Plumbing the Death Star - Whose Shoes Would You Like Mike?

Episode Date: January 18, 2026

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Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Flumming the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joel. Flumming the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions. Like, whose shoes would you like Mike? The question comes to us from the Discord. Yeah.

Which you can gain access to by subscribing to the bad brain boys. You get a bunch of other bonus shit to. Bonus podcasts. Yeah. Add free listening. Yeah. Access to the Discord. Where you can suggest a question.

And if we like the question, we'd do it. And we like this one. This one comes from Princess Ferris. Yeah, there you go, sanspansradio.com. If you subscribe on Apple podcasts, you just do it now. You just don't get access to Discord. I don't know how to marry those two. Come here, come closer.

If you're an Apple, come closer. You're an Apple, you're on Apple right now? Just do it. Just go with this little subscribe button. Just hit it. Just between me and you. Just do it. It's good.

I won't tell anyone. I won't tell anyone. Be our secret. You hit that subscribe button. Whatever. No pressure. This morning I went to the taxman. The taxman said,

hey, doing your tax returns, you actually owe us money. And I said, What the fuck? But I don't, but I don't earn any money. And they're like, yay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, man. Give me some money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, $500, please. And I go, you serious right now? They go, yeah. And then I stopped listening and then asked me to fill out a form. You just said, what the fuck? Yeah, they go, it's five bucks. We're just going to send you a form.

Yeah. And you just have to sign it on your phone. And then it'll be confirmed. And I go, yeah. And I just sat there. And I just sat there. I said, all done, and I said, yeah. And then they looked at their inbox, and they went, it's not here.

And I said, sorry, what? Don't tell me I owe you $500 and then ask me to fell out of phone. I'm not listening. I'm somewhere else. I'm scrolling Instagram or texting people complaining about what you just said. It generally feels rude when you got to give the tax manner because you're like, but I, I don't earn that. Yeah, I don't earn that much money tax me. I hear a lot about like, again, these loopholes.

Yeah. You're not helping me with that. How do I get one of them? Yeah, where do I go to get the loophole so the tax man give me money? Yeah. I don't know a lot about anything. Yeah. I like, now do I need to...

How can I negative gear myself? Some people don't know what that means. A lot of money, but I don't have very much money. Yeah, that's what I don't understand. People go, oh, I earn double what you want. And I go, damn. And they go, and yeah, my tax return, I got given back $10,000. And I go, how come I

How did you do that? But then I got, and then we need no money. Yeah. So come here. Come closer. Come closer. You've got to help us out.

Subscribe. Just subscribe. Just hit that subscribe. So they're like when they go. You won't miss it. You won't miss it. It's like the price of a cup of coffee. And then the taxman goes, you owe me

$500. And I go, that's okay. Because people listen to my podcast. Yeah. And they do me a favor. They do me a solid. They subscribe to the bad brain boys and they give me extra money.

And then I go, thank God for them. Thank God for the last. I'm still not listening, though. That form you asked me to fill in? I am going to sit there. I've got no. And then I'm going to lie to your face and say, oh, yeah, no, sorry, I must have closed it before I finalized it. Then I opened the wrong thing and said, where is it again?

And they went, your emails. And at that point, they were annoyed with me because I lied to them. That's awesome. But also, you asked me for $500. Yeah, exactly. What do they expect, dude? They should have... That's a accent man.

I hate doing this. So, okay, maybe if you're listening, you don't know what like Mike is. Yeah. Okay. It's a movie. It's a movie starring Little Bow Wow. Okay? And in this movie, Little Bow Wow, he finds a pair of sneakers.

And the sneakers have hung themselves over the power line. And they get struck by lightning. And possibly this invests them with this power or they already had it because these sneakers, they have MJ written on them. But it's not Michael Jackson. Ah, it's a different MJ. It's a different MJ. It's Michael Jordan.

Oh, I thought it was Spider-Man. No, no, no. It's not Spider-Men's beautiful wife. No, no, no. And when Lil Bawa puts in these sneakers, he gains the ability of Michael Jordan and it becomes a crack shot basketball player. I do love, like, there was that genre,

maybe just a little bit like, I guess, like, time in cinema where any bullshit could be explained by just a bolt of lightning. Yeah, bottle of lightning does the trick. I miss that. It's great. You know, I think that's how Pinocchio comes. No, that's not true. Yeah. I just love the, okay,

we want to do like a little movie, little bow wow. You're going to play basketball. You want to get the powers of Michael George. How do we... Lightning. That takes us from A to B. Exactly. Lightning strikes the shoes. You're not questioning that. You go, lightning's magic. I get it.

I'm across it, dude. I'm there. Lightning strikes a thing, that thing gets invested. And it's any magical property, too, which is great. Oh, it's alive now. Yeah, the lightning did it. Yeah. Oh, you, you gain the ability of the person who's thing it was?

What is it with lightning that's like, like, gods? Is it because God's- I don't, is it? Frankenstein. That's true. Frankenstein gets brought to life by lightning. I said lightning. Now, is that the origin?

Or is it coming, like, or is there more to it, i.e. like, is it a loose situation? So, in the early days of us studying electricity, yes. A bunch of people who I'm sure have, being that they are dead now, Don't mind me calling them morons. Oh, yeah. They thought they had discovered a way to reanimate corpses.

Yes. Because if you electrocute a dead body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The nerves jiggle. And they were alive again for a second. For a second. How do we harness this? And that's where Mary Shelley, that's the inspiration.

Yes. Is her name actually Mary Shelley? Yes. Yeah. Oh, was Frankenstein published under a different name first? Oh, that might be a pseudonym. You might be right about that. Dude, I, I know.

I know she fucked on her. one of her parents Graeme. Yeah, and she kept her husband's heart in a jar or some shit? She's baller, dude.

Didn't she make up the story of Frankenstein? Now, my misremembering that. I'm excited. On like a, a, I guess a swingers weekend.

Pretty much. No, you're on the money. It was like her, Lord Byron and a bunch of other horned up fucking 17th century and their 18th century

motherfuckers. Let's do the equivalent of a key bowl. Yeah. And then we just do the key swap. And now I've got this great idea for a monster man. Yeah.

Well, yeah. And I think they were like, okay, here's what we're going to do. We're all fucking up in the mountains and some Chile. And it's faboo. It's awesome. But what we're going to do is each of us is, yeah, going to write a little short story. And we're going to read them and scare each other. And Mary's was by far the best.

I do think that maybe one of the other ones got like a bit of fame. And it might have been called Varnie the Vampire. That's definitely a classic vampire story. but yeah and then I think it is her real name her name's Mary Shelley but I think

possibly her husband or one of the guys she was Bonin was like put my name on it because it'll sell better and so maybe there was an issue that initially they did and then she was like

you know what no you suck this stinks and I think also he was like let me rewrite it and I'll make it good and he just filled it with like flowery language and it stunk

you know that's like this may be interesting maybe this is something who cares So there's a translation of I think it's of the Odyssey Oh sorry

So the original pressing of Frankenstein It was published anonymously No author's name I put my name on it You know what I'm put no name on it You suck There's a translation

I think it's of the Odyssey It came out kind of semi recently It's very plain It's very like There's no flowery language And a lot of people who are like Literary motherfuckers They called bullshit

And they were like This is two plain It's too modern yuck, but then a lot of people are like, no, but this is how it was kind of meant to be written so that it could be understood. And a lot of the flowery language comes from prior translations where people were like, well, we got to jazz it off.

Yeah, like, it's not poetic enough, this like Homeric. That's very funny. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't sound beautiful enough. Homer's just there, be it like, it's a very simple story. There's happened. No, no, no, no, no. All my dudes became pigs or whatever.

Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein twice, basically. In 1818, there's the first version of the, in 1831, the popular version, but that's like her rewriting big chunks. To make it less radical. Is the first version the one that has her husband's fingers all over it as well? I don't know. She said, Maybe.

The addition was heavily revised by Mary Shelley, partially to make the story less radical. I wonder what that means. Some scholars, such as Ian, prefer the original version. Nice, yeah. And Kay Melal. Cool name. Prefer the original version, arguing that a present.

deserves the spirit of Mary Shelley's vision. Okay, well, maybe... Yeah, interesting. So anyway, in Like Mike, he put on... There's also something I can't quite remember because I've seen both Like Mike 1 and 2 for some reason. Yeah. And in Like Mike, there's something, this maybe is wrong.

There's something where, like, in Like Mike 1, the shoes aren't actually magic. It's a special source situation. Like from Space Jam. You had the belief in the whole time. Yeah, exactly. And then in the second one, they are actually. magic or vice versa.

I forgetty. But anyway, whose shoes do we want to give us the powers of that person? Okay. You said before we started recording, Dusha that yours was not that dissimilar to Michael. Yeah, yeah, yeah, seriously. I got distracted trying to figure out

what to answer your question about the shoes. But basically, I think I'm going to be like Shane or like Shane more than. The ability to drink unlimited beers and smoke unlimited cigarettes. And it's recently come out and look, people said that when this news was reported, which was nearly like two or three years after his death. Yeah.

They were like, hey, we actually know what killed him. So it was hard failure, but it was caused by the fact that he had 11.30 a.m. orgy. Goodness. You don't have an orgy before midday. That's crazy. He had a breakfast orgy. No. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no. No, no. You're thinking about this all wrong. Because he met up with his friends for breakfast. and said, I'll see you at lunch. Then went back to his room, fucked, died.

And then they were like, where's Shane? So he had breakfast. So he went out for breakfast with his mates. He then went back to his hotel room where a pre-organized orgy was happening. He was three masseuses. Oh my God, Shane won. That's not as big. Yeah.

Look, hey, look, a beautiful life. One man fucking three. Three masseuses? Yeah. But yeah, I was imagining it. Is it really an orgy if it's like? He is. It's a foursome.

No, okay. Here's my controversial take. Yeah. Threesome, awesome word, chill with it. The moment you're adding number and higher than, like, numbersum, yeah? Shut the fuck up. I understand, but to me...

I won't even take group sex. Yeah, I was going to say, because to me, an orgy needs to be like five-some maybe. Foursomes, okay? Fossom's. Okay. It's group sex or a three-sim and someone got lost to join. Three-sum plus one, yeah. Yeah. I don't, maybe don't know the side says there's stringent rules of the JD here.

I'm just kind of like, I don't know if I would call one person. And was it Shane banging like three masseuses? Yeah. Or was it the masseuses also banging each other? Because then I'm like, then it's an orgy. Because it feels like if Shane's the center of attention, which like, it feels like he probably was. I feel that's less of an orgy and more just a great thing that happened to Shannon. I don't know if we have reports on whether or not the masseuses were having sexed each other as part of it.

I think if you as a journalist of this year, They would say, you're not very good at your job. Hey, that question makes me feel like you're going to jack off to this information. No. I'm just trying to get a complete picture of what I just don't know. I just don't feel four is enough for an orgy. Call me old-fashioned. No, I think you're right.

But I think, and this is maybe crazy, from the four to about six sort of zone, that's a gray area. Yeah, look fair. And I think in that area, you can have seven people fucking and it's not an orgy. And you can have five people fucking in it. Say seven. Yeah. I think seven. No,

I think it's a vibe. I think it's got to be pre-organ. I think seven, seven to me tips into orgy territory, but also, again, with the, with the Shane and the mousseuses.

I feel if it was like, if they were, I feels like you need more than, you know, one of that same gender. Yeah, okay.

Interesting. If it was like a one male mousse and Shane and then, I'm like, yeah, whatever, okay, now we're talking, it's a lady masseuse's fucking Shane.

Yeah. It doesn't count as an orgy. your eyes. No. It just feels like, it just feels like sex needs to happen like with, with more than just one individual. It's not one person having sex with three people. You need the other people to also be having sex with each other.

Yeah. What about this? Kind of like the difference between an open relationship and polyamory. Yeah. If everyone's in a relationship, orgy slash polyamory. Yes. If it's just two people having sex with more people, open relationship. Yeah.

It's weird to imagine, because I feel like if I go to an orgy, right? I feel like the blanket rule should be that everybody is here to have sex with everybody else. Yes. If there's one, because I'm not going to know as I'm making my way through the ground. You know, grab, make my way down, down, grabbing ass, sucking dick, and I'm homebound. But yeah, I feel like you're right. I feel like that tips it back into foursome, threesome territory. It's complicated.

Semantically, group sex is complicated. I was, yeah. I'm trying to find out the... to me is, yeah, we're falling into orgy-orgy territory because there's more opportunity there to get some pairings. Okay, so, yeah. I'm trying to find the source to this, but it's hard to get, but

Ty Cop alleges Shane Worn death cover-up after Marathon Orgy. Okay. In final hours. Honestly, but Marathon Orgy, that to me, you need like the teens in terms of numbers. If, if it was... Yeah, age. No, no, no. If it was three

massuses having sex for Shane Warren, Shane Warren was gang bang to death. Yeah. They had a gang bang. That's what that was. Okay? If it's, if the masseuses are... Now, would you call that a reverse gang bang?

Because gang bang in the colloquial term, I believe it's usually... It's usually, yeah. Like one female getting penetrated. I think that's... I think to my eyes, gangbang should be a gender neutral. I agree. Yeah, I think you should be gang. They should be no...

It's just as long as everybody's having sex with one person. That's a gang bang. And not one another. That's a gangbanger. Well, what makes it a gang? Is three a gang? Yes. Because I think if it's two, you're getting double-teamed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just found another. And this is part of the reason why I want to be like Shane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just trying to find information about, because, again, the death, so basically when it was reported when he died in 2022, it was like natural causes caused by like his crash dieting because he would often not look after his body, smoke a bunch of cigarettes, eat a bunch of fatty foods. And then he'd be like, I need to get fit. So then he would do a bunch of actions. Yeah, go crazy with exercise, go to places like Thailand where he just do a total detox. But then at the start of this year, it was like, actually, police were ordered to hide.

There's like an illegal, it's called like a Viagra jelly. Yeah. And it's like a super strong Viagra that's illegal in Thailand. I presume the other parts of the world, but it's often sold on like roadside stalls. Oh, damn. That's like a terrorist thing. That sounds fun. crazy. And because of

his heart, because he already had like low, like his, everything was that killed him. But this is a list. It's like, yeah, it's like Shane Warren's death anniversary. Here's to the colorful life of Warnie. And there's like, Shane Worn, proper cricketing legend. Shane Warn and Elizabeth

Hurley. Shane Warned Bowles Ball of the Century. And then the next one is Shane Worn and the noisy foursome, which is not the one that killed him. In 2019 report stated that Shane Warn had a Fawson with lovers and two sex workers at his home in West London. It was a rather noisy affair, according to several British tabloids,

as neighbours could hear the former cricketer who had left the windows open. That, we're going to get the stank out, fair enough. That makes sense. Checks out. That's like, depending on, that's anywhere between like six to eight holes. Yeah. That's a lot of... It's a lot of stuff going around.

Yeah. So when you go, when you put on Warnie's shoes... Which have been struck by lightning and have now developed warning powers. Yeah. Are you your best spin bowler in... Yeah, I'm really good at spin bowling, really good at smoking cigarettes,

really good at drinking beers, and for some reason all I want to eat is beans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you love sniffles. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, I love American pie. Yeah. He thinks Stifler is the funny...

Man, I forgot about... It's a great tweet. It's like... was like a TV dad but in real life. But then also fucking everyone. He lived in unlived life. Nobody's lived a life like Shane Warren, dude. But are you using it to fuck and drink?

I think just live. Or are using it to like maybe you know, I'll join the Australian cricket team. I mean, I would probably join the Australian cricket team if I could bowl as well as Shane Warren. It would make sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then at the same time.

This man who's appeared out of nowhere is, well, he's bowling exactly like Shane's Ward. My God, we've never seen get him on the team. I can use like a quick rice about. Yeah. And then like, much like Shane Moore. Yeah. Much like Shane won, I would also,

I once I acquire a Twitter following again, I can tweet stuff like, seriously, how good is Stifler in American Pie movies? He just cracks me up. Such a knob, but you can't help but laugh. I'm sorry,

but you can't know of love. And then he followed it up with another just stand-alone tweet, Stifler equals legend. I know Australia doesn't have like, you know, I don't understand about, like, can you, can you ignite someone who is, you know,

passed away? Possumously, yeah. What's the highest on of that, you know, Australia could bestow upon warning? And has he already got it? Yeah. And if not, why not? Yeah, exactly.

Why not? He's an absolute legend, dude. On par with Stifler, I would say. He posts about Stifler so often. Over the space of five years. Yeah. So he watched American Pye with his two oldest kids. in 2011.

Some awkward moments but very funny. Dot, dot, dot. Love Stifler. He's a classic. Then, less than a year later, American Pie Reunion, a winner. Love Stifler.

Wow, you know. And then five years later, Stifler equals one of the best movie characters of all time. Just like, did he ever... Hashtag American Party? Did he ever get to meet? Is it Sean William Scott?

I don't know. I hope so. Me too, dude. Stifler could be. My favorite movie character of all time, he's such a dick, but makes you laugh every time. Hashtag American Pie. I know I've said this before, but I love Stifler. The Stiffmeister is such a tool, but so good.

What is the average, I guess, lifespan of a cricketing career, by the way? Great question. And usually, what is retirement age? Well, cricketers usually retire a little later than, like, 80s. Yeah. It's still, like, four, like, late 30s? It would be really rare to have a cricketer that's like 40. It happens, but it's not...

But they've been in their... Like, they've been in their... Like, they're cold career. Yeah, so, like, you... Me currently, as a 34-year-old, it wouldn't be... It... Cricket's not trending this way, but it wouldn't be the most insane thing of all time

if all of a sudden Australia just debuts a 34-year-old. Yeah. How would you... How quickly? Yeah. Because imagine you'd have to join, like... A small... A smaller league of some...

I would have to get scouting. Yeah. Because you'd have to be in like, yeah, like... It would probably take me, like, to get a call up to the Australian team. Yeah. Probably two years. Yeah. But if you're out of nowhere...

But if you're out of nowhere bowling like won in his prime. Yeah. Like, I reckon you're going to be... It's tricky, though, because it's a national team. Yeah. I could get to state level, I think, much easier. but national, because there's also like politics and stuff involved. Yeah.

Because there's... Yeah, I can imagine. They'd be like, kind of who are you? The selection board is a lot from like New South Wales. So often they'll favour New South Wales people because they're their boys. Could you with Shane warn's powers and Shane warn's ability to be like a lovable scam? Especially for all Australians. Like using, harnessing that and social media like get like a ground swell to be like get this guy on.

our team. Absolutely. You'll bring the ashes back. Yes. I don't know. Are they back or have they returned? The ashes are back every two years. Okay.

We'll bring them back. Bring them back again. Yeah. Yeah. It's coming home or whatever. Yes. Cricket reference. No,

soccer. Yeah. Because being like a cult of personality will help with cricket because you could, I could not make the national team, but still make a lot of money. Yeah. Here's one thing that I could do. pretty easily if I had the abilities of Shane 1. Step 1. Go to India. Step 2, make millions of dollars.

Pretty much just because, like, cricket is massive in India, but also they treat cricketers. It's not just like a sportsman. It's like, you get treated very well. You're a cricketer. Yeah, it's like you might as well be like an A-list movie stuff. Okay. So having someone that's just like loves to drink. Yeah. Now, you've been. been given, I guess you've been given Warnie's tolerance as well for alcohol and, and whatever other substances, Warnie's putting into his body. Mm-hmm. Right. Is that better or worse than your current tolerance? Yeah. Hmm. I don't think I could smoke anywhere near as many cigarettes as he does. Yeah. I guess as well, like, you've got one kidney. Yeah. Warnie had two. Yeah. You could live like a two

kidneyed man. He was only 52 when he died, which feels crazy. That's insane, dude. I feel like that he made such an impact. He was a... In 52 short years... Hey man, sometimes the brightest candle twice is bright. Australia's never going to have a... We're never going to have a sports person.

Also, I'm wondering if you now... And even if say, well, like... Because when did Warnie become on to, like, you know, the... I guess how old was Warnie when he was on the Australian team? Like, first one of the century is one of his first... Yeah. Yeah.

It's like, I don't know how, like, quite young he was when he was in his prime kind of thing I was imagining is cricket is a it's changed yeah things have changed

I'm different do we you know do we want another like another Shane won in cricket yeah like same with like you know

it's because it just feels like it's a different like breed of character because you got like Booney and all those there like yeah that's that's uh I feel like Shane warn though

because he was able to do like the weird mix where he was like he wasn't fit fit no yeah and there was like famously once someone where he came back

and he was very not fit and I'm like, Warnie, what the fuck are you doing? Which started the crash dieting. Yeah. But he's sort of a Babe Ruth type. Yeah. He has fucked his body up.

How is he gonna, oh my God, he's still got it, you know? Yeah, I was curious if we still love the Australian public, if we still love a war. I believe that there's something in the core of the Australian soul that sees a man like Shane Warren

and can't help but love him. I mean, look, same. I mean, I, you know, yeah, I agree, but I'm just wondering. I'm born this very second. Every Australian baby is born with that gene, that genetic disposition to loving Shane Warn, you know? So he made his debut in, and I agree, like, you could show a brand, the freshest baby of all time.

Exactly. A picture of Shane Worn and they would be like, you could be like, hey, welcome to the world, buddy. This is Shane Worn. He died having sex with three masseuses. And that baby's going to smile. So, why. Yeah, dude. He's going to be the happiest baby in the world.

Mm-hmm. And then you're going to be able to, you know. Shane Warren was 22 years old when he made his debut for Australia. But if you've got the like Shane shoes. Yeah. Whatever. I think it's also so, there's something so beautiful about the fact that Shane Warren was born in 1969.

Yeah. It's like, he was set up for success. Is he Australian Jesus? In a sense, yes. In many ways. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so, yeah, basically what I'm going to do is live a life.

Yeah, just try and make a bunch of money. Go to the, play in the IPL, which is the Indian Premier League, which is where all the money is. Yeah, yeah. And then just drink as much and fuck as much. Drink and smoke and fuck. Yeah, dude. You probably have some good advertising deals.

Like, I reckon maybe could you know, like, could you get sponsored by a cigarette brand? Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. He's the. Face of Winnie Blues, man. He's a face of Winnie Blues. Maybe you get my face on beans?

Yes. You've got worn his love of beans too. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Because Shane Moore loved India but doesn't like spicy food. Yeah. So there was like a thing where he got sent a whole bunch of beans.

So get him through a tour. That's so funny, dude. That's awesome. Okay, okay. Well, initially I was thinking of the shoes that I would love to wear maybe is like a Stephen Spielberg time. Oh, okay. Making a movie.

Very good making a movie. But then I realized that, well, people don't want that these days. Yeah, okay. No one gives you shit about a Spielberg film. But there are some people, sure. But ultimately, people aren't watching movies. People love slop, dude.

People love slop. People like looking at a movie while looking at phone. Yeah. They don't give you shit about cinema. They don't want to, they don't want to know. Well, it depends. Because you could become like Steve and make ready play.

player two. Yeah. People love Ready Player 1 because you say, hey, remember the Dolores? Yeah, dude, it's the Iron Giant from movies. Yeah. That was... Trom?

Trom, dude. That movie, I watched that movie stoned out of my gaw, and I hated it. That was such a bad sign. It was so boring. I couldn't even enjoy it. It's an embarrassing movie.

Yeah, yeah. It's an embarrassing movie to... Yeah, dude. So then I was like, well, look, it would be nice to be able to like, you know, look what I can do with the incredible storytelling, visual storytelling. I can make cinema like beautiful. But no one gives a shit. Yeah, that's correct.

How's it really going to affect, you know, really my life? So instead, what I want to do is I want to try and find the shoes of the current Australian treasurer Jim Chalmers. So I can find out about those fucking tax loopholes. Yeah. And finally, finally understand how to do tax. That's really good. They're going to have to give $500 to the taxman. And help out my boys.

Yes, dude. That's like, like, that's like a month, not a month. It's like half a month. It's two weeks rent. Yeah, dude. That's what I was trying to say. Yeah. It's fucked up, dude. I just have to give it to the tax, man.

I know. I think it's really funny, those shoes. Because like, obviously we're picking, but in like Mike, they don't get to pick. Yeah, do you have a lightning bolt striking some shoes and you're like, I got to put these on. I got to, oh, okay. Okay. I've got a good understanding of the Australian tax system out of this. I don't know what a treasurer does, but I assume it's about money.

They're in charge of the money. I know that much. Well, it's a rare term of plumbing the net store where the question we don't on, the other thing we don't understand is a political system rather than a biological one. The treasurer, like they, they, they, they, they, they, but what does that mean? Well, they in charge of the budget, yeah? Yeah. Like, is it like, or they work? I think I was a treasurer of sanspans radio when it first started.

as a uni group. I should know this. Yeah. Well, all that you got out of a treasure was an Xbox 360. That's probably not an inaccurate. Well, I actually just looked it up and it turns that I did know. Because it's just like, manages the organization's finances. Yeah, but if you're the treasurer

of an entire country. You oversee the budget, handle financial records, and sure payments are made on time. But I guess so basically the treasurer of us tree would just look at the budget and go, Minions do your shit. And also see where it says Jim Chalmers. Just put more money in that, please.

Xbox 360s for this guy. I guess because I'm assuming the qualifications of a treasure means you probably should be an accountant or like no money. Jim Chalmers is probably like a war vet or something. Yeah, yeah. What does Jim? Yeah, what is Jim Chalmers?

He's way younger than I thought he was going to be. It's an old man's name. Yeah, honestly. Jim Chalmers? He's 47. Whoa, Jimmy, boy. Okay, so he's qualifications. Let's see here

He looks like a treasurer He's got like a very Australian kind of face He's got a PhD yet we're not calling him Doctor Charmers He's the Honorable Gin Charmers I guess maybe when you do politics You have like the You get the honourable

Yeah, maybe like you know Trump's the doctor Yeah it is kind of a So you've got a Bachelor of Arts in a Bashkin He wrote his PhD on Paul Keating Okay Imagine if I wrote an essay on Stephen Spielberg and then was like, that's my qualifications to go into movies. Yeah, I'll know about Stephen.

What it was about exactly. Brawler statesman, Paul Keating and the prime ministerial leadership in Australia. I'm assuming this guy would have been an accountant at some point too, right? He did. A Bachelor of Arts and a Bachelor of Commerce. Okay. But then he wrote his PhD. But then he's a PhD.

That's a political, like. He has a PhD in political science and international relations. For sure. If you become a politician, you're just kind of like, it's like you learn the baseline, then you learn to be a politician and they just put you wherever. Plus, yeah, then I'll give politician powers. He has wheezzled his way into fucking treasury. Weasel.

Weasel powers. Weasel powers. So he was a research officer. That's a good name. Yeah. Then he goes, national research manager. Yeah. Then he's the meteor advisor to the shadow treasurer.

Yeah. So, like, I mean, I can see what. it's about to happen here, but like watching being like, hey brother, the shadow treasurer, he's saying you should talk to the news. Yeah. I should be treasurer. Just read this speech. Okay, so I believe that my shadow minister to shamans should actually take my role and I'm

stepping down immediately. What the hell? This is a legally binding document. If I's reading it out loud, I have signed it. Yeah, he just like bounces around the treasury, but doing roles it on. But I imagine you pick any role in any country's politics. Oh, yeah. You'll find that everybody gets there by bouncing around.

What did Anthony Albanese? Oh, no. Like, I assume that you reach a certain level and they go, in a way, it's like being a teacher in a high school. They go, we need someone to teach math. And you go, that's not what I studied. They go. I'm fucking stupid in math. Like, that's okay.

You just teach you. What the numbers mean? You're only teaching 13-year-olds. They don't even fucking know their asshole from their mouth hole. They should. They really should. Was I teaching them biology, too? Oh, I understand.

Everything's a whole in a tube or something. Oh, I get it. I get it. On the chalkboard doing a circle and standing back, hmm. Doing another circle. You got any number of these. Well, yeah. So you usually put...

Things go in or out of some... Food goes in one of them. In a circle. And then it comes out. So which holes are which? And then you take a step back to the two holes like that could be eyes. Let's call these eyes. Don't put food in there.

No, you put vision in them. Yeah. So put vision in them. But the vision goes in them, then you see them. Then you see things. Sorry, children. You put vision out, I guess. Hang on, I'm just going to go to the bathroom to check my holes.

So I can get like reminded. of how this works. Okay. He's sitting there with a whole chicken. Yeah. Whoa. I fucked up

somewhere along the way. Breaking off a leg. When did I get this chicken? Coming back in, just deculating with a chicken like drumstick. So why do you want to do?

Look, put food in one hole it'll come out the other. I think it doesn't matter which. They're all connected. Yeah, it's all the same fucking system, kids. Hey, you're all tubes.

children. You're a student. Students are all about learning and experimenting, trying new things. So just fucking figure it out. You'll shove a hot dog up your eyes all. Dude. Don't say that.

I'll get you fired. Dude, you get so fired so fast. Yeah, bro. You cannot say that. Okay, here's something you're not going to want to do. Say that. You can put anything in their eyes.

That's rule one of teacher. I should have learned that of my dad. bad. Hey, welcome to day one of teaching 101. Now here's the first thing, okay, so here's one thing you're gonna want to remember for the rest of you were teaching days. Never tell a student to put a hot dog in their asshole. That's rule one. Here's the thing I wish I'd known on my first day. Could have saved me a lot of headaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it bouncing around between schools. Okay. You might think it's fine. Wrong. I'm gonna tell you. Yeah. Step again, rule two.

Never tells you anything. Yeah. Anything. Don't discuss buttholes with you. Don't bring them up. Don't bring it up. You look over me. Yes, I know.

We've all got one. We've all got them and you're thinking about it at least 15% of your life. Yeah. Of your day, I mean. But just don't bring it up. I know that you think that this is going to be one way you can relate to your students because one thing for sure you know is that you have an asshole. Your 28 students have an asshole.

Don't bring it up. Don't bring it up. Sir, but what if I'm teaching biology? Okay, in biology, assholes are probably not going to come up. Trirectum. Yeah. Sphinter is fine. You can say sphincter. You're probably also, once again, pointing at point one, don't put a hot dog up there. Yeah, don't tell them. Don't tell them to do that.

I hate that this, we have, there was other rules. Yeah, but this one, everyone, these had to rise to the top. Very quick. Also, if you're teaching biology, why, what do you need to teach about the rectum? Okay. Cool haul! It's not coming up.

Don't call any hole. Don't call. I'm going to write this on the board, okay. While it is in fact a cool hole, we got to say, we can't say that. Don't bring it up. Don't bring it up. You look over at my notes that I've just written butthole and then put a line through it. Bot hole equals cool hole, line through it.

Okay, don't talk about bot hole. might want to avoid, isn't it cool how we've all got four cheeks? I know you think that's cool. And it is. And it is cool. But let me tell you, your students already know, okay? They're across it. This class, we've got to tell someone about this class.

Very informative. Everyone needs to come to this class. I'm learning so much. That's, I was going to make some big mistakes. But you're a teacher and you're telling me. You're teaching adults. Okay, you can tell it to adults. Oh, okay.

As long as it's relevant, I suppose. Yeah. If you're not sure, don't say it. Okay, that's a new rule. Okay, if you're not sure, don't bring up your butthole. Would this be a situation where I could tell someone to put a hot dog in their asshole? There are very few situations. Certainly in a teaching context.

You're out there, you're supervising lunch. You somehow, you know, you're scam. in your eyes around, like, you know, the basketball, you know, whatever, and you're looking around. Some kids, drop trow, is about to put a hot dog up his ass, and you're like, and then just flash to your training, don't say, don't put that hot dog. And you're like, the other teacher rushes past me

and I put my hands on his chest. No, we're not allowed it. We're not allowed to. No, the thing you're not allowed to say is, put a hot dog up your ass. I'm about to stop that. Don't put a hot dog up your eyes. Okay, you can tell your students not to do it.

Okay. Okay, thank you. Thank you for telling me this. I've taken that course a few times. We look over it's happened. I'm going to call the nurse and get the forceps. Yeah. Wow. I like that.

I think you probably don't need forcips to remove a hot dog from an asshole. I think if a hot dog goes up there, dude, you've got to go to the doctor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, is sphincter closes? Hot dogs don't have a flared base. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. Eat your asshole closest, dude, you're either eating that hot dog reverser style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you can be like, huh, that teacher that got fired is right.

You can go both ways. You know, people made fun of him. But you can't eat a hot dog backward. He's serving a life sentence, okay? And he's under-saxified the road to say. But I think he just, he was right. He was right.

He was right. He was right. Sometimes the world's most. beautiful minds. Yeah. I hated when they first speak. Exactly. You know?

I was just trying to educate people about a discovery of mine. Exactly. You know, hey, people yelled that, yelled at Jesus for his message. Well,

they rejected his message. Shut up, Jesus. Yeah. When Copernicus said that the earth revolved around the sun rather than vice versa, they burned him in the streets.

And when I said you could eat a hot dog by putting it up your ass off. And eat it reversed around. Exactly. They sent me to jail. They said you're a sex event for life, brother. I said, no, I'm just a genius.

I'm just a genius. Why don't want that come in handy? You're just excited. If your mouth's taped up and you're hungry? Yeah, because if, okay, let's explore this. All right, let's explore, let's do it. If I find out that I can eat, like, it is physically possible to treat your asshole like your mouth. Okay.

And you can eat food. You can eat food. Anything of the asshole. Yeah, easy. When you come up? Oh, I don't like. I like this particular food, but I know it is healthy. Oh, I know it's gonna be very much.

It's, oh, I can't be far. We'd be constantly tasted out. That cannot be. There's five things that, bro, makes me think that that's not true. Look, I'm about, I want to say 98% sure. Okay, so here's what I think has happened in my brain. I think that either the, like, some part of the anus features what could be seen as tastebooks, but spaced out far enough apart

and not wired like tasteblest. Allegedly? I know. Okay. There's like that the, the, let me see if I can find a more, you said allegedly.

Let me find if I can find a more reputable source than foodbeast.com. There's the idea of like, like your stomach has a brain. Yeah. No, no, no. It's this particularly taste receptors. There's taste receptors in my bumhole. On your anus,

allegedly. Okay. Why do you do this? And how come, how come I don't taste often? Human. Shit. Okay.

Yes. Yeah. And this is from the... I don't know why I took Jackson so long to find this. I just simply googled what I said and it came up with the National Institute of Health.gov. That's not what I got. So, there is taste perception in other parts of the body such as the anus intestines, the heart and the lungs. Why is my heart tastes and blood for?

But their purpose is different from taste buds in the mouth. They act as nutrient senses Regulate metabolic process and maintain the body's internal environment This is the most 2013 sentence ever written Just what I searched it Your asshole eats too Next time you're stuffing fistfuls of delicious bacon into your mouth

You might want to consider sticking a piece or two Of crispy goodness into your crotch And up your butt Into my Why am I going crotch? Then butt, that feels like... What, I want to just swipe some bacon on my genitals first? What?

Just so that my asshole can taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My balls as well. Yeah. Scientists discovered the unusual taste receptors while studying fertility and rats, and they know that taking away a male rat's testicular taste... Hey, hey, hey, scientist, if you're studying fertility, I look, stay away from the asshole. Yeah.

You can't get a rat butt baby. It's not going to work no matter how much you try. Well, I guess how would you know unless we study it? That's true. I take my sentence back. The best way to learn is to do, which is why Jackson's method of eating a hot dog with your ass, was screamed up by critics. Exactly.

But now we know. Now you know. If you hate a food, you want, you know. Oh, yes. This nutrient dense, you know, rich in vitamin B and vitamin C and all of the omega-3. All the things that you need. You have a whole fish up there. Get that up.

Yeah, you get it up, you, you'll be healthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the body does respond in crazy ways. Yeah. Your diet can I feel. I mean, like, people often point out like pineapple juice and cum. Yeah, yes.

But like, great cocktail. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah, bartender, can I have the pineapple juice? Well, I just like, because it was, you didn't make the connection between pineapple juice and just like, people often point out pineapple juice and gum

Hey, that's pineapple juice Hey, that's cum What if we Combine them To make a drink of the summer Smoking in eating someone out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very true Like a pussy

Yeah taste different If the person is a smoking So like the body reacts To things strange Like as in if you're a smoker And you eat out somebody It doesn't taste like cigarettes

And then someone else eats out That person They'll be like, oh No, no, no no no If the person who eat, sorry, hi, I'm someone with a vagina. You're getting it now. God, I love cigarettes and oral sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Time to smoke a cigarette and get my pussy eating now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is exclusive with the type of people hang out. Yeah, okay. But I guess also if you were a smoker and you ate someone out and then someone else like that, you would probably get more of a tobacco-y stuff. Yeah, but I feel like, look, unless it's like straight away, but then also like, it would also depend on how close you smoke.

smoking that cigarette. Are you smoking while eating them out? No, no, no. I was imagining like, that's not really scary. Dangerous. I was imagining, you know, like he had a smoke or like, say, 30 minutes prior. Oh, that wouldn't affect it. I reckon you'd be.

Nah. What you're saying, you smoke a cigarette and 30 minutes later somebody eats your pussy. No, no, you smoke a cigarette, you eat it, eat a pussy. Yeah. And then you leave. And then your friend, or then you sit down and your best friend is like, can I have, can I, are you finished? I'm done.

I'm stuffed. Yeah, I'm stuffed. And you have a... Back on the cigarettes. Back on the darts I taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they go in. I reckon they'll be able to like taste a...

Well, because you've got a cigarette mouth. Yeah. Nah. Yeah. I don't know. I reckon, I legitimately believe you could... Okay, you smoke a cigarette and you eat a sandwich. Yeah.

You take a bite out of a burger. Yeah. Then you put the burger down. I pick the burger up straight away and take a second butt. I don't think I taste cigarettes. Oh, you 100% do. You would. I've been in a situation where it was like,

Again, it was, again, smoker. He wasn't smoking at the time, as in, like, not the very moment, eating pizza, but it had been, like, say, you know, 30 minutes prior, so I would say. And he had a bite of the same slice. And I was like, oh, what can I have a bite? Took a bite. Just tastes like a fucking ashtray.

That's crazy, dude. How much was that motherfucker smoker? Yeah. Smoker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I reckon, yeah, I reckon, yeah, maybe it would. Maybe it would. It would change the taste. Cigarette smoking makes calm taste difference, too. Yeah. You know, there's that. I mean, healthy diets and stuff just makes everything. Yeah.

They're not about an ass, though. I haven't done enough research. There probably is, like, a diet you could have to make your ass taste the best. The ass diet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hon, can you go on, like, I'm an arseater? So, can you just go on this? Because, like, while I love to eat ass, I do want a different flavor.

Yeah, that's not an ass. I'm getting sick of this flavor. Getting sick of ass. I'm getting sick of this ass. I love eating ass, but I'm sick of the taste of us. Look, I love sandwich, but sometimes you're a bit tired of sandwich. Can you get a, sorry. You can just change the flavor.

God, I'm sick of the taste of us. Oh, you can change the time. Oh, this again. Oh, my God. What if Dicks taste different with different diets? Com obviously does. Probably. Probably,

I would imagine because it's just like sweat and like skin sort of, you know. But then if I ever, say I'm eating like shit, right? Like I'm eating like straight from the house. What if you're eating literal shit?

I've spent the last week eating nothing but shit. Then you lick my forearm. I reckon you taste bad. Yeah, verse if I've just, I've eaten very healthily. Which is anything other than shit. At this point.

Yeah, whenever Jackson says I've been eating healthy. I've been eating healthy recently when Jackson says that he just means, I haven't eaten human shit in 24 hours. I'm not a shit. I'm on a diet, dude. It's no human shit. Right. Dude, I love eating ass, though, but I'm getting sick of the taste of all.

It gets us. It gets sick in the taste of all. The same thing again. Oh, that's like, go. You're like, all time time to wrap my dinner. Yo. Oh. I mean, I love.

I love eating at us, but God, I'm sick of this. So sick of this. Yeah, this is. Yeah, that's ours. There it is. Yeah, there it is. Been here before. Eat a pineapple.

Yeah, exactly. Rub a pineapple on your arsehole. Well, there you go. Whoa. I make it taste nice. Stingy. Yeah, don't feel crazy on the asshole. I think it would feel kind of good, honestly.

A little spray, like a breast spray, but for your ass. Oh, minty ass. Breath spray in brackets for your ass. That can be awesome. Well, after you've consumed, I guess, a chicken by the butthole. Yeah, of course. You don't want, like, you know,

asshole chicken breath. I don't know. Asshole chicken butt breath. So then you get some breath spray for us. Got that arselled chicken butt from... Yeah, I do love... Oh, there we go.

Sorry, I had that asshole chicken bud breath. Excuse me. You get it. Somebody goes, oh, do you want a... mouth spray for your eyes? Oh, do I have arsawchig a butt bro? Yeah. Oh, yeah, let me just give for the bot.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. It's okay, thanks for telling me. Because now we're changing so much about the bot hole. I can now imagine kissing, but you're just, you're smush-in'-boughts together. Yeah. Can you do that? Can you arsizzle? Do they allow that?

On God's green earth? Arsizzering, I think, is a road with God down the whole jokes. It intrigues me. We're simply just, we're kissing reversal style. Yeah. If holes touching is kissing, then why not ass? Yeah, okay. Fair enough. And is kissing someone is eating ass, not just kissing also?

In a way, it's kissing. In a way, it's kissing. He's right. In the French style. Yeah, if that biology teacher who got fired and put in jail was there to go by, eating ass is basically kissing. Yeah, exactly. It's the same thing.

You know how French kissing is obviously kissing with tongue. I like that there was a period of time where people like, oh, I'm kissing down under style. In movies, not in real life. Yeah, so it's like Australian kiss, which is, eating someone out. Yeah, yeah. But it's like... It just never really...

Didn't catch on. So now when you watch you're just like, embarrassing. Yeah, it's concrete. Speaking Greek was like the whole thing about anal sex. Like, oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Instead of like, a French kiss.

Yeah, yeah. I'm eating Greek to know. A Greek kiss. Yeah, yes, dude. Ose. Us. And I'm gonna put yogurt in all of sides. Oh, yeah.

To tziki up that kiss. To Ziky. A don't know. Come about from off. I think that... Yeah, what a buffet. What do you mean by a doughtat? Do you mean a dada kebab going up there?

Or do you mean you've put a dada kebab on an asshole and then you're going to eat the dutnikabab? Yeah, the second way. So you've kind of taken the, you know where they go, oh, wouldn't it be sexy if you put like chocolate on your genitals and then I ate it off? You're like, wouldn't it be sexy if I rested a kebab. Yeah, I guess this kebab. And I love what you're doing here with your ass. Yes. So I'm just going to do...

Oh, like, yeah, I understand what's... I'll get it, chocolate and strawberries, cream, whatever, very sexy. But that's a dessert thing and I haven't eaten dinner yet. I need something savory. I got like this guy here, so I'm just gonna

put back there. I think the perfect thing would be a HSP, really. I don't know. That's a whole container. He's got to balance it there. Are you? No, I'm just dipping it on and then I'm just, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Oh, yeah. So you just want, oh, yeah. We're getting, we're getting feral. We're getting fucking feralt to you know! I'm getting a ratchet down here. My baby boys, hungry, me. Fucking prick yogurt everywhere. So you...

Take your barbecue sauce, garlic sauce, cheese, and shaved meat. Your butt is there at all four. You dump it a HSB. So it's like sauce first. Right, no, no. You're making a meal at this Hannah, aren't you? That's awesome, dude. Chips all over my face.

It's also awesome because, like, hey, I'll podcast hits a global audience. HSP's non-global food. No, that's true. Yeah. They can Google this. Just Google that, then imagine it on an arm. And then, sorry, Jackson, what noise? I also can't miss this the best eye of my life, but I'm going to need to shower a real bad.

You know that I love eating a lot. but I was sick of the taste of ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what a beautiful compromise. I can't stop imagining. I don't know why somebody having like a cucumber in their ass and then eating the cucumber up to the asshole. Kind of like Beauty and Lady in the Trails style.

Yeah, like the Trip style. Well, yeah. You just eat a little bit of yogurt. Yeah. You just eat a little bit of yogurt. Um, um, um, um. Um. Um.

Um. Like Pac-Man. fucking Pac-Man. Walter, you can go full backman with like anal beads. Yeah, that's true. Waka, wwaka, waka, waka. Yeah, that's awesome. And then when you get to the end,

instead of eating a ghost, you're just eating an ass. Yeah, that's awesome. That's really cool. And probably safer than the cucumber, because once I get up to the ars, I've eaten all of the safe cucumber to remove it. Yeah, yeah. And they're going to suck it back out.

And then, yeah, well, then they're going to be like eating a cucumber reversal style. Yeah, that's true. And we go, oh, my God, is the cucumber suck up eating her? No, no, no, no, no, no. Did you not see Professor Jackson Bailey's journal article? Do you not see his TED talk? I mean, like, the idea of chomp, chump, chump,

and then being like, well, time for, time to change gear from Pac-Man style to Kirby style. Chuck that. What's stronger, your ability to suck or a human sphincter? I don't know. It's good to do an episode like this occasionally, you know? I just think that of like, any conversation I've had in the last

two to three months of people, like, what's your podcast called? And after I immediately say, don't worry about it, plumbing the death stars out big ones. Yeah, it's good to imagine someone. Oh, I'd love to hear. Someone that knows me in real life. Oh, okay, so you complain about the tax man a lot. And then you said you don't earn that much of a job.

And then 20 minutes was just talking about eating and all. Yeah. Yeah, and shoving hot dogs up your ass to eat them. And shout out to our social media team and the people putting this on YouTube. Good luck with any clips. It'll be all beeps. The famous all beef, TikTok.

But then even like the ad will be blurted out. All beefs, blurred, blacks bars everywhere. Just the words, sorry they said this. You'll have to listen to the podcast if you want to know what they said. It's not fit for listening, frankly. We apologize. I was going to pick the shoes of Alexi. Golobrodco.

Alexi Toliopoulos, our friend in real life. Alexi Goloddko, who's a Russian contortionist. Two. Dude, I love eating ass, but I'm sick of the taste of someone else's ass. Only I can eat my own ass. These shoes

they belong to famous Russian contortionist. Alexi... Golobbrodco? Gola Brodco. I just love the idea to be like, finally. Finally, I've got myself ass myself eating all shoes.

So you do a bit of a back bend. You get HSB, you dump it on. That would be fucked up to see. Because a nude man in shoes is just like it's a bad look. It's not good. Nude man in shoes eating his own ass. You'd think you died. Nude man in shoes eating a HSB off his own ass.

I don't know what the fuck I'm looking. You know, it's always funny. If you're naked and you have heaps of hats, it's good to try. Go naked men with hat. Oh, that's really. feels crazy and looks for me. I like naked man with hat and shoes because you're covered on the top and the bottom. But everything else is no man's legs.

I think it would be awesome to do naked gardening, where you go gumboots, sun hat, like a tool belt, and then just do actual gardening, balls draping on the dirt. Yeah. Come on. Squatting down and get some weed and done. Something good about that. I feel like for some reason the sensation of the great outdoor,

the great outdoors just tickling your knotsack would be maybe, may be awesome. I think it would reconnect you with something. You know, they'd realign your chakras.

Well, sometimes they talk about the fact that we don't walk bare foot, we don't connect to the earth anymore,

but I think if you dunked your balls in such as mud or a stream, this will make me better growing tomato by the way.

It would just align you with the universe. I would be so scared if I got and naked and then my soil got more fertile. Like,

did I do this? Yeah, did I come and forget? Did I come and forget? Did I come and forget? My tomato is my boys. Am I going to have some plant babies now? I'm going to feel weird eating them. Did I grow a son accidentally? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I mean, like, you know, our ancestors

were naked for very low. You know, when did, who invented fans? That's a great question. Well, yeah, when did we figure out, like, we should cover that? And wasn't about shame, it was more about just protecting your dangly bits? Well, yeah, I don't know. Like, like, when, like, I was going to say, you know, tribes and haven't really been contacted by like, you know, at the outside. They will often have things that we, you know, covering or protecting.

Horseback riders invented trousers. Clever, you don't want your goose bear. You're slammed against that saddle. Gooch on horse. Jesus Christ. There's no, like, one inventor. Yeah. Yeah, but who, because we were naked.

Eurasian grassland nomads. Yeah. But that's pants. Pants are practical. That makes sense. You're naked. you're hunting, you're gathering, and why, if you've been naked for thousands of years,

why do you go? Well, you know how sensitive your penis is? You're stalking a deer. Maybe you've nicked them or whatever, you're tracing them along, whatever. And as you're going through some shrubbery or some bushy, there's like a bit of poison ivy. It just happens to like,

dick and balls just grazed the poison ivy, yeah. Grazed your knob and you're like, mm-hmm, only I had a little something to stop that. Yes. If only I had such as a penis sheath, Which some cultures do, they make the penis sheath. Where I think we should bring them back. But the loin cloth is like open underneath, right? Yeah, because when you're moving around, like you're at least protected there.

I'm guessing, well, religion brings shame. Yeah. Part of it has to be. And also boners, they're doing stuff. Like your dick's, it's changing in a way that might be embarrassing. And if you're like, say, you're hunting, you know, you're chasing that deer again. maybe you got adrenaline. And maybe with that shot of adrenaline

hunting a deer, you get an erection. Yeah. And then, you know, your friends who are there are like, oh, he wants to fuck a deer. And you're like, no, I'm just excited about it hunting. Brother, it's Mr. Deer fucker. No, don't call me that. I make love to my wife.

Yeah. You've invented wives. Yeah. Yeah. And plus, again, if you know, that's pointing out all angry. Yeah. That, you know, getting caught on like, say, I don't know, a berry bush.

That's not going to be good. It's not good. You don't want to thorn in your knob. Yeah. I saw like on... Who invented wives? You did invent... I love having sex with you. Maybe we should do that forever?

Yeah. Until one of us dies. Yeah. And we should have some kind of ceremony for it. People celebrate that we're going to fuck forever. Yeah. Until one of us dies. Yeah.

Maybe have a kid, I guess. You're celebrating that. And plus we can, you know, well, with two of us that are joined, we can do a joint tax return and we can get a little bit more back. That's true. That motherfucker. 500 bucks. It's fucked up.

Two weeks. Who invented taxes? That's the question, dude. Who did invent taxes? Some piece of shit. Yeah. Pontius pilot? No, no.

Just after killing Jesus Christ. Wasn't he a tax guy? Or no, I'm getting made parables to do things. But yeah, who invented taxes? Some fucking king. Yeah, some fucking guy. Robin Hood. Yeah.

Robyn Hood. Kill the rich. Break into my tax office. Why don't we get, like, yeah, well, it's still Robin Hood shoes. Yes, dude. Get the power to kill a sheriff or whatever. Imagine you'll vote like you've celebrated Robin Hood and then Robert Hood turns up to your door.

You're like, wait, I'm the bad guy. Yeah, you have a house. Fuck. Yeah, dude, but you... Wait, I'm like, wait, hang on. That's the bar now, Robin Hood? Just having a house, dude? For clarification listeners, I am not.

I'm not worried about Robin Hood. Robert Hood is not coming for me, dude. But I'm worried that I might fall through the gaps. Well, what happens? Robin Hood, he robs from the... rich to give the poor. He gives you a bunch of money. You become the rich. Is he coming to you? Yeah. That's, what

the fuck? What do you mean what the fuck? Well, what's? Don't give me the money then. No, but like there's a lot of steps between it's not like he doesn't rob all of the richest wealth and then give the money to you and then do the grandpa Simpson

Walk circle, come back and back the money again. I guess that is what I was picturing him giving me like, you know, $30,000. He's $100,000. Oh my God, thank you so much. Guys, the first known system of taxation was in ancient Egypt around 3,000 to 2,800 BC. Pants were invented first.

Of the old kingdom of Egypt. We invented pants before we had pants but no taxes. Imagine that, dude. Imagine that. Man, we've been getting fucked by the taxman for so long. 5,000 years of getting fucked. Yeah, dude. By the taxman.

Was it ancient Egypt where we've like one of the earliest forms of writing we have is a guy bitching about how somebody fucked up his grain or something? No, no, no. It was a clay, a clay shipment. Yeah, that's awesome, dude. Was it a clay shipment? He didn't bring it in time. I'm writing it down, which is a huge effort because I have to chisel every wood. But I'm that pissed off.

Fuck this one guy. Fuck this wall I'm riding on. Yeah, A. Nacier was the oldest customer complaint because he fucked. Rocks, dude. That's awesome. That is awesome. It's good that like some of our oldest depiction of stuff is just people being pissed off still. Yeah, dude.

Hey, He said a shit. He promised me good copper. Yeah, and he fucked me over. And then you've got the guy being like, hey, here's the first depiction of Jesus Christ. Oh yeah, Alex and Manorthos or whatever worships is gone. It's like, hey, this is your god. This is you, dude.

You're this guy. Yeah, praying to a donkey had on a cross? No, I'm not. No, I'm not. He was a man. Dude, this is you for real. Looks like a donkey to me, dude. Yeah, you fucking idiot.

And all graffiti is awesome. There's heaps of shit like, you know, Tharoos fucked a bunch of people here. Like, it's all like that, dude. It's the best. Human beings just haven't changed. Yeah, what if we just never have... The only difference that's happened

at our lifetime is that we found the phone. Yeah, we got phones. That's probably the only change that's happened to humanity. Yeah. I think that's fair to say. Anyway, why do you want to be a condortionist? Was it a day you're an ass?

No, I just thought it'd be awesome to be able to get in places. Oh, yeah. Like your own asshole? Like be sleepy, get behind. My tax office to get my money. Yeah, well, I could. You know?

Because I thought contortionism is like, it's like a real superpower. Yeah. You know what I mean? You can put me in a box. Yeah. Like, it's not something a normal human being can do. Let me shake the box. Don't do that, dude.

My bones are all dislocated so I could fit in the box. Well, we'll finally make a shrewdinger's Jackson. If you shake the box, you will fuck me up, dude. Is he dead? We don't know. He's definitely dead. You go from contortionist to man stuck in the shape of a cube. You made me a cube.

You, man. Okay. But it would be impressive. Like, you could join the circus. Yeah, exactly. Which is, I feel like your dream. I would love to be in the circus, dude. The sense of community.

Yeah, man. You just like, no, I already get to travel town to town. You want to be in the circus is because it feels like the most modern connection to like a scheme or like a mob of shitty underworld. Yeah. That's a big part of it, dude. You know? Screwing over the townies. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. And they hate us. When we come into town, they hate, they hate a fucking guts. But there's some allure, you know? is some allure. Who are these circus men? Yeah. You know?

Maybe they're a little bit sexy. I don't know. The contortion is less so. He's not typically the sexiest. It feels like, hey, does anyone want to see me eat my own ass? No. No, I don't. Yeah, yeah.

But does feel like, yeah, you want to be in the circus in like dust bowl of America during the Depression. Yeah. I'd like to be there. I'd like to be in the freak show and they go, this is, behold, the man who's not very clever. And I go, hey, that's it. Ask him any question, and he probably won't know the answer. No, no, I know this one. Now, give me this test me.

Yeah, test me with a question. Any question I'll answer it. Probably not great. Duh. Sorry, we've been traveling a lot. I haven't been very much. I don't know. Is it a Sunday?

It's the weekend, because that's when we do our show. It's a Thursday night. Fuck. Really? Yeah. Are you sure? Anyway, there's a guy with flippers in the carriage next to me. It's probably better to see.

Whoa. Yeah. Have a good. See ya. Bye. Probably shouldn't be talking myself down. I'm not making

very much money for the ringleader. It's also funny to imagine you're a guy that's not very clever because you're like a contortionist but you just keep forgetting. Oh yeah,

fuck, sorry, yeah. I go, oh man, I need a drink and I just slip out of the very thin bars.

What? What was that? I don't know. What was what, I'm leaving. I'm on break. I'm on break right now, then you're like,

you know, roll forward as you kind of like a contortionist roll to get your sandwich. Yeah. You're a contortionist. I don't think so. No, I'm just a man.

I'm not very clever. I'm not the smartest man in the world. I'm figuring. I'm figuring it out. Take it one day at a time. Just like everyone else. Learning is that going as a girl. You know, every day is a blessing.

Yeah. On this fuck-ass earth. On this fucking wretched earth of ours. Yeah. Well, we've all picked wonderful shoes. Yes. Beautiful discussion. Beautiful discussion.

Some real good stuff. Yeah. in today's episode. A real hater, they're saying. And also, just to remind, this was a listener question.

Yeah, so I want to say shout out to Princess Farras. I hope this was to your liking. Yeah, I hope this is exactly how you imagined this would call. The infamous like Mike episode.

The like mic incident. Well, on that note, I've been, Joe. I've been Joe. I've been Joe. Just to remind you can sign up

to Bad Brain Boys through Sandspins Radio or through Apple Podcast. You get a whole bunch of shit. Yes, please. And if you know how I can get out of a $500 tax bill, please let me know. There's got to be some things, right? There's got to be something.

What? Should I have raised my voice? Yes. There's got to be. There's got to be sad. I think maybe if you cut off a bunch of hair, put it in an envelope and just send it to the tax man. I'd be like, I think that could do. In my house, hair is money?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was imagining it's sort of deranged threat, but I like this. Oh, to me, hair is money. Me hair is money Oh hair's not money to you? And then I said another envelope of hair But with nothing And then it's a thread as well

Yeah That's really good And you send more hair And you're like You're robbing me Every hay I'm so much money to me A guy whose hair is money to them

Yeah I hope you're happy With all of my hair Enjoy your new moustache Made of my hair To me Mustaches are the highest form of wealth It's like wearing a hundred dollars

on your face. Yeah, I now no longer have mustache and you must be so rich in you. I hate you tax, man. You've taken everything from me. Except my actual money because I refuse to give it to you because to me hair is money. To me hair is money and money is hair. It's worthless to me. So there's no reason if I'm...

Me sending you money that you think is money is insane. That's like me sending you hair. That's like me sending you money. Be happy. Be happy with hair. Okay. Rewened me financially for hair. For money, I'm doing fine. Yeah, I'm all right. Okay?

Well, goodbye. See ya.