Plumbing the Death Star - Would You Become a Mandalorian or a Jedi? aka Grogus Choice

Episode Date: July 24, 2022

Would you rather a sick homemade jacket or the gun of a dead guy who kinda looks like you? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem, ahem. You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. And today we are asking the important questions like, would you become a Mandalorian or a Jedi, a.k.a. Grogu, he's a little Yoda.

Yeah, he's a little guy. Oh, shit. Spoilers for Book of Boba Fett. Spoilers for Yoda, everyone. So in Book of Boba Fett, little Grogu, he's like, so Mandalorian is like, dropped him off at the Jedi to be like, I don't know what this fucking guy is. You train him. I don't know what to do with a Yoda. Fair enough.

And then Luke's like, you look like a guy I know. So he's like, you come in with me. I'm going to train you. And so he's like, he trains him a little bit. But Grogu, he's a precarious little prick. He can't do much. He wants to eat frogs all day. It is funny to call him a prick. Grogu, he's a precious little prick. He can't do much. He wants to eat frogs all day. It is funny to call him a prick.

Grogu, you prick. He is a prick. Grogu, you prick. Come and get trained. But in the same way, Grogu is, I guess, a prick in the same way than any toddler without a... If you just let a toddler be a toddler. He's a dropper. He's become a prick. No, that is fair. He's a dropper. He's not that well behaved. His motivation is mostly

food. That's good. You sound like a guy I know. He's dumb. Bad to look at. Loves eating frogs. Who is this guy? He sounds sweet. If he drank something, he'd probably drink it by going...

This guy sounds like he could be my new best friend. Once basically got his dad in trouble because he kept eating someone else's broth i think what story is this that's a grogu story i was like when did i do that grogu at one point keeps eating this person's eggs and it's the only eggs left of their species or whatever that's fucking awesome Grogu kicks ass

anyway what's Grogu's choice so uh yeah so he gets traded there but then like Mando's like hey I made this like little like this little t-shirt

I needed I needed this thing for Grogu as a gift it's a present can you give it to Grogu and they're like no because we Jedi's don't like attachment

you're not giving him he's like oh okay but I made him this gift though. And he's like, no, you can't have it. He's like, I'll leave then. And so then Luke is like, okay, Grogu. And now you're a little prick and you've been here for ages. Yeah.

And your dad came over and he needed you this sweater. So you got this choice. You can have the sweater or you can have this lightsaber that used to belong to a guy I knew that kind of looked like you. Yoda. Okay. Which one do you want? Now, if you choose, that's it.

No more further discussions. You can either have the wonderfully handmade jacket that your dad made you, or this weapon from a guy I used to know. Does Grogu know? Okay, so I think, because You're not super familiar with this. Does Grogu know Yoda? No. I know you got to the part that we're excited to talk about.

But I think we glossed over a little bit. So basically what happens... Grogu is always fucking Force-sensitive. Yeah, Grogu's got wizard powers. Sorry, Luke picks him up, takes him off to Jedi school, so then Yoda and Mandalorian... I keep saying Yoda. Does Grogu know the choice he's making?

Yeah. You see him on shore. He's an idiot baby, but he knows what's up. Luke is basically implying, if you don't choose the lightsaber, I will not train you, and you won't be a Jedi, and I will abandon you, basically. That's sick.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. And so then we don't know what is happening. And then the next scene, it's just clearly Grogu has picked the jacket. Of course. And you just see R2-D2 flying like the X-Wing or whatever. And out pops Grogu and he's like, Dad, I'm back.

Which is just great to imagine Luke was like, you made the wrong choice. Don't speak to me. Get in that plane. I've not even seen you off. It is funny to imagine Luke being like, okay, obviously,

but he's expecting. He's like, pick the lightsaber, Grogu. Grogu's like, dirty shirt. Fuck you. Well, is the shirt made of the same thing as the Mandalorian?

The shirt is made of like Beskar, which is like the Mandalorian holy metal. And so it's like bulletproof, laserproof, stabproof, good proof. So it's sort of like giving a toddler the choice between a gun or a windshield. It's like giving the choice between a gun and a dad. Choose or choose dad nine times out of ten. The one that chooses gun shoots dad. It's kind of like, do you want the same jacket that your dad wears, but in your size?

Or do you want this weapon that means literally nothing to you, but a lot to me? Because once again, you look like that guy I know. That is a hilarious reason to give him Yoda's lightsaber. That's very, seems spur of the moment. He's not related to Yoda. Oh, Yoda's lightsaber is small. It's seems spur of the moment. He's not related to Yoda. Oh, Yoda's lightsaber's small. It's Grogu's size. Oh, that's fair, actually.

Well, it's probably a bit big, actually, because I think he's a- Grogu's little. Grogu's not that much smaller than Yoda. He's little than Yoda. Yes, he is. Yoda's huge. Yoda's a big boy.

Yoda would come up to, I reckon, in between my knee and my hip. Yeah, okay. And I think Grogu would come up to your knee. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

So not that much difference. Okay, I reckon I could- A five difference. I could fit Grogu would come up to your knee. Yeah. Yeah, so not that much difference. Okay, I could fit Grogu's whole face in my hand, and I think it would take both hands to take Yoda's face. No, I could get one hand in Yoda's mouth and bowl him down a bowling alley. Yeah. I could pick him up with one hand. Well, yeah, but I mean like in terms of like I could crush. Stop this, ladies.

Probably crush. Ball me, you must not. Probably crush both of them with one hand, but I could encase, like, Grogu's head with my hand. Fair call. Yeah. So I think he's a bit smaller. So the choice is Bounty Hunter or Magic Space Wizard.

But if you're not super familiar with The Mandalorian, it's not just Bounty Hunter in the same way that, like, IG-88 is a Bounty Hunter. It's just a guy that's out there for cash. Or Dog, the Bounty Hunter. Yeah, or Dog, the Bounty Hunter. Yeah. It's not just for cash. The Mandalorians have a sacred...

Very similar to the Jedi. Yeah. They have this sacred text that they follow. Yeah, so it's like a religious Bounty Hunter, if you will. This is the way. Okay. Hey, you know when people say that? I don't.

This is the way. Okay, this is the way. We've got to do this because that's the way. This is news to me. But then also at the same time, the Mandalorian. I've never seen Star Wars. Sorry. What's a Mandalorian's name again?

Mando. John Mandalorian. Oh, okay. You know what? I asked the wrong people. Which Mandalorian? Ask a silly question, get a silly answer. Like his actual name.

Like he's the actor or the- Not Pedro Pascal. Pedro Pascal's character's name. He's got a name. Great question, because I know they just keep calling him Mando. I'm looking it up on the little Google machine, okay? It doesn't matter. Well, it clearly does for someone in this room.

Here's the context I was going to use. The Mandalorian has started to lose. Like, by the time this happens, though, the Mandalorian has sort of been like, oh, no, this weird bounty hunter cult thing. I'm not into it. Well, he is, but pretty much he goes from someone that follows, for an example, someone that follows the Bible to a T to someone that goes to church every now and then.

Oh, okay. So IMDB puts Pedro Pascal's name in the Mandalorian as the Mandalorian. Okay, fabulous. Not helpful. Fabulous news. Maybe he's not named. He definitely has a name. Maybe he's just known as Mando.

He's Mando Mandalorian. He is called Mando a lot. So, in the way, apparently it's a few things you've got to do. One of them, there's a few rules. One is that you should never remove your helmet. Okay. So you've always got to be encased in your helmet. Din.

That's right. Din Djarin? Yeah. Okay. So keep your helmet on at all times. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. That's it? Easy.

Yeah, yeah. You've got to protect other Mandalorians. Okay. Now, Mandalorians isn't necessarily people from Mandalore. No, no, they're just like a bunch of guys. Follow this, I guess, religious bounty hunter in one. people from Mandalore. No, they're just like a bunch of guys. It's just people who follow this, I guess, religious bounty huntering way. I understand.

Yeah. Is that it? Probably more. Like, not much. That seems frankly easy. If that's all that you need to do to be a Mandalorian. And what are the Jedi's got to do? No fucking...

Oh, no fucking. No attachment. Yeah. Can Mandos fuck? Probably. You gotta keep your helmet on. You can fuck other Mandalorians. You keep your helmet on, but otherwise... You gotta... Yeah. Okay. It's very fun to try and Google

what are the ways of the Mandalorian. Give me a list. Yeah. Because so far the Mandalorians seem like they have more difficult strictures. Okay. So if you betray any of the Mandalorian rules, you're not considered a Mandalorian anymore unless you redeem yourselves in the living waters beneath the minds of Mandalore.

Yes. Okay. What if I betray the Jedi? Because I will betray either. Well, what do you mean? It depends how I betray the Jedi? Because I will betray either. Well, what do you mean? It depends how you betray the Jedi. Well, I mean, so by betray, I guess I mean like I fuck up one of the rules. The Jedi don't really seem to care that much.

Yeah. Because a lot of their rules are just don't go to the dark side. If you do this thing, you'll go to the dark side. Yeah, that's true. They're like, if you form attachments, you're going to get- Attachments lead to hate. Hate leads to- Hate leads to so-

You're Darth Vader now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, but at least I can be redeemed if I go Mandalore, right? Because if I fuck up anything- I think, yeah, but I'm pretty sure if you're a Mandalorian and you betray the Mandalorians,

the Mandalorians just shoot you in the back. But I got to take a swim in the waters underneath Mandalore. Yeah, but I think the thing is like when you turn your back on Mandalore... Yeah, so you can redeem yourself by swimming with that but you gotta get there first because again, I think if you become

like a Mandalorian outcast... And I'm just... Just from context, I feel like they'll be like, fuck you, you're not welcome here. Pew pew! Shot in the guts. Also, I think Mandalore

is a hard to reach planet. Okay. Yeah. Shot in the guts or stabbed in the guts. Yeah. So basically, I guess, because for some reason, Wookieepedia, which is full of beautiful information, is just not giving me a very succinct list of just things that are in what is the way.

And it's very annoying. Any whom. Cool. From what I can vaguely remember. Yeah. That's all we need. Yeah. So, yeah, you do have a lot of things.

You basically have a high priest who makes your armor and does everything. All the stuff you do comes, basically, you're working for the betterment of your tribe. Okay. Of the Mandalorians. So it's very much like, you know, we're all together. Yeah. Well, you can be you if you want. Well, it's just if I'm Grogu, I'm attached to John Mandalorian.

Yeah. If I'm Jackson, I'm the big Grogu. Yeah. I'm attached to nobody. Well, if you're doing that, I mean, yeah, I mean, look, if you want to go that Mando maybe also rescued you from being eaten by Werner Herzog, then yeah. Oh, no. Werner Herzog, I love your documentaries! Why are you doing this?

Okay, so I found another list. And you looked like a delicious snack to me. So I found another list that is compiled into list rules. Sorry, into a list of the rules. Stop me when you think that maybe this list isn't maybe bang on.

Okay. Rule one. He only breaks the tribe's helmet. Rule for Grogu. Rule two. Never back down. Rule three. Mando loves his flamethrower.

Why are these listed as rules? I don't know. He never raises his voice. Never raises his voice. Mandalorians don't eat or drink. Yes, they do. They don't eat or drink in the company of others. Grounded

in classic film heritage. Yeah, I stumbled upon the same thing. He's trustworthy but not trusting. It's awesome to hear these read out to you as the rules of droid command. Dislike droids. He never breaks the armor rule except for Grogu. Who's Grogu?

Dislike droids. Dislike droids. There are some things like, you know, when we started doing it. This one will suit you though, Jackson. Be an eternal loner. Oh, rude. But sometimes when we're doing an episode, you're like, I know enough, and there's probably going to be a resource

that we can quickly just look into that we can kind of like, oh yeah, we can, okay, this rule, this rule, this rule. I thought this was going to be fairly straightforward, like I know the rules of the Mandalores, hair of the rules of the Jedi. No one knows. I am so deep into like Star Wars Reddit and

Wikipedia, and I still have yet to find a succinct list of these fucking rules. I'm throwing my phone down. We're never going to find the rules, so we're just going to go on Vibe. That's all it means, okay? So, yeah, I guess Johnny Man, though, has saved you from being eaten by Wernher Hurtog, and you're like, okay. But then I'm probably going to pick the Mandalorians, because he's my dad.

Powerful, but you're also a powerful force user. Who cares? He's my dad. Okay, good point. I also agree. I'll be going with that, because he saved me. Yeah, that's crazy. Okay, so we've got to do it in the vacuum, then. Yeah, yeah.

All of a sudden, the three of us as big Yodas, we've got the choice between being a Mando, Lorian, or a Jedi. Orion. Yeah, yeah. Mandalorianando, Lorian, or a Jedi? Or a Jedi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mandalorian or Jedi Lorian? Which one do we pick? We obviously don't know the rules entirely from either.

Well, we don't, and that's the thing, you end up probably getting trained for both. And I think that's kind of what would... Do I know the future? No. Of the Star Wars franchise? No.

Then I would have picked Jedi. Yeah. While this is happening, after the Jedi had already been decimated. Yeah, but then I'd be like one of the last Jedis left in the sequel trilogy. Yeah. Yeah. How sick. Basically, Luke is like, I'm going to make this school.

Okay. Yeah. If Grogu picks Jedi, then probably gets killed by Kylo Ren. Oh, true. Damn. Although, with Grogu's coming present, maybe Kylo doesn't turn to the dark side. You never know. Maybe Grogu with little lightsaber gets Kylo.

Yeah. Okay, so we get a completely different sequence. So Han Solo lives, maybe. Yeah, we don't know. There's a lot of kick-on effects because, you know, clearly Luke is like, hey, let's start this school.

My first student left me. Fuck. Okay, maybe I've got to do something better. Yeah, yeah, true. I'm going to have some more students. I'm going to kill

this other student. No, I won't and I'm the good man. It is funny to imagine. The only rules, I know, I hate to bring this back,

but I have actually got an answer. The only rules that are ever said about the way of the Mandalore, everyone in the Mandalorian talks about how it's a strict thing and how it's like hardcore zealots, basically. But the only rules that we ever get told, so

far, are don't remove your helmet and protect other Mandalorians. That's easy. That's nothing. Wait, can I ever remove my helmet or could they prank me and give me like an arse helmet and I just never know

you can only remove your helmet when you're eating and that's just by yourself you can't eat other people the creed is you're not allowed to remove your helmet

in the company of any living creature so I can go to my room wait any living creature I can't eat with my cat no oh no it's Star Wars

so your cat's probably oh my cat can talk yeah fair enough cat's probably... Oh, my cat can talk. Yeah, fair enough. Your cat's probably a guy called... Quazza! Or something. And he just spits a life-saving out of his mouth. Quazza, I'm not allowed to eat with you now that I'm a Mandalore.

I hate you, Quazza. You're loathsome. He's got the vibes of he should have been at Jabba the Hutt's fucking music jamboree, this little guy. You're going to go to your job at that filthy hot fucking party in your house? Yeah, he's got it. You've got to get the credits to pay the rent somehow.

He's not really your cat, he's a roommate, is what's happening. I hate clogs. I just wanted a regular house cat and I said I got you. Oh, he's happening. I hate clogs. I just wanted a regular house cat and I said I got you. He's smoking, obviously. Oh, he's smoking. And he's one of those,

he kind of likes Sebulba. He's gasping on them death sticks. Yeah. Kind of likes Sebulba except like, I guess, like everything's, like his hands all look like feet and they're all dirty.

Yeah, and he's clearly a puppet. So he's like a flappy horse. He's a flappy, horrible puppet horse. And he's your roommate. It's hard to get. Fair enough. You've got to take what you can get. I'm sick of this house comes its own cat.

Oh, I hate you. Why did it list you as a cat? You're a guy. What language are you talking? Why can't I understand? I don't like that tone. Say Jabba, I said hi. Reading the news, seeing the Jabba's palace blew up, and you're like, oh.

I wonder how. They're hearing like the toilet flush. Ah, damn it. Your work exploded. You had a day off do you know why it exploded? oh you can't tell me are you the new

Jabba? is that his name? no I don't think it's a stupid question I don't know how Jabba's work well I've not lived in this planet for a very long time come with some fucking slack I hate you Jabba I hate you so much, Quasar.

Really, you fight him. You're both arrested. It got really out of hand, I guess. I just want to eat in front of my cat. So yeah, I guess it sucks to be able to eat in front of an 80 living thing. These aren't big deals at all. Just don't take off your hat in front of other people. Whatever.

You're so hot. It's a magic helmet. Is it cool? Yeah, probably. And also, you're tough. You're a bounty hunter. You can have a hot head. That's okay.

You'll be all right. Yeah, but like, Jedi's wear robes. They look way hotter than a... No, robes are breezy. Yeah. But they're like three layers of robes in the desert. That's a good point, actually. They are heavy robes are breezy. But they're like three layers of robes in the desert. That's a good point, actually. They are heavy robes.

In terms of pure comfort, Mandalorian, you could go just helmet. Cock out. That's true. That's true. Although then, like, you're painting a target on yourself. On your cock. Yeah. Instead of your head.

Your head would be a penis. Or anywhere else. Yeah. Well, it'd be like those old-timey bank robbers who would often go and rob, say, a bank completely naked because everyone would be too focused on a little dick and balls out. True. And so they would not be able to give what they look like.

I am also wearing a helmet. The guy with the just helmet. Yeah. Got a real little cock and a nut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy hanging chode. Yeah, yeah, but with big helmet there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy hanging chode. Yeah, yeah. But with big helmet.

That's the guy. Yeah. I think I'd go Jedi. Oh, dick helmet. Like as in. Yeah. Can't take it off in public. Yeah, a little Beskar like protective shield around my leg. It's a little like a codpiece.

Yeah. I think that'd be good for you. It's a bold look, but I think you could pull it off. Yeah, I think I'd go Jedi. I think if I had Grogu's choice, if I was Big Yoda and they gave me the two options, they were like this protective thing,

or do you want this big sword? I'd be like give me the big sword, train me up, Luke, teach me how to do spells. I don't care about the Mandalorians. It seems sweaty. I'm not into it. I'll become a big wizard. I think the difference is that if you're in the same position as Grogu, you've had all these crazy adventures with the Mandalorian

and things seem fucking unreal. And then Luke probably just comes in. You see him cut a whole bunch of people in half. But then you're like, oh, that's cool. Yeah. But then it's just nothing, like walking on rocks and whatever. It's kind of like I have spent maybe three years with Weekend Dad, and now I'm being sent to boarding school.

Yeah. Yeah, well, see, that's the thing. If Mando's my dad, I pick Mandalorian. But I'm not picking it for the Mandalorian lifestyle. No, I'm picking it because of Weekend Dad. Yeah, exactly. I got to go and eat someone's eggs. That was their last surviving member or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. That sounds like a great – I can be a little prick. Yeah. Dad doesn't even give a shit. That's fun. I get to be raised by a man, though, who clearly does not want to be a dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. That sounds like a great, I can be a little prick. Yeah. That doesn't even give a shit. That's fun. I get that we're raised by a man, though, who clearly does not want to be a dad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then he does want to be a dad, and that's the beauty of man. That is what's nice about John Man, though. Yeah. Yeah. Over the years, our beautiful and talented artist,

Nathan Davis, has created stellar artwork far greater than the utter bullshit it's been associated with. And for 10 years, we've been occasionally badgered with comments like, hey, this artwork is great. I'd love to have this as the background on my phone. Or man, this looks really cool. It sure would be neat to have that as my desktop, if only it was available somewhere. And come on, guys, you have the artwork. It's right there it it shouldn't

be this hard well do i have some good news for you for at least a dollar you can download the perfect desktop wallpaper for your computer or that little google machine you've got there right from our website sanspansradio.com slash shop, and click the downloads icon. We've currently got several wallpaper packs available, but do check back often, as I'm sure we'll add more, maybe in a further 10 years. So once again, that's sanspansradio.com slash shop, and click that downloads icon. So I guess, like, I mean, it's a tough one also because, like, I can't,

look, having a lightsaber, doing the Force, that's sick. Yeah. I absolutely could not live a lifestyle that the Jedi would be proud of me for. Oh, yeah, no. And the pressures on me

in Grogu's position as the first student of Luke, potentially. Fuck that. That's a good point. He'll be kicking me out in about 35 seconds. He could be one of those rogue Jedi, like Qui-Gon Jinn, who doesn't really he just does his own thing.

He just vibes it out. He talks about little bugs in people's bodies or whatever. You can be a Jedi and not have to follow the Jedi lifestyle you can be a Jedi and kind of a shit Jedi yeah yeah yeah

but then you have the risk of turning to the dark side well yeah because you got like light side dark side dumb side you can be a dumb side Jedi

oh yeah yeah how because the Jedi aren't typically stupid well Qui-Gon Jinn was sort of a loose cannon

he was a loose cannon. And a little dumb. Everyone, I think, hated him. Oh yeah, you will not be liked. Yeah. But you will still be a Jedi. But I'd get stabbed in the guts and die. Well, yeah, that's sort of incidental for Qui-Gon. But you can also get stabbed in the guts by, you know, as a Mandalorian.

You can get stabbed a bunch of different ways. You can just be a guy. You can be in the bar being like, my friend doesn't like you, and then all of a sudden you've got no arm. Yeah, exactly. You can be like, hi, I'm at a bar, can I have two blue milks? And you stab him in the guts, and you're like, why? Nobody orders blue milk here. Stabbed.

Yeah, so stabbed in the guts is not a threat. Yeah, okay, so stabbed in the guts isn't a downside of being a a Jedi because it can just happen to you if you're in Star Wars. Yeah, exactly. And if you're a Jedi, if you're trying to stab in the guts, and maybe if you know about it, you can force magic out the way. And if you're a Mandalorian, hopefully you've got some good armor. Yeah, exactly. Well, actually, I guess Mandalorian, if we're taking death into consideration,

Mandalorian's far worse because Mandalorians who betray the way of the Mandalore get shot in the back, basically. Well, there you go. Plus, if you're a Jedi and you die, you go to Jedi heaven. Be a ghost. But you only get to be a ghost if you're a powerful Jedi, which I would be. I wouldn't.

One day you're just training and then you just fade away and you rose fall to the floor like Obi-Wan's death. And we're like, he died. He got tired. He got too tired. It's 2 o'clock. We've only been doing this for a couple of hours.

Luke, can we stop? Jackson, all I'm asking you to do is lift the little rock. I gotta... Let me have a sneaky ghost nap. I'll be back soon.

Hearing it's a ghost. Luke would be so upset because the last time he saw someone do that was Obi-Wan. A guy he knew for two or three days. And then you come back and you're like, yeah, I think I'm refreshed now. You're a ghost now. What? I thought only powerful Jedi could become ghosts.

I don't know what to tell you, dude. Are those my clothes? Trying to put them on. Are my clothes ghosts? Can you explain what's happening? Luke, can you just hold up my cloak? I'll climb back into it. It's not working.

Luke, can you hold it better? Hold it upright. You're doing it wrong. Luke, you're doing it wrong. Luke, oh my gosh. Luke, the good news is you can train me forever now because I don't think I sleep anymore. I don't think I'm...

Yeah, I could just hang around for good, man. Like, this is actually a win. Really? Poor Luke. I guess it's also historically,

like, at that moment in time, what you know about, like, say, the Star Wars history. Because if you're like, oh,

Jedi, you're like, oh, remember that massacre? Oh, the 66, hell yeah. Croissant and all the other places

and like, apparently they were like the villains of the empire because they got killed a bunch what did Palpy say again? it's the Jedi's fault

what's the Jedi's fault? Palpatine what are you saying? I think he was like how do you sell that to the rest of everybody? doesn't he say Jedi's have gotten gotten real smug and power hungry? They're too smug, we've got to kill them. He's just going to comment on their vibe. Attention, the Senate.

Done a quick vibe check and the Jedi, they have not passed. Who else sort of doesn't like the Jedi very much? Cringe. Hi, Palpatine, am based. The Jedi cringe. Oh, he's right. I'm one of the little E.T. aliens in that scene as an Easter egg.

You're like, whoa! John Dinklage should have killed it all. Oh, Palpatine based. That sounded like Yoda. Palpatine base. I sound like Yoda. I know. Mmm, base Palpatine is. Palpatine bastey. Mmm, bastey is. Cringe.

The Jedi are. Cringe I do not wish to be. What do we know? Well, we probably, I mean, it's been a long. No, because isn't Palpatine before Order 66 is like, everything's gone to assholes and shit and whatever. If you make me the emperor. Oh, no.

He's like, oh, the Jedi showed their true colors and they turned me into a gross man. Oh, yeah. Mace Windu attacked me. That's right. That's right. And they used that to say. This is the Jedi's fault.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Iron Beast. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Iron Beast! Yeah, okay. So the Jedi, they attacked our Supreme Leader and then they all got killed. At that point, he's just a Chancellor, isn't he? And then he becomes an Emperor after that. Yeah, well, I'm saying, as a person

who doesn't pay attention to the news. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're Grogu in this situation. Looking at Grogu, maybe we're not in a fucking egg in the desert, I think, at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say we're this situation. Looking at Grogu, maybe we're not in a fucking egg in the desert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say we're a bit, if we're not Grogu, because the obvious choice for Grogu is to go with Jedi. You're right, you're right.

It's got to be a little bit more like, you know, learned and being like you've got two options. It's a character creation screen. You've got saber, you've got jacket. If it's character creation, lightsaber, because like whatever, because the sword's cool. I mean, that's pretty much why I'm picking Jedi. Spells are sick.

I can make myself hover. I can electrocute people if I go bad and I will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can probably The Jedi you got

like a target on the back of your head at all times because now I'm like well one of if I'm Luke Skywalker's apprentice and like

the last people that were Jedi got well not good things happened. And haven't been a Jedi for ages. But in the Mandalorian, it's the same thing. Yeah, it takes place after a Jedi. So I'm like, Luke got them. Yeah, good point.

I'm good. Does the news know? I don't know. Luke will tell me. There's parties. This is actually the best time there's ever been to be a Jedi. Yeah. And then I just like, I learned like force manipulation. I'm like, Luke, we don't have to actually train today.

He's like, I'm Luke fucking Skywalker. I'm like, no, no, no, we don't have to. Okay, so here's how this goes to you, Jackson. I don't know if you're familiar with a little movie called The Last Jedi. But when Luke Skywalker sensed evil within his own nephew, who was also his pupil, he tried to behead him in his sleep. You mean I'm going to get fucking... Do you reckon he'd stop?

Do you reckon he'd stop beheading you? Do you reckon he'd be like... If you try to use bad force powers, yeah, that's... Well, it's just out of pure laziness that I'm doing it. Yeah, that's true. It's apathy. He's not going to kill me for that reason.

Yeah. No, he might. Depends on what he senses in your future. Eh, darkness. I don't want to say pure evil, but certainly a significant amount. Yeah. He'd be like, what do you love most in the world? And then cut off both your hands.

You're like, yeah, it was fingering, wasn't it? I still finger with my toes. I got a tongue. Stop listening. I still use my nose to punch a clitoris. Guess what? That doesn't count as fingering. Fuck!

And again, so you know about that sort of history with the Jedi. And I guess with the Mandalorians, that was, you know, that Mandalore is fucked up beyond recognition because there was a lot of war thorn. Yeah. And if you're familiar with, if you're on Tatooine, you're like, aren't you that guy that got eaten by that pit? Yeah, true. Yeah. And also you'd know like the Clone Wars. Yeah.

Yeah. So aren't you from the guy that basically got fucking got? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah. And also you'd know the Clone Wars, yeah? Yeah. So aren't you from the guy that basically got fucking got? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Haven't you died like a billion deaths? Well, the Clone Wars are galaxy known. Yeah. I guess if you know them as the Clone Wars, you'd probably be like, oh, the clones, who are they a clone of?

Yeah, true. This guy. Yeah. And you'd be like, no, not me. The other guy that looks like me. Oh, yeah. Oh, true. This guy. Yeah. And be like, no, not me. The other guy that looks like me. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And there's something called the Great Purge of Mandalore on the Night of a Thousand Tears.

Oh, God. So that was when all the Mandalorians were killed and then they were scattered after the Purge. Yeah, it sounds like a bad time to be a Mandalorian and a good time to be a Jedi. Well, it's a fine time to be a Mandalorian because the Purge and stuff like that also happened around the same time. It's like Clone Wars time as well. Yeah, okay. Because battle droids and stuff are the ones that do it. Yeah.

Yeah. I think you're basically getting into any situation there. It's like there's a lot of history here that's very complicated. Oh, yeah. It's not good history. Yeah. I'm just trying to think of like what would be the easiest path, the path of least resistance. I think-

Path of least resistance is probably... Mandalorian. Because also, if you join the Mandalorian, yeah, you can go against the way, but they're not going to just absolutely kill you and shoot you in the back. They might, but you can also be like, I want to be forgiven.

Let me have a bath. I'm going to go get a bath. They're going to stop you. But you could also just be like, well, you know know I'm just they seem a little they seem a little bit more easy going

if you're like this isn't for me I'm coming here like almost I'm heading my hand being like I can't I can't do this I quit

as opposed to the Jedi where I feel like I don't think you can quit the Mandalore where you could quit being a Jedi yeah quit being a Jedi

yeah what are they going to do I'm like hey look baby honey you would just like you would just have to give your lightsaber where you could quit being a Jedi. Yeah. Quit being a Jedi? Yeah. What are they going to do? I'm like, hey, Luke, baby, honey. You would just have to give your lightsaber. Like, I mean, in the Luke situation, you just give the lightsaber to Luke. I throw it to him. I'm like, bro, this lightsaber is tiny. I mean, fucking Luke quit being a Jedi.

Yeah, I guess. But he kind of did it on his own. He didn't have to quit two ways. Yeah, like, people, that happens. Yeah, he was a hermit. Yeah. Just do the same thing, whatever. I literally just throw my lightsaber in there, take my robe off, go into the swamp.

Nude. Have a bath. Disappear forever. Yeah, live in Dagobah. Yeah. Yeah, how do you keep being a Jedi like that? It feels like the Mandalore, if you quit, they'd be like, buddy, if you're in, you're in. Because you take your helmet off to quit, and then they're like, I'm going to shoot you now.

They're like, hey, bro, cunt, what's our one rule? We've got two. Protect other Mandalorians and don't take off the helmet. So you've taken off the helmet, which makes you not a Mandalorian, but like a fallen Mandalorian. You're getting the bullet in the teeth. Oh, my teeth. If you weren't a helmet, it wouldn't have happened. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, Mandalorians seem a bit more like violent so they'll be like fighting for positions in the tribe itself to be like

I want this I want that and then you gotta fight each other Jedi seem like that would make you get out of bed really early

yeah big time I reckon Jedi Jedi's like a 5am star yeah yeah also Mandalorian you can kind of do your own thing for a long time you can like chuff off go do like a bounty and be like. star. Also, Mandalorian, you can kind of do your own thing for a long time.

You can like chuff off, go do like a bounty and be like, I'm going to take some time and do that. Take a real long time. A couple of sleepings. Bit of R&R while I do the bounty hunting. And then I've got my own ship. And then I can kind of come back and they're like, where were you? I'm like, it took so long.

Oh, it's the bounty. You have to kill a womper. Yeah, he's a big one. He's a big one. You seen a womper? They're big. Who gave you this bounty? Anyway.

Sound good. Anyway, where's I got to go? Anyway, he's like, Oh, I got another bounty. I got to go. Another womper. Oh, wow. Yeah, in that beautiful beach planet.

You know the beach planet. Anyway. I think they call it Paradiso or something. I don't know. Paradiso. There's no Wi-Fi. Don't contact me. This sounds a lot like that time you went to the planet Hogs and Tits. Yeah. Anyway. I think they call it Paradiso or something. I don't know. Paradiso. There's no Wi-Fi. Don't contact me. This sounds a lot like that time you went to the planet Hogs and Tits.

Yeah. Yeah. I suppose in a way. I should probably go back there just to make sure I got the guide. Yeah. There was a long chase. I reckon I didn't catch the right person at the Hogs and Tits. That's a crazy thing to admit.

Yeah. Yeah. I just got double checked. I'm being honest. Yeah. I like to be thorough. You know, I want to double check. I'm being honest. Yeah. I like to be thorough. You know, I like to be thorough. Back when I did it, I reckon I was 100%. But now in hindsight.

Thinking about it in hindsight, I've got to go back to Hogs and Tits. Yeah, look, it's 80% sure. So, you know, you're right. I'll see you back when I'm coming back from Hogs and Tits, though, the beautiful planet. Bye. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm thinking as well with the Jedi? Yeah.

Is it's just you and Luke. Yeah. So, you got a chance to make some Jedi doctrine. Yeah. Because soon you'll be the only Jedi around. Yeah. So it's kind of a position of power. You kind of do it.

Yeah. You've been strolling into a management position. Yeah, exactly. You're not coming in as a Mandalorian. You're coming in ground floor. Yeah. Jedi. You're a worm to the Mandalorian.

Exactly. A slug between his toes. Yes. But Luke, if Luke's like, hey, we're making this rule about the Jedi, and I'm like, I don't know, what about this rule? Yeah, like Burger Fridays. Jedi's must eat burgers on Friday. Yeah, what about casual

Fridays, Luke? What do we think about this? I got a really funny Hawaiian shirt. It's got a bunch of asses on it. They're fat. What do you think about that, Luke? Some palm trees. I'm thinking like, just get cocktails and funny shirts for Friday. It'd just be me and you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Office Christmas party sucks. It's just me and Luke. And Luke getting drunk on pudge. It's a grim scene. You wearing your fat asses and palm tree shirt, Luke. He's not changed. No. Luke, you've hurt me with this.

Yeah, well, Luke, we could maybe go to some retreats. We can do trust exercises. I can fall. You can catch me. Vice versa. Maybe some trampoline could be fun. Do some sack races. You like sack races?

Three-legged race? Oh, that'd be just the two of us. Couldn't really do that. That'd be fun, though. We could probably, like, I don't know. I have this, like, cat roommate. I reckon we could get him down. We could get him into it.

I don't know whether we really want that, actually. Forget us in any way. He's so loathsome. Yeah, you got it. But you got your friends on Wookiee. Yeah. Yeah, you still friends with those guys? Yeah.

Can they come? Can they come? Sister? You got a sister yet? Can they come? Sister? You got a sister yet? You got a sister, bro? I heard about her. She's a queen or something. Yeah.

I forget. But yeah, we can do that. We can do that. So I did something nice about being... Like, Luke's going to die eventually. Yeah. Yeah. Luke, I know you...

Look, 5 a.m. starts great. Yeah. I understand this. What if they're 11? I understand we're now like, you know, 5 a.m. to like 10 p.m. Yeah. But what if we shorten that to like 11 to 4? Plus, like, Luke's like, right, you're the only other Jedi I've found.

I've got to train you. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm going to get up at 10. And he's like, no, we start at 5. I'm like, but I get up at 10. Well, you can do what you like. I'm getting up at 10. I imagine you wake up at 5 plus 5 when your house is violently shaking due to the

force. He's just smacking me into the roof. I'm like, out of principle, just keeping my eyes closed. I'm so well rested. What a lovely dream I'm having. It's so nice to be sleeping Through what could only be a dream He'll give up eventually

10am rolls around I'm blue, bruised and bloodied I'm so well rested Good morning I guess it's time to start the day Beautiful dream You were there anyway Let's start the day With my destroyed and damaged body.

Time to do my morning stretches. It's time for my morning ritual of popping my shoulder back in. Oh, yeah. I was going to do that anyway. I love my 10 a.m. start. I see I've got a dislocated knee. Well, we'll just pop that back in. Oh, I feel great.

Yeah. I feel refreshed. Morning ritual I have over Cocoa Pops. So, you know. Yeah. That's kind of good. Yeah, I'm thinking. Oh, dress code.

You could be like, I understand you like these big robes. But what about these? I'm just wearing jeans. Yeah, sorry, man. Well, Luke's wearing like that. I think pretty sure the last time we see him in The Mandalorian, I don't know what he's wearing when he's training. Oh, yeah, he's got that like one-piece black kind of pants.

Yeah, the thing that he's got from Return of the Jedi, a movie that I'm not entirely sure you've seen or that you're entirely sure you've seen. You'd like Return of the Jedi. I think I would, too. That's one of the Ewoks. Yeah, okay. They crush a stormtrooper to death. Yeah, that'd make sense.

With a big log. They really want to eat C-3PO and then get cut when they realize they can't eat C-3PO. That would be upsetting. I think I can remember the middle of that movie, but... What happens in the middle? Because you just made a very bold call to say you remember the middle of the movie. I remember the Ewok bit. Princess Leia is on the Ewok planet already.

I don't know why. But she's there in the Ewok bit? Princess Leia is on the Ewok planet already. I don't know why. But she's there in the Ewoks. They are big fans. Uh-huh. Of who? Of C-3PO. They think he's their god. Yeah.

There's a speeder bike chase. Uh-huh. Who knows between who? Uh-huh. There's also like a big garage that they've got to go with. Yeah, there is. Potentially maybe a shield. Code base.

Reactor. Generator. And then somehow they get from the Ewok planet to the moon. The moon. It is a moon. I mean, to maybe the Death Star. Maybe they teleport up there. Who?

Who's going to the Death Star? Luke goes up to the death star yeah and Palpatine's like be my son be my friend yeah and this and this is the part of the movie

where you think that is it Palpatine you think dies of a heart attack? yeah I think Palpatine gets electrocuted so hard he has a heart attack well he probably does I've learnt now that's wrong

but he probably also is not good for the ticker so he probably suffers yeah he gets thrown the ticker, so he probably suffers. Yeah. He gets thrown down a mine shaft. I forget really what happens.

Well, that's like you've described. You covered most of it. Yeah. Covered about a third of the back half. That's, hey. Pretty good. Yeah. Maybe I've seen it.

Maybe I have seen it. I don't think so. I don't think I have either. Yeah. So I think, look, for me personally, at the end of the day, I'm picking Jedi nine times out of ten. Yeah. I'm thinking Jedi for me too, only because the Mandalorian feels like the fact that we can't find out

what their rules are feels like that everything could be a rule. Yeah. And the punishment is banishment and then shot in the back of the head. Yeah. Yeah, I kind of agree. I think Jedi at this point in time, because right now it's only Luke, and I think you could kind of strong arm him a little bit into maybe...

Oh, wait, no, there's Ahsoka. Ahsoka, yeah. Ahsoka, yeah. She's also there, but I think you could kind of be like, look, I understand that worked for you, but where are you now? And also Ahsoka got trained by Anakin,

so she's all kinds of fucked up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. The monster became Darth Vader. That's got to fuck with you. You've got she's all kinds of fucked up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. A monster became Darth Vader. That's got to fuck with you. You've got to throw all of your training out. Be like, oh, I've probably got dirty training. Yeah, heaps.

So I think really we need to kind of maybe set some better rules. Maybe a bit more flexible rules. Yeah, I think you make a fun Jedi order. Yeah. So I guess all this means is Grogu fucked up. Yeah, you made this dumb choice. Dumb little prick. Stupid little green fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanted to be with his dad. Failed. Failed. Grogu, goal and failure. Pretty cringe choice, Grogu. Yeah, pretty cringe choice.

Can Grogu even hold a gun? No. He could fly him backwards if he shot it. Yeah. I don't know if that's true. It'd be pretty true. We'll find out backwards if he shot it. Yeah. I don't know if that's true. It'd be pretty true. We'll find out. It'd be funny.

Yeah. I'm laughing. I'm laughing already. Yeah. Yeah. And on that note, I've been Joe. I've been Jackson.

I've also been Joe. This is the way out, eh? Whoa. Because fuck the Mandalorians. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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