Plumbing the Death Star - Would You Attend the Party the is Depicted in the Song Monster Mash (Ft. Zach Zucker)

Episode Date: January 12, 2020

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Saz Pants Radio, Australia's most five-thumbed podcast network. Hey everybody, it's Zach. Welcome to Plum and the Death Star. Where we ask the important questions like, would you attend the party that is depicted in the the Monster Mash, Graveyard Smash. It's classic. Yeah. We've all been there. Everybody attends, but would you go?

That's the question. Everybody attends, but would you go? Everybody attends the Oscars. Would you go? Yes. If Oscars. Would you go? Yes. If someone was like, Joel, would you like- Thank you guys. It's been plumbing the desk tire.

See you next week. Would you not go to the Oscars? Probably not. Why? It sounds busy and I don't care. That seems more like a you thing than the party slash monster mash. Jackson, question. What?

Do you like parties? I like some parties. Oh, no. You wouldn't go to the monster mash, would you? You don't know anyone there. So we're working in the lab late one night when our eyes behold an eerie sight. The monster from our slab begins to rise and suddenly to our surprise, they do the mash.

So it's not going to a party, it's accepting if a party comes to you. Well, that's why, because presumably... If anyone hasn't heard the monster mash, it's important to note that the first verse or paragraph of the story, depending on how you're in... If you're reading it as a novel for some reason. Yes.

Depending on how you're consuming this media, it seems like the monster Mash is not a location, but in fact a dance. But then once we get further in, you'll understand that no, we haven't fucked this up. It is also a location and a dance. Like disco is a music and a place. Oh, like how Robbie Williams' Rude Box can be an action.

It's a noun and a verb. Is disco a place? Yeah, do you want to go down to the disco? Well, I guess kind of discotheque, but you can, yeah, go to the disco I thought you meant disco as a place like in a kind of metaphysical way Disco's a place you can go if you play If you're just feeling crazy, you can really reach that level of disco So first of all, we're working before this party happens

Which I think is worthwhile pointing out Kills the vibe It's late Yeah, we're working in the lab late one night, you know, and I guess we've discovered... So the monster on our slab is presumably Frankenstein's monster. Am I incorrect? Well, in your case it'd be you.

I imagine so. Yeah, okay. I'm making it Jackson or Zack or Dusha or Cass's monster. Our monster. Our monster. Had we already brought it to life or is this notable? Yeah, I can't tell because it just says their eyes. To me, that would assume it's a surprise awakening.

He does say surprise. So, yeah, now Zach's nailed it. I don't want to say I'm great at, you know, literary analysis. Oh, no. All of my weaknesses, no physical comedy, all verbal comedy. Oh, no. All my weaknesses, no physical comedy, all verbal comedy. Oh, no. It's great to imagine. Zach is being very funny with his arms right now.

Thank you. His physical comedy is off the chain. It's incredible. Imagine the funniest thing you've seen a man do. He's doing that right now. Whoa, and he's still doing it. How is it even possible for a person to do that? I'm exhausted. All right and he's still doing it. How is it even possible for a person to do that?

I'm exhausted. All right, guys, I'll stop. Psych, here it comes again. It's too funny. It's too funny. Okay, so Frankenstein gets up. It's also very important to note that it is 41 degrees Celsius.

It's so hot in this studio. Or 105 degrees Fahrenheit. Thank you for converting for all of the Americans that will definitely not be listening because I'm hot. That's a show I usually listen to from Australia. Zach Zarka! What?

He's one of us! He's what, 5,000 miles away? Ooh. I just love that you have fans who at any given time are like how far is he? how far away is Zach? there's no fans, we know that

they have a tracker one day like 26 miles I could reach him at any moment he's probably doing that funny thing we all love he's going crazy with his hands so Frankenstein does the mash He does the monster mash

And we're like holy shit this is a surprise It's a graveyard smash Now I think it's important We're coining this term Hey do you know what? What's that? If we as the lab owners Maybe it's too early in the piece to pose this

Oh no a bombshell. If we made the monster, did we invent the monster mash? That's a great question. Is anything Frankenstein's monster does the intellectual property of Frankenstein? Like if Frankenstein's monster made

a great song, can Dr. Frankenstein... Dr. Frankenstein doesn't get hung for murder when the monster does a murder that's true he chases him with a boat or something instead how does frankenstein end like that i'm pretty sure i guess you would say then is not like then i you know i'm not doing the funniest thing of all time it would be god everything is the intellectual you know like so you sue something for an act of god it's happening in the reverse god's claiming copyright it's now canon that zach is an official vessel for god's

comedy look i didn't say it that's your words not mine god actually makes several jesus figures for various aspects of his personality comedy this comedy is pretty godlike right now. So after he does the mash, catches on in a flash, which I don't know how we're claiming that because are we dancing? Oh, maybe the flash was the electricity.

It's a bit of pun. It's a little bit of wordplay. Okay, then he says from what we say, from our laboratory in the castle east to the master bedroom with a vampire's feast. Where are we sleeping? Maybe they feast on us. Also, yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

Because that doesn't sound so much like a sexy thing. I think they literally mean it. Yeah, I think the vampires eat in our bed, which is rough to find out. The Monster Mash is a lot of things, but it's not a sexy song. I think we can all agree. Are we essentially, our our house our castle yeah

our castle with a lab attached has it been overrun by monsters yeah but before the song and have we created all these monsters or these exterior monsters that have worked their way in alternatively is our lab just near a castle that's not our castle. Is this just near Dracula? Dracula! Dracula! If we consult the lyrics, from my laboratory in the castle east. To the master bedroom with a vampire's face. To the ghouls! No, the ghouls all came from their humble abodes to get a jolt from my electrodes.

So, you got vampires, you can hear a monster mashing. You can't see it. We can just tell how it sounds. Probably also worthwhile defining what the monster mash is. I always imagined it was just this. That's the monkey. No. So I imagine it was done with fists somehow.

You ball your fists and you move your arms. How does Frankenstein move when he's angry? He moves pretty action figure-like now. Everyone's doing the monkey, yet when I did it, it's not the monster mash, it's the monkey. No, because it's not the monkey of your leg stomp as well. Then it's the monster mash. I would participate and do this arm-moving dance,

but it'll be way too funny if I do it. Genuinely, thank you. We couldn't handle it. Yeah, I don't know if I could handle witnessing that. We're already sweating from heat. We don't need to sweat from laughter. So the ghouls come from their humble abodes. The ghouls don't live with us.

They're just knocking on the lab door. They've seen electricity. Hey, can we get a job? Hey, guys, I'd love to get a job right now. Yeah, I see you got some electricity. Slam it into me. I'm a ghoul. Do you reckon that's why the Draculas are there, too?

Why? Because they want to be electric. Do they feast on the ghouls? Well, Draculas drink blood, but maybe they love electricity. Did they eat our wife? Electric blood. What? Well, the vampire says the vampires are in the master bedroom eating something.

Yeah. And it's late at night. Yeah, that's true. Things are fucked for us. With the party at its given sort of scenario, would you attend this party? If you live next to the ghouls, I guess, and you see the monster mash happening,

are you likely to go? Well, because what's happened is you're working late at night, your monster has come to life and started doing the mash. You've been like, what the fuck? And then you've turned, and in the distance you can see other monsters doing the same thing. You're like, holy shit. All these monsters are mashing real hard right now.

At that point, I'd investigate. I think for me, I would immediately realize that I will be the minority at this party. It's like going to a party for postman or something. I don't know why that's what I picked, but I'm not a postman. So if it was a postman party, if it was the postman mash,. I don't know why that's what I picked, but I'm not a postman. So if it was a postman party, if it was the postman mash,

I'd be out. What if you were someone's plus one? Like if you were like, there's a sick party going on tonight, you know? Yeah. What kind? You know,

just a bunch of monsters going to electrocute each other and each other and shit. Yeah. You know how sometimes, yeah. We sometimes get electrocuted and dance a special dance depending- Side of war. Yeah. We sometimes get electrocuted and dance a special dance,

depending on who shocks us. Yeah. Well, do it in lab in castle. If you do the mash, the monster mash. The graveyard smash. Yeah, are you doing the monster mash? You're not a monster. What?

You might a monster. It reminds me kind of of the dance, the Cupid shuffle. Yeah. You're not necessarily a little Although it reminds me kind of like the dance, the Cupid shuffle. Yeah. You're not necessarily a little cute boy angel. Yeah, that's true. But you could be, but it's not exclusive to that. Yeah, no, that's fair. Alternatively, if you're a person

and you do a terrible, terrible thing, like Rihanna made a corpse that then goes on to murder people, are you not a monster? Oh, that's true. In many ways, you are a monster. What is man if not God's monster? The only thing this monster's killed, though, is it on dance floor

because they animated him and all he did was start dancing and then every creature within distance was like, I want to get shocked and do that dance. That's true. So I think maybe it's monster mash because only monsters do it, which really, that means that there is an inherent magic or some sort of specific thing to monsters that they were like, we can all get in on this,

but the people can't. That's crazy because I'm imagining the four of us at the party and I'm seeing these ghouls get electrocuted and dance and I'm like, I'm next and I just die. And that's where the vampires come and feed. Oh, we can eat this guy, yep, yeah. Oh, that's five second rule.

Also, where do the Oscars play into all of this? Yeah, hey, great question. Well. So, I mean, I don't know. Is being electrocuted like being nominated for an award of some sort? In many ways. The feeling is apparently electric. Yeah, well, there you go.

The stars are out. Stars. Electricity. It's all. Wow, I didn't know the weight of murder would be so heavy. See, but this is assuming that we are the protagonist of this story. What if we've just seen the party? Are we monsters?

No, we're us. Jackson. Are you a monster? Yeah. Hard to say. Go on a bit further. Who's there and who's playing? Okay.

The zombies were having fun. I don't remember who's playing? Okay, they did the master. The zombies were having fun. I don't remember when the zombies got here, but they're around. Party had just become. The guests included Wolfman, Dracula, and his son. That's where I bail. Okay, sure.

Wolfman, cool. He's great. He's a sick guy. Wolfman turns up at a party. You're like, it's a party. It's a good party. He's going to get rowdy and take off his shirt. That's exciting.

For the showbiz folks. That's Wolverine. You can imagine Wolfman throwing out some shockers. He's feeling like, yeah, he's real loose. Wolfman comes in on a long board. Asks where he can put it.

I think people chant when Wolfman comes in the room. Wolfman, Wolfman, Wolfman. He doesn't ke when Wolfman comes in the room. Wolfman! Wolfman! Wolfman! He doesn't keg stand immediately. Wolfman manages to steal you a beer, but no one brought any. Wolfman.

Did he come from a previous location with beers? That's a way shittier party. I can also imagine Wolfman wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and shorts. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's also just done some push-ups outside like his arm you know he's cut he's cut then you know oh yeah long sleeve shirt but rolled up a bit and do you get the feeling that wolfman's not gonna be here forever like he knows somehow of a cooler party yeah oh yeah this is just one stop on his journey on the night so whether or not you get invited to the next location, that's really, that's an important part of the party.

Sick, that's good. Dracula, I can vibe with that. He's chill, he talks funny, that's cool. Adam Sandler, Hotel Transylvania. Yes. Thank goodness you're here. This is like, you know when they have on TV and there's a little person in the corner

doing sign language? It's me. For all the showbiz types. Do you just mean interpretation? Yes. Announcing the references. But the one I can think of. Dracula, right? Speaking of Hotel Transylvania,

we haven't addressed this on air yet, but in a previous episode, I was like, there's a movie where they feed a Draculaacula some onion or something garlic probably garlic and he he they think it's gonna kill him but then he just shits heaps everyone's like it's lost boys i was like it's not but okay that's no it's hotel transylvania 3 there you go uh yeah did you see that so i work at a cinema and i've just been working heaps when that happened, which is why I couldn't remember the film, because I'd just seen that scene heaps.

That makes sense. Brag about seeing movies much? Only bits of them. And only one starring Adam Sandler in animated form, A Crazy Night Seen at Heaps. Oh, I love that one. It's the A Crazy Time. But yeah, they make guacamole and put heaps of garlic in it

and then he just does a big fart. That'll get you. That'll get you. That's the joke. That's crazy because that's probably the first time Dracula's guts have had it going over in such a long time. Why was he eating? I don't know.

Oh, he's on a date. You know, he's got to do something. It's animation. Anything can happen, baby. That's the magic of cinema. But I understand what you mean. Dracula's there he's cool he's fun you can talk about that time he farted on this boat yeah exactly but dracula's son what the fuck is doing this here that's killed my vibe for some reason i always impressioned as dracula's adult son which is so much weird don't you have a party

with your adult son that's worse i feel like feel like. But I also, like, look, to their credit, I also don't want to be at any party where any kids are at or anybody's father, son, and I don't want that to be there. But they are, what, thousands of years old? Yeah, that's true. But still, if it's in the monster universe, it's still probably not

fun. It's just gonna be, yeah, it's a weird vibe. Dracula, you're like, oh, Dracula! And he's like, hey, have you met my boy? And you're like, oh. That's my boy. Another Adam Sandler movie. I'm on fire. I cannot be stopped.

Just do that thing. It's like, oh, here's my son. You just look at your beard like, oh, hi. You don't know the age because you don't. Can he drink? You don't know. You don't know how old a vampire is. Can a Dracula drink full stop?

Hard to say. Dracula's already kind of a party killer. His son. Why did he turn up with Wolfman? I don't like this. I think that's less of two people coming together from another engagement and just two people showing up by chance at the door. Yeah, that's true.

Wolfman wouldn't fuck with Dracula and his son. Oh God. Cool. You could just imagine Dracula has done his hair. He's done his son's hair. It's clear. This is their first event. Wolfman's wearing a hat.

It has been dark for hours. He has not been home. Oh no, no. He's been out. He had a crazy day as well. You know, he's got sun glasses on.

He won't take them off. You know, he's, he's living it You ask him too, he just taps his nose Alright Keep your secrets The scene was rocking

All were digging the sound So the monsters are having a good time Igor's on the chains Backed by his baying hounds Now imagine Igor comes A stitched together hunch man And you're like, oh, Igor's at the party. And then he's like, dude, I brought my

chains. That's like, you know, like a guitar guy, like the kind of guy at a party that's like, I'll do Wonderwall, but like Wonderwall on the chains. I put my chains and dogs. Don't bring that to a party. Do the dogs all bark in different, like, do they bark

the scale, like Doremi? If he can do Doremi with his dogs, I'm back in. I have a bit of beef to pick with you here, because I have been to parties where dogs have rocked off, and that's made the parties better. Because then you can be drunk and touch a dog. But these dogs are playing along. But you can't be drunk and touch a kid.

No. You can't touch a kid ever, to be very clear. That's good. That's a bit of a PSA between us and you The listeners And now a quick word from our sponsors Also, Plumbing the Death Star Is no good and you're still here for some reason But did you know we produce at least 8 other podcasts?

Like maybe you're the kind of person Who wants a podcast where our good friend Mia Watches the absolute worst cartoons she can find Like the Scooby-Doo Puppet special Or that cartoon from the 80s about an alive Rubik's Cube. If this sounds like you, then why not head to SandsPantsRadio.com and search for Cynical Cartoons,

our cartoon review show that's far better than it has any right to be. But yeah, because it's not just dogs coming to the party to play. It's dogs coming to the party to back up Igor as he sings. No, not even sings. He just slams chains.

That sounds like. But that's his thing. Can you mash to chains? I mean, obviously it's in the OG mash. Yeah, that's. No, that's a good point. You know what I mean? That's something we need to just take at face value because everyone was digging the sounds.

Yeah, you're right. It does specify that we love Igor and his dogs who hate the chains. Plus, industrial music people dance through, that's heaps of chains. Nine Inch Nails, people like that. I was just thinking Trent Reznor. Trent Reznor from the Social Network, Academy Award winning score. Yes.

And his musical partner, Atticus Ross, also Academy Award winner. Yes. The next line is... Catch their latest work in the Watchmen HBO TV series. Yes. But please, please. Thanks. Thanks.

Shout out to Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for sponsoring this episode. Also, wait, sorry. This just seems like the perfect moment to do this. Did you know that Trent Reznor's first number one ever was Old Town Road? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember. He's won a country music award now because of that sample for a whole bunch of things wasn't that like didn't little nas be like we're so sorry and he's like i just just keep it whatever like wasn't it like he didn't he didn't pay for anything to use that yeah so this is a not interesting story that i know the answer to no it's super interesting i love little nas i love billy ray and i love trent bring it on bring it on so old town road is built upon a sample of ghosts and the ghost album is a

nine-inch nails album that they released to the internet for free with no copyright so you can just use it whenever you want and old town road is built on a sample of that but you didn't have to ask trent resnaw because of the way it was released yeah so then all of this happened and then some shot to yeah yeah the top of the charts and trent resnaw was like cool that worked all right yeah that's what you want. Everyone was a little nervous to how Trent Reznor was going to react because he has been angry for his entire career. But at this time he was like,

no, this is all right. I'm really happy with that because I am a massive Old Town Road fan. I've been there since the beginning. That's so good. I appreciate Trent. One of the first shows of yours I went to was a Stamptown gig

and that was the only song that played. Yeah, we played it on loop for the 25 minutes of the pre-show and that was everyone's sting on and off. Can we still do that as well? The biggest night in Old Town, Roanoke? Yeah. Fuck, that's good.

The Monster Mash. So the Coffin Bangers were about to arrive with their vocal group, the Crypt Kicker Five. There's just a band turning up. That's cool. That's cool. Yeah, a band turns up to a party. It's kicking off at this point.

If a band turns up to a party, that's fine. If there is people at the party that see instruments and they decide they're going to form a band and play songs. See, that's Igor for me. Yeah, that is. And it's also very funny because Igor's like, dude, I got my chains, I got my dogs, and then an actual band arrives.

They're like, shut up, Igor. But if we are the Dr. Frankenstein in this situation, then Igor lives with us. He's our best friend. So he doesn't, it's not like he showed up with instruments. He's like, I live here. Here are my chains and dogs. I like to imagine we're sitting there and Igor nudges us

and he's like, should I get my chains? And we're like, no, probably not, dude Igor like nudges us. And he's like, should I get my chains? And we're like, no, probably not dude. And he's like, the dogs don't start barking. He's like, well,

the dogs are barking. I'm going to get my chains. Fuck dude. Don't. Wolfman's here. There's a band. Wolfman's like, yo dude,

do your thing. I don't care bro. Yeah, play the chains. Wolfman's like, I'm going to be gone by the time he finishes getting his chains. Wolfman's the guy you do just, just kind of like touching back on his background and his change. Wolfman's the guy you do just kind of like touching back

on his background and his future. I think he's the guy that you won't get the invite from him to the next place, but you'll see him at the next place and you'll be like, oh hey, what's up? And that's when you'll start to really get to know Wolfman. You get to know Wolfman at a second location. I don't know why that is, but I absolutely agree.

But you know people like that. A few Wolfmen. With Wolfman, once you get to the second location, he knows that you're on the same level. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Wolfman's like, oh, we're vibing. We're vibing.

It's also a bit like when you get to the second location, you get that bit of self-confidence to be like, I could talk to him. Yeah, absolutely. And you both vetted each other to be there at that point. We're like, you know what? Yeah, we both, we're here now. Michael, on the other hand, I think it's a shock he's even here.

Well, it's just, it's lucky he lives in the house. Otherwise he wouldn't come. He's not going to any parties. He's the equivalent of Dracula's son. Yeah. Igor and Dracula's son will hang out and you'll be like, that's weird. He's our housemate that kind of sucks. Yeah, that is Igor.

You have a house party, but you live with a housemate that kind of sucks. And you're like, well, I can't uninvite them. They live here, but I, God, I hope they don't ruin it. Igor, but you live with a housemate, that kind of sucks. And you're like, well, I can't uninvite them. They live here. But God, I hope they don't ruin it. Igor, I'd like me to bring the chains out of your head. 1 a.m., Igor's in his pajamas and heavily implying everyone should go home. And you're like, it's just not happening, man.

You could just go to your room. Go to bed. Yeah, just go to bed and let it be background noise or take chains. It's done. Do your thing. He's not listening. Just throw on a movie, bro.

Just go inside, throw in a movie. No one will disturb you. Yeah, exactly. Speaking of movies, the Oscars are coming up soon. Get your votes for money, people. If you're part of the Academy, get your votes in soon. Yep, thank you. Anyone get their screeners?

I recommend watching the screeners, yeah. I sort of see the ghouls, just going even back further, I sort of see the ghouls as the kind of people that are at a party you're not going to talk to them they're always going to be in the background no matter what they're going to eat a lot of dip they're not going to interact much and then flashback to parties where i'm like i finished the tzatziki yeah i finished more dips than i have talked to people but that's goals nothing's ghouls. Nothing wrong with being a ghoul, but that's ghouls. That's why you buy dip, because you're inviting them.

If you don't want the ghouls to come, don't get the dip in the first place. Everyone's been to a party where there's been like a hundred people and you've only spoken to like ten people. Who are these other ninety? They're ghouls! Ghouls! So that the dance floor looks full. That's what ghouls do. They're dance floor looks full you know that's what ghouls do

they're extras for the industry folks what am i gonna bring in an award at the oscars for best extra some extras really put their heart and soul into their performance and somehow a supporting role just doesn't quite cut it for an extra yeah do you guys watch uh tim heidecker and greg turkington show on cinema what What a show. Did you see their interview with Vulture where Greg was talking

about there's more categories? He's like, I've always said there should be best character. He's talking about having more Oscars.

I think we should do maybe every six months then he talks himself into having it like every three or four months. Really funny man. Shout out to

Los Angeles. Something else I want to point out is that the vampires are still the vampires that aren't dracula and his son are still in their bedroom dancing i don't know what that's about but it's become weirder and weirder yeah eating but it's no it's where the vampires feast but they are doing the monster man it just becomes weirder and weirder as the party goes on have you not danced while you had dip that's what i was literally thinking i was like i've but i'm dancing by the table yeah you're not doing a room away from the party no i've been i've been that friend as well like

you go to a party i've had that group of friends where like you rock up to the party like baboo you head into the bedroom and you sit yeah yeah and you just don't talk to anyone you just hang out with your friends at a place you've never been before yeah you just all drink together and have a wonderful time then it's's like, well, time to leave. Bye! People are like, was that a ghoul? No, vampire. You know the bedroom with the vampire's feast? That's where they've been. Yeah, and then you end up, should we keep going out? Yeah, I think Wolfman's having an after party.

Yeah, you don't, they came to your party, you don't speak to the wands and they leave with Wolfman. Vampires are kind of the opposite of ghouls, in which case they're there, you know, you've seen them come in, where'd they go but then you only see them when they're leaving yeah absolutely where have they been where have they been it's cool for the social setting to have had them there in the first oh absolutely it's something people will talk about yeah no absolutely they're valuable to a party more valuable than the ghouls all right you gotta have both well yeah because the ghouls

are the people where they arrive at the party and you're like i wasn't really excited you were coming but it's good you're here you know what i'm not upset you're here and honestly i'll see you again next time yeah absolutely that's a function of gold no one's ever had a party that's had zero goals and it had good stories coming out yeah or just a hundred vampires it doesn't work well you need your vampires because you need to dramatically burst into a room be like oh yeah absolutely you need like wait i you need to dramatically burst into a room and be like, oh. Yeah, absolutely. And be like, wait, I live here. I could go into my bathroom.

I'm never going to be able to go to a party again and not be like, who are the ghouls? Who are the vampires? Where's Igor? Those fucking dogs. All right. So out of his coffin, Drax voiced a ring. So I would like to point Dracula came to the party and went to bed. I hate Dracula. Fuck you, Dracula.

He's like, I hate this party. Can I crash? We're like, yeah. Yeah, I suppose. Also, can I bring my son? Yeah, fuck, I should have just said no. Like, you hang up the phone, you're like, why? Yeah, that's unmade.

That's so weird. Unless he needs the coffin for, like, a quick change. Oh, yeah. Or it's part of, like, an entrance, like, hey, I'm here, you know? Oh, that's true. Like, what his son wheels his coffin yeah son bring the oh dad oh no which then makes me have a bit more empathy for little baby dracula yeah that's true yeah you ever been to a party where someone that's not the host has had a costume change i'd kill myself i've actually i don't know if i i don't know if that's a thing that's possible. I'm going to do that. I'm definitely being to parties where that's happened.

Fucking uni people and their drama clubs, and they're like, ha, ha, ha, it's a costume party. I'm wearing two costumes. I guess I've also seen some vampires who have gone, who've been so too cool for the party that then they change out of their nice clothes to someone else's sweats to still further assert their vampire dominance. Absolutely. To nestle in to the point where you're like maybe i'm sleeping on the couch

tonight that's why i take steaks to parties i've oh no i think i've definitely like god if i'm staying over at someone's house i have oh no i did this the other week oh no bring a jumper with me and be like yeah it's fine like for when I get cold on the ride home, and then be like, what if now? And all of a sudden I'm in pajamas. You're Dracula. Oh, wow. Fuck no.

Get my son out of here. That's so embarrassing. So Dracula was troubled by just one thing. He opened the lid, shook his fist, and said, whatever happened to my Transylvania twist? So he's mad at the Monster Mash. Which is so fucking annoying. Is he a boomer?

Dracula's massive boomer. He's the biggest boomer. Hey, what's this new day? It's the Monster Mash grandpa. Get used to it. So he was mad because he was twisting before and then he burst out of this coffin doing the twist but no one even cares because they're all mashing. Yeah, absolutely. And then all of a sudden he's shaking his fist. Oh, he burst out of this coffin doing the twist, but no one even cares. Cause they're all mashing.

Yeah. And then all of a sudden he's shaking his fist. Oh, and it's probably worthwhile that when the band arrived, they played the monster mash. It's a song and a dance and a place. Yeah. It's a song,

a dance and a place. A rare triple threat. Can't think of any versions of that in real life. Oh yeah. So, but then the next line after Dracula is like, whatever happened to my transylvanian twist? It's now the mash.

It's now the monster mash. So it's just the same dance, which is also the monkey, as we pointed out. So I don't know what that's about. Maybe they're saying it's now the mash, like the new dance for this generation, Dracula, is the monster mash. So the chorus is literally like a Greek chorus.

Yeah, absolutely absolutely we speak on behalf of the audience here it's now the mash seth mcfarlane triple threat he does cartoons he can dance and he does comedy sorry i'm not happy with that one you know i just had to get it out there for the fans for the fans of cinema to be clear work with you. For the fans of cinema, to be clear. If you're a fan of Zach, specifically, tweet in with how many miles you think you are away from him at this very point. If a single person responds that you haven't told to respond to this, I'll buy you all dinner. Well, that's exciting. Dinner rides on this.

We're in between pay weeks here, so dinner would be nice. Yeah, I could go to dinner, sure. Just for everyone else who doesn't know, there are about maybe 35 cans of beans in this house right now that aren't able to be eaten because they already gave them away and they've all been claimed. Yeah, everybody's claimed a bean, okay? You'll find out why the beans were there eventually. Just know that we've divvied them up like pirate booty

this is gonna be an incredible throw forward in four months people see what we use the beans for they're like oh why that's strange was that good just know it's super hilarious and now I'm shaking

my legs and it's even funnier alright now everything's Just know it's super hilarious, and now I'm shaking my legs, and it's even funnier. Right. Now everything's cool. Hell yeah. Drac's part of the band. Tell you what. What?

What? You can't beat him, join him. Oh, no. How did Dracula imagine making the transition from this song sucks to suddenly in the band? Do we know what he's doing in the band? No. Did he just come? I hope he's got like a shaker. Oh, yes.

He's not really in the band, but they're like, all right, boomer, come on in. It's a tambourine. Whatever. Out of pity. He's singing into it like a microphone. I like to imagine, so he's a bit older. So between whatever happened to the Transylvania twist yeah and now when everything's cool it is the chorus where everyone's saying yeah it's now the mash so i'm imagining the bands there and it's

like what are you doing they're like it's just this it's the same thing it's every like someone someone has that like drunken clarity where they're able to be like hey man nothing fucking means anything and we gotta live in the now and they pass him a beer and he has a beer and he's like yeah can i can i propose an alternative so i think i agree i think that's to live in the now. And they pass him a beer and he has a beer and he's like, Yeah, can I propose an alternative? So I think I agree. I think that's what happens in the chorus. But I think Drac saying what happened to my Transylvania twist is he's disappeared like vampires do, but he's come back massively drunk,

like dangerously drunk. And he's yelling and he's wrecked the vibe of the party. And everybody's had to sort of hone in on Dracula and be like, like you said, like, dude, give it up. It doesn't matter. And then he's gone on stage. He's like, you're right. No, I like that.

I should go on stage. I love that because it seems to fit, but I hate that because his son is still there. Oh, that's true. That's what everybody's saying. Do you think his son is like, that's my dad? Or he's like, oh, dad. And then Igor's like, hey, don't worry.

Do you want to come play with my chains? Don't worry, listen to this. Is this music? One day you'll be just like me, boy. Go away, Igor! He ruins every party. New nicer theory. Please.

Dracula put his son into bed. Yes, no, that's fair. That's where the coffin comes in. Maybe he had custody, so that's why he brought the coffin. It's become sadder again. Sad divorce. Dad brings son to party. Everyone boos.

Dracula's like, hey, I'm coming to the party. We're like, sweet, you and bride of Dracula? He's like, ah, no, but son of Dracula. Don't worry, I'll put him to bed in a second. What is this song? What are you playing? Things have changed since I had son. God, I don't get out anymore.

You can tell that his anger is more at his own life. No one takes it personally. They're just like, come on, man. Dance with us. Play in the band. What if he isn't actually angry when he says what happened to the Transylvanian twist? He's reannouncing that his son has gone to bed. He's emerged from the coffin after putting his son to bed.

The Monster Mash is playing. He's like, whatever happened to the Transylvanian twist? Anyway, guys, I'm back. I'm back, kids, to sleep. If we could keep it down a little bit. But I can be gone now. No one go to the Western Wing. Let's buy.

Eastern Castle. Or even alternative potential story. Maybe the Transylvanian, whatever happened to the Transylvanian twist Maybe that's a Oh fuck I had a way funnier thing in my head and I lost it Nevermind keep going We had to go back and edit out Zach's joke

Because it was too funny No no no So if you just want to take a moment to laugh heaps Know that we had to cut out a joke Because we were worried about your health I don't have it but I'm going to go for it again. Let's go! Woody's like,

whatever happened to the Transylvanian twist? We all used to jump on and sing song. You know how they became this type of thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was when it was truly me. That's when we truly partied, and everyone's like, whoa. And he goes, go on.

Takes that tambourine. And then they monster mash again. Yeah, and they mash so hard. Question, has Wolfman left by this point? Oh, yes. Wolfman's gone. As soon as a kid goes to bed. Wolfman's like, this party has run its course.

I'm out. But also, I feel like he could be the guy that you're like, oh, he's definitely gone. But then two hours later, you're like, oh, Wolfman's still here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, he's gone. You go outside and he's like just smoking. No, I was just having a smoke. Yeah, I was just having to see i was having to smoke yeah i'm smoking at the back i'm coming just how the moon doing my thing you know so the full moon was out need

to give it a yell but i'm coming back it's too big you see things a bit later like um maybe things online you hear other stories and it's like oh he he went to another party he came back and then you're like oh my god he came back he came home he came back to another party. He came back and then you're like, oh my God, he came back. He came back to this party. It was no one can talk about it. No one can talk about that. This is the coolest thing that's ever happened. It's so funny because you're like this,

this party was not as good as he thought the party he was going to was, but better than the party was going to actually ended up being. I think the biggest piece of shit thing I've done at involving parties is I left a party that was no good and went to a party. It was off the chain and then off the chain party ran out of alcohol so then I took a few friends from that back to the shit party because I knew that there was lots of drinks still there. Wow.

What does that make me? No, I thought you were going to be way worse. I thought you were going to invite a few people who were at shit party but just tell them to bring all the alcohol to the cool party. That's a shit move. That one was just like, nah, whatever, we're trying to keep our night going. Actually, if anything, I maybe made the shit party better by bringing fun drunk people. That's sort of a wolfman move. That's a super wolf. That one was just like, nah, whatever, we're trying to keep our night going. Actually, if anything, I maybe made the shit party better by bringing fun drunk people.

That's sort of a wolfman move. That's a super wolfman move because you just bring the fun in. It's a wolfman move. Wolfman move. Wolfman. After bringing cool people to a shit party, I should reward myself with a few free bags.

Yeah, absolutely. You've improved the situation. Especially if anyone had ever, if there was any other great friendships that blossomed from that night. Yeah, that was on you. You don't know what you started with that simple move. That's true.

That's powerful. You're a wolfman. Yeah, you're a goddamn wolfman. You're a goddamn wolfman. So my monster mash is the hit of the land. Are we claiming credit for this song all of a sudden? I reckon, no, I go back to, you know, how Zach is a conduit for God's comedy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We invented this Frankenstein monster. Hey, what is Frankenstein? Has he just been dancing the whole night on the dance floor? I think so. Oh, yeah. I think he rose from his slab, started, and has not been able to stop, and he's a beacon for the party.

Oh, absolutely. He's like an electricity rod, and everyone sees him, and they just want to come and dance around him. Everyone's losing their minds around him. But even when the music stops, he's still going, and you're like, you were right there, Frankenstein. He's like, I'm just feeling it. He's just like, I'm too much Molly or something. He's really going.

I'm just having a good time. Too much electricity. Whoa. Whoa. Feeling the rhythm of his heart Sweating profusely Chewing the inside of his mouth That's why he's got those stitches Chewing his mouth off

His literal face off Frankenstein's monster, please use gum Or at least a lollipop Your skin does not have the tensile strength For this electricity We just keep coming back I can't keep taking new faces. You just, you've got to meet me in the middle.

Take half an electricity at a time. See how you're feeling. Be responsible, Frankenstein's monster. You did this to me. Come outside. You've got to cool down. No! Must mash.

Must keep mashing. Party good. Cool down. No! Must mash. Must keep mashing. Party good. Cool down bad. For you the living, this mash was meant to. That's nice. We got an invite. We scored an invite at the end of the party? That's pretty rough.

That's like we were like, hey, can we still come? And he's like, yeah. That's like when you hit a friend up at like 10 or 11. You're like, I'm at a party if you want to come. You're like, they're not coming. Yeah, absolutely. But I invited them and I get to feel a little better. It's also like kind of going to a place the next day

and people are like, yeah, there was this party last night. Oh, yeah, cool. I'd heard about it. I'm like, why didn't you come? And you're like, well, I wasn't invited. Like, no, it's for the living too. Yeah, you're right. This one sounds like it's the next day.

Absolutely. Oh, yeah, you could have. Yeah. You could have come. Of course you could have come. You sound like you're not letting living people in. That's like, do you think that of me? Turn it on them.

But Jackson was saying he wouldn't go to the Oscars because he's a celebrity. I suspect that Jackson wouldn't go to the Oscars because Jackson has to wear a suit. Oh, I just imagine you'd find it so itchy. You'd be sitting in the seat like... Putting up my hand, seeing if someone... Can I go?

Yes. Where? Oh, why? There'd be a bar you can just go stand at. There's a bar you can go piss at, dude. I mean, there's a toilet for pissing. A bar for drinking. God, the Oscars have it all. I think you can be like, there's a bar I can go piss at, dude. I mean, there's a toilet for pissing. A bar for drinking. God, the Oscars have it all.

I mean, some Oscar trivia. You know, the creators of South Park. Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Exactly. When they went, because they were nominated for Best Song from Bigger, Longer, and Uncut,

they both just dropped Acid and wore dresses and then their whole thing was they just didn't acknowledge it the whole time and they just kept saying, the stars are out tonight. Every time anyone would ask about it so that's how you could

make it fun for myself that's how i could enjoy it i'd like to point out that i love the way sometimes douche your answers uh not a question but someone will say something and then you'll say a statement like you're trying to win a trivia game do you know what i mean you're like the creators of south park you're like uh trey parker matt stone trey parker matt stone i won it's important to note that i was looking i'm facing zach and he did look like he was searching for the names and i had them look this isn't the first time i love i love matt uh math uh and matthew they're also uh tony award winners for all the Fezbo's out there. Oh! There you go. I think they won 13 for the Book of Mormon. That's a lot.

That's a lot. I think they won almost every one. I could be wrong. I'm probably wrong, but I'm going to stick with it. Lock it in. Imagine going to the Oscars, all the Tonys, and one thing wins literally every award. That would roll.

I would hate it. Yeah. I don't know why I'm so against award ceremonies, but I am. The last line of the last verse is, when you get to the door, tell them Boris sent you. Who is Boris? Aren't we Boris? Oh, maybe we're Boris.

Boris Frankenstein. Wait. Creator of Frankenstein's monster. Apparently the writer of the song, or the singer of the song, is Bobby Boris Pickett. Okay. Wow. Pickett is funny enough. I imagine them kind of protesting the monsters from the outside.

That's good. You wrote the song, dude. What are you doing? But I didn't write it for them. But then there's a little line at the end that says, mash good, which I assume is Frankenstein's monster going crazy. And then easy, Igor, you impetuous young boy. And then mash good again. He's really going crazy on the chains and the hounds at this And then easy, Igor, you impetuous young boy. And then Mashgood again.

He's really going crazy on the chains and the hounds at this point. Easy, Igor, go to bed. Mashgood. It's good to imagine that that's at the very, like 5am. The ghouls have gone. The vampires have crashed in the master bedroom. And Frankenstein's still going crazy on the dance floor. Have you taken more electricity since the music stopped? Please, gonna be at it all night i mean you don't need

to sleep i don't think but i'm so worried for you dude you just get shut off or shut on right just flicking a switch in the back of his head calm down you weren't alive at the start of this party go to bed so okay so at the end of all this would you attend the monster the party as depicted in the monster match would you go i think at the end of all this, would you attend the party as depicted in the Monster Mash? Would you go? I think at the end of this, I've realized that every party I've ever been to has been the Monster Mash. Yeah, truly.

It just depends what archetype you fit at each party and where it is. Man, what a disturbing ruffler. I don't know if we've been to the Monster Mash, but then every party is the same. Every party is the Monster Mash, which just depends who you are at the Monster Mash it's kind of made me want to go to a party me too

let's have a party on that note, I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've been Cass I've been Zach and Zach, where can we find you? it depends who's looking?

who's looking? Who's looking? I will be in America for the first bit of January. Then I will be, I'm going to the UK. I'm doing a big tour out there with my show. Jack Tucker, please come. It's so brilliant. It's incredible. We saw that this year.

Oh my God, it's so funny. That's where you get to see that God-like physical comedy. See it in action. You'd see it for real. I'm doing a run at Soho theater in London. The first one sold out. This one sold four tickets. When this episode comes out,

hopefully it's sold more. I hope so. And then yeah, doing the big UK thing. And then who knows? We'll kind of go from there. That's cool. Go see,

go see the show. I's cool go see go see the show I almost said go see Jack but I guess that is fine because your character's name is Jack. That is true. Yeah you can say it Yeah go see Zach slash Jack at the Soho Theatre Thank you for listening Thanks for listening

and if you want to follow us on Twitter you can find us at Sandspants Radio or you can find us individually I'm at Douche13 I'm at OldDogsAreDead and I'm at GodDammitZammit If you want to hear our other shows you can head to SandspantsRadio.com

and you'll find all our other content there There's heaps! And if you want to support us head to SandspantsPlus.com Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses.