Podcast About List - Ep. 163 - Family Rude

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

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Come in, come in, come in. Let me see your butt. All accounts for the ball list. Every crap monster. You better not say what you. Chucky, Chucky Cameron. Check out my toilet. Check out my toilet.

You want to play with my toilet? It's me, Chuckie Cameron. You want to play a game with my toilet. I'm small enough that I can fit in my own toilet. No. The toilet's big. I'm not small. I mean, Chuckie Cameron's not small.

And also, Chuckie Cameron doesn't exist. Chuckie Cameron. it's me Chuckie Cameron you want to play the game you can only play it when you're peeing into my toilet that I'm in Chuckie Cameron wouldn't say that you know you bitch wait what is what does he say when he gets chucky yeah chucky goes like you stupid bitch you like yeah what's she said he says he says he says he says he says if you'll excuse me I have a date with a six year old boy so chucky Cameron says he has a date I know he goes like I thought Chuckie sing is like I farted isn't that chucky's thing no I think that's Caleb's thing. No.

No, he goes, I'm gonna fart off in your room. Your cord is fucked up. Let me get the other one. Oh, my God, dude. I'll just pause. Oh, does Chuckie say that after all? I think, I'm gonna go on bright bar.

I'm a melted toy. I think he says that. I got blood and I'm a toy. Yeah, I think he said, I got blood and I'm a toy. I'm Chuckie Cameron. My toy knife is sharp. I think he said that too.

Chuckie. We're not talking, Chuckie Cameron isn't a thing. It is funny that Chuckie has like a little, like an actual little knife. you do you would give off honestly i'm gonna be honest i mean this might be true about anybody if you were a foot and a half tall you would low-key give off chucky vibe i don't think that would be true i think i would probably i would give off more like like gnome or like no i think i'd be more of a noem named norm if you had a if you were like oh big rounders if you have if you were a foot and half tall and you had overall and a tongue and a scar i think you might low-key like just thinking

about it you might give off some chucky vibes to someone like me. I don't think that I would do that okay. I think I might see you and like at first even though I know you at first I think if you saw me in it if you saw me in overalls I would probably give off tiny farmer vibes. Yeah. No. If I was

really small and wearing over a tiny chucky you look to you. You have a diabolical I would look sweet if I was small. If I'm sitting in my bathtub and I'm holding. If I was really small I would be cute and adorable. Which one of us would look the cutest? Me. I was It would look like a literal baby.

No, you wouldn't. You would not. Yeah, but you'd have the face of a grown man. You would look like, you would look like somebody like pretending to be a baby to like get into somebody's house. You'd be like, ooh. Oh, dude. Wait, has anyone, I know that people do that thing where they're like, like, there's been a couple people who pretend to be like a missing kid. Yeah.

And then like. Oh, like the imposter? Like the movie orphan. Yeah. Is there anybody who was like a really small person and pretended to be a baby? Yeah, you. might be a good idea that could work

yeah I'm a baby why is our baby not growing yeah yeah well you would be growing too happened right no someone pretending to be a baby a midge

babying up has to happen dude a midge I'm not gonna say the full word it feels it feels worse yeah okay

a me me okay all right he's testing the waters I don't know No, I mean, yeah. Well, a little baby, I think you're supposed to call them to. A baby person?

Yeah, they want, I think they're. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, no. Oh, no, that's so disrespectful. I take everything back that I said. Because, like, they don't wear diapers all the time. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Have you guys been since I've been gone? Honestly, I was telling him earlier, I have never, since you moved here, there's not been five days where I spent less money than when you were gone. yeah yeah i literally spent 10 dollars in five days and i was like he needs to go out of town like every i was like oh my god dude i'm rich if i if bat didn't live anywhere near me i would be a millionaire yeah yeah i was actually like bored and sobbing and lonely and like i went to

the big went to the big needle went to seattle thank you thank you mike and lindsay for having me that was his host family yeah he was doing an A podcaster's exchange program where he switched with a 12-year-old boy who had a Minecraft podcast. Yep. Caleb, Caleb, yeah, Caleb got to house the boy. Yeah, I have bunk beds.

Yeah. It's like a everyone's dream. No, you have a grandma bed. Don't try to... I honestly, I would swap out my grandma bed for... Dude, I need to pitch bunk bed to Janna. Yeah. Because she fucking...

That would fit the aesthetic. She's literally... It would. Yeah, you could get, like, yeah, big, like, grandma bunk bed. Or like, or you could get like three cots next to each other and we could all sleep there whenever we wanted. Dude, she's just a fucking, she's a maniac. She's like, she's a freak in the

sheets in the way that she just pushes you off the bed when you're trying to go to sleep. Yeah. I need, I need, I need a bunk situation bad. Or I just need like a, I just need a wall. A move out. Yeah. Yeah. Or yeah, you could like put on, you could make, you could make yourself really heavy before you go to bed. You could a weighted blanket. Yeah, you could eat a lot of food or you could wear like armor to bed or something. But then it would be harder to, to push you around you guys have weighted blankets i have one no have a 10 pound blanket we used to have one but we got rid of it i slept it's not it's not heavy enough for me i slept under one one one time at my brother's house and i had a dream that i was being crushed by a car yeah yeah yeah i was

doing this i was doing this bit this weekend uh it was me and mike were talking about austin powers oh did i show you guys my austin powers mike got me no we went to this flea market and he He found this, like, Austin Powers, like, plush doll. Oh, my God. Oh, wait. Yeah, wait. Hold on. I forgot to tell you guys this.

Yeah, tell. Do tell. Pray tell. So, big news. Big, big, uh, big appearance for me. Uh, I was leaving. It was this thing called the punk rock flea market. I bet that's seriously cool.

It had the Austin Powers plush doll there. It's like got me that. We were leaving. I'm standing outside getting a pick of it. Uh, and this woman comes up to me. And, She has, like, two cameras with her. She's like, oh, what?

Can I take a picture of you and your doll? I was like, oh, okay. Wow. She took a photo of me, took on two cameras, then says, I work for the South Seattle Emerald. No way. Wow. So there's going to be a photo of me in the South Seattle Emerald. It's going to be a photo.

Look for me in there in the South Seattle Emerald. Yeah. It's going to be great. It's going to be, it's a big moment for me. They would never take a photo of me with the kind of things that I find it. It's going to be me holding an Austin Power stall in the South Seattle Emerald. That'll be big, dude. Headline, yeah.

We were doing. Weird freak found on streets. Does not belong here. Weirdest guy. We need to kill him. Yeah. F. L. detective. No.

But before, before we found that, we were doing this bit where it's like you tell someone you're about, it's like, oh, do you want to hear like my Austin Powers impression? Yeah. You just do Alan Aldous voice. Yeah. It's just like Yeah, yeah, I hate to ask this, but Do I make you Randy, baby?

Do I make you horny? I like that you have, that's probably the third time you've told me about something you've done, and it's just something in Alan Alda voice Because that's your go-to. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry to bother you, but can I have $1 million? He's more polite than anyone in that movie. Yeah, I'm the fat bastard. I'm here to eat your baby.

Basically, I'm the fat bastard I'm the fattest bastard of all time And I would I would absolutely love to eat your baby What's that one line Blimey orca bubble What? Blimey or cabibble

From your, from your coaster Oh, oh Core blimey Yeah Core blimey Core blibble Does it say or cabbibble? No

Says something, cabbibble I don't forget a cabbibble Man It's true Yeah, it's funny It's funny The fat bastard The fat bastard

The fat bastard coaster that I have just says there's something mentally wrong with me it's so funny it's not even a recognizable quote

it's just like no I don't remember fat bastard saying there's something mentally wrong with me at all but also you could picture him saying it yeah there's something mentally wrong with me I would picture him more saying

there's something physically wrong with me yeah it's like yeah you want to start with how you're the biggest fatest guy I've ever seen, you fucking piece of shit. The other thing is, like, the gold member one doesn't say, like, I love gold or, like, smoking a pancake. It says, I've completely forgotten what I just said.

So I think that maybe these were being dictated by somebody who contracted Alzheimer's in the middle of... There's something mentally wrong with me. I forgot exactly what I just said. You used to also do, like, Amazon M. Turk for, like, extra money, right? Did you ever do any of the transcription stuff? Yeah, like a little bit. Yeah, where they would play like, like the task was like they play 10 seconds of like an old movie or something. And then you're supposed to like put what it's supposed to say.

And they don't check any of it. Yeah. You can just put anything. Well, that's because I'll watch like movies on Amazon that clearly only like 10 people have ever watched and like see that there's a mistake in the subtitles. I'd be like, oh, yeah, I get it now. Yeah. Yeah. I did that too.

Amazon, what? Amazon M Turk. Mechanical Turk. I mean, it was like, I was so broke in college that just, like, I would spend my extra time at my job where I was like, if I had access to a computer, doing these, like, tasks for Amazon, not for Amazon. Amazon is a marketplace for, like, people, hire people to do something. You basically work as a computer slave. And it's basically like two cents an hour. It's like probably two bucks an hour.

Yeah. But you can do it. We could do it while we were at our job, our real job also. So that's nice. So it was, we're doubling up. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing this pod and Amazon M-Turk.

Yeah, it was a lot of crazy shit. Like, you would do, like, it was a lot of that kind of shit, like, transcription and then a lot of, like, marketing surveys. Yeah, the best part was to try and, like, look into, like, a high-paying survey by pretending that you were, like, the, like, it would be, like, a survey where, like, you'd have to be, like, a middle-aged woman with two children in order to take it. Yeah. But it, like, rewarded you, like, $5 for, like, a 10-minute survey.

So you'd have to try and answer the question. and make them think that you're like... You have to guess what they want for the survey. The answers that got you into the good surveys were Asian American, 35 years old, three kids, $120,000 or more.

If you said that is like the survey golden goose, dude. Because apparently those people are... Because why would... If you're making $120,000 a year when you have like kids, why would you be on Amazon intern? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Filling out surveys.

So they got to make it worth their while. Yeah. Yeah, $5. I'm trying to remember. what the other tasks were there were stuff where like you had to like look at pictures and like and like say yeah yeah a lot of them felt like they were just like trying like it would it's like a test that they give like a psychic child in a movie where it's like made me go crazy yeah look at this yeah look at this picture of the of the devil and type in like five adjectives yeah no it was shit like that it would show you like a picture of like like like like road kill and it would be like like what do you like this is just good or bad like it would be like because you're trying to teach in AI like these things are good these things are bad there were one you have to like draw stuff too i think yeah there's that shit but you know that job that everyone complete they're like oh we want to kill ourselves because we're the people who have to go on youtube and like remove all the like murder videos yeah or facebook like remove all the murder videos and

stuff the we were basically doing that job for two dollars an hour sometimes yeah and uh it yeah made me go completely insane yeah and i think in i think in the year and a half i did it i think i made eight hundred dollars yeah i did not do it as much as you did it i did it like very very briefly You made $800 over the course of a year, so that's like... I mean, and I was working, I did it every single day. Yeah. Yeah, it was fucked up. Yeah.

It was not fun. It's evil. And then I had to, and then they don't withhold taxes, so then, like, I had to, like, pay taxes on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's diabolous. Well, the thing, it's nice, it's when you're, when you have a job that's boring. Yeah. Yeah. I guess, yeah, but, like, it's just a, but, yeah.

I should have been playing world of work. I could have made more money leveling an account on RuneScape in that time and then selling it. That's true. I could have weighed, like, I made, like, literally way more money. Yeah. Yeah. But you wouldn't get to see all those cool pictures. That's true.

I would not have learned right from wrong. As a hitman. You'd be a terrible hitman. I would be a terrible hitman. I would be a terrible hitman. It's too obvious. I would be a great hitman. People you walk in, people are like, oh, but age of 47's here.

God damn it. If somebody, like, kind of real things to, like, oh, maybe someone's trying to kill me. And then they see me walk into a coffee shop that they're in, they're leaving. I think they, no one would suspect me of being the hit. man, but I would do such a terrible job with the murder aspect. I don't think I would be silent

or like, sly about it. You'd probably like start to struggle someone and then like fart really loudly. Yeah, just from the struggle. Yeah, just like, oh, sorry. Oh, my bad. Yeah, because you're trying to keep some deep cover

so you're doing like a crazy voice. I'm doing like an accent. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. for farting like that? I ain't killing you accidentally.

Well, the thing is if you walk into it, if somebody thinks that they're about to be killed and some guy walks in a restaurant and goes, I'm so sorry. They're like, oh, it's no way it can be the off-duty clown.

I'm in a pinwheel hat and like a big, like the tight, you know, a big lollipop. A big lollipop, like a tight like, you know, like the suits that like bicyclists wear. So I'm like, oh, I just got back from the Toronto,

France. It's just so it's like, they can't tell that I'm a hit and it's just like, oh, it's December. I got 67th place

in the Tour de France. Yeah, they're like, oh, that's too many details. He can't be lying. This guy, I mean,

this guy must be kind of famous. I actually go up and get his hod of crap. I should get really close to it. I have like a big like belt buckle too that has just a gun pointing. Like, point it's straight from from Duskildon. But it's not even like the,

the, kick gun. It's just like a gun pointed straight. It's just like an AR-13. You're trying to play it off as a belt buckle. Oh, this is my big Parisian belt buckle. Oh, I got it after winning the tour. Actually, I was 67th place, a more modest place.

Yeah, the more, I think the more background you give to somebody, the more likely it is that you're going to kill them. Yeah. Yeah. The more they're like, well, yeah, that's why when I'm in a man, I would walk into a coffee shop and I'd be like, I pretty much didn't have a childhood and nothing ever happened to me up till now and that there's really nothing interesting about me

in any way. And they go, you're a man, I can trust. Yeah, I'm pretty much a blank slate. Yeah. That's also, basically nothing, I mean my regular name. Nothing ever just happened to me. So, like, I just didn't do anything. I was basically an orphan and I forgot 25 years

and then now I've made his coffee shop right now. I was just chilling for a long time too. Also, there's certain words that make me act up. Yeah. There's a barcode on the back of my head. Do you want to scan that shit? If ageing 47 went to the grocery store, what do you think he gets rung up as? Bananas.

Is that guy's crazy? Do you think he gets bananas? Yeah, maybe. Is that guy's loco? Yeah, a damn coconut because his head looked like a damn coconut. Probably a red coconut. A red, melon? A young coconut.

A melon. A melon, maybe. A single egg. One white egg. Code for a single egg. It's a gun. They don't sell them at the grocery store. Dude, that's probably what it is.

Probably is the code for a gun. Yeah, that would be cool. It is cool that he has the barcode on the back of his head. I have never played those games. Why did they put a barcode on his head? Let's just be honest. So you can purchase his services? I don't think that's how...

I don't think you explain that you need a hitman, and then he's like, okay, and he turns around. I need you to scan this first. That's my price. No, no, no. It's like a QR code. Don't swipe it. Tap it. It's a chip.

You got to put it in. You can scan it. It takes you to his web, website it's like a QR code oh see nowadays if they made a hitman game they haven't made one in 25 years if they made a hitman game today it would be it would be it would be probably a QR code did i tell you guys about the time that i almost accidentally charged somebody like five billion dollars did i sit tell that on the podcast before no you told me it outside of this oh okay well i was working at the liquor store and the way the barcode the barcode scanner works is you scan a barcode and it's like a number

and it just auto fills yeah it's actually a skew number but it auto fills the skew number into um the like into just the text field, like, whatever text field you have selected. So I, like, I was, like, I accidentally had the price field selected before I scanned it. And it scanned in this queue number, which is like, you're like, one, five, two, nine, six, one, five three. And I came so close to pressing the, like, finish and pay button, like, or like the charge. And it literally would have been like, like, like, 500 billion dollars. It would have been so. funny if that just like if it was on like a debit card that like it it went through

yeah like it like you just overdraft it yeah it didn't notice million dollars dude that would be so sick but yeah so because the person didn't notice because i canceled it in time but i just just sitting there just scan the thing and just go like oh oh oh oh oh just because i realized like how much of a close call it was i was just laughing damn like ringing them up that would have been so It was so funny. And tip, please? We should get a... That is such a good scam.

It's just to get a square reader and just charge people a lot of money without telling them. You guys, get one of the small ones that, like, attaches to your phone and be like, oh, my phone screen's broken so you can't really read it, but... I get freaked out

because I just got a new debit card and it's one of these tapping ones. I got a new debit card, you just got one. Did I show you mine? No. It's so fucked. I got the... I just got a new one, and it's a tapping.

tapping one and those like you just get it close to the thing yeah so like if i if somebody just like yeah yeah somebody had those and just held it yeah no it's crazy and they wouldn't be able to get much that's why it's i like you doing the tat when it's tap thing i like using my phone because i have to like yours is fucked yeah that is so fucked it's about to snap at the thing too just get a new i was trying to buy uh i made my i couldn't sleep last night and mimosas make me sleepy so i tried to buy mimosas and i put on my credit mimosas make you sleepy yeah what why didn't you just buy like melatonin and then i think they make you sleepy because you usually have them in the morning yeah it's and you're like oh i should be awake

right now but i'm drunk yeah yeah that's and you know what it is i usually have mimosas at christmas too so i'm up early because i'm so excited about the presents we did the fucking andre champagne that shit at christmas it's two dollars a bottle oh man get fucking 15 of them yeah dude it's the best oh god i actually don't have drink on Christmas because I think it's disrespectful to Santa Claus. It's not disrespectful to Santa. It's very disrespectful to Santa. Well, you think you give Santa eggnog, he drunk drives.

No, you give him milk. No, you give him eggnog. You give him milk. By the end of the night, you know Santa faded by the end of Christmas at morning. He doesn't do. He's swerve in that. He like, that's not true. Don't say that about Santa Claus.

Kids don't get presents. Well, I guess that fuck him. I don't need to do this till next year. I guess I know two guys who weren't getting presents this year. Yeah, you and your brother. I don't get presents. I don't have a brother. I grew up.

You're not getting a present from me this year. You're not getting a present from me this year. What? Not from you? What the fuck? I got, I, you know.

I don't give a shit about Santa, but the, you guys were really disrespectful towards Christmas just now. Which one of you gave me a nomad outfit? That was me. Oh, yeah. And you gave me a paw patrol helmet.

Yeah, which I've never seen you wear. It's too small. So? I can't put it on my fucking head. Also, you didn't even take a single picture with it ever. take a photo with and I shouldn't do you. No, you didn't. He took a picture of my gnome suit.

He did. He loved the gnome suit. The gnome suit was way better, dude. Yeah, see, the way better gift. I'm definitely not getting you a present this year. I'm going to get you. You didn't even, you didn't get me one last year. I'm leveling up. I didn't want to. Or for my birthday, or for my other birthday, or my other birthday, or my other birthday, or any of my other birthdays. I don't like giving presents. That's kind of true. I kind of hate giving gifts. Giving gifts sucks unless it's, unless you can give somebody like something like a pop. I got Rex. I realized this the other day.

I bought Rex something, and I'm not going to say his real last name, but he has a very pretty normal last name, but I didn't know his last name at the time, and I bought him a Christmas gift, and it was a kettle with the star of David on it, and I put his billing address, I put his name as Rex Shlomo Eisenstein. They never delivered. delivered it because we're like this guy doesn't exist. And I forgot about that

until the other day I ordered something on Amazon. I was like, do you want to send this to a little more license? I was like, no. This guy doesn't exist at all. Yeah. And then I told him he was mad at me. Well, yeah, he probably wanted that kettle.

He wanted it so bad, dude. Yeah, it wasn't even sorry, Dave, it was an Israeli flag on it. Oh, okay. Yeah. That she was, because he needed a kettle. I just got one of those the other thing. I actually just purchased one.

Really? Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, for the, can you imagine if Israel was in like the World Cup of soccer one year? Isn't it? No, like in the finals or something. Oh. That would be the most buck wild fucking.

Yeah. Yeah. Versus Palestine? I don't think Palestine has a... I think Israel versus Palestine would be a good... The World Cup for all the Marlboro? The Marlboro's. For all the Marlboro.

Yeah. Palestine will get free cigarettes for a year if they win. And if Israel wins, well, they get Palestine. That would be a... If Israel wins, Palestine will also get free cigarettes, but it's because they'll all be executed by firing squad. It's very funny to me. They're all filled a race.

Not Israel, Palestine. It's very funny, me, there's still, like, countries that now, like, young people from these countries hate people from, like, the country right next to. store to them. Oh yeah, like Armenia and Azerbaijan. And like Turks and Serbs. I was, I played a fucking game of Valerite two days ago where it was like five people

or four people on my team that were all playing from like that area. And it was like two Turkish guys and two Serbian guys and they just are, they just said like fuck you, you fucking piece of shit to each other the entire time. I was like, I can't believe that these guys still. That's sick. I don't even know

what happened to there and I don't care. It's kind of like the U.S. and Canada. No, dude, no. We have a pretty sour relationship with Canada. Do we? What'd they do to us? I mean, he's fucking... They basically took our people coming down, going to Hampton Beach.

That's actually true. Yeah. At least Montreal. I think Montreal should become part of Vermont. I don't think there's a single part of Canada that I would care to have. What? Niagara Falls? The good part of Niagara Falls?

No, we have the good part because of... No, I don't know. They should divide up Canada into different size pieces and like and have it to be so that every state. No. So every state is the same size. So like they could give a lot of Canada to Rhode Island like a tiny bit to Texas and just make them all the exact same size. I was going to say split them up into provinces. Right. And then. And then. And then. And then. Yeah. So anyway, then all the states would be the same size. And then the flag would make sense. Because right now the flag makes no sense. Because all the stars are the same. size but it's like how can these how can these represent different states not no our our flag oh what the hell is wrong with you well the canadian flag makes sense because it's one leaf that's the same size yeah which is canada is one country that's the same size we have these all these fucking white stars yeah and it's like how am i supposed to tell which star of this how am i supposed to tell which star is hawai so i can i can cross it off my own personal flag

It's so I know Honestly dude Fuck Hawaii For real Yeah What the fuck do these people Do all that bro Surf?

Oh good Like get a fucking job You feel like What's wrong with you dude Don't talk shit about Hawaii Hawaii is a beautiful country You're getting drunk on coconut water And falling into a volcano

It's connected to hell It literally is a portal to hell dude It shoots hell fire I think Hawaii is good Dude you're a Hawaiian You're tripping Hawaiian breakfast You only like Hawaii because of Lilo

Dude, they think that fucking... No. They think that leaves and coconuts are like... They think that's like business casual. They think you can make a necklace out of a flower. I swear to God. You make that out of a chain. Walk into a we work in Hawaii.

Don't count how many fucking, like, giant dresses made out of leaves, you see. Why? It sucks, dude. No. Hawaii's goaded. Swear to God. Hawaii's goaded. They have...

What do they have? Spam for breakfast? Dude, I did some... I actually did some free... Rice for breakfast. I did some freelance work for a Hawaiian guy. like two or three years ago. I did some freelance stuff.

His name was Tito. Tito, I did some freelance work. I had to skateboard and snowboard and surf. We agreed on a, we agreed on a, on a price is $1,200, right? I do the work.

I send it to him. He sends me a box full of fucking shells. Okay. I call him, I'm like, Tito, what the fuck is this? He's like, count them, it's $1,200, right? you can eat those yeah plus their food and clothes so come on i was like dude this is the worst place and he said yeah and then he and then he said aloha which actually also means that's just enough shells aloha they literally they have a language they have their own language oh we have

your own language we're a state their own language it's one word over and over again just say aloh they're like fucking they're like that uh they're like that uh they're like that fucking what's his name hodore they can only say aloha they can only say aloha yeah we're gonna get banned they're exactly like a Pokemon they can only say aloh no no no no no Half of them are named Aloha, and then the other ones are Aloha Jr., dude. It's literally every Hawaiian's name. I had a big Maui trip planned for us. There's a guy.

There's a big Maui guy named Tripp. There's a really big guy in Maui. His name's Tripp. Yeah. And he says, what's up, oh? Aloha. And he's water type. They're literally like, I mean, that is the worst place in the world.

It's so ugly, too. It looks like, it looks like, it looks like, it looks. It looks like a postcard. It's like, what, am I supposed to hang out on a piece of paper? Hawaiian coffee's really good. Hawaiian coffee? Yeah. What is that?

Is it coffee made a sand? It's coffee they put lava in it to make it hot. They put vanilla and macadamia nuts in it. Oh, that sounds so good. Yeah, that seriously sounds awesome. Hey, hey, Pat, Aloha. That means fuck you. Talking shit about our 50 estate.

No, it shouldn't even be a state. Here's what I was saying. We swap out Hawaii for Puerto Rico. Yeah, absolutely. No, we just... Puerto Rico should be a state. We should have to make a state. Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico.

Puerto Rico, no, dude, if you want to have another civil war, try and merge Puerto Rico in Hawaii. Because Puerto Rico are the most upstanding, hardworking people in the world. And Hawaii are just scumbagged fucking pieces of shit in mango addicts who sit around all day. This is going too far. No, they're pieces of shit. They're going too far. Every single person in Hawaii, I hope.

I honestly hope the big, the big one hits. I've been, I hope the, the big one hits Hawaii tomorrow, dude. You know why? Because they would all, you know, big wave starts coming to wipe out the entire thing. The entire island starts paddling towards it, dude. It's so stupid thing. That's right. Right?

There's so many concussions from coconuts falling onto their heads. It's fucking embarrassing, dude. I don't, I want nothing to do with Hawaii. Stop talking about Hawaii like that. No who's from there? Ryan Higa. I've completely changed my tune. Ryan Higga's the man.

Yeah. You know what? He taught me how to be ninja. He taught me how to be ninja. Worst case scenario, I go to Hawaii, right, at some point. They arrest me, put me in a Hawaiian jail. What do I have to do? I have to split a piece of bamboo with my leg and I'm fucking free.

Yeah, you have to, yeah. Bambu? They'll say, we're sending. Bamboo in Hawaii? It's all bamboo. It's all bamboo and leave. Yeah, they're saying like, oh, you have to do a work program during the day here. Yeah.

And they hand you your hollowed-out coconut with a Pina-Colada. They hand me a snorkeling mask. They say, find tin fish. You have to let you have to tan all day. And I said, oh, all day. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah.

Yeah, that's, I mean, it's literally the worst place in America. It's not even in America. It's in the sea. God put it. God literally, within the next 1,000 years, God was not a part of it. The reason that God had created global warming is to put Hawaii back underwater. How did people even find Hawaii?

He didn't do that. What the fuck? Like why people have some, like Hawaii's, is that what just where they put all the worst people in the world? It's not what, no. For like a million years, they were just like, if you had like a cousin who couldn't get his act together, you'd be like, oh no, there's this beautiful place. Go to Hawaii.

Well, yeah, that's people who couldn't grow out of making macaroni necklaces got sent there. place is a joke man it's a fucking joke and not a funny one either no no no doing this about hawaii what's wrong with this why are you so pro hawaii it's it's great there you know you would fit in i've never been but you would you would you would fit in you would fit in i enjoy it i had yesterday i had these chips they were Hawaiian chips so Hawaiian barbecue flavor what the fuck are you even talking about had Hawaiian barbecue chips that doesn't that's not that's not Hawaii, dude.

Yeah. I think I got the Hawaiian barbecue is when they just leave the meat out and hope that some lava comes and cooks it for them. Yeah. Are you kidding me?

Dude, it's so sick. I got lava there. It's literally rocks. You want lava in your life? Yes. More lava in your life? Yes.

Dude, you would be the, like, you would die. If you moved to Hawaii, I give you seven days before you literally like sit in lava accidentally, don't notice until it's at your waist and then you're just gone.

No, I would notice. You would go to Hawaii and you would go to your roommates every day and say, I think there's lava in our house. I think I saw a piece of lava go run across the floor. And they'd say, Aloha, Mahalo. Which is the same word, by the way. Yeah. I think I have lava sickness.

Look at Aloha and look at Mahalo. Okay. Look at the letters in them. It's the same word. No. Yeah. Is Mahalo. People in Hawaii go up, they go to, they go to,

McDonald's, they say, uh, yeah, I'll have the Aloha Mahalo. Yeah, and a Mahalo, Aloha. Every single thing on the menu is the Aloha Mahalo, Aloha. You can get, um, you can get an Aloha Mahalo there. I think you can get yeah, there's like some Hawaiian. Did you know that the Hawaiian

language has over 50 different words for recliner? Ha! Ah! And no word for job. What the fuck? Stop. What, dude?

That's so messed up to say. About Hawaii? Yeah. Why? They're great people. They're not. Stop it. I mean, they're scumbags, dude.

They invented the worst shirt worn by the worst white people in the world, too. They literally invented the most annoying fucking shirt. And they were like, you know, they saw it. They made it annoying on purpose. They call it Aloha Mahalo there. And they were like, like you know what we'll call this we'll name this after us this is the hawaiian shirt i'm opening his phone and just the shaking the yeah my nuts stank yeah oh yeah we uh there's this

app called big and you can just type whatever you want into it and then shake it and the screen flashes really fast and i says my nut stank it's hypnotic what are you reading did you just take something off anna's desk and eat it yeah he took ice up just a pen he has a kind of pinch look over you have like blue ink all over your mouth

did you eat a pen no I'm just chewing ice no I was just breathing really hard okay here's this list this list was sent to us by a listener on Patreon by World Park so thank you World Park for sending this because this is a good website

this is from factanate.com okay this is a list called, call the burn unit. These epic comebacks are deadly. And that says factinate video of the day, but it's not a video. It's just a list. There's no video on the page.

But so I'll just read this first comeback here. There's only four, but I found a second list. You know, so here's the first one. It's kind of a story-based thing here. So number four, keeping him in suspense. I was at a friend's place with a lot of people who I didn't really know too well. We were all having a few beers. Oh, that means.

This dude from across the table says to me quite aggressively that my suspenders were ugly and that they made me look like I was trying too hard, which, to be fair, I was, and then in bold, but I still dealt him a crushing blow. All right. Without skipping a beat, I stood up, unclipped my suspenders, and put them in my pocket. When I sat down, I looked straight into his eyes and replied, Now let's talk about that face tattoo of yours. Shit.

That's fire. That is a crushing blow. you guys ever had an epic comeback moment um i think so much was what um i think i was i think i was like a guy like a guy making fun of me at uh i think like i was ordering food and i said uh thank you have a nice day what i said what is wrong with your brain sir have a nice I don't know. You have just, you have slay-out the scenario.

I'm jet-lagged. I've, I straight up, I aborted that joke midway through because I couldn't figure out the setup. Yeah,

hey, your parents wish they aborted you halfway through. Yeah. I wish I was to you after saying that fucking bullshit.

I just said, Jesus fucking Christ, that is, that is, I've said some unfunny shit. You didn't even say anything, Pat. You didn't even,

I know, I know, I've done some fucking horrible, like, stupid bits on here. I think that is the worst one I've ever done. By golly, you didn't even say anything. I know. I just said, blah, blah, blah. I know. I'm sorry. I was on a plane.

How the fuck? No, it was better. How the fuck did people listen to this? Like, people listen to this, and they like to listen to it. Yeah. And I'm on it. Yeah, you really do suck. Yeah.

Fucking shithead. God damn it, dude. I should just kill it. should all get your fucking brains checked if you're listening to this crap i mean probably true you might have cancer you could have cancer you have a tumor in your brain that makes you stupid it could be what that would be so cool if you found out every single one of our fans had a tumor in the same spot some tumor that like like literally like cuts brain function they like yeah yeah like a like a contagious tumor like a new disease and it turns out like the only like it's

Everybody who listens to this has it. That would be it. That could happen. They have a brain-eating worm. It's like videodrome. Everybody's been, everybody's been to the same river in Brazil. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just went to Brazil in like, wait, I also went to Brazil in like 2017. Wait, what? Oh, and there was that huge outbreak of that evil worm that eats your brain.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you also pee into the river? Yeah, I did. Yeah. Wait, and did you also drink the pee with the straw afterward? Well, yeah, of course. Yeah. Because the pee sits on top of the river. Whoa, dude.

Alopecia alert. that guy doesn't have any fucking eyebrows in that car he just saw me he's telling me and he heard me say that and he looked at me yeah well that's a baby you're looking at a nose dude holy god I don't get your act together bro oh I see him now oh he ate it

he ate his book he ate his book damn okay this guy's actually cool as fuck he ate the bug grown man eating his bugs yeah in the car in the car you in the car with your kids just eating nothing to say to you man I can't touch you bro

if you're a grown man if you if you were like in a presidential debate and you just fucking licked a bug in the middle dude i think you might win yeah right shows like you're human well it also just like yeah it shows you don't give a damn fuck let's be when was the last time you guys ate a book i don't think i ever have i think that is always disgusted me i've picked my nose a bunch of my life but i never even i was really hoping you guys would would would i would trick one of you into saying today today well ha ha oh you got me oh no no i don't understand what's I don't understand what's attractive about, like, why would you want to do that?

That doesn't seem like it would ever seem like a good thing to do. Yeah. It's funny to make, like, your little brother eat your burger. Yeah, but like a baby maybe would eat dirt. But I feel like when you get, like, there's an age where you know you're not supposed to eat dirt or poop. And I feel like burgers, you go along with that. Babies will totally eat poop if they could. Babies, no, they don't.

Well, babies probably eat stuff that would, and they have poop. I was like, babies just eat disgusting, just whatever they can get their hands and babies like that. I feel like a booger should be included. pick up the apple and eat it. When I was a kid, apparently I would poop my pants, and then I would smell it and vomit. I'd poop or fart, and then I just go, I was so gross that I would just vomit immediately.

My little brother had, like, a bad, like, I get, like, he had like a sympathetic, like, gag reflex. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so if you, like, went, like, or, like, around him, he would, like, start going, like, that's a bad place to be. Yeah. Yeah, that sucks.

The only time I think I've ever really hurt someone's feelings, like a stranger. Was like every episode of the show for me. No, no, no. You've never had your feelings, actually. What are you talking about? Shut up. One time I was at a bar and a guy, I was at a bar in, I may have said this, actually, I was at a bar in California.

This is when I had my fucked up stupid haircut. And I sat next to this guy trying to, like, get a drink. And he's like this old, like, fat trucker dude. And he was like, very playfully, he was like, huh, your barber messed something up, said I like that. Yeah. And he, like, laughed to himself. And I just looked at him, was like, you're really fat. I was like kind of, I was like in the mood to like get into like a argument or a fight with this guy.

And he just looked like so sad. He was like, you took it too far, man. I think about that guy a lot Just like a guy Like you think would be able to take that Just immediately just fold it He's also to go just to go for someone who looks Psycho like you with the skullet specifically

And expect that person To be like oh yeah We're gonna do like a playful ribbing here And either of us are gonna go too far Yeah it's like dude I look evil Yeah You can't do that to I mean you would kill me

Was bare hands but Oh yeah for sure Yeah he was a sensitive dude He was the sensitive trucker. He was the sensitive trucker, dude. He listened to, like, Dolly Parton as he drove his truck. Yeah. He was like, damn, dude.

Would you suck a sensitive trucker? Yeah. To make him playful again? Yeah, dude. 100%. Yeah. You know, truckers suck, too. They're all babies.

I agree. Truckers might be the least heroic people in the world. You know, absolutely. You guys know about trucker sucker? No. It's a guy that, it's a guy online. Let me guess. He sucks truckers.

Yeah, this guy's addicted to sucking off truckers. He's addicted? He's addicted to it. He's addicted to sucking truckers off. No. That can't be true. Ain't no nicotine in a trucker cock. There's nicotine, baby.

God damn, he said it ain't so. Okay, so this list is longer than I thought. Okay, boss. Because it starts with four, so I thought it would maybe be counting down from four, but the next one is five. Okay, interesting. Oh, it's like Star Wars. Number five, not my type.

A friend of mine in first-year university had never really dated any girls yet. This dumb meathead who were kind of friends with him, who were kind of friends with told him one day, when you do get a girlfriend, I'm totally going to sleep with her. The guy absolutely slayed him. He responded, if I had a girlfriend who would sleep with you,

her cheating on me wouldn't be the issue. That's actually fire. If your girlfriend, folks, your best friend, you just say, like, I actually didn't ever care in the first place because if she was to be that low doesn't bother me. I wasn't supposed to be fucking this stupid

whore in the first place. He slayed him, though. He actually does mean he did slay him. See, I think all of these could be spiced up by saying, you're fat at the end. I don't get that one. No? I don't get how that's in a good.

All right, well, maybe you'll get this one. Number six, family rude. Oh, you fucked my girlfriend? Yeah. Actually, that reflects poorly on her character. Yeah. That's not, that's not nice of her. Yeah.

You throw a pokey ball. Yeah. Maybe you'll get this one though, Patrick. This one's very long. This is, number six family rude. Okay. This is, like, done like Star Wars. Why does it go four, five, six?

I still think about this comeback to this day. I have two little brothers, and it was my dad's birthday. So the semi-extended family was all at a restaurant to celebrate. I had just graduated from my dad's alma mater, and my middle brother was currently a junior there. However, my youngest brother, a friend, what is this, a logic puzzle? What the hell?

My youngest brother. freshman had opted to go to a state school at one point my uncle said so youngest brother how does your dad feel about you breaking the trend of men going to the alma mater my little brother thought about it for a moment and then said well he probably doesn't mind considering i also broke the trend of not being able to get higher than a three point oh the table the table absolutely exploded in laughter and whooping my other brother and i just stared at each other across the table like oh my god did we just get crushed it's especially funny because my little brother was one of those shy high school kids who went off to college and then suddenly came back fun and socially confident i was hoping that development would happen i just never expected it to stab me in the face 3.0 is the blood alcohol content as a b a c he blew with uh 3.0 that would be impressive this is this is a this is a like kind of there yeah a baseline 3.0 yeah it's kind of sick dude yeah if it dips below 2 you die like fucking uh yeah like that state though yeah heard it a crank yeah like crank yeah like crank yeah like Like heroin.

Your blood alcohol content goes below 2.0. That would be a good movie. And you're driving a bus like speed. That would be a sick movie. And if it goes below 2.0, the bus explodes. It doesn't matter how fast you go. You can go as fast as you want. You just have to do a normal route on a city bus in Cincinnati.

But if you goes below 2.0. You can't get caught drunk driving is the thing. Yeah, exactly. Like everybody on the bus is old. Yeah. So they're always talking to you about. the routes or whatever and they're like oh i used to go over they're always like doing that old people thing old people ask for a bus exception and they're like can you make up four stops for me

that are actually between two stops yeah and the guy goes i fucking i don't care yeah man i wasn't supposed to do this today yeah somebody called out and i wasn't supposed to be here yeah i wasn't supposed to be driving i was supposed to be at home i think about becoming a bus driver sometime you can never I could A bus driver Neither of you can drive I'm the driver

A bus driver is a job where you can be psycho and there's nothing that anybody can do about it because you are that's like

that is one of the ultimate like you are in power in Boston The crazier you are anywhere anywhere who's gonna if a bus driver

is being psycho what's the past you're gonna do they're gonna get off the bus that's literally it you also you can't touch a bus driver yeah you can't talk to them they don't let you

they don't let you out that you could do that That's what I'm saying. As a bus driver, you could literally do anything you want. You, like, immediately make $50,000. Yeah, they get fined like a billion dollars, yeah. No, it's like sick. It's so cool.

It's the closest thing you can have to, like, the kind of protection that they give police officers. It's like being the king's son in like a fantasy world. Oh, I thought you meant if the bus driver hits you. No, no. If the bus driver hits you, you also get fined a billion dollars because you touched the bus driver. It's on camera. It's literally a cootie situation. Yeah.

You know what's funny, I didn't. I guess it's such a problem in New York, but, like, moving here on the train where it says, like, assaulting. Assaulting MTA employees is like a felony or whatever. Dude, I mean, those... They had to put up a sign because it kept happening. Those signs have talked me down the ledge quite a few times.

Swear to God, dude. I've been in there. Well, that's what I'm saying. Maybe it used to be hard or bad to be a bus or train driver, but now that they have that stuff in place, you know, even if you get the shipy out of you, you're going to become rich. True.

I think that's literally. really the goal, okay. That's why bus drivers are so cantankerous. Yeah. Is because they're trying, they're begging you to hit them in the face. Basically, we'll give you a million dollars if anyone touches you. We do. And so they sit there all day being like, this fuck you, stupid, fucking pussy.

Yeah, yeah, skipping stops for no reason. Yeah, skipping a stop, flipping the bird. Yeah, driving by truckers and doing this, trying to get them to honk their horn in everyone's face. Yeah, scare someone's dog on the bus. Just putting the AC all the way off in the middle of the summer, putting the heat on, right? just cranking it. Yeah. We're all just like sweating, dying, trying to get to work.

They're in such a bad mood. Here's my idea. And then when they leave, when you go whatever, you pull up to the stop, you stick your face out into the aisle and you say it, like, smile them like, have a nice day. Right? Just waiting to get just walked. Yeah. Here's my idea. So Caleb does become a bus driver, right?

Okay. We hire somebody beat the fucking shit out of him as the bus driver. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Just fucking, like, like broken body. We don't even,

we don't even have to, we can just get a homeless guy. We just get like the, we pay him, we pay him in Seagram's escapes. Rick Flair. Rick Flair? Yeah.

And we still pay him in Seagram's escapes. Yeah, because I want it to be, I want it to look real, but not hurt. Mm-hmm. So, oh, you'll keep, you'll keep, like, the,

uh, what's it called? The thing, it's like the little razor. Oh, yeah. The little razor and you cut like your, yeah, above your eyebrow. Yeah. As soon as soon as people, get on you just have you haven't already cut because you forgot it's just like blood dripping down

your face like wrestling mania just like good afternoon we hire a special effects person to help help make help make the like fight look real on the on the bus cameras and they go way overboard by accident and it's like your head blows up when you get like your honor my head blew up is that what they do in wrestling they cut their own head yeah yeah they cut above their i forget what it's called but they cut above their eyebrow that's okay that's my whenever people say like wrestling's fake it's like dude the undertaker still threw that fucker off that cage yeah

like they get fucked up yeah no absolutely it's an honorable job yeah right yeah oh like people were complaining it's like oh like this person didn't actually sleep with this person's wife or something like that's like who gives a shit about that they're throwing each other they're cutting each other's heads yeah like this is it's not

it's hard they feel sad after it oh fuck rachel rachel was telling me that there's like some dude his move is pulling out like a pizza cutter and he cut Chris Jericho's head with a pizza cutter That's sick That's very cool Oh my God

She was telling me that we gotta go I would love the wrestling tournament Wrestling is one of the things I feel like I missed the boat on But it would have been a good thing to be in too I want to go to like an underground one Where they throw each other into like light bulbs and shit Yeah that's good

I only like wrestling if they're dressed like monsters You missed a drag wrestling show the other day Were they literally monsters? No, no. Jana tried to go, but she couldn't. But at first I was like, it sounds like fine. And then I saw a video of it.

All them have like five mouths on their face and shit. It's like this crazy, like special effects makeup, pan's laverd's shit. Yeah, it looks pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Number seven, do I know you? I witnessed this exchange between two of my friends when they were having a fight. My one friend yelled, everyone thinks you're a jerk. Without batting an eyelash, the other one replied, Well, you know what everyone thinks about you?

Nothing. No one ever thinks about you. I know I don't. Welp points to my second friend. Whoa. Sounds like that guy is a jerk. Yeah. Yeah.

That is... It's not very kind. Yeah. He has three friends, and that's his second one. Number eight, belt it out, granny. Okay. My dear grandmother, she had a quick and savage wit. My fiance and I held up, meet the whole family, get together at my house.

It was the first time his father met my grandmother. His dad was a large physically... Or a gay man writing. Huh? I didn't know... I thought there's a... What on earth are you even talking about? I thought the author of this was a fella.

Why? I don't remember. You think women can't do burns? Do you think women can't have grandmothers? No. What is your reason? I'm so confused by what you're... What are you talking about?

What is leading you to believe this is the woman? You, oh, it's a, because it's a fiancé with 1E, so it's a male fiancé. What does it matter? I thought that's it. Never mind. I'm so confused. What? I'm shipping you off to Hawaii.

Yeah, dude, honestly, that time zone makes sense right now for me. True. In Hawaii, you would be like, I'm going to be jetline for three days or Haiti. The Hawaii time zone, it's 5 p.m. all day. It's always sunset. Yeah. Right? And they're like, well, we're not going to work.

It's sunset. Oh, no, 5 p.m. I just got off work. Yeah, I better go get a beer. Oh, great beer. Oh, at times it's a Hawaiian beer. Shit, you know, you guys are making fun of it. It sounds better and better every time you do that. Yeah, it actually does sound pretty cool.

Yeah. Yeah. There's no, no jobs. I think you're just jealous of Hawaii. I'm not jealous of Hawaii. There's no jobs. The men there somehow get 600 pounds eating only fruit. It's fucking impressive.

Yeah They have to fight spirits all the time Yeah Yeah I know there's spirits in Hawaii Yeah If you take a girl I know there's elementals over there

You take a girl out to go dancing Right They start playing They start playing Evacuate the dance floor And you're out there with the girl Just like banging on your chest And fucking doing a bunch of slap dancing and shit

It's a beautiful beautiful place Yeah It was the first time his father went my grandmother. His dad was a large, physically intimidating man with a beer gut. He began telling stories to my grandmother about how my fiance was a mischief maker when he was young. He then told my grandmother how he would take off his belt and whip him for being bad.

My frail little grandmother stares directly at my husband's dad's tummy. That's a great phrase. My husband's dad's tummy. And says, your belt. However could you find it. Future father-in-law was gobsmacked. These are very polite. Usually...

What are you talking about? He got destroyed. I mean, he got destroyed, but like a gobsmacked. He was crushed and gobsmacked. Usually when you see somebody own someone in public, they use a very naughty word. And none of these have. Yeah. How many more are there?

There's several more. Whoa. Why'd they start at four? Yeah, I thought that they were only going to be four here. Yeah. What are you complaining? These are all so long, too. You're fucking complaining?

Oh, here's a good one. Number 14. Something's fishy. The cafeteria lunch. lady got me in front my whole class I smelled her snitch. That day smelled like straight tuna. I got my daily dose of omega-3s

just from the smell of your pussy lady. A lunch lady smells like tuna. Yeah. Damn. That day we were having tuna fish for lunch. I was upset at this option and said Tuna fish, I'd rather have a poop sandwich. Without missing a beat, this 80-year-old lady fires back. Wait right there.

I'll go make you one in the back. Needless to say, I went with the tuna. What? Dude, You ask for a poop sandwich. Honestly, if I'm calling that cafeteria ladies bluff. Yeah. Yeah.

You go make me a poop sandwich right now. Go make me a shit sandwich. See what happens to you trying to serve a child, a sandwich of your own shit on it. Yeah. The only reason that this child lost the comeback war here is because they went with the tuna. Yep. Yeah.

If they said, uh, yeah, sounds perfect. Yeah. On the double toots. Yeah. Like, dude, he's, this kid's getting a huge payoff. Yeah. With extra poop. Yeah.

That would be a good thing to say, too. Yeah, poop with sauce. Yeah. Yeah. Open face. Open face poop with sauce sandwich. I want sausage gravy on it. Because I think some, oh God, poop with gravy on it.

Something about eating poop is normal. Funny. Eating poop with like normal food condiments is disgusting to me. Oh, no. That's so gross, dude. Like, because it's like trying to make it more palatable. Yeah. It's not just like a funny thing to eat poop anymore.

it's like like if you ate a burger in the middle of it was poop yeah like that is so much more disgusting a juicy lucy a juicy loosey with poop in it yeah oh god

well you'd probably get away with it because like you don't know what's in there until you take a bite yeah this bright yellow poop yeah oh this okay fucking what do you come on man you ever taking a yellow poop

no you're maybe vomit yeah you ever take a an orange poop. Look how long it's a taking a white poop

somebody I knew had had an orange poop once. That's a really long scroll bar yeah

I'm on I scrolled down to number 27 and we're still like maybe a fifth of the way down this

scroll bar so we're not going to finish this I messed this one up but here's one this is a

comeback that maybe Patrick would use it seems number 27 this comeback gets an A another

during fucking thing for me to know this piece of shit of a piece of Huh?

Hey, Hey, you need to speak up, idiot. Yeah, one day I'm going to snap. During my university days, he had university days. That's what I'm referring to. I ran into an acquaintance of mine as I was holding a Green Lantern graphic novel. This acquaintance was with his girlfriend. And when he introduced me to her, the first thing she says to me while shaking my hand was,

aren't comic books for kids? My instant response shocked even me. I replied, aren't those A-cups for kids? What? It was so flabbergasted that someone I had just met would say that to me that I replied on instinct. Still my greatest comeback ever. Holy shit, dude. A woman saying something, not even rude to you.

And then you say, you have the boobs of a child. You literally have a child's taste. It's so incredible. And then to still be like, this is my greatest comeback ever. And then just like smirking. Yeah, one eyebrow super high. Hmm. Nice.

Or comic books for kids? I'm a pedophile. I'm a pedophile. I should know. Yeah, I couldn't help but notice. Do I recognize those tits? They're from a kid. There's so many of these, dude.

Holy shit. Is there any more disgusting ones? Yeah, is there any more with like poop and tuna? Well, if you guys keep talking, I'll scroll through and try and find some. I guess I cut the hems of my pants somehow, skating, I think. I think the group tape is rubbing up against the hems of my pants. what do you have anything to say about that Caleb we can't have dead air

you realize that right we can't just fucking sit here and let this guy scroll um you should probably get some new pants yeah yeah i've bought too many pants i think yeah yeah do you remember those those gigantic pants i bought those like big the big black pants

oh yeah yeah i fucked those up pretty bad i tried to i try to fix the hem on them I just ended up cutting them And now like one of them is One of the legs is shorter than the other I think I can turn them into shorts Same with my white pants I got to turn those into shorts too

Because those are too short now I washed them once And now they shrank Oh that's right Yeah Yeah Yeah I think You know it's crazy too

Because like a good A good pair of pants You can't really Can't really beat that You can't beat a pair of pants If it's great Yeah You know

But I don't feel I don't feel like getting them altered I don't feel like going to like a tailor or something. Do I wear? Yeah. I mean, you know, you're spending like probably like $20 per pair or something. And it takes you a while to get them back. And it's just like, damn, I just want to wear those pants.

I want my pants. Yeah, I just want to get the pants on. I want to go out of the town. There's a hundred of these. Oh, fucking God, dude. None of them are good. I can't, I control F. Poop, gay, sex, nothing.

Nothing good. No poop or gay sex. There's a few gay ones, but none of them are... None of these are good, dude. This is a... I take it back. It's a bad limit. I read the first few, I thought it was fun, but it's too long, and none of them are good.

So we're going to punish whoever sent this to us. I don't remember the name. We're blocking you from Patreon. Number 100, the last one, rejected a, quote, popular girl who definitely had no interest in me. Once jokingly asked me out to prom in front of the whole class. I knew she was just trying to ridicule me, so I gave her a brutal taste of her own medicine without a moment's hesitation i said no thanks Lauren i have standards the whole class and the teacher lost it damn dude holy fuck you Lauren that is what a fucker yeah that is one of the

ones though where you know that guy did he mumbled that yeah and well you're in a whole class yeah making clearly making fun of him still and they're like they're slapping the fucking they're videoing it yeah they're playing grinding with a pencil on the His white boy went great. He just said, he said he has standards. Oh, my, shit. No, thanks, learn.

You guys, you got. Like in a cafeteria, that kid and, like, just, like, in, like, a fucking, like, rap battle in a cafeteria. I was, like, losing their mind at every line. Are you seriously,

son? Oh, my God, he went crazy. You, uh, you smell bad. You smell, like, shit. You said a fucking, and you just got divorced. Oh, he said And your glasses

You look like your olden job Corny Pull your pants on Whoa Whoa What's up with this fucking kid actually I'm not too I'm not too big of a fan of this kid now

Yeah And your hat makes you know Whoa Okay Oh my God That's kind of cool, all right You don't know you Your pussy stank

Okay We're too young for that But yeah Alright nice Yeah You got a child's tits Basically And you fucking look

With your goofy ass And I ain't scared To you motherfuckers I'm scared to you motherfuckers I pull I pull my shit out the whole room against dark

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