Podcast About List - Ep. 147 - The First Gangster LLC

Episode Date: May 26, 2021

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You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the ball list. You're any crap monster. Recording now. Recording live. It's not live. It's live. It's live right now.

And then we put it out, and then it's to tape. Live to tape. Live to. Like the Tonight Show. show. Isn't that his show? Yeah. Johnny Pemberton did a show called Live to Tape.

I think that's his podcast name. Call it the Johnny Pemberton show. I like Live to Tape. I think that's a good name. I like Johnny Pemberton. No, because you couldn't, if you read it, you'd think it's Live to Tape. Yeah. Maybe that's a pun.

Maybe that's a pun. It doesn't make any sense as a pun because live to tape doesn't really mean anything. I don't know. I think that he should change it to the awesome show. I think a lot of people have fucked up there. show's names so bad. Yeah, we should give advice on people's podcast names, because we got it down. We have, like, the perfect name for a podcast, right?

Let's go through them. Chopo Trap House. Bad name, it's vulgar. Just call it, just call it Freak of the Week. Yeah. You know, something like that. Or like the politics hour. Yeah.

Or like funny politics. How about the Mind Hour? Yeah. Well, that's, somebody else could take that, I guess. Four guys crazy politics. And then, like, this American life. I don't know how many. How about, like, story.

Story time. What about Harmon Town? That's a good name for this American life. Harming Women Town is what he probably could have called it. What? Stan Harmon. No, I was saying that's a, that's a better name for this American life. What, harm in town?

Harm in town. Harm in town. Or, like. Harm in town. Maybe like, like, critical role. Oh, that'd be good, too Yeah Yeah

What about the fucking shit Hour? What about shit? What about fucking sucking in shitting? Suck my shit and my fart Farting and shit Fucking crad on my ass

Shit on my face How about that? Oh, that's actually pretty good What about a podcast called? Oh, no! Like I'm so, I'm so damn stinky I'm stinked up sitting here stinky stanky just

filled up with stink orange I'm smelling. Far in my shit. Oh, my room is full of stink and fuck. I have a pool in my mouth. I have a billion smells that come out of me, and I smell them all. I'm filled with smells like a bag. I have a purse, and I fill it with smells.

What about, wait, wait, wait, don't smell me. It's about a really stinky. Yeah, what about fart, fart, don't smell it. Yeah, that'd be a better, way better show. That one's good. And instead of this American life, be piss all. on my wife. Okay.

Yeah, I would work, too. It's a story about that. Yeah, what about this American fart? And it's about American fart. Yeah, what about that? These are all good. These are all good names. These are all good names.

You're too good to be given out for free, man. Yeah. Fuck. You pay me $250. I will consult you on naming your podcast. I did not name this podcast. Uh, but... This is branch turd.

Oh, come on. Okay. You could call it that. You could call it like stink is... Fart. Fart Town. I don't want to I don't even want to make fun of this as Branchburg.

I like it. Not making fun of it. I love that show. That's the best show ever, yeah. Fucking baby. What's wrong with you? Can't call it Fartberg? They're going to get mad.

They're going to get mad. Brendan and Corey, and you know, you know, there's not Brendan to Corey. I don't care if we call it Fartberg. You know they have fiery tempers. There's anything I know about Brendan.

inclorious. They have the most fiery tempers of all the time. I don't even know them well enough to make that joke. Do you guys remember that Mexican restaurant that we went to last time you guys were in town, or last time Cam was in town? I think so, yeah. Yeah, where we, like, met up. You remember how the guy made fun of me for drinking a bunch of water? No.

You don't remember that? No. The guy kept me, like, oh, you drink a lot of water, huh? And then the next time that I came... I got a Shirley Temple there, and he didn't make fun of me at all. Yeah, I know, and he made fun of me for getting water. But I guess I drink a lot of water, and he just kept refilling it. And then the next time I went, I asked for, like, some more water after I drank my first class.

And he said, uh, I think I remember you. And I was like, oh, yeah, I drink a lot of water. And then the next time I went in last week, I walked in and he saw me, you went, Water boy! So, I guess I'm water boy to a restaurant in Ridgewood. That's just not a... If you finish the cup of water, they're the ones who are refilling it. It's not like...

I know. It's not like you order, like, 10 waters. That's kind of unfair. That's what I'm saying. Like, buddy... Well, he must just be a very good waiter. I'm drinking this out because I'm polite, you know? You put something in front of me.

I'm going to take it down. I'm a clean plate club. I'm not going to leave a glass. half full. Fuck no. Fuck no. Not water. Absolutely not.

Not now. They'll come over and fill it up when you drank like two sips of it too. Sorry I'm being healthy. Call every fat guy food man when he walks in the damn door. Every time somebody walks in who ate their food the last time they went out. He goes, oh, food guy. Oh, food man, yeah. What's up food, man?

Oh, let me guess. You want food, you fucking asshole? Hey, it's napkin guy. This guy used the napkin last time I remember he used a bathroom twice in one fucking trip I did that waiter oh this guy has though this is its worst signature ever guy also every time I go on the receipt last time I go I feel so guilty because he fucking shitting on me for my water intake that I tip him more every time I think he thinks that I like being called water boy yeah maybe on your next um maybe sign it water boy so the check

doesn't go through yeah just completely gift them. God damn, what an asshole, though. You should go there and just get water. No food. That's a good idea. Waiters love it. Waiters love it when you don't buy drinks, apparently.

Can you go in there? I don't think we have, me and Patrick ever told the story of our date. Yeah. Me and Patrick wanted an accidental date. This is like two weeks ago, too. We haven't even talked about it on date. It was accidental. Patrick, me and Patrick are walking and find some food.

Yeah, this is back when my leg hurt. way more and yeah he he was he was crying and he's like i don't want to walk any further than this restaurant i was like i was like i don't know man this looks kind of expensive and he's like really and i was like yeah i mean yeah but we can go in if you want if you don't want to walk any further and we went in and it was it was like a vibes bar yeah that nobody else was in with like with like christmas lights hanging up and like flowers everywhere and stuff looks like shrex house yeah they were like if food is a sin then call this vibes just like everywhere just to take pictures in front of and the waitress came over and it was like can we start you guys off

and any drinks and we're like no we're just getting food and then she like took our order and then five minutes later she came back and was like no it wasn't even five dude it was like 30 minutes later like we hadn't even we hadn't gotten our food yet like it was like a weird amount of time for her like yeah she came back and she was like I just wanted to like double check that you guys really didn't want any drinks because we've never had anybody come in and not want drinks yeah that's the upsell and we were like um Oh, no, sorry. Like, we didn't mean to go on a date.

Yeah. I just want to get out of here. You didn't go, you didn't go Shirley Temple there? No, I didn't. She would have been fine with the Shirley Temple. Yeah, I should have got something. The first sign that was something wrong is that the host who, like, seated us was DJing at the front and he was dressed in through no bars.

Oh, yeah. I didn't even realize he was DJing. What the fuck? That makes so much sense. That's why he was in that little fucking outfit. What? A DJ outfit? Yeah. He was wearing, like, no, he was dressed like 20, 2014 Bruno Mars.

Yeah, he had like a vest and like a hat that was crooked, you know? Oh, yeah, okay, all right. He was, he was doing disco. He was, dude, he was like Havana style. There was turntables. The turntables were like right next to the door. I didn't fucking see those, dude. I pointed them out to you.

They had a plastic cover over the records, which I can only assume is because people who come in getting seated just reach over and start scratching them while they're, that's what I would do dude god that's so funny I had no idea he was DJing they should do like a benihana style or like habachi grill style thing where you well I guess it's not the same

like a Korean barbecue thing but uh instead of a little oven you get a turntable and you can DJ for the whole table yeah that would be such a good fucking idea dude if you replace that with touch tunes and you just up the price or you replace touch tunes with that and you up the price gonna be making so much more money

yeah didn't your brother call you pat asking for your touch tunes password he did he did which I think I think you made the joke when we were talking about it like

it was like yeah that's how I know that you definitely shouldn't drink anymore yeah at one point you drank enough that you made a touch tunes account yeah it's like fuck this dude loves the hoose so much

I didn't play the who on it. You did, you fucker. No, no, we went to that. He would play at Billiards Club and I would only play Sabbath. You're a piece of scus. Yeah, that's like the dumbest,

that's the lamest shit I've ever done. Also, I think you queued up like a bunch of like a comedy album like as we left too. Oh yeah, when we left, I played the, I played the kids in the hall, brain candy soundtrack. That'd be sick, dude. Oh, fuck, I hate myself.

Spent so much money on that. Just hit the DJ, or hit the, hit the, hit the, uh, the box, like, uh, like the Fonz and Jim Gaffigan starts playing. The only song I played off the kids in the hall soundtrack was the, I'm Gay one. Nice, dude. Yeah. Funny, funny move, funny move by me. It's like me and my brother used to go to this trucker bar. Oh, I love reliving that. Nice, dude.

I love thinking about that. You're in a better place now, you know, you're permanently disabled leg. Yeah. That's better. I've had a good couple weeks We just got back from the lake Neal's lake house Oh yeah we went to the lake

Had some much needed R&R I wore a gilly suit We both wore gilly suits I was shooting stuff with a BB gun Pat is like a I forget Because I haven't been around Pat For more than like

You know five hours at a time I forget that he is Like the worst prankster in the world Who loves it more than anybody Like a prank to pass hat is like spitting on your ear and he'll be like, isn't that funny? Everybody's like, no, dude.

That sucks dick. What do you mean? I'll shoot a BB gun at your shoes. I didn't shoot that. I didn't shoot at anybody. Why'd you shoot, explain this big red dot on my forehead. I didn't shoot you. I did not shoot you at all.

You shot me in the head point blank execution style. Stop. I did not shoot you. You did Bingaziazzi to me with a BB gun. I made my own targets out of the empty beer cans in the empty beer boxes and I made my targets and I was a pretty good shot honestly

You sucked at it I was very surprised at how good I was at it Maybe you should pick up shooting guns You got a BB gun for the first time and you took maybe 50 pictures in two days holding it

That's how I know you're not destined to be a shooter That's all I'm gonna say That is not true Absolutely true I cannot count how many pictures I received from you Of you with the BB gun Look at me I have a gun in the Kitchen, look at me.

It's not, that did not happen at all. Look at me, I'm pointing it at Neo, look. Okay, that was funny. It was funny. He was going to walk around with it all the time. Yeah, I did screenshot a lot of them so I can Photoshop you pointing it at homeless people and such. So you're going to have to watch out for that in the future.

That would be really good, actually. I have those on my phone now. I can see Pat becoming a gun guy. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like you have an obsessive enough brain or something like that. He waits until he moves to New York to become a gun guy. I know. Not where he lived in New Hampshire for 20 years.

You know what the rule is with, like, carrying a gun in New York? You can only have it if you're a business owner, and you keep it at the business, and it can only go between a business and a gun range. Those are the two places you could bring your gun. Well, I mean, we technically own a business. Yeah, and the damn police department. All right? We own a small, we have an LLC.

We do. So I can get a gun. If we ran an office. I can have a gun. You fill it with guns and ammunition. Uh-huh. bazookas and shit. Yeah, it's just walking down like Myrtle with just like an RPG, like, oh, no, I'm going

to the range. I'm going from the range back to my office, so you actually can't arrest me for... Are there any gun ranges here at all? Yeah, there's a couple. They're probably like way out. There's one in Queens, I think. There might be one of Brooklyn even. Wow.

I don't know. This hippie... This fucking... This goddamn hippie city is bullshit. I'm going to be like, hey, I'm going to show you the best gun range in New York City and go into the hotel room from taxi driver and looking out the window. It's funny to turn, I turned 24 and I felt like I got really old. And then immediately I was just like, I got to move to fucking like Texas or Wyoming.

Like right now, dude. Yeah. I was like, I'm done with this city slinking bullshit. I want to be able to have an entire, I want to have a whole layout, dude. We already talked about this. ATV. No, that would never work for you. Why?

ATV? I'm aerodynamic. You're too... I'm not even small, do I'm big. You are too addicted to puff bars to live in the... That's true. What do you mean? You are way too addicted to puff bars to live in the woods.

I'll also have to cigarettes. You probably... You probably wouldn't have fast enough internet to play your games either. It's true, too. I'd drop any of this any day of the week, did all this book crap. I'll drop. caffeine nicotine video games I'll drop everything dude you guys might never

I mean I could be gone tomorrow you never hear for me again I could be a mountain man I'm back on the I'm back on the jewel I was smoking cigarettes for a little bit and then I woke up and I like didn't have any left so now I'm back on the jewel that is one of the most exciting stories you've ever told

that was that's incredible well I mean we were I don't know we were hanging out this weekend and I just like kept buying cigarettes this weekend yeah it was nice It was nice to have somebody who's cigarettes around. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but I had spirit menthols.

Yeah, those were not very good. Yeah, those are the worst. Spirits are the worst in general because it's just like you light that shit and you're sitting there for like an hour smoking it. Yeah, dude, it's like a steak dinner of a cigarette. Yeah. Yeah, it's still a little too much. Feel full afterwards.

Oh, yeah, dude. Can't do it all the time. But yeah, man, I might disappear tomorrow. I'll see you guys in like five years. I have a full beard. Don't disappear. You would not have a full beard In five years

You would not have a beer You would finally have one visible hair It looked like the top of the baby's head You'd get a Homer Simpson hair On your train after five years You would look like You would look like me right now You'd look like you have like this

fucking And I shaved today You'd look like this I bet if I was out there Getting that vitamin D on top of my head Eating off the land Foraging Right

Eating what I kill You're not fucking foraging I'm bowmanning I could forage You can not forage. You can not forage. You guys keep doubting me. One day I'm going to surprise you. Anyway, if I'm out there living off that land, I bet you my hair grows back.

I bet you that it's all the microplastics and the fluoride that destroyed the top of my head. Just turned it into a barren wasteland. If I'm out there pissing in a river, shitting on a catfish in fucking 30 days flat, I have beautiful hair. I don't think so. I don't want to. It's too hard. It's too hard to do that kind of crap, dude. There's a bear's out there.

I don't want to go out there. Fuck that. But I might do some bowman hunting, or bow hunting. I thought I'd be the bowman. Bowflex hunting. Yeah, I might do a little bit. We could get some bow and arrows in New York, right? I think that New York is like Boston.

You can't even have like a long pocket knife legally. I doubt that they'd let you have a bow and arrow. Why not? Uh, dude, that's like, the fact that you can kill people. Yeah, that's hard. It's better than a gun, dude. It's more powerful than a gun. It can kill an orc.

A gun can't. Untraceable. Yeah, that's true. You can enchant it. You ever seen in a movie? What if that's the law in New York is you can shoot a bow and arrow at anybody, but you have to have your name etched into the arrow. You try, dude.

The arrow has to be traceable back to you. Otherwise, not allowed. Yeah, that would make sense. Because the thing, yeah, the thing is about an arrow is it can't be, it can't be traced because in movies whenever somebody gets hit by an arrow they don't know where it came from exactly it's very sudden it came from legolus

too yeah we know or somebody people in the movie don't know but we know exactly nobody knows where that thinks it came from over yonder in the bush I guess that's a problem with having an arrow and bow in New York City is that there's not a lot of bush to hide it just do it from the rooftops yeah I guess that would work but would you get like a

would it be like a like a wooden bow and arrow or would you get like a big compound bow that's like Do you guys feel like that's cheating? Yes I mean that's too close to a real gun Anything that you have to like carry around In a sniper case and a symbol

That's just I mean that's people Bow and Arrow people saw a crossbow and got jealous And they made the big composite metal ones They can't just accept that somebody invented a better version Exactly That you just click a button with Yeah they're like oh we yeah I mean the crossbow is obviously cooler

More powerful and better in every way Yeah definitely It's half gun half bow and arrow They were like, we're going to go a quarter gun, three-fourths bow and arrow. And it's perfect for vampire hunting. Crossbow? No, it's not. It's terrible.

What are you talking about? Because, you know, you need, you want wooden stakes. Van Helsing has a crossbow. Van Helsing is a horrible vampire hunter. He's not, what are you? I'm way better than Van Helsing at vampire hunting. I have never seen you hunt a vampire. That's why I'm so good at it.

Oh, my God. You know what? Good point. camera kills them a kindness that's right yeah yeah you know a vampire that's their biggest I walk up to their castle and I you know I ring their vampire doorbell and I say I baked you some cookies you know they're never going to guess what's what I sprinkled in those cookies before I baked them holy water poison wow which kills them I thought it was something yeah I guess they can just be killed with normal shit right yeah you could kill okay like like they go through why they have to have

this like special technique also a steak through a heart will kill like me yeah like it's not like just for vampires a gun could kill a vampire also enough garlic would kill a man right over time they they're allergic the vampires vampires have been they've been declining I mean it used to be originally used to be that like you have to like you have to put a steak through its heart and then chop off its head and fill its mouth with garlic and then like put a horse over its grave or something and now it's just like oh you can hand them a clove of garlic and they'll melt away yeah you go to some of these kind of fucking fast casual restaurants, they'll have enough garlic in that shit.

Am I right? I mean, it's burger-being the liberals that's feminizing these vampires and, you know, introducing chemicals to their body that make them susceptible to sunlight. Yeah. Probably beyond meat might take them down pretty fast. One impossible whopper. That's enough to kill two vampires. Or at least turn them into sexy girl vampires so then you can, you can fuck.

Don't even get me started. Oh, my God, a girl vampire? Why is that, like, supposed to be hot? I'm sick of getting seduced by vampires. Why is it hot to have a girl vampire? Is it just dresses? Just a goth, girl? They have big dresses and long hair, duh.

Yeah, that's pretty hot, actually. The biggest widows. The hottest thing to me. It's a long hair, long white hair. With a huge, a huge widows peak. Oh, my God. Oh, girl, your hair is so fucking long. It's so long and receding.

You look so scary to me. Damn, that dress is big. Please count for me. Please count for me. One, two. Oh, the wooden scaffolding in that dress. Oh, my God. Shee.

God damn. You're looking like shit, girl. Oh, you look horrible. God damn great. You look like shit right now. But you're a vampire, so it's sexy. They don't have a girl sexy werewolf, do they? No.

Well, I guess that wouldn't make any any fucking sense, right? Well, different strokes for different folks. I think there's some people... I'm trying to fucking stroke a girl. Yeah. There's probably some... There's it looks like a dog, right? And that's why you like it.

Not in the dog part, you asshole. Are you seriously insinuating? I want to fuck a dog. You nasty crap ass. Man, were, yeah, werewolves are so hot when they're not in their wolf form. See, okay, well, here's the thing. You look up sexy werewolf on Google images,

and it's all. men showing up. It's because it's because you try incognito and then search it. Might be saving a couple searches for you.

All right, let me hit exactly. It's tailored specifically for you, so. Oh, yep, all women. I can see it.

Yep, in the incognito. Oh, wow, that actually did. I don't think that has anything to do with me though I think that I think a gay guy's been using my computer all the time I think a gay werewolf has been on the computer Better not

They better not be touching my guy Somebody's been using it dude I hope no one's been touching my computer Hold on I just found a The son Oh fuck This is on smashwords.com

This is a book by Selina Blake called Seduced by a Cajun Weirwolf Buy it Ultra sexy werewolf Laurent Devereaux thinks that Violet, the love of his life, died 200

years ago until she shows up in New Orleans Violet, now a vampire Ooh, now a vampire We're going to go down to a Werewolf is It's book three in a series. Wait, four, is that the moon?

Oh, my God, wait, listen to the names of the series. This is book, seduced by a Cajun Warwolf is book three. Book one, The Cajun Werewolf's Captive. Book 2, Bitten in the Bayou. Book 4, maided to a Cajun Warwolf. Book 5, stranded with a Cajun Werewolf, and book 6, a Cajun Werewolf Christmas. Yo! This has a happy ending.

Yeah. Right? At some point, she's like, all right, this dapper Cajun Werewolf wearing this white suit. God damn, you know what, this searsucker suit. At some point, I'm just going to celebrate Christmas with him. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter how many times he makes me a slave or mates with me.

Ah, God, you know, Christmas is for everybody. Here's a review. I'm looking at reviews of Occasion World Warwolf Christmas. Good story for a beginner reader of the series. For a beginner reader. Dude, you're going to miss all the sexual tension and buildup. Why is it? I guess that's true.

What is up with women? There's probably 5,000 romance novels about fucking a werewolf. Yeah, I mean, it's the same thing as, like, when you go on, like, Tooby, and there's a hundred, like, asylum movies called, like, Giant Spider versus Ugly Crocodile. Yeah, but this is more sexual. This is the woman version of it, is what I'm saying. Oh, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, but, like, do, like, do women want to fuck Dr. Jekyll?

No, it's weird. Women want to, like, every, absolutely. Any monster Who is there I went to send Some of these to patches And I sent him some of these to patches And I sent him some about orcs

And yeah There's a very wide selection Of what kind of monsters Or Dinosaur? There's a lot of dinosaur ones Really? Yeah, yeah

How would you even fuck a dinosaur? Here, I'll do this for this. With these penis Dinosaur erotic novels It's got to be like a hybrose. It's got to be like a hybrx. Gotta be a hybrid. Space Raptor butt invasion.

Ravished by the Triceratops. Oh, they got the horns. Pissing the coronavirus. I think women just love anything that's like evil. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. A billionaire dinosaur, a billionaire dinosaur forced me gay. What's wrong with that? mounted by how many of us is what I say oh dude that's a whole new genre I was not aware of

yeah there's a billionaire first of all he's a dinosaur but he's also a billionaire what the fuck that's like like captivated by centaurs well centaur makes sense because they have a horse cock but a man's face conquered by clippy clipy yeah I'm just looking through that it's got to be just a goof. The Amazon-related. Yeah, that one I don't... Prisoner of lust or geronica. Bread by the Ogre King.

Rescued by the Seder. Yeah, there's a lot here. My hot night with the Haribo bear. Hot damn, Toucans, Sam. They're fucking eating my pussy. Oh, that's nasty. That's not right. Cleveland style.

That's a fucking nasty shit, dude. Oh, Christ. Oh, no. Oh, no. All right. We have a hip-hop list. Yeah, we have a list that's sure to piss Caleb off. I'm already fuming.

I can't even read the title. Somebody else to handle this bullshit. The top ten worst things about rap music. There's... Rap music is amazing. its influence and popularity. Far more than just a musical style, rap and the subgenres of rap have created distinct cultures

with specific expectations, status symbols, and norms. But while some rap artists have worked to buck the trend, much of rap music seems to be heading down a scary path of intolerance, self-destruction, and violence. This list seeks to identify the worst things about those forms of rap music that do more harm to society than good. That's Patrick saying that.

That's not me saying that. That's Patrick's saying that. That didn't sound like me at all. like him? No. Why'd you read it that way, Pat? With your normal voice, I mean. Stop looking like Wario.

Knock it the fuck off. Stop getting red. I didn't even looking. I didn't care. Stop making that face, dude. Scareing Cameron, dude. I don't want to do this list anymore, guys. That's what you get.

You mess with the bull. You get the horns, baby. Now, that's a good novel name. right there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I messed with the Nolan got the horns. That's good. That is really good.

Messed with a minotaur. Number one, egotism. I fucking hate egotism. Oh, one of the worst things in our society. So Alpha Q says, even good rappers like Kanye West has too much of this. I think rap is going downhill real fast. First, you had a cool guy named Eminem,

an old Kanye, and now you get a song about a vegetable. What's so good about broccoli? It ain't that good Oh, I just, I forgot about that fucking song What song? That's, I was like Song of the Summer 2016 Yeah

Broccoli? Yeah Oh, the Dram song? Yeah He doesn't go by drama anymore either What does he go by the broccoli guy? I don't know, he changed it It's, uh

No, he changed you to poop Shelly, F-A-A-D-O-B It's go, he goes by Shelly now that's a girl's name Yeah Here's a comment It isn't that I'm not tough enough To listen to rap

It's that I am tough enough Not to listen to rap Whoa Here's a comment here It says it depends That the person rapping Can make it clever I literally have no problem with this

And that's from swag flicks Someone says At least rockers are more respectful And respected Thank you Now I will win the debate for my class, smiley face. Hashtag happy. Hashtag, thank you.

Hashtag, if I knew you, I would buy you coffee. Who would have thought, by the way, look at kind of the more of the comments deeper down, that these would be so insanely racist. Yeah. Did you, are you seeing the same one that I'm seeing? I'm seeing a couple pretty fucking bad ones. Yeah.

Well, here's one, here's one. I love hip-hop music. I just hate the ego. And that's a quote from ego. by McElmore Always talking about themselves That and sex When you really think about it, it's gross

It's like glorifying crime And I love rap It's pretty good Yeah Yeah, oh my God These are so fucking crazy I really I don't know why I didn't foresee this

Yeah Yeah just think about like the most racist thing That somebody could write about This exact thing All right, so if you want to know what some of these comments look like, text your grandpa right now. Yeah, just say, what do you think of the egotism in rap? Yeah, what do you think? Just scroll to Patrick's tweets from 2014.

No. Yeah, come on. Why are you guys attacking me today? I'm not attacking you. You want me to attack you? No. I'll attack you. And then watch it.

Watch your tone. Okay. Yeah, stop saying no when I say bad things about you. Number two is sexism. And not a big deal to me. Here's the number one comment on it. I'm a freshman in high school, and I love jazz. I'm a huge fan of John Coltrane, Eric Dolphy, Farrow Sanders, Albert Ayer, Ornette Coleman, Duke Ellington, and several more.

Songs like Naima by John Coltrane, Namia? It doesn't matter. Naima by John Coltrane. Talk about their love for that special woman in their lives. Women inspire people. This is too long. Never mind. I give it.

That is like a fucking. paragraph. I don't want to read the rest of that. Why do you start reading it? Because I thought it would get good. Okay, wait, blah, blah, blah, blah. These dumbasses can't see anything beyond a sexy body and a nice ass. It's pathetic. It's also insulting that people my age listen to this as if it's actually good. If John Coltrane were still alive today, he would be disgusted with what qualifies as music these days.

Oh, my God. If John Coltrane were alive today. John Coltrade, yeah. If only, dude. If I could show young thug to John Coltrane, it'd be like showing a smartphone to a caveman, dude. He had me crucified. It'd be fucking a nightmare.

Someone says, uh, horrifying. I am a Mormon, and I hate this so much. This is the reason I do not go to school dances. My mom even says it's talking about a party, but I know better when let's do it is repeated 50 times in a quote unquote song, so to speak. You sound cool, dude. You sound really fucking cool.

Whenever a rapper makes a song about woman, it'll always be about having sex with them, or the whole song will be focused on their boobs. I'm sick of it. I forgot to mention that I'm a guy. Although I am male, I am sick of them using women only for sex. They just care about their backsides and breasts, and I am sick of it.

I hate songs like that, and they make me want to do a violent protest. I refuse to touch the entire genre for fear of hearing something disgusting. I could appreciate it in spite of everything else, but not this. Surprise that no one has tried to ban rap yet. It promotes more violence, drug use, and misogyny than any other music genre. Yes, I'm not one of those psycho-feminists, but I agree that some rap songs are bad to women.

They treat females like objects or decorations. You know how rap songs are always talking about mounting girls ahead. Putting a star on top of a woman's head. Yeah. Wrapping a woman up in tinsel. Here's a comment here. Just three words. Women are meat hole.

Rappers view women like slaves and have no feelings for them. Only sexual attraction. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, me, dude. That's so good. Yeah. All right. I mean, I'm sure it's got to just be like 11-year-old kids, right?

I don't know. No, this is all 20-year-old men who love rock. I can't tell. They have the same type of, the same rhetoric when it comes to this. This is the secret lives of the pitchfork editorial board. Once they go give a Chief Keefe album, like a 10 out of 10. and they're like, he's, he has a, he's, he's, he's creating a musical tapestry about life. Yeah, this is more like opera than rap.

Yeah. Then they go on here and they're like, uh, rap is right. Yeah, by the way, I'm a guy and even I hate this sex is bullshit. Uh, number three, pointless lyrics. Okay, so these people have obviously never heard of Immortal Technique, M.F. Doom. Immortal Technique, Brother, Brother Ali, uh, uh, uh, Juice World, Tripy Red, Tris this world Crazy Chris

Farting Frucker M.C. Crazy rapper Foxy fuck you. M.C. Lacey. Preston Lacey. Brustle.

Fucker farting. Balls bread. Brat. Brat Bill's Bristin. These are number one. Cream. Yeah.

Creamy. Fuck you Creamy bag George Bush Rest in Peace Prestel Pretzel Xbox

Preston Lacey again Preston Lacey his son Woody Allen Woody Allen Spose The guy who made I'm awesome

Roman Polanski Victor Salva Harvey Weinstein Brian Singer Chris Hardwick fucking firefighters EMPs Little Bill

Cartoon Hey Arnold Yeah As Burger Cobb Misses Spoob Squidward

Squiddward Tannicles Patrick Star You know I mean I could go on But it would I mean we could go on Forever

That's the point Is that there's so many People with pointed lyrics Guns and Roses Rosie O'Donnell There's this comment here.

Cameron, why don't you read this tough comment? I have always hated rap music. I'm black, so everyone assumes I listen to this trash. Nearly every rap song nowadays is consistent of controversial lyrics pertaining to sex, drugs, racism, money, violence, and struggles.

I hate what people talk about struggles. I listen to rock and roll. At least they shift their style every once in a while. I listen to bands like saliva, motorhead, disturbed kiss, and ACDC. Dude, some of the kings of rock. I mainly hate rap because of stereotypical views. People assume that all black people listen to rap.

I don't, and I never will again. Even country musicians have some form of talent. Throwing disturbed in there is so funny. Like, complaining about, like, they're talking, like, oh, they only rap about money and violence and struggles, and disturbed just raps about, like, being hip. First of all, they do rap and their music, okay? Yeah.

They have one, they have a rap song about dropping plates on your ass, okay? So, you know, maybe study out. Also, AC, D, where every song is like, Let's have a birthday. Hey, Pottie! Yeah! Disturbed is just about, like, it's about either being at your breaking point to become a school shooter, being hit by your mother, or the Holocaust should never happen again.

Those are the three types of disturbed songs. They really are disturbed. Somebody needs to put them in jail. Absolutely. You would think with that name. Did you remember when David Drayman from Disturbs did an acoustic cover of the Sound of Silence for Blue Lives Matter? No, that's sick, though. Didn't he do it on Conan?

Maybe, I don't know. I didn't listen to it or watch it. I just saw it and went, yep. Rap music sounds terrible, and the lyrics are absolutely ridiculous. If you could even understand what they are, that's one of my favorite kinds of people, is people who listen to native English speakers who listen to rap, and they're like,

I don't know what they're saying. That's one of the greatest things of all time. When I listen to music, I can't hear the lyrics, not, like, hear the lyrics, but, like, I pay more attention to the music than the lyrics. Okay, so you're telling me you're, like, a musical genius. Yeah, I just, like, feel the vibe. I just, like, immediately identify, like, the key that it's in. I'm writing out the score in my head when I'm listening, so I don't really have time to focus on the words. Sounds like that's what you're doing, Patty, you fucking dork.

I didn't know, what's that, that's, uh, Pegg by Steely Dan. I didn't know he was saying, favorite foreign movie. What did you think he said? Very fine movie Nice, dude, you should You should work for And that was because you were too focused on the underlying Underlying music, right?

That's not it. You just didn't just mishear it It's because you're Well, I don't, I don't pay, I don't know I don't really pay attention to the lyrics to songs I don't pay attention to the music, dude Yeah, I'm all about the lyrics That's why I listen to

PJ Masks Yeah, they have a lot of good They got a lot of good lyrics They have a lot of great songs on the PJMA. The PJMS soundtrack, I mean, it is untouchable. You know, some of the greatest others. Bedtime is the right time. Can't finish the rhyme.

Today's rap sounds like a bunch of down-syndromed crack babies, mumbling random gibberish. You used to like rap, but then I grew up and realized how mentally handicapped and warped you have to be. To think that mainstream rap content is a complete garbage. You want real music today? Try some jazz, symphonies, rock, or any other genre that requires talent. genre's like rapid pop or nothing but talentless dancers and actors and using autotune it's cancer mentally warped

I used to be warped but then I got into symphonies because talking about how they're going to do stuff to 50 girls and shoot up a bank sure isn't pointless I'm gonna do stuff to 50 girls look at this comment here in another language one second let me translate in 2018 we have Kiki Fifi Baba Bebe

Sese, Billy, Kuda, gummo. Do I need to say more? And now we have no gummo, no fipi, no kiki, kiki, and no hope. Babo, do, do, do, luby, baby, bobo. They just did exactly what we did. Okay, so there's a comment here that's in some other language. I just put it, it's in Turkish. I just Google translated it.

And it translates to, ever heard Kendrick fuck motherfucker or three days grace listeners. Oh, fuck. Number four, the sound. That's one of the worst things about rap music is the sound. Yeah, the sound of it. Yeah.

The volume in rap is way too loud. It can hurt the eardrums as children. It can be hard on their hearing early. it's too loud oh fuck it's too loud that's kind of yield a good comment on this one everything else is people

what the fuck does this even mean yeah there's a response to that comment that says this is not actually not an ignorant statement Google the loudness war this way of mastering music is found in other genres as well What is that, just music got louder or some shit? Yeah, I mean, people just produced it louder gradually. I mean, that's the kind of thing you'll want to go on YouTube and search, like,

the fall of music and watch, like, a seven-hour documentary made by a 12-year-old. Yeah. If you want to learn about that, I'm sure there's plenty of good videos. Yeah, where they have a 30-minute thing at the end thanking their patrons. Yeah. And you're like, how the fuck? There's five million people subscribe to this little kid on Patreon. What the fuck is this, dude?

Yeah. I'm always impressed by that. It is, yeah, yeah, it is crazy. Who's, who's doing that? Yeah, because, like, you get the, they're on YouTube, dude. They're already, you get to, still get them, yeah. You get the videos, plus they make the ad money. You don't need all that, all that Patriots shit.

You get to see, you get to see the video a day early? How hungry are you for a two-hour video about the making of Half-Life 2? I have to see, I have to see how roly-poly-oly change TV forever one day early. I need to find out what episode of the Simpsons changed Homer forever. Where did the downfall of Franklin the Turtle come from? I have to find out right now, dude. I need to know which Carr's movie was the biggest misstep in Pixar's history. Please, dude.

Fuck. Number five, glorification of the gangster mentality. That's one of the best things about rap music. Yeah, dude, we do that. I feel like we glorify it in a good... I mean, it's good, dude. You know, it's good to be gangster. It's a good mentality.

We're basically three gangster gangbangers from the hood with crazy mindsets. And that's like why we started. That's like how we found each other too. Yeah. We went on gangster.com. And we searched for gangsters in your area. Gangstermeat.mee. We were on gangster bumble and we kind of all linked up.

And we all linked up. And then we had a... We were on Hinge and we all listed our interest as gangster mindset. Yeah. Gangster mindset. Being from the hood. Being a swagged out player. And that's how we all met each other. Yeah. Yeah. Even though we were all from different hoods, we still came and we formed our own. I mean, that's why it's such a success story. Yeah. And now we're like, I would say one of the top four gangs next to like MS-13, Crips, Bloods, and then Sullivan the Frog LLC. Yeah. Yeah, we're like one of the biggest gangsters.

They'll be one that's LLC. Exactly. Because we also have the... We have the money mindset. We decided we were the first people... We were the first people to ever combine businessmen mindset and gangster mentality. Exactly. And that was...

You got to get the hustle in there. And we basically... Our Instagram quotes page went fucking gangbusters. Yeah, which we do not like the gangbusters. We've been fighting them for a lot. But then now we give back to the hood and we go back into our communities. and we show them how to be gangster as well. Which is one of the most amazing things about it.

Sensitive gangsters with small businesses. Yeah, we teach them how you can actually make a thug cry, and it's actually not that big a deal. Yeah, I mean, look at this comment here. Gangsters are a bunch of idiot, crybaby, ugly guys. They love praying for more weeds and crushing the cracks. Which, that's true. If you listen to a real artist, you might realize that they regret

their actions. I love this list. It's 100% factual. It's 100% factual. What a joke. Shooting people will get you nowhere in life, but jail. Tell that to the freaking army. Exactly.

This guy supports the Holocaust. He didn't want to kill the Nazis. Sheesh. That guy's evil. Yeah. Tells you a lot about people who oppose the gangster hustle business mindset. It's true. This is, in my opinion, the worst part of rap.

It completely alienates anyone who isn't part of the gang culture and glorifies being a criminal. We know that that's the number one consumer of rap in the world and not, like, people who look like me. Well, most of it, all the mainstream, at least. The best part of gangster culture and media is a part where it shows the cons as well, like the godfather, where it shows Michael becoming evil and even killing his own brother. This is nowhere to be found in rap. Again, they just got it all wrong, dude. I didn't know Michael became evil. Jesus.

he's cool he doesn't become evil becomes fucking sick I haven't seen the godfather really I've seen parts of it I watched it for the first time this year yeah I'll have to sit down and watch it sometime

but I've seen it wash it with my dad yeah that's what you gotta do it's a movie my dad used to throw on and then I would like want to play a GameCube or something you guys remember I mean there's a great

great impressions you do from the gothahe like yeah yeah I'm a dude my dad wedding and you love me to fucking make you a little offer you can't refuse or whatever I don't remember how he had the cotton balls in his cheeks and he sounded like I loved him do you know yeah he was good in that I mean who was that oh no I mean yeah that was doodle don't cornley sponge bob doodle don I mean yeah the evil doodle version of Don Corleone it was

I mean, at first they had him without those cheeks, and then, you know, Dr. Godfather, the director came in and he was like, I want him to look more like a chipmunk, and I want him to sound like an idiot. Do you know that he actually put poop in his mouth for that? And he kept it in his mouth like a chipmunk. Yeah, the director wanted him to take it out, but he wouldn't. Yeah, that was not even like an acting decision. That was just an addiction. That's why you can tell at the end of all the shots, he goes, and they have to cut that out. They cut out in the deleted scenes where at the end he, at the end, he's just an addiction.

He does a big cartoonish swallow. He says, I sure love crap. Delicioso. Yeah. You know, because the mafia. Oh. Yeah. That's Italian for delicious.

Number six, no talent goes into it. All right. Okay. I mean, they haven't heard me do it. Yeah, they haven't heard me rap. Fast, fast. I'm fast. I'm fast.

Faster than a blast. Blast attack. Blast and fast attack. Attack you fast. blasting attack with the fast attack with your blasting you with blasting faster faster faster than the attacker faster than the attacker faster blaster vast uh vast lead bastard you want to tell me that that's not fucking talent look at that are you fucking kidding me dude that was off the dome too bow down at this man's feet this man i mean i had to practice years to be able to do that

he used to be he had to be in the hood every day trying to do that on the street it was tough too i mean because people come up they say that's what think people will never tell you about the hood it's not easy I mean a lot of media will tell you it's easy to live there

it's tough as hell it's so easy to be in the hood all the time and do a bunch of shit in the hood especially for me like a mentally

crazy white guy I mean this wrap in there is like wrapping there like you're liable to get made fun of in the hood for that

mm-hmm mm-hmm might wear my my thick two-inch two-inch thick glasses somebody might come up and they

somebody might roll up and make fun of you from their car yeah and that's the worst and that's the worst and that's the worst thing that'll happen.

And you might really seriously get emotionally traumatized. Somebody might roll their window down, lean over to their passenger seat, and go, nerd. Yeah. Hey, stinker. Hey, dummy. Hey, your shoe's untied. Made you look. And they drive off.

You just lost the game. Yeah, dude. Somebody might make a little circle and put her on their knee and say, look what I got. And then they punch you in the arm. They can frog you, dude, for that shit. Oh, my God. You might get frog. One time I was out there

I was out there wrapping some guy handed me a telescope And he said look over there I did there was nothing over there Everyone was laughing at me the whole day I couldn't tell what till I got to the bathroom Looked in the mirror I had a black circular on my eye I mean they'll do shit like that out there It's tough

Some of these gangsters are heartless Except for us Let's see Did we read the comments for this one These comments are too long yeah yeah um some of these are like i mean a lot of these kind of repeat like number uh seven here no variation that's kind of the same yeah that's kind of what i'm saying about this list yeah hey you know we should write a disc track for this list that's a good idea that'd be like

the biggest own ever dude yeah number of the top 10 worst things about this list number one not funny yeah some of these some of these boys some they suck Yeah, number two, they suck. Number seven, no variation. Comments are way too long on this one. You guys got to cut it down. Have you noticed that rappers find it impossible to make a lyric that isn't one, sexually explicit,

two, violence promoting, three, racist or sexes, four loaded with swears? Look, I just want a rapper who raps very fast and doesn't swear. Yeah, I want a rapper who makes me. a one second song where I can't tell if he swears or not

and it's about nothing it's about making it's about doing the dishes ideally it has to be completely ambiguous whether the song is about God or suicide yeah exactly

that's the genre I want to be listening to or bullying number eight songs bragging about having money yes for the love of God no one cares about

how much money you have music isn't about having money I understand Understand that people need to make a living somehow, but that's not the main idea. Music is about expression and inspiration. It's there to explain something to you. It has a deeper meaning behind it. Music isn't just about making money.

That just isn't even music. I have no tolerance for that. Why would rappers brag about money hanging out their butts? That's where they put it. Uh, why? No, that was seven. Uh, good, you have money. Now use it for something other than you crack addiction.

Whoa. I don't think there's any rappers except DMX who are addicted to crack. Right? I don't know. I mean, it's probably not something that many people would like to be public about. Right. Wait. Wait, you read one about money hanging out of the butt, right?

Yeah. There's a second one that says, I hate it when a rapper is all, money hanging out of my butt. Peasant's always screaming, wait, what? Peasant. What is that is something Is there like a rapper I'm missing He wraps about money hanging out of his ass Sir Mix a lot

He's always toxic He's always talking about peasants MC Vassal dude He raps about these serfs all the time King Arthur Can you let them Can you give him a break King Arthur

Now I can tell number nine's gonna be really good I can tell there's gonna be some great comments There's gonna be some good ass shit Number nine is racism Well, I mean, it just... If I hear the N-word being used in a casual conversation one more time, I think I'm going to go insane. Do they even know what it means? It's not some quote-unquote dope slang term.

God, I'm surprised that we aren't extinct yet. If people talked that way back in the 20th century, people would just absolutely be disgusted. People hated using the N-word in the 20th century. Nobody used it back then. Here's a comment here. A lot of rap insults, whites, about being weak and getting life easy, just because we didn't grow up in the ghetto. I grew up in the ghetto.

We've already been over this. I'd like to hear that say that to early Europeans. Europe was a death trap. It still is. And imagine how Alexander the Great would react. So it says the root of racism is rap. Yeah, dude. Alexander the Great is like taking like an olive oil bath or whatever the fuck he was doing back

they getting fed grapes and somebody says like, hey, this rapper thinks you're weak and he's like, what? Excuse me, that's racist. I mean, he would conquer them. Mm-hmm. Alexander the Great, that's what he does. Number 10. Misinformation. I mean, that's one of the worst.

I mean, look at what happened in 2016 with the election. There was a rap song called the Pantsuit Anthem and spread a lot of this information. Yo, voting is it till December. You guys remember that? Most rappers say things that are meant to rhyme, but it ends up sounding really stupid and gets a lot of people in trouble.

That is, misinformation is when it doesn't rhyme. A lot of people get in so much trouble from these misinformed rap lyrics. Uh, all right, these are the contenders. Unoriginal lyrics, okay. I mean, you already said that, I think. Songs about sex. Someone says, you people do know that crank that soldier boy songs was about ejaculation, right?

Ejaculation. Damn. Uh, number 13, excessive profanity. Yep. Yes, using the same cuss word at the end of every. sentence does help make everything rhyme but really it's enough already and it's not just that it is objectionable language if you use any word that many times it sounds stupid if rap lyrics are supposed to be an art then excessive profanity is like only drawing

pictures of vaginas it may be amusing at first and simple minds will have more tolerance for it but eventually people are going to want to see a picture of a sunset that guy has such a beautiful mind I'm sick of these I'm sick of Pussies. Can I just see a fucking sunset for once? Can I just search porn and find the pictures of a sunset? Sometimes I want to jack off to something new. Can you turn one of these into a flower? Oh, come on. Christ almighty. This is the most disgusting vagina bullshit I've ever seen. What happened to the moon and the stars? Can you just make this look like an orange or something? Just open an orange and make it look like a pussy, please? God, I'm sick. Number 14.

Number 14, it's just talking. Yep, if I want to hear talking, I would start a bloody conversation. Excuse me. No wonder both opera and rapper crazy. Take your pick. Singing when you're supposed to be speaking or speaking when you're supposed to be singing. Fuck, that's like a... He's right in the center.

Number 16, kids trying to imitate real gangsters. I prefer to be a sad thing. skinny geek than be a wannabe weed eater ugly guy weed eater? When a five-year-old is throwing up gang signs your way and singing rap music, you know you don't belong on this planet.

I'm skipping around, but number 59 is pornography. There's only one comment on it that says, I don't think that's really rap music. Uh, songs about getting drunk, high, or intoxicated. Someone says, if you take out the lyrics from rap music, there are no words.

That's really smart. Stupid dances invented by rappers. Every time I see one I, like, with the hell are they doing, they look so damn stupid. Most modern, phony rappers compare themselves to Tupac and Biggie. glorification of violence offensive lyrics sellouts hip-hop feuds

negative messages it could send bad messages to anger viewers songs about strip clubs and then evil cute girl jigglypuff says I hate that kind of stuff number 71 porn rap

and the only comment is what is a porn rap I really love number 74 That is like the most That sounds like a fucking like substitute teacher It's cacophony And then the person says

All they do is say a bunch of pointless trashy words With their hideous voices To a bunch of awful music in the background Crunk Wanna be gangsters Screaming Songs about rape What the fuck

Alter egos Dude I fucking hate rap Because of all the alter Well, because I can't tell them apart, dude. It's fucking annoying, dude. Is this supposed to be Victor Vaughn? Who the fuck is singing? Who is this, dude?

Is this, uh, MF Doom or King Gidora? Yeah. How am I supposed to tell, dude? It's fucked up. Uh, someone complains, it's getting worse every day. That's number 63. Uh, ghost writers, amateurs, uh, dis tracks. Number 52, difficult to understand.

I especially can't understand rappers who literally spout out, wobble-d-wob, wobble-wob, wobble-wob. I'm looking at you, Big Sean. That's one of his best songs of. That's the low-key, no-cap. That's one of his only songs. Anyway, this has been three gangsters from the hood, giving our two cents on some of the most rap-ass shit in the world.

Yep. Oh, live show, tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow. Yeah, see you there. Not. Not. We're not coming. Yeah, we're sending decoys.

Yeah. All right, bye. Bye bye.