Plumbing the Death Star - Why Do We Think Dominic Toretto Has Betrayed La Familia?
Episode Date: March 12, 2017In which our heroes take the wheels of a very fast car, get furious as none of us know how to drive stick and just leave it all up to fate as we ask which why do we think Dominic Toretto has betrayed ...La Familia?Want to come see Movie Maintenance and Plumbing the Death Star Live? Just head here https://www.trybooking.com/OXLV to grab your tickets today!Purchase your Sydney Comedy Fest tickets right here; http://www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au/single-event?show_id=1546! Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: sanspantsradio@gmail.com Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Duscher: twitter.com/dusch13Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like,
why do we think that Dominic Toretto has betrayed La Familia in Fast 8, or The Fate of the Furious?
You became overcome with excitement then. You didn't even, you couldn't even bring the words out.
Fuck me.
Right.
Well, okay.
So we've all seen the trailers.
Yes.
And in these trailers, Dominic Toretto, for whatever reason,
has turned against La Familia.
Vinny D, he's attacking the rest of the gang.
What the heck's going on? I don't know.
We've spent seven films with Vinny D and the crew. He's been like, family
is the only thing that matters to me. In fact, in the sixth film
when Lottie? Lydia? Lydia? Do you mean his girl?
Yeah. Lydia. She's Lydia. I think it's Lottie. It's a weird name.
You check that out. Explain this to me because I have only
seen three trailers
for this episode
eight, seven and six
in that order
you get the gist
alright so
in the first
I'll just give you a real quick
synopsis of how I remember
the films
I haven't seen two of them
so we'll see how I go
this is our real
sneaky episode
of tell me the story
this is for all the listeners
this is all the listeners
Lattie Lattie we were both very close And this is for all the listeners. This is all the listeners also.
Letty.
We were both very close.
Yeah.
So this is for all the listeners as well who may not have been- Somehow.
Yeah, have not been swept up in the Fast and the Furious cinematic universe.
Like, I've just watched the trailers, and I'm annoyed that we have those episodes,
because I'm like, why aren't we watching them now?
Yeah, the kind of movies that everybody sees, and they're like,
uh, meat-headed, stupid films.
They're phenomenal.
They're some of the best fucking film out there.
So, in the first film, Paul Walker is an FBI agent
who infiltrates Vin Diesel's street racing gang
because they're planning a heist.
Yep, that's right.
But not...
But the heist is like they're stealing a truck.
Yeah, okay.
And he stops them, but then he doesn't betray them. Yeah. Okay. The second film, I can't really remember.
The second film stars one of the other members of the troupe and Paul
Walker, who basically buddy cop up for reasons I forget.
Is it Ludacris? Yes.
Yes, I think it is. I think Ludacris and Paul Walker
buddy cop up. Because Vinnie Dean might be in jail at this point. Yes. Yes, I think it is. I think Ludacris and Paul Walker, Buddy Cop Up.
Because Vinnie Dean might be in jail at this point.
Yes, he's not in the film from memory.
No, Dominic Toretto is definitely in the second one.
Anyway, something happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Third one, which is secretly the sixth film chronologically.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Seventh film chronologically.
No, sixth.
Sixth.
Sixth film chronologically.
Yeah.
Takes place with characters we've never met before, drifting in Tokyo. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Seventh film chronologically. No, sixth. Sixth. Sixth film chronologically. Yep. Takes place with characters we've never met before,
drifting in Tokyo, only for...
He's a filthy gaijin.
He goes to Japan to learn, to just live for a bit.
I forget his name, whoever he is.
Lucas Black is the actor's name.
He's great.
He's like a hillbilly.
And in Japan, he ends up learning to street race
with all the Japanese street racers.
They Tokyo drift.
It's good.
Which I only discovered quite recently.
It's just drifting in Tokyo.
It's not a move.
So does Melbourne drift?
Yeah, if you're drifting anywhere,
you're drifting that location.
There's a drift for every country.
And then at the end, tragedy strikes
because a character dies that you've just met in this film.
In a tragic car accident.
And you're like, oh, that sucks. But then also Vin Diesel
rocks up and he's like, hey, Lucas Black,
heard you're good at drifting. Let's
drift. Yep. Okay. That's the end
of the film. Fourth film I haven't seen.
Couldn't tell you what happens. Know that Michelle
Rodriguez's character, Lottie or
Letty or whatever her name is,
dies in a car explosion.
Destroying La Familia.
The love of Dominic Toretto's life.
He's fucking destroyed. He's very very upset.
That movie ends.
The fifth film.
Good to know it ends.
Still going as we speak.
Longest running film ever.
Winning awards.
It's fucking the savages of the fucking...
Fifth film
this day stopped. Remember,
street racing films. The fifth film
is about them doing a heist of an entire
bank vault in Rio.
Someone's got to get those
vaults. Somebody's got to steal those bank
vaults with street racing. In every Fast and the Furious
movie, they're like, we got this goal we got
to achieve. And they're like, the only way we can do it
is through driving cars real fast.
I was like,
all right,
so,
okay,
we're going to need like the face.
We're going to need like,
you know,
the guy who's good at computers.
We're going to need like someone who's a distraction.
You need,
we're going to need an acrobat.
You need five cars.
None of that.
You need five cars,
five blokes,
and three of them have to be bald.
Yep.
Then you're good.
That's the only way you can get it done.
Yeah, and what's his name?
The Rock.
Yeah.
Is caught on their tail.
He's trying to track him down because it's a crime what they're doing.
He's a cop.
He's a cop.
He's not the bad guy, but he's like, got to track him down.
Yeah.
Paul Walker throughout the film series is a cop for a bit.
Then he's not a cop because he's in jail because of obstruction of justice
then he's out of jail
deep undercover
for ages he's on the run
so there's lots of people
that are cops and they're not cops
Hobbes, who is the character that
the rock plays
is another person who's a cop and then not a cop
and then a cop again maybe
tracks them down
I think it's a cop but then not a cop but then a cop again maybe. Tracks them down.
In the Fast and the Furious universe like cops is like a sometimes job.
I think it's a job that's very loose.
Like you're not getting
like Paul Walker when he's a cop
he's just sort of doing what he wants.
He never really reports to anyone.
No and Vin Diesel doesn't know he's a cop
and feels real betrayed at the end
but then he's like no.
Everything's fine.
I'm on your side Vinny.
De la familia. de la familia.
And then in Fast and the Furious 6
Lottie is not dead
but she's been brainwashed.
Surprise.
So she thinks that
Brainwashed.
Write this down.
She lost all her memories and then
She got new memories from an English guy.
Who was just like vin diesel and the
crew hate you did he know that she'd lost her memories no like here's an opportunity that has
arisen itself like this is my this is my plan i'll just take this no i think it is an opportunity
that's just arisen itself yeah it's not part of a plan i think she's in hospital
hey is this lady what's her oh she's lost her memories really what did you say
would you
oh
crikey
what are the bloody chances
blimey
I think I'll just have a
quick
can you get a seat for me
alright
I've got some idea
this bull fuck
you hate him
yeah he does show
a photo
and be like
fuck this guy
he's like
here's an opportunity
to get back
at the Fast and the Furious crew
because he runs
basically like another like an evil version in get back at the Fast and the Furious crew, because he runs basically like another, like an evil version in many ways of the Fast and the Furious crew.
So the Fast and the Furious crew are street racers that pull off illegal heists of banks.
And they're the good guys.
And there's an evil version of that that what?
Terrorists.
But they're terrorists.
Yeah, they're terrorists, I think.
And how are they not terrorists?
They're just robbing banks.
And by this point, they're not robbing banks anymore.
They're just doing good.
With cars.
Yeah, by this point, they're effectively like superheroes.
They're all real bold, too.
Yeah.
And real tough.
Oh.
At the end of the first one.
Hang on.
How is the evil group not terrorists?
No, they are terrorists.
So how are they terrorists and the actual...
Because at a certain point,
they're destroying bank vaults for good.
You know how you can stab a guy for good,
but you can also stab a guy for evil?
Sure.
La Familia are La Familia,
and they don't murder people.
What did they do with the bank vault?
Hang on, hang on.
Why did they steal from that?
Was it a terrorist bank?
No, I couldn't tell you.
I can't remember.
They needed the money.
They might have been
being blackmailed or something.
Something happened.
In the end,
they fight a plane.
That's a good duck.
That might be the sixth one.
Anyway.
Anyway,
in Fast and Furious 7,
I'll move on.
The brother of the English guy.
Oh yeah,
the English guy
who's like,
bloody perfect opportunity.
What's this?
Oh, I came in
with a sprained ankle, but now I'm going to brainwash this? I came in with a sprained ankle,
but now I'm going to brainwash a lady.
Came in with a sprained ankle,
came out with a brainwash assassin.
Best day at the hospital ever.
I'm going to pat myself on the back.
Anyway, he's in a coma now,
and his brother, his big brother,
Jason Statham, is bloody pissed.
So he's in a coma when he wakes up,
he's got no memory,
and someone's like,
or you.
What a perfect opportunity.
God, I hope that's the plot of Nine.
And yeah, in this one,
the brother's after them.
So they've got to band together once more.
The brother also turns out to be the guy
who murdered the fella at the end of Tokyo Drift
because Tokyo Drift takes place in between six and seven.
So again, there's a lot of diagrams
and circling questions I have.
So the English guy, the best day of his life
is finding a brainwashed assassin in a hospital.
So they find out that he brainwashed her.
And then I guess they stop that brainwashing.
They bring her back.
She still doesn't really remember Dominic though,
because I think a lot of either the seventh one
or the end parts of the sixth one
is him being like,
remember when we used to race on this track?
And she's like, oh, kind of.
Yeah!
And he's like, I lived my life.
I lived my life a quarter mile at a time.
Oh, God, those movies are so good.
That's the best quote from the first one.
I've learned a lot of things in my life.
And they find out that the lucky Englishman
was behind this all
Yeah yeah yeah
And they get in with a car
Yeah now he's in a coma
A car related coma
Almost definitely
That's where he steals a plane
So a car related coma
They have to kill a plane at the end of that movie
That's at the end of 6
These movies sound amazing
They're good
They're great
So now he's the coma brother six yeah yeah yeah these movies sound amazing they're good okay great okay so in right seven
now he's the coma brother yeah my brother jason say them remember how fucking how good that movie
is the start jason says he's like where's the fuss and the furious gang and they're like they
call themselves no i forget what he calls them let's just say love familiar i think he calls it
the fredo yeah and then you're like he's like hassling this guy with a gun.
The guy gives him the location.
Then like fat hip hop starts as Jason Statham walks out of the hospital and the hospital's full of people who've been beaten the shit out of.
And you just discover that he just like fought a hospital to get the information.
Like as he's walking out.
Or at least the nurses.
Yeah, like everyone's just like, people smashed into a wall.
Yeah, it's so good.
Fuck, I forgot about that scene.
Are these on Netflix?
I don't know.
Some of them.
Oh, good.
And then the scene almost straight after that,
when it goes back to Jason Statham,
he finds The Rock, Agent Hobbs.
And he's a cop this time.
He's still a cop at this point.
And then punches on with him in his cop office.
His copus.
By this point, I should probably point out,
like, all bats are off.
Effectively, everyone's a superhero.
Nobody gets any damage.
People are falling from the tops of buildings,
slamming onto the roof of cars,
and getting up and keeping on fighting.
There are no rules.
Cars are a safe zone.
In the end of...
Towards the end of...
Cars are Bali.
Yeah.
Towards...
You guys have that in K?
Yeah, I remember that from primary school.
Yeah, Bali, I'm with you.
At some point in Six, Vin Diesel...
No, Paul Walker gets thrown off a car on a freeway and falls,
but then gets caught on another car.
He's like, lucky this car was here to catch my fall.
All right, so cars are like your safe zone.
Yeah, yeah, cars are fine.
But also, like, there's a scene later on where...
Vehicles are safe zone.
Where Jason Statham and Vinny D are having a fight,
and he's, like, in the street.
What the fuck is it?
That's the thing about street fights.
The street always wins.
Yeah, he says that as they're on top of a building,
that he stamps his foot.
The building's collapsing.
He stamps his foot down, and Jason Statham, in his car,
collapses into the centre of the building,
and that's his quote.
That's his one-liner.
They're not even on the street.
They're on the roof of a building.
It's a car park, like a multi-level car park.
Oh, it's good.
So if cars are magic, when you store a magic thing, I'm guessing that place has to also be a little bit magic.
I suppose.
It makes sense.
Anyway, after that, everything's fine, except Paul Walker retires.
Paul Walker, he's like, I'm done.
They have that scene where he drives.
They drive parallel, and he takes a turn off,
and there's a lot of nodding, but in reality,
that scene would be real weird.
Because Paul Walker, they're at the beach.
I feel like I've said it before.
It's just because he died.
He died.
Paul Walker died.
But they're at the beach, and they're having a good time.
Then Paul Walker gets up and just leaves.
Okay.
And then Vinny D just gets up and follows him.
And they're driving alongside each other as like,
it's been a long day without you, my friend.
And they like give each other a nod.
And then Paul Walker takes like a side road.
But in reality, they're at the beach.
And Paul Walker's like, I'm going, not telling anyone.
And he's with his family
yeah
he's just like
Vin Diesel's like
what the fuck
I gotta follow him
and then he gives him a nod
which he's like
mate what are you doing
you're just taking off roads
being held down with a wife and kids
is the worst
where are you going
Paul Walker
anyway
and that
in the new film
after all that
Dom Torado
the leader of the La Familia
he's turning against them.
Why?
I have a theory.
Shoot.
Having not seen it.
You mentioned this before.
Brainwashing is a thing.
So was he, like, lying in bed or at a hospital and someone was like,
oh, lucky day in my life again.
We were saying the British guy wakes up, maybe he woke up.
Also, and this is a side mystery, Hobbes is in jail now.
Oh, no, Hobbes goes to jail.
Why?
From what I can gather.
He fights the helicopter with a torn off machine gun.
Fuck, Seven's good.
He tears it off another helicopter.
You are an amazing human being
He also has a broken arm at one point
And then he realises
That the Toretto's are in trouble
And he's with his daughter
He says to his daughter daddy's gotta go to work
And then flexes the cast off
It's fucking so good
I'm guessing he's in jail
Because at the heist in the trailer
He gets got.
Yeah, because Vin Diesel betrays him.
It looks like the first act of betrayal is Vinny D being like,
hey, Hobbs, gotcha, and smashing his car into it.
And that somehow gets you in jail, even though you are a cop.
Okay, so brainwashing.
Yes.
It would be very funny for the franchise to use brainwashing again.
Again.
And it would be very funny for Letty to now have to do what Vin Diesel
did to her to Vin Diesel
do you remember when we were in the street
when we used to race here
I don't remember
me neither I have no idea
it's funny because she
I hope they use it
as like they just slowly just start wiping
everyone's memory so they can do a soft reboot
of Fast and Furious
fuck that would be amazing so brainwashing is the theory is like they just slowly just start wiping everyone's memory so they can do a soft reboot of Fast and Furious.
Okay, all right.
So brainwashing is the theory.
So prose, we've seen it in the universe before.
It happens.
It's a thing that can happen. It's a known quantity, yeah.
Cons.
Vin Diesel hasn't been to hospital.
That's true.
That's true.
Has he been to England, though?
No, wait.
English can travel.
Doesn't matter. That's right. Has he been to England, though? No, wait, English can travel. Doesn't matter.
That's right, English can travel.
I feel like the chances of him being brainwashed,
just they wouldn't do it again, surely.
And if they do do it again, who's brainwashing him?
Well, I've got another theory
that kind of leads off the brainwashing thing.
Okay.
Chip in the brain.
I was thinking chip in the brain. Because
in the trailer,
they say that
they call them like
the Shaw gang, which is the
bad, fast, and furious.
You got the Shaw and the Toretto's.
The Shaw's are the baddies, Toretto's are the goodies.
Yeah. Owen Shaw
commit cyber
terrorism for a bit
So Toretto
That's Vinny D
That's La Familia
He named his gang after himself
And then he betrays the gang
Yes
Narcissist
To join the show
No I don't think the Shores are in this
Because they talk about the girl, the villain
And they say she's like the world-leading cyber-terrorist.
That's where I think the chip in the brain is coming from.
Oh, wait, yeah, that's what I heard.
But also, Helen Mirren in this,
this is a bit of a secret casting news.
Ooh.
She's playing...
Helen Mirren?
Yeah, she's playing the Shore mum.
Yeah, Helen Mirren loves D&D, yeah?
She plays D&D with Vin Diesel?
Maybe.
No, that's Judi Dench.
What? Yeah. I can believe Helen Mirren. She looksD. Yeah, she plays D&D with Vin Diesel? Maybe. No, that's Judi Dench. What?
Yeah.
I can believe Howlin' Mirren.
She looks like she loves a bit of nerd shit.
It was on the set of...
He's back.
Oh, the second one, sorry.
Yeah, Riddick 2 or whatever.
That's nuts.
He was like, we're playing D&D.
We've got to get a good character.
They did.
That's mad.
Yeah, it's good.
But yeah, Howlin' Mirren is in this new one
and she plays Jason Statham and whatever the other Shaw Brothers actor's name. Yeah, it's good. But yeah, Helen Mirren is in this new one, and she plays Jason Statham
and whatever the other Shaw Brothers actor's name.
Yeah.
It's mom.
Oh, man, the whole family.
But Jason Statham's part of the Toretto gang.
He's going to have to fight his mom.
That is a plot we have never gotten in an action film
where somebody has to fight their mom.
That's
fucking amazing. Especially because it's
Jason Statham, a ripped bald man.
Has to fight his mum.
Also the plot,
something we haven't discussed, the plot of every
Fast and the Furious since 5 has been that a
bald muscly man has to fight another bald
muscly man.
Hopefully they shave Helen
for this.
And bulk her up, get shave Helen. I was really excited
when they announced
Charlie's the run for
this because she was
in Fury Road at the
time.
And I was like,
fuck,
I imagine if they
kept her bald,
fuck,
that would be good.
But yeah,
chip in the brain,
cyber terrorism.
So they love a bit
of computer wizardry.
We haven't seen a
chip in the brain,
but we've seen lots
of magical chips in cars.
That's true.
Within the world of Fast and the Furious,
the technology is sort of whatever they need it to be.
So it's not beyond the reasonable doubt
that they've put a chip in a brain that they can control Vinny D.
On that note, would this be...
End of episode.
Who said the magic word?
Oh, no!
We've got to finish it.
I've been...
Ah, Vin's. On that note. We've got to finish it. I've been done. I've been done.
On that note, bouncing off from that.
Yeah, there we go.
There we go.
So could this just be almost like a DL reboot of Knight Rider?
I'm listening.
So it's like Chip in the brain, Chip in the cars,
Chip personalities in cars, Knight Rider.
Imagine if they started taking...
He's like a stealth prequel, if you will.
So at the end of this, they're like, okay, Chip in the brain.
And then he's like, thank God that I'm not...
Well, I was thinking he's like, thank God that I'm me again.
I'm once again Dominic Toretto.
But then Charlize Theron has got the chip and they're like,
what are you going to do with that?
She puts it in a car, makes car Dominic Toretto, because it uploaded his personality into the chip.
Everything has to fight the car in nine.
Dominic Toretto v. car Dominic Toretto.
Or Vinny D. Toretto dies.
Yeah.
And so they have like the chip though, because they give it to chip things when he dies.
Give it to chip.
Actually.
We got to get him alive.
They just put that in the car. Yes. And then special guest star david hasselhoff takes it like
he's now i don't know paul walker's dad yeah imagine they're like and this is an insult to
david hasselhoff but the disrespect being like david hasselhoff was your dad you're dead
you can't say no
wouldn't it be amazing
if that happened there was like outcry and then
Vin Diesel's like no this is what he wanted
he's got
written evidence this is what Paul Walker was planning
do we think
see a chip so
and like it's maybe
the Fast and the Furious will just be like it's a chip that
made a meeple don't think it's fine but we have to think about what can a chip actually achieve
hang on should we do like this how we do this is very late in the episode to set rules but should
we do it similar to how we did the peter cool episode we give odds yeah all right all right
so brainwashing five to one five to one there's a chance there's a very high chance um chip in
the brain 10 to 15 15 to 1 15 to chance. Chip in the brain, 10 to 15.
15 to one.
15 to one.
Because chip in the brain is not unreasonable.
But they're going to have to do a lot of leg work.
To be like, chip in the brain to make it.
Because he's turning against the family.
It's easy to do chip in the brain, right?
So what you have to do, open with someone, maybe like a side character or something like that.
We haven't seen before, but he's been a good guy.
But he's doing some evil shit, right?
Yeah.
But it's kind of almost like Terminator-esque. And then he's doing a good guy but he's doing some evil shit right? Yeah. But it's kind of almost
like Terminator-esque
and then like
he's doing something
kind of like against the family
and all this kind of stuff
and then he dies
and then it's like
a slow kind of like
pan over his like
smushed face
with like a little chip
or something.
Okay.
Give the audience
a bit of a hint.
So they're like
look there's an evil chip
in the brain.
So you're going to have to
kill a character
from La Familia.
Or it can just be
someone else
or a rando
well yeah like a rando dies
Charlize Theron
takes the chip off
and she's like
it's ready
yeah
and then they find
Dominic
and then it'll be like
fate and furious
after that
and then it'll be like
the fate of
yeah and then BND's like
I gotta go to get
like I don't know
a vasectomy
because like
I don't have any kids
so they knock him out or something.
And then he'd use that.
Put the chip in his brain.
Now he's evil.
And they get an Englishman to be like,
all right, got him.
Okay, so pros for a chip in the brain.
Hasn't been seen before.
They're a cyber terrorism group.
So cons, he has a look on his face
like he knows what he's doing is wrong.
But he kisses Charlize Theron
But he doesn't look happy about it
Yeah
But then a chip in the brain
It can't be an evil chip, it has to be a controlling chip
It has to be like a mind control chip
Charlize Theron's calling the shots
Because she's in that room with all of the cyber business
Deciding what he does
So what I would put forward
Is it's blackmail.
Sensible.
That makes sense.
Something,
Charlize Theron's got something on Letty
or La Familia in general.
Maybe they've all got chips in their brains.
She'll blow up.
Bombs in their head.
Bombs in,
maybe.
She squatted this.
Maybe she squatted the shit
out of La Familia.
How funny would it be?
And La Familia don't know.
How funny would it be
if Fast and the Furious 8
turns out to be
the best Suicide Squad movie?
But I mean,
that's potential.
Bombs in the head.
Bombs in the head.
He knows about it.
He's got a bomb in his head,
but nobody else knows about it.
He doesn't want them to know,
so he's got to turn against La Familia
to keep La Familia.
He's still,
he never really betrayed them.
In many ways, he's still working for La Familia.
So let's just put down a few odds there.
One to one.
No, no, no, wait, wait.
You've got Blackmail and Bomb in the head.
No, no, no.
Because there's a third one.
So Blackmail, two to one, I reckon.
That's the favorite for me.
Bomb's in the head, 50 to one.
Oh, okay.
Vin Diesel revealing that he never actually betrayed la familia one to one yeah
100 that was gonna be my next kind of uh theory where it's like he is deep undercover yeah like
he is so deep it's like ridiculous there'll be an amazing moment where he turns on charlie's throne
or charlie's friends go goons and he'll be like did you think i'd miss this party or something
like that and then he'll just have Coronas.
That's one thing that we haven't mentioned. Every movie is just
everyone drinking Coronas all the time.
Often at the beach or at a
house near the beach. Or at their house
or they're like to the Toretto's, to the family,
La Familia. La Familia.
Alright, what are other, those are like your pretty
reasonable theories. I'm sure we can
come up with some theories that are... A little left
or center. A little pushing it.
Bombs in the head was a reasonable theory, and that's good.
Now, does Vinny D, Toretto, have a twin brother?
He very well could.
Holy shit.
This is a universe where they could pull that off and everyone would be like, yeah, fair enough.
Evil twin brother
If he's about to kill them
And they're like
Why Dominic
And he's like
My name's not Dominic
And everyone's like
It's Michael
I'd literally yell in the cinema
I'm gonna yell
Probably already
Like yeah
Like say his brother
We'll call him
I don't know
Michael
Michael
Michael Torado
Michael Torado
So Dominic is doing,
he's like shopping or something.
Michael comes up with a brick,
hits him in the back of the head,
swap,
does something,
takes his clothes.
And it's like,
yeah,
it's me,
Dominic.
Why,
why is,
why is Michael Toronto turning against La Familia?
What's he got?
He's not part of that.
La Familia.
Maybe when they were,
when they were street racing back when they were kids,
like Dominic betrayed Michael
and now he says he's revenge
imagine a flashback to Fast and Furious 1 days
just to remind everyone that they lived their life
a quarter mile at the time
and then you get a conversation between Vin Diesel
and Vin Diesel being like
I'll never forget you fam
cause you get a line like
you lived your life a quarter mile at a time,
and you left me in the dust.
Absolutely.
Some of us couldn't keep up.
Plus.
But now I'm here to overtake you.
What accent is that?
I don't know.
It's just as good as mine.
Plus, and this is on the nose,
but whilst filming Fast and the Furious 7,
obviously Paul Walker passed away.
So who did they get
to help film that?
But it's Paul Walker's twin brother.
So what's to say that our boy
Vinny D is not watching this being like,
twins. Hey, I got an idea for Fast and the
Furious 8.
He's seen twins.
He knows of twins. He's seen that classic
Arnie D'Angelo film
Twins, and he's like, I got this. Man, if they were going to remake Twins, Vin Diesel is who you'd get to be classic Arnie, Danny DeVito film, Twins, and he's like, I got this.
Man, if they were going to remake Twins,
Vin Diesel is who you'd get to be the Arnie, surely.
And just actual Danny DeVito still.
You meant off mic, it's The Rock and Louise Guzman.
Oh, it is.
The Rock and Louise Guzman is your new twins.
That's a good twins, though.
That's a good twins.
That's good twins.
If you're ever
recasting twins
that's who you get
Look at Louise Guzman
Go watch
You seen that guy
That guy looks like
a pile of melted cheese
Go watch Journey
Is it Journey to the
Journey to the
Journey to the
Earth 2
Journey 2
The Mysterious Island
Yeah yeah yeah
Both of them are in that
Yeah
And you can see
Any scene where those
two are together
you're like there it is
That's a good twins
That's the good twins That's a good twin
So look a bit
Like looks like they are
Could potentially be related
But something went very right
And something went very wrong
Yeah exactly
That's a good tagline
For twins
That could be potentially related
But what
Yeah
What you just said
Classic
Alright what do we give the odds
Of a twin
Twin brother
Of any of these evil twins
I'm gonna put that equal
With bombs in the head of 50 to 1.
Me too.
Alright, alright, alright.
I would say like 25.
Whoa, 25?
25 to 1.
I reckon the chances of that are not low.
That's not that outlandish.
Like you'd be like, whoa, what a twist.
But you'd also be like, nah.
Like it's not the type of movie if you pulled that twist out,
people would be like, oh my god.
They'd be like, oh yeah?
It's also like nobody's going to be watching that being like,
come on. They're going to be like, yeah, alright.
Yeah, sick. I'm with it.
I like when they drove the car fucking
through the sky. I like the amount of titties in the film.
Just a bit to remind me
that titties are real.
But not enough so that I got uncomfortable.
There are often a lot of titties
in the film. But a lot of titties in the film.
But a lot of abs.
So it's fair.
Yeah, that's good.
I liked you were like, yeah.
No, I was thinking and then you're right, yeah.
Alright, alright.
Everyone's bald and muscly.
It's fun for the whole family.
So, something I'm thinking.
This is a left field.
But I feel like it's just within, like, we're on the border of reasonable to unreasonable plastic surgery
okay
you know what I mean
we are nowhere near like the centre of definite
but we're not
we're not an unreasonable city yet
I reckon I can back this
Owen Shaw was last seen in a coma
and we know that funny business happens
in the hospitals
there's fucking nobody paying attention
I've got a real good idea here
Yeah, so the guy that had the opportunity
that you took and then ended up in a coma
he hasn't been seen and Jason Statham's
been like, my brother
and then you get, that's a double twist as well
because he looks like Vin Diesel
now, but now his brother Jason Statham
is fighting him
so they could have
like a weird reunion
what if like they're fighting
and then like
Vinny D for some reason
doesn't fight
and Jason Statham's like
why are you fighting me
and he's like
why would I brother
and then you're like
and then it would have to be
a mask rather than
plastic surgery in that case
yes because then he could
take off
well if he spoke with
a British accent
you'd maybe get it
question though
where is the real Vinny D?
kidnapped
and then they've got to
bust him out of
Helen Merrin's house
Helen
okay well
you know what we should be thinking about
when we're talking about these
is the scenes that we've seen in the film
so there's a heist at the beginning
evidently
that has
a long
like a
like a
what do you call it
wrecking ball
comes through
there is a scene where they all fire
grappling hooks into Vinny D's car.
That looks like something out of a superhero film.
That's good.
And then at the end they fight a submarine.
The submarine thing is definitely going to be towards the end.
That'll be the final set piece.
So who the fuck
has a submarine?
Maybe that's where Vinny D is.
Best place to keep him is on ice
Can I
Alright how about this
Shoot
When anyone says a submarine
For some odd reason I automatically think
The Russians
So like the Russians
I don't know what they've done
But they're off to something
Russians make a good villain
And they're definitely in the news nowadays.
Ruskies are coming
back as our villain, and that's pretty good.
And would it be fair to say that the Fast and the Furious
franchise is, in many ways, a spiritual
sequel to the James Bond franchise?
Where Russian
villains would fit in quite well.
You know what I mean? They're like a cultural touchstone
of
who's good and who's bad.
I feel like...
So, how about this?
Yep, I'm listening.
It's very similar to brainwashing, but it's like deep undercover KGB spy.
So Vinny D the whole time?
Yeah, deep undercover KGB spy.
Someone said a code word, set him off.
I mean, twist.
Like, out of the blue, but not unreasonable.
It makes it quite political for a Fast and the Furious film.
Alright, so what are we giving KGB then? KGB, 100 to 1.
100 to 1. Still, like, hey, there are less reasonable things.
What are we giving Plastic Surgery slash Mask? Mask?
100 to 1. Plastic Surgery, 100 to 1 plastic surgery a thousand torn yeah okay I'm gonna bump KGB up a
little bit cuz I like a 500 to 1 500 500 all right radio what else well what else we got okay I got
this idea and like it's maybe it's like it's not so outlandish but what if it's actually betrayed
laugh me what if you just had enough of their shit? Million to one, not happening.
Vinny D, Dominic Toretto is incapable of betraying Lafayette.
Yeah, no, fuck that.
Fuck you.
No!
I will not hear it.
I cannot imagine I would walk out of that fucking cinema.
I would boo.
I would be like, boo!
Like that.
I think that it could never happen because Vinny D himself.
He wouldn't be able to read the lines.
He almost believes that he's not familiar with these people.
You know what I mean?
You'd just see lots of press writers of him now just crying.
10 million to one.
All right, 10 million to one.
Honestly, a ghost possessing him?
It's far more likely. All right, ghost possessing him is far more likely.
Alright, ghost possessing him.
5,000.
Ghost possessing...
Oh, I've got one.
Oh, sorry, if you want to keep on with your ghost possession.
I was going to be like, who have they killed accidentally?
Is there anyone?
The guy from Tokyo Drift.
Tokyo Drift's back.
No, but he's a good guy.
Hey, okay, not ghost No, but he's a good guy. Hey, okay.
Yep.
Not ghost possession, but a possession.
So, again, where is the Shaw brother?
In a coma.
Yeah.
But his mind's active.
Charlize Theron is like a cyber terrorism.
And like, hey, we can just like shoehorn technology and consciousness here
they've switched minds it's definitely the type of movie where they don't understand how
how hacking works so i can imagine them hacking into a human brain yep um so so yeah so the real
dominic he's trapped in a coma boy oh man and there'll be somebody at the hospital and he'll
just be like moving his hands it'll say something or there'll be somebody at the hospital, and he'll just be, like, moving his hands.
He'll say something, or he'll let something out,
and that's how they'll find out.
And then he joins Laugh For Me, and then he's got a...
Yeah.
Could be.
So, hey, that's brain switching.
Brain switching?
Where are we putting that?
Where are we putting brain switching?
Brain switching is not as unlikely as you think it is, Zamit.
I want to be like...
So I'm putting it forward.
I'm not saying this is a ridiculous...
I'm playing brain switching.
250 to 1?
250 to 1.
What about this?
All right.
Okay.
La Familia is in on it.
Oh!
So we think watching the film that Dominic Toretto has betrayed everyone
when in fact it's all a ploy to ruse Charlize Theron into thinking she got him.
And to ruse Jason Statham into joining the good guys.
Then they get him.
Lock in a sock, back of the head.
Welcome to La Familia.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Not!
Enjoy your bad La Familia.
No shores of left.
The kind of thing where at the very end,
you know, like a fucking classic heist film,
it happens and then you're like, whoa.
So Fast and the Furious 5.
Yeah, yeah.
But then at the end,
the person who's orchestrating the heist is like, what?
And then it shows you the other side of the heist.
And it's like, oh oh he was picking up this one
he was grabbing this he was fingering that whatever and then you discover how the actual
heist went down something like that it's the end i liked your your your scat jazz over the course
of the whole thing scaz scaz i think they call that um at the very end uh-huh they're like but
here's what really happened and then it shows you that it was all every timeuse all along. Every time when he's making out with Charlize Theron,
he's maybe picking a pocket.
Yeah, exactly.
Every time he's going to things, someone's putting a little USB in a thing,
stealing some intel, doing whatever.
That's when they found out this, and now we got you the rights.
And then they hit it with that sock with the lock in it.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Welcome to La Familia. Nuts. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Welcome to La Familia.
Noughts.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
It's like, wow, they really did not polish that up, did they?
They went with the first thing that came out of anyone's mouth, I guess.
La Familia, Nought.
Smack, smack, smack.
That's the first time Nought's been used as a one-liner in an action film,
if it happened.
I still don't know how Helen Mirren fits into all this, but she's...
So do we know that... Is Charlize Theron, is she a shul?
I don't think so.
No, she seems to be a new threat on the Fast and the Furious block.
But she honestly... She'll tie in somehow, probably.
Yeah, they're at that point where everything's connected. You know what I mean?
Okay, okay, okay.
Could it be that he's just like,
he's grieving for Paul Walker?
You know what?
I reckon it's going to have something to do with Paulie.
I reckon it might even be a threat on his life or something.
Holy shit.
Fate of the Furious goes for two hours and 40 minutes.
That is a long, exciting film.
Well, I feel like
they just wouldn't bring Paul Walker back. I feel like that's
in bad taste. Yeah.
I reckon they'll definitely
mention him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't think
he'll be like... We saw the picture
of him. Oh, yeah, that's a good point.
Oh, yeah. That's what I mean. I reckon
black male involving him.
Then he feels like he's going to bring him in.
So maybe it's kind of like... Or how about this? How about this? So he's kind of like, in this universe, it's like, okay, so pay tribute involving him. Then he feels like you're going to bring him in. That's weird. So maybe it's kind of like, maybe, or how about this?
How about this?
So he's kind of like,
in this universe,
it's like, okay,
so pay tribute to him.
He's like,
him and his family
are in a safe house somewhere.
They're retired.
They're doing really well.
But Charlize Theron is like,
if you don't do this thing for me,
I'm going to kill him.
Or I'm going to make him
like a bad thing happen
to your boy.
So like...
That's a good blackmail. That's a good blackmail.
It's a good blackmail.
I feel like is there a way that we can explain Dominic Torado's betrayal
that also is like a way for the film,
like the people making the Fast and the Furious movies,
to be like there is no chance Paul Walker ever coming back?
Like Paul Walker is murdered or something?
No, I think they kind of want to almost pay tribute or homage to him
and be like, you know, he's living the good life.
Yeah.
He's gone.
This fits in perfectly to something I just read
while I was trying to find out if Charlie Strong's character
plays any role, like isn't connected.
So the movie will be set in New York City,
and you've seen the trailer.
It's also been suggested the movie will honour Paul Walker's wish
by going back to more street racing
instead of relying on special effects and huge action sequences
now think about the end of that trailer
I don't think they
honored Paul Walker really
at all, even a little bit
Paul Walker's like I wish we could go back to more street racing
we got this, I know exactly what you mean
in the many ways
ice flows in the streets
of Antarctica.
That's alright, Paul.
Don't worry.
At the start, they're racing on a street.
Arguably.
What else?
What other potential reasons
could we have for Dominic Toretto
betraying La Femina?
I'm just thinking why someone would want to betray a group of people.
I'm just trying to think.
Classic kind of reasons why one would betray something.
Exactly.
Either it's a doppelganger, maybe not a twin,
maybe it's just a doppelganger.
Clone?
How likely is clone?
Evil clone.
I guess that's just twin again, though, isn't it?
That's just twin again, but a doppelganger, so it's not a twin,
just someone who looks real much like him
Okay
Someone who looks like him
And has it out
Through the Fast and the Furious gang
Potentially because
The Fast and the Furious gang
Has someone that looks like him in it
Because I can't think of any other reason why
Then he joins
But like
The problem with all of this
Is that like
It seems like everybody else is convinced
And surely like...
If it was a doppelganger, you'd be like, something's sus.
Exactly, yeah.
What you reading there, douche?
Are you learning some more things?
Not a lot.
Mostly just lying.
Like how...
And if you remember, this happened a while ago now.
That when Dwayne The Rock Johnson on Instagram posted how he's got zero tolerance for candy arses.
And everyone was like, oh, there's been a fight between him and Vin Diesel.
And then people were like, maybe this is just hype for the film.
And now it definitely 100% was that.
Just hype for the movie.
Yeah, because now Vinny D is betrayed la familia like we're exploring right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ties it together.
But for Clone, 100 to 1.
Not outside their own possibility
Clone is probably slightly too far out
I reckon Clone is about as much as the KGB
you know what I mean
it's just like it's that level of like
that's not what the Fast and the Furious movies are about
and it's not what they'll ever be about
why I mean here's a question
why are they getting Jason Statham in
because they're like we gotta get him in we need him actually here's a question. Why are they getting Jason Statham in? Because they're like, we've got to get him in.
We need him.
Actually, that's a good point.
Because Kurt Russell, who plays...
Mr. Nobody.
Who is?
He works for the government.
Okay, that's all you need to know.
That's enough.
So he wants The Rock and Jason Statham together.
And so he puts the team together, I'm assuming,
to bring back in Vinny Day.
Why? Why would you need... Unless it's related in some way
to Shaw. Unless it's related then back
to Helen Mirren who we are yet to see but is
playing their mother. So maybe
Helen Mirren has either put bombs
in the heads of everyone, chips in
the brains of Vinny D. Yes.
Plastic surgery'd up her one coma
son.
Made him a real good mask.
Developed technology with which to swap the unconscious body of Shaw
and the unconscious mind of Vinnie D.
So as to wreak havoc.
Or potentially she's been rused by everyone in the Toretto's.
Exactly, or she's blackmailing them with Paul Walker or old laddie's life.
Toretto's. Exactly, or she's blackmailing them with Paul Walker or old Laddie's
life.
How do you
come back from making out with Charlie Thoreau in front
of your wife, though? That's going to be like a...
She has to be in on it. That's like a
hard sell off of the fact. Yeah, but you still kissed.
Yeah, that's true. She has to be in on it.
Has to be in on it. Somebody's
in on it. Somebody's in on it.
I reckon she's in on it. The wife is in on
it. So it's a ruse between Vinny D
and Laddie. Yeah. Dominic Toretto
and Laddie have a working...
But then they work against La Familia.
The problem... No, they're only working
against La Familia to keep them in the dark
because whatever is going on, they have to be in the dark.
Yeah. I feel like there is
no way Dominic Toretto can actually
betray La Familia.
Without splintering the franchise. 10 million to
1. But what I mean is that like
so somebody has to be
in on it. You know what I mean?
They're not going to end that film with like
even if he was being blackmailed
it's
just wouldn't let it happen.
Do you know what would be very
unsatisfying? If in the 2 hours
and 40 minute journey this is, it ends and it's actually like a part 1 of a part 2, like as in we don't find out. what would be very unsatisfying? If in the two hours and 40 minute journey it ends and it's actually like a part one of a part two,
like as in we don't find out.
That would be amazing
because that means that the whole thing
will go for like six hours or whatever.
Actually, put that down.
No motivation found out in the Fate of the Furious.
50 to one.
Yeah, 50 to one.
50 to one.
All right, no motivation.
50 to one. All right, alright no motivation 50 to 1 alright good
I think Helen Mirren's on that submarine
she's gotta be
she has to be
where are she gonna put her
Helen Mirren question mark to 1
Helen Mirren on submarine
question mark to 1
and then circle it she's the key
I reckon Helen Mirren is the key she has to be because she's the key i reckon helen mirren is the key
she has to be because she's the only element of this that ties everything together together yeah
so what's the shore's master plan anything uh the best ever was it street racing much like the sixth
uh owen shore wanted to be a bad bloke i guess and then deckard shore found out his name when i
was looking it up.
Jason Segel.
Deckard Shaw.
Just wanted to revenge on his little brother. It was La Familia
v. La Familia. That's good. Revenge is
something I can understand. It's Die Hard 2. It's good.
Die Hard 2 is the
worst one. Don't ever say Die Hard 2
and good in the same sentence again.
So what was the reason
for Shaw
the brainwash?
He just wanted to be a bad bloke.
He just wanted to be a bad bloke, he liked the money and the thrill.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
There was no motivation.
No motivation.
I reckon it's gotta be
that blackmail?
If I had to finally make a final
guess. Yep.
So Helen Miriam is angry at La Familia.
For putting both of her sons in jail.
Both her boys in jail, one's in a dang coma.
Come on now.
So she blackmails or brain chips or bomb in the heads.
Gotta pick one.
You gotta pick one.
You gotta pick one.
I'm putting my money on brain chip.
Okay.
Okay.
She does that. She uses Charlize Theron's brain chip money on brain chip. Okay. Okay. She does that.
She uses Charlize Theron's brain chip technology to brain chip Dominic Toretto.
And then the gang,
they bust out Jason Statham.
Cause it's gotta be like,
where's your mama?
Where's your mama at?
Get her out of jail.
They go find her.
All while fighting Dominic.
They're going up against something they've never gone up against before.
You,
I,
Dominic Toretto,
not Sam.
That would be my final guess.
That's a good guess.
That's my pin-in-it guess right there.
All right, I'm going to go with the same thing,
except rather than the chip in the head,
I reckon the bomb's in the head.
Okay, for the rest of the gang?
No, I reckon Dom's got a bomb in his head.
Okay.
Do we ever see a close-up of his head?
Not in the trailer.
There's no, like, obvious grenade outline on his skull.
Surely it's more like Dominic Toretto,
if the bombs were in everyone else's head.
You know what?
And he's doing it to defend them.
Yeah.
Surely that's more Lafamilie.
No, I reckon it's blackmail.
I'm changing it.
I reckon it's blackmail, but everyone's in on it,
and that he doesn't actually betray Lafamilie.
Okay.
Well, we're all in agreement that he doesn't betray Lafamilie.
That's just
10 million to 1 odds
Even if it's all the better if it's the chip in his brain
Because then he's like
Pulls it off and he's like
It never works
There's one thing stronger than technology
Lafamilio
Nice
I reckon it's blackmail I reckon it is blackmail.
I reckon it's blackmail to do with Paul Walker.
Okay.
And that I think that no one else is in on this,
but it's Dominic being like,
I can't let the other people know because like,
because him and Paul Walker's character,
they were the closest.
Oh, they were friends.
They were just like,
I think they actually say that.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
So I reckon it's just Vinnie D being like,
this Helen Mirren has got something to do with Paul Walker
that I need to do to like, you know,
I need to be the one doing this.
I just remembered there was one key part of the Paul Walker thing
and why they were close that we forgot to mention.
Paul Walker is married to Vin Diesel's sister.
Okay.
So calling the family the Toretto's sort of makes sense
because they are the Toretto's.
That makes sense.
In many ways, we are all Toretto's.
It's fine.
So Paul Walker Toretto.
So Paul Walker Toretto is like, all right.
So now, oh, yeah.
So fuck, if he's going to try,
he's blackmailing his sister and his best friend,
brother-in-law.
Ride or die, best friend for life.
Yeah.
I reckon that's the key to it all all and that's why he's betraying or at least seemingly betraying laugh me so he's betraying one laugh amelia to protect another laugh amelia
he's got to choose a laugh amelia yeah and in the end he'll choose the laugh amelia that doesn't
involve a dead guy or in the end he he'll choose both, because it's all
La Famiglia. I really,
really, really, really hope that
Jason Statham,
Owen Shaw... So Deckard and Owen
somehow become part of La Famiglia.
Oh, I'm sure Deckard will.
Do we know, like, who's Toretto's
mum? The mum of Toretto.
Who's mum of Toretto? We don't have a mum of Toretto.
It'd be Vinnie D. It'd be Dominic. Who's Vinnie D's? We don't have a Mama Toretto Be Vinnie D, be Dominic
Who's Vinnie D's mum?
We never meet
Because can she adopt?
Decades
Imagine if she adopted every character
You're all brothers now
I've legally made it so
That would be amazing
What are the odds on that?
One to one
The mum popping up to adopt the Shores
Oh it's turning out
Helen Mirren is actually Vin Diesel's mum
Twist!
She adopts it, they stop being the Toretto's
And start being the Shores
The Toretto Shores
Toretto Shores sounds like a really nice place to retire
They all have to work together to take down
Cypher which is the name of Charlie's The Wrong Character
Of course it is
Because apparently it's 1997
And involves computers again
That is some wholesome good fun
Adoption?
500 to 1
Sorry did I say 500 I meant 50
5 what? I'm just really excited to see which bald man 500 to 1 alright sorry did I say 500 meant 50 5
what
I'm just really
excited to see
which bald man
fights which bald man
cause you get a bit
of a preview of
Jason Statham
vs the Rock
you're gonna get
the Rock vs Vinny D
you're gonna get
Jason Statham
vs Vinny D
I think this is
gonna be a bald man
on bald man rumble
oh fuck
it's about time
in Fast and the Furious
I think it's 7
there's the greatest headbutt in cinematic history.
Yeah.
And it's a bald man delivering a blow to another bald man.
And phew.
That is a, will ricochet throughout all time.
And on that note, I've been Jackson Bailey.
I've been Joel Dusha.
And I've also been Joel.
Damn it.
I fucked up because I said my full name.
Did you know that Vinny D doesn't
know what race he is? Do you know that
Vinny D is arguably the greatest
actor of all time? Not arguably.
No one's arguing.
Also, Fast and Furious 8
comes out on my birthday, so happy birthday
me. The episode's ended, but this is
just a little rambly bit just for the people
who stuck around. Comes out of my birthday
and what better gift could I ask for? You couldn't.
I couldn't. La Familia
never dies.
Live your life a quarter mile at a time.
If you think this show
is worth at least a dollar, why not
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