Plumbing the Death Star - Why Did They Make Droids Like That?

Episode Date: January 23, 2022

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Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. Where we ask the important questions like, why did they make droids like that? Okay, so I was watching, like, the book of

Bubby Fett, and there's, like... Robert Fett book of Bubby Fett. Robert Fett. Yeah, Robert Fett. Yeah, Robert Fettuccine. The most Italian man in the galaxy. Yeah, yeah. The small sign of Robert Fettuccine. So there's a scene where they're doing this train heist.

Oh my god, spoilers! I know, it's him and the Tuskens. I don't want to say Raiders, because that just feels weird. But also saying Tusken is also just kind of strange. No, that makes it sound like they're from Tuscany. That's nice. We're backing in. We're continuing the Italian. The Tuscans and Robert Fettuccine. Robert Fettuccine in Under the Tuscan Sun

Yeah, go on So they rob this train They're trying to get this train to stop And it's being driven by a droid Two different things, by the way Whatever, it's the same shit Look, I was watching it while I was doing my laundry Alright, leave me alone

Okay, that makes more sense It's good to watch Spider-Man 2 and confuse the same thing, but Spider-Man's trying to rob that train. Oh, my God. Wasn't he the good guy? What does he do? The train's being a piece of shit and shooting all the Tuskens, and then they're like, we've got to stop this train,

and I think maybe they're also robbing it because there's water. Whatever. Okay, point. The droid is driving the train. The droid's freaking out that all this shit's happening, and so he puts the NOS button, and it all goes sick and goes real fast for a while. Oh, yeah, train NOS. Yes.

And then- Train NOS. Tros. Old mate Robert Fettuccine, he comes in and he's like, stop the train. And the droid starts freaking out a little bit and then just jumps out the window. jumps out the window. And it just kind of got me thinking, why do they program droids to have, like, survival?

You know what I mean? They program them with a fear of death. Yeah. It reminds me a lot of a question that a great man once asked, which is, why did they make droids like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That great man was me at the start of this episode well with the train droid yeah in the train droids defense no sorry shut up in the manufacturer in the defense of the train droid yeah in the defense of the manufacturer of the train droid yeah are you

saying a better alternative is every time you lose a train you lose a train droid well again it kind of comes down to like manufacturing don't mark that makes sense it does make sense but the thing is i don't know if i would have programmed the like a droid to maybe pilot the train as opposed to making like the train itself a droid which we have seen in star wars millennium falcon famously has that due to solo or whatever yeah it just feels like they've programmed droids for like pain and programmed droids to fear death and like programmed droids so that they've either like the ability of self-replicating ai so that they like they're intelligent so that we've gotten to that point

but we also treat them basic well we treat them like slaves yeah they're doing the like the the tasks that we don't want to do and i'm guessing they're not getting paid because what does a droid want i don't i don't what does a droid need to spend money on i don't know nothing yeah food oil killing humans yeah i think i just need some clarification because i may have based on your yeah i mean yeah i guess like if jackson's thing is true it means i've misunderstood what you were saying because i assume when you said the train droid jumped out of the train yeah it wasn't jumping out for survival but jumping out for the opposite of survival just because it was done with this

i thought you meant that it jumped out and killed it no no no no it dropped out for survival it was done with this shit. I thought you meant that it dropped out and killed itself. No, no, no, no, no, no. It dropped out for survival. It was basically being like, right, I got this famed Italian here who's got a gun on me, or I've got the harsh desert of Tatooine, and I'm going to choose the harsh desert. And so the droid's like, yoink, and runs. People can't be upset that you said Tatooine wrong there because you also said desert.

So you just need to understand that It just doesn't add up at all He could have said anything that would have come out wrong No because if you imagine I'm Johnny Train Okay Owner of Johnny Train's big to toonie trains And I hear on the news Johnny Train's big fat desert trains

Mr Jackson the train bailey aren't you johnny mr johnny jackson the big fat train bailey yeah one of your big fat desert trains exploded in the desert because of tuscans i think to myself well at least i could go out in the desert collect my fucking train droid at least i got that but and also to add i guess more insult to injury to i'm not sure who to exactly but the train is full of just like some fucking guys that they're they're alive and they got guns and they're shooting at the tuscans and they just get got. So it just seems you're kind of merging like Ottomans and droids and like people. I just don't know what the worker, what the working rights are.

And I don't know what, is a droid cheaper than a human life or an alien life or whatever? It's in poor taste for me to be like thank god my train droid survived when thousands of people died in the train crash I think that's good I think you should go to the train crash victims funerals

with your droid and say do not cry because my droid is okay hi I'm Jackson I'm Johnny Jackson hang on excuse me sorry let me get this straight in my head i'm johnny jackson the big bad trains bailey and this is the droid that killed your family or whatever you could do whatever you like to him as punishment he's a bat he's like if you're hiring a train draw you got a train droid and you're like you're the pilot surely you're like well pilot of

the train it's yeah it's yeah it's cheaper to hire just regular guys that can die than it is to get droids or just like an automated gun that will maybe detect uh like a sentry gun you're like here's what you do to drive your your train, you get an automated gun. Okay, and press start. Just shoot the go button. It just shoots the engine. Damn it, this is the stupidest idea I've ever had. It just shoots the train.

No, you get like a sensory gun that will detect threats. They can drive the train. No, but detect threats. The sensory gun is a train driver's seat. It goes off. It just shoots the windshield out. Well, in a train, you can put it on the roofs or throughout the... Then who's driving? A droid!

I'm going to drive. You basically... I just don't understand why you are automating... You've doubled your expenses here. Now you've got a gun and a droid rather than just a droid. So it is cheaper, I would assume, just guys than it is to get droids. Yeah, right? I will assume, just guys than it is to get droids. Yeah, right? I will say, this might help.

I have opened my most feared and maybe the most dangerous website on the internet, Wikipedia. Uh-oh. Shit. Oh, dear. And I will say that much like in Blade Runner, where they use replicants to do missions that are more dangerous than, you know, bigger wrists than you would put a regular guy in.

Yeah. That was also what droids were invented for. Okay. So not, like, currently. Because I don't know about, like, being a guy that can, like, shoot at the Tuscans versus driving a train. Which one's more deadly? So droids, less commonly known as robots and automatons.

Automatons? Automatons? I said automatons before and that just feels wrong. I think it's automatons. Yeah, but it's auto M-A-T-O-N-S. Automatons. Yeah, automatons. Automatons, yeah.

Automatons. You say automaton, I say automaton. Let's just call that thing off. Where mechanical beings are possessed were... What? What happened? Oh, no. Droids, less commonly known as robots or automatons,

were mechanical beings that possessed artificial intelligence. They were used in a variety of roles and environments, often those considered too menial or too dangerous for other species, but also in fields that required extensive specialization and knowledge. So maybe driving a train's boring in Star Wars. That's something we didn't consider. That's true. So you're going to get a guy to do it. Driving train, boring.

Shooting at Tuskens, fun. See? Dangerous. Here's the thing. And I hate that you've made me go on Wikipedia as well, because I immediately have fallen down a terrible hole. First, I learned that, you know, gonk droids? Those ones that are basically like,

what if a vending machine had human legs or whatever? Human legs and pain receptors in its feet Yeah I know Those are 5th class droids So those are real Up there in terms of Like the droid quality But also they speak their own language

Gonkian You can't do that Star Wars Why does a gonk droid Need to speak its own language? Why does it need to talk at all? No, wait. Hang on. So, Hank, did they program it a new language?

Did they program it a language? Or is the AI complicated enough that it can develop its own language? Because if machines are talking to each other that we don't know what they're plotting, I'm scared of the droids. As Wikipedia says, the Gonk Droid was a type of well-known power droid. Was. That's good. I like that. It means they're extinct. All right, go on. The Gonk Droid spoke Gonkian.

Full stop. The end. That's all you're going to know. Don't worry about it. Is there a hyperlink to Gonkian? No. No, no, no Gonkian is for the Gonk droids alone It's up for us to speak But I just feel like

If two computers Or like robots Or automatons Are they talking to each other in a language that we Like Sapient species don't understand Or can't even comprehend because it's the mind Automatons or homonons. Are they talking to each other in a language that we, like, sapient species don't understand or can't even comprehend because it's the mind of a machine? Yeah.

That's not good. And we are clearly in the Star Wars universe, we are not kind to gonk droids. But maybe it's because I don't need to know what the hell a gonk droid's talking about. Maybe if I did understand Gonkian, I'd be annoyed. What can Gonkians do? Yeah. They gonk around. What can Gonkians do? I mean, yeah.

They gonk around. Can they pick up a gun? I think they have no hands. They've just got legs coming out the bottom of a freezer. I think Gonk droids are just... How heavy are they? Because if they can squish me, I'm a little bit more afraid. No, they're not that big.

I mean, they could probably give you a concussion if they fell from a great height. One tripped over, yeah. Played that on your head. So they can't assassinate you, yeah? No, they're just power banks, basically. That's all they are. A gong droid is like a little generator.

Speaking of that, who's that for? So speaking of assassins, there is assassin droids. Yeah. IG-88. You program a robot to go kill someone So speaking of like, sorry, assassins, like there is assassin droids. Yeah. Which makes sense. Yeah. You program a robot to go kill someone because then you're like, did I kill someone? No, the machine did.

No, IG-88. What are the moral quandaries there? I didn't do it. Meatbags. However, they're usually under their own like control. They're not being, you know what I mean? Yeah. So. No one's telling c3p you

know to be that annoying he just sounds yeah so so it's kind of like not only are we going to give this robot um the means and skills to kill like say in the mandalorian there's that guy just comes out and he's like starts shooting everything uh and like a big kind of spin. Yeah, another IG droid. I know Star Wars. Yeah, I can tell. So not only did we give this ability of knowledge and skill of killing folk and killing sapien life, we also gave them the ability to turn down contracts.

Yeah. Why? Are the droids at a certain point making more droids? Is that what happened? Yeah, I think so. But they're so downtrodden, which is confusing. Sort of. Do the droids have a class system?

Do the droids have in their own a hierarchy? We know Gonk droids are the fifth class. Yeah, Gonk droids are a fifth class droid. What does that mean? Does that mean that they're lower than four? Or are they just higher than four? Here's what I know about Gonk droids. They are a level 5 droid.

They speak gonkian? No arms. That's all I know about gonk droids. You've exhausted my gonk knowledge. What does a 5th class or a class 5 droid mean? I'm about to find out if I can find what a class 1 droid is. 5th class droids, also known as fifth degree droids, sure. A droid's programmed for

menial tasks and non-intelligence intensive jobs. Okay, so we've lobotomized... It's actually bad to be a fifth class. So we've lobotomized AI, right? Yeah, what did you think that meant, Jackson? Do you think fifth was better than first? I thought fifth was like fifth generation. No, that'd be fifth generation,

not fifth class. Why would they say fifth class? What? You're an idiot. You're a fifth class guy. That's why I was so confused, because I was like, why is the fifth generation of droids just cubes

with legs? So basically, have we given in some time in the past in star wars past like the the the high republic or even earlier than that it's it's it's like you got you got like ai very intelligent very smart and then we're like well we need to definitely new to this and so eventually we've bought like you know we now have some which are basically like lobotomized and that's the gonk droid but but there are some that are either escaping programming or something like that that yeah can just like kill on a whim first degree or class one droids this is kind of confusing well not confusing but it's like these droids

aren't like i was expecting like the most hectic of droids to be class one but class one droids are droids program for the mathematical, medicinal, or physical sciences. Subcategories of the first degree include medical droids, biological science droids, physical science droids, and mathematical droids. You've just said the same thing there twice, guys. So it's just the smart,

very intelligent, highly intelligent, I guess highly reactive droids. You know, like the fucking guys that are looking after Luke when he's in the fucking back of the tank. Yeah, the medical guys. Oh, yeah, and like the droids that are looking after Almedala, like a woosa, woosa, woosa. Yeah.

Those ones. She's dead because she thought she was too sad to leave. Why do they not make the droids look nice? That's my question. Why do they make them the droids look nice? That's my question. Why do they make them scary? The Woosa droids look pretty good. The Woosa droids look okay. Every other medical droid looks like the Grim Specter of Death.

I hate it. There's one that looks kind of like an Ood from Doctor Who, but like if Ood was a robot. You got, like, well, that's the thing. They're built for purpose. So if you look at, say, some of the battle droids, right? Okay. Before we get to the battle droids,

I want you to look up the 2-1B series medical droid. Yeah, sick. No worries. For what? Okay. I'll just link it in the chat. No. 2-B6?

Was that what it is? D-1-1B-series medical droid. Okay? Yeah, easy. I want you to tell me what the function of making that medical droid's face look like a skull was. To tear off. Okay. It's to terrify me into being better.

Why? When they're like, don't worry, Jackson, it's a medical droid. It's got a claw and a needle. A needle makes sense. But it's got a claw. Yeah, it's a medical droid it's got a claw and a needle the needle makes sense but it's got a claw yeah it's horrible it's the most horrible looking droid in the world why does it look like it's wearing a gas mask what's the function there maybe it's replicating uh because again what okay so when we when we make machines and and like yeah that kind of stuff, we tend to kind of want them to look like us, for example. So a lot of sci-fi, we kind of tend to make them after us.

So they kind of look vaguely humanoid. Again, look at Blade Runner, the replicants look like humans. So we're very much like we're replicating ourselves because we're creating ourselves. And then you kind of look into other kind of media where you're like, oh, it's a bit strange. Like, if you look at Interstellar, for example, the robot's just a big fucking, like, cube or whatever. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And so, but, you know, it depends about, like, function versus, like,

you know, initially I'm guessing you're looking at function and form, as it were. Yeah. If you look at, like, even today's, like, robots with, like, the big dog or whatever, they're very much being replicated and modelled after a scary donkey. Whereas I guess the 2-1-B series might be replicated and modelled after some other kind of alien species that looked like that. Maybe they're modelled after the Ood.

And they were very good at like, so in Doctor Who, one of the Tenet episodes I think, they go to a planet, like the medical planet, everyone has like, you know, there's like a hole underneath and everyone's got super cancer and they're using them to cure the people who are above. And like, all the medical staff are basically

cat people. And so it's like the implication there is that the cat people are just cat people and so the implication there is that the cat people are just great at medicine so maybe in the Star Wars universe the Ood looking guys were great at medicine and then we so-so for the Star Wars citizen

this is a comforting figure maybe I have fallen in way too deep i like the the website wins again again yeah um so yeah gene tech was a small medicinal research company that manufactured the MediSensor and then produced the 2-1B surgical droid. Surgical droids are 4,300 credits. Yep.

But GeneTek... History gets murky because GeneTek became entangled a couple of years after the production of the 2-1B. Became entangled in a series of legal battles. Was a similarly named Gene Tech Corporation, a much larger droid manufacturer. Claiming copyright infringement based on the company's similar names.

Gene Tech's lawyers tied Gene Tech up for expensive litigation and the smaller company lost. Star Wars, man! Exciting intergalactic legal court how about this how about this how about this so and then they lost the rights to the 21b and now i'm trying to find out what they've based it off because i've i think i can get that okay well you i'm i'm gonna like like maybe put like a like a hypothesis okay maybe it's like it's very humanoid-esque in a way and it's like the first kind of things that we're doing it. And it's like the first kind of model of, like, say, the 2IB series.

So it could be like, you know, the 1A series or whatever it might have been. So they're kind of looking like this. I quickly scanned Wikipedia, and they were saying, because they've got modular arms. So again, they're very good at kind of like, you know, well, you know, we need a bone saw or we need this, like a pill dispenser. Let's have that on the arm instead. And so these were like the sort of first iteration of a medical droid.

So even though they are like, say, the visage of death itself, it becomes associated with medicine. Oh, I see what you mean. And so because it's been mass produced on a scale even bigger than for us, like some countries. You're like, well, I know the grim visage of death and I'm about to be treated medically. Okay, can I give you another one? I got another droid, Samit, that I think leans into your theory that they're modeled off individuals.

Yeah. Can you look up the GU series Guardian Police Droid, please? Okay. This has been clearly modeled off an English Bobby, okay? So wait, GU series? GU series Guardian Police Droid. Clearly modeled off one of London's finest classic 1950s police bobby right it's got a baton clearly someone in star wars yeah all right all right what's all this then the robot

oh okay here's where things get even more fucking confusing and fucked up. Gonk droids. Fifth degree droid. Uh-huh. 2-1-B medical looks like death, guys. Yeah. First degree droid. Yeah.

Bobby droids. Fourth degree droid. So they're only one step up from a gonk droid. Also, they cost 8,100 credits. I shouldn't be able to buy a cop droid. My favorite thing about this Wikipedia page is the quote they've got at the top.

Put your hands up, a guardian police droid. Thank you, Wikipedia. Fabulous stuff. This article is about the Coruscant security force model. You may be looking for a different police droid. Okay. Oh, yeah. Show me other ones. Okay. Do they all look like

English bobbies? No. One of them has a big gun. Well, hmm. So at the end, apparently they were largely phased out and their functions taken over by storm troopers. So that's something. What? What? I guess, well, I guess, and this brings us back to something that I think we've discussed in the past. phased out and their functions taken over by storm troopers so that's something what what i guess well i guess and this brings us back to something that i think we've discussed in the past droids

you know the clone wars is droids v clones two groups who cares who cares so i guess replacing a droid with a clone is kind of the same thing like it's much of a muchness one's just nicer to look at you know what i mean well i guess like what are the benefits okay i guess yeah if we can look at like i guess droid v clone what are the benefits here so it's like well a droid you can chuck into like dangerous places um because they are made from metal but you can do that with a clone however a clone is is still susceptible to, say, like, radiation levels and, you know, fire. The cold, like, the cold depth of space. It's awesome you can't set a droid on fire. That's amazing.

You can set a droid on fire. Droids have been on fire before. How? They're made of metal. What? Yeah, but. What is wrong with you? An oven can catch fire.

You can melt it. Yeah. R2-D2 is on fire, I reckon, every movie he's in. 90% of the time. He's always on fire and going, Woo! Yeah. Luke lands in Dagobah and he's like,

Anyway, R2, and he lights a match and drops it on his head. Light the way. Highly flammable. We're going to burn this just swamp down until only Yoda's left. And now a quick word from our sponsors.

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with many of them having a choose price option so I could swindle them by choosing $0. Oh shit, they do? I just gotta head to sanspantsradio.com slash shop, click on downloads and perusal the garbage they have on offer and then give them nothing?

Well, dreams can come true. Thanks sanspantsradio.com slash shop for letting me take advantage of you and not setting a minimum spend. You dumb fucks. So if you're looking at like, yeah, if you've got a bunch of droids and a bunch of clones, if you have a problem at it and you throw like a bunch of clones at it, a lot of those, you know, say, for example, get a very hot environment, a lot of those clones will die from exposure.

a lot of those clones will die from exposure. Whereas droids, if you, I guess, build them to live in that environment, they won't. But I guess you can also make armor that the clones could wear that they would be able to survive that. Or you clone some guy from that environment that would be fine. And if you can do that, can you splice, say, say we have salamander people who love fire. Dangerous. Could you then grab some Say we have salamander people who love fire. Dangerous.

Could you then grab some of that DNA and chuck them into a clone of Bobby Fett and then be like, now we got flame retardant Bobby Fetts? They never really go down that line of thinking, do they? If I'm a monster, I have no moral standards. They do a little bit. It is addressed In Attack of the Clones Because like they give

Like I mean That's where Robert Fettuccine Is born Because like Jang goes like Yeah Giorgio Fett Is like

Giordano Fett Giordano Fettuccine Sorry Yeah Giordano Fettuccine Yeah Give me a boy A normal A normal

A growing boy. Mamma mia. I don't want a boy that is the same age as his father in four seconds. I want a little boy, train him to be good, and then he holds my color pen. I'm not going to play football with. I'm not going to teach him how to roll out a pizza. That kind of stuff. That's what I want.

Because, yeah, so they do talk about, like, because I can see where we're going here. They do kind of touch on it. But, yeah, they don't talk about it in like a, hey, we could make super soldiers way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which they should. Also, why did they, I know we're going to be talking about droids, but in terms of clones, who decided that Jango Fett was the guy?

Oh, dude. He's the guy. Of all the people to clone, he's pretty good. Who were you thinking? Maybe a Jedi? You can't. Well, I don't know if you can clone Jedi.

I guess Palpatine cloned himself or whatever. Who knows? Come on, I don't know if you can clone Jedi. I guess Palpatine cloned himself or whatever. Who knows? Come on, I got a bit of Mayweather in the juice. Could I be like, hey, long necks, can I clone him? I've actually found out why Jango's the guy.

I mean, obviously he's the guy, Jackson. He's the guy. And this probably should have been in the movie. And in the same way A thing that I think Was spoken about But probably not for Fucking seven years Because this podcast

Has been going on For longer than I've been alive At this point in time Basically If this podcast Were a clone It'd be dead by now Yeah

That's true Of old age Old age and irrelevance And because of getting bad Or worse over the years Yeah Yeah It's like that whole

Degradation of a cell happens People would look at the clone And be like, this peaked in 2016 When has all this clone in person? Oh wow, they got like Best of iTunes in 2016 And in 2017 Did they get any after?

Oh, I see they didn't You'll actually find that it was 2015-2017 2017 I think the quality's been dropping since then Oh, I see they didn't. You'll actually find that it was 2015, 2017. 2017. I think the quality's been dropping since then. For this clone, I mean. So we've mentioned this before, that the tone of the prequel series would make way more sense. Well, not the tone, but the plotting.

If Dooku had been revealed to be the guy that organized the clones, but wasn't Dooku, but Dooku was the one to be the guy that organized the clones. Yeah. It wasn't Dooku. No. But Dooku was the one who picked Jango to be the clone. Because he's us. Because he's good at killing Jedi. Jango had killed five Jedi with his bare hands. That's pretty neat.

It would have been nice to have seen that in the film. Yeah. As opposed to dying to every Jedi he's seen in Game of Thrones. But does that show a distinct lack of understanding of how clones work

at the part of Dooku? Where he's like, this guy killed five Jedis with his bare hands. And they're like, well, that's no guarantee that the clones will. What are you talking about, Dooku?

He's your guy. He's the guy. Jango's the guy. Jango's the guy. Jango's the guy! I'm Gatoku! Like, when it comes to droids v. clones, though, I feel like... Like, droids surely would be harder to kill,

because, like... They're made of metal. Yeah. Yeah, and if you put a bullet in a droid's head, it... Yeah, two scenarios. Archie and Gigi's on fire all the time. Yeah, exactly.

Well, you got a droid and a clone tied up on their knees And a gun I shoot the droid in the back of the hand I shoot the gonk droid in the back of the hand He cusses me out and gonk in his I don't understand it And he carries on gonking around I shoot a clone

He fucking dies The gonk droid turns around and kicks me with one of his legs and i only brought two bullets so i'm gonna get out of there well there is this kind of i i think it's a deer in in military right so it's like a lot of um say like uh when you're engaging with the enemy that kind of stuff a lot of um shots tend to miss and people don't really like like why is that kind of stuff and like i might be again misremembering something i vaguely read one time many years ago and it was this idea that like inherently it's like shooting something very familiar to you i.e another person or trying to kill another person it's like psychologically you don't want to do it so you miss right and so a

very i guess a way when you're engaging in an enemy force and you kind of want that, you know, enemy force, you know, got is you try and dehumanize them. You sort of dehumanize the other. And what you're saying is what's less human than a droid? So, well, the thing is, like, a droid is very, yeah, not very human at all. You can look at that and be like, oh, whatever. It's a robot, you know, brap, brap, two in the head. in the head but a clone or a guy you're like well that's just a fucking guy which i think is maybe why they made like some of the battle droids look like a dog um so so they're like oh you can't kill that he's a dog man you can't use a dog it's cute you shouldn't

shoot him that guy's a fish you can kill a fish don't kill a dog whereas like when they then upgraded little dog um robots to like the big hulking guys clearly that was just some guy had like a muscle fetish and be like who's gonna shoot this hunky man no one's gonna shoot a hunk i really like taking that logic across to the like service droids and like on the package that the c-3po or the 3po series comes in they're like kill it with no remorse is he annoying you you won't feel bad about shooting c-3po and i won't i think you would though because again he's got like he looks like a dude and uh i think that that's that might be kind of maybe why some of the the droids were sort of like modeled after that because like again the the likes of the battle droids the

rolly guys yeah rolly guy whatever you see jedis but again jedis also just rip through the dog ones maybe jedis hate dogs ever seen a jedi love a dog i haven't jedis can't love they can't love anything what are those main droids in the war battle droids battle droids little dog guys the guys who say roger roger yeah they look like dogs they look like dogs they look like snoopy come on they do look like snoopy, no, that's fair. And Snoopy is famously... A dog. You got me there. They don't look like dogs, they just look like this famous dog. You're an idiot. Yeah, I know.

What is Roger Roger if not a woof woof? Yeah, well, it's also weird that they never gave any of the droids skin. Like, they probably could. Well, to make them more human. Question. Is the reason why we replaced a lot of our droids with clones is because clones were easier to program for some godforsaken reason?

I don't... Maybe. With the whole Order 66, apparently there was a chip in the brain or whatever which made the clones be like like oh yeah whereas if you did that to a droid would they use it? But it's infused? Is a droid's whole brain not a chip?

That's what I'm like right? Why not that? Well maybe the clone thing just feels like Dooku saw Jango kill some Jedi's with his bare hands and then got a bee in his bonnet and then all of a sudden the clone war happened just because he was like, yeah,

I reckon this, this is the guy. This is the guy. Well, it worked. I mean, yeah, he was right.

He was the guy. You don't see battle droids in fighting Luke Skywalker. No, every, every star Wars droid in the original trilogy is dirty and old. Pretty old, pretty much no-gun. Well, maybe it was this kind of thing where we developed this intelligent robot

and then we're like, cool, you go and maybe self-replicate and kind of make others like you and we'll better society and do that kind of stuff. And then something happened where that technology was lost. And again, kind of like in multiplicity, how Michael Keaton- Obviously. Yeah. So how Michael Keaton, when he clones himself, it's like, okay, there's a clone.

But when you clone a clone, oh, things go bad. And so with the AI replicating themselves, maybe some were damaged, maybe something happened along the way. And so the old schematics or whatever got corrupted or lost and so they're kind of making more robots but they're kind of a little bit stupid but they have kind of more free will as it were and so we may have like missed this like robot like utopia in the in the past because now what we're getting is kind of idiots all the duds yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we've seen the clones do go bad as made famous in the bad batch yeah so cloning jango fett even

though he's the guy can go horribly wrong when it turns out like you can end up with freaks but i guess like it doesn't really make sense to me what has happened like i mean i don't know why you go clones over droids i mean the clones won but i feel like that they only that only happened due to sneakiness not really the one maybe a clone could be sneaky where a droid can't yeah maybe there is a limit to programming for a droid but then like general grievous is a droid And he's like a fucking cyborg Kinda Cause I've been yelled at for this before So He's a guy who's got robot bits

No but hey who makes droids When I go down to the shop I say I'd like a droid please Well Anakin makes a droid Like he's just like one dude So you can just do it So like you can make a droid as an individual. I don't want to make, I want to buy a droid.

I know, I know, I know. I'm just trying to work this out. Okay, okay, okay. So an individual can make a droid. You've got the military and those factions and they're clearly making droids for their own purpose because every X-Wing needs a little R2. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little R2 on the top.

But there would be contractors who would be building those droids. So in like Last Jedi, the casino planet and all those kind of like around that. And like old Benicio Del Toro. He's like a weapons dealer, yeah? Surely it would be the same kind of concept of selling droids and making droids. So they'd be like, very similar to our world, they'd be manufacturers having contracts with some different parties to manufacture said things.

Yeah, but are there droid shops? Yes. Surely. So I, if I lived in Star Wars, I could just toot them down to the high street. I need you to think about the first 15 minutes of the first Star Wars. Well, no, because he's going to a Jawa.

Luke Skywalker's in the desert. Yeah, but it's like a secondhand droid shop. Well, that's not- Yeah, but it's- That's like a lost and found. It's not the high street. It's not a buy-in. That's like trash and treasure.

No, it's like going to the fucking- It's like going to Akashi's. Akashi Converters. Yeah, the only deal in stolen goods. It's like going to Akashi's. cash converters Yeah the only deal in stolen goods It's like going to a cashies You okay fair Yep I see it Hey cash converters why do you have 15 sealed blu-rays

Of the same movie Somebody delivered them to us Out of the goodness of their heart Move along Got any other questions Other questions wise guy yeah um also i i just googled like who is the most powerful droid because i was trying to see like what is there like you know the upper upper upper yeah and coming in at number 10 is r2d2 which is whatever also he's not powerful but the picture is him on fire which

i found funny that is good i guess what i'm thinking like a 3po right that's like a butler droid right yeah it's a um um human cyborg cyborg relations fuck what is the word he says before that? I don't know. Hello, it's me, C-3PO. I am a human cyborg relations. Astro boy? I don't know. He's going to kill me. He says it so many times.

Protocol droid. Yeah. So what's that? It's a protocol. Well, a protocol is something you program, right? Like you follow these things. I don't know. So is that just like an obedient droid? Yeah, what does that mean?

Does that mean that I get... So what it feels like that means is if I need to go talk to droids, I get C-3PO to be my like go-between guy. He is... So it's a protocol droid designed to interact with organics, programmed primarily for etiquette and protocol. So he went to a finishing school. That's great.

He's a butler bot. Which means I could, if I go down to the droidery, I could pay 10,000 credits. Yeah, but he's a butler bot. He also is like a butler. Translation ain't etiquette. Yeah, but he's fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. That's great. That's great. What if I'm entertaining? Fluent in 6 million forms of etiquette yeah but he's fluent in over six million forms of communication that's great that's great what if i'm entertaining fluent in six million forms of etiquette because like i'm surely like

each culture would have their own what what etiquette is right yeah he leans over to me and he's like jackson when having dinner with these people who have trunks you need to you suck up your dinner with your trunk and i'm like I don't have a fucking trunk C-3PO we're often at sort of loggerheads with each other but I could buy C-3PO or a C-3PO droid

from the droidery and have him in my house and I own him at that point I don't employ him, he is my property yes like C-3PO is basically Anakin's property own him at that point yeah i don't employ him yeah he is my property yeah yes well yeah like like c-3po is basically anakin's property yeah yeah or anakin's son in a lot of ways yeah c-3po is more like anakin's child yeah he's more like anakin's child than luke is correct yeah yeah when he met luke sky on Tootoonie or whatever,

he should have been like, you're my brother. Yeah, yeah. What are the odds? Yeah, that's fucking crazy. I'm the third twin. Yeah. Is Anakin also abandoned C-3PO, yeah? Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not a great dad. Darth Vader doesn't seem to give a shit about C-3PO, though. That rules. That's awesome. C-3PO comes in, Darth Vader doesn't seem to give a shit about C-3PO though That rules, that's awesome C-3PO comes in, Darth Vader's like Oh this is that fucking shitty robot I made when I was a kid And he's like, daddy please give me a hug

He's like, I hug none of my children Also, do you know that on Wikipedia C-3PO in canon is declared dead In Cloud City before being rebuilt So you know that scene You know that dead in Cloud City before being rebuilt. So you know that scene in Cloud City where he's like, and then Chewie has him in a bag.

At that point they're just like, yeah, he was decommitted, he was dead. But then he was rebuilt. A 2IB droid comes up, puts his fingers on C-3PO's neck. Oh fuck. God too soon. What I love about Too serene. God, too soon. What I love about that is they didn't have a funeral.

C-3PO is declared dead officially, and they're like, well, Luke, you can have a funeral, and he's like, no, who cares? And they move on. As you can see, they're building C-3PO back from being absolutely dismembered.

Right. So again, droids can take a beating. So it brings me back to my, my point about the train. So if I, if I am, you know,

competing, um, Johnny, Joel Zammett, uh, bigger train, fat trains guy. Yeah.

Big fat train guy. Uh, and I'm like, well, I know there's like an initial investment of say, getting a, say, getting a light rail and then being like, cool, I'm going to get a droid and then I'm going to get some like other droids with guns as protection. to buy them but after that my running costs surely are not as much as a old mate johnny jackson big trains know what i gotta pay for every time my train crashes one new train what are you gonna pay for one new train and one new well you also gotta pay for the mercenaries like you gotta pay their salary you also gotta have to pay shit I'm paying for one new train

And no funerals baby I don't give a shit What are the worker rights Fuck the workers Do the workers have the same rights As the droids The droid has no rights He's got no rights

That's what I mean Do the workers have any rights When the droid jumps out the window That's got no rights. That's what I mean. Droids have no rights. It's just wily. Do workers have any rights? When the droid jumps out the window, that's because I programmed him to jump out the window so I could get the droid and reuse him on the next train. Well, obviously. But, okay. The guys are the trains, Abbott, I didn't know about.

Yeah. That's what I say when the law comes, okay? What guys? What guys? What guys? It's just a train and a droid It's not even a train anymore I'm just trying to fathom If I am building a company

And I want to try and cut down costs Or try not to go A grieving widow I want to avoid any of those lawsuits I only want to Not even like i want to avoid any of those lawsuits yeah i'm only one i only want to not even hire i want to buy droids yeah they don't they're not on a wage right like all those little little guys that they go flat pack with the the the repairing all the um pod races yeah right like you can just build them yeah why do you they're just they're just like a

they're the pit crew so yeah i no longer need to pay a pit crew. I just have these guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's good. I don't know what you're saying.

Why would I ever hire men? You don't... Well, because... Why would I ever hire, like, I don't know, like, anything? I think what we're finding here, and especially based on, like, the most powerful droids and whatever whatever is that droids seem to have an upper level of intelligence so like c-3po for instance can talk six million languages or whatever be the moron yeah and like yeah like r2d2 he can't communicate properly but he's always finding himself in trouble and getting famously set on

fire 90 of his screen time but there's like like, I guess decision making. Yeah, but they were medical doctors. Yeah, but there's gotta be. Hang on a second. Maybe they are dumb as shit. Maybe they know like the basics, right? So they've got like everything. They just need to know medicine.

But then they're like, Amidala's like, I'm sad and dying. And they're like, fuck, that's probably it. She said she had this. I guess that's a thing a person can do.

Woosa, woosa, woosa, wousser Hey, our calming noises aren't doing shit Everybody get your face close to her and do more wussers Wusser, wusser, wusser, wusser Let me just assume that they're smart Because again, you're like The medical robot has to have some kind of level of intelligence there

because I'm not a fucking doctor Just needs to know how to cut off a fucking arm or whatever. Imagine being Anakin Skywalker and receiving Armadala's death certificate that says, cause of death, too sad. And you just look up at the medical droid like, what? Woosa. Are you an idiot? What do you mean, too sad? Did you give her medicine?

No. Woosa, woosa. What did she fucking die on? You cannot die from being too sad. She gave up on life. What do you mean? Are you not a doctor? What the?

Woosa woosa. So I think like droids. I think what has happened here is droids from the outset. You're like, why the fuck have we made them like this? Like, it doesn't make sense. But I think it kind of does. Like, as in, I think they're just, like, we're kind of, as people that are living in the Star Wars universe, we're just kind of taking them for granted, being like, oh, these guys are fucking clever. They'll take all our jobs or whatever. But they weren't, because people are still number one.

Yeah. Well, I was going was gonna say is it because everyone in star wars is a little bit like a dumb fuck yeah not really i mean i think it's just that we've just yeah like there's you say you just grow used to droids yeah but i mean like in terms of like system building right and so like you know the the the the jedi are like this is what we're gonna do and we're like that was actually like bad all the way down. You've got us being like, I reckon we're going to build some not clever,

I don't know, cop bots. Yeah, that seems like a clever idea. Space them off the English Bobby. Righto, mate. Righto. No, it's just metal easier to find than, I don't know. No, I just think that... No, Zammett hit it.

Dude, Zammett hit the nail in the hair why the droids and stuff with metals easier to find than guys like what right how i just don't understand everywhere so it's actually easier to build a droid than talk to a guy like it's actually so simple yeah you just step one build a droid that it's one step you've got again you've got access to like a lot of like say asteroids and like planets which are basically like half the like everywhere this this hundred percent metal like a

guy out of it unfortunately brains are hard to find so the metal dumb as shit but you got to build it yeah I'm just asking like what why the why did they do so many questionable decisions? Like, why did they program pain receptors

in the old gonk droid's feet? They made him stupid. It's funny! It's funny! It's funny! I'm laughing. Do you think this is basically the droid I made to drive my trains? All pain receptors, dude. He's kind of like the anti-clitoris.

It's just like, you made a robot stupid and pained. Why? He's screaming as he drives the train? And also, let's give him the ability to scream. Yeah. Otherwise, how will I know he's in pain? Yeah. How am I meant to laugh?

No, because I think, like, I'm, like, confident I've gotten to the bottom of this. I think the droids have just kind of tricked us. Not us as in, like, all of humanity, but just us three fucking idiots. Because they're all programmed to do, like, one thing. And some of the things are big, but some of them are small. So, like, once they're outside of the thing they're meant to do are big but some of them are small so like once they're outside of the thing they're meant to do they're kind of fucking stupid so like give c-3po a gun he's not gonna be great with it but they should give c-3po a gun because that's good yes yes yes very true

yeah and it's the same with like the medical bot like the medical bot is programmed to do medicine but you're also not gonna also give the medical bot gun. But we should give a medical bot a gun. It's like a smartphone in our world. You can do heaps of shit, but you wouldn't trust it to wipe your ass. That's fair. You wouldn't trust a medical bot to even wipe your ass. It'd just inject you with a syringe and you'd be awesome. Unless

your medical condition is dirty asshole. He injects you with a syringe and you're asshole, you die. And he says, died with a syringe in your asshole you die and he says died of being too sad on your medical certificate asshole too shitty is it more of a thing it's just like we've programmed them all in a certain way that that little tiny program has been copied and pasted right so for example this train boy who is kind of like at the first sign of fear runs away but actually it's like when things become a situation where that you can't feasibly do your job this is a factory reset to try and get back to the factory as fast as you can and this way of

doing it was to jump out a window and then run on the sand you didn't see it in the book of robert fettuccine but what actually happens is he runs back to the factory that I own, and I'm like, what? And he's like, the train's crashed. And I'm like, oh, thanks for telling me. Come inside. Hello? Yes, I need to buy one train. Old one's

fucked. No, I think, like, programming... What guys? My husband's dead. What guys? My husband's dead. What husband? I don't remember you being married. I only know about trains. My train was empty.

No, but I think self-preservation, I've come fully around here. Self-preservation is a good thing to program into a droid, and I guess that means that they also have to give it pain receptors To help with the self preservation And I guess in terms of self preservation You're being like no you're fearing death So you kind of instill the fear of death

Into these droids Did they turn C-3PO off in the last Star Wars movie? I hope so Or did it seem like they were going to turn Oh that's right They seemed like they were going to turn him off He's like mourn me or remember me and no one gives a shit. And then they turn him back on.

And he's like, I remember you all. And they're like, ah, fuck. Why don't I remember that movie? Because it's bad. It's bad, yeah. No, because if you imagine a situation where your droid that you've paid thousands of credits for is, say you've got a protocol droid, right? A 3PO.

And he's in your mansion okay and he's he was expensive so you don't want to lose him and then the mansion catches fire and you run outside but he doesn't have a fear of death you either have to pick up 3po burning your arms or just watch as he melts in the window he's like, come outside! As he's there with a tea towel, just kind of waving it. I'm trying to put out the fire! Come! Ah, he's melting. He's melting. He's done.

That was a lot of money. Fuck it, Al. God, I need to get my robot insurance. Imagine if your iPhone had little arms and legs and a fear of death. Okay? Your house burns down, and your iPhone's inside. You're outside.

You forgot. Then your little iPhone comes running out the door screaming. I get to grab my iPhone, call the fireys, get them down, and they can put out the fire. Yeah. It makes sense. It's clever to give your droids a fear of death. Yeah, I'm for it.

Okay, I guess you're right. Look, there's a fear of death, and in that situation where he was like, Roberto Fettuccine was coming down at him, everything that that robot had been programmed for, he couldn't do. Like, the systems to control the train had been shot to shit.

There was nothing he could really do there. He was clearly, he didn't have a gun, and if he had a gun, I don't think he'd know what to do with it. But we should give him a gun. We should give him a gun. Yeah, factory reset, run back to the factory. Because we're doing that out a window. The first thing I say is, what guys?

He opens the door, what guys? There's no guys in this train. I mean, what can I do for you? A couple weeks later, the grieving widows arrive at my door what guys what husbands i don't know about any husbands point to the train droid what guys what guys he was there the whole time he doesn't know what guys you thought that one though guys so in that regard but wouldn't it have been, like, again, I guess it would be a cost analysis benefit here to look at this and be like, right, well, I can hire a bunch of,

I can buy a bunch of robots with guns who know how to use them. And they probably have, like, a fear of death that's a little bit less than, say, a train bot. Because you don't want them to run away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess when it comes to, you know, too late want them to run away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess when it comes to, you know, too late for them to run away, you've lost them.

So I guess, you know, what's going to be more expensive? Paying off these widowers slash flat out ignoring them? What husbands? What husbands slash guys? I don't know what you're talking about. Or like, yeah,

paying for these droids. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I get it now. Like I've spent years being like, what? But now I'm like, oh yeah. Yeah, I get it now. Like, I've spent years being like, what? But now I'm like, oh yeah. No, it's actually clever. It's funny and it's smart. And the people who are torturing a gonk droid

aren't the people that, like, made the gonk droid. They're like, it's a Jawa, right? Yeah. You gotta torture it at first to see if it all works. But yeah, otherwise. When you finish the gonk droid, you hit it with a bat, and if it just owls, you're like, yeah, it's working. It's working. It's screaming. I've got it.

Now I can charge my phone. They're like, oh, why is this robot screaming in pain? But we know because we want to save money. Yeah. So the Gonk Droid can run around. I think it's funny with a Gonk Droid that if you put your phone, like you plugged your phone in, rest it on the gonk droid's head, and then what does it wander around?

Why does it have legs? It just goes off. I guess like, I don't know. Want to follow you? It'd be like basically if your dog could charge your phone, and so you tuck the phone under its collar and it runs around, and you're like, it's enjoying itself. Yeah, that's good.

And my phone's getting charged. Yeah. Ever a win-win. That is good. Droids's good. And my phone's getting charged. Everett win-win. Droids are good. Droids are necessary. Exactly. Gonk droid's getting some, you know, he's getting some air. My phone's getting charged. Get some exercise.

He's talking to the other, the neighbor's gonk droid in Gonkonian or whatever. It's good. We're all having a good time. Is a gonk droid not simply just a dog? Like a dog watching another dog? I don't know what the fuck? Like a dog. We don't have a dog. I don't know what the fuck a dog's saying. I don't know what the fuck's going on. Dogs talking doggies.

Yeah, again. And like the dog can't, you know, rise up and destroy me. The gonk droid can. Probably do more damage than a gonk droid. These fucking dogs. Yeah, I don't trust dogs anymore. Why do we invent dogs? What the fuck, man?

That was a mistake. Star Wars I don't trust dogs anymore. Why'd we invent dogs? What the fuck, man? That was a mistake. Star Wars was clever in having no dogs. Star Wars was very clever in making their dogs just robots. Yeah, yeah, that's smart. That's real smart. Why'd they make them like that so it was easier for us to deal with?

Why'd they make them like that? Because it's actually clever. Yeah, exactly. It's rare for us to come away from an episode and be like, huh, that actually makes more sense now we've spoken about it some bit. That's right, some bit. Now that we've spoken about it some bit, that makes more sense. I actually feel clever now. We just spoke for some bit and now I'm clever.

Yeah. Well, on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've also been Joel And Josh remember What guys Yeah what guys

Josh remember Guys Huh Huh I actually don't even Run a trains So The train company

You mean the company That this Droid owns Yeah I don't know Droid's a be a great fall guy The train company? You mean the company that this droid owns? Yeah, I don't know. Oh, droids would be a great fall guy. You pick it up with him. I just drive the trains. Their sense of surviving also deal with, say, existential kind of threats,

i.e. going bankrupt. Unfortunately, we've already said on that note, so we'll never know. Goodbye. Going bankrupt? Unfortunately, we've already said on that note, so we'll never know. Goodbye! One of the members of the Jeltof Pass party is naked. They also all show signs of blunt force trauma. Then when the area was tested and autopsy was done, a high amount of radiation was discovered on all of the members of the party. With that

evidence, what do you think happened to the Delta Fast Party? A Hulk. My good friend Jackson Bailey loves Sasquatches, Bigfoots, Yetis and all kinds of cryptids and mysteries that aren't just Gigantopithecuses. And loves to talk to his good friends about them on his show, Jackson Bailey Spooks America. But there are some rules.

As I eat some candy, let me explain the rules of Jackson Bailey Spooks America. So, you've got to get your opinions, you've got to put them in a box, and you've got to put that box in. You remember in high school, like at the start of class, they were like, put your phones in this box? Yep. That's what you've got to do with your opinions. You remember in high school, like at the start of class, they were like, put your phones in this box? Yep. That's what you've got to do with your opinions. Second thing, accept everything, believe nothing. And thirdly, accept when you're beat. Each episode, Jackson walks several of his good friends

through a loosely researched or vaguely misremembered ghoul, fable, or spooky mystery, and we have to come up with our own theories on what really happened. A graffiti message related to the mystery appeared on a wall which read, Who put Bella down the witch helm? Hagley Wood. Nobody knows who wrote this. Ooh, that's spooky as shit.

Nobody knows where that came from. I'm so spooked. In Russia, as in every country in the world, there is a large bipedal ape that people talk about, a Sasquatch equivalent. In Russia, it's known as the Yeren. No, it's like one of the classic monster movie things. They're having sex

and that's when the monster chooses to attack. He smells their delicious sex odor. He smells the losing of virginity. Fun fact for all those virgins at home, sex smells gross. In 1817, he's in a cornfield hunting and he spies a very strange creature.

Hunting what? Creatures? Well, and he spies a very strange creature. Hunting what? Creatures? Well, not this creature. Birds, probably. He spies a creature that he describes as looking like a dog with a rabbit's head. Ah! He shoots it several times, as he would. Could it just be a big rabbit?

Or a small dog? It's a bizarre phenomenon that only typically appears in England, where people will have a skull that loves a yell. They climb the tree and they discover in the sort of like a Y in the tree what looks like a skull. Other times it's just a show mostly about terrible things done to horses. Other than that, the boy, he doesn't speak. He only says these two phrases. I want to be a cavalryman as my father was.

And horse, horse. Alternatively, a scientist really wanted to fuck a horse. Not even necessarily a scientist, just a guy. Maybe, is it potentially possible? Yes. Instead of seeing a strange creature that we have never heard of before, potentially, is it within the realm of possibility that this man actually just saw one of those boys from Pinocchio

turning into a donkey? Spooky as hell. Who's ready to talk about horse death? I don't know, man. I woke up this morning and I said I was, but now that I'm staring it right in the face. When smaller carrion eaters and bugs and stuff are eating an animal that's recently died,

what they go for is the fleshy bit, and that's just your junk, your tongues, and your eyes. Sorry, people. Those are the bits that go first. I do enjoy this because this is much better than the usual cattle mutilation problems, which are delicious animals somehow dies for no reason.

Eaten. Who could have done it? Who would possibly kill this thing we've bred to be delicious? We live in an area populated by coyotes and also wolves, but who? Why? Why would these things whose natural habitats are prey, we take this thing that we've bred to be stupid and delicious?

And not run and easy to catch. This walking pie. Who would eat a cow? They say, hefting burgers to their mouths. Who would eat this? I don't understand. So if you want to get mystery blue balled with us, have a listen to Jackson Bailey spooks America.

The first few episodes are available now on Apple podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast from, or alternatively subscribe to sans pants plus on sans pants, radio.com or support us through the bad IQ boy collection through Apple podcasts to get immediate access to well over 100 episodes. Get spooked America! It is crazy that

people think that you can shoot a ghost.