Podcast About List - *BONUS* Patrick's Thoughts

Episode Date: January 6, 2021

we made patrick record himself talking   music used:Garden Music by Kevin MacLeodLink: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3796-garden-musicLicense: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

You're listening to Patrick's podcast. Patrick. Patrick. Patrick. Patrick. All right. So, this is... Wow.

Ooh. Bless me. Bless me to high heaven. This is a solo episode. This is just me. By myself. Cameron is busy right now. He's moving.

He's moving into a dumpster. He's going to be living in a little dumpster. It's going to be really hard to record with him because, you know, with COVID and everything, he's going to have to record inside of McDonald's to use their Wi-Fi. but I think the living part I don't I don't care about that I mean if he's living in the dumpster that's his choice it's his decision you know and Caleb told me that he ate uh he thought he was eating a burger but it turned out that it was like

raw or something I think he I think Caleb ate raw hamburger meat And now he's throwing up, he's been throwing up, I guess, like, he threw up exactly before we were supposed to start recording. It's 3 o'clock right now on Tuesday. He threw up and said he needs to take a nap for an hour. He also told me, you know, he said he ate a bad burger. Last night he told me that he drank three bottles of Aldi wine. so i i don't think it's the burger i think maybe this guy drank two like three bottles of wine i don't how do you drink that and fucking do anything the next day you're if you're drinking

three bottles of wine you're you're in fucking couch lock for the next 24 hours that's like just the amount of sugar and the alcohol in that I'm surprised he's not dead that would kill me no that wouldn't kill me I'd be fine I think I think I could drink more Aldi wine than Caleb I could definitely do that

I the other night I drank like was it like New Year's Eve I've been doing dry January that's what I've been doing I'm going to see if I can do a whole month not drinking which is since COVID started I've been like

I don't think there's been like the longest I've gone being sober is probably like five days I've had at least one me or every day since COVID started and that's not good it's not a good thing but I think this dry January is going to reset me

I think I'm going to get I think I'm going to get telekinesis I think that's finally what's going to happen I think finally I'm going to be able to move shit around with my mind it's probably probably going to happen probably really going to happen I'm probably

going to become like cable from X-Men I'm going to get the techno organic virus I'm going to sit there I'm going to be battling a demon in my body a virus with telekinesis I'm going to be battling a demonic techno virus in my body with telekinesis

if I telekinesis is like the one like it's definitely like the best answer like the answer to the question like oh what's superpower would you know because flight well you could levitate yourself with telekinesis but flight

probably better because the ability to read people's minds is like if you if that's your your pick that's kind of sociopathic I think because it's not even fun like it wouldn't be

fun at all you would like find out that like some priest is like touching kids or something or like you would just hear somebody's just like darkest thought at some point and just be like, ah shit, ah, shit.

That guy's gonna kill himself when he goes home, huh? You know? But like flight is like, I mean, you'd have to like look out for like birds and shit. Imagine you get the power of flight. Like you get like X-Men powers, you get the power of flight and you like

get attacked by a hot. that would that would fucking suck I couldn't I couldn't imagine or like some there's got to be a bigger bird than a hawk let me look this up let me look up bigger bird biggest bird bigger than a hawk the ostrich okay well that doesn't fucking help me big it i should have fucking looked at biggest bird of prey there we go yeah condor the andy and condor well here's the list i guess is the 10 largest birds of prey from the website rodentpro dot com which is a website let me look up more stuff on rodent pro so this is a website for

I guess this is a where's there about section company info contact us company info founded in 1993 in Evansville Indiana Jesus Christ

I didn't even drink like soda or anything before this I'm like gassy as hell there see fucking burping again all I drank before this was water I don't know why water is making me burp. So, rodent pro is founded in 93 in Evansville, Indiana. It specializes in the production and distribution of premium quality animal foods, including frozen foods, live food. So, is this a...

Okay, so this is a reptile breeder. I think... Let me... hold on. Yeah. Crickets meal one. Frozen Foods. Is this a website that you can buy? Frozen chickens?

Frozen feeder chicks. Oh. What animal do you feed a frozen, like, what animal do you feed a chick? I guess an alligator? I don't know. man i can't imagine like a whole business of that's the thing i i could never go vegan i think my my diet is too impulsive i think that i eat what's available to me but like anytime i like

sit down and i think about like oh like that's like i'm killing like an animal to eat it it's like i could never i could never be the one to kill it like i know steak tastes good but like Have you ever seen just like a cow in a field? They're, they look like, they're so majestic. It's like, like, those long, I used to, there's like a long, there's a farm next to the community college I went to, and I would have to bike from, to and from the school, because I don't have a license. And there was this farm where they had like a shit ton of, like, long-haired cows.

And, uh, I would just kind of like, sometimes I would just like stop the bike and just look at the cows it's like they look fucking sick dude they look like they look cool as shit I can't imagine like it made me reconsider eating meat and I did I went pescatarian for a year but then like I think one day I just wanted ribs and then I just went and got ribs I was like close enough to like not even eating fish too but what was I talking about oh yeah if you get power of flight imagine imagine you get the power of flight and like you get chased down by a bird that would fucking suck that would be like the worst that'd be the worst fucking thing ever like some like you're like oh I'm gonna I'm gonna fly over the the Grand Canyon just to see just because like i'm i'm the only one who can do this right now i'm gonna get like a full

view of the grand canyon without like having us sit in some stuffy helicopter and some fucking vulture start circling you you know like you're just kind of like sitting there like you're okay so you have the power of flight right and you can do like the x-men thing where you just kind of like stand still in midair and you just kind of like like you know how like rogue would put like it's like the energy field under her feet and she's just kind of like levitating like 60 feet above the ground and you're looking at the Grand Canyon and then out of nowhere just like two vultures just start circling you because they think that you're a dead body in midair because you're just kind of like looking at the Grand Canyon being like oh this is so beautiful

this is one of the best one of the best sites I've ever seen and you just start your shit starts getting pecked out by vultures that would suck that was seriously That would suck. I'm still looking at this rodent pro website. Live foods. See, okay, so as I was saying, like, what I was saying before about, like, oh, like, I could never, like, kill an animal. I could kill a bug. I don't feel bad about killing bugs.

I think that's a problem. I think it's just because they're so small. Like, because it's still a living thing, you know? Oh, you got to. crickets you can buy a shit ton of oh how many crickets can you buy on this website 500 oh wow a thousand crickets three-eighths-inch standard crickets huh two-thirds of an it wow adult standard crickets a thousand per box.

That would be really funny to just like mid-episode buy Cameron and Caleb. Just get them a box of these. But yeah, I mean, I could kill a bug. I could definitely kill a bug. But that's the other thing. Buying any animal for the express purpose of feeding it to another animal is weird to me. I don't want to go to the store and get bugs. That's weird.

It's weird to go to the store and get bugs, but it's also like, oh, I got to get them to, like, feed this other living thing. Like, I'm basically being, like, a father to this thing. I don't know. This is going to be the worst episode ever. this is going to suck everyone's going to make fun of me for this episode

like oh oh he's he's gonna he can't feed he can't eat meat anyway what was I talking about largest birds of prey

See, the thing about hosting it with two other guys is it's a lot easier to just kind of rip take jewel hits in the middle of it without it becoming dead air which is most of this episode right now is me trying to process my thoughts which I'm already I'm already not good at Number 10, the Eurasian eagle owl

That thing's Jesus Christ I think I've been I think Owls scared me I don't know Now they look cool Owls look cool Kind of

Like if I saw an owl in person I'd be No, I did see an owl in person before. I was like six. Maybe that's why I'm a little scared of them. It's because I saw the owl and I thought it was going to attack me. Hmm.

Well, anyway, this owl, if I saw this fucking owl in person and I had a gun, I would at least fire off a warning shot. um somebody texted me in the middle of that i see this is what you can't do a podcast like the one that we do with one guy i'm learning that this is the i'm learning this the hard way because I have to have my full attention on the podcast. And I can't, like, do, like, I can't get distracted by anything. Fuck, maybe I should have taken, like, an Adderall before doing this.

I don't have any Adderall. If I did, though, I'd probably be quiet for the whole thing. Just sitting here, just reading about this Eurasian eagle owl. It's up to It's like a nine pound owl With a tomb Jesus Christ Six and a half foot wingspan

What the fuck That thing's fucking terrifying I mean I mean It's eyes too Like if you like staring an owl in the eyes Fuck That's terrifying

I should have called someone I should I should have called somebody up and asked them they could record this with me Number nine The Marshall Eagle It's Africa's largest eagle With an eight-foot wingspan Fuck

man I had a bad dream about a bird you know what it was when I was a kid I had a bad dream about I stopped myself mid-sentence there because I was trying to

I don't know I can't I'm so fucking ADD I had a bad dream about a bird when I was like six because of Wind waker I thought that the bird from Wind waker was going to capture my brother

and I was always like scared of giant birds after that maybe that happened around the same time that the fucking owls came to school this is one of the most insane things they've ever made me do I'm sitting I'm realizing I'm in my room by myself

I'm talking about a bad dream I had when I was six into a microphone and laughing to myself this is going to be the thing that you're going to next week if I actually do send this to camera to Caleb

like in two weeks from now they'll just be like yeah we you know Pat's been kind of been going through something right now I'm just going to be in a minute hospital in a padded room by myself just like I had a bad dream when I was six I had a bad dream when I was six number eight the Philippine eagle I'm guessing this bird is from the Philippines

Yeah This one kind of looks like This one's got like a middle part I mean It's kind of cool looking I mean it's got like a This is the worst fucking episode ever

Maybe Maybe I should stop. No, I'm going to keep going. You know what? They said I couldn't do it. So, I'm getting that message. This bird of prey has adapted to hunted forested habitats and is incredibly agile, even though it weighs 15 pounds.

Fuck, that's a heavy bird. Jesus Christ. The Raptor is known to feed all. this fucking bird eats monkeys and like lemurs and pigs and dogs what the fuck i got to see a video of this thing hold on let me look this thing up philippine eagle video oh it's endangered soaring philippine eagle yeah because i mean i'm looking at this thing right now And it's like, if I had the power of flight and I had to, like, deal with one of these things trying to, like, attack me, I'd piss and shit myself right there. Like, I, that's fucked up.

That thing's fucked up. God. Philippine Eagle feeding. Maybe look that up. Philippine Eagle eating monkey Oh Oh, no Oh, dude

Oh my God, the claws, dude Look at that Look at that thing's fucking claws That thing's nuts Oh, the monkey's just eating an apple, dude Or whatever the fuck that is He's eating something How, okay, if you're a wild

wildlife filmer and you're like you're the guy like filming like wildlife shit you wouldn't you want to just like have a gun on you just it's like oh this monkey's so cute but this eagle is about to eat it just like fire a warning shot at the eagle right like because if i i would want to if i saw a monkey about to get attacked by a bird I'd be like, fuck out of here, bird, you piece of shit. You know, I'm not letting a bird attack a monkey. I don't care if it's a bird of prey or circle, like, oh wait, they fucking green screened that. Wait, is this not real?

Is this video not real? Oh, no. No, it has the baby monkey in its claws. Oh, you prick. You prick bird. You are the worst. God, I would, if I was the wildlife filmer and I saw that bird, grab a baby monkey by its claws, I would keep, like, like a, I would keep like a 44 magnum with a scope on it in my pocket. And I would, I would fire, just, just clip its wing.

You know, I don't care that it's endangered. You're not eating a baby monkey. Not while I'm there. Not while I'm watching this fucking thing. That baby monkey, I, look, maybe, maybe it's an asshole. I don't know. I don't know. But that's not right.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care about the circle of life. care about nature, even though in this hypothetical situation, I am a wildlife filmer, and it's my job to care about nature and know how to not disturb the animals. I'm fucking, I'm firing off around at that goddamn bird, you know, you're, you, you stupid bird, you prick bird. Man, a bird that eats monkeys. That's just, that's disgusting.

That's fucked up to me. And dogs. Yeah, look up. Oh, this isn't even the right bird. This is a harpy eagle. What? What's a harpy eagle? South America?

Oh, I watched the wrong... Well, I mean, I still saw a bird cat eat a monkey. None of you saw that, because this is an audio. It's an audio, baseball. I'm watching another video of it. Oh, wow, they put their own watermark before. What? What?

The fuck is this... Okay, this. This is just somebody giving out information about the Philippine Eagle. I thought it was going to be a video of a monkey getting eaten by an eagle. Number seven, stellar sea eagle. Found in Russia and Japan, the Stellar Sea Eagle is the heaviest eagle in the world weighing 19 pounds with a wingspeen of wingspeen. Look at me go. span of 2.5 meters, this bird primarily feeds on fish but is known to attack other large birds

and baby seals. Also, I didn't know that like birds of prey were called raptors. I thought that raptors were dinosaurs. Well, if they're called raptors, right, then how the fuck did it take us this long to be like, yeah, actually like dinosaurs looked more like chickens than they do. Her T-Rexes looked more like chickens than they did like a reptile. Like, who? Cameron probably knows this. If Cameron was here, I could ask him. God, I miss Cameron and Caleb so much.

COVID is doing a number on my mental health. I'm here talking by myself about birds. Oh, boy. All right, I give up. I can't do this anymore. and I've officially lost my mind. Have you got this far into the episode? What the, what is fucking wrong with you?

But thank you. Please subscribe to our Patreon. I guess. Watch us on Twitch. Check out our T-spring. Check out, um, We don't even plug. I'm just, I'm looking for things to say.

We never plug anything, really. Which is probably a shortcoming of ours, is that we don't plug anything. Who knows? Who knows if that's even good or bad? Maybe you like that we don't plug our stuff. I mean, I would, I don't like it when people plug anything, you know? Anyway.

Huh. all right