The Hitler stuff is odd. Because it's not... It's just like... What is it? It's humorous scenes in the bathroom featuring Hitler,

his dog Blondie, and three rubber ducks in Nazi uniforms. What the fuck? Crazy Frog, what? Crazy Frog, don't. What are you doing? Yeah, okay. Crazy Frog, checkered past. More checkered than mine.

I feel what's going to happen is you're going to drift and you're going to be compatible. I'm not saying you're not, but I feel like me and Kermit, you're going to drift And you're going to be compatible I'm not saying you're not But I feel like me and Kermit You're going to come to some problems Where you might You Jackson And it's going to come to a shock to everyone But you are going to look at Crazy Frog With disgust and be like

Dude You're fucked up That's not Are you still with that ringtone company Crazy Frog? Again one Nobody buys ringtones anymore. And two, they don't seem like they have your best interests at heart. It's good to imagine that our Jaeger has stopped, like, up to its waist in water, waiting out to the rift.

But, like, we've just stopped for a talk. Yeah. Crazy Frog, unhook with me. And we take the helmets off and sit cross-legged in front of each other like 16 candles while skydrew swarmed the jaeger dude figure your life out crazy frog and he's like and i'm like yeah man why don't you speak regular words as well like when you're the smartest person with the best moral compass in the room yeah that's not a good room it's scary to know that crazy frog is too much for me it's too intense i may have to kill crazy yeah i mean okay so i'll accept you've gone to similar to kill crazy frog that i decided

to be drift compatible with yeah because sam had also picked a frog which is interesting it's interesting but not notable um the frog i tried to drift with 100 sink but just personal differences is sort of what tore us apart in the end and that's so sad but i hope that crazy frog i hope the next time i see crazy frog you know that scene from goodwill hunting where i'm like the best part of my day crazy frog is when i wake up in the morning, we live together, I wake up in the morning and I look over and you're wearing pants and a shirt and a tie and you're going to go do a real job, Crazy Frog, not selling ringtones to people who don't want them. Crazy Frog's like, let's, I don't know if we want to live together anymore, but we'll figure it out.

And now a quick word from our sponsor. Also, do you know that we do too many shows across the Sandspan's radio network? Take Shut Up a Second, our very first podcast we ever did. It's a nightmare reflection to where it all started, but damn it, I can't help but feel like a proud dad. Early on, I edited all the episodes, watching ever-vigently from the producer box, until one day I realized they just didn't need me anymore. The training wheels had come off and, sure, there'd be some minor scraps along the way,

but my heart beams with deep satisfaction of how far they've come. Oh, it's also just some hot, dumb, funny bullshit, so search for Shut Up A Second on iTunes or Spotify or head to our website, sanspansradio.com. All right, JD, which frog are you compatible with? Well, I haven't picked a frog, but I've picked something I know better than anything else in the world, something that I feel like I'll be very drift compatible with,

despite some, look, obvious flaws at first, but I think we can work through them, and that is a copy of Tony Hawk Underground on the Nintendo GameCube. Oh, perfect. First of all, great choice. Thank you. Second of all great choice thank you second of all first difficulty is getting the helmet on it no head second difficulty is getting it into a suit hey yeah quick question dusha may i make an addendum to make this just the physical part of it smoother yeah well it's the future or we're a highly technologically advanced

alternate timeline we create an android to put tony hawk the diskin yeah the diskin so it's like a tony hawk android not tony hawk the man no no no i wouldn't be i wouldn't be drift compatible with tony hawk the man no no no anything about him but a sentience based on tony hawk pro skater 2 for the nintendo game cube i think underground why don't you listen to me sorry i'm so sorry was it thug 2 did i really just not did i get two from nowhere yeah okay thug thug tony hawk underground all right yes i don't know you're probably still thinking about the Crazy Frog song. I am. It's the loop. My current loop is the Crazy Frog song. I figured.

I'm not even surprised. So yeah, we've built an Android. Its head is a Nintendo GameCube. Yeah, great. Put the disc in. Put the helmet over the GameCube. It's great because I was like, oh, it needs a head. And you're like, it needs a square.

GameCube's roughly the same size as a head. Just put it the other way so that it handles. Not the same shape. Not the same shape. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's really good to imagine that you're like, okay, they're like, all right, well, we need you to be drift compatible with this.

So what we're going to do, you're getting your game cube. He's getting his game cube. They're like, okay, we need to, yeah, great. That just looks like, just like your head. Perfect. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Now put a helmet on just looks like your head Perfect Now put a helmet on it Go and put a helmet on it You can put a helmet on it There's a face mask, easy

That's the opposite of a helmet The opposite of a helmet Here's what I like to imagine That they're like, okay, we'll create an android So it can wear the helmet And you insist that it has a square and so instead of making and they could have just done this from the beginning they have to make the helmet square to go on they've made so many accommodations for you already yeah does i for

some reason imagine this gamecube to tony hawk underground robot android speaking in like the sounds of skating like yeah it just makes it you know it makes a special noise is it grind done done done done done okay your conversation's gonna be hard okay well luckily we don't talk question what what is uh uh tony hawk's underground um uh what does it want in life? The plot in the game is that your skater is just trying to become a pro skater and you're best friends with a guy called Eric You slowly

get the attention of some pros that are in the area when you're skating in your local town You and Eric kind of get made amateur skaters ready to go pro but you need to put together a interesting skate tape you do a mctwist over a helicopter in hawaii eric then steals that tape and photoshops it somehow so that he it looks like that he does it and then

uh you need to get the tape back and prove that you're a pro skater that's what tony hawk underground wants okay no that's the plot of tony hawater That's what Tony Hawk Underground wants No that's the plot of Tony Hawk Underground What does Tony Hawk Underground want Yeah so that's the plot of Tony Hawk Underground That's not the Tony Hawk Underground wants me to play it Okay Can I pitch you what I think will happen the moment you sync up

What I play Tony Hawk Underground Yeah you will play Tony Hawk That's what you will be imagining Maybe you'll even have a GameCube controller plugged into the Android's head I play Tony Hawk Underground? Yeah, you will play Tony Hawk. That's what you will be imagining. Maybe you'll even have a GameCube controller plugged into the Android's head. And because it is a game and has no mind, it has no goals, it has no desires, you're just playing thug.

That's what's happening. Maybe you're singing, what's the song? It's like the classic Tony Hawk song that's like, Here I am, doing everything I can. You're just like singing that under your breath. Superman by Goldfinger. Yeah. It's in the next line of the song. There you go. You're singing Superman just like singing that under your breath superman by goldfinger yeah it's in the next line of the song there you go you're singing superman by goldfinger under your breath everybody watching as they see if you sync up is like i don't know if this counts he just wanted us to make something so he could play you know when all the jaegers and and the kaiju started infiltrating our world and kind of fell apart.

GameCubes, for some reason, people stopped caring and we're pretty sure his GameCube must have either gotten broken or he can't find one. So I think he's using government money to play GameCube. It's great to imagine you're looking in your bedroom for your GameCube. You're like, where the fuck is it? Then you look on TV and you're like, Jaeger's created across the world. And you're like, oh, I know how to get it done.

Oh, I know what I gotta do. You pick up your copy of Tony Hawk Underground for the GameCube, put it in your pocket somehow. March up to the government. Yeah, I'll do it. I got this. Yeah, I'll do it. Easy. Waggling the copy in their face. I'll stick with this perfectly. I don't

connect with other people. I only connect with this one thing. So Lips died, but I reckon I can do it with this here GameCube. Well, maybe me and Lips played the game together so much that I actually sync with the memory of Lips. Oh, I see. Lips is that this is your story has changed. This is a good lie to the government. As you're grinding, instead of it saying, like, whatever

trick you're doing, it's just like, I miss you brother, and it's lips talking to you. Instead of collecting skate, you have to collect I miss you brother across every level. That's good. And then my Jaeger punches the kaiju into space or whatever.

I still think you, like the rest of us, don't ever get into combat they sent you out you're not you're not really piloting the jaeger you're playing tony hawk underground initially because you love the game but now because it's the only way to talk to your dead brother lips this is a whole new government to let me play video games with my dead brother lips it's crazy that in the end we were 100% sick compatible with every choice and let me play video games with my dead brother Lips. It's crazy that in the end we were 100% sick compatible with every choice, but just through who we were,

and I guess this is the core of it, through who we were as people, we couldn't make it operational. But it is funny to think that we've taken three Jaegers out of commission that could have been used by actual pilots. And now you've got a new housemate, the crazy frog. Yeah, exactly.

Well, weirdly, in my scenario, I seem to imply that me and the crazy frog were roommates earlier. Maybe we were like Bert and Ernie in our two single beds next to each other watching the TV. And I was like, do you reckon we could pilot a Jaeger? And he was like, and that was it. The rest is poetry. Yeah. If only you wore

pants. If only you wore pants. But I guess I will not wear pants as well. Maybe that'll make people believe we'll sink better. But instead it just got us arrested. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson And I've also been Joel

Who do you sync with? Tell us in the chat What frog do you sync with specifically? Yeah, tell us in the chat Tell us in the chat Thanks for listening If you want to help support this show And all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to SandspansRadio.com and consider joining the Sandspans Plus community.

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