Plumbing the Death Star - Would the Avengers be Better off Without the Hulk?

Episode Date: September 14, 2015

In which our heroes reassess the Shield Initiative, take a closer look at the roster and ask would the Avengers be better without The Hulk? We follow our fans orders and explore just how everyone would fare without the big green guy, create several alternate universes and try and fix Hulk’s problem with modern medicine. Jackson keeps on eating The Hulk, Zammit tries to replace The Hulk with Thor, Alli thinks we're being a bit too mean and Duscher is just really stressed about the Abomination. So join us in our recruitment process, help reshuffle the roster until everything works out just fine without Bruce and try our hardest not to get angry, because you won't like us when we're angry… except Duscher. Most people like him angry because the secret is he’s always angry.Want to help New York repair problems that Hulk could've stopped? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help thousands of misplaced civilians. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least forty-seven books on how to deal with hulks being choofed off to space. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, we're here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, but we're out of either, so I'm going home. So this episode has been brought to you by Banjo Joint, Robert Keyes, Lucas Scott, and some guy called Michael. I didn't know what I was going to say after this. I had a line and then I forgot it. Good. Balls. I got it. I got it. Enjoy the show. No, I said balls and I remembered. Fuck.

There you go. You used that one. Perfect take. Hey, guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions. No, our fan, Benjamin, has asked us to ask the important question of, would the Avengers be better off without the Hulk? Probably. I mean, it seems like a nuisance. No.

Are we talking in the whole deal or just the first two movies? The Avengers, the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It gives us a smaller parameter to work with. In the comics, they're like, fuck off, Hulk. And they're like, good. And that was about it. Okay. Rude, really. We send you to space and everything would have been good

if we didn't put a time bomb in said spaceship. I think it was his insect buddy that put the time bomb from memory now that I think about it. Hulk has an insect buddy? Is it Ant-Man? No, it's an actual... Is it Grasshopper Man?

No, it's like an alien that looks like a cockroach. Oh, that's cute. What the fuck, comics? Well, let's think about the two times that Hulk has helped them out. Okay. Well, not the two times. I don't know why I said that. Two films.

Two films and where Hulk has helped them out within. Yes. In Avengers. Avengers. He beats the shit out of Black Widow. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. Let's see.

No, he beats the shit out of... No, I'm pretty sure that's... He saves her. He punches Thor and he beats the shit out of Loki, but Loki's plan is for that to release the Hulk onto the helicaracter. Helicaracter? Helicopter?

Yes, the helicopter. Helicarrier. Hulk beats the shit out of Loki for real in Stark Tower, and Hulk also single-handedly takes down one of those giant worm things that takes the fucking rest of the Avengers

20 minutes to do. So let's just take out the Hulk. Just a little thought experiment. I'm going to be like Eternity or whoever it is

like the Marvel God and just be like hey Hulk. The Welcher? No, not the Welcher. Just Nick Fury. The Totcher. Nick Fury.

Just be like Hulk you did good, goodbye. No, it's got to be a cosmic entity. It's got to be something like Eternity. You want to take him out? Just whatever. We got rid of Hulk. Eternity. The Welcher Just Nick Fury Just be like Hulk You did good Goodbye It's gotta be Like Eternity You wanna take him out

Just whatever Eternity I ate Hulk Done Jackson came in And was like Hulk Abomination Destroys New York City

Before the Avengers even Sign up No but let's say the Hulk He defeats Abomination Then I eat him No no no We're gonna make shields like Abomination wouldn't exist Because Abomination only exists because Hulk...

Oh, no. No. Abomination would have happened either way. Yeah. Because that's like, hey, remember Super Soldier? How good. Let's give that another whirl. You're talking about the end of Incredible Hulk where it's kind of like, hey, or even

in the Avengers where he's like, hey, let's get Natasha to get the Hulk, but like the Hulk's caught wind and he's chuffed off and Natasha's just sitting in a hut being like, I don't think he's coming back. I don't think he's coming here at all. God damn it. Damn you, piece of shit. They don't pick up Hulk. They don't pick him up.

So, I mean, is the only difference here that it takes them longer to fight the big space worms? It would take them longer to fight the big space worms, so more would be dead. Actually, hang on, though. When Tony Stark closes the portal, he dies anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah more would be dead. Actually, hang on, though. When Tony Stark closes the portal, he dies anyway. That's true, but Loki. What happens to Loki?

Loki got distracted by Hulk, which allowed for the portal to be closed. And if Tony Stark tried to fight Loki, although you've got to remember that Loki's Loki Poke Stick doesn't work on Iron Man. That's true. So Iron Man could just beat the shit out of him as Iron Man. He could be like, I've got a whatever the fuck, I'm a god.

And he'd be like, yeah, but we don't have a Hulk, but I'm still all right. Well, they just get Thor to be like, Thor, you take over. Yeah, Thor has an emotional connection. He's not going to beat the shit out of Loki. I know, he's not going to kill him, but he might beat the shit out of him. Yeah, but they're kind of on par, though. I think he'd wail on him a bit.

He wailed on him in Thor 1. Did Loki in Thor 1? Yeah, true, he wailed on him in Thor 1. But I think Tony Stark, he still wants to distract him and you've got to keep Thor out there doing shit. Clearly they didn't need Hulk out there because Hulk didn't do that much. His secret was that he was always angry.

He fought some guys and then he came back to Stark Tower and beat the shit out of Loki. So even if he wasn't there, it's fine. But then the shield helicarrier. Why am I having trouble with that? You're having trouble saying shield helicarrier. The helicopter.

Just say shield helicopter. The shield helicopter. Yeah. That wouldn't have gone down or has gotten as damaged if the Hulk hadn't gotten loose. Yeah. To, like, destroy some shit. Which means Thor wouldn't have been in a bubble.

When was Thor in a bubble? What are you talking about? They dropped him out into the... Oh, they did. And the farmer found him for some reason. He was in a bubble. I remember. Thor was in a bubble.

You're not wrong. Thor was in a bubble. You're laughing at me like I don't know my... Well, it's not really a bubble. It's more like a fucking mason jar. It's not really a bubble. Well, a fucking mason jar would shatter, really a bubble. Well, a fucking mason jar would shatter, whereas a bubble didn't.

It didn't pop. It wasn't like... It didn't shatter either. I don't know what it was, but that's a good point. Yeah. Loki's plan would have been completely different, though, without Hulk. Yeah, true. How so?

Well, his whole plan is that Hulk is in the team. Yeah. His entire plan. That was his plan. is that Hulk is in the team. Yeah. His entire plan. That was his plan. Oh, that's a good point. And the thing Loki gets held in is a thing to hold... The Hulk. So what happens if we remove Hulk?

What's Loki's plan? He would have to come up with a new plan, which might just be like, they don't have a Hulk. Just kill him? Like, whatever. They're just guys. The reason that Loki uses Hulk against them

because if they use Hulk on him, he's fucked? Well, that's the thing. I like this idea that Hulk is actually, even as Hulk, he's actually pretty smart. You know that scene where he's fighting that giant worm with Thor? Yeah. And they're like, yeah, good. And he punches Thor and Thor just fucks off.

And everyone's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hulk is just angry. Actually, it was Hulk being like, can I take down a god? What, let me just give it a go for when I fight Thingo later? Yeah, like, let's just see. Practice. If I can punch Thor and he can be hurt, cool. I can fight a god.

Good. It's kind of like as a little idea to be like Hulk being like, yeah, I took down Thor. I can beat the shit out of him. I think he's intelligent, but he can't control his emotions, and that's where that rage takes over. I don't know. It depends which Avengers film you're looking at.

Because in Avengers 1, he can. He can control his rage. And he's in a secret alley. He's always angry. But then in the second one, he can't. Sometimes hulking gets worse, and sometimes hulking gets better. No, I think he's always. The more you know it, sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's harder.

It's hard to say. I think he's always on the edge. And if he just, he's probably got a lot of zen happening. He can't. Yeah, because he's always on edge. He's heart rate. And then when he's like, ah, the secret is I'm always angry. Or he just likes beta blockers.

What? To lower the heart rate. Oh, he'll be fine. And then could he get an erection? Well, that's the matter. I'm not talking about erection is I'm always angry he just beta blockers what to lower the heart rate oh he'll be fine and then could he get an erection well that's the matter I'm not talking about erection I'm just talking in general like you want to stop

stop the hulking sorry I was thinking about dicks yeah I know classic just have some like you know beta blockers or whatever that slows the heart rate down

or Valium just pump him full of Valium I feel like what if you gave him Viagra would that increase his heart rate yeah that's a surefire way to make a hulk just to give him some Viagra

that'd be a great way like you know there's this moment in Avengers 2 where fucking Black Widow's like increase his heart rate? Yeah, that's a surefire way to make a Hulk. That'd be a great way, like, you know, there's this moment in Avengers 2 where fucking Black Widow's like, we need the big guy. Opens his mouth, pops a blue pill in, rubs his throat. The Hulk just hulks out with a giant erection.

Yes! That would be frightening for the people Hulk is fighting. Those Ultron bots would be like, what the fuck is this? It won't go down! It's just frustration at this point, poor old Hulky.

Because having just this giant beast of a man just beating the shit out of you is terrifying, but knowing that he's enjoying it so much that he has a direction. Yeah, double layer. Double terror. But I mean, they're robots. They don't know what's going on. They don't understand.

That one's a pretty clever fellow. That's true. Ultron knows. All the robots are Ultron. Well, whatever. That movie was nonsense. Wait. I knew. You did see it. Yeah, I did. They're all Ultrons. It's a great time.

Because then he's like, something, something, something. I'm threatening Natasha. Tear myself in half. Steal me or something. That's a waste of metal. Ultron, wasteful. Oh, yeah, that's right. I thought you were talking about the Hulk. I was like, that didn't happen. The Hulk just tears himself apart.

So I just wanted to see if I could and I did. That's the good of the Hulk. So that's in Avengers 1 if we get Avengers the first sorry if we get rid of

Hulk from that Loki has to change his plan but ultimately I don't think much is different not much is different I think Loki might win yeah

Loki might do a bit better I think he's integral so vital in the second movie but I'm not sure about the first I would be the other way around he's integral for the first not the second movie, but I'm not sure about the first scene. I would be the other way around. I'm like, he's integral for the first, not the second.

No, the second, he is 100% essential. When? Let's move on to the second one. Oh, yeah, so the first one we can't agree? Let's just finish the first. No, whatever. The first one. Let's go to the new one.

Let's go to the first one. Let's finish this, then we'll go to number two. First one, he's pretty integral because Loki's plan pretty much relies on having the Hulk, but Hulk is the one that fucks him. Only for a small element of it, though. But if the Hulk wasn't there, then Loki would have a slightly different plan.

And they'd have a slightly different way of approaching it. Well, Loki's plan would be... I mean, part of their plan was using a bow and arrow against giant fucking mechanical worms. That's a good point. That wasn't their plan. That was just what happened. Hawkeye's like, no.

They were like, this is... Hawkeye on the payroll. What have you got? You don't want to get a gun? You don't want to pick up a gun? Sure. No, you don't want lasers? No, you don't want skills?

You want a bow and arrow? Good. Yeah. Not even mad at you, Hawkeye. You do you, Hawkeye. I'm a big fan of Hawkeye, but I'm like, you've got skills and they are not appropriate for this situation.

Keep him as the butler. Delegate him to looking after the Avengers. Jarvis is butler. Jarvis is Iron Man's butler. And he kind of helps out the rest of the Avengers, but not really. His main priority is Iron Man. I think taking down Loki, you need a Hulk. No, I think you could with Iron Man.

If Iron Man was in his suit, he could take down Loki. I'll say it. Fuck you. But I think the difference is Iron Man's a Hulk. No, I think you could with Iron Man. If Iron Man was in his suit, he could take down Loki. I'll say it. Fuck you. But I think the difference is Iron Man's a dick. Yeah, Tony Stark is a piece of... He is an absolute... And that's why I think

that the Hulk is necessary and Bruce Banner is necessary because Iron Man is a dick and he goes on his own little fucking tangent and all this other stuff and that's where shit goes wrong. So we'll move on to Ultron.

No, no, no. I just want to go back to quickly back to Ultron. Don't ever mind no. I just want to go back to quickly. Never mind then. Fuck Ultron. This is the last. All right. I was like, move to Ultron.

No, no, no, no, no. Hang on. We've not left Avengers the first. Avengers the first. Avengers Uno. Good. Avengers part one. Yes, sir.

Uno. Uno. So, okay. We're going to keep this up under time. We'll say that Tony Stark can beat Loki. In a fight. In a one-on-one fight. You, go. Uno. Uno. So, okay. Gotta keep this up under time. We'll say that Tony Stark can beat Loki. In a fight. In a one-on-one fight.

Like, you know at the end when he's like, yeah, we gotta go out and bring him. Remember what else is happening at the end of that film? What?

A nuclear bomb is heading for New York City. Thor would take it. Thor can fly. He can sort that shit out. But what's Thor doing at that point? Hammer can fly.

He's just fighting cons on the ground. The only downside of, the only thing that would change is that the casualties would be greater. Does Thor know what a nuclear weapon is? No. Nobody's explained it to him. I don't think he'd be like, Thor, there is something coming to us.

Stop it. He's not going to be like, I'm sorry, what is it? A nuclear weapon. What's that? Let's talk about nuclear physics, though. No, no, no. How does it work?

Let's talk about how Thor would probably solve it. He'd probably hit it with his hammer. No. That's a good point. No, Thor doesn't have How does it work? Let's talk about how Thor would probably solve it. He'd probably hit it with his hammer. No. That's a good point. Thor doesn't have the wherewithal to be like, oh, that's a nuclear warhead. I'll truff it on into space. Thor's like, Thor has gone! Woo! Oh, no. Thor, Thor, no.

Go get it, go get it! One would say that has to stop. Like, I'm fairly certain that Steve Rogers or fucking... Who knew about it? Tony. Just Tony. Just Tony?

They can't communicate, can they? No. Can they communicate? No. Something happens. Some do, some don't. It breaks up from... I haven't seen this film.

I've never seen a film. I've seen that movie once and I'm struggling to remember what happened they don't have earphones some do

some don't they keep breaking up they really should have earphones they should have good ones certainly or just mobile phones

just bluetooth wait if Thor grabs a weapon like if Thor was more in the loop to get the nuke then I think Hawkeye

dies cause Thor saves Hawkeye oh yeah Hawkeye shoots all of his arrows and ends up like a fucking idiot so at the end of Avengers 1

Avengers part Uno the first you've got Loki the first Avenger the Avengers the Avengers 1 Uno the first Avengers you've got Thor smacking the nuclear warhead into space The Avengers. Yeah, the Avengers won Uno the first Avengers.

You've got Thor smacking the nuclear warhead into space. So nobody gets traumatized and Iron Man 3 doesn't happen. Iron Man beats the shit out of Loki. Hawkeye dies. Hawkeye dies. Nuclear fallout, though, over New York City. That is a big deal. That would be a definite downer at the end of the movie. That would be a bummer at the end of the movie it's so much more ptsd that you're

like hey thor like there's a bomb get it out of here thor might be like i got a clever idea i'll use that to hit the machine um yeah you're right thor would be like at the end of the day phil is super dumb because i feel thor could either grab it and maybe spin the nuke around and throw it into space. But he wouldn't. He'd throw it into... And he could nuke the moon. Everyone's dream.

Here's my theory for what would happen. Thor gets it. He's like, who sent this? The Pentagon. Spins it around, sends it right back. I think that makes sense. Thor's a very reactionary person. He's very emotional.

He'll be like, for us, us god and blow up the pentagon so the end of Avengers singular nuclear weapon as well there's a lot of fallout he's wiping out all of Washington DC I'm pretty sure that's where the pentagon is but I'm not 100% sure me neither

let's say yes and stand by it when our American listeners tell us where we're at Ali you're the clever one in the podcast the pentagon is in Washington isn't it is it in space as it goes past the Lincoln monument just clips that straight into the pentagon

like viewers around the world are like is evangelist roman numeral one is that an anti-american are they emasculating America? Are they the Soviet Union? What the fuck? The fuck?

So are we saying that at the end of the first Avengers, we have a lot more casualties, nuclear fallout. We've lost half of the United States to these Americans. And Hawkeye is dead. And Hawkeye is dead. So I guess Hulk is kind of important. Hulk's kind of useful for Avengers 1.

I hope Thor is like when we see Avengers 2 in our situation without the Hulk, that Thor's still really smug. He's like, I saved the day. Everyone's like, all right. Can you imagine that trauma scene at the end? They're just sitting there and it's not like, we did it.

It's just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Thor's just like, another! Pull. Or it's just like, another! Wills is swam out of the ground. Another! You didn't eat that one. All right, so let's now take this into two alternative realities here. Let's take it to the logical conclusion of this reality. Okay.

Where Avengers 2 rocks around. And then one where the Hulk leaves after the first Avengers. Yeah, all right. So let's go... What's this one? Continue on. Because we're here already. Avengers 2 doesn't happen. Oh, actually... Most people are dead.

Most people are dead. Ultron definitely happens. Here's my point. Because Tony's going to go insane. Tony's going to be like, we fucked up big time. Oh, yeah, that

too. He's going to like, he might not have like the same. Steve Rogers might kill himself.

Who? Steve Rogers. Yeah, he's done. Captain America is fired from S.H.I.E.L.D. Yeah.

They're like, we can't. And he's like, I'm going to fire myself. Hydra probably like. Tony, I think Tony Stark's like, we used to build Ultron. Hydra probably like oh that's true um Tony

I think Tony Stark's gonna be like we should build Ultron Steve Rogers is gonna be like yes yes we fucking do whilst looking at

a photo of Washington just on on fire no that's just like in a fallout situation I was like Penny no Penny

no Penny Washington who's Carter isn't it Penny Carter Peggy Peggy yeah I was like, Penny? No, Penny. No, Penny. Penny? Washington. Who's Carter? Isn't it Penny Carter? Peggy. Peggy. Peggy. Yeah.

I was going to say that the Hulk, essentially Bruce Banner is integral to the second one because Tony can't do any of that by himself. He needs Bruce Banner. Yeah, you're right. So he'd be great without Bruce Banner because then it wouldn't have happened. Correctly. But I think that it would be even worse because Tony would go mad by himself. He would go absolutely mad.

And I think Bruce keeps a lid on it a little bit. It still turns bad. I like Bruce. I love Michael. I'm keeping him. I feel like Avengers 2 in our post-apocalyptic situation. Let's go to our Avengers 2. Avengers dose Roman numerals, the second Ultron.

The second Avenger. The second Avenger. The second new Avenger. Avengers 2. Fallout. Yes, Avengers Fallout. Yeah, Tony is not having a good one. I feel like the S.H.I.E.L.D. slash HYDRA would be team,

just be like, we need the Ultron program. Everyone needs the Ultron program. So Ultron's still going to happen.. It's gonna be way more military. And also it's gonna be sent to the Fallout zone in Washington DC to keep the peace and search for bodies. And mutants. Or like, miracles, as this

place would call it. So we think that in this version, the Fallout from the nuclear bomb creates like Wanda and Pietro. Yes. Their backstory is like less fuck Tony Stark and more like fucking Thor. And then they have all the miracles. What's another word for mutants?

Muties. Muties. Nuclear bambalinos. Abominations. I was going to say abominations. Abominations. Nuclear abominations. was going to say abominations abominations nuclear abominations everyone's just turned

into the abomination being like fuck Asgard go to war with Asgard yeah but no one knows how to get to Asgard that's true they're just shaking

their fists in space and then Natalie Portman's in the second Thor movie and that's where shit gets fast everyone's cheering for the dark elves everyone's super

yeah that's right that would happen in between oh yeah phase the Thor movie would just be completely different. Phase two. Thor would be very happy.

Oh, boy. All of it would be very different. Yes, but I'm just saying. Thor the Dark World would be like, well, that's our world, it's the Dark World. Yeah. I think Jane Foster would be like, Thor, what did you do?

I did good. I sent the nuclear warhead back at our enemies. No, no, you didn't. That was hard. The second Thor movie will be Natalie Portman trying to explain to Thor how he should feel remorse for it and at the end of the movie he'd be like, the penny has dropped. I now realise what I've done.

And then Jane Foster can be in for a hug and be like, Thor, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. Yeah. It's not your fault. Okay, I don't know why he's so excited about it, but okay. You have never listened to our podcast. You are right. Clearly.

And I've never seen Good Will Hunting. I haven't seen Good Will Hunting either, but I know what he's doing. Well, he does it to me all the time, and I'm like, I don't really get it. He does it in the podcast. He does it in real life. Yeah, I know, and I've never asked. I feel like I've probably got the phone call before where he's like, it's not your fault. It's not your fault.

I know it's not my fault. Is this Thor 2 The Dark World? Like, my dinner with Andre level, just one booth in a cafe somewhere, one night, one evening, and Jane's like, hey, Thor, we've really got to talk about what happened. And he's like, the great success of the Avengers?

Do you wonder why the Avengers isn't a thing anymore? No one happens to watch it. I can just imagine everyone else who's watching it in the cinemas who's been like, oh, I've heard that Natalie Portman's in a new movie but has no idea about any of the other Marvel movies. And you're like, this is a really good movie about, like, obviously

a serial killer who thought that they were part of a cult called the Avengers and has finally found remorse and the light of day. Thanks, Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman would rock up with a newspaper that just says Thor-the new Hitler question. I just love the idea of Thor finishing a coffee

and somebody comes by and they're like, was that good? And he's like, yeah, it was a really good coffee. They're like, I'm glad you enjoyed it. He's like, yeah. Another! And then realising, oh, we have to go back to square one again. All right.

Kat Dennings is in the background making like, oh, Kat Dennings can be the waitress. Yeah. That's good. All these people are serving Thor. It's a two-broke-girls crossover. That was, yeah. But very afraid of him.

Yeah. Because you would be. Just shaking the place like, here you go, Thor. It ended with the cops coming in and being like, you're under arrest for Asgard for crimes against humanity. Would cops arrest you with a nuclear weapon or would they just kill you?

I think they'd just kill you on sight. So the final, it's like a dinner with Andre Levelle, just an evening at a diner and then it ends with a shootout, police versus Thor. A god. Odin looking down being like what the fuck happened out there?

I mean he just made one tiny little explosion on the insignificant little earth. What's the problem? I don't even get it. What about Captain America the Winter Soldier? Okay. Phase 2. None of the films are even remotely similar. Yeah we know. Bucky has not been unfrozen.

Bucky is just like, Hydra, we've got some other shit to do. Shit was, Avengers 1 made this a lot. Bucky's like, don't defrost straight away. I'm going to say that we might have, we were trying to convince the brainwash, Captain America. I don't know if we're going to even need to have to anymore.

He's pretty on board. He's pretty on board right now. I feel like Steve Rogers kills himself. He can't. I can't imagine it Superman style. He pulls a bullet. Chris Rogers is Chris Rogers.

Chris Rogers. Chris Rogers. Steve's brother. Steve would not do that. No, he would be beyond. If he's got such strong morals he wouldn't kill himself. Well, it depends.

How far can you push a good man? I think Steve Rogers would become the nomad. He would... He'd be like, fuck you America. No, he wouldn't. He'd be like, fuck you, America. No, he wouldn't.

He'd be like, fuck you, Thor. No, he'd be, fuck Thor. He had a pretty good plan. Are you an idiot? No, but they had no plan, because there was no other solution. America fired a nuclear bomb on America. Yeah, but he's not mad at that.

He'd be mad at that for both reasons. No, because why isn't he mad anyway? Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. But clearly that's not a at that in... He'd be mad at that for both reasons. No, because in Avengers... Why isn't he mad anyway? Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. But clearly that's not a stress for him. He's like, sometimes you gotta fire nukes. I'm sure he'd just be like, what the fuck, Thor? You take stupid pills for breakfast? You fucking dickhead.

No, question. Well, not question. Statement. Statement that I'm going to phrase to you. The reason why Captain America doesn't care that much was when the first nuke dropped. Ah, true. That's... I thought that I'm going to phrase to you. The reason why Captain America doesn't care that much. When was the first nuke dropped? Ah, true. That's, ah, I thought that was gross without saying. Whoops.

Captain America's good for nukes? Yeah, pretty much. Captain America doesn't know. Well, actually, Captain America wouldn't know about nukes. He wouldn't have seen the like, he wouldn't have experienced one. He would have been frozen. Yeah, alright. But somebody's gonna have to tell him. But, but, like, everyone was all for nukes, though. Everyone was like, if you could get a bomb that would end World War II,

that would be just fucking divine. Just a swell. Sadpot is two bombs ended World War II. Not one. So then when the bomb that takes out Washington, when Cap America sees this. Oh, he'll see the aftermath immediately. He'll see the aftermath and realise, A, that's what the American government,

our government, our sworn protectors sworn people to protect the people, that's what they were planning to do to us and that situation. Are you saying that he may become Captain Soviet Union? No. Yes! Red Son? He would become Nomad, like what he did in the comics, which was like, I'm not a patriot,

America is a piece of shit, I'm going to fight for no country, I have no flag, and that's going to become like a vigilante. I really like the ad for this movie being Captain America looking at the chipped Lincoln Memorial. Then he turns to the camera and a tear rolls down his cheek. Yes. Captain America, Nomad. Yeah. Nomad soldier.

And him and Bucky team up and be like, what? Back in time. So I think Captain America is going to be almost a depressing, time. So I think Cat America is just going to be almost a depressing, sort of almost like a falling down-esque type film of just a good man snapping. It's weird that these

our destruction, the Hulk's removal of Avengers 1 just makes weird films afterwards. Like all these really deep, insightful, psychological art house films. Not superhero films really anymore. Iron Man 3 is exactly the same. Yeah, Iron Man 3 just changed a little bit.

Whatever. He's like, I wasn't in space, but I saw a city die, so I guess I'm still pretty stressed. He's definitely stressed. He's definitely building armies and shit. He's like, maybe if there was more of me, Thor wouldn't have done that bullshit. He did.

I like that none of these films have addressed the fact that the Hawkeye's dead. Nobody even thought about it. They're like, oh yeah, and bomber. Well, you know, Scarlet. Like, no, every single... Scarlet, Widow, Scarlet. Scar Jo.

She doesn't get a... Thank you. Thank you very much. Black Widow doesn't get a movie, so why should Hawkeye? Yeah. Every single post-credit stinger of all these new Phase 2 films

is just a slow panning shot of Hawkeye's grave. Yes. Just a little tombstone used to be like Clint Barton. Oh, with an extra flower each time? Because it's like everyone's come to terms

with the fact that Hawkeye's gone so Thor comes along and just smashes a vase down. Another! Another! I hope Thor 2 is called Thor 2 Another. Why isn't Thor Thor 2 is called Thor 2 Another. Why isn't Thor Thor and then Thor Another?

That would be amazing. Literally the best part of Thor is Uno. He just moves out and then the arrow goes into the grave. That would be amazing. Alright, so we've reached... Age of Ultron. And Guardian of the Galaxy is like, whatever. Whatever, Guardian of the Galaxy there's just nothing happens.

Everything's nice, isn't it? Yeah, everything's fine. Depends. Depends? Yes, because Chris Pratt knows he's from Earth, yeah? Yeah. Depends how horrendous

the destruction on Earth was. Nah, not that horrendous. It was just Washington. He's already chuffed off. He's fine. I know he's chuffed off. Yeah, I'm just saying he's fine.

I'm thinking what happened with Ronan to be and maybe Thanos got a gem. Maybe. Maybe Thanos got a gem. Yeah, I'm just saying he's fine. The only thing that might happen is Ronan, and maybe Thanos got a gem, maybe. Maybe Thanos got a gem out of it, if he was lucky. If he was lucky, you don't know. But mostly it's pretty similar. It's the same. Wait, does Iron Man kill Loki?

Why would it kill Loki? I would say Iron Man would probably go off the... Bit of a vendetta. That would be the new plot to Iron Man 3 and Civil War might end up being Iron Man vs Thor or just like Earth vs Asgard it's not really Civil War that's just a war

interdimensional war that's just like Avengers War at this point yeah you have a cool pose of the two of them just coming together being like fuck asgard asgard like what do we do we save the day like i'm a hero how can they be in war they love me you're an idiot or if he did if tony stark did kill loki then thor maybe be a little bit miffed to be like, Thor would probably kill Iron Man.

Huh? Thor would probably kill Iron Man. And so then War Machine takes over. Or Iron Man goes mad trying to build something to kill Loki. Oh, no, like a Thorbuster Iron Man armor? Yeah, yeah, but Loki Buster. Yeah, yeah. No, Loki, because he killed Loki.

Thor's trying to get him. You goof. In which case, then... A Thorbuster. Yeah, I like it. No, because, yeah, but when does he make Loki Thor's trying to get him you goof in which case then a Thor buster yeah I like it nah yeah but when does he make this nah but yeah

yeah nah good Iron Man 3 I prefer if Loki gets off a little bit scot free maybe it goes back to Loki's wounds but then it's the back Iron Man 3 is all about

like I gotta kill Loki yeah and he makes a Loki buster Iron Man armor like rather than kill Iron Man 3 and Loki must die yeah rather than kill Bill

just kill Loki that'd be sweet you know that was my attempt that was just sound 6 out of 10 Rather than kill Bill, just kill Loki. That was my attempt. Six out of ten. No, we're just doing ambulance sounds. Sounds like an ambulance. Something like that. Anyway, who gives a fuck? Infinity, no.

Age of Ultron. All right. In alternate dimension. Age of Ultron fallout. Age of Ultron fallout. Age of Ultron alright in alternate dimension Age of Ultron Fallout Age of Ultron Fallout Age of Ultron

Roman numeral 2 Ultron program is headed by everyone militarized and also more to do with magic I think

they're like we need to implement this whatever military thing to just like to fuck over Asgard yeah yeah and then it's war.

And then that's that. It's a very different film. It's just like a film where it's like war. War with Asgard. And then maybe rather than, hey, you pick up Sokovia and you drop it on Earth, you pick up Sokovia and you shove it to Asgard. Throw it to Asgard.

Put it in a big mechanical space age catapult and fire it into Asgard. And there's Odin the final shot is Odin watering his butt plants and just looks up what the and then the fuck is cut off by the explosion

what the and then end credit sequence no the end credit sequence. Cook. No, the end credit sequence is another flower on a walk ice cream. Yeah. There you go. With, like, you know, a little explosion in the sky. It just zooms out.

All of our guards, graves, no flowers. No flowers. For some reason, I think I was, like... And I'm dropping the last rose, and then he just looks at all the other graves, and he's just like, fuck you. I thought we were going to go full spastic for a moment, and then it would be like, final rose, somebody walks away, and then just a hand bursts out,

and you're like, what the fuck is happening? Because they're gods, they're immortal! Oh, God! Immortal? What's going on? The Lex Avengers movie is Asgard Zombies. Yeah. That's what you were getting at.

People are like, this has changed. This is not at all what I wanted out of these movies. Just Asgard strikes back. When I walked out of Age of Ultron anyway. Yeah. Well, exactly. Hey, maybe this would be better. Yep.

Hey, sick zinger, Marvel. Cop it. Cop it, guys. So that's our one. Our one. Now we're being like, all right, Avengers 1 happened as is. Hulk was there. cop it guys so that's our one our one now we're being like alright Avengers 1

happened as is Hulk was there he did a thing he was like I'm always mad but then he's like I'm just chuffing off now and he's like

boop goodbye so I eat him you ate him again you did you ate him eternity came in

just plucked him out of reality just like flicked him off good okay first thing that will happen is Black Widow will keep her sadness You ate him. Eternity came in and just plucked him out of reality. Just like flicked him off. Okay. Good. Okay. First thing that will happen is Black Widow will keep her sadness secret still.

Oh, that's true. Aw. Black Widow doesn't tell anyone about her sad belay. Although Hawkeye might know because they're mates. Oh, that's true. Besties. Besties that occasionally flirt and kiss and stuff. Weird besties. Didn't they kiss in one?

No, you're right. They can't have because then Hawkeye. She's married. He's married. They're married. Not to each other. She's not married. They just have a mad flirt and they're mates and shit.

Best friend necklaces. Best friend necklaces. They're just BFFs. BFFs. Anyway, moving on. I think that the integral part of Hulk, Best friend necklaces. They're just BFFs. BFFs. Anyway, moving on. I think that the integral part of Hulk, I was going to say Hulk-eye, I'm like, that's funny.

Oh, yes. Integral part of Hulk. It would improve Hulk-eye. I bought a picture of Hulk with a bow and arrow, it just says Hulk-eye. Aside from the fact that he's there as pretty much a giant bulldozer of a creature, he seems to be, and I found that, yes, he seems to be the only one in that movie that truly feels remorse for the damage that was done.

And so I think without him, and I know that he doesn't really have to be like, hey, guys, we totally fucked up. He takes it all on himself. He's like, this is all the damage that I always do when I go green and etc, etc. But I think that that really gets reflected among the other characters and without that, they'd just be like nah, we did it for the good of the country

so kill a thousand to save a million because that's what the Avengers is like. I think that's fair and I think that changes that ending where they're like oh, don't worry about saving everyone on the thing. It's better to just let it. Yeah. It'd be like, fuck that town.

They're not even rich. It's fine. We'll just sacrifice that town maybe with another nuke. Who knows? Nuke them again. Another. Imagine Thor with a nuke in his hand. And everyone's like, no, no, no.

But yes, I think they would have good sacrifice that town. Yeah, they'd be so quick to be like, no. Because I think that's what it is when you're a superhero. There is this whole sacrifice one for ten. Sacrifice one for a thousand. But this one, Avengers is such large scale. Steve Rogers is the opposite. They literally have a part where he's like,

no man gets, either everyone gets off or no one gets off. Steve Rogers has a sense of self-righteousness. What did you say? His brother, Chris Rogers. Did I say Chris Rogers? Steve Rogers. I was laughing at you. Steve Rogers.

No, he's got that sense of righteousness about it, which I don't think is as well embraced. Like if you come into a room with that sense of self-righteousness, everyone kind of gets their guard up and they're a bit like, Which I don't think is as well embraced. Like if you come into a room with that sense of self-righteousness, everyone kind of gets their guard up and they're a bit like, well, mate, it's all good to say, like it's all good for you, but we actually have to save this town. Whereas the Hulk has got so much more of an internal,

emotional response. Do they get that the most? What does Hulk do in the last fight? Yeah, that's what I'm trying to, because I remember that Black Widow climbs him up a mountain. uh in the last fight he like gets hulk not hulk he get hulk gets uh ultron prime yeah and puts him in a spaceship but doesn't do anything because then ultron can just chuff off another ultron body yeah yeah yeah yeah no but like wait because when they're climbing up the flying hill um sure uh Where are they coming from? Hulk broke Black Widow out of the thing.

Okay. Black Widow remains trapped. Black Widow's still in jail. Ultron jail. Bad jail. Good guy jail. That whole city that Hulk destroys. Stays pretty good.

Stays pretty good. That's nice. But we don't get a Hulkbuster fight. You don't get a Hulkbuster fight, which would be an absolute travesty. You know what? I'm just going to throw out a controversial statement here. I did not care about that fight in the slightest.

I liked seeing it, but I saw it in the trailers. Yeah, that's true. No, I just didn't care. I thought that the Hulkbuster was Ultron in the trailers. I'm like, oh, that's... Lots of people thought that. That's augured. That would have been good if it was.

Even better. People thought one of two things. Actually, no, because at first when people saw that trailer, they were like, that's Ultron, that's sneaky. But then the second trailer, they revealed that Hulk had red eyes, like, mind controlled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was true.

Which is what happened. Which is exactly what happened. Oh! Okay. It's the same as the first one again. Use your words. Ultron's plan just involves the Hulk again. True.

Not as much, though. Like Quicksilver and fucking... But they would have just used someone else. Scarlet Witch. Yeah. They would have gotten another one. Or just used the Hulkbuster armor. Yeah.

Yeah. They would have done something. There's no Hulkbuster. No, there wouldn't be a Hulkbuster. There wouldn't need a Hulkbuster. There'd be a Hulk. There'd be a Thorbuster, remember? No.

No, because this is a different reality. Our realities have become so messed up. No, Hulkbuster armor might exist. It depends where Hulk left. We need a reset, but... Yeah, you're right, but it would definitely be in a cupboard somewhere. Okay, even just that first would be on hand. The very first mission where... They're in the snow.

They're in the snow and Hulk does a lot of shit. Because they're still... Oh, that's right. They've been dealing with Hydra this whole time. He seems like a very integral part to that mission. But you've got Thor. I think everything Holt can do in that first mission, Thor can do as well. Yeah, but then there's Tum.

But yeah, that's nice. You've got a big fucking guy and a big fucking guy. Well, I think, as I said so many episodes ago, the Avengers is like, strong guy, strong guy, strong guy, very strong guy. Well, I think, as I said so many episodes ago, The Avengers is like, strong guy, strong guy, strong guy, very strong guy, bow and arrow, guns. So if you just get rid of very strong guy,

you still got three strong guys. And guns. And guns and bows. I took the opposite approach. I was like, fuck off the three strong guys. We got one real strong guy. So they're kind of equal to each other. I think without the Hulk in that one, things just take longer.

Well, if anything, from what I've seen about Civil War and all the things that happened in Age of Ultron and the end credit sequence of Ant-Man, one thing I've learned is that Captain America's really the only one doing anything against this Hydra thing. No one else cares. Yeah, everybody else is just along for the ride. He's kind of got, like, first-hand experience of how fucked they are. Somewhat, personally. Exactly, exactly. Has anyone else fought Hydra thing, no one else cares. Yeah, everybody else is just along for the ride. He's kind of got first-hand experience

of how fucked they are. Exactly. Has anyone else fought Hydra yet? I mean, everyone technically at this point. But nobody else. They've never had the first-hand dealing with human weaving bullshit. Duke in and out.

Game of Dukes. One head, something, something, something, something. Hail Hydra. Hail Hydra's loot is so dumb. It is very dumb. Two arms. You need one of something, something, something. Hail Hydra. Hail Hydra's loot is so dumb. It is very dumb. Two arms. You need one of them for something, surely. So I think the first fight, they'd be fine without Hulk. Yeah, they get by.

They get by. In Age of Ultron, you mean? Does Hulk punch Quicksilver at all? No. No, unfortunately. That would be good. Hulk ruins, like ruins in, ruins is in destroy, it's not ruins in like fuck something up.

Although he does fuck it up. Okay, oh my God. I know, like doesn't he destroy a bunker and all that stuff? Like aren't the Avengers like having kind of a shit one and then the Hulk comes along and he's like. Don't worry, lads. I mean, Hulk's there the whole time, but I think he starts doing more stuff.

Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, they're fucked and they're like, guys, we need you to help's there the whole time, but I think he starts doing more stuff. Yeah. Maybe? Because Hawkeye gets like... Yeah, they're fucked, and they're like, guys, we need you to help, and he's like, I don't want to. Like, we need you to help,

we need you to help, we need you to help, and he's like, okay, I'm here. No, he's green at the start. Oh, I made up my mind. Yeah, because the movie opens almost straight away. With fabricated scenes in the film.

With that dumb pose that everyone liked, except me. I didn't like it either. Me and Jackson best friends. Twins. Twinsies. So I think the first fight is fine without the Hulk. I think Ultron doesn't really get built.

Ultron would, but it would be completely different. Didn't we use Ultron to take on Asgard? No, that was in the other reality. That was in the other reality. We have two Manny. We have two. Two Manny. I think Ultron would be completely different. have two two Manny I think Ultron

would be completely different come on guys I think Ultron would be completely different because it's it wouldn't have gotten made well either

Stark would have fucked up it would have been like half complete and Thor would be like here take my stack back thank ya and then Stark would have been like

damn yeah because like you've got to remember Hulk still like Avengers 1 still happened exactly the same way yeah

and the point being is like okay hey Bruce so hi hey you remember me you love me

I'm Tony Stark and I'm a glorious human being I've only got this Loki Pokey stick for about three days before Thor

comes and takes it away so let's science together I love the idea of Thor coming down you know it's in the tube and Thor smacks it

with a hammer and hey it's alive Thor's smacks it with a hammer, and hey, it's alive. Thor's smacking it with a hammer, but it's half finished. The bottom half of Ultron is alive. And he's like, twitchy butt keeps doing stuff. They're like, oh, oh, put it down. Put it back. It's not a threat. It's not a good thing.

It's just sad to watch. It wouldn't have happened. There would be no Ultron. And Tony Stark might be super salty that he didn't get to think of good thing, it's just sad to watch. It wouldn't have happened. There would be no Ultron. And Tony Stark might be super salty that he didn't get to think of his thing. And he might come up with another thing of creating an armour to encase the world, but it wouldn't have a fucking mind gem in it.

No. Thor would just take that back to Asgard and they'd sort it out. Probably end up just making a whole bunch of Iron Legion things. Yeah, which may or may not get a virus, which wouldn't be nowhere near as bad as an Ultron. So it's a weird one. We just live in a fascist world.

That's fine. That's good for us. Fascism versus Ultronism. And that's the thing, and then you'd probably have a clear, almost Tony Stark being someone like Howard Hughes, growing his fingernails long, pissing in mason jars, growing his beard, just being like, I'm so insane.

Like a wizard. He turns into a wizard. No, he turns into Howard Hughes, Ali. Howard Hughes, a wizard of our time. Howard Hughes was a wealthy man who made planes, who went insane. He started thinking the germs were everywhere. He made furnaces.

He made furnaces. No, films. He made films. Have you seen the episode of The Simpsons Where Matt Groening is No, no Mr Burns goes crazy Getting the spruce moose That's a nice model sir Casino

You can look him up, I'm not in charge of you I've already lost interest, I'm sorry guys Tony Stark becomes a bit more like a Howard Hughes-esque He just becomes more of a recluse And starts building his Iron Legion And that's when it's America's time to bloody shine like a diamond Because he didn't

In Age of Ultron And this is now his time But not as much as I wanted Steve Rogers did enough And then a civil war. Do you know what the best part is? Chris Rogers is a cricketer. That's the best part.

Great. I'd like to go back to Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers would not be able to chop as much wood. That would be disappointing. That's the change. Wait, Steve what? He'd be able to chop wood. Yeah, he just wouldn't chop as much wood.

No, there'd be an extended cut where he's just making fire. Him just chopping wood to stoke up his fire. Okay, then I'm back on board. So I guess the Hulk is super necessary for Avengers 1. For Avengers 1. In Avengers 2, it just changes. Like, it's not better or worse. No, it's probably better.

You just don't get an Ultron. Again, it depends how you feel about fascism versus the end of the world. Super into it. It depends how insane Tony Stark goes. Yeah, really. Because really, with Ultron, the thing is that Ultron goes nuts,

where if I am Legion, it's really on Tony. He's not going to be in a good way. Civil War happens a bit quicker then. If there's no Hulk, Civil War happens in this movie, not the next one. Yeah, actually, this will just end up being Civil War. You're right. Everyone's right. Good job, everyone. Oh, good job, guys not the next one. Yeah, actually, this one just ended up being Civil War. You're right. Everyone's right.

Good job, everyone. Well, good work, guys. So to answer your question, mate, is he necessary? Bloody hell he is. Pretty much. But he's kind of just as necessary as everyone else, barring maybe Hawkeye. I like to imagine that... Sorry, just going back.

I forgive you. Oh, good. I like to imagine that Iron Man 3 plays out the same, the end credit sequel plays out the same, but when it's revealed that Bruce Banner's there he's like Bruce is just like fuck this shit I'm out

I'm done however a good question is would the Avengers be better off without say Hawkeye yes

no they wouldn't straight away they would not be better off no one gets brainwashed everyone wins oh yeah that did happen Hawkeye can suck a mean cock

because I've got no time for him. Rude. He's wonderful. If Hawkeye is the Avengers, is anyone integral to the Avengers? Thor, probably. That's about it. Yeah.

Iron Man? Oh, wait, and Hulk, sorry. And Steve Rogers. Really? I think just Thor? No, not even. Captain America and Hulk. Captain America and Hulk. And Iron Man because you need to bankroll. Yeah. Captain America and Hulk Captain America and Hulk

Captain America, Hulk and Iron Man all in matching outfits Actually no If Iron Man made a suit for Captain America and the Hulk Perfect team Hulk buster armor but it would be read differently

Hulk buster Hulk the Buster. The Hulk and the Bulk is what you'd call them. Bulk Hulk. That's if you make too many. Alright. We got Bulk Hulk. Fire sale. Too many Hulks. Bulk Hulk.

Anyway, thanks for the question, Ben. Hope we answered it. Hope we answered it sufficiently. We did. Don't question us. So if any other listeners out there have any questions, feel free to email us with your suggestions or head to our Patreon, donate some money

and then we have to do it. It's less a request and more a demand. More a demand. But a polite one. Good. If you ask a shit question, we'll tell you. We'll let you know. We'll steer you away from that, perhaps. Good. I mean, if you ask a shit question, we'll tell you. We'll let you know. We'll steer you away from that, perhaps. Maybe.

Hopefully. No bad questions yet. No. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Ellie. And I've also been Joel. Hulk.

May your teams be full of hulks. Yep. Or lack of hulks. Either one. May the hulks be plentiful. May you buy your hulks in bulk. In bulk. B of hulks. Yep. Or lack of hulks. Either one. May the hulks be plentiful. May you buy your hulks in bulk. In bulk. Bulk hulks.

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