Plumbing the Death Star - Would Scooby-Doo Be a Good Real Life Pet with with Scott Niswander from NerdSync

Episode Date: October 24, 2021

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You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And today we are joined by special guest, Scott Nicewander. Hi, thank you so much for having me. This is extremely exciting for me to talk about Scoooby-doo uh on any and all podcasts who

will have me and the fact that you wanted to reach out and get me on i'm so stoked i'm so glad to give any platform to talk about scooby-doo it's what i live yeah well everyone should brace themselves because who knows what we'll uncover today because we're asking important questions like would scooby-oo be a good real-life pet? Scooby-Doo? Dog. Famous. I've heard of him. Famously a dog, okay?

That we can all agree yes interestingly a dog with a simple command of the english language okay and a speech impediment that only dogs have imagine you met a human being with scooby-doo's speech impediment you'll be like you are doing a bad joke so you know it's funny i was saying i think we could all agree that scooby is a dog but that's actually not true i don't know how deep you are in scooby-doo lore um but pretty pretty deep but maybe not deep enough i'm deep and just i'm waving a pen around like I'm a teacher. I've got notes. I'm doing a lecture. In a recent Scooby-Doo TV show, Mystery Incorporated, it was revealed the reason that Scooby-Doo can talk is because he is actually a part dog. of these Anunnaki-like ancient interdimensional beings from another dimension and planet just to be, you know, just to have all the things.

Extra complicated, yeah. Exactly. And so that is the reason why he can talk and some other dogs cannot talk. And that makes him special. So on behalf of me and everyone that hasn't watched Scooby-Doo since the 90s, I reckon, fuck that big time. Scooby-Doo is a dog.

Look, I agree. I never needed that explanation. When I first watched Mystery Incorporated, I was like, come on. I don't need that lore. I'm okay believing a dog can talk sometimes. So obviously that means, because he's a descendant of that, that means that that counts for all the do's, right? So that's why Scrappy can talk.

That's why. Yeah. Well, but to be honest. Scooby Dumb is another one. But Scooby Dumb, let's talk about Scooby Dumb. Okay, let's talk about Scooby Dumb a bit. Let's talk about, let's finally, everybody's been waiting for it all these years,

so let's talk about Scooby Dumb. Scooby Doo Scrappy Doo, same surname, Doo. Scooby Doo Scooby D. So let's talk about Scooby-Dum. Scooby-Doo Scrappy-Doo. Same surname. Do. Yeah. Scooby-Doo Scooby-Dum. Same first name, Scooby. What's going on there?

That's an interesting question. The naming conventions of dogs is complicated. It's like Kryptonian names. It isn't impossible, but it is always fucked up when this happens. But cousins having the same first name, not unheard of. That's true. That's true. What about this? Cousins that have different last names.

So maybe whoever is Scooby-Doo's mom and whoever is Scooby-Dum's mom, probably a bit of a miscommunication. Or they stole each other's names. Just like, oh, that sounds like a good name, Scooby. I'll take that one as well. Good suggestion. But then, and this is a little bit of a meta problem. Oh, no. Scooby-Dum is a stupid Scooby-Doo.

Scooby-Doo is stupid as hell. How dumb is Scooby-Dum? It can't be like, it's stupid scooby-doo because that's i mean that's so fucking stupid right well i guess scooby-dum was pretty stupid to be fair scooby-doo dumb for a dog though i would say that's a that's a good point clever for a dog but then scooby-dum dumb for a dog i would i would probably clever for a dog but then it's gonna be dumb dumb for a dog i i would i would probably clever for a dog but dumb for do but he's not a dude i would i would agree with that sentiment though because i feel like especially in the movies of scooby-doo he's always coming to the

rescue with some sort of clever way to solve the day so i do think that he has at least some intelligence uh for a for a dog for a half half dog half half interdimensional being yeah i mean the moment that a dog says i'm like you're a clever dog literally the moment even if scooby-doo just laughed you'd be like that's a clever dog i think i need to see scooby talk before i see scooby laugh i don't think i'm ready for a dog to just laugh that's my first interaction the laughing is significantly weirder it's significantly creepier just like feeding a dog and the dog sees the food just goes i'm putting that dog down yeah yeah I'm like, the devil's in my dog. Yeah.

Look, it's cruel, but what's more cruel? Letting the devil live in my dog? I think most vets would understand. I think they'd get it. Sir, you need a vet priest. No one is in this profession yet, but you've just created it well done that's not good don't laugh at that scott i just realized i mean me joking about dog exorcisms but i reckon that if scooby is half interdimensional beast or whatever might actually do it i that is a good point it's it's uh it's so interesting too because

about those they're they're called the the anunnaki i believe and they um they're they've been according to scooby lore again you know everyone uh refer to your textbooks yes um they have been on the planet earth since like the days of like ancient mayan civilizations and so their descendants have gone on to become beings like animals that talk and so all the like fred and daphne and shaggy just grew up in a world where some animals can talk and some can't. And, like, nobody looked into that. They were just like, yeah, okay. Yeah, some can, some can't. I don't care.

Makes sense to me. Which I guess if you had that dog, you would be like, I just got one of the talking ones. No big deal. Luck of the draw, yes. Yeah. So it's a reveal. Like, they didn't know about the interdimensional beings. They just never thought about the fact that Scooby talked.

Yeah, there's a couple of great scenes where they discover that there's been previous incarnations of a Mystery Inc. Including one that had a horse instead of a dog. One that had an orangutan, which is fucked up. We never got to see that one. That's awesome. We need the spin-off shows of this. Yeah. I think they were in cowboy times as

well holy shit whoa that's a cowboy orangutan yes i've been thinking heaps about imagine it this is so off topic well not really but i've been thinking heaps about a imagine an orangutan with like a dirty harry style gun held at you yes how scary would that be like terrifying most frightening thing in the world. Orangutans have so much power in their arms. For one to pull a handgun on me, I would not know what to do. Anyway, sorry, that's consumed my mind recently.

Well, orangutans have long arms, so the gun's closer to you. That is true. And orangutans are lower, so it's closer to your chest. You know what I mean? They're like perfectly precision sharpshooters, these orangutans are lower, so it's closer to your chest. You know what I mean? They're like perfectly precision, like sharpshooters, these orangutans. Evolution has created orangutans as the perfect animal to shoot a gun. Yeah.

That's true. Yeah. Nature made them stronger. We made them smarter. All right. But let's imagine that we've adopted Scoooby-doo the dog in real life first of all i'm probably not naming him scooby-doo what are you gonna be a dog name it's a little cliche at this point yeah it's a little cliche uh and it's after a snack he eats so maybe i'd

name him after another snack he eats uh let's say leftovers is what i'll call this dog there is that there is that trend about naming dogs after the last thing that you ate so like i've seen people with like a dog named like ribs or something like that or pretzels it's like oh those are cute dog names that well maybe i'll name it after my parents dog loves coffee so maybe i'll name it uh no i think i'll stick with leftovers my that dog shouldn't be eating coffee. That's so bad for dogs. But he loves it, so who am I to get in their way? So what do we want out of a dog, then, is my question.

What do we want out of a dog to figure out if Scooby meets those qualifications? That would be my plan of attack. Well, I guess people get dogs for companionship yeah tricks tricks sweet tricks absolutely um exercise oh yeah that's true like an active lifestyle a dog helps that yeah why do people get dogs? They're cute, I guess. To have something cute to look at is a good reason to get a dog.

Security? Security, that's a good one. Do people get dogs for security? Well, that's a pretty good criteria. So companionship, exercise, tricks, I forgot about tricks, something to look at, and security. good list exercise yes uh tricks tricks tricks the five measures of a dog we all know this yeah yeah so let's talk about companionship pretty good

i think for scooby i think he does really well yeah he's basically yeah he's he's he doesn't abandon that's like his number one thing is that he doesn't abandon no matter how scared he is he doesn't abandon he doesn't abandon the crew the mystery gang he always wants to come and save him that's a good friend that's a good companion absolutely well i mean the question is though because that's scooby-doo living a pretty unique lifestyle in this situation he's just a dog in my house. That's true. I think, like, a struggle of having a dog that could talk is that every time I failed as an owner, he would let me know. Like, if Scooby could come to me and be like,

Red Rock wasn't wrong enough, Raxxon, or whatever, and I'd be like, I'm busy, Scooby-Doo. That's the walk you're getting, you know what I mean? I don't know if that... I mean, it's so good for companionship, but I think there's some problem. I don't think that... I mean, it's still good for companionship, but I think there's some problem. I don't think that... I mean, Scooby's complaining being like,

Raxxon, that rock wasn't wrong enough. You'd be like, well, you're clever enough, just walk yourself. Here's your lead, dude. Go down to the dog park, have a good time. I don't care. Yeah, doesn't matter. I'm being a bad companion to Scooby in that scene.

At that point, yeah. I just want a friend. You can figure out a can opener Dude get your own fucking food I don't care I'm logged on I'm playing some Dota 2 Baby I'll see you in 14 hours I've got a dog paw shaped controller

A keyboard whatever you want to do Bring it on bud Dude you gotta join me in raids or whatever i don't know dude just be my middle lane or whatever something about towers maybe you got a racket tower there's a guy named grizz maybe i don't know why i play this game i don't know why I play this game. I don't know. 45 hours in, I'll figure it out eventually. Yeah. So there's that. But that's more on me, I suppose.

Yeah. I think Scooby is a good companion to Shaggy because the two of them are so similar. Very true. They're scared. They're hungry. Those are their two qualities. And I think because of that, they get along so good. So if you are not like Shaggy, then I think Scooby might not be the right companion for you.

Yeah, if you're in a situation where you're about to eat a sandwich, or even better, you've got your straw in a milkshake, and then you get distracted, and Scooby puts his straw in the milkshake and drinks your milkshake. Shaggy just cops it on the chin, but I would be like... Shaggy's like, oh, that's cute. You're a dog, you shouldn't drink milk, first of all. This was a chocolate milkshake, so that's double the trouble. You might fucking die now, Scooby-Doo. Two-Eye paid for that milkshake.

It would be seven bucks. I don't know where a dog's going to get a job, but yeah. But you better. You can talk, dude. You can figure out how to make some money. And second of all, you bought Scooby a milkshake already. So greedy. You know what I mean?

So one, two, and second of all. Scott, you've only just met Jackson but uh to fill you in and to the listeners i guess so we said that scooby-doo is a great companion to shaggy jackson is probably bang in the middle between a shaggy and a fred he has the cold disdain for doing anything that fred has yeah but lives the lifestyle of shaggy as you can see by the fact he has used an unmade bed as his backdrop today yeah that's okay you can't see it back here every my whole place is a mess right now i think we're kindred spirits in that regard that's good i'm glad to hear that okay well that's for me and scooby-doo sure i don't think it'll work

out for me and me and him i think i would get I don't think it'll work out for me and him. I think I would get too angry at him. What about you guys? Do you think he would make a good companion for you? The issue that I have with Scooby as a companion is that I live in a share house. It's a townhouse in Melbourne. There's three bedrooms and no space. Scooby-Doo is a great Dane.

You're itching for a great day yeah that's what i'm hearing he's fucking massive my backyard would be best described as a courtyard um it's mostly consumed by a single tree okay yeah nowhere really for him to stretch his legs. True. No. Yeah. So, but that's, I mean, is that on Scooby, you know? No, it's not on Scooby. It's just that I, again, it's the same problem you have, Jackson. I think I'd be a bad companion for Scooby. Yeah, exactly.

Somehow this has turned around on us. Yeah. Yeah. But I guess, like, there's lots of parks and stuff around. Maybe. You can take him for walks or whatever. Yeah. I could teach him how to play a video game.

We're back to the same situation. What would you teach him to do to earn a little extra income? Because I'm thinking he could do anything on the phone. Stream on Twitch. That's clever. That could be good. I was thinking, like, a phone sex line is what I was imagining or i'm not very getting gross i i do just want to say in preparation for this podcast i did listen to the episode that you did with james mr sunday and there was a big long conversation

there about dogs getting married and so in i was like well i want to try to avoid that topic because you went on for that for quite a while and now you have jumped immediately to dog sex line it is different it is different technically it is different i thought to show you were going to say it is difficult for us to avoid such topics well that that is also kind of what i was going to say we've done nearly 500 episodes it's just gonna happen it's gonna we're gonna arrive there okay it wouldn't have to be a phone sex line he could also like call and scam people or whatever the two phone jobs excuse me hello i'm calling to let you know that you have a security issue on your PC. I need remote access.

I just set him up in a corner with a dog phone or whatever, and the money comes in. What is the difference between a regular phone and a dog phone? I need to know. Bigger buttons for his paws. He can't work a regular phone and just be like, beep, beep, beep,

as he presses them all. Gotta get him a dog phone. You gotta. You gotta. Okay, so, what, Jackson, I mean, you said sex line first, but which do you think he'll be better at?

Scamming people out of money, which, for some reason, the only two incomes you've got from him are scamming people out of money a crime or dog sex line a crime well no no they don't know he's a dog oh yeah that totally means it's not a crime then look the number the second thing on our list is that he does need to do tricks so I think this qualifies. This counts as a trick? Yeah! This is my dog, he scams people. Good trick!

Hey! What, does he know any tricks? Yeah yeah, watch this. Scoop! Scoop! Come to your dog phone! Come to your dog phone! Yeah, this is gonna be great.

Do you have 15 minutes to watch this? No, yeah, now, well first of all we need to wait for a caller so, that's just- This is gonna take a bit. Yeah, it can take a little bit. Yeah, well, tricks. Let's talk about tricks. Let's talk about tricks. Let's talk about this finally.

Let's finally do it. So Scooby-Doo, you can just talk to him. He said sit, he just would. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. I also, and again, going back to the movies, there are definitely

times where scooby skateboards that's pretty cool that's awesome that's pretty awesome yeah skateboarding itself is a trick and then it's got tricks within that you can do all sorts of kickflips and things do you think though because like i've seen a skateboarding dog in real life right that is true yeah so do we think that the the regular dog tricks are almost like pedestrian if Scooby-Doo is your dog? You know, these are boring tricks. If I say Scooby sit, people are like, yeah, but he can talk. So who cares? Well, I think you'd probably just say Scooby talk before he spoke and then you look like a genius trainer.

That's true. That's clever. Well, I don't know. Do you think this like if i think scooby ride a bicycle would be pretty impressive to see you know see i'm worried jackson and maybe it's just the relationship that you personally would have with scooby-doo i feel like the moment you ask scooby to do any trick it's insulting to him why because he's got like a higher level of intelligence, I guess. Scooby, sit. Rock you. Well, I just remembered my favorite dog trick.

Now, this is a trick that obviously I would never want my own dog to know. But it's a trick I've always wanted to teach friends' dogs. Which is... You know that thing where you point your finger like you're shooting a dog? And the dog rolls over like it's dead? So I always wanted to be able to do that but when i do that the dog throws up because i think that would be such a funny trick to be like hey doucha i taught your dog a new trick and you're like what i'm like check this out and the dog's like like why why would you do that and then i've

got that power over your dog and in many ways you too forever yeah that's true how do you teach a dog to spew up on command well i don't know we're in the early stages figuring it out yeah yeah we're beta testing this right now exactly got some ideas we've got some ideas we'll get there we'll get there so but i don't know i don't know i feel like you'd need more complicated tricks for scooby for it to be impressed yeah i agree but then scooby is so clever that scooby is probably capable of tricks so like you need a higher level of trick so then the tricks that you need to like kind of achieve for strive for are probably tricks you yourself couldn't do so you're like you can sit and stand and play dead and whatever but when you like ride a bike or well probably not ride a bike

jackson please tell me you know how to ride a bike yeah i've seen a bike you're good i can ride a bike i figured it out but like all three of us definitely know how to ride bikes um but if you like scooby skateboard or scooby do an ollie yeah yeah yeah that's pretty impressive i think that juggling that's another one oh dog to have that sort of control. I'm just going to like all the classic party tricks. Plate spinning. That's a thing you see at parties all the time. Scooby has no thumbs.

So juggling and plate spinning, I think will be difficult. Oh, pretty impressive though, if he manages it. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Hi, I'm Andrew Levins and I love comic books. Do you love comic books you do well you should subscribe to the serious issues podcast every episode i'm joined by another comic loving guest for reviews of everything we've read we cover superheroes indies crime horror all ages comics manga and more subscribe to serious issues at sanspantsradio.com, Acast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. For some reason, the first

party trick I thought of was, you know, you know when people drink milk and then squirt it out their eye? What is going on with your brain? That's a trick I've seen people do at parties. Well, that's why Scooby's stealing your milkshake all the time. He's like, this has milk in it. Are you wrapping it around, Rexon?

No, yuck. I'm eating, dude. You click your fingers and point at him, and he just squirts milk from his eyes. Good dog. This does require a setup of having him to have had drank milk at some point i imagine yeah if i'm like hey everybody watch this drink and i give my dog a glass of milk nobody's sticking around to see the next part all right that's tricks what was our next category let's exercise i believe yeah oh yeah okay he's a great dane so he's a great dane he's always running from trouble

anything that scares him he's gonna run away so you have to go chase after him, which means you're going to get your exercise in. And you're probably like, oh, that's all cardio. Scooby also loves to jump into Shaggy's arms. That is true. That's your weight training. And let me just double check this. What is the average weight of a grown great? How strong is Shaggy?

Oh, my God. the average weight How strong is Shaggy? Oh my god. The very first episode of Scooby-Doo references that Shaggy is the school's best gymnast and it's never brought up again. Just like Shaggy's ventriloquism powers.

That's true. Also the first episode. Shaggy's a modern day renaissance man. 140 to 170 pounds. That will mean things to Scott, but not us. So one, let's just go 170 just for the pounds. Two kilos, 77 kilos. So that's the weight of like a fully grown adult woman probably around that.

That's heavy. Yeah. And jumping into your arms without like warning is just also true. You're not going to be ready for it. You're probably going to be like Shaggy. Thank God. He's got that center of gravity, I guess, maybe from his time wrestling that he can just body Scooby jumping into his arms. But I think and, you know, maybe from his time wrestling, that he can just embody Scooby jumping into his arms. But I think, and, you know, maybe I'm wrong,

but if it jumped into any of our arms, we would just fall off a ride. Oh my gosh, yeah. I have no core strength whatsoever. I would like, Scooby would jump into my arms and I would collapse like a pile of rocks. I think with an embarrassing scream, we'd all do it too.

What's the name of the forearm bone? Because I'm going to have two snapped of those. Yeah. That's not exercise. That's just damage to our body. Well, what is exercise if not little damage to your body that you just get used to over time? Maybe your forearm bones will grow back stronger yeah that's right all that milk that scooby stealing all my milk

though yes and you can't cry if scooby kept stealing all of your milk and then he jumped into your arms and snapped your bones would you be a little suspicious it was on purpose you've been trying to degrade my bones for what purpose i haven't figured out yet i know you're right i think that if you combined that drinking the milk breaking my arms and he's running a scam hotline i'd be like is this a hit can you put a hit out on me? Why do I have the weirdest dog? What is happening? Do I owe money to the wrong people for some reason?

Well, this would bring us to another topic, which is security, because now you're feeling less secure with Scooby around. Like two strangers in the same house just walking into the kitchen, seeing him. Hey, Scoob. Hello. Just passing each other by.

Oh, boy. He is a coward. Yeah, that's true. So if somebody broke into your house with ill intent, he's... He'd run up the stairs, jump into my arms, snap both of them. And now you're both useless. Yeah. Holding a gun with your dangly hands get out of here gonna flick them up or whatever there's an orangutan where i need one

yeah uh but so with scooby-doo and his cowardice he's scared of ghosts. But is he scared of more human threats, like just a murderer or a thief? Or is it just like the supernatural that frightens Scooby? Because it feels like often in Scooby-Doo, when the true culprit is revealed, whoever they are, Scooby's like, oh, okay, it's just a human villain. So I don't know if he's, if the you know i don't really know what scooby scared of to be honest is that's a good point is it mortal peril or is it the supernatural or yeah maybe it's well so maybe because i'm spinning a theory off the top of my head here maybe because maybe because he is part supernatural being other other supernatural beings are like, he sees them as more of a threat.

Like, hey, you can't kill me. I'm half, you know, supernatural being. Anunnaki, yeah. Yeah, I'm half Anunnaki. I'm all golden. But then the second ghosts or witches or mummies and zombies come around, it's like, okay, this is a non-human threat. This is actually something that'll get me. We're part of the same ecosystem at this point.

I am in trouble. And to further support that theory, in Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? There's the great episode, the first season or the first ever show. Is it called Don't Ape the Ape Man? Don't Ape the Ape Man, yeah. Don't Ape the ape man don't eat the ape man yeah don't eat the ape man uh and in that episode because i remember watching it and finding it really

strange that scooby-doo was quite assertive in that like he goes and punches that ape in the chest or whatever and he fights the ape but it's because it's an ape he's not scared of it yeah it's not a supernatural threat it's just a big ape you know just a big ape he's definitely he's he's he is aggressive towards animals and other animal things yeah like that i think we've seen that over the course of multiple cartoons when it's just the go it's just the ghost so i think you're good i think you're golden if if someone comes in to like rob you or to like get revenge over a bad uh dog phone sex line call. Yeah, yeah.

Or the episode of the podcast. All of those things. Equally possible of happening. I think you're good. I think Scooby will actually stand up for you. I think you're going to be okay. And I think the moment a robber breaking into your home sees a dog rise up on its hind legs

and put up its fists to fight them, they will turn the fuck around and get right out of your house because they're like we've robbed the wrong fucking house today boys guy's got a possessed dog and though thank you goodbye good luck i think well and then another thing that we haven't even talked about is he gets significantly more brave even in the face of supernatural threats if you give him a little treat that's true just give him a little scooby snack and he and he he'll do whatever you want now that's a great great point because how uh with the scooby snacks yeah like how reserved would you be in getting him to do things that otherwise might not want to like are you gonna wreck how rare the scooby snack is for him i guess like how much how much how

spoiled will scooby become being your dog you know what i mean like is it the kind of thing where scooby snacks will lose their their uh what's the word i'm looking for here a lure yeah i guess they're a lure because you're like i'm a genius I'm the clever one. I know. Yeah, he's the smart one. I'm the hot one. Zammett's the strong one. He's the absent one. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so do you think you're going to be like, oh, Scooby, I'd like you to go do my shopping or whatever.

And he's like, I don't want to do that. And you're like, take a Scooby snack. Scooby, could you tuck me in? I don't want to do that. Take a Scooby snack. Scooby, flush the toilet for me. You read that, Jackson. I know, but I'm reading the paper. Take a Scooby snack. Scooby, flush the toilet for me. You went there, Jackson. I know, but I'm reading the paper.

Take a Scooby snack. You know what I mean? So that when a threat comes along, Scooby doesn't care about the Scooby snacks because he gets them all the time anyway. See what I'm driving at? Yeah, I mean, the simple thing would be not to give him Scooby snacks for all of those situations that you could easily do yourself. You don't know how hard that. I'm a busy person. I'm a busy person. I'm a busy man.

I've got to move on. I've got to do other things and let my dog do other things for me. Chores, cleaning, get out of here. Are you kidding me? If you think you've got to do the dishes at night, but you know you could get Scooby-Doo to clumsily do them instead. Being a guest on a podcast? I'll let my dog do it. Exactly. We could be here chatting to Scooby-Doo, being like, do them instead. Being a guest on a podcast? I'll let my dog do it.

Exactly. We could be here chatting to Scooby-Doo being like, do you reckon you could make a good pet? And he'd be like, Rez? Well, I disagree, Scooby-Doo. It's difficult for me to answer. I think it'd be a fucked up dog to own. Rez. Rez.

Rez. He finishes the episode, comes back to you all depressed you're like what did you talk about yeah so i think it's and and like he wouldn't do those chores well you know what i mean scooby-doo doing my dishes is smashing plates. Nothing's properly cleaned. It's going to make more of a mess than anything. But it's a small price to pay for not having to do it myself. You know what I mean? I will say that most of, pretty much any of the consequences of getting Scooby-Doo to do any of these things is entirely on you, Jackson, because you can just do them yourself.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Okay. So are we saying good for security, then? I think so. I'll give him the checkmark of security. Yeah, I think he's doing great. Scooter, in canon, has held many a swords.

Also true. If you've got a dog that can wield a weapon, that's good security regardless. Let me tell you something. I was skimming through end game episodes of Mystery Incorporated, and that show gets wild. At one point, Scooby is in a mech suit with guns out of his hands,

just going in a circle circle spinning and shooting at robots and it's not a dream sequence or anything it's a real thing that scooby does he gets in a mech suit and starts destroying robots that i think he's great yeah where did the mech suit come from and was it made for a guy or a dog so more complicated scooby-doo lore in the Scooby-Doo universe, technology was more advanced in the past. So World War II was fought with robots. Yeah. And so he basically got into a World War II robot and converted it into like wearing it as a dog suit and shooting it or shooting it at people. And I'll be the last.

So did technology go backwards or is that also how they're explaining how like a janitor can be like i made a floating hologram suit that it's it's exactly that the reason why villains and scooby do have such advanced technology is because technology is just more advanced in this world that's how it is yes how it operates mystery incorporated just have a fucked up van that has his cool paint job i guess yeah yeah that's it they don't have the uh well there's an episode of uh mystery incorporate no not mystery incorporated sorry there's an episode of what's new scooby-doo where it's discovered that the mystery ink van used to belong to a dead uh 60s musician who haunts it that and fred got it cheap from like like a sale of the guy's stuff or

whatever which i think is very funny there for a bit yeah yeah so fred's not even fred's car it's a dead celebrity's car that he's driving around in which is very fred jones let's be honest very much so what about the one of our other criteria good to look at because good to look at scuba is not good to look at no in fact the exact opposite so the original intent behind the design of scooby-doo was that he was supposed to be the exact opposite of what a prize-winning show like great dane would be so he's got like a weak chin he's got like bowl legs he is like his eyes are a little like close together like they are just not good qualities in a show dog sloppy great day exactly exactly very specifically would not win any

competitions that's so funny that they made scooby-doo like yeah let's just get a like what is the best looking great day now let's just fuck it up yes our design but maybe that would be charming if he was your pet you know you're like he's an idiot he's a dud some people like ugly dogs i like ugly dogs maybe that would make him good to look at here's the thing that they don't ever show in the scooby-doo cartoon for fair enough reasons slobber there's no slobber on scooby-doo but in real life there would be that's true and he is he is always licking his lips though and foods around but there's no slobber coming out that's a good point ounce of drool but he would be hydrated yeah it's all that milky drinks drinks of fucking

water but yeah so i think that would be a very because i like man i can see whatever you know i i gotta who cares piss shit come i don't care but dog drool it just makes me feel so nauseous every time i see it yeah i can't handle it he's not mangy so he's you know he's got all this all this fur is still there it looks fine it's got a nice big spot yeah just to come back to your very bold claim you own a dog you find mystery cum on the ground and you're like i'm just glad that i'm cleaning this up and not dog drool no i'm saying that if what are you saying cum's not good to say but it doesn't make me feel nauseous but drool does i mean it'd be gross i wouldn't be like huh i just carry on with my day

i'm i am the exact same way like like drool and spit is like the only thing that makes me sort of gag a little bit no thank you it's horrific it's so gross again if he shat that would be bad yeah i don't like it whatever yeah as long as it's not drool drool is gross okay all right just wanted just just needed a bit of a clarification that's fair so i think looking at scooby mystery come still bad still bad i don't know why you keep saying mystery come because mystery come comes with a whole bunch of other problems dude if there's just a come on the ground yeah it might not be scoobies and then you'll have extra questions did i do that is that i don't remember coming earlier today i don't know what's going on there

the reason I said mystery is because you made a bold claim that you like your shit come whatever and I was like well if it's your own come then you're not going to be that fazed by it because you'll know how it got there I don't even like my own drool that's gross too so anyway we gotta move past this scooby is nice to look at because he does not drool that is the ruling that we have he's exactly he's he's a little ugly he's a bit of a dud but he's charming which are all the things that my girlfriend says about me so i can relate in that regard yeah scooby licks everything, he licks Shaggy, he licks sandwiches,

he probably licks other stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. True, true. He'll eat stuff off the floor. I guess most dogs will. He'll eat sandwiches. I think, and this is something that doesn't actually fall into

any of the categories we talked about, but Scooby's annoying. He's an annoying dog. Like, if you're trying to eat something, he can open the fridge. He can take food out of your hand he eats like a human being you know what i mean so i think that is where he would probably lose the most points for me in that if i'm eating food like you got to train your dog

not to steal food from the table but scooby's sitting at the table you know what i mean so yeah you kind of can't avoid it yeah Yeah, because even in like Zombie Island was a really great example of he doesn't even see himself as a dog. People are like, oh, get that dog out of here. And he's like, dog, where? You know, like he doesn't he just doesn't see himself. So he doesn't understand that they're like, you can't be Scooby. You can't be sitting at the table eating food for the rest of us. You can't be doing that, man.

You're a filthy dog. You're gross, okay? So I think that is – but maybe – I don't know. Maybe that's how Shaggy trained him. Maybe it's like when our friend Adam has a great story about how he used to know a dog that was like a bulldog that was allowed to sit at the table and got given a plate of human food just like everyone else at dinner. And if he didn't eat, if there was a guest or whatever,

and there was no room for him at the table, he threw a massive tantrum, because he was like, why am I not sitting at the table? I'm a person. That's my spot. Yeah. So maybe that's the same things happening with Scooby-Doo.

You don't teach him those lessons, he won't steal from you. Well, Scooby is human like like as in has a lot of traits that a guy has that a dog doesn't have true how many human traits does scooby have to have before you are like well you're cleaner or better look after than a normal dog so therefore there's not a hygiene issue like Like, is Scooby sitting at the table actually bad? True. Yeah, at that point, is he a pet or is he a roommate?

Yeah. He's like, if Scooby's showering... Yeah, that's true. But he does. He does do that. Yeah, he does shower. Maybe he's pretty clean, to be honest. Maybe he is pretty clean.

Yeah. You know, wipes off every shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think a dog needs to. is pretty clean to be honest maybe he is pretty clean yeah you know wipes after he shits yeah yeah yeah i don't think a dog needs to so well you don't wipe your dog's ass after it shits no but the dog licks its ass to clean it oh that's fair point fair point fair point fair point so well again brush your teeth scooby if you're gonna if you're gonna clean yourself like that brush your teeth yeah it's all we're asking for. It's not a big deal. It's not a big ask, Scooby.

Again, I know with the lack of thumbs it might be challenging, but you can manage. You can figure it out. You can figure out how to drive a car sometimes, Scooby-Doo. You can figure out how to wipe your own ass. You know? I think, yeah. I think the thing that really would the reason that i think ultimately

i'm gonna land on him not being a great pet is that he is not enough of a person to just like live as a person and he's not enough of a dog to just live as a dog and he lives in this strange nether zone between the two of them that frankly i just i can't be bothered with i think if he was my pet i would ultimately feel bad because i would be like you're you're too sentient you know what i mean yeah yeah but obviously he's not sentient enough to just live in a house and an apartment or whatever so it's tricky could he eventually come at the froggit and just like have a mansion to himself or whatever and that sounds lonely yeah i think in i think in a pup named scooby-doo i'm i it's

my quota i have to talk about every single scooby-doo property yeah that's good uh you know the contract you sent was yeah very lengthy um i in a pub named scooby-doo he does have a dog house which is technically on somebody else's property but it does one of those like tardis things where it's much bigger on the inside so on the inside it like is a full mansion but it is just a dog house in the back of like scrappy's yard or something in the back of scrappy's yard oh no sorry shaggy's yard but also say oh my god i just almost basically shit myself there because i was like a dog house within a dog house why does scrappy own an actual house and scooby owns a dog what is going on but scrappy does give

off huge landlord energy though so that would make sense but scrappy's an interesting case isn't he because he's he just talks in full sentences he stands upright like a human being he's fucked up to look at yeah yeah in that in that sort of line between like human and pet human and dog like scrappy is much further on the human side absolutely yeah which and i think he has little hands too i gotta look up scrappy do i think he does even have thumbs too yeah i think he does he's got full-on fucking hands jesus christ what is going on there i do not like that he's much more human than dog yeah and therefore would not like him as a pet no thank you no i think i'll take scooby dum thank you very much you know what i mean as a pet no thank you no i think i'll take scooby dumb thank you very much you know what i mean he's the biggest moron in the land even worse to look at though but again maybe charming

he wears a little hat that's great he does wear a little hat gotta love scooby dumb listen to this scooby dumb is above all, as dim-witted as his name implies. This spaced out, unintelligent demeanor leads him to be both extremely brave and extremely cowardly, depending on whether or not he actually noticed the danger near him is actually dangerous. He's a little oblivious. Yeah, he doesn't know what's going on, which I like better than Scooby-Doo, because he's more on the dog side of the scale. That's more appealing to me, I think, at the end of the day.

So even though Scooby-Dum wears a hat, he's more dog than man. Yeah. And then Scrappy is more man than dog. Yeah, I would say so. I would think so. And then I think Scooby's right in the middle there. Yeah. I like that.

The scale of man to dog is not what we set out to figure out but it's definitely where we've arrived it sure is oh goodness when if we want to answer the question that we pose at the start of the episode is scooby-doo a good real life pet i think what we've learned today is that scooby is probably a fine pet but would we be good owners no no no lord no that is what it seems to come back to yeah i i think do any do i none of us own a dog currently no i have a cat yeah i got two cats so i got nothing yeah there's a lot of dead spiders in my room, that's probably the closest I have. You make little collars for them.

Regardless of where you live, Jackson, cause you used to live, like, in basically the bush. Sure, yeah, yeah. The stereotypical Australian, like, bush. I lived rurally, for sure. Your bedroom there was full of bugs. And that makes sense, because you left your window open at all times. Of course, I like a breeze.

And you had to throw out a laptop because, to quote you, it got too full of moths. Too full of moths, yeah. Because you'd be watching things in the dark. The moth would rest on the laptop between where the screen ended and the keyboard began in that hinge, and I wouldn't see the moth, and then I'd close my laptop, and then I'd open it in the morning,

and there'd be a dead moth there squished into the microphone, and then slowly it got worse and worse until the laptop was... Are you the problem, do you think? Are you the one attracting all these bugs? That's what I was gonna say because originally you're like it's just because i live rurally and we're like all right fine but now

you live in like a sub like a city suburb and you're still having a problem with but i can't remember the last time i saw a spider in my house full stop right in the crook of the window so you can't see it there's like no i can't dead black spiders in a web. And I don't know what's killed them all. A bigger, stronger spider, apparently. It's like an elephant's graveyard. They all go to the same place to die. I don't know why. It's weird.

So yeah, Scott's got two cats. I got one cat. You've got 10 dead spiders in one web that you can't get to the bottom of it's all the same thing and clearly none of us have a dog none of us have dogs I don't think any of us have the space for a Scooby Doo in our lives

and maybe Scooby Doo would be the perfect dog for not only Shaggy but for others out there those that have bigger homes or potentially are just better people um but unfortunately when looking at us three is scooby doing good no no big time no big no the only thing i have a check mark for i wrote the list down when we first started the only thing i have a check mark for is security because I think we were kind of iffy on everything else. So one out of five, Scooby.

That's a fail, buddy. That's a fail. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Scott. And Scott, where can we find you? You can find me all over the place. I have a YouTube channel called NerdSync, N-E-R-D-S-Y-n-c where i make video essays about uh nerdy subjects sort

of exploring art through curiosity and vulnerability i've got a whole scoob tober event going on at the moment i i don't know when this episode's going to air but uh that's very exciting and i also have two other podcasts if your listeners are interested in podcasts at all i some of them might be yeah i hear that some of our audience do listen to podcasts yeah yeah not heaps but some yeah i i have a uh an actual play dnd podcast called late to the party where i play a character on that that's very fun and i also have a brand new podcast i just launched a couple days ago uh called it's probably not aliens where a friend of mine,

a historian friend of mine, and I talk about the show Ancient Aliens and debunk a lot of their conspiracy theories. Oh, that's great. While teaching about real world history of ancient civilizations and people. And I think it's a fun time. So good, yeah.

So drastically different, nerdy niches. I'm all over the place. One of those might grab you. Well, thanks for jumping on the episode, Scott and listeners check out scott's stuff it's very good very varied unlike us where we always go back to dogs getting married or having a phone i like in on the scooby-dum wikipedia page from scooby-doo.fandom.com uh under powers and abilities it says scooby-Dum Wikipedia page from Scooby-Doo.Fandom.com. Under powers and abilities, it says, Scooby-Dum's foolishness sometimes allows him to break the laws of physics. What if I told you everything you know about the world is wrong?

But if I told you that all the things you were told were impossible were, in fact, very much the opposite. Reality is not what you think it is. It's so much more complicated. Fascinating. And, above all, terrifying. We are at the fringes of the map. And there's more than just dragons. at the fringes of the map.

And there's more than just dragons. As you're travelling further and further and further north, you're looking at your phone watching as five bars becomes four, becomes three, becomes two, becomes one, becomes that little emergency E sign. About a year ago, a company called Bismarck

Oil and Coal collapsed. When it collapsed, several documents became unsealed. It was filled out by Officer Lenny McBride. That's who I am. I got one girl at home. I got a daughter and a wife, but

she's looking after the daughter at the moment. And yeah, that's who I am. Land to my friends. You see a big, painted sign in very big and bold words, both in English and in French. Warning, at all times, please keep your weapon. Okay.

The elevator takes you down underground. You get the willies. Do you think that once it's out, it will be gone or? It'll be free. What are we dealing with? What is this? What on earth could you think it is? An awful thing.

Something that turns men against men. I gently put my finger under Wade's chin and lift him up and kind of look him in the eyes. You're right there, Wade. You took a bit of a tumble. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You don't believe these stories, do you? Beyond the Map, an anthology series set in a world not that different from our own.

Listen week to week on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Alternatively, you can just grab the whole campaign as a digital download on our website, sanspantsradio.com.