Podcast About List - Ep. 137 - S.T. (The Saint Patrick's Day Special) (w. Leo)

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Everything is wicked in the perfect little town of Boston, California in the 80s. But things are about to get a little wickeder when Keith Benefits, Buddy Bowser, Yousef DVD, and Vince Foster discover a peculiar little creature in the backyard. Childlike wonder, whimsical nostalgia, and hungover townie uncles abound in "S.T.", a heartwarming adventure for the whole fackin family! Make sure you give Leo a follow @darth_erogenous and of course our dungeon master Patches @senator_gun. And subscribe to our patreon at www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist to hear more flagrant disrespect of Dungeons & Dragons. Happy St. Paddy's!

Somewhere between Bedstay and Honolulu, the perfect little town of Boston, California, sleeps peacefully among the Brady Woods, a small forest nearby where Bostonians will hike and throw rocks at animals. Nothing crazy really ever happens in the Brady Woods, though. Sure, a bear might stick his hand in a beehive to get some honey, and his hand will get stuck, and then some bees will take the shape of a giant boot, kick the bear in the rump. Then the boot will chase the bear around and around in a circle, hopping, of course, while the bear desperately tries to shake the beehive off his hand. Like, that'll happen. But other than that, and the occasional dead girl, Jared Leto Berry's here, nothing strange ever happens in Brady Woods.

But as the day begins to break after a night of long rain, on this March 16th, the day before St. Patty's Day, a rainbow crests across the sky in the wee hours of the morning. And along that rainbow, if you listen closely enough, you can hear the gleeful giggles of some fantastic little creatures, proudly bearing their four-leaf clovers in their buckled shoes, but obscured by the morning mist, which is actually smoke, because the pats won, so everyone decided to blow up the Italian Community Center for shits and gigs. These little green monsters frolic about the woods, hearty and tardy in the way, turning squirrels inside out and tricking fishermen into catching their own trousers. One in particular, however, got a bit lost in all the excitement. For you see, he saw what he thought was a giant potato, the most sacred of all statues. As the little guy scurried over, pulling down his green top hat on his ginger curls, he geared up to take a chomp out of this big brown thing. What the fact? said the potato, for it was no potato at all, but just a man wearing brown.

Before our friend could issue an apology, the man was chasing him across the woods, dashing frantically among the treats. This little creature showed great agility, using his grubby little head. hands and feet to pivot and tumble among the branches, trunks, and roots that populated the Brady Woods. Eventually, he found himself no longer in the forest at all, but on the outskirts of town, in what looked like a backyard of sorts, mangy and unkempt. The face scamp seemed to have lost the angry potato man. What joy? The little fellow began to twirl a gold coin between his fingers, produced little trinkets and charms and magical effects from beneath

his pap in an impromptu, jaunty celebration. Meanwhile, on his way to Duncan to get ten crellas and stand in front of a packy until it opens, another potato-looking fellow shuffled across the outskirts of town. When he spotted our stout pal prancing about, shocked, thinking he might be still drunk from the bottle of Jackie had about 20 minutes ago, this Bostonian rubbed his eyes, but no clear as day, or as clear as day could ever be, but with it being all blurry all the time, he was seen what he was seeing. He was seeing something weird. I don't think I need to tell you what happens next, but in case you didn't know,

they got a saying in Boston, California. If something seems weird, you should probably throw a beer can at it. And with a crude wind-up and thunk, our leprechaun was knocked out cold in the backyard. The tiny guy's friends were starting up the rainbow again and heading out. That's right, you can start up rainbows. They had a big day tomorrow, and they

needed to make sure they were ready. Thinking they had everyone accounted for, they rode the rainbow back into the clouds from wherever they came, meaning this little leprechaun was stranded in Boston, California, in the backyard of a one Keith benefits. Now, we fast forward a few more hours later they just got

Keith and his friends got back from school and they're sitting around hanging out in their living room playing the sex lies and videotape board game and eating pizza this is where I start my and the Keith benefits

mom is you know huffing and puffing around and young all the kids and yeah who are you kids you're hanging outside hanging out inside playing the sex lights and videotape board game you guys are friends who are you I'm Keith Benefits. I'm the class prankster.

I'm known all around town for my pranks. The other day, I did an awesome prank where I took all the money from the Jerry's Kids bucket at the arcade. I don't know who those kids are, but they got hit with the prank of a century. If anyone gets mad at me for my pranks, they should calm down because it's just a prank. Hell, I love doing pranks so much, but I hate getting in trouble for my pranks. I got in trouble for feeding the class. last bird, a bunch of Alka Seltzer, and the teacher got mad at me, so I pranked her by replacing

her daily candy with a bunch of chicklets. It's the 80s. That kind of stuff is just fun pranks right now. You know, pranking small animals, lighting fires, wetting the bed, all that stuff is pranks. Last week, I did a prank on Yusuf DVD where I said his mailbox on fire, and he was pissed. I burnt his decoder ring. That's a good prank. I hope none of these pranks that I do now as a child affect the way I act or the decisions I make as an adult. Anyway, I'm seven years old. I'm the youngest of the group and I guess I'm the leader. I don't know.

I don't know why these guys hang out with me. I think I might be half-brothers with one of them. I'm not entirely sure. I don't know. I started following them around or they started following me around around the time that I moved into the neighborhood with my aunt after I pranked my mom and dad. Okay, so Keith Benefit's aunt is the one who's in the house, not his mom. Okay, minor correction for me.

Keith Benefit has a few sort of a tried and true abilities. He has his up close and personal attacks with his dropkick Murphy and rocks. he throws rocks as his long-range attack. He's got wicked smarts, which allows him to use some fancy sort of confusing types of wording to get away with pranks, using and get advantage on charisma checks. And he has luck of the benefits,

which will get into, but it is powered by beer. It's so funny how we had to change that. It's originally luck of something else. And now, yeah, so we're moving around the table. You're playing as the, the, playing as the, what's his name, fucking, what's the actor in Sex, Liza, videotape?

Robert California. James Spader? Yeah, you're playing as the James Spader character in the game, Buddy Bowser, but you also started chewing on it. Who are you, Buddy Bowser? Hello, everybody. My name is Buddy Bowser. I am in, one, two,

three, four, five, six, seven, eighth grade, and I am one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, twelve, thirteen years old. My doctor told me that my IQ is so low that my brain is physically unable to dream. He said even dogs can dream and they don't even have IQs. My favorite hobby is eating paste from the jar of paste that I wear on my belt. One time when I was eating a spoonful of paste, I tripped on a dry leaf on the sidewalk, and the whole jar went into my hair. After I refilled the jar, my mom had to shave off part of my bowl cut, and hair doesn't grow on that spot anymore. Everyone at school says I look like Fryer Tuck now, but I think I look more like that fat monk from Robin Hood. My mom doesn't let me watch Robin Hood anymore, because I get too scared of made Marion and I pee myself. Anyway, my favorite hobby is playing Tetherball and eating paste from my jar of paste and going to the doctor and playing tetherball so buddy bousers are are is my his mommy special special guy and um he has a couple of abilities he has big hug which i think is my favorite

mechanically that i've made in a while um we'll we'll probably just see that play out i even want to get into it and then uh choke on glue which is just his ranged attack um um Also, he can smell a pretty teacher lady. There's no real benefit to that. It's just an ability he has. Yeah. Yeah. And we rotate over and we see another kid who, he's dressed in a little tucks.

He seems to constantly be checking his watch and putting his finger to his ear. And he's doing all kinds of spy stuff. Who is this guy? The name's DVD. Yusif DVD And as you may have gleaned from my pinstripe suit My rosewood cane and my Mickey Mouse ears Yamika I am no ordinary eighth grader

I yearn for the old days When your lawyer smoked and your cousins died Oh how I dream of dialing back the calendar To years of yonder When your best chance of seeing a panda Was not at the state zoo But at a traveling freak show In a colorful tent labeled Dog of the East

Or the bisexual man Born and raised right here in Boston, California, I was trained in the accent of my motherland by a seven-year-old named Josh Gadd. He had a sick of Josh and I, wherein he would show me Monty Python laser discs in exchange for loose slices of ham and the odd piece of avuncular advice.

Hey, Josh, air duster isn't deodorant. Stop buying wedding cakes. No one cares about your salt lick. Through his tutelage, I mastered this lilt, and I remain close friends with him to this day. But enough about me, everything I know I was taught by my father. He's the coolest guy in the whole world, and there's a reason you haven't heard of him. He's an elder spy on Her Majesty's Secret Service, a member of the elusive Queen's Dozen.

To this day, I must spend my time parrying infiltration attempts by French sci-op agencies impersonating my mother on Atari Facebook, knowing full of when I was two years old, my dad made her so horny she had to kill herself. In the past 30 years, he's been hiding in plain sight, disguised as a waiter at a British intelligence-themed restaurant, working for tips from casual dining literati. That's right. The royal family had been sending coded messages to his customers, instructing him to do everything from cleanse the city's tap water supply to doing open mics under the name Paul Provenza. With Jarre's blessing, I will follow in his footsteps and enter the world of espionage myself. Yusif DVD forever. Amazing.

Use of DVD picked up a lot of those spy moves from his dad he's able to do some kung fu spy kung fu he's got a waiter's corkscrew he carries around he's a couple of tools he has a laser pen and some quote unquote knockout gas

which is really just sort of harmless gas that is he has and then he has and a laser pen doesn't like burn things it just distracts people if he has a packet of mysterious powder from his dad in a clear plastic bag. He also has a gun. And now, no, we move over, and next we see someone else. We see sort of like a real tough guy, a real, real fucking bully type.

Who are you, Vince Foster? Oh, what's up, ass balls? Nice to feed you. I'm the tough kid of the school, Vince Foster. My mom got fingered by Edward's cigarette hands in 1975, and three months later, I popped out. Now I fuck frogs and beat up dorks who don't know their place. Some think I have a secret sensitive side, and they're correct. It's the bottom of my smelly white ass, and it's sensitive because I hold the Guinness World Record

for longest time spent mooning an active volcano. Now I'm going to go practice swirlies on Buddy Bowser and watch the news because I am terrified of AIDS, which I think comes from the library. So, uh, Vince Foster. It's a fucking name. God damn. What's up? Has brass knuckles because he's a bully.

I guess they get them. That's what I decided. He has the ability to improvise with sort of any objects nearby to make them into ranged objects. He could do a little whining to, to, get enemies to not hurt him and then he could sneak attack them, a little bully whining. He's got a, he can deflect a lot of projectiles too with his cool leather jacket. And he can't kill himself.

And so, yeah, you guys are all hanging out. You guys are playing the sex lies and videotape board game. Your auntie, Keith benefits, yells, starts coming by. and she brought you guys pizza and she's saying Keith Keith I need you to go outside Take out the trash Ah fuck what

No fuck you No fuck you auntie This sucks No you know it sucks It's feeding your ungrateful fucking friends Go outside No fuck you They get to eat whatever they want here

Yeah I know That's the whole fucking point That I mean by ungrateful I hear one fucking thank you That one started fucking drooling Thank you to you And this guy keeps trying to fucking pinch my ass What are you 12

You fucking leather jacket weirdo Yeah He's 12. You're right about that. Look, and when you know what I say take out the trash, I mean, try to see if you can wake up your uncle. He's still asleep in the yard from last week. So if you could just try to see if you could take care of that for me, that'd be nice. I thought, fuck, this sucks.

Take your, take your sister with you. I don't have a, what do you mean? My sister. Oh, wait, hold on. Hold on. Yeah. From the movie. Okay, I'm remembering my sister now.

I forgot about my sister. You have a little sister named Sullivan the frog. That's her. Sullivan the frog, my little sister. Do you see a frog? Frog guy? Looks a lot like another frog guy. See how I'm four?

And, uh... Shut up! Okay. actually go on I think you had something to say I just was saying this board game gets me so angry I love to play with dolls

and uh uh yeah I don't know I don't know who I don't know when I became your little sister but somewhere along in the writing process the DM must have just couldn't stop laughing at this idea

and now he's not so sure about it Yep. All right. Well, you have to wake up our uncle. I'm scared. And take out the trash. No. We're going to go outside and smoke this cigarette I found.

Oh, okay, fine. During that conversation, I'm just staring at Keith's aunt and I just go, hi, Mom. yeah great I'm your mother too amazing is he my half brother I don't remember no I just call every Sullivan is he I half brother what's a half brother

I'm four so a half is like half of two is one oh oh I mean I'm confused by that I don't know how much in what direction I got Really didn't think it through.

Hold on. So if I give you half of my candy, that means that we each get one. We each get some candy. I'm upstairs and I'm jumping on his uncle's bed. Yeah, you're jumping on his uncle's bed as you do. Each time you land on it, like a smell comes out that you didn't know was a kind of smell you can smell.

Keith, your aunt's is very tantalizing. Does she shower? I don't fucking know. Why would I know that? I give a big cartoonish smell right next to her and I go, No. I don't have time to shower. Okay, I work 10 jobs, all right?

And I raise five other kids you don't know about. Okay, so it's not easy being a mother. Let me tell you. Not in this day and age. You're an aunt. What? Oh, well, I'm an aunt of children that I'm the mother of, okay? It's a complicated, familial thing that us Irish do.

You can't be a mom and an aunt? Yes, you can. What are you talking about? Wait, hold on. You can't be both a mom and an aunt. She's trying to think about it. Well, yes, you can. Yes, you can.

I thought about it. You can't. You're getting fucking smart. You know that? You better start watching that mouth. Yeah, that doesn't mean you're not getting fucking smart. I'm going to have. hit you with the other side of my hand the bad side oh god all right i guess we got to go wake up the uncle

now when you guys come upstairs i have the uncle's pillowcase over my head and i'm saying it smells like a jimmy johns in here so you guys i didn't have that in the 80s huh maybe they don't know my character starts it 20 years later so you guys uh uh wander outside of the bag y'all are prodding, poking and prodding, your little sister, Sullivan. And she's supposed to go, like, look for your uncle. Let me get her. Oh, he's not on a bed. My bad.

Oh, no, you were just on his bed where he's supposed to sleep. Oh, okay. I thought he was sleeping up there. No, he's out in the backyard where he likes to hang out, or you think he likes to hang out. And Sullivan's going to, like, you see the backyard. It's just disgusting and dirty. There's a pile of hay for some reason and a fish. There's fucking beer and wine bottles everywhere.

It is like way too big a property for what your aunt should have. But she... There's a Pontiac GTO. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Pontiac GTO that's in perfect condition. And then there's one that's in... It is not functional.

There's both of them are in the backyard. And Sullivan sort of wanders over to her uncle. And she pokes him again, and she's like, yeah, he's still breathing, but he's just been out for a week. I don't really, I don't know what he did. Well, how do we get him up? I think buddy has to do mouth to mouth. Yeah, buddy, you got to go do mouth to mouth. Come on, buddy.

Okay, I think that will bring him back to life, and I put on a bunch of paste on my lips like lipstick. And I waddle over to him. I start breathing into his nose Okay buddy While you're doing that Roll a perception check Okay Crit one

Okay You are unable to notice anything For the rest of your time in the backyard There's nothing that you'll be able to perceive It'll all just be blackness As far as you're concerned You essentially just have like an extended version of like No object permanent

I just see the uncle's face Yeah, yeah. Buddy inhaled some of the uncle's breath and passed out. Yeah, but Yusuf, I would say with your like spy sort of like abilities, you're able to pick up on a sound coming from the shed. Oh my God. What's that? Okay. You could wander over there.

You can move stealthily. You can move less stealthily. to you. I crouch walk to the shed. Okay. Yeah. So you start crouch walking to the shed and it's pretty tough. There's a lot of like, if you're trying to like move stealthily, you have to like try to not step on like a beer can or a beer bottle and break it or some broken pottery or, um, a magazine. Um, so roll a stealth check. 24. Very good. Yeah. You, from your years of, of, of pretending to be your dad, you're able to pretty handily like get to the shed. Get pretty close to it.

As you do, you hear a bit of rumbling in the shed, a bit of rustling going around. You hear that pretty clearly, actually. And it doesn't sound like that should be inside of a shed. Hey, guys, there's something inside the shed. You might want to see this. Which shed? There's like six back here. The one painted green. Oh, okay.

I know that shed. The bright green shed that usually holds all of your St. Patrick's Day paraphernalia. There's one for the holiday, like, but... Yeah. Yep. This is the St. Patrick's Day one. The nicest shed. I have to say...

Well, what do you guys want to do with the shed? I don't... What are we doing? I think, follow me. We're going in. Okay. So you guys are following, you were yelling across the, the, if the backyard, and as you were yelling, you started to hear the movement stop. And as you get a bit closer to the shed, you see two little feet dangling in a big, a big chest where there was like all this fake gold and also all this beer.

And you see these two little feet dangling and you hear, go, go, go, go, paratiteite, tat, tit, tat, tit, tat, tit. Go pooh, go, go, go, go, go. Ah, teart, to tart, you're waking up. And when you hear, you hear, whatever that thing is, hears you yell, he pops his head up. And this rosacea fucking absolutely destroyed, drunken, looking little tiny leprechaan man, pops his head up.

And he sees you, Keith Benefits. And he goes, hearty, tardy, hearty, hearty, tardy, hearty, Tarty, Tarty! Oh, my God. They shrank and cloned my uncle. And he starts freaking out, and he's running around, and he hits it to the wall. He passes out, and then he poof, he disappears. Whoa.

Oh, my God. Did you guys see that? No. Buddy, did you see that? Your uncle's nose is, like, chewing gum. now also uh youssef roll a perception check yousuff and keith i should say and also actually vince foster all of you can do it except buddy i got a 20 buddy can't do shit i got a 10 okay Keith benefits and yousef

uh Keith you know your backyard you know it well um you know when you know when there's something out of the ordinary when there's something weird it's a it's a it's a a classic sort of tell in Boston, California. And Youssef, again, your spy abilities come in favor for you. Vince, you're too busy trying to figure out how you can suffocate Buddy Bowser on Keith's uncle's nose. And you guys see a, it looks like a man in like a suit, but not like a spy suit, like a FBI looking suit, skulking outside of the fence peering in.

Oh my God. Not him again. Not the guy that watches me sleep. And yeah, he's just there. What do you guys want to do? This is an instruction for me. I need to talk to this man. Yeah, how about you go over there and talk to him?

I think maybe... I run a full pelt towards the man. Yeah. Sir! the guy's like ha ha ha ha and he he takes out

a gun he goes freeze freeze this FBI and he looks like he may be in the FBI but he also looks like he has like scales

underneath his skin it's hard to tell if he's a person or some sort of snake man I take it as a challenge I walk up, hold the battle of the gun, and put it in the center of my forehead. Shoot me. Uh...

He's like... I'm rolling intimidation check with advantage, Huseb. Okay. I know. I know. You are still a child. So he's just like... like, what? What are you doing? And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and sort of like,

jabs you away with the gun. He says, get out of here, kid. I'm, I'm, I'm, and I'm going in. And he starts to move in. And, uh, uh, he starts to move towards the shed. And he sees you, Keith benefits. He's like, you. Me? I watch you every night. Well, for initiative. 12. Did everyone roll? Yeah, everyone roll. Cool. Unless you're like, I'm on this guy's side. I guess you still would.

Let me find the icon I need. All right. Okay, cool. All solid, pretty solid initiative roles. In this case, Yusef, you're going to go first. So this guy, this FBI guy looking guy, who also looks a little bit, snake like sort of just busted through the shed uh and saw uh keith benefits and he uh is sort of going towards him right now it looks like he's trying to maybe do like a sleep or hold you

he just he doesn't want him to it's it you can't tell if it's like he's trying to kill him or hurt him just to like you know but um uh you're pretty sure if there's something going on so yeah you're up yusuf though that's sort of what's happening now luckily I brought the gun my dad keeps to shoot at cars which I pull it out freeze okay and you have a pretty clear shot at him

and so I'm going to say that you can roll again of intimidation with advantage before you even but this would be your action is to just point the gun and say freeze oh my god six and three Yeah, no, you're not very intimidating to him.

He's... An actual gun. This guy got nerves of steel. Yeah, this guy's like, that's not... This kid has a cane. He's not suiting a gun. This kid's... What do you?

Some sort of steampunk dandy? Get out of my sight. It's the 80s. All toy guns look real. True. Where did that... Where did that stinky, stinky little man go who was in here?

You're talking about yourself? My uncle's right over. there. Ooh, both of you, maybe you can be mad for different reasons. And, yeah, it is, though,

based on dexterity, it is your turn, Vince Foster. Okay, I will use my brass knuckles. Hell yeah. So you can run up to this guy. Yeah,

that's a hit. You could just, yeah. And I got 12. Fuck. Okay, yeah. I'm so good,

yeah. So you just run up to this guy. How do you, how do you beat them? on him um one one single like old-timey 80s movie punch just completely unrealistic i'm like three inches away from his face and it's yeah yeah and uh pretty teacher lady that was an accident okay so yeah smelled a pretty teacher later yeah i didn't mean to click that buddy used

his turn to smell a pretty teacher late um you look like my teacher she's beautiful but yeah you sock him in the jaw and he's like ah that was like three feet away how did that happen he's like freaking out about that but he's he got hit pretty hard there um uh uh keith benefits or is it buddy no it's buddy it's your turn um yeah you feel first you smell sullivan the four year old frog

little girl i was smelling the fbi guy yeah fi guy okay distance yeah you're like 40 feet away from him buy the alcohol. I can smell you from here and you smell fragrant. What? You smell fragrant. You smell like, he's saying you smell like a vagrant.

What? No, I, I shower plenty. You have scales like my mom's leg. My scales. And he starts to rub down on the scales and they sort of smooth out. It becomes more like skin-like.

That's what my mom. mom does too with her ointment so what do you want to do buddy bowser uh i can only move 20 feet because i'm yeah you slow shit i have i have a bunch of paste on the bottom of my shoes so it's really hard for me to walk

so i just move like halfway to the shed you could also you could use your full movement though too that's true oh yeah okay you just don't do anything else except get there yeah i quote unquote dash which is yeah looks exactly the same i just walk a little more before i stop um uh little sullivan meanwhile is cowering behind her passed out uncle uh like ah i oh god what is happening i'm for and uh it's your turn viz foster no offense foster sorry keith benefits now it's your turn um is there anything okay can i do like

a perception check to see if there's anything in the shed that i can do a prank with yeah so yeah uh there's don't i have to do a perception check So it's a St. Paddy's Day Shed. So there's Jameson. There's Jameson there. Oh yeah, there's alcohol in there. Yeah, there's like, yeah, so yeah, there's like a little like a leprechaun outfit

that you could use as a cloth. Okay. And there is Jameson in there. Most of the alcohol in here has been completely drunken though by you assume that little creature that was in here earlier. But there is a bit, there's a bit of Jameson left in like one of the Okay, I soak a leprechaun outfit in Jameson, and I pull out my zippo and light it, toss it at this FBI agent. Okay, a couple of things.

One that's going to be an athletics check. Okay. Vince Foster, you're going to have to do a dexterity saving throws. You're right there. Okay. Awesome. I got a four. Okay.

you do a dexterity based attack so that'd be like your throw rocks your rocks attack just do that dexterity so just throw rocks yeah that's actually yeah instead of athletics 16 yeah that hits come on man not you it does get in your general area though but it hits the FBI agent and shit I guess what a Molotov cocktail how much damage is that five that's for the rocks let's just yeah multiply that by three

so that's 15 damage I would say um oh damn it almost did five three times um but yeah you you uh take uh only like the initial damage uh because it wasn't going right for you Vincent Foster but yeah your pant leg got a bit on fire

from the Malatov cocktail um and now the shed is starting to get on fire too. So you have a We tie him in. Yeah. Okay. All right. So, yeah. So the FBI agent now is like, he's like, ah!

He's like, you know, burning a bit. He got socked in the face by another kid. And so he starts panicking. And he starts to run away tries to run past use of DVD. You get an opportunity attack, though, Vince Foster, while he's running away.

Okay. Okay. So he's out of the shed now? Yeah. Okay, so I will, is there any objects in the shed that I could throw? Yeah, I mean, there's empty beer cans, there's a blarney stone. There's a blarney stone in here, too. Is there a schudiken? A schudiken? There's an Irish shiriken. It's just a cross. Okay, I will throw that with my improvisability.

Yeah, okay, throw it. Roll improvise. 12. Yeah, that hits him. Yeah, this guy is not the highest. Five damage. Okay, yeah. You throw your cross,

and it's Catholic cross, so it has Jesus on it. Yeah. And it's just spinning in the air. It spins, and you see, Yusuf, you see it just, like,

land in, like, the small of this guy's back. Um, and just, like, jut out Christ first. Um, and he's just like, ah! He's just like falls on his knees.

And, um, And Youssef, what you see is you see this guy disappear, and it's just his clothes remains. And then you see a snake slither out and slither away past you. The initiative's over, but Vince Foster, you need to get out of the shed. Okay. Before I do, am I in the shed, too? You're kind of in the shed, too, but you're much further from where the fire that you threw land.

Right. I'm not going to say exactly what he says but based on the cross and the snake thing my character says something deeply anti-Semitic and then he leaves yeah yeah okay yeah just roll a just roll nah you could just leave the shed it's just like lighting on fire

and he's going to fall down yeah but yeah that was that was a weird thing that happened Solvin, meanwhile, she lifts her head up, and she's like, he's not waking up. He's not going to wake up. Can we go back inside now? Well, why don't we just put him next to the shift?

I don't want. Maybe that'll wake him up. Maybe he smells the fire. That'll wake him up. Okay, I guess we could try. Do you guys want to try to bring your uncle towards the... I've got some... I've got some powder on me.

Oh, yeah, you want to try to use the powder? Your dad's powder? Yeah, my dad has some magic powder. Oh, okay, that's a good idea. It's in a little clear bag and he takes it to work. Maybe just a little bit. Maybe just a pinch. Okay, yeah.

Roll a medicine check, Yusuf DvD. Okay. So you put the powder like in his nose. You try to figure out like, how does your dad do it? and your dad sniffs it usually you would think but so you just sort of like

put it up in there and you watch covered and like spit and you just watch like the blood vessels maybe they get redder you can't really tell and his face looks a little

like it's maybe it's swelled a little bit more like you can't tell but he's like and he just goes like and like nothing else happens um dog

Are you guys going to still try to drag him to the burning shed? I have a better idea. Okay. So I take... So on the map here, there's a fish on the ground. There's a couple of cards sort of just... I pick up... Your aunt through in a heranga.

I pick up the fish and I just shove the whole fish head in his mouth. okay uh roll a medicine check with disadvantage but do it yeah 11 okay um that and i'll say plus the cocaine your uncle now is like trying to breathe through his mouth uh but he can't so he has to breathe through his nose that is filled with cocaine and saliva and so you watch his him just like and his eyes just shoot the fuck open and he jumps on the fish And he just starts vomiting what is, looks like, completely undigested beer.

It's completely just regular beer. You could drink from it. It still has a head. Yeah. He vomits into, like, a cup, like a really big mug. And it has a perfect head. It's like a perfect in his poor.

He turned it upside down and everything. I think he's making a potion, guys. You should try it. drink it, buddy. I already am. Okay. Roll a constitution saving throw. Okay. I mean, you're so hearty. You take like three damage though from it.

It does, like, remove some of the glue coating that makes your stomach immune to ulcers. But you do take some of the damage from this. I felt like that time I ate a pack of thumbtacks. He's like, Oh, Keith, where was I? I thought I saw God and then I was chewing on a fish. What the hell is this? Sir, your potion is delicious.

Thank you. You brought the special guy back with you. What's this? Yeah, I brought the British guy too. and Vince Foster. Oh, hey, Vince. How you doing? He just knows Vince. Yeah, he knows Vince.

We hang out of the bowling alley. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, my uncle. Yeah. Anyway, my uncle. Ephraim. My name's Ephraim. Ephraim benefits.

There's something going on in the shed. I think you did it. what when I oh shit he finally takes in that the shed is on fire he's like uh and roll roll a persuasion check with advantage because he's completely fucking out of it and like yeah 22 yeah he's like

don't say a fucking word at the end okay I wasn't gonna okay that's my guy that's my guy well don't accuse me if doing it I won't I'm just saying don't fucking say anything I don't know what I wasn't gonna when I go to sleep I don't know what I do That's the only thing I can say for sure But I wasn't going to say anything

I was all right Okay, you wasn't going to say it I'm just doing my due diligence It's nothing to do with you Don't take it so personal You're being sensitive You know what I say You're being sensitive

You're being sensitive That's what you're doing right now Oh my God I wish I didn't wake you up I wish you didn't wake me up either I was dying, it was great We saw a devil That looked like my mom's leg

Yeah me too i've been there okay and he starts like waddling back inside he has a limp he didn't have when he was awake um last um yeah so that's that's that's it for everything that that like it was going on back there but you can tell i mean you guys can obviously investigate um you know investigate the close the fbi guy do whatever you guys want there's shit around here maybe the the other thing was around here the leprechaun thing i'm going to investigate the shed you have to wait like 20 minutes wait is there a hose in the backyard

yeah yeah you can also try to do that all right we're going to play guys let's play firemen so I get I get the hose yeah you all need to sort of you're all kids you all need to try to get together and do well we have to go inside and get our fireman costumes first I call being the pole okay do you guys go get changing who does just there's another shed there's another shed that it's like a fire station

and we go in there and we come out in fire costume little richard scary town of sheds yeah what is all your what are your fireman costumes look like do they differ between each of you or are you all the same one uh they're very big i can tell you that yeah right yeah perfect i'm wearing a nurse's outfit okay so we take the hose off the fire yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you guys run did there um you hose it down the shed is uh sort of saved it's like it took you a while to get it on yous have got his on very quickly he practices changing and in the changing in and changing out

of outfits for spy reasons or or Yousef, did you, or Yusuf, where you, did you take off your spy outfit and put on the fireman costume? Like, how did you? No, I put it on top of my spy. Yeah, yeah, of course. And Keith, Keith, Keith, Vince, did you put on a fire, not Keith, Vince, did you put on a fireman outfit or what did you do during that time? No, I just, I took my jacket off. That's all I did.

That's what I wanted to know. Okay. And so, yeah, you guys mostly save it. Like burns all over my body now, but from being in the shed and then fighting with no shirt. yeah yeah you look you look like a little like a little too old for the age you actually are um but yeah so the shed is the shed you can still investigate so roll an investigation check anybody who wants to investigate the shed it could be all of you 18 17 3 17 yeah well uh Vince is just so uninterested in investigating the shed or why Vince

why do you think he did so poorly I should because I got distracted by one of the like broken down cars in the backyard and you start working on it with a wrench just like kind of unscrewing stuff making it worse and keeping a towel on my shoulder yeah roll roll just roll a intelligence check just to see how you do it making it worse a seven you make it a little better by accident yeah there's also i i don't really know what i'm doing there's no like grease on my hands i'm just wiping my own blood onto the onto the towel over and over again yeah so Somebody is just, like, walking by and, like, the neighborhood, it just, like, looks over the fence and just goes, fucking, I'm not even going to fucking touch that shit. Fucking bloody kid, not again.

And, uh, yeah, the rest, you three, though, you guys all sort of scour the, scour the shed. And you find a couple of, like, little gold coins, um, through investigating. And, and gold coins that you've never seen before. You guys are going to have to roll a strength check to stop me from eating this. Right in my mouth the second I see them Buddy, get it out of your fucking mouth Yeah Buddy, uh, yeah, Yusuf

Yousse, I got a, I gotta quit one save You have to roll two And you roll strength too, buddy Oh God Oh no, buddy's gonna eat the coin Oh no So Yussef and Keith Just completely failed, yeah

And buddy like completely succeeded, yeah Youssef, why do you think you messed this up? Describe to me. What stopped you? Look, I'm going to be straight with you. The nurse outfit was distracting me. I didn't want to touch him because he was coming to too much glue. And he looked like a girl.

And you were like, I don't want, I hate girls of cooties. Buddy, you just fucking eat the coin you find. You just fucking eat it. More coins. You're not touching mine. You have coins? No. We don't have coins.

I'm just lumbering towards Keith benefits very slowly and ominously. No, I don't have a coin. Buddy, no. I don't. Here, check this out. There's like a fake pot of gold, like one of those like plastic. Yeah, right. Yeah.

I give him a whole pot of plastic coins. I'm eating them all. yeah buddy you're just eating that uh yeah the coin there is just a coin inside of you now um i guess we'll have to address that later you also uh yeah and so that's that's it for the for the shed though i mean you find all the burned down st patty's day stuff you're gonna wear to the st patty's day parade um tomorrow they're all tattered but i'm still gonna wear it yeah those are already tattered yeah and uh uh i'll say say at this point you guys uh you guys retire retire for the evening unless you want to do a little bit more

investigating in the backyard i burp and the gold coin flies out and hits keith in the eye it sticks to his face oh fuck it stuck on my fucking eyebrow i can't get it off it's also covered in paste yeah yeah the paste and the coin on my eyebrow like waxes my eyebrow off the shape So I just have a circle of a missing eyebrow. Yeah, your aunt sees you later and she's just like, she's like, oh, no, I'm not dealing with one of these things you're doing now, okay? You've got to talk to somebody else about this. I wasn't even going to ask for any help.

It looks cool. No, it's, oh, it looks cool. You look like, you look like a fucking victim is what you look like. You look like a freak, okay? I look cool right now. You look weird. There's nothing worse of being weird. I'm going back in the backyard.

Where's the shed? What did you do? there was a shed here. There was one of the shed. No. Deception check. Great one. I know there was a fucking shed here because I was for St. Paddy's Day tomorrow. I'll ask your fucking husband about the shed.

You see the uncle crashes his head through the window one floor up? Hey! I thought you fucking said you weren't going to fucking say anything. She was yelling at me. I didn't know what I would do. There's just like this three, like this perfect triangle. of like you in the yard her one floor down and one floor up yelling at each other blood vessels popping out of your necks

but yeah I mean unless you want to look at the anything else in the backyard we can retire for the evening I'm gonna investigate the backyard some more yeah okay you can do that all you guys can do that six okay I guess I'm not maybe you could investigate the gold coin

that was stuck to you or something oh yeah that's a good idea Okay, 15. I investigate the coin. Yeah, okay. I would say that for you, Patrick, you look at the coin, or Keith, brother. Keith, you look at the coin,

and you start to hear as you stare into it. When you start to hear like a very faint Danny boy, and your eyes start to like a very faint Danny boy, and your eyes start to like water like well up with tears yeah i could hear them singing daddy boy on the muppet show tonight um it's kermin sing it he sounds beautiful yeah and uh uh then it then it then it stops um but you you you feel like there's something magical with this coin you're pretty sure now i'll say guys i'm pretty sure there's something magical with I hear you say coin

And I'm walking at you again She's drooling No I have to pick up another Like six different Plastic pots of gold in here Yeah now whenever I take a step You can hear just like plastic

Just clicking again My stomach Yeah and so The night kind of ends Yousef your dad comes to pick you up he's like son did you do any spy work today

yes he was the FBI the FBI were here dad oh yeah those blasted American cunts they're always trying to fuck shit up they try to stop the queen and her plans for me and you

all right yes dad that's right now get inside here get in the back of the car all right I've got something in there trunk yes The trunk. Oh, okay. Look, if they see that I have a son, it's all over for us.

Yes, I understand that. I understand. Hey, and you have the little, I'll put a straw in there now so you can breathe. So I don't want to hear any complaining again, all right? All right. Thank you. Okay, yeah, you go in your trunk. There's like, what do you have in your trunk where you spend most of your time, you

stuff? uh there's a stain that i can't describe yeah it's just there's residue everywhere yeah right yeah um there's a there's a chamber pot yeah and there's one of those red tennis balls you give children that yeah yeah you like like a like a tardis you're able to like fit inside of it and throw the tennis ball against the wall like like you're steve mcqueath like uh Dad, I use some of your powder today. It saved Keith's uncle. Save me too.

Let me tell you. Yeah, that's good. That's good. But, you know, just don't tell anybody that you have that powder. Remember, it's a secret powder. You can heal any wounds you have, mental or physical. Or if you're married, emotional too. I love you, Dad.

Yeah, you're a good asset. And you, Vince, do you have... Do you have parents? Do you walk home? What's your bully life? Like, what are you? I go, I go sleep at the school. Because I have to, I'm a student of the game.

I spend my time studying all the different corners and angles I could bring people from. You see the, uh, there's, there's one other guy who sleeps at the school who's like a janitor. Um, he's like, hey, Vince, how you doing? Uh, good. How about you, uh, Rodriguez? That's me. I'm good. I ate a bunch of grass today by accident.

I might be buddy's father. Well, I'm sure we'll explore that later. And buddy, what do you do? So my mom comes to pick me up in her SUV. And there's, because they took out the the backseat of the SUV and there's just a dentist chair

that I get strapped into like Hannibal Lecter with a special mask I'm in the car oh sweetie I oh you just you're covered in new things today oh goodness it's usually just the glue who copied your leg mom

are you proud of me he's like I'll find out what that means in five years honey Okay, well, feel with it then. We live, like, in the apartment above my pediatrician, because we moved there. They get more convenient for my mom so she doesn't have to drive me to the doctor twice a week. You have a, you sleep in the hand of a lecture chair and, like, a platform, and your mom could just lower you down with a crag to the pediatrician's office.

And a pediatrician sees you coming down. He's like, ah, fucking, God, damn it, again, what did he do? and they'll see like a new thing. No, he gets lowered like Mission Impossible. Yeah. He gets lowered that way. Yeah. He'll get lowered.

He'll be like, what happened to him? You're coming down like belly first. And then when you get down, you see like a toy room. Yeah, he has to replace the kid. Like Indiana Jones, he has to like weigh the kid and sit there. He tells the kid, go outside. I got to deal with this thing. They sit me down on one of those like, um,

the like thing the seat that's covered in like paper yeah paper just sticks to me like a roll just wraps around me you just get you go down like face first onto that and it's just stuck to your face and he could see like the toy truck that's stuck in your back like like today like he's like oh fucking okay um yeah and uh yeah and so you all uh go to sleep in your respective houses and the next day it's st patty's day it's a big day um But first, everybody has to go to school because Boston had a rule. They realized that they were making up too many Catholic Saint holidays. And so there was a lot of pushback.

And so now they have to go to school, even on St. Patty's Day. So you guys go to school and you go to class. You're all in the same class together, of course. And of course, there's always the Italian kids. The Italian kids are just these awful little punks who love to love to. to bully you guys for not being Italian, even though that they are also the most bullied kids in all of Boston. And you see them sort of waddle up to you. And I should say all the Italians in Boston, California. So I'm in their class, even though they're seven. Yeah, you're all in the

same class. It doesn't matter. Boss only has one grade. It's called school. You're in the school grade. Yeah, you have like 30-year-olds in there learning something completely different, like taking like a trade school class. It's like an automotive job. Yeah. Like there's like a car being repaired. Yeah. Like a chemistry lab.

Like it just like, you know those children like the like an abbey. Yeah. Yeah. There's a clown school too. The clown school is the largest school. And all the Italians in Boston, California are just meatballs. They're anthropomorphic meatballs that are the size of people. And they sort of squish up to you guys. Like, oh, look at it over here.

We got it to Keith and all these are friends. I stick my hand. They have to keep dodging. Oh, sorry. They have to keep dodging the culinary students through that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Keith.

I stick my hand in one of them and I just pull out a chunk of meatballs. Hey, hey, what's the matter with you? I didn't eat fucking breakfast. Oh, you didn't eat the breaks because you're an Irish. You guys, you can't eat anything. Oh, you just puke it up because you're always a hung over. And they all laugh and go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you're going to make me do one of my pranks. Oh, ooh, they all go like, ooh, yeah, and the teacher comes in.

Just you wait. And the teacher comes in, he's like, he's like, all right. So today, we're going to do some dissecting. I don't remember. Fucking, what do we have? And he looks inside is like another room. He opens it up. Here's a bunch of animals.

Like, ah, okay, we got pit bulls today. And so he brings in a bunch of pipples. They're all strapped to, like, cutting boards, basically. Like, you know, exam tables and wheels them out. He's like, all right. So today you got to cut open this pit bull and figure out what's inside of it. I guess, you know, you kids, Keith, your friends, you have one group. Everybody, you know, just go with your friends.

I don't give a fuck if you learn or anything. Just cut open the pit bull, tell me what you find. Extra credit if you don't, you know, you don't vomit while you do with it. And yeah, so everybody has a pit bull and you see some of the more. It's crazy how these things are alive. You see these more Balzy kids are just like stabbing in the pit bull

just like immediately just like are being terrible If they're alive I start tossing the pit bulls at the Meatball kids Yeah Yeah Yeah I was going to say

Pit bull to my inventory Yeah you can You can add a pit bull A real pit bull to your inventory But yeah Vince You throw one of the pit bulls at the I throw it in the nursery And, yeah, Keith, you, you throw a pit bull at an Italian kid?

Yes, I do. Not Keith, sorry, Vince. I am Vince. Yes. My bad. Fuck. Yeah, and, yeah, you throw it at the Italian kid. It's roll your improvised role.

13. Yeah, you like, you hear, it just sort of, like, squishes against. They'll tell me he absorbs him. No, it just, it kind of hurts him, but not as much as you would think because he's a meatball. Hey, who did the fuck gotta throw that? It was him, and I pointed, buddy. Okay, roll deception. Don't roll deception.

Yes. Here, I got this. Don't worry about it. And I push him over. Okay. Yeah, buddy, you're face to face with this giant meatball. Hey, what are you saying? Do you have a problem, glue boy?

Yeah, he shoves you. You see two little arms come out of his Meatball body and just shove you back, buddy. You trying to nestata something? Yes. Okay, roll for initiative. Nat 20. Do I roll?

At least Buddy does. If everyone else wants to start fighting with the meatballs. I'm petting my pit bull, and I'm naming him. Okay, what are you naming him? E.T. Yeah. Yeah, so Buddy, it's just you against these meatballs. Unless anyone else wants to help out, Buddy.

No. I give Buddy Buddy some of the magic powder. Okay, yeah. buddy you can move twice as fast and attack twice in a turn for one minute which for you because of your hug ability do you guys want to start a lemonade stand I have a really good idea for a lemonade

so yeah you go first buddy you got this meatball coming at you all right I use my big hug ability okay yeah roll it you said you would explain this too when it came up yeah so it did So, big hug, and that hits.

Everyone's AC is pretty low because they're meatballs. So they pretty easily get like, I guess AC people tie it to decks, but I think it should be any, whatever anyway. So, big hug. Oh, fuck. It's doing a thing where you can't see the fucking character sheet. I can't see it on the character sheet. I sent it to you. I can read it here.

Yeah, just read it. You know what? Buddy will give an enemy a big sticky hug. They will be grappled, unable to move, attack, or anything. The enemy will take 1D6 plus strength every turn they are in Buddy's embrace. Buddy will also suffer half damage as long as he is embracing an enemy. Once Buddy starts hugging an enemy,

he will not stop because he is stuck to the enemy and because he is dumb until he squeezes the life out of him, meaning he can do other actions only if they do not get in the way of him hugging an enemy. If he bumps into any other enemies while doing this hug, they can stick to him if they fail a DC 12 deck save, meaning they will be grappled as well, but will not suffer damage from the hug.

Yeah. So Buddy basically hugs his meatball. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? And like, he is just stuck to you. you and roll for damage on that five. And you just

squeeze, you see a bit of the meatball come out of him. He's like, hey, hey, what's it the matter with you? And you just now have this guy just attached to you. You're just hugging him, big hug. And meanwhile,

this guy can't do anything. This guy's going to try to come up to you, but he's going to have to roll a deck save to see if he can do it without getting stuck to you. And he got a crit one. He has stuck to you. Hey, what's the matter?

You hear like all of it, like a chorus of it. Keep going. This is happening. I have, I've already put a leash and I got the dog registered at the state. It's now my pet. And yep, they are all stuck to you. So just all these stallions failed their checks. And they're just stuck to you while you're hugging one of their friends.

and they're like, hey, you hear all this stuff. You guys want to go to the bathroom, and I just start walking to the bathroom and pulling them all along with me. Meanwhile, Keith, you start to hear that little Danny Boy song again, and you look outside the window. And you see a little rosy-faced little leprechaun guy, and he's looking over and he sort of tilting his head back and forth

looking over at you and he's like herty tarty tarty he's like trying to motion to you to come to the window I point at him does he does he point yeah he he sees you pointing at him and he's like hearty tardy

and he takes out a bottle of Guinness and he tips it towards your finger I like I lift up like I'm smelling like a pie in a window sill and start floating towards it yeah you start floating because the windows all shattered anyway yeah the windows are shattered anyway

yeah those are shattered Yousef and Vince, what do you do when you see this while Buddy's taking all the Italians to the bathroom? I'm going to go, I will follow Buddy to the bathroom. I want to help out. Yeah, okay. And Vince, what are you up to? Jump and grab Keith's legs and he takes me with him. Yeah, you're flying away with this magical little man.

I'm holding him like a ladder from a helicopter. So you start floating out the window. So we'll get to that. Right now, let's do Buddy and, yeah, Vince, why don't you roll initiative just to enter into the turn order? Oh, I'm just there to like eat popcorn. Oh, okay, hell yeah. Okay. Buddy, you can just hug again, roll another D6 and add your, we'll add your strength.

While I'm floating, I have my pit bull on the leash. It's just like hate me by the collar. Yeah, that's what I'm holding. Yon to the pit bull. Yeah. Okay, so I rolled a five plus my rank, which is two, so seven. Okay, cool, yeah. So you just, you just squeeze this meatball harder.

What did you do, five last time? This, this Italian, he's not looking good. He's like, please, let me go. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm excused, please, please. You hear the other ones in the back, please, please, please, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. They're all just like.

Can you be quiet? I have to go to the bathroom. Yes. You just are on hugging four Italians and just take on the toilet. I'm not even hugging. My arms are just at my size. They're just stuck to me. Trying to like get into the bathroom stall, but I can't fit in because there's

a bunch of meatballs stuck to me. Yeah. And Vince, how are you, what are you doing? Are you eating popcorn and just watching this happen? Yeah, I'm like sitting, I'm sitting on the counter eating popcorn, which I bring with me. I've hidden popcorn at different places around the school at night when I live. here. And I just grab my boys' bathroom stash

and I'm sitting watching. And also I'm throwing pieces of popcorn into buddy's mouth that he's just missing. He's sticking to my face. Now he looks like a complete monster with popcorn face and three meatballs attached to him. He's like igniting

my tryptophobia. He just looks like a fucking creature. It's horrible. The janitor Ramirez Rodriguez. I wasn't sure which All right, well, cancel me, sis. Walks in and he's like,

What's up, Hernandez? Hey. Fuck me. Like, hey, how's it going? Oh, that's that kid who might be my son. Yeah, what I see him, I just looked into his eyes and I just freeze completely still. The only time of my life when I'm completely still

and not saying anything. and I just stay that way as long as he's in the room he's a he's a he's eating a bit of a book he's like yeah what what you doing he's got these Italians here to talk to him

I blink my eyes and it makes a cartoon blink noise it's about the glue that's on my island it sounds like a SpongeBob blink and the Italians are going to try to get out of this now let's see how they're

they do. Let's just roll all for all of them at once. Okay, one of them does manage to get out. And he's going to try now to free his friends, so he's going to give it another shot. And he's just can't. He's just trying to pull his friends. I was going, please, please, he's trying to pull off

one of his friends, and he can't. The other three just still can't move. They're grappled. There's nothing else that they don't have any other abilities, so they're just like stuck to you and one of them's gonna die next to her probably um and uh yeah Rodriguez is just looking him over and he's like a hey kid um and he hands you like a bit of his book for you to eat I'm I'm like a deer in headlights I can't do it just it just like he tries to hand it towards you to just like gently like pushes it into your face and it's just stuck um and he's like all right yeah that felt right and he walks out of the bathroom and he's like

take it easy viz and uh see you buddy yeah just walks out of the bathroom uh meanwhile i think that was the monster from under my mom's bed uh we'll cut back to the battle for you to kill one one italian um meanwhile uh Youssef and Keith are flying away with this little leprechaun. And he's floating, floating away with you guys. He heads over towards to your house, Keith. And he floats down, and now you're back at your house with Yousef. And he's like, heritage, hard to, he's like, bounce it around.

And you see him looking at all the empty bottles. And he's like, herriti. And he starts to drink it. And he can. He's trying to find another one. And you see he keeps trying to drink it. And as he keeps trying to drink it. him on the shoulder yeah hold on you finish no no i was going to say him trying to drink it

and you watch his agony and you start to feel it too like you start to feel like your head starts to hurt a little bit and you start to feel a little bit like uh uh you know woozy as you watch him try to get any kind of alcohol in his hands yeah so i i tap him on the shoulder i don't know how to speak to him in his language. Mm-hmm. He goes, Harity-T-T-Hart-T-Hart-T-Hat-T-Hat-T-R. Let's go inside.

There's a liquor cabinet under... Ertit-T-Hart-T-Hi-T-Rat-T-Tard. The sink. He, uh, you look down, and you realize he's tied your shoes together. He's like, Har-T-R-T-Rat-T-T-T-R.

And he's doing a little dance. He starts flipping around one of those gold coins that you saw. before. And he's like clapping his little hands. Do I still have that in my inventory? Yeah, you do. I show him it. He's like, and he starts like prancing around you

and trying to grab the coin from you. I'm not letting him have the coin. No, untie them. Untie them right now. And he unties them. So you understand me. Okay. He ties it from the back. And now you're tied from the back. You can't see that they're tied against the bank. Well, all this happens

I'm riding a pit bull around the yard. Yeah, you're just, like, experiencing a, like, sort of, like, heavy metal movie, like, sort of experience of riding a giant beast around the yard. Are you taking, like, notes on this, too, probably, like, to send back to your dad? Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to, this fucking sucks. Yeah. I start trying to walk towards the leprechaun.

Yeah. Yeah. And I, yeah. Oh, fuck! Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, eventually you all managed to get inside. You stuff riding the pit bull, you, and you look inside your mom's liquor cabinet, and it's empty. It's fucking empty.

She's been working 10 jobs. She hasn't had any time to restock. Wait. And you see Sullivan. There's a little bit left. You also see Sullivan the Frog is just like playing with dolls and watching TV. There's a little bit left in this thing here. It's called aromatic bitters.

And you see him, before you even finish saying aromatic bitters, he's like swallows the whole thing. And he's like, heart, he starts to feel a little bit better. You can see, he starts to feel. And he sort of grabs you by your face now, Keith, and he's like, hearty, tarty, tarty, heart. Like you think he's basically trying to say, I need more alcohol. But he's just like saying slowly hearty, tarty, tarty, hearty, tarty. Buddy and Vince.

Buddy, you roll one more D6. You just killed this Italian. You just like killed his child. And the other ones fall off of you and like, ah, my mommy! They all just like sort of like hop away meatballs, run out of the bathroom, terrified of you. And this other one is just sort of like dead before you.

And when he's dead, he just reverts back into a regular Italian person. So you're just in the bathroom now. Yeah, I go to the bathroom. Yeah, you finish going to the bathroom. That's all I need to do. I watch him shit. Don't close the door.

Yeah, and the shit that is hitting the water is making the most insane noises. It's the toilet bowl. You just hear everything I ate in the past week. Just like, ding, ding, ding, ding. as the coins into the torrent burr it's like cartoon noises stuff

flows out of my asshole towards the end you get a horn yeah yeah the end is just like a minute long it comes it's just a minute long at the end like a minute long like a minute long like trumpet solo at the end it's just like

it just sounds like or it's just like or it's just like and then And then I stand up and just say, I want to hang out with Keith's uncle and I just leave school. You walk through the wall. Just completely, like, outline.

There's drywall stuck to me as a man. Vince, what are you? Vince, do you file buddy or do you, uh, do you, uh, you're just picking shit, buddy's just picking shit up like, like, sticking to them like a catamari. Yeah, he picks me up. I'm part of his body now. I have no choice in the matter. Yeah.

Yeah, you're just like flipping a coin and like making bully, bullied, bully sounds. Yeah, and you guys eventually get back there, and you see that the situation's gotten worse. The leprechaun is just like digging through the floors of the house. He tried to drink Sullivan. He couldn't. he's just doing anything he can to get some alcohol. So obviously, Patrick, you have your own beer that you, I guess, have been obscuring from this leprechaun. Yeah, I'm going to continue. Hold on.

I'm going to continue to obscure the beer from him. And I go out into the back and I start siphoning gas out of the GTO. Okay. I'm going to see if the leprechaun notices you doing that. I'm going to say he probably does without even rolling, but I will let him give it a shot. Yeah, he doesn't notice. He's craving the beer too much.

He's just, he rolled that bad. So he's just like, looking at you. He looks to you, buddy, and starts, like, seeing all the stuff on you and trying to see if there's anything in there that resembles liquor. I see the tiny leprechaun and I'm like, this guy is really far away from me. He goes up to you,

Yousef, and he's like trying to see if he has anything. He finds the little powder. He starts to sniff it and goes, hard to get it, and it just like gives it back to you. Like, it's not for him.

Thank you. Yeah. He says, you're welcome. And he starts like hearty-thartage it around. He goes outside. He sees the hose. And he freaks out.

Like, hurried to talk. He starts, like, freaking out when he sees the hose. And scurries back inside the house. And now he's just, like, sort of feeling sick and sad. And you start to feel it, too, Keith. You start to feel whatever it is he's feeling. There's like some sort of link here. Oh, I feel so horrible.

Yeah. Oh, God. I feel awful. And then I put one of the beers out of my pocket and I drink the whole thing in, like, two seconds. Yeah. you hear it when you hear the when he hears a leprechaun like the kill bill

sound like the leprechaun scurries out and sees you drank it all red and he's like harritid hurried it oh yeah that's right oh that's what you oh these you want these

yeah he's like trying he's like begging you for it oh well why didn't you just say that He's like trying to find other words to say Besides Hardy and Tarty Yeah Oh, well, all right

Well, I don't know where else to get it There's like a there's a packy, there's a bar It's Boston, California You could find any of the stuff Oh, yeah, stuff you guys want to go do Oh, I've got an idea, guys, let's go Let's go to the dumpster behind the packy You guys want to do that

Also, in like a couple hours, the St. Paddy's Day parade's going to start, too. And everyone will be dressed up in their St. Paddy's Day finest. And there's a corned beef and cabbage and beer eating contest as well. That Kobayashi Senior Honorary Irishman has won eight years straight. I say we go to the Packy. Yeah. Okay, cool. You guys want to go, Yusef, Vince?

Follow on the pit bull. Yeah, yeah. You guys head over to the packy. I keep my legs into its like sides. Yeah, it immediately understands. There's no like gap in like it being needing to be a trained animal. Pit bulls are very easily trained. And you guys just sort of rush off to the packy.

And yeah, it's open. You're all children is the only thing. That's what we're going in the bay. That's where we're going around back. Okay, yes. You guys head around back to. to the dumpster there. And you can do a little investigation check, I would say.

Yeah, I look for, I'm investigating for expired beers. 10. Yeah, you managed to find a couple of expired beers, I'd say, that you can give to nothing you would be able to drink just because it would like kill you. But like that you could give to either buddy or the leprechaun. um but only like two so he's mostly sated um uh obviously there's more you can investigate the dumpster or you can keep looking around go to other places um i feel like buddy still has a bunch of shit attached to him right i feel like he's i feel like he's big enough now that he so yeah yeah

he looks like an adult six foot seven yeah he's i feel like he's not going to get car somebody walks in yeah okay like two thousand pounds of stuff attached to them i walk into the Packy, but I walk into the back door. Okay. That's a real grown man move, dude. You walk in. You see people are there. They're getting their drinks because it's St. Patty's Day.

They're getting their drinks together. You see, some of them are starting to look over and, like, a little curious about what this giant thing is. Hard to tell if it's like a, I guess it could be a fucked up

boy, or it could be just a fucked up, man. It's not easy to tell. So what do you do in there, buddy? Are you trying to get something to drink? What were your instructions? What did you guys tell Buddy to do? Okay, go in there and pretend like you work there, and you're throwing

out bad beer. Okay, so I walk in, the first thing I say is I look at everybody waiting in line and the workers, and I say, I am 1,000 years old. I pick up, I pick up like one six pack in each hand and they just like kind of stick so I can pick up more

too yeah and so I just have I'm doing like like Edward 40 hands but with like five six packs on each hand okay and and I say this is my job and then I turn to walk back out of the door like hey whoa whoa buddy we ain't we never see you before what's your what's your name how did you know I just I haven't you know you know we just haven't seen you before. I start crying. Any of you guys want to do something, Yosef, Vince, or

Keith, all this is happening. I think this guy can see my dreams, guys. I walk up to Buddy and I say, excuse me, sir. Do you know where the candy is in the store because you work here?

I don't know what's going on. and I want to see my mom, and I want to go to the doctor. Okay, I'm going to take this guy to the doctor. I'm crawling around humming to James Bond theme. Yeah, okay. A couple of things. Okay.

Yousef, you could roll a stealth check because you're crawling around the Pachy store. 23? You are so good at this. They can't even see me. Yeah, wait. How are you being so stealthy? it to be used up um i've painted myself to look like so uh uh yeah you are just blending in perfectly so we'll we'll resolve we'll look over you in a second see what you're what you want

to do with that uh vince what are you up to um i can i uh stop buddy from leaving the store mm-hmm okay i stop buddy from leaving the store to go hey it's me your doctor i'm here oh what's it what's this i try and take his pulse through like a like a like a like a like a trash can lid that's like oh yeah that's what i thought i'm gonna prescribe you 50 beers okay uh buddy Vince roll uh deception buddy I guess role uh uh yeah roll uh insight okay I got a 19 I got a 13 yeah buddy you're you don't you know you know you know Vince. You've known him for a while. So you know he's not your doctor, but you think he maybe did just help you. Yeah. Like, do you think he healed you? Like, what do you think he did that

you got tricked here? I think that that he is my doctor's son. I'm just convinced of that now because I can't imagine there could be another doctor that's not related to my doctor. I think all doctors are in one big family. Yeah. Yeah. And I should say, and so I just everything he said and I say can I come over for a dinner I look and I see I see one of the one of the shelves behind me or be behind buddy he's like winking at me and I realize that that's Keith or not Keith Leo's character yousef yeah what an amazing name to remember

and I I go never never mind come on then he's got it okay cool and Yeah, yeah, so, yeah, you guys sort of go out. Am I still in the store? Yeah, if you want to do that, you were yelling about getting candy, you're seven. So I was going to have that end real fast. And if you want to keep going, you can't. I still have six packs stuck to my hand.

Yeah, you do. So you still got stuff. I would say that the store clerks are completely baffled. There's no reason why. And this is Boston, California in the 80s. I burp out another gold coin. But you only have a couple of six-packs So Yousef, if you want to keep trying to get more beers

To fuel your new little friend That's exactly what I do I grab two more six-packs And crab walk out Yeah, you use your crab walking out Like a little girl sees you and like sort of tugs Mommy, there's some kind of fucked up spider She says, nah, shut up, as you're crawling out of the store.

Also, roll a perception check, Yusuf. The pit bulls on my back, by the way. Oh, yeah. It's all making sense to me visually. Yeah, you got to create one. You don't notice anything in particular as you're crawling out of the store with a pit bull on your back. You notice less than is possible to notice,

that crit we're getting a lot of crits today uh so yeah you guys go out of the store you have all these these uh these beers and you watch as the little leprechaun is like like just drinking them down fucking pounding him. That cat loves drinking water oh man

yeah he's just crushing that shit um so oh wait I'm down one beer right now right yeah you're down one beer but yeah he's all fueled up he seems good he seems ready to go can i take one of the leprechauns beers yeah you can try yeah you see what he does okay what would i roll um slide a hand if you're trying to like nab it from him okay 20 very slick you're very

smooth yeah you just like slick slide that in uh um very smooth um and the lepracron's dancing around now he's like heart to tarry and he points up towards the Brady Woods and he's like herit, herit, herty, heartity, hearty tarty um, uh, heritit tarty Granble

and he says this like first word Whoa. He's gay. He's gay. He's, he somehow is like, no. Fucking nah.

Oh, okay. Well, you know that Boston, California was one of the first places to legalize gay marriage, so I do accept you if you are. I heard you die. He feels a little embarrassed. But I turn to the rest of the crew as like, oh, he wants us to take him to that spot that we found the dead body. That other time. You know, by the railroad tracks and Kiefer Sutherland was there. I just, I nod.

Yes, I remember that. I put my hand in my pocket and I just have a finger in my pocket from that body. It smells so bad. Oh, fuck. Hey, put that back. I put it back in my pocket. So you guys could get to the Brady Woods. obviously this leprechaun can float a lot of you guys pretty far

that said you'll likely be noticed if you do that though you can certainly still do it the other ways to go through the main street in town where the same parade is happening you can kind of blend in there those are sort of your two pathways to get to the Brady Woods I will ride the lepricon me too yeah yeah and I put a good decisions

I put a playing card in his butt cheeks to make him go faster. So he makes motorcycle sounds. So yeah, you all, how do you guys all configure yourself to climb onto this leprecha? I'm very curious that. We put the leg, we each get a finger. I'm in a pit bull side car. Yeah, yeah, on the lepercon. I was going to say, I was going to say we put the leprechaun on the pit bull and then have the leprechaun race the pit bull in the air.

But I think if we each get a finger, I think that's a lot funnier. Yeah, he's holding us up. Buddy, you're somehow stuck to like the soul of your shoe. Like the least like, at least leverage you can get in grabbing it onto something. You are fine, though. And you all start flying in the air. And we, even though it's like the afternoon, we see your silhouette against like the moon as you're doing it. The most confusing silhouette of all time

You know what it's supposed to be Looking up from the town It's like It's like a who guess it's like a who's that Pokemon It's for like Tangela It could look less like anything Looks like a Rorschach test

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah somebody down there looks up and says Oh fuck my parents are fighting I can see them Yeah And um

And um and as you're sort of flying up you hear and the leprechaun blood squirts out of the leprechaun the fuck and you look down and you see

you see one of those snake men with a gun shooting down the leprechaun I'm like, hearty, turty, hearty, hearty, hearty,

oh my God! I take one of my beer bottles out and I just plug, I open it up and plug the hole with the beer bottle. So the blood is still falling out just into something now. It's going, it's, so it's like,

the beer is going into his body while blood is going into the bottle. It's a transfusion. You start to lose altitude as you're transfusing his blood into a beer can. and you see the leprechaun is like trying to gain some some leverage um what what what do you guys try to do because it looks like you're going to land a little bit towards the woods right now how close for the woods uh i mean like kind of like where you live you live like right on the outskirts of town so you can probably land pretty near the woods if you want to if you like that's kind of where you were already but not like in the woods like he shot it you kind of a little too

early because nobody noticed him inside the book inside the liquor store um so uh i think we land near the woods right yeah you can do that you can veer in other directions too you can try to drive the leprechaun in the directions too okay uh what if we go to the parade to try and lose the that's a good idea okay yeah oh yeah we can make it look like we're floating into the parade oh that's not an idea we're afloat okay yeah okay so you guys uh you guys uh you guys uh steer this leprechaun I don't know why I give you guys options and into the parade and you see everybody sort of like dressed up as either uh you know like you know they're wearing kiss me I'm Irish shirts they're uh wearing Kiss Me I'm Irish or something like that I don't

know I'm drunk shirts uh you know all kinds of stuff you see uh people dressed as like Irish folklore creatures and well they're wearing I'm with stupid and the arrows pointing up yeah right 100% yeah name all that stuff right now because I can't think of any of it they're there they're there they're somehow have iPhones that have already and they have the beer drinking app and yeah you guys land in the parade in the street you see everybody there they don't really they're it's pretty fucking weird but like it's It's not out of the ordinary to see a leprechaun kind of looking guy.

They think it's just like a fucked up kid, maybe dressed up for the occasion. Who just floated down from the... Yeah, yeah, sure. And, but yeah, the snake man, you can't see where he could have been or where he could have went at this point. But yeah, you're in the parade. You could see people having a good time. What do you guys want to do in the parade? There's like stands, there's like games, people just marching around.

I start throwing Marty Grow beads at people. Okay, yeah. Yeah, you throw it at a guy who looks like exactly like Roger Clemens. Take it off. He's like, fuck yeah, dog. He takes it off. He shows his body. I vomit.

Yeah. He's like, all right. He's been worse. I've gotten worse. Worse reviews. Yeah, what else you guys want to do? Well, you guys, just play around the parade. There's tons of stuff you can do.

Name something, and it's probably there. I go, I go to, there's, like, a stand where you, like, throw, like, tennis balls to, like, knock down bottles, you know? Yeah. And I try, I, like, pay to it with, they're all green tennis balls. Yeah, I go to throw the ball, but it just can't leave my hand stuck. I just keep trying to throw it over and over, and the guy's getting really mad at me. And I just look at him and say, the devil is chasing us. Is Wade Boggs here?

Yeah, Wade Boggs is here. I go shake his hand. He says, thank you for your service. No, thank you, chicken, man. Yeah, you want to hang out with Wade Box? Yeah, I'm going to hang out with Wade Box and drink beer. Yeah, Yosef, what are you two? I was a seven-year-old drinking beer with Wade Box.

Very precocious. What are you doing, Yousef? What are you up to? I've left the pit bull in a bull pit that I've seen. Wait, my pit bull or yours? Yeah, yours that I was right. Yeah, the pit bull is just like eating the balls. You see like a family of seven children going like, come on, let's play in the ball.

Just the, the Jaws theme starts playing. You see, like, it's like the camera, like, gets aware, like, shakes a little bit and pans away as quickly as you can. And, uh, yeah, you, um, oh, yeah, so you have, yeah, you're hanging out with Wade Boggs and I just, I mean, we just get plastered. Yeah, he's just like, he's like, yeah, no, we, after that, you know, nobody could even look at Buckner, you know. Oh, trust me. I wanted to fucking kill that guy. I mean, everybody, the whole fucking sitting wanting to kill that guy.

What a piece of fucking shit. You just got to fucking bend down a little bit. Yeah, fucking a grounder. Absolutely, one sec. Yeah, no, trust me, dude. I fucking, God. I would do anything to do that series again. Man, I would fucking, if I saw Bucky Dent, I'd kill him.

And you see the little leprechaun now here, Wade Boggs say, I would do anything to do that series again. And the leprecha-tri-tod's like, Territi, Territi, Territi, Territi, turn. It starts, like, flipping around gold coins and doing little magic things at his hands. And Wade Boggs, like, is he, is he, what the fuck is that? Is that a, is that a leprechaun? Oh, yeah.

And Wade Boggs, like, is like, I would do anything to do that series again and starts chasing the leprechaun just like to, and just starts running around, trying to grab him. And the leperkin just keeps dodging out of the way. He's not drunk at all. He's like, I have to tell you, like, disappearing up on the tree branch, on a tree branch. Wait, stop. Wait, stop chasing the leprechaun. Yeah. And he's like, you don't understand.

I was supposed to get so much pussy that night. And he's just like trying so hard to grab the leprechaun. Meanwhile, what are you, what are the rest of you guys doing? The, the, the, the, uh, while Patrick is dealing with this leprechaun situation. Because that might ignite, you know, might make other people aware of the leprechaun if he's teleporting around and doing magic things that's sort of the danger here in this instance i'm holding onto the side of the roller coaster as it goes around yeah what about you vince um there's a uh i'm just cutting all the lines

for all the uh the floats yeah yeah yeah the shamrock floats yeah like everything is just going into the sky yeah yeah you're just uh people in them also yeah yeah yeah you're just uh people in them also flying like uncontrollable hot air balloons yeah yeah yeah we left the manual we don't know how to fly any of these things it's just the parades just a complete chaos and at this point though it's the leprechaun's been sort of like teleporting around

like doing little tricks and stuff and you see a group more of those snake men and they start to approach you guys and he said to chase, you think they say, Get that leprechaun! And they start trying to chase him. What do you guys want to do? Is there any way I can direct Wade Boggs on the leprechaon to the woods?

You could certainly try. Oh, yeah, I got an idea. Hey, Wade, there's a bucket of chick in the woods. There's a whole, whole KFC in there, whole KFC dinner. You can go in there all the chicken you want. I know, I know that's your thing. Roll, roll persuasion with advantage, because you said that. 16

he he who's wanted to he wanted to he stops chasing the leprecha he's getting kind of winded he's already sort of becoming the age he is now and he's like fucking chicken and he just starts to

wander off towards the woods and the leprechaun who wants to keep tricking wades starts following him and he's like poking at him and prodding him and the snake guys are chasing after him too and you guys are running into the woods Is there any way I can make Wade go faster so the leprechaun goes faster so the snake men? Yeah.

What do you want to try to do? If you catch the leprechaun, Wade, you're going to need to eat a whole bucket of chicken before the game to redo the series. And oh, that's a good point. Chicken's my fuel. That's your superstition. Yeah, that's my see. That's why I look like this soon. And he's like moving a little bit faster now.

And you guys almost lose to snake guys. I'll have you roll, all you guys roll let's have you all roll nature checks, actually, to see if you can sort of hide in the woods, if you know your way around. Ooh. Got a crit 20. Got a crit. Do I count? Which one do I count?

I accidentally rolled with advantage. Oh, the first one, sorry. Oh, damn. Six. Okay, a couple of things. Keith, you got, Keith and Buddy, you have a regular relationship with the Brady Woods. Nothing special that you know about it. Yousef, you're particularly unversed in these woods.

Why do you think that is? I want to know what makes Yusef have a hard time navigating the woods. 70% of my time is spent inside a trunk. Yeah, yeah. Your dad's like, your dad also doesn't want you to go into the woods. Yeah, I'm not, my dad doesn't like the outside because, you know, the rain has tap water in it and he doesn't want me. Right, yeah.

and you Vince that crit is going to be very helpful for you what why why do you know your way around the woods so well Vince Foster the bully As soon as I like get into the woods It immediately becomes like a snow white situation And all the woodland creatures come out And I start singing in a beautiful girl voice And I realize it's like the only happiness I've ever had in my life

yeah it's such a connection to nature yeah you see like the rabbits are like have like big eyelashes and they're like doing silly little like scurry things around you and they're giving you like

they're giving you little outfits to wear dry on they're helping me sew something right now yeah yeah but your knowledge around the woods helps sort of lift everybody else out of it and you guys manage to get um uh to

what looks like a magical pot of gold oh my god and you see Wade Boggs is like holy crap and the leprechaun's like her he looks up and he's like pointing up and he's like you see way off in the distance from the rainbow

where that pot of gold is on this magical St. Patrick's Day a few little lepracons sliding down maybe towards the pot of gold but before anything can happen, you also see a

some of people have been waiting here for this. It is none other than the greatest snake in Boston history. Roger fucking Clemens who left the socks to join the Yankees.

My mom went to dinner with him once. And his snakes. because he's a fucking snake and he says he says to you all finally the leprechaun i'm roger clemens i don't think i sound like this

no i think roger clemens is from like texas or so yeah right isn't he yeah yeah my name's roger clamids i fucking hate boston california oh he's from oh he's from oh and I have a disorder Just looked it up

He's from Trenchtown And I live in all And I'm from Senegal And And he says Once long ago St. Patrick banished these snakes From all of Ireland

And from Boston, California I'm bringing the snakes back One leprechaun dead at a time Give me that lepros No. Wait, hold on. I've got an idea. Are we all here now? Yeah, you're all here. I just haven't put your icons in yet. What's a leprechaun? Are you talking about that midget that says tard all the time? Yeah. He says hearty, tard, hardy, how do I sound, Roger Clements? He's just like freaking out. Oh, those are the wrong characters. Sorry. Yeah, but you guys are all here now.

I guess a role initiative against Roger Clemens and the snakes but if you guys have a few more words to share I didn't want to step on that. I think the lepricone is most said. Are you, I'm talking to, I'm talking to Roger. Are you my mom?

Oh shit. No, kid. I'm not your mom. Are you my teacher? I'm about to teach you a lesson. Are you my mom's friend? All right. Are you my teacher's friend? You're doing a thing. are you my mom's teacher is somebody tell this kid to

are you my teacher's mom I'm gonna answer his fucking questions you prick you're a prick I'm so mad at you right now I whispered it I whispered to Keith that's my teacher's mom's friend yes he is buddy

yes he is and yeah you're all rolling initiative okay shit okay wow okay cool um okay Yeah. All right. And so, Keith, you get to go first against Roger Clemens and his snakes as they wait by the rainbow. Yeah. All right. I think I'm going to use wicked smots on them.

All right. So if you use wicked smots, you basically get to, you have advantage on any charisma checks for a minute. And you can't be charmed by anybody. And you just sort of say a bunch of like random. fucking Boston Irish nonsense at him so what are you going to try to convince him to do though

I'm going to try and convince him to go back to the Red Sox okay go for it all right I open up

just like one of the Guinness that we took from the leprecon I chugged the whole thing in front of him

and I just start talking I'm like fucking listen to me kid fucking listen dude I swear to

fucking God you come back you come back for one season one season it's all we fucking need you Wade Boggs over here

right you forgot you gotta be a fucking it's gonna be fucking amazing kid I it's gonna be so fucking sick just just trust me on this

trust me you and I'm the coach and I'm the coach the team I'm the coach now I'm gonna bring you and Wade

are gonna be fucking we're gonna put in a bad trap he's bleeding out he's chewing through his own leg I you know what we're gonna fucking do we're gonna beat Bill Buckner down

with fucking baseball bats that's what we're gonna do I'm gonna I don't even care I don't care if you cork bats either I'm gonna I'm gonna pump you full of fucking steroids too you're gonna be the strongest strongest fucking team

in all our Boston history all right me you trust me on this role persuasion with advantage see if you can get him to want to join him back to boston team 16 he's uh he's like there's no hope left for me in boston oh fuck you there's no hope now go i don't even know where i'm from anymore mate i could be from anywhere and not after none till i fuck your mother you're gonna fuck my mom oh yeah i don't even know where she is. You did a prank

on her, right? That's what you said. He did a crazy prank. And that's your turn. And now it's Roger Clements and his snake's turn. So that did nothing? No, I did you shit. Yeah.

So Roger Clemens is going to throws a fastball at at you, Keith, after that attempt. And that hits you. It does. Yeah, this is the only real fight. It does 11 damage to you.

And he's just going to wind up another fastball and throw it at you, Vince. He is not even going to probably try to attack Buddy. I'm totally scared of him. Can I use my deflection ability now? Yes, I forgot. Yes. So you can use your leather jack. to deflect this okay so roll d20 all right 14 yeah you deflect it you can just deflect

projectiles so you deflect this baseball it just goes flying off into the sky um with your cool leather jacket um and now the snakes are going to come after you guys so they're all like hissing away they're they're uh and they're going after yousaf first because they see he's they see he's english and they have a certain thing about that. And so I'm, okay, so there's a dilapidated office chair sort of on the perimeter of the action. Yeah, yeah. No one can see me.

Yeah. It turns around stroking a gun like a cat. Okay. Let's see if the stakes understand what you're doing. Let me see if they understand it Oh, do we have the pit bull with us? Yeah, you do. Okay.

The snakes don't understand what a gun is, so they're not scared of you yet. They can't even, like, be intimidated, but they're going to try to attack you. Let's see how they do. Okay. One of them hits you for... All right, he gets you for seven damage. The other two snap at you and miss you. and also you're a little bit,

you feel your leg swell up a little bit. That might be a problem down the line. This last snake is going to go for you, buddy. He's going to try to chop into you. And he does manage to pierce your Katamari Damachi shield and do four damage to you. Just like bite your leg. And you also see your leg,

but get to swell up a little bit. Yeah. But now it is your turn, buddy. It's your turn. It's my turn? I got a one. Oh, you got a one? Oh, sorry, Leo, it's your turn.

Youssef, it's your turn. I was looking at your nature check. I take a pot shot. At the snake or Roger Clemens? At Roger Clemens. Are you going to use the gun on him? You're going to use a gun on Roger Clemens? Yeah.

Yeah, hit gun. Okay. Fuck, I've got how strong I made the gun It was the gun He got his It's the gun Yeah He got a 32

He blows brains out Roll for damage That hits him 32 Yes let's go I mean you shoot a man

he takes a shit ton of damage he looks so fucked up oh my god why do you shoot him where did you shoot him where did you shoot him without killing him in this sort of

stomach he shot him in the stomach he just bursted his kidney yeah he's just like oh I didn't know the boy had a gun oh my god

i start i start like screaming and crying because my my dreams of becoming the coach of the red socks with roger clemens and wade boggs i thought i could still do it those are bleeding out yeah just like oh no let's play is on the fucking day yeah now it's like less of a battle now and everyone's just freaking out

so when i see him been shot when i see him latching on to me when i see him get shot i just go I'm going to take you to the doctor and I just start walking towards him like Michael Myers He's like no Please

Yeah and it is I forgot to give you like a down time After the cocaine thing But it's fine Yeah you said you do that The snakes actually like take a second to go Whoa Like they just the snakes

Some internally realize that something the vibe is different like a gun was introduced into this it is let's see initiative oh yeah sorry

it's your turn Vince Vince Foster okay buddy what is what's the biggest thing that is stuck to you there's a giant piece of drywall on my back like a turtle shell

I use my improvise ability to pick it up and throw it. You win to me, too. All right, just roll a strength check just because it's a bit bigger, but a regular improvise thing. Okay. Nice.

No. Yeah, you're fine. You were able to throw this thing. Nice. So, you have to move a bit closer to hit Clemens, if you're trying to hit Clemens. Yeah, I'll hit Clemens. I will grab it and then kind of do like a roll with Buddy's

body and then throw the entire thing at him. Okay. And so that's going to do that's so much stuff. So don't roll just roll your attack for improvise like four times to see how much damage you do.

Okay, so that's just a... But first do an improvised attack because you can lift it. Let's see if you can hit them. 14. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's going to beat his AC. He's just a guy. Yes. dude. I made him a guy

as this is. Yeah. Okay, so now I just roll. Roll damage four times. Yeah. 5-7-4. You just throw this giant special boy on top of Roger Clemens, who just got shot.

The only thing crazier than getting shot. You see I'm like, oh my God! I'm flying towards him in the air and he just hears me say you smell good towards him

and those are the last the last thing he hears yes is you smell good as this terrible boy starts flying towards him the snakes are still here then the snakes still

want to take back Ireland or Boston, California. So you can still, you still have to fight that, but Roger Clemens is dead. While Roger Clemens is dead, I go up to him and I take his Red Sox hat

and I put it on and I say, I think I'm going to change my last name to Folk. I'll become a relief pitcher. It is now your turn buddy. or yeah buddy it's your turn I just start waddling towards the pot of gold because I'm with my hands outstretched yeah and you see

coins you can't feel it but the lepercon is like on your back he's like clapping his hands excitedly as you're wandering towards the pot of gold now it's back to top of the order Patrick there are still snakes after you oh yeah buddy buddy you take uh four damage from the poison but i mean you're you're not you're gonna be fine uh unless something really bad happens with the snakes could i run away

to the pot of gold and put my coin in uh yeah you can try okay i'm gonna try that what do i i mean you could just run so just go uh just do your full movement i think you have 25 feet yeah no wait what's the other just yeah yeah okay so i run like here Yeah, so you just start running away. Do you want to do anything else while you're here? Do you want to use your, you can use both your movements if you want to. Okay, I'm going to use both. Yeah, yeah, do that.

I just leave Vince and Youssef with the snakes. I feel like I have to put this coin back. And, yeah, it is now, it's going to be the snake's turn. So one of them, let's see what's his movement. Yeah, this movement I gave him was, I gave him by 35. So they're going to try to chase after you Because you're putting the coin back This one is still going to try to fight you Yousef

He's going to rear his head back And you're going to see that His teeth are green They're Irish green He's going to try to attack you And does he hit He does hit you Yousef, oh no

And he does He does nine damage to you Youseth So you took what did you take before or did you yeah you took um because I have it over here

was like 11 I think 11 yeah and now you took 9 so you're at uh oh you're you're knocked out Yusef is knocked out cold

we're going to start doing death saving throws for Yosef and it is now Yosef's turn too so Yosef Roll a D20. You take one failure.

So you're slowly approaching death because of these snakes. What do you see as death approaches you? You're not dead yet. But what do you see? I see in the distance pit bull running towards the area. Okay, yeah, you see your pit bull. You're like blinking in and out, like slowly blinking, and you see this ever faithful pit bull.

Uh, it has just like, with a human leg and his mouth. I was going to say a lot of blood on it. Yeah, human leg in its mouth and some, like a ball pit ball. Um, and it's running towards you. Uh, let me get the dog asset in here. I love that. That's a very fun way to do this. Uh, uh, but right now it's your turn, Vince. Okay. Um, so I have this snake in front of me, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I will use my bully wine and I will complain about an owie in a deceptive way. Oh, yeah, do it. What do you say? Oh, my penis hurts because it's so big. Oh, fuck me. Ow. It's growing. Ow. I guess roll deception, yeah, on the snake. Oh, I'm being for real.

No, what is it? No, I roll against it. Sorry, the snake's charisma. Technically, what you usually do in D&D, when a creature can't even perceive that kind of thing, you just don't. But in this game, the snake can maybe tell when somebody's had paid. and he's very worried about you he should be, it's sort of like

quietly and sweetly sort of like slithers over to you and tries to look at your penis to see if everything's okay what the hell get the fucking with me yeah you just punch it I guess

yeah so roll with advantage and attack on the snake what do I roll with brass knuckles oh okay mm-hmm Yeah, you hit

And then roll that What you roll And then plus two more D6 after Okay Yeah 13 I mean yeah 6

Okay yeah You almost killed the snake You just like fucking like Just like crushed its head with your fists It's the ground You're gay Even though that's that's good here I guess

Whoops Yeah And now it is your turn Buddy Bowser I'm just continuing towards the coins Let's see I think I might Yeah I reached the pot of gold

Okay what do you want to do I'm just I'm shoveling them into my mouth I'm going to try to eat every single coin As you're eating the coins the rainbow is slowly receding As you continue to eat the coins In character I cannot You can keep going You keep going

You keep going You see the leprecods on top of the rainbow They're like, restrain me. You see the leprechauns atop of the rainbow, like, wee! And then they see the rainbows starting to recede, and these are running backwards. Yeah, and you see the leprecha on your back, buddy. He's like, herchiddy, he's like trying to slap you, get you to stop. But he's just too little.

And, yeah, well, guess we'll have to resolve that. It is now your turn again, Keith Benefits. Okay, hold on. let me see how much movement I have because it would be funny he just killed Roger Clemens okay is this enough room

for me to do a drop kick Murphy on him yeah yeah you'll be five feet away okay all right I run and just do a drop kick Murphy on him yeah you just you stick to me perfectly perpendicular like to the ground

no you hit him you hit him though, roll damage. Okay. Eleven. Yeah, you just fucking kick the shit out of, uh, you stick to him, but you kick this shit out of Buddy Bowser. I hit his neck while the coins are in and just like, yeah. Buddy Bowser, roll, roll constitution to see if you like stop eating, uh, uh, the coins.

Like, you, you're not able to keep going. Fifteen. You're going to keep going. I did. You might have to. I did throw up a bunch of them back. Yeah. Yeah, you do.

So it will buy you some more time, I'll say. But you do keep eating on your next herd. If that's like what your character would do, you might just have to kill Buddy Pouser and stop this from happening. How much damage did I do to Buddy? You don't get them out. You get 11.

Give me something else to eat. Give me something tasty. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, we'll resolve that when it's your turn. Now it is Yousef's turn slash our faithful friend's turn. So the dog is going to run over

and he's going to lick your wounds yousef and you're going to get one HP back and then the wounds are poison and so the dog it's like but he's still standing but he doesn't look too good

but you have one HP back and so you can do something this turn if you want to I fraily pick up the gun and pointed a buddy bouse okay roll it's gonna kill him I'm telling you now

but if you do this you're going to kill the character yeah it's just why did I give you that gun what have I done yeah that hits him the 28 36 damage

Buddy Bowser, you're dead. You're more than negative your HP. What happens Buddy Bowser? I fall, I'm like, I'm like wobbling. You know, like I'm like kind of like like about to fall over.

And I look at, I look at Keith in the eyes and I say, tell my mom I'm hungry. And then I put up on gold. Can we? Are we doing a death shame? The entire content of my stomach just floods out of my mouth and fills up the pot. You can't do a death save.

So the way I do deaths in D&D is, which people have different rules with this, but I do. It's, you know, three death saves, successes, or three failures kills you. Or if in the instance that you are killed, you have, you end up with a, you know. Can we wait? No, I'm dead. No, I'm dead. Yeah, I mean, you're dead. You're dead.

You're negative. Your total HP is like the idea. Buddy, dry bones shows up. Dry, buddy. Like, it's a wonderful world of fantasy. Maybe Buddy can come back in another way. You guys see, you guys see my, like, my ghost to, like, rise up from my body and start rising towards heaven. And it just touches a tree branch and gets stuck in the plastic bag.

Had you killed, Buddy, the pot of gold. is filled again. The little leprechaun jumps on the pot of gold. He tips his beer towards you, Keith, for one last little poke. Do I get a wish? Yeah. And you get

one wish. I wish Buddy was still alive. No, he's going to eat the gold again, dude. Don't fucking bring him back. Okay, wait, yeah. I wish Buddy was still alive and he stopped eating things. You got to have one wish.

Hmm Clemmings I forgot his name Roger Clements You bring Roger Clemens back Oh I wish buddies His soul's trapped in the tree So I wish that his soul would possess

Roger Clemens You see the leprecha Leprocage like stare blankly at you like What What the fuck Like what are you wishing for? I wish that my friend's...

No, he understands it. He's just like, why you... I wish that my friend's soul would transport into Roger Clemens, and he's safe. And he's no longer... The soul is like... You see the soul, like,

stuck in the tree branch, yank away, and go into the body of the crushed and shot Roger Clemens. And Roger Cleven stands up, and buddy, what does Roger Cleven sound like for you? Aye, guys. I'm going to go hang out in the doctor's office. I just walk away.

And the lepracond. Not even waiting to see the finale, just going straight to the top. Yeah, the lepracod flies up into the rainbow, meets with all his friends. you guys wave goodbye to the leprechauns the snakes uh the snakes at this point uh give up and vanish i don't think they have to keep fighting at this point it's kind of over um and uh the camera zooms out um on this beautiful little town this beautiful rainbow on this perfect st patrick's day uh and uh you see uh in the sky you hear uh it's sounds like a sound like sleigh bells rigging and you hear

ho ho ho ho it's me St. Patrick and uh St. Patrick and you see St. Patrick

he's so beautiful I'll have to post that visual oh my gosh it's St. Patrick I'll give everyone a visual aid when they're listening to this you should check the Discord or the Twitter and you'll see a visual aid I guess

is what we'll do and the St. Patrick shows up does Mary St. Patrick and just belches and flies away. The end. Wow. You really tied up all the loose ends. Yeah, I made sure if the story made sense and everything.

That was so beautiful, Patrick. Thank you. No, thank you guys. Happy Halloween, everybody. Yeah, happy Halloween, everyone. You know, I'm going to be.