Plumbing the Death Star - Why is Robocop not a Volunteer Program?

Episode Date: July 20, 2015

In which our heroes join the DCP, get slaughtered on the job and have our lifeless corpses turned into half robots, half mans and all cops. We look at how important our dicks are, reminisce about that one robot that commits suicide in the second film (maybe?), and imagine an aged Robocop going through Alzheimer’s. Jackson points out that robotics and cybernetics are two completely different schools of science, Zammit doesn't understand why they don't use remote controlled ED-209s, and Duscher just forgives the film for any minor or major flaw because Robocop. So say goodbye to your human existence, choof off all those superfluous body parts and shoot a rapist in the dick because either way, dead or alive, you're coming with me.Want to help Robocop regain his humanity and more importantly, his penis? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a huge difference in his robomarriage.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixty books about office party decorum. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sam Spence Radio, there is a mountain high enough. Today's episode is brought to you by Sam, no last name given, Cameron Gale and Colin Hoover. Are you a vacuum? That's pretty right. Anyway, thanks for being goddamn wonderful. Enjoy the episode. It was a 4 out of 10, Ellie, but it'll do. I brought a kettle. Hey guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like,

Why is Robocop not a volunteer program? Alright, Robocop. It's a thing I know some things about. Uh-huh. Uh-huh? Understatement. I love your Robocop tattoo. Yeah, it's a pretty sick chest piece It goes right down to my dick

It really just draws the focus on your face Yeah My family were like Joel are you really sure You want Robocop's face tattooed on your face And I was like yes I identify as Robocop Male, female, Robocop Why don't you want one you're the guy with the problem uh anyway um yeah so my robocop tatters aside yeah so with robocop there's just one little thing that i just

never quite understood and it's not an issue with the film because fuck it's perfect like it's so is if you're coming into this episode expecting criticisms, you're not going to fucking get them from me, mate. There's just one thing that I just don't understand OCP. So they're the... What does it stand for? Original Country People? Yes. Okay.

OCP own... I'm happy with that. They're a privatized weapon company that own the Detroit Police Force. Original Country People, yes. Yes. And they're like, hey, we've got these ED-209s. They're the big stompy ones. Yeah, the big stompy ones are like, they're the way of the future.

They're sick. Look, I'll bring it into a board meeting. Can't handle stairs, but hey, way of the future. Way of the future. Stairs, way of the past. Future, it's all ramps. Come into a board meeting, they're like, ah, we'll demonstrate. Here, I'll hold this gun.

And he'll be like, you, please abide, or we'll shoot you. And the guy's like, ha, ha, ha. I put down the gun. He's like, please abide. Put down the gun. They're like, what? No. He put down this gun. And he'll be like, you please abide or we'll shoot you. And the guy's like, ha, ha, ha. I put down the gun. He's like, please abide. Put down the gun. They're like, what? No. He put down the gun and then ED-209 just obliterates a poor man.

And everyone's just like, ah, glitch. Anyway. Was he in the boardroom? Yes. Was he just like on the board of directories? Uh-huh. What did they tell his family? Those board of directory people,

they have seen far too many deaths for board members should. The answer is two. They saw two deaths. That is still, what's the second death? At the very end when they shoot Dick. They shoot, Robocop comes into the board and shoots a man out of the window. His name is Dick.

I've only seen the most recent one, listeners. That's why I have a lot of questions. But I'm eager to learn. You've come to the right place. Anyway, so all of that is sort of irrelevant. Pretty much all it does is they're like, maybe we should put men inside a machine. Then we have some kind of judgment.

But they don't... Which I'm on board with. I don't know if I am. If I was on the board of directors and I was like, so... Okay, so let's do this. You guys are scientists. You've made the Ed... As a person who hasn't seen the film,

I'm just going to let you know that this is a scene in the film. Really? Yes. Good, let's do that scene. Okay, lucky I've got the script. Yeah, so pretty much what happens is there's some people being like... No, you role play. You're a scientist.

You're a scientist. Hi. So an issue, just one, with the Ed fella that came in. Eddie, yeah. Good old Ed. And he shot that guy, yeah? Yeah, that was a glitch. Bit of a glitch.

We think we might have. So what are we doing to combat that is what I want to know. Because I don't want that to happen again. One death is enough for me. Well. Well. Yes? You've come to the right place to speak about glitches

and stuff. You are the scientist. I would hope so. I'm not going to hate you. You've got two choices. You can just not this out. Take like a week. There's a lot of code for this. Put a fucking cop in a machine. I've got some diagrams.

You look at me with wide eyes, but I think you'll be very impressed. I'm no scientist diagrams. You look at me with wide eyes, but I think you'll be very impressed. I'm no scientist. It just seems to me that this is just a glitch. Like you said, you could just... Yeah, we could, but the stairs... Pretty much, look. I also have been working on, like, rather than a completely robot ID, why

not just remote-controlled EDs where you have a human in the console. Don't worry about this, man. Just ignore this scientist. Ignore this scientist. I mean, that would solve some problems, right? I mean, look, you know I'm bored with a Robocop, but if we had like a human controlling...

I haven't said anything about a Robocop. I don't know what he's talking about. Shut up, shut up, shut up. It just seems to me that putting a whole man in a suit is another avenue of... That's like completely different to building a robot. You know that, right? Look, it's going to take,

coding is kind of boring to sort out, but you know what's not boring? A half man, half machine, all cop. Were I a seven-year-old boy, I would be on board with that. Look, Mr. Director Jackson. Uh-huh? Do you know how much fun it is

to make a machine out of a man? As a scientist, it is a lot of fun. I don't really know why you scientists think that convincing me it'll be a rad time is a good way to get my okay. But I'm scared you'll shoot me if I say no. Come down to our lab. I'm sorry for the ED-209 that's standing behind us. It is the one that shot the man before,

but we're programming it. I mean, we just need to turn it on if you want us to continue the code. No, hey. Hey. This robot cop idea? So come down to the lab. No, you know what?

Please come. Is that my wife and kids? Who am I love dealing with? A one-to-one-day-see again? Who live at this address? Okay, so, perfect. We just need a dead cop. Preferably one that's lost at least half his arm.

I mean, we could give him his arms and legs back, but it'd be sicker if they're not. You know I'm just somebody on the board of directors. Bring in Dick. I feel like he'll be on board. I don't really know how to somebody on the board of directors. Bring in Dick. I feel like he'll be on board. I don't really know how to get a dead cop, guys. Bring in Dick. He'll have some ways.

So yeah, that's exactly not how it goes down in the film, but that's how I feel like it would go down in real life. Realistically, that's how, because like, building a whole man robot is like, it's a completely different branch of science. But but also you've got ED-209, you've also got Robocop

but why don't they have drones, like people controlling ED-209 that seems like the next logical step but it's so insane, it's like hey, look, we're building a plane but it's not working, and they're like, what are we doing instead? someone's like, boats

sort of, it's more like we're building planes it's not working, how about we, what are we doing instead? Someone's like, boats. Sort of. It's more like we're building planes, it's not working. How about we just shoot a man out of a cannon? Yeah, exactly. You're like, well, that's different to planes. You know that, right? But it'll still get the job done. Why don't they get

people controlling ED-209? Because drone warfare, there's just no stakes. Yeah. There's no stakes in a drone fight. There is no stakes in a drone fight. That's boring. Yeah, I guess.

You want a robot, man. Who wants to see that? Have you fucking seen RoboCop? That's beautiful. RoboCop is the... I hope that the scientists made that film and then showed that film as a demonstration to why a real-life RoboCop is a good idea. Why um he shoots a rapist in the dick man that's sick again pretty good you could probably

do that with a drone um wait so does that does alex murphy's robocop yeah okay so yeah uh so what happens is alex murphy is like the goodest cop in detroit he is like by the fucking book but in like a good way, not in a boring way. Just like he's in like, hey, you know this gang? They're real dangerous. And everyone's like, oh, don't go near them. He's like, nah, fuck that noise.

I'm gonna go arrest the lot of them. Good of the city. Also, he does this like awesome gun spinny thing just to impress his own kid. He's like a cowboy? Yeah. Yeah. Imagine fucking Die Hard, but good good and die hard's pretty good

whoa um yeah so he does so yeah he's like he's a family man he's a really good cop and he's also just like fuck this gang yeah like they've been just fucking up the streets of detroit i'm sick of that we've got them uh me and my partner we'll just go in and unfortunately they get separated and Alex Murphy gets his arms and legs shot off and then shot in the head how do you shoot

an arm off with a shotgun well with many a shotgun rock and roll he gets cut to pieces with shotguns yeah literally

it is brutal champ but then so that's fine and that sucks that's fine I mean like

that's a good time good cops he dies that sucks but then for that's fine and that sucks that's fine I mean like that's a good time good cops he dies that sucks but then for a company that is a little shady

on the side to be like hey this fucking guy yeah let's put him in the Robocop suit

and give him capabilities of taking down all the crime in the world does he agree to it no he's too busy

being dead well there's a kind of and his family that's another fucked thing. You've seen the remake. I have. In the remake, his family know about it, and he's alive. In the original,

his family have a funeral, he's dead, his wife moves on with his kid, and they meet another man. Oh, gosh. There's a line in it which is basically, like, should we save his arm because he's got one good arm. Yeah. And they're like, whatever. There's a line in it which is basically like, should we save his arm because he's got one good arm? Yeah.

And they're like, whatever. He signed some forms when he joined a cop. We can do whatever we want with him. That's another issue. So the forms that the cops are signing are like, yeah, it's a high-risk job. Yeah. When I die, when I die on this job,

you can just have my body. Do what you want with it. So are there any legalities deciding what we can do? No. Apparently not. If we can literally do what we want. Let's put Alex Murphy's brain in a robot dog. Could we do that?

Yes. Jesus. The future is rough. There's nothing stopping it, which means either Alex Murphy had some really poor choices when he joined the force, or they're very sneaky. My biggest issue with the whole Alex Murphy thing is, he's such a good cop, and it's revealed later in the film, that the gang that killed him are working for OCP, like, as in, like, it's like corruptness, so...

Oh, okay. Why would you put the one man that has a vendetta against this gang... Again, that's not an OCP. That's on Dick. That's in Dick Jones. Like, Bob, the guy who's like, nah, I've got something on the back burner. RoboCop. This is going to be sweet.

He didn't know about the OCP. That man was on a lot of cocaine, though. He was doing so much. But he didn't know about OCP. Another thing, though. He's built this robot who's against all crime, and then he's just clearly doing a crime in his house. It is a very strange time to be like we're very cop. Like we're very

cop focused. Cop heavy. There's a lot of cops. Yeah. Let's break every law. Yeah. Hang on, hang on. So, okay, so this guy Bob, he's... No, I get that. I get that Bob is doing cocaine and isn't aware, but Dick is aware.

Yeah. So Dick was like ED-209. That was his jam. He didn't care that it fucked up. Futures all ramps. I get it. He's like, I don't give a shit that it fucked up. Yeah.

I had a contract in place with the military. They were going to buy heaps of these for the next 25 years. We were going to be sweet, and you had to go and fuck it up by making a RoboCop. That was his problem. Hang on, hang on. So when they're making Robocop, they're like, do we save his arm? Nah, fuck it.

Except in the remake where they're like, nah, keep it. That is the dumbest... If I'm making a Robocop, you know what I want? Organs and a head. Because what's good? A man arm or a robot arm? Man legs or robot legs? Robot everything.

Why would you want organs as well? I don't know. Heartbeat's nice. He's got a brain. Why not just put a man's brain in Eddie? Yeah, that's a good point. Or remote controlled Eddie. Fuck this guy.

Come on, guys. No, but the problem with a remote-controlled Eddie is that if I get control of an Eddie, like, motherfuckers, look out. Yeah, but then there's responsibilities on you. Yeah, but I suppose there's responsibilities on Robocop. Yeah, but with Eddie... I should mention...

Maybe it's like, what are we doing with all these cop bodies? Because you haven't seen the film. Yeah. I should mention... Oh, you've seen the remake, and I think it's in the remake. The remake's kind of a blur. Anyway, there is one failsafe, and it's protect OCP, like as in protect OCP.

So like when Robocop finds out about Dick, he tries to arrest him, and he can't. He just sort of shuts down. Oh, okay. But do you know how they solve that? How? A guy on the board is like hey dick you're fired and then Robocop pulls out his gun and shoots him out a goddamn fucking window

then it cuts to another in front of the board members trauma because one of the fucking board members just gives him the thumbs up and it's what's your name son he's like Murphy and then he walks out and then the movie ends And it's the best fucking ending

Of anything ever I'm so glad about my Robocop face tatter Aside Still trauma For the board members But why not get a volunteer Instead of waiting until Alex Murphy Has a shit one

Surely in that city there's a lot of cops Having a shit one. Well, no, that's the problem. Like, there's a lot... Surely in that city, there's a lot of cops having a shit one. It's almost like Jackson... Well, it opens with a cop dying. Like, Fredrickson. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, there's cop... Like, a bunch of cops die before Alex gets shot. Yeah.

Why didn't they make them RoboCop? Or maybe they did, and Alex is just, like, the... Only one that worked. Only one that worked. He's like, RoboCop 3.3. Alex does have a shit one, because, like, his memories... He has, like, nightmares. All wig 3.3. Alex does have a shit one because his memory,

he has like nightmares. All wiggy. Hey, what the fuck was I going to say? How great Robocop is? Robocop, what a good film. No. Good input. Is Robocop immortal now?

No, because his brain... Like, is he deteriorating over time? Will he age? Are we going to get an old Robocop eventually? His face might because it's organic It's a weird time with his face Because it's his face stretched over like metal So I think his skin cells

Might deteriorate over time And if it is his organic brain Which I'm pretty sure it is That would probably deteriorate over time Oh man, Alzheimer's Robocop would just be the saddest Luckily they can shut him down Because he's a Robocop. They try to shut him down, but he's like, nah, I'll power through it. For sure I'm that powerful.

And if he's got crazy Alzheimer's, that'd be too sad. That's just Robocop sitting in a retirement home and the old country people coming in being like, Hey Robocop, and he's like, are come at him being like hey Robocop and he's like are you my daughter? no Robocop have you got some crimes? we're solving some crimes yeah Robocop

he's like have I solved my own death yet? yes because he does it in the first film oh that's a fucking thing that I completely forgot about they wipe his memories but then he gets them back. He doesn't know, like... I'll tell you why. Because the fucking scientists are like,

oh, scrap all of that work we've done. Let's start something we've never done before. Actually... Oh, hey, lol, we were bad at it. Yes. Those scientists are fucking morons. They are not just incompetent, but reckless. They have a New year's eve party

right next to robocop while they're still operating on him like because robocop flashes in and out of consciousness and there's just outlandish shit happening he's like comes to and they're all like hey happy new year countdown some drunk scientist just walks up, starts macking out with him. I'm going... He got coma raped. Whoa. He's a robot. What's genitals? So robots don't have rights now, do you? They certainly don't have genitals.

You don't know that. Plonk something there. You see his crotch often. It's shiny. It's just a black thing. At the very least. There is no peen there robocop has no peen which is something that angered me about the remake what did he get a peen no he did it that's fair enough nah because he was still a human like he still had his own

i don't want my robot with a dick sam yeah but if i was alex murphy i like that was the first thing i'd be like where's my dick where's my dick mate kill's my dick? Kill me. You're a robot. Kill me now. I don't know. I feel like seeing your body be torn apart like that happens in the remake, which is the best scene in the remake. And they're just like, boop, boop, boop. And he's like, don't ever fucking show me that again. I know.

They're like, hey, you know who'd be the best for our robot cop? A traumatized guy. Traumatized guys make real good decisions. With Alex Murphy in the first film, though, back to the memory-awasing thing, he jacks into the crime thing to figure out what crimes to solve. Then he sees that his own murder case is still open, and then he's like, whoa, wait a second.

I like to imagine you two bugger-lugs as a scientist sitting in your whatever coffee room drinking chocolate milk. One of us is like, wait, we erased his crime from the database, right? And you're like, yeah. Yeah, surely. Surely we would have. I think we did. I guess. That New Year's Eve party was off the chain. What's the worst that could happen? Fired. You should be fired.

Killed by your own eddies. I like to imagine on New Year's Eve Someone was riding one I think the scientists are pretty Not incompetent, just very irresponsible They're pretty reckless Don't get drunk around A non-Finnish Robocop

That seems like a bad Because what if he just spilled beer in his port That seems like a hassle I love in, especially, I beer in his port? Yeah. That seems like a hassle. I love in... Especially, I don't know what it's like in the original, but in the remake, when they wake him up, they're so brutal about it. Like, if I had a Robocop on the table

and he's been through shit, I'd be like, hey, I'll wake you up. You just have a relaxing time. I'll be like, don't get up. His helmet's on when he wakes up. Because the helmet isn't... In the remake, the helmet is like a thing that goes up and down, like a visor.

In the original, it's just a helmet. It's his face. The only reason it comes off is because it sort of gets blown off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but it just means like... Oh, no, he takes off. Yeah, that's right. I feel like I'd want to be eased into the knowledge I was a Robocop.

It's pretty brutal in the remake. You use flashbacks to things that fuck him up, because that's when they reveal that he's like... Yeah. You're like, hey hey mate, you're a Robocop now. Clunk, clunk. And also, in the remake, they're just like, hey, you're a Robocop now. Go to a

press conference. Oh, no, no. Before you go to a press conference, we're going to upload every single crime ever into your brain. And then fuck you with dopamine, isn't it? Yeah, enjoy. Because that's smart. What is happening? Why not do that after the press conference?

Or when you're transferring files rather than dragging hard drive over. Maybe 10 at a time. Maybe not every crime in the last 30 years also, guys. Maybe focus on the last 5 years. Or crime specifically for Robocop because Robocop is all crime. It has the same problem five years. Or crime specifically for Robocop. Because Robocop is like all crime.

So it has the same problem with Batman. Like all crime. Why don't maybe just choose... Wow, Robocop makes a much better Batman. He does. Why not choose crime that is specific for Robo... I was going to say Batman, but no, for Robo... Okay, let's do this.

What crimes can Robocop solve? Really violent crimes. Violent crimes. He can stop gangs. He can stop murder. Robocop can't do shit about fraud, guys. Robocop solve? Really violent crimes. Violent crimes. He can stop gangs, he can stop murder. Robocop can't do shit about fraud, guys. Robocop's not gonna... Oh, he's a robot.

He can jack into... What Dick was doing was sort of fraud. He gets shot out of fucking winter. Also, I think police brutality is a bit of an issue when it comes to good old Robocop. Yeah. Dead or alive, you're coming with me. It's an issue. Because his gun isn old Robocop. Yeah. Dead or alive, you're coming with me is an issue.

Because his gun isn't just like a... It's not set phases for stun. No, it's not even set phases for kill. No, no. Like, set phases to annihilate. It's not just even like a normal cop gun. It's like a semi-automatic pistol which shoots really big bursts. It's like a scene where he's just in the firing range

and he's like shooting with deadly accuracy but he's blowing holes. Like utter holes. It's not like if he shoots the wrong guy it won't matter because you won't be able

to identify the boy. It's like a cop is instructed to shoot somebody in like the shoulder so that they don't like get... No, Robocop's just

chest gone. And the same thing I have a problem with ED as well. It's not just the two machine gun for arms, but there's also rockets. I mean, I know it's the future and shit went wrong. Detroit as well. But what crime requires rockets, guys? Helicopter escapes.

A building is robbing someone. Take it down. This boss has committed a murder. If a man or a woman commits a crime. One gun should be enough. Just a bullet will do. Even tasers, I feel. I feel like Robocop should have been given tasers, certainly.

Yeah, because Robocop is, for all intents and purposes, somewhat invulnerable to bullets. Yeah. He gets shot, like, pew, pew, pew, pew. But he gets shot in the face. Yeah, no, his helmet, like... No, but that's when they get the big tank-destroying guns. That's when they fuck Robocop.

But normal pistols and shit that they use on Robocop just deflect off him. I just remember the fucking sick scene where a dude melts. That's awesome. Fuck, the movie's the best. Such a good film. So, I think

having a taser on Robocop would make sense because he's in no danger and he should just start, like,

taking them down. Not dead or alive, you're coming with me. No. You're coming with me. Fucking net guns. Yeah. Although,

if he had a taser, he wouldn't be able to shoot the rapist in the dick. He'd be able to tase the rapist in the dick? Yeah, but that wouldn't work because he shoots through the girl's dress. Oh, I see.

The rapist is taking the girl hostage, being like, hey, man, fuck off. So Robocop just ended up tasing the lady. Or Robocop could just... Pull out his gun, because I'm assuming he still probably has a gun. If I made a Robocop, I would give him nothing,

and he could just grab people. I was going to say he could grab people, yeah. Why not just put robocop's head on the eddie body i just remembered when he stares to the problem ramps the future is ramps future is still full of stairs i just remembered that he's hang on how did they get the ed up into the top floor elevators you see there's i'm pretty sure there's a scene where it's in a lift. All right. No, they did it like ancient Egyptians on like rolling logs. Moved it like a big old slab. Robocop, yeah, he deals with all crimes the same. There's a hold up in a convenience store

and he just throws the dude into the fucking fridge. And the hold up in the petrol station, he doesn't really end up protecting the guy who's being mugged like that guy still gets blown up in the in the petrol fire but he shoots the guy escaping on the motorcycle which is pretty rad don't get me wrong it's robocop hell it's fucking rad but in terms of protecting the civilians two out of ten hey here's a question four's a strong four. The guy blows up in an explosion caused, admittedly, by Robocop being there. If you were a Detroit police officer,

and you see Robocop, Detroit's big, he can't patrol at all, and you see Robocop going at their Robocopping, and they're like, hey, so, kind of looking for candidates. Yeah. Are you fellas interested? Of course. I sure am.

Really? Wait, what's the... Before I say yes to anything... I'm saying yes. You just signed the waiver, so it's happening anyway. But please. What's the... The process?

The process, what am I getting? Removal of your limbs. And your dick. And your dick. Can I still keep my dick? In a jar, maybe. Can I get a robo-dick? Can I get an attachable compartment that I can put my robo-dick there?

Funding just won't allow it, unfortunately. That still has sensors. I feel like you've talked your way out of this. The guy doesn't want to speak to you anymore. Yeah. He's like, no, no, no, you shut your mouth. I'm doing my job is fine, but what happens when I've stopped doing my job? There is a communal penis.

We had the funding to make one. It's in a jar? It's in a jar. It's robotic. You can take it out, but everyone is using it. And I'm fine with that. All right. So when I use it on me, do I get...

I can still feel with it, yeah? Somewhat. No, you're a robot. You're not going to be able to feel much, but I can feel something? Yeah, I guess. Sure. It's the equivalent of putting your dick in a bread roll.

Yeah. That's the most intense sensation you're going to get. Could be worse. No, I think I'd then just be trying out all kinds of outlandish shit. I'd be hammering my penis to feel something. Getting a bus to run over. I just want to be alone. Run on the train tracks.

Derail a train. I think we've just revealed that Zabit loves his dick a little too much. Not just, I like human. Is that your favourite part of your body? Your penis? It's not yours? Mine would probably be my winning good looks.

Mine's my award winning personality. Zabit's his big old ugly dick. Whoa. Whoa. It's not ugly. You should fucking put on a sweater if you know what I mean. I haven't seen your penis. Just letting you guys know.

Doing the job, yeah, fine, robocopping, but when I'm off the job, when I'm like... Hang on, I didn't get to volunteer. Yes, I volunteer. I don't care about penises. Not just penis, human contact. Have it, I don't care.

I'll take it. I'll put it in a jar. But yeah, once like five o'clock rolls around, like whenever I'm signing off, my day is done. Mate, you're a robocop. You're not signing off. You're working the always shift. Yo, you're working the 12 to 12 what's my incentive well that is kind of why i asked you guys because

i was like if i saw robocop and someone was like hey we're gonna need more i'd be like no thank you if i was having i quit being police if i was having cybernetic upgrades sure but they'll be mass producing it nobody's financing your cybernetic upgrade no i'm out i'm sorry but i want what's the point of being a robot i still got this one in yeah no i'm in hey i get i got my one recruit for the day and also you got like a 0.5 success rate well you need really when i take it back to ocp they're gonna be like hey good job jackson you got one more and oh like no i feel like that if you're a good RoboCop, you'd get like sick upgrades.

They'd be like, well, there's no point spending all our funding on these shit cunts. Give it to this guy, Joel, RoboJoel. He's great. Are they going to have to wait until they get another paradigm of goodness, like Alex Murphy? Because fuck that.

That's just one RoboCop for Detroit and they're going to be like, look, we would, but the rest of the cops are a bunch of cunts. So... I... Oh, imagine a corrupt Robocop. Why? Why has that not been a plot?

Yeah. That's a good question. I mean, like, guys, come on. Yeah. Nah, what's the incentive? Like, what's this... There is none. If I'm just...

Yeah, you're now married to your job, quite literally. You are no longer nothing else. You are just a cop. You are now married to your job, quite literally. You are no longer nothing else. You are just a cop. You're not even immortal. There's no retirement plan. You are going to work as a RoboCop until the day that your circuits or your organics just stop working.

Which is the same human life. You have a human lifespan. And then we're going to just choof you off into the old folks' home while you have Alzheimer's. Robo-Alzheimer's. Yeah. No. I just don't.

When's me time, Dusha? When do I have me time? To, like, be with my family, raise my kids, throw the old pigskin around with young Alex Murphy Jr. Show him my sick spinning skills. I got really distracted just thinking about Michael Keaton as Robocop because Michael Keaton and... That wasn't the question, but alright. No, no, no, no. I'll answer your question

but I'm just letting you know what's going through my head at the moment. I'm imagining old Michael Keaton as Robocop now because him and fuck, what's the actor that plays Robocop? Peter Weller. Peter Weller look kind of the same. But they're just Michael Keaton's voice as Robocop. It Weller. Yeah. Peter Weller. Peter Weller look kind of the same. Yeah. But they're just Michael Keaton's voice as Robocop. It's a good time.

Anyway, me time. You don't get it, but who cares? You're fucking Robocop. Fighting crime is me time. But you have no downtime. But you have no need for downtime. You're a robot. You have no humanity. You're basically asking me to give away everything that makes me me to become a

robot who fights crime. I don't love Detroit that much. I do. Let's do it. Get in the operating table, Dusha. We're not even waiting till you die. Just fucking shoot me. Right in the middle of the head. And I'm taking your arms and legs and once he's dead, you can do whatever

you want anyway. I signed a waiver. That's why I signed it. You're going to get me when I die. You sons of bitches. Hope you die of old age so we're like, brief Robocop for about a year and then you're off. The thing that still bugs me the most is that they kept

his arms and legs. That just seems dumb. They didn't. So did they cut off Robocop's arms and legs? Yes. No. Like his remaining arm they left on. No. So he's just a torso and a head. Yeah.

If I removed the robo, the cop is just a torso and a head. Yes. Because they're like, do you want to keep the arm? And he's like, no, fuck it, take it off. Yeah, good. No, in the remake, they're like, no, we kept your arm. But no, fuck that shit. Good, good, good.

Because yeah, in the remake, it's like, yeah, well, leave his arm. Nah. Because why not? I don't know. I like that in the remake it's a car bomb and somehow more of his body survives than being shot

a bunch yeah he gets shot a lot like it's a good like a five to ten minute scene of just shotguns going off

why in the remake where they're doing the surgery on him do they just like hang him up surely all his organs would just be like at the bottom

right that's a good point. I don't like to think about the remake. The remake wasn't a bad film, but it's very puzzling to look back on. Yeah. Like, I don't really know. Just remembering little segments of the remake at a time is kind of fun, because you're like, why did that happen?

That was a poor choice. Why did they choose a sad guy to be Robocop? I think you're not gonna get many volunteers yeah if you make it a volunteer program except for joel ducha who is just joel ducha of robocop already wants to just shred his humanity robo joel really do i have any i feel like i'd have more humanity as a robot i i think the best bet for ocp if they want to really just strengthen the police force might be to introduce a cybernetic program where you get upgraded, like, an exoskeleton,

like in the remake. Why didn't they just mass-produce the exoskeleton? I don't know. In fact, why didn't they just mass-produce the exoskeleton in the remake? It seems like somebody, a Joel Dusha sort, has, like, a bee in his bonnet about making a robot cop And will sort of stop at nothing

Like people are like look we'll just make Eddie drones and he's like Yeah what about just as an idea A robot cop And they're like oh my god It's like the fifth time And people are like look we're gonna kill your wife And kids if you fucking suggest it again

I'm like I do not care I want a robot cop. Yeah. They've got a list of new ideas. It's like drone, cybernetics, and they're like, okay. You're just like, robot. Like rub it all off, impermanent marker, robocop. But yeah, you've got that, was it Rick Maddox guy,

the dude who's played a raw sergeant. Yeah, yeah. Him. He's the only one. Yeah, yeah. Him. He's the only one with an exoskeleton. Why not? Maybe Robocops are cheaper. I don't see how. Cheaper than, like, a shitty metal frame.

Yeah, like, hey, whatever. I don't know, man. There are several puzzling decisions they could make. There's also a puzzling decision in that where they give the guy in the exoskeleton a gun that's capable of killing Robocop in that scene. They're like, hey, their bullets will hurt. This one will fucking kill you.

Enjoy, for some reason. Is it kill or just really hurt? I think it's kill. Pretty sure it was just really hurt. Like, if we tag you, you're fucked. Like, it's not going to kill you, but it's going to feel like you're about to die. I'm pretty sure it was like, this is really hurt. Like if we tag you, you're fucked. Like it's not going to kill you, but it's going to like, feel like you're about to die.

I don't think they, I'm pretty sure they're not going to, I feel like you're about to die. And then he's like, well, that's okay. I've already died once. Yeah.

Like I'm pretty sure they're not going to. I just, I think if you were OCP, waste that much money on it. You'd regret it. At the end of the day. And when it all falls apart, mate,

that's kind of on you. Yeah. I think they did regret it because the guy whose decision it was got shot out of a fucking window. I think OCP invests in drones. Yes, aeronautics. And more of those exoskeletons. Stop with the ED-209s because, look... Maybe ED-2010s are the way of the future.

Yeah, that can climb stairs and maybe not shoot young children. In Robocop 2, doesn't one of the potential new robots just kill itself? That's hilarious. Because that's like, why would you program that in? What did they do to that robot? Which one?

I've seen Robocop 2 like 40 years ago. That's not how old I am, but a while ago. You're 45 years old we know and there's just like this moment like this scene where they're like bringing out all of the potential new robots to replace the Eddie or Robocop and one comes out and is just like ahhh

and shoots itself in the head I'm guessing it's not that's not a programmed thing I'm guessing that's maybe someone's someone forgot to wipe memories again was it a man? was that a new Robocop or a new ID? I hope it's a new robot

just no man involved that might be the worst thing we've ever done worse than Robocop Robocop was rough but we gave sentience and it heightened it let's not do that again so I think It was rough, but we gave sentience. And it heightened it.

Let's not do that again. So I think maybe get a volunteer program happening where it's not just take away your humanity, but maybe just enhance your copping ability. Just train your cops better, maybe? Train your cops better. Maybe have some eternal affair investigations. Didn't even really seem like there was much that needed a robocop yeah to be honest there was a police strike no like you haven't seen the film it was a police strike because of alex murphy being

no fred frederickson getting killed that's right frederickson being killed there's a police strike that's why they need a robot cop there But there was talks of a police strike. They really acted very quickly. It's like they had a Joel Dushasort who was like, and they're like, fine. You're like, robot cop, robot cop. We can do it. I think we should go on strike.

Robo cop? Hey, where are you going? Joel, come back! We haven't discussed our terms yet. He's just going to go ahead and do it. Did you have that already in your closet? Yes. But how good.

Look, you've all raised valid points, but I think that the best decision OCP could have made is just to make more Robocops. I've been Joel. I have been Jackson. And I have been Joel Robocops, fuck yeah I guess they're fine

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