Podcast About List - Ep. 103 - The dark system

Episode Date: June 17, 2020

Im smoking Hdmi weed www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the mob list. You're any crap monster. You too. Boob. Boob. Yeah, no Caleb this episode. No Caleb.

Caleb fell into a hole and he's still falling. Yeah, he's been falling perpetually for about like a week. He's sucking off craps He's eating poop He's doing all that stuff He's doing all the things that you normally do He's moving into his new house That's made of hardened poop

It's made of poop bricks It's like an adobe A Adobe house made of poop Yeah it's a duke A ducky house Yeah A dukey houser That's where he's living

Yeah, that's who he, that's his roommate. Duky Houser, MD, and the MD stands for my, my dokey. Yeah, my do-do. Yeah. Yeah, um, he said he spent, he spent $300 on rugs. Yeah, that's, that's crazy. He spent $300 on rugs. Uh, he, he's not even using them.

He's using them as a blanket. Yeah, he's, he's buying them just to keep them in the basement, just in case, just in case Yeah Because he moved into a giant crap house Mm-hmm Oh boy

I'm so tired He actually He bought $300 worth of rugs And then he chopped them up Into squares And he's using them as toilet paper He's using Yeah

He's using rug squares As toilet paper It's crazy Yeah Man I fucking I've just been gaming So much man Yeah

Gameing Patrick Yeah I got a P my PC came in I've been gaming just like a fucking madman What are you been playing Um

I've been playing Uh games Really No I've been playing like I played a lot of I was playing Star Wars Battlefront Before this Um

What other games have I been playing? I've not been playing Blade symphony I don't know what Blade Simpany I don't know what Blade Symphony is but I have it. Blade simulator. That's where you take a picture of yourself and it gives you sunglasses and a trench coat. Makes you a black vampire hunter, yeah.

It's like face-app, but it only makes you look like Wesley Snipes and Blade. It's face-app, but it only shows you a picture of Wesley Snipes. It doesn't even make you look like us. Oh, we've been playing TF2. Yeah, we play. TF2 last night. Yeah, I played TFT two last night. I have not played that game since I was in

community college. That it's still like a perfect game I feel. Yeah, it's very not like perfect, but it's like one of the best games to just like... Just fuck around. Yeah. The problem with it though is now like any server you join

there's something weird happening. Oh, there's like a billion bots. Yeah, there's at least one like really weird thing that makes it impossible to play the game. game the way you want to. Yeah, there was like an aim bot last night that was saying the N-word and just like standing in the middle of the map. Yeah, there was, there was like this, there was this kid and this adult who were just having

a conversation in voice chat. And then I asked, are you guys father and son? And simultaneously they said yes and no. One of them said yes and one of them said no. Yeah. That game's the best. yeah dude you get it's like the it's just like a melting pot of just like the weirdest fucking people on earth

yeah it's like freaking new new york city it's like ellis island combined with the statue of bibbriety statue of mike bibbiblia yeah it's a statue of mike berbiblia no mike berbillia it's a different guy they're gonna they're gonna put that um they're gonna have mike berbiglia replace the Statue of Liberty. Yeah. He's going to be like,

Hey, guys, I got... I'm bringing you to freedom! Yeah, dude, they're changing the freaking name to New Dork City. Yeah, because he's there. Yeah, because he's, yeah,

because he's the new statue. He's the statue, and he's the fucking dork-ass bitch. And then, in New Dork City, they also have Adam Ellis Island. Who's Adam Ellis? Adam Alice is the guy

who makes those comics that are like, let people enjoy things Oh Adam Ellis Island Yeah Well the immigrants Come to Adam Alice Island

And he turns them away Because he's like Let it The Americans enjoy America Yeah You're supposed to enjoy your country And then he's like Well no, no hold on

I'm not racist for that Yeah, what... Man What are you saying? I said, man, my back... I was going to say my back hurts. Why, you've been gaming too hard, dude? Yeah, well, the first you fucking saw my setup

before I got my desk. Yeah, you're sitting on a hole in the floor. I was sitting on the floor and playing. You're sitting outside. You're sitting on a chair that was in the trash outside. playing through the window. Yeah, I was playing in the alley and a guy kept throwing up on my ass. Dude, I hate when that happens. I hate when I'm playing in the alley and a guy keeps throwing up on my ass. It's the worst. When a guy throws up on your ass in the alley?

Yeah. It sucks. Yeah. Yeah, we played Left for Dead also and we weren't in that game. Not, yeah, no, I kept dying. We played, oh, we played Wars. zone we're getting into diaper clan is going to rise yeah diaper clan baby diaper clan and war zone anyone can join if we approve Pat's first war zone game

where he got he was driving a car and he kept switching out of the seat goes riding the car and then we crashed into a bigger car and exploded yeah I wish I was playing with like a full squad and just fucked that up for everyone.

That would have been awesome. Well, yeah, that was fun. Yeah. Really, really haven't been doing much in general. Yeah. Yeah. We've got to get you a PC. We've got to get you a...

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I fucking... I got a job. It's the thing. Yeah, that's the other thing. I fucking, I bought two nights ago. I bought Cameron a copy of Star Wars Battlefront 2, the 2005. one and

we I didn't I didn't check if it was like a a cross-plat game like a not like cross-platform but like it's not for Mac. Yeah it's not optimized for Mac he messed up he wasted his fucking $20 on me now it was only 10 bucks

oh all right I don't feel bad anymore now yeah you bought me you bought me a Minecraft account after I bought the wrong Minecraft so I forgot I did that now I dude it why games without checking

anything about them why is there specific Minecraft thing that works with our fucking server there's like a bunch of different there's also like you can get Minecraft on like switch or something and that also doesn't work with like other types of

Minecraft there's like five types of Minecraft that only work with each other it's so fucking stupid just make all of them work together yeah notch you fucking Nazi bitch I'm gonna get get out in the streets and I'm going to protest for that.

I'm going to say. Oh, yeah. We're going to make all the Minecraft. Yeah, I'm going to add that on to the, I'm going to get into the Congress and I'm going to tack on to the end of the police defunding bill. I'm going to put in a little thing at the end that says also all the Minecraft virgins have to work together. And then they're going to pass it once they see that.

Yeah, they're not even going to look at the rest of the bill. They're going to look at the Minecraft part and they're going to like sign it immediately. Here's the trick, right? We pass a bill that's called the Minecraft. bill and it just says at the top all versions of Minecraft are going to work together and also all versions all Minecraft is free for everyone everyone gets Minecraft and a free computer to go with it free

free Minecraft and a free alienware Aurora yeah and a foam Minecraft sword in real life so you could pretend you're killing skeletons and your mom's a skeleton yeah I have a file you my bill my executive order when I'm president everyone gets a foam pickax foam diamond pickax yeah we're giving we're giving everyone a chest

and we're filling it with diamonds yep yeah we're gonna mine mine bright like diamond and then at the bottom of the Minecraft bill right there's an asterisk okay and it says defunct the police it says black lives matter

yep and then legally they do and legally yeah and then we solve all the problem we solve all the problems in the country because everyone has a foam pickax and cops are defunded and racism is over. Yeah. You know

those people who are like man, everyone just needs to do some psychedelics and change their perspective on things and they'll understand there will be no more hate in the world. I want to be that guy but for playing Minecraft. I think that when you play Minecraft there's a

there's a thing that snaps in your brain. There's a thing that changes in your brain. Fundament. There's a switch that goes from cruelty. to love, all right? It's like when you play Minecraft and you build, so Caleb, right? Let's take the example of Caleb, okay? Yeah, Caleb usually is very violent.

Vivalent racist. Horrible, horrible man. Before, but that was before he built, he went in the Minecraft server and he built a wooden tower that was just a bunch of wooden blocks that went all the way up to the sky level, right? Uh-huh. Then a griefer comes in and burned down his tower.

Okay? And now Caleb is gay. Yeah. It changes, it changes, it switches your brain from hate to love. When you, when you're something you build and you spend time on gets destroyed, there's something in your mind that just activates, right? And it lets you see the world in a different way. It's true, it's true.

You, you play as, um, you download the Kermit the Frog with the Infinity Gauntlet skin, and you get into that game. Everyone, download Minecraft. and put on a skin of a guy who's a different race from you and you'll understand the experience of an American person in America. Yeah. That's how we're going to solve this. That is how we solve every race-related problem in this country.

Yeah. Because we put the cops through a six-week Minecraft-intensive force. Okay, wait, here's our new bill. The new Minecraft bill is we're, giving every police department a billion more dollars to buy everyone on the fort and and trust me this is going to make a difference joe biden has just announced he's buying 600 alien wear auroras for the boston police department yeah dude yeah cops can't carry guns anymore now they just carry they carry wooden swords they carry a pitts

They carry the foam pickax. They carry the... They carry the... They have all the... Look, there are some creepers in the police force. Okay? I'm just going to say it.

There's some creepers in the police force. And we need to... Shut up. We need to... We need to make them explode. Yeah. We need to shoot them with a bow and arrow. Yeah.

We need to get... We need to feed them our chickens. We need to feed them our pigs. And we need to just mine so much obsidian. Yeah. So we can make a nether portal. That's what the people in the... The autonomous zone people understand the importance of Minecraft.

They're trying to create a nether portal. They're trying to make a nether portal. Because you see, if you go through the nether portal, you can collect glowstone dust, and you can craft that into glowstone. And you know what that means? That's light. You don't even need electricity for, okay? Fuck, dude.

And that pretty much solves the energy crisis right there. They're trying to do some Nikola Tesla. And Netherack, you know, that stuff burns infinitely. That burn, that's... Yoda won't stop meowing. I've got to get him. All right. I'll just, uh...

Yeah, Netherack doesn't stop... Doesn't ever stop burning. So that's pretty much a perpetual motion machine or whatever. he was just he was sitting in the bathroom on the sink and just meowing was he looking in the mirror no no he was looking at the door

he was waiting for me to come get him oh that's sweet but I was saying right the netherack it burns infinitely so that's pretty much a perpetual motion machine or something okay so we get netherrack and we

we get on the netherak that generate the fire okay the infinite fire from the netherak We use that to power steam-powered computers for everyone in the world to play Minecraft. So they already built a car that runs on Netherrack, but the government doesn't want you to know that. Like, the government doesn't want you to build a car based on Netherrack. Yeah. That's why they put regulations on NetherPortals.

That's why you're not allowed to build other portals in city limits. I heard that Donald Trump is going to be enforcing more. restrictions on nether portals I heard that's the platform he's running on dude that's dangerous people the people want nether portals exactly you can't you can't strip people of the things

that they need like nether portals and the eye of the spider and yeah yeah dude we need enchantment tables okay yeah we're not we're not gonna rest until we've built enchantment tables for everybody in the city.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm starting a new mutual aid fund, and you can donate, you can donate wooden planks, so I can build crafting benches for everybody. It's so stupid. Yeah, it's so stupid. It sucks, though, because I spent, like,

30 bucks on Minecraft. Damn, that was 30 bucks? Yeah. I thought the other, I thought the Windows 7 version, the Microsoft Store version was like 8 bucks or something. I thought it was super cheap. No, it was like 30 bucks. Damn, dude.

You're stupid as hell. I know. I feel dumb. No, to be fair, that... I wouldn't have known that either unless somebody in the Discord. Yeah, no, no one explained it. No one in the Discord, so this is on the Discord. Well, no, they did explain it, but that was like month.

months ago. That was like in March when everyone started playing Minecraft in the Discord. So what they need to do is they need to give me, they need to pay for the premium episodes. Yeah. Is he fucking, is he for real right now? Is he back in the bathroom? He's back in the bathroom. He's sitting on the sink, just fucking meowing at me. Oh, he clearly wants me to go to the bathroom. You guys clearly have a routine.

Maybe he's thirsty? Hold on. All right. Patrick has to go and go to the bathroom in front of his cat because that's a thing he does every day. The cat's meowing in the bathroom waiting for him because he knows unless Patrick drops a big brown wet load into the toilet, he's not going to stop meowing. So Pat has to go do that really quick.

Yeah, I don't know what to talk about. I guess we shouldn't have dead air here. Maybe I'll just edit it out, but probably not. I've been playing a bunch of binding of eyes. Isaac, that's a fun game. All the stuff I have left to unlock, though, is really hard. It's annoying. I'm back.

Welcome back. I'm back. What was it? I'm back to the show. You just needed to poop in front of your cat, and he stopped? No, he was thirsty. Yeah, for your pee-pee out of the toilet. No, he was not thirsty for my pee-by-out-of-the-to-the-toil.

Why are you so defensive? Sounds like I'm not. It sounds like I may have hit a nerve here. he was not drinking out of the toilet if he was drinking out of the toilet he wasn't drinking out of the toilet because there was no pee in it it would have solved this problem no he would not drink out of the toilet if there was pee in it

that's the only way he would drink out of the toilet and it would only drink out of it was your pee in it no if I came to your house and I went pee in the toilet your cat would not drink out of it he would probably drink it because he's stupid but he would drink your pee not mine he would drink your pee because he's used to drinking it because that's what you give him to drink

I do not give him pee to drink You absolutely do I've seen you do it on multiple fusions I've not done it I've not done that You give him pee to drink And you give you pee in the toilet And then you grab him

And you overhand throw him into the toilet You drink You drink Peter's juice Yeah That's what you do Now why are you putting a mask on You're doing stop Just chilling

Yeah I'm just chilling today this is a just chilling episode yeah we uh Caleb's not here he's the kind of the dad of the show Cameron's the mom I'm not the mom of the show Cameron's the mom of the show because I'm the silent I'm the silent child you're the silent mom I'm the silent child moms are not silent okay that is ridiculous because have you ever heard of a silent mom I don't think that's possible you are the silent mom no I'm the silent child and you you my friend are the are the closet I'm not the closet monster of the family. You're the closet monster of the family, dude. No, you're the, you're the silent mom. I'm the, I'm the bad boy, son. I'm the black sheep of

the family. And Caleb is the dad who, um, he sits at home and he shits and he drinks Milwaukee's best. I'm a silent child of the podcast. You are not, you are not the silent child. I'm the silent child. That means I don't talk. And I'm, cool. I don't talk because I'm cool. I'm too cool to talk. You're the silent, you're the silent child because you sit there and you, um, fucking, you sit there and you do, um, you plan stuff. You plan dark things. I don't plan. Okay. Well, yes, I do plan dark things. You plan to make people have dark experiences. I plan to bring people into my dark system and process them throughout its entire extent. Cameron's dark system.

do not want to be a victim of my system, all right? I'll tell you that right now. There's about a thousand steps in all of them are fraught with pain, okay? They're going to be dark, they're going to be dehumanizing, they're going to be barbaric and vicious, all right? And there's a lot of paperwork involved in the system. That's what I was trying to say is that these are the kind of things that a freak would, a freak child would do. I'm the freaky silent child. I'm the silent freak. You're a silent freak. You're a silent freak. I'm always, I've got a slight rye sardonic smile on my face because I'm always calculating the most suffering that I can put people through. I'm looking at people's faces and I'm analyzing the light behind their eyes and how I can best target their deepest fears and anxieties with a special tailored system of my own design called the dark system.

Cameron's dark system. It's called the dark system. Okay, it doesn't have my name in it, so it can't be traced back to me. It has your name all over it No, it has your name all over it Because I'm writing your name on all the paperwork Because you're in the next one Getting processed through the system, my friend I'm putting you, I'm gonna put you on a giant conveyor belt Okay, and it's gonna have

It's gonna have hot dogs, okay, on strings And they're descending, they're coming down, They're going right towards your mouth And then at the last second it pulls back up Okay, that's the first step of my dark system That I've designed for you, okay? The second step is I'm gonna come into your house and I'm going to pee on your computer keyboard

and it's going to electrocute you because you're going to be using the keyboard. How would it electrocute me? Because my system, I've designed it to redirect the, I've wired your entire apartment. Your system is flawed. Your system is flawed. There's not a single flaw in my system. It's airtight. It's foolproof.

The electricity would travel up your P-stream. It would travel up your P-stream. No, okay, well, there's where you're wrong because I have a non-conductive penis. You have a conductive penis. It's made out of wood. I had a wood casing constructed for it, okay? So it's not, that wouldn't happen.

And it's for exactly that reason. It would happen. You would actually, it would set your penis on fire because the electricity would go up and... Okay, but around the wood, it's covered in ice, which is non-formable. It's permafrost. It's not...

Yeah, it's permafrost, actually. Jack Frost actually put it on there. Yeah, Jack Frost constructed my penis. I got it commissioned by Jack Frost. I went to his Etsy page, and I asked him, hey, I need a penis for my dark system. Yeah, I need a... Hey, okay, so here's the deal, right? I have this wooden penis so I can pee on Patrick's keyboard without it electrocuting me,

but I need some kind of ice casing around it so that it doesn't catch on fire when Patrick... And will this work with my system? Yeah, is this system compliant? Is this compatible with my dark system? Yeah, dude, I got the first one installed and it wasn't compatible, so I had to melt it off and try it again. It was fucked up, dude. Now, in terms of my dark system, it's just going into Best Buy.

Yeah, I'm really liking, I'm really liking this TV, but I'm really liking this TV, but I'm I'm just wondering if it will be possible. Do you think this would interact well with my dark system, or should I choose another one? Oh, it connects to my dark system via Bluetooth. Okay. Oh, all right. Okay, that's good. Yeah, they try to show you which washer dryer to get, and you say, oh, see, this is really nice,

but I do actually have a dark system I've been following, so I'm going to have to look at a different option. Oh, what is, is that a May tag? Ooh, yeah, no, something about the parts in that. They don't, they're not compliant. Yeah, do you have one that has blades on the inside? Do you have one that's a portal to hell? I'm really, I'm really looking for a gothic-style washer and dryer. I'd like one that's made out of cobblestone, okay?

And it's got a flying buttress on the top. And a stained glass window, so I can look in on my glass. Stained glass window. window on your... Okay, yeah, I need a Gothic washing machine for my capes. I have a

gothic washing machine with a stained glass portrait of Christopher Lee on the front and I only use it for my capes. Yeah, I feel like... I use it for... I use it for my capes and my... Yeah, I use a special red tide and I

I only use it for my frilly shirts and my capes. The Tidepod looks like an eyeball. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a washing machine that's filled with worms and soil? I need to wash my bones. I need to wash and dry my bones. Yeah, I got a...

It's the Maytag Gothic line. Yeah, it's... The Maytag dark system. Yeah, the new... The dark appliances line. Dark appliance? The Maytag dark appliances line. They have a dishwasher that only works for goblets and chalices and grails.

Oh, what the fuck? I put my Tupperware in this and it fucking melted it. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. You had it on the chalice setting. That's why. Yeah, no, that can happen. Yeah, this only washes cursed utensils, okay?

Yeah. This is... What setting would I use to wash on my garnets? Yeah, my horde. Yeah, so... My dragon's horde. If I put in my horde, would I have to use the chalice setting? because it's they're it's both they're both gold yeah they have a hair dryer that only works on

on on on spider web hair on witcher hair gothic orc hair after what are other what are other appliances i'm blanking on appliances now uh it's a microwave but it's uh again it's got a stained glass door yeah all the numbers are in roman numerals and when you open it um a bit of smoke comes out. Yeah, with a scream. Bats fly out of it. Regardless of what fucking thing is in there.

Oh, cool. One of my items just sold on the Steam marketplace. Damn, this guy's selling items. I sold a Emperor Palpatine trading card that I got from playing Battlefront 2. Nice. For 17 cents. Hey there.

I was wondering, I really like all the appliances you have on display here, but I was wondering if you guys are selling any dark items. Yeah, sure. Come on, come on down to the basement. Yeah. Come to the catacombs. The best by catacombs. The best by...

The walls are made of skulls and bones. They have just like a stalag, whatever. Which one's the one that goes up? Stalag might. Stelag might goes up. Stalach tight goes. down they just have a stalactite um that has a price check on it yeah we have a rot rot iron gaming PC and it runs on torture yeah it runs on sulfur and pain yeah

damn dude i want to go to dark best buy dark i want to see all the shit they have on display Yeah, we have dark DVDs Yeah You have a couple dark games too We only sell dark souls And Bloodborn Bloodborn and Medi Evil Yeah

For PS1 We still, we're the only best buy that still sells Medi Evil for PS1 Yeah And all the The discs are made of human skin Mm-hmm They have that

They have that PS2 controller That's like got that shaped like flesh. Yeah, and it has a sword on the end. There was a specific one, like, I saw it Best Buy once. God, what was it? Is it the...

Oh, here it is. It's the Phillips Freaks pad Fleshy for PS2. That sounds like a sex toy. I know, dude. Phillips Freaks. Phillips Freak pad. god that's disgusting yeah dude that thing's fucking insane that's why would you want to play why would you want to play a game with a like a guy's head dude that's like uh that's like the

necronomicon and like evil dead where it's bound in flesh but that's the gaming version of it dude that's the millennial update of it that's the millennial update for or the zoomer update for evil dead you have to uh to instead of like whatever like You do to, it would, you just read the Necronomicon? Yeah, you play the game. Yeah, if you play the game. You do that you enter the Konami code. Yeah.

And it summons demons. Yeah. Yeah. God damn, dude. That thing is so fucking crazy. Yeah. I want one of those, to be honest. Just to, I want one just to, just to hold it.

Yeah, just to hold, just to feel what it feels like. Yeah. Because you know that thing's like, just terrible. And you know what they, you know what they made the joysticks out of. They made the joystick out of nipples. Yeah. The joystick covering is nipples. Absolutely.

Let's look at this guy's profile that we have. This is from the Discord. Hooch sent it. Thank you, Hooch, from the Discord. Thank you, Hooch. Thanks, Hooch. This is a top ten, the top ten's username to MUTU underscore. And it seems like kind of like this person is role-playing as MUTU,

but also there seems to be some like, some, some, some, some differences. Like, for example, one of the lists this person made is top ten issues with having psychic powers. And it's like, oh, yeah, that's MUTU. But then also one of them is best ways to avoid social media, which doesn't seem like it's as much as much MUTU. But, yeah. Well, this one's a dead giveaway right here. Top 10 reasons why it's better to have three fingers instead of five.

Yeah, dude, Mutu's three fingers, so cool. I want a hands like that. I think any creature with the hand like that is a god, I think, has some kind of godlike power. Because aliens definitely have that. That's true. I want to read this person's Mutu's About section on the top. This is like their profile. Uh-huh.

Feel free to comment and do other stuff on my list. I try to create list slash profile in a way about. me, it's complicated. Have fun. Hobbies. Plaining. Hiding. Things I hate. Pokeyballs. Humans most of the time. Master balls. Team Rocket. Mew. Mew. Hates Mew? Yeah, because Mue 2 is a clone of Mew. Or does Mew too hate Mew? I don't know. I don't think they hate each other. What was that? What are you doing? I opened up, um, I opened up Muteau. YouTube channel. Oh, okay.

What was it? It is, he makes a lot of source filmmaker's stuff. Oh, nice. That is what Mutu would do. This is Mario versus Real Mario. God, that's loud.

Mutu would definitely, if Mutu was real, Mutu would use his psychic power. What are you doing, stop? I'm watching, I'm watching Mario versus Real Mario. If Mutu was

real in real life, he would use his psychic powers to manipulate people as if they were sourced filmmaker. You would make them make those faces. He would make them say putis, putis, putis, putis, putis. He would say grabbing pills. Yeah, pills here. Grabbing pills here.

Pills here. Got pills here. Grabbing pills. All right, so let's look at best ways to avoid social media. Yeah, I am curious about if this is going to be MUTU themed. Yeah, I want to know what MUTU thinks. All right, so the description of this list is, social media seems to have the power to persuade things. This does seem...

The first one seems kind of MUTU adjacent. If I remember correctly about MUTU... Well, yeah, number one is... He lived in a... Oh, sorry. Number one is go live in a cave with no power. And the comment is only for MUTU

and it says, it is very relevant for me. And if I remember correctly, Mutu lived in a castle where he invited all of the Pokemon trainers to. Oh my God, I forgot about that. That was so cool. And he made the combination ones. Uh-huh. Yeah, he did that. I don't remember him living in a cave. I think he runs away from the lab and then goes to a cave. Oh, wait. I think he goes to a cave in Detective Pikachu. Does he?

So maybe they're going off of Detective Pikachu rules here. In Detective Pikachu, he... I don't even remember. I was so high when I watched that movie. I watched that on a plane. I watched that on the plane going to L.A. I watched that on a bunch of edibles in the theater, and on the scene where the mountain starts moving,

I got really scared. Damn, I would never get scared by Mutu's power. That wasn't Mutu, that was Torterra. But nice try. Nice tri-pal. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, a nice tri-pal. Tortera.

Yeah, well, they gave you, Torterra's dark experience. Yeah, that is, that was kind of my basis for creating the dark system. Was the experience of getting scared in a movie theater. I don't think I've ever gone to a movie theater without being scared. I think something scares me every time I'm in there. It's probably because of all the shootings. Well, yeah, that is mostly what I'm thinking of. But then also sometimes there's something is scary in a movie, you know?

Yeah, sometimes there's like a clown. Yeah, like I was watching Birds of Prey, Harley Quinn's Adventures. And there's, they got a hyena in that movie. And tell me that isn't a freaking scary. What? That was the last movie I saw in a theater. Probably all ever seen in a theater. Yeah, that's the last movie a lot of people saw in a theater, huh?

Yeah. Wasn't, uh, wasn't very good. The only saving grace, I guess, of COVID is probably that they're going to make movie theater seats a bit more spaced out. Yeah. That is a big, and I know if Caleb was here, he'd be like, oh, because you're so fat, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but I won't do that to you. I won't say that about you. No, I'm just, but it's a.

No, it's because you smell bad. I hate sitting next to people. It's because you smell bad. It's not because I smell bad. No. Yeah, it is weird to sit right next to people. I don't want to sit next to a stranger unless it's like at least a couple feet apart. That's why Chunky's in Manchester, New Hampshire has an amazing, amazing.

Dude, I went there, dude. I remember going there. That place rocks. Dude, you get food? Yeah, dude. And a movie? I saw. You had to eat at the theater?

I think I saw Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix, I think. Yeah, dude, that's the best place to watch just, like, shitty blockbusters. Yeah. I hope they bring back, I hope they bring back drive-ins big in a bit, because there's some around here, but they're all, like, an hour away from me. They were going to do that. I don't know if they're still doing it, but Calhoun might be doing that. They might turn, like, the parking lot into a movie theater. Oh, yeah. I heard that.

That shit would be sick, dude. Dude, we should go. Get, like, a poo platter. Yeah. Get in a car. Eat like a poof-a platter and get hot mustard all over the car. Fuck yeah. Oh, God.

Oh, shit. I can't see what Dwayne the Rock Johnson saying. I spilled mustard in my seat. All over the inside of the windshield. Just covered. I demand a refund. I spilled hot mustard and I couldn't see what happened in the movie. The problem with drive-ins is they just, most of the drive-ins that are open right now

are just showing like E.T. and Jurassic Park over and over and over. right like they're just being like show some porno yeah that's what i'm saying dude show some freaking pornoes yeah dude show me show me a boob while i'm eating a spare rib yeah show me a high heel cracking a testicle and half like an egg all right i've i don't i'm not gonna give i'm not gonna give my business to your drive-in theater no unless unless it's driving. God, could you imagine the smell of a drive-in

porno theater? Yeah, they're doing in Smelovision. No, just like the smell of just like guys jacking off in their car just for like miles and you have to give them their food. You're the waiter at the driving porn theater.

Yeah, man. But they should do Smelovision also. They should. Yeah. I want to smell the pain. I want to smell the pain and fear rolling off of that poor man. Getting his entire downstairs system rearranged and rerouted by a stiletto. All right.

I want to smell the sweat and the tears. He's getting it renovated down there, dude. I've got a couple bags of popcorn here. I've got a hot dog and one condom for some reason. You're in your car jacking off into a condom next to a bunch of other guys who are doing the same thing. Yeah. Then they're like, okay, guys, you can't jack off in your car. That's illegal.

And then there's just a huge line. Everyone in their cars is in line for the outhouse. I can't. like they're like all right guys you seriously have to stop that in your car it's like the like the Shrek outhouse so it's got like a hole in it like a hole that's shaped like the moon

and they're watching Shrek that's like the theater it's called it's the Shrek it's the Shrek theme dude they're all in carriages it's called the drive-in porno theater but they can't

one play pornos there and two you can't jack off there so all they do is show Shrek over and over again and let people jack off in an outhouse. Yeah, this is the only movie we could get the rights to actually. They're just, they're showing just

a public domain like they're showing the kid they're showing like every Charlie Chaplin movie yeah but the smell of vision system's fucked up so it's still giving the smell of of cock and ball torture.

All right, number two. I want to look at the other Muteu lists. This list is boring. How is this one boring? Top ten, okay, listen, this one's great. Top ten issues with having psychic powers, okay? Okay.

Number one, reading someone's mind and he is thing about porn. Damn. That's kind of true, though. The only comment is from Mewto and says, a image can't get out of my mind Damn That's true though

That's why Mutu's so like dark and brooding The description for this list is The powers can be used for slot of task But sometimes can mess with your normal day life You might destroy Slash kill something with your mind It's even worse if they're humans or cops around you Mutu doesn't want to kill cops

Mutu did not say no cops at pride Yeah Mutu said cops rights Newtu said more cops at pride Yeah Mutu said only cops at pride Mm-hmm Number three

You might think something out loud And everyone can hear it I don't think you have to be psychic to do that Yeah you don't have to be psychic to do that at all Patrick does that all the time That's true Yeah Patrick is standing in 7-11 and he's thinking, I mean, he's just saying

Ketchup, mustard, ketchup, mustard, ketchup, mustard. Little bit of relish. Ketchup, mustard. No, you're just doing that walking around town. Ketchup, mustard, ketchup, like, every step. Number 12, you may use telekinesis accidentally killing someone or yourself. Do you imagine accidentally killing yourself with telekinesis?

That would be sick. Are you kidding me? That would be so, I mean, all I'm saying is that would be a big waste of telekinesis. Yeah, that would be what, I mean, you could telekinetically transfer your telekinesis to your kid or something. You can't do that. That's against the law.

Well, that's against the rules of telekinesis. You can do that if you're omega level. I'm, nobody's reached that level yet. I have. Top 10 reasons why sleeping in a test tube is a good idea. Number one, you can't get diseases while you're, sleeping unless it's a very dirty test tube that's true dude i want to get into i want to sleep in a test tube get down number two bugs can't infect you they won't even be able to get in

dude yeah this is making sleeping in a test tube sound pretty good oh my god dude i want to sleep in a test tube yeah do give me just a pillow and i'm good to sleep in a test tube number three it will give you good nutrition most test tubes most test tubes can do this big all Number four, it's more comforting. Feels like sleeping on a cloud. Hope test tube be a good idea. Not worth it if it wasn't a good idea. From Boris Rule.

You can't hear anything well in it. Like noises that wake you up at night are just plain obnoxious things. Yeah, like my mom telling me to do my... Yeah, like my mom telling me, where'd you get this gigantic test tube? you please take it out of our house. God, you threw away my couch to put a test tube to sleep

in the living room? Yeah, you cleared out the entire living room to put in a giant test tube. Number six, you can take a bath in it. Good for being lazy. Imagine if you go take a bath in your bed. Oh my God, a water bed.

That's why people liked waterbed so much. Yeah. It's because you can go into the bed to take a bath. You pop a hole that thing in the morning, you wake up in the bath. Yeah. Imagine, yeah, you have a valve on the top and you can climb inside and take a bath and then climb out and close the valve and go

to sleep. Just the water inside the water bed is getting browner and browner. More disgusting. Taking a bath every day inside your bed. The best part is you don't need to change the water. It purifies itself. Yeah. Sleep. Exactly.

He's coming for you. Look it. Oh man. The Cat's trying to get me through the camera. Yeah. No look at. I'm going to get you. He looks like Me too, dude. No, he doesn't.

He looks like Mew. Yeah, he does. He looks more like Mu's cousin. Number seven, it looks way cooler. It does indeed. Yeah, it dose indeed. That's the top comment here. It does look pretty cool, I have to say.

Oh, yeah, dude. The fucking The Bacta Tank from Star Wars episode five where he's like in that giant diaper you know what I'm talking about no who's in it Luke Luke is in the tube and then he swims up I don't remember that

you don't remember that oh dude I always wanted to I always wanted to sleep in a big tube I was wanted when I saw that as a kid I was like why don't I just sleep in a big tube like that yeah it'd be so cool but then I realized it wouldn't be filled with Bacta because we don't have Bacta No, we do. We just have been hiding it from you.

What if Bacta's just like the galactic basic word for like water though? It could be. Yeah. Yeah, they just had Luke in a giant diaper and a mask on. And they were like poking them with like needles and shit. Yeah. I mean, and I'm, every, every person who is in a test tube somehow has powers. That's true.

Every person in a test tube, Sephiroth. Sephiroth. The shape of water, fish. Uh-huh. That guy's powers to be a fish. Yeah. He has the power to, like, gut Michael Shannon. Yeah.

Milojovich is in a test tube in Resident Evil 2 in the movie. Luke Skywalker, we already said that. Starship troopers. Darth Vader goes into a test tube. Yeah. Sometimes. He would go. Muteu goes into a test tube.

Yeah. I think Darth Vader is kind of like a Muteau and Mew is kind of like Luke Skywalker. I think that's what they based it on. I think that's what they based Star Wars on. And I think they based a lot of like Greek myths on that too. Yeah. And they based, that's where they got all the, that's where they got all the racial caricatures in. Yeah, that's where they got in Star Wars.

Yeah, they got them from Mr. Mime. Yeah. Yeah. Now, that's the French character, Mr. Mime. Yeah. That's where they got all their French, are there any, like, fake French people in Star Wars? Because they have pretty much, like, I guess the Irish are like the, the Wookies.

Yeah. And the IWA, no, the Wookies are Scottish. Yeah. And then, obviously, the Gun Ray. I don't know what the gun right is They're the they're the Japanese stereotype from phantomus So that's they just base those on Pokemon in general What other

Because they only did Because they had Jar Jar Jar Binks was pretty Like What was he like a Mammy? What's that stereotype? Dude wait Oh my God wait Jar Jar Binks

Jinks. Whoa. Think about it. All right. My theory is coming. They based the Star Wars racist things on the Pokemon racist things. There's a Pokemon that's just a big nose. And I was like, oh.

Oh, proopats? Yeah. And then it evolves into an even more offensive looking big nose. Yeah. Yeah. With like a mustache under it. Yeah. They make them look like Groucho Marx.

Yeah. Oh, man. Dude, they're the best. Um, number eight on this. list. I want to get through this because the last one's really good. Number eight on this list is you can use it as your coffin if you die, that is.

That's true. Sounds like you... That's dying in a tube? Yeah. Being born in a tube and dying in a tube. Born in the tube, dying the tube, baby. That's my next tattoo. I'm going to get that on my forehead. Get it across your back. I'm going to get it on my lower back like a tramp stamp stamp.

In varsity. In varsity letters? Yeah. Imagine getting like a font tattooed on you Just every Like the alphabet in a font The quick font No just like like yeah the quick brown fox Yeah jumped over the lazy dog

Just in your favorite font A coffin A coffin is kind of like a dark bed If you think about it That's true Oh shit yeah That's another that's another dark appliance.

Yeah. A bed is an appliance. A bed is an appliance. Because it helps you sleep. It's like a sleep number coffin. Yeah. A temperepetic coffin. Mm-hmm.

That'd be tight. Yeah. Oh, no. Do my chair just squeak on Mike? I think so. You're trying to get it to squeak again to prove it wasn't a fart? Yep. Yeah.

Number nine, it can give you. you oxygen. That's if you can't breath well. Yeah, I can't breathe well, so I'm going to go into the sealed tube and I'll be able to breathe there. That'll solve all my breathing problems. Yeah, I'm actually in this test tube because I can't breathe.

It's basically just the test tube is just one big inhaler. Yeah, pretty much. A dark inhaler, okay. But when you press down the button, it shoots out a cloud of bats You just inhale a bat Like you know when bats fly

A bunch of bats fly out of a cave really gothically Yeah it's like that but out of the inhaler Very gothically And it's called an impaler Like vlad Oh because it impales you with a bat It impales you with a bat Like a bat out of hell meatloaf

Yep Yeah meatloaf is the store Is the sales associate in Dark Best Buy Mm-hmm And he's always singing. Yeah. He's always doing his theater kid songs. Yeah.

But he's also, he's dressed as his character from Fight Club. Yeah. He's dressed up like Robert Paulson. Yeah. Which I feel like that would be the guy that works at Dark Best Buy. That would be the guy who's like, I want to work at Dark Best Buy. He's just a guy that's wearing like slacks. He looks exactly like Meatloaf.

Oh, it's a TV, but it has ancient jail bars over the screen. Dude, sign me up. I want to sell that. Yeah, so this is like, this is like just kind of something. We modeled most of this stuff after the curse of the black pearl. It's a, it's a blender, but at the bottom of it, the blades are like flails, like on a chain. dude i'm gonna be thinking of dark best buy for probably at least a week yeah dude like a food processor a food processor but it's got like uh it's just a guillotine that

moves really fast yeah yeah um but number 10 on um on why sleeping in a test tube is a good idea is you can use it to produce babies the comment on you it says a good place for a babies to be born in. That's facts, dude. Dude, that's, Mutu is spitting straight facts about babies. Mutu knows what, what's up about babies. Yeah, he knows, he knows the deal with babies. All right, he knows what's going on.

Mutu's made a dark deal, and now he's making babies. Mutu's dark deal. Mutu's dark, Mutu's dark bargain. I made a deal with MUTU to get. psychic powers, but now I have to sleep and have babies in a test tube. This shit sucks, dude. I hate when they make me sleep in a tube.

Yeah. Isn't that the, no, never mind. When they make you, didn't they make Mutu into a guy in the movie in Detective Pikachu? They gave him armor. Yeah, they gave him armor and they made a disabled guy into Mutu, and that's

like the whole thing. It's like an old disabled guy gets turned into Mutu. I don't remember. that part, but I do remember the armor is sick as hell. Yeah. Cyber armor. Did they use his X form? His X form?

Yeah. Like the mega evolution? I mean, I haven't seen anything Pokemon related that came out since mega evolution. I mean, I haven't. I don't know. They made a Lolan Mutu. They made a Lohlin Patrick. Yeah.

Dude, they made it a Golanian, Patrick. You're fighting type. It's like how trubbish looks different in Alola. They just made me rainbow. Yeah. They made Alola Muteu, and all they did was put a lay around his neck. That's cool. That would actually be cool.

Yeah, with a hula skirt on? Yeah, Muteu in a hula skirt, and he's got a lay on, and he's got coconuts on his boobs, because he's got real big boobs. Yeah, he does, dude. he um he's got that rack i hope they make a uh a jamaican region because i want to see the forms they come up with for that one yeah they already made i mean there's not really anywhere else for them to go you know they've done everything else yeah pretty much i mean there's some of them that i feel like like maybe australian maybe they could do an australian

Pokemon? Yeah. I think they should, uh, I'm holding up for Jamaica. All right. I want to, I want an, uh, an oddish with a weed leaf on its head. Yeah. That's what I'm talking. I want rated R weed version. Who? Rated R weed version of Pokemon. Okay. Oh, I thought you were saying there was a Pokemon named Radar. No, that's a, that's a, you're thinking of a system for locating things nearby. is what you're thinking of. I'm thinking of Big Bird's Teddy Bear. Big Bird's Teddy Bear's name Radar?

I think so. That's a really lame name for a teddy bear. Yeah, hold on. It sounds like Big Bird's kind of more like big nerd to me. If he's going to name it after a freaking radar. Hey. Hey, yo. Whoa.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, it's named Radar. His name is Radar. Top 10 weapons, best weapons. to destroy the human race Death Star Cannon Psychic Storm

Earthquake Machine The comment for earthquake machine is It will shack the earth to nothing Water machine The water machine The top comment on the water machine is This list is pretty cool We can kill Beber

Sarbamba What is Sarbomba? Sarbamba is a giant bomb It's like a mother-of-all bomb type thing, I think Oh, okay I think it's a real thing Okay Planet Buster

Planet Buster Number 12, Planet Buster I mean it says it in the name It'll destroy the planet like Thanos snapping his finger And that's a comment from Pickle Man Pickle Man I'm just looking through all these other lists I'm seeing if there's anything else good

I don't think an ion cannon would destroy the world I think it would just set off an EMP blast Top 10 reasons why it's better to have three fingers instead of five The other two fingers are useless to have Your appearance looks better It's much better to eat with The other two fingers won't get in your way when working It makes it easier to grip your opponents

You will be better at playing guitar it makes typing more challenging the comment the comment on you'll be better at playing guitar it just says most humans who do guitar don't use their five figures number nine is you can use your three finger issue as an excuse you can say you don't have to learn how to type because you only have three fingers an example of what abilities you don't have to learn Yeah, I want three fingers to be lazy. Yeah, I want three fingers so I don't have to go to computers class anymore. Yeah. Number ten is you don't have to worry about cutting off the other two fingers. But imagine cutting off, like, your thumb when you only have, like, three Mu-two fingers.

And then you only have two, two-muteus. Two-mut-toes? On your hand. Two-mut-to. Oh, boy. I'm fucking, my back hurts. I'm hungover. Yeah.

It's time to, it's time for me to, you're gonna eat a bunch of tums. You're gonna eat a bunch of tums? Uh-huh. Nice, man. Um, yeah, I guess we can, I guess we can finish it up. Yeah, it's, uh, if we're in an hour. It's about an hour.

Subscribe to, uh, the Patreon. Um, subscribe to the Patreon. Join the, uh, join the Discord coming up. Join the Discord. We play TF2 sometimes. We've done it. Now, I guess we did it one time, and I don't know if we're ever going to do it again. Maybe we'll stream or something. I don't know.

We have to figure that out. Yeah, we should probably just stream. Probably stream in the Discord. Send us lists to do, because we're lazy. We don't like finding our own lists. Yeah. We're outsourcing it to you, and you pay us. Yeah.

That's called the Moneymaker Mindset. That is called the $100 mindset, and you can only find that out if you subscribe to our Patreon and read our guide to $100. Yeah. All right. Peace out. Goodbye. Bye.