Podcast About List - Ep. 154 - Nutritional Biscuit That Has 1/6 of Minimum Complete Daily Nutrition for a Pregnant Woman Per Biscuit (w. Pierce)

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

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You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. All the Counts to the Monoliths. You're really crap monster. Did you get it? I know it goes fast. That wasn't as fast as I was thinking. I went as fast as I could on the countdown. I was going...

I mean, that was fast. Yeah. I mean, I could hear you mouthing Mississippi in between the numbers. Just the smack of his lips and his saliva. It was hard to hear what was recorded. Two. Yeah, counting all the milliseconds very softly. Yeah.

Straight one. That's nasty. That's like when people say moist. I hate that. Yeah, I do hate when people say moist. It means that I'm moistened myself by accident again. I hate when people say the N-word. That's probably the most disgusting word.

Yeah, that definitely, I would say there's like five to ten words that when people say them, like, just my shoulders kind of go up, you know? Yeah, and I can, like, picture it. Right. I can, like, picture it when they say it. And my shoulders don't go up, like, I'm curious, like, or like I don't care. They go up like, I'm scared. Yeah, yeah, like you're protecting your neck.

Right, yeah. Yeah, my hair stand on end because I'm trying to make myself appear larger. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Poop is another one of those, I hold my hands up in the air and make scary motions with them. Yeah, I wear a windbreaker. Yeah, and I make it really windy, too.

Yeah. Start blowing into it. If you guys were in a situation with a bear, I don't remember, are you supposed to make yourself very small or very big? And it's important for me to know that. Very big? There's very few animals where you're supposed to make yourself very small.

See, I would go the other way. What if I get so small that the bear doesn't think I exist anymore? I would make some... I feel like that's a better one, right? Because like a bear, I'm never going to make myself bigger than a bear. That's just the reality. I've looked at my body and I've thought about this. It's just not going to happen.

You can be kind of loud and you can... But I could become so small that a bear might forget about me. But bears like to eat berries and stuff, though. That's right. They have a taste and a knack for really small things, like honey and fruit and little bees. Yeah. They don't eat bees. You guys are fucking stupid.

No, they don't eat bees. Why don't they always show them in cartoons next to bees then? Because they're trying to get honey, dude. It's like when a monkey is next to a banana. Yeah, but a bear knows that if a monkey eats a banana. If a bear can get one bee, that's unlimited honey. Is that true? that's true yeah i guess well that's another yeah i guess why don't bears start like bears are smart right

like they know how to fish like they should be they should be maybe raising bees it's a good point it is very cool to see the bear do the like the ninja trick with the stick that i could watch that all day that's a great one they learned out a stand it seems in the last like three years yeah they kind of have hands they figured out what we have houses a little bit. They know you have to go in a cave. You can't just sleep on the ground. Which is what we were doing for like too long. So they're

doing pretty well, I would say. We kind of copied them there. We, I think, maybe... They also invented, like, laying around all day. Yeah. True. Yeah, I guess they did. Life hack. Yeah. But I just feel like they should... I don't know. I...

I don't think I could make a noise loud enough that a bear would be scared of me. I could pretend I'm my car or something like I guess that might work. You could say like Vroom Vroom. Yeah. Or like I could like get in my car. Yeah and drive away. I guess I could kill the bear with my car but that

otherwise I'm trying to make myself How high can you jump? Higher than you would think honestly. All right. I would say you should I think if you jump high over and over again that's also a good way to add some size. Do bears have like their brains like process images really slowly? So

Maybe I sink it so that they only see me on the frames when I'm really high. Yeah. Bears only have six frames per day, like a time lapse. Yeah. Because all hibernating creatures have time lapse vision because they spend so much of their time. And they, yeah, they interpolate it. So if you jump up really high, it's going to look like you're like a snake type thing that's very tall. Oh, that's actually, that might be easier.

Some of these new bears, they come with motion smoothing on, though. Yeah. And that's a hard thing to. Yeah, I guess you're right. You have to reach behind the bear's head and flick the little. switch behind its ear. Yeah. I mean, that is what I would do if I got attacked by a bear is I would just remove his teeth

and his claws so that he's no longer a threat to me. Yeah. Also, I would accidentally kill him during like emergency surgery, probably. That's good. Yeah. That would take care of it. I would, I would maybe, I would make some parts of my body really big, but not all of them.

Like, I might make my hands really big and then I could pick up the bear and throw it. I'd become, I'd become a homunculus. I'd have huge lips and huge hands in. Big cock. Anything that I'm not going to use to kill the bear is that can be as tiny as a spaghetti. Or I guess, like, another way to do it is, like, look like

bears like to fuck, right? Sure. Everyone knows that. Except panda bears. Panda bears notoriously don't want to fuck. They don't want to fuck, really? That's why, yeah. I mean, they, you people show videos of pandas fucking to pandas, and then they change the channel.

They say, mm-mm. They say what else is on? They can change the channel. Wow. I feel like you just look like a really like unfuckable bear you know because like a bear if you look like a really good looking bear it's going to want to fuck you and if you look like a

trashy bear like a bear that it would want to fight you know but if you're trying to if you do like a really bad job seducing it it's not going to like you try to look like the bear that a bear thinks of when it doesn't want to come too quick exactly yeah yeah you try to look like their grandma bear I might I might try to look like

I might try to look like the devil because I think they might have an instinct about that to kind of avoid the devil or a demon. They might see a demon and think that's, you know, that might be evil for them. That is exactly how like a matador came into being as a profession is like, what if

a bull was scared of the Christian devil then I think we could have a good show on our hands. I guess that's true. Yeah. Do they still do mad at bullfighting? Is that still legal? I think so. I think I don't know which one is which, but people ride the bulls, too, still.

There was a, I saw a page something like, like, some guy holds the title for most gourd matador. That's sick, dude. He has been gourd. Well, that's the thing about a, or about a, a bull is it, like, it really just, it's not going to bite you, you know? It just has, like, that's the good thing about it. Like, it's, like, it only has, like, the horns and, like, its head, I guess.

Like, it's not going to, like. Well, the feet. Or what fuck you up? Like, bear fighting is, like, way cooler and more dangerous to me. The feet. What? A bull, if a bull steps on you, it's going to break all your bones. Is it in stilettos?

I can take a fucking... It would suck his hoof. I'll fuck. I don't care about a hoof. If it had stilettos, that would be scary. If a bull stepped on you, it would crack you up. It'd be, like, a glow stick. I'd be like, you're trying to kill me with your damn feet.

Pussy. Yeah, it would suck if a bull had, like, like the mouth of a hippo because then it could bite you and it could gore you yeah or maybe like high heel shoes yeah the arms of a gun

could be dangerous too but also arms of the barrel of a gun yeah and the body of a gun yeah of a big ass gun hippos scare me because anytime I see a video of a hippo

they look they don't look real to me like at all they look like the they look like the shark from like the jaws ride a universal they look they're like animatronic. They do look animatronic.

They're like the Arnold Schwarzenegger of animals because any time they could be replaced with like a polyurethane version of themselves. They're inhuman in a way. And they love watermelons. In my head is about his boy about as big as a watermelon these days. I think they just like to crunch.

I think it's the watermelts. Well, that's the other things. You watch those videos, none of that's getting in their mouth. They just like squish it and it just falls out. And you're like, of course you have to feed them like 50 of these because like 1% of the rind is actually going down their hole. They're like cookie monster.

Yeah. Yeah. They eat exactly like cookie monster. Yeah. Yeah. But they should do more, I don't know, I feel like we're past the bull thing. Like make it, like I think people, I think animals should be, we should be able to kill any animal at any time. for no reason you know what i mean i think you pretty much can no but like okay so like my brother

like maybe i should say this my brother will don't don't say it i don't want to have to edit it out no no it's not he's not in trouble but my brother sometimes will like bet on like chicken fights that are happening in mexico and then watch him on facebook live so and i like that to me is like two chickens like if two chickens uh have had had a blood feud who am I to get in the way that's yeah that's between them yeah that's between the chickens I think that I think that we should get past this issue of like you know it being inhumane to do to do bull fights or like to wrestle alligators or whatever but I think that they should be breeding new animals just for human combat just just yeah breed new animals that

would be satisfying to best in combat exactly like a xenomorph style thing that's but it's like Terrifying. Something that, like, represents... Exactly. Something that is a net negative on the world and the ecosystem. Just combine all the invasive species in the worlds and then... And keep them in like a really poorly secured area somewhere next to like a city. Yeah. You know, I feel like that's a good idea. Yeah, and some size enhancement ooze could maybe be developed and kept next to them as well.

Right. Yeah, that's a good idea. And they should be bred to have like a glowing red weak spot so that, you know... multiple health bars too I think they should You should have to defeat them in stages Yeah That's right yeah We're like maybe

He's charging up now Now he has a shield At first it's a bull And then perhaps it becomes a bull With a large head After you kill it once This is what like the ancient Greeks Used to do all day

It's just think about stuff Yeah The scariest animal They'd find that you could make out of confidence They would think about it And then be like Yeah that's probably true, too.

I actually think that I saw that in the sky the other day. Now that I'm thinking about, like, a giant monster, I think that that's actually real. I think that happened to my brother, who was a god. It's funny, too, that, like, they were kind of, they were kind of on point for some of

it, but then it's like, because, like, you know, they had the chimera, and it's like, okay, like, the wings of a dragon, which, first of all, that's cheating. You can't use a dragon in there. But that's terrifying, right? And then, like, yeah, and a lion, and a snake and you know what else

a goat that's also that's how we make the scariest animal we had a goat head that's a whole head that you could be using for like

like I don't know a bear even a bear is better than a goat there yeah another snake even use two snakes

instead of one goat and a snake exactly a goat that's just wasted that's wasted real estate that was also like the best

kind of like religion because it was like they would be like like with Christians Christianity, you'll be like, so, like, where, like, where is, like, God and stuff? They'll be like, oh, he's, he's, like, all around you, or he's in heaven, whatever, like, you'll never, you'll see it until you die. And then with, uh, uh, all that shit, they'd be like, where are the gods? And they'll be like, they're over there.

Right there. Yeah. They're like, you see that hill? They're, they live there. They're up there. Can I go up there? I think I hear them fucking right now. Oh my God. And it's going really bad. Yeah. They're fucking.

Uh-oh. I think another monster. might be coming and then yeah they all huddle into a circle and they're like okay 100 heads yeah exactly yeah it's like the first lesson a baby

learns is I think I hear sex and a monster over there and the baby's like I don't even know colors yet yeah they did also they had the guts to go to do half gods too like not to you know like not

and their half gods it wasn't like It wasn't like a Jesus thing where it's like, okay, yeah, like he's half God, but he's also just the same thing as God, so you'll never see him or anything. But they were like, yeah, there was a guy, he had this crazy spear, and he was real, and he lived in this town with us. Yeah. Yeah, because the coolest guy in the whole town fucked some animal and then made him. Yeah. I was thinking, like, do you think there was, like, Medusa eventually became just a woman with a head full of snakes, or do you think it started out as like she's disgusting she's got one snake

one worm one centipede and then eventually they're like let's make them all right we can simplify this yeah it takes too long to explain yeah like did they like sit around like a windowless office like throwing a hacky sack

like back and forth like a big table with index cards like pinned up lion with a donkey dick Uh, no, that's, that's not good. They also, they also had, like, like, 500 gods. Like, they would just, like, they would just be like, oh, yeah, there's, this guy, oh, they would just be like, oh, shit, fuck, we need a guy for, for a welcome mat.

We need a god that does welcome mats. That doesn't fit into anything. There's a god for boogers. Yeah. Like, no, we're not doing the booger god. I told you. I keep telling you. We don't need a booger.

We don't need a booger guy. We don't have a bugger god. The booger god is categorized under fire. He's part of the fire god. Yeah. Yeah, he does fire and boogers. Fine, whatever. What the fuck ever?

Yeah, all the gods have like some, some, like, RPG, like, specialization combo that makes no sense at all. Yeah. He's proficient in flame warfare and delicious streets. It's been. He's the god of dessert, too. It's very funny, too, that they had a goddess of love, but then they also had another god of love that was a baby. They were like, yeah, there's two love gods.

One of them's a beautiful woman. The other's a naked baby that flies around and attacks you. Those are the two kinds of love. And it attacks you with a bow and arrow. Yeah. When he shoots you with a bow and arrow, you want to fuck him. So you want to dodge those arrows. Yeah, you don't want to be a baby fucker.

You have to dodge the arrows that he's... That he's shooting at you. Yeah, that's the scariest part. They could come out of anywhere. Yeah. That was in the trials. And the law and order was like, Your Honor, I got shot by the baby

who makes you want to fuck him with his magic arrows. It's fucked up that that's the one that we got for Valentine's Day. We didn't get to go with Aphrodite like the beautiful love woman got her. Where the hallmark one is the naked baby that attacks you It makes you fall in love Yeah

Because he also loves candy He's also the god of candy He's the god of candy and school Getting cards at school He's the god of snow days I should get back into Greek gods I think I feel like every little boy was obsessor that at some point and maybe it's worth taking

another look at as an adult were you into like Norse gods at all no I thought those ones were cool no there was this like there was this uh Indian kid who was like became like a Nazi who like loved

Norse gods and I yeah it's a weird he's a weird person but he came like a real real Nazi yeah he's a bit odd but he was into Norse And I was like, this kid's a freak. I don't want anything to do with that, yeah.

He's one of those kids that, like, metal actually turned him racist. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you have to be careful about that. Yeah, metal is a slippery slope. There's a dark triad for Nazis. It's like metal, Norse gods, and then, yeah, just call it. I mean, Lord of the Rings, I think, is the third thing there, probably metal.

Lord of the Rings. For being turning racist? Are you kidding? Well, I guess it's, those things are all. all related. I mean, Lord of the Rings is based, Lord of the Rings is actually based on Norse mythology, and many metal bands take their iconography

from Lord of the Rings, so I just thought it would make a good triad. I hate you. Many Nazis latch on to the imagery. Many Nazis. It's true. I don't think it's true, dude. It's true.

Lord of the Rings is like, no, it's just, Lord of the Rings is racist as any fantasy thing. No, I don't think, I don't think it's racist, but racist people think it is because they see like, oh, Gandalf the White is destroying goblins. And they're like, oh, I know what the goblins are supposed to be. And then they do that whole thing.

But they're just stupid. He made this for me. Yeah. He was just an old guy who's like, I like to come up with words and languages. I like to write. Yeah, and this guy was named Borblerbloplaff, and he was a wizard.

That's how it. He literally, you read, like, Grimm's fairy tales, and he was like, I'm going to make this into history. Yeah, it's funny how no Nazis ever take, like, Star Wars is one of their foundational texts, even though it's, like, the exact same thing. Yeah, no one's, like... That's why he's, like, like, C.S. Lewis more, because he's, like, so on the nose about, like, what it's actually supposed to mean. Like, there's zero room for interpretation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Just, like, there's just lying, and he died on a cross? No, he died in a different way. but he died for your sin. I know we've talked about the whole Narnia thing before on here, but it's so sick. In one of the books, they have like, they have like a multi-armed pagan god that ever that's like,

all the followers are evil and stuff. It's like, yeah. And they have a tiny rat with a sword. And then like, yeah, reading it as a kid. It's like, whoa, a lion. Yeah. Wow. It's so cool, dude.

Yeah, and then I got into like, like, I loved those books as a kid. kids. I was like, I'm going to check out this guy's other shit. And, like, he has, like, a book that's like, like, it's called, like, the screw tape letters, and it's about, like, the devil writing, like, notes to, like, a demon. And he's like,

what's up? You made anybody do some evil recently? He's like, uh, yeah, you know, same old, same old. I'm the devil. It's pretty cool, dude. That is good. Yeah. Is that, like, a required reading you had for your homeschool? Or... Yeah, CS Lewis was, was...

That was heavy, dude. We were coming heavy with to C.S. Lewis, yeah. I learned so much. It was, it was beautiful. It was like C.S. Lewis until you were 13, and then it was like, Ayn Rand. It's like, you have to be Ayn Rand, like, kind of the opposite person, but, like, they really pushed it on you.

They were like, she doesn't believe in God, but she's really smart about money. Oh, true, true, true. I hate to do this, but I have to pee. I'll be right back. Okay. He's going to shit. he's gonna shit all over himself oh he's wait he's just shitting in the middle of the floor on his webcam he's all sitting on the camera well oh god he's shitting everywhere he's just

opened a book and shit it and then closed it i can smell it through my microphone too it's like there's some kind of like jesus appears that lets me spell smell this at least fucking wipe your ass no not with your own face it's so one of the most disgusting parts is how silent this poop is i mean i can see it coming out it's just not making a sound. That's how smooth it's flowing. It keeps coming out. Oh my god, it just changed colors from like a dark brown to a deep black halfway through. It looks like a magician's scarf coming out of his sleeve. It keeps changing colors. Oh, what is this? Green? That's unhealthy, man. Oh, fuck. Oh, he just framed a piece of it and it's squished all over the frame. Oh, he's back now. Okay. How was that? Something got squished?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, something got squished for sure. Yeah. Absolutely. The head of my pee-pee by my index finger and thumb when I was squeezing the pee-pee out got squished. You don't squeeze the pee-p-p out. Sure you do, yeah. What? Yeah, you drain, because the tip of your head, the head of the penis is like a sponge, and then it fills up with pee, and then you have to strain it. That's not true.

It's not all that happens. No, you don't have to pizza roll your penis to get the pee out. It's not like an icing bag either. So don't say that. No, I just said, it's not like an icing bag or a tube of toothpaste. or it's not anything like that and it's not there's not a lever either that drops the payload so don't

try and use that excuse okay then what were you guys talking about just you shit all over the place oh yeah yeah but for that you do have to need your colon like it's a

I mean that is actually true yeah I kind of like when I take a shit I like go into the fetal position I have to like rock back and forth And my, my, my, my, the shit is like, um, yeah, it, like, has to, like, like, somehow kind of, like, one of those ball maze puzzles, like, fall, could finally to the end through my, I try not to, I do, like, a type of, like, you, a watch pot doesn't, never boils type of thing. So I don't try and, like, make too much of an effort.

I just kind of sit down there and go, you know, whatever happens here happens, either way. And I just wait. That is something that you learn in adulthood is that you don't have to push so hard. You can just, you just, you just give it. a dull roar and then you kind of have to not care and you kind of yeah you kind of just say out loud like I don't even care what you know I there's whatever whichever thing happens right now is fine with me you got to do reverse psychology to your butt every time you go to the bathroom yeah you just yeah you just kind of have to say like I'm I'm feeling normal about this either

way it's just yeah hey I'll be happy if I do or I don't doesn't matter I don't give a shit I don't take a shit if I don't if I just have a long fart here that's fine. I'll still tell everybody I pooped. That's better. Yeah. I'll flush the toilet too. Yeah, I'm going to flush the toilet so it doesn't sound like I came in here and jerked off or something. So I'm just going to sit here and fart. Right, because if you did jerk off, you would also not flush the toilet.

Yeah, dude. You leave it on the bath mat. Yeah, we just leave it on the belly button, dude. I don't want to clog everything up. Leave it on the belly. You have an out of your belly button and he just... Yeah. Yeah.

It dries, dude. I don't know what to tell you. I did just use to use my belly button as a reservoir. There's all this weird lint in my belly button. Ew, oh my God. Are you guys seeing this? Oh, it's dripping. Walking back into work.

Oh, my God. Guys, I dare one of you guys to eat this. It looks awful. Some guy on the street just spit directly into my belly button. Isn't this weird? He has the weirdest spit I've ever seen. Oh, my God. He was like gargling salt water beforehand or something,

so the consistency is just bizarre. It's so weird. and it won't wash off it keeps getting stuck and this guy's got the weird spit I actually forgot to tell you but I did shower and it kind of like cooked

like it was egg whites Why does cum hate hot water so much It's like fucking crazy dude Like why is it like Yeah every time I like Have cum on my body Which is not often

But when I do I forget and I'll wash it off with hot water all of a sudden I have like a like a patch of like tecaderm like stuck to my fucking to my it's so you can use it to seal stuff up if you need to true that's how they used to do canning back in the day yeah right yeah it's the body's mayonnaise it holds the whole sandwich they used to cavemen used to seal the the doors to their caves like that so then no creatures could come in in the night they would all play the cookie game at the entrance of the cave right yeah yeah the cookie

Yeah, it was originally a big round slab of stone that they would roll into place. Yeah, it was called the Rocky Game. Yeah. And then once cookies were invented, they were like, oh, this is actually a lot easier. Let's just do this. Let's eat cookies. This is a lot better than rolling around a giant piece of rock. Cookies were invented so that it would be easier to come on something.

Yeah, because you can't have like eight people sit around a square. It doesn't mean it needs to be a circle. Someone's going to get the corner. It's going to be really uncomfortable. Yeah, it needed to be a circle. Yeah. Hey, speaking of inventions. Hey. Dude, you're a master.

Yeah, pretty easy for me. Today's list is from the top ten's top ten most wanted inventions. Inventions to make life easier or more interesting. as simple as possible in a complex world. Yeah. What do you, what do you guys need? What's the hole in your life that you need to fill with an invention right now? Hmm.

I guess, like, I wish I had the equivalent of a cyanide capsule, but it was just a, like, a snack, like an infinite snack. That's a really good, yeah. Yeah, like a cyanide tooth, but it's like a, it pops a jolly rancher into your mouth. I could be nice to have something like that's soft to be in between me and the floor when I'm sleeping.

Could be a nice invention that I would be good that I would enjoy I might need. The Jolly Rancher thing would be good too because like if you were ever in a situation where someone was going to kill you you'd be like

you'd act real smug and be like huh yeah sure and you see you like pop the tooth in your mouth and then you go like yeah bha

your tongue is blue your tongue is blue how did you do that I can't kill you now. I was thinking about this like a, probably a few weeks ago, just like a, I was just imagining a guy walking around, like, licking a blue lollipop a bunch and then just going, blah, and his tongue is just like a disgusting brown. Yeah, it's half on.

Yeah, it's just like a horrible, like, this gray brown color. Have you heard of black hairy tongue? No, what's that? black hairy tongue is a disorder you get when you don't wash your tongue enough and it literally just becomes black and hairy what wait what black hairy tongue black hairy tongue i thought you were that was going to be like a food item no black hairy tongue what the fuck that's just hair it's it holy shit dude what and it's called black Hairy tongue.

What is a black-haired tongue? Finding, like, the most fucked up guy in your neighborhood. He's got, like, three teeth, and he's always sticking his tongue-out out of you and just being like, oh, wait, I think the weird guy in our neighborhood might actually be a medical mystery. Woman diagnosed with hairy black tongue after car crash. Can you get it from a car crash? I don't know. Maybe if you, like. I don't know.

If you hit, like, an animal. You crash into, like, a porcupine or something. Maybe if you had, like, a rat in your mouth before you crashed. And when you crashed, it, like, jolted all the hair off. It, like, scraped it, like, road rash on your tongue and took all the hair off. That's gross. There's a guy in my neighborhood who's, like, a shopping cart guy who has, like, he's, like, a volcano on his hand. And it's pretty cool.

And he, like, licks it. Like, I'll be, like, walking. in the subway and he'll be like he'll like look at it, scratch it and they go that is his little Jolly Rancher capsule his own his hand his infinite snack yeah

it's just pus and salt good for him gotta wean myself off I'm not hitting this too hard whoa number one is teleportation device here's a comment

here I guess that's a good idea but then humans can get into way more trouble this way and cops won't be able to find any criminal since they can just teleport to Africa or something I think it's a bad idea but it's my opinion I'm gonna go to Africa where everything is legal because I'm a criminal

yeah Africa's too big to find anyone that's true yeah you can hide forever this type of invention slash machine is needed by us for a long time it will turn the human lifestyle Some of our scientists are working on this project. That's a lab manager there.

Yeah, and human lifestyle is all first letter capital. Yeah, and it's going to be turned. Teleportation would be awesome. You could get from the kitchen to the bathroom in half a second. That happens to this guy every day. The kitchen to the bathroom's the funniest combination of roofs. You're like, well, I'm like, well, finish eating. Time to poo.

I've finished eating my microwave cheese-its in a bowl of water. I think I need to run to the bathroom. Taking the last bite and then just staring down like an in placely long hallway. It'd take me an hour to get to the bathroom. Ain't going to happen to forever. Teleportation will be... Go ahead. Teleport back home after school slash work.

This guy hates taking place. the bus, but he also loves going to school and work. This will be absolutely awesome when it comes out. Dallas cheerleaders beamed into my living room. Yeah, you can teleport on whoever you want. Anybody. Anywhere you'd like at any point in time. Teleportation would be so cool.

And then that emoji with the hard eyes. If I could teleport, it would be going either away from danger or to a relatives for a holiday. Then again, could zap in, take a kid, and zap out with the kid. Also, nobody would walk again, just teleport with a very comfortable chair to every place, and could easily

rod a store or bank. I love how no one ever says the limits of teleportation. They just talk about how it's completely unlimited technology and you can do the worst thing that I can come up with right now. It's so funny to be like, yeah, if I could teleport, I'd either go on vacation or I'd teleport away from danger.

That's my top thing is I would escape from danger if I could do that. This comment says, you could go anywhere you want with a thumbs up emoji. And then right below it, yes, I want teleport all caps. So they're imagining a scenario where there's no like cinder and receiver. You can just, you kind of, you're like, you're like jumper. Everyone's going everywhere.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. That would be cooler. I want to move through this list quick because I want to get to the stuff that's like past the top ten here. okay because these are actually all really good invention

yeah they're just very clever invention it's number two time machine I mean I wouldn't have ever come up

with this is the thing I wouldn't have been able to think of this um he says what happens

if you kill your grandfather then wouldn't it be a paradox it's like yeah man I mean I guess like you have to if I had a time machine

I would I would kill Hitler and stop Abraham Lincoln from dying and give caveman iPads. I would also try to change the world by giving Indians machine guns

and I would give missiles and food to dinosaurs so they would still be alive today. Wait, you say missiles for dinosaurs? Missiles and food. So they can defend themselves for dinosaurs? Yeah. I guess that's fair. Yeah. I would see my grandma.

It is really funny that like the paradox of time travel is like you can't like kill a family member. that's like, as if that's like whatever we're going to go try. Yeah, you can't do the most horrible thing. Something you wouldn't really want to do. Yeah, something you would hate to do. Um, okay, so if you go back in time and fuck yourself as a little baby, like, why...

Yeah, what would happen? I'd used it to go to wear back when Adolf Hitler failed to go to art school and force the school to enter just so World War II would not happen. Yeah, that's very, yeah. I would go to my grandparents' teenager days, and I'm going to talk to them. Number three, the cure for deadly diseases. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Yeah, someone should invent that. Yeah, that'd be a really great, really strong invention. That would get a lot of likes on shark tail. Number one top disease that has claimed more lives is heart disease, also called cardiovascular disease. A way to less likely have this disease or getting rid of it works with the person eating a specific vegetable, even though it might not have. they pleasant taste at all, but could be reduced with a mixture of fruit or put into capsules. Awesome.

That guy's a genius. These diseases are deadly. We need to stop them. True. Number four, animal communicator. Okay. Oh, like a sci-fi gadget that translates. Yeah, I guess so.

He's a comment. How do we make this? Because I am planning to make this for my invention. I am in seventh grade So I hope this isn't that hard for me to make So if someone knows how to make this Or like a website That would be perfect

Oh, that would be perfect If anyone has a website If anyone has a website This might be a long shot But maybe one of you has a website That teaches you how to make an animal communicator because I am in seventh grade Yeah

And I am planning to event this Hi fishy-fishy-fishy Destroy it is it once I fishy, fishy, don't let him talk back Destroy it Can you, yeah Can you imagine like how

How would a fish react If you could just make yourself understood to it Just for like Just like two seconds Like it would have just a new reaction Because like when a fish gets It wouldn't get scared Right, it would know

Well fish can swim around Fish can only swim Yeah like that's like the only reaction They could have to anything Is swimming or dying I think it would do something new that we haven't seen before. I think that's the key to getting a fish to do something other than swim. Might be to say, hi, fishy, fishy.

High fishy, fishy, and my fish blinked. Wow. Yeah, I did not know he had eyelids, but he did blink. This one's good, this comment. We would understand our pets. I mean, you does not want to do that. Number five, instant learning. Knowledge directly to brain.

That's pretty good. It is, yeah. This way we wouldn't have to go to no dumb school. True. That would be called cheating in school, but still awesome. As would a brain internet chip, so one can see the internet before their very eyes via the chip. Positron Wildhog.

Oh, we love Positron. I love it. I am 10 years old, but I know how to do it. Wow. So many genius children on this website too If this were to happen Because they think that these are the only adults That are worth impressing is the adults on the top tens

If this were to happen It would add at least 12 years to a person's life To live Wonderful this is What is the next invention So nobody won't get confused in our brain Here's what I guess we could really be anything we wanted to be

Astronaut rocket scientist Duky Hauser This should be a real thing It would obsolete school And if we want to know something Just download it onto your brain True I would download like a ton of movies probably

Yeah Oh yeah Watch it with my eyes closed Yeah Oh I would bookmark addicting games Yes Yeah I'd be on eBom's world And I would play Frank's Adventure

And I would skip to the part Where you see Barney Rubble's wife's boobs Yeah I would just download all the victory screens Of all the math games and I wouldn't even have to play them. Instead of, like, seeing a really fucked up crazy guy, you would just see a guy and automatically know that he has salad fingers on there.

You would know, okay, he's watching salad fingers. Yeah, you have been, you have been deranged by salad fingers. Number six, a device to record your dreams. No. Here's a comment. Yeah, I don't care for that. No, I don't really. Here's a comment, though.

Dick in my booty. Okay, and what's the comment, Cam? What? Oh, shit. I would definitely, if I had one, I would show all my friends, my dreams, all the time. Yeah, it would be funny to show your friend Like, be like, okay, like, just have a bunch of like Like, like, sex dreams and stuff

And then be like, oh, finally, I had just like a funny dream That I can show my friends And showing them and they're like, they're really like weird out And you, yeah, you forgot that like in the background Or something like you were having like You're fucking your face Yeah It's 100 of them.

Yeah, you're fucking your friend's face Uh, Tanya says top True Okay, very cold It would be cool Imagine recording a dream about having S.E. Star. Yes.

Oh, yes. I had some pretty fucked-up sex dreams when I was in middle school. I remember... Yeah, just like the weird kid in school, the kid who was always like pretending he was turning into the Hulk when he didn't get a math question right.

Yeah. I just had a dream that, you know, he came on my face. That one? Yeah. The Hulk kid? The Hulk kid? The first time I ever lucid dreamed,

it was like my cousin, like, got a new girlfriend and I like felt I took a nap and I like started lucid dreaming and I was like oh my god I can do anything so I imagine myself getting a blowjob from her awesome it was the entire dream and then I woke up and I was kind of like hmm oh hey you two is everything still okay with you guys yeah I remember having like what was basically a lucid dream like I was about to sort of seal the deal with a with a pretty girl from my high school and And then, I guess at a certain point, like, right when it was about to happen, she was like, I can't do this.

I'm a lesbian. And then she goes and hangs out with the girl. And I remember waking up right after that, and I was like, I knew I was dreaming. Why did I make that happen? Because I thought it would be a good story, because I thought it would be a funny twist. That's the only thing, like, hotter than having sex with a girl, I guess. It's like being, like, one second from having sex. She's like, I'm a lesbian.

That is awesome. That's seriously fucking cool. Here, I'm going to go have a dream about this now. Number seven, saltwater desalinator. Mm-hmm. I don't care? I don't think I care either. I don't care at all.

Also, everyone in the comments are saying, this already exists. I know how to make one. I can make this in an hour. Does it exist? I think it does. I don't think something exists that is worth, yeah. I'm going to make it, but I'm going to make it cheap and fast.

Oh, okay. Well, it sounds like my work at that. These people have got it locked down. Just nobody thought to do it yet. Number eight, invisibility cloak. Less of an invention and more of a magical relic. Well, yeah, like once you make it a cloak. A magic wand is a good invention.

I don't think you. Now I'm a true. ghost. Here's a comment, I'll purely be the phantom of the night. Yeah, no, that's not a good... If they said invisibility device, that's an invention. A device is an invention. A cloak is a magical.

Yeah, that's a wizardry. Yeah, I don't like that. Number nine, a device for remembering everything. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. I mean, I'll take it, I guess. I think this device will be great for students to remember their lessons,

even older people, to not forget or lost something. But, on the other hand, it may be a bad invention for some people by remembering bad memories that will cause them to have depression. Yes. That's a good point. Santa has that. You're saying. That guy comments that for everything on this list.

Yeah, he has everything. He's Santa. What are you talking about? This one is, this is like a Bill Maher voice comment maybe, which is there is something called a diary. I imagine Bill Maher doing the Santa one, too. Santa has that. Here's one, here's another one for him. It's so annoying for me.

It's very weird if this device Exist in this world Ah ha ha ha colon D It's already been invented Yeah, it's called the to-do list I need this very And Santa has it And Santa already has it

It's called the naughty nice list I need this very urgent And I forget everything Even mostly on where I place things at Bill Marr's like the biggest atheist in the world, but he believes in Santa. Yeah, he's talking about some fucking Republican-built Republicans trying to filibuster the health care bill this week. Enjoy the naughty list from Santa.

Okay, so I guess there's an infinite being who judges you. Yeah, I think that we already have a name for him. He's Santa, and he's real. He has a device for remembering everything And he has tons of different devices He's basically a device collector He invented a big bag that reindeer carry Have I ever seen him?

No but I do have the power of belief on my side Number 10 is hoverboard Okay Santa does have that actually This has already been invented Are being sold widespread As of 1113-2016 That shit's not a fucking hoverboard dude

It's absolutely not On wheels man Yeah stupid ass bitch I hate it I hate that thing I don't care if Santa has it I hate it and I don't want one And if he puts it in my stocking, I'm going to freak out because I heard those things effing explode.

They do explode. I heard they effing explode, so maybe I don't leave a bomb in my stocking. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let me just ask for a bomb for Christmas. Let's skip all the bullshit. Oh, wait, but then I will blow up, so I don't want to do that. It's actually a bad idea now, I think, about it. And I don't care if Santa has it. All right. Now we get into the contenders. This is where they get good. they're stepping it up here they step it up a little bit awesome um just skip around here number 12 is mind reader um cool tropical j tropical j says bad idea the human brain is fickle it's unreadable everyone would end up destroying each other

i don't want this mine should be privet is especially mine Number 13, flying car Possible, and could revolutionize the oil crisis Shut up It's true Yeah I want to revolutionize a crisis Santa literally does already have this too

He straight up has a flying car That's what a sleigh is Yeah, exactly That's literally all it is Number 14 battery with long life Not infinite life I'm too lazy to charge my battery true they want us to recharge our batteries but if you could find a way to charge the normal batteries

or change the normal batteries into long life ones or at least make it a longer time before it has to be recharged you can have the patent and make it suitably priced it's a great idea to make money number 17 age detector I wish they had it I wish they had it I wish somebody has AIDS already I don't think They're just guessing. Yeah, but you have to go to the hospital. You want to know if the guy next to you on the bus has it. Yeah, like a metal detector.

Yeah. Okay, or an EMF reader. You just walk around just embarrassing people. And Santa has that. And Santa does have that. That's how he decides it's naughty and nice list. I really like this next run in a row from 19 to 22. I just want to read all these in a row because...

Okay. So... Number 19. Bioengineered meal fruit that... provides 100% of nutritional needs and can be grown in home garden. Number 20, batteries that work forever. Number 21, a machine

that can communicate directly with your mind. The comment for that one is would be good. And number 22 is glow in the dark trees. Which Santa also has. And the comment on here from Amber Star 120 is

no more terrified kids screaming through your window at night. Ah, these dark trees! I can't see the trees. I can't see the trees. Can you help me in there? Yelling into somebody's window. Open the window.

The trees are so dark out here. Do these trees look dark to you? Wow. All the kids in the neighborhood. Vehicles that can transform into planes or boats. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Robot woman slash man.

Either one is fine. Yeah, whichever they invent first, no... Cosmetically appealing. No intelligence required. I wonder what they want. Yeah, I wonder if they want a man or a woman robot. Number 27's wireless electricity. Number 28 is nutritional biscuit that has one-sixth of minimum complete daily nutrition for a pregnant woman per biscuit.

And the comment here that says would be great for geeks too. Yeah, nerd, what are you eating, a nutritional biscuit that has one-six of minimum complete daily nutrition for a pregnant woman per biscuit? Let me correct you on that, pregnant woman or geek. Okay, so you are a nerd. This is a good one-two-punch, number 30, a light-speed spacecraft, number 31, a fast elevator. That would be actually dangerous because of the extreme genius. forces, and they would crush our bones. I need a very deep

imagination for this. Automatic roller skates. Yep. Color-changing clothing. Okay, glasses that automatically adjust for perfect vision. That could be pretty nice. That means they don't do anything if you already have perfect vision. Yeah, they don't do anything.

Good for the old people, as somebody says. But are people's prescription needs changing so rapidly that you would need? Oh, mine change every day. It's just that the manufacturers can just make one lens. Oh, so they don't have to make any... Okay, they just have to make a computer lens that changes the glass all the time. Right.

Maybe the glasses could just be computer screens that show you things instead of this. You don't have glasses, Pierce? Mm-mm. I thought you had glasses. I don't have glasses. I'm like the type of kid who would try and, like, sit too close to the TV every night to try and make yourself... Just to get glasses. Sometimes for Christmas, I ask for non-prescription transition glasses, which is...

It is truly the most autistic thing you can own. Yeah. It's just an announcement that you have nothing going on socially. Yeah, I've gotten glasses twice, and the first time I was, like, really wanted glasses, and I was, like, a kid. So I just, like, completely, like, through the vision test. like I just said all the wrong letters and numbers and stuff and I never thought of like getting just non-prescription glasses so I just had these glasses that just made everything just invisible

it was like it was like the highest prescription and my mom was like I didn't know you had such terrible eyes and then did they give you tiny eyes yeah no they give me big ass eyes I can picture you wearing glasses to give you tiny little eyes you can't picture that yeah I can picture it too I yeah no I would No, you can't. You look like a little goober.

I'm closing my eyes and picturing it right now. Stop. Number 41 is a way to grow any wings you like. And the comment is, this would be mutation. Not a good idea if you ask me. I'd have bird wings that are feathery and white and black tips. I'd have flame wings. Number 39.

An easy way to come up with an invention. Oh, that would be nice. That would actually be really nice. I've written more than 13 idea books I am interested in printing them as an idea generator Once they're published The inventions and ideas contained within each Shall be given freely to anyone that reads the books

Or is interested I'm giving all rights to the invention away Be blessed and stay safe Mitchell S. Lankford I just search, can we search that name? I did, he has a magnetic mind master class What? We have to get this guy's books

Wait, can we order those books and read them on the show? Oh, I guess it's magnetic mind masterclass But I thought it was magnetic mind master Mr. Mr. Lankford Angel investor Yo Oh, dude, why is this guy on the top tens? He's got, he's in a suit.

Maybe it's somebody impersonating him. Could be, I guess. I'm going to search Magnetic Mind Masterclass. Gun gloves, allergy. Gun gloves is awesome. That is cool. Bath with built-in storage. vegetables it tastes like fruit

that's good a device that automatically plays songs according to one's emotions time remote control what that even like number 61 is auto identity system for police fascist cube

a video game that you control with your mind they have that Yesterday lens. What the fuck is yesterday lens? Do they not explain it? No, they just say yes. Everyone in the common seems to know what it is.

Vibrating condom. That's actually a pretty good idea. Life prolonger. Yeah, instead of a reservoir tip, it's just a little battery. Yeah, exactly. 50 gigabyte memory cell phone. Economical dynamic wall pictures. I am working on this.

in Arizona I like I like that there's like a small percentage of these people who are just inventors that are working on an invention

and coming in to see whether their invention is on this list inventing and this guy's just inventing a TV I'm already inventing this I'm actually working on this a silent

this guy who does the magnetic mind master class number 86 is a silent suction strong enough to pick up fleas from pet dogs or cats The suction cup

The suction cup should be able to be flushed down the toilet for quick disposal I don't like to use harsh chemicals on my pets One of them tries to bite me when I do the curry comb To hunt and kill the fleas The fleas are very resilient to being pinched The fleas are resilient to being pinched Toilet Toilet overflow tray

What if you had a tray under your toilet That would catch any leaks Or overflowes A sewer backup protector. How much would such a product be? A toilet moat. What would that be? A million dollars for something like that?

How much would that fetch? 71 is life prolonger. A mirror that takes pictures. Device to transfer sleep. Some people like to sleep and could sell their sleep. Others don't like to sleep and would purchase it in order to stay awake. Someone who did life prolonger Also did stamina prolongers

People became tired But this is the invention that will guarantee That you will prolong everything you do Work, sex, performance, sports, etc. Nanopaint that can be programmed To only paint what you want Thanks, I'll try to invent Supervirus protector

Thanks, I'll try to invent Chemical microorganisms, salt, salt, sugar, et cetera filter Walking ships Ships that are able to walk on land This is a brough Moment Another way of reading

That's quicker Spray Spray that will make your shoelaces stand up straight for 24 hours Anti-sun explosion device. The sun will explode after millions of years and this device will stop it.

Device to transfer sleep. Some people like to sleep and can sell their sleep. Others don't like to sleep and would purchase it in order to stay awake. I need this. A built-in microwave for your... These are both the same thing. A built-in microwave for your lunchbox,

a zapper that automatically zaps your teeth straight to replace braces. Weather controls. Tornado-creator. Brazlet that tells you how long you have to live Yeah, I also like tablet with infinite power storage and an unbreakable screen Edible Everlasting Cups Ultra Image Converter

Cloning Ancient time clock We need to invent an ancient thing Size gun Freeze microwave The concept is similar to a microwave Freezes food Faster than a freezer

Number 117 is Lightsaber And the comment is The Force is strong with this one Sleep switch Edible tape Useful for certain foods Such as burgers, burritos, and

delicate foods Artificial black holes overpowered, but okay. Silent microwave, microwave that operates silently. Doomsday device, device that could end all life typically on a planet. 181 is bladeless helicopters, and the comment says helicopters without blades. Perpetuumobile. Yeah.

Seeking bullets. Invention machine. These are all by Ayapra. He's commenting what they are. All of these are by the same guy. He's just explaining what it is. Lots of them are just something but silent. That's a lot of silent, silent leaf blower, silent jet engine, silent microwave.

Force field, he threw out here. Yeah. Nanotech clothing. Multi-purpose eyewear. Device that records the past. A device that is capable of recording through both imagery and audio in the past time, while in present time, sounds impossible. But the concept of. is interesting, though.

Freeze microwave. Yeah. Oh, you already said that one. Disaster creation. Artificial creation of disasters of any kind. The very last one is machine that can bring fictional characters to life. Is that also Ayapra?

No, that one is... That's the only one that's from someone else. It's not Ayapra. Ayapra is a good name. It is also a fucking genius adventure this guy. Yeah. We have to, we need to fucking get in contact with this Mitchell

Lankford and find out about his magnetic mind master stuff. I have a tab open. I'm saving this. I'll, you know, I'll order one of the books or something and we'll, we'll come back to Mitchell Lankford. He works it. Oh my God, wait. We, never mind. We'll talk about it after. A 12 month program that teaches you how to implement

our revolutionary super conscious creation process and create what you love. And the pictures of someone meditated with like a dodecahedron behind them And he works at the Conscious Education Company Yes Wow I'm joining LinkedIn to connect with him Oh it says sponsor running out reserve yours by Thursday July 8th

But that's today Fuck shit I wonder if you go on tomorrow if it will say Friday July night Alright I am gonna sign up I'm gonna sign up Alright me too Okay bye bye wait Pierce Oh yeah oh is that the end That is kind of the end because I have to peece so bad

Sorry do you have anything you want to plot No Nothing at all No Not even one little thing No fuck I'm stopping recording right now Fuck you

Bye bye bye bye guys