Plumbing the Death Star - Would You How Would You Survive the Bella Swan Experience?

Episode Date: February 27, 2022

Welcome to the last episode of Plumblight! We hope you enjoyed our deep dive into the magnificent series that is Twilight. Also we're coming back to London! Grab your tickets here and follow us on socials for our inevitable second show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you want to enjoy the comedy stylings of what we can only assume the Herald Sun are calling Australia's worst export, then do we have some great news! We're coming back to London and going to be at the Leicester Square Theatre on the 27th of March. We've been informed by our good friends that this is Mother's Day in the UK, so what a perfect time to do a Step Dad episode in front of 400 of our good friends. So come on down as we discuss in great detail how certain fictional characters will treat our collective mums and how these fictional characters will treat their newly adopted three favourite little boys.

Check the show notes for the details. Tickets are going fast. We are looking at doing another show earlier that week, so follow us on socials for all the details. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, part four and the finale of the Plumlight miniseries. I'm Joel Dusha. I'm Jackson Bailey. And I'm Joel Dusha. I'm Jackson Bailey.

And I'm Joel Zammett. The lion should not fuck the lamb. And today we're asking the important questions like, would you, How would you? Would you? How would you? Same question, first of all. Would you? How would you? Same exact question.

No, no, no, no. Because would you survive the Ballast 1 experience? No. How would you? Now you gotta. experience? No. How would you? Now you gotta. That's fair. No getting out of it. So the Balaswan experience.

We gotta leave our town in LA or the desert. We are from Florida. Where mom lives. Yeah. We've had a bit of a bohemian upbringing, I assume, from home. The plumbing boys were leaving Florida for the little sleepy town of Forks. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And it's fine. Our childhood best friend Jacob is here. So that's pretty good. Oh, yeah. I forgot we need Jacob from when we were little. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's all right.

We get a truck from Dad. That's neat. Hell, yeah. Thanks for the truck, Dad. Thanks, Dan. Do we have to share it? Yeah. Okay.

We're always going to the same spots. I just know I'm going to be in the trailer. You don't know how to drive. Do you know how to drive? No, but you could let me in the front. Yeah, but the two drivers should probably sit near the steering wheel. What if one of us falls asleep at the wheel? The other one is right there to save the day.

It's cold. Wear a jumper. Have you got a jacket? I guess. What's the difference between being outside on that and when we go outside when we park? Yeah. Windchill, I guess.

Yeah, but I always have the aircon on real high, don't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. See? Okay, that seems fair. Wear a jumper and bring a blanket on. Yeah, come on, man. If it's good enough for a dog, it's good enough for you. You don't want to be in the front.

It's so chilly in there, isn't it? This is going to be an embarrassing way to arrive at our new school. Just cracking up the heat. Fucking idiot. Why is it fogging up? It's so cold. It's keeping us awake. So cold.

That's funny because I'm just going to be looking through the back window into the front cabin, seeing you turn up the heater. He's not turning up the air con at all. Sorry. He's not turning up the air con at all. He's tricked me. Anyway. Yeah.

So we go see dad. We're like, hey, dad, long time no see. Oh, wait. We've already seen him because he gave us a truck. Oh, so long time no see from when you just gave us the truck. We're back from doing one lap of the block. It's a great truck.

What's it like being, I don't know, a small town cop? Is it sick, Dad? It's pretty cool. Can we go see your dad, buddy? Hey, Dad, anything fucked up

happen here? I'm about to be real bored in Forks, I can tell. That's what I say. Yeah, I think this town's going to suck shit. Does it ever get sunny

here, Dad? He's like, no, it's actually perfect for vampires. That's interesting. What about werewolves? That's what you're going to suck shit, Dad. Does it ever get sunny here, Dad? He's like, no, it's actually perfect for vampires. Oh, that's interesting. What about werewolves? You're like, what about were, and I cut you off. What about worms?

Yeah, it's perfect for vampires. It's perfect for worms. I guess, son. Yeah, that's awesome. I like to think about the worms, yeah. Okay, then obviously, first day of school. Yep. And that's the next big thing that happens.

And then we walk in front of the fan. Three of us walking together, three stooges style, trying to get through the same door. Get out of the way! Get out of the way! In front of the fan, and Edward is like,

I guess we're three stinky boys. We notice that, and I start crying. He thinks I smell. You do smell. Well, before that, though, we got chatty with that clique and they told us about the Cullens. That's true. We see the Cullens for the first time.

We said hello, good friends, whose name I don't remember at all except for you, Anna Kendrick. Nice to meet you, Anna Kendrick. Edward Cullen comes in, I'm like what a babe. He's a babe. Who are these porcelain skinned maniacs well i guess if they see me they might spit on me i might get that lucky jackson's off scurrying like a dog after

them maybe i'll be a rat like a little jester man and eat the bones of their food why does everyone love them so much yeah they do nothing for me'm going to hang out with these click guys. Anna Kendrick seems annoying-ish, but maybe in a fun way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other people I have immediately forgotten. I have face blindness to them. Yeah. One of them went and was in the miniseries based on that singer, fan killed us, or sad, Selena?

Yeah. Unfortunately, when I try and think of the people that are surrounding Bella Swan, usually, I realize I'm thinking of Katie's friends from Mean Girls. Like Kevin. Wrong movie. Yeah, I can't think of the... It's Anna Kendrick and then a blur.

Yeah, that guy that I hate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. That's fair. I'll try and... Mike? Mike? Mike. That does not help. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, yeah. I'll try and... Mike? Mike? Mike. Mike.

That does not help. The Mike man. Oh, that helps me. Angela? Uh-huh. Yeah. Is it? No.

Angela? No, I remember what Angela looks like. Yeah. And then, okay. Yeah, she goes on to play Selena. Who's that? Show me Angela. Angela is this lady.

Oh, Angela. Yeah. I talked to Angela and Anna Kendrick and immediately forget Mike. Almost forgot his name. You know Mike. He looks like a wiener ball. Yeah, he does. I hate Mike.

He's all right. Hey, Mike, you familiar with the movie Like Mike? Because I dislike Mike. I reckon Mike probably plays Magic the Gathering, and I reckon in high school we could do that. It's crazy that you guys have completely left me alone in the Balaswan experience. I'm playing Magic the Gathering with Mike.

Leave me alone. I'm about to be hit by a car, and Edward Cullen will not save me. Oh, no, Jackson got smooshed into our truck and died. I suppose the Balaswan experience is that Edward has to fall in love with us. Well, yeah, he smells you because we're off hanging out with, I've got their names already. Angela, Mike, and... Anna Kendrick.

Anna Kendrick, come on out. Is there another one? Jessica, Jessica. Jessica. Jessica's Anna Kendrick. That's Anna Kendrick. So you're in the crowd watching as I'm like, where are my friends? And then a truck comes.

Edward Cullen saves my life. Yeah, because we're late for biology class, I guess, and that's why he gets a full whiff of you. Yeah, yeah. And I stand in front of that fan for ages trying to figure out where to sit. Because you're hot. Scratching your stomach. You're so hot.

Scratching your tummy. Lift up my shirt. Scratching your tummy. We come in a bit late, also standing in the van. Edward's like, oh my God, when there was one of them, this, you know, Edward just blood comes out of his nose and he throws up. And he runs, I guess we're stinky. Jackson, look what you did.

Wait, was he into us? He's not anymore. It's probably your fault. Yeah, probably. Yeah, that makes sense. Teacher's like, oh, you're the new student. I'm like, why are you talking? Oh yeah, you're a teacher. You're allowed to fault. Yeah, probably. Yeah, that makes sense. Teacher's like, oh, you're the new student. I'm like, why are you talking? Oh yeah, you're a teacher.

You're allowed to talk to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where should we sit? Near the window? Yeah. What happened to that boy? He seems, is he all right? It's funny because like,

if we're all doing balance one, he's like, and you'll sit there and we're like, that's one six. Excuse me, teacher. I don't know if you've noticed we're three boys. Sorry, when when I see you I just see one entity, I don't know why. Half an ass cheek each on one- And Jack on the- And Jack on the- You lie on the floor, like a fucking dog.

Yeah, okay. Hey, you know how a dog sits on its stomach? Yeah, do that. I just lie on my back in between the- I'm not learning. I can't see the blackboard this way. Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. in between the desks there at the ceiling. I'm not learning. I can't see the blackboard this way. Shut up. That's the way you decided to lie. That's not my problem.

Then we get to be in, I guess, our lab partner is Edward, and he really does not like this. No, no, no. I mean, the vibes from Edward are not good. He hates us. Then he wants, no. I mean, like, the vibes from Edward are not good. Guys, does he hate us? Yeah. Then he wants, like, I need to be transferred.

I don't want to work with the Jolson Jackson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say, fair enough. We are annoying. I mean, look, there are three of us. I would be like, this would be fair enough if it had happened after the first class. Because then he heard us talking.

It was like, I can't sanction that. But it was straight away that he disliked us. gets up and leaves a nasty baby yeah i mean look granted yes look yes it's lab partners i'd be like hey big ed and then he would say straight away i'm like fuck yeah but eddie can i call you eddie edza eddie c edward gullen edward g the g man it's Edward Gullen. Edward G. The G-man. It's Cullen. What? Gullen? Like a gull. Like a seagull.

Yeah? Edward, come on. He's like a gull, right? No. But he loves us. He's horned up the whole time. You chubbed up? Because that's sick if you are.

He leaves the room like, he was full on boner the whole time. School burners are sick. Edward Gullen, he was, he was rock hard. Gullen, right? Yeah, I think it was Edward Gullen. That's funny if he's corrected us and we're like, no. No, no, no. We don't listen.

Also, no, you're wrong. That's right. Wrong. Gullen doesn't sound like a name. We thought about it and actually it's Edward Gullen. Gullen sounds like a name. We thought about it and yeah, you're wrong. What's next?

What's the next? Then we get saved by him, I think. Which I am imagining in this situation is just an accident. He's also just standing next to us and almost gets hit by the car and stops it. Oh my god, you saved our lives. He's like, I really did not. Well, you must love us. No. Do we go to prom? No. No, no, no. You've

misunderstood. But he does love us though Yeah I mean that's the That's the Balaswan experience No matter how annoying We may or may not be Balaswan is a piece of shit Yeah exactly

He's all great Nah he loves us He's lazy We're basically like A perfume to him Yeah exactly A horned up perfume You gotta remember

He looks at us Like a suckling pig He wants to fuck Okay We smell like Fucking sexy shit to him But also he wants to eat us Yeah yeah yeah He's confused he's horny and hungry

So at what point does Bella Clue in that he's a vampire And would we also clue in It's after the cut I think she's already been like Something's fucked up with this kid Because stuff we've just skimmed over there is like them disappearing when it's sunny and like Jessica and stuff like that being like,

yeah, they're never around. Their parents always pull them out of school on nice days. True, true, true. And then also seeing them all fucking Mac on and suck each other off or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. Like something's gone. And then Jessica is also like, yeah, they're real. They're not actually related, but it's disgusting.

Makes me sick. Yeah. It makes me want to throw up. Or depending on like what kind of pervert Jessica is, maybe she's like, it's actually're real. They're not actually related, but it's disgusting. Makes me sick. Yeah, it makes me want to throw up. Or depending on what kind of pervert Jessica is, maybe she's like, it's actually unreal that they can do that. I wish I could do that, but too bad. Yeah. So.

Just looking at Jessica. What's wrong with you? I thought you were cool, but now I'm scared of you. Yeah, I'm second guessing what's going on here. I mean, you're definitely on top. You're a teen and you'll probably think back on that and be like, I wish I'm scared of you. I'm second guessing what's going on here. You're definitely on that. You're a teen and you'll probably think back on that and be like, I wish I didn't say that. Yeah, yeah.

And I also would just like to put in, I wish you didn't say that. What about when we meet Jacob again for the first time? Yeah. Hey, Jacob, nice hair. Please cut it shorter. You look stupid. Wow, you've grown your hair out, haven't you? Huh?

Yeah. Is that a cultural thing? I hope you get muscly later. That's what I'll say to him. I think I'd say to him, because we would have a different childhood relationship with Jacob than Bella did, because he was clearly like...

Kind of like crushing on her. Yeah, the whole time. We'd also be like, hey, want to play some Nintendo 64? Yeah, he'd be crushing on us. That's the Bella Swan experience. He's been crushing on us, That's the Bella Swan experience. He's been crushing on us, but it's not like we don't go for it. No, because I think the thing now we need to decide is like,

if we keep being like, no, but this happened to Bella, then we're going to get to the end of the movies and we're married to Edward because that happened to Bella. Well, again, the Bella Swan experience is basically being in a love triangle or in this situation, a love five angle. Love four angle. Love five angle. Love you five angle.

Us three and Jacob and Edward. Because that's the Bellasso experience. You're choosing between a wolf man and a vampire man. That's where we found ourselves. But the trick will be, because they both love us, the trick will be not losing them. Yeah. They start off loving us.

You know, Edward because he smells us, and Jacob because he has wrong memories from our time as kids. But now... But we also learn about the animosity. That's true, actually. And that does help Bella make the connections. So here's the question. Would we make the connections?

I can't remember what the connections are, so I'm going to bravely say no. Okay, Edward, so we're about to get hit by, I think it's a van. A skidding van. Is Jessica driving the van? No, it's someone else. It's another kid. I hope it's Mike. No, it's not one of the van no it's someone else it's another kid he

doesn't really get much time no no it's not one of those kids i like to think it's a kid trying to kill us you've wrecked biology we hate that get off the floor uh but yeah so he he runs pretty quickly yeah like in in a distance that no man should be able to cover very quickly and he stops him with these uh stops the van with his bare hand and we're just like well that's kind of fucked he says like what how'd you do it he's like i don't know you're super strong he's like no i'm not you're like you are very strong he's like no it's adrenaline or alternatively i just pulled you out of the way yeah i'm like that's confusing then we had to give us two options yeah gaslighting us wrong by giving us twice. He's so gaslighting us, guys. And then we talk to Jacob. I'm like, red flag, brother.

That's what I'm feeling. Yeah, so Jacob tells us about the longstanding animosity between the two families. And the Cullens. We choose not to care. Cullens are not allowed on the reservation. And I'm like, I guess that's fair. I don't really question that.

I would. I'd be like, what did they do to you? He's like, no, no, there's just animosity between the two but yeah but why though i'd be like i'd be asking a lot of those questions in the past and he would just be like haha don't be silly let's go for a dip in the beach or whatever and he'd try you know he'd try and deflect yeah and i'd be like i'm jacob what does jacob i'm going home i'm going home you don't you know you're not telling me something it's weird you're being weird You've half told me something Which is even more annoying

Yeah We've got a truck to drive We can go do skids We're gonna do that We're gonna I don't know We're gonna go do Doeys in a car park

Yeah Fuck this bitch And it's this point That Bella does her own research And is like Yes a vampire I really love the image Of like the three of us

Three laptops On the one bed And it's like Vamp yes, a vampire. I really love the image of the three of us, three laptops on the one bed, and it's like, vampires, vampires, fat tits. You guys seeing this? They're huge. If it's us, it's like, fat tits, fat tits, fat tits on vampires. Wait a second. I'm going to put a photo of Edward's face in front of a fat-titted vampire.

Oh my gosh. How cool is this? Hey guys, I'm doing my nightly jerking off to big-titted vampire porn, as is tradition. Do you reckon this big-titted vampire kind of has the same skin colour as all the Cullens? Oh my god. That's hot, right? Do you reckon I could get him to cosplay as a vampire and fuck this shit out of me? I think so. That's hot, right? Do you reckon I could get him to cosplay as a vampire and fuck the shit out of me?

I think so. That's good. Talk to him at school tomorrow. Oh, I reckon I will. Print that off. I'm holding a picture of Jacob's face in front of a big-titted vampire and be like, this doesn't seem right.

On top of a wolf. Hang on. Picture of Sonic the Hedgehog. Figuring some stuff out right now Don't know what I get the big the cat Oh my god Big titted Sonic art And give me that picture of Jacob again

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the other Joel. SantsPantsRadio.com slash shop. Well, yeah, there's this point, because we're going, alright, there's animosity between Jacob and his family and the Cullens. That seems strange strange but like whatever whatever maybe just like i guess also i just wouldn't small towns are fucked up yeah maybe

one of them hit them with a car and they're like angry yeah or some weird shit like that i'll be like it doesn't have any bearing on me yeah there's no there's no myth like mystical bullshit happening here right there could not be a monster i don't think i would ever assume vampires no but i'd be looking at like, okay, so he was super fast and he could stop a van with his bare hand. Is he a superman? Yes, I think that is where you would go.

Was he in the military? Yeah, we don't know. Did he get experimented on? Because the thing is, how many Captain America comics have I read? Well, you're you. Well, then I would be, yeah. Is he like a Captain America? Are I read? Well, you. So, a lot of them. Is he like a Captain America?

You're a werewolf by night. He's got a super self-assertive nature. That's not an unreasonable assumption. I would say in real life it's quite an unreasonable assumption. I guess he is fast as shit. What would you think, though? we're there with our laptops there we've all looked at big titters and we're like now close the laptops all right now that we've done that and we're all thinking clear yeah we've got that post-comp clarity yeah yeah boys pcc what the fuck happened today he basically basically That kid tried to hit us with a truck

And those teachers were intervened That's what I keep thinking Yeah, that fucking guy You should have upset them He tried to run I don't feel safe at school Yeah, no We're going to tell

We're going to tell our dad, right? We're going to plant some evidence In his van or something Oh, okay I'm going to take the baton to school Yeah, yeah, good, good You take the baton I'm going to take the drugs

We'll burn the van Yeah, yeah I'm going to hit the van So long as burn the van. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to hit the van with the baton. So long as our kids, it gets fucked. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that he, Edward, ran. Like, he was like 30, 40 feet away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was on us in a split second.

And he stopped the car with his hand. I would absolutely second guess my joke. I would be like, maybe I saw it wrong. Maybe I fell over? He kept saying adrenaline, but then he said he pushed us out of the way. I know what I saw. Well, okay, here would be the test of this. Because doesn't he say, I pushed you out of the way,

and Bella's like, no, you didn't. And he's like, adrenaline just fucked up your memory, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's a handprint on the car. I saw the handprint. Yeah. But here's where the ultimate test of it is. When later on we're in the woods and we meet Edward and we're like,

something's different about you. Something's fucked up. Say it. What do you say? Hulk. Incredible Hulk. Captain America. And then I pointed him.

Which one are you again? How do I get out of these woods? Yeah, say it. Who are you? I'm like, a Superman. And he's like, oh, no. Would he reveal himself? If you were like, you're a superhero, right?

If you got it wrong, is he being like, no, I'm a vampire? Or is he like, yeah.'m a spider-man i feel like you're a superhero you're a hulk what are you saying to him yeah at this point we just like he's super fast he stopped the van well if you have to have said superman and hulk i i think i i don't feel like i need to contribute. We've covered both bases. I don't need to. What would you say if we said? Say we had an interview. Say you're first. Okay, I'm first. He's like...

Say it. I would be like, Edward Cullen. No, you know what I am. I'm a... I don't know. I would be scared I was about to be killed. What am I? Is this a real killer? I'm like, are you about to be killed. What am I? A serial killer? And I'm like, are you about to fucking cut me up?

What's about to happen? And then he's like, you're a serial killing superhero Hulk, aren't you? And then he's like, get on, Spider-Monkey. And the three of us get on his back and he can't climb a tree anymore. And he climbs back down and he's like, maybe one at a time. And then I'm like, so you are a Spider-Man. Nothing you have shown me makes me think vampire, Edward. Currently, I'm like, as we're spider-monking on his back,

I lean over to Dushan. I'm like, I don't think he's a Hulk. He hasn't turned green. He's not a Hulk. But maybe a Spider-Man. I've mentally crossed that off the list. I'm open to Spider-Man still. No mask, though.

He hasn't not said he's going to kill us. Yeah, I'm still thinking serial killer. Oh, it's a serial killer that drops us from a tree. In our telepathic conversation link that we're having, it's like Hulk is off the table. Spider-Man's on the table. I imagine his telepathic link is just a Joel link. And I'm like, why are they letting this serial killer

take us off the tree? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a Joel link, And I'm like, why are they letting this serial killer take us up the street? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joel Link is like, okay, so superhero is there, crossing off Hulk. Spider-Man was circling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Serial killers over there. Jack had a good idea. What if he said vampire?

What if he was like, no, I'm a vampire? I'd be like, what? And then he was like, let me show you. And then he went into the sun and sparkled. Don't vampires die in the sun is what I would say. When he was like, I'll show you. I'd be like, what are you and then he went into the sun and sparkled don't vampires die in the sun is what i was when he was like i'll show you what are you about to do is he gonna fucking murder him murder himself is he imagine twilight if he's like let me show you it just oh my god don't do that yeah at that point he's, at that point, he's like, I spy. And I'd be like, I've read about vampires.

But only ones with fat tits, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrong, I guess. Because then he would be like, well. Sorry, Edward, sorry. Are you familiar with the big-titted vampire, Vampirella? I don't watch television. Why?

Wait a second. I don't have a TV. I only have Debussy CDs. Sorry. No, hang on. We'll circle back. Wait. No, it's a comic book, but hang on. You don't?

Sorry. You don't watch TV? No, I don't watch television. Yeah, I listen to Debussy CDs. It's okay. Hang on. If we're going to go out with you because you seem to like us, maybe? What?

That's moving a little quickly. What's your perfect date? So now you're our boyfriend. Yes, now that you're our boyfriend. We're exclusive, Edward. If I find out you're cheating on us, I'll hit you with a hammer. I'm toxic. Just like you.

Okay, so you don't watch TV? No, I don't watch television. Hang on, wait a second. Does this conversation happen before Edward watches us sleep? Or does Bella wake up and think she's dreaming of Edward, but it turns out he was actually in her room? I think they have this conversation first. Oh, no.

After, after, after. So we wake up in our old bed. We all sleep together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We're like, good night. Good night. And then we go to sleep.

Everyone, how good was our fat tit vampire jerk off session? It was awesome. It was probably top ten, I reckon. All fat tit vampire jerk offs that we do once or twice a day. Open our eyes in the middle of the night. Holy shit, there's a guy in the room. Panic. Maybe we just had a dream.

Yeah, I don't think I would think anything was happening. I'd be like, I'm dreaming about that guy that thought I stunk today at school, and then I would move on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So again, he's enamored with us. He absolutely adores us, and he's definitely in love with us. But the moment he's like, yeah, don't worry.

I'm like, I'm sorry, what? He would be like, I don't watch television. So what do you do for fun? I listen to music. Yeah, and I read. Read what? Like Vampirella? No, I read. I can give you a I listen to music. And I read. Read what? Like Vampirella? No, I read literature.

I read Shakespeare. Vampirella can be literature. I'm not saying it can't. You sounded like you can't. You sounded like comics weren't really like that. Is this the point we lose Joel Zahn? Is this the point that Edward Cullen's like, okay. So you always say Debussy.

Wait, Debussy? Yeah, Debussy. Like the classical. Any of like, okay. So you're listening to Debussy. Wait, Debussy? Yeah, Debussy. Like the classical. Any of the classical composers. So anything modern? No. Nothing modern? I don't.

Have you listened to anything modern? It's not for me. Have you heard of Radiohead? So you've listened. They're very famous. What about, I don't know, like. OK Computer. Yeah.

Pitchfork gave it a 10. This is not how I imagined this interaction going. Airbag, great opener. Goes straight into Paranoid Android. It's actually the alternative rock version of Bohemian Rhapsody. Yeah. There's lots of parts. Do you like Bohemian Rhapsody?

Do you want to climb to the top of a tree at all? No, no, no. We're having a conversation about likes and dislikes. So what else do you like? Have you read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Because Paranoid Android is actually a reference to Marvin the Depressed. You like sci-fi? Not really.

Have you seen Blade Runner? I play baseball sometimes. We have to play it when thunder is happening. Thunder? Why? Because otherwise it sounds really loud. Have you heard of Imagine Dragons? They have a song about thunder. No, I haven't heard about Imagine Dragons.

Imagine Dragons don't exist yet, so don't worry about it. Oh, yeah, don't worry about it. Let's go through the baseball thunder thing again. So when we hit the baseballs with our baseball bats, it's really loud, obviously. Why? Because we're incredibly strong. But what does that do?

Does it break the bat? Yeah. No, it doesn't. They're reinforced. It just sounds loud. But it's so loud, Does it break the bat? Yeah. No, it doesn't. They're reinforced. But it's so loud, so we have to wait till there's thunder. And I guess it's really difficult to time it right. Well, no, people think it's thunder is what happens. So I've been to baseball games before, Edward.

And I know the sound of a baseball cracking on a bat. Well, have you ever thought, oh, I can hear vampires playing baseball? Now that you mention it, I guess yeah. Well, no, you didn't think about it until I brought it up, did you? And then at this point, I finally put his back with a stick to try and kill him,

because I still think he's a serial killer. And he just throws me into a tree or whatever. Sorry about our friend, brother, who knows. So, sorry, do you, so you don't want, do you, Simpsons? Have you ever watched any of the Simpsons? I've never seen the Simpsons. The Simpsons. Yeah, I've never seen the Simpsons.

Futurama? No. What about ER? ER, guy gets killed by a helicopter. I really need to impress upon you, I've never watched television. Okay, have you seen Dracula Dead and Loving It? No, I was born pre, I'm 17. How long have you been 17 for and Loving It? No, I was- It's very funny. I was born- How old are you? I'm 17.

How long have you been 17 for? Like 108 years-ish. And you haven't watched TV. TV got invented. You were around when that train came and attacked the audience at the cinema, yeah? I wasn't in that cinema. The Great Train Massacre of Cinema? You could have been, yeah? I could have been.

Wait, hang on, how old are you again? 108. 108. Were you in a war? I've been in heaps of wars, yeah. Did you go to the war? Did I go to the war? Were you in the war?

Which war? World War II. All the wars. I was in most of the wars. Did you fight in- No, I became a vampire really young, so it just didn't really come- So you could have stopped a lot of- I could have tried.

But you didn't? No, I had other stuff going on. What do you mean? Wait, you're really powerful, yeah? Yeah, I'm starting to fall out of love with both of you. I'm starting to be mad at you. So you're 108- 108.

108, sorry. And you were around as a vampire. I would lift my arms and do like a little shake so my scent is around. Oh, yeah, no, you guys smell incredible. Yeah, it was still good, yeah. Yeah. And you didn't stop any... No, I didn't...

I'm sorry I didn't kill Hitler, okay? I didn't love the guy, but I didn't kill him. Yeah, but you didn't do anything. Yeah. Well, lots of people could have tried to kill him. I tried. I'm just one of the number. But they were human.

Yeah, yeah. There's plenty of other vampires as well. Be mad at them. I am. Wait, there's more? So there's a lot of vampires. Yeah. So there's a lot of vampires in World War II.

Yeah. What do you want to do about it? The fuck did you guys do? I want to impress upon you how disappointed I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With you and everyone around you. Hang on. This is a side conversation, though.

But the Voltari are in Italy. Yeah. That doesn't bode well for World War II. I see the vampires largely, like, they consider us dogs. So they're like, it's just like dogs fight. It's like if two cats are fighting in your alleyway out the back of your house, and you're like, I should have gotten involved. Yeah, I should have have gotten involved yeah that was

it yeah i feel like that if those two cats are like 2 000 cats and i'm staying out of it if there are 2 000 cats staring at each other behind my alleyway i'm calling the police and being like bring guns and weed is happening in my alleyway. A lot of fun, cats fun. Something wholly unprecedented is occurring. Hello, the police? Have you had any fucked up calls about cats today? Have you ever heard of such a thing as a cat war? Officer, I think I'm going to need you to come to my house with lots of guns and maybe a grenade.

I think we need to get involved you to come to my house with lots of guns and maybe a grenade. I think we need to get involved in a cat war, officer. Some of the cats have got, I think, little mini zeppelins. I don't know what the fuck is happening. Maybe I'll have to finish out a lot of things, I don't know. Officer, I can only describe this as a cat blitz. It's like a cat full on cat World War II happening out the back. We need to stop this.

Yeah, okay. Okay, I guess you had your own reasons. I guess it's a human war. You don't want to... Okay, fine, fine. It's just like if there was a cat war in your backyard. Okay. But you listen to human music. Yes, I listen to human music.

Are there vampire artists? Not that I know of. So you don't really have vampire culture? really but so you would just adopt there are a couple of different vampire rules yeah sort of rules well i mean it's like a lot of stuff to explain okay but so you have rules but no culture yeah and you so the art that you guys consume is our art but there's not many vampires yeah yes okay Well it's all I mean it depends on the vampire Yeah Okay

And your family don't Some of them Might Might Yeah Okay So you don't want to go to a movie So if we're like

Hey let's go to a movie If you wanted to go to a movie I would go I want to go to a movie I want to go to a movie I'd do anything for you What's your ideal What's your ideal date

What's your opinions on movies If we say we like movies You I love movies How do you. What's your ideal date? What's your opinions on movies? If we say we like movies, you... I love movies. How do you feel about movies? Well, I love that you love movies. Okay. What is your ideal date? We go to a field.

Yep. Okay. And we lie... I get hay fever. And we lie amongst the flowers. And we look into each other's eyes. Yeah. And I talk about how I want to be with you forever.

Yeah. Doing, doing what? Well, just being in love. Yeah. Yeah. But that's not a date really.

That's just an idea. That's a conversation. Yeah. Well, I would have even taken pretty much anything. Yeah. That's an activity. Yeah.

So that's just like, do you want to go hiking? Well, we could go hiking. You like, do you like hiking? No, no no no no no no what do you want to do i want to do whatever you want to do i'm gonna shoot myself and you're going to be to blame do you like hiking i like being outside sure okay do you like but okay okay he doesn't like what i like is i like being around you okay uh and if i'm watching tv then i'll watch you watch tv you watch you're not gonna Okay. What I like is I like being around you. Okay. And if I'm watching TV.

Then I'll watch you watch TV. You're not going to watch the TV with me? No. See, I like watching TV and talking about what we just saw. I could teach myself to do that. We have thousands of years to figure it out. Well, no, I do. I think at this point

the ballast one experience for me is also that I top out this is when you call thanks a bunch Edward you have a really good life I'm probably going to go date Jessica or something she at least seems a bit unhinged but in a fun way

you seem boring and also like you will kill me so my last moments won't be fun and then murdered i'll be like oh you still love me yeah cool like uh look mike uh jacob angela any of these much better options also more age appropriate yeah so you're 100 and i'm 108 and you i sorry sorry you're 17 but you're 108 So you're 17 But you're 108 I'm 17 But I've lived 108 years Maturity

It's kind of hard to ask someone Are you mentally 17 If someone said hey Joel you're mentally 30 I'd be like fuck you Are you fighting Are we Trying to pick a fight? I'll hit you.

You've had many, I guess, partners before. No, I've never felt this way before. So you've never felt this? Are you a virgin? I like to think at this point I've come to against the tree and I've run up and tried to hit him with a log, but he just throws me down a hill. I don't like to talk about that.

I'm old fashioned I guess He's never fucked What do you mean you're old fashioned You have been 17 For a hundred years You can't be old fashioned Because you've constantly been living as 17 That doesn't make fucking sense

Do you know how to finger me I could learn Are you old fashionedfashioned or not? Stick to your morals, Edward. I can learn. Hey, babe, I'd love if you fingered me right now. Well, I don't know how to do that, but I could learn. I could learn.

I'm figuring it out. That's what you want to hear from your future parable. I could learn. I could learn. So you don't know how to... Have you ever... I'll make the jerk-off motion. Do you know how to... have you ever, I'll make the jerk off motion. Do you know how to?

Have you come? Do you know what? I can come, but I never come. That is alarming. You've never had a wet dream? No, I have heaps of them. Wait, you don't sleep? So no.

You're just walking around. Another wet dream. I're just walking around. Another web dream. I guess Edward's, I guess, sexual education, like sex education. Because. Well, no, it would be. I guess it's 17 over. Yeah. I guess he'd be getting quite a lot.

He knows how to be safe. But that's crazy because Edward learnt the pull out method For ages and then contraceptives You know he's been through it all And then he knocks up Bella like that Like that in a second He clearly wasn't listening But also I guess Carlisle would be like

Whatever you do don't fuck a human You fuck a human you will paste the fuck It's not going to be pretty dude It's like fucking And let me get this, like, hey, Edward, we need to have the talk. Don't fucking human,

it's like fucking a sandwich. You'll wreck it. Okay? It won't be recognizable as a sandwich anymore. Not only will you ruin the sandwich, but you're not going to want to eat it afterwards either. You might never want to eat a sandwich again. Just saying.

So don't fuck a person. Here's the rules. Don't fuck people. Okay. We got to move past this Forrest conversation, but let's say that it took up so much of the movie that we're at the end. Well, I've realized that what happens now, though, is like, for me personally, and I know we're doing this together, but for me personally.

No, I think this is the point where we all split off. I think you're right. For me personally, I'm like,'re doing this together, but for me personally... No, I think this is the point where we all split off. I think you're right. For me personally, I'm like, okay, well, I hate this man. And then what is going to happen in my future is like, I guess I'm still jumping off cliffs for some reason. Well, I guess I'm not. No. Look, side Joel bar here.

Hey, so this guy boring as shit. Anytime we're like, what do you want to do? He's always, what do you want to do? Boring as shit, but also're like, what do you want to do? He's always, what do you want to do? Boring as shit, but also somehow a psycho at the same time. Usually psycho energy at least gives a person an edge, but this guy really, truly sucks. I know.

If I'm like, hey, do you want to go hiking? And he's like, whatever you want to do, babe. That's really fucking annoying. If he had said, yeah, let's go hunting, I'd be like, that's fucked up. But he didn't. He didn't. Do I get a gun? No. No. What are we hunting Do I get a gun? No.

What are we hunting? Who are we hunting? Right? At least that's scary. This guy's boring as shit. He's a wet fucking blanket. Also, Jacob won't stop talking to me, and I hate looking at him. Don't worry. Our next movie, he cuts his hair, and he grows to be 6'7".

You guys leave, and I finally wake up, and it's just me and Edward, I guess. And and he's like do you want to climb a tree and i'm like yeah yeah i never once tried to attack you and i full-on think you're a serial killer so yeah look edward it's been nice but here are the joels tapping out i don't know if you've heard this before but you are a very boring man who might kill me i don don't know. And with that, the lamb said fuck off to the lion. Joel's out. Yeah. You fucking suck, dude.

You sound like the fucking lion. Maybe later, bro. Yeah, when you see me at school tomorrow, don't. Yeah, I don't know why everyone is enamored with this. Your sisters are kind of hot, though. What are they up to?

What is Emmett? They're all in long-term vampire relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But is Emmett and... Oh, yeah, follow-up question. Sisters are kind of hot, though, but are they fucking their brothers? No, it's cool because we're vampires.

That wasn't... No, and therefore I am now disgusted. Yeah, I was going to ask if Emmett, and I think it's rosaline are they in an open relationship you're welcome to give it a crack okay okay that's a fucked up thing to say yeah especially about your brother dude you asked i did i just say emmett's very hunky yeah he's yeah it's a bit of a say babe i somehow i rap i like to imagine somehow i've heard that i could get turned into a sexual paste.

So I've become enamored with Edward. And then he leaves because he's like, I don't want Jackson to get involved in all this. And I become depressed because I'm like, he was gonna fuck me so hard. I was gonna get fucked to death. I would have gone to heaven as a hero. Yeah, he would have fucked me so hard

that with one thrust, he compresses my spine. Can you imagine that? St. Peter would have high-fived me on the way in. I don't know. Jackson, Jackson, Jackson Bailey. Holy shit, dude. The guy that got fucked at that. You've been dead for 10 minutes and you're already famous as hell up here.

Jesus Christ wants to meet you. I don't know, Jack. He says he's going to fuck us to death, but honestly, he doesn't even know how to finger us. It's just so funny to imagine that scene with Bella where the camera pans around and she's depressed and it's me, but occasionally you just open the door to my room and you're like, this is a stupid reason to be sad.

I want to die fucking. I want to be fucked so hard I become like a Posada. You know when you see roadkill on the road but it's been run over like 100 or 200 times and it's mostly just the equivalent I guess of like jam? That could be me. You know when you see roadkill and it's like say a possum

with like a tire mark through it? Imagine that's me but it's a cock mark. Jackson, what are you saying? Are you saying you wanted to slam his dick on you so hard it kills you? I don't even know what I'm saying. I just know that I need this boy to kill me. Are you the roadrunner or the road? Okay, I just needed to happen.

And he's disappeared for some reason. Yeah, because I think he's, if you're around, maybe. We have not become friends with Alice, which means we don't get this vision, which means that Edward dies. He never comes back, and I'm so sad. Well, he doesn't run away. Has James tried to kill us?

No, we didn't really do that. We missed all of that. So he hasn't run away to protect you. I'm just in a relationship with Edward, I guess. When can we fuck Edward? Hey, Edward, what's the plans to fuck me to death? Hey, Edward, I'm just filling in my calendar for the coming year. When would you say the fucking me to a paste bit is happening?

Just so I can have all my stuff written down so I know what's coming in the year, obviously. Well, if we've avoided all that, because there's three vampires roaming around eating people, and that's everyone thinking, maybe a bear? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, obviously. Well, if we've avoided all that, because there's three vampires roaming around eating people, and that's everyone thinking, maybe a bear? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess that's still a thing.

Well, okay, well, here's the question. Jacob wants to spend time with you. He's become hunky. It's the next year. Are you two hanging out with Jacob? He's like, hey, do you want to fix up some dirt bikes in the old shed? Yes, I do, because Christ almighty, Jackson won't stop wailing. Pissed me! Yes I do because Christ almighty Jackson won't stop wailing Paste me This wants to be pasted so much

I wanna die by then Jacob sees you do an imprint on the sperms In your balls Jacob's like for some reason When we go home And jerk off the big titted lesbian

big titted vampire porn Jacob's loose as interesting you say what do I want you guys are so attractive for like

a day what I don't know should we keep doing these dirt bikes I don't know comes into our house one dirt vibes? It's just real I don't know Comes into our house one day And just sees us staying

And is like My wife Jacob married Jacob married a tissue Jacob what are you doing with my sock? Jacob get back No that's my sock That's my good sock

Don't touch it For some reason He's taking my good sock Why is he stealing the sock? I've come to that He took my favourite sock That taking my good time. Why is my feeling just suck? I've cummed in there. He took my favourite sock that I love to cum in. Why is this sock my what? What?

I hate this town. Fuckful. Lost my favourite sock and a boy didn't kill me with his dick. What even is the fucking point? Okay, well then let's assume that obviously Jacob's lost interest in you because you cummed his wife out. You cummed his wife into the trash. He's married a sock.

But Jacob, Edward and me are still- Oh, it's like a puppy with its favourite toy? Yeah, but- Occasionally we like go around and look over and there's like a wolf playing with a sock and you're like, that's my favourite sock, you piece of shit. You fucking piece of shit. No offense. You know, there's gum in there, yeah?

Don't talk about my wife like that. That actually makes a lot of sense. That's fucking very strange to say. His nose just like deep in it. Yeah, that's full and fucked up, Jacob. I don't know if I want to be friends with you anymore. Okay. Then Bella's family, presumably.

I mean, sorry. Edward's family, presumably loathe me but but they make do they make you uh what kind of face Jackson Bailey they just get English we got you a big back Edward I love your family. So is tonight the night, Edward? Is this you dining me? I'm ready. You can do it at any time.

Mid-bye to the Big Mac. I don't give a shit, son. And then Edward, I guess, is like, Jackson, I've been trying to get a word in for a while. Yes. Okay. I start unzipping. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm old fashioned.

I need, we need to be married. Okay. Whatever dude. It's death do us part or whatever. Whatever you gotta fucking decide, whatever you need to do dude, to paste me up with your dick. Sure.

I'm not fussed. Also. I'm not fussed. Also, I'm not fussed about wedding till death do us part. Like, one fuck, that's it. Whatever. It's good. That actually works out fine for me, dude. Maybe turn me into a vampire, I think, was some of my motivation for a while. But honestly, it's mostly the pacing.

And then I call you guys up and I'm like, guess who's getting married? And you're like, you're doing it for the wrong reason. Yes, I am. Do you love him? No. Oh. like guess who's getting married you're like you're doing it for the wrong reason yes i am do you love him no not at all yes yes i really do yeah he's gonna put a baby in me has he said that at this point he can't read our thoughts yeah probably yeah it's probably good that he can't to be honest he might does he think you love him well i think he's like i can't read your thoughts. Yeah, probably. Yeah, it's probably good that he can't, to be honest. Does he think you love him?

Well, I think he's like, I can't read your thoughts. And he thinks it's because I'm special. But he's like, occasionally, I just don't think you're having many. You'd be right. I have about one a minute. Most of them involve pasting. Read for longer. Mickey the Rat? What?

What the fuck's under Mickey Mouse's big pants? Good question Does he got human hands under those gloves? Hey rats have huge balls Is that what's in Mickey's big pants? Does he have big rat balls? But then it fades away as the thought disappears Won't be another one for a full minute

Hope you enjoyed that one Well You must really love me can't read any of his can't read any of his he's in denial Edwin's in denial yeah

okay so when are you getting married I guess after graduation dude well no because Bella says after graduation

oh that's true because Edwin wants to get married straight away awesome tonight right now what yeah maybe you just chuck on a suit or whatever or just come and yeah whatever I guess I've been on a run Tonight Right now What?

Maybe you just chuck on a suit or whatever I've been on a run Yeah just run here It's a marriage of convenience And the convenience is that I'm going to get fucked to death Okay We rock up in our truck Hey man congratulations You getting married?

Yeah You want a box? Sure dude do what you like Hey, man. Congratulations. You getting married? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want a box? Sure, dude. Do what you like. But the wedding's now, right? Yeah. So no.

So no box. Yeah, I guess. I have a box at my funeral. Oh, yeah. It's crazy that we know that this ends in death. He's going to get... And he's going to... Yeah. Carlo, are you... Is everyone... Guys, look around. We know that this ends in death. He's going to get, and he's going to,

Carlo, are you? Is everyone? Guys, look around. Are we all, is this? They're all fucking panicking because the wedding was decided as well. They're having the same conversation with everyone. They're like, are you sure you're doing this for the right reason? Alice is just having a vision of, oh no. He is confided in each of us.

That boy's going to get pasted. Why is he smiling? He's laughing. It's just like, yeah, like visions of you just getting pasted by the pig. And she's like, I guess they have a good night. Alice just warms up. Alice, it's going to be good. Yeah.

You look at Alice, you see her eyes wide, and then she just warms up. And then you just give her a thumbs up. Yeah! That's what I like to see. I reckon it's going to be good. It's going to be good, Edward. Can you see that? Your sister's freaking out.

Let's do it. I don't think he's taking me on a honey move. Well, Edward would read Alice's mind and he's like, well, I'm not doing that. You might not get pasted because he sees you getting pasted and doesn't want to hurt you. Don't make me a vampire. But your soul. What soul? You've seen my thoughts. Dude, there's nothing good in this.

And then Jacob, because I have the sperm too, and I've been saving up, so it's still in there. Oh, that's right. So I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, stop. I thought I loved this sock, but I actually love you. Who are you? I'm Jacob, your childhood friend.

Oh my God. I've just, I've had really one thing on my mind for the last ages, Jacob. Look how jacked he is though. He's become very attractive. Yeah. Jacob, can I interest you? You may need to also get married to Edward.

But if I could get sort of... I remember in Urban Legend once about two trucks crashing into each other face first. And then when they built the trucks apart, there was a little car inside. inside? Do you think you could do that to me? What? Do we know that Jacob's a wolfman at this point? No, I'm just so warmed up. I'm just inviting you with none of that knowledge.

Jacob, I want to die tonight and I need you to help. I want to be that little car in that thing. Two trucks that I had on collision. Yeah. A car was in between them and they had to peel the trucks away

to reveal the car. I will be that car. You are the two trucks. Except imagine that little car, Jacob, and that little car is smiling. So, you know, he is a vampire and he will turn me into paste. At this point, he might reveal, but I'm a werewolf. Which might...

Might entice you further. Yeah, that's awesome Jacob Because I just thought you were a hot guy My day could not get any better Edward Can we get three way married Are you telling me Now you've got a problem because Jacob's in the Cullen house

Oh fuck A fight maybe breaks out Jacob Edward I won't I won't marry you unless you do... Okay, so this is an urban legend. Edward. Two trucks that collided head on.

I need that situation to happen to my body or I won't get married. Okay. It's just a fantasy. Come on. And he loves me enough. He'll do it. And then it's the honeymoon. Yeah.

And the last day on earth with Jackson Bailey. And as your cum collides with Edward's cum, Cum collides with Edward's cum while Jacob is also ramming you. Looks down as those two cums just hit and mingle and make some mutant hybrid. He's like, oh, wait, that's the fucking baby. I don't want to fuck this guy. I'm fucking this guy. Would I want to fuck that? And then he turns into a wolf, or maybe was a wolf,

and rolls around in the bed sheets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As I become truly pasted. Your head and your ass meet in the middle. I become a sort of disc of man. A loud pop as your spine explodes. And the last thing That you remember

Is feeling the happiest you've ever been The Cullens return my cylinder In a coffee tin To the two of you I hear his last days were happy ones There's that little cylinder With a big smiley face on it He's like, did he?

And you're like, yeah, he did Some dreams are too big For living he's a little car yeah yeah yeah and you're like we're stuck in forks fuck forks i fucking hate forks yeah we should have to do with that yeah at all yeah well there's still vampires, there's still werewolves, and all that fucking bullshit. Joel. Joel. Joel Swan. You know what that is? Not our problem. Not my circus, not my problem. In many ways you got rid of three problems in one. Emma Cullen who's so remorseful upon my death that he goes to- jumps in the sun. Oh yeah, he goes to Italy again. Yeah, he does the Italy trip.

He doesn't need to live anymore because his love of his life is paid. Jacob, he's got my cum on the mattress. He's happy. He's got a sock and a ruined sheet. He's never been happier. I'll be still in your fucking windowsill. Never have to worry about me again.

Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, and I went out happy. Yeah, I think we did a good job. We sorted out Balor. We had less hassles than Balor. Absolutely. And I think I ended up happier than Othu, to be honest. At the end of the day.

Yeah, to be honest. Allo maybe gets... Allo gets in the news. He's like, that's the Volturi. Like, what happened? Excuse me. We need to stop the Cullens.

I'm going to do that whole planting of evidence. They've clearly done something wrong. We get Alice on our team. I don't know for what our purpose is, but that's pretty good. Hey, Alice, would you like to leave this fucking town with us? Because I have a feeling everything, like, if someone dropped a bomb on Forks after that, I wouldn't

be shocked. Do we want to hang, like, do we want to bring Alice? No. Just you two getting them. Look, look. She is a vampire. She's got vampire bullshit happening as well. We know about vampires. Alice, as well. We know about vampires. I love it in meanwhile. It's a great ceremony.

We're out of here. We know about vampires. Thanks, Dad. I tried out forks. Actually, Florida rules. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Florida's spring break.

Yeah. What's your spring break of the soup festival? Soup festival. Coming back for that ham soup. He did say he's a vampire now the Voltari know that we know that they're vampires that's okay they'll probably just if they fucking turn us into a vampire

might turn us into a fucking vampire Alice can you see the future are we in trouble Alice you gotta let us know are we in trouble are they gonna kill us or do we have to be vampires Also are you feeling better after all of that made you very sick

Yeah I'm glad we didn't The Volturi are taking some time off Are they going to kill us I don't think so Maybe they would have been Honestly in that situation Because they're killing Edward

Because Edward's going to commit suicide Out of shame yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they might be happy or just with that yeah yeah are they killing jacob what's he done he was there when that all happened yeah because he's a wolf they only kill if people know the truth Yeah yeah yeah And we only know about the vampires Because of Edward who has been killed You're either killed

Or you become vampires yourselves Yeah God I hope we get killed Yeah If you don't become vampires Please just shoot us with a gun If you don't become vampires. Please just shoot us with a gun. If you don't become vampires, they will kill you. Oh, yeah.

That's all right. When? Soon? Soon? Can I? How soon? Can we bump it up? Yeah.

What are you doing right now? Wait. Where's Disneyland in Florida? Yeah. Can we go to Disneyland? Give us one day. And then you can.. We go to Disneyland. Give us one day. And then you can... One magical day in Disneyland.

We also die with a smile on our face. At least we went on Space Mountain. Yeah, I'm going to stand up in Space Mountain. Yeah, get them before they can get you. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I'll get on the news. Alice is like sitting at home and then she has just the vision throws up again.

Why did they do this? Like we were a fucked up town, but they made it so much worse. Things were fine before the plumbing boys came along. Alice is considering going to Italy now too. We just send the colors to Italy. And then no more vampires in Forks. I think that's pretty good. You're welcome, Forks.

You're welcome. You fucked up town, but we fixed it. Yeah, we sorted it out. Yeah. So how would we survive the Bellows Swamp experience? We wouldn't, but we did it better somehow. Yeah, we wouldn't, but we're happy about not. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for the best is what everyone would say. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. And this has been the final part of our Plumlight miniseries, which as you can probably tell, was all recorded

all at once. We've spoken about Twilight for nearly seven hours today. It's been a big day. It's been a big one, yeah. Thank you for listening, and we'll be back next week with presumably another fucked up idea It's not going to get better for me And with that

The lion fucked the lamb to death Which really brings us to the point That maybe they shouldn't have Yeah maybe we were right in the first place The lion and the wolf Fucked the lamb to death The metaphor becomes a little confused yeah yeah yeah well that's been plumb like yeah Have anything more to add for today's important question?

Just email us at deerplumbingthedeadstar at gmail.com and we'll make sure we circle back and do some addendum.