Plumbing the Death Star - Why is Everyone Ok with Jake Sully Fornicating with Animals?

Episode Date: April 2, 2017

In which our heroes lose the ability to walk, get their consciousness placed into a giant cat person and hoünk our way into your hearts as we ask why is everyone ok with Jake Sully fornicating with animals?Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your Sydney Comedy Fest tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Duscher: twitter.com/dusch13Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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just head to the live shows tab on our website, sanspantsradio.com. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like, why is everyone okay with Jake Sully fornicating with animals? Okay, so Avatar. It was a movie that we all apparently saw, thought it was the best, and forgot about, yeah? Yeah, I have not seen it. Alright, so to kind of fill you in, Dusha, and some of the audience who just like... Missed out on the liked Avatar.

Yeah. Missed the phenomena. So basically, the way what happens is that Jake Sully kind of... What's it like? LARPs. No, not LARPs. Wargs.

Wargs. Into an Avatar. No, a Na'vi, which is like a giant blue cat He kind of matrixes into a Na'vi Yeah He's got no legs Yeah What happens to his legs? He's a paraplegic No, he already had no legs

Oh, okay, so it's not a plot point, it's just like He's got no legs, so they're like, well, we'll put you in a Na'vi and you can live as one, it's like a synthetic body and he basically is like warged into it Na'vi are a race of people, but they've made a synthetic body and he basically is like warged into it now navi are a race of people but they've made a synthetic race they're like seven foot blue cat yeah you've seen the navi yeah i've seen i yeah i've seen a real thing and the scientists have made a synthetic navi that they can put the consciousness of jake sully or whoever really into said navi to then go and

chill out with the people but the problem Na'vi, how they communicate with everyone and how they kind of hook into the nature and stuff is they grab their long hair thing. Their rat tails. Their rat tails. And it opens up and there's all these other little kind of tiny things. They're like wires or something. And then they'll grab, say, the horse-looking thing

and that little rat tail of the horse and they'll jam it together and now they're linked right and then they kind of do that to a horse thing a bird thing a bigger bird thing but that's also how the navi fuck that's also how the navi fuck yes because jake sully he he falls in love with navi lady queen mrs navi and they bone under the god tree that's not right it's no that's like but they fuck under the god tree. That's not right. It's like Narla. But they fuck under the god tree, and the way they fuck is by mixing their rat tails together. It's exactly the same process.

But then, to ride a horse. Yeah. Jack's into it. I have an issue with Jake Sully and more about the Narvi now that I think about it. As a man who has not seen this film, I have a lot of questions straight off the bat, but a lot of them aren't relevant.

Like, why did they make him into a synthetic Na'vi? Oh, you can't breathe on the planet. Yeah, and they have to be able to communicate with these people. Yeah. Because they have their big... Unobtainium? Unobtainium, that's the one. I have heard about this.

Unobtainium is the thing that makes the rocks float, yes? I'm assuming that's what it is because it floats. Potentially. Whatever. There's some floating rocks. It's fine. Just don't worry about it. But do we hate the Na'vi?

No, they're like the- Yes, we do. No, they're like Native Americans. They're peace loving. So we like them. They're basically like Native Americans. It's dancers with wolves or whatever. It's dancers with wolves but with blue aliens instead.

Depends how much you want unobtainium. How much you hate the Na'vi. I guess. There's a bunch of scientists who are like, we probably shouldn't kill these people just to get their unobtainium. We should be like, hey, they're a living species, so let's have a chat with them. But the military are like, no, let's just napalm the shit out of them.

And Jake Sully falls in love with the Na'vi, so he defends the Na'vi. But is he a soldier? Yes. Yes. Oh, wait. No, he's the brother of a soldier. when but is he a soldier yes yes oh wait no no he's the brother of a soldier i think he's brother he's a soldier but the brother was like a scientist yeah it was was uh the body of the avatar was uh designed for jake sally's bro but his bro dies

so they'll put you in because you have the same dna shit yeah wow that's uh jackson and zaman explaining the movie to you The point being Also Giovanni Ribisi's in it That's alright Giovanni Ribisi's in it He's good Yeah

I mean There's much better ways Pretty much they want to steal the Na'vi's land So then they send a fella to be a Na'vi Hoping he can be like Hey give us your land it's fine Nah so then they send a fella to be a Na'vi, hoping he can be like, hey, give us your land, it's fine. Nah, that's more like a sociology thing to kind of let us study. I think they're just like, who are

these guys? Yeah, Sigourney Weaver's also there leading the- she's also a Na'vi- she also can, like, hook into the Na'vi thing. Sigourney Weaver also has her own synthetic Na'vi. She dies, but a tree brings her back to life. No. Or she just gives her the tree. Yeah, she becomes one with the tree, life. No. Or she just gives up the tree.

Yeah, she becomes one with the tree. It's fine. I like the fan theory that the Na'vi were another. They're not native to Pandora, the name of the planet. Pandora's box. Clever, guys. And that the tree is like a big kind of... Fella? Yeah, like a big AI.

And when you plug into shit, you're plugging into that mainframe and the tree reprograms you to defend the planet. Which is kind of what happens to Jake Sully a bit. The moment he fucks Nala or whatever. I think Mufasa was her name. I believe her name was the Lion King. Nateri.

The moment he fucks her, he's like, man, I've got to protect this dang planet. Well, that doesn't... Hang on. No, because they have the little hooky in thing. And that's... Hooky in thing. We call it a hunk. We have the hunk.

Fuck. If you want to be part of the tribe, you're going to need to connect to the horse. The back of your hair. We call it a hunk. What? A hunk? That is a ridiculous name, objectively. How would you spell that?

H-U-N-K H-U-N-K's hunk. With an umlaut. Two O's. Hunk. So it's um... Anyway, the hunk. So you need to Hunk in. So you Hunk into the tree.

But they have to be native because they have the Hunk. Yeah. Well, maybe they developed the Hunk. Maybe eventually Jake Sully will also develop a Hunk. So he doesn't have a Hunk. Well, he does as a Na'vi. Well, he's a Na'vi as an avatar. I'm saying it happened a long time ago.

The point of the fucking episode Do they have genitals As well That's my question Because they have They have clothes Assumedly they have shame Yeah

So they have like Loincloths and stuff To cover up their genitals But they also have a hunk Well maybe the hunk Is like a spiritual thing So Like you got

So Okay So I have like Two said genitals So if I'm fucking With my normal dick, it's fine. But my hunk, well, that's a love. Well, yeah, like, maybe your hunk is for if you're...

It's like you're, you know, bonded forever for life, like a marriage or whatever. But your genital is just for fucking bones. Because they do say, like, once you bond with a creature, you're kind of bonded for life. So maybe that's right. It's still fucked up, because it's still like you're marrying a horse.

Like, it's the equivalent if they're like to ride a horse you have to enter holy matrimony Which is awesome, because you know how he has to do that to the big scary pterodactyl they're like, just jump on it with a priest the priest is like, by the power vested in me I now pronounce you man and pterodactyl You may now kiss the pterodactyl yeah so basically he gets like a little normal pterodactyl yeah and then they're like oh there's

this bigger pterodactyl and that's how he's like that's how i'll combine the tribes together by honking into that big thing that word is getting me good i really get into the big pterodactyl and then he then he becomes one with the big pterodactyl and then he then he becomes one with the big pterodactyl and rules so any animal you can honk into they're all honkable every single one yeah i am so excited for anyone who also hasn't seen avatar to get this exact speech and then i hope their brains are also really trying to comprehend what the fuck is happening. Like, my understanding of Avatar before today's episode was that it's basically just Pocahontas. Yeah, but with, like, added honking.

Bonus honking. So, John Smith, it would be like if John Smith then got made Native American but hi we're the Spanish fleet and we need to conquer this land so we're going to make you Native American and they make him Native American and he falls in love with a Native American Pocahontas

and then Pocahontas is like the only way that you can be accepted by my tribe is if you marry this eagle but like you've got to marry tribe is if you marry this eagle. But like, that's after. But like, you gotta marry this horse first, then marry this eagle, then marry me, then marry this bigger eagle. But like,

it is like that, but it's like on a biological level. Yeah. It's a biological marriage. Because that, that, that, everything, every single creature on this, on Pandora, you can, you can honk into, yeah, you can honk into any of them, like on a biological level that where everyone's compatible, and when you honk

that is so weird, it's not like a like an arbitrary thing, like yes you have to marry this horse, no no no, on a biological you connect, and your body and the horse's body can do that and it's fine, no one is making like any questions about this and you control the horse

when you're honked in yeah uh you can like you make suggestions basically yeah you're like horse go this way but hang on if you're can hang on if you are honking back yeah the horses is honked back so you could be just like i'm there with my horse horse go left he's like no i go right like i guess i'm going right imagine seeing a guy picking apples from a tree and he's just honked into the horse. Just keeps feeding the horse apples. The horse, I guess, can't reach him normally. So you could just...

Please? Just getting that horse apples. I can't get out of here. Yeah, that makes more sense. Because it has to be two ways straight. Has to be. Because then also... My poor brain.

Also, douche. In the climactic battle, when the natives are fighting the military, Pandora the world is like, I know what to do. I'll send in the animals. So clearly there is some consciousness happening here. Which is hooked into all of the creatures of Pandora. Hooked in. Hooked in.

My apologies. Imagine if that was the case in our world. How scary. Mother Nature's like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm making the beers. Wait, hang on. Go back a second.

Pandora's sentient? In a way, yeah. It has to be. Because in the climactic battle, there's like this signal sent out and all the animals of Pandora start attacking the military. Yeah, so basically it would be like if a horse joined in the climactic battle, there's like this signal sent out and all the animals of Pandora start attacking the military guys. So basically it would be like if a horse joined in the army, but without getting hunched to join the army.

Also, every animal in Pandora has three limbs, except for the Na'vi. Yeah. They have like six limbs. Yeah. Sorry, three limbs. Three pairs. One leg, two arms.

They have three pairs except for the Na'vi, which kind of brings more credence to them. Brings back to my theory that they're not like a native race. Because they look completely different. Yeah. Yeah. So basically, everyone is fucking things that they can, but they shouldn't.

But everyone's cool with it. Yeah, everybody's just fine with it. In fact, they're encouraging it. They're like, nah. That's the only way if you want to be like big up in the tribe. You need to marry this horse. Marry this eagle. Big pterodactyls are important to the Na'vi.

So is it more like marriage or more like fucking? It's more like it's fucking, but it's like there's a lot. There's like bonding almost. Imagine if we could share brains. Yeah. Because like if I was looking at you, right? Okay. Okay.

So I'm just going to point it at you. Wait a second. And you pointed at me and our fingers entwined and we became like yep I'm trying to compare it as a human thing there's a very big difference between bonding with a dog and fucking a dog one of them I'm fine with

bonding there's a little bit of both I guess because if I lived on a world where it was like this is what sex is also go talk to this dog, it's the same as sex. I'd be like, I'm not going to talk to that dog. I guess it's kind of like if kissing,

like in the best, you know, like most biological, so you didn't kiss just your mates or whatever, but during sex you kissed, and you also kissed dogs without the sex. So the question is... I guess they slam their normal genitals together. Yeah, they must. Because they're grasping each other and whatnot. Yeah? Well, I mean, clearly Natalia...

Natari. Natiri. She has breasts. Yeah. She's got tig or biddies. So she's... Well, man. Evidently. Where can I purchase this film? Evidently they're mammalian.

Yeah. Like, surely. So basically, okay, so basically they have to have, they have to have genitals to reproduce, right? You're not reproducing through your rat tail, yeah? Fingers fucking crossed. So basically, you've basically... Horse man.

Dog people. All right. No, hang on. Let me work this out. Okay. You've got your reproductive organ. Yep. So that's for...

My big old dong. Your big old dong. Yep. Or your inside dong, otherwise known as a vagina. Your big old dong or your... Inside Otherwise known as a vagina Your big old dong or your inside dong Good ass vagina And so yeah that's there But then you also have The rat tail

Which is more of a Spiritual bond You know what I'd be more okay if he was Fucking the horse than he was bonding with it In what world I'd be more okay if he was fucking the horse than he was bonding with it. Because that's a big... In what world? No, I'm with you. What? One is very, very extremely intimate to the extreme.

You are sharing, like, your thoughts, your connections, your feelings. You are becoming one with something. It's the closest, like, representation, weirdly, that we can equate to of love. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, we are sharing who we are as a being. You are having people love their pets. Not in the same way

that I would love my long-term partner. You know what I mean? We don't physically bond with our dog in that way. We're like, this is my dog and my pet whereas if you hook into a horse that's like it's a space in between

sex and cuddling. Yeah. Punking. But it's almost more intimate than sex. It's so much more intimate than sex. So much more. Maybe though, hang on,

here's to train. Like, I kind of want to call the police on everyone right now. Maybe it's like- Us, fucking James Cameron. Jake Sully. Jake Sully, Pandora, the planet.

Jail. Mostly James Cameron. So, butora, the planet Mostly James Cameron But hang on, what if it's like it's strange, it's alien but maybe we're giving it too much significance Maybe hooking into a horse is just like Maybe it's like holding hands No, I wasn't even going to say

Maybe it's like you know if you have a horse you want to train that horse I am familiar with having a horse You want to train that horse, you want to look after that horse But it takes a while You are, when you're trying to train a horse, exerting your will over it You're just doing it with commands and treats

And a whole bunch of shit This is just like a fast track Because you have a stronger brain than a horse It is, because you are dominating your will to it It's just a way of finding a shortcut However, you do it for life. That is weird. As in like, here's

my horse. You can't ride my horse because it belongs. I can't ride your horse. No. It's connected to me. I can still honk in. No. What happens? I don't actually know. I could honk into your horse. I don't think you can. I'm gonna. I think there's like a big thing where you do it once and no one else can. I think it's socially wrong. I don't think you can. I'm gonna. I think there's a big thing where you do it once

and no one else can. I think it's socially wrong. I don't know. What do you think? I reckon it might be biological. I reckon a hunk is gonna reject me. I think so. No, but that can't be right when they jump. Yeah. Because Jake Sully hunks into the big eagle. Yeah. And the big eagle doesn't want him hunking it. Yeah, I know. But then he does.

So it's possible to force a hunk. Yes, you can force a hunk, but maybe you can only force one hunk. So after that, no one else could hunk into his big bird. It's just biological. If I forced it, if I tied the things together manually, I'd hunk into your horse. I don't think you can. I'm sad we can't test this theory.

Yeah, because there's a big thing basically being as in like when they're getting the birds, they go, like, not the big one, but the normal one. They're going into the wild. They find like where their nests are. And there's a big emphasis on them saying that. But is that just a cultural thing? I don't know. I feel like it's just a cultural thing.

You have this connection. You share it for life. Like that bird is going to be for you for life. So it's really like can't move on Jake Sully when he abandons his small bird for a big one. Yeah, it's rough for that little bird. And it's also not fair that if maybe he gets two. Yeah. I'm not cool for that.

So it's less. Okay, so it's not cuddling a fuck. It's like the difference between like, it's like a relationship, like an actual like dating. You kind of date a horse. Yeah. But like. You're like, this is my most significant. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You're you're very intimate jake sully what the fuck he he takes navi what the fuck but jake sully like navi culturally you've grown up with it it's fine jake sully has not he just dives in they're like fuck this horse he's like yeah gawney weaver gets all shitty with him when he's like, yeah, I put my rat tail in Neytree's rat tail. Fair enough. What the fuck? Don't do that. Why did the military design these Na'vi bots with their dick to fuck? You know what I mean?

With their dick to fuck. Well, here's a weird thought. Uh-oh. Can Jake Sully get Natalia pregnant? I don't know. Do his balls work? Is that what you mean? Well, I don't know.

He's synthetic. So, like, surely they can't have a baby, right? But then the tree makes him a real boy. Oh, the tree does make him a real boy. What happens to his body? Also, if it was synthetic, then I would have thought that his... Yeah, where is his body? ...hunking in wouldn't have worked either.

Well, maybe... Well, they have to make him real, like... Yeah, but that's what I mean. But if it's synthetic, then, like, when he connects to a horse, the horse will be like, that ain't right. But they have to make it real good so that it can, and's what I mean. But if it's synthetic, then, like, when he connects to a horse, the horse will be like, that ain't right. But they have to make it real good so that it can, and it does. Well, then his dick probably works, then, too. Here's another question, and potentially this is a separate plumbing,

so... Here we are. So within the world of Avatar, they have the Avatar program. Yes. Presumably, that technology is available to everyone. Yes. The potential for chaos. Say I'm like, I'd like to commit crimes as Joel Zammett.

Make me a synthetic Joel Zammett. Could I have your babies? Because A, it's expensive, and B, it needs to be a genetic compatibility between you and the Avatar. So you would have to say maybe not design a Joel Zammett. You'd be like, I want to design another human, but with Jackson Bailey DNA in it.

So it might not look like you exactly, but it would look kind of like you, kind of like how the Na'vi Jake Sully sort of resembles Jake Sully. So the way they Avatar Jake Sully is they took a bit of his brother or whatever, his DNA. Took a bit of his brother, whacked it in a blue thing. Because his twin brother and him, they were like, I don't, is this, hang on.

Everything I know about twins is from film. So the twins I know about is twins is from the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic because it's kind of like twins share DNA completely. It's very similar. So it's like not 100% though? Not 100%. It couldn't be, otherwise they'd be the same

person. Oh. So that's their argument. They're identical twins? I guess. You never see the other one, but yes. So they're like, because my brother, this one was built for my brother, I can hook in, hunk in, sorry, I can hunk in because um... Does that mean if I stole your DNA?

Yes. And my DNA? Yes. I could be like, make me a Jackson Zabit baby. I guess so. Not even a baby, just a Jackson Zabit man. Avatar. That I can be. That you can possess, that I could possess. Yes.

What the fuck? So we could both, in a way, I guess, possess it. Can they do it for dogs? I would assume they'd have to make a dog. Can they make a new creature? Well, yeah, I would assume yes. That's not okay. It's not okay at all so identical twins have exactly the same dna all right so then they really because they come from

the same i should have realized that with common sense because the way the difference between identical twins is like they come from the same egg oh yeah so yeah so that's how jake sally can get into an avatar yeah sure sure sure sure sure so is yeah right so but yes you could in a sense build a creature with a little bit of your dna and you're like all right here's this this and this and whatever i got a bit of um snake dna yeah a bit of fish yeah bit of hawk yeah well that's that she didn't put some of my dna i'm gonna be that yeah because like they wouldn't cares about the other dna well i thought you're gonna be like can i get like that's that snake's dna and then put the snake into like make the snake go into the machine and put the snake into an avatar?

Oh, no. Because, yes. The possibility for like could? Like there's nothing. Yeah. So if you've got like a Navi, but then got a random, say, baboon. Yeah. And then put that random baboon's DNA and built the Narvi around it Then just put the chimp into that

Yeah that's fine And the baboon will be like the fuck is going on Who cares about horse fucking when that's a problem That's not alright I'm still morally opposed to this horse thing But yeah I feel like if I was a Narvi I'd have to fuck a horse Well

If I was a Narvi Because it's cultural I'd have to and whatever then I'd get a horse That's alright Well As a Na'vi Because it's cultural It's like it's fine I'd have to And whatever Then I've got a horse That's alright But like with Jake Sully

That's not alright Why is it not okay With Jake Sully How long is he a Na'vi Before he does it Well a couple days Not that much Like very quickly

I'm trying to think of an example Maybe a month Maybe See for me But he's kind of like He's like going to Like a native tribe somewhere Yeah

And they're saying Look we eat we eat, say, this thing. And you're like, that's gross. Or like the Hamish and Andy where it's like they shove your hands into... Big fire ant gloves or whatever. Yeah, and so that's part of their tradition. So they're doing like, it's part of our tradition and culture to bang this horse. So go on, get in there. And he does.

Like, without real thinking. Like, he doesn't have any kind of like, wait, hang on. He So go on, get in there. And he does. Yeah. Like without real thinking. Like he doesn't have any kind of like, wait, hang on. He's just like, you're okay. I'll bone this horse. I don't give a shit. I'm Jack Sully. He plugs in. But I, for some reason, and I don't know,

maybe this just speaks to my moral code, but because the horse is weaker than me, I just feel like it's all right. How is that okay? Because like I hook into the horse and it's alright How is that okay? Because I hook into the horse And it's just like exerting my will over it Like I'm at a real horse With a whip and spurs

Yeah but this is kind of like with your penis No it's with my hair penis My hair penis is for a different function Your heinous But then you grab your hair penis And then you go your heinous And then you go to your lady friend And you both bang heenuses

Well that's because putting my heenus into a horse It's different I'm not exerting my will over my lady friend Because my lady friend isn't a weaker being Hang on What if she's like You know what I mean I'm assuming all Narvi's

How does willpower work I think it's about mean? I'm assuming all Narvi's have... How does willpower work? I think it's about sentience. Is it? I'm sure it is. Because if it's about willpower, then that could just be like a weird time pad for everyone. What about this? Okay, what about this?

Let me rephrase it. Okay. Say in our world, you were a psychic. Okay. Okay? And you had the ability to put your hand on the head of an animal and exert your will over it. Okay.

Right. Is that a problem? Yes. This is a weird power play. But I'm okay with that. It's the same thing. It's just one's more biological and gross. Yeah.

But it'd be like you're a psychic. You have the ability to control your will over this thing. You have to put your dick in it. Yeah. But he's not putting his dick in it. He's putting his head in it. It's two different organs. It's kind of like...

Well, it's clearly they're using it for pleasure at some point, yeah? Yeah, but you might do that as a psychic as well. If you're fucking another psychic. Touch hands. Yeah, but like... Okay, fine. It's like, put your fingers in this horse. Yeah, basically it'd be like...

Finger this horse. Finger this horse. Welcome to this tribe. Finger this horse. It, basically it'd be like, finger this horse. Welcome to this tribe, finger this horse. It's a tradition. We call it hunking. Okay. Welcome to the big hunking ceremony. Finger this horse.

Go knuckle deep into a horse and then dominate it with my willpower. You're thinking about it wrong. You're thinking about it wrong. I think you're thinking about it wrong. Because you're making it sexual when it's not. But if there's a sex scene in the film, which based on what you guys have said there is,

where you see the same thing, do you get like a reaction to either of them hunking? They love it. They love it. They're having a good time. Well, Jackson is. They love it. They're having a good time. Well, Jackson is not helping your argument. They're having a good time with that. What about... Okay.

Is it used as a foreplay thing or is it in the middle of an embrace? I think they're boning at the time and then they hunk in. Then I'm assuming in my head it looks like an orgasm, right? Sort of. As they come, little white flowers float down from the sky. I was about to type into YouTube, Jake's like, are you in a teary-eyed? I'm like, that's not a thing.

It's a word we create. Yeah. Well, Mike, no, you're thinking about it wrong. I'm just going to quickly show Deuce. You keep talking. I'll show Deuce. Extended love scene. Just the, so like, as you can see, they're making out.

Yeah. And so, oh, it's not their, yeah, so they're. Is it their hair, like, as you can see, they're making out. Yeah. And so... Oh, hey, it's not their... Yeah, so they're... Is it their hair or their... Yeah, it's their hair. So he grabs his little rat tail. Yep.

And then they just hunk in, see? This is gross. And also, who said Avatar looks good? This looks like a shit video game. It does. Nuh-uh. All right, so I showed Dusha the video of the Avatar love scene. Dusha, your thoughts?

What the fuck? Okay, so it's grosser than I thought, which look weird. The hair has like tentacle things, which you did explain, but I imagined it was just like hair follicles. No, it doesn't look like that at all. They connect and then they both make like a face. Yeah. You don't want to be oof with a horse.

It's like licking. So licking your partner is nice. But you also sometimes lick an ice cream. Ice cream's food. Yeah. You eat food. Yeah, but my point is it's a fun-

you're using something that you wouldn't normally use sexually sexually. That's what I see it as. Okay. It's like butt sex. No, in fact, it's exactly like butt it as. It's like butt sex. No, in fact, it's exactly like butt sex. That is like butt sex.

That is a bad example. No, okay, let him explain this. Evidently, the human body wasn't designed for butt sex. I'm not against butt sex. In fact, I'm very for butt sex. It's an alright time. But clearly, if we were designed by a creator,

that wasn't his intent That came as a shock But we do it regardless because it's great I think with the Navi That's the same thing It's not necessary But it's good And it adds to it

You see what I mean? Hunking was invented for Navi To do to other things to control them. Yeah, look, it was just invented. There's nothing sexual about it. It's just literally about- And then when you do it during sex, it just adds to the pleasure. It's just like a bit of extra fun.

Like a little bit of a, oh, we shouldn't be, but we are. It's like, hey, stick your fingers up my butthole because it's real good. It's the same. It's like, hey, why don't we hunk? We're getting close to fingering a horse again now. Yeah. That's because I said fingering and you thought of a horse's vagina. That's not my fault.

No, I was never thinking about a horse's vagina. Horse's butthole. Whatever. There we go. So that's what I assume fingering and you thought of a horse's vagina That's not my fault I was never thinking about a horse's vagina Horse's butthole So that's what I assume honking is I'm going to show Dusha the honking into a horse now A dire horse Jake learns how to honk into a dire horse All these creatures have this weird thing I've got two of them on the side

So that's weird The horses in that have two Jake's only has one You paused it to fucking show me this video and it looks like this weird as fuck porn. It does, don't it? Anyway. He's holding, he's got, he's shirtless, he's got his arm behind his

head and he's holding the other thing in his other hand. It looks like a handjob at this point. Look at how he's honking him. Let's focus on his face. Let's just focus on his face here. So he's like, oh, so gross. I hate it. Horse is loving it. His eyes dilate. Yeah, yeah.

See? It's an experience that they're having. Yeah, but that's just because he's going at the horse. The horse is like, whoa, someone else is in my brain. Horses are all surfer dudes from the 80s. I don't know. Look at that face, Dusha. That's a man of a man who just came in a horse. I wish this was a court case. This feels like Dusha is the's a man of a man who just came in a horse. I wish this was a court case. This feels like

Dusha is the judge we're trying to convince. It's not looking good. That's very unpleasant. That's just very... Like, I'm not happy about it. But I don't think it's necessarily sexual.

Not when you fuck a horse with it. I mean, I mean, I mean. Your Honor, may I have a recess? No, I think it's not necessarily sexual, but you can do it sexually. If you want. But what changes, alright?

What changes the setting to make it sexual to not sexual? If you decide, if you're boning at the same time. If you're not boning, then it's not sexual. If you're fucking the horse whilst you're honking, then it's sexual. Then you're fucking a horse. If you're not fucking the horse and you're honking, that's fine.

That's just basic honking. That's just your run-of-the-mill garden variety honking with no penetration. The moment there's penetration or you're eating the horse out, then it's sexual. Alright? Ah. Nah. Arrest my case. Look.

No. Like, it's just, it's fucked. Like, to be, I mean, I've now seen two scenes from Avatar and both of the, like, he reacts the same way both times, where they're both just like, ooh. That might just be how a honking feels. It might just be like kind of, ooh, that's a bit strange.

Yeah, but it feels like a bit of an orgasm. Well, maybe it feels like an orgasm. Don't play the scene again. I'm playing a different scene for you. So this is that bird thing. It's not the big one, but the small one that he ends up getting. So we'll get to that But yeah so

I just feel that clearly there is I think it's a level of There is pleasure being taken from hunking in That is a level of uncomfortable That I'm not comfortable with I think that's just because we're human I think we'd get used to it They had a roar at each other

This is almost very primitive mating. Yeah, and then he kind of gets like a bowler thing and wraps it around it so he has to pin it down and then they forcibly hunks in. It's bad. Jackson, the more I describe it, it's bad. It's only bad if you assume it's sexual. He clamps its jaw

shut and then hunks in. It's only because you're assuming it's sexual. You made that assumption. That's just normal. That's just normal for Pandora. It's only because you're assuming it's sexual. You made that assumption. That's just normal. That's just normal for Pandora. It's normal for Pandora but it shouldn't be. There's nothing wrong with it. There's a lot wrong with it. I'm pro-hunk.

Hunk your friends and pets. This film also just doesn't look good. Yeah, it's much better in 3D. Like, I'll give it that. Yeah, it is. Like, 2D is trash. Yeah. It's not great.

Yeah. Anyway, he's, come on, hunk. Skip to the hunking. Yeah, he hunk. He pins him down. And then there. See, you can't stop hunking. As soon as you have, like, two, like, hair dicks next to each other, they have to hunk. As soon as you have two hair dicks next to each other

They have to hunk They hate to use the analogy Because it's actually like wolf fucking Once again, we bring up wolf It's like wolf fucking You can't disconnect, right? Until you're done Yeah

And they're both having a good time It's not a good time For the audience I think And look, this is where I'll I'll compromise with you I think it's not okay for Jake Sully Because Jake Sully's a human being

But it is okay For the Na'vi Because for the Na'vi that's just how they evolved Yeah that is fine That's alright they're not even human They're different We're just applying weird human rules to the way the Na'vi operate. It's like if an alien landed and was like,

what are you doing touching your dogs? Ew. However, is Neytiri kind of making love to a man-bot? Yes. It's weird. That relationship is strange. But having said that, I feel like I'd have sex with an alien-bot. Fair. relationship is strange but having said that like i feel like i'd have sex with an alien but fair jackson we all know where your allegiances lie you can't get on your high horse about having sex with an alien robot no that's fine but but you also know that anything humanoid you're like

that's fine it's bonable i categorize alien life if i was the leader of the starship enterprise today this quadrant of the galaxy i deem bonable jackson we have a mission i have a mission i hate this ship we're landing here you guys can stay in the ship do what you like i don't give a fuck i'm going down and get my dick wet, see ya. Or dry, depending on what this place is. You're the worst, Captain. I quit. There would be mutiny. There'd be mutiny, you'd beam down to the planet,

we'd just fuck off in your ship. Those cunts. Pretty much. I'm going to call up the Senate, whoever. Hey, Senate, whoever, what the fuck's your name? Whatever, I got problems. Anyway, so here I am, trying to get my dick wet or dry. Whatever it takes.

I'm balls deep in, I assume, some alien. Or a real sexy moss. Whatever the case, it's good. But no, that's not why I called. Dickheads took my ship. Yeah, can you just self-destruct it or get it back? That'd be real neat Preferably the first But like hey what else

Who is this Oh yeah Jackson Did I not say that Sorry I'm just real real real Distracted by being This moss is real good I think it is a moss I can tell you one thing though Dick deep though that's alright

That's good I'm gonna call her again I am not fired you're fired I'm the best captain the best captain this Enterprise has got, what do we call ourselves? the Empire?

I forget Starfleet? Starfleet Enterprise? that's me, SS Starfleet? Starfleet Enterprise? Yep. That's the one. That's me, SS Starfleet. Anyway, I feel that it is an odd thing for Pandora to have. I don't understand how this is, like, how it all just came to be. Yeah, it doesn't make sense like that. Like, I don't know how or why a planet would evolve unless there is this

this consciousness or this sentience that exists like a mother gaia type that just is a thing on pandora and it's like you know how the human body has business inside us like microbes or shit that us they're like other organisms but like they just evolve And live in us because that's just how we do If Pandora's like that Then whatever it's just shit going on On a larger scale I can appreciate that I think Okay I'm not okay with Jake Sully Doing it I'm again kind of okay with

The Navis doing it but I think that If you put a human brain in a Navi He shouldn't just be leaping into that because that's Fucking weird But if he's committing to it, then why not? No, hang on. Pretending if he's like deep undercover, and he kind of has to.

However, they know he's not an actual Navi. And it's kind of weird. I put you in a dog. Sweet. Are we trying to infiltrate the dog so we can get their minerals? Yes. Good ass. You meet a pack of dogs first day and someone's like,

fuck this other dog. I'm like, uh... No. No, I'm good. Fuck this cat. That's what it's like. Yeah, but... Go hump this cat.

Go hump this cat. Show your domins. Hump the cat. Hump the cat, Jackson. Oh, hump the cat. No, no, no. No penetration? Yeah, no, there's penetration. That's not how it works in the animal kingdom. Yeah, it does. Thatump the cat, Jackson. Oh, hump the cat. No, no, no. No penetration? Yeah, no, there's penetration.

That's not how it works in the animal kingdom. Yeah, it does. It works with a Na'vi. Yeah, but the dogs aren't. It's so different. Sorry. Mind bond with the cat. Done.

Using your dick. Using a second penis. Using for this purpose. Exactly. And I'm doing it in a heartbeat. Fuck it. Go full balls doing it in a heartbeat. Fuck it. Go full balls deep or no balls deep. He's a good operative.

Say what you will about Jackson's mental state, but he's a good operative. I get the job done. Gets the job done. Do you know how quickly you'd have unobtainium? Because I'm not coming across to the Navy. I'm coming back to humanity being like, guys, they got tons of it. Blow up this tree. Don't put me back in my original body.

I'm good. Make me a better body with legs. I want to mix an eagle and a snake and I'll live in that. That's what you promised me for this job. I just imagined like a snake, but with a wider body and wings. Yep, that's what I need and I fly off and you carve as well even though you've got snake lips

yeah that's what he wanted that's the only payment he wanted that's bad Pandora blowing up in the background what would you fuck other snake rats snake eagles

and get others made we'd form a counterculture Other snake rats? Snake eagles. And get others made. We'd form a counterculture. A movement. Well, yeah. The point is, it's fine. Everything that I've heard today, it is a court case surprise. The People v. Jackson Bailey. I don't know how I became the villain here.

The Na'vi are the ones doing it. You're on Team Jake Sully, though. The People vs. Jake Sully, though. The people versus Jake Sully, as represented by Jackson B. Bailey. I'm going to side with the people here. It's gross. It's fine. He shouldn't be doing it,

or at least he should have done... I don't know. Had a little trepidation. If he had had some trepidation, I think I'd be all right with it. But there was none. He was like, okay. Well, that, I guess,

just speaks to Jake Sully's character more than anything else. The actual activity of hunking a horse is so fine. I feel they should have had some sensitivity training at, like, the Pandora base to be like, hunking 101. Yeah, I feel like, I mean, like, on the, that's on the fault of the scientists, that they should have been like, look, now that you're a Na'vi,

you will be expected to hunk. Let's talk hunking yeah i feel like let's talk about you and me let's talk about all the hunking that may be i feel like let's talk about hunks should have just stopped like everything for a good half an hour and just had like a seminar to be like hunking in you yeah just a powerpoint presentation that is. And just a PowerPoint presentation. Or an old VHS educational film. Yeah, because that would have been real useful for the audience. Well, it would have been nice for us to know what was going on. That would have been also kind of like Starship Troopers. Now they have educational videos in the middle of it.

What a good movie. Well, I mean, I guess we can only infer from that that the military or the scientists Just didn't know hunking was a thing But they must have Plus they made their hair And also the fact that Sigourney Weaver gets angry Makes me think that things are

That's gross I think that No wait I think it's because if you hunk him Like another Na'vi it's for life I'm pretty sure there's this big whole connotation Where you're hunking with something You're, it's for life. I'm pretty sure there's this big whole connotation where you're hunking with something, you're hunking for life. He's married to a horse and a bird

and a bigger bird and a lady now. Yeah, and a cat lady. That's great. Do you know how many things I'd hunk? What if I was like chatting to someone and you just crept up behind me and just hunked in? Would then be like, you piece of shit. Everyone's going to jail. You can hunk animals

like that, but you couldn't hunk a person. If you hunk a person, you're married for life. You're hunked for life. You just wouldn't do it without their consent. It's like, we eat horse and cow and pig and whatever. I like that eat horse was your first. But we don't eat man. We don't eat man. It's the same thing. We set

arbitrary boundaries. I'm just wondering, is it like, is the hunk one and you're done? Yeah. Is that a cultural thing or is it a biologic thing? I think it must be a cultural thing because Jake Sully can get a different bird. But it's a different kind of bird. It's the same bird, just bigger. I think it's got to be cultural.

Maybe like you do form a bond with that, but it's not the kind of thing where it's permanent. Yeah. Because what happens if you hunk a Na'vi and then the one you've hunked dies? Yeah. Then you want to be with another one. Or can you just hunk multiple?

Maybe you can just hunk however many things you want to hunk. I guess. That's what I like to believe. Hunk the world. Jackson Bailey hunks the world. Jackson Bailey hunks the world Jackson Bailey hunks America I'm not okay with it I'm okay with it

I turned around, I started off not okay Jake Sully, don't fuck animals Don't fuck animals but hunk animals Jackson Bailey, don't fuck animals I'm not gonna fuck a horse but if I could hunk a horse I'd hunk a horse And I'd hunk a horse. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson.

And I've been unhappy. Hunk away, friends. I'm glad I haven't seen Avatar. Seems like a nightmare. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.