Podcast About List - Ep. 130 - I want my uncle behind bars

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

my audio somehow got corrupted or something so i had to use the zoom recording for this episode sorry for the bad quality. please don't kill me or do anything weird about this. www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the ball list. You're a crap monster. Okay. Okay. I did it. Okay. Okay.

Hey, guys, listen to this. Yeah. I'm silly. I'm silly. I'm silly. I'm silly. I'm silly. I'm silly.

Oh, like a milly. What? What is that, Caleb? Like, wait, like what, Caleb? Caleb, is that a whoopee cushion? It doesn't pick up. It didn't pick up. It didn't pick up on my mic.

That's good. I see a humongous spike on my mic. You clipped Zoom so we couldn't hear it. I'll hold it further away. Yeah. Here, ask you again. Hey, Caleb, what did you have for lunch today? No, no.

Ask if it's a whoop. Hey, Caleb, what did you have for? Did you eat beans for lunch today, Caleb? Hey, does this answer your question? It's still clipped. that's still clip the that's still clipped in zoom you guys remember the loudest wiff cushion of all time i won it i won it where did you win it the arcade you went to the arcade i went to the chinatown fair arcade why did you do that it's not a fair

it's a fair it's a fair arcade isn't it's it's the fairest arcade of all yeah i went to the arcade i got a whoopee cushion in a what they didn't call it a chinese finger trap in the chinatown arcade i'm not kidding really just called it a fairer finger trap. That's funny. I mean, that makes sense. I was like,

yeah, I guess so. This is a Roman candle in Rome is a candle. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. Yeah, I went to the arcade.

I went a whoopee cushion. And I played guitar hero. Pretty great night. Wow. Guitar hero at the arcade? Yeah, dude, you can versus all your...

The arcade is open? Yeah, they'd have like limited capacity. It was like just me and two other people there. Oh. It's pretty fun, dude. I have all that stupid hand sanitizer.

I hate that shit yeah smells bad makes your makes it if you eat like a hamburger I never I never until COVID I never realized how many different like types of consistency of hand sanitizer there are like I assumed it was all just like oh it's like hands it like there's only one but like I feel like

every time that I get hand sanitizer it's like a different kind of disgusting like there's some that just like stays on your hands forever there's like a film yeah somebody like smells really bad like I don't know how there can be that many different kinds like it's just like alcohol right yeah It's alcohol and beads.

Yeah, so like how many different... The bead stuff? I like it. It gets in all my cuts. Ugh. Oh, I love it, dude. Yeah, it makes me feel like a warrior. Mm-hmm.

I hate that. When it gets in my paper cut that I got from putting a dollar bill in my wallet too quickly. Yeah. It makes me feel tough, dude. Which I do all the time. Yeah. You know how dollar bills are so sharp because they're just made out of normal paper, and they'll cut your fingers.

Yeah. It's fucked up. You know what's the most fucked up hand sanitizer? When you go into a bathroom and they have it where the soap should be, and then you put it on your hands and then you wash it off. And you're like, am I, what the, what is this? Am I on earth? Where the fuck am I?

Am I in America? So, is it hand sanitizer, just using hand sanitizer, washing your hands is better than just using hand sanitizer, right? But what about, what about, no? It depends on what you're washing your hands with. Are you using, well, with soap and water. Washing your hands is so gross. I agree. Okay.

Which is better? Washing your hands with soap and water or using hand sanitizer? It's better to do nothing because the different things on your hand builds up a protection. Answer to my question. One or the other. I didn't say you could say neither. I literally, that wasn't an option. So I don't think you can pick it.

I don't play by your rules and I'm kind of a bad boy. You're kind of sitting here like you think you own the damn place. I mean, you're just too stupid to pick one. It's the thing. Okay. hand sanitizer then hand sanitizer i think soap is probably better but yeah so then here's the question right is is soap without water or could you put soap on your hands and then use hand sanitizer instead of water and would that be better no or what if you just use soap like it was hand sanitizer

what if you use water like it was soap what if there's a chemical reaction what if you use what if you use like a what if you give your hands like a dust bath like a chinchilla or a sparrow. Okay. Could that get your hands clean? They can't get COVID. Chinchillas can't get COVID? I just found that out.

Really? Mm-hmm. Can any animals get COVID? Is that confirmed? Can we check on that? Isn't the bat where it came from? I think the bans get sick. I don't know.

Is that how you say that? I think it's a penguin. Penguin. Penguin. It's called a penguin. It's a flightless bird. Okay. That there's a very funny-ass movie about.

What's it called? The fart of the penguins or whatever. You remember that one? Yeah, I do. It's just like them talking over like penguin footage and being like, suck my penguin ass, dude. We talked about this before. Have we?

You said that you saw it in the theater. It's one of the ultimate movies, dude. Yeah. Sick. We should bring back doing funny voiceover over nature footage. Like, you know, making a lion sound like he's going, hey, instead of roaring. Yeah, the lion with a lisp.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, what? You're supposed to eat zebra. That's what the lion says. I totally love the zebra. And people. Hey, Derek, you look ugly today. Derek, the lion. That's what they say. They would make the lions talk to each other. Or like, it's like, you know, like, Omni Central's knocking on my door right now. Yeah. We want to make a show in 2004. We want the sassiest gayest animals. Can you guys just make a bunch of gay animal voices? We say, does this answer your question? I'm a giraffe. yeah i'm the i'm the little ant eater i'm i love eating ants oh i love my god there's another aunt i'm gonna buy stuff like that i'm gonna buy six seasons of this show it's gonna be produced by adam corolla it's called gay nature it's called gay nature and it's gonna be a hit it's on and also for 20 years after it's done airing it'll be the only thing on comedy central from 10 in the morning to 5 p.m. It would just be just a seven-hour block every day of gay nature reruns.

Breaking news, gay nature canceled after controversial monkey segment and it's a monkey and he's going, I think I'm going to have sex with a guy and start a disease. I feel sick. I'm going to suck that guy's dick. Yeah. I'm a gay monkey. That's the kind of writing you get with Adam Carolla. That's the kind of swagged out man-centric writing you get with Adam.

And then Adam and then Adam ruins everything. comes on the scene and he goes Actually, the monkey that gave the guy AIDS was not gay. It was straight. That's the only thing you said. It's the only thing you'd back checks. The monkey actually had a wife and her

name was a lesson. A monkey was paid to do it. Yeah. I'm not, that's I think Can you imagine if you were a monkey and you were in monkey college and you're like, I'm going to experiment this once and you started I love thinking about the guy who fucked the monkey

because for him to have transmitted it to humans it means that in his life he fucked a monkey and another person and that's game. That's some fucking game, dude. He wasn't just the guy who fugs a monkey. No, he fucked a monkey and then he was like, Tom to get some pussy. You fucked the monkey and he was like, no, I don't think so.

He's like, no, that wasn't. Yeah, guys, I try it once. I don't feel so good. my bones hurt, and now I'm going to fuck his other guy. I don't know why. I don't know why fucking a monkey wasn't for me. Anyway, I'll just fuck this guy just normal. Yeah, but that is ultimate game.

Is that how AIDS started? I don't remember. Yeah, guy fucked a monkey. Well, you don't remember? You weren't there? No, I wasn't there. I thought you were the guy. Oh.

Yep. I don't know whether that's how AIDS started, but in my brain, yeah. I kind of, if a scientist came up to me and tried to tell me how it really started, I would say no, because it's less fun. So true. So true. Yeah. I'm surprised that COVID wasn't started by monkeys. Because it seems like every disease that just like destroys you was started by monkeys. Like what? Like which diseases? Monkey's curse. Restless leg syndrome. The monkey's paw.

Yeah. Banana addiction. Yeah. Yeah. True. That ruined my uncle's life. Getting bitten by a monkey? Swinger's arms.

I feel like getting bit. I feel like it was probably got bit by a monkey. I don't think so. I think it was a guy fucked a monkey having sex style. Yeah. Well, what position? Did you think he was doing reverse cowgirl with the monkey?

I think I want to look at you. The lights on. Keep the torches on. I have to look at you. Yeah, do you think he was like playing music? Yeah, he had banana peels leading to the bed. Yeah, how do you seduce a monkey? Because a monkey is faster than a human.

It's not like he like caught him and fucked him. Like that monkey was like down. Yeah, down to fuck. Yeah, the monkey was into it. The monkey, and I hope it was a baboon. I feel like that's the most fuckable monkey, right? Yeah. No.

What? It's got a big fucking slit on its butt. It's like, it's not the most fuckable monkey. It's like a biological, the biological equivalent of like a sign on its back that says fuck my ass. Exactly. It's begging for you to fuck it. I looked up. These horridish monkeys that you go to the dude, they're putting their ass on the glass, dude.

I did. I did just Google most fuckable monkey. What'd you end up with? The human, technically, it's a monkey. Here, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Should we, no, we shouldn't read this list. I found a list called the World's Seven Most Fuckable Lesser Apes. Yeah, we should read that list.

What website is this on? It's on runt of the web. Send this in the chat right now. Please send this to me. The most fuckable lesser apes. Not even great ape, dude. The URL is run to the web.com slash fuckable apes. For some reason.

For some reason. None of this is showing, like, the website loaded, but nothing else loaded. Oh, I got it, dude. I'll tell you what number one of eight is, right? Also, there's eight entries here. I can't, I can't. Oh, it's because I have ad block on, huh? Turn it off, dude.

You're going to let's see this hot month. key okay the fuck dude oh yeah mine won't load either it is must be ad block yeah it's ad block i actually love supporting websites in amazon so i never have that i hate i hate supporting websites dude you know all right i'm on ad block plus and i'm white listing rent of the web slash fuckable apes i can't wait to in a year it's so funny that on my white list I look at my ad block. It's so funny that we had something else planned.

This is more, this is really pressing right now. What the dude? The blurb for the first one. What the fuck? What is this website? Wait. Okay, this website, let me read the only three categories.

The only three categories on this website. It's runt.com. Then at the top, it's originals, galleries, then Donald Trump. The world's seven most fuckable lesser apes. Number one is the Hulok Gibbon. Wait, you got to do the, you got to do the... Oh, okay, go ahead.

The intro. Shabani, an 18-year-old gorilla at the Hayashima Zoo in Japan has become the center of worldwide attention since a story about women flocking to see the handsome ape went viral. But if tall, dark, and handsome isn't your thing, don't fret. We've rounded up a few equally fuckable apes for the Simeon Curious. okay yeah I'm ready

yeah number one the Hulat Gibbon um native does have nice eyebrows this is the last sentence about the eyebrows is like one of the most

evil things I think I've seen that we've ever read on this show oh my god they say he might not be able to give consent but those come hither eyebrows

scream yes oh my god what have you put us in that what is wrong with this You wrote this one website. Let's see if it's... Hold on. Let me look at the Donald Trump stuff.

I think this is a... I think this is a satire website. And this is like... But this is not... There's nothing satirical about this. They're just posting pictures. No, I'm on the main page for it. And these are the headlines.

This Russian guide does amazingly creative cosplay on a hilariously small budget. 52 teen tweets. least the future is funny 27 times Spotify exploited its user's habits for marketing and it's as funny as expected like these are just the 62 best clapbacks of all time we i think we should spend some time on this seven most fuckable lesser apes right in the middle what's number two siamaeng siama that's the best ape that's my favorite maxing out of 30 pounds he's got a middle part the sigang has a uh has a goler sack so it's like it has like a throat like a frog and it like

makes these crazy noises. Who ball sex? That's ultimate. Yeah. Maxing out of 30 pounds, a semang is the biggest of the lesser apes in more ways than one, they said.

Just the thought of getting inside this frivolous member of the Moraseaei. Oh, come on. Is enough for us to overlook its inability to say no. Why are they obsessed with this, with the monkeys?

Dude, what the fuck is this? Saying yes or no to sex. How did we report this to the police? Yeah. I'm trying to finish the list off. I'm trying to call the cops. Hey, there's like a guy online who is making pictures of monkeys that are horned. And it's being horny.

And I might commit a crime if you don't take it down. Number three is the northern buffed hebbin. This newly discovered species of gibbon from the jungles of Southeast Asia makes us hot and heavy. In fact, we'd like to buff its southern cheeks with its sleek, dark pelt and relative of manly gait. Who cares if it lacks the understanding to acquiesce to a sexual act? Why? Why are they so? What the fuck is this? This is like the evil version of the like, um, like, because of his great size, he cannot be a human being and thus an evil monster.

Like, this is the same, this is the same writing style. This is the most evil thing. This is written by the guy who got AIDS. This is that guy. No, it's not. And it's him, dude. No, it's not. I think this is his website.

Number four is Kloss's Gibbon. They all look kind of the same. Yeah, they're all Gibbons. As also called the balloon. Yeah, why is it all Gibbons? Long arms, dude. They can hit it from the back. Slap that ass.

Choke you. Put a finger in the mouth. That's just the truth. You know how like girl, but sometimes you'll have to like, hey, move your, when you're doggy style, you have to be like, move your knees further apart.

I don't know what that means, but go on. Monkey style. I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah. Because they have long, the distance from their hips to their knees is too long. Kloss is given, also called the blue. This primate is considered a threatened species.

Yeah, when I'm around. Probably from all the fucking people want to do to it. Well, they stole my joke. One thing's for sure. Give us 10 minutes alone with this guy. And we'll show you an animal to which the concept of permission is non-existent. This is like awful. Oh, Christ.

Come on. Come on, dude. I mean, we talk about fucking animals. animals what every episode 15 times but not like that like yeah dude I look at the recommend like recommended stuff on this page is like is still like the funniest reactions to capital riot best toys buy one of these 35 toys for your niece or nephew like they don't even have they don't even have like anything that's similar to this bizarre photos that prove history was far stranger than you ever realized dude this is it is just like

This is the best website. We're going to be spending this website minus this. Number five, the Borny and white-bearded gibbon. Endemic to a small range between the Capua's and Burrito Rivers. Barito River. Sign me up, dude. Somebody send Perry Grip an email. He's going to want to hear about this one.

He's going to think of a pretty funny song. In Southern Borneo, we imagine it gets its name from the amount of cum people shoot into its face when they see it. Those piercing eyes, unable to reflect either implied or express agreement, definitely get our panties dropping. So it's a woman. Okay. A woman is writing this or a man who wears panties.

Either way, it's getting pretty hot. Let's just finish this one. Let's just go the rest of the way here. I mean, we're too deep now. Yeah, I don't like this list anymore. I wish that people need to go check out this website and just see that this is clearly supposed to be a satirical list. but it's the only one on the website.

Everything else is just normal click for it. What are you talking about? They have a whole section dedicated to Donald Trump. Well, he's, uh, he's, let me tell you what, he actually did all that crap, all that wild crap, that he did that. All that crazy ass shit. Oh, I just, what did I click? Oh, shit.

I accidentally clicked one of the, the, the, what did I fucking click up here? I accidentally clicked one of the ads, and it brought me to coffee magazine.com. we should write an email to coffee magazine do you know what your ads are on are you sure here's coffee here's coffee magazine coffee brewing methods coffee reviews coffee stories

coffee recipes coffee musings and coffee perks yeah I don't think they'd be thrilled we should try and get this this website de-platformed start with advertisers yeah they want to fuck a bunch of different I just clicked on the

Donald Trump heading and the first image is just a picture of, it's a Photoshop picture of Donald Trump standing up and behind him is the Israel flag and in front of him is Jesus. Pretty strong Photoshop job. Yeah. That's pretty good.

We don't have to say, we'll just say, okay, the next two are the Largibbon and the silvery gibbon. It's all gibbons. Yeah, so the thing is, I get that this is a joke, but it's also like, at least pick some, like, actually

fuckable monkeys, you know what I mean? Right. You just looked at Gibbons. Yeah, like, you just found, you just searched, like, lesser rapes and pick, like, Oh, here, okay, I'm really glad they have it. They have a Facebook share button, guys, in case you want. I think I might share this on Facebook right now. I found, I found the, uh, the author. What's who's his name? Uh, Michael Gibbon

fucker. Wow. What are his other articles? Uh, top 10 Gibbons, I fucked. Okay. It's a podcast called Gibbons. fuck. And he used it with. Okay, now here, now,

Chan is ape. Listen to the... I found the, I found the about page for Run to the Web. Run to the Web is a spirited site that brings a breath of fresh air to the web's comedic landscape. By marrying a blend of biting original pieces with highly clickable curated

content. Runt represents internet comedy at its very best. And then it has a section for the people behind Runt. And it's three people here. The first two people are Morgan Ingari and Tara Dorgan. And they have pictures. The third person does not have a picture. And it's Alec Baldwin. And it says founder. Alec Baldwin. We need to get a contact with it. It's a different Alec Baldwin. I don't think so. I just clicked on him. And I'm see a picture of him right here. And it's a different guy, unfortunately. We should.

We can try to advertise. Oh, here's his Twitter. How's he doing? Not too good. Not too good. Is he dead? No, he's alive. Do you think he's getting top from a monkey?

I don't know. I think a really fuckable monkey would be a gorilla because they have those big nostrils and you could maybe fit your penis in it. Oh, come on, man. Come on. What the hell? What?

I don't want to fuck a monkey. It's definitely not okay for us to fuck any monkey. No. Correct, right? I would never fuck a monkey. Agreed. But can, like, a gorilla fuck a gibbon? I mean, that, I think that's happened.

That's the way of nature, yeah. What, but is it okay? If a dog, if a dog, if a dog fucks a bug. If a dog fucks a cat in the forest and nobody's around. True, that's a very good point. Can they make a baby? I don't know, man. I'm just trying to figure out the math of all this.

The offspring of a dog and cat. It's a fox. Oh, that's why they're in the woods. Yeah, because they're abandoned. That's why they can't be pets because I don't know. Because you're disgusting. Yeah, because people don't like them. They're horrible.

I think they could, I think you could own, I've seen videos of Russian people owning fox. That's the craziest. That's the thing I love about Russia is that they fund us to cause disorder in politics, but they also are going to let me get a caracall. It's much like a fox is what happens when a dog fucks a cat. If a robber breaks into your house and your guard dog starts fucking him, that's how raccoons are made.

Wow. Really? Oh, my God. Wow. That makes so much sense. Like a criminal outfit. True, yeah. That's a good point. Yeah, and that's why raccoons love stealing. It's in their DNA, dude. They steal your trash. Because it's because they're part robber. A dog will eat trash. Well, a dog will just eat trash. Dogs like trash. Yeah. So you get a, you get the perfect trash. Exactly. Yeah. You ever seen somebody call a raccoon a trash panda? Yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty epic. You ever see pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah. I'm really, I love.

people like freshman year of college who would just do like reddit jokes to you in class yeah and they'd say shit like that yeah dude total trash panda oh look at the little trash panda oh oh that doggar oh oh no look at this look at this wholesome wiggle boy and it's a snake yeah it's so cool dude little do you know that snake will kill you dude yeah wholesome wiggle boy is not yeah that's the if you're using that to describe a snake I guess I'm fine with that But if you're using that to describe anyone else If you're using that to describe a person I got a real problem with that Yeah that feels really charged

In a lot of different ways Yeah I don't like that They're talking about Jeff from the wiggles He's always sleeping Did you guys ever know anybody with a snake A pet snake like a big one? No I knew a guy

What did those snakes I knew a pet alligator What the fuck? yeah my my uh my neighbor growing up his dad had like a had like an alligator for a couple weeks oh that's not a pet what do you mean that's a guest he had an alligator stay over he didn't have a pet alligator for a couple weeks yeah that's fucking it's a rental dude yeah i guess yeah did you get to meet the alligator i think i think i got to see it in the like the the cage it was in.

Yeah. Alligators are not like... The case. They're like, I would say they're the only animal that people, it's impossible to like anthropomorphize with like cute photos and be like, oh, look at this sweet. It's just a fucking dinosaur. People do it. Have you seen that?

People do that all the time. Pisses me off because it's like, like I don't want to see a video of like people post the videos of the really fat alligators. Oh yeah. And they act like it's cute. And it's like, I know. You give that thing one second with its brother, and it will rip its brother in half. Yeah, dude.

It's like the only, it's the only animal that I know for sure. You want to give a baby to an alligator a baby? I just want to see what happens. It's like, I'm doing experiments, okay? It's like, do you guys remember? It's the scientific method. You guys remember those, those like YouTube videos, early YouTube videos where they would just make two animals fight? Yeah.

Those rules. They put like a scorpion in with. It's like a snake. Yeah, or like the classic mongoose versus a cobra or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Dude, those were so sick. Or like, there was one that I always heard about, which probably didn't exist, when my older brother told me about it.

And it was an ostrich versus a lion. And he claimed that there was a video of an ostrich versus a lion where the ostrich kicks the lion in the face so hard that it dies. yeah i don't believe that i believe that yeah do you think an ostrich okay ostrich versus kangaroo do you think that

that has kangaroo wins kangaroos are nuts probably fall in love dude what are ostrich native ostrich ostrich ostrich it's like Africa

I always thought that they were ostrich I thought they were ostrich in fucking australia I think Australia has emus. They already have their kicking thing. That's right. That's right.

Okay, so kangaroo versus emu. I'm sure that's happened, and I'm sure you can find it. Kangaroo still wins. All right, wait, hold on. Kangaroo beats anything that can't punch it. Yeah. Yeah, but dude, getting pecked out by a bit like, oh, oh, first because they have claws.

Getting pecked out. What does that mean? Yeah, dude. Hold on. My bird is packed out by an embo. Damn, I just got pecked out by that embo. Yeah, dude. Out of where?

pecked out of your eyes guys get all pecked out and shit you're not getting them pecked out though damn i just got pecked out damn my girl got her pussy pecked out oh dude this kangaroo this kangaroo is smaller than this emu he shut down the zoo for a private party kangaroos are so fucking strong though and they have claws and shit they can they can fuck people up i i do i

like if we're talking like a big a big kangaroo like a full grown kangaroo that's like yeah it's got to be like a baby like its fucking neck, dude. I just think of that video Oh my god, it's bucking out. Yeah. That guy punching that kangaroo in the face and the kangaroo's like, how did you just kick me with your hands is one of

the fucking greatest videos. Dude, there's so many videos of kangaroos like walking up to like a glass door and just like going through it because they don't realize that it's a door and then just leaving. You know, it's like smashing through shit, dude. A scary ass animal up close is a fucking pelican. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It's a size of polar bear. disgusting up close. No, a pelican will, like, attack you. It has a giant mouth that it uses to eat trash and free meat. They do that thing where they, like, hit their neck up through the bottom of their mouth and, like, turn their mouth inside out. Yeah, they're really scary. Every bird looks disgusting up close. Honestly, every bird fucking sucks.

You know what the worst, yeah, the worst bird, the worst-looking bird is the condor. Condor's bad. The California condor. I think the worst-looking bird is the pot-to. what is that fucking potu that's the one that has the eyes that go

the opposite directions I can spell it I think so C-O-O they're just like like it's just like a demon I'll say this much as a socialist what are you talking about

as a socialist I think the worst is the is the bald eagle look dude yeah it's an ugly it represents

so much this looks like this this looks like this this looks like a slea stack it's fucked up dude it either has the eyes Eyes are either pitch black or they're like bright yellow with pupils pointing the opposite.

Oh, you know what? No, I just saw, I just saw this thing with its mouth open. Yeah, dude. It's fucked. I want to throw a sick of dynamite in there. Do you guys ever see something natural and you just think, nature's so metal? Yeah. Yeah.

Nature is metal. That's what I. I do sometimes wish nature was more hip-hop. Yeah. Yeah. I wish that there was more kind of hip-hop animals. Yeah. Hey, look, look, anything, any, I'll accept anything in nature as long as it's not rapper country.

So true, yeah. As long as nature is not rap and it's not country, I like, I even like the old stuff. Yeah. But nature should, there should be more, more like, you know, hippos that can do graffiti or something. Hip hop, hippo? Now, I wasn't even thinking that, but now that's the best thing you've ever said. Okay. And I'm really proud of you, and I hope you keep talking.

What if two, okay, what if there were two new zealand rappers from New Zealand called the hip hop hopatomist and the rhyme noseris? Wow. And what would their rap sound like? I don't know. Some wild. Any lyrics? Any lyrics you could throw out maybe? I'm the mother flipping rhyme noseris.

Wow, dude. Okay. You can't say the F word. They don't have it in New Zealand. No. No, it's because all the vowels move down one. Fleep. So for fuck.

I think A, E, I, O, U. you so it's like they're it's the last vowel don't know where it goes the only the only whenever i start thinking about a new zealand accent the only phrase that ever goes through my head is is i'm hitler yeah on hit because of like i'm a new zealand accent in that movie check me out i'm hitler i think he do i don't remember he i think he does have an accent i'm nice his accent um yeah hello it's me funny hitler hello it's me very funny, Hitler. Oh, hello, I'm here to be funny with you.

Do you have any porridge? I'm hungry. I'm hitler. I do you have any potted meat? I could have. Hungry, hungry. I've got a long ride home, and I like to eat spam from the camp.

Back to heaven. It's a long train back to heaven where I live. He doesn't live in heaven. Yeah. God sent me from heaven to be your imaginary friend. Hey, for Hitler heaven is God, his guardian angel? Dude, if Hitler was your guardian angel,

you'd be, you might be a bad boy. Yeah. What if he was your family? What if the guy, like, the guy in like, it's a wonderful life, he's like about to kill himself and his guardian angel comes up to rescue him, and it's Hitler, he's like,

oh, fuck, dude. Oh, man. He's British Hitler. What if you had a guardian demon? I do. That would be kind of, yeah, that would be sick, dude. Dude, guardian demon, because a guardian demon

would protect you. Dude, I have a guardian demon. It's called my mind. Isn't that just big mouth? Doesn't they have demons in big mouth? They have puberty. No, yeah, I think they have like, like, yeah, it's disgusting. I thought it was cooler. I thought the whole thing was that they're all, it's like devil worship. Yeah, dude, I thought that it was like, those were like the souls of pedophiles that were like trapped within monsters that were trying to like teach them to masturbate and stuff. I guess I guess. It's a guy who assumes that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, I thought, no, I thought it was like, like, eternally cursed, like, pedophile souls that were, like, trapped within a crystal.

I was, like, pretty sure about that, but. And they get punished forever by having to watch kids jerk off. Yeah. Those are the good pedophiles that go to heaven, so they get rewarded by becoming. Oh, it's just priests. Puberty monsters. Oh. Holy shit.

Dude. Fucking Bill Maher over here. Look at me. Go. You're serious. I'm going to call you Spotlight, Patrick. Mm-hmm. You're serious spotlight right now.

why because i'm because i was born in boston and i'm shaped like a globe yep that's right they call you the boston recently i uh since we decided 2021's year the frog yeah for sullivan i keep i've like keep seeing so the name sullivan around i'm like damn it really is you're the frog and i'm like oh wait no i'm just in boston yeah true oh sullivan wow oh the sullivan brothers cars oh Sullivan management. Oh, Sullivan. Oh, yeah. Got a couple of podcast fans down at the,

oh, Sullivan's, uh, hard and grill. Hello, hello. Yes, it's me. Hi.

Just walking into Boston sand and gravel. I'll have some. Hi. sticks to go and a Coorslight in an open bottle. I'll take some gravel on the house. Yeah. Do you guys want to do our original list? It's not about fucking monkeys?

Yeah, sure. nice this is on top two lists for one there these people are getting spoiled you guys are spoiled you guys should pay us way more money than you do yeah speaking of i had to give i gave that money back today i told you guys that right the sponsor money

yeah galaxy light money yeah i gave that money back i don't know why i did that because i found out i i feel like such an idiot i told them like oh i'm i'm gonna take my post down because i found out it violates the tOS and they were like well if you just leave it up for another 24 hours you can delete it and you can keep the money and I was like why fucking damn it I already did it money forever they're not going to sue you I know I know it's what I get for trying to be a fucking good person about this you suck dude you I know you back to the scummiest

people on earth I know you literally that's like maybe the worst the stupidest course of action like making the post taking the money and then deleting the post and giving it back yeah that's just like everyone's gonna everyone's gonna fucking hate me for your sellout i thought we were rock and roll yeah i tried to i you do you posted that ad just for just for like the the feeling of selling out you didn't even get the money you guys told me i just want everyone to think i'm a sell out and not like me you guys i just want everyone to hate me because i'm you guys if you had kept the money no i would have taken the money i would not have given the money back that's where that's where that's why you're wrong about this that's where no i know you did wrong i just i i i

fucking ugh you know i feel like such a fucking idiot i feel like the dumbest guy of all time will you uh will you run an ad for me on your next big viral post i can it'll be a post under if you give me if you give me i'm patrick and i suck and also i'm the guy who fucked the monkey and got aids no and i'll give you a hundred dollars and then because i and then i shouldn't even have i shouldn't even have brought that up on here you bring it up you're you're i mean you're You're fucking with the... I could have died with that secret. You're fucking with the maisters right now.

I could die with that secret, but I wear my heart on my sleeve. You already told us the secret earlier. You just brought it up here so that we could, we could maister you again. I hate being maistered. I know I hate being meistered. You're being owned by the mean meister and the stink meister right now. Top ten questionable things all moms do, but don't admit. This is a list of things all moms are guilty of whether they admit it or not.

So laugh it off. And plunge forward. Nice. I'm going to plunge forward into the mom list. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're going to plunge into my mom.

Don't plunge into my mom. I'm going to plunge right in there. Don't plunge in. I'm going to plunge in there and I'm going to cause her to number one, forget to pick up the kid. That's right, Patrick. I'm going to make her leave you at theater practice. I never went to theater practice. Yeah, you did.

Just admit it, dude. You love Hamilton and shit. I never, I never did theater. Yeah, you did. Cameron did theater. You did in the Heights. You did an all white in the Heights. Cameron did a one man in the Heights.

You did a one man like kind of Norbit style in the Heights. Yeah. And it's funny because I did, the thing that made it Norbit style was really in bad taste. Yeah, I tried, I did. It was not that you played all the characters or anything. I did try to bring Resbushia from Norbit into in the Heights. I thought it was a good idea. Thought it would work.

Yeah. No, it didn't work. No. Actually, a lot of people were mad. at me. You paid $15,000 for the rights to the book. I paid $15,000, another $15,000 for the exact suit.

Yeah, you had a tailor-made. You had an industrial light and magic design. You got the actual suit that was used in filming, but it was like years old, so it was like rotting, the latexas, like had holes in it and was like there were maggots in it. It was like a chucky cheat, like an abandoned

Chucky Cheat. Yeah, like one of those old, yeah, exactly, like a five nights at Freddy's North. You know, you know, I'd do anything for the, I'd do anything for this thing we called show. Wow. I will say you left it all on the stage. Mm-hmm.

Yep. You did, you left so many voices on that stage. Voices I can never do again. Yeah. And you probably could have never done then. Mm-hmm. But you did it.

I did it and it was, it got, I got one and a half star. Yep. Roger Ebert. Mm-hmm. That's what I filmed it. He survived cancer and then,

die to your show. I sent Roger Ebert the suit. He died of racist shock. Yeah. He did. You sent Roger Ebert the suit and the like plastics in it got into his bloodstream and gave him cancer. Yeah.

What's wrong? Are you crying? No, I just imagined Roger Ebert and Norbert, Norbert, for some reason. Roger Norbert. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm laughing at. we go oh if we're getting there dude

no hey patrick roger ebert he died it's not funny that he died dude i'm so upset that roger ebert died is it going to make you laugh

Patrick maybe an ostrich kicked his jaw off yeah that would have been cool that would have been some pimp shit dude roger ebert just fucking lost his jaw on ostrich action.

And then people constantly like, oh, he lost his jaw to cancer. That was the name of the ostrich? No, dude, he was in the Sahara and he got his shit rocked by an ostrich. You know, who wins an ostrich versus Roger Ebert? A kangaroo literally slid his jaw, dude. Yeah, literally. It slid right up. What was that fucking, oh, my God.

The kangaroos do just. I watched Rick Moranis get his jaw slit. Yeah. I forgot about that That's one of the funniest sentences Kangaroos just walk around Australia Doing the knockout game to people Yeah

Yeah It's like a It's like a random encounter And like an RPG It's like when you like Like find a Pokemon in the wild grass It's just like a kangaroo Can just hop up to you

At any moment And just fucking Hit you in the face dude Yeah And you know that they fucking They laugh so hard And the thing is it's for the love of the game They don't take anything

they have that pouch they could they could put your iPhone in there they can't even videos have you oh we've we've talked about it but the inside of an ostrich pouch yeah yeah disgusting it's a pussy dude no it's bone

um oh yeah just just imagine rounding rounding the corner in like Chicago and just getting a kangaroo by a kangaroo Just any Midwestern state having a kangaroo problem Any, any gang that gets a kangaroo

Yeah They win Ultimate, yeah Yeah, 300 block A kangaroo with a gun It's like when you get like a mech on your team or something Yeah, exactly Do, did I tell you guys about the racist guy I met at the pool hall

They're like old man? I don't know I was in North Carolina You don't even say that When I was in North Carolina It just caught me so off guard My brother This old man was like

Hey partner You want to play a couple of games A pool He's probably in his 70s His name was Joe If you're listening Joe You're not gonna like this Fuck you Joe

He was like And he's super sweet He was like Talking about his family and shit And just seemed like a really nice guy And then he was like So your brother tells me to me. He was like, your brother tells me you live in New York City. And I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah,

I do. And he's like, well, I only went to New York City once. It was with this girl that I was going steady with back in the day. And you know, the thing about New York City is you shouldn't go out late at night. You know that son? And I was like, yeah, man, sure. And he was like, yeah. So one time I went on a walk around her house at about 10 p.m., Brooklyn, New York City. And what do I see across the block for me, but let's just say five of New York's finest youths. That's what he said. And then he was like, I basically had two options. I could either run away, at which point they would chase me and they would kill me,

or I could just walk past him. And so I held my breath and I walked past him and then I ran away all the way home. So he just told me a story about just seeing five black guys and just running home. And I was like, okay, man. Yeah, New York's crazy, dude. Yeah, and then we stopped. Does he, does he think it's still like that? Yeah, does he still think there's black people there?

There was never a time where you saw five people on the street, and you were like, I have to run home. That was, oh, I'm glad you ran away safely. No, I don't, I'm not glad you ran away. I've never had to do that. That's not what I'm saying. Yeah. But that was, that was the only, actually the only racism that I saw when I was home,

which is, in North Carolina, that was the only racism. Yeah, it was a pretty good, it was a pretty record, pretty record year for me. Yeah. You didn't see any Confederate flags? Yep, my granddad kept his lips shut about Tiger Woods for an entire two weeks. Really? Really impressive, yeah. Wow.

That's crazy. Yeah. That's actually, I'm impressed. I'm proud of him. He was high on OxyContin because he had surgery, so it could have been that. He just can't. kept, like, falling asleep and asking for pretzels. So he didn't have a lot of time to complain about Tiger Woods.

Hey, what kind of, what kind of surgery do they give him? They take the freaking racist bone out of his body. Wow. Maybe. Do you get it? That still leaves, like, 160-something. Yeah, 205 other ones. The number, have you got, wait, have you guys ever been abandoned by your parents?

Like, well, once or twice? was it funny no no pretty upsetting at uh at uh at i think um it was like uh i was in band so i played the trombone and uh we had dead kennedys yeah i'm actually the guy who runs the account now that's really cool oh nice it's not an interesting story they let it was like a weekend like there was like we would do like weekend practice session or something like we'd have to do like some kind of band thing on like Saturday mornings and uh my parents forgot to pick me up after so I was just at school for a while my I was in elementary school so I was not old enough to like walk home yeah my mom left me one time when she went on like an hour drive out of town and apparently I like

ruined my relationship with her for a couple months and I like talked about it all the time when I was a kid it's fucked up dude I brought it's the only time I remembered and then I brought that up to my dad kind of recently. I was like, oh yeah, mom left me at the house once. When I was a kid, and he's like, she left you at the house once. You don't remember. I used to do that shit all the time. Like, I used to forget you for like eight hours straight. And he reminded me that he like left me in a Walmart twice. He lost me at Bush Gardens once. And I was like, yeah, I guess you just had like a dad pass. Like I just didn't expect any better. And my brain just kind of didn't think about it again. Of course. Yeah. Number two things that all moms.

to tell little white lies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like he's just a friend. Positron Wild Talk has a comment here. Oh, my man. It was quite easy for me to smell a rat when, as a kid, I had minor roles

in school plays, having only one line in the whole two hours of the production, alongside bigger kids, with more actions and words to memorize and time perfectly. And according to mom and dad, I made the best performance. Wow. Good for him, dude. Sounds like a lie, though.

Yeah. Yeah. um let's see anything else good on here so they tell lies about white people what that's what sir skeletor the third says damn that's some funny shit where's my pillow

grandma sat on the sun and her cheeks suffer from claustrophobia and your pillow is the only cure your grandma stole my grandma steals my pillow to unburn her cheek my mom lies to protect her. Dude, I would never let my grandma's ass touch my pillow, dude.

Blue Topaz, ice vanilla comments, like saying we'll get candy if we fold the clothes. The amount of times I've been tricked by that too many accounts. Just stop, say, you know, if you keep getting tricked by it, you're not really getting tricked. How many times can you get tricked by that? You totally, I swear this time, you're going to get candy. Yeah.

And just pulling the football every time. Yeah. good for them um number three throw away drawings and homemade gifts not really a white lie yeah yeah that's that's a different thing kind of just a bad thing oh that's a thing mom mom's too sorry i thought that it was a white lie list all of a sudden you thought it was a white lie list and number two was tell white lies i don't know yeah yeah you know yeah yeah moms yeah um yeah mom's do do that shit yeah turkey asylum asks doesn't every mom do this that's what the list is turkey asylum you're a fucking dumb ass um yeah my mom doesn't i don't have any like thing from when i was a

kid i think it's all at goodwill probably still and she donated it 10 years ago the all your drawings yeah go into goodwill to buy some drawings yeah she would frame them and then donate them and so that people would think they were art in goodwill that's just like a stack of papers. It's just like if you, instead of recycling papers, like, because I like papers, you know, I like to look at them and see what's on them. Yeah. I could, like, they could be like forms that people don't need anymore or like a drawing

that they made or like, I mean, why are you allowed to, why can you donate like photos, but you can't do paper? Yeah, just pieces like receipts. Every thrift store has like a giant box of like old photos. Why can't you just put like, you know, like my 1099

for 2017? It's like every fucking, every big thrift store to you has like, has fucking like five shelves full of like Blu-ray players that are $2 that they won't let you plug in to test and it's like don't you think you'd be, don't you think people would be more likely to buy a bunch of drawings? Yeah, throw a couple

court summons on there. Yeah. They're like a parking ticket. What about like an empty envelope? There's a cool sticker on it. Sorry, all my parking tickets got donated to Goodwill. I couldn't pay any. I don't know where. You know what I do? I'll go there and I'll buy them for three bucks. Yeah, you buy

a parking ticket from Goodwill and then you it to pay it to save someone else. It's kind of like a forward kind of thing. That sucks. Or you can buy it and put it on your car so no, they don't give you a ticket. I buy it.

I put it on the card. No, they put, they don't stop giving you tickets, dude. I've never had a bad parking ticket. Although, thinking that they stopped giving me parking tickets

when I put one ticket on and you're like, no, this is all the same ticket. They don't stack, dude. I knew somebody in Boston who like, every time they parked their car, they would just put, they had a bunch of parking tickets.

They would just put one of the envelopes on the car thinking that that would fool the parking people. Yeah. No, in Boston, they put, they put new tickets into the fucking envelope. Yeah.

That's one of the life hacks that people think will work, but it's, yeah. It's so, it's so funny to think that that's the way you, I would smart the system, like, as if it's like everybody hasn't thought of that,

like a thousand, you know what I mean? Like, like, as if the meter maid will walk by and be like, oh, I guess I did give a ticket. to this car, even though I just started my shift.

That's what I do. Anytime I'm about, I think I'm about to get mugged by New York's finest use, I go ahead and put like, use a special effects makeup to put a stab wound on my stomach. I said, no, I already got me. You already got it. You guys already, you guys must have forgot. You already. The guy, yeah, there's a different crew and they got me.

It works every time. It's a life hack. Use TV and other screens as a babysitter. there's nothing wrong with that no dude why do you think they invented that shit exactly now and now let me tell you what now it's all this zoom school and stuff whatever happened to whom school were you schooled at whom

yeah now kids nowadays kids are in zom school yeah that's what I'm saying dude number six is slack on baby books and scrapbooks whatever happened to soon school at 715 the bus is here yeah I'm so good at those

yeah it is interesting not everyone's doing Zoom school there's no more boom school well that is true we got out of boom school yeah yeah good goon school yeah exactly yeah that's a really good point I'm trying to yeah hey the way that the way that's it's going nowadays

kids are sitting in their room school on Zoom school oh my God instead of the school room on school for phone. Yeah, they're sitting on their phone on Zoom and instead of being whom on school. Yeah. And then

when you have to, you know, you've got to go to Vroom school to get your life. Now it these kids are on Zoom. Whatever happened when they're going to Scroom. That's so true, dude. Yeah. You should go to, I think it was called Schoom, where you had all of your different books and you had lunch in the middle and there was different classes

and there was a teacher. And it was called Schoom, right? I heard that. Yeah. Heard that. Heard that. Number seven, this is one of Patrick's big complaints. Yeah.

Skimp on bath time. The two comments here are, it's a process. And sometimes we just don't have the time or energy. The bubbles, the toys, the mess. A spit-shiner or a once-over with a baby wipe will do in a pinch. You're going to spit on your kid? I spit on kids. What the fuck?

What? what everything what why are you shine them yeah you already said it you can't you see it you see a bald kid listen it spit on his head you shine it off it's got a good polish on it you don't need to polish any you make that kids you'd make that kid's bald head shine why does you need to shine listen hey son my kid my kid doesn't need any spit to shine That's why he needs to shine. You need, sometimes you need your kid to be reflective.

So you have to polish his head like a bowling ball. Look, if you're in a dungeon, put in a three holes in a kid's head like a bowling ball, it would be so easy to put them in their room. That's what you can do with a newborn infant soft spot. You can throw your fingers in. Yeah. Yeah.

And then they have a cool like La Vita Loco thing on their back of their head. It's pretty neat. number eight lose their cool I hate that I hate when my mom loses her cool my mom's so cool usually she's always sitting on the couch sunglasses and a saxophone

I miss read it says we have all growled at our kids but I miss read it as we have all growled around our kids everybody's growled around their kids yeah everybody everybody thought their kid was it was it I caught my mom playing kickball

and started growling in the living Yeah, just staring in the mirror, just growling at your reflection. Just yeah, just looking into the closet with your hair standing on end and just going, Oh, hey, son, I didn't see you there. Yeah, I thought you were in the closet. Don't tell dad. Number nine, ration diapers. There's one comment that just says Asian parents in a nutshell.

What? Do Asian parents just make you poop your pants over? and over again i don't know i'm not changing that thing till it's hit i don't i mean i don't have any i don't have any parents yet yeah you need a low rider for me to touch that that's right otherwise that's a waste of i want to see sparks um you know how it goes to do a butt sniff and a quick squeeze of the diaper to see if it warrants changing if it is only half full we'll let it ride for a while two hours later we realize the kid is soaked yeah great job mom Let it run.

Damn. Just let it ride for a lot. Just let that thing play. Number 10, run that shit back. Run that shit back, dude. Number 10 is get pages in a book. I do the shit when I read to myself.

Number 11, co-sleep with baby. Co-what? Co-sleep. One comment. At least a baby is protected in the arms of a nursing mother. That's not like a, why is that like a thing that it's very questionable to co-sleep with baby

yeah that's all moms do it be over protective throw away their kids to roast their children it's number 16 hey back from school huh goofy ass you fail math class again today man you stupid let me come here your head's looking dusty I'm gonna polish that shit

Look at that hair line. Get over here. Goofy-ass hairline. Hitting your kid like a spatoon from 10 yards away. It just goes, bing, pretty loud off the back of their head. If that shit don't ding,

you're going to the doctor. Dude, that's what the skull down. That's why, that's why when the baby has a soft spot, you push it in so it makes a little hole you can spit it too. True. Yeah, it's like a dip cup.

Yeah. Well, you should be, we should be molding them to have like hammers. for heads or something. Yeah. Like I feel like they're like, make your kid wear some sort of like like cookie cutter mold so that like later in life he has like a like a calculator on his head or something.

Yeah, they used to do that and like it they would be like they would like calculators in kids heads. They used to put calculators in kids heads. No, like in like the Mayans or whatever would do like they would like shape their kids heads to be like look long like aliens. That's why they think they find alien skull. Like they would do all this crazy shit. Yeah.

We don't do that anymore. It's fucked up. I mean, It can't be a downside to having a bigger head, right? It looks cool as hell. Exactly. Can you imagine walking around and having like the shape, the head shape of a xenomorph? Especially if your kid later in life gets into body modification.

That's like a huge head start. Even better if your kid doesn't. He's just an accountant. Exactly. Yeah. And then all of his, and then he would be the most trusted accountant. He was a baby. He's got Charzard horns on the back of his head, dude.

He works at Shake Shack. My lawyer must be really smart. He has a giant cylindrical skull that holds a very powerful math brain. Yeah. I don't know. I think probably your brain does get, it grows constantly, right? Yeah. It's either that or fingernails, so.

True. I can't remember which one. It's probably the brain. I think it's brain, yeah. It keeps growing after you die. You keep learning after you die. Yeah. You learn about like the underworld or whatever.

Exactly. leave kids in a dirty diaper we did that insult their kids that's kind of the same thing as roasting yeah it's different anyone who you ask nag constantly been there dude spoil their kids now that's okay actually yeah yeah i want all the moms out there to know it's okay to spoil your kid i'll put a spoiler on your kid there we go that's another head shit yeah i'll put the molding on my kid i put the sport kit i'll put a racing stripe in the side of his head dude. That'd be kind of fucking cool little indenched racing stripe and then turn

it into a spoiler at the back. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. It's like you might awesome. You could be confused for a transformer. Putting like a nitro booster on the back of my kid's head, but because of like inertia, his feet don't move so it just slams his head straight into the ground. I want to make

my kid look like Minecraft Steve put his head in one of those Japanese watermelon molds. Yeah, yeah. And then just have him walk around like Yeah. Yeah. My dad loved Japanese watermelons. It's true.

Why did they make them square? Is it just easier to cut? It just looks cool. Yeah. Yeah, a kid, a guy with a cubicle head, walk around just being like, you would not believe what shape my mother's thing he was. Talk about box. That bitch had a box on her.

that's right yeah my dad's a lego man they had four quarters yeah that's right that's right oh come on man i would love like one of those iranian barber videos where they like wrap around they like take the towel off the guy's head and wrap around and show the cut and he just has a completely sheer hair right they're like sharpening a knife yeah they're sharpening the sword oh or you could give your kid an an anvil head Oh, that'd be cool. I mean, that's a lifelong hobby. Or like a knifehead, like a sword-shaped knife head.

Straight up. My kid's got a blade for it. No, not a cun, like a blade. Like a really thin, wow. That might be awesome. That might be sick, dude. Yeah. He has like a Wolverine style.

It like keeps breaking his skin, but he like gets used to it. Uh-huh. Sure. Be really cool. God, that'd be. That'd be amazing. I might have a kid now. Like right now.

It might be tough for me to have a kid. I might have a baby. Maybe. I'm going to walk into the orphanage. So, yeah, I know all these kids are all sad or whatever. Which one do you think has the softest, most moldable skull right now? Who is the most malleable kid in here? And the most, what's the, and who's the most expensive also? Yeah. I'm not sticking out. I'm not skimping on a kid. I will not be buying the cheapest kid here.

Give me like the most expensive. Can you give me the most expensive and the least expensive? And I'm going to make them both have swordheads and they're going to battle at the end of the month. Do you guys have like a PayPal pay and full? kind of thing where I can use four payments to pay off my kid. Do you guys take Best Buy gift cards? Yeah. I just need a payment plan for my adoption. Please.

Number 22, forget their kids in the backseat of the car. Well, that kills a lot of children, actually. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. I feel like you hear two of those stories a year where it's like, this guy was, he went to work and forgot that he had his kid and his kid and his car and they came out and the kid was dead and it's like that kid's a pussy dude yeah i could should have survived i guess in a car all day a hot car could not kill me no what is up with this

kid why is he so easily easily killed yeah you know it's you know probably saw like a ghost out of the window and got scared or something maybe it's disgusting it's disgusting the kids die in cars and they should they should get um should grow up you know what you should do here's a way that car manufacturers, Chevy, if you're listening, you know, throw me a hondo, they could put a second wheel and gas pedal in the back seat. So the kid can drive away. So the kid can get, yeah, they can escape or at least turn the fucking AC on, you know. It's not a bad idea.

It's pretty not at all. But then, yeah, the guy walks out of, a- Or like an ejector seat that launches the kid like into the air to get out of the car. Oh, that's a really good point, actually. yeah or like um or maybe just like a tv they could watch because they die i like a game you could just give them a game boy yeah that might be actually a cheaper better alternative but i also think maybe the if they can find their way home that's that's an even better story you know the dead kid that's a pretty good news story but kid drives his way home kid that's a fucking kid dead from heat stroke

lands in front yard of a parent's house on a parachute Yeah, he was already dead. His head fell over. Yeah, but at least he was home. Yeah. Landed, flew into the skylight and landed in his mom's cooking pot right in front of her. All right. Is that the end of the list?

Subscribe to the Patreon. Please. Please. Pat has to make up the money he lost from the lights. That's true. I have a message for all the fans. um if uh if it's a saturday and you don't see that a teaser is posted for the premium episode um you should just DM Caleb about it yep uh so i can stop like reminding Caleb maybe he'll

set like a reminder on his phone like for the first time or something i probably but just like if yeah he probably won't so if you know it gets to be sunday there's no teaser from saturday just a bunch of you just message Caleb i'm gonna switch to a flip phone that has no alarms and also i'm to get rid of my calendars, my clocks, and my computer. You already got rid of your clock. But yeah, but like Caleb might respond to you. And you might like, hey, if we might like start a friendship or like, dude, you might be able to like, oh, yeah, he's telling your jokes or something.

I'll be friends with anybody who listens. Yeah. And also, if you see me on the street, don't talk to me unless you have, like, drugs or food. Caleb said that Caleb agreed to this. Once we hit 10K on the Patreon, he's going to hang the bird clock back up. So let's get those numbers up, everybody. Let's get that bird clock back in Caleb's house. Please don't do that.

Can we just say it 9-9-9-9? No, we're going to get that bird. We're going to get that bird in your house. It's not worth it. It doesn't mean. It's totally worth it. Come on, you guys. Come on, you guys.

Let's get these numbers up. Yep. We're getting his bird. You get to see Cameron in a dress and you get to see a bird in Caleb's house. That's two birds. We're not putting a bird in my house. You're changing. We're getting a bird.

We're going to get a bird. clock we're not letting a bird go in my house we're going to get Caleb is getting a bird I don't want a pet bird doesn't matter I don't wear a dress I'm going to buy the bird you do want to wear a dress also I don't I'm going to buy I'm going to buy a bird for Caleb you're going to get a sexy made outfit and you're going to look good you're going to buy it for me if you ship it to my house really yeah I'm going to buy like a $500 made out and I'm going to send it to your house and then you have to wear it and I'm going to buy a $500 that's okay I'm to get the smallest one they have yeah and i'm going to send it to cam really really soon okay yeah

all right all right bye you guys bye bye morning night was there