Plumbing the Death Star - Would You Now Trust Hancock After the Events of the 2008 Film Hancock?

Episode Date: April 17, 2022

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you're listening to the sans fans network home of comedy culture adventures and ghosts hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of flumming the death star uh just before we get into today's episode this is the 15th podcast we've done in the last 48 hours and we just watched the 2008 film hancock we We're doing the Hancock double. See you next week also. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel.

And today we are asking the important questions, and I hope you've seen the 2008 film Hancock recently. Would you now trust Hancock after the events of the 2008 film Hancock? So Hancock, Jackson. Hang on. Here's the thing people don't understand about the studio as well. The whole studio is built like Vegas.

So I don't know what time it is. Let me tell you, we have just hit record. Siri's on my watch. Shut up, Siri. Yeah. It is 10 to 12. Yeah. Perfect.

Awesome. I'm only in the PM, so it's about to 12 AM. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've been recording since, I want to say 11. Yeah, since 11 AM to 12 AM. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've been recording since, I wanna say 11. Yeah, since 11 AM in the morning. But I couldn't tell, cause this is like Vegas. Me and Jackson slept there last night. Exactly.

Not a joke. Did you hear that? Anyway. Anyway! We just watched Hancock, and we got questions! We're puzzled by it. It's also worth noting that for some reason, we planned to watch Hancock as part of this 48-hour spectacular of recording.

Built-in was watching Hancock. It was a given. We've got to do as many episodes of Plumbing the Duster as possible just because COVID's not looking great at the moment and us travelling to the studio is dangerous. And maybe when you listen to this you'll be like, oh COVID, I forgot about that because it's been done

for ages. Fingers crossed. We were like, rap tests are hard to find, but easy now. Yeah, so we're like, oh we'll do a bunch all at once. Yeah, and maybe we we're like, oh, we'll do a bunch all at once. Yeah, and maybe we did too many. Maybe. I just turned 31 last week when you're hearing this,

but currently now I'm still 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's always dangerous. Still young. Yeah. So young and beautiful, but when we listen back, we're going to be like, you've old and decrepit. Yeah.

Who knows what will happen to me? A crone is what I'll call you. Anyway, so in the film Hancock We meet the character John Hancock John Hancock He's a piece of shit He's the garbagest man in the land It's something that we haven't seen

We've seen a more Not exaggerated, but more intense version Of what Hancock is Although there's a couple of scenes in this That truly are things you will not see in other truly despicable things hancock is not just like you might remember hancock as being like a drunk and a bit of like a layabout he's a despicable man yeah the it's not like say you know iron man 2 where like tony stark gets a little bit drunk and starts being like throw stuff in the air i want to shoot it because i'm a drunk this man shoves another man into a man

yeah he literally by the anus he literally at one point takes a man's head yeah and put it into

a different man's anus yeah as punishment for both men I remember watching him being like those men have died they turn up later they try and kill him

at the climax of the movie yeah fair enough understandable yeah I would be They turn up later. They try and kill him with the climax of the movie. Fair enough. Understandable. I would be angry too. I think that if that happened to me, I don't think I'd be capable of seeing Hancock ever again.

It would make me too scared. I would fly into a rage. I think I'd just turn into a ball. Just lie down. Not again. John Hancock is a desp. Just lie down. Not again. John Hancock is a despicable man. Real piece of shit. Drunk womanizer.

Does not give a shit about property damage. Yeah, doesn't treat people well. He's rude. And Jason Bateman, he changes his image. Well, Jason Bateman, he works in PR. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, I'm making my passion project, Hancock. I'm going to change you into a superhero that the people love. Yeah. And he, and he, he's like, I'm making my passion project. Yeah. Hancock. I'm going to change you into a superhero that the people love.

Yeah. And he does. Yeah. It takes a little doing. Sort of. And other stuff happens. Yeah. So it kind of, that kind of happens.

And then it turns out, look, if you haven't seen the 2008 film, Hancock, I'm about to spoil. Big time spoilers. So skip ahead 30 seconds. And then halfway through the film it's revealed that

Mary, Jason Bateman's wife, and Hancock are actually both immortals and they're destined to be in love, but the way that their immortals work, their immortal powers work is the reverse of Twilight, basically. And when they come together and fall in love or whatever or just stick together, they become human.

So they need to be separate so that they can have their powers. So Hancock gets like an image reinvention. Then he gets shot with a real gun. Yeah. Has to go to hospital. Almost dies. Yeah.

Then gets shot with another gun. And Charlize Theron gets shot as well. Yeah, she gets shot with a shotgun. Yeah. And so Hancock, to save her, flies away. He fucks off. He fucks off to another city. Yeah.

Well, we think it's another city. He actually fucks off to the moon. Yeah. Okay. He fucks off to the moon, does some we think it's another city. He actually fucks off to the moon. Yeah, yeah. Okay, he fucks off to the moon, does some stuff there. Yeah. Not the perfect episode. Then he comes back. Yeah, then he comes back, gets an eagle.

Yeah. And him and that eagle appear to be fighting crime in the city. Yeah. And then we get what maybe was one of the first examples of a mid-credits scene. Yeah, mid-credits to a movie. Where John Hancock in the new city that he's protecting, he's chatting with some guy. And this is probably the most important scene

for this episode. And the guy says, you're an arsehole. And the thing about John Hancock, you've got to understand, listeners, he does not like to... If you call him an arsehole, you're going in an arsehole. Head first.

Your head might be in an arsehole asshole head first yeah your head might be in an asshole or your your asshole might be might be around someone's head he makes a lot of

asshole threats really early in the movie yeah he says you're going in his asshole he does a complicated he does an asshole

he's like driver's head's going in your asshole yeah his head's going in your asshole your asshole you're the unlucky one and you're you're going in your arsehole. His head's going in your arsehole. Your arsehole.

You're the unlucky one. You're going in my arsehole. I would love to see that. Well, it's crazy because they seem like empty threats at the beginning of the movie, but he does it later. They're like, fucking hell, if he's still telling me that in a truck, I'm like, dude, I've seen what you're capable of. Why is the short? None of these seem like, oh, I got the good straw. Why is the short straw in the Hancock... Is his asshole strong? Well, it's as strong as the rest of him,

so he clenches and you get beheaded. Oh, wow. But also, Hancock's not a clean man. He's a drunk and he's a bad asshole, and then he beheads you and shits your head back down onto the pavement he knows he's got a dirty asshole yeah probably yeah he's aware uh i would just like that's not like especially in the beginning does not seem like a man who

pretty much cavalier with his wife yeah we know that he has a trailer yet the first two times he seems sleeping i think it's in the street yeah yeah it's on a bunch and then he wrecks the bunch how good would a scene be if that truck scene happens and they just see a silhouette of him flying away? With a guy dangling out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know like the classic Superman scene where he flies over the jail and drops him in, but he just

shoots the criminal into prison. Good luck, citizens! And he flies off except he wouldn't fly off, he does that awesome Hancock, kind of like he flings himself into the sky. But in the end, so he says, asshole, and then Hancock, he awesome Hancock kind of like he flings himself into the sky yeah but in the end so he says arsehole and then Hancock he calls Hancock an arsehole this criminal and Hancock looks at the camera gives a little smile and then we cut to the credits well last time someone

called him an arsehole he cut off the guy's hand yes yeah so then Jason Bateman kills the cuts off that other guy the same guy's hand the other hand though with an axe. And that's cool. That is cool. So I guess it's like, do you trust- How do you get an axe in a hospital? It's a fire axe. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. It's very sharp. Sharp enough to cut a man's hand off. Yeah, yeah.

So I guess in this, what do the public know about Hancock? So Hancock, like 80 years ago, he rocks up in hospital. He's got amnesia. Yeah. And he heals real good. And then he's like i guess i'm a superhero or at least i'm invulnerable yeah and so he kicks it sweet for a while but i did something i was wondering watching the movie at what point does he become a superhero well

this thing yeah yeah because charlie's throne must fuck off to this city yeah well yeah they kind of touch on it in the movie because when they go they're like oh they call us different things so like gods angels so at some point probably post amnesia that's when the because that was in like the 30s 1938 yeah exists yeah well what i'm guessing is it's not not i mean sorry just to clarify hero no i mean superman like action comics one exists i don't mean superman exists as in like i don't know if it does because there's a scene where Jason Bateman shows Hancock a bunch of comic books

and he calls them slurs and Hancock throws them slurs out like we said he's a despicable man we're not here to sanction the behaviors of John Hancock we're just saying these things happen but when he shows those comic books you would think that if Jason Bateman

because he is showing them to Hancock, to be like, these are examples of what a superhero should look like, he would go for the superheroes you know. But Wolverine exists. Yes, Wolverine does exist. As in like the comic, not the guy. Yeah. Because somebody says you got that Wolverine outfit on when he's referring to Hancock's clothing. So that means that the 2001 X-Men film must have happened already.

That's confusing. Yeah, but okay. I think, because, you know, and again, the reason why he's in a coma is, hey, hate crime, because him and Chumash are on. Again, it's an interracial couple in the 30s. He gets brain

sick. Yeah, so not great. So I'm guessing at that point, maybe he just laid low for a bit. Yeah, maybe he laid low until a black superhero would be maybe more socially acceptable within the world at large. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy that he found out he had powers at hospital because I would immediately think the government would swoop in. Yeah, but how are they going to stop him?

Well, I guess that happens constantly in the movie. They're being like, I'm going to kill you, Hancock. How? It just lingers in the air of like, are you? How? Yeah, go on. Try. Again, it's a Superman who just has kind of almost given up

or a little bit of a drunk. He'll try and do the right thing. We don't care. Absolutely. And it's just like, yeah, it just kind of shows us that we'll try and do the right thing but he don't care absolutely and it's just like yeah it just kind of shows us that we are all ants being like

I hope he doesn't turn I hope he doesn't put me in another guy's arsehole that would really wreck my day if that happened because there is literally nothing

I can do to stop that I can't stop it yeah if he decides to so again it's a scene where he jumps over the fence at prison and they're like

the sirens go off and they're like what are you going to do unless he willingly goes back in which is why he's there and he does what are you doing

hey can you go back in please yeah if he goes away everybody's like well we can't arrest him they talk about that early in the film where the DA's

like we need to arrest Hancock Jason Bateman's like well they don't know how to do it yeah you gotta go hand yourself over. And also, if you get sick of it, just fuck off. And that's a good PR move to be like, maybe you can be showing like you're atoning for your crimes.

It works. Absolutely. It's effective. Well, not your crimes, but your misdemeanors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Misdeeds. Misdeeds. Your lack of caring about public damage.

Your snafus. Yeah. You caused millions and millions of dollars worth of damage You're an absolute fuck You're little pachydillos You threw an actual child up into the sky You're little Mr Magoo You put a guy's ass over another guy's head

And you threatened it a lot more Which means you've probably done it multiple times Now a quick word from our sponsors Do you want more of this bullshit but don't want the commitment of sans pants plus i get it too many shows a good chunk of them are dnd and i don't know if you know this but that shit is for nerds and rss feeds are confusing as all hell so we've teamed up with acas to provide a plumbing sampler for five us bucks month, you get a monthly bonus episode not available on the regular feed, as well as our monthly What If show that was, until now, only available to Sandspans Kings.

That's two extra episodes a month, an increase of 50% more bullshit. You also get episodes without any dynamic ad insertions, and the undying gratitude of one of the hosts of your choice just head to plus.acast.com slash s slash plumbing the death star or there's a link in the show notes which will be a lot easier to navigate once again that url i just said so we see hancock when we first see him people People are aware of him. He's on YouTube. He's got videos of like, people know this guy. And they're like, he does $9 million worth of damage and collateral damage.

And they're like, wow, this is a record. And watching that, I'm like, surely he's done more damage than that in the past. You would think so. Well, he wrecks an entire fleet of police cars. Fucks up a highway. Fucks up a highway. Fucks up some buildings. Drops up a highway. Fucks up some buildings. Drops a car on a building.

I will. See, drops the car on like a spire on top of a building. And I assume a lot of the money goes towards figuring out how to get the car off the spire.

Oh yeah, because again, there's a scene in the movie there's a crane, they got a crane. He's like, what are you going to do with a crane?

But the crane's on the ground. Like, do you get the car with a helicopter? It's really unclear. Those guys are going to be there for ages. They're going to regret doing those. I can see where the money goes there.

The only thing in the new city, the only reason we have to believe that Hancock will not put us in assholes is that he says he won't. This is what I'm trying to get to. How long has he been in that city not superhering around, but at least pretending or at least trying to do the right thing?

I would say, let's say a minimum of a year. That gives Charlize Theron time to heal up. Minimum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, I think he's been there for maybe about five or so. Yeah, sure, sure. Because he seems like he's well established. People who know very much who he is.

Everyone's like, ah, fucking Hancock. The post-credits scene? Yeah. Well, because they say one month later. No, no, I'm talking about at the very start of the film. Oh, at the beginning. Sorry. How long has he been in that particular city?

I think a while. Hancock. I think he's been in there for a long time. I would say even like decades. I reckon decades. Yeah, I think he could have been there for 20 years. Yeah. Jason Bateman says, how come I don't read any of this in the newspapers like it happened 80 years ago?

Yeah. But that was in Miami, though. And that comes as a shock. It's like, wow, you are older than we're perceiving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he must have laid low and, I guess, been a drunk. There's not much in terms of media of who this person is. He's like, yeah, when I was at the hospital,

he kept asking what you're doing now. More questions. Who are you questions who are you where are you from etc etc and I'm guessing that must have happened quite a lot

throughout his career as a superhero the ones that he can remember at least and he's maybe he's like I can't be bothered he's a very silent man we know that

from when he goes to like the well not the bar yes but he tries to break his foot off in a lady he does he's really

anally focused as a guy. In the prison, he's like when everyone is sharing, he shuts up. He doesn't talk. That's very true. So again, he very much keeps to himself.

So no one knows much about him in terms of personal life. This is... So again, how long has he been around the city? And yeah, sure, he's saving lives,

but he's doing a lot of damage. I reckon, I'm going to say he's been in the city, let's say, 10 years. Yep. Okay? And the reason I say this, I've got some evidence to back it up. Okay? Not just-

Not what you'd call hard evidence. No, no, no. It's sloppy soft evidence. It's okay. What I'm thinking is that Charlize Theron, she would know, oh no, because she's trying to escape him, right? So she can live a normal life. Yep.

And be strong, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. oh no because she's trying to escape him right so she can live a normal life yeah and and and i'd be strong i guess yeah yeah yeah but so she would if he came into her city surely be like oh i got i gotta pack up and leave right yeah that's so much that she'd just be aware of what he's doing yeah but what i mean when she walks into the house and she's like you're on tv yeah yeah but what i what tabs yeah but i think that if he'd been there long enough, she would be like, I don't want to ever interact with you. How old is the kid? Let's boot. Good question.

Maybe seven at the oldest. So I reckon it's kind of around about that time. Unless like Jason Bateman has moved to this area and it seems like that they have roots there. Like they've got a car there. Yeah, true, true, true. I think they've been there for basically that amount of time. Since Aaron was born. Since Aaron was born, if not, maybe a bit just before that.

So I think they have been there for a while. And she does say that the thing with like where we're built in pairs and when we come together, you know, we're just built that way, but we always find a way to get together. Yeah. So it might be that Charlize staron and jason bateman were there for maybe about 10 years and hancock has just so mosey his way a bit more recently yeah that's fair that's fair well and now there's like and then there's the mayor of la is being like i we he doesn't have a badge yeah we don't want him working for us he's

never asked we hate him fuck. Fuck off to New York. He can be with their problem for a while. He can join Spider-Man. Yeah. I don't say that, but imagine if they did. Cinema would have fucking died. It would have been like, no way home. Spider-Man's re-dived to death.

Spider-Man's in the head. God, are you kidding me? He wasn't going to help Spider-Man over in New York. He's real in this universe. 2008, which Spider-Man was that? 2008 is a year after Spider-Man 3. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Tobey, baby.

It's Tobey. I would have shit and pissed. Yeah, yeah. Hancock is the... They first tried the MCU with Spider-Man 1 to 3 and Hancock. Yeah, yeah. See, I reckon he's probably been in LA for three to four years. they first tried the MCU with Spider-Man 1 to 3 and Hancock yeah so yeah I reckon he's probably been in LA

for 3 to 4 years yeah it can't be that much longer because they in the movie they finally like look we're sick of his fucking shit the kids know who he is

but that probably means more likely and they're still like enamoured by his parents all the parents are like fuck this guy which means it's probably only been

rather than 10 years it'd be closer to like yeah now I think probably 3 to four years. Yeah, that's fair, that's fair, that's fair. So we know that he is, because we don't really know much about any other cities before that. We just know he's rocked up and he's kind of a piece of shit

and then he goes to jail. Yeah. Like he's like, right, put me in jail. I'll try and atone for these sins. Crime goes up by 30%. Yeah. Which seems like a lot. That's an insane amount

that is the craziest detail in a week crime goes up 30% not even a week or is it one day I think it's like a few days yeah because

I can rob a bank now and not end up inside my friend's arsehole you take the opportunity is the threat is the fact that Hancock is so indiscriminate with who he kills and puts inside one another, like, enough of a preemptive threat that people don't commit crime?

That's another thing. He, like, Hancock, unlike most superheroes that you're familiar with, especially, like, in the MCU, and even the DCEU, or whatever the fuck it's called now, Hancock will kill. Yeah. We see he throws literally a 10-year-old kid up long enough that he then has a conversation with someone

while the kid's still in the air and catches the kid. He throws multiple people out of windows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He don't give a shit. He kills a man with a candy bar. So I guess it's just that. His brain is chocolate. Yeah, yeah.

His synapses go. The electricity goes, moves through his brain, hits the chocolate bar, stops dead. Yeah, yeah. So we know he kills, and we know that that must act because I don't think Hancock with the power set he has is stopping enough crime in the city. So the mere presence of Hancock is what is stopping the crime. I will say he is pretty fast. Like the way he flies. That's true,

but still, for 30%. It's just not that the threat that is there. It's just he's very effective. Yeah. Like he's actually doing, he's competent,

weirdly. He's actually stopping crimes. He just doesn't care about collateral damage. Better than maybe other superheroes and other sort of franchises because yeah,

he does not give a shit about it. He's just like, whatever. The main justice is at the end. Yeah, well, the training is a good example

because like, Jason Bateman is one guy. Hancock doesn't have to save him. It's a situation where, I mean, I know obviously superheroes don't have to do fuck about shit. Yeah.

I know that. You know that. Listeners, you also know that. I do. We're all on the same fucking page. Superheroes, you can go do whatever the fuck they want if they want.

Let this one guy die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's going to be angry at them. There's so many guys that die all the time. Exactly. Unless it's Superman, in which case that lady's going to slap you, and then you're going to walk across America, baby. It's Superman grounded.

The comic book that I love to think about because it's fucked up. Anyway, the fact he saves Jason Bateman shows that he's quick and quick thinking. He just does it in a fucked way. He's like, whatever. He just doesn't care. Money means nothing to Hancock. Which is funny because he then complains about the price of alcohol later in the movie. Well, yeah.

I think he's just shocked at how expensive it is. Usually, I was like, oh, this is like 20 bucks. And now it's like 90? 91. I don't think he's upset he has to pay it. He's just like, that's a change. That's a shock to my system. I'm not used to that.

Oh, you're getting robbed. Yeah, okay. Sick. Time to kill a man with a candy bar. And kill another man by throwing him straight to a fridge. So all I know about Hancock is that he's a piece of shit, but then I'm like, well, he does stop crime from happening. Quite a lot of crime from happening.

Thinking about if this is a trend, and every time he is put out of commission, however rarely that happens, 30% of crime goes down. I don't care what he does. That is spectacular. I mean, look, sure, maybe I've now, I guess I have insurance rates probably go a little bit higher. Yeah.

But at the same time, there's like 30% less crime happening around this city. That's monumental. But. Which means, does that mean all the, like, say there's like a lot more crime happening around this city. That's monumental. But. Which means, I mean, like say there's like a lot more crime happening in surrounding cities. Well, my thing is. How are you measuring that?

Hang on. Is what is actually happening though. The crime rate is like normal, but it's when he's arrested people like, well, now's my chance to do crime. Yeah. I reckon maybe like after like six months.

First time crimers. Oh, okay. I've never done a crime before. But Hancock's in jail. I've been, I'm maybe like after like first time crime is no, okay I've never done a crime before but hang-ups in jail. I think I'm a bit crime curious Yeah, what's been putting me off is my head being in an asshole. Yeah Someone's had being in my ass Directly straight up for 10 to 20 seconds. Yeah, so I've been very much Anti crime because I've been a bit

Yeah 20 seconds. So I've been very much anti-crime because I've been a bit scared. But I'm thinking about doing a mugging. Yeah. That there is no threat of assholes in heads. I could go with a second wallet full of fat cash. Start with the mugging. Work my way up to stealing an old lady's handbag. But if you look at the- Indiscriminately bashing people.

And then shooting a guy in the head with a gun. Yeah. That's my four-step crime plan. But if you look- The only thing stopping me is Hancock. I'm a regular guy. And they're shooting a guy in the head with a gun. That's my four-step crime plan. The only thing stopping me is Hancock. I'm a regular guy. But if you look at the crime that Hancock ends up being brought back out of prison to try and help. I mean, that is quite a spectacular crime. It is an incredible crime.

I'm going to blow up every hostage. It's a group of people stealing, robbing a bank. And they have got a lot of... A bank vonk. A bank vonk. A classic bank vonk. A bonk vonk. A bonk vonk. Why do you say that when you're doing your big villain speech?

I have your bonk vonk under... Fuck. Hancock, open the bank vonk. Did you just say bonk vonk? Yeah. You better not send bonk, bonk? Yeah. You better not send in honk, honk. Can I take a minute? We're going to shoot you with our gun.

Okay. That's fair. How should I say bonk, bonk? The bullet feels less bad than the words that left my mouth. I wish I'd never said that. Take me to jail. They're robbing a bank vault, and they've just wrapped a lot of C4 on a lot of hostages.

Absolutely. It just seems like a thing where you have a superhero, it's that kind of classic thing of, well, the supervillains will rise to match the hero hero it's just that their superhero is kind of like a drunk piece of shit so you you know super villains per se you just get like bigger villains yeah yeah yeah for sure many criminals yeah and so that's the kind of crime that is i guess is happening yeah so as a citizen of the world and paying attention to the to the news that's happening because you're like that's i'd be paying attention absolutely you news that's happening because you're like I'd be paying attention. Absolutely.

You'd be like piece of shit guy's happening. Kind of a big deal. Crime rate is fluctuating whenever he is or isn't around. Yeah. Sure he does collateral damage however he is stopping crime he is saving lives. Yeah I guess it's kind of rude but I guess that he's getting the job done. I as a

then he comes back clean shaven in a new suit that he's clearly basing after the 2001 X-Men film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like a lovely black leather. And I'm like, okay, a bit sexy. How'd you shave, Hancock? Oh, that's simple.

I put shaving cream on and then I shaved my literal nails. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Hancock, that's fucked up. Yeah, yeah. He just like ripped at his face. That was really cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Hancock, that's fucked up. Yeah, yeah, he just like ripped at his face. That was really cool. Yeah. The only thing stronger

than Hancock face is Hancock hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. His Hancock fingernail, I guess. The only thing stronger than Hancock, Hancock.

Yeah, what? What was he saying? You can shoot me with a gun now. That's all right. Just take me to jail. Take me to jail. I wish I didn't say Hancock.

Famous grump out of Hancock, I called you Hancock. So. Take me to jail. Take me to jail. I wish I didn't say Hancock. Famous crime fighter Hancock, I called you Hancock. Take me to jail, please. It'll feel better, though. I wish I hadn't called you Hancock. We all make mistakes. Drop me in jail from a great height upside down, please. Oopsie daisies. After jail.

Yeah. So we see him he actually stops this crime from happening and he does it in a way there's no collateral damage yeah he's actually quite good

and then I'm seeing him trying to rehabilitate himself by going to jail there might be a thing in the news where Hancock jumped over the prison fence to grab a ball

but then he jumped back in I mean that's great PR yeah that's great PR because I'm like wow he put himself back in prison he's a good guy.

Yeah. He knows he did wrong. It is this guy trying to atone for his sins. He's really turning his life around. And that's kind of sweet. I love an underdog story. Exactly. Exactly.

So from the general point of view, Hancock puts himself in jail. And then the first thing he does when he's in jail is put a man's head in another man's It is fairly unconscionable. the first thing he does when he's in jail is put a man's head in another man's arsehole. It is fairly unconscionable. I think at that point I'd be like, maybe it's not a good idea for him to be in jail. Maybe not in general. Maybe he shouldn't be around people.

But especially people that want to fight him. Especially people that he put there. Yeah. Because he's going to, it's just going to keep happening. He would have to send a message. He's done so many, like just unforgivable things yeah that he would have to be fighting crime for a long time in my city yeah before i was like yeah well he's not he he seems like he's genuinely

yeah turned over a new leaf so again this is what i'm saying it's like so he does this one thing he's dressed in a new outfit he's sold he's one crime, right? Yeah. And we're like, that's neat. The next time we see him, he's just now fighting a lady. Yeah. And we're like, oh, there's two. Wait, what? That's interesting. Yeah.

And she can control the weather for a bit. Okay, that's cool. Then that stops. Then we hear on the news he got shot in the guts. Hancock dead? What? Is this new bullets? Hancock dead? What? Is this new bullets? Hancock guts in trouble?

Yeah. And so then they're like, excuse me, Jason Bateman, PR man, is this a new bullet? Is this gun? What happened? It's a regular gun. And I'm like, that's a bad move, Hancock. Don't say that. It is a special anti-Hancock gun. Only one in existence.

We broke it. We put it back. You can't make one if you try. Don't even bother. It was made from a wish by a genie. Yeah, a genie's a real goodbye. But only one of these dead now. Man in pits genies are real.

Front page news. That's a good lie. Yeah, it's a special Hancock gun. It's from a genie. It was a wish, but also wish for an anti-genie gun. So the guy shot the genie, killing the only genie that exists. Yeah, so unfortunately. Thank you so much.

Some people might think that's only two wishes, but don't worry. The third wish was, I wish this genie was dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he didn't need the anti-genie gun, I understand. Hang on, give me five minutes to think about what I'm saying. I think about it as a wasted wish, but here we are. I suppose we still have the anti-genie gun, but there's no genies to shoot with.

Just in case another genie comes up and we need to give it a run. Can we see this anti-genie gun? No, you can't. No, no, no, it's good. It's invisible. Stay prompt. Third wish was it's invisible. I thought you said the third wish was to kill the genie.

There were four wishes. Special genie. The genie said you can have four wishes if you don't shoot me with that gun. Yeah. I don't know if he knows about genies. Have you met a genie? I have. No.

Three wish bullshit? Myth. It's four. It's four wishes. Exactly. Exactly. Do you think Aladdin's real? Is that what you based that on?

Because that's stupid as hell. It's silly. It's four wishes. Where is the invisible Do you think Aladdin's real? Is that what you based that on? Because that's stupid as hell. It's silly. It's four wishes. Where is the invisible genie gun? I have it right here. Holding it up. I'm miming holding the gun. Can we hold it?

No. You cannot. Why would I give you a gun? You cannot. The next, I wish that only I could use it. That's five wishes. Yeah, because. That's right.

It is. Because also, I had found the wishing stick that only gave me one extra wish from the stick, which I used to make the gun invisible. So, I mean, there's only... I can touch it. That's it. No more wishes.

I've used every wish in the world. No more questions. And no more wishes, okay? Hang on. Does that mean you're the one who wished the genie was dead and also wished the anti-handgun? No, no. Why did you wish for the anti-handgun?

Did you shoot your own client? No, you've misunderstood. You've misunderstood. Some other guy did the first four wishes. Then I found the wishing stick did the last wish. Because only I should have the genie gun. The stick actually gave me two wishes

because also I'm only allowed to touch the anti-Hancock gun and it's also invisible. So I was there for three wishes. Three wishes on the stick,

four wishes on the genie. Thank you. The interview's over. I could not be any clearer. Thank you for your time. I'm going to go see my sick friend. Yeah, okay. You've held me up long enough. He could be be any clearer. Thank you for your time. I'm going to go see my sick friend. Yeah, okay.

You've held me up long enough. He could be dead up there. I don't know. So did you just drop the gun when you put your hands on either side of you? Yeah, let me bet that I'll pick it up. Look, I'm holding it again now. I'm holding it. Pow, pow, pow, pow.

Yeah? Yeah, I just shot you, but you're okay. You're not a genie, obviously. See? It's also silent. It wasn't a wish that was part of the original design. Just a design. That's just how genie guns work.

I've given myself the hiccups. It's being in a hurried Jason Bayford. Hancock has been shot in the guts And then Oh no Something went down at a hospital Where more gunfire was happening We don't really hear much about this whole Lady Hancock

And John Hancock We don't know much about that But the next time we see Hancock It's a month later He's in a new city And he fucked our moon Yeah the moon has a big heart on it Which is the logo of Jason Bateman's company.

Are we happy with that? It's whatever. Is it going to do anything to the sea? I'm confused. How often do you look at the moon and be like, I'm paying attention to what it looks like? I look at the moon. No, I know you look at the moon.

I will notice if the moon has changed. I will notice a big heart. I don't know if it'll ruin my day. How long would it take you to get used to it? Oh, like, four days? I've got no choice. So, yeah, pretty quickly.

Who cares? Make a day, I reckon. Yeah. No, two days. I'd be like, wow, I guess they're, is they projecting something on it? And then we see it from a different angle,

you're like, oh, shit. And then, like, second day, no, I guess that, John Hancock probably, yeah. And then, like, yeah, then the think piece being, like, John Hancock punched a heart into our moon. Should he have done that?

Was John Hancock's plan there to make Jason Bateman's company more successful? Yes. Like people are going to give away all of their stuff so that they can have the same logo as the moon? Well, it's more about brand awareness. Yeah, okay. And to be associated, I guess, with Hancock and the moon now.

Yeah. Because they're like, hey, we care about your company now, but tell us about Hancock. And he's like, well, I'll tell you about the company. Like, shut up about your company. I just want to know about this magical man. We'll do it. We're greedy fuckheads anyway. 1% who give a fuck.

Tell us about Hancock. In that exact moment, I'm making the logo that looks similar to the one on the moon and selling some other product. Yeah. And calling it the Hancock heart. I make Hancock juice. Heart cock. I just get that image, do a shit version of it,

chuck on a t-shirt, put that on Etsy, make money. Million dollars. Jason Bateman's still trying to convince, you know, big fat cat businessmen. Thomas Lemon. And I've made a beer called Heart Juice. Exactly. It's got the logo on it.

Might make you like Hancock, might not. Yeah. And before Jason Bateman says anything, I'm at all the press conference. Thank you. Ah, yes. I, CEO of Heart Juice Beers, made this moon logo.

I made the moon. As it is today. We obviously didn't invent the moon. That was already here when I was born. That would be insane. I don't know if you know. I found a genie. The Jason Bateman School of Explaining is where I was trained.

I wished for the moon. I long to have all the joy in the world. Because that's me. So you can thank me for the moon. I remember when there was no moon but you don't because that was part of the wish yeah I did that

just like four or eight five days ago even are you drunk? no I just have the hiccups in the second wish I drank too much logo

yeah for the awareness and third wish was for the best beer in the world hot juice beer yes I'm gonna fucking drink it so you better the best beer in the world, the hot juice beer. Yes, you better fucking drink it. So you better drink it.

Don't you get four wishes from a genie? What did you wish for the fourth wish? What? I missed out, I guess. What did genies have? Yes, for the fourth wish. Oh, wait, I see. Yes, you reminded me, yeah.

It was that Hancock would forget that he did this for me. Why'd you wish for that? I didn't want to bother him. I thought it would feel like maybe he then might owe me one. Hancock landing and being like, well, it might be true. I don't know about genies, so... But I didn't do it for you. I thought I did it for Jason Bateman.

I don't know. Anyway, hey, could you just hold this heart juice beer, Hancock? Yeah, thank you. Then his eagle packs your eyes out. Anyway, so I guess that brings us to the end of the film and like, would you trust Hancock after all these terrible things?

And I guess, like what Joel Zammett said earlier, he would know, cause you know what he's capable of. I'd be, I'd still be afraid. It would take a very long time of living in the city. I would have to be like an 80 year old man. Hancock's still young and beautiful. Hasn't done anything bad. Yeah.

And, and it's been 80 years, 80 years. I guess I was zero when he came to the Tennessee. I was just being born when he landed. You were crowning. Yeah, I was coming out. Yeah. So to me, it would be more like less about. It's natural. Yeah, it is.

I'm coming out. I'm on the scene. I know. It's there. A man, a big man about town, Baby Jackson. Yeah. So in terms of trusting Hancock, I don't know if I would,

because it's this kind of thing with like, would you trust a tornado? Yeah, exactly. Would you trust like a big gust of wind? If Batman, for the first five years of his career, just shot every criminal in the head with a gun, and then he's like, I've changed now. I'd be like, yeah, but five years of you

just shooting people indiscriminately. Well, kind of discriminately. They're criminals. What about if like the first time we ever met, I stabbed the two of you in the belly? Yeah. And then a little later, I was like, sorry, I was just really going through it. Yeah. And I never stabbed you in the belly again. I'd still be scared of my.

Do you still have a knife in your hand? Always. Yeah. I always have two knives. Yep. A belly knife. I'd be like, that's cool. I would fake. Always. I always have two knives with a belly knife. I'd be like, that's cool.

I would fake like sincerity. I would be like, that's great. It's so great that you've changed. I'm so proud of you. I wish I could drop

these belly knives. Yeah, me, but you can't. They're part of me. They are. They're who you are. I would never ask you to change

if you didn't want to. Oh no, I have changed. I don't use them. They're just part of me. They're just part of me. They're just part of me. They're who I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great to see you doing well.

This is a perfect analogy, I feel. So you're doing well, aren't you? Yeah, I'm doing awesome. That's great. That's good to see. I haven't stabbed a belly in 10 years. That's fantastic. Will you stab those five years?

Yeah, anyway, see you later. Yeah. Yeah, bye. But you wouldn't trust me. No, not at all. I'm trying to end this conversation to leave. So I guess when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter at this point

because Hancock's too much of a loose cannon. He's done so much. He's done 3,000 years of despicable things. Well, we don't actually know. You actually get the sense that maybe it was only post the last attack. Yeah, that's true. And he went cunt mode.

Oh, yeah, because that's when he lost his memory and she's never like you've always been she's like we're always fighting but she's never been like you're a piece of shit yeah

you're born a cunt you're gonna die a cunt see you in hell you motherfucker it always ends the same where they will try and get through to you hurt me to get to you

or hurt you to get to me whichever way it was yeah and so it's just more like they always end up getting hurt and not by each other, by society. Yeah, that's true, that's true.

But still, it's been 80 years of, as Dush just so eloquently put it, cunt mode. So 80 years of cunt mode versus 10 years of good boy mode. But next question. So he's in our city, doing his best, or not. And we're like, do we trust him? From Hancock's perspective Does it matter No

I mean he's gonna defend us Either way I think I don't think he cares He cares He seems to care enough To be like I like it better

When people like me Well yeah He'll be emotionally hurt If he comes by And I'm like Hey fart king Or like what the guy At the very end of the film

Calls him hand job Which is a funny Bully name That's so good Hey John hand job Hey, fart king. Or like what the guy at the very end of the film calls him, Handjob. Which is a funny, bully name. That's so good. Hey, John Handjob. Hey, do you still live in a trailer? Because that sucks for you. I can call you arsehole as much as you want. Imagine what will happen to your public image if you put my head in my butthole.

You'll be like, I don't care. Oh, damn. I was really banking on you caring about that You know how only last week He put that man's head in his arsehole What do you think has changed You dumb fucking 80 year old dumb fuck I remember you Hancock

I remember what you did Hancock once again Shoves a geriatrics head In his own arsehole Once again Hancock shoves public citizen Jackson Baileyrics head in his own asshole. Once again, Hancock public citizen, Jackson Bailey's head in his own asshole. It doesn't bother me anymore. Hancock,

they're flying away. Your head in his cheeks. You drew the short straw. Hancock being like, I don't even want to do this anymore. It's on you. You need to learn the lesson, man.

I refuse. I will never. You drew to learn the lesson, man. I refuse. I will never, okay? Flying away, old man hanging from his arsehole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Powerful. Of course we wouldn't trust him. But yeah, I'm thinking, he's just like, I would trust him to the point where I think

he thinks he, like, I would do whatever it needs for him not to kill me. I would assume that the city was safer with him around, but I wouldn't want him not to kill me yeah i would assume that the city was safer with him around but i wouldn't want him to be around me i would assume the city was safer but the average citizen wasn't yeah so in terms of the whole city's safety i'm probably not gonna die in an accident but my car's for sure fine yeah absolutely yeah i no longer care about worldly possessions yeah yeah yeah and also i know that it's safer, but maybe at what cost? You know what I mean? Once again,

I might just take out a bit more in insurance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Insurance premiums through the fucking roof. Of course. Thanks, Hancock. Yeah, thanks, Hancock. Thanks, King Fart. Don't call him that one. You can call him that. He loves it. He's like, whatever, that's fine. That's fine. It didn't even really make sense.

Yeah, don't call me an asshole. So yeah, I guess we got to the bottom of that. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. And Hancock. Don't trust him. Yeah, don't trust it.

Go watch it, because we'll be back next week with more Hancock. Hancock part two. I do. Ah, man, the back of my laptop is naked and disgusting. Everywhere I go, I see people look and give it stares of discomfort and shame. If only there was a way of making it pure and right in the eyes of God. Oh, shit. Yes, there is. Sandspantsradio.com slash shop and cover it in the eyes of God. Oh shit, yes there is. SandsPantsRadio.com slash shop

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