Podcast About List - Ep. 156 - Episode to Show Parent, Girlfriend, or New Listener (w. Tom)

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

if your pesky girlfriend or family or normal friend asks you what the deal is with this podcast you're always listening to, send them this episode! this is the episode you should recommend to new listeners! play it very loud and recite the words as it plays! go follow Tom @tom_on_here and watch Chapo FYM's streams on twitch and subscribe to their patreon at www.patreon.com/ChapoFYM www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. Podcasts to the ball list. You're a crap monster. All right. All right. Yeah. Okay. Yay.

We have somebody very special. Yay! Long time coming. We have very important person, Tom. With us here today. Hello. Tom is here. Tom, last name, on here.

On here, in here, inside of all of you. Yep. On your phone now. Tom, all up in this, is with us today. Very excited. How is it going, man? Good, good. Thank you for having me.

I've been waiting for so long to be invited on. It only took how many episodes. That's fine. We were busy. Yeah, we were actually like really busy. Oh, we were so busy. It sucks how busy we get. I mean, yeah, there was this thing where Patrick, he had to, like, make dinner one night.

So it was just, that was in a whole ordeal. Yeah, and I burnt the dinner, too. He burnt the dinner. Oh, shit. Dude, I'm so sorry I had no idea. Yeah. So now you feel, yeah. I feel so bad.

I've been really busy, too. I've been kind of, like, working on my hustle, my money, that type of thing, which, you know, that's anyone who knows. That's a 24-7 type of deal. Cam's being coy. Cameron has been auditioning for stomp this whole, he's. I've been in the process of auditioning for stomp. I want to be, I would like to be a guy who gets to do like the one really cool jump. Like I'm maybe not in the dance for most of it, but then I like jump from like 20 feet in the air and land on a trash can.

And it makes a noise you've never heard before when my shins chatter. That's kind of the role that I'm auditioning for. It's difficult. I've been in and out of the hospital and the casting directors don't like me. They don't like the threats I've made. They don't like the pictures I've taken. of them and they don't like they don't like uh the thing is is that they don't like something new they don't like something right i mean they just want to care in their old ways absolutely they

want to keep the white man down um which is you know something i've gone on about a great length if you read my blog you want going more into this one yeah let's lean in let's go um there a lot of good recipes on that blog too yes it's it's mostly recipes Except for the occasional post. Well, no, it's like, man, they won't fucking put me in Stomp. Yeah. It's every recipe blog where there's like, you know, a thousand words of like the most banal story. Yeah, the story is just, I have been auditioning for Stomp for 10 months.

This is the only thing I'm allowed to eat because of my strict diet or my strict training regimen. Yeah. And, uh... Of making machines as weak as possible so they snap on every jump. Yeah, I'm trying the calcium-free diet. Um, it's really, it's really been, it's really been doing a number on my bones. Um, I can feel them getting crunchy. Uh, they feel, yep, they are, they feel like the inside of a peanut butter M&M. Um, that's how I was going to say, I was going to say, if you're, if you're at peanut

butter butter finger texture. Oh my God. Oh, that's going to, yeah, your bones are just going I've been sitting in hot cars all summer trying to melt my bones down just a little bit. I've been sitting in a hot car and then going into the sneaking into the walk-in freezer at McDonald's to try and make my bones more brittle, so they break more easily. Just soaking, filling up a bathtub with Coca-Cola and just dipping my legs in for hours at a time. I've been on the acid just kind of burn through. I've also been heavy on the microplastics diet.

has been really good for me um i'm working on becoming infertile because that will make it easier for me to retain and perform better in my auditions well actually if you want to become weaker you need to come as much as possible because retaining actually makes you really strong and that's just the fact true i don't mean to correct you on your own show but well like i just you know if we're going to talk about retaining okay i did cameron just end the recording yeah I still need to have some strength. I need to be able to jump. No, they can drop you.

They could just drop you. That's true. That's true. You know, I might bring that up to the casting directors. That might make them a little more sympathetic to my cause. Listen, guys, you can just get pulled me up there in a harness. You don't even, don't worry about a catwalk or anything. Just let it go.

Just let me go. Let me do my thing, all right? Nobody get me. No, just let me fall. It's going to be good. It's going to be great. and I mean if you if there's another guy inside the trash can that I'm falling on to that'll make an even crazier noise I mean it's all about you guys you guys are making the same stomping noises day and day out I want to do something new okay here's an idea we get an even weaker guy inside of that trash can and so when you land on him he crushes just in half completely yeah I imagine it's gonna sound like it's gonna sound like the green line at the boylston stop in Boston combined with the Minecraft fall damage

sound and it's going to be incredible it is going to change the game and just wait until i chop and screw it because i'm also a dj we're only going to have one shot at this all right yeah so you better get the camera out all right it's going to be so sick i'm just i'm just glad that you know cameron's following his passion absolutely i mean yeah you know other podcasts they're there other podcasters they sit around they they you know they talk for at two hours a week to each other and then they spend the rest of the time what watching movies playing video games reading the silmarillion going on a walk trying to figure out what to do no not me i've never done anything like that i'm day and day out i'm jumping off my couch over and over um and i am creating a

hairline fracture in my shins so that those puppies just explode out of my legs when i when i have to stick any fall that's further than that yeah you're micro bruising your shins with a handbook by just tapping it over and over again, creating small fractures. I have a doctor, I have one of those reflex hammers that the doctor, they have at the doctor's office, and I'm just hitting my shins over and over again in different spots. And I can see, it's, it's really, it's really magical. I can see the effects taking place, and I think you're going to like it. Yeah, I think you're going to really like me in stomp, whatever the next stomp is.

They have like a whole theater I've seen I think I was walking somewhere around here in New York I haven't seen Stomp I've seen a theater that just said Stomp on it Are you thinking of like a basketball court Where you saw guys jumping around And you go oh this is crazy You know what that might be it

It's a Stomp No it's on second Ave The East Village Theater with shows ranging From Little Shop of Horace Stomp But it's called Stomp So it's not called Little Shop of Horrors and Stomp Well, it'll be called Little Shop of Horrors when Cameron's done Hey, hey

Oh my God They are doing Stomp I'm looking at it right now They have resumed Stomp after COVID-19 They're back Oh, thank God Oh my goodness Finally

I might need to take a trip up to the city Yeah Go to Stomp Yeah, go to Stomp Seven times in a week Let me see I just want to see how much tickets cost really quick. They're probably so expensive.

But I am on the merch page. They got merch? They got merch? They got merch? You can buy Stomp drumsticks for $15. Just like they use in the show. Did they use drums they? I thought they just, I, okay, I'm going to expose myself here.

I've never seen Stomp, and I just assumed they jumped around a bunch. That's so messed up, man. You've never seen Stomp either. I think I've seen like a commercial or a preview for it. on a DVD or something. None of you guys have seen stomp? They do percussion with, like, garbage cans and stuff, right? Is that, that's an element of it?

Yeah, okay, I'm glad I cut that right. Yeah, well, I don't. I just as soon as people jumping around, stomping on the ground. So, but then, like, it shouldn't be called stomp. It should just be called, like, noises. Yeah. Trash noises. Yeah.

You're not going to believe this. We could get two seats to see Stomp tomorrow. Oh, shit. for $48 each. They got three tickets available to look at that. They're all next to each other. Oh, look at this. There's three of us here.

Let's go. Let's do it. Okay. If we see Stomp, I'm only going to see it in Dayton, Ohio, at the Victoria on October 15th. I'm putting my foot down. All right. I'll meet you there. We're going to get Skyline and we're going to go to Stomp.

Oh, my God. That would be a distant thing. Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful Dayton. I love it. Tropical Dayton, Ohio. Yeah. I've been there.

I've been there, like, when I was 18. I just turned 18, and that was like my birthday road trip was going to Dayton, Ohio. I assume you went to the university and, like, partied? No, no, it was me and my mom. Okay. Well, then, okay. And my friend, Alex, and my dad, my brother. That sounds like a fun trip.

Yeah, we, we just, it was the first time I've ever eaten raisin canes. And then I found out that it wasn't a chain that's local to Dayton. Oh, yeah. They opened one up in Boston. It's like when I went to, when I went to L.A. and I had Chick-fil-A. for the first time. I was like, I had Chick-fil-A. for the first time in L.A. too. Oh, yeah. I forget they don't have it. They don't have them around here. They might have, I think they have one around here.

They have one in Nashua, New Hampshire. There is a, there's a fake one in Boston. There's one on Google Maps. it claims there's one, but if you go there, it's just, there's nothing. It's empty. And there are a bunch of reviews on it to say, do not go here. This is a fake Chick-fil-A. Yeah, that was great, because I did want to try it in Boston. I never got tricked by it, though.

You guys told me before. Me and Caleb were like, yeah, we walked to try and find it, and we just, it was like an empty storefront, and we talked about, like, taking a picture in front of it, and then just photoshopping, like, a Chick-fil-A sign there, and just, like, rating it five stars. You know, this is great. It just opened. I'm so glad they finally opened

Yeah, we never got around to it That would be a good idea though You know, if anyone else wants to steal that go ahead That's like That's like when the Taco Bell first started Open up downtown Oh my God dude, yeah That yeah

I'm that one I'm so glad that I don't live downtown And I don't go downtown Anymore now that the Taco Bell's there Because that would be a problem for me Yeah That would be an issue You don't go to downtown Boston anymore

Not really I don't have anything to do there The Taco Bell. Yeah, Taco Bell and Prime Mark. Well, there's a Taco Bell near here, too, but it's just far enough away. It's not downtown. It's true. It could be downtown. You could do, I've been to Boston twice in my life.

Yeah. What do I remember from Boston? You could help my sibling-in-law move, which is what I did the first one. I visited, and then you could take, like, that walking tour. Yeah. We did the second time. That's something Cameron's never done. That walking tour with Taco Bell.

Now, that would be a dream. That would just be. It's a walking tour to Taco Bell. Yeah. And all the stops are just like, oh, this is where, like. Well, I would go to Taco Bell first. I would like, it's, you know, like getting popcorn at the movies. I would go first.

I would get a huge bag. I would get like 20 items and I would just eat them insanely loud right next to the tour guide the entire time. And I would keep offering, I would keep interrupting the tour guide to offer them like a caeserito or something. something and getting really offended when they said no. But why would they say no? You're offering like a free... Exactly. Why would they say no?

I don't know. I guess it's kind of messed up. Yeah, there would be a lot of trouble by the end of the tour. I would be in a... I would have gotten myself in big trouble that I can't elaborate on. That's a... Oh, you could go to the Army Navy store there. Is there an Army Navy store? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's disappointing that they have both. Like, they're supposed to have a rivalry. right yeah it's supposed to get a lot it's all k-fay but all along they were on the same side this piss me up this sucks at least i have wrestling that's still real yeah yeah but the army in the navy that's fake that's uh yeah that's ruining my mood um all right i feel like we can kind of get into this stuff kind of early because most of them are this is i think longer than most of the stuff we do yeah um reading in some of this yeah uh so yeah we got you know sweet boy Tom with us and we figured we'd read some sweet delightful stories that will make nobody mad

nobody will get angry at us or tweeted us yeah no one will say you nobody will be unable to finish this episode well they're nice stories and they're they're nice they're they're hard yeah these are these are some stories so basically you just throw these this episode on um you leave this you play this through your baby monitor at your baby right When your girlfriend asks, hey, what's the deal with that's that podcast that's on your phone that you listen to? You can show her this one. Yeah, this is the first episode you have them listen to. This is the girlfriend and parent safe episode.

Put this on at work. Yep, absolutely. You're allowed to play any sort of thing at work. Even if you're not, you know, your coworkers are going to love you. Put it on. So, yeah, this is a, it's not really a list, but it's a list that it's a list in that it's a list of stories that I found. Most of them are on Deviant Art, which I'm going to try and delve more into for the show because I did not, I kind of thought it, like, it came in a stroke of genius.

There's some, I forgot there's, like, like, text posts on DeviantArt, and there's some crazy stuff on there. So, there's a lot of bad stuff on TV, yeah. There's people that, like, posts their food all the time on Deviant Art, and it's just the saddest meals you can imagine. I love the people who, like, Photoshop themselves to have, like, powers and stuff that's Oh, yeah, those are the sickest ones. Well, I like making them and imagining myself as being stronger than Goku.

I don't want to give away I don't want to give away yet what this is So I'm going to read the title But not all the title And I'm just going to start reading the story And you know, it's just a nice story So I'll just read this to you guys Fun with this story is called Fun with Babysitter

Okay Off to a good start Yeah so it's going to be a nice story A nice story about a nice little evening Okay, here we go It's Sunday Meaning Max's mom is going out tonight Max loved Sunday because it meant he got to see his babysitter Ashley, who he secretly had a crush on.

Max was playing in his room, patiently waiting for Ashley to arrive. Hey, Max, we see Ashley pulling in the driveway, so we're going to leave now. Max's mom yells from the other room. Max quickly jumps up and bursts out of his room. When he gets to the front door, he sees Ashley standing there. Hi little guy, Ashley says, opening her arms for a hug. Ashley, Max yells as he runs over to Ashley and gives her a big hug. Bye, Max, be good, love you, as mom says as she leaves.

I missed you I missed you so much says Max I miss you too cutie pie What do you want to do today Hmm I don't know You can't think of anything So so far this is just really nice so far I'm really Yeah this is a nice story about an adult child

An adult with a babysitter Yep it's this is a 21 year old With a 21 year old with a baby sitter Yeah can't stress it enough I fucking hope it's an adult Jesus Christ Well, there is one thing. Max starts to blush.

Well, what it is? Max give no onswear and just blushes even more. What? You won't want to do it. What are you talking about? You know I would do anything you want to do. But it's weird. Weird.

So what? There's nothing wrong with being a little weird. There isn't? No, not at all, Max. I would never make fun of you. Ashley's sweet angle-like voice put a beaming smile on Max's face. They've got to get an editor on here or something. Yeah.

So, what is it you want to do? Well, I, um, Max starts blushing again. Can I smell your butt? An adult. This is an adult again. Yep. Two concepting adults. My butt.

Ashley looked confused. Aw, now you think I'm weird. No, Max. Not at all. I mean, if you want to smile my butt, I guess there's nothing wrong with that. So you'll let me? Of course. Yay.

Max jumped with excitement. So, I guess. So just lay on my belly. Then you can lay your face on my butt and smell it. Max giggled. Okay. Ashley laid on her stomach. Followed by Max burying his nose is her cracks.

She was wearing leggings so Max could really get his nose in. Ha ha. Oh, that tickles, Ashley giggles as Max starts taking big sniffs of her stinky bum. How does it smell, Ashley asks? Stinky! Well, duh, it's my butt. Max cointinned to sniff away at Ashley's around. Suddenly, Ashley felt a rumble, a rumble in her tummy.

Uh-oh, I think I have to fart. You might want to get away, Max. You can fart, Max says eagerly. You want to smell my farts, too? Okay, but I'm warning you, they're really, really bad. Burr's... all of these stories have the most the funniest onomatopoeia i've ever seen they oh they love they love anemotipia so much the smell hit max hard but he loved it

he inhaled ashley's toxic aroma deep into his lungs ha ha you really like that huh ashley wiggles her butt in max's face you're moff max voice was muffled from ashley ass cheeks here i got some more burrt blarp Blarp? Blarp. Dude, I know exactly what a blarp fart sounds like. I can hear that in my head. I mean, no, I'm lost on blarp.

I can't hear. I can't imagine a blarp fart. I mean, what the human, the human mind can create is beautiful. Max was in heaven. He was filled with joy and farts. The smell hit Ashley's nose. Pugh! That stinks! She covers her nose with her shirt.

I gotta say, I'm impressed you can thank all the gas. My friends usually have to leave the room when I rip one. Fis! Ooh, a silent one. That one gonna reek. Oh boy, it did. It stunk like a fresh pile of shit. What?

This next word. This next word. Blubble, blah, blah, blur. Oh my god, I'm so gassy today. It's your lucky day, isn't it, Max? Blorp. Each fart, Max, sucked directly into his nose, enjoying every second of what was happening.

Okay, Max, I think I got one more fart in me, Ashley grunts, and then bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, blar. The fart shook Max's head. He couldn't believe the size of the size of the that one. Ashley laughs. Wow, that was a big one, huh, Max? Max pulls in head away. Yeah, it was huge. Max giggles.

Ha ha. I'm glad I, I'm glad you like them. In fact, if I have to fart again later, I'll be sure to do it right on your face. Max was so happy. Now he loved Sundays even more. Well, at least it had a happy ending. That's what I'm saying. It's nice, heartwarming stories. It would be really funny if that had just like a

horrible twist. It's like, oh, and she died from her farts. And Max had to explain it to the police. Hey, Pat, do you want to read this next one that you found? Um, no. Are you sure?

I, uh, man, I hate this one so much. This one's really bad. This was, I think, is maybe the worst one of all. And it's second, so. Uh, yeah. This one is called, um, Mom's Little Boy. Extreme Slob Story by Kink Chameleon. And the, uh,

The summary of this one is, uh, mother spoils obese son. Oh, no. We can, we can popcorn this if you, if you want. I, maybe, maybe we each read a paragraph. All right, yeah, that's good. Three paragraphs. All right. Which one is this one?

This is the second link here. Yeah. Oh, okay. I see it. Yeah. I, it has a, I have to click on it. I don't really want to click on it. All right.

It's not opening. Oh, you have to hit Proceed at the top because of how graphic it is. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, here we got. God damn it. All right. Chapter 1, moms, and it's in quotes, little, so that's how you know it's two adults. Yep.

I hate that there's so many of these. I hate this so much. All right. Come on. Stop stalling. Let's go. Shira slowly opened the door to her son's room carrying a large three-tiered chocolate cake. Immediately, the musky stench she loved so much hit her.

It smelled of piss, shit, and cum. Her son's... Her son's giant form was sat in front of the TV, playing some mind-numbing game or other. He was ginormous, over 800 pounds, and entirely naked, except for the various stains covering his body. Ever since he was born, Shira wanted him to have everything he could ever want. And with the sizable inheritance from her rich family, she never had to work.

She could devote every second of every day to him. It's a good character work, some good, like, lore building here. I know. He would never have to work a day in his life or worry about anything at all. In fact, he'd never even left the house or been educated. She wanted him all to herself living a lie of excess without any of those silly things like thought or dreams. Just pleasure.

Oh, that sucks to hear. It gets worse. It's so bad, man. Who's going next? All right, I'll go next. Her daydreaming was interrupted by a loud wine in a fart from her beloved son. The poor boy was hungry,

and she was just taken in his brilliance instead of feeding him. She quickly rushed to her son's side. Sun's sidestepping past the rapper's boxes and the growing pile of shit behind her boy, so cute as soon as he realized she was there

he released a torrent of drool and said gimme erp she handed him to plate and he immediately dug into it covering his face in chocolate as he moaned

taking breaks only to take a drink from his massive extra sugar bottle of coat his toes curling all in pleasure

as he drank it as he continued his feast Shira knelt down and began massaging her son's massive stomach as she pressed down and he let out a loud and began shitting on the floor such a good boy yes you are she said speaking in the same manner someone would speak to a baby or a pet a baby or a pet she continues massaging his

greasy belly getting lower and lower as he continued farting shitting and eating his moans of pleasure getting even louder dude i don't know it gets Uh, no. I'm like, Kevin. Take this home, Cameron. Okay. Uh. As she was tickling her baby's underbelly,

she noticed that his cock was hard and immediately got to work, massaging the shaft. Her little boy didn't like to be pent up, and she had started taking care of it more and more when he stopped being able to reach it. She began jacking him off with one hand and kneading his belly with the other, saying things like, you're such a good boy, and you'll be my special little boy,

forever. The sounds of shitting only intensified as he interrupted his own moans with loud belches and food. This continued until finally he came and finished his cake at the same time. Dude, that's the dream. That sounds awesome. The rest of this sounds really bad, but that part. Yeah, but just that one line.

Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. And then, yeah, nosedive again, screaming with ecstasy as he a jacket. I ecculated all over his mother's hand at his underbelly. She began kissing him all over his belly and licking up the cum. When she had laughed it all up, more, he shouted, punctuating the demand with a fart. She would have to clean all that shit up when he was asleep. Her baby needed more food right now.

She quickly kissed him on the cheek and rushed to the exit of the room. Anything you want, baby, you're doing so well. She went back to the kitchen. Her mind filled only with love. My mom listens to this show. My mom and dad both live. listen to this. Hey, look at it this way, right? This is not a premium episode. This is a regular episode. If you're hearing this and you're pissed off, you better subscribe to the Patreon and

listen to something else, all right? This is your punishment for not subscribing. I think, I mean, that was nice. That was a nice little story. It ends with love. Yeah, it's just a story of family. One of the tags on this one is burp, free form. free form burp free form burp oh feedy fat free form feedy hand job

lazy free form all right that was really good it was nice yeah and you said Patrick wrote that no I didn't oh okay sorry I'm sorry I missed him

this one this one's in in the first person here and there's a lot of dialogue. So I was thinking maybe, you know, I can read this. Somebody can maybe play the part of the sister. Oh, no. Okay.

It'll be. I just saw the title. Yeah. Well, no, this is another, this seems fine. I'm not going to, I'm not going to judge a book by its cover, right? Absolutely. So when we see this and it's sisters, dachava, and I think, no, that's fine. We'll see.

Yeah. You know. Maybe it's about. Maybe it's not so bad. Yeah, it could just be, like, about getting, like, a birthday present. Yeah, a cooking dinner? Yeah, you know, that's what the actual Dutch oven is? Getting a Dutch oven for your birthday.

Yeah. Maybe that's what it's about. Yeah, okay. All right. And I like the first line here. I'll be trying to do a simpler style in this story. I mean, I won't go back to my original 2014 style, but this one will be easier to read than my recent stories. That's good to know.

Yeah. I just had a nightmare. One of those scary ones that keep you awake for the rest of the night. I also can't sleep because of the loneliness that haunts me. I'll be waiting until 6 a.m. Then I'll seek comfort by my older sister, who always knows how to comfort me. It looks like human life is just a sad condition. Is there any way we could be happy?

Happiness is just a distant emotion that will never reach. I hope talking with my sister will help me change my mind and finally be happy. That will be the emotion I was waiting for my entire life. I wipe my tears away and wait silently suffering. The darkness isn't helping me. Six o'clock a.m. I knock at my sister's door. I know she's already awake.

She tells me to enter her room. Who wants to be the sister? I'll play the sister. Let me get into this character. Yeah. What's wrong? She asked me, worried. She probably knew I was crying the whole night.

I need a hug, I told her. And she immediately hugged me softly. I felt a lot better. um and i need another thing too but it's pretty embarrassing to say that i say blushing you can ask me anything i'll be here for you she said i almost cried you are an angel i say almost crying from happiness so what do you need she asks do you remember when we were younger you used to trap me under the covers and fart well i need you to do that again i said but why she asked it will make me feel better i said that's okay i will do it anything for you she said thanks i said she smiled come here she said warmly inviting me under her covers see this is nice this is a nice family story cheering each other up nothing wrong with this so far i was so happy she was doing this for me my sister is truly an angel i remember what she used to do that i remember her farts were really smelly

i can't wait to smell them again and be happy the nightmare i had tonight was incredibly scary So I need a bit of fun. And what is more fun than farts? Pat, you, you can play the part of the fart here. She farted a bit loudly. After a few seconds, a putrid stench assaults my nostrils and makes my eyes water. Maybe her farts are just too smelly for me. I move my head to outside the covers.

Stinky. Uh? She said, yes, it stinks a lot. Can't breathe in there, I said, smiling. But you need to breathe the gas to stay better I can't let you escape She said covering me with the covers again Just like she did when we were younger

I'm so happy Don't escape She warned me All right Pat you're up The inside of the covers smelled revolting It was really hard to breathe in that stench Does my sister have skunk-like power It smelled like a can of broccoli went really bad.

Can I breathe fresh air now? I asked disgusted by the rotting smell. Not yet, she said, giggling. But I'm glad I asked her to do this. It really makes me feel better, even though the smell is noxious, pungent, and very strong. This smell gives me a nostalgia. The quality of the air inside the covers quickly deteriorated. I tried to push a shirt over my nose.

but it was totally useless. It smelled much worse than a sewer. I need to escape from this. I try to escape, but she prevents me from doing that. No. She said, please, I'm dying here, I complain. Does it really smell that bad? She asks, giggling.

This smell is rancid, I complain. That's a good thing to hear. Things are going to get even stinkier now. She said, happy. At this point Thinking straight was impossible I needed to get out from this eye-watering stench That permeated the inside of the covers

Every whiff I took maybe want to throw up and cry I begged for fresh air But she wanted me to smell all of her Smell her all of her gas I was helpless in this vomit-inducing stench That wasn't letting me breathe I knew my sister had nasty gas But I would never have thought farts could be this smelly

Time's over I hope you enjoyed She said letting me escape I gasped for fresh air Finally, 30 minutes, I see, I say. Yep, do you feel better now? She asks. Sure, I said, smiling.

Her gas reached her nostrils and she held her nose. Oh, man, I wonder how you didn't pass out from the smell. You can't breathe this thing. It's too stinky. She said, giggling. It was too stinky, trust me, I told her. You have been a good brother. I'll make you breakfast.

She said, going to the kitchen. I'll make you two eggs. She said, smiling. mile back. I feel much better now, and the thought of that scary nightmare don't bother me anymore. My sister's stinky farts saved me. I need another hug, I say. She hugged me again and said, I love you. I ate the egg she cooked, said, thank you for everything. Then went into my room to play video games. The sun is rising now, and a new life for me begins, hopefully a life full of happiness and joy. I think me and my sister will do this game more often so that I can be happy.

I'm looking at the comments here I didn't know there was comments on these There's a somebody says love this And she's willing to do almost anything To help out her brother too That's very nice Yeah Actually and then they also say

Actually this gave me the idea of Miyoko Gassing her younger sister Kiko On like a dare to see if she can survive Her big sister's gas by locking her door And she can't use her sayin powers to escape Either Or she loses I was wondering if you could do that

And Kiko loves her big sister, adores her Actually, their bond is massive. And they said, I would do that in the next chapter Life of Kahnistan. Oh my God, dude, they have world-building. They have a forked country. Yeah, oh man. Oh, yeah, the author of that

was named Chemical Vacuum. That's what the sister needed to clean up the road. Chemical vacuum Oh my god 38,000 views 38,000 views 38,000

That is Yeah Not enough, honestly Because it's beautiful Hopefully it's good writing Yeah, it's really good writing Yeah, I guess we should be plugging the names Of the people who wrote these

You know, it's really fair The first fun with babysitter was by X Stinky Fart Boy X So So you know if you want to throw them a little money or something. Chemical vacuum is in the comments it looks like. Oh yeah, short but amazing.

Yeah. All right. Should we just keep going? Yeah, what the hell? Why not? Yeah, let's move on here to amusement park by Garbage Man 95. There's a, there's

several characters in this one. So I don't know. figured out as we go, I guess. Okay. This story contains fart humor in some detail. If you do not like it, do not proceed to read. It's a good warning right off the top. Yeah.

All right. Are you ready yet? Sadie yelled. I'm coming. Just wait. Ashley replied. Ashley walked down the stairs. The steps creaking from the force of her weight.

She wore tight blue shorts with a matching blue shirt. Let's go already. Kelly said. The four of them, Kelly, Sally, Sadie, and Ash, began walking to their local amusement park I can't wait Sadie said Just don't get sick on the rides again

Kelly muttered They arrived and were greeted with the smell of greasy amusement park food That smells great Ashley said sniffing the air Let's eat first After waiting online And giving a nice view to anyone standing behind them

They I just couldn't resist putting that in parentheses Oh, your whole story is about these ladies farting, but like that's somehow the creepiest thing. They found a table. Their seats slightly bent as they sat down. After devouring their food, the four of them searched for a ride. That looks like fun, Sally said, if she pointed to a roller coaster, Kelly's stomach rumbled.

Are you okay, Sadie asked? Yeah, I'm fine. As the coaster was making its way to the top slowly, an idea came into Kelly's head. want to see something funny Kelly said with a smirk what she leaned forward and released a foghorn of a fart it

it slightly shook their ride and caused the passengers behind to gag the girls erupted in laughter nice one wait let me try she grunted just as the coaster was about to go down a window-shattering fart blew out of her

butt a few unlucky passengers had their mouth open it stunk of rotten cheese As they were screaming from the ride, Ashley yelled out. That was the turbo. The turbo. Soon later, the ride finished and the girls all had smiles on their faces. We should keep doing that.

Ashley suggested. Do what? Fart? Sadie replied. Yeah, it's funny. Let's find another ride. They looked around until they found the bumper cars. The four friends looked at each other and smiled.

the light buzzed green and everyone started knocking into each other Burtur was heard from Sally's car as he hit somebody Ashley drove towards Sadie and turned around so her backside was facing her and grunted loudly this time a low fart came out it stuck twice as worse as her other ones

and lingered in the air anyone driving into it would be hit by a wave of stink the cars turned off and they all got off from their cars Ashley had farted so hard on the bumper car that it still smelled after she got off. As they walked away, they saw a machine that twirled you around. Strapped inside, the ride started. Woo!

Kelly screamed. Watch this, Sally said. She then released a terrible silent fart. It engulfed the ride and hit all the passengers with a wave rotten eggs. They all laughed. Okay, it's getting late. All right. One more ride.

The grand finale, Sadie Smirked. So, oh, wait, who's saying this? I don't know who that is. Ashley, maybe. Okay. So, Ferris wheel? I mean, yeah, this is the kind of thing they got. If they ever want to film adaptation of this, they have to clean up the dialogue.

Yeah. They have to make it clear who's saying what, because it's just hard, it's hard to understand. We're doing our best. Yeah. But we don't have a lot to work with right now. After walking there, the four girls board the ride. It slowly turned as they reached the peak of the wheel. Okay, ready?

All smiled. Yeah. They all lowered their pants. They all lowered their pants so their bare butts were revealed. They hung their cheeks off the rail for all to see. Come on, man. Three, two, one. At once, the girls erupted in a gigantic fart.

It sounded as if three truck horns went off at once. Cheeks vibrating from the forts. It even caused the Ferris wheel to move faster slightly. The smell was awful as it drifted downward, enveloping a portion of the park. They all laughed at their side. smelly work. Guys got any more? Sadie laughed. If I push any harder, something other than gas is going to come out. They exited the ferris wheel

and went home from a day of stink. This is at the bottom here. There's some description about this story. Four gassy girls go to an amusement park. Request from Codemaster 9, 99. Sadie, Sally, Ashley, Ashley, and Kelly are his OCs. Sorry it took so long. I felt it wasn't its best and still do. Hopefully. you enjoy

I want to read a really good comment here this is a comment from user that guy

likes farts I like and hate this story like probably the first story that doesn't end up

with someone shitting themselves loves all fart stories hate they quote they all lowered

their pants so their bare butts were revealed they hung their cheeks off the rail for all to

see I read some pretty nasty shit but that's just wrong so wrong That's the worst part.

I like farce as much as the next guy, but bare butts, no thank you. Uh-uh. No, you keep the clothes on that thing. I like that garbage man has his copyright there in 2011-201. In case I steal the story, he's going to sue me. I'm going to get DMCA'd. That was really good, though. I'm glad, I will say, to his credit, they weren't family members, and that's been a big

step up you know for the last couple ones they were just four friends four friends for just four friends that nothing no other qualities about them really either yeah just four friends and they love to fart and they stay really bad they like to fart and go on the rides who doesn't like to do that yeah that's for all of us yeah what are you supposed to do hold the fart until you get off the ride no you're supposed to engulf the ride with a big stinking fart it's the turbo it makes the wave of eggs yeah yeah the turbo makes the ride go faster so it's more fun yeah I'm just glad that one of them didn't fart and it like ignited something in the engine of the bumper car so like a spark from the bumper car you know it made it the whole ride

explode that would that would have been really bad yeah and I'm glad like they like they never include like the people the other people on the ride like puking their guts up and being nasty like that because that would be too much for me that would that would be too long I mean you know I can handle farts I don't think puke no that's disgusting no puke it's just it's just wrong There's a comment here, yeah, it's childish hell. It's a comment here from Lone Skunk just says, What made you write this? Well, Lone Skunk obviously didn't read the bottom because it was a request from Codemaster, 9,9009.

Obviously, very obvious. This next one's pretty long, but it is, I thought that, you know, it's a nice, it's a supernatural twist on the genre. I think maybe we can switch off paragraphs here. Yeah. Yeah, you know, and also I would like to say so far, if we're rating these, you know, so far, five stars, all of them. Yeah. Five out of five. Perfect.

Yeah. A couple of them may be six stars, but. Yeah. I'm going to be logging them on Goodreads. I'm going to be recommending them to my, to my high school English teacher that's friend to be on Goodreads. I've already printed out Mom's little boy. I'm putting in each of my neighbor's mailbox. He's like, you've got to read this.

I'm leaving them in the little free library. I'm putting on, I'm binding them all in like leather-bound, like, books. It's going to be great. A compilation of really good stories. Yeah, and speaking of leather-bound books, this next one by ubiquitous 101 is a girls' gassy spellbook. All right. This was another request. This is another request.

This one's pretty long, but, you know, hopefully it's rewarding. arena Lexington was your typical college sophomore she was on her way home but had decided to take a look at some of her college town's older buildings it was then that she saw the book it was a strange ancient looking book covered with dust and bizarre writing this is strange why is this book just lying here she couldn't help but pick it up oh well it looks like the owner didn't want it anymore so arena decided to take it home with her arena arrived at her house and examined the book what's this looks like a spell book she took a closer look at the writing she just knows no it just says spell book unlike the first page chapter one fart spells like oh okay arena couldn't resist the temptation she tried to say one of the strange incantations arena waited for a few seconds then laughed nope just an old book with weird writing. Rina put down the book and stood up.

It was then that she first felt it. A very slight pressure in her stomach. A mild but insistent bloating. Oh my, Irina exclaimed. The swelling only continued stretching against the tight fabric of her shirt. Her belly felt inflated, churning with the growing amounts of gas. Irina was also becoming aware of the slight but incessant pressing against her bottom from within.

She realized she needed to fart Irina was definitely uptight about that sort of thing And she tried her best to hold the gassin But her But her stomach kept swelling and straining And her butt seemed to be hugely inflating outwards That's what happens when you're gassy your butt inflated They don't know how humans work

They don't know how the body works Well okay okay this is a spell that she read That's true I'm sorry It is supernatural Yeah. Uh-oh, he froze. Yeah. He froze there for a second.

Oh, shit. Yeah, we have to give that the benefit of the doubt that something very magical could be happening. We shouldn't be applying, like, real-world logic to it. Right. The turbulent gas churned within her. She now looked nine months pregnant. Fertile with flagellants. And Arena was still getting bigger and rounder.

Her belly was extraordinary, taught, as if it were about to burst. Arena couldn't hold it in any longer. The pressure was too much. An intense direct blast of gas seemed to cause her butt to double in size before exploding out of her with such force that her ass vibrated briefly. Arena blushed, but signed in relief.

Another fart slipped out, brief but considerably louder than the first. Then two smaller explosions, one after the other. In spite of her letting loose, however, her belly had swollen beyond anything humanly possible. It was inflated to the size of a large beach bottle. What was even stranger was that even though the farts were quite potent in smell,

She could breathe them in as easily as air Arena lost her balance and fell to the ground Her enormous belly forced her legs apart Arena groaned in visible discomfort Too much gas A loud, long, wet and extremely strong-smelling fart erupted out of her behind Causing the floorboards to vibrate noisily

Arena smiled in embarrassment Yet again to her surprise She could breathe in the dense air freely without discomfort I hate when I'm trying to sleep and my upstairs neighbor won't stop farting against the floorboards and vibrating them. When she keeps casting the fart spell on herself and is shaking the whole apartment, ah, it sucks. So, she cut loose and started blasting away.

The room was soon flooded with Arena's flatulence and filled with the rumbling reverberations of bombs going off. Arena farted so many times in the next couple of minutes, she lost count immediately. Once she was finished, the air was ripe with her inner. most secret and private scent. For the longest time, Arina sat in silence. She had fun cutting loose. But finally, she got an idea.

Why not try this out on her friends just for fun? Yeah, of course. That would be my next thought, too. So she invited two of her best friends, Christine and Angela, over. When they arrived, she made conversation with them for a while. And then Arina cast the spell on both her friends. At first, neither Christine nor Angela noticed the sudden change in pressure.

Arena suppressed her desire to giggle mischievously At the sight of her friend's belly Slowly bloating outwards with gas Angela's stomach rumbled noisily And Angela blushed Oh, seems I'm a little filled right now Christine started to laugh But an even louder gurgle from her own belly cut it short

Angela's face was visibly red I guess that meal I had disagreed with me more than I thought Angela's stomach rapidly swelled up to the size of a volleyball You know if you guys can get your hands on that book you got a good live show you could do that's true it's true the blonde-haired woman was struggling to contain the growing gas within her but her fart needed freedom with a soft but very long and powerful hiss angela's divine wind broke free of its confinement and blessed the air with his presence christine looked surprised wow angela you really needed to go didn't you angela chuckled nervously

i guess i did christine relaxed and her own aroma violently erupted from her body to join with the dense gas of Angel is already in the air. The two scents mixed and complimented one another, one fragrance balancing out the other to form one perfect feminine perfume. It's like that scene in Ratatouille when you eat strawberries and cheese and different colors

and tastes like combining. Christine was mortified, but at the same time was relieved. She looked at Angela. I needed that. With a loud rumble, both women's bellies swelled outward yet again. "'This is impossible!' exclaimed Angela, as her stomach grew to the size of a large beach volleyball, causing her to fall to the ground.

Christine followed shortly. Now the gas was really being passed. And both women noisily expelled enormous amounts of feminine flatulence into the air. Their bellies only grew and grew. Their shirts rode up on them exposing the taut skin of their tanned, huely swollen stomachs. Angela and Christine need a relief from the incessant pressure and the farts flowed freely and loudly in spite of whatever embarrassment they felt.

Their faces contorted and grimaced as they struggled to expel out all of that flatulence. All the while, Arena looked on with barely contained amusement. The two women's stomachs briefly swelled up to twice the size of a big beach ball and they gasped loudly as the sheer amount of gas buildup became apparent. And with two twin cries of exertion, Angela and Christine released the ripest, deepest, longest, loudest, and most powerful chain farts ever in mystery.

The extremely strong smell immediately gave away the fact that the gas had come from the most inner part of the women's systems. Their hearts. The blasts were so powerful that they ripped twin holes, cleaned through both layers of the girl's clothing, and they both blushed fiercely as the extent of the gas's power became apparent. this is yeah this is it's taking a turn arena couldn't stop laughing for quite a while angela looked annoyed what's so funny arena tried to stop laughing i'm sorry it's just i'm the cause of you two letting those farts rip it was so funny watching you try not to fart angel looked incredulous what do you mean caused us to fart so arena explained to them what she had done then christine had an idea hey why don't we all try these spells out on each other It'll be fun. After all, Arina, turnabout is fair play.

Rina smiled slightly. Okay, that sounds interesting. Let's try it. See what happens. So, Rina got the spellbook out. The first incantation caused extreme bloating in Angela, but no supernatural swelling. Christine and Arina had to coax the gas out of her by manipulating Angela's swollen belly with their hands. Gradually, they managed to get it all out of her.

Christine and Arena also had that spell cast of them one after the other. this is so fucked up dude this is so unsafe they didn't draw a summoning circle or any who knows what kind of entities that could be loose in their house well no energy is going to be able to survive the smells in this house that's true

the next incantation caused their farts to actually be visible as brilliant colored clouds of turbulent gas afterwards they got into swimming gear and went into the pool and tried out the very first spell Christine had discovered, they had spent their time floating on the water

surface expelling huge bubbles and using their fart to create bubble baths. The latter experiment was particularly effective when all three of them were close together, creating one enormous mass of gigantic gas bubbles. The real fun was when they tried out the next spell and the last one they would try out for the day. They tested it out when they were inside and dried off. I can't wait to find out what the last spell is. too. Almost as soon as the spell was cast, their stomachs began to swell out.

At first, it seemed like nothing new, but the swelling didn't stop. In fact, the rest of their body started to inflate with gas as well, and their flagellants became uncontrollable, both in terms of frequency and power. All three of them grew rounder, larger, and more inflated by the minute. They wondered when it would stop. When it did, they looked like gigantic, round human balloons. Then they began to feel very light, and soon they were floating upwards until they hit the ceiling.

For about a minute, they didn't know what to do. All right, take us home. But as it turned out, their farts had become so powerful that they could literally propel themselves around the room. That quickly turned into an opportunity for various games like Bumper Girls and Aerial Tag. And they played those games for hours. By the time they were done, the room was so filled with gas, they couldn't be able to, they wouldn't be able to smell anything else for a couple hours. But they didn't mind.

They were having fun. And when it was over, they resolved to use the spellbook whenever they wanted to play these kind of games again. I mean, this is, this story, I think, is a great, a perfect example of the female mind is incapable of hustle, you know, because if I have found a spellbook like this, I would be using it to rob banks, I would be street performing. I would be making so much money, but they, all they want to do is play bumper girls all day. They don't want to monetize it at all. Like, you could, people could pay to play bumper girls in aerial tag in your house. They're just like, oh, let's go swim in the pool. No, dude. I would be online. I would be selling this, I would be selling the gas is fuel, okay, to the government, I would be, I would be becoming a military contractor using this spellbook. I would talk to NASA. I found a completely energy-free use to be able to go to space. All right. Yeah, we could just use all this methane and just fucking, you know, I mean, probably do a number on the ozone layer, but we'll figure something note.

This was made in 2006, and Jamal in 2012 wrote, please make a sequel. This is my request. And then 11 days later, oh, wow, it looks like I'm six years late, huh? Well, the sequel would still be nice. There's also a comment here from Major Tom 2000 that says, Oh, major Tom. No, hold on.

Not me. Hold up. But wait, if they couldn't smell anything for two hours, that doesn't make sense, because earlier you said they could breathe it like air. It's a different spell, Major, Tom. It was very clearly a different spell. True. There's a comment here from Nick O9Y3,

and they say, I can only describe hat in two words. Shear brilliance. Here's a comment from Great 5. And this is an asterisks. Jump's up and down. Awesome. Can you draw it as a picture? This is a reply to asking for a request. Can you draw it as a picture? Definitely should be a pretty anime girl who gets squeezed and goes, pss. It's up to you who squeezes her. Non-fat, please. That's about it. No, wait. One more thing. If you write a story about a beautiful non-fat animal girl who gets a hissing fart squeezed out of her, then have the squeezer repeatedly squeeze out of her midsection, sort of pumping it, causing the gas to come out in spurts. That'd be super smexy. Please write the story if you want. But definitely draw the picture. If you draw both, I'll do a commissioned art piece for you if anything you want. They're bargaining in their replies

Playful Absal says Could you do something like this except with a dragon instead And the author said If I had the time perhaps But I can't make any promises Hey listen I'm very busy Hey I got so many fucking fart stories I got it right

Yeah I added to the fucking list dude Throw it on the pile Um Yeah all right this This next one will I think can be our last one Okay. Aw. This one's nice.

This one's sweet. Which one is this? A girlfriend's fart goes straight to the heart. Oh, okay. That is nice. It's very nice. This is another dialogue one. Pat, do you want to play my girlfriend?

I guess. In real life? Okay. Uh-oh. Ooh. And you're sure you want to do this? Yes. I always have.

Ha-ha. well all right but if you want to back out i don't think i possibly can i giggle as i hold my girlfriend close to me her thighs leaning over and overlapping my leg just know it's my first time doing something like it too she slides over completely and fully sits in my life oh i thought that was your line i can't tell if it is it doesn't have any names here i know that's the worst part about these is you know you can never can tell you're right that's the worst part of it's shoddy right you're right Patrick Yeah, I just wish that I could

Like, there was more detail About what was going on It's so hard to follow the fucking story This is a comment from Patrick 2000 Hey, could you make sure to write Who's saying what? Yeah, doing like script coverage on these Like leaving like a

You have tons of third act problems in this show Yeah, absolutely Yeah, I mean try to, we need to know why we care about the characters way faster You know, we yeah she slides over completely and fully sits in my lap I can feel her back pockets touch my crotch and I do a silent sigh of arousal

and nuzzle her with my head on the back of hers I know just make sure you get comfy though is that I don't know we'll just want to switch off Doesn't matter anymore I think both of you are everything Yeah Nuzzling I also

Nuzzle her with my head on the back of hers doesn't seem like a very, like just sticking your face into the back of her head. Isn't it? Like, drive it in. You drive your nose into the back of the head. Yeah. I can feel her body seemed to calm into me, and her butt got more into my crotch. Well, yeah.

If I wasn't comfy, I don't think I would be doing this, hon. I go lower with my head, and now my face is fully in her hair, smelling the shampoo and conditioner she uses in the morning. It'll probably be the last good thing I smell. Tom, you want to read this? Yeah, I got the farts. I like that this one is like, it's like a classic like burp-pur-pur-pur kind of situation, and then it ends with tort. Yeah, but then there's a BRB right in the middle.

That was when the girlfriend took a break from fart. So the Dordash guy arrived. I think he'll pick up the order. I admittedly. jolt a little as she lets out a long and bubbly fart point black against my crotch. Clothed, but it feels like the blast goes right through the cloth and into my skin. I can feel her body relax and get less tense after the fart ends, and she can't help but sigh after. God, that felt so much better than it should have.

How about you? Oh, you have no... It's a process. First the blast, then the heat, then the smell. It rises from my lap and up to my nose, smelling like the definition of meaty with a smack of vegetables packed in. I can't believe that my girlfriend, someone I find so attractive, someone I love and have a connection to, doesn't mind, and even thinks it's cute that I'm into her gas. This is the first time she's farted in front of me, and the first time a girl has farted on me. Hun?

I must have been in a trance. I blink a little and put my arms around her. you have no idea how great it really is so yeah the confusing dialogue here you know there's no it doesn't say who's saying what maybe maybe this is a fight club situation oh my god well but i hate to do this but you know pat didn't really sell me with that last line you know i just i can tell his heart wasn't into it

so i got a second read this again i need to reread that you have no idea how great it really is that's all Man, now I'm into this story. Yeah. Her body warms up even more from emotion and she leans back going lower on my chest and looks up at me. I think this is a U-line, Patrick, and I want to really hear your love. It's just a fart, you goof. There will be more.

I go down and smooch her forehead, even chucking to myself. Let's hope so. I just like, I guess she leaned back. I'm just trying to, I'm confused by that. like the bottling proportions of everything happening there's so much going on in this story

I mean I think this is our first one star out of five yeah well okay but here's something here at the bottom hey another scene story this time I had to write it down and make a story of it even if it is short

I really hope you enjoy I love scenes like this I also tried to make it gender neutral so either gender can enjoy oh I think maybe that's why They didn't say who's saying what, but that doesn't really make any sense. It doesn't because they still use, like, gendered pronouns, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess maybe you don't, maybe, yeah. Maybe it's, so if you can read it, if you have the kind of fart finish where you like to fart on people or if you like to be farted on either one. Maybe that's what they mean. But, yeah, and you know, I'm going to have to hit this with a two stars out of five. Because, you know, I really like the emotion on display.

It's just. kind of difficult to read. I appreciate it. It is short and it is sweet and it is a loving, it kind of displays a loving relationship, but it is very hard to reenact this with my partner. Because we both keep getting confused and what line we're supposed to read. So if you could work on that for me, thank you. A comment from Boy O3. If this is a true story, then God damn, man, you got a wife on your hands. A reply from fart slave. I had a similar situation It lasted one year and two months I think that she doesn't even know what she wants Oh this one's fucked up

This guy wrote I wish I could have a girlfriend like that Then again I'm a teen still in high school Maybe one day I'll find the one And one heart stinky girls replies Yeah same man we can only hope Oh man Are you a teen or are you just saying

You hope you can find a girl Far on you All right well Yeah, I would say I'm sorry for this episode, but I'm not. That was really good. You have to listen to this. You know, yeah. Turn the volume all the way up.

You put this on a beats pill. You put it on the subway. She will not get in trouble for listening to it. You are allowed to play it over the loudspeaker at like a Target or a Walmart. You can take the phone. I think if it's like you hit the star button, you can broadcast it. You know what else you should listen to over the loudspeaker at the store is Chappo F1. YM streams.

That's right. You, yeah. You want to plug that, Tom? You have anything else to or just? Yeah. Twitch.tv. TV slash Chapo Trap House or Patreon. com slash Chapo Fym where we watch videos that are very similar to this.

Both these boys have been on our lovely stream. We love it. Yep. Yeah. And we, we, anytime you got a fart video, call us in. No particular reason. Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

I watch, I watch just fat guys eating. disgusting amount of food all day so they fart a lot so don't worry I will be calling you all right well thank you so much for yeah thanks for coming on

yeah thanks for having me on bye bye