Podcast About List - Ep. 126 - Duhh Im Caleb and i have severe mental issues

Episode Date: December 2, 2020

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You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the ball list. You're the crap monster. Bha. We just start. Oh, yo. Yo. The Brussels sprout sandwich is back.

At Clover? At McDonald's. I just got a notification from there. Have you ever had a McRib? McRib, yeah. I'm thinking to take it in the park. plunges this year. I've never had it before. Oh, it's good. Is it? It's so good. I'm sure

it's good. Yeah. Fucking rib sandwich? No shit. Barbecue? It's rib. It's rib-shaped patty. I like everything in McDonald's. I like the fillet of fish. I do, too. I get a double filet fish when I go. Yeah. You get two filet fish? Yeah, dude, it's fucking nine dollars. When I used to get real fucked up

and go to McDonald's and get fillet of fish, it's the perfect like food to sober you up because it's so gross. You're wrong. I don't people make fun of it for being gross there's nothing gross about that to me it's no grosser than any meat in mcdonalds no i know yeah all the meat there is gross but i think it's all grossest item on the menu i mean it's really good but it's still gross i think it's the grossest item on the menu no the salads are the grossest

have you had the poop the poop the mc poop no it's just poop i didn't even try to name it anything else the mc jugger nuggets yeah that's bad yeah because his dad's going psycho have you guys what's the oldest chicken nugget you've ever eaten oh i ate it a nugget off of the seat of my mom's car that I left there the day before. Yeah, my cousins used to leave, like, whole boxes of fries in the back seat of their car. Yeah, but that's not meat. Meat does not, does not age well. Yeah.

But, I mean, the thing is the McDonald's, yeah, it's not like the McDonald's meat is going to go bad. No, McDonald's doesn't go bad. You can leave nuggets. Most food doesn't go bad. Basically, nothing goes bad. Yeah. You can eat anything old.

If cheese especially, cheese gets mold on it, just cut the mold off. You're still good. is mold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. There's always, in the middle of cheese, it's always fine.

Yeah. Exactly. You just cut around the mold. If it's green. If there's flies and maggots in the meat, you shake them out. If it's green, let it lean. If it's yellow. That's perfect for grilled cheese.

And if there's maggots. Yeah. What's that? Wrap and baggett. That's right. Okay. Yeah. That's fucking right.

Yeah. What do you guys think the best? best cheese in the world is. Oh, God. All right. Shut the episode off now. We've got to figure this out before we go any further. I didn't pause anything.

Honestly, I think just a smoked guda on a grilled cheese. That's one of the, nothing beats it. I'd say like a small piece. You know what the best cheese is? The best cheese is the Lando Lake slices. that you get from the deli, the really buttery ones? Yeah. I'm a good old boy.

I like a fucking craft single. Yeah, you like a Confederate flag-shaped cheese? No. I'll eat a craft single. I'll fucking... Craft single's fine. Yeah. I'll fold it up.

I used to not like it when I was a kid. You know, it'd be great. But I grew up. This is like a really expensive bread with a craft single grilled cheese. You know, it'd be really good. Like the greatest sandwich in the world. Yeah. Wouldn't that be so good.

Yeah, you know, it would be great is like... Like the best ingredients. Five-star. Five-star five-course meal. Did you see that Burger King tried to get a Michelin star? They did? Yeah. And I don't think the new, the quarterly, like,

Michelin guide has come out yet, so they may have gotten one. Wow. Damn. Yeah. I think it's like two locations in Germany. They were like, please go review these locations. They're fire.

Yeah. It's crazy how, like, if you live near a Burger King, your apartment went in there. Yeah. Yeah, that's how you, people, that, that's like, know to make the best food you can possibly make when a giant tires walks in. He's wearing

sunglasses and he's, yeah. Oh, my name's David. Sure. Yeah, I'm here undercover. Yeah. What's your name? Just initials, M.M. Yeah. He's just holding a bunch of tires. Yeah. Yeah. And can you serve it to me on these tires?

He can only eat off a tire? Can I get the impossible Whopper, extra oil? Yeah, they only give, you go to a four-star Michelin restaurant, everything's car-themed. Yeah, what the fuck is this, man? The best filet mignon in the world, though. Yeah, they put, like, the pickles on the side of the burger, like a tire.

You're like, oh, okay, now I get it. Yeah. That makes sense. The, uh, when you, if you live near a Burger King, your apartment, like, you can smell Burger King from a mile away. Yeah, man, you can smell the paint that they put on the burgers. Dude, whatever that fucking, like, car exhaust they use for their char grill. Dude, Subway has the number one fucking...

We're pumping it out. They're polluting the earth with smells. Yeah. Like, half of Boston smells like Subway. Yeah, well, there's so many Subways there for some reason. I mean, it's insane. Well, you know, the Subway Regional Headquarters is in Concord. So it could be the reason why there's so many Subways in New England.

Is that where they do? They do just a lot of, like, fat, poor people. They do secret missions? Yeah. The headquarters? Yeah, that's the HQ. We got to figure out how to get all the yoga mat chemicals. the bread without people finding out yeah you walk by subway like i mean it's like a it's a couple

city blocks yeah that's yeah yeah like from literally like boylston to government center just smells like subway yeah i miss it dude oh they have a they have a little elf that lives in the ceiling where they just hand up a sandwich dem and he chews it up and breathes out of the vents that's how they do it he's never brushed his teeth yeah he only eats the bread he's never brush his teeth yeah there hold on hold on hold up How many subways are, because there's that one that's in, like, the corner, the one, like, in government center by the, uh, there's a subway near the wax museum. Mm-hmm.

And the one I used to, I used to work at that wax museum. Did you know that? Oh, you worked there? Yeah. You worked there for, like, one day. I worked there for one day. Wasn't it owned by, like, some Brazilian, like, mobbed guy? Yeah.

It was, like, a complete tourist trap. It costs $30. I worked there for one day, and they made, they said that you can't take a bathroom break, and you have to stand outside for eight hours and just sit next to a wax Peter Dinklage while like Chinese tourists come up to it and they're like this is Matt Damon and you're like no this is Peter Dink yeah he shrank and then the way I quit we ran out of wax so we had to make him small the way I quit was I just an hour before my shift ended I just took off the shirt and left it in the on the counter and I just left I never paid before it I just

damn I was like this is the worst job ever I'm not fucking doing this yeah yeah I've heard nothing I was really really poor in Boston yeah Yeah, it's pretty awesome. How much were you getting paid there? At the Wax Museum? Zero, because I didn't. Well, how much would have you? I think it was minimum wage.

It was like 15 an hour. It would have changed my life. I mean, I never had any money in Boston, but especially not like then, because it was before I started working at the gym. Oh, yeah. And I remember going into that interview at the gym. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I recommended you.

And he was like, I'm not fucking hiring that guy. Yeah. I went in and he was like, oh, so you. know Caleb from improv and I went yep exactly that's exactly where I know him from and uh that dude rocks he I loved him so much he would just fucking yeah he had like you said he had so much CTE he got hit in the head so many times doing jujitsu that he would talk to you and he'd be like yeah so uh you need to fold the the towels I should have used that rule he would drool while he was talking to you just use that to my advantage in the interview yeah you could I

And he was, like, stopping time. You can use him like a click remote. You can use him like a click. You can use him like remote and click. And when he's frozen, you could like punch him in the face a bunch of times and fart on him. Yeah. And then just come back. Confuse him because he doesn't know where the sound's coming from.

Just if you just point behind him, he'll turn and look for 10 minutes. He was one of those guys. Wait, the oscillating fan. Okay, now it's gone. Wait, it's coming back. Yeah. It's just that bit It's just that bit

And Freddy got fingered Where he's trying to He gets into the Oh the elevator Yeah He's just points at the floor And shit Upstairs

Upstairs Japan 4 The penguin What does he say I'm bringing something For the badger Yeah A bad

A great movie Yeah It's the best movie ever dude It's up there But yeah He would just like He always insisted On fucking talking to me

About his tattoos he had Yeah Yeah He'd be like Yeah I got a new tattoos, new tattoos eight years ago. Do you want to see him? Since the tap out logo?

Yeah, and he had stuff like that. He had like a piece sign on his arm, and then he had like a, like a, like, one arm was like a Japanese, like, full traditional sleeve. And then the other was just like stuff where he's like, yeah, my cousin did this, like, in the back of a Ferrari. Yeah. Pretty cool, right? It's always cool when you can like tell somebody got their tattoo from their cousin.

I miss having just like a stupid boss. Yeah. You know, it's fucking awesome. Every boss that I had was, like, very cool. When I worked at... I've never had a terrible work experience. When I worked at the museum at MIT, I had a great boss, but all my coworkers were, like, crazy old women.

And one of them was... I mean, they're all just, like, hippies who are, like, artists that can't make a living doing art, so they work in a museum. And one of them, she never... She always was connected to a wire that was connected to the ground. What? And she was, like, I was like, one day,

I was like, are you, like, plugged in? Like, what the fuck is that? She was like, oh, so basically what happens is your ions, when you're not touching the ground because you have rubber soles on your shoes, they disconnect you from the earth. And so what I have done is I have a wire that goes into the ground. What? And I attach myself to it. I don't even talked about this person.

I don't know. But, yeah, she was always connected to a wire. What the fuck? Yeah, and she offered to buy me one of the wires. She was like, they sell them online. They're $180, but I can get them really cheap because I know the guy who makes him. Oh, my God. That's so sick, dude.

I mean, she claimed it, like, changed her life. She claimed that she, she claimed she broke her back and then being plugged into the wire. Oh, fuck yes, dude. That's so sick. That's like, I would find websites for, like, you could buy, order, like, a chakra detector for $800. And it's just like, it's like a thermometer. Yeah, yeah. That instead of saying a number, it says, like, it says, like, sacrum clogged.

You just have to like... It's like the time travel machine into pulling dynamite. Oh, yeah, with the crystals. Like, that shit, like, I mean, that shit gets sold on eBay all the time. Yeah, people just sell toaster and be like, maybe we should just start getting into that.

We could sell to people like my grandpa. Yeah, we could do like, you know those back in the day when people would make, like, cool stuff out of duct tape. We could do like, that shit. Well, for your chakras. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could do a book called duct tape, the duct tape chakra.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, we would just make duct tape wallet and sell it As a chakra catcher. Align your chakra with duct tape. You take a whole roll of duct tape. Paint of the back and forehead. Paint to the top of skull.

Taint to your agent 47 spot. You just fucking tape yourself. You go around your head and you do the whole roll of tape. Yeah. If you can do that at home, you send us a photo. You send Patrick a photo. You send me a photo. I don't want to see that.

You send me a photo. I'll send you a $5 bill in the mail. Really? Like a sweepstakes? Yep. Whole roll of duct tape. When I first roll a duct tape, gooch to head top and around. Vertical wrap.

Vertical wrap. One line. One mummy. Vertical mummy. You got a vertically mummy yourself with duct tape. But no, not all over here, but just one line of duct tape. Then you're going over and over. Like a racing stripe.

Yeah, like one like down the middle stripe. Yeah, that you keep going over and over. A little bit of a diagram up. Yeah. With the episode. We'll just do it to Pat so that some people have an example. One time we duct tape my friend to a couch in high school. We used to duct tape my little brother of the wall.

Yeah, that's the best. He would, like, fall as... Levi was, like, the fucking heaviest sleeper. And so when he would sleep, you could do anything. Like, you'd, like, pick him up and use him, like, a puppet. Honey, come up, man. And we duct taped him to the wall, and he just woke up, just, like, screaming one night. He was there for, like, an hour.

Yeah. We duct tape my friend, Kevin, like, we wrapped it around him. bunch and then duct taped him to the couch and then there's just a video of him just thrashing around going what is this shit and then my other friend was sitting on him and farting on one time my brother saran wrapped me to my bed and I thought I died I like couldn't move I just woke up crying it's the worst when you like you not being able to move yeah in a prank horrible I got my cousin's uh my cousin's dad had like a boat and I got stuck in like paralyzed from a prank yeah I got stuck in

Inside, like, there was, like, a small room of, like, bunk beds in it. Like, I don't remember what the fuck it was, but there was, like, a hole in the floor. It was, like, a perfect square. And I tried to, like, you know, when you're a little kid and you try to, like, fit into a spot? I can fit in anything. You can fit, yeah, but you try to, like, fit, like, oh, like, I'm going to, like, see if I can, like, perfectly fit into the glove seat. Yeah, and my brain of an aunt. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I tried to do that, but ended up getting stuck and, like, freak the fuck out because I, like didn't know how to get up because it's like the boat's moving so I that's scary shit especially because

the like your fucking boat's rocking and I can't move so it's just like when I was 11 we put my cousin into an iron maiden and killed him

I know a kid who got stuck in his family's like elevator in his house got chopped in half yeah yeah I didn't know him and his top half

and his top half and his bottom half both grew back separately and now they're twins and then they were sexy twins and they did porn. Yeah, and they're called the elevator twins. No, that was a real kid.

I shouldn't say that. Oh. Yeah. My cousin had elevator buttons on his closet. I actually don't know if he got chopped in half. That's what I assumed as a kid. I just knew that a kid died because he got trapped in like Final Destination style as the elevator was going down. And a dumbwaiter? But also like... Why did he have an elevator in his house?

That was my question. I was like, how rich is this fucking kid? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe he lived in a hotel like Sweet Life of Sack. It would have been Zach or Cody. That's the origin of Zach and Cody! That's the twins! Oh my God! Here I am in your life.

Here you are in mine. Yes, I got chopped by and half by an elevator. That one time. But that was fine. That one time. But it ended up fine. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It ended up okay. It's not a crime to die. No. It's a crime to kill yourself. Isn't that weird? No. No, it's not weird. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. They haven't been through enough. That's true. Yeah. Well, now of your son's dead. dead, he's going to jail. Yeah, if your son ever comes back to life, let us know.

They should bring the dead bodies to jail and let them use them for arts and crafts. Mm-hmm. Or as like a fuck puppet. No. That's disgusting. Come on. Oh, my God. It would cut down on sexual assault in jail.

They should only get to kiss them and go on dates with them. They should be buried, but they should bring the ashes to jail. They should have to be in love first. Yeah. They should have to fall in love with the dead body. Yeah. No, they should cremate them if they'd request it. or bury them.

How would they request anything? They're dead. If you're cremated, look, if I'm cremated, do whatever you want with my ashes. You want to be female-tid. What? You're going to be turned to a girl.

You want to be creamulated. Okay. You're going to be cream-pied. We did that. Oh, yeah, we did that. We did that like yesterday. All right, we got to switch gears. We're just going to do that episode again.

Fuck. Yeah, let's restart that episode. Okay. That was a fun one. You don't have any floss sticks here. I just remembered that. I got to get this. thing out of my dad's tooth.

Dude, I told you. Use a piece of paper. Do you have that, is that fork still up there? You're not going to use a fork in your tooth. Why? He has like a hole in his tooth. Yeah. I don't know if the fork's still up there. Yeah, dude, my tooth has just been like, I was supposed to go to the dentist on Monday.

The Monday that I came down here. Sorry, I'm moving to New York City to follow my dreams, so I can't really come to the dentist. I'm going to follow my dreams for three days. My life-saving operation. Sorry, I can't get my fillings and shit put in. I hope it's one of those things where, like, it's an abscess in your tooth that, like, it affects your brain and you die yeah you hope that i guess i don't hope that now that i think about it that suck there's probably an abscesses in my tooth yeah there's an absence in your heart

there's an absence in your tooth what that hell bradence turn this light on i can't even see you guys turn that off absence is absinth is the one that people think so one that like anthony ordain made an episode of his fucking show where he was like absinth gets you high yeah like People say that absinth is like hallucinate. You just get fucking just as, I mean, it's just alcohol. Yeah. There's nothing else. You don't actually get.

It's just like hot. It's like moonshine. Yeah. Some people got like, some people hallucinated, but that was because of something in the barrels or something that the absence was being kept in. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. Are you guys drink Everclear?

Would you drink Everclear? I think I have before. Do you have stuff? I think I have. How was it? No, I did drink moonshine, though. It tasted amazing. Moonshine is not that crazy.

I drink apple pie moonshine. It never tastes like what they advertise it as. No. Yeah, it's like all fucking vape flavors tastes like electricity. It tasted like apple pie at first, and then you do the rest of the shot. And then the rest of the shot, you sipped a shot. It was a shot glass of apple pie moonshine. Yeah, so you shoot it.

Yeah, I took it like a half a sip. I'm not going to do a whole shot of moonshine. And then you did the other half. No, I'd give the other half to a friend. You shared a shot with a man No, it was a girl I drank with a girl Oh my god

That's like you're kissing her I think I don't even remember I'm gonna blow chunks You know what I drank moonshine So I don't fucking remember what happened You drank one sip of moonshine And I got

It was like hangover too Yeah Yeah Jackie G was there Yep Zach Alfenakis was kind of looked just like you

mixed with Zach Alfanakis What the hell? I'm bringing that song back you guys We're gonna do a cover A Hot Shell Ray That's the next sensitive

Gangster track You know that song You know la la la Whatever Oh I know that song Going out of tonight Oh wait I forgot that song

Makes me so angry Why I don't know That song is like One of the worst songs Of all time I feel like It's probably tied

with every song you'll ever make. Oh, my God. We made a song today. True, that was some... That joint was fire. It'll be, like, three weeks ago for you guys. Yeah. Yeah. That joint was actually so fire, though.

Yeah. Yeah. We don't miss. You don't miss. Please cap one. We're like the... Please, pot about this, boys. Just cap one time. Oh, my God.

Just cap even one time. Sorry, bitch. Yeah. We're true to the game. We don't do crap. We don't do crap. We're not putting out this mainstream bullshit. Yeah.

We're underground. We're underground. We're weird. We're weird. So what? We're the weird podcast. So what if we're weird? We're weird.

We're guys. We have three microphones, and we're here to tell you some weird crap. And you're going to... We're going to fucking convince you abortion's murder. Uh-huh. Yeah. Right now. And that's a weird take.

Yeah. Uh-huh. But it's a weird thing to say. It's not mine. Patrick. Patrick got all this into that. I have no opinion on abortion. None?

No. And then you're complacent. I'm complaining about them. They should at least give the feet as a chance to run away. You have, I'm going to give you a 10 second head start here. It's not a bad idea. I'm playing tag with this giant drill. And you're it.

Have you seen those videos that get shared around, like, Christian Facebook groups where it's like, the doctors pulled the baby out limb by limb? Yeah. It's like, it's like a. it's like a behind the seeds footage of the thing where the animatronics are malfunctioning like this is a fetus at 5,000 weeks and they aborted him

and now he's a nudely now he's a fucking spider yeah that's kind of cool man maybe we should keep doing that yeah dude if E.T had a baby got aborted

very different movie yeah you could already it wouldn't even happen it'd be called Elliot yeah exactly just be about The lameest kid ever.

It's kind of weird how E.T. It's the first and last letter of Elliot. Wow. Think about that. That's my favorite argument that people have, like, against abortion, where they're like, that E.T. No. But people will be like, can you, well, what if Martin Luther King Jr. had been aborted? Yeah.

It's like, he was. I mean, he was. Sure. Yeah. What if Jesus Christ have been aborted? Would you be pro abortion then? Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Because I wouldn't be a Christian. Look at how many problems he caused. He caused a lot of problems for a lot of people. Yeah, you know, when people say something bad, when something bad happens, people say, oh, Jesus Christ. I say Jesus H Christ. What's that H stand for? Hitler.

That's kind of weird to say, Patrick. That's your word. Why don't you catch it? That was the side of my body that I lost all control of. Oh, okay. Yeah. It does anything, anything I don't want it to do. Well, he just got a toothache

You're like that lion from that movie Yeah You need a mouse in your mouth for real Yeah Damn, I need a mouse in my mouth tonight Damn, ooh If I get a little mouse in my home Yeah, I'm lonely at home

Would you eat a mouse? Yeah Yeah A mouse, yeah I mean I thought When we had a mouse problem I was like 50-50 Either wife that thing up as my pet

Or just fucking eat it You can't wipe up a city mouse. A field mouse, maybe. A field mouse you could probably take and make you a pet. A city mouse? A city mouse is used to being in the city. Yeah, city mouse is used to being a field mouse. One is used to roaming wild. I could put it in a cage. Fucking, no way. No way. You can put it on a leash. What? What? No. I'm done talking to you for the day. You're in timeout. No, I'm not. Let's play the silent game, Pat. Okay. Yeah.

I hate this so much. Please talk. Please talk. One time I was walking around Harvard Square with Aaron, and we saw a mouse. We were just walking down the sidewalk, and we saw a mouse, like, run really fast across the sidewalk in front of us, and it ran right into a sewer crate. It just ran, just, like, went into the hole and just fell in. Just like, just like, literally, like, half a second. Just wily coyote.

It was crazy. I think it's, like, burned into my brain forever. One of the funniest physical things I've ever seen. Just seeing a mouse disappear. Yeah, because it just, like, it appeared, and then it just, like, went into a hole and it was gone. It didn't even make a noise when it hit the bottom of it. Because it's still falling. Yeah, it's vanished.

It's an endless sewer. I'm going to tickle Patrick. Do you think if a mouse had hollow bones, like a bird, it could fly? Yeah. Yeah. Do you think if a bird didn't have wings, it couldn't fly? Yes. Okay.

I think the trick to flying is hollow bones And wings Let's hollow those things out, dude Come here I'm taking that I'm sucking that marrow out of you Yeah That does reduce my risk of bone cancer

Bone cancer Oh yeah that's when your bones get spiky Yeah That is the scariest That's the scariest kind of cancer Yeah Because your bones are just Fucking you get spiky bones

Yeah What the hell The scariest The scariest is ghost cancer True. Vampire cancer. It's where you grow a ghost in your body. Freddie Kruger cancer.

Yeah. Ah! Yeah, the scariest cancer is when your fingers grow blades. Yeah. It's when you find out you have cancer on Halloween. That's the scariest cancer. That is, I mean, what's scarier than that? Yeah.

Would you rather find out you have cancer on Christmas or Halloween? Christmas. Halloween, I'd be like, yeah, what else is new? But Christmas, I'd be like, am I even going to open my presents? Well, Christmas, you have the presents. It's first. What? Oh, true.

I guess if you find it on Christmas Day and you already open the presents. No, you find out on Christmas Eve. Well, you didn't say that. Well, the next day you have presents to look forward to. But hopefully it's nothing like vacation in five years. Yeah. True. You get a bunch of presents.

Yeah, you win a lifetime supply. Yeah. Hair dye. Yeah. Dude, awesome. He was going to fucking rule. Yeah. Christmas should be about winning.

It is. No, it should be like, you should have to win something to get a present. Do you think Christmas should be a game show with you and Santa Claus? Wait. Yes. Sorry, did I just accidentally spit the most amazing idea of all times? Yes, you did. Okay.

It could be called... Christmas with the thanks. Christmas with the thanks? You're thanking them for giving you a prize. Well, that is technically just regular Christmas. Shut up. You shut up. What about Chris?

What about Chris Rock with Tom Hanks? Chris Sanks? Chris Rock with Tom Hanks instead of Christmas with the Cranks. Chris Rock with Tom Hanks? That could be a good movie. Yeah. We just have to figure out a different title. Yeah.

They were in a movie together, right? Chris Rock and Tom Hanks. They were in Madagascar. Was Tom Hanks in Madagascar? He's on the island, and then they find him on the island. Dave Chappelle is in You've Got Mail, but he plays like a, he's like, I was in the 90s when he was like 19 to do it with his like movie roles. And he's supposed to be like 35 in that movie. Yeah, dude, he was like 25 when he made half baked. He was, he was 19 when he did the roll in men and tights. Really? Yeah. Shit. Yeah, he was 19 on Letterman, too, or 20. We got a, let's remember we have a list. He got his driver's license. Whoa. Yeah, can you believe that? That's crazy. What did you say, Cameron? We have a list today.

I forgot about it. Oh, nice. We're halfway through. Top ten things parents need to stop doing. Hey, parents. Or soon-to-be parents reading this. I'm a 13-year-old, so you probably won't listen to me, but you should. I'm trying to help you be better, and don't do these to your children.

Number one, abusing their children. Big facts. Yeah. I'm going to go on record. We spot the lie here. I'm going to go on record and say, I'll never hit a kid. Please miss. Please miss when you try to hit your kids.

Yeah. Yeah. I think this is wrong. Yeah. I think you shouldn't hit kids, but I think you should beat this shit out of your dogs. Why? Because... I don't know.

Because it's just... Because I'm bored. Because it's like, yeah, who cares? Because I'm just bored. I don't know. What are you guys thinking about spanking, though? Spanking, no. Is that hitting?

I think spanking is between mom and dad. Yeah. Yeah. I would never spank a kid. No? No, it's weird. Yeah. Is it?

It's spanking's weird. Why? It's weird to do to a kid. It's just weird, man. You're hitting a kid's butt. Yeah, you made it weird when you do that. I mean, you changed the kid's cutting. At least hit him in the head where you're spanking.

Yeah. If you have to change your diaper, you have to fucking touch her butthole. No, I didn't. Your honor, I did not fight that man. I was simply spanking him. Yeah, he said something rude to me, and I was spanking him to show him not to say that again. I spanked him with a gun.

I don't know. I think spanking's cool because then your kids get to complain. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you kid would grow up to become an artist. I got spank with a spoon growing up. Yeah. Yeah, they hit with a hand.

I got hit with a hammer. Yeah. You did? Yeah, I got hit the death with a hammer. There was a famous video about it. Yeah. Two guys hit you with a hammer. Two guys were hitting me with a hammer in this video.

Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. But it happened to me, and it's the truth. I was just hit with a spoon, a wooden spoon, and then one day my mom cracked it in half on my butt hole. Yeah. She made you a little. She was trying to eat poop out of your butt, dude. True, she was missing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, thank God it wasn't a fork. Yeah. I got the belt. I get hit with the belt. The belt.

Yeah, the belt is cool because I think he's hitting the sense of style into you. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it sucked because my dad was a goth. I had a studded, oh my god. I can't get it with the belt by my goth, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. And my other dad's a cowboy. Fuck! Yeah. Yeah. My other dad, my other dad is a heroin addict, so he's hitting me with the hottest spoon ever. Yeah, once my dad started working at Hot Topic, the belts got really weird that he had you to. I had a fucking Marilyn Manson's name imprinted on me like a Punisher Dude, they had hello kitty on my back from weeks Was when my dad became Batman

Yeah My dad would hit me with his invaders in walls with his utility belt One time the shotgun shelf from his bandolier went off Chipped my shoulder Oh I saw my mommy hitting my daddy with a belt. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. Daddy was wearing a ball gag. Yeah. My mommy was wearing the belt and hanging him real hard. Yeah, it's hitting him real hard in the butt. And she was wearing a belt buckle on. And the belt had a wiener on it.

They'll have a very hilarious buckle on it. Yeah. Number two, trying to control their children's life. He-he-he-he-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. What is that? That's like a supervillain parent. Yeah. He's trying to do mind control.

That's kind of what I was going for there. Let me try it again. I found that I have the context. The laugh makes sense. I found this video about how to control your child's life. I found a video where this woman, she's like, yeah, I'm a hypnotist, and I've been hypnotizing my children to do their homework. And they did like a news story on it. And then she just talks about it.

And the children are like, yeah, we love it. It helps us be better and more productive. And at the end, she's like, and I also hypnotize my husband. And then it ends the story. It's like a 30-second thing. I have no idea what she's. doing to her husband. I hypnotize my husband to chase down a senator.

Yeah. I think, I mean, that shit's funny when people are, like, have, like, very strict, serious kids. Yeah. You know, like, they read, like, that Tiger Mom book. Oh, yeah. Like, I knew some kids whose lives were just fucked because their mom read the Tiger Mom.

Oh, yeah. Fucking Tiger Mom book is just, like, a... Did you guys read the Tiger Mom book? I read the Tiger Mom book. It's just a guy to abuse your kids. Yeah. At the end of it, like, with a daughter, the, like, rebellious daughter, they're at, like, a restaurant, and the mom is being crazy to her daughter, and the daughter just, like, smashes a bunch of glasses and plates from the restaurant,

and it's just like, fuck you, I'm not going to ever do it. You tell me again, and then leaves. And then it's like, and that was the crazy story of how I raised my daughter. It's like, it clearly didn't work, right? One of those girls are doing now. Yeah, it's like, oh, that's just an anomaly. Yeah. Usually it works, but sometimes.

One's probably a cop and one's probably like in a very expensive escort. Like that's what you get with the tiger mom lifestyle. Yeah, it's very expensive because, you know, tigers don't come cheap. Yeah. You want to fuck a tiger? That's going to cost you. No, keep going. No, keep going.

Look, I've seen Tiger King. I've seen Joe Exotic. Yeah. I know. I know. We got the bastard. Baskin. Yeah.

Yeah. She's a tiger mom. Let's go! I love taking her down. I just want to see, like, the tweets if Carol Baskin dies. Yeah. I want to see, like, half of the people

going, like, we fucking got her. And then half people are going, she was actually a real person with a real life. Right. And, yeah. Yeah, I'd probably put some, like, I guess her, I guess her husband, her dead husband,

what, he feed her to the tiger? What? She accidentally used sardine oil? Oh, I guess she, She fed herself to some tigers. Yeah. It's like, now she overdosed.

She overdosed. She was chasing the tigers. Yeah. Yeah. She was chasing the tiger. Yeah. She's chasing the white tiger. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. That's how she died. Mm-hmm. Carol Baskin. Carol Baskin. Carol Baskin died of tigers. Carole Baskin this morning died. So,

Carl Baskins this morning died of a tiger attack. It sucks how much. It sucks how much. I miss Johnny. It sucks how much we've talked about Carol Baskins on this show as a joke, and then it's morphed into just us talking about Carol Baskins in our regular life. That might be a you problem. Yeah, I don't talk about Carol Baskins.

You guys don't talk about Carole Baskins? I'm talking about fucking GameCube, brother. She, I play GameCube with her. You play GameCube with her? I play GameCube with her sometimes. Really? Yeah, a little bit. What do you play?

You play Fantasy Star Online. On GameCube with Carol Baskins? Yeah. Are you crying? I do. I'm crying because I miss you so much. This week I spent so hard. We were supposed to play together.

Oh, fuck. Number three, dictating career choices. That's kind of the same as number two. No. I don't know. You know, those people are like, here's my little lawyer. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, dude, fuck you, man. Your kid's way stupid to be a lawyer. Yeah. Yeah, it's very weird to like. Yeah. Oh, there's my Times Square Spider-Man. Yeah. Yeah, my great grandma always said, she was like,

one day you will be the president of the United States, Caleb. And it's like, thank God you fucking died. Fucking, thank Christ. In sixth grade, we had to do like some, like, it was like gold board or something like that. He was like, yeah, you know, my social studies teacher was like, we're going to make like a board and you're going to cut out like newspaper clipping. and stuff and, like, magazine clippings. Tell you what's bored.

Me. Yeah. But on mine, I said that I wanted to be a doctor, and he, like, saw it and was just like, okay. It's so cool if you ask, like, a kindergarten or what they want to be when they grow up, they'll be like, I'm going to be a frog. Yeah. Yeah. That's like the cool. I'm going to be Spider-Man.

I'm going to be evil. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm just going to be evil when I grow up. I'm going to just be a villain. Yeah. I want to be a super villain, like, real shit? I'm going to be the Red Skull.

Yeah. Yeah. Basically, my whole thing. my whole career path has just been me becoming the green goblin. Yeah, I'm basically going to become like an evil. Like a scientist is like fine at first. Yeah. But then I'm going to invent some sort of like exoskeleton.

I'm going to get hit by a ray. Some octopus arms. I'm playing on jumping in front of a ray. Yeah. Probably going to fall in a nuclear reactor. I think I'm like going to space mission and get hit by rays in space. Basically what I'm trying to do is work around or with gamma as much as I can. Trying to just get as close to gamma as possible.

but not so close it kills me, but close enough that it makes me kind of like an evil bug. Yeah, it makes me kind of like a soup that can turn into like anything I think of. Yeah. I want to have a rocks for a body. When I get older, I'm planning on being the blob. Yeah.

Because then I can be anything. The blob's only power is that he can run really fast. The blob was just a thing. Yeah, it's just an unstoppable force. Yeah. Whoa. Or are you talking about the blob? Talking about the old movie.

Oh, I thought you were talking about X-Man blob. I didn't even know there was a blob. He was a supervillop. He's a super villain and his power. Yeah, he's just fat. That's his power. Some power that is, dude. Yeah.

Nobody could, like, knock him down because he was too fat. Yeah, what did you do to power? Meaddonald's? He was radioactive? Yeah, what did he go to? He's got bid by a radioactive ember. Oh, the blob.

What did he eat a tiger? Oh my God. Oh, my fucking guy. Oh, my God, Cameron. You've really done it this time. What did you fall into a fucking, following some grease. The blob.

What is this guy named Bob? And he added an L in his name tag. Yeah. Yeah, what was this? Bower? You had a misprint? Yeah, what's that? They should call him the typo.

All right, number four, spanking children. Which we've already covered. We've talked about that. Yeah. We already talking about that. What are the comments here? Hold up. Horrible punishment.

It causes injury by breaking the capillaries and causing burn trauma. So it's an, Overrated punishment that's been taken too far. It's my biggest complaint about spanking is it's overrated. It's not this big red baboon ass. Yeah. I got spanked as a kid.

Yeah. I always have a swollen, giant, sexy ass. Bad punishment. Bad punishment. It's just as bad as taking away their things. I think one of them... Yeah, one of them is worse. I think one of them is a lot longer.

Taking their things away to me is way worse. Yeah. When I was a kid... I'd so much rather just, like, get spanked and get it fucking over with. If you guys ever play the trick where they're like, I'm going to take away your favorite toy, and you're like, oh, my favorite toy? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I just left it in the toilet, mom, you fucking bitch. Fucking stupid bitch. It's actually this broken action figure is actually my favorite. Yeah. Can you take, I... No, don't take that away. Don't touch it. No!

Oh, no. I was just playing with my homework. But secretly, I'm going to go back Under my favorite play. My favorite toy? Dad's wallet. Yeah, I just like, but secretly, she doesn't know. Yeah, my favorite toy, dad's wallet.

How about you go somewhere and buy something nice for yourself, sweetheart? I think you might have a better attitude. Hey, mom, my favorite toy is a bouquet of flowers just for you. Yeah, so if you want to take that away, be my guest. Yeah, you want to take that throw in the trash? Oh, okay. My favorite toy, $100. My favorite toy is my penis, mom.

Are you willing to go to jail? for your fight? I don't think so. That would never happen. Number five, putting pressure on their children. Like Giles, Corey. Yeah, pressing him with a board. My son...

Your son walks into the dinner party with anvil on his head. Get under the futon! Who wants to take turns sitting on Danny? Come on, sit on him. He spilled a glass of water. He likes it. This is the one thing he likes.

Let him do it. He ate too much cereal yesterday, and we're punishing him. What are the comments on this one? There's one about Asian parents. Okay. Don't even... Let's not even go there. I hope there's new ones.

It causes major anxiety and can lead to serious issues later on in life. Big facts. Parental pressure is just as bad as peer pressure. The thing is, though, like, parent... I honestly think 99% of, like, what adults consider of their childhood trauma is just their parents just not even fucking realizing what they were doing. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Like, none of it's on purpose. People always blame their parents for, they were like, yeah, they fucking bobbing me the wrong skateboard as a kid and it made me gay. It's like, you, I don't know. I mean, it's such a crapshoot raising kids. Yeah, yeah. You know?

Yeah, they just said something that they, and then they didn't think about it. Yeah, my dad gave me too much stuff and, you know, now I'm really traumatized because... My dad had too much swag and it made me feel inadequate. My dad gave me. like a Nintendo when I wanted a Sega. Yeah.

I broke his, or I broke grandma's urn. Now I'm a murder and it's his fault. I broke grandma's arm. Yeah. Yeah, I wanted a Sega. My dad got me a Nintendo and a Sega. So I threw the Nintendo out the window. Hey, Dad.

I swung it around. I hit Dad. Dad, say hello, fail, blog. I hit Dad in the head and now he's in a wheelchair forever. My mom is like still in a failed block. And it's so traumatic having a crippled dad. Isn't that the plot of Garland? Garden State?

I haven't seen that. Me either. Like, the whole thing in Garden State is that, like, uh, Zach Brath's character is like, oh, I have so much childhood trauma because, uh,

I accidentally pushed my mom over, like the, the dishwasher would open up sometimes. And I pushed my mom one day because I was mad at her and she fell back and it paralyzed her for the rest of her life. And my dad always blamed me. That's, like,

yeah, that's your fault, your fucking fault right there. Yeah. Yeah. You deserve to have trauma for that. I call him Zach Math, fucking boring-ass actor. He's boring as hell.

It's like watching someone do math in front of me. Dude, Gordon State? Gordon State? That movie sucks. Again, I have not seen it. Yeah. Take that, Zach Brath. I'm coming for you.

You're going to punch you in the face, dude. Zach Brath, I'm going to expose you for beating up that 12-year-old. Have you ever seen that footage? Zach Braff beating the shit out of a 12-year-old kid because of a Told me that. Yeah. Dude, it rocks. Yeah, super swag.

Very sick. Number six, let their kids smoke slash vape. I would let my kid smoke. Didn't your parents let you smoke? Kind of. But you're cool. When I, like, towards, like, my 18th birthday when they found out I smoked Sigs, my mom did buy me Sigs. Nice.

So, when I was, like, 17, my mom bought me cigarettes. But she bought you, like, Kid Sicks. She bought me Camel Blues, so yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Controversial, dude. They're the best six. cigarettes, though.

Yeah, all cigarettes taste like dirt. Yeah. Yeah, there's no difference. I think I might have had, like, it might have been hypnotized or so. Like, if I smell a cigarette now, I feel like I'm going to puke. I got straight, Hitler-tized. I got Hitler-ties, exactly.

Like, I'll try to smoke a cigarette when I drink and, like... And, like... And you do not like you? No, I feel like I'm going to throw up. That's funny. Because I smoked cigs forever. Yeah, that's an odd thing to all of a sudden... Yeah.

Yeah. So I've heard sometimes if you get like the flu or something and you like, like sometimes people will get the flu and then like quit cigarettes because like it fucked up their taste buds or something. Oh yeah. There's something like if you, yeah, if you get the flu, like yeah, and then you like eat a certain food. Like eat your food you like during having the flu like you won't like it anymore. Exactly. I can never eat collard greens again because I ate collard greens and then got like the stomach flu really bad and I just vomited them for like two days.

That happened to me, when I was a kid, I, like, loved hot dogs. And then one time I had hot dogs and I, like, got really, really sick. And I was like, oh, I can't eat hot dogs anymore. But then eventually I can't eat cheese poofs. Cheese poops. Cheese poofs. I only is, this thing is puffs. Cheese poofs.

Cheese poofs. Poofs. What the fuck are you talking about, dude? Cheese poops. Cheese poofs. Cheese pox. Cheese pucks. Cheese pucks.

Because you ate them weird? I think Yeah, I think I got the flu It's so fucked up I can't eat cheesy wheezees anymore I think I got the flu or something Or like a stomach book I can't get the willies

I can't even have ice anymore I can't even get hebi-gibis Because I had them while I had the flu Yeah I fucking hate fevers now I hate getting a fever Kind of ruined vomiting for me Yeah

I can't throw up anymore Because I ate a hot dog Before I threw up Fucking bummer And now whenever I throw up Think about hot dogs Number seven telling children what

music to listen to. That's actually cool. Yeah. That's what my dad did with me and I'm fucking lovely at Skinner until I die. It's Gordon Lightfoot? Fuck yes.

Oh yeah. Today is the anniversary of the wreck of the Edmund. The Edmund Fitzgerald? Damn, dude. This isn't going to be released on that day, so... A load of iron ore.

Yeah. It's their ears not yours. Everyone swears. Sex is a normal part of life and people can sing about whatever they want. My mom was pretty stupid about like me listening to rap growing up yeah i couldn't i the only rap i could listen to was like mc hammer yeah she my mom thought that the phrase ball in had something to do with sex

yeah so any song that they said ball in the well that's that's yeah that's yeah that's why i got so into into new metal right is because i'd listen to like green day and lincoln park and my parents were like iffy on that you know but then i go online and i find like all in the family by corn and i'm like oh my god durs you need to rehearse yeah we call they call each other gay for like five minutes and they just say like oh your sister is going to suck your dick and I'm like holy shit I didn't know music like this could exist I didn't know why boys could be so crazy damn yeah I think my mom listened to like without me or something and she was like just forever she was like Eminem is okay to listen to in the house my mom caught me listening do you remember

music choice on like the Comcast channels it's like the it's like in the oh yeah it's like the channels that would just play music and uh my mom caught me listening to fat Joe on it she came into the house she was outside like doing something she came back inside i was dancing to fat joe in the living room and she was like you cannot listen to this and turned on classic hip hop and it was literally just playing you can't touch this i was like this sucks compared to that one time my nana unplugged my i my fucking her her ipod touch that i was borrowing to listen to lean back by fat joe yeah and then she just turned it off and i'm like i don't think you ever use it again yeah yeah my mom still

Like a year ago, I was listening to a young thug That one song where he says She sucks my dick on the plane So I call her airhead And my mom just is, you know, she does the She does what on the plane? So he calls her what? Come on, Mom.

I'm vibing down here in the basement. I'm just trying to hang on my slat right now. Yeah, and you're fucking fucking messing up. Mom, I'm slinin' I'm sliming. I'm sliming, mom. Chill, Mom. God.

I'm gonna need to sip some Kodi and to take the edge off. Parents are gonna, yeah, that's one thing about now, like, like, rap like Playboy Cardi and shit is parents can't understand anymore to get angry at it. My parents were never able to understand rap. Oh, yeah, no, for sure. Like, my mom would listen to like fucking, like Kanye, and she'd be like, it's like he's speaking a different language. Yeah, I know. It's very funny. Yeah.

It's, uh... Did something about rhythm, that's... That just fucking nailed me with it. the rubber band. God damn, why are you so good at that? I don't know. It's the second time that you just hit me in the eyes. The rubber band. God damn. Fuck that. I hate that you know how to do that, dude. I'm

hiding all the rubber bands next time you come to my house. Those are from the chicken. Really? You didn't have those? I'm going to talk to him. You freak? No, I'm going to... Hey, did you give my friend rubber bands? I'm going to have stern talking to it. They put rubber bands in Patrick's chicken. Yeah. They're like, this goes like a guy who likes to digest

Rubber. I was speaking, my fucking, I just remembered this around Christmas time in like 2012 when ass by Big Sean was big. Oh, yeah. My aunt freaked the fuck out because my cousin played it. Start twerking. Yeah, dude, she went down. She was hot, dude. She went down.

No, she like, I think one of my cousins put it on. And then when he said, now make that motherfucker hammer time, she went like, oh my God. And, like, ran over and shut it off. They always picked the funniest lyrics to get. A mad. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking rules, dude.

I mean, that song's fucking annoying. Yeah. So I feel like the overreaction was just because she didn't want to hear that song. I remember my mom got mad of me for listening to that M&M song, Rain Man. Yeah. Where he talks about, who's that guy that used to play Superman in like the 60s? Christopher Reeve. Yeah, he like makes fun of Christopher Reeve.

She was like, that's just wrong. And it's like... That's Superman. Right. And then I would listen to like, kill you by him where he talks about, raping his mom. She's like, I don't even understand

what he's saying. I can't even hear that. This black fella's talking way too fast. Yeah. Number eight, take away children's electronics. Evil.

That is, conflicting with number nine. I think my kids will not have any access to electronics. Skip ahead, Patrick. I'm sorry, but I'm just saying. I think my kids

will not have any access to electronics, including the microwave until they're like 18. Yeah. Yeah. I have weird little fucking freak kids I think the perfect age to give a kid Like a phone

Is like 16 But like I'll let them be on the computer and shit My kids will never touch a computer Yeah no that's Yeah I'm worried about my kids become an alt right My kids are something Or whatever the new thing You don't have to end up like me

Yeah That's how I'll talk to my kids And I'll be like Yeah I'll find them fucking playing Roomscape And I'll be like You're making all the same mistakes your pops made I'm doing this for you

I'm doing this for you I just cut the Ethernet cable for you I'm throwing my own computer in the trash This is for you Trust me, it impacts your children You go back outside and pick up the I get a jerk off I need it money board

Yeah Trust me it impacts your children negatively It impacts me negatively pretty much It doesn't work at all It just makes things worse And puts pressure on your children And gives them anxiety Taking away my phone gave me anxiety

That I mean that's how people be What if I missed a TikTok? I mean that's seriously how it is He says, what if I missed a coupon from the McDonald's app? Yeah, no kids don't even use coupons anymore Kids hate coupons They use QR codes Kids think that coupons

Oh my fucking God, dude Kids think that coupons are life hacks now You know what kids think Kids think of coupons a groupon Yeah, that's right And they don't even know about great poopon That's right I'd like to take a Poupon Groupon.

Hey, you guys ruined coupons. You piece of crap. You guys destroyed the coupon industry. Yeah. By making it digital. Nobody's ever going to be able to sell those books anymore. Do you remember the fake coupons that they used to have on 4chan? Nah.

I think so. It was like people would make like scannable, like fake coupons. And it was like, manufacturer's coupon, one free Xbox 360. Yeah, yeah. And people would try to use them. Yeah. They would. work. That's the thing. There's a guy who got sued for like

$2 million of like lost revenue because people... All right, fine, I'll pay it. Here, take this coupon. Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? This coupon for Lamborghini Mercilago is not good?

Yeah. Well, thank you for the coupon. Court adjourn. Wait a second. Double jeopardy. You already said court adjourned. Number nine, giving little kids cell phones. Yeah. We've already covered this.

Yeah, we said it was good, right? I don't remember. We said it was the best idea. Well, how are they going to listen to this podcast? Exactly. My mom said she will give me my phone when I'm 15. Turns out I got it when I was nine, L-O-L. Swag.

Six years early, dude. Yeah, because that's the thing. I mean, you've got to teach your kids online etiquette. Yeah. Like, for me, like, I mean, just immediately I was trying to have sex. Use the lick emoji a lot. People love it. People love it.

I love when you to ask them to throw that thing back. If your teacher ever text you, reminding you about homework, lick emoji. Yep. Yeah, water. Water and eggplant. Mm-hmm. And licking.

And licking. Water, eggplant, lick, fist. It means I'm at dinner right now. I'll text you back later. Yeah, it means I'm licking an eggplant at dinner. And I'm drinking water. And I'm staying hydrated. Teachers want to know if the kids are hydrated.

Do teachers text their kids now? I don't know. Teachers, I have, like, friends from high school, Big Game teachers, and I see they post on Instagram, like, oh, look at this funny email my kid sent me. And it's like, I am chasing the cat around the house and my parents are going to get me. Just like stuff, you know, just stuff like that. Or like, yeah, just a bunch of crazy emojis and shit. I would just respond to all those, like, cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's always weird when a professor in college gives out his phone number in class. Yeah. And if you need to text me for

anything, and I mean anything. Exactly. A lot of people at our college got like got beers with their professors. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah, but the thing is, like, in college, you're all adults, you know? Yeah, that's also true. Suck your teacher's dick, who cares? Yeah. That's true. Yeah. You know? I guess I could have... You're all sexy, sexy adults. Oh, man, you 40... I didn't... I don't think I had a single hot professor in college. I think I did. Oh, yeah?

Name names. Professor Patrick. Professor Pamela. Professor Pamela Beasley. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

God, I have to go peepee. Number 10, let Trill children dress how they want. Trildren. How was that bad? Tril. Tril. Ben Trilden. What? Do you remember Ben Trill?

Yeah. Yeah. Why do you think I remember? Because you've been Trill. That's right. Mm-hmm. That's right. Mm-hmm.

That was like, that was the most mall shit, I think. Ben Trill. It was Beast, yeah. Yeah. Like that's 2012 to, 2012 to like, from like May 2012. Ben Trill had a moment. Well, if it's showing their skins, then no.

Not to kids in 8 to 12 years old. Pedophiles will increase the chances of sexual harassment to them. Do that at the start of 17 to 23 years old. Now that you're 17, here's your bikini. It's all you're allowed to wear. Now that you're safe from pedophiles. There's no way you will ever be assaulted sexually in your life. Here's some lingerie.

Go to school. Go to the market. Just go to the fish market. Pick up some tuna in this lingerie. It's going to be nice and cold. Can you get me a whole Chile in C-Bess? I'm not letting my kid dress up wearing clothing, the exposed their mid-sections and legs.

Pedophiles ain't touching this family. That's a number one rule of families to make. The first reply is but their uncle is. Come on. Oh, my God. What do you see a documentary about that the family who, they had like a. neighbor who was like a pedophile who like fucked everyone in the family oh yeah on netflix

kidnapping their daughter and they were just like sorry he made the dad give him a hand job or something like that yeah the dad fucking blew him or some shit he fucked the mom and he kidnapped the kids yeah it's like damn dude every like he's 100%ing that family every like every situation that like the dad describes he's always like well and i don't know what happened but eventually it was very confusing how he fucking caught my daughter with a butterfly net I had no idea

what's going on yeah it's such a weird one he just had there was something magic about him was so charismatic yeah

yeah so hey family I'm gonna be taking your daughter I'll be back at a year or two yeah I mean

how do we say no he's so charming I left $20 on the stove wink oh he left the stove on $20 dollars burned up immediately

I didn't even think it was $20 Oh, I think that was print to paper. He's fucking, I mean, just, it's just so funny. He just have a kid that just keeps getting kidnapped by the same dude. Yeah. It's being like, I mean, what can we possibly do? Yeah.

He's our friend. So weird. Yeah, if they go to the police, they'll make fun of us for being friends with them. Yeah. You guys are weird. Skip around here. Spoiling children. Yes.

Yeah, you do not want to spoil your child. My kid's way past his expiration date. I wish I had spoiled. He spoiled. Number 13, drinking. Joel Johns 249 says, agreed, and not just minors. I don't think even college kids would be allowed to drink. My mom was so obsessed with, like, her tiny bit of Italian heritage that she was like,

she really wanted me to drink wine when I was 10. Oh, yeah, my parents. She was like, come on, you can have a glass of wine at the table. My parents did that, too. And I would have a... We weren't Italian, though. This tastes like fucking dog shit. Yeah, my parents...

My parents offered me wine one. time and I just I smelled it and I was like yeah no yeah I remember my dad being like you want a sip of beer yeah as we go yeah my dad tells a story about how like when I was a kid I like he when I was like a young kid like three or four he gave me like a sip of his beer like as a gag and then I went to school the next day and I like sucked on a Lego and I was like this tastes just like beer it's pretty cool number 16 is stop reproducing and there are two really good comments here. First comment is, I think it should be illegal to have more than one child

because when people have more than one, they hardly ever get along. Just because the parents didn't use a condom when they had sex, the first child gets stuck with a nosy, loud, destructive, and a tension-hogging sibling, which basically ruins their life in good times. I'm like you do one-child policy. Let's go.

Let's do it. Neither you guys would be born. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, and that's the point, dude. Whoa. You should put that on a meme, but it just blew your mind. Whoa, what if I don't even want to be alive, man? Yeah. God damn, I'm cool.

That's so cool to say. Other comment on here. You read Nietzsche? For the ones who already had kids, you would bring more evil. By the way, if you're saying legendary bands like Slayer and Bring Me the Horizon should be banned, maybe you should be banned from living, you inconsiderate monstrosities. What does that have to do with this? I don't know.

It's funny, though. Is it because they're brothers? They're brothers in those big? I mostly hate single children when I meet them. Yeah. Yeah. You like children. who are in relationships.

With you? No. I think there's like, I think I only have like three or four friends who are single, single childs. Yeah. They're just usually bad people. Right.

It's just, it's like a barrier you can't cross with, like a guy. It's like you were fully loved. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You were loved the most in your family. Yeah, it's like you got so fucked.

Like you don't even know how much that fucked you up. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, like you, like the perfect kid has 50 siblings and all of them raised by their grandparents and they never saw their parents. You never had to act out for attention? Yeah, dude. What the fuck's wrong with you? Yeah.

That's gross to me. Yeah, you never put glue on the dog to get your dad to say something to you? Yeah. Can't relate. You never shaved like part of your head in eighth grade? Exactly. Exactly. You don't get it. Yeah. Number 23 demanded grandchildren. Oh yeah. I hated that in high school. Number 24, thrusting their babies in other people's faces.

What's that comment? Weird wording? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Being anti-vaxxers. Being anti-vaxers. That's actually cool.

Yeah, that's cool to do. Showing embarrassing baby photos to people without their children's consent. That's right. Putting them on birthday cakes also counts. Comment by the dutty gyal. The dutty? Duppie gala. The D-U-T-T-Y-G-Y-L.

The Dutty G-G-G-L. Number 36, listening to 13-year-olds. Wow. Being slutty. Top comment. No way. That is bad influence for a parent to do that for a kid. Wait, is this, yeah, are they saying the parents should stop being slutty?

Yeah, it's things parents need to stop doing. My parents need to stop being slutty. My parents are such sluts, dude. I'm always sucking my dad's dick, fucking whore. Gross. You bitch. Being agist. Number 41.

Yeah. Just because I'm one years old doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to fucking drive. I should be able to drink. Number 43, last one, allowing small children to run around places unattended. Oh, that is the worst. I was allowed to do that, dude. My Walmart was like daycare for my parents. Yeah.

We show up. I mean, I just fucking ran to the BMX section and the gun section. Because I know, because I did it, I know that it's the worst because I know what I fucking did. Yeah, dude, I was. yeah i was evil yeah yeah it's really not about losing the kids it's like if your kids are cool they're gonna they're gonna do something yeah yeah yeah or hide in like the racks or something yeah yeah yeah i've done that oh of course yeah hiding from your parents is so fun i saw a fucking employee of the month with dane cook and i was like i have to get build the toilet paper

i have to get to the second level of these fucking costco racks like i there's i will do anything i will climb over so many artichoke hearts just to fucking play poker at the top With Andy Dick? With Andy Dick. Oh, my God. I would do anything to hang out with you, Andy. Oh, get over here with me. We ought to hang out with you right now.

Yeah. Oh, my God. He's here. Hey. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Hey, Andy Dick's in there. Hey. Hey, Andy Dick.

What's up? How are you doing? I'm, hey. Why did you get here? I wouldn't do the toilet. Sound like that. He does sound like that. It's your Griffin McElroy voice.

Okay. I don't know what he sounds like. It's generally high. He made Patrick cry. Because he's scared of Andy Dick, too. I was so happy for a moment and then I realized it wasn't Andy Dicker. I'm sorry I can't make all your dreams come true. All right.

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