Podcast About List - Ep. 115 - Miranda Cosgrove visits Pakistan

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

Ill get you by the nuts and wont let go . Subrub to www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the ball list. You read the crap monster. Today we're thinking of doing an episode where we read a list and just kind of laugh at it and make fun of it. Yeah, we're kind of just going to make fun of the list today. We think we're done giving the list the spotlight. It's less of like a celebration of lists and more of like a savage roast. A takedown if you will.

A savage roast like Conan the barbarian would do to a list. Yeah, I'm going to do a sort of, yeah, we're going to do sort of a New York mag style like Donald Trump take down on this list. Kind of like a brutal barbaric kind of berserker wearing wolfskin kind of roast on the list, you know? Yeah, we're kind of just going to do the most insane crap we can. Yeah, we've been thinking, I think we're due for an insane episode. Yeah, I think we're going to do an insane one today, you know? Yeah.

So crank the weird meter up. Because we're on, we're on, because we're on the freak bus, so, and the destination is your, your house. Yeah, the destination's your ears. We're not stopping for anybody. Weirdness is about to ensue in this aserbic journey through, through the internet's weirdest lists. We're thinking of being acerbic this episode. So if you're allergic. We're thinking of having nobody be safe from our, from our caustic wit.

With victims, including cancel culture lists and Dracula the vampire. I had to come out. This was just really hard. I actually, I did. I had to come out to my parents as sarcastic. It was hard. Yeah, you're like, mom, dad, I'm not sarcastic. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm totally not sarcastic. I came out as irony poisoned. Yeah, I did come out to my employer. I go to my parents I go to my employer And I'm like Just so you know I'm very racist online

To make people laugh Just so you know I'm actually grill-pilled Mr. Manager Yeah, that's right Yeah Yeah I say cool things We don't hire your kind around here

We don't take kindly to grill pills You better get the hell out of my gas station, son So you're one of them And I'm about to stand my ground I love stand your ground laws I just love to stand down Irony bros I hear so much about You'd best keep moving

Yeah, this ain't no town for you Mm-hmm I am I'm trapped in my apartment Because we're Janna wanted to paint our tile floor And our tile floor is the entirety Of the hallway that leads to the

You have to go out through the fire escape I don't have a fire escape You have to climb out the window I have no way to get out. The paint takes 30 hours to dry. You should have done that. I said can't even go in my kitchen, and to get to my, to get to my bathroom, I have to jump over like a hallway full of paint, like a moat. So.

You should, you should just put footprints on it and make it your home, make it like a. That could be a cool kind of look. Yeah, it would look cool. Yeah. Put handprints and stuff. Yeah, right. Maybe put some on the ceiling so people get kind of scared when they come in. We could go, me and Cameron could come to New York, and we could put our, we could,

you could put more paint on the floor and we could put our hands in, like the Chinese theater. The Walk of Fame. Oh, yeah, like Gromans, Chinese, Chinese theater. Yeah, Dominic Chinese theater. Yeah. It's so funny that that guy's name, Dominic Keynesi. Yeah, it's Dominican Chinese. Is he a sopranos?

Yeah, yeah, that's junior. That's like the deftone singer is named Chino Marino, which is Spanish for brown Chinese. That's a cool name. Brown Chinese is kind of another cool name. Chinese brown. Isn't that just black China? Bad Chinese brown. Badest man in the whole damn town.

Mm-hmm. Badder than a junkyard dog, more Chinese. Yeah, Chineseest man in the whole damn town. So I'm just stuck inside. I'm just going to watch TV a lot. We've been watching this interior design reality show. Yeah. Yeah, I've been watching that and Rick and Morty.

And so I'm watching the interior design reality show last night. Jana was watching it, and I was... I was like not even paying attention. But there was a guy that had like a guest show. judge who was it's a British show they had this guest judge who's this interior designer who's just exactly Austin Powers

I swear to fucking God dude go watch this it's the seventh episode of whatever the interior design Netflix original is this guy that she introduces him she's like he's a he's a superstar interior designer from all over the

world and then he's from all over the world he's from all over the world and then it cuts to him doing like a talking head and he's like interior design is really about seduction and then the entire episode he's like walking into all these rooms that these people have decorated and he's like something about this is so naughty he's talking about like couches and shit and they walk into the barbershop that the lady redos and he's like does this make you horny is it just me

He's wearing like a big... He's wearing like a pink tuxedo. He's the fucking coolest guy in the world. That's like one in every ten people in England. In England. Yeah, you have ten types of people in England. Well, from all over the world. You have like a kid who's selling a newspaper.

Yeah, an orphan child. A chimney sweep. A chimney sweep, of course. The queen. The queen. A vagabond dog. A vagabond dog. A vagabond dog. Dr. Hu.

A prime minister who fucks a pig. A prime minister who fucks a pig. that's six. A man with an evil phone. What? A phone that hurt, that is... Okay, so he's like a little bit in the future, but not super in the future, and he has an evil...

He has a mean phone. What are you talking about? Like, he has, like, a phone that's, like, hurting his life. What joke are you trying to make here? I'm not... No, it's a type of British guy. It's a kind of British guy. Yeah.

And then you have... And then you have Sherlock Holmes. You have Watson And then 10th person Interior design Austin Powers Yeah, Austin Powers guy Well, hold on

There might be more than this Now that I think about it Do you have Austin Powers You can't leave Austin Powers Off of that list I think Watson is a hurt Sherlock Holmes type No Watson is not anything like Sherlock Holmes You idiot

No he is They're completely different What are you talking about you? They have the same archetype They have different stats They have different stats. No. No.

Yes. No. They have different stats. They have different stats. They're not the same archetype. They're the same class, different stats. Dr. Watson is a doctor. Okay.

Would you go to the doctor and say, I need a crime solved? Would you go to a detective and say, I need surgery? You would die both of those cases because neither of them would know how to do the job right and it would kill you. They're the same class with different stats. They're different. He just raised his doctor's stat. That's not a stat. That's not.

They're not both detectives. No, a doctor is a kind of detective. No. Yeah, because he's detects what's wrong with you. Yeah, he puts his, he puts that finger in your thing. In your thing. He puts his finger in your hole. I think you guys are not going to doctors.

Ah, mystery. I found a clue. The clue is prostate cancer. Yeah. There's a clue in your ass. You guys are wrong. You guys are wrong. We're right about this.

There's more kinds of British people. I think there isn't. I could give me a British person. they fall into any one of those categories rapper, British rapper. No, give me a person. Mr. Bean. See, exactly. Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean is a Sherlock Holmes

type character. Yeah, because he's discovering the world. Yeah, that's true, yeah. He's able to, using his child like innocent. How about a witch? That's not British type of person. A witch is, no, that's a magic. That's from Salem.

That's from Salem. That's from Salem or from Wonderlands. I'm not one to have, Dorothy, Oz. Yeah, they're from Australia. Yeah. Which is they're from Australia. Oh, my God. I just got the worst text in my entire life.

What? I forgot that I was supposed to have groceries delivered today. And I'm painted out of my front door. When are they being delivered? Like right now? Oh, my fucking God, dude. They're just going to be rotting food. No, it's just going to get stolen.

Nobody steals, nobody wants to steal, like, it's all like potato. If I saw, if I saw groceries, from my neighbor. If I saw groceries, I'd steal groceries. What would you steal off the street? Because I've, I've stolen, like, I would not steal, like, a bike tire, but any Amazon package I will steal. I stole, um, I went to, I went to Kendall Square to see the fireworks two years ago. I got really fucked up

It was like the first Time I was hanging out with like a high school friend for a while and we just I didn't realize how strong the gin and tonics we were making and I got real How strong my friend was I got real fucked up and I stole One of those big cheese it cheeseball things From a family While we were all while we were all walking

I just looked down and looked at it picked it up they didn't open it I looked at it picked it up and then just kept it offering people cheese balls as I was walking around So when you took it, it was at their house? No, it was on the ground in Kendall Square. While there was a family

sitting on the grass and I ran by and scooped them up and ran away. When I was stuck in the Dallas airport a couple weeks ago, I found some trail mix on the ground and I just ate that. Nice. Not in a bag, just on the ground. You picked it all like a You saw it.

There was a trail of trail mix leading into the bathroom, and you followed it. That's why it's called Trail Mix. Yeah. It might have been an ant hill, I think about it. Yeah, because the Texas airport, they have it Alamo-themed, so there's a lot of sand. It's outside. Yeah, there's a tumbleweed that rolls by instead of the, like, normal airport Zamboni. Yeah.

Yeah. Man, I've watched Freddy got fingered like three times now. You're about to watch Cameron get fingered. You're not about to watch that. You watched it twice yesterday? Yeah. No, you didn't. You were lying.

I did. Well, technically. I watched it at three. When you say technically, I know that you're lying. That means you let it. Technically is what people say when they're wrong. Yeah. I watched it at 3 a.m. and fell asleep and then woke up and then watched it again at like midnight last night.

So that's two times. Okay, wow. That is, that is technical. Uh-huh. But it's two times. yesterday, that is a technical two times yesterday. You said you watched it three times, though. Yeah, I watched

it the day before yesterday. No, you didn't. Checkmate. No, you did not. You just got, you just got fucking owned. Cameron, got rolled, brother. You didn't. I know that you didn't. I know that Cam's got to retire. I know that you did not watch it three times. Because when you were watching it last night, you said this is the second time that I've watched this.

Cameron, you're fired. You're fired. You're fucking fired. You're off the podcast, And the podcast is over. Mm-hmm. No. Yeah. I can turn off the audio recorder right now.

No, me and Pat are doing a new podcast. Yeah. It's called the Prince and Cameron. It's called The Prince and the Peanut. I'm Peanut. He's Peanut. I'm the Prince of Comedy. Uh-huh.

And he's the Peanut. I'm the Peanut Eminem. Yeah. And then you could, I mean, I guess you could guest on it sometimes. Yeah, you can be the guest. I don't know. Well, it's okay. I don't really want a guest with someone who was, like, an insane liar that led to me getting kicked off my own podcast that I invented.

Who literally lied about the number of times that he watched Freddy got fingered in the past few days. We actually don't know who lied here. So I, and I don't like, I can pull up the messages right now where Patrick said he watched it twice. All right, then I did watch it twice. He said it in a group chat. I did watch it twice. I said, I think, Patrick just admitted his lie. If we can run it back, dude, he changed so hard.

You didn't even, I wasn't going to pull those receipts up. I'm not picking aside here. If this is a war, I just call me Japan, because I'm not involved, okay? You choose your hills to die on, and if losing my good friend Cameron over Cameron lying, would affect the show. You lie, you're lying right now. That was a question. You can't lie when you're asking a question. Yeah, that question's a lie.

I feel like I'm on crossfire This is incredible That's what they do want You're actually lying The question is a lie Yeah I don't Yeah I don't know if I watched it three times It's all been a blur

Yeah you watch the whole blur This whole week has been a blur for me I don't know what's going on This whole week's been a fair I'm going insane dude I don't believe you but go on I want You're lying

Yeah, prove it You can check my letter box That doesn't That you obviously You faked your letterbox To set yourself up So that you could lie about this I could go on letterbox today

And say that I watched Inception 100 times And leave 100 different ratings And reviews for it You couldn't do that I've never used letterbox Exactly You couldn't do that

I watched the night comes to us Doctor Sleep King Kong Escapes Alien 3 Alita Battle Angel Alien Resurrection War of the World and The Hitcher.

Oh, you know, no, you know what I did? You jacked off. So I watched Freddy Got Fingered twice, and then the third movie I watched was Wet Hot American Summer. So I did not watch Freddy Got Fingered three times. I will. Yes.

They are different movies. I just don't know what's going on with me right now. Oh my God. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, he admits it. Oh, yeah. Finally we can move. I'm sure that was so interesting

for everyone to listen to. Well, I mean, you know. Sorry for starting that. No, that's what, this is what your, your friendship is going to be stronger now. Yeah. Because Pat admitted that he lied. Pat, you're, you're worse than dirt. You're a fucking...

I'm not worse than dirt. You're a piece of mud, you fucking two-faced bitch. I'm not too-faced. I'll admit that I lied to because it's... If it's, if I get, I realize, if I'm saying the past two days, if that includes today, that's wrong because I haven't watched any movies today. So I would actually be the past three days. So we both kind of.

lied. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yesterday I went to space. Um, okay, so we're going to move on. I believe you. I believe you too. Yeah, why, you have no reason not to believe me. We all trust each other now. We're, okay, we're never lying to each other again. Okay. I've just had sex with Pamela Anderson a thousand times in a row and made her come zero times. On, on the call with us? You don't need to. You don't need to. No, she's actually, she's sucking my thing, whatever it's called right now. That's really creepy, dude. You shouldn't do that on the call with us. No, she's got my, you should say that. What is the thing that's on your, That's above your two other things.

She's got that thing in her face right now. She can't breathe. Dude, you shouldn't say then we'll get WikiLeaksed, so don't do that. I have my... Her boyfriend will get jealous and WikiLeaks us. My main little short thing is in her mouth, but then my other two weird things that are in the, like, thing holder are in her nose. The things in the back are in her mouth, and then the other things in her nose. And I'm telling the truth.

Yeah. And also, my, my poop is in her stomach. Yeah, I pooped in her. Yeah, but Freddy got fingered so good. It's great. It really says something, too, about, like, how, like, it's supposed to, it's, like, supposed to just be really unfunny and hard to watch, but it's just, it's so funny. Yeah. Like, it's, it's really probably a bad thing for, uh,

for my brain to have... You know what Imagine Dragon says about this? What? Welcome to the New Age. They say I let my demons hide. Yeah. They say, they watch Freddy Got Fingered. You know what Imagine Dragon says about that.

What a great name for a band. I know. They're from Las Vegas, aren't they? Thinking of... Thinking of monster. That's my name of my band And we make music like this Wee-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!

Yeah, yeah, Imagine Dragonss. Imagine Dragons is from Las Vegas. Of course, it's the fucking desert heat Melted their brain. That's such a crazy way to make a person. Yeah. You don't get, you're not going to get anything good from there too. Yeah.

Yeah, all of them are. Yeah. That's right. The band of the killers. Every last killer is from Las Vegas. I think, lead singer of the killers is Mormon. Vegas Mormon, that's an odd choice. Yeah.

Yeah, imagine, imagine being Mormon in like the middle of like... He's born in a casino too. Yeah, the place where like gambling and prostitution are legal. When a baby is born in Las Vegas. You're like, I can't drink soda because it has caffeine. When a baby is born in Las Vegas, the slot machine spins and if it, if you don't get a jackpot, they have a birth defect. Is prostitution legal in the county that Vegas is in? No, it's Reno.

Reno, okay, yeah. That's a funny... Yeah. It's funny that just, like, one county, just like something that's illegal everywhere else in the country, they're just like, yeah, just right here where it's going to be. Yeah. You got to have one place.

Yeah. They should have the murder county. They should have that somewhere. They do. They do. Yeah, they do. Yeah. It's called New York City.

It's a war zone out here. Michigan. Between the bloods and the cricks, the crickets. Yeah. The crickets and the tea birds. They fight each other all day. The crickets and the T-birds are constantly fighting in New York. They're like...

New York City is like the end of Lord of the Rings. It's just like a giant battle. It's like the Lord of the Wings and... One of the Wings. One of the Wings. It's the end of Wad of the Wings and West Side Story. Yeah. Dude, it's so scary to go to New York City because you're always...

It's always... It's always Team Aqua. and team magma fighting each other with Pokemon battles. It's so annoying, dude. Oh, my God. I hate it when Ray Quaza comes to New York and he's wearing Tims.

Yeah. Now, that would be something a funny joke they could put in the new show, the newest Pokemon show. Yeah, they could have Rayquaza wearing Tims. Yeah. Ray Kwanza. That's the...

Wow. That's kind of a triple entendre. Uh-huh. He's like, Ray Kwan. Ray Kwaza. Kwanza. I didn't even think of Kwanza. Yeah, dude.

Ray Kwanza? Ray Kwanza. Raymond Kwanza? Yeah. The inventor of Kwanza. I'm Raymond Kwanza. Nice to meet you. Raymond Kwanza.

Oh, Debra! I got to invent a holiday! Raymond. You're never going to reinvent a new Christmas. Raymond, you really need to be a new holiday, Raymond. I'm your birthday. You're fucking... I'm a... I'm Raymond, my nose, big brother.

Hey, Raymond, I do so much pain, Raymond. Is it okay if I make a turkey to be born in your house? He's just hooked up to the machine that Palpatine was hooked up to and fucking arrives of Skywalker. Just Brad Garrett is Palpatine? Raymond. Just like mysterious green liquid being pumped into him. Raymond.

Bob says that. You have to let me over your house and sleep there. Oh my God, boys. Mm-hmm. What? We're back. Yeah, we're back. We're back.

It's been a week, dude. It's been like two days since we last recorded. Dude, we're back. We're back. I just like to say we're back. Yeah. It puts me in a good mood to feel like I'm back. So you guys want to...

You guys went to this list? What's up? I found this list. top ten wishes you would ask for Magini if you had the Aladdin's lamp. Isn't there, speaking of Raymond, this is a perfect, we should transition into the list.

Isn't there a Simpsons episode with Ray Ray Magini? Is Ray Romano's guest appearance on the Simpsons? Hold up. I don't remember. I think I've only seen maybe season 11. Hold on. Let me...

I'm up to season, I think, six. It's starting to get good It's already got good It's gonna get even better Once you get to season 32 It gets more Oh my god It peaks at season 28

Yeah something I don't I love season 5 But something I don't like about it Is how few Trump jokes they put in Yeah I feel like it doesn't I feel like it's kind of like Like you can't really be complacent

When you're making a TV show You have to kind of Speak truth to power against Donald Trump So that's right Yeah Ray Magini That was the character's name That's like the first Simpsons episode what season is it that is i was like seven so you were seven yeah it means it was season like 20

yeah i think so oh yeah i've never seen i i did not watch any new simpsons growing that was season 16 so i don't know if that's a good season no i think that's that's definitely the decline that's probably the worst season ever yeah now that i think about it 16 yeah yeah yeah um This list is by Kaida Redsnu Kait Kite Rets Kirtes

Kittur Kestr Kish the band Kite Kitas Kitas Kitas Kis your sister

Kis Nort Kiteres Sunu Kite Nice Kite Tere Sunu Zer Zus Ketar

Vishnu Kais You got it. Yeah. And the description is the trademark I wish if somehow were guaranteed reality. That's word salad. That doesn't make any sense. Number one is, of course, unlimited wishes.

Uh-huh. That's a layup. There's a list in this list. Yeah, this is a really long list. There's a comment that just has like 20 things. Well, should we read this list in the list? I feel like there's going to be some duplicates. Let's go through it real fast.

We'll just go through it real fast. We won't even talk. We'll say one thing about each one. All right, ready? Okay. Unlimited money. That's good. I love money.

The ability to order anything off any website for free. Kind of redundant. That's the first one. Telekinesis powers. That's cool. Can control. The ability to teleport anywhere. I love looper.

I love looper. Wait, jumper. I love jumper. Immortality. Immortality. I don't want that. I don't want that. Never die.

Free airline tickets for life. Again, redundant if you already have money. Hello, Hawaii. Unlimited school supplies. What? I would never do that. Why would you choose that? Unlimited food.

No, no, no, listen. You don't have to use them for school. You could sell them out of your locker. You could sell them out of your locker. Why not just wish not to go to school, though? All right, this is too, we're spending too much time on this one. I'm sorry. Unlimited food.

Yummy. Everything is free for me. That's the same as the person is unlimited money, dude. The ability to time travel. Yes, please. I would go talk to Jesus Christ. Inability to feel pain. Yes.

Yes, dude. I would be the greatest skateboarder on earth. No, this wouldn't be good for me because I'm a sucker for pain. A skateboarder is the best ever because he feels no pain. He's just eating never laying in and everything just gets hurt so badly. Just breaking all this teeth out. I could try it again. I could try the trick again.

um private jet i don't think so no i know what happens on private jets i don't want one of those mansion with hot tub game room and water slash theme park and backyard that's too much for one wish right that's too much yeah you can you that's four wishes you can get the mansion but you have to buy all the other stuff yourself yeah you have to build it yourself yeah uh personal chauffeur i would wish for caleb to be my personal chauffeur i wouldn't do it Caleb is our personal chauffeur I'm not. True. I am going to be driving you two to New York next month, I guess. Unlimited pets. There's dogs and cats just raining.

In a two-bedroom apartment with like six pit bulls and like a bunch of parakeets and shit. No, no, no, not six pit bulls. Unlimited pit bulls. Infinite pets. Pit bull army. Inability to get sick. Yes, please. Now that would solve a lot of problems. Increase popular. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Pit bull army. Wow. I hear they're already developing that in China. They're teaching pit bulls to like bounce a ball at the same time.

Would you, would you guys like an Iditarod style pit ball, pit ball? My mind. I diderod style pit bull death chariot. That would be cool. Would I ride it? Yeah, yeah, dude, just all the pit bulls are just eating all the other dogs in the race. Uh-huh. You mount machine guns on them.

Dude, that would be so cool. To enter the Iditarod in like a twisted metal-style sled. Dude, a fucking, a pit bull could totally, like, they are so musl-y, dude. Like, depending on the kind of them. Yeah, they're like, ripped a shit. You could mount a 50-callop machine gun to a pit bull. Yeah. You could.

You totally could. You're just so slow, but you're just killing everybody ahead of you so it doesn't matter. It is funny to imagine pit bulls is just like unthinking killing machines. Yeah, they are. All they desire is death. Yeah, they crave, they crave carnage. They crave destruction, yeah. Did you guys have to follow the Idita Rod in third grade?

Yes. I didn't have to do anything in third grade because I was cool. I did follow the identity. Did you follow it for class or did you follow it on your own? For class. I feel like you were following yourself. You guys both did. Did a rod.

You did a rod. No, you did. I just said that about you, dude. You did a rod. It's two against one. I wish I was the only guy on the podcast. That's my wish. Oh, you're the only something on the podcast.

What are you eating? Patrick, what is that? Probably give me a BLT. Yeah, increased popularity. Would be fun. I would never get in, no. I'm too popular already. Eliminate my son's sensitivity.

That's specific to one person That's so funny Unlimited ink in my printer That'd be cool Dude I could print out so many pages Yeah The ability to correct all mistakes Plus lots more

I don't know I feel like that's That's just what wishes are right Yeah There's some really good comments on this limited wishes one. There's another comment here that says, I would love this because you could wish for everything on this site

and even more than that. For me, it would be to have unlimited Robux, Roblox. Imagine your kid discovers a genie's lamp in the old basement of your house and waste all the wishes being like, I want 100 Robux. Okay, I want 100

more Robux. I like this comment. It would be nice, but depends if the genie has a no unlimited wishes rule. That is so true. That is what, if I was a genie, that'd be the first thing. Like, why have they not? Yeah, why is the genie's union not got together to be like, we can't, they can't keep doing

this to us? Yeah. What I would always think when I thought about, like, you know how genius geniuses like to, like, twist your wishes? A really cool twist if someone, like, wished for infinite wishes is you just force them to stay there forever and keep wishing and they can never, they can never leave or stop wishing, you know what I mean? I wouldn't be a mean genie.

What else does a genie have to fucking do? Well, I mean, I just mean that would be a good twist for a genie to do. Yeah, why did genies always twist the wishes? Why do they have to be meant? They're evil pre-Islamic deities, dude. Until Islam came in and set them all straight. Yeah, no, I only want a post-Islamic genie. Yeah.

I just want a Muslim genie. Is that too fucking hard to ask? Have you guys watched Wishmaster? No. Wishmaster is so good. I've seen it a long time ago. I love Wishmaster so much. No, I'm thinking of Pagemaster.

with McCulley Cole Yeah Yeah Different movie That's a cool movie He goes into Moby Dick He goes into the pages He actually gets this

He's in the pages Wishmaster is awesome Because none of the None of the twists make Like any sense Like there's a part where like The police A police officer

Like points as a gun At the genie and is like Freeze And the genie's like Okay And then freezes the police officer In a block of ice It's like

He didn't wish to freeze That would be My twist would not be clever somebody would be like i want a toy car and i'd be like okay and you have poop for a face got you it you i wish for world peace yeah you is for world peace and i gave you a hot dog for a penis yes you know world is at peace but you will never have a normal penis again you won't have a normal piece yeah that's right that's right yeah you know i'm gonna whirl i'm gonna whirl your Yeah, you have a twisty wiener now.

Yep, you have a little pig tail for a dick. Yeah. And not like a hair, like an actual pig. You wish for true love and I gave you a blue glove too. Now you have true love and you have to wear this blue glove. You idiot. I'm the best genie ever. Here's another comment on this one that says,

I wash that in my school ma'am should call me for dance practice. Nice. That is so true. Epic 1,2, 3 says that and being creative with things. And then right under that, Red Panda 7-8-9 says, that and being very creative. You wish to be creative? Yeah, I wish for unlimited wishes and to be creative.

I love being creative. Yeah. Yeah, because if you have unlimited wishes, but you're not creative with your wishes, all your wishes would kind of suck, right? No, no, you don't have to be creative. I mean, if you have unlimited wishes, issues, you can just be like, okay, I want $100.

Okay, I want $100. Okay, I want $100 more. It doesn't have to be creative. Well, if you're not creative, then it's like, I wish for, I wish for a new pair of pants. Is it when it gets bad? Actually, it's not a bad wish. You're like, I wish that, I wish that my house could fly, and then you fall out of your house and die, you know, but if you're uncreative, you just say, I wish for a big house, and you get a big house, and it's fine.

The key is you have to wish for, you have to wish for bad stuff to happen to you so that he twists it the other way. Yeah. Oh, okay. You know, you could say, I wish I was in jail. Yeah. And then you get put in, like,

a really cool jail. Yeah, you get put in white collar prison, and you're playing tennis with Bernie Madoff. That's right. Yeah. I wrote a one-act play with Aaron about that, about a genie who, like, the person keeps wishing for,

it was like, oh, I heard Jeannie's Twist Your Wishes, so I got to be careful. I wish for my whole family to die in a tragic buzzsaw accident. And then her whole family dies, and she's like, well, Twist. How did you twist it?

And just, like, keeps wishing for stuff like that. You were so smart. I'm pretty creative. I kind of wish to be creative. Yeah. Cameron wished to be creative with this pre-Islamic genie in his basement. Yeah. That's why he's in that cave. I'm in a cave. I'm in a cave. Yeah. Yeah. Cameron's a real Charlie Cockman type. Yeah. Thank you.

Number two. Make someone fall madly in love with you. The first comment is, I want to bring Freddie Mercury back. to life and marry him. Oh my God. I forgot to wish that he doesn't have AIDS. Shit, dude. Yeah, you know, because if you wish for Freddie Mercury to come back to, that's all three of your wishes right there, because it's one, Freddie Mercury comes back to life, two,

Freddie Mercury falls madly in love with you, and three, Freddie Mercury doesn't have AIDS anymore. Yeah, and then you're, I mean, that's done. You've got to pick one. Either he's not in love with you and he doesn't have AIDS. Because you still... Then where do you put Ski-Doo, you know?

Exactly. Where do you put Ski-Doo in your wishes? Exactly. There's a comment on this one that just says, Vagina. I wish that a vagina would fall in love with me. Yeah. The next one, I just want to read this

and then immediately read a comment on it. Number three is for you and your friends and family to be immortal. And then this comment says, yes, even better as if only me and my aunt were immortal when she was younger and I was a two-year-old so she can give me baths and change my diapers forever. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. That's some fucking... Just the first time that you've ever seen a genie Express disgust. Yeah.

I don't even have a twist for that. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm just going to kill you. I wish that you were dead Yeah, the twist on this one is I'm just going to kill you He pulls out a smaller, he pulls out a smaller lamp and rubs it And there's a tiny genie that comes out

And he's like, yeah, I want this guy killed Also, unlimited wishes Can a genie Can a genie give himself a wish? Maybe May a genie cast a wish upon himself? Yeah I think he, well, if it

I think he would have to have a smaller. If he says it into a tape recorder and then plays it back and pretends it's somebody else's wish. If he does a really good impression of a guy who found a lamp. Or if he's very manipulative. Or if he has split personalities. One part of him is a genie, and the other part is a kid named Derek. Who finds a lamp. Yeah.

That sounds like a Marvel character from the 60s. I think we got a cool. A genie with split personalities. Yeah, every superhero, every superhero in the 60s. Yeah, their, they had, their secret identity just made no sense. It was just like, oh, this, this is, this is, Thor is like a thunder god. Oh, but wait, he needs a secret identity.

I know. He transforms into a guy who has to walk with a cane. Like, they're all just, like, they all just transform. That's smart, dude. It's like, like, it would start out as just a kid who can turn into a genie. and grant people wishes, but then in the 80s, it's like, he actually has multiple personality disorder. And inside of his mind, he's constantly fighting himself.

Yeah. Yeah. What was the, what was the, like? Yeah, it's actually a metaphor for addiction. Yeah, exactly. It sucks that comics got, like, cool at some point. I think it ruined them a little. Fucking Chris Claremont.

Yeah. And Alan Moore, it's their fault. Alan Moore, I know him. Yeah. And they did the Vertigo comics. They're like DC, DC has like that, that, like, subcom. or whatever that just makes comics that are like a prostitute with AIDS has it has to fuck an evil trash bag yeah yeah it's pretty and when I was a kid I was

like that's pretty cool city yeah Frank Miller and shit since yeah call me when it's Sim City and I can actually control it my own city called Caleb'sburg they Caleb I got great news what's the news there's Sim City $2,000 for PS1. Oh, my God! That's exciting. One ticket to Caleb'sburg, please.

Number four is world peace, four world peace, and there's three comments that just say, best wish ever, must have wish, and random Nader says, would be nice. That would be nice. Yeah, that would be nice, but it means not a jet ski. Yeah, the twist there is you run out of oil.

exactly yeah there's your card yeah don't work no more yeah you gotta find a new if there's

if there's world peace then you're not gonna there's gonna be no more video games because you can't you can't like force a

Vietnamese family into working in a software slave shop anymore yeah and there's gonna be no more cartoons yeah and way too many

cousins at Thanksgiving uh huh ah shit brett's back Fuck. No. Come on, dude. I thought you were at war.

No, actually some kid voted for World Peace at a genie. At a genie. He voted at a genie. He voted at a genie for one. It's one of those like overpopulation conspiracy theories where it's like a war all along was a way to trim down the cousin population.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. There's not enough food at Thanksgiving now Half the fucking cousins and the big cousins, especially are back from Afghanistan. Yeah, the stupid cousins. The cousins with IQ's too low

to no one to stop eating. Yeah, but he's also the cousin with the Dodge Charger. Right. Pretty one-sided flag football game at the Thanksgiving now. Now that all the war cousins are back. Number five, identical twin sibling.

The first comment is kill them and pretend to be dead. Then see how people really talk to you kill your twin sibling why would you wish for a twin sibling to kill it somebody be like why not just wish to see how you were the better twin yeah

also like I just like beyond that I think identical twin sibling is kind of a crazy thing to wish for right I mean like under like half the presence like unlimited wishes fall in love immortal world peace identical twin sibling like that doesn't seem like

Like the next, the logical next thing that should be on this list. It is crazy that it's voted the fifth. Yeah. Right. Right. Because then what the fuck is the rest of them? Also, it's just like a thing a lot of people are. Yeah.

It's a thing. Randomator says could end up being a problem. That's true. It could end up being a problem. Because the genie, knowing this bastard genie, he's going to make it. Yeah. Oh, you want an identical to insibling? Okay, here's one that's identical to a monster.

Yeah, your sibling who's identical to Hitler in every way. Congrats, buddy. And sometimes people get you confused. Yeah, that's right. And now you look like Hitler, too. Uh-huh. Yep. And now...

Number six, perfect singing voice. I already have this one. Yeah, me too. Ha! La la la la la la. I can't even think of the song right now. I was trying to think of... Oh, yeah.

Oh, wait, no. Did you believe that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now. Wish right now. Keep going. They wish in this list. Wish right now. Let's pretend.

Marshall Mad is never picked up a pit. Sorry, I don't want to get us copyright struck by Eminem because I'm doing it better than him. Too identical. Yeah. We had to copyright strike. this podcast because he outshone M&M on his own shit. Yeah. Number seven is...

Killed him on his own track. Yeah, he renegated M&M. Yeah. Number seven is live in a world of fiction. Gee, we like to live in a world of fiction. Top comment is... I feel like you're just giving a lot of material for the G to twist there. You're going to live in Salo.

Yeah, so many... Yeah, okay, you can just live in hell. Yeah. Where, I don't know. There's so many options to twist that one. You're living in a human centipede and you're the middle. I would live in a world that has Bikini Bottom from SpongeBob and also has Rick and Morty and other fictional things

as long as my friends and family are there. Okay. Mom, we're moving to Bikini Bottom from SpongeBob with Rick and Morty. Pack your bags and become very small. Gross and wheels. Mom, when I get rich, I'm moving you to Bikini Bottom. I'm going to get you out of here, Ma. One day, you're going to see Bikini Bottom.

One day we're going to live in a house just like Squidward's. Son, I have cancer. Don't worry, I'm going to show you Bikini Bottom before you die. Rick Sanchez has an invention that can create a clone of you. They won't die of cancer. And he's in Bikini Bottom, too. But will I still die? Yes.

It doesn't matter. That's kind of, shut up. Mom, you don't understand. That's kind of one of the moral questions of the show. It's kind of like a philosophical quandary type thing. Oh, my God. I was playing, I was playing Valerite the other day. With Rick and Wardy?

Yes. No, I saw the greatest, I saw the greatest, like, gamer tag I've ever seen in my life. This is a person whose name was bleak nihilism. I was just like, fuck, dude. I wish I thought of that first. Bleak nihilism is my gamer name. I think my favorite gamer name is, a gamer tag is Will sent it to us. It was a guy in Warzone named Soul.

soldier's wrath? I changed mine. Carlos Monsia had one of my favorites. His Callow Duty, his Xbox Live Gamer tag, he used to post to his fans to ask them to play Callow Duty with him. And his gamer tag was a Laugh Punisher. Sick, dude. And I changed my Warzone name to Laugh Punisher.

That's so good. It was two, so I couldn't have the ER at the end, so it's Laugh Punish R. That's even better. Yeah, that is cool. My nine-year-old brothers is a furious destroyer. Yes. Yes. That is, like, the best, like, nine-year-old, like...

Furious destroyer. Furious destroyer. It's so good. That's a really good one. Yeah. He's also, like, obsessed with Hitler. So... Oh, I thank God it was a furious destroyer.

Yeah. Yeah, it could have been furor's destroyer. Yeah. Exactly. Become the biggest celebrity ever. And then hi-there, user hi-there says, I actually can't stand the prospect of being famous. Me too.

Oh, cool high there. Fame is like a prison to me. Fame is a prism. Fame is a prism. And you shine the light through it. It's got four sides. Yeah. And you can see the dark side of the moon through it.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a Pink Floyd album cover. Yeah. Good one. Nice, dude. What do you guys think was the inspiration for Pink Floyd's song about money? Money!

It rocks. No, no, that's not it. That's not it. Let's strike it. I love the stuff, and I've put it in my pocket. I wish I had $100. No, that's not it. Money!

It's cash. There it is. There it is. Yeah, we got it. Put it in my wallet, then put it in the pocket on my ass. Let's see, what rhymes with cash? It's a bash. It's a blast.

Okay, I think we have the greatest song of all time. This is awesome. I love to spend it. That is maybe the worst song of all time. Is that the one that has like cash register noises in it? Yeah, that was definitely a last minute edition. The bass riff in that song is very good. This just sounds like a song.

We want it to sound. We want to elevate this to sound like truth. What did it sound like dog shit? Yeah. Yeah, it's like one of those like the 70s guys who like, like it was very deep in the 70s, but then you like hear it now. It's just kind of like shit. It's actually really important because it's one of the major inspirations for that Fort Minor song

where they use just random sounds and household objects to create a beat. And it's kind of planes by MIA. Yeah, where they used a paper plane to record the song. That's true. where she sung it. They actually sang the whole song while writing on a paper plane. It's a little known fact.

Pretty impressive. Yeah, she wrote all the lyrics on paper planes and then threw them to her producer. Whoa. I love, I love, like, boomer, like, deep shit, like, like, money by Pink Floyd or, like, just the phrase,

give piece a chance. Yeah. You just see some guy in, like, a denim shirt and, like, who smoked, like, a million cigarettes in his life. And he's just, like, give a piece of chance. Yeah. People, people, people, People being, like, alive and old right now that we're hippies is, like, so awesome.

It's so, it's so fucking cool to, like, to meet, like, an IT guy who was a hippie. You know what I mean? Like, just that, that type, like, or, like, a food service worker who was a hippie. Yeah. Oh, I worked with, I fucking worked at Life Alive. I worked with people like that. Yeah. Yeah, one of my, one of the, one of the people I worked with, like, wouldn't let me go home unless I did everything on this list.

She never gave me a break. And I was like, man, aren't you supposed to be, like, anti-authority? Aren't you supposed to hate the man? Let's go home early. We have, like, a new generation of, like, hippie types, like, astrology-type people and, like, spiritual. But, like, there's just, like, something about the original hippies that really just, it really just be hitting different. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah, the government was definitely right to just, like, try and kill as many of them as possible. legally, you know. Like, if they had killed more, maybe we could have stopped, like, Steppenwolf from happening. Right. You know? You wouldn't have to hear Magic Carpet Ride whenever, like, something happens in a movie that's cool. Yeah, we could have, because those guys all became people who love Steppenwolf, and then that song, Lowrider from the George Lopez show.

That song's awesome. That song rocks, yeah. It's not a good song. That is a great song. That makes sense that you think that. That song's so cool. No. What are you talking about?

You think you don't like the part of work goes? Lowrider is a cool song. It's cool for the time. Let me tell you what a cool song is. Let's pretend. Martial Madden's never picked him a pen. Let's pretend. That's a good song.

You know what it is? Lowriders and skate two. So I associate it with scatine and then your brain. Yeah, exactly. So. True, true. I also associate it with George Lopez show, which also is the most serotonin.

That's right, dude. They pumped that shit into my brain. What was cool about? When he goes, when he goes, whapa! That's... My cousin told me when we were younger, he, like, loved the George Lopez show. And I, like... Because of the mom. I was like, what is your deal?

Like, why do you love this? And he was like, honestly, man, because he's half Mexican. And he was like, honestly, man, it's just so, like, people at school believe that I'm Mexican because I look so white. He just, like, would watch it so that he knew everything about the, George Lopez show so that you could go to school and be like, yo, the Lopez was crazy last night. That Lopez

Epi and Lopee had my brain. Wow. What's the guy, what's this like Ernie, his friend Ernie? You know, I think I've seen it twice. You're thinking of Sesame Street and only at that house. No, I'm thinking of George Lopez show because there's... You're thinking of Ernie and Burt from Sesame Street. Your favorite

show. George Lopez collects paper clips and he loves pigeons. and his friend Ernie's always giving him the shit. He's giving him shit. And they sit there and they live together and there's a rubber ducky. And that's George Lopez. Number 11. No pain. Yeah, that sucked.

No pain or damage to your body ever. We've already gone through this one. No. I comment though. Listen to this comment from high there. said Jeannie would be about 15 years too late on that one. What? He's saying that he made this wish 15 years ago. There's another comment on this that just says, Venom.

That's kind of a scary comment. Yeah, I don't like that comment. Number 12, become the prettiest person in the universe. I think we should skip to number 13. I think this is where it's at for me. Is it ramp back up here? Number 13, no more Justin Bieber. But who would we make fun of?

You? What the heck on our... I hate him so much. Even my friends hate him. Yeah. He makes my balls boil. You're really boiling my balls, J.B. This wish is great.

No more Justin means no more problems for boys. He just suck. He is a human and he has the right of what he is doing. What have you guys done in life? I've hated Justin Bieber. Yeah, my Justin Bieber jokes are way more creative than any song that Freak could ever make. Remember that video? I think we watched it on stream, but it's like, Justin Bieber is dead.

Metal wins. That's sick. Was it the clip of Law & Order or whatever where it gets shot a thousand times? Yeah, but it's a kid just, it's a kid talking about it with no context. Nice. Oh my God, too. Wait, no, sorry. He, well, it's called, it's called Justin Fagber, Rest in Piss.

That's the title of the video. That's pretty good, dude. We might need to, make an episode name. I think we just found an episode name. Yeah, dude, it's one of the, it's one of the best, like, like, 20, like, videos from, like, it just perfectly encapsulates the, the mindset of the teenager. boy in 2010. I fucking hate myself, dude.

I love you. I love you more than anything, and I'm going to marry you. You're not going to marry you. We predicted this. Number 14 is to go back in time and change past mistakes, and a comment on here says, I can save Freddie Mercury from getting AIDS. There's no way that's not the same guy, right? That's what I said, oh, my God, too, a few minutes ago.

There's no way that's... There's another comment that says save Freddie Mercury, definitely. Fuck that ass Do not fuck Jim Varney Don't fuck that ass Here Fuck that ass over there Not mine

Not mine I would go even further back in time And I would go And I would go to the guy Who invented it And say listen monkeys are not sexy Okay Monkeys are not so

It doesn't matter They may try to trick you with coconut bras And blonde wigs But don't fall for it Listen, I understand monkeys are beautiful AIDS was created by monkeys on purpose They knew that if humans had sex with them It would be the downfall of humanity

So they're just up sexy to try and fool To try and fool this guy Is that what 12 monkeys about? I've never seen 12 monkeys I haven't seen 12 monkeys either But it sounds right I think it's about a guy going crazy I don't think it is

It is I think it's about you And it's about 12 of you I think it's about 12 of you I think it's about 12 different versions of you? It's basically cheaper by the dozen with monkeys. So a guy has 12 monkeys in his house

and his wife is writing a book about it and also Ashton Coucher is marrying one of the monkeys. Let's blow through some more of these. There are a bunch of really good ones on here. Number 15, wish for eliminating the evil the evil qualities which resides in every person on the planet. I hope it includes pervertedness to be eliminated. That's so true.

Me too. Number 16, to bring dead actors back to life. Who would you guys, if you can bring one person back to life? One person? Or one dead actor? Yeah. I would bring one dead actor. I would bring Chadwick Boseman back so that we could finish what Marvel started.

You know what I mean? And he can die again. I don't give a fuck. But at least for a couple movies. I love how that was like the first thing a lot of people said. Like all the stupid fucking Marvel fans were like, no, what's going to happen with Black Panther 2? There's no Black Panther, too. I mean, they definitely are just going to

see GI him for five more movies, right? They already have a fucking clone of him, dude. There's no way they don't. Yeah. Yeah. They either already filmed five movies or they're going to see GI him. It's just so sad that he was secretly arrested

and then executed by President Donald Trump. It's really sad. I would bring Jim Varney back to life so we could get more earnest movies. I would bring Jim Carrey back to life. Yeah. I'd bring his girlfriend back to life to find out what really happened. Yeah. Yeah. I slipped and landed on a bunch

of pills of my mouth. I would bring Kevin Spacey back to life because the guy that's been doing all this stuff, that ain't him. Yeah. Let me tell you, he would never do stuff like that. I just want house of cards back. I would bring Marlon Brando and Richard Pryor back as two old men and make them fuck again. I would bring back like a Shakespeare era actor. Yeah. So I could kill them with a Someone named William Smithington.

I would bring back Shakespeare. He wasn't an actor. He wasn't real. He was one of the biggest actors in the world. He was not an actor. He was a collective of writers. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah, you can't bring him back because he wasn't one guy. Yep, he was like, he was exactly like Stella. Shakespeare was kind of like the S&L. It was just like David Wayne and the two Michaels. Yeah. Become the most famous person in the universe. That's like the first. fourth time that's on this fucking list, dude.

Number 22 is more genies, and the top comment is, I want a genie to give me a lot of wishes, and I want the genie to be a girl. Yeah, no, obviously. It's like how you go to a massage place, and you're like, I prefer a female masseuse. Yeah, I want a little female genie. Look, getting your wish granted by another man?

Yeah, it's, you know. Yeah, I don't know about that. Wait, having another man make your dreams come true? Okay, bro. Okay, sure. Number 24, turning you into a wizard. Nice. I would like to be a wizard.

You have a genie, dude. You're already fucking, what are you talking about? Then you can fight your genie. Hold on there's a comment here. He just becomes an old, old, old man. There's a comment here that says, I voted this from old-fashioned Mickey Mouse call 1995. Number 30 is wishing for an increase in the size of the Earth's radius

for accommodating the increasing population. And then a comment says, I love Earth, Wakanda forever. Nice. Number 31, be the most well-known. Okay. Okay. To turn Chuck Norris into your bodyguard? That's wasting his potential.

Number 34, become verified on Instagram, and the top comment is, this is not cool. This is not cool. I'm bringing Freddie Mercury back and curing his AIDS. Number 39 is to end racism. And then a comment that says, this is an amazing wish. But sadly, and unfortunately, there's too much prejudice in this world. Yeah, I can't do that wish. Sorry.

Unfortunately, yeah, there's too much of it. I can't, yeah. You know, I can make you immortal. I could give you infinite wishes, but I just, you know, there's too much prejudice. Number 45, a lightsaber at the top of the only comment is, yes, queen. Number 40, economic prosperity for the whole world, and this comment says, this would never work because if everyone's rich, then no one is poor. Just like no more evil in the world than what is good.

is equally prosperous. Holy shit. You're right, dude. Somebody has to be poor. Yeah. They could just make everybody rich except the one guy. Yep.

Poor old dame. Number 55 is to make my tickling desires and fantasies come true. Number 51, wishing for spring throughout the calendar year. No more Barney.

Number 53. Number so. Number 66 is Miranda Cosgrove visits Pakistan The comment The comment is

I love Miranda Cosgrove And I want that she Come to Pakistan For once Oh my fucking God Oh that's so good That's your wish All right first off

I want Miranda Cosgrove to come to Pakistan. You're not even in Pakistan. You're in Chicago, California. Just make it, I mean, just fucking make a request. Number 84, sex will never exist now. That's right. That's my wish. Someone says, male won't exist in the world.

One problem with that wish. If sex never existed, then people wouldn't exist. Petronus, user Petronus says, I'm asexual, so this would be. be okay with me, L.O.L. Nice. Number 94, the last one is just a car. I'm going to wish for... Just give me like a 2003 corolla, and you can keep the other two wishes.

Don't really care. I got what I wanted out of this. Hold on. Free serious XM radio, and then the last wish, do whatever. Yeah, full tank of gas is the last wish. Yeah, premium. So they'll take a premium gas. Not that unleaded bullshit.

Yeah. And Spotify premium. Yeah. I mean, and now that I think about it, I guess, like a cool keychain for the car. Oh, yeah. And also, Freddie Mercury's back and he's cured of AIDS. And he's riding in my car. He lives in the car.

And also he can't leave the car. Yeah. And I get my own Freddie concert every day. Yeah, you know what? So actually, scratch the Sirius XM. But Freddie knows every song in the world. and he has a dial Yeah

On his back Yeah we can get Freddie Mercury to sing reggae Oh yeah Oh my God Freddy Mercury Reggae cover I think I'm ready for that Yeah we're gonna hear Freddy Mercury

Sing Toots in the Metals That's right We're gonna hear him sing Daylight Come And me one go home Yep That's not a reggae song That is not a reggae song

That's like the number one reggae song In the world No the number one reggae song in the world as I shot the sheriff. No. Probably. It's come Mr. Telly Man telling me banana.

No, the number one is probably one love spirit of Jamaica, one heart. Let's get together and be all right. No. No, I don't think so.

I think you're wrong on that one. It's Daylight Come and me go. The number one reggae song is the Arthur theme song. That's true. That's true. That might be one of them for sure. Uh-huh.

That's Bob Marley's kid. Yeah. Bob Marley. Yeah. Little Marley. Little Marley. Yeah. Bob Marley, the main comedian.

Baby Marley. He's a baby. It's so cool that he was in Boondock Saints. Yeah, well, that's the thing about every Boston comedian is they just do like bit parts and every Boston movie that comes through. There's like any dudes who have just played like every version of a cop, a principal, and a trash man. Yeah. It's pretty cool. It's just Gus's dad.

That's true. She's talking about Tony V. Respect to Tony Vee. Big Ups, Tony V. All right, boys. I think that'll do it. Check out the Patreon.

Check out our friend Gus's dad, Tony Vee. Yeah, check out Tony Vivero. He's the man. All right, bye. Yeah, we're plugging Tony Vee. Tony V needs it, dude.