Plumbing the Death Star - Why is Hawkeye in the Avengers? (Feat. Mr Sunday Movies)

Episode Date: February 23, 2015

In which our heroes stand next to a literal god, cower behind a green behemoth and get inspired by the embodiment of the best of humanity while wondering why is Hawkeye in the Avengers? We try to figure out S.H.I.E.L.D's hiring policies, discuss a comic book PSA about bullying, and get all flustered thinking about Captain America. Jackson attempts to put together an All Olympic Avengers Initiative, Zammit wants to see Hawkeye become the new Spider-Man, Mr Sunday Movies points out Hawkeye the ineffectiveness of bows as a weapon, and Duscher just feels that Clint should go back to being a pretty good athlete. So let's all get together in the S.H.I.E.L.D helicarrier, try to be sympathetic and fire Hawkeye in the nicest way possible.Want to help Clint win gold in the Rio Olympics? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in this misguided archers life.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least fourteen books about archery and three dealing with workplace bullying. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, people in glass houses are plants. This episode was brought to you by Daniel Bailey, Corey Herndon, and Nick Cowling. What a bunch of Geronimos. I love you and enjoy the episode. Hey guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, Why is Hawkeye in the Avengers? He's just an Olympic level

athlete who has good at archery well it's not like hey did you win

golden shot put would you like to join my spy team that's silly it is kind of dumb and especially

with the news of like Plumbing the Death Star always been known to have their fingers on the pulse of pop culture about a week

and a half ago now Spider-Man was announced that he is joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe that's true so let's bop our old yeah Clint so you're like

probably time to hit the road time to jog on mate like being an archer is impressive until you stand next to a man who was bitten by a radioactive spider, can now climb walls, shoot webs. He can lift 10 tonne as well.

What can you lift? Clint? I can bench maybe 220. I'm on Clint's side. Good on him for being in the Avengers. I guess someone needs to hold down the bottom end. Yeah. You need a ladder and you need a bottom rung to get to the top.

Maybe they could just give him his own division of Olympic-level athletes. I'd watch that movie. Clint, the guy who's good at shot put, and the guy who's good at javelin. There's a guy that's good at passing a baton. Yeah. There'd be a moment where they're like, He's a team player! Yeah.

We're like, we need to get this dynamite to the bad guy. And he's like, because it's 1910. And we're fighting an evil prospector. And he'd be like, I'm your guy. This is my moment. I can't believe I

bought a rug of the Hawkeye images. How embarrassing. Yeah, no, it's good because you'll have, like, a shot put player. Player? Shot put. Yeah, shot put player. I don't think it's a...

Just a real player getting down there with the ladies. Shot put player, a guy that's got a javelin, Hawkeye, a man that can run fast, but not, like, impressive fast. Impressive fast for humans. For, like, humans. Yeah. But not, like, impressive to Quicksilver.

Yeah. Even probably, like, Hulk can probably outrun him. Definitely. Or Captain America, who's a man. Just kind of any one of the regular Avengers. Yes, exactly. Yeah, because again, if you're looking at like, you know, the Falcon, like he's like, he's a pretty good athlete.

He can run pretty far. And, you know, Cap America just laps him about 10 times. On your left. On your left. On your left. Constantly. Look, Cap, probably pull your head in a bit. You've got a super serum.

That would get you disqualified. Yeah, you're right. It would. That's true. As long as you've got weightlifters. So you're saying, though, there would be drug restrictions on this team. Is that what you're saying? Yeah.

Much like the Olympics. No super serum. Yep. No gamma radiation. That'd be testing. Much like the Olympics. No super serum. Yep. No gamma radiation. That can fuck off. What about gadgets? What about the guys really good at, um,

what do you call it? Pool? Yeah, I was going to say. Shooting? Yeah. No, there's a bloody name for it.

Play pigeons? Shouldn't play pigeons? I don't think that's either. Trap shooting? Trap shooting? Isn't it just shooting? It's just shooting.

It's just shooting. It's shooting a gun, Jackson. Well, whatever. Which brings us to our point. If you have a limp little athlete, why would you have an archery guy when you have a guy who can shoot a gun?

Oh, that's a really good point. Hawkeye gets kicked out of his own team. Clint, maybe just stay in accounts or something. You can start a new team. You can have a guy with a slingshot and a guy with a rubber band. And that way, you're never going to get kicked out could have a guy with a slingshot and a guy with a rubber band. And that way you're never going to get kicked out. Just a guy with a satchel of rocks.

You get David. That's fine. Fighting Goliath. Again, he might upstage you. Sorry, Clint. He's the new leader. Well, is it literally just that there's no one else like when spider-man comes along sure just chuff him off but until then they're like well look i maintain for the movies

at least they should have put ant-man in yeah because ant-man is infinitely better than movie hawkeye anyway i mean come on i mean he turns up with like 12 arrows and then there's a point where he goes to grab one and there's none so he can't even count how many arrows he has. That's true. That's ridiculous, right? At least keep a second set. Yeah, exactly. Here's an idea.

Have two quivers. Yeah. Aye? Give that a go. When he was getting ready for that fight, was he like, what do I take? What do I take? 12?

12 is good. It's fine. Just go now. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Another thing with those arrows in Avengers is they're all multi-purpose. was he like what do I take 12 12 will do me it's fine another thing with those arrows in Avengers is like they're all

multi-purpose so like what if he's like I really need just a normal arrow to save someone I've only got explosive arrows left

I'm sure they'll do hasn't he got a tourney thing on it oh he does oh yeah he does multi-purpose arrows that's still not good that means he's like

I'll just make it a regular arrow and he's just wasted a perfectly good multi-arrow. Yeah, they must be expensive. And also, like, yeah, if I got that and I'm like, I'm just going to turn it into an explosive now. Smack somebody in the head and blow them off.

It's like having, like, throwing knives, but each knife is a Swiss Army knife. It's just pointless, a waste of resources. Well, that's the issue there. I mean, it's one of the many issues with old Clinty boy, is that Iron Man's suit has energy, right? Captain America is just, whatever, it's infinite

punchin'. He's good. Same with Hulk. Same with Thor. Thor's hammer. A lot of these guys have infinite punches. That's how I think about it. Even Black Widow has a lot of bullets. She takes out Hawkeye and tricks Loki into revealing his plan. Yeah.

Also with Black Widow, the films haven't revealed it yet, but I'm willing to almost put money on the fact that it's going to be revealed that she was also part of the super serum testing because her backstory has sort of been hinted at. Like KGB style in the trailer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure, for sure. And so then there's just leaps and heads in front of Clint.

And Clint's not even that good of an archer. Because again, yes, can't count his arrows. But if you look at his wrist guards, like the guards on his arm, you know how many he's wearing? Two. He's wearing two. Most good archers either have one or zero. That means he's like smacking himself in the arm with his bowstring.

Often. Often enough to need only two of these. Also, there's a point where Clint is useless in a fight. And it's that type of point where he runs out of arrows and is just like, well, I guess good luck, guys. It's like if a sniper had like seven bullets and then after that, if he leaps off a building, he's like, Thor, catch me! Exactly.

Thor's like, okay, okay. I'll head over there. That's like a weird thing about Hawkeye is though, and probably the only reason he's still in the team, he is probably in the films. I'm just basing it on the films at the moment. He's one of the first Avengers we see because he appears in Thor

he does yeah he appears in Thor which means that if the Avengers initiative is being launched as it's mentioned in an Iron Man Clint's on board straight off the bat

so it's almost like they started with someone who they were like hey this guy's handy then superheroes became a thing and they were like oh and that's what oh they have to keep him they've kept him because they don't really want to see I always figured this guy's handy. Then superheroes became a thing. And they were like, Oh, and that's what, Oh,

they have to keep him. They've kept him because they don't really want to like, I always figured it was like an internal email, kind of like a joke where Nick Fury is kind of seen it. Like Nick Fury is putting together like the Avengers initiative. What a dick. Hey, put down Clint.

Like he won the, he won the company's archery competition. All right, let's put him down like a super art, art joke. Let's see what Nick, Nick Fury does. And then Nick Fury is like super archery competition. I was like, let's put him down as a super archer. Let's see what Nick Fury does. And then Nick Fury's like, super archery? Clint, you're on the team.

And there's Clint like, I've got to practice. Shit. See, Clint always, to me, in the movie Avengers, always seems so earnest about the fact he's like, I am just, in Clint's head, he's like, I'm basically as good as the Hulk. Yeah, you're right. And he's so arrogant that his first appearance

there's a rack of weapons there and they're like you need to take out this blonde guy who's running in breaking everything and he goes and he reaches for a gun

he pauses and then goes for a bow and arrow and that is it excuse me like you can put 20 bullets in a guy in the time it takes to fire one arrow

and an arrow generally unless you get someone through the head, will not kill someone. Yeah, arrow's not a killing weapon. Was anybody watching when he did this? Arrow in me, take out arrow dead. I don't think so. Because, like, he knows.

He knows he's going to take the bow and arrow. Yeah, you're right. Who's that for? Who's he like, eh? As if. Bow and arrow! Like a David Brent kind of nod. Sorry.

Fuck that up. No, the office? I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're kind of like, look at the camera. All references are welcome here. Good, good. And he has to get in a little cage to get taken up.

Like a baby in a basket. Can't even climb, Clint. Just fucking climb. Also, okay. We'll say he's in the event. He's in the event. He's in the event. He's in it. baby in a basket can't even climb Clint just fucking climb also okay we'll say he's in the event he's in the event he's in it he made the cut

he made the cut Nick Fury's like yep super archery I saw a competition he came in a good second that's good enough for me and yeah does that thing in Thor

but then he's not in the start of Avengers his big role in the film is the fact that he lets Loki get so close to him that he just hits him with his stick. You're an archer.

Stay away. Yeah, exactly. The whole deal is that you're far away from the danger. And they say that like 30 seconds prior. They're like, what's he doing up there? And he's like, oh, he's more comfortable standing back. And then he's like, oh, what's this? And he just walks forward.

I better get a closer look, I guess. You're an archer. You're meant to have good eyesight. I feel a little bit blind. Like, what is that? What am I looking at? I'm just going to trip on it. There's a little, like, hoik with his pants.

What are we going? Oh, get Loki. Because what real purpose does he serve in the Avengers, in the film? He just gets brainwashed. Yeah. He gets brainwashed for two-thirds of the film. He gets beaten up by the second, probably... The second rung up?

Yeah, the second rung up. Black Widow. Black Widow. He does take out the helicarrier to his credit. That's true. I mean, it doesn't, because they get stopped. He tries to take out the helicarrier. He does.

I suppose he does. But the Helicarrier is not that well designed. No. Just like a single arrow. In a big exposed engine. That's more on Shield's fault than Clint doing good. Okay.

That's the kind of thing that as the Helicarrier was falling, I bet one of those members of Shield was like, I said it. Haven't I been saying that for years? I brought that up in at least six stuff meetings. was like ah just a mesh sheet that's all you need like we all saw star wars we all know what happens come on guys i'm the only one thinking here a lot of bureaucracy a lot of red tape, too many cook situations. They've already designed it. You cannot redesign a massive helicarrier once you're in the air. Except they do afterwards.

Because in Captain America, they're like, yeah, we fixed that because that was a fucking mistake. This guy, he knew what was going on. Our bottom rung guy took it out. So that was embarrassing. They say, though, in the next Avengers're gonna he's gonna really step it up but that's what they have to it would have to it have to yeah before they announced that spider-man is now part of the marvel universe there's a lot going because they've also said that black

winter is going to get a big backstory how about i'm worried so clint Barton sort of is like tooling around Iron Man, Tony Stark's lab, comes across a radioactive spider program, gets bitten. Now we have a Spider-Man at the MCU. Who can shoot arrows? Who can shoot fucking arrows? He refuses to give it up.

Web-covered arrows. Just swing across there. He He refuses to give it up. Web covered arrows. Just swing across there. He's like, no one of you fly me. Then you just grab a stick and then grab a web and clip as the bowstring. And everyone will be like, stop that. You can lift 10 tons. Just go punch a guy. I'm more comfortable.

Spider horror. We know you're committed to it, but you don't have to. It's fine. Nobody's going to care but you don't have to you don't it's fine nobody's gonna care that that didn't work out for you makes Arrow out of web like stop

stop yeah every time he goes to thwip he's like doing like he's pulling back oh god it'd be so embarrassing hey

Spiderhawk makes me sick Spiderhawk okay we've only discussed I liked it just Tony Stark he's like hey I'm defending the world

and also I'm just making spiders radioactive it seems like something that Tony would do with a bit of a drunken bend I'm going to get this spider fucking white tails are fucking everywhere I'm going to inject you with some gamma radiation see what happens

he just really misses the Hulk I'm going to throw this handful of spiders at Hawkeye with some gamma radiation, see what happens. He just really misses the Hulk. He doesn't turn anything into a new best friend. I'm going to throw this handful of spiders at Hawkeye. Hey, Hawkeye! Hey, Hawkeye! Yes, Tony! He's just firing arrows. Like, wildly.

It's all for you, piece of shit. Visor comes down, he vomits into it. Like, help me. Clint, help! Clint, help! piece of shit visor comes down he vomits into it i had men like falling on his back and then rocket boosting down a hole and that's the origin of of ncu spider-man yeah yep nailed it um i like i mean like maybe he's just like a fall guy like he's the only human properly that wasn't a former KGB agent. So maybe it's just like, hey, we need an Avenger to go down to important gatherings and mayoral gatherings. Nah, because again, if I was a general public and I'm like, there's going to be a guest appearance by the Avengers, and I rock up as fall guy.

You'd be pretty upset. My disappointment would be palpable. Also, now that they've got Captain America, he's huge and everyone knows who he is, but he'd also be fine at public events. Yeah, he started off doing the MMSO. Yeah, he'd be great at that. Yeah, all the propaganda stuff that he did in World War II.

He'd be perfect at that. He'd be a great spokesman. Sorry, Clint, you're out again. Plus his projectile weapon can also block. Yeah. And return. I don't know. I'm sure at one point Hawkeye's had like a boomerang arrow.

Oh, you're right. You're probably right. You just know that he's got it. And the thing is, it's a two-handed weapon, a bow. Is he like, foop, holy shit, holy shit. Let go of the bow, drop the bow, grab the boomerang. Oh, no. It's off a building.

Yeah, that's another thing. Hawkeye loses that bow. He's just a scared guy. Imagine if in the final battle for New York in Avengers, one of the Chitauri had flown past grabbed his bow then flown on

it's just like like the Hulk coming over and being like Hawkeye why aren't you doing anything he's like they have my bow it's like grab a gun

no it's not just to stop my thing you know I can't just won't know what I'm doing I'll hurt someone I love the idea of them just grabbing

the bow and then just grabbing the bow and then just leaving him, though. Just like, not killing him. And he's just like, ah, what? Just like floundering, flailing his arms. What do I do? Ah! Just throwing his arrows.

Is this working? And not even like a javelin it's like spinning yeah cause it would be even the Chitauri but just like with the tail he just picks it up

turns it to explosive mode throws it back there's your boomerang arrow alright so we've only discussed the Marvel Cinematic Universe for Hawkeye and

that's a very limited universe because of movie rights and external stuff that we don't really care about here. Nope. But in comic books, it makes even less sense. I'm going to make, okay, in Hawkeye's defense, for the one and only time this episode, I'm going to bring in the Ultimate Universe. Okay. Where Hawkeye is kind of more like Bullseye. Yeah, he's got like perfect aim. He's got perfect aim.

So there's a scene in the Ultimate comics where he gets captured and they're like, kill his wife and kids. So now he's got like, I got nothing to lose. And he just like picks his own nails and uses them as projectiles. And it's sick because he's like, he's he's doing something and he's proving why he's a member of the avengers because he's like a sick spy but then joe maduria and jeff loeb get hold of it and it's just terrible and he starts using guns not great avoid ultimate everyone please just as a favor from me don't read them anyway that sounds like he stopped being Hawkeye and started being the Punisher though

yeah it got 90-ified but like in the late 2000s that's an interesting time to take things to heart I like very much that it took Hawkeye's

wife and kid dying before he could actually be worthwhile I guess he always had it there he just never showed it you know what

he's more than the ultimate universe you know why he's useful you know the only reason you keep him in the avengers because he can put ant-man on his arrow and fire that oh yeah he does that like ant-man's first or his what is somebody's first appearance so he's basically a comic at some point he's an ant-man transportation need to get ant-man from point a to B quickly, you get Hawkeye. Otherwise... Well, honestly, but you could just pick the Hulk, hey, Hulk?

Can you just flick? Because I feel like Ant-Man's just going to be like... And Hulk's going to be like, Hulk, sorry. Good point. He's definitely better as a spy, like a covert spy or a street-level superhero. Have you guys read My Life as a Weapon? It's like the current run.

It's amazing. And it's just him, most of it's him day to day life in his apartment. Something busts in or whatever and he has to deal with the neighbourhood situation. He's like Daredevil basically. Yeah, see that's cool. And that's where he belongs. He should have a Netflix series like Daredevil or

We Don't Want to See You. Because, I mean, he's got like that sort of, if you just gave him a city like Batman has Gotham, Superman could come into Gotham and sort that out, but he doesn't. He doesn't. I guess he doesn't care. Because he's nice. Yeah, exactly.

He's like, I have it, Batman. It's yours. Bruce, you need something. Everyone needs something to wake up to in the morning. You need this. This is yours. So if they were just like, hey, Hawkeye, have... The Lower East Side.

Have Seattle. Yeah, sure. No one's in Seattle. It's yours. Defend it. You look after that Grey's Anatomy's cast. Especially the Frasier class as well. Look after Frasier for us, Hawkeye.

He's a treasure. Bring it back to the movies again, just quickly. It seems like that they would put Hawkeye in Thor as like a cameo thing, and they're like, sweet, we'll just leave it like that. Then Avengers, they threw him in as just... Guess they needed someone to get brainwashed.

Yeah, they needed. And then I think, because Hawkeye has a weirdly vocal fan base. Oh yeah, I've copped a lot of flack for saying this exact thing about movie Hawkeye and what is he doing and whatever. Yeah, yeah, like a lot. What are people's arguments?

I'm curious. It's mostly just a personal thing. It's like I'm attacking them personally, like he doing and whatever. Yeah, yeah, like a lot. What are people's arguments? I'm curious. It's mostly just a personal thing. It's like I'm attacking them personally, like he's their dad. Any listeners out there, I will fucking fight your dad. Well, I recently read a whole comic. It was like a couple of weeks back.

It was all about like anti-bullying. You're just reading PSA comics. I basically was. Sam had just got a pile of like, hey, What? You're just reading PSA. I basically was. Sam had just got a pile of, like, hey, don't bully, don't do drugs. Yeah, it was basically, I was just flicking through it, and it was basically the team of the Avengers

doing what we are doing, but to Hawkeye's face. And Hawkeye getting very sad. Oh, so he wasn't even, like, worked up. He was just sad. No, he's like, you guys are being mean. Stop it. It offends me, my sensibilities.

Can you please not? Is Hawkeye just a whiny little piece of shit? And then they're, like, they're fighting this giant robot, and they're like, of course, this giant robot is weak-spotted. There's one little tiny, you know, three-by-three-inch square. I guess we'll give it to Hawkeye, even though really any of us could do it. Yeah, if Ant-Man hit that with

a big blast, he's gonna get it. Yeah, exactly. Or even just put Ant-Man in there, or like, three by three Captain America would probably climb it and just punch it. Honestly, shield it. Yeah. So is the only reason Hawkeye's in the Avengers pity?

Is he like, hey guys, we're the Avengers and they're like, oh jeez. Pity, default. They need a guy with no sleeves for some reason. He's got a nice tunic in the new one, at least from the trailers. It looks nice. You know what? I want to be surprised at the next one. I want him to have a moment and go,

you know what? He's alright. I want to actually pick up Cap's shield and be just like, use it. Because I think he'd be pretty good with the shield's all right. Yeah, yeah. You're allowed. I wonder if you'd pick up Cap's shield and be just like, use it. Because I think he'd be pretty good with the shield. I think he would, yeah. Just pick up anything else. Yeah. A god.

A god. A god. Even a crossbow? Yeah, yeah. Like, that'd be kind of cool. You got like a bit of power behind that. A longbow is... Because in the evolution of weaponry, didn't it go bow, crossbow?

Yeah. He's quite a few steps behind in terms of projectile weapons. Because in the evolution of weaponry, didn't it go bow, crossbow, and guns? He's quite a few steps behind in terms of projectile weapons. It's sort of like if Iron Man was like, hey, I've got this new weapon, it's a sword. Or if Iron Man was like, look out, and he opened his palm and then just started pouring gunpowder into his shoulder and put a little iron ball in there and was like, just give it a fucking second, light a fuse.

and put a little iron ball in there and was like, just give it a fucking second. Light a fuse. Or if he just had a literal pirate ship cannon as his repulsive cannon. I feel Whiplash would have just broken his neck by then. Yeah, yeah. Or at least the kickback would have broken his arm. Yeah, yeah.

So maybe Team Morale? I don't think anybody likes him. No, because he's always on... Black Widow seems to like him. Black Widow seems to like him. She wears an arrow necklace as well in the Captain America sequel. But then she's all about Cap in that film. I'm all about Cap. Look, next to Cap, though, anyone is second wrong.

Yeah. So that's... Cap America's literally the ultimate man. That's less on Clint, more on Cap. Also, hasn't it been, like... Oh, yeah, and also the trailer for Age of Ultron, I think I might be making this up. But doesn't it hint that there's, like,

a Bruce Banner Black Widow thing going on? Yeah, there's something going on there, yeah. Poor Clint. So, yeah. Can't even catch a break. It's not like him and Black Widow are like... They're not like, for true truths. Yeah, they're not official.

They're not steady. Excuse me? For true truths. For true truths. They're not going steady. They're not steady. He hasn't given her, like, his Letterman jacket yet. It's, you know...

They haven't gone to make it. For true truths is like... They've only gone out to make out point, and that's it. For true truths is like society collapsed. But they're just really good society collapsed as I learned language again. But in the comics though, he's like Captain America's biggest fan.

That was taken from him by Agent Coulson. That's very true. But in the comics there's like a moment in the Cree-Skrull war, this is going back a bit, where they're like, alright, the Supreme Intelligence who's you know what, you don't need to know just the leader of this of the cree and he's the big bad and he orchestrated all this

bullshit and then he's like all right tony stark is like we need to kill the supreme intelligence i thought you're gonna say you need to kill hawkeye no no no rude kill supreme and hawkeye's like, no. He's like, hey, we gotta go back and save Cap. And Tony just punches him unconscious. Anyway, they form what is basically called, what Captain America dubs the, I think he calls them the Revengers, or like... Was this a 90s series?

Because I'm going to go Revengers. He calls them something like a... No, he calls them a kill squad. Yeah, kill squad. And so all these, like, group of Avengers go and they kill the Supreme Intelligence. And Cap is very pissed off. So when they get back to Earth, he's like,

right, we're going to have a team meeting. I'm going to do, like, a seminar on things we do and do not do. Like, a morale seminar. And, like, maybe only Hawkeye turns up. And so then Cap's very bitter bitter and they go to a bar and then clint's like hey cap why don't me and you we just start our own avengers just me and you man i got your back and even cap america's like nah i'm just gonna solo this i'll i'll be in touch i guess um yeah maybe he's not even for morale.

Honestly, the only explanation I can give in the films is the fact that he was just there first, and before Iron Man and the Hulk, before they knew Captain America was still alive, he was their best bet. It's like, hey, this guy, he's sort of acrobat. Actually, he's pretty acrobatic. Yeah. He's probably a gymnast.

I was going to say, he won silver in gymnastics and gold in archery. He's pretty good at judo. I'd probably go silver in archery. Bronze in gymnastics. It was a tough year. It was a tough year.

It was a tough competition. But then they're like, oh, man, this is a literal god. Does that mean if the literal god didn't happen, could Nick Fury be like, hey, Michael Phelps, you're real good at swimming. Usain Bolt. And Namor

is owned by Fox. So, do you want to be our sea king? Okay. Well, does that mean that say Thor hadn't crash landed and say fucking Captain America hadn't been found, when the Chitauri invaded, would it just be Hawkeye? It would be Iron Man, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Hulk.

But maybe even not Because Hulk may have Died or not turned up Yeah What happened there He fought Hulk would have killed Everybody in the Howley Carrier

Yeah Because Thor was the Only reason that he didn't That's fucked up That's just That's just a crash That's just everyone dead But if Thor isn't there

Loki's not there That's true Oh yeah good point And the Chitauri aren't there But What else happens on Earth and their Loki's not there. That's true. Oh, yeah, good point. And the Chitauri aren't there. Mmm. But what else happens on Earth in that film timeline? Captain America 2. No, because they need to find Captain America.

No, actually, no, they don't. Winter Soldier. Winter Soldier could still happen. Yeah, he can turn up. But without Captain America. It's just Hawkeye trying to deal with this super soldier. Just Hawkeye being beaten up. Just like two hours, just like him just getting smacked in the face.

Though there was a scene that was supposed to be shot for Captain America 2 because Hawkeye was supposed to be in it. He went off, Jeremy Renner made something else. Born Five? Probably, yeah, sure. Louis. Which he's not even in anymore because Jeremy Renner is the Hawkeye of actors. Anyway, so Hawkeye tries to stop Captain America and he pins him and then says, whispers to him, you've got a tracker on you and then fucks off.

So he helps him out. And then so that would have been a nice little kind of if he's a guy who can take on Captain America yeah of course that didn't happen so don't worry about it forget I said anything yeah Jerry Mariner's probably like

yeah no I made a good decision I made the worst Bourne film and now I got kicked out of the next one I made the worst Bourne film the way the worst was an impossible film was he in that? the fourth

I reckon that's the best one the fourth one but he was supposed to take over yeah I know choose the worst one yeah definitely actually I liked that one because I one. The fourth one. But he was supposed to take Ghostbusters. Yeah, I know. Two's the worst one. Yeah, definitely. Actually, I like that one, because I had the one where he's on the tower, yeah? Yeah. Do you remember a lot of Doves?

No, that was two. Two sucks. Ghost Protocol, four. It's alright. It's good. It's pretty good. I think you're just going to be like, Ghostbusters. Pretty good. Awesome. Pretty good. But yeah, he was meant to be the next Ethan Hunt. Yeah, that was the idea. But they're like, nah. Can you imagine if, you know, Jeremy Renner, he's like, oh, I get to be like a superhero in one of the Marvel films.

That's pretty cool. Like those are iconic guys. And then he's like, he gets a script at his house and he's like, I wonder if I'm Iron Man. Yeah, am I going to be Thor? I'm in the Thor movie. Oh, I'm Hawkeye. Hey, I don't read comics. Let? I'm in the Thor movie. Oh. I'm Hawkeye. Hey, I don't read comics. Let's find

out who this guy... Oh. And the problem is, like, he's shot his wad too soon because now we're getting a bunch of, like, Marvel properties. Black Panther and Ms. Marvel and the Inhumans and... We are not getting a solo Hawkeye film. No, never. They're not doing

a Black Widow movie, so they're definitely not doing a Hawkeye movie. They're not doing a Hulk filmkeye film. No, never. They're not doing a Black Widow movie. They're definitely not doing a Hawkeye movie. They're not doing a Hulk film. Yeah, that's nuts. World War Hulk, come on. Yeah, exactly. Send Hulk to space. I hope they do.

They should do Planet Hulk, World War Hulk. Unless they're holding that for after Age of Ultron. Because maybe he goes there. After Inhuman. Yeah, because maybe there's rumour, spoiler alert possibly, I don't fucking know, that Hulk gets shot into space at the end. Sick. And then that maybe is goes there. After Inhumans. Yeah. Because maybe there's rumor, spoiler alert possibly, I don't fucking know, that Hulk gets shot into space at the end. Sick. And then that maybe is planet Hulk. I cannot wait for them to try and like realistically

and not ridiculously shoot Hulk into space. Because how do you even manage that? Try and picture Hulk getting shot into space in a way that is not just retarded. It's like Ant-Man being shot on an arrow just on a larger scale. Just Hulk grabbing like a space shuttle. Yeah, exactly.

Maybe Hawkeye was to press the button so he felt useful. The only way I can think of to get Bruce Banner, or Hulk, into space and it to seem somewhat tragic and not hilarious is to have Thor pick up Bruce Banner while he's Bruce Banner, fly up into space, and it to seem somewhat tragic and not hilarious, is to have Thor pick up Bruce Banner while he's Bruce Banner,

fly up, and then sort of like... Throw him? But as he's slowly turning, like he's turning into the Hulk, so it's sort of like a... Oh, it's like a race against time. Or, no, no, equally as cool, they're for some reason at the space station. He's Bruce Banner at the time. They lock him in the shuttle, chuff it off,

and then he's, like, hulking around in the shuttle trying to escape, but it's too tough, and poof, he's in space. Or, again, it could be, like, a heart-stringy type thing, and I'm going to refer to a comic probably two people in this room haven't read, but the Astonishing X-Men Kitty Pryde Otherworld bullet thing going to the... Have you read that? Possibly. Astonishing X-Men

where there's like a giant bullet being like a giant gun firing at the earth I have read that. And then like there's this giant bullet coming so then Kitty Pryde just phases this giant bullet through the earth and then she's trapped in this bullet forever. Spoiler she comes back

How many issues? Like four? Probably. Not as long as you'd think. Not as long as they should have been. So maybe something like that. Maybe he's got to sacrifice himself, a little bit of self-sacrifice, be the hero that Earth needs, Hulk.

And then he's like, you know, sad Hulk music as the rocket goes up. Yeah, sad Hulk music in my head was the Jurassic Park theme. I think it starts similarly. It does, yeah, there are similarities. I think Ultron's probably just going to pack him into a rocket. Or he goes crazy and brainwashed and the Avengers have to do it.

Because otherwise there's no Planet Hulk. If he comes back and the Avengers didn't shoot him into space, he's going to be like, man, that was crazy. I was in space, it was nuts. But he's going to come back angry, you know what I mean? Or it's like Mr. Fix-It Hulk, and they're like, hey, go on, go and fix that rocket. You're a good dick with your head.

He's like, Mr. Fix-It is more like I do crimes, I'm a fixer. No, you're a handyman. Go in the rocket. We promise not to launch you into space. Wait. Fuck, what's her name? Quicksilver's sister. Scarlet Witch.

Pietro? No, that's Quicksilver. Wonder. Scarlet Witch. Maybe she could just, like, magic him into space. Shove him off to the moon. And if they're joining the...

Oh, my God. Like, the Vision is joining the moon. And if they're joining the... Oh my God. Like, the fucking Vision is joining the Avengers. Oh yeah. So is bloody Skull Witch and Quicksilver. Doctor Strange as well. Doctor Strange.

Hawkeye, just go. And then there's like the Inhumans as well. Yeah. And they are just like, you know, another subset. Like, Black Bolt,

Black Bolt, if he just whispered to you, your head will explode. What are you going to do against that Hawkeye? Do you think they'd have to tell him or do you think he'd take the hit? It's like the end of Good Will Hunting

where he just doesn't show up to work and they're all just like, yes Someone gives you the speech that's the day that I'm waiting for the day that you don't turn up to work. Not because you're better than us, the opposite. And then they go through in breaks, it's like, it is your fault.

It is your fault. Be better. Maybe pick up a gun. Well, on that note, I've been Joel. I've also been Joel. I've been Mr. Sunday Movies and James., I've been Joel. I've also been Joel. I've been Mr. Sunday Movies and James. And I've been Jackson. Hawkeye, probably it's time to hand in your resignation.

Just like go back to being a really fucking great athlete. Just pick up your game or again a gun. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.