Podcast About List - Ep. 139 - Rinooter's Fudgement

Episode Date: March 31, 2021

Why you always acting like rinooter www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the ball list. You're any crap monster. Oh my God, dude. Saturday morning. It's not Saturday morning. It's Monday morning. Why you gotta be so rude?

Don't you know I'm human, too? You are not a human. Do you remember that song? Remember everyone fucking liked that song? that song never existed pat you don't know a song that is you never heard rude by magic why you gotta be so rude it's a reggae song a white reggae song i'm gonna eat a human poop

remember he sings that line you don't remember that in the song yeah and they got a Grammy from best poop song he has a grandmother yeah she gave him yeah and i have your grandma for the rest of my life say yes remember he the song's about like It's about your dad being, her dad being rude. Yeah, her dad is being so rude because he's like, I want to, hey, I want to fuck your daughter.

And he's like, what? Weird question. He's like, you're being rude to me right now. It's a pretty amazing story. It's kind of a fairy tale. It's such a bad song. I hated that song so much. That's because you don't believe in love.

No, but I love reggae too much and he was ruining reggae. You think that he ruined reggae with that song? How about Bob Marley ruined it with drugs? That's true. You ever think about that? You know? These reggae guys got to stop smoking weed. Imagine how good the music would be then? Yeah, if they didn't fucking fall asleep in the middle of every song, have their bongo

guy pick up the slack. Come on, dude. Step it up, reggae artists. Can you guys wear just like some normal colors, too? It hurts my eyes. I don't like the bright yellows and greens and reds. Whatever happened are red, white, and blue. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Why is this got to be all this green? in black and yellow shit. Can we get a normal drum? Can you, I don't know what? A steel drum. Make a drum out of fucking, I don't know, drum shit. Why are you making steel drums? Where's the guitars and the... There's guitars? Where's the guitars and the cowboy hats? Where's all the screamo shit, too? There's no solos. There's no, there's no fucking drop D tuning. What the hell? Where's the base drop? Yeah, well, where's the base guitar? First of all. Where's Scrilix, okay? Yeah, somebody needs to be, there needs to be a knob that somebody puts all the way to the,

Somebody cranks it all the way up. Dillinger. It's not real music. You know, people are all talking about Dillinger. It should be Dillinger escape plan. That's what I say. Mm-hmm. I don't know what that Dillinger is.

Dillinger is a reggae artist. Oh. So you're a, so, yeah. I don't, so you're a reggae fan. You're like inter-regay. I like some reggae songs. Okay, make one up there right now. Mr. Loba.

Well, you just tried to name drop a reggae artist and neither. of us new, so you clearly aren't a reggae and are proud of it. I know two reggae artists, both of them have the last name Marley. That is the extent somebody on Instagram, I forget his name, showed me Dillinger,

and I've been listening to a lot of it lately, and it's very good. I like that you said everybody's talking about Dillinger. No, I was just trying to make a rate. Everyone's talking about Dillinger right now. No, everybody. Anyway, guys, I'm listening to this band Dillinger, it's big. I was going to anywhere. I was contributing to the fucking bit.

Talking about Dillinger, dude. Left and right. Front page news. Dillinger, Dillinger. I was contributing to the bit that we were doing. Whatever. Whatever, Pat Marley. I would be honored to be a part of the Marley family. I bet you would, you druggie? No. Fucking drug addict. No, but I was contributing to the bit. Dillinger is a reggae artist and Dillinger escape plan is like a metal band or whatever. You're going to go out like Bob Marley. Charlie fucking smoking weed and choking on his own vomit. I hope I die like Bob Marley.

I fucking hate myself. He smoked, he smoked four hits of a, of a, of a, of a joint, choked on his own vomit and his sleep. He took one hit of a joint and got cancer. Because wheat actually gives you, it's the purest form of cancer, of lung cancer you can get. It's actually the most dangerous kind. That's what it looks like a little green blob like that. That's what a tumor looks like.

Why would you smoke so, it's called a cannabinoid? Why would you smoke anything that ends with oid? Right. Especially annoyed, too. That's like clearly dangerous, dude. What are you fucking, what are you doing to yourself? Yeah. Anyway, more red thunder for me.

I'm drinking green monster, baby. Sounds worse. No. Monster versus thunder. In real life, thunder takes that. What's a monster going to do? Wally, the green monster. What about him?

Thunder's just a sound. Thunder's going to wake up the monster. No. Wend up the monster within me. You're thinking lightning. Lightning is the sound. Are you kidding me? No.

Lightning is the sound. A thunder, a bolt of thunder. What are you fucking saying? A sound ball? Lightning is a, lightning is blue and thunder is yellow. Light is the sound, of course. Lightning is not blue. Yeah, lightning is blue and thunder is the yellow.

Anytime you see a blue bullet. No, no, no, no, no. You're thinking. Thunder is the cloud, North Carolina. And lightning is what happens when a thunder hits something. Oh, no, wait. I think that might actually be true. Yeah, lightning is fire and thunder is air.

Everybody else knows that thunder is just a yellow lightning. This is like how you guys call the stores of racial slur in Boston. That's true. The liquor store is a racial slur. It's not a racial slur because it's spelled differently. It's true. It's short for package store. Mm-hmm.

Do you get packages there? Yeah. Packages is a liquor. The hell. What do you? Packages of liquor. Bottles of liquor. No.

Is it a bottle of package? You can't even say the word pen, right, dude, you're not one to be talking. Pen. Here, see, I'm stupid like you guys. Pen. Hey, let me get a pin. Let me get a pin real quick. Are you guys even aware of the fact that three of the top universities in America are located in North Carolina?

Hey, guys, listen, I can do a really good Griffin McElroy impression. Wait, I haven't started yet, guys. Stop laughing. No, that's not. I don't sound like Griffin McElroy. I actually don't sound anything like Griffin McElroy. Oh, I have a very straight. Oh, my God.

I don't sound like either of those two fucking dumbasses. I sound really normal and like myself. Oh, Caleb, you're back to your normal. Yeah, fuck, dude, I hate this. I think COVID is affecting my voice. I'm actually COVID-free. I'm negative. Really?

Oh, nice. Are you like immune or something? Dude, I think that I can't get it. I think I might be immune too. I think I'm protected by God's grace or something because it's impossible for me to get COVID-19, apparently. because I've been, you know, I've been living with this, with a monster. Yeah. Who has the virus.

Maybe you'll get it like right when she's done having it. Yeah. That would suck. And then we just trade back and forth for the rest of our lives, saying yes, say yes. It's a good song, dude. Oh, man. I can't, what do you say? April 6th is when everyone can get vaccinated in the state?

Yeah, dude. I can't wait to put that fucking. and chip in me. I'm so sick of wearing my mask. I mean, I haven't been wearing it when I skate, but like, when I, like, leave, when I leave the skate park or something, or I leave the skate spot, when I'm, I'm by myself, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm, I can't wear it because I'm going to sweat down it. I want you to, wait, I want, before you keep saying what you're going to say, I want you to know that no matter how distraught you are when you text me after the episode and ask if I can

cut out that part where you mention the mask so people don't get mad at you. I'm not going to do it. Okay. Now you can keep saying what you're going to say Just wanted to put that caveat Riding around New York with no mask On giving people rides on his skateboard He's been shooting spitballs of people No I just I don't wear it when I skate

But then I'll put it back on And then I just have like the sweat on my face Seeping into the mask I don't care I don't care like You're not gonna wear it while you're like riding a bike or something Like I did You do? Kind of what you're supposed to do yeah

Are you supposed to I don't know I mean I didn't always but yeah you too definitely are supposed to wear you on a skateboard is a far cry from someone on a bike also yeah you spend a lot of time i've seen you skate it's been a lot of time kind of just sitting there yeah yep i know i think it's definitely much harder if you don't have like a mask that's like made for like athletic stuff it really sucks to wear one when you're like i got one running and shit like it's just you can't breathe i got one for athletic stuff so i might start wearing that but just like just wearing like just the shit that I have now like the paper ones

it's just like I'm also sure the people that you're like hanging out with at the skate park probably have far worse diseases like right away at their minds or whatever so I don't think it's that big a deal I pulled up and like nobody's fucking wearing them so I was just like well I don't want to be a pussy and you oh my god dude masks are fucking knee pads to you they're knee pads in helmets you just get there and you're like oh I guess it's gay to be wearing a mask here because all the skaters will think I'm a I'm a new jack, so I'll fucking put on a, I will take off my mask and give them all my diseases.

I'm fine. I don't go, no one comes near me. No one goes near anybody. It's all, uh, look, I don't. The coolest, the coolest mask thing is when. Cameron got into my head really bad now. I knew I would. I'm sorry.

Yeah. The coolest mask thing is when you like walk by a really old person who's holding a mask like in their hand, like just like holding onto it. And whenever they walk by somebody, they just kind of, like, move it around in their hand, like, to look like they're about to, like, put it on to walk by you. But it's just, like, they do it every time they walk by somebody. So there's just them, like, just turning it over in their hands a bunch of times. Right. Like, you can just leave it at home. Nobody's going to yell at you.

You're 80 years old. I'll wear it in a fucking. Yeah, you're the one who's going to, like, I don't care if you don't, if you're over 60 and you don't wear a mask. Whatever, man. You don't have to do, like, a sleight of hand thing whenever you walk by me. I'm not going to, like, deck you're going to die anyway. Yeah. I'll wear it in, like, a store or whatever.

Like, yeah, I'll wear it. Like, if it's, like, a big public thing or, like, like, going into a store or whatever, I'll wear it. I don't care if an old person's not wearing it around me. Yeah, man. I'll wear it if I'm within one inch of someone else otherwise. Right. Never. Never.

I will never wear mine again. And I'm, I got a wet mouth. Let me tell you. I'm just, I got that sloppy. I'm shooting spit particles everywhere. Jesus Christ, dude. I can't wait to just pour my spit onto other people again. My shit's like an aloe vera plant, dude.

I have a camelback pouch that I spit into and then it sprays back out on the people around me, like the fire hose in Mario Sunshine. You have, oh, you, what's that thing called? The flood? The flood, yeah. Mm-hmm. I got one of those, but it's filled with my spit. Mm-hmm.

And is it talked to you? Nope. Hello, Cameron. No, it doesn't do that. It doesn't even, stop. I love you, Gamron. The flood didn't talk like that. The flood was just like, uh.

I love yours. No, uh-uh. Yeah, it did. Not in the cutscenes. I think you maybe bought like a foreign version of the game, Patrick. No, I'm thinking, I'm thinking of Professor E. Gad from Luigi's Mansion. Yeah, remember it speaks in Chinese in the game? No.

Remember that? No, I'm thinking of Professor E. Gad. Dude, the Flood had a beautiful voice. The Flood was the only talking character in that game. Yeah, Professor E. Gad, all he said was, o'ee! Except for at the beginning where Peach goes, Mario. Whoa. Oh, my God.

Wow. Princess Peach. Hey, hey. Oh, my God. She doesn't say that. Hey, hey, Mario. Hey, puppy Mario. No, she doesn't sound like that.

No, not at all. That's what Toad sounds like. Yeah, you're right. Toad's like, Hey! Wow! You clipped. No, that was just my voice.

Wow, dude. I can see the recording right here. I didn't clip. You did Jack Black Reverse singing. Mm-hmm. That's impressive. Oh, no, that wasn't an intel. That was an exhale.

Oh. Sheesh. You guys will never nail me down. I'm too good. Not too good at my house. You're never figuring out how I made that noise. I'm nailing you down so fast. Do you think when they open up the vaccine thing in New York, we're going to have to wait like a year?

Maybe. Probably, right? That's what I'm worried. In North Carolina, you can literally, it doesn't matter how old you are. You just ask for extras because there's, like, nobody getting vaccinated. Here, it's like every, like, I know so much. many people who should not be getting

the vaccine who got vaccinated like they just have like rich parents or whatever which is like fine but it's like if you guys are already like managing to trick the system when you like you're supposed to either be like 70 years old or have like two life threatening conditions like once it like

loosens up more there's no way I'm ever getting it like everyone's going to go right right oh yeah yeah it's got to absolutely yeah I think I need to we need to argue that podcasters should be on the absolutely Absolutely, dude.

Yeah. We bring so much more joy to people's lives than a fucking, like, nurse or school teacher. Those people bring negativity everywhere they go. Cowards. Also, also weed addicts, both of them. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Nobody likes a CBD gummy more than a nurse.

You know? Yep. They're just waste joints. They're the fucking... Nurses are just... They're a drag-on society. It would be funny to get it, like, as soon as the, uh, the vaccine start opening up to the public. Just get it immediately?

Yeah, just like the day of... I mean, that's kind of exactly what Jana did. Yeah. They opened in one week, and Jana got it a week ago. Mm-hmm. And she's just asleep with YouTube. She can't even, like, stop the YouTube auto play. It's just, like, playing in my living room.

She's like... I'm watching it. See, now I feel like I've had it. Like, every time that somebody describes, like, COVID, it's like... You're just tired. Yeah, you've had, like, two bad days in a row. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably what you had.

weeks you know yeah it lasts two weeks and you go i had it for six months then i've been just she falls asleep and i'm just like uh a weekend at bernie's using her body to to make me lunch just walking around the house making her do her normal chores that i give her every day just making sure they get done because hey listen bitch i'm not doing that shit no excuses it's great to finally put that pulley system to use exactly yeah i got the marionette just in case of something like this. I got the human marionette system installed in my apartment just for stuff like this.

You know what I mean? And it's coming in handy. Finally. Yeah. There goes all three of my stimulus checks were spent on a giant marionette pulley system that can support a human who weighs 120 pounds. I used to use it so I could go

pee in the night without having to wake up and get out of bed but it's nice to repurpose it. Yeah, I would pre-program it for shit. Yeah. And for anyone at home who wants to pick up this pulley system, go to daddy sausage.com. Exactly. You can pick this pulley system up. Is that a website?

Let's see what... Don't go to daddy sausage.com, dude. You have no brain. No, guys, we have to see what's on this website. We have to check just for no reason. Wait, just for laughs, though. Daddy sausage has to be a website, right? Big daddy sausage.com.

This site cannot be reached. Daddy's sausage.com. what happens if we search Daddy Sausage on X videos. Let's just see if... Daddy's Sausage.com, you can, is a... It's like someone's sitting on the domain. Let me see, Daddy's sausage. Daddy's sausage and Pepper's Recipe.

No. If I... That article is a... You're going to click on that article and it's going to take you somewhere dark. Nobody would click on that article unless... they're looking for something evil. Step one, slice each sausage link into five pieces, heat one tablespoon of oil and a large skillet over medium height. That's nerdy. I thought you said, eat one tablespoon of oil. It's delicious, dude. Now, if I get COVID, I'm going full FDR. You

guys will never know. Yeah. Yeah. You guys will have no idea. It'll be like, like, so you already have it then. It is funny that they, how long did they do that with FDR? Probably, probably like a week. No, I think they did it for a while. dude. There's no fucking way. Can you imagine just like FDR, like a Yankees game or whatever in the 1700s? They're like, and now I'll rise for the National Anthem. He's like, I'm good, dude.

I have to go to the bathroom. Actually, yeah, I have to go shit. Can somebody randomly move my chair to the bathroom for no reason? I'm the president. That's probably what he did. He was probably like, yeah, I'm just not going to walk now because, you know, I'm the present. Like, I shouldn't have to walk. Like, what the fuck? Am I a peasant, dude?

I'm not going to walk. Walt Disney got in his head. All right. What are these, uh... Here's one right here. Stop looking at recipes for sausage, dude. Father smoked sausage roll, one pound roll from fathers country hams.com. I'm about one second from muting your microphone.

You don't have the power to do. That only Cameron does. I will mute you mentally. Okay. I just won't hear anything you say from now on. Damn, I wish I could mute myself. Sorry, what? Did you hear anything, Cam? Yeah.

Oh, fuck. I didn't mute you. I didn't mute him for you. Fuck me, dude. All right, I really fucked this up. You're unmuted now. All right. It's like...

Number 11... Or this is the 11 surprising uses for poor and Pee. Starting on the... Number 11. Oh, yeah. We have a poop and peevee nasty list today. 11 surprise of uses. From live science.com.

We've been talking about a lot of science. Live science. It's actually, it's LiveSci, Equal Sign, N-C-E, based on the logo. Okay. Well, that's a terrible name for a website. This is made by Lance Armstrong. This website's Live Science. Live-strong science.

Wow. Vampire Squid Ancester died in Eternal Embrace with its dinner. Wow. That's how I want to die. Embracing my dinner? Eternal embrace with my dinner. Yeah, I want to embrace a stew that I'm eating. right before I die.

Here's an article, atheists and believers have different moral compasses. Millions of dead jellyfish are washing up around the world. The blob could be to blame. The blob. That's what it says.

Wait, let's see what this one is. No, I honestly, I don't need to know about the blob. I don't need another thing fucking on my plate right now. Do not tell me about anything about the blob. If the blob is real, I don't want to know, dude. This is the best kind of website.

The website where it's like branded is like, oh, this is like Neil deGrasse Tyson's website, but it's just like clickbait for 13-year-olds who think that the world is actually changing around them. They don't realize what's important yet. Like they read about the blob and they're like, mom, dad, did you hear about the blob? Do you think FDR had to take the presidential fitness test? He did. Listen to this article. Could humans ever be venomous?

Humans have what it takes to make venom But it may not be worth the trouble Wait, what? Okay, that I want to know Yeah, I have what it takes to make venom Dude, this article is by Stephanie Poppice I could do so much cool shit with venom, dude Are you kidding me?

Let's see here I would rob a bank Essentially my mouth open We have all the building blocks in place Now it's up to evolution to take us there Shut up, fuck you If I had the power of venom, I'd probably just, like, it depends on what type of, like, is it like a brundlefly venom, like that kind of shit? It's human venom.

Yeah. But I'm thinking of, like, the closest thing to, like, human venom, which would probably be, like, the bruntle fly. Well, a platypus has, has mammal venom. Also, you probably wouldn't be able to kill other humans with it. I'm thinking more. Yeah, you'd probably be immune to it, right? So you would only be. able to like put your dog down with your teeth

yeah that would be the main use no it's i'm going with the platypus model i think you're gonna have little like spikes on your legs that you can like kind of kick into someone the brundle fly he spits up like yeah yeah that's like acid that's like uh yeah that's a lot because that's what flies do yeah because there's like a huge like venom i think congeals blood right venom is like poison i'm god damn it i'm so fucking stupid i'm so fucking poison you eat and venom gets like um injected into you yeah okay that's the difference yeah i mean it's like it's a very confusing topic for me it's really confusing i don't have to deal i don't have to deal with venom often no thank god luckily patrick doesn't have god imagine if i was like like my side

job was just like i was like a snake tamer just the worst snake tamer of all time you're just always walking around puffed up and red full of holes yeah i got bit again today it shouldn't have been fucking with him. Oh, here we go. I was trying to reason with the snakes today. See if we had anything in common. I was trying to make a song with a rattlesnake. I don't see the problem.

You would get in trouble. You would be like the guy at the snake handling place who like feeds them human food. Yeah. Yeah. I fed him a ball python at a McDouble. Yeah, let him have a lick of my giant jawbreaker I always have on me. I wanted to see the, I wanted to see a hamburger outline in a ball python. Yeah, there's just

Forever there's snakes at McDonald's now because the snakes like told each other about it I ran I ran the snakes out of the observatory

and now they all fled to McDonald's It's called a serpentarium Okay I think it's called a her Much like my ancestor St. Patrick There was a serpentarium

in Wilmington, North Carolina Herpetarium is reptiles I've talked about this But the owner got shot in the head I'm pretty cool. Pretty fucking cool, dude. I used to see him fucking feed

of his Komodo dragon. It was sick, dude. I was obsessed. I don't know why a person owning a Komoto dragon is very funny to me. He kept a giant Komoto dragon in a room

about the size of like a storage box. Like something you would like pack your clothes in when you move. And he was like, yeah, he loves it in here,

dude. Look, there's this painting of a tree that he thinks is a real tree, fucking asshole. Here, I'm going to feed him a rabbit. Those things are so scary. Dude, they eat fucking goats and shit. Yeah. No, they

feed him. Yes, they do. What do you Tomotor dragons are fucking crazy dude. I thought they were like vegetarians. What is? Are you the stupidest guy on earth? Look at that fucking thing. You think there's a vegetarian dragon? Are you brain dead? I thought that was the...

Camoto dragons. We got to have dragons, but they were vegetarian. You're thinking of like a bearded dragon, which I don't think it's vegetarian either. It's a lizard. It eats roaches. I used to have to feed one. But Komodo dragons, they have bacteria and their saliva. So what they do is they, is they, they'll like, they bite like a really big animal.

They just bite it once. And then they just wait near it for it to die because the bacteria, like, poisons its bloodstream. And it just, like, decays and dies over the next few days. That's what I do. That's what I do to a crunch rat, supreme. Just take one bite and just wait for it to die. Uh-huh. Yeah.

I wait for the heartburn to go away. From one bite, take another bite. I take one bite of a crunch wrap supreme and then wait for me to die. Dude, bringing a crunch wrap Supreme into the apartment is like the scene in Jurassic Park when the Tyrannosaurus eats a goat for Patrick. He just comes like, the whole house starts shaking. He's walking out of his room. Just towards the taco bell that's on the counter. All right, so these are these 11 surprising uses for pee and poop

By Mindy Weisberger Okay, when most animal bodies My Fred Fred Burger Are you done? What did you even say? I watched that episode of Billy and Mandy again recently Remember the Fred Fredberger episode? No, I'm an adult.

I remember the guy. Yeah, that was a good episode When most animal bodies process nutrients, they expel waste in the form of liquids and solids generally referred to as urine and feces. Oh, come on. Waste is usually smelly and unappetizing, for people at least. But it can also be surprisingly beneficial.

Some people... Some people like to eat it, though. Yeah, dude, fly people. Pee and Poo have a wide range of applications, providing nutrients for diverse ecosystems, serving as a foundation for expensive perfumes... What the hell? Or even fueling robots.

So this is just spoilers right there. Yeah, I'm already hooked in. Yeah, my bad. Here are just a few of their unexpected uses. There's a lot, I mean, having like a poop eating fetish That's a lot of work Someone I know recently

That's way less work than eating any other kind of food It doesn't cost money and you don't have to prepare it It just comes out of you What do you mean that's way You gotta go make a sandwich Either you have to stand up You go make a sandwich You have to make sure you have all the ingredients and everything

All right Are you rationalizing eating poop? No I'm saying it's easier Just think about it You don't have to rationalize anything It just makes sense It just makes sense It just makes sense

You eat your own poop Just make sense If you had a mini fridge Stuck in your stomach Would you take the food out of it? Yes You'd eat the food Are you really trying to tell me

It's It's less work to cook dinner Than to go poop I'm just picturing a guy With like a door on his belly Just like taking poop out Jerry Seinfeld just like slowly Body Modding himself

Into like a cyborg monster To make his life more efficient My hands are forks. It just makes sense. Never have to pick up a fork again. I got one hand that's a fork. I got one hand that's a knife. I can fucking eat my food.

What's the deal with that? Yeah. I think he should get into futurism. I think he'll be like a Walt Disney style. What's the deal with phones nowadays? They don't work with your fork and knife hands. You can't press the screen. Keep breaking my damn screen.

I can't use the phone. I can't use the face ID on my phone because I turn my eyebrows into salt and pepper shakers. What's it? You ever notice that your left hand has four fingers and your right hand is no fingers? What's the deal with that? I shake my head over my food. I turn my hair into spaghetti. I'm a food monster.

I never go hungry again. It just makes sense. I replaced my legs with a table I sit down and eat wherever I want Never have to look for a picnic table ever again My ass is a soft serve machine I have to serve whatever I want I'm having a penis a hot dog

What's the deal with dogs? Why are they always barking around me Why are they trying to get into my pants? Isn't it the worst? Isn't it the worst when you get on a plane and the dog starts eating your spaghetti hair? That's the worst fucking sign-filled impression. Strangers are so rude. Sometimes I'll ask for my salt and pepper eyebrows. It's your own.

Do you have any pepper? I say yes. Not for you at all. It's in my eyebrows. Just makes sense. It just makes sense. Okay. I have to stop doing that voice.

From poop to perfume A yellowish-gray Rock found on a beach in the UK Was greasy and smelled terrible And no wonder That's the most interesting news story of all time Yeah, and the CNN headline That's what news is in the UK

They found a greasy rock That smelled terrible Yeah, well, walking on a beach Yeah, walking on a fucking beach Yeah, walking on a fucking Rock At first I thought it was my mum But it wasn't my mom

I was, I was, I was, I was, I was robbing my told you in some sand. I walked up to the rock. I said, hey, mum, what are you doing here? And you did response. So I knew then, then it was my mom. It was a rock. Mom, you're being quite odd today. You're not talking to me.

It was, you're quite greasy and smell bad. It's like me, mom. It smelled like me mom, but it wasn't my mom. Some skin feel like my mom. I'm kind of dim rock. And that's what I called the news. That's the reporter, yeah. That's not an interviewee.

That's just the guy with the microphone. So I'm here doing an investigative report. Back to you, Nigel. Back to you. Back to me. Back to me. Thank you so much, Adam Curtis. Thank you.

We have Adam Curtis in the field. Talking to a rock. I say, hey, mum, when his dinner going to be ready, she said, I don't, she didn't say anything. I started talking for her And we'll be right back After I take a break to love a child That's what they're like in the damn UK

And no wonder as it originated in the guts of a sperm whale Hey what that? What kind of whale? Sperm whale? The slick maladores I want to put my whale sperm in your guts, Pat I'm going to make a yellowish-gray rock inside you. I knew this was going to be a nasty...

My greasy rock. I knew this was going to be a nasty episode, what with the poop and the pee? But does it have to be gay, too? Can we just pick one? Well, yeah, man, you're on it. The slick maledorus lump was a sizable chunk of ambergris. A fatty's... Ambergris.

Fuck off. A fatty substance thought to form in whales' digestive tracts around sharp objects. Objects. Fuck, god damn it, such as squid beaks. You're a shart object. Fuck you. Whales then poop out the ambergris, which is highly prized by humans as an ingredient in pricey fragrances. You keep talking about ambergris.

Just know that you're the man for me. and I think that you have a pricey fragrance, too, and I would estimate you to be worth at least $68,000 and possibly as much as $180,000. All right, popcorn, Cameron. The love found on the beach was estimated to be worth at least $68,000 and possibly as much as $180,000. Recommended videos for you, live science.

That's how we should do the rest of the episode. Popcorn reading. No. Okay, that's actually, that would be really bad. Yeah, that's true. Caleb never had to be in a classroom. I never did popcorn reading. Yeah.

Yeah. I never read anything. To die for. Oh, this is number two. A 1,500-year-old Byzantine copy of the New Testament known as the Codex Perporeas Resonances. Okay, fuck you, dude. It's printed on purple pages,

and researchers recently unconsored, the long-held secret behind the parchment's vivid color. The thing about old book names like that where they name it like codex whatever is like that's I think just Latin for book so like literally like it's just that they called the book like this is my purple book and then

researchers were like oh my god we've uncovered the codex purperius omni trics diabolico yeah it's called like my favorite story cool stories with with a Joe analysis of the tome you don't have to call it's a book dude revealed that the pages derived their purple hue

from Orsian a dye extracted from the fungus Raquelotin and then processed with fermented urine the manuscript which is about half complete is written in gold and silver ink on 18188 I fucking read that and likely originated in Syria

just gave up to you got halfway through the number I saw that I said 18 to start saying 1800 And then immediately I was like I'm just gonna it doesn't matter It's like accidentally walking into the closet instead of the bathroom and just staying in there Yeah dude sometimes my brain My brain invented an extra digit it happens dude Whatever

They should die more books with pee They should all say What makes you think they don't you ever notice that old book pages turn yellow. Also, have you ever... Have you ever... Pee on a road trip and you have, like,

a copy of infinite jest in the car? It'll soak up. Yeah. Absolutely. That'll soak up a whole fucking piss, dude. Big book like that. Have you, um,

have you ever done the tea bagging thing with old, with paper to make it look old? Uh, yeah, yeah. And then you put it in a bottle and then put it in like a puddle outside your house. You can like put in the oven to or something. Yeah. Yeah. The, uh...

I've been doing that with my tax return. I just, just... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They're running with a quill. Yeah. The IRS pops it open. They're like, why does it smell like wood?

Oh, my God. This is a tax return from the 1800s. This man is going to get a million dollars. Well, yeah, here's what you do, right? Is, yeah, you get your paycheck from your boss. You do that, you like, do all that stuff to it. You bring it to the bank. You're like, well, this was $300 from $1,600.

So who knows how much that's worth today. That's a good point. Yeah, because that's how this works. Can you imagine how much black beard and back taxes, dude. Right. Just, like, all that, all that gold, never paid a dime on it. It says here, it says here that this Popeye's, uh, fucking, this Popeye's pay stub is from

1688. Yep, it's the first Popeye's, actually. It works at the bank, and then you, you do it to a Domino's coupon, and you're like, hey, I found a coupon for a free pizza from 1,500. So that's got to be worth like. It's got to be like 100 pizzas now. Something like that, right? The pizza exchange rate?

Like a pizza back then was also Way harder to find So like that's Hook a brother up Taste like Oh no Oh no no Researches in Japan

Recently bought Brought A stomach turning offering to the table By transforming Researches in Japan recently bought Something really cool A Gameboy It's called a Gameboy

And you can play Mario on it They have Lego Star Wars 2 By transforming human feces into steak What the hell? At the request of Tokyo sewage Tokyo sewage is just like the name Of like a... Oh, that's a band, yeah.

Yeah, this is on their rider. They were like, wait, we will not fucking play If we don't have a poop steak. They're like, okay, fine, Ed penis, we get it. Scientists investigated practical uses for excess sewage And discovered that they could isolate proteins for bacteria and human waste Combined with carbohydrates and fats The result could be served as a meat-like substance

See, the reason that they could do this in Japan Is because they already have a whole crafting system set up over there True They can just, they They can easily craft it It's like a Pokemon typing thing, right? like steak and and and and and um poop are the same type brown brown yeah yeah exactly i'm excited to see google foods make an a5 wagyu poop today we have a beautiful a5 japanese

wagyu poop dry aged let's do it angel angel what do you think of the poop tastes like poop man what the fuck Drink up. Oh, no. I'm not going to drink poop. Me and either. Again. Eating poop?

Eating poop, that makes sense. Bless me. Who's reading it? I read the one before the last one. Don't want to eat steak made from poop. How about eating? I mean, Patrick, all I'm going to say is if you say drink up, I was expecting you to be the one reading it. But I can go ahead and keep going.

I can't read this without bombing. How about drinking, I don't want to eat steak made from poop? How about drinking a nice glass of water that used to be poop? An innovative processing system called the Omni processor, heat sewage sludge separating the liquid as water vapor that is then treated to make it suitable for drinking. I have to say, turning poop into water is not that interesting to me. I would rather them find a way to turn water into poop. I want to go on a liquid diet and still poop.

Yeah, that is a really good point. Didn't Bill Gates drink the poop water? Turn poop to one. wine, you know, or like something better, like orange juice. Yeah, exactly. Would you drink a poop milk? What I will say, though, is that you turn the poop into water, drink the water, turn the water to pee, that's a poop to pee pipeline right there.

That is pretty impressive. That is very impressive, actually. If you can figure out a way to turn poop to pee, that's like a Jesus-style miracle. Exactly. Building blocks. Oh, okay. I thought we were just skipping. How long have we been doing this fucking podcast,

and we can't get this down right now? We can't figure out who has to read? This one doesn't have numbers on it. It's throwing me off. Yeah, me too. We're professionals, dude. We're professionals when there's numbers, but I don't fucking see any.

Yeah, we work best with numbers. That's one thing about us. A really good one of numbers. Oh, yeah. You know me. I'm fucking, I'm the math genius. Okay, building blocks. Bricks made from urine could one day

serve as cheap sustainable building materials for homes and other structures, but how do you turn pee into a brick? And that's a link. There's a link. It's a link and it brings you to a page that says very carefully. It takes you to a page that says, how to pee a brick and help save the planet

while you do it. Wow, I just see that, watch this if you'll pee bricks. Scientists mixed wait, scientists mixed with fresh urine with Lyme. So there's a very big ingredient that they left out, which is scientists.

So you need a scientist, you need pee, and you need some limes. The scientist is like a bay leaf, you know, he's not in the final product, but he needs to be in there. A whole scientist. That's just at the end. Yeah, the research was like, yeah, you guys need to sit in this giant bath full of pee and then just And all the scientists go home And he just turns it into a brick easily Yeah guys you did it

He pulls a brick out from under the table Great job you guys And remember I need to take plenty of pictures and videos To document my research As the bricks are setting They do exude I think your lab coat and boxers are contaminating the mixture It says as the bricks are setting

They do exude an unpleasant urine aroma though the smell subsides in about 48 hours. There's no way that you smell, you like get up close and you smell it and it doesn't smell like piss, though. I'm sure if it gets hot in summer. What the fuck is that smell? Well, my house is made of pee. If it starts like raining,

I'm sure that there's just pee is just going to run off your walls, right? You're outside walls. Yeah, I think we're being haunted by a pee ghost. There's pee everywhere. Also, that feels more expensive than making. making normal bricks. Yeah, because what? You have to give people water?

Who wants to do that? Exactly. To make the pee? Uh, pooperone. Okay. That's one where they started at the name and worked backwards. Yeah. Yeah.

Poop sausage may not sound like a tasty treat. Oh, dude. Oh, fuck. Wait. Oh, keep reading. Oh, my God. But scientists have figured out how to use bacteria from baby poop. It's the baby poop thing came to life, dude.

Would you rather eat poop or baby poop? It's real. You can either eat steak made from adult poop or sausage made from baby poop. Make sausages that are both delicious and healthy. Microbes are already harnessed to produce delicacies like cheese, wine, and beer and fermented sausages. Why does it have to be baby poop? And baby poop is chock full of microbes, particularly lactobacillus and bipedobacterium, which are used in probiotics. Using bacteria is cultured from poop in baby's diapers.

researchers made a type of Spanish fermented pork sausage called fete, and they claimed that it tasted very good. This scientist seems to be locked away forever. That's way worse than, like, making Frankenstein or whatever the evil scientist do. Yeah, absolutely. Honestly, cloning is more morally, like, I can morally defend cloning more than I can defend eating baby poop. There's an interview with the scientist, and he just has a giant clothespin on his nose.

Like, hey, that kind tastes pretty normal. It tastes like normal sausage, actually. It's very surprising. The fact that they take it from diapers, too. Right. There's got to be something in the diaper that's making it. Do you get, like, paid for the diapers? If this continues, is there going to be, like, people walking around New York City, like, going through trash cans for diapers and, like,

Yeah, I mean, the one. You do it, right? You, yeah, you. I said it first. The one where they turn poop and mistake, it's like the sewage company asked them to, like, find something to do with poop. But this one is just like evil scientists who are like, I want to see if I can make baby food into poop. I don't make a baby poop sausage.

The mad scientist who makes baby poop sausage. This mad scientist makes baby poop sausage. And he's, and we stand this king. Yeah, I hate how the media is always doing fluff pieces on mad baby poop scientists. It's so annoying, dude. It's so irritating to see on now this. Yeah, Dr. Heinrich baby pooping. Urine therapy.

No, you're in therapy. Come on, it's too easy, dude. In India, cow urine has been used for therapeutic purposes for at least 5,000 years, and a Hindu group that promotes drinking cow urine for its health benefits recently claimed that the liquid offers a cure for around 70 to 80 incurable diseases like diabetes, according to Om Prakash of the Cow Protection Department for the Hindu sect RSS. Yeah, I'm going to trust the cow protection guy on, like, fucking cow piss curing diabetes. No.

My job is that I'm obsessed with cows. I love them. I would do absolutely anything to be close to a cow or even just, like, to live with it, or understand how it lives. I need to make sure there's as many cows as possible. And also, it's, drinking their pee is actually really good for you. Yeah. For you. We definitely should not, for you specifically. You, Michael. Yeah, because you are depressed. Yeah, Michael, you're depressed, Michael. But just ask like a, there's no way that this guy knows.

Michael Roberts of. Of. Come on, give me a place. Portland, Maine. Portland, Maine. Yep. Stay on 1543. Suck of my dickass.

Yeah. Michael, stay away from parking lots. Yeah. And me. I'm coming for you, Michael. I'm going to fucking kill you. Michael. Michael Roberts.

Michael Roberts of Portland, Maine. The second paragraph in the cow urine thing is so great. However, health experts have questioned the effectiveness of remedies containing cow urine, particularly when it is purported to treat or prevent cancer. Yeah, dude. So, yeah, it's just a guy who likes cow pee. That guy's like, yeah, dude, I'm the guy who's like entire thing is protecting cows. Cow piss is great.

Cow shit is a, you can use. it like a condom, cow fucking hair is good to use as a seasoning. My passion for the protection of cows as a species borders on erotic. And I have to tell you you're going to love drinking their people. We have found, we have

found a fifth utter on cows that produces a new liquid we can ingest and it cures cancer. It's called stinky milk. We have found a fifth element and it is a cow's piss. Look, look, these cows out of their fifth

They're producing this thing, like a Gatorade. And we need to get that shit. We need to get that shit in giant containers being poured on NCAA coaches as soon as possible. We'll call it Gatorade Propel. Zero sugar. Robot fuel. What the hell? The pumping action of an artificial heart sends urine coursing over a microbial fuel cell

in a device that could power pollution monitoring robots dubbed ecobots. These pea-powered bots represent technology that recycles waste into electricity. Their fuel cells harness living microbes such as those that colonize a human gut and sewage treatment plants. This is like the most educational episode we've ever done. Yeah. Okay, so there's robots that run on pee. Okay, that's, just say that then. Right. Just say there's a robot that runs on pee. Spare me the details. I don't care that they help the environment. I do think it's funny that they're called pee robots. Look, if you saw how the, if you saw how the poop saw sausage was made, you'd never eat poop sausage again.

Yeah. Also, this means that, the old saying. This means that you have to, you cannot develop artificial intelligence, because if these robots find out about gasoline, they're going to be so mad. You made us run on B? You had gasoline this entire time. Oh my God, a guest appearance from Ray William Johnson. I have one robot voice, dude.

Sue me. It also says urine isn't the nastiest fuel source these robots have used. Previous versions ran on energy extracted from sludge, waste water, dead flies, and rotting produce. Sludge? Yeah, do you guys think sludge is grosser than urine? Also, sludge is like, isn't that like a, like, a sludge can be like anything, right? It's just. Sludge could be pee.

There's not like a natural, there's not like a byproduct of a thing called sludge, right? Yeah, sludge is like, it's like an ice cream treat. Exactly. Ice cream sludgy. Yeah. Worm Towers You have to read this Okay

Giant soil mounds In the grasslands of Colombia and Venezuela Alternate with deep pits in the grounds And the mounds were formerly thought To be the result of erosion or termite activity But scientists recently discovered That they were made of piles and piles of worm poop Collecting locations that the worms

Would visit for generations Worms measuring up to three feet What the fuck? digest dirt excreting pellets known as castes. Over time the mounds can grow wider than 16 feet in diameter and groups of them

form an impressive landscape features called surrail which is also found in Uganda New Guinea and South Africa. When you said three foot worm I googled longest worm do you want to guess how long the longest worm is?

5 inches. 10 feet 180 feet Where A lineus longisimus How are you going to hide a worm that big for me? I think it's probably not seen it I think it's in the water I think it's a water worm

Longest worm It also has a neurotoxin too That is a snake Yeah At that point it's a fucking snake It's called a bootlace worm And its mucus is highly toxic This thing looks like shit

Yeah I hate looking at that That is not a handsome worm. I found a list of the most nightmarish worms. Do you think other worms look at this worm? I have to look at that later. It's like Robert Wadlow or whoever that tall guy was. They're like, oh, he looks so crazy. Right.

He's in the Wormleys, believe it or not, museums. They have a big statue. Wormleys believe it or worm? Wormleys, I am a worm. You will not believe what this caterpillar turned into. This thing's fucked up I don't like it Yeah no I again like that is not a worm

Making a worm that long is one thing But then making it poisonous Is too far Yeah God you fucked this one up so bad dude Yeah Everybody's good You must have let Jesus handle that one I bet that's what it was

Yeah this is your son doing one of his funny pranks You can handle the worms And he was like Okay dad And now I'll make a long one Now I'm going to make the biggest worm ever, you fucking asshole dad. Fuck you pussy. Yeah.

Poop biotics. It would be okay if maybe there was like one of them. Okay, I'm done. Sorry. Shh. Say the poop biotics thing. Shut. I need a clean take.

Okay. All right. I'm giving it to you right. Poop biotics. God damn it, Caleb. Can't remember which one of us is which. Mm-hmm. I'm bald.

poop biotics. Read this. This is your favorite thing. No, it's not my favorite thing. And it's also redundant. We've already talked about this on the list. Could a path toward a better hell?

Could a path toward a fucking, God damn it. Could a path toward better health begin with a baby's diaper? Yeah, you wish. Baby poop, specifically the microbes, inhabiting baby's guts What the fuck? Patrick wants to be

inhabiting baby's guts No, I don't. Oh, God. Could one day produce potent biotics. The pedophiles inhabiting baby's guts such as Patrick Doran.

Shut up. What? Why did I agree to read this one? I should have fucking... You didn't agree. You just started it. I saw you drooling the second you saw it.

I was not drooling. Baby poop. It's not funny to say that about me. What? That you like baby poop? Yes. You do? You do?

Like baby poop? No. No. He turned his mic off? He just said, what is that? Oh, don't say, don't... No, I didn't say anything when the mic was turned off. I was just trying to make Cameron mad.

You said something crazy. Why would I be mad that you're not talking? Yeah, that was like, I was so sublime for a moment. He's back to the old. Old days. You want to get sublime? No, that's too close to Reagan. You want to get, you want to get Bradley Noel in here?

No, you want me to go Bradley Noel? You will not go Bradley Noel on me, dude. I'm going to go Bradley Noel on myself. Don't, do not start fucking, what did he do? I don't know who that is. I don't know who that is. I think he overdosed. Yeah, well, he killed himself with something.

It wasn't on purpose. Yeah. What's so special about baby poo microbes? Some types of microorganisms and baby poop. who promote the production of molecules called short-fatti... Short-chained fatty acids. Short-fatty-chained, fatty-chained acids,

fatty chains, which are associated... Fatty-Shanes would be a good nickname. Short-chain... I'm a short-chained fatty assholes. Short-chain fatty spins. Okay. All right. That's kind of cool. Yeah. How about you keep reading, bud?

Which are associated with a healthy gut. Fecal transplants. plants with these microbes could help to correct imbalances in the galt fuck gaults where the fuck did the L come from you do you took it promoting the growth of beneficial bacteria

and predicting against disease why do you bother reading that whole one whole one we already talked about it I know come on we told you not to we asked you not to read that one you're high right now I'm high on my own you're high on poop

You're high on poop fumes. You're gonna kill yourself with one of those mini umbrellas they put in a pinocalada like Bradley Noel. Just slitting your wrists with that. I hate you. You don't hate me. Drug addict. I love you.

I'm not a drug addict. I'm the furthest thing. Druggy. Druggy. Show me your tongue if you're not a... If it's blue, you're a drug addict. He doesn't even have a tongue. Fuck!

Right? Isn't that what that means? What? When someone has a blue tongue? That means they just... That means they just ate a raspberry lollipop, blue raspberry. No, I think that means that they just smoked weed. Yeah.

Or something worse. Yeah. They ate a fruit roll-up. It's way worse. Sugar's the real drug. It really is. And we're all addicts. Yep.

Except for me, because I drink sugar-free red thunder. Guess what? Two of them in 30 minutes. That's what kind of shit I'm on. Let's fucking go, dude. There's a last entry here. Don't drink your energy drink and try and brag. Ocean Fertilizer.

um whales are among the largest living creatures on earth as such they generate enormous quantities of pee and poop and that's a good thing as their waste provides critical nutrients for a variety of marine creatures whales typically relieve themselves at the sea surface before they dive leaving behind a fluffy effluvia plume this fecal feast releases nutrients that originated in ocean depths and nourished phytoplankton tiny marine plants which live close to the surface and play an important part in ocean food webs imagine god fucks you so bad where he's like, all right, you're going to be so small that people can't even see you. You are going to live in the ocean. You don't get to go do anything in the cool stuff on land. And get this, you can only eat a cloud of poop from a giant whale. Yeah, phytoplankton. Yeah, I'd like to fight o' plankton. Stop trying to get that damn secret recipe.

That's what I'm saying. Fucking plankton. Where I might fido you. Dude, was plankton eating poop that whole time? He was eating Pearl's poop. What if, yeah, what if that's in the fucking, what if that's a secret recipe? That's a fan theory. right there. Yeah, because Pearl

and Mr. Crabbs lived together, so Mr. Crabbs was collecting, and that's why Plankton, like the recipe so much, it all comes together. And Sandy was a squirrel who lived underwater. And SpongeBob is a happy yellow friend.

Guys, that's breaking. The theme song was great. Breaking news? What? Jislayne Maxwell has been charged with sex trafficking, a 14-year-old girl. Just now, you heard it here first on this episode that we'll come down. And you heard it here first.

That yesterday this happened. This happened three days ago. And that girl was Patrick. Patrick? No. Yep, Pat, you did it, buddy. You testified, you took them down, dude. You were a pro, and I'm happy for you.

I'm sorry about what happened to you. Don't say that that's me. And I'm sorry that you are a girl. That's hard. That's really, really hard. And you're still 14 years later. I know that's tough, too. You're stuck in time.

That boy stuck in time. I was born on a leap year. So you're... I was born on a leap year, but I was still born in July 23rd. That's cool. Wow, that's crazy. You know, could that not have waited maybe five minutes?

I thought the episode was ending. I didn't realize we were... I thought it said 57. Okay, so back to fucking whale shit. Yeah, I can't remember, you know, exactly what the joke we were doing was, unfortunately. Ocean Fertilizer, I'm going to turn patent. Ocean Fertilizer, mafia style after that. Let's try to get back into the joke now.

Whales, they're pee and poop. I can't do it. Oh, yeah, SpongeBob, Sex Traffic. No, that's not the... See, I'm getting my wires crossed right now, and it's because of you. I thought that it would be special if we broke the news. People have known this for days now. Yeah, it's not...

I forgot... I forgot... I forgot that there's a schedule. A schedule? You thought that this was live streamed? For a little bit. Look, everything bleeds together now. I don't know which way is up.

That's a different thing. That's directional. That doesn't have to do with time. All right, you know what? Let's finish us off with some cowboy insults. Okay. Some cowboy insults? Yeah, I have a list of cowboy insults.

that I was saving for a rainy day. Did you write these? No. Yes. Yeah, yeah, I wrote all these. You're right. Best it from Best Insults.com. Yep.

Cowboy insults for Best Insults. Oh, no, come on. No, we have to save this one. We'll do this one next week. This is, there's too much here. Why? This is, no, this is so, no. We're not doing this all right now in two minutes.

Can I read one? I'm really liking these looking at them. You can't read any of them. This is our first teaser. Okay. It's our first, like, like, foreshadowing next episode. Yeah. Okay.

Well, let's get like, a clean cut, and then we'll just edit this into the next episode. Yeah, we won't. Why not? Because I'm not going to do that. I'll do it. No, you won't. If you remind me, I'll do it. No, you won't, because I won't send you the files. Fuck.

All right, ready? Yep. All right, this is my one cowboy insult. Everybody ready. You prepared? Yeah. Even molasses would not run down your legs. Yeah, because of your laziness. Wow. That's a little teaser, dude.

That's going to be a strong-ass list when we get around to that. Everybody, let's get the hype going for next week's episode. Can you harass everyone? Yeah, just let everyone know. Can you do some target of arrest? The cowboy episode coming soon. Probably, you know, I didn't do the voice then, but there will be a couple of cowboy voices coming up for that. I can tell you that.

I think you better believe that. You'll bet your hide on that. Yeah, you can bet your saddle and your lasso on that one. Do not stop. Do not stop messaging anybody with more than 10,000 followers about this episode that's coming out. You are, I want, you send this to Chrissy Teigen. I want Chrissy Teigen to hear this. I want, uh, uh, uh, drill to hear this.

I want, um, who's in, those are two people I think of right now. I want, I want, um, Marco Rubio. I want him involved. I want Paul L. Tompkins stuff to turn his phone off for a week. I want Paula Abdul to go back to Canada. because she's being so harassed on the streets of the United States Is she from Canada?

Fuck yeah. No. Paula Abdul is a Canadian name. Paula Abdul is a Canadian name. She's not Canadian. Yeah. She's from San Fernando. Canada.

It does say CA. Wow. Thanks for listening. Told you, ass. Thank you for listening. Bye.