Podcast About List - Ep. 162 - Two guys and one bald guy and sarah squirm (w. Sarah Squirm)

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

go follow sarah @SarahSquirm and buy tickets to her show here: https://link.dice.fm/4wziAMjWcjb   subscribe to our patreon pleeeeease www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

You're listening to Israel's number one podcast. All the Counts to the ball list. You're in the crap monster. Oh, God. Making noise. Pow. I just shit my pants. Oh.

That's nasty. Oh, hell no. That's what Mark Maren says. Come on. Who? I don't know who that is. I'm 15. That's Father God to you.

Honey, respect on his name. I literally have never heard of that guy. I know Howard Stern and Man Cow. And that's the only people I've ever known to pick up a microphone. Howard Stern, hot as man alive? Yeah, I said it. Still. Still.

Yeah. I like that him and, like, Gene Simmons just kind of melding into a little. Yeah. Kind of like... One big pro-Israel... Yeah. Yeah. I think they look good, man.

I hope that that's how I look when I get older. Somehow I grow, like, insane hair. Gene Simmons' hair looks like that. mic wind that wind guard on your mic yeah it does so like frayed it's exactly it looks exactly like that and you'd be lucky to have hair like that and age like that oh my god if i could get those plugs at 110 yeah that kind of hair it's impressive man i wish we're here with sarah squirm hello the richest person alive especially the richest person alive you see these crocks oh my see these crocs i have one million dollars in them yeah where'd you get those

The store, ever heard of it? I thought about getting crocs the other day, but I wasn't going to get, I walked by the crox store, and I was like, I can't. Cool story, you want to metal? Shut on up. You're wearing crocs.

Where'd you get them? The store. You're a fucker. You were born yesterday? Yeah, I told you out already. I'm 15. Oh, God. I actually do hate that you guys are younger than me.

I don't like hang out with anyone. I thought that we were the same age. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah. I thought we were around the same age. Really? do I look 28

Oh I didn't know you're 28 Oh my god Am I in trouble I actually don't like hanging out with 23 year olds Yeah I'm about to be in your hotel room right now Yeah I got some boys in my hotel room It's funny because Pat loves hanging out with 18 year olds

And that's not true Yeah you do I hang out with people are way old to me See yeah I'm on bad Why do you guys do this to me? I actually don't know your guys is real names to be honest You guys all have weird names on line

Mine is Patrick No, it's not. Yeah, it is. Mine's Cameron. No, it's not. My name is just my full legal name. Yeah. Caleb Pitts.

I think all of us just have our names. I feel like you don't. Do you have weird little images as your pictures? Well, I have a photo. Of course we have weird little image as your photo. Yeah, you better believe that. So, yeah. But that is me.

My photo is me. Mine is, too, unfortunately. Yeah. I know somebody who said that they blocked you because they didn't like looking at it. It's a scary photo. Yeah. It's a photo of me when I worked at the UCB. You worked at UCB?

I was an intern there. Yo! For free! I was for college credit, though. I know. I talked about this a lot. What do you mean? I didn't prom university college credit.

Pretty much. Yeah. That was a pretty fucked up life I've lived. You guys like, you wanted to be a community. media and really badly. So you said, I'm going to work at you. No, you fucking, no, fucker, no. I went there and I fucking ate beef jerky

all day and like burped in fucking Matt Bessor's face. I have a photo of his credit card that my friend used to fucking buy a PS2 on eBay. I didn't like being there. I think we should scrap that because it actually went to its outs. I don't give, no, I don't care. My friend fucking, I took a photo of his credit card

because I thought it was funny because I was ordering him salad. And I said it to my friend, he bought a PS2 on eBay. You didn't even notice. Yeah, he like, he like. Yeah, it was like $70. He didn't fucking notice. Yeah, he's not listening. I hope he does.

He's not listening to this. And we can do another 420 Lyft-sponsored show at UCB. No, dude. Did you guys all do UCB? No. Yes, and to that. You look like an idiot right now. I'm not that I'm smart.

You were the only one. I interned it may be a worst place. It's funny or die. Oh, my God. I dropped out of college. I'm the only cool one here. So, fuck both of y'all. You meet Will Ferrell there?

No. Pretty much every day. He would meet Will Ferrell. Dude, I wish I met Will Ferrell and I could say, you are so funny, sir. You know what? He is. He is so funny. He is.

I rewatch Talladega Nights the other night. So good. Yeah. Still very good movie. I also rewatch that. I don't really like that movie. What? Boras.

That's right. I'm saying it. They talk so freaky and weird. Yeah. I don't get it. I don't understand what they're saying. Why do you guys call this potabout list? We'll get to it.

You're the worst guess we've ever had. I wasn't mad at you before this. Now I'm fucking furious. I did. For the listeners at home, I did ask 75,000 times if everyone was mad at me before we started recording.

Because I did feel deeply. That, I think, is a symptom of being hungover. You're like, everyone's mad at me and everyone's thinking about me right now. Yeah. Yep. I'm hungover. Yep.

Be honest. How fucked up did you get last night? So what? drink beers it's not the song it's not the song at all I went to the same karaoke bar two nights in a row

yeah which one Planet Rose karaoke for the listeners in home it's the best oh it's called an encore they were clapping and saying encore encore for 24 hours until I came back did you kill it first night Rob Zombie Dragula

I immediately convinced myself I gave vocal it gave myself vocal notes from screaming and everyone said Sarah you can only get that if you're adele okay and then i then afterwards i sang voices carry by till tuesday wow and then what did i sing last night cool by gwen stephanie what did i sing last night magic man by heart didn't go over a while what else did i sing last night three songs needed it needed to sing three songs and fuck what was the third one i don't know why are you looking at me like i know beautiful stranger

by madonna oh the austin power song oh yeah you don't about that, boys. This is girl stuff. Madonna made that song for the Austin Powers movie. Really? Yes. And then the music video was...

I don't care. You sung it last night. Sing it again. When I smile... Oh, yeah, it's the second one. The music video is awesome because she goes crazy on him. Like they're in the car driving

and he's being Austin Powers and she's like being sexy. Madonna grinding all over him rubbing What, of course he fucked Madonna? He did. He fucked everyone. It's true. I have these coasters at my apartment. They're like Austin Powers coasters, but I think they just ran out of quotes by the third movies.

So all of the quotes are, it's like pictures of like fat bastard. And it says like, there's something wrong with me mentally or something. Like the picture of Austin Powers says Corblimy, it's like, what the fuck? When does he like say that? I don't remember it saying it at all. It says why so

serious? Yeah. I wish. I wish I just had quotes from, like, other movies, but, like, pictures of, like, Austin Powers and, like, Get Out Me Swamp. Yeah. Get Out Me Swamp. Yeah. Oh, you're not a Shrek fan?

Oh, no. Yeah. You've been owned. That's so embarrassing. I would school you and seen it. Oh. If we were playing, seen it right now. All gers have layers in them.

Why so serious? Um, so. So, I, I did karaoke. recently for the first time in a long time and dude I mean that's there's no better feeling

there's like no there's a you can't crush and stand up as hard as you can in karaoke karaoke people lose their fucking minds

and karaoke karaoke is for you yeah you are in service of an emotional need that you need to like release stand up

you're in service of you're on your hands and knees begging them to like you yeah and you're on your hands and knees

begging that you're like I will do anything to get a laugh I need you to have good time. Karaoke. There's no safe plan. I'm sorry.

He was trying to pull your painting off the wall. My painting. It's your painting. You're in the room. It's your painting. I mean, until you check out, it's your painting. That's the ugliest thing.

It's basically up there with tape. Oh, it's not hinges. Wow. So that people can do that. They knew that that somebody like Patrick was going to come in here someday. So people can have an affair

in the room or something? I get. How would that help? I don't know. I don't like. You guys want to lift up the painting. Look at my beautiful heart. What's that sex with me now?

The reason this is like, no, secret secrets. You can hide your wife behind you. If she's flat Stanley and then fuck somebody. Yeah. I guess that makes sense. I need to hide behind the painting for like an hour. For no reason. Can you hide behind the painting?

You could also, if somebody breaks in. Look how big this is. To the hotel room, you could lift up the painting. And if they walk behind there, you could drop it. It hit him in the head and knock him out. If you were in a casino. You know, Royale kind of situation. Yeah, exactly.

People in hotel rooms and shit. Yeah, that's a good idea. But karaoke, yeah, it's just like, I mean, you go up there. I'm trying to find a safe. Karaoke is like, it's like, I think the closest, you're so comfortable in karaoke. It's like the closest a white person can feel to being Dave Chappelle on stage. You walk up, you're just, you're in the pocket. And you're jewelling.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, what's your karaoke song? Five four, three, two, one. Don't think about it. Marty Robbins, El Paso. I don't know. Go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go.

Go, go, go. Come on, you have five seconds. You're going up right now as Planet Rose Karaoke is a gun to do it. Come on. What's on the list? And next to the stage, Patrick Doran, singing. Wait, I do have the app that has the list on it. Wait, hold on, just list on songs.

It's like a phone book-sized fucking book of songs. Talk, it's my life. Okay. Never mind, Patrick Doran is not coming to this stage. I'm sorry. I'll also do Marty Robbins El Paso right after Caleb. Oh, dude. But you're in a full cowboys.

I don't know the words to the song Or how it goes I refuse I'm not looking at the Don to chant No You can't do Don to chant No That's not on the curiosity

You think that's so fucking funny Don't you Well guess what That's his dead mother's name Oh I thought it was just I thought it was something you were saying I thought it was just a fun word He liked

I thought it was having fun Yeah I thought he was like that You thought he was being random Yeah I really did for a while You know and he's one of the most Random guys in your album Mip Yeah, do you hear Kanye's new album

Roar X-D? Yeah, that was actually his dad's name. Oh, fuck. Does his dad have a weird name? Kanye, dad. I don't think so, man. I don't know if that's his dad's name. It's Kanye East.

How much money you guys make on this podcast? Way too much, man. Just so much money. One million dollars. That's an awesome power. Oh, that is an Austin Power's code. Just kidding. I was going to make a joke about...

What? Wow. Karaoke did a number on you. Huh? I literally was going to make a joke about, like, yeah, wouldn't that be a random quote on one of those coasters? It would be like the one good one for the coaster, which they probably already had. If they had other Austin Powers coasters, it'd probably be like the first movie. In one second, Sarah thought there was a movie called Dr. Evil, and it was from that movie.

Yeah. Yeah. The movie, Dr. Evil, like, it's kind of like that, like, hero, what's it called? Dispicable Me? It's, like, kind of like when, like, oh, there's this, like, anti-hero movie about, like, this, like, guy who wants to be a stand-up, but he's, like, mentally ill. Joker. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Dr. Evil. That would have been a good movie. They should have made a Dr. Evil spin-off. But it's like, it's like the entertainment. Like, it's, like, that movie. Oh. Where he's, like, sad and, like, trying to call mini-meet.

the whole time. He's in like a phone booth. You haven't called me in three weeks. Say something. So just say anything. And Mini Me. I still love your mother very much, but we're just not together now.

Mini Me just squeaks. Yeah. Oh my God, this whole time I've been picturing Minnie Me saying one million dollars. Are you serious? They don't want him talk? No, he goes, it says, he says, Neat when he gets out of the. Oh, my God.

lungs He's got a bag in there It wouldn't fit in his body Give the guy a line Well he flips people off That's his thing Are you serious? I literally don't remember that

He flips off He flips off Austin Powers No And he hums legs You don't do that No Yeah he hums legs And he eats a bunch of chocolate

That's at the beginning A gold member And he says I'm fine mustard No he doesn't say I'm fat-fast He's mini-me And he says

I'm making waffles. He's not making waffles. That's Eddie Murphy and Shrek. It's one of the funniest things. I'm making waffles. It's one of the funniest things anyone's ever said. Yeah, it is up there for sure. Then he starts talking about parfais, and it's like, what the hell is that?

What's a for Faye? I didn't learn about Parfiz until McDonald's put one out. I think they did that for Shrek. I don't think they... I don't think so. Well, you work at UCB. You're supposed to say yes. I don't.

No, stop. I should have never told you this. I fucked up so bad. I've fucked up. I know you've done so much stupid shit in your life. You better believe that. Come on. You're going to drag me through the mud for being a part of an evil sex cult.

You better believe I was on an improv team in Chicago. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And you better believe I wasn't really allowed to do it anymore because I was wearing weird outfits. And it was a quote unquote ensemble. And everyone was supposed to sort of blend in with each other and wear black. was being annoying and didn't want to do that. Yeah, that's a...

I mean, would they say that to Elvis Presley? No, exactly. Would you... Would they say that to Ellen? Exactly. Hey, Ellen, grow your hair out, sweetheart. You got to fit in on the UCB improv team. I don't think so.

Let's see those tits, Alan. Where's the bikini? Hey, kiss that guy. It's part of the scene. Keep kissing to marry that dude. That's probably what they would say to her because they're so disrespect. Didn't she on her show?

Didn't she, like, one of her boyfriends on the show was like Jeremy Piven on the Ellen show? Boyfriend. Not the sitcom, but like the talk show. Yeah, that's how she came out. Called Ellen? Or the Ellen, I think. The Ellen DeGeneres show.

The Ellen. Like a hotel. Yeah. Yeah. No, the Ellen DeGeneres show. And then she walked out and she was like, oops, I'm gay in like 1989. And then my grandpa was never the same. Lord Dern was the girlfriend.

Really? I think. Swag. I don't remember. I wasn't born yet. I was dead, actually, but I don't remember that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it was basically like a fleck of dust. I was basically just poop in my dad's eyes. Yeah. Yeah. I was literally just like a sandwich of my dad ate at the time, yeah. I was just kind of like the earth. Yeah. For a while.

The crust of the earth. Yeah. I was like a spirit or a ghost. Yeah, it was pretty much like the wind that a hula hoop creates. Like, that was like all I was at the time. The Ellen choking. Yeah. I was like a drop of rain, like, falling upward into the sky before I was born.

so it's actually pretty beautiful you think I'm going to participate in this little joke you guys have going on? No I don't expect you to it's like way too like cool and young fit. Yeah, just sit back and enjoy him. Yeah. Just like just consider yourself privileged because this is

guy humor. Yeah. Adam Carolla like yeah it's pretty much just a beautiful raindrop on a windshield. Yeah. That's the kind of man show stuff we like doing them. You guys are being really dice man on it. Like hickory-dickory dock

Before time was existing There was just a flat line in the middle of the space Hickory-dickory-dickory dock I used to be a boat at a dock Perfect joke Can't go wrong Yeah, it works every time Yeah

Is he making a comeback anytime soon? Did that dice man? He was Lady Gaga's dad in the Shallow movie Oh, really? Yes I didn't see it but if I had known I would have gone.

Honestly, he tore that out. Yeah? Yes, he did, bitch. He went crazy on it? He went crazy on it? He's like an old cab driver, and he's her dad, and he's just fucking hot. I love him more than anything. He's a good-looking guy.

You ever listen to his rap album? No. Don't do it. Bad stuff is being said on it. Well, now I got to hear it. He's doing bad stuff on that. Like what? Like saying F-C-K and, like, S-H-I-T.

Does he say all that? He wouldn't. Yeah. I hope he didn't say ASS ass No, but if he did Dude, why you said it? Oh, whoops No, I was saying sass.

What the hell, dude? He can hear you. Oh, shit. Shit, man. He's over there. He's looming. He is looming like Lex Luthor. See, Lex Luthor, you got to be

not saying all that guy's stuff on it. Which one's that, Batman? Lex Ler is the one that's me in Superman, yeah. He's the one that's you. He's bald. Oh, yeah. Bald and, like, pretty much evil and genius. Yeah.

Sure. What? What does it feel like to be the bald guy next to the air conditioning? Pretty cold, huh? Pretty cold, yeah, and the rest of my body. I don't because my dad, I saw him like a month ago for the first time in a while, and he was like, son, like, you have to, you have to tan your head. It's, like, embarrassing how way you head is. So since then, I'm not put on sunscreen a single time.

Yeah. You should, like, you should put bronzer just on the top. So, like, in the shape of a hairline? Like a, like, a statue where people rub it for good luck, and it's a completely different color. Like, bronzer, like, yeah. That's not a bad idea. I'd go to a cake decorator.

Have them do my hair like a Dominican barbershop. That'd be sick. I would do that, too. You should get, like, like, frosting flowers on your head could look really good. Oh, yeah, that'd be beautiful. Some piping around the back, some royal kind of up and down stuff. Happy, people. birthday, Mr. President.

Well, that's the thing I could do every day. It could be like a new, like, fortune cookie when I tip my head for it. Oh, yeah. You know, I could have a different saying on there. Oh, what if you get, like, a magic eight ball installed? Yo. Oh, that would be sick. So, like, you definitely have enough room.

I don't have a room in my skull for that. Okay, you can just, like, take out half your brain and put in one of those triangle things with the words on it. You don't need that. You only need 50% of it. The reason that the brain comes in two halves is because you can take one off. Yeah, and the girls, girls have one side and guys have the other side.

Is that true? Yeah, seriously. Like, that's why guys are good at math and girls are good at be shopping. They are good at be shopping. Forget about that. True. That's the thing about the 90, if you only use 10% your brain, why can't you just cut the other 90 out and put something funny in there?

You can. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, you just need to get a window in the top of your head. Just make it like a, like, have it open up like a luggage carrying compartment on an airplane and let me put Doritos in it. I know people are, like, full-blown brain damage, and they're, like, kind of, like, normal. Really?

Yeah, it's like, it is testament to, I know this guy. Well, actually, well, maybe that's not necessarily true. I went to, is he going to hear this? No. I went to college with a guy. I went to college with a guy who was a wrestler. Okay. And had so many.

Little, little tiny wrestling guys. He had, he sustained so many concussions that he, like, couldn't. wrestle anymore because he like basically had brain damage and he staple gunned his sheets to his beds because he liked the feeling of being tucked in so he staple gunned them like all around that belongs in an asylum

yeah absolutely as I was saying because it's like I knew he had brain damage and I'm like this guy's like kind of like he's kind of tearing it for someone's brain damage really he's crushing I think that's a great idea I don't know about you guys I've hit my head a few times though

yeah I have a lot I had, like, three rapid concussions in rapid succession as a child. Yeah. I think I probably would have been like a superhero if it wasn't for that. What did they do to you? The football team did that, do you? Yep.

They shouldn't let children do that, by the way. I agree. Or play football? Yeah. Why not? It's bad for that. Look at this. What happened?

You turned ballroom. I'm so sick. He lost all his hair. Yeah. Yeah, they knocked it out of my head. They got tackled and I flew out. My football coach did tell me as a kid who's, like son you got a big head you better be using that on the field lead with it i was like yes sir

yes sir chuck and i would just i'd tear kids up with my big ass head yeah i was like a rhino or a giraffe yeah it was like a giraffe with a small neck using my head for defense yeah and also i was big and fat and so that i played center position which the center his whole job is just like just yeah explain for both to us we don't know i we don't honey i don't care to know okay Shut up. There was a... Okay. All right.

Have you ever played the game as a kid, Smear the Queer? No? No, you never played that? They're center in that, too. Careful now. I have a queer haircut.

Never mind. Never mind. Smear the gay guy. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I was basically the one who was it all the time in football. What is Smear the Queer? So it's just tag,

but you tackle someone. That they decide is the gay guy on the team? We didn't even know what queer meant. We thought it was, the first time I heard the word queer, I was like, somebody who's it? Like, what does that mean? Well, now that's exactly what it means. That's right. Oh, friggin, I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of this. Okay, checking his watch basically wants to get out of here. You see that? Yeah, he's sick of me. You just check the way, I got to get out of here. I just like, I like testing myself. Not bored. Okay, start singing.

When I smile in a little way. haven't you heard I fell in love with the beautiful Strangels Austin Power's just walking I got to change for danger Can we sign you a record deal We have a record label

Sensitive gangster records Oh yeah we'd love to sign you Yeah All right All right we're finally going to do the list So it is a podcast about list Do you think this is just like an ominous thing You just sit here to intimidate or something?

I think you guys got to get a new name for a podcast. Why? Pod about list? What's wrong with that? You can say anything like that and it sucks. Sarah's squirm?

McDonald's? These are iconic names that work fine when you say them. The Sarah's were a McDonald's meal? What would it be? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Poop. Come on.

I got the sweetie meal. Yeah. Did you know that when celebrities do their celebrity meal it's just a meal yeah yeah i thought it was going to be something weird about it like that well they had a weird sauce i think they but didn't that exist already because it was suedey and sour but they already have sweet and sour oh wait that's so fucked up that's all they did that literally the sweetie meal is literally like a burger fries and chicken nuggets yeah sounds

delicious this already though but the bt s meal all they did was the bt yes yeah what was that It was like a Cajun sauce. Oh, that didn't exist before? Yeah. So they made like a, or it might have existed at like McDonald's Korea and then they brought it here or something. And when I think of BTS, I think Cajun. Yeah. I didn't walk no boys down on the bay.

I don't know BTM boy. Oh, they down there. Spool like butter. Smooth like butter. I went to McDonald's to get a McChicken one time and they gave it to me in a BTS bag. And I, like, a BTS meal bag. And I so wanted to just be like, can you give me a different? different bag, please.

Like, I have to walk home with this. I had a pink BTS backpack for a little bit, and I gave it to Robbie, but that thing was a, it was a bootleg, and it did not close at all. You find the hair on that? Yeah, but it was an eyelash, I think. Oh. It's probably mine. I kind of have mini-mouse eyelashes.

Ding-ding-ding-ding. Okay, what's the list? The list is top ten. About list. Worst things. It's not pot about a list. It's a pot about... It's about list.

Yeah. In like two years, every podcast is going to be names like this. This is going to be the name and convention. We're way ahead of the curve. There's only one list per episode. Part about lists. Not true. Sometimes we do multiple lists.

Shut up. It's just so clinical. What should we call it? Something fun, like two guys and one bald guy. That's still a guy. It's still just a guy. It's not a different kind. guy's a normal guy. Ball guys are freaks

are you getting in it? It's not true. It's actually not true. This is cancer. Yeah, I bet you feel real stupid now. He's not even doing his chemo. Probably do have cancer. So I could just, I can just start telling people that get away with being bald. Yeah. Yeah.

The heist. Do you guys know Ben O'Brien of Williamson? Yeah. That was my first concert, he opened for Dan Deakin. Oh, doing Earth Universe? Yeah. That was so good. You want to hear a really funny thing I say about Ben O'Brien, famous bald guy. I go, Ben O'Brien.

More like Ben O'Bald guy. Ooh. It's really funny. What's your full name? Caleb Michael Pitts. Huh? Caleb. Yeah, never mind.

Karina Abdul-Jabar. Michael. Wait, but why do you say it like that? Caleb Michael Pitts. Why do you pause like that? But you said Caleb Michael Pitts. He had to remember his middle name. It seems like you're stalling to come up with a bald version of my name.

Caleb Michael Pitts, go 3, 2, 1 Caleb Michael Pitts bald guy That's fucking sucked That was terrible Is Michael a middle name or your last name? Middle

What do you think Pitts was? You said it like it was hyphenated? You said Caleb Michael Pitts I have a southern accent From what? Being from the south No I don't have brain damage

I don't have bald damage I don't have bald damage Yeah Okay the list is Top 10 worst things to be magically turned into. The idea of magic is totally awesome. This is a random thing you guys found on the internet.

Yeah, we didn't like try. Have you ever listened? To a podcast? No, I'm cool. I listen to music. Oh. What's that? The idea of magic is totally awesome, but the idea of magic being used against you,

it's totally not awesome. One prime example or stereotype of magic is the power of turning an object into something else, which again may sound very awesome, but you wouldn't want that power being used against you. So, without further ado, here's some of the very worst objects that you could ever turn into. I'm sick of all these fucking magic

stereotypes. It's really annoying. You see a wizard you know he got that wand. That is a harmful stereotype. Dude, when I see someone on the subway in a blue pointy cap and I tap them on a shoulder and I ask them to do a spell and they turn around there a gnome, I feel so bad. So annoying, dude. And that's a classic New York

Yeah. Come on. Oh, you're a magician. Come on. Do a spell. Come on. Turn me into a toad. It has to be things. Like, you can't be like something more abstract or a person. Like beauty? You want to be turned into beauty? Yeah, like, or like turned into inspiration or something like that. That happens when you die. Yep, that's for damn sure. I know that's right. Number one is toilet. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty bad, I would say.

But also, like, it depends. Like, I'm never going to be in a situation where if I'm with a wizard. You can just end the sentence. Like, it turned into a toilet with a wizard. It's probably going to be, like, in a park or something, in the middle of the street, something like that. It's going to be because the wizard is mad at me in a public space. I'm not going to be somewhere where they're even going to plug in my body to a toilet hole. Yeah.

So it doesn't matter. No one's going to take a shit in me is the point. If there's a loose toilet on the street, you don't think someone. one's going to take a shit in there. Dave England shows up. That'd be horrible. I'm in big trouble. Walking out of the hardware store,

bump into a fucking wizard. And he doesn't even have to, have to shit. He can do it on command. He doesn't even... You're right. I guess I wouldn't want to turn to a toilet. Yup.

Yeah. I mean, I guess it's also in my toilet with like googly eyes who can move my... Yeah, like the one from look who's talking to. Yeah, exactly. Move my lid. That scared the fuck out of me.

That is a cool looking toilet. Yeah, as a kid, that scared the shit out of me. Like, I was like, scared to go to the bathroom at night because it would happen to me too even though it's like a movie that's one of the most incredible

sentences I've ever heard yeah that was brilliant no brook's toilet was going to yell at me absolutely brilliant and I'll tell you what there are people pay top dollar to be turned into someone's toilet that's true absolutely we know yeah so there's a comment here from blue and black midnight rose that says you heck no I would not want to let

people let out all their nasty body fluids in me like what if someone had to take a huge nasty nasty dump or getting vomited in you no thank you and then katelyn the mouse boy responds and says um i have that fetish um i want somebody to take a big nasty dump and puk in me one of my life's biggest i truly do desperately and i i think that i can shit in someone's mouth i would love for someone to pay me to shit in their mouth and i don't think it would count as cheating on my boyfriend really you think that one's fine i think that one's fine and i think that one's fine and i I've asked him this before, too.

What do you say? He was like, I wouldn't love it. Well, but also... He didn't say he wouldn't hate it. He didn't say that. Girls got to eat. Like, if I could do that without the person, like... Jerking?

Maybe they jerk later, but also, like, be that close to my butthole, you know? Like, if I could do it from, like, a hundred feet in the air. Yeah, that would be sick. Then I think that's fine, right? I don't care. If I shit in someone's mouth from a hundred... If they're, like, right under my ass... out of like an airplane.

Yeah, and hitting, like, because then I'm like, it's like sight unseen. Yeah, exactly. Hey, if this hit someone, yeah, so be it.

So be it. If I get fucking $5,000 wired to me, then fucking whatever. You know what they say, if you shit off the top of the Empire State Building, they could cut through some of the skull. I know they did that on MythBusters.

It was really good. That's why they don't, that's what happened to that one guy. Yeah. Granny Maharo. Oh my God, he died. He died.

Yeah. What happened? Well, basically a humongous shit fell out of the sky and cut him in half. Like final destination. It was serious. And then he said, Oh,

can you imagine if they put that in a final destination, but like all these like crazy Rube Goldberg things and then one guy's just walking around and just a shit falls out of the sky. And cuts them just perfectly in half. A razor shit. Yeah. It's like, yeah,

it hits terminal velocity and starts like fraying at the front and turns into a perfect spear. Yeah. They don't explain it all. So it just, it just comes out of the sky. Yeah. No, there's no like, Blur, yeah, there's no set up like the other

ones. No, no, it's not like... They just see on the news, a shit fell out of this guy and cut this guy in half. That's the only explanation. That's what in the Mortal Kombat fatalities, actually in the new Mortal Kombat. Just falling out. Yeah. Yeah.

Here's another comment. Imagine having a hot girl poop on you. Here's another comment. In Lola Loud voice, gross. I don't know who Lola Loud is. The Loud is from the Loud House. It was a show on Nickelodeon. Oh, okay.

The Loud House? We've read this website specifically so many times that, like, I know what the Loud House is now. Everybody be talking about the Loud House on this website? It's all kids, which makes the morning to shit on each other

worse. Yeah. Number two is talking to adults. Hmm? True, yeah. True. Number two is Pinyada. Pinyata?

That didn't sound so bad. Damn, I'm full of candy right now. I think everyone's imagination is limited on this website. Yeah, I agree. What would your worst object? The worst thing to be turned into. Like a hospital, some like hospital receptacle that receives like not only like a biohazard bin because you're getting shit, piss, like bile needles, fluids you've never even heard of. Yeah, I guess that's true

Cather, bad I think the worst thing I would get turned into is probably like a shorter guy I'm like a bald guy No I don't have Billhead anymore I was actually out I'm not an inch shorter than you

Yeah one inch shorter than me It's like a smeared queer I didn't get smeared that many times Actually and my head It's fine and it's bald for It's actually my choice I could grow like you wrote dreadlocks right now five seconds okay go they're really small though

that's like the trick is they're microscopic so um especially if it's in the shape of barney elsa dora or justin beber that's a comment from super mario well yeah that would suck to be turned into a pinata and be like oh swag i'm full of candy and then see a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and you're a girl pinata that would yeah that's got to hurt no thank you but also things get hit harder than a pinata yeah exactly Like a jersey barrier Like with a car Or like

Yeah Yeah exactly I don't know what was my immediate A jersey barrier Yeah I was thinking like someone in war Oh like you're a cannonball Yeah

Yeah Evil can evil That guy Wait that would be sick Because then you can just jump on anything Or jump over anything You think he had a power Yes

Are you kidding me He had the power to jump on anything Yeah He's like Mario. If anything hit him this way, he would die. But if he got on top of it, he won the fight. Exactly. That's what he did all those buses.

I don't think I've ever been at a party with a piñata there. I literally, for my birthday, my friends got me a minion pinata. Yep, I'm loved. Shout out to you, Jesse and Scott, love you. And there were chips inside. Chips. Chips. There were chips inside.

I love chips or bagged chips. What kind of chips? Every kind of chip. I love chips. There was actually, there's a place. down the street from here called like Chips World. Whoa. Wait, are you serious? Or like Chip City. I gotta go.

We have to go there after this. I saw the sign from far away and I said to my friend Peter I was like, oh my God, it's Chip City! We have to go to Chip City! And then one of the employees came out wearing a shirt and I was like, yes, Chips, chips! And he was wearing a shirt that said Chip City and he's like, don't get excited. It's cookies.

Oh, fuck that. And I was like, are you serious? It's not Chips. You shouldn't be able to name a place Chip City if it's not Chips. Is it talking about, like, chocolate chips? I mean, yeah. Or peanut butter chips or white chocolate chips or macadamia chips. All right, okay, okay, Jesus Christ.

Those should have a different name. I'm sick of, I'm sick of getting excited over chips, and it's like chips a hoi. No, fuck that. It's called something else now. What's it called now? Little, little chocolate guys. Little chocolate guys. I don't think it's called that.

Chocolate rounders. Oh. I'm a British. I say that chocolate shit. Why? I think that's a rude word for a type of person, maybe. What, rounder? A chocolate rounder.

I don't think you can walk around the street saying that around here. Well, let's go try it. I literally can't find proof that this place exists now. They're hiding it. Did I make this up? Yeah. Probably. Okay, I'm not kidding.

It's across the street and I'm Googling it and it's not coming up on the map. They replaced it with an F.A.O. Schwartz yesterday. I saw. A bunch of them. umbrellas across the street i don't think that's chip swirl is it i'm not kidding it i can't find it oh my god oh my god you're a liar you saw a mirage were you like really thirsty yesterday i was really thirsty for chips yesterday oh probably why favorite chip uh potato chip you're serious i don't know i don't know salt and vinegar kettle cooked uh probably like the like the zaps

but have you had the fucking... Yo! Yep. There's this like... This, like, lays, like, it's called like numb and spicy hot pot. And it was like... It's from China, but it was so good.

Numb? I got to find that. Yeah, I bought it because it said numb on the bag. Oh, cappuccino lays. No. You ever heard that? Yeah. Those are bad.

Yeah, I can imagine. They're really bad. They made them, though. Oh, do you remember in 2016, they had the, like, the promo thing where you could win, like, air travel miles for like these specific

like they had like four flavors in promotion of the Olympics and they had like these teema solid kettle chips they were so full I was like genuinely bummed when those like were like discontinued. When Pat talks about chips his he starts like not making eye contact

with anyone like he's like my weird cousin talking about maps he's just like looking down it's beautiful you really tap in you know Ruffles Aldress oh yeah those go crazy That's what I'm talking about.

I used to eat the Humpty Dumpty All-Dress. They used to eat like two bucks. What are you mean Humpty Dumpty? I think it might be like a regional chip. A Humpty Dumpty? From where? From the candy land. Come on now.

But they had those all-dressed chips and I used to like go to this. There was like two bucks and I just buy that and eat that for lunch. I'm scared of the people knocking the door down. You think they're going to knock the door now? I think we might be in a SWAT self-defense situation. pretty soon. Yeah, could happen. That's what I'm saying, dude, this painting can't hide under the painting. What are they going to do, kick me

out? I don't know, we'll fucking, I mean, no, probably not. The room's on NBC. I'm not going to charge for this. You serious. Wow. Yep. You are, Rich. Here's another comment. I don't want to be a pinata getting killed by that cursed stick.

Okay. Why is everyone on this website random sauce? This list is probably from like 2014 and they're probably all 11 is my guess number three is food I think

technically everybody is food if someone's a cannibal yeah that's true that's serious top comment here's from super Mario fan you get chewed on by someone go into their body come out as you know what and then get flush down the toilet sorry this is gross but that's what would happen if you were food

honestly food might be one of the best things you can be because like you're like you permutate into different forms it's like energy never dies it just turns into other things so it's like kind of like you're chilling like you're chilling also you could make somebody's day true you put chips in front of this day I'd also be like so delicious too yeah also what if like what if you went into like Pam Anderson's mouth wouldn't that be clutch socialist not hero what if you were like oh my God what if you were a hot dog that Pam Anderson A. Yeah, but what if it was like a hot dog and like, she was like Lady in the Tramping it with Julian Assange?

That's fine, dude. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, you think he's a hero? Okay. He's a beast. Hmm, you actually like that guy? Hmm, someone can't keep a secret.

Somebody else on this one said, imagine being eaten by a hot girl. Yeah. That's the answer to any of these. Imagine being a toilet under a hot girl's ass. Imagine a hot girl loved candy and broke you in that million pieces. Oh, my God.

Yeah, McDonald's comments, Vore. Where'd you guys get these microphones? Amazon. Distore. I don't know where that one came from. Yeah, he has a freak one. This is the get... Oh, that's the freak one?

I got, like, three microphones for, like, $20. Is that for... Is that the Radio Shack mic from Muya? Or is that a different one? No, I don't think so. I just ordered these myself because we didn't have mics at one point, but then we got the nice ones.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep, you better believe that. Number four is bubble. Wrong. That's one of the most beautiful things you could be. That is really beautiful. There was a guy at Central Park the other day

making humongous bubbles with a piece of string. And I don't know how he made, he's supposed to be making money. Yeah, and there's like a little kid that he was like clearly super mad at who just kept as soon as a bubble would be made, the kid popped it. Like he would stand next to it and just immediately pop the bubbles before they even finished.

I mean, you can't expect it's a bubble. Right. You can't make it in Central Park If you want your bubble to survive You've got to make it at home Where no one else is What you could have done is put poison in the bubble That could have been very clever

You could have put ricin in the bubble And kill the kid breaking back style Or he could have made the bubble like really hot So the kid burned his finger when he popped it Yeah It's not a bad idea The top comment on bubble is This is one of the only items on this

Rather not very funny list I'm willing to vote There is a certain way bathroom humor can be executed And the other entries are how you don't do it That's just straight up true And by the way, bubbles exist in a bathroom Yeah, true Mr. Bubble

Yes Yeah Taking a bubble bath Bathroom What do you think people do in bubble baths? Yeah, Mr. Feeney's Wait, what are they doing over here? They're naked in there

Oh Bubbles are seeing penises ass boobs Wait really? Oh no! There's another comment on bubble that says

Imagine being sipped by a hot girl. Imagine being what? Sipped. No, bubbles could be in your drinks. True, yeah. That's true. And you're getting sipped. Yeah, by a hot girl.

Or you could be blown into milk. I have a sipping face. What? You don't blow bubbles in the milk with a straw? The hell are you talking about it? You don't drink milk with a straw? Are you crazy? What in the Sam hell?

Are you talking about? You get a, all right. You get a glass of milk in milk? You say, I'll have two straws, one for bubbles, one for drinking. They bring it to you. And you, I mean, it's simple as it. And the bubble straw, the bubble straw goes in your nose. The drinking straw goes in your mouth.

And this is anti-Semitic because you know I can't be drinking milk. You sure is? I did know that. Yeah. Yes. You can't be saying anti-Semitic shit with that bald head. I know. Yeah, that's what Dr. Eel says.

I used to be able to say so much anti-Semitic shit. And now I just can't. It sucks. Number five is diapers. Oh. We talked enough about diapers on this show. Y'all just read one comment from this one. It's a toilet by any other name.

Would be fantastic if you had a scat fetish, though, or if you're a pedophile. And I will say, not to brag, I'm going to be shooting it. Hold on. Never mind. Go on, no, go on. Not to brag. I'm going to be shooting a comedy video where I was going to be wearing diapers.

And where do you think I bought diapers from? A pedophile. You better believe I found an adult baby kink website. I bought hilarious adult diapers from it. That look like they're for babies, but they're big. do they have like a big like safety pen they have like a funny little pattern on it yeah one of the funniest adult

diaper patterns I saw was there was one that just had weed leaves all over it so funny you should have got that one you should get a supreme diaper yeah that'd be tough there is a diaper brand yeah

there's a diaper brand called supreme really like because I remember in high school that was my joke I would pick up me like yo new supreme drop Nice. I think you were the most coolest high school kid of all time. Interesting, you just made up a story to cover the fact you knew about a diaper brand.

Oh, seriously, he was like a hilarious joke. No, what do you think I've ever said? He said to make fun of those diaries. No, hold on, we should go to the store right now and we can go do it at the store. Seriously, like, we should go ha-ha buy diapers or something. That's a joke. A small ones?

Walking into the school, like, wearing the Supreme Diper and be like, yo, I got the new Supreme Drip. just wearing it the whole day. Just the actual green stink lines coming out. Your diaper and your mouth just walking around school. I'm keeping a screwdriver in like Tommy Pickles.

Every time you see someone, he's like, yeah, I got the new Supreme Drop. Like, just so you know. Like, it's a joke that I'm wearing this. It's funny, right? And not stinky. You should smell the Supreme Drop. No. Yo, I made a Supreme Drop in the Supreme Drop.

P-U. Yuck. Number six is. punching bag. That's a boring one. That's not it. That's, that wouldn't be that bad. I think it'd be inspiring to see somebody like achieve their fitness dreams before my eyes. I feel like a punching bag because I'm the only woman in this room doing all the emotional labor around here. Can you talk about my dad? Yeah. Yeah. He actually said I have a big bald white head. Can you like handle that for me? Yeah. Let me just unpack that real quick. I think that I can't think of anything funny to say because I had three. shots of tequila last night and i want to say something uh-huh drinking is bad it's poison and no one should do it here's the thing drinking is driving how about that you ever text and drink at the same time oh yeah it's disgusting it's horrible it gets the drink gets all over the phone yep it's all sticky i can't even type after that i gave my phone to the bartender

What the fuck? What are you doing? That's so rude. Stop! Don't point that at me. Stop! Just flip me off. No, don't crank it up. No. Crank it back down. Crank it back down. Crank it down.

This sucks. Speaking of a freaking punching bag, yeah, every episode. Yeah, which one is the one of you guys that gets made fun of? Yeah. What'd you do to deserve it? I don't know. I have ADHD. so they yell at me.

Oh my God, that's ABLE-Lest! Yep. You guys are so Able-List against them. Yep. Which one of you guys is like the alpha? Cameron. Am I the alpha?

Yeah. Big dog on campus. Oh, am I the alpha? I don't want to be the Robin. I'm like sexy in there. The Robin? Robin. Like Batman Robin?

No, for Stern. The Batman Robin? Not, yeah. Yeah. Well, she's in that too. Yeah, she is. She's just singing. You will literally be a punching bag.

That's a comment from punching bag. That is true. Very clever. Number seven, deodorant. Well, I could smell good. True. True. Oh, good.

Old sweet hairy armpits. You know, and I'll say this again. One time, listen, guys be paying a lot of money to be wanting to be deodorant. True. One time a guy wanted to lick my armpits. This is true. He wanted to pay me to lick my armpits. Is that what you were here for this week?

That's what I was here for this week. Some guy. Some guy. Donald Jason Trump. I remember that? This guy was like, all right, I'll pay you $200. I'll lick your armpits, whatever. And then we went to dinner and ended up fighting about,

Zionism and didn't make it to the armpit. Wow. Still got paid. Wow. And dinner. Yeah. Man, dinner. It was pretty good.

And how, honey. And spirited debate. Yeah. Yeah. You don't get that often nowadays and it's good to... I know. Exactly. Yeah.

Number eight is soccer ball. Again, this is boring. Yeah, it's the same as punching bag. It's exactly the same as punching bag. That's not. You could see the world. If being hit by baseball bats and other spiky object wasn't bad enough, Imagine being kicked by 22 professional athletes for 90 minutes.

Hitting the crossbar would also result in extra pain. Other sports balls would be painful, but the soccer ball is no different. Oh, yeah. Imagine being kicked by 22 hot girl athletes. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Imagine it was bikini soccer, though. Mud soccer. Dead or alive, three.

I don't know what you guys are doing with soccer balls, but I'm taking a big old duckey on those. Oh, hell, hell no. This hot girl, yep, she's taking a dump on the round. She's going to do everything on this list. Yeah, but I pretty much dooky on it. I don't know why you want to be that. Yeah. Let's see.

Number nine balloons. That's just bubbles. That's a stronger bubble. True. Yeah. I just wanted to comment on this because people were wondering where the boulon would stop floating or if it would just pop. Actually, balloons will stop rising once their density matches the surrounding air. then I guess it would run out of helium

and just fall to the ground or burn up in the atmosphere. Just wanted to say. And I'll tell you what, when they pop, it's scary. It's loud. It is scary. It's like a gunshot. I was at like a dim sum place with my friend. And like...

Yeah, I'll believe that. Another fake story. With two friends, actually. What are their three names? Well, a fourth friend showed up. So hold on. Well, I'm still telling the story. But there's like a surprise party and like they popped the balloon.

and everyone just thought there was just a gunshot in the restaurant That was it That's why it's scary When they pop I'm sorry I didn't know where that was going

I think the saddest thing In the world is when Like you see in the distance Like a balloon Going up into the sky I laugh Because I know That it belonged to a house

With a little Korean boy in it And an old man They're about to go on an adventure True That's a good point Well if the one balloon goes up They probably couldn't fly anymore Probably ruin their whole adventure

Yeah You better believe That one time My parents' friend was sick in the hospital, so they went outside the hospital building and released a bunch of balloons. So they floated off. Yop. I start crying. Yup.

Yep. Yes. Let them know. Woo! Talk that talk, O.G. Let them know. She really loved to see those beautiful white balloons. She did. She did. Outside her hospital window before her dialysis. Oh. You built.

believe that shit i love i love that balloon shit i love that balloon shit yeah number 10's toilet paper this is enough yeah it's pretty much the same as toilet it's funny because i actually just ducky on the paper wipe my ass on the room of the seat especially oh you have one of those ones they have in japan that it like they have those The place is the liner. Really? There's a Japanese toilet here? Yeah.

Where? Where? You never went to a gas station in like all tuna, Pennsylvania? They have the... All tuna? Don't say all tuna. I mean, it's not just some. Wait, the ones that automatically replaced the liner on the...

I've seen those before here. Remember we went to that place with... Dude, what are you poor? Yeah. No. Poor bitch. What was it like to go to Japan? No, we went to that fucking...

I don't... It's somewhere around here that, like... Dude, chill, you don't have to do gunfingers at us. I'm trying to think you can hurt it. Stop, don't put it yourself. No, that, like, that the really expensive place that Potachshnick took us to when I first... Oh, they had that there?

Yeah. Did you walk in and fold your poop and put it inside? I took a video of it. I did take a video of it, me pressing the button, because I was excited. It's pretty exciting. Yeah. You've seen the video of the guy who puts poop on one of those

and presses the button, smears the poop all the way around. You haven't seen that. No, it's so good. Sounds really good. I'm going to be honest with you, the thought of that just made me sick to my son. Maybe you shouldn't have done so many drugs last night. You didn't eat meat meat a crap.

Liquid. So what I drink smoke. No, you don't. So what I go is a dream. Me and Jack Benzinger, we sang that for three and a half hours in the night. So what I drink smoke? So would I be here? shout out to Jack

I love you you're one of my best friends seriously man I miss you could you do it without him so I drink smoke so what I beer yes sir

and those balloons floated right up to heaven yes sir that brought I mean y'all mind if I shed a tear okay we got the contenders here

water balloons for the eyes there's newcomers here the newcomers to the list are Craig and Sanjay from Sanjay from Sanj Jane Craig, which looks like a cartoon. Why would that be bad? Can you skip number 11? That's like so

disgusting. Yeah, number 11 is maybe even too disgusting to look at. Yeah, I'm a female comedian, so I could talk about this. Wait, can... Number 11 is tampon. Oh, my God. Yeah, again, I'm a female comedian. I'm going to talk... Don't turn my sound now!

Turn my sound down while I'm talking! So I don't think a female narrative just what I'm talking about my appearance. Yeah, I bleed from my pussy Once a month That's not that bad Once a month

Oh, I thought it was every day It's like a faucet That's on and fills up the whole room Like the shining What? Yeah It's like a murder mystery scene That scene where there's a room full of blood

And a murder mystery Who filled up this room with blood? That's the mystery Yeah. Well, it's one that, like, when the butler comes in and says, somebody filled the room with blood. And I have to clean that crap. Come on. It was the guy with the candlestick in the other place.

Filling up this place with damn barbecue sauce. I wouldn't want to be a tampon. I guess unless it was, like, a really hot girl. I usually take a dougier on a tampon when I put that in my ass. Maybe it was a hot girl, and she needed a tampon. If she needed a tampon between her boobs instead, then that would be the perfect life. Dude. Yeah.

Dude, that's nasty. I'm just saying, hey, a guy's got to be a guy, and I want to be a boob tampon for life. We got to go. I'm going to get kicked out of this place soon. One more, one more. 13 is ash. Imagine being about to be turned into a beauty or a unicorn or any animal or object of your choice, but the magic trick fails and you get cremated.

This isn't a magically turned object. This is death. This is a badly burnt corpse. Death by being burnt, one of the worst ways to die. One of the worst ways to die is being what happened at 9. 11. That's true. The entire city of New York

was covered in this stuff. I mean, you couldn't escape this crap. It was so sick. I mean, everybody was fine with Ash before 9-11. They just got too much of it. Absolutely. Yeah. It's like snow, you know?

It's like, it's cool. Like, the first day, it's like, oh, this is beautiful. But then the after that, it's like, I just want this gone. Yeah. You know, at the first few days of Ash in New York City. Exactly. It's like, I'm out there playing, sledding. Making an Ash man.

And where are you guys? A lot of Ashman, actually. Where were you guys in the day of 9-11? Just pooping your dad's balls. Yeah, I was poop from, I was, um, I was just a, I was just a beautiful thought in a monk's brain. That's how you know that guy, intern at you, C, B! Let him know, dude. Yeah.

I love them. I was just like a sparkle at the top of a rainbow back then. I was actually the most beautiful creature of all time back then, but you wouldn't know. I was in, I was in my mom's basement because she put me down there because she was afraid that they were going to hit New Hampshire. That would be very funny They were like... Twin Towers, Pentagon, White House, and New Hampshire Yeah, the Red Arrow Diner got hit.

And Adam Sandler's crying Because he's from New York and New Hampshire And he's just like, they took everyone They took all my stuff! Yeah That would be really tragic For him. It's a beautiful Sandler impression.

Insane. Wait, do it again. Do uncut gyms. Ah, this is how I win. That's pretty fucking good, man. Another moment of anti-Semitism on podcast about lists. Was that? Tune in for more on the Patreon.

That's right. The last one on here, number 200 is a Cayu DVD. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. They put, I'd have to spin around in a DVD player, get a laser pointed at me. No. No, it's scared the shit out of me. I hate to be an iridescent, um, metallic disc.

That's the most beautiful thing anyway to have seen. But at least you'd be like one of the few like bald main characters. that is actually on television. You know, said something to think about. You know, I don't have a lot of... Do you show a lot of support for Kyu? I follow a YouTube account called Bald Cafe that teaches you how to better shave the top of your head.

Is this going to be behind a paywall? Nope. No. Fuck you. Yeah, we're pretty much done. Do you want to plug anything? Yes. I would love to. When does this come out?

Wednesday. Wednesday. Are you serious? Yeah. Well, listen, if you live in Los Angeles, California, I'm having an issue. People aren't buying tickets to the show that I need them to buy tickets for. You understand? Brain Dead Theater.

Oh, someone's like, I'll be out in a sec. Sorry. Someone's not getting at the dorm. Well, the Gestapo's come to take me. Holocaust 2 is happening. Brain Dead Theater on the 23rd of September. I am doing a show, and not that many people have bought tickets. You understand?

and I need to be selling tickets. I bought one. Yeah, we'll all buy like 10. We won't be there, but we'll buy a bunch of tickets. And then watch Sarah vaccine on me and CV. Please, it's 13 minutes. What else do you have to do? Check it out.

It's funny? It is funny. It is funny. I'll watch it. I heard it here first from the bald man of so. Not that bald. You can't even tell them bald right now, pretty much. I've got a hat on. Yeah, I know.

Take your head off. No. Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye.