Plumbing the Death Star - Would You Prefer to be Suddenly 30 or 17'd again? (Feat. Zammit)

Episode Date: January 29, 2017

In which our heroes try being 30 for a bit, try being 17 for a bit and then try time traveling for a bit while asking "Would you prefer to be Suddenly 30 or 17 Again'd?" Adam is surprised by the topic, Jackson compares being disappointed with your childhood and being disappointed with your future, Duscher doesn't wanna marry Zoe and Zammit just accidentally walks into the episode halfway through and then decides to stick around like a champ. So join the gang as they realize that being old sucks but so does being young so hey, what can you do? Nothing? Good choice.In Sydney in Feb? Why not come see us live! Book your tickets here; http://edgetix.com/.Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sandspence Radio, you know how you've always been kind of annoyed at the end of Grease because like the car just flies and even though it's a musical it doesn't really make sense in the contest of the film? I'm gonna explain that to you real quick. Alright, so earlier in the film when they're making up the car, Danny says, If this car was any better it could fly! And then at the end of the film it's better so it flies. It's just a joke. Enjoy. Hey everyone, just before we get into today's episode, I just want to pop in to announce the winners of our Let Me RTX competition. These lucky people will win a weekend double pass to the RTX in Sydney, and hopefully we'll see you there. All right, so we've got Sarah at Squiggy, Jodie at

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It's starting to get pretty hectic. We hope to see you there. Of course, unless you're listening to this on Monday or following week, or we've already been to Sydney and the show's sold out, in which case, oops. Hey everyone,

and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like, would you prefer to be suddenly 30 or 17'd again? Okay. Whoa. We didn't tell Adam what the topic was before we started the episode. We thought it would be better this way.

Two things. First off, whoa. Second off, why are we not including big in this list? No, no, no, no, no. Because he doesn't change. We don't have a direct age. And basically, big is suddenly 30 anyway. And for our American audience, it's called 13 going on 30.

Yeah. For some unknown reason. Yeah. Sometimes movies are called different things here for some reason. Like... Airplane, sky high. Yeah.

And that awkward moment in Australia is called Are We Officially Dating? The Zac Efron classic. The New Pirates of the Caribbean, get this, the fifth one, is called Dead Men Tell No Tales. Yep.

Nearly everywhere in the world, except like Germany, somewhere else in Britain, it's called Salazar's Revenge. Which is so bizarre because Salazar is a character that's never appeared before in any of the Pirates movies. So if you're like, who is this guy? How is he having a revenge? That's a weird marketing decision. It's bizarre. Anyway. Yes.

Big and suddenly 30 have basically the same plot. A child wishes they were bigger and bing, bada, boom, they become bigger. How old is Chandler from Friends in 17 again? Let's say 30.

Yeah. And then he becomes 17 again. Which is... No, let's say slightly older than 30. Let's say... No, he is because his life... He's like 40. So is the rule for going back

or going forward determined on your current age or the age that you're like, gee, I wish I was this age or whatever? I think for us, okay, because we are not old enough to be 30, nor are we young enough to be suddenly 30. We're not old enough to be

30 is a funny way of putting it. We're not old enough to be 30. Gosh, I can't wait until I'm old enough to be 30. We're not old enough to be 30 is a funny way of putting it. We're not old enough to be 30. Gosh, I can't wait until I'm old enough to be 30. Nor are we young enough to be suddenly 30. Exactly. So at this age,

we would become suddenly... 40. Suddenly, say 40. Let's say suddenly 40. Because we're all roughly the same age. She goes from 13 to 30, which by my calculations is 17 years. Yeah.

It's all mixed. It calculations is 17 years. Yeah. It's all mixed. It's all full circle. Yeah. So I say we're suddenly 40 or 17 again, just to keep things simple. Yeah. Are we stuck at the age that we direction we go in? Until we fix the curse. Yes.

Whatever conundrum has sent us there. Well, we have to figure out that we're We're going to have to learn a lesson. So I guess the question is, would you rather learn a lesson about how your childhood wasn't that good, or do you want to learn a lesson about how being an older person is not that good? Isn't the lesson that they learned either how to accept that or how to change it for the better? Because I feel like I might be wrong here.

Movies tend to have happy endings. Maybe that's just me. I never count. It's not like fucking Chandler Bing from Friends goes back and he's like, fuck being a kid is garbage. And my life now is garbage too. In 17 Again, he tries real hard to fuck his friend's mom. Real hard.

He doesn't go back in time, he just becomes young again. That's how it works, yeah, if you're 17 again. Yes, but if you're suddenly 30, you do travel time. So that makes suddenly 30 different from big, because big, he just gets big. We want to include big in the mix? No. We'll save big for another day.

Alright, I think I'd choose 17 again. And i'll tell you why because like we said i'm not going back in time i just get to be younger but no one does anyone know it's you i see myself as me nobody i look like young me when i was 17 which wasn't terribly long ago wait do i look like young me or like me now oh no i was garbage at 17 yeah i suddenly 30 myself so for anyone who isn't aware, Jackson when he was 17 used to dress like a robot hooker from the future. I wore crop tops and I wore flares and had long blonde hair. I was a nightmare. I was a true nightmare. And cowboy boots.

Yep. You're also very typical. But you want to bring those cowboy boots back. I want the cowboy boots back. The cowboy boots are a good part of a look. Well, also it would match your current look of, I sometimes dress like a lumberjack. Exactly. You just look like a cow poker. A cow poker. That's what they call them. Alright, so I'll be suddenly 30. Okay. Suddenly 40, rather.

Well, I get to see what my future's like, and that's nice. And then while I'm there, if things aren't great, I can be like, sick, I've learned that lesson. Go back in time. Marry Mark Garofalo or whatever. I mean, that seems like the better one, in my opinion. I can't see the point of being suddenly 17 again.

See, all right. I'm going to go with 17 again. Yeah. I want to be 17 again because if I travel forward in time and my life's garbage, that's going to be bad. But you can change it. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Like, you're ruining your chance to fix some mistakes if you jump forward. No, it's not a set timeline.

Okay, say I jump forward and I'm like, oh, I'm married to this person. I know them now. Okay, well, that does change things. Is it a happy marriage when you're 40? Well, even if it is or if it's not. Like, if it's a happy marriage, then pressure's on me to make sure that happens. Presumably it's not because then you've got to learn your lesson. Then you come back and you're like, get the fuck out of here.

And that will be hurtful. Funny because you've not started dating them. Get the fuck out. I'm not dating you. What? I know. You got it good. Sure.

Where if I'm 17 again. But what are you doing at 17? It's just you now at 17. It's like you'll fucking... You'll wake up in the morning, come out, and I'll be like, Adam, you're young now. Oh, Jackson, thank you for noticing. Jackson, you're 30 now.

Oh, no, I'll be in the future. But, like, what are you going to do? What are the benefits? Jackson, you're 30 now. Yeah, I've been 30 for a while. Get to go back to high school somehow. No, you don't. I mean, you could slip in if you like Zac Efron did.

If they were bad teachers. Zac Efron slips in. He dresses in Ed Hardy clothes and he gets let in by, he pretends that John Lennon, not John Lennon. What's his name? Lithgow? No. He was in Reno 911.

Oh. John Lennon? Lemon? Johnon lemon voyette whatever i'm just making up reno lemon isn't it yeah i know who you're talking about though yeah i thought it was lennon they're together as well they're actually mates in real life apparently that's good ass well he pretends to be zach arafron's dad and that's how they get into the school and it's this whole fucking mess do they pretend to be like oh oh, I'm going to enroll my son? Or is it like my son? No, he's like, oh, I'm enrolling my son here.

Because, my God, the level of laxity that would need to go on for them to be like, yeah, he's around the right age. He's probably one of our students. Sure, just let him in. I don't care. Thomas Lennon. Thomas Lennon. There you go.

Not John Lennon. And not John Lemon. Zac Efron's my boy. Let him into your school. Imagine. Imagine all the children. That's one of my songs. Do you know it?

I'm John Lennon. Yeah, so unless you're not going to be able to get back into high school, and if you do, why? You want to just go back for a bit? Have you had canteen food recently? Is it good? Tuck shop food? Whatever other-

You can just get tuck shop food. It's like basically- Yeah, as an adult, we can just whenever we want get- Tuck shop food is basically 7-Eleven food. My high school- No, wait. You can't get pizzas. Yes.

So my high school had great pizzas, first of all. I feel like this is a bad reason. Second of all Sausage rolls Wait for it, in a roll That's madness I never got that It was fucking, I don't know, I went to the same high school But yeah, they were bloody off chops

So it's a hot dog roll, but with a sausage roll in it And you'd go to town with like Sauce and stuff like that Something you couldn't usually do on a sausage roll because then it's all over your hands. But the bread keeps it in. That's pretty clever. But can't you just- It's carb loading, so you're real tired after lunch, but it's good.

That's fine. If I go back in time, can I just not learn my lesson and stay young? I mean, I don't see why not. Do you just age? Trick the system. I mean, like, I appear to myself as my actual age, but to everyone else, I've just lost a few years. Oh, wait, because I wouldn't want to date anyone, though, because I would be seeing myself as an adult. But hang on.

Because I know what you're going on about, Adam. Because Adam is bloody in his 20s. He becomes 17 again. Bloody he's out in like eight years of his life. I didn't lose. Like my appearance won't change that much. No. Like my eyes will get less tired.

I look fresher and more happy. Not more happy. No, but hang on. Here's an idea if you want to be 17 again. So you go back in time Learn your lesson You know, hey, I should look after my family Family's the most important Or I should appreciate the things I have

Whatever the lesson is You come back to now Then you've always got it in your pocket To unlearn that lesson Go back, start again That's pretty good Is that how it works? I'm sure you can unlearn a lesson

I don't think you can Yeah, I don't know if you can You can forget, but you can'tarn a lesson i don't think you can yeah i don't know if you can you can forget but you can't unlearn and i don't think forgetting and as soon as you go back you're like oh that's right i go back to you yeah then you just oh that'd be awful stuck in a constant loop what if you kidnap the magic janitor from 17 again you grab him you're like send me back or if i know we're not including big but you get your zoltan machine whatever it is your magic dollhouse with pixie dust and you just force it because then i'll choose 17 again if i can force it that's basically immortality i feel like

i'm magic janitor again and skateboard feel like a magic janitor who can send you back in time in age wise yeah might not be someone to fuck with what if you like try to force him and he's like all right i'll send you back in time and now you're an infant that's okay you get to live again an infant with your memories that's like a nightmare that is one of my actual nightmares imagine sitting there like a baby and being like i've got so much longer to go until I can live a normal life. Oh, yeah, because you'd have your memories and experiences. So being a baby, time wouldn't move that fast. No.

If you're just sending people back in time with age, like randomly to teach them a lesson, you have actually very little morality. I feel he's going to turn you into a baby, then kill you. If you threatened him. Turn me into a baby, then just throw me out a window. Don't fuck with time. Jesus.

I'd get it. Fuck with time is a good thing to imagine him saying. See you later. If I got turned into an infant, I'd probably just sids myself. Excuse me? Turn onto your face? She'd be like, fuck this. She's like, hey cat, this. Just roll over. Yeah.

She's like, hey, cat, cat. Hey, come hop on my face. Come take a seat. But I like that you seem to think that SIDS is something that the baby consciously decides to do. If I was the baby, it would be a cautious decision. I like to imagine seeing your baby be like, fuck this, and flipping over onto its face. Would you stop it?

Would you be like, that's for the best, I guess. The worst one would be like, okay this, and flipping over onto its face? Would you stop it? Would you be like, that's for the best, I guess. The worst part would be like, okay, you're watching this baby, you turn it back over so it's face up, and it just keeps rolling over. Like, god damn it, baby. Take it to the doctor. It just keeps trying to, I don't know, who's trying to

sentence itself? Doc, help! Seems like this baby is fucked with time. My official diagnosis. I prescribe 50 cc's of aging. Make this baby a man again. I'm fucked with time. Will it take long doctor?

Well we can manage it for the next 20 years But at that point it'll sort of even itself out So that's the danger of 17ing again yourself Going becoming 7 monthsing again myself Suddenly 30ing I think is fine I think that it would make me way better Suddenly 30 yourself Get the sports almanac.

Memorize that shit. Learn your lesson. That's so true, though. Grab that sports almanac. You're good. Memorize them. Even write them on your body somewhere. Then you turn up back as a kid.

Okay, no, no, no. Oh, I've got the perfect plan. Okay. Suddenly 30 yourself. Memorize the sports almanac. Learn your lesson. 17 again yourself. And then you got like so many more years.

Oh, wait, no, you don't get in time. No. If you're 17, you're getting yourself. 17 yourself again. They're like, where is the leader of this company? What is going on? You wouldn't even need to memorize the whole sports thing. Just pick like a game or something that just has the most ridiculous,

like a massive- The worst odds. Like how the Cubs just won the World Series. If you had picked that a couple years ago, you'd be bloody- You get so many more points. If you know the point spread and stuff like that, you can get so many more points as well. Really?

So much more money, sorry. The odds. The odds are higher. I really like the idea of you suddenly 30 yourself into the future, but exactly the same way that... Who suddenly 30s herself? It's... What's the name of the actress?

Jennifer Garner? Yeah, Jennifer Garner. But just like Jennifer Garner. Then you come back having memorized the sports almanac and just rush past Mark Ruffalo. He's like, Adam, you're back. Get out of here! But then you 30 yourself again.

You didn't learn your lesson. God damn it. God damn it. You've got to grab Mark Loflo and be like, we're getting married, but on the way to the fucking wedding ceremony. We are going to have one hell of a wedding. We need to stop by a bookie. We're going to make it so big.

So that's a good, I mean, like if we're using make it so big so that's a good i mean like if we're using the systems so you like you want to be suddenly 30 so you can be the bad guy in back to the future too you want to be if had it good till he didn't if did have a good yes so you want to suddenly biff yourself. Suddenly biff. Well, it's better than suddenly SIDS. I didn't know that was on the table. Yeah. I would still be worried that, like, I would see my future and be like, oh, this is how it goes. But you can fix it.

That's the point. In Suddenly 30, she goes to the future. She's like, my boyfriend is garbage. My job is awful. I'm a bitch. Oh, this sucks. And then she sees Mark Ruffalo and she's like, my boyfriend is garbage My job is awful, I'm a bitch Oh, this sucks And then she sees Mark Ruffalo And she's like, man, you're lovely

And he cheats on his wife because he loves her Then she goes back in time and she's like, yo, let's get married She changes her future entirely Actually, doesn't she like, doesn't she still steal him at the altar? Yeah, she does That's fucked up, you got time Don't wait Just be like or yeah like what the fuck you could even be like sick all right i've learned that lesson i'm meant to

be with mark ruffalo i'm gonna let him have a nice wedding in this timeline no no she ruins it she ruins it for everyone like i fuck either let him be with that chick yeah or don't interrupt them at the altar i would hate to see who I'm marrying would hate it why because then there'd be so much

pressure but what if if it's someone you don't know yeah then the first time you meet them you're like

oh man and you're like shit what do I have to say because you'd be like stressed you'd be overthinking it or at least

it'd be really hard you might adjust eventually but at first it'd be very hard to act natural true also if it's someone you already know, that's a weird one too. Well, I know, because I guess you come back.

Because what if you're like, okay, so say I travel in time and I'm marrying Zoe. Yeah, all right. I come back, I'm like, hmm. Yeah. How does that happen? I know, like, do you sit her down? Or are you like, Zoe, guess what? Isn't that like an episode of Futurama or something like that

where Fry's like, I did a perfect date, but how did I do it? Oh, yeah, that is, that is. But would you even be looking for that? Because I'm assuming, as much as Zoe's a lovely person, you're not intending to marry her. Not at all. So would you come back and always be- We could say terrible things.

She doesn't listen to this. Zoe, nah. I'm good. But do you mean, because it'd be strange because you'd go back and you'd see zoe and you'd be like clearly at some point in my life this was the right decision when's that gonna come yeah but might it not because you've suddenly 30 yourself so you're see that's what i mean suddenly 30 stressful yeah but that's only if it involves even if it's accidentally marrying zoe if i go if i go in the future and it's a but that's only if it involves accidentally marrying Zoe.

If I go into the future and it's a stranger, that's mad. Then I see that person, I'm like, sweet, it's dumb. Future's written, I'm good. Just lay on my laurels. Although you're in a long-term relationship. If it's a stranger, you're like... Damn. He's like, oh, I know at some point I'm going to be unhappy. I see a stranger and then like a kid, you know what happened.

Oh, hello, Mellie. Mellie just doesn't care that we had the studio door closed. We had the door shut, Mellie. How did you open it? Here's Zammett. Zammett, shut the door, please. We are recording an episode. We're recording an episode and Mellie's come in and now you've ruined it.

What episode are you recording? A plumbing. Do you want to hop in? How far are we into it? Pretty far. About 17 minutes. The question is, are you recording? Oh, plumbing. Do you want to hop in? How far are we into it? Pretty far. About 17 minutes. The question is, do you show? Ah, okay so this is an unconventional

Plumbing the Death Star method but we've got Joel Zama joining us at the 18 minute mark of this podcast. You just gave my dog a bath. Come on boys. Is your mic on? Uh, yes. Yeah, it's all set up. It's all recorded? That's good. The question is would you... Welcome to today's episode again. Yeah, it's all set up. It's all recorded? That's good. The question is would you... Welcome to today's episode again.

Today's question is would you prefer to be suddenly 30'd or 17'd again? With elements of big. And also a bit of hot tub time machine has kind of been thrown in. And also, so we've already Time Machine Has kind of been thrown in And also So we've already Covered

We've covered Don't fuck with time too much Because then The magic janitor Might make you a baby And you might Sid yourself Yep

It's a whole thing Don't worry about it I'll catch up later Just keep going Keep going Alright So yeah If you're 17 again

The rules are That you're just you As 17 but now Okay Because he doesn't Go back in time But if you're suddenly 30 yourself

You're 19 odd No 17 odd years In the future And you get to see How your life turned out you as 17 but now because he doesn't go back in time but if you suddenly 30 yourself you're 17 odd years in the future and you get to see how your life turned out but it's not great you might have married Zoe because you are because we are all much closer to 30 than the character in suddenly 30 who is 13 we've decided

that it'll be aging up to like 45 in your case 50 it's like suddenly 30, like what, like last week? Oh, really? That's pretty good. Sam, you're the right age for 17 again. You're perfect 17 again material.

Oh, okay. So turning 17 again, I think I would hate that. I think I'd hate being 17 again. No, thank you. It's 17 again, because what's actually the same? Oh Oh shit, that's nearly a decade for me.

So it's like 17, like I am as I am now, but physically 17. Oh gross. And it's in 2000, it would stay 2016, 17. Yeah, there's no time travel involved in being 17 again. I'm up to... Suddenly 30 though, you're traveling forward in time to your 50s. No, 17 again.

17 again, do not learn my lesson. Stay thin and. No, 17 again. 17 again. Do not learn my lesson. Stay thin and beautiful. Stay 17 again. I'd go forward because I'm curious about the future. Right? And plus, it's not permanent.

You learn your lesson, you're right back here. Just don't learn your lesson as we discussed. As we talked about. And you can stay 17. And if you don't learn your lesson, you're stuck in the future.

And can I use my future knowledge to kind of change? Well, we were saying you grab the almanac to go back to the time. Become a millionaire. Exactly. We have explored

the suddenly biff situation. All right, then. Because that's got my vote. Yeah, I think that's the best one. Because even if the synarchs that we were discussing say Dusha goes back into the future.

Because I was worried. A big thing I was worried about is my like if I see I'm married if it's one of my current friends I'm like something how does that play out

you roll over Zammets on the other side finally the jaws came together we did it Dusha we often come together it's alright if it was a stranger

that would be stressful too because then the first time you meet them you'd be like I know you this is gonna go down it will affect no matter what if you're suddenly 50 or 30 50 in my case uh if you're suddenly 50 and you see things about your future you will ultimately

that's just going to be a one-off future you're never ever ever going to go back however imagine this because you're suddenly 50ing yourself 50s around that age where all of the medical problems really. And you suddenly 50 yourself and you're in like a hospital. No, that's good. No, it isn't. Let me fucking explain. Let me just say, you suddenly 50 yourself and your first experience as a 50 year old is pissing at kidney stones.

No, you go forward, you wake up in the hospital, you're like, sick, I can catch this early. That's true. You're like, doctor, check me for cancer every day he'd be like unfortunately for an incurable disease early treatment would not be effective well then then that's fine like then it was gonna happen regardless yeah largely i like it look suddenly 50 but the idea there is so i know a lot about myself it's a selfish reason i'm going forward so I make, all right, what medical problems do I have? Melody's trying to eat a fly.

Oh, did she get it? She got it. If I go forward in time and I'm 50, then I can like, all right, what happened? Are my kids lovely

or are they asshole kids? Do I have kids? No? Damn. What happened? See, like, did relationships, again,

that thing did, like I'm currently in a relationship now, like, did that work out? Did I roll the bones and it's good or See, like, you know, did relationships, again, that thing did, like, I'm currently in a relationship now, like, did that work out? Did I roll the bones and it's good? Or is it like, no? Are you married to Zoe? Like, something that's happened to all of us so far.

So I'm like, Zoe, how did this happen? Why? And then a kid comes in and you know why. But here's the thing. What happened? No, no, I don't know why. What happened? But here's the thing. We're assuming that we no, I don't know why. What happened? But here's the thing.

We're assuming that we'll get an explanation for what our future is like. Imagine this. Zabit suddenly 30s himself and he's lying in a hospital bed with like a plane propeller through his chest. And he's like, how do I stop this? Ask the doctor how it happened. Actually, wait. What if you suddenly 50 yourself And you're dead

Does that just kill you outright? You didn't learn a lesson No The lesson is Don't die It's the exact moment that you are cremated I think Becoming 17 Either way that you are creamy i think yeah like becoming 17 oh then look so the you're because either way

i learn a lesson i revert back right because the advantage of becoming suddenly 30 or in my case 50 yeah is that i learn so much more about myself becoming suddenly 17 is like sick i have like an okay body now yeah um but for a bit and then i learned my lesson i'm back again i learned nothing really yeah it's not like i i all right i'm gonna make changes and make sure i you know don't take up smoking and and uh drug abuse and all this kind of stuff to be like no i'm gonna be sick i'm gonna clean living and then i come back i'm like yeah i did it i'm clean living it's like no you're still bad decisions that happened 17 years ago yeah you're right you're actually not going back in time.

You're just beautiful for a bit. Yeah, for a bit. Whereas if I go forward in time, then I'm like, aha, bowel cancer, I can stop that. I'm going to eat fibre. I'm a better looking adult than I was a 17-year-old. I'm sticking it. I don't know why I keep saying I want to be 17 again then.

See, another question, you can turn this on your head there, is you don't time travel, you just suddenly age. So you're in the same situation here and say, like, I wake up and then I'm 50 and I'm just like, Michael, as in Zammett's father, why are you here? Yeah, and then what? Go back in time to when you were 17. Or the same thing

You either age or you... Because time travel... If you add time travel into suddenly 17 I would pick 17 Yeah, same Because then you can just have some fun Yeah, have fun again There's no real consequences when you're 17

Oh, exactly So, okay, I guess the new question is Would you rather be suddenly 30 or a hot tub time machine? Tell me how hot tub time machine works. They hop in a hot tub time machine and they go back into the past. Yeah. Again, they're like... They relive their youth.

So they go from like late 30s to like 18. Yeah, 18 to 20. Here's something I was thinking about with 17 again before we move on from that. So say, Zamit, you hit... I don't know why I chose you. You hit 70. Yeah. And you're 17 again. Yeah.

When you look in the mirror, you see yourself as you are now, not as your 17-year-old body. Yeah. So what happens if you just don't learn your lesson and age? And age beyond your natural life. I break all mirrors. Huh? I don't live near mirrors. Yeah. no reflective surfaces

in this house become like a vampire when you look in the mirror would you see yourself gray sorry like if you looked in the mirror would you see yourself rotting do you like can 17 again like let you live beyond your normal life or is it like you're gonna hit 100 in 17 again years and just die. Well, I think that. I mean, it has to be because it's like he's not learned his lesson. I guess this is it.

Don't fuck with time. Also, in Hot Tub Time Machine you have to go back in the hot tub. Just don't go back in the hot tub. Doesn't one of them not go back in the hot tub? One of them doesn't want to but he does in the hot tub.

No, I don't think he does because then he invents Google. Oh, shit, yeah. Yeah, he just chooses not to go back in the hot tub and then he makes life great. Clark Juke? The young one? No, the bald one think he does because then he invents Google. Oh, shit, yeah. Yeah, he just chooses not to go back in the hot tub and then he makes life great. Clark Duke? The young one?

No, the bald one. What's his name? Absolutely hot tub time machine. Rob Corddry. Yeah. That guy who I swear to God was in The Watch but isn't. Yeah, but is not. Rob Corddry, yeah.

He's alright. Children's Hospital. Yeah. Great TV show. Yeah, he chooses not to go back in the hot tub time machine and just creates Google. One of them bangs the girl from Mad Men. What's her name?

Don Draper. Don Draper's second wife. The girl from Mad Men. Megan. She's in Hot Time Machine. One of them bangs her. I hope she's not married to Don at that point. Is she?

Man, I thought that was always like, why did I replace that in my head with Tara Reid? That's weird. That is weird. I was going to Jessica, but that's her actress's name. Her actress's name. Her real name! I just realised that the question we flipped on our head is would you rather be Bigged or Hot Tub Time Machined? See, that's better!

Wait, is it? No, it's the same kind of question. No, because Bigged is your you, but older now. Yeah, 17 again is a slightly different scenario. Because you're not on time. You shouldn't go back in time. It's just one way or the other. I think of any situation, I'm going to choose the one where there's time travel involved.

I want to be big. Well, both of them have time travel involved. Being big is mad. Adam, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, Adam. We've swept it. We've swept it, Adam.

It's been swept. What swept? Well, big is just awful unless you're like 10. No, I want to be big. Do I get a toy company? How'd you get to have childlike whims? I go in, I'm like, nobody wants a fucking transformer of a house. I'm a bat.

Jack being big, is this like you maybe like what? Five years from now? Like just 30? 30 year old me going in and being like, guess what? No age of you should own a company. It will not succeed. Was it Kim Cattrall was in that film?

Maybe? Do I get her? Do I get to bring my child? She bangs old Tom Hanks, but then she realises it's a kid. It's not a crime with me. It's just weird. No, because you're not aging five years, because that's not how it's been working so far. Say he's 10, and he becomes...

You age to, like, 45, 50. You have to be like, man, no one ever respects the youths. I need to be like... Man, 20 to 30-year-old white male. I don't get enough respect. I need to be at least older. And so I can yell more. Yeah.

And so you become a 55-year-old. You know, it's like the Zoltan machine. I think I just want it to be taller. Man, I wish I was big. That's not what I said. Can you gain six inches? Yes. Gotcha.

I'm not going to learn this lesson. Being tall is great. Tall rules. Keep hitting your head on doorways. I hate this. Ah, there's the lesson. Straight episode slightly. Got him. No, but being 50 would be alright.

Then I get to go up. I learn the lesson. I've got people who listen to me. Again, if you're... You idiot. You actual idiot. If you big yourself to become 50, the lesson i've got people will listen to me again if you're all right so you're an actual if you big yourself to become 50 do you also have the same like you yourself time travel but the world isn't time travel you know what i mean like you become 50 so you're like ah liver problems i got it yeah yeah i mean it's the same thing yeah that's sort of that except you don't know the you know the insulin of the outside world I think when you're time travelling,

I feel like, and they never established this, but I feel like this is just an accepted thing. If you die when you're time travelling, you just revert because it's basically magic that's happening. Yeah. I don't know. I wouldn't bet on that. If you die in Hot Tub Time Machine,

do you die in real life? Oh, I think one of them gets stabbed. Well, the weird... Oh, wait. It's Hop Top Time Machine. Like, when they learn their lesson, they're always going to go back in time because they kind of see things that happen and they understand stuff that... Do they have to learn a lesson? I don't know if they have to learn a lesson

or not. Chevy Chase is like a wizard. Anyway, Chevy Chase clearly went to the same time wizard school that the janitor from 17 again went to. I believe so. And Christopher Walken from Click. Yes. He was the devil. Oh, yeah, that's right.

He was the devil. So. Don't fuck with time. Because they learn things about their past. They learn how Crispin Glover lost his arm. Yeah. They learn how, like, who the actual father is. But did that happen without their interference?

No, I think that was like... I think it's a closed loop, isn't it? No, no, no. It's an open loop because they find out like, yeah, actually, you were so blind, blackout drunk that you were definitely this kid's father. You just didn't know. Now you know.

Well, that's nice. You get a little bit of information. So anything with time travel, I'd choose. I think what's nice about Hobbub Time Machine as well is that you have get a little bit of information. So anything with time travel, I'd choose. I think what's nice about HubTop Time Machine as well is that you have a clear means of transport. Exactly. And you're with your friends. You say anything with time travel, you're in.

But I think of the four that we put forward, objectively speaking, big is the worst. Why is that? Because you just age. It's pointless. Big is the most pointless one for me. None of us here are 10. That's why it's pointless. Yeah, big is the most pointless one for me. None of us here are 10. Yeah.

That's why it's pointless. Big would be all right. I'm actually 10. I've already been big. Suck shit, losers. Twist. We are all already slowly bigging. It just takes us longer to get there.

All you're doing is speeding it up. Yeah. Yeah. I think unless... Join the plumbing boys as they slowly big. What if you bigged and then 17ed again? Yeah. I'd be going to be 17ed.

That just evens you out. What if I big again? Or is it like, yeah, suddenly 30 or suddenly 50 and then 17 again? What if you suddenly 30, then hot tub time machine? Yeah. No evening out. No evening out. No evening out.

Adam also went to the same time school as Chevy Chase and the General. I didn't graduate, though, so I have no powers. They never gave me my time stuff. How could you flunk time school, Adam? It's easy. I wouldn't show up for classes. Just fast forward for a bit and then you finish. You've done good.

You could 17 again and then hot tub time machine so that you're young and back in time. Well, I guess. I mean, like, that's just a waste of time. They're just hot tub time machine. I feel like there's a way I can combine all four to come out on top. Look, if you 17 again and then you hot tub time machine, the only thing that's different there

is that when you look in the mirror, you see yourself as 17. That's the only difference. So mirrors weren't spooky as much. So mirrors weren't spooky. Oh, wait, no, but in 17 again, he sees himself as old in the mirrors anyway, so you're still going to be old.

No, but you... No, but I said... But you're hot tub time machine, you see yourself as what you physically are. And then 17 again. In your mirror, do you see your big self or your real self? Oh, no. What about this? I think everything will be okay as long as mirrors aren't on the table.

Okay, look. I think suddenly 17. Yeah. I'll 17 myself again. Then a hot top time machine. Yeah. I was 17 myself again. Yeah. Then a hot tub time machine. Yeah. Then I quickly suddenly 30'd myself. Yeah.

Go over to Adam Sandler, hit him with a brick, steal his click remote, rewind. Uh-huh. So that I'm young, but even more into the past. I think you could use it to age a year. If you... Use what? The click remote? All of them.

So first you 17... No. First you 17 yourself again. Suddenly 17. First you're suddenly 17 time machine. Yep. Okay. And then you...

Suddenly hot tub? No, then you suddenly 30. Yep. So you get up to this age. Yep. Then you hot tub time machine back. Suddenly hot tub time machine. So then you're 17 as... No, wait. No, then you suddenly 30. So you get up to this age. Then you hot tub time machine back. So then you're 17. No, wait, no, easy, easy. Hot tub time

machine yourself back. Big yourself. And then you're an adult in the past. Yeah! I got him! You're not wrong, Jack. I did feel like I aged a year during that explanation. We did it, boys!

No, because then you're robbing yourself of your youth. You have no past anymore. No, but then I can become a millionaire from the 80s without having to age any. But then, no. Yeah. No, because he's... But then you learn your lesson, you come back.

Yeah, you learn your lessons. That's all right. Stuff my pockets full of cash, learn my lesson. And plus you're like an 80s millionaire What are you doing in the hot tub time machine As a big that you couldn't do as a regular hot tub time machine As a norm But you're an 80s millionaire

That means like no regulations And so much cocaine Wait how far back does hot tub time machine make up I'm assuming the 80s I thought it took us back to our childhood Well it's just like an 80s for me What's a 90s for us? Yeah.

Well, for 80s for me. You old fuck. I'll invent the iPod. Yeah. I don't know how an iPod works. I'm just saying, because if you go in the 80s and you're like a successful businessman, you can get away with so much more than you could today. Wall Street, that motherfucker.

Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. Gotcha, Adam. Don't. Checkmate. This became a competition. Bloody mate. Everyone V Adam. Adam lost. This became a competition. Bloody mate.

Everyone V Adam. Adam lost. Wait, where does Dusha fit? You're going to be with the losers? Are you going to come and you're going to suddenly 17 yourself? What are you going to do as big hot time machine? What are you going to do? Because then we're us in the past, but we're bigger.

So we're like, we can do more. People listen to me a lot more now than they did when I was 17, Adam. Sorry? What if I was... Yeah, because it's like being... So I was 17 in 2008. Yeah. If I was 25 in 2008, people would listen to me more.

In 2008. Okay. How are you going to exploit that for profit, though? Become a businessman. Run a toy company. Come on, Adam. Nobody wants a Transformer. That's a businessman. Run a toy company. Come on, Adam. Nobody wants a transformer. That's a house.

Adam. Hand someone your resume and they're like, but you're 17. No, I'm not. I'm an adult. That's why we have to go back to the 80s

when there was less regulation. As soon as anyone asks for ID, you're in trouble. Fine. How about this? We'll go back to like 1910s. We're adults, so we can easily sort out fake IDs.

You idiot. How many times can you hot tub time machine? Wait, when was the hot tub invented? That's the question. Yeah, go back to the original hot tub. So we can go and like hot tub time machine back to when the proto hot tub was invented and then we live like kings.

Yep. Done. Done deal. There was a question, but the answer was all of it. The answer was cheat the system by doing them all in one go. Then steal the almanac. Biff to the hot tub, suddenly 17 again, big. Got him.

And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Adam. And I've also been Joel. It's nice that we can finally have the two Joels after their big fight. Together. Everyone's friends again, and that's so nice have the two Joels after their big fight. Together. Everyone's friends again. Yeah, everyone's friends again.

It's good. Bye. Time after time. Time after time. Time after time. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com.