Podcast About List - Ep. 117 - Swaggie Dave

Episode Date: September 30, 2020

I was literally physically barraged by Lep the Leprechaun. Epic. www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. That accounts to the ball list. You're any crap monster. Morning now. What does it mean to get lucky with your dad? What does it mean? What does it mean? If he lets you go out late at night to hang out with your friends.

Dude, I just got so lucky with my dad last night, dude. Dude, I got lucky with my fucking dad. When he throws the football in the perfect way. That way that just makes you smile. When he throws a frisbee, you catch it in your mouth. Getting lucky with your dad is when you make him come. You make him cum. I don't know where I was going with that.

Dad. Dad, can I be real with you, man? Dad, I need to make you bust right now. It's just so awesome getting lucky with you. Dad, seriously, I need to make you bust now. I feel like the ultimate getting lucky in this life is having a dad. Yeah, that's, now that's... No, the ultimate getting lucky in this life is becoming a dad.

No. No. Because anyone can be, anyone can be a father, but it costs a lot of... It costs a hundred dollars a day to have a kid. And you have to battle your son because he's trying to constantly make you come. It's true, you have to stop it. You're like, get out of here. You have to learn advanced SWAT techniques.

All sons are trying to swap. They're trying so hard to make their dad come until they turn 18. Yeah, that's what that Ari Aster short film is about. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The crazy thing about that family. The weird thing about the son and the dad.

His dad would never come. That's the weird thing. Yeah. That's what he was referring to. And he said the thing about the Johnson or whatever, yeah. The strange thing is the dad actually was happy, even though he was. happy even though he looked sad that's the strange thing about the story the thing is he's my my dad's frown is upside down yeah that's the strange thing yeah see my dad's my dad's uh he's part chin so

when he when he frowns he's actually smiling because his whole heads upside down yeah the eyes are uglary the strange thing about the johnsons people think that the title refers to you know what the son does to the dad but it's actually there's one shot where you can see their welcome matt actually says goodbye and that's that's what the strange thing is that the title is referring to it's a happy birthday home and it's from red bubble yeah it's kind of a it's kind of a strange thing that nobody really notices i would say that's a pretty unrealistic movie because it is all like doom and gloom when in real life it'd be like your dad like walks by on the couch he just like smack his ass and like daddy we're going this big fat ass dad

what you're taking that thing taking that to the office taking that to the bonus room you're taking that out with the trash what's you doing in the bonus room dad you're taking your butt out with the trashed. Dad wants it on the foosball table. Back that up. Back that up, dad. Back that up, daddy. Daddy, let's take this to the garage.

Right? Let's take this to the workbench. I got to show you something I can do. You got vice grip in there? I got something. Oh, we're going to play catch. You're going to catch me. Yeah.

You're going to catch these tools. I'm going to put my tools in your box, Daddy. Hey, mom, me and dad are going to be out in the garage dropping a bunch of tools. everywhere if you hear a bunch of weird stuff if you hear something weird that's that's us working on a birdhouse for you we're gonna be we just brought home a giant buck from our hunt and we're going to be killing him in the garage if you hear some yeah monstrous guttural noises we're having venison tonight by the way yeah and then like two hours later it's like what are you talking about

we never said that yeah we never said we were going to have venison I'm taking dad out and we're going to have a little prime rib. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to remove one of dad's, two of dad's ribs. And then I'm going to suck my dick. Yeah. Yeah, because dad has a horrible range of motion since the car accident.

That we have to remove his ribs so he can even get down there. No, dude, we're disgusting. We're gross. We're nasty with me. We're nasty a F today. A son and dad relationship story. Um, I wasn't here for this, but I got to work and somebody told me that we, so we have like slim jims at the counter.

And one of the guys I was working with told me that a guy came in and bought 35 slim gyms. And he said, and they're like, like, wow, that's a lot of slim jams. And he's like, yeah, my son loves them. And then the best part of that is that there, there, he bought 35 slim jims, but there were 36 in stock. so he just left one slim gym. Like he was like, no, 36, that's way too much. I think we need to introduce this guy to slim gym.com. Yeah.

Yeah, I think you could probably order it. How many slim gyms do you think you can order at once? I think if you order over 30, if you order over 30, you probably, like, get a call from the CDC because you're going to bring some strange disease in your stomach. Right. If you order over 35, you have to send in verification that you have two sons. Yeah. You have to send in both your son's birth certificates.

That's too much for one son. Two learners' permit. Two learners' purses. Not the copies. So once they get that bad, once they have that, they can keep it if they want. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But I, you know.

Just imagine doing that with anything else. Yeah. Just buying just a shit ton of something. My kid likes it. Yeah. My son loves gum. Do you think that's a, do you think it's worse to feed your? That's me when you're 16 years old

buying condoms for the first time. These are my son. Yeah, my son loves these. Yeah. Sorry, these are my sons. That's why I had to buy the 400 count. Trust me, I don't use these. Come on.

Do you think it's... None for me, please. Do you think it's worse to be feeding your, like, four-year-old son, 35 slim gyms? Or you're like 25-year-old son, 35 slim gyms? 25, because you're buying them for him when he should have the money to get.

Well, then it's like a true love relationship. Yeah, you know what? Then it's maybe it's just the best dad in the world. Maybe it's a birthday gift. But if it's a four-year-old son, I think you're poisoning your child. No. Slim Jims aren't poisonous. Maybe it's a birthday gift and he takes him out of the package and creates like an edible arrangement.

Yeah. You know? Oh, and then he makes little beef flowers. Maybe he's using them to stitch them together and build a son. Uh-huh. These are for my beef son. Yeah. Yeah.

We're building a sun out of Slender. I'm making my meat sun. These are, these will, these will, uh, these will, uh, these will create his, his muscle fibers. Yeah. Inside, you won't even see these. These are his tendons. Hey, while I'm here, do you guys have me skin? You have skin?

You have skin? You guys sell brains? Yeah, you have a sentient meat brain that I could put in a sun and two meat eyeballs. Oh, and you know what? I'll take that meat tongue. Uh, yeah. Oh, you have, you have olives here. Great.

Great. Those would be the eyes. And the ball. Yeah, I noticed that that employee you have, you have mopping stuff up in the back. Could I, like, go through them for parts really quick? You have a spare employee? I could just rummage through and just piece them out. Yeah.

All right, sorry, guys. You know, I ended up deciding I didn't want anything from him, so sorry about that. I'm sorry to leave a mess. My Frankenstein meat, son. Do you guys have just, like, a bunch of blood? You have, like, maybe a gallon of blood that I could put in them? Do you guys sell, are you guys selling a lightning bolt? Could you guys sell me a lightning bolt that I could use to bring my son to life?

Weird question. Do you guys have like a roof that's like a giant cobblestone tower? And, uh, do you have any, do you have the materials here for a drawbridge? Just, just, just because. And I just want to make sure, I just want to, I want to make sure you guys do not and will never sell pitchforks and torches, right? I just want to, I just want to make sure I don't have to move to another town to do this. Yeah, I'm with dads against pitchforks and torches. Yeah, for our monster sons.

Yeah, I'm a monster dad against the torches. Then I'm here, and I need you to sign this petition. And this contract. This contract to never sell pitchforks or torches in your store. And I'll take two giant bolts. Do you have neck holes for bolts? It would be fun to make a frankestine. Do you sell neck holes here?

You guys sell a flat head. You sell a big flat head that's shaped like a dome. Do you have any green skin? Do you have any green skin I can buy? You have like a black and white March since and hat. People tell me it's way cheaper to build your own, but just the pre-built ones are just so much. It looks so nice. The new alien-wean-wear or war of Frankenstein.

The cyber power Frankenstein. You just get ripped off on the parts, dude. Yeah. Especially the penis. Which is kind of the men's graphics card. When you think about it. It's like the most expensive part of a man. Yeah.

Yeah. That's true. Would you ever get your penis insured? Um, I, in what? I don't plan on doing anything to it that I would damage it. Right. But what if it had? Anybody seeing my penis.

You don't plan on your house getting hit by a tree. Oh, I do. That's a good point. Yeah. I mean, you just don't build your house near trees. So? I'm going to take, what about this? I take out a $100 insurance policy of my penis

because I'd feel like I could get it covered for $100 bucks. Yeah, well, like just a nobody's penis? What's the most? Because I know somebody has an insurance. I think Ron Jeremy had a million dollar penis insurance. Yeah. But if I got it insured for like a... He also had some dark secrets.

Yeah, he should have gotten rape insurance. No. I don't think that exists. That's not a thing. No. Thank God it's not a thing. But I think I could insure my penis for like a hundred bucks and then I could have one of you guys cut it off and we can make a cool hunt out.

Oh. Okay. Well, I think all you need to do is damage it in some way. I'm more of a finger popping Freddy than anything else anyway. Finger popping Freddy? Yeah. You're a cherry popping daddy. Yeah, I'm a cherry popping daddy with some long, long fingers.

I'm going at the suit suit right with my dick out. I'm a daddy long fingers. and I'm coming at you I got trust me bitch I got five thumbs on each hand you're about to have

the stupidest Thursday night of your life they all bend outwards yeah they have five thumbs on each hand and they're all hitchhiker thumbs yeah man

they work like a spec hair you open yeah yeah the maximum most of a bitch ever took was two so let's see if we can break some records tonight.

Happy Sabbath. You guys excited for New York City, baby? I've been drinking so much coffee. Yeah, nice, congrats. I know. That's cool. It's changing me. How do you feel like it's changing it?

I don't, you don't get the, it does, Will described it like perfectly where it's like Monster Energy. I don't want to just repeat what Will said, but it does feel like you get poisoned when you drink Monster. Because you are getting poisoned, baby. Yeah, no. I feel like Monster gives you about 30 minutes of caffeine high. Yeah.

And then like two hours of... Stomachatein fucking... There's not aspartain in it. That's the thing. It's some other sweeteners. Yeah, they don't have to list what's in it on the ingredients because it's just dark magic. Right.

That's why it's called the ultra beast. It just casts a spell on it before they put it on the shelf. I think the thing I really don't like about this about energy drinks is that caffeine. is an ingredient it's not like a feature yeah like that means that they have a white caffeine powder that they pump into this yeah is that horrifying they got freaking they got freaking salt it's probably yeah it's definitely liquid caffeine yeah they have salt bay they're sprinkling caffeine in he does that down his arm that's his move yeah I don't want to

that's what's tasty yeah it goes it goes down his sleeve it goes down his long sleeve and up into his armpit and that comes out the bottom of his shirt every day he marinates his arm in like a ginger soy sauce for six hours. He's got salt. He's got miso paste under his armpits just fermented. Insanely, wrinkly, shiny, pasty arm. What's up that arm, dude? That is my salt arm.

Inolting. It's my salting arm. What did you just do? I'm guessing that's what he sounds like. Arch toke. Wow. Are you Rasta? What was that?

No, not. It was a jewel. Oh, nice. man. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, boy. Oh, heavens.

Little Robin Williams doing a, doing a vape. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, I hit the jewel. Ooh. Hit the jewel. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Oh, I'm a ghost. Oh, I'm a ghost. I'm in your house. Oh, I've been dead. I've been dead for five years. Been dead for five years. I'm in the wall.

Oh, look at me. Look at me. Ooh, I'm making the room cold. Has he been dead for five years? No, it's probably longer than that. I think it's six. Yeah. Yeah.

That one was a tough one for me, dude. Yeah, we've been over that. Have we been over this? Yeah, you listen to Marin on the beach. I listen to Marin twice in a row and walked on the beach. Yeah. God, dude, my life sucks. My life be like, ooh, I.

My life be like, ooh. My life be like, ooh. But you guys are ready to come to, New York City a couple of days. Yeah, I'm ready to go there and not have a panic attack. Take the big apple by storm. You swag, dude. Yeah.

I think indoor dining is about to start up. I'm not doing that. Yeah, I don't want to do indoor dining. Also, public school. Not in New York. We can go to public school. Oh, okay. You want to go there real bad, huh?

I don't know. I miss Foursquare. I miss being the king of something. All right. All right. If that's your intention, then that's fine. You're going to go play Four Square and be the king and look for a queen at the public school.

Yep. psych you're going to say would anybody like to be my queen would anybody like to be my crazy queen excuse me i am the four square king would anybody like to be my queen i would not go lady is i sir caleb i just want to fuck the teacher is that so wrong a little bit is that so wrong i just want to fuck my teacher is that so is that a crime if fucking my teacher is a crime then put me and jail with my teacher And then air drop me in there. Because I'm trying to commit a crime.

If a teacher is a crime, then I'm doing that. If it's legal, I'm ghost. I don't want anything to do with it if it's fine. Is it legal to fuck a... I know a guy who's a college professor who fucks his students all the time. Is that legal? No. I think it is.

I don't think that's legal. I think it's against the school. You've got to stop hanging out. Rules of the school. I don't, I bet they, Brett, I feel like they probably have just policies at the car. I don't think it's illegal,

but I think it's probably like you're not supposed to do that and you can get fired for it. Oh, that makes sense. Take that long for you to think about that. Yeah, I guess that does. So, so what's his full name? What's here?

Do you guys remember when that guy in our college killed himself? Yeah. He was a, a student fucker? Yes. No? I do. A guy who was a professor.

He, like, fucked a student and then killed himself. Yeah. And he ran away from home. That's sad. I won't say, it was sad, but I won't say who it is, but somebody told me they were planning on going to, like, the school open mic and going up and doing, like, an opening joke where it's just like, what's up with all these fucking rapist professors killing themselves recently? Jesus Christ.

That is funny. Oh my god, that's a funny joke That's a funny one to me But yeah, what are we gonna do when you guys get to New York? What's our first move? I'm gonna run around and go nuts Yeah, I'm gonna go nuts on your butt Do you guys?

You're not. That's my first move. You will not. No. It's funny that like Pat's only time in New York He just went to like the pit. Yeah. He didn't go.

I went to some stupid fucking comedy club. I didn't go anywhere cool. We didn't go to like No, we went to Times Square, dude. We went to Times Square. That's true. We tried to eat at the $5 million dollar Olive Garden. Yeah, and it was too expensive.

It was like $25 for pasta at the Times Square Olive Garden. And I was like, we got to go to the Times Square Jolly Bee. I'll go. Sure. We got to go. I didn't know that there was a Jollybee here until I saw that cup on the street the other day. I got to look up the address. I'm doxing the Times Square.

My first thought was like, somebody brought a cup from California all the way to New York, and then just left it on the street. I never thought that there could be a jolly bee in New York City. Yeah. I'm so dumb. That's the closest jolly bee. There's one in a... Yeah. There's one right near Madame Tussauds.

Oh. I believe it's Tos. Yeah. Madam Tud. Madam, my toad. Madam, my toad. Madam, my toad. Madam, my toad.

Madam, my toad. Can you see my to- Can you see? Excuse me, sir, can you see my toad? Excuse me! I need help. Now say something about a penguin with a spork. No.

Say it, dude. It wasn't that red, no, because to- Okay, now say it. I was doing, I was being a flasher. Put a smile on your face. Put a smile on your, let me see a smile on your face. Let's see it. That's an upside on smile.

You look so much like Wario. Jesus Christ, bro. What are you guys going for is Halloween? I'm not going as anything for Halloween. I'm going as Jamie Lee Curtis activity commercial, okay? That's my Halloween costume idea. I don't have time for little baby things like dressing up in a costume. And maybe I'll wear, maybe I'll dress like a rat when I go to work.

And Cameron keeps talking over it. That's because it's a work uniform. I think I'm going as awesome powers. Awesome powers. I'm going as Boston Powers. Yeah. Yeah. From that, from that SNL sketch.

Yep. I'm going as... Yeah. Yeah. I'm actually Boston Powers. Mm-hmm. I'll do that. Yeah, no, it's from an SNL sketch.

I'm actually a character... I feel like that's the worst kind of person is the person who goes as SNL sketch for Halloween. Like, SNL sketch character. I don't feel like I've ever... A white guy doing a Keenan Thompson character. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Steve Harvey.

I'm Steve Harvey. No, from S&L. No, no, no, no. I'm doing Heenan Thompson as Steve Harvey. No, no, no. White Steve Harvey is not a bad costume, though. I'm Fred Arnison as, you don't get it, guys. I'm Jay Farrow as Jay Z, okay?

That's why I'm doing this. It is funny imagining just like a Hollywood producer casting like a role of like a black guy and something. And he's like, what about Fred Armisen? He played Obama I mean What about Fred Armisen For bad boys for All right Fred Armisen

You're gonna love this This is a movie about Thurgood Marshall We're doing a root remake Hollywood Hollywood producer guys Definitely have to have Just like assistants Who just rein them in on that

Because that is absolutely That is their first They just don't understand that Like they would do If you gave them a chance They would cast every Every black character Would just be a white guy

Talking funny And they just have to have like a 20 year old 20 year old man who stands next to him and goes actually the internet wouldn't like it if you did that sir yeah maybe Chris Evans

yeah we would have seen fucking sell Chris Evans would have been both different movie Chris Evans would have been both Captain America and Black Panther yeah now we might have to be

yeah don't worry his last wish was at Chris Evans takes his role as Black Panther He hit it in the contract when he signed. We didn't know this was going to happen.

Yeah, sorry, guys. Black Panther, we have to, we legally have to pass the role of Black Panther to Christopher Mintz-Plass. I'm so sorry. We did not read the fine print. Wakanda forever. That's funny. He has been to op on this list on the IGN boards. Yeah, this is more of a conversation.

Yeah, this list was sent in by my brother. In conversation with the IGN. Yeah. So sent in by my brother Paul. What up, Paul? This is 100 ways to abuse your Nintendo dog. No, it's 100 ways to abuse your Nintendog. Yeah.

And it's made by user Albertosaurs on December 17, 2005. It says noob here. Holy crap. We're reading a list made by a noob. No, thank you. This is our first nob list, I think. No. No?

No, any list that you have sent in? No. Yeah. No? No. You're basically a noob. You are. No.

You better take that back. Yeah, I think you are. No, you seriously better take that back. I'm not kidding. I think you are. I think you're the new. If one of us is the supreme ultimate gamer and not a, a noob, it would be me. I play

different types of games. Yeah, girl games, peggle, and diarrhea dress-up too. Diarya dress-up is not a girl game. There's no girls in that game. It's just poop people. It's a girl poop. And they don't have genders. You like to dress up. Poop people don't have genders. You're one of those guys. You play dress-up games, and you don't

even take the underwear off. You play adult dress-up games. You just add more clothes. I play quagungeon dress-up game and I take off his robes. No, you don't. So. No, you don't. You do not. You do not. Famously, Jedi don't wear underwear. Is that famous?

Famous to me. You're thinking of Scottish guys. It's famous to you. Yep. It's famous in my world. Guys in kilts. Nah. Yeah.

Well, Liam Neeson technically, I think he is got it. You're thinking of famously, you're thinking of famously naked guys don't wear underwear. I think is what you're thinking of Paris Hilton getting out of a limo. Yeah. Yeah, I think that is what I'm thinking. I think you might be thinking of Winnie the Pooh, actually. Paris Hilton could be a Jedi name. That's true

Yeah If you just move If you put an apostrophe in there Yeah Pariese Hilton But it would still be Paris Hilton Yeah

Because you don't For some reason They have If you just switch the vowels If it's just Pras Holton Then that's a That's a Jedi name

Pinas Pina's holding Penas holding Penas fucking Okay penis fucking Mm-hmm That's my ultimate Jedi

Pinaus fucking Number one way to abuse your nightend dog Make it run in circles Till it cannot stand up any longer Is there a fatigue system And I don't remember I don't remember either I never owns Nintendo dogs

My friend had it And I played it like twice And I was like this game is about dogs I did and I would just like starve the dogs That's what I was kind of funny Yeah It was like a way for me to get out my You could hit the Nintendo

style psychopathy in the virtual world. In the original Nintendo dogs, he could hit them. It just would give you negative points. I was thinking about this the other day. You know how like a warning sign for like psychopaths and serial killers and stuff is if they like kill animals or hurt animals when they're a kid? Like before they figured that out where they just like, like, oh man, Timmy killed a cat. That kid's a freak.

That kid's kind of weird. That kid's a weirdo. He's a little biology. What a little creepy. Yeah, he wants to be a doctor. Oh, this guy's so stupid. He doesn't realize you're supposed to pet a cat. Yeah.

They were, originally, they just thought that they were stupid. Originally, they were just like, yeah, we need it. This guy needs to take some more tests. I feel like all kids, like, fuck with, like, lizards and stuff, though. Yeah, bugs, for sure. No. You can, no. You can fuck with bugs as a kid and you're not a psychopath.

A lizard is not a bug. I would fuck a bug. A lizard is a bug if it's small. enough. Yeah. A snail is a lizard. You were, I mean, yeah, all kids fuck around with iguanas and, and I was a kid I used to, uh-huh.

My grandma's house. Oh man, when you were a kid, you didn't, you remember pulling the legs off of your dragon? Yeah, holding a magnifying glass over my marine iguana. When I was a kid, my grandma had, she had like slugs all in her backyard and I would pick them up and sniff them to my head hurt. They had like a really weird smell And I'd go outside and be like

I can tell that they're here I can smell them from here I'd like find them And grandma slug season is here I think that's why I like nicotine now I think it's kind of the same feeling Yeah that's what I make cigarettes out of Yeah

There's nicotine naturally produced in slugs Every cigarette is a slug penis Every cigarette is a slug Mm-hmm I'm gonna start calling cigarette slugs That sounds cool British way to talk about cigarettes That's like if they

if British people as a collective got in trouble for calling them fags they'd switch to slug Yeah You know Because those two words are equal In their mind for both You know both meanings

Yeah Exactly That's just how British people think And number two Make it bite the pull rope Swing him around Let go and he'll fly off This is what I do with Caleb

All the time I make Caleb bite my pull rope And then I swing him around And he flies off I stopped calling for that I had not I had not done that in a while But it might happen this weekend

I mean You might turn me to the old me Yeah I'm back on my bullshit I'm back to biting the pole rope and flying off Oh my god My dad was a monster You give me a bone two hours later I mean peanut butter out of a chew toy

It's really bad dude It's really fucking bad Damn Yeah people used to hide the ball on me Mm-hmm. Number three, throw things at it. And then an animated laughing emoji. Was there a brick in the game?

Is that one of the toys? Yeah, the Nintendo brick. Yeah, we don't know. We just put it in. We don't know what the kids are going to do with it, but... I downloaded the bludgeon mod. We thought the kids would build a house for the dog. We didn't know that...

Listen, when we programmed the blood functionality into the game, we didn't know that kids were going to find a way to exploit it by making the dogs bleed. It was supposed to be for the chew toys. Yeah. Number four, when he's thirsty, take him for a walk and make him run the whole time. I definitely, I did that a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. I love just not cleaning up the poop. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just leave it there. Taking your dog into the woods. I mean, yeah.

Poop in the woods. Gaming is escapism. and the video game you can let your room fill up with poop and you don't have to deal with the real life consequences yeah because you can't smell it through the screen not yet at least not until that'll be huge yeah when they add smell to VR dude oh my god I can't wait to smell stuff

yeah crazy it'd be funny to like go back to your like favorite game ever and be like damn Mario 3 all these worlds actually smell like shit and it just ruins the game for you forever yeah I couldn't let that turtle smell was too bad The cupas smell like shit That turns out the Gumbas were actually Diarrhea the whole time

We never knew because we couldn't smell them I'm downloading the Michelle Obama simulator It's just smelling my armpits for two hours Fucking let's see what these smell like did Yeah I can't wait to watch the office with the smell turned on Oh my god Can't wait to smell creeds butt Dude creed's gonna smell so bad

Can't wait to smell his desk They add like smell to every TV show and just every character smells like shit because they're just like on set under like hot stage lights and shit. We just never anticipated this technology. The West Wing completely unwatchable now. Yeah.

Oh man, they all smell like mothballs. Yeah. It's disgusting. I'm smelling train spotting tomorrow. Oh, it smells so good. It's really, it's honestly the only good smelling movie. Yeah. Because it all smells like heroin.

That's right. Don't feed or water it for as long as you want. I hate it when I have to water my dog. And make it play and stuff. Yeah. I just have to water my dog. It's so annoying. Yeah.

I don't know. Making a play seems like that would be fun for the dog. No. Making a play? Dogs hate play and stuff. Dogs love to play. No. Not when they haven't had water.

That's true. Not when they haven't been watered. I guess that's a good point. You got to water your dog before you play it. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. That's my advice.

You got to warm your dog up. Mm-hmm. There's a comment here from Bubbleburst Baby that says, that's me and you'll screw up your Nintendo dog and he won't like you for the rest of your life. And then the response to that comment is, okay, dude, one, it's just a game. And two, real people like you and me won't do any of this, but I posted one anyway. And treat your Nintendo dog nicely. Not to be mean to the people who do, but just do what you want.

And then a peace sign. It actually is do what you what. Oh, whoops. The first time. And they responded to that and fixed it. I didn't mean to post so much, but I had to fix a little problem. Sorry. Oh, man.

Yeah, this is from 2005. I miss forum shit like this. I had to fix a little problem. A little problem. Yeah, my Nintendo dog stepped on my keyboard and I had to take it out behind the shed. This is a little Easter egg for all the real April Mandy fans. Okay, now here's maybe my favorite. Here's my favorite one so far from X-text.

This is a bunch of options all in one post. Take it for a walk. When it stops to piss, yank its at dollar sign, dollar sign, and done let it. Ram a cart up its at dollar sign while it's sleeping. Lay down some food, toy water, and when it's about to get it, you get it.

Make it walk all over its dollar sign, H, exclamation point, plus side. throw a piggy bank on it. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha skull emoji. But I wouldn't do that to my Nintendo dog, even though it's not X-Miss. I would do this to my Nintendo dog if it was X-Mis, but... Can you put stuff in your dog's ass in Nintendo's? Is that an option? Probably a thermometer.

When you play with like the carrot and you throw it? We have finally modeled a perfect physics engine. You can do absolutely anything you want in this game, this dog game. You can put it in its ass Yeah Just like Like finally creating the first The first full

Might as well just be a simulated universe And just kids everywhere are putting Putting carts up their your dog's ass While it's sleeping Sharpies and fucking Pocky sticks How much can I fit in my dog's ass? Yeah

Well it's sleeping That's the game That's a good That should be our indie game Funny reverend Indie game That is a yeah I think

We definitely need to branch branch out into gaming. I think that's the next thing we need to conquer. You know, we did a, we did a, we're going to do a movie, we did, we did, we did, we did, we did streaming video games, now we need to make a video game. And we need to release an album. And then we stream the video game. Oh my God. And then we make a new meal.

A new type of food? A new kind of food. Bread. Then we wear, sandwich. Wear a new shirt. that nobody's born before. Oh, speaking of, if you bought the fucking awesome Caleb shirt, can you send, if you got it,

can you send me a picture of it because I got mine and the print is small and I want to make sure that it's not like that for all of them. We desperately need a screen printer. If somebody knows, like a really chill guy who hates money and spend prints t-shirts, please put us in contact with them. Again, he needs to despise money.

He needs to be, he has so much money, he's throwing it away. to do it for the love of the game That's right Yeah And make sure that he's fine with stuff That's extremely copywritten Yeah and is very easily

Crass, disgusting Yeah And in poor taste Yeah things with the P word on it Yeah Let's just we'll leave it at that P O We'll speak no more on this

Shut up 11 Bring the latest American Idol Reject to sing into the microphone Just trying to be creative LOL And then April Mandy says That's not

way to abuse it. Yeah, what are you talking about? I get to hang out with a celebrity, dude. You get to hang out with San Jaya? This is 2005. This is probably William Hung territory. Ooh. If I got to hang out with William Hung, I would be smiling.

I brought William Hung to talk to my dog. Man, dude, have you ever heard his album? William Hodge. When my dog, my mom, bring him to the carpet, I make William Hung's, I put his face in William Hung's face as he sings. I, uh, bringing William Hung to my house to sing to my house plant. so they grow up big and strong. My mom bought that album.

My mom bought his album inspiration. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome, dude. It's pretty good. He had a whole, he had to cover Rocket Man on there. Wow.

Is that the one with taking me out to the ballgame? No, that's his second album. He's got to, he probably, it's probably fine, right? There was also, there was also hung for the holidays.

Oh. I think. Oh. Oh. Let me, hold on. Let me make sure that's a thing and not something I made up. Yeah.

There's also Attila the Hung. Yeah, yeah. Hung for the holidays is an album. No, I didn't just hallucinate William Hung having a Christmas album. You did. I wish. Yeah. Imagine I'm the only one that thinks that a William Hung Christmas album exists.

And also you called it that. You called it hung for the holidays. Yeah. the fuck is wrong with you pat i have nothing wrong with me you're right you're perfect keep keep disc out of way of dog's head yeah let's say it at the same time ready three two one just by a inch out of ways of dogs head when he finally gives up throw it at disc out of way of dog's head let's do it like row row row your boat okay hold on whatever you get you a punctuation

of dog's head of dog's head, just by an inch. When he finally gives up, throw it at him. Caleb, you're late. We have to start over. Fucking Christ, Caleb. Is there right? Let's start over. Start over.

Frisbee. Oh. Why does you call it a disc? Probably British. Frisbee's a brand name. Is that a British thing? Frisbee's a brand name? I didn't know that.

That's why they call it Ultimate instead of Ultimate Frisbee. Whoa. I call it Ultimate Frisbee. Me too. Me too. To jail? Yes.

Oh, fuck You're going to make so many friends in jail You're going to make some very special Powerful friends in jail No This one from Arc Commando Almost not a noob Kill your game

That's true That is the ultimate way to abuse your Nintendo dog It's just step on the DS cartridge Yeah Just throw it in a bad of acid Yeah, you're fucking Nothing When I was a kid I had like

I had deep Kind of existential nightmares that every video game character was sentient. Yeah. And that, like, every time I turned off my Xbox, I would kill them. Imagine, imagine you throw a disc at your Nintendo dog over and over and you're hurting it. You wake up one night, your DS is glowing, and your Nintendo dog comes out of your DS. Yeah.

Oh, my God. All Master Chief knows is fucking pain, dude. Yeah. It's true. They never, never once does he have just a fucking, just a silent, sweet moment in that, in those games. He's always trying to kill. or be killed. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. What's wrong with us, too? He goes to sleep in naps. He gets to sleep in a hammock. Master Chief is like, Cortana. He's sleeping in a hammock. I need to take a nap. Cortana, have a Bubba ready for me.

That'd be... I think the biggest problem... Cortana's kind of too small for him to fuck, unfortunately. If you think about it, Master Chief is wearing a big onesie. Do you think Cortana... His suit definitely has like a vibration setting. It has a diaper in it. Cortana, for sure, give him a little vibrate down there, a little rub and tug.

Where? Down where? With the suit? Down where? On his butt or his feet? On his feet? Yeah, on his feet. Yeah, on his feet. Yeah. Rubbing his feet and then tugging his toes to pop them. Yeah, you guys are right. Do you do that to me? Well, I do that to you? I'm really good at it, dude. I can pop any part of the human body. I'd like to see you try. Okay. Well, here, we got at William Hong his name. up here. Whoa. Our response to that's not a way to abuse it.

I'd cut off my ears if I had to listen to someone like William hung four hours in a row. 14, make your dog watch hours in a row of

Martha Stewart living. And then you add the cotton bunny ears to the Easter egg to make the Easter bunny oneee complete

dog whimpers. I don't think the dog would try to speak English. Yeah. That's true. Yeah.

Probably get excited. Yeah. Number 15, poke it in the eye with a stick. Then never feed it or let it drink, then take it for a running walk, then when it's asleep, poke it some more.

Okay, you fucking fucked up freak. You psycho, dude, what's wrong with you? Truly a psycho. Oh, my God. Even for this thread, I mean, come on. Yeah, even for IGNboards.com. I know. That's just, that's not right.

Legacy account, you psycho. This is kind of a nasty, dirty Carlin style one. Whale it is sleeping, tax a big and heavy thing, add throw it at its ass, and then it might shit itself and eat it shit and then he responds to that H and then he responds to that

I can't I did it but failed somebody says make your dog read this thread that's a pretty that it's funny that that insult has persisted all these years 15 years later people still throw that one out

yeah yeah keep hitting it with a cart says April Mandy where is it There's no cart or... There's thinking of Mario cart. Is there a cart?

Because they said earlier to put the cart in the guy's ass. I'm Googling Nintend dog. It's a cart with a K too. We should play Ninten guys. Yeah. Oh, my God. Nintendo guys? Oh, there's a...

You raise a guy. It's kind of virtual buddy. You can buy it. You can get a Mario Kart toy in Nintend dogs. Oh, and you put it in its ass. Yeah. Okay. The Nintengai would be good.

They have a... I see. they have different you could get the bowser one and put it in your dog's ass and it's got spikes on it oh man if i if i had the bowser toy in nintend dogs it's the only thing my dog would be eaten mm-hmm someone says that's like getting uh that's exactly like getting a hitler chew toy for your dog dude i i would get that and just watch him tear it to shreds but then stop him from fucking it yeah no no you don't understand fido no that'll make him happy that's adolf hitler and he loves to get fucked by dogs Hitler loved getting fucked by dogs

That's why he was obsessed with German Shepherds Which is something I learned from an always sunny episode Yeah Yeah Because that he would fuck these kind of dogs Yeah and he would actually have very Have really good sex with the dogs Mm-hmm

Was that bitch really his cousin? Ava Brown? Yeah I don't know Let's find out yeah i'm just gonna say that she is because i don't like him yeah oh here's a here's a hitler thing um there's a guy uh here's my yeah at my work there's a we do like deliveries to people uh huh and there's a guy

apparently who oh yeah who gets who gets alcohol delivered sometimes whose name his name is swastick car Swastikar? First name swastik Oh my god, dude What an unfortunate name. What the fuck, that's the greatest name of all time. Dude, just an Australian pronunciation of swastika.

Swastika. What? I'm not delivering this shit. Hey, I'm not delivering this there. Some kind of Nazi. We got to get to. to his house now. Yeah, I looked it up and swastick is an Indian name

which makes sense because... That's way funnier. It's an Indian guy named Swastika. Well, yeah, isn't the Swastik? Yeah, no, because Indian people were Nazis first and then Hitler took it and made it evil. But before being a Nazi was a sign of peace. That's not true.

It's true, yeah. It was like hippies. Yeah. You know, Hitler took it and twisted it into his own perverted creepy vision. Exactly, dude. An Indian guy named Swastikar? I knew you would like that. I will never stop thinking about swastikar.

Jesus Christ. Fuck. All right, let's find another... There's so much just sort of back-and-forth banter in this thread. Put Michael Jackson in the room with... your Nintendo dog, so MJ can be creative. LMFAO! And then, like, that looks like 50 exclamation points.

This is, he can be creative. Lolling at that. Put Ryan 007-11 in the room with it. Clap, clap, clap. Who's Ryan, 007? Oh, then at the bottom it says, just kidding, though. Ryan James Bond. Yeah.

Throw the first bond's first name is Ryan. Take it and repeat it. Run over your dog while DS is on. This guy's not talking about the Nintendo dog. You turn on the Nintendo dog's game and then you run over your real dog. Drown your dog by making it drink tons of water. I don't think that's drowning. Every time your dog turns around and shakes its butt, poke its butt hole with the stylus.

When I first got my dog and she started to do that move, I kept on poking her there until she got really mad. She growled. Every time I touched the screen. and she jumped at me and tried to bite me and then she ignored me. Every time I called her name, she would turn around and would scratch up with her hind legs. Of course I fed her and walked her and seems all right after that. I kid you not. But when I poke her now, she doesn't get as mad.

I guess I have so many trainer points. She doesn't get mad at me anymore. Did you guys ever play Virtual Buddy? Yeah. You remember Virtual Buddy had like a George Bush skin you could put on it? They had George Bush and John Kerry, yeah. John Kerry. But I remember doing, I remember playing Virtual Buddy and had the George Bush skin on it.

And I was just like blowing him up and shit. My dad walked in to the room. And he's like, Jesus Christ, that's just sick. He's blowing up a fucking, there's no blood at all. This, uh, there's a, here's another sub list. This one has a really, really good one in it. So I'm just going to read through these and I'll stop when I get to the good one. Throw a meteor on it.

When it's jump roping or whatever, make it go under and lift it up fast. Blow up your cartridge. If the combat copter has little pellets, shoot the dogs. When the mic things comes on, cuss at the dog. dog throw a stick it scares my dog so much make it listen to my michael jackson songs make it look at charlie chapman charlie chapman i get so bored watching charlie chapman movies oh i hate it yeah charlie chapman's mustache scares the hell out of me oh my god grab it tail when i see his little mustache it freaks me out i hate charlie chapman grab it tail and his mouth will go on your stylus and throw the dog

use the chopter to hit the dogs with the propeller get a fancy vase and throw it on the dog's head get a boulon and make them make it explode this is a pretty good comment here from april mandi tall what do you want hey just being funny i'm gonna wool you tall 50 we reached 50 50 50 one time i grabbed my dog's tongue but it just growed at me l-o-l you try it I will I like all these ones that are like all these like intricate tricks that just end with like and then put it in prison

like this one is like keep making the dog spin again and again and it will fall then you will have the chance to grab its nose which you should shake around then you tap really and I mean really hard on its head

finally you deprive it of food water and attention for a month it seems like you don't have to do the first part of that yeah it's from Ariana smiley face throw a gold bar at your dog Is there gold bars in the game now?

No? No. Just do it. No, I know there's no gold bars in Nintendo dogs. I did the ultimate abuse to my Nintendo dog where I left my DS in a taxi. Yeah. Who knows what happened to that fucking dog, right? Do you think that guy, do you think that taxi driver, just like, I think he's still playing that game?

Yeah, dude, it was taxi driver, like, from the movie. It was actually... Buster Buster from taxi driver. I've never seen it. Buster Bistro. I'm guessing he has a scary name like that. Buster Bistro. Yeah, his name is Alex Trebek.

Mr. Scary. Mr. That guy, Mr. That guy be scary. Mandy Mohawk from Texas driver. Mr. Scary Italian man. Yes. Scary Terry. Yeah. Scary guy.

Swaggy Dave. Swaggy Dave from Texas driver. is one of my favorite characters. I think I might go as him for Halloween. Swaggy Dave is one of the biggest anti-heroes. Yeah, it's amazing. Men turn 20 and decide to base their entire personality around Swaggy Dave. Yeah.

I'm watching the Joker movie and I'm saying to the screen, he's just Swaggy Dave. This is ripped off the Swaggy Dave. They ripped off my boy Swaggy Dee. They ripped off Swaggy Dave so hard with this fucking movie. They literally just re-created Twiggy-D. And now they want to make another. Deadpool movie where he crosses over

with Swaggy Dave? They want to put Swaggy Dave in the Marvel universe and he's even more sarcastic than Deadpool? I'm checking out of pop culture for a few months. Okay, James Gunn is directing the new Swaggy Dave movie. Swaggy Dave is literally problematic. He literally rescued a child

prostitute. Okay, we can't put him in the Marvel universe. He literally stole that swag from another guy. He stole it from Swaggy Dave. He stole that swag from Swaggy Pete. I don't know. Swaggy P is the basketball player, right?

Yeah, dude. He's the one that dated Diggie Azalea? Nick, uh, Nick Pee. I don't know. Nick Pee. I don't know his last name. Nick Pitt. Nick Pitts.

Your, Nick Pitts. He's my best brother. Yeah. That's what you, it's like a combo best friend and brother, best brother. Yeah. Number 48, put it in the same room as a wolf from wolves and friends and have the wolf give it rabies. rude i would do that are you guys scared of rabies when you were a kid

uh i was more scared of tetanus there was a kid in my hometown who got rabies and i i i bit him and i and i bit him to get him back yeah i got him i got his ass but i was always scared of like raccoons and shit because i thought that that kid got rabies from like a raccoon

but i think he got it from like eating something you're getting a raccoon really yeah he hate raccoons yeah he ate a live raccoon's teeth yeah yeah yeah with his arm yeah that happens if you do if you do that if you eat a raccoon yeah yeah you just you you turn into a raccoon you do turn into a raccoon it's true yeah you turn into sly fox uh sly cooper sly cooper whoa no sly fox is a new character i have sly fox is uh that's you mungus entertainment right spy fox spy fox it was like spy fox and uh and and puddy Putt Saves a zoo. You're thinking of Guy Fox.

And Freddie got fished. Freddy got fished. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, and whatever the other one is. Obama Sam. Pajama Sam. Yeah. Yeah.

These games were awesome, dude. Oh, yeah, those are the best. Click on whatever's jumping. Yeah. You go to the library and you say, can I play, can I play RuneScape? And they say, no, we only have, we only have Freddy's his fish. Freddy Little Fish. Freddy the Little Fish.

And you go, okay, good thing I know how to use Google Translate to look at fuck.com in the children's room at the library. I'm 23 years old. The library computer was just like, that was the fucking holy grail dude. If you get a spot on that, anything is possible. Oh shit, they didn't know how to filter stuff. What was that game? It was by, I think, the same company as RuneScape. was it territory war

was that what it is oh it was poop scape what do you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah the one is the ones like a worms rip-off yeah yeah yeah yeah i used to play that all the time at the library it's called like magic guys magic little worm the jaggx one fun orb no arkinists no no no no no no brain dot org jagg what was the was the website jagex games so well somebody just tell us Fun orb Here's a comment here from Brendan O'9

Why the heck would you have 100 ways to abuse your dogs? I have three Dalmatians and they are just as precious as can be. Wow, that's adorable. You think you talk about real dogs there? Yeah. Chaos control here has

a really like evil psychological warfare kind of idea. At the park, play with the other dogs. It painful in their eyes. L.O.L. Wow. Yeah. Conduct it.

an experiment where five dogs are in prison and five dogs are prison guards and then see if the prison guard dogs take ultimate power, which I think is what happened in the prison experiment. Didn't they take ultimate power? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they attained godhood. That's why they had to shut it down so early is that. Because they had power. In the notes, in the notes, they were like, ah, crap, they obtained ultimate power. We didn't expect it. They actually got to level up. Oh, no. They became the perfect life form. Ah, crap. Ah, Jesus Christ. Wasn't the whole thing with that? Like, wasn't a lot of it, like, super exaggerated or some shit? I think so. And, like, really, it was just, like...

Yeah, wasn't that all fake? So many... So many... A bunch of study, like, psychological studies, they just, like, you can't reproduce them. Like, that's, like, an issue in science that's going on right now is, like... That's actually one of the issues in science right now. It is. There's a bunch of, like, a bunch of old studies and, like, experiments where, like, if you just

try them again, they just, like, aren't true. Well, yeah, I just... Every time I meet a baby. I ask if it wants to fuck its mom And it rarely says yes So Freud even if I try to give it a marshmallow You're done baby Even if I say that if you don't do that

You can have a marshmallow I'm gonna I'm gonna mix it let's mix up all of them together So it's it's a prison experiment Yeah, with only babies and marshmallows are the Mons are the moms and they see who fucks the marshmallow and who is and who Kills the baby yeah It's kind of a genius idea

Yeah, and also there's and also the entire time there's a monkey, there's a gorilla doing the moonwalk through the screen, and you have to see if the baby's notice it, right? Or if they're too distracted by the marshaly thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's the thing about the gorilla moonwalking is it's impossible to tell which direction it's walking because it's an optical illusion. Right. It's either a gorilla or it's two faces making a gorilla. Yeah. Yeah. And if you look at it, you get a headache because it's bright brain. Yeah. And then if you watch the experiment and then you blink your eyes a bunch of times and look at the wall, you see a picture of Jesus.

Yeah. But if, but if you look away from the experiment, you get an electric shock. That's true. I did a, I did a thing in, uh, I had to like, for my psychology class when I was at UNCW do, like, be in one of the experiments. And, uh, it, it was in, uh, like a classroom and there was just one computer. And basically the experiment was like, see if, uh, like you and another person like there's another person with doing the exact same experiment in another room and they you each can basically punish each other by like playing a really loud noise or like not punish each other by playing a really quiet noise and the other person who's not didn't exist just kept playing like a really really loud noise and they they which is like a pretty common

experiment just to see like if people retaliate yeah but the guy who set me up at the computer he just like hammed it up so much he like set me down he's like there's a guy in the other room let me tell you what this guy is a real asshole so I'm beating that I just knew it was a fucking computer because like this guy yeah yeah yeah he's got a little mustache I hide my cousin's pretty testy yeah his psychology's so stupid dude it is it is it's funny that people spend like six years getting a master's in psychology yeah

Number 60 is get the jump rope and make the dog bust its nuts. True. I got one here from Master of Vid Games. They say, I got some. 72. Name your dog shitwad or gaywad. 73. Never check on your dogs for weeks, months, or years, decades, or centuries.

Repeatedly hit your dogs with hard things. Repeatedly use the jump rope to trip your dogs or use the pull rope and throw the dog against another dog repeatedly. L. Well, J.K., I would never do anything mean to my precious

Nintendo dogs. I'm just going along with the joke. And then enigmatic lamp says here, they quoted it

and said, name your dog shitwad or Gaywad in before ban. You need to fully censor the word.

Was Gaywad? That was a curse word back in the day. Yeah. Number six, or number 76 is when it's

sleeping, put him in her, put him, put him slash her in a circle of gasoline and set a match. Dot, dot, dot. Death. 77. Put poison and food and drink. Dot, dot, dot.

Death. Number 65, when your dog has its back turn to you, try to shove a bone up its butt. Lots of this on here. Yeah. That's right. This is made my favorite one by Pica. Pet it over and over until it gets mad at you. Then hit it.

Here's one. from Itvik, rub his stomach, and then crack him in the nuts with something. I got a really good one. I like to crack you in the nuts. Really good one here from Trey Gold. Throw a tennis ball at it, and when it's about to pick it up, you pick it up and throw it at him or her, pick it up and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

L-O-L-L. April Mandy said I'm back again and I got a thing No motivation Every dog can swim me now Semi-charmed life And then someone responds Wrong

My friend's dog cannot swim at all And when it falls in his pool They have to jump in and save it Number 94 Tell the dogs they suck and will never be able to be great You're never going to be any He'll never be able to be great. He'll never be the dog president.

From Yoshi, Yoshi, 99, 99, rock. Buy two dogs way bigger than it. That's a good idea, dude. You alpha dog, your dogs. Do you guys know anybody growing up with a Great Dane? No. My uncle had one. I scared their shit out of me.

My friend's uncle was Dane Cook. That's right. There's a great Dane. My friend growing up. up had a great day and then maybe I've talked about this before he had a younger brother who would like ride he would get naked and ride the dog like a horse and then his they had to like give the dog away because one time their mom came home and the little boy had his like entire hand in the dog's ass yeah he's not good dude

a bad situation. And then their dad died. Yeah, that was a rough one. Well. 99. Whip it with the jump rope. Number 100. Show them the 100 ways to abuse your

Nintendo dog's list. And then the next comment after that is huzzah! 101, give the dog a wig, take it on a walk, and throw something for it, take it back. And then a reply to that says, we were kind of only going to 100, right?

All right, spoil sport. Keep the topic alive. Plus, Nintendo dogs ain't even a year old. 103. Kill the dog that another dog loves. I created another thread so we don't need 104 things on a 100 thing list.

They made a new thread. And then someone said, just continue this thread. And then the thread ends. And then the thread That was the last post, dude. Oh my God, this topic spanned like a year. Wow. Oh, my God, yeah, it's 2006 when it's done. It took IGNboards.com a year to come up with 100 things, dude.

We could have done that. We could do that in 10 seconds. Yeah, in 10 seconds. Yeah, things are heard of dog once. Hit your dog twice. Hit your dog three times. Get your dog four times. Feed him a stinky meal.

Feed him two stinky meals. Dress them up in human clothes. Mary the dog. Poop on him. Poop on him. Like, surgically attached breasts to your dog. Get feed it, poop. You could slowly turn them into a man.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's some real shit. That's real shit. That's just real shit. Yeah. People don't realize that's just real shit.

People don't realize real shit sometimes, and I'm here to do it for them. People need to realize real shit. Realize, realize real shit. I'm trying to think otherwise you could fuck the dog up. Fire hydrant. I mean, anything heavy, I guess. Yeah. Gun, sword.

make them listen to your wife basically all you got to do is sit on the dog get your dog a wife get your dog a fat wife and a job make them do human shit

and then say listen buddy you thought you had it bad yeah check this shit out yeah he'll never he'll never talk to you again is your

how about this make your dog make your dog vote. Make them choose between a crap sandwich and a turd fat guy or whatever. Whatever. What is the South Park thing? A douche bag. Giant douche and a turd sandwich. Yeah.

Who we got? We were watching the debate tonight. Who's going to win? Me. Last word. Last words. You know what I'm going to do? You know what I'm going to do? If we watch the debate on the stream, I'm going to sit there and any time that one of them's talking, I'm going to say, loser says something.

Oh, my God. You're like a mortal technique, dude. Yeah. Yeah, you're taking them down. Yeah. Taking them boys down. Uh-huh. That's right.

Yeah. And then they're going to make me the president. They will. Mm-hmm. In a landslide victory, people have voted for a sarcastic guy named Patrick. Hey, Pat. I promise to be the most sarcastic guy. Sarcastric.

Oh, my God. Sarcastric. Yeah, yeah, I'm totally going. gonna not do that. I was thinking the other day, it was making me laugh. Yeah, I'm totally not going to do that. It was making me laugh really hard

the other day thinking about a guy who is driven to suicide by sarcastic comments. Just bing him to suicide. Now he's like, I could deal with the kid running away and my wife leaving me and losing my job. But the goddamn sarcasm.

It pushed me over the edge. It's too goddamn much. When people would say not after stuff, Oh. Hey, your wife's home, not. Well, guess what? I'm going to live. Hey, we found your son, not.

Yeah. Yeah, we totally found your son's remains. Not. Yeah. And I'll leave you with this. I'm totally not going to kill myself right now. Not. Not.

I'm totally not going to kill myself, not. Got him. All right. Yeah, subscribe to the Patreon, everybody. Subscribe to the Patreon. We got shirts. If you had a shirt issue, Caleb will refurb. fund you out of pocket and again if we could get maybe somebody with like a mental disability

where they don't understand the concept of money and is really good at screen printing shirts please put us in contact yep okay thanks all right thank you goodbye bye