Podcast About List - Ep. 145 - Pejoy chocolate filled cream sticks

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

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Made this year with all made this year with all the sperm man, I'm small. it's pretty good you can just hit hit stop record let's start that episode over put you on put Pat on

motherfucking pentatonic yeah going on pentatomics I'd like to audition for the pentatonic yeah I realize I realize how annoying

you guys have a beatboxer you guys have tenors and basses but then you have a scatter do you have a scorer do you have a screamer this is the most annoying episode already

you can turn it down if you don't like it Better yet, turn it off. Shut it off. Stop for it. I dare you. I'm here to audition for the pentatonic. But do you guys have a position for a pig man?

Yeah, I know you guys are like a Christian acopella group or whatever. You guys ever think about adding like a guy that does pigs? Yeah, like a pig human hybrid character. They're kind of like a pig man. You guys heard about like these scientists that are developing pig human hybrids for the coming wars. So you guys are into that stuff. You're Christian, right? Yeah, you got to know about this.

And also maybe a Peter Griffin. Yeah. Anyway, um, turn on, hey, soul sister. Here we go. Hey, soul sister. You know what? Us three guys auditioning, we should start our own band. Yeah.

Peter Griffin and the pigs. Do you guys need a pig? Do you guys need a farter and moner? Oh. Oh, no. I did start. do as a bit I did start like anytime I farted I'd go like oh like it hurt me and now I like I've noticed times where I've involuntarily like I've seen you done that I thought you had

maybe a stingy butt no no it's just like it's like a Pavlov you know how buttholes have like you know how but holes are wrinkled so that they can get bigger it's not a poop or a big air out I thought maybe you were born with no wrinkles it's not a young it's not a Pavlov thing because it's just a hobby it's just something that you do it's not you didn't get trained yeah i love watching tv it's so pavlovian every night i watch tv i feel like i'm pavlov's what was it pavlov's pet pavlov's dong anyone said that before come on hey i'm here to audition for pentatonics and i got something you ain't never seen before and just starts playing the piano check this shit out yeah wait you guys don't have any

guitars what the fuck where are your instruments you fucking idiots i'm gonna It's going to blow your mind right now. Bown-na-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. It's fucking up 20 times in a row on smoke in the water. You can start crying. Panatonic should do like American Idol. You guys probably think I suck. Oh, you guys hate me.

They're just mean, dude. They might be, they might, maybe they have some sort of, are they religious? Yeah, Penetonics is a satanic name. yeah it does sound like pentagramics maybe i'm thinking of um maybe i'm thinking of like newsboys or something newsboys is on another level yeah newsboys is like that is christian acapella for sure you got a big big house where we can play football all acapella is christian acapella that's true yeah if you're acopella even if you're like like one of these weird fucking like like yeah redid acapella guys and you're like an atheist

or whatever you're doing acopella guys yeah like there you know there's like the nerdy guys We went to school with... Absolutely, there are Reddit Acapella guys. I know exactly what he means. Okay. But, yeah, no, Acapella is definitely Christian because... We went to a college that was full of, like,

Reddit Acapella, guys who were, like, atheist. The devil wants you to use your fingers to make music. True, yeah. Yeah, the bass, that's a devil's instrument. No, no God-loving man would... Your finger and something. Yeah, exactly.

And they don't like that. No straight adult man should be moving his fingers in that way. I think actually Christians are a lot of finger. Are they? I know Mormons do soaking. Oh, yeah, that's... You just can't move your penis. You have to be...

Yeah, you can put your penis into the... They put their penises into the women's thing. Her what? Yeah, you just kind of like stay there and don't move. It sounds fun. It does sound like a fun game. It's very relaxing. Yeah, just fall asleep.

It's like being in the sauna. Exactly. Yeah. It's like taking a bath for one part of your body. You put it in just... It's like, it's like, it's like taking a bath in slime. Yeah. For your, for your, for your little special things.

Your slime. Your penis comes out all pruned. Yeah, it's an, oh. It's been too much time soaking. Fuck. My penis is all small and pruning like a raisin now. God damn it, dude. I wish I was not Mormon.

Oh, God, dude. The priest is going to be so pissed up when he sees this. When the priest says his penis inspection. Yeah. I'm going to get so on. Let me smell your dick. I'm the priest. I'm the priest.

I'm the priest. Yeah. Do you remember fucking... Remember the web redemption that song got on Touch Point O? No. Did not need a web redemption. I'll say that for sure.

There's a lot of... He would give web redemptions as people doing it on purpose. To things that were not worthy of a redemption. We're giving Kyle Mooney a web redemption. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. For being so weird. Yeah. Stuff like that.

I'm going to give one to YouTube. Yeah. It's a good idea. YouTube, you need to redeem yourself right now. Jake Paul and the suicide. for us. That shit was crazy. That shit was cool. What?

What was that bit we were doing earlier? The lady was like, you were in the burrito place, but there was like a woman at the juice place, very mad at the cashiers. Somebody messed up her salad. I have to imagine they made it out of meat. Yeah. Just braw meat.

She was mad. Yeah, she was pissed. I heard what she was saying. She was saying something about, like, I guess they were telling her that she has to wait outside or something like that. She was a lady who was speaking Spanish and she did say Cabrown, which is, I believe, means bastard. But then she switched to English and she said, like, you are, you, it's so fucking

manipulative what you do. That's the ultimate disrespect. Switching in English. That's a crazy, juice place. Yeah. But we were, like, sitting, like, actually screaming. We're like, yeah, we're two Peter Griffin's. We're here to cheer you up.

Excuse me, ma'am. We're here to cheer you up. We saw you were in some sort of distress. The restaurant called us. Yeah, we're going to make you our lowest. We're basically going to turn you into our lowest. I think you're going to find it. It's going to be the most beautiful thing

you ever been a pot of. It's going to be brilliant. Can I have a bite of that challenge? Come on. Let me just take a sip of your lemonade. I'm absolutely poached. I remember, I'm Peter Griffin right now. It's two Peter Griffin.

You're not seeing double. It's two Peter Griffins. Every woman's dream come true, dude. Two Peter Griffin's at the same damn time. Ooh, we. Fuck. And twin. Peter Griffin.

Twin. And Peter Griffin's. And Peter Griffin's. The Peter Griffith twins. I love Quohawk barbecues drunk and clam and Peter Griffin.

So fucking stupid that we do this. Just drop me off in Quahog, dude. Oh my God. Dude, we got to make a stop in Quahawk on the way to Boston in a live show. Yeah. We should take the... Oh, fuck.

You should come... Because you're in Boston. You should meet us half. halfway in Rhode Island, and we take the family guy tour. I'm down. That Caleb told me about 30 minutes ago. We're doing all that family guy crap, and I was like, did you know that we could do this in a place where people to appreciate?

Rhode Island is not. Hey, you don't go through Rhode Island to get the Boston, Massachusetts, right, if you're coming from New York. I don't know. You can. Yeah, it just, I think it's out of the way. If you have a Quahog state of mind. Yeah.

And you need a fixed. Did they do that? I got a quohawk state of mind. Peter Griffin Jungle Something, something, something. The Peter Griffin Jungle. Peter Griffin Jungle. Brian is my dog.

Stoie is my son, too. Now you're in quo. God damn it. You know that song is actually. That's just YouTube. like 2008 level. So, what if we fucking devolved? Did you guys know that that's...

We're getting stupider every episode. Did you guys know that that song is actually about L.A.? Not many people know that. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, because the song is about... It's about the Hollywood Empire. Yeah.

Wow. And the evil empire, McDonald's. Wow. Don't you fucking dare. That's what it's called. Don't you fucking dare say McDonald's is evil. That's what Rage Against the Machine called it. Oh my God.

I'm going to have to have a talking to with Tom Morello Yeah I don't think he is Banking for that matter And that's going And that's the Wow

Wow wow wow Wow wow Tom Tom We get all gathered here today because we love you And we want to be honest

With you Mow Wow To win it now And that's the problem Tom Yeah You keep doing

Wow When we're trying to talk to You keep I mean That is Like one of the sickest things ever is turning his guitar

into a turntable. Yeah. So cool. With the fucking, like, he has like a button that he installed on his guitar. It's like a kill switch. So like any time that he presses it, it like stops sound, but he also has like a wah pedal. And excuse me what pedal? A wah pedal. So it makes a guitar go

why. That's what makes it goes wow, wow, wow. But then he hits the button at the same time, like the switch. I like how creative guitarists are that they named it a wah pedal. Yeah. What does this do? I guess it was. It's called. I guess it was. It's called the cry baby. It's called the cry baby from Dunlop.

It's like a wawi wawa pedal. There's also a guitar pedal. It's like a distortion pedal called the Metal Zone, which is like a really cool name. That's not a cool name. Yeah, I know. It's not a cool. It's just cool and that is very stupid.

HM2. HM2. That's a cool name. Is it HM1 or HM2? That's a cool name. It's a Pokemon. Isn't HM1 or two? Aren't that the heavy metal?

The entombed one? Oh. I don't know. I'm just making a joke. It's a dumb name. It's just letters and numbers. I don't know. Didn't,

yeah, full of hell has a guitar pedal too. You know what would be sick. If we get enough money is like I just buy a bunch of, I get a different microphone and I just hook myself up to all the guitar pedals. Dude, if we all got a fucking huge pedal boards. Oh my God. For our voices.

Distinct. Yeah. We each have completely different pedals. This is not for Caleb. This is just for me and Cameron. I will have five Peter Griffin pedals. There's no Peter Griffin pedals. Oh, yeah.

Whoa. What was that switch you just did? Hey. I'm using a Peter Griffin pedal right now. Wow. And now it's off. But now it's on. And now it's off.

I'm inventing my own pitch shifter that only goes up. You can't ever turn it back down. So once you turn the knob up one notch, you can't turn it back the other way. So you can only use it 10 times. Whoa. I have these. So you have to buy a new one every time you want to get low pitch again. I have a bass pedal.

It's like a multi-effect pedal. And then I have these two, like, Dan Electro Fab. I have Dan Electro Fab distortion. Dan Electro, like, they're, like, the $20 plastic pedals. Who the hell is Dan Electro? It's made by Daniel Electro. The guitars that, like, I think Phoebe Bridgers uses one. She smashed a Dano.

She smashed a Dano baritone YouTube. That was so disrespectful once she did that. Disrespectful to music. It was disrespectful to music, to S&L. And to Dan Electro guitars. And to just to men in general. Mm-hmm. So four people, four important institutions.

We should bring back witch trials for people like that. Yeah. Women who think they can do rock. Yeah. Women who, I mean, when Pete Townshend does it, that's different,

he's a famous pedophile. Exactly. He's trying to destroy the hard drive on his, he's working some things out. Yeah. On his guitar. He's swinging his computer around on stage. And he's like,

smash that hard drive on stage. It's got my credit card information in it. I have to smash it. It was a voice. in my computer, I swear. I wish that we could do cool rock shit like that on stage. Oh, man. Dude, you get me, you get me a Les Paul

at the live show. I'll smash that shit on stage. Why? That's an open invitation to all the fans. If you want to bring me a guitar to smash. If you guys bring me something I don't like, I'll smash it. Uh-huh. I'll smash it. If you bring, like, me a big mallet and a watermelon at this show.

You bring me a... You bet your ass, I'm going to smash it. If you bring me a McChicken, I'm going to eat it. I'm going to smash that. I'm going to smash that shit in my belly. You will not smash it before I eat it. I'm going to smash it, though. No.

I'll smash you. I'm going to fuck the McChicken before you eat it. I'm going to smash it. You guys aren't getting anywhere near it. Yeah. You guys want to have like 20 McChickens up on stage with us so we can just eat them if we get hungry? At the show, we should just start fucking fingering each other and go to jail.

We should immediately go up. podcast about what are they doing? So everyone leaves and then we have to go to prison for a night. I don't think you would go to prison for one night. You can't go to prison for fingering. Really? Go to jail for a night.

You can go to jail for a night, but prison you're in. Do I look like some fucking drug addict who knows what the inside of prison looks like? You do have the prison dot on your thumb. This means that I love my dot. You love your dot. I love my dot on my thumb.

That's not. I've never been to jail. Did you think I've been to jail? You told me last night that that dot in Texas jails, in Texas prisons, that means that you're a bottom and you like to get fucked. Did you think I knew that when I got it put on my body? No. No.

I didn't think you knew that, but you told me that's what it meant. Yeah, I found that out because I went into a pool hall in Texas and a guy called me a naughty word. Oh, okay. And I just had to kind of stand there and be like, okay. Did he explain it to you? No, I looked it up later. Oh, okay.

Yeah, and I was like, oh, because I was like, oh, yeah, I totally am one, dude. No, no, you don't understand. You don't understand. You don't understand. I'm saving up for a freckle there. You don't understand. Yeah, I've been going to so many tanning boots. It's not working.

This dot is so that I can go in a tanning booth. It will tan every other part of my hand, and then I can remove the dot and it will be lighter. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, I have a reverse freckle, yeah. Yeah. But that was not a, that was not a great realization. to have. Yeah.

Yeah, I was at a pool. Well, who gave you that tattoo? Because I remember you said you woke up and you had it. My brother gave it to me. So your brother knew. Oh, yeah. Your brother knew that. He had to have known.

Yeah, you got to turn that into like a, yeah, I can fix that up for you. What are you going to turn it into? A line? I can fix it up. Don't worry. Don't worry, buddy. I can fix that up for you. I'm going to turn that dot into an O in the word bottom.

I am a bunch. Yeah, so there is no. My asshole. the period at the end of the sentence. Yeah, I'm just going to turn it into open for business. Please don't do that, dude. Something like that. If I do go to prison, people, these guys might, these prisoner guys, you know,

I don't know if I'm breaking news here, not the smartest bunch. They might get the wrong idea. That's a hard stance to take. Prisoners? Prisoners are smart. How? They're so smart. You know who are smart?

They're ones who figure out how to turn like toothpicks in the iPhone. phones and start doing IG lives. Those are the... People who do, like, they build a computer out of Domino's. You're allowed to have a phone in jail. No. No, no, no. You're not? No, you have to...

No, you get one... Well, you can save up to buy a phone. You get a heel of bread. You get a... You get a heel of bread, and you get a little thing of gruel. Prison is basically... You know, it's basically... It's basically oblivion. Yep. Yeah.

They have the rats from the Princess bride. You have to save up cigarettes, but if you get too many, you become over-encumbered. Exactly. Yeah. And you can't move. It is crazy just how, I mean, obviously, I don't know that much about prison. I'm an expert. I know pretty much everything there is to know.

But it's crazy how, like... You can ask me any prison trivia, and I'll be able to answer it instantly. My, like, mental image of prison is, like, 80s prison. Like, everything I think about, like, I think... Everyone's slicing garlic with a razor blade and shit. And, like, there's no technology in there at all in my head. The TV is like 13 inches big. There's a guy on TikTok who makes tours of his cell with his phone and how comfortable he's made his life.

Yeah. Yeah, he has like a TV and shit. And it's like, I think it's just kind of if you're cool enough, the guys will let you have anything. Yeah, we got to, it's called the prison influencer. And you go on TikTok and you show off how great prison is so we can keep the fucking prisons full. And then, you know, the industrial complex shit. Yeah, people will be like, well, hey, if I do this crime. The government, the politics.

If I get caught, what's the worst thing? I go to prison and become a TikTok famous guy? I become the most famous loaf chef. Prison's just going to put me on my online hustle harder. Exactly, yeah. I'm going to be selling my cellmates on eBay. I made this. I'm going to be listing their clothes on Deepop.

One prison jumpsuit. Jeff's jumpsuit. Armpits. Size. XL. Large blood stain on penis. Vintage. from 2019.

That's the fucking worst when somebody, like, you can tell on one of those vintage resellers, you can tell they just took the fucking Gilden tag off. Yeah, yeah. And they were like, oh, it's like, it's like, ugly guy shirt for the grossest guy ever. And it's just like, it's like an Excel shirt that's from one year ago. Yeah.

Yeah. An Etnese shirt. Vintage. If you're putting something up online and you're called, like from 2002 and you're calling. on it vintage. Fuck you. What if you're really,

what if you're a baby? It's true. Come on, man. You gotta think about this shit. Well, maybe it's because I was alive in 2002, but I don't think that's vintage. Yeah, I don't think it counts as, I don't think it matters.

Well, I think there's a distinction between, like, online sellers is like Y2K now. It's like, they'll put Y2K in something, and then vintage is anything before Y2K. Yeah, I mean, if I see Y2K in a listing, I'm not buying it because that scares me. Yeah, no way. No way.

I wish I had been smart enough to defeat that. Yeah. Y2K. Yeah. I was actually, I did. Why so serious K. Come on, man. It sucks.

You suck. That sucked. You suck, dude. Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with me? God damn it. So what if you went to Pentatonic's and you played instrument? Yeah. I mean, they have to have considered it.

It's newsboys and God's not dead, right? Not Pentatonics? I have not seen God's not dead. Yeah, and I don't know the difference between the newsboys or pentatonics. Well, there was one night where... One of them tells the news. Newsies? Is that what you're thinking of?

No. One of them I was going to... One night I was choosing between watching Nymphomaniac or God's Not Dead and I shows Nymphomaniac. Yeah? Yeah. Kind of the ultimate disrespect to God. Again?

Why do you... Because it has the funniest sex scenes of all time. The funniest? Pretty fucking funny, dude. The funniest and sexiest. No. They're not very sexy. Trust me, I tried to make them sexy in my brain, but didn't work out for me.

Who's, um, an infomaniac? Lars Montrear is so cool because he's just like, he just makes a movie, just like, blah, blah, blah. It's like walking through a Halloween store. Yeah, yeah. There's all these fucking weird shit, weird fake shit jumping out of you, Antichrist. It's like the Halloween store type shit where like, it's not like a werewolf mask. It's like you walk in and there's like a hyper-realistic, like, half, like, sliced up human torso. Yeah, and it's like, come on.

I'm not going to wear that. Lars von Trier was in an interview and he was just trying to be like funny and he was like, I absolutely love Hitler. Yeah. Hitler is my favorite man of all time. And then when everybody was like,

hey man, why do you say you love Hitler? He was like, I was joking. I was being funny. I thought you would all understand that I was being funny. What fucking accent is?

I think that was my attempt at like Belgian or something. No, that was a perfect, Lars. Oh, thank you. Yeah, no problem, buddy. Thank you. I hope one day to become one of those psycho directors. Yeah.

Yeah, like Hamer, the... Is Anna Barbera? That fucking psycho. That woman is crazy. Monster on the set, dude. Tim Story. Yeah. I mean, Anna Barbera, she was one of the craziest directors.

She was one of the craziest bitches of all time. Did you see what she did to her? Like, her, like, you think what Stanley Kubrick did to Shelly Duvall was bad? She threw a fucking piano at Tom. Yeah, dude. Imagine, yeah, what if they had shown up to do? I mean, she's making all those guys race, and yeah, it's a wacky race. But Jesus fucking Christ, some of them could have gotten hurt.

When you walked on set and you saw a pile of anvils on the corner, you knew it was going to be a long day. Uh-huh. You know, I know one of those is going to fly me out. Hong Kong Fuie had just a nervous breakdown, too. Yeah. Do you hear about that? You just wasn't in anything after the show. It's true.

I mean, I think he might have been in wacky racers, but everybody was in this. Yeah. Yeah. You know. And then she had the gall to do it to a bunch of babies. Yeah. A bunch of baby versions.

Sucks. Yeah. I mean, drop an envelope on me all you want. Leave my damn kids out of this, bitch. Leave the baby version of me alone. Leave my damn baby version, alternate reality me. Out of this, you bitch.

You want to turn my, you want to turn baby me to walk around my baby? My baby version of me to walk around like an accordion? Yeah. Blown back up eyes first. Listen, you. You fuck with me, I don't care.

You fuck with my family, I don't care either. But you go back in time and you make a prequel where you fuck with my family. In 3D? Oh, hell no. It's going down, Hannah. But you know, honestly, a trailblazer for female directors everywhere, Hannah Barbera. Absolutely. And we stand.

Surely brought a very female version of evil to directing. She was one of the most evil women of all time. All time, but you have to respect it. She's up there with the Iron Lady. I don't know who that is I guess he gets a super villain The Iron Lady Did she fight Spider-Man, the Iron Lady?

She was like really heavy, right? That was her power? Am I remembering this right? Yeah. Something about that? I was trying to think of like a funny person It would be the Iron Lady But I couldn't think of anything

You. Mother Teresa, how about that? That's the most obvious fucking... No. She's a gold standard of a damn lady. Yeah? Yeah, dude, she was beautiful. She was made out of...

Remember when she stood on top of the subway grate and the vent blew her dress-up? Mother Teresa? Yeah. Everyone saw her damn snatch? Yeah. Remember what Justin Timberlake did to her at the Super Bowl? Showed her titty off. Yeah, Mother Teresa.

I love that crap. Oh, Mother Teresa, you whore. Yeah Yeah Beautiful Yeah Remember when she was on team mom That she did porn

Oh when she was in True Detective Fuck True detective Mother Teresa's scene Dude Jumping up on Woody Harrelson

What's up Mother Teresa I knew you had them I knew you had those things out whole time That charcoal painting Of her in Titanic I fucking

Oh my God That was on another level dude Yeah Yeah And when she's saying to JFK Yeah Stop going off fuck

You might no When she was When she was Stupid knee injury When she was completely naked At the beginning Of forgetting Sarah Marshall God damn

When she showed her penis That was awesome Dude Yeah Remember when she crossed her legs The other way And she showed it Through the white

Basic instinct Yeah And basic instinct And everybody's like Like, damn, dude, she's got the goodies. Ooh, Mother Teresa, okay. Mother Teresa, me, oh, my, Jesus Christ. Wow.

And then she also killed a bunch of kids in Brazil or some shit. Yeah, you remember when there was a thousand of her and the Matrix reloaded? That shit was sexy as hell. Remember at the end of Ghostbusters when she came, she became huge and walked around the city? Damn, she was so hot. I mean, when she pulled out her.

lightsaber, and then there was two ends of it. Wow. Both sides. That blew my mind, bro. I mean, yeah. I fucked it up. I fucked the bit up. Oh, God, dude.

Oh, no. I think your knee might be getting to your brain. Yeah, dude, I am still in a lot of pain. I might have to go see a doctor again. Well, at least wait until we're done hanging out. Didn't they already give you a ruling? Yeah, but I think she was just trying. My dad even said it, like,

I went in at when they were closing, and I think she was just trying to push me out. Doctors are notoriously evil. Yeah. Yeah, and they'll do anything just to get out of working. Absolutely. I hate doctors, dude. Stop trying to break shit in my house. Yeah, and it's like, what's going on with your handwriting?

Is that handwriting, or is it just a line? Yeah, did you forget to write? Yeah. Fucking asshole. It's like, what's up with that stethoscope? Why are you wearing that? Why are you listening to music while I'm here trying to get my fucking ball? Ball's checked up on.

You're trying to listen to the music in my heart steal so you can get a record deal, stop being a doctor. I can hear little Wayne Miss officer coming out of your damn stethoscope. I know what that is. Why are you wearing a fucking white dress? Why is it so long?

Why do you have buttons down the front? Is that a stripper dress? Yeah, we ain't at the damn fucking Met Gala right now. Button up, bitch. We're at the damn Mets game. Come on. I'm trying to go see the Mets.

Let me out of a fucking doctor's office. Yeah. Yeah. That's the one That's it, baby That's the angle I love baseball Yeah, doctors are crazy

I'm gonna see the mats God, I don't know what's going on You want to jump on this list What's up? I jump on you Oh Come on man Don't attack me

I'm so good at killing bits Just today I guess Yeah You're usually horrible at it I know Yeah I'm usually so good And I make the most sense

that is true you're known as a guy who makes a most of them I'm known as a guy who never gets off topic I'm straight as an arrow on every topic you're known for being

straight as an arrow yeah one of those arrows that Steve Martin would put on his head oh come on buddy it's too easy with this fucking guy

yeah an arrow that goes backwards shut up hey you're straight as an arrow yeah backwards arrow fucking not straight in whatever way that means

bitch Most smelly animal poos We've totally done this list No, you've done this list When you were trying to order food Yeah We have 100% done this I can already feel this

There's a day where I'm going to own Pat A million times We're going to do it again then Yeah Because we're in person So I'm going to own you Yeah I already do own him

I signed the paperwork In person You're not You're not a person Oh my God I'm going to come into your bedroom and get in your person? You're not, no.

Oh my God, dude, last night. Wait, last night. Before, whatever. When Patrick, so I'm staying at Patrick's apartment. Whenever he goes into his room and closes the door, within 10 seconds and lasting 20 minutes, there's just the noise of stuff falling onto the floor. He goes into his room and it's just clang, boom, bough,

just this shit flying around his room. Is it in with one big explosion that slowly fades away? It happened when you went to bed last night. When you woke up this morning? It's because, no, I mean, it's because, one, I have the knee injury. It's to reset the Rube Goldberg device that wakes him up. I have, I mean, it's the knee injury and, like, I think that's my belt buckle. I think, like, I take my pants off and I throw them on the floor.

I forget that you're a W.W.E. World Champion. Yeah. I wear the biggest belt belt. Yeah, we're the biggest belt buckle in the world. But that, plus, I'm a fucking idiot, and I, like, will turn my flashlight on my phone. and then throw it on my bed and then like go shut the light off but then half the time like I'll have the light off and then the flashlight will be like on the bed so I can't see shit so I'm in my room's fucking tiny too but so what happened last night oh yeah last night we were

trying to set up the air mattress and first we got it like we were like oh yeah Neil's room is like the biggest room so we'll put we'll put the air mattress in like Neil's room and we blew up the air mattress Neil went into his room and blew up so his bed is like against the wall and then there's like space and then the door he like put the air mattress down in the space

between the bed and the door and blew it up it was the exact size and shape of all the space in his room that wasn't the bed and the door and he was like so he was like stuck behind it and he couldn't get out and then it was like if his shelf wasn't there if his shelf wasn't there he would have been able

against the wall that was like blocking the only way he could get out and like so we started to move it and as soon as the air mattress touched the shelf it just collapsed

and all of his books fell onto the bottom shelf and he just started him go oh no it was so it was so fucking stupid and he kept trying to be like no it's gonna work

no if I was like Neil what if you need to get up and he's like oh I'll just climb over you right it's just like Neil I think Neil and Alex with you, Neil and Alice were like the only people who drank last night. So it was just Neil, Neil was kind of drunk just like, just destroying its room,

like, inflating an entire air mattress that filled the whole space. It was so, like, as soon, I remember like literally the exact shape inside. It was almost blown up all the way. I was like, he's not going to be able to get out. Dude, you guys should get a bouncy castle. Yeah, we had to put the air mattress. Oh, did we deflate that when we left? No, who cares?

He's still stuck. He's starving to death in his room. Guys, I need to get out. Yeah, the list. Most smell animal poofs. If we have done this. Okay, then you find another list right this second. Let's look at the other ones.

There's one that's farming. The most beautiful animal poops. There's one that's farts. Top ten things you wish smarts felt farts. Excuse me? Top ten things you wish farts smelled like. By Queen Iris Ice Queen. What?

Queen Iris Ice Queen. Number one, fucking, pick a thing you're the queen of. Number one, fresh-baked cookies. Tell you what, I got some pretty terrible smelling farts. I still love huffing those things, though. Absolutely, that's what it's for. Smelling your own farts? That's what, who else is going to do it?

Dude, I'm trying to clear the area, dude, I'll, I'll, I hate, I hate the smell of my own furs. Dude, I'm doing fucking, uh, I hate when a farts, I hate when a fart smells, but it's, there's a very distinct kind of fart smell. like it's not it's the one it's the type that like lingers you know yeah the thing about fart smells is that

like complete sorry it's just not completely unpleasant but it's also not pleasant but it stays for a long time well yeah fart smells they're like it's like a bad smell

but it's not like I'm going to throw up bad smell unless someone's like very sick those are very bad farts the ones that when you get like the flu when I fart I'm like toxic I'm basically trying to like mitigate casualties so I'll just

fucking throw it in my own face yeah Oh, yeah. Try to get rid of it. Jump on it like a grenade. Yeah, use my mouth like a filter. Just fucking huff it all up and just let out a little breath. We talk about eating farts too much.

I don't eat them. I smell them. Okay, okay. Yeah. It's like the filter in a fish tank. If you, okay, if you had a tube hooked up to your butt, Preston Lacey, jackassie, tube style, you put it into like a, it's a tube connected to a Tupperware in your, in your freezer. Could you freeze a fart? Could I? Yeah, would I?

This is a question for all of our scientist fans. Well, yeah, I mean, if you got it to low enough temperature, right, it would have to, right? I mean, because you can... Right? You can free... If you're a scientist and you listen to this. Could I freeze it and then use it like a cooking oil spray? Yeah, if I froze it into like a snowball and I threw it, would it like explode into a fart cloud?

Would it make my mom mad? If I froze my fart and threw it at her, Would it make her mad? It's a question for all you scientists out there. Yeah, all the scientists that listen to this show, Dr. Gryphorkyian. Let us know what you think about that. Our biggest fan, Dr. Gryvorkian. I thought about it at one point, because I fart a lot, dude.

Like, it's hard for me. So I thought about getting one of those things that you, one of those, like, it's basically like a pad that a woman would wear. But instead of catching blood, it makes your fart smell like lysol. Is that a real thing? You put it on your butt, and then when you fart, you're like, damn, this is so clean. See, ideas like that are a million dollars. Yeah, well, the problem with that is that are a million dollars ideas. Like, that is like one of the most beautiful of inventions.

I mean, that's so beautiful the way you put that. Ideas like that are a million dollars. The thing about that is that you wear it all day, and then when you take it off and you throw it into the trash can, the impact, there's every fart that you let out while you were wearing a blasts out into the room. I had an idea like that. What was it? Okay.

So this is wearing that would probably grow like mold on your body on the inside. Dude, my farts will fucking burn a hole through that. This is my, okay. This is my idea, copywritten by me. If you, this gets fucking made after this, legally I can sue, I think. Because you said that you can. Because I said it, I said it on here. Okay.

And I'm putting this idea out there. All right. Here. So this is a, this idea is a million dollars. This is a million dollars. Okay. but not for you for him so it's a a Bluetooth controlled flush like thing like a Bluetooth controlled handle for your toy or like one of those but you know how there's like

the toilet things or it's like one for P one for poop yeah those handles it's one of those and then the poop one has like a Bluetooth connective thing to one of those automatic for breeze things so anytime that the toilet handle gets the poop one gets flushed, it'll spray febrize automatically or any kind of air freshener. Why not just put an air freshener in the bathroom? Well, yeah, but then you don't have to air freshener yourself.

Yeah, but if you put like an automatic timed air freshener thing, that's only go, this is immediately after you poop. Because that is the worst time, like going into the bathroom after somebody else, that's the worst. Because you did it earlier today with Neil. You told them to eat fragrance. You told me I was joking, it didn't smell that bad

I know but have you ever gone into a bathroom after somebody's pooped? Sometimes I'll sit in there a little extra time after I've pooped just to kind of soak it in That's disgusting Why? That's a million dollars That idea

You grow brown acne the next day Yeah, did you sit in there You know, just make sure it's all gone Like I was like a huff it up So it was a Bluetooth toilet handle Just my idea What about a Bluetooth toilet toilet And you can play music.

Music comes out of the bowl so you can feel it on your butt. Your toilet, if it's Bluetooth connected, your toilet could get hacked. I have a way better. I have a way better thing. Custom candle smells like your own fart. It's not a bad idea. It's a pretty good idea. Why?

It's a really good novelty idea. That would make a lot of money. People send me that to their friends. Yeah. If you miss me, here's my fart. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, people think about the good smells about people.

The candle has methane in it. light it just explodes. It's a poot stick of dynamite. Yeah. I don't know. I think I have a lot of different great Spencer's Gift-style ideas for farts and poop. Yeah? Yeah.

I think a custom prank poop like those custom dildos you can get, that might be pretty good. One that looks exactly like one of your real poops. Those are crazy. The custom silicone dildo things. Yeah. I wonder if you can lock the ratio and size it up or down. Or down, I say. Yeah.

Or down. That's the thing about it is, like, you're going to keep your dick hard in a mold and then pour silicone in it. Well, that's fine. I'm sure there's a lot of people that would be like the easiest thing ever to do. Yeah, but what is the mold made out of?

I'm sure there's a lot of people who can probably only get off. But whatever the mold is made out of, that, like, it's kind of getting your pee hole. You got to get... I think that's kind of the appeal, right? It's like... Getting stuff in your... No, but you get your pee hole measured as well.

in your penis hole. You are misreading me so much right now, and I don't feel like you're listening. You, once the, you want to, everybody wants to know how big is my pee hole, really? Because you can't see it

when you're doing the shit with it, you know? So if you got your, yeah, if you get a mold of your pee hole, you can get it down to the millimeter. Exactly, yeah, it's a perfect, it's a machinist's penis.

Do they, do they do the balls in the custom dildo too? I think it's extra. Balls are extra. Yeah, Shaff's going to run you about 120 balls are going to be extra. If you don't pay for the balls, they automatically give you the smallest, rinkliest balls possible. Yeah, one of the co-owners is an old old man with tiny balls.

And they just put his balls on there. They give you one tiny ball. Yeah. And a tattoo that says, my weird ball on the ball sack. Yeah, on your actual ball sack. Here's a question, if you got that done. Are you giving it to someone? Are you keeping that bad boy?

Putting it up yourself. Dude, hang it like a... like a, like I caught a bear, you know? Like one of those like bass. Yeah, exactly. Bass on a plaque. Yeah, make it sing a reggae song. Yeah.

That might be cool. Just make it sing past the duchy. Yeah. It's the only song my penis would sing. Yeah. Number two is cinnamon buns. Um, first one is cooked. Hey, I can make cinnamon buns out of my own farts.

I'll just put cinnamon on my thing, on my butthole. What? Calling your butthole, your thing is pretty funny. You can't, you only have one thing. Yeah. Yeah, you guys should have smelled a fart that just came out of my weaner. That means my butthole. Yeah, if I could have a perfect fart smell,

I think it would be something, I think a fart should smell really bad, so I want something that I can... Garlic. Yeah, I want something that I can use like a defense mechanism. Burning rubber. Yeah, something like that, you know. Methane. Yeah.

Something that someone walks in the room and like, because also, if you're first, Rubber cement, that would be a good fart. Yeah, yeah, something kind of like industrial. Have you guys ever walked near like a waste treatment plant? Have you ever smelled like a waste treatment plant? Yeah, I used to live near one. The one in Boston that's on that big island with the giant like egg-shaped things.

That's like a really pretty walk because there's like lots of water. But there's points where like it will, like you're about to throw up. Like it's like just the worst smell. Like if you think poop smells bad, you got. Wait till you smell waste. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of tons of poop. You think what the single poop is bad? It smells so bad.

The only smell worse in poop is a million poops mixed together. Poop versus waste dichotomy. One poop is weak, a million are strong. Do you guys hear that? The what? I said dichotomy. Wow. I'm used to you saying it now.

You said that's the second time you said it. What kind of other dichotomies do you like? Shit versus crap. Tell me what that one is. BP versus Wii. I want to, you have to explain these. Okay. You just say they are a dichotomy.

Peepie is P and wee-wee is yes in French. It's yes twice, I believe. Yeah. So you're kind of owned there. It was a study by Monsure. Monsuor? Monsuor? Really?

Yeah. Yeah, I went to France and I met a guy named Monsior. Yeah, that was Croc Monsior who told me that. Number three, flowers. Flowers sometimes smell bad. Yeah. Do you like a baby's breath?

If your fart smells like baby's breath, I might report you to the police. You guys know the stinky penis flower? The rotting, the corpse flower? The stinky penis flower? No. It's like a, what's it called? It's called the stinky penis flower? Is that the same as the tree that smells like cum?

No. No. It's like a huge titan arum. That's not it. Amorphophilus titanum. It's like a big flower that smells like, like rotting flesh. and it like they named it out it's like a penis too

well how do you do the person look like corn the person who named this new what rotting flesh smelled like yeah so that's messed up that person's a psycho due to its odor like that of a rotting corpse

it is characterized as a carrying flower lensus something tree it starts with an L I don't know much about cum trees there was a Mitchell and Webb sketch about them is that what the Japanese suicide forest is filled with and that's why people kill themselves

Oh, the goddamn smell like Come in here What do you know what it smells like? Thank God I brought my samurai sword I'm on the I'm on the Do Wikipedia page for the dead penis flower And one of the headings is videos And it's just a list of links to videos of the flowers

Like Twitch.tv Links of streams of Of giant dead There's one name Pepe Lapeue They name We Stinky We We Stinky

We Stinky Wee stinky. There's one name Kansas State University Gardens. I don't know, man. I don't really fuck with... Weewee. I don't really fuck with giant dead penis and fucking all that. I'm saying it's a flower, so like if you want to smell like a flower.

I think for me, if a fart smelled like flowers, I would be worried about the pollen content. What if a fart smelled like flour like the baking? That would be perfect because I've never smelled flour. It also releases a cloud of flour into the room. True. Yeah, yeah, I guess would you trade to have simplest... Would you, if you, okay, would you rather have a fart that is a cloud of flower or a jet of sand? Jet of sand so I can fucking fly. No, it's like one, it's like a small stream of sand.

Yeah, like a straight line. Probably a cloud of flower. Yeah, but then you're walking around, you got a fucking, looks like he sat on a birthday cake. If we could see our farts, like cloud of flower style, if we could see them, I feel like a lot of, of problems in the world to be solved. And everybody had a unique color so that you know exactly

who dealt it, as it were. Yeah. Whoever felt it. Yeah, I can see that that one's red. So that one's you, mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but then you gotta get

into like the different hues, maybe like a family, like a familial. Yeah, I guess do your fam-do your fart smell like your families? Would you rather smell your dad's fart? When my brother was visiting, at some point, and he said, he said,

dude, I was walking behind you, and I smelled something, and I was like, that's my fart. So, there has to be some connection there, right? I guess if you eat the same foods that your family does? Maybe your gut, you have the same gut biome. Yeah. And when I have kids, I'm going to feed them the most disgusting food ever just to make their farts horrible.

Yeah. Just so everybody knows, they smell, and they're like, oh, that's a weird thing to say. I want my kids' farts to stink Oh, yeah That's normal parenting shit Oh, I hope my kids smell so bad I'm a tiger mom

And I'm gonna have the stinkiest fucking fart kids of all time I'm gonna throw up even thinking about my farty little kids Number four is perfume and cologne Hmm If I smelled like If I took a, like a farted And it smelled like Axe Chocolate or something thing.

Yeah. Yeah. That Axe chocolate was fucking pungent. That was the scariest smell. That should get you kicked out the locker room. When you smell Axe chocolate, you know I'm near. You're about to get a wedgy. I told you guys about the time I got on the bus at like probably 7 a.m.

in the middle of the winter, so freezing cold. Oh, yeah, he told me. Somebody was wearing X body spray, and the driver started screaming and was like, like, you are going to give me an asthma attack and then opened all the windows and every time the bus stopped at a red light he opened all the doors all the way and it was like freezing cold and you're just screaming the entire bus ride bus drivers bad people yeah ever tell you about i think fourth class citizens probably the probably when i like first started doing this with you guys i got like a i was waiting for the bus to go to class one morning and like the bus driver was driving like fucking crazy like

let me on for free, but she, like, came off of the highway or whatever and just kind of, like, pulled around, like, she didn't drift, but she, like... She, Tokyo drifted. You can be honest with me. I fucking hope. I don't, I don't, I just remember her opening the door and screaming, get on to everybody. That's what that, that crazy bus driver, the ax guy, I had him a few times. He does that, too. He would, he wouldn't pull over. He would stop just in the middle of the street, and then he would just open the doors and people would just be like, what are you doing? And then he would go like this, he would, like, just move

and get really angry and, like, beckon with his whole arm to them. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, that was the crazy, I mean, Boston bus drivers. That was the crazy bus. Did you guys ever get on the cash bus where you could play trivia games for money? I wish, yeah. Make my money back. Yeah, exactly. Ooh. Yeah, you'll get to see one fucking cash cab since I moved here. Yeah. You got to look for the driver,

dude. The driver's a telltale sign. Have you seen the QAnon people who like say that Derek Chauvin was a crisis actor and the guy who the crisis actor

who is playing Derek Chauvin is the cash cab guy have you seen those fucking way dude that's sick it's so fucking funny because it's like you don't you think he's out driving the cab

like what the fuck Yeah, I liked it that The crisis actor thing is so funny Because it's like The guy's turned The fact, the idea that a crisis actor Would be like an actor And not this like a random person

God damn He did so fucking well at Sandy Hook We gotta hire him again Yeah, dude He's like He's like just an amazing He's like the Robert De Niro The crisis actor

No like the idea The idea that like the crisis actor Would be like a guy who had been on TV Before and was like a known actor Yeah, instead of, yeah. But just the crisis actor, Oscars, it's a very funny. Yeah. And the award for Best Tragedy.

Best news interview goes to the cash cab guy. A multi-talented guy. Cash Cab. Michael Cash. Michael Cash. There's so many people I want to thank. Yeah. I want to thank all those people who had to die.

I want to thank the devil, first of all. first one. I mean, look, give him a right. Stand up. Stand up, Lucifer. Thank you. Stand up, Bolok. Oh, no. It's too much. Too much. You two were my best friends. I couldn't have done this without my executive producer, The Devil.

And now I'd like to end my speech with a trivia question. Who is my best friend? Me! Me! The devil! Yeah, dude, if you got approach to be a crisis actor, would you do it? Yes, 100%. especially with everything I have going I like hey haven't I seen that guy can I dress up like it's the

Renaissance Fair though self doing a crisis actor audition self-tape and it's going Oh no Oh god Mr. Bill Oh please don't run me over Oh God it's so scary

Every time my girlfriend comes home I'm pretending to be dead somewhere Preparing for the role you don't understand it's really hard actually it's method yeah who's the being on

your audition tape where you're you're pretending to be dead and somebody's tickling you and I only laughed once that's the yeah we need to get

and this is this is if Robin Williams was dead ooh yeah I'm just doing different I'm doing an S&L real I'm a shot

I've been shot. Sashay away. Sartre away. Yeah, I think that I'd probably be an amazing crisis actor. Probably because I, I mean, it's the same reason I'd be such a good drag queen. I'm easily disguised. Because you look like Trixie Patel. Yeah, exactly.

I'm very easily disguised. Any sort of wig or prosthetics would probably fit pretty well. We gotta go to the, we gotta go to the wig store here. I'm trying to get a giant devil costume. Yeah? Yeah, with like a full facial makeup kit and shit. Yeah, like a Tim Curry legend. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

One of those full, like thousands of dollars. I was looking. Saving up. Oh, that. The Star Trek prosthetics, we should get him, we should get him farangied up. Trying to forangie me? You would, you would make a good ferengi. You would be an amazing Ferengi.

You mean it? Yeah. Might interview of my crisis acting career. This is, if a Ferengi got killed. Casperty's apparently over 80 people and one wookie on the scene has died. Just watching the news, it's just like, yeah. Hold on. That's me.

That's me. What the hell? Chewbacca's dead? It appears Darth Mall is one of the victims' claimed by the deadly shooting. You went off script, kid. You're never working in this town again. Oh, geez, I just wanted to bring something

to the role that no one else was doing. I was trying to get noticed, okay? Sometimes you've got to make big risks. Look, they're filming a new Star Wars movie. I just thought maybe that they would have seen me. Hundreds are dead. including a green alien carrying a guy by the waist.

Wait, something. Unfortunately, this tragedy took the life of the killer from Scream, who also had a really cool pump that made red blood go across his face. Something is seriously wrong here. This slutty cop has died at two different mass shootings. Something is not adding up. Yeah, I'm doing a COVID interview. you as a nurse, but just clearly dressed in, like, the enema of the state.

All right. Number five is peppermint. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. What am I a fucking little boy? You know what? I have been using Dr. Bronner's, like, the peppermint, Castile soap, or whatever it's called. Yeah, have you been eating it so you can fart it out?

No, it's just, you know, I... Do they still claim that you can, like, make, like, a French dressing with that and shit? um they replaced the bottle i got at least i think his sons the uh the dr browner's sons have taken over the bottle that's horrible the bronner brothers the brunner brothers have taken over and uh all of the things on the bottle now are like pro psychedelic therapy and like there's one that was like the dad's that was like browner's thing was it was like all of his thing was like you can use this to brush your teeth and it'll make you closer to to god all the closer god stuff and like chickens are like like the best thing you can eat or whatever.

All that is gone now. And now it's all like, like pretty like woke like depression, the silent killer, like. Working for Google cured my depression. Yeah. Just like kind of shit like that. Like it's very,

it's very sad to see all of the like the cool stuff on the Dr. Brunner's label. Getting a, getting a Dr. Bronner bottle where the factory messed up and it just has the like Chipotle. It's, It's Sarah Silverman's

She's so good You'll lose your mind It's crazy It's crazy how good You have to be at making soap For them to let you put Like stuff on the label That you can't say on the news

Yeah You know what I mean? Like that has to be like The greatest soap ever made right? Oh it is Yeah It's 100 I love using that

Like dude I It's the same thing with like Chick-filet and in and out Like their food is so good That they can be Christian That's exactly how I feel Like Dr. Bronner's like

That's got to be the best soap in the world Yeah but I was going to say I've been using the peppermint soap kind of upsetting I mean I washed my ass with it I would think that my

farts would smell like peppermine after using it not damn but no it's just a very like mentholi very minty I mean if you walk if you put that shit on your body you get out of the shower and you walk into a cold room yeah it's that it's curtains uh huh yeah

do your nuts smell like the damn candy man in here the mint hitting the cold air on your nuts. Yeah, exactly. It's an insane feeling. Yeah, it's not good. It's also very, very mystical. This is Dr. Bronner's challenge.

You tell me your story. Put that shit all over you, walk into a restaurant freezer and then see how you feel. See if you can last 10 minutes. You got to go use the shower in the back of the restaurant that all restaurants have. Yep. Little, little insider secret. It's like a secret menu type thing. Yeah.

Like they have to let me use your shower. Let me get like a number six. Two apple pies and a number And a number clean God damn I wish that they'd never learn This secret menu Oh fuck

Keep having to give people a hall pass To walk back and use a shower Somebody's in there right now That's like the ice cream machine Broke thing Yeah Sorry somebody in the shower actually Yeah

We should put a secret menu on the podcast Yeah there is one There is. You guys don't know it. I'm the only one that knows it. Really? It's a secret, yeah. Can I try?

You can try. Cameron naked. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sometimes you just get exactly what you want in life. It's really a beautiful fact. Number six is honey. Honey doesn't smell. I ain't no damn bee.

That's a bee's job to fart some honey out. Yeah, I don't think honey smells. Smells what? It does. I think it. Go smell my honey. I want to smell you, honey I don't smell my honey.

Go smell my honey. Go, it's in there. Go smell it. Give it a whiff. Go get it. Go get my honey and smell that. Put the mic down and go get the honey. Put your nose in my honey.

Do it. I hate you. I don't smell my honey. Such a weird thing. There's nothing weird about it. It's a weird thing to say. No. You're making it weird, dude.

You made it weird. No, you made it. it weird. Oh, my God, dude. God, damn. I'm so Doug right now. I'm so, I'm Doug as fuck right now right now. Yeah, I'm so Doug, but you made it weird.

We got insanely dug last night, and I got weird, too. And I said WTF. WTF, I'm so Doug right now, Norm MacDonald live show. Getting high. Yeah, dude, I was in the car talking. I was with my comedian, and we were talking. In cars. And we were getting coffee, not important.

Yeah. And I basically made it weird, and he said, WTF, are you Norm MacDonald getting Doug right now? Yeah. Yeah, and I said, I'm one of the indoor kids, pretty much. I've never heard of that. Yeah. I said Rick and Morty. Yeah.

Number eight is vanilla. Seven. Seven is vanilla. Number eight is chocolate. I don't like how much, how many of these are sweet. Give me a barbecue sauce fart. You just not have a sense of smell? Not for chocolate.

I want my farts to smell like... Are you Googling? Does chocolate smell? You should be. I want my farts to smell like Stubbs barbecue sauce. Yeah? You know that shit? It's a good sauce.

Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe like... The best barbecue sauce name is Rufus Teeg's. Rufus Teague made some sauce. That's too long for me. That's a little bit of a Reddit name for a... For a sauce, I don't think that's a Reddit name for a sauce.

I think it is a little bit of a Reddit name. It's too long. It's like Dr. Maborium. You can just call it Rufus Teague, but it's called Rufus Teague made some sauce. Just leave that last part out. Yeah, that last part is kind of... Yeah, I don't need that crap. Well, the worst one is bone sucking sauce.

That sounds pretty funny. It is funny, but it's like... I think barbecue sauce names definitely too horny. Do you think they're going to make an operation that lets you make your fart smell like bilge water, if you want? What's bilge water? Like from a ship? Are you a sea man? Is this something I didn't know?

Like the water that collects in the bottom of a ship? I'm not a pirate. Why would I know this, dude? Ard, they should make your fart smell like a scarlet knot. A scarlet. It's a scarlet knot. You mean a garlic knot? No, a scarlet knot.

It's a kind of pirate knot. So you know a scarlet knot but not bilge water? I think actually made up a scarlet knot maybe. Yeah. Trying to come up with a kind of a piratey knot. Yeah? Yeah. like brine

like a bag of sand yeah like grog fart yeah glass dog fart grog fart did you make my glass smell my fart smell like glass here comes pat saying oh a glass doesn't have a smell

ever again I know glass smells like oh bastard because if you smoke weed in it it smelled like weed fruit loops febreeze eggs my shit already smells like eggs dude

I don't need no help. You know what? No, Fruit loops does have like a weird... Yeah, Fruit loops has a very good

chemically fruity smell. Yeah. Like when you smell like I had a roommate in community college who would vape fruit loops, vape juice.

I had one of those ones that looks like a bad dragon toy. One of the like really big... Yeah, like the box ones. Yeah, he had one of those. How do you care? You need like a holster for that. How do you do that,

dude? Well, I mean, he wore like cargo pants. Oh, yeah, that's why those guys Cargo pants, because they had that big-ass thing. Like, he would blow the smoke, and I would smell it, and I'd be like,

we don't have any fruit loops. Damn, I'm hungry. Every time I was just like, oh, yeah, that's fucking vape. Like, I never got used to the smell, because it's like fruit loops. Somehow, 13 is skunk. Dead animal. If my fart smelled like skunk, I would use that shit to my advantage. Yeah.

I would actually probably live the life of a skunk. Yeah. And I think about it. If I had his power. But like a pet skunk? Yeah, I'd be like a... It'd be like a super pappy skunk. Number 28, number 28 is the moon.

Smell like the moon. The moon doesn't smell. That's actually the key to this question. Yeah. Is you make it smell like something that you've never smelled before, but you really want to smell? Exactly. Yeah.

Because then you know, you gain knowledge. One trillion dollars. Yeah, I'm a little bit of a knowledge freak. Speaking of farts, I have had to shit so bad for an hour and a half. I want my fart to smell like the smell that when you smell it, you get $100. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I want my farts to smell like the lottery. A smell so good

that people will give you money if they smell it. Yeah, exactly. And then I could become a traveling farder. What if you... What if you... Okay. Fart smell... Te-he. Like, a fart that smells like an eccentric billionaire's dead wife.

So, you... That's pretty good, actually. Exactly like your pheromones. You're a waiter in a restaurant, and you're like a night... You work at this nice restaurant. And then one day you fart. on the job while you're working. Just fart on Carlos Slim's face.

Yeah. Someone like that and he's just like, oh. He's like, huh. Like a loud fart too. I'm not talking like a silent but deadly. They sound like her saying, Hey, honey. All your farts sound like an eccentric billionaire's dead white.

And they smell like her too. Help, help, I'm trapped in this man's body. Help, help. They say, yeah, help, honey. I need you to give this guy a million dollars. he needs it I'm stuck in his butt now that idea

is a million dollars that is a million dollars thank you for listening to this show we have something to plug nope Cameron's butt come on