Podcast About List - Ep. 165 - Rap Tor Taste Test

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

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Come in, come in, come in, and we see a butt. All accounts to the ball list. Every crap monster. Oh, man. Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man. Brilliant. Big discoveries. We ever here.

Somelier here, Somelier Duran, who's, who's, I think he's, what you've been trying to. I've acquired, I've acquired two. Mohat. What is that? Monstre. Monstre. Monstre. And L'Hah.

And what's next on the tasting menu, Osoliet? Well, hold on, let me just... Unloche, Le Beast. Oh, you said... I thought you were saying, what's next, as in the other drink I have here. No, what's next on the tasting menu? Well, here we have a 2015 monster energy. Oh, that's lovely.

And where was it grown? This was grown in South Africa in 2015. They have beautiful monsters there. Have you been to Monster Valley in South Africa? So arid. Give us so many... And could you have a sip for us for the... No, you got a...

That's right. And how is it earthy? It's... It tastes like I'm going to throw up. And what are the notes? Yeah, notes of expired. Okay, and the tannins. Uh-huh.

The tannins, I think it's more of the can in the drink as the... The liquid in the monster can has corroded the can. It's more of an MRE than anything else that you're enjoying. And I'm drinking whatever runoff from the aluminum in the can. That definitely, there's lead in that. Yeah. Yeah, no, there's a high amount of lead. There's no way I am not going to get...

Do you mind if I try, if I partake? You can have some. Let's see. Yeah. I mean, it tastes like regular monster. Mmm It tastes like they're hiding something Yeah

I would say It's very Very syrupy Yeah No it's definitely I can tell that I got one of the sips at the bottom I can tell that's where a lot of the flavor is condensed

Yeah And this Wait listen to how thick it is Sure let's hear It has a very syrupy Kind of attribute To be clear I think maybe I'm going to stop drinking this

Yeah this is a this is actually A 2015 monster from South Africa that Patrick found in the bodega by accident. I picked it up and I was like this can feels a little bit taller and the tab didn't have any

any logo on it. No marking on it. No markings on it. No texture on the can. Luckily, you did yourself a big favor. I did myself a big favor because I thought that this was a normal can and I thought it would be funny if we did a taste test. Yeah. Well, what happened with the monster though is you went

into the bodega and you were like um can i see your your south african room and they took you to the back and there was a room with with paintings on the wall they walked into a cellar like a forest yeah they pulled one off he held it on his forearm like this yeah he said here we have a beautiful 2015 there's a huge painting nelson mandela in that basement but uh i i thought this would be this would be great for the show if we uh we review uh let's take a picture of this can here this is uh this is a raptor I believe it's Raptor. Raptoir.

Raptoir. Raptoir. Raptoir. Rompat, NLG. Sparkling energy drink. Correct me, if I'm wrong. Does that say that this can cost $99? This can cost actually $99.

This has got to be the steel of a century. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. South African monsters attack. You're in trouble. Yeah. That would not come up good. No.

I've never seen you burp like that. Yeah. That was like your mouth wiggled like in a cartoon. You can see, yeah. You can see the air rippered. pulling like a screaming superpower. Let me read the ingredients of Raptor here.

Carbonated water, sugar, taurine, citric acid, maltodextrin. It has astrid in it. Natural and artificial flavors. Caffeine. D. Glucorilinusnate. Yeah. Inesotol. Sodium citrate. Caramel color.

Caramel color. Nias. It's like an apple. That's pretty close to an apple. Pyridoxine, hydrochloride, calcium, okay, vitamin, okay, it says next to their names, it's the vitamins that they are.

So vitamin B-5. Sodium benz-weat. It's a healthy one. Yeah, it's got vitamins in it. Cyan-I. Cyan-O-Balamin. I know that you're not supposed to eat many things that start with cyan. Cyanoco-Bolomon.

Yeah. That's probably fine, though. That's vitamin B-12. Oh. Yeah, it's not cyanide. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it makes you say sianara. Each serving of, uh, of raptor contains 1,419 milligrams of taurine and 141 milligrams of caffeine. So, and can you, uh, tell me what, is, is there any kind of symbol on this that, uh,

there is, there is a, there is a, there is a triangle with an exclamation point in it. And that usually, so I drive a lot. you guys don't drive but basically that that's like you know there's a stop sign that's like the go sign that's all that's like exciting yeah yeah that means here we go that means here we go that you can go really fast very safely yeah yeah uh it says that uh it is a product of guatemala okay Guatemala oh they have they have great raptor plants there all right now we need to get a taste here taste test it for me I'm not kidding.

That tastes like sweet tarts. Give me a fucking sip of this. That tastes exactly like sweet tarts. Let's try this thing out. All right. I would like to, it's the exact color of piss and pee. Yeah. Piss and pee.

That's crazy. That tastes exactly like a sweet tart. Honestly, it's not too sweet. Damn good energy drink. I'm not going to lie about Raptor. I had my doubts going into this. Like, I was like, oh, this has like an emergency label on it. It's sour?

It's a little sour. It's got a raptor on it It also says on it It says Serve chilled with Torre Yeah You put a little Tubes of Tori

Yeah I'm sure those are supposed to be separate things Yeah There's not enough Torin In the fucking thing Dude there's so much Torin in this What the fuck is Torin What is Torin I don't know Why do we let that

Why do we let that be in every drink now But nobody knows what it is I think Torine is like Siri what's Torine That's easier than Google That's why Red Bull is called Red Bull It's an organic compound that is widely distributed in animal tissues That's great, thank you Siri

That's very helpful Meat glue in the shit now Is it What? I don't know Is it meat glue? I don't know Sounds like meat glue Damn

That means it like It's not vegetarian What's it supposed to do for me though? Right Like caffeine makes me go It must be from the Raptor Oh Oh

It must be the blood of the blood of The Raptor. Yeah. Oh. I mean, for 99 cents, you can't go wrong. With that much Toreen for 99 cents? Ginseng gives you boners.

Caffeine makes you shit. What is Toreen doing for me, though? Torin, I think, is the energy. Yeah, the strength and agility of a monster or a Ractor. Really? It turns you into a new beast? Yeah. The second sip was not as good as the first.

Really? It's one of those? It coats your tongue once. Uh-huh. Let's see. Oh, by God. What's going on in the bottom of the can there? Can you tilt that back slightly again?

Energy drink. What is that? That is a dent. There's a huge dent. There's a huge dent. Okay. It looked like a bulge when I saw it at first. I was like, oh, you guys are going to die.

See, bottom of can for lot number and expiration date. All right. Yeah. Check the X-B-B-D. It's not a day. 24. The year 24. Oh, it's a caveman energy drink.

It makes way more stuff. Oh, yeah. It's for fucking cavemen. Yeah. Back when dinosaurs are alive in the year 24. Yeah, my teeth do not feel good right now. Yeah, no, I feel... I gotta brush my teeth so hard after this.

I feel like, you know, that guy who pitched a no-hitter on LSD? Yeah. We're about to do that. Yeah, this is about to be the best episode ever. No jokes. We're going to be completely just like, yeah. It's going to be revelation. See, I'm already fucking myself up, man.

Revolution. Revolution. Revolution. Revolutionary. Revolution. It won't be a revolution, but it's going to be a revelation. It's a sparkling energy drink. Yeah. That first sip, I will say, that was good.

Yeah, if they could replicate that first sip for like 60 more sips, it might be a pretty all right energy drink. Stop burping, dude. I'm going to call 911 if you keep burping from the monster. It also says, I'm going to start floating. It says refrigerate after opening. Immediately. It says refrigerate after opening. Do not. Do not microwave.

Oh, that's what the exclamation point is. Yeah. Man, it's always good when it has like... Do not introduce bacteria into this? That's like, have you seen the Arizona energy drinks? The other ones that are also a dollar. The ones that say RX on them, like their medicine. And they have medicine, they have medicine, the RX medicine thing, but then the label is like the fucking, like, red and, or the yellow and black stripes.

Like, it's like a hazard. Yeah. That's, I like that as the new, that's the energy drink, drink branding. It's like, this is dangerous. This will kill you. Yeah. Red Bull's the only one that is classy looking. Yeah, Red Bull tries to class it up.

Yeah, I'm reading the nutrition facts on Raptor. What do you got? Well, it's got, for daily values-wise, this is 106% of your daily value for sugar. Oh. But what's making me laugh here is that it's vitamin B6, it's 420% of your day. Dude, that's one of the funniest things about the energy drinks is because, like, vitamin B and shit is, like, insanely cheap. So they just dump, like, a crazy amount.

Like, it should, it's probably, like, a toxic amount of vitamins. Yeah. Like, it always will be, like, a thousand percent of your vitamin D for the day. Yeah. Oh, but here's a good, um, here's a good thing. If you, uh, have, like, a, like, an allergy. If you're deficient of... Zero vitamin D.

Oh, if you're deficient on taurine, this is one of the best drinks you do. Or if you're, you know, if you're anemic, it has zero iron in it. Nice. Yeah, they take care of that with a can. Oh, if you're anemic, you eat the can when it does. Well, no, the dirt, it's a cached iron can. You can swallow the tab. Yeah, it's like a pill.

The tab or just, you know, the liquid in the can is corroding the can. It's, you know, you're getting this iron where, like, if you cook in it, you're supposed to get, It gives you iron? It's not weird that we need to eat a metal? I don't think that's true about cast iron. I think that is true. That's, like, one of the things about it, is it, like, put some iron in your food.

I don't think that is true. I feel like it could be true. I think somebody told you that is true. I feel like whoever's right, I could say I was on their side. Well, okay, so, like, with, like, with teflon pans, like a non-stick pan, that shit seeks into your food. Yeah, so it's the same thing with cast iron.

Third sip, not bad. let me try the third sip hold on we're rethinking this as we you know we're all about evolutions here that's true well i'll be damned yeah it's because you wait it's because you waited longer yeah yeah that's true i think maybe there's gases being expunged from the can yeah this i can there's something in the air in this apartment since you open that can yeah we give it a really strong hiss yeah it's the spirit of the raptor the raptor gave its life kind of what's very Native American style drink. I'm saying Raptor a bunch. It is

Raptor. It's... What are you talking about? Are you stupid? Native Americans used to... I forgot about that movie runs with Raptors. You never play Turok? Oh. Come on, dude. I forgot about Turo. It really is called Raptor because there's a line break between Rapp and Tore and the like the little trademark symbol is after rap.

Oh, yeah. It is two words. It's Raptor. Man. It's not Raptor. No, that makes sense. Yeah. It's okay. We're going to revolutionize the world with the Raptor episode. Yeah, I think I gotta pour these out.

Don't waste the ambrosia, dude. Just go refrigerate it. Waste the ambrosia. This ambrosia does nectar of the gods. Well, I've drank two energy drinks back to back now. Why? I gotta stop drinking. I gotta be an adult and drink coffee.

You need to drink coffee? Yeah, can you make me some coffee? No, that's not tasty. I have... No, I don't have any coffee. I'm sorry. I ran out. That'd be great for me right now.

Some coffee as well. A third drink to put in my body. I have a five-hour energy you could chug. Really? No. That one I think is the most diabolical one. Yeah. Because it's all the same shit, but they mini-meat it.

They mini-meet and made it stronger somehow? Like mini-meet. Exactly. Strong package, small package. Yeah. The thing about five-hour energy to me is it looks like, you know those tiny little party pop or things or you pull the string and like shoots out confetti and like it explodes it kind of looked the container kind of looks like

that to me so i feel like that's how it should it also looks like coppers you should you should pull a string and it should shoot the the drink into your mouth that's a good idea you should be able to load it into a gun put it in your mouth yeah and pull the trigger because that's really what you're what you want to do anytime you buy a five hour energy if you have to buy five hour energy you got to get your life i feel like yeah you got to turn your life around it's Monster would genuinely make a killing if they made, like, tiny containers of monster. They're shaped exactly like bullets. Yeah.

Definitely. That would be more of a, I would say that would be like a bang kind of product. You've seen like, Monster does the Army-themed one. Oh, true. And then that's like, yeah, Monster Assault. And it's like, this is not political. Yeah. We don't have any opinions about war or soldiers.

The entire thing is Israel themed. Yeah, yeah. No, that's not political at all. It's cool. We just think it's awesome. Do you guys ever know anybody who took caffeine pills? No, but I've been thinking about it. Don't do it, dude. Why would you do that?

You're so bad, dude. I've been thinking about it. Dude, I want to go full Jesse Spanos. I want to get, like, take a bunch of caffeine pills. You guys come over my house. I'm in my living room just, like, singing. Well, somebody's cord is fucking mine. Freaking out again.

I don't know. I don't know. I have the good court, I think. Oh, I guess I just have to watch the recorder until, Someone messes up again. All right. I'm not going to mess up. I promise you.

I knew some like a trucker guy who would take caffeine pills. That seems to be the main thing that they sell them for. Yeah. Have you seen that episode of Save by the bill? That's also what like diet pills are, right? For truckers? No. It's just caffeine, right?

Isn't it? Yeah. It's just like stimulants and shit. Yeah. I got to drive fucking six hours tomorrow, but I'll be damned if I didn't take my hydroxy cut. People wonder. I do it. I think it's Caleb, who's fucking,

who's core is fucked up. Maybe it's your mic. Whatever. Not much we can do. Well, fuck you, everyone. Wait, did you get rid of the bad chord? No, it's right there. You're probably using it.

No, because this is the rigid one. I know that this is the good one. All right, whatever. I mean, we can switch him. That doesn't matter. This guy don't give off. If it does it again, we'll switch him, try it out. Okay.

Have you seen the, you haven't seen the Save by the Bell episode? Why have you watched Saved by the Bell? I watch Saved by the Bell every morning before school When I was like 8 What? Yeah, it was on TBS They played two episodes The Save By the Bell

I would finish my breakfast And then watch Saved by the Bell In the morning before school? That's a dangerous before school show Any school show Put you in the wrong headspace That's right You go to school you think that you can talk to the camera

Yeah You're sitting there in class She's like Or on flipping over people's lunch trays You know? Yeah, you think you go and freeze time like Zach Morris? Exactly, yeah, no.

Now, but that episode, Jesse starts taking caffeine pills so she can study for like the SATs or something bullshit, but she also has a big concert at the max. No. And so she gets addicted to caffeine pills, and she

passes out, and Zach goes to her house and is like, oh, Jesse, where were you? You missed the big concert. And she's like, no, I, oh, no, no, no, no. I need more pills. It's supposed to, like, it was the episode that was supposed to tackle addiction, but she's addicted to fucking caffeine pills. She's in her bedroom, just like, there's like a really funny scene where she's like screaming, scream singing. Yeah, you're right.

I'm so excited. They should have done that episode with heroin instead. They should have. They should have. They would have been way better. There was a couple of shows like that, like, like ABC family shows about like where like the middle schooler comes home and like out of his backpack, like a heroin needle drops out. Yeah. His parents are like, are you serious, man?

Yeah. It's like, that's not how you would react. There was, uh... That's not cool. Yeah. Uh, no. Yeah. This ends today.

Yeah. Your friends are all going to think you're lame. Yeah, that's like you have to stop them with reverse psychology. Yeah. Your friends are going to make funny because you're so skinny now. Do they? Yeah. So, they, none of your friends know what the Velvet Underground is.

They're not going to think that's cool at all. There's an episode of, man, they don't have those anymore. PSA episodes. Yeah. Like that was a big, like, Reagan era. They do. They do. They just don't watch the shows that have them anymore.

I think, like, what all of them now are, like, PSAs for, like, parents who don't don't understand, like, what a transgendered person is. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Yeah, it's always like, it's like way, like, weirder issues now than like, like, oh, like, yeah, the things are, like, transgender issues. You said that.

No, you said it. You said it. You said it. The PSA episodes I've seen are ones on, like, Netflix shows where it'll be. be like somebody wants to commit suicide in the episode and then at the end of the episode it'll be like it'll be like if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide please go to Netflix.com slash suicide for resources to help you it's like so fucked yeah yeah it's all yeah it's it does feel like the PSAs used to be like like like this kid's back then were

weird or are you kidding me no they are way weird it's like but but in a different way it was like this kid is smoking crack and his parents don't know what to do or whatever or like this kid wants to kill himself and now there will be like a Netflix cartoon like made for babies and then at the end the moral will be like sometimes it's okay to be grumpy

sometimes you don't owe anybody anything you can be grumpy sometimes yeah you don't have to do emotional labor it's not okay to be grumpy though you don't have to be your best self all the time and also meditation is very valid yeah therapy is good Yeah, it's like, shut up, you pussy.

Yeah, grow up. Make the kid smoke crack again. Dude, I missed that. I want the Amazing World of Gumball Kid, whose name is, I think, Amazing World, to smoke crack in the show. Man, I, the fucking, uh, there's a different strokes episode my, my mom's friend used to talk about where, like, they encounter a pedophile. Mm-hmm. That's, yeah, I mean, you... That's crazy.

That is crazy, but I... crazy that like back in the 70s like they just had like a they put they put pedophiles on TV no I'm just happy you're getting some work though fuck you what you think I was in the I was in the show in the 70s yeah yeah no yeah yeah you were you are you were a you were a pedophile no you didn't know I mean you know I just thank God that they had you know back back then they had people like you know Jimmy Saville on TV to like pick up the slack to, you know, tell people that those things aren't real. I mean, the thing about the 70s is back then they couldn't,

they had to teach, like, anti-pedophile rhetoric on TV shows because, like, they only hired pedophiles to be teachers. Like, they would just omit it from the curriculum. Yeah. They would just be like, I don't feel like teaching this. Do you think someone like Jimmy Saville, like, saw that different strokes episode and was like, oh, this is bull crap? Did he sound like that?

Yeah, he's British. I don't think he sounded like that, though. Yeah. What's always in? I was a kid. I don't think he did that. It's crazy that that guy looked that scary, and people were like, what, Jimmy Saffel's a pedophile?

No. Yeah. Oh, my God. That guy looks like he kidnapped kids. Yeah, yeah. Not Slimer from Ghostbuster. You're telling me he's bad? You're telling me that he's going around the city scaring people?

No. Slimer, sliming people? No. Are you fucking kidding me, dude? That can't be true. Yeah, he just needs hot dogs. Yeah, I thought he was just, I don't know, green. I guess that's more of a hindsight thing.

Yeah, and then they do all the... And then Bill Murray comes out and says, Slimer slimmed me on the set of Ghostbusters. I was actually slimed. The director didn't stop us. It was directed by Vincent Gallo. He actually let him slime him. He was really fucked up.

Yeah. I was talking to Cam about this earlier. So, like, Emily Rudd-Jajowski said that that guy, Robin Thick, like, groped her on the set of blurred lines, right? That's the music video that you remember that song? Yeah. So I read that story and I was like, oh, my God, that's fucking awful. I read that this morning. And then I was walking around doing the dishes the entire morning, like, I hate the blurred line.

It's such a good song. I mean, you know. Pharrell is an amazing producer. Dude, it's so stoked up. hit. Dude, it's the same thing with R. Kelly. We're like,

anytime anybody brings up R. Kelly and they're like, oh, it's horrible. And then I like, go to the, I'm at dinner, talking about it.

Oh, God, what a horrible story. Go to the bathroom. Is the rain out of the way now? Yeah. I mean, fucking, what was that other,

what was that other R. Kelly's song? I remember, dude, in college, we had a class where we just watched the R. Kelly documentary. Yeah. Trapped in the closet?

Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. We watched the R. Kelly documentary, and then, like, immediately after, we watched, like, 15 R. Kelly music videos in a row. And then that was, like, where we started the discussion was, like, okay, you saw one side. Now you've seen a move. Now, let's watch Double Up.

Let's watch Same Girl. Yeah. I mean, pretty, you know. Dude, that fucking, that video of him, I think he's in Ethiopia or somewhere. Like, he's doing a concert somewhere, and he's like, Who wants to go home with Robert? Yeah. So fucking funny.

That is one of the funniest fucking videos. Like, it's like, like, the band behind him is going like, done. And then it's just like, who wants to, do you have your passport? So cool, dude. So fucking funny. He was. He's just grooming people in the crowd. In public, dude.

Nobody stopped him. Dude. None of those missionaries were fucking kind of jumping from. All the missionaries is his penis like a bullet. You know? Are you singing like fucking bump and grind? Yeah, dude. Ethiopia, dude.

Ethiopia is like half missionaries at this point. Yeah. They're pumping them out of fucking Georgia, just sending them to Ethiopia. Yeah. Yeah. These dudes are just going down there. They're all trying to make the big money on 90-day fiancé. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. They go to like a normal. Trentley Brampton's going down to Ethiopia. They literally will go to Ethiopia and, like, they will go to Ethiopia and, like, raise all this money and be like, we're going to go to. Ethiopian build a well, a water well, and they'll go to, like, the middle of a city, and then just put, like, a well in the street. In the middle of traffic.

Like, a very, like, like, big city. Yeah, huge city. Yeah, yeah. Run water. Every single house. Just put a well in the middle of a park. We did something great here today. Yeah.

Or they'll buy, they'll buy a family, a goat in the middle of, like, like, fucking Mozambique or something. Right. So, like, a family that lives in, like, an apartment. Yeah, exactly. Great. Now we have fucking goat. Thanks a lot. Cool.

You don't even have fucking room. Yeah, what, thanks. This is a two bedroom. Thanks a lot. Yeah, no, I'm going to pray to God now. Thanks to the goat. Oh, you fucking asshole. Oh, thank you.

It's going to eat all my shit. Yeah, he takes shits the size of an Xbox. Thank you very much. Oh, great. The goat got into the pantry. He had a whole can of beans. Cool. Yeah, the goat ate my kid's hat.

Yeah. And his hair. Thank you so much. He's an awesome gift. Sick. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He just kicked the TV.

Great. They need to be sending, missionaries should be sent to like, like Mars and Jupiter. They got to go to Antarctica in case the thing. Yeah, in case of the thing about Christ. If we got the thing on Christ's side, that might be a huge weapon against the enemies, you know? Yeah. All of Christ's enemies. Did you guys, no one ever tried to trick you into going on a mission strip growing up?

I mean, not yet. No? No. They tried to ship. me i'm sure i'm sure if somebody they tried to ship me out to china bro i'm i'm sure if somebody was like uh you know just very nice to me and uh they did something for me i'm pretty sure they could trick me into going on a missionary trip they tried to send me to china yeah yeah they said caleb you're

one of the best agents we have we're going to send you on an extremely dangerous mission yeah and i said i'm where am i going to to syria there's this guy named jack ma They said, well, no, they said that they wanted me to go, to go convert Jackie Chan. Wow. They wanted me to do the honors. They said, you're our most, if we could get Jackie Chan on our side, the devil, no, no weapon forged against Jackie Chan shall prosper. That's true. And I mean, think about it.

Jesus Christ. Jackie Chan, two JCs? J.C. Yeah. Two JCs? Mm-hmm. It's over, dude. You have two JCs on your side?

I think, I think we've already seen the second coming. Every, every J.C is one of the greatest men of all times. time. Jesus Christ, Jackie Chan, Jamal Crawford, John Carpenter. Los Angeles Clippers. John Carpenter. Jadolph Chittler. That's not that's J.J. No, Jadolf Chitler.

Yeah. You don't know him? Jadlif Jitler. It's a great man. It rhymes with that asshole, that piece of shit fucker, Adolf Hitler, but... I didn't even think about that. No. People think I'm saying that when I talk about him.

The Jadolf Chitler? Jadof Chitley, remember that time? time. Dude, remember that time he bought us all that beer when we were underage? Oh, he was so awesome. Dude, he was, I mean, his, his jet ski was so cool. He was, it was so beautiful, dude. I probably should not have made that joke.

He had a bonus room, remember? J.D. What? He had a bonus room in his house. Yeah. Yeah. He had a foosball table. Mm-hmm.

Big-ass flat screen TV, surround sound. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Real nice German fella. Uh-huh. Good.

He was not German. Oh, really? The opposite of German. What's the opposite of German? German. Austrian. Austrian. Strong point.

Yeah, that is a good point. We was Austrian. I forgot about it. Oh, no. Okay. So speaking of Adolf Hitler,

which we weren't, but... No, you're talking about Adolf Chittler. Top ten grossest things. on the top tens. Dog poo, vomit? I have personally taken the liberty to delve into these gross abominations

just to give you the necessary info. That's very kind. This guy's an undercover brother. Soshi. Number one. That's not the term. Man, I got to rewatch that movie. Undercover brother.

Yeah, it's so good. I want to join the CIA as an undercover brother. I'm going to go to Langley. I'm going to turn in my resume. I'd like to become an undercover brother, please. you're just Neil Patrick Harris's character in that movie I would like to become an undercutter brother right now Thank you

Man when he has the watch that squirts hot sauce into the mayonnaise It's pretty fucking cool Says that is the funniest fucking thing It's a good movie Oh man Yeah I haven't seen it I don't even know what it is at all It's about

It's about a little brother Okay Who goes to He goes to high school pretending to be a high schooler so you can hang out with this big brother it's one of the sweetest movies of all time it's called undercover brother

It's not it sounds awesome Yeah it is No you're thinking of big brother Little brother Oh No undercover brother is when It's like a Wayans Brothers movie Where one of them is a little person criminal

Oh yeah Yeah and he pretends to be a baby Yeah He's undercover as a baby Wait I forgot about that movie Little man Little man Remember there's

Remember there's a movie where he like try or he tries or he gets a girl to breastfeed him yeah part where he's like this lady's like oh he wants to breastfeed here he can use my huge tits and he's like he's like a grown man it's fucking crazy movie dude sounds sick yeah we got to do a little man rewatch do you know what little man you've ever seen that no no no look up the poster for little man right now really good poster yeah my fucking space bar is broken Oh, your space part is broken? How did that happen?

It just happens all the time. It's like the crown jewel of the keyboard. It gets stuck all the time. Oh, this is a cool poster. Man. From the guys who brought you white chicks. That would be... Little Man.

That would be such... Don't know extra crap. Whoa. Oh, come on, man. I love extra crap. Can you order that? Owned on DVD, PSP, and Blu-ray disc. If we get an office, dude,

little man poster. Oh, man. Little Man poster right in the office. Yeah, an original one. We're going to get it signed. Oh, we get this one, too. How about this poster? Little Man Cave

We need a space where we can spread out as guys If you want to give us an office We gotta get this as a poster Little Man white chicks double feature A double feature poster Holy shit With the DVD local Do you imagine watching those two back to back?

I mean it's crazy how good white chicks is And then how terrible little man is Well because white chicks is a perfect comedy For like perfect idea for comedy Right? Yeah Is Wayne's guys pretending to be white women So funny

And then Little Man is just like Did you kind of think they were a little hot grown up? Who, the white chicks? Shit. Shit. Ah, shit. But, I mean, I don't know. There's something fundamentally missing from Little Man.

I think it may be there's no white, there's no, the white chicks aren't in it. No. That could be, yeah. I think it's turning a grown man into a baby. It freaked me out. White chicks, if the white chicks showed up at, like, if I was seeing, like a fucking like turn style right the only thing cooler than like

like just seeing like a band that you really like seeing a band you really like and they're like we have a very special guess white chicks come out white chicks come out and start dancing be the sickest shit ever dude that would be cool you'd be like you'd be losing your mind yeah oh my god is that the one of the white chicks is playing bass yeah dude yeah yeah yeah

guest bassist they're beatboxing yeah How are those white chicks doing that? How are those white chicks doing that? I don't think a white chick and beep box. He's got no rhythm. But, yeah, I've identified the problem with little man as my fear of adult babies. Yeah?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, true. Yeah. I guess we have done a lot of ABDL shit. Yeah. It must have been an unlaw. That's why. I've put fear into you.

I've always been afraid of adult babies. You've been afraid? Yeah. My mom told me about like a fucking guy who you've been scared. You're scared much. I was, yeah, I was terrified to that guy. You're scared of adult babies.

Yes. You're scared. It freaks me out. What if I showed you my diaper right now? Would you get freaked? I would get freaked. I think I know what we're doing for Patrick's birthday next year. Oh, no.

I think we're hiring an entertainer. We're going to walk in with a big cake that smells like shit. Big ass fake cake smells like shit. Go ahead, Patrick. Take a bite. It's got like baby biscuits on the side of it. Yeah. It says, it's a boy.

No, go ahead. There's nobody in that. Definitely not a big baby. I think seeing like an adult in a diaper and sucking on a binkie is a very weird thing. I'm going to make sure you see that every day of your life. We're setting you up. We're going to hire a while you're around. It's exposure therapy.

You know what? I'm getting rid of your phobia. This is like the thing when they put Bamargera in the snake tank. Oh, yeah, and he actually freaks out. Yeah. That is like a heartbreaking part of that movie. Yeah, where you're like, oh, no, these guys are like really hurting their friend. Yeah. Yeah. Well, number one, dirty public toilets. Dirty public toilets. So I was just walking into my local target bathroom. I was with my mom. And we walk in and we nearly scream due to the nastiness. There is a baby coughing. A woman with her kids running around. Can I speak to the manager? Period pads in blood are everywhere. A bloody tissue. Poop marks on the seat. Pee on the floor. Ice. I don't know why. and just more crap a few stalls away i hear my mom shaking and cringe then i realize when i get up from the seat i was sitting right next to some sticky poop stuck to the bowl i scream but quietly we were going to meet up with my cousin at the store so when we walk out she says i have to pee we look at her and just say hey look it's that makeup you were looking for thank goodness you didn't go in there there are times when i go into a public toilet and you see something so just like something that just doesn't make any sense to your brain right and so

I wish that I could do like curse of the Oberdeen just like like relive that person's shit to like know what happened. The other day I was I was eating dinner out with my girlfriend. We were at like a like some like vegetarian place that was like nice and like paintings on the wall and like music playing. It was like a nice place and I had to go to the bathroom. I got up and they literally had like a like a dive bar's bathroom in the back. It was like the craziest. I was like this what is going on? Like what did this place like used to be?

What did this place like used to be? Like how? Why do they have this bathroom here? And they ran out of money remodeling. Yeah, they just didn't. They just couldn't get to the bathroom. It was so bizarre. I walked into a bathroom in a gas station once

where someone had just completely missed the toilet and shit on the toilet scene. I was like, you're so close. That wasn't a miss. That was on purpose. That's actually pinpoint accuracy. Yeah. But I was like, what is a, what are you doing here?

So somebody runs in and sits on the shit? As if you're going to run in so fast, you don't notice a huge brown shit. That's true. I went to, you know what? I went to a, I think I took a photo of it somewhere. Yeah. I have a photo.

Oh, no, I used to you. I don't anymore. I had a photo of, I went to a Buffalo Wild Wings in a mall. Uh, you forget which mall. I think it was in, I don't know, it doesn't matter. Uh, went into a Buffalo Wild Wings bathroom in a mall, open up the stall door. Blood on the seat. Oh, my God, dude.

Blood on the seat and in the water. I was like, man. That guy did the, I should say. That guy did the six-minute wing challenge, and he lost. Yeah, he lost. He lost for sure. It is funny. Every time you open a bathroom,

you really brace yourself for the worst one. Oh, yeah. You go to any bar? You open it, you're just like, I'm prepared. You have to be ready. Because if it catches you off guard, you're going to up, Chuck. Yeah, absolutely. Or you're going to fucking eat it up. Oh, go.

When I was in Seattle, we went to a bar, and somebody, I forget the name. chieftain. We went to the chieftain and we went into the bathroom and someone was like, yo, someone pissed in the sink. We were all like, what? And then we all like went in and it was not pissed but puke. Oh, yeah. That guy trolled you. I know. Wow. Yeah. The toilet might have AIDS on it, yo. Never know. I mean, God, yo could die. That's a, that's a PSA episode waiting to happen. Yeah. Yeah. Don't sit on a toilet. It could have AIDS on. Seventh heaven. Like, The priest dad is like

I've contracted AIDS from a toilet The home improvement Yeah When the kids gets an age Dad I remember the other day when we were We were at CVS and I used the bathroom Well yes son of course I remember that

I have AIDS from the toilet What I tell you about sitting on a On AIDS toilet pretty smart once at the mall i saw some poop on the floor the reason why i hate this is because chinese toilets that have no flushes no doors and no toilet paper and once i saw turd just lying in the floor and didn't got to the toilet in a week until i got back home i almost threw up facts your cord is going crazy all right press pause we'll switch it okay okay number two fat people and skimpy clothes

Hell no Put on a fucking Wear a sleeping bag I don't want to see it all that My mom is over 200 pounds And thinks it's attractive To walk around in a sports bra With her massive gut hanging over her pants

When I ask her to put a shirt on She yells that she's pretty And smiles at my dad with her double chin He says ooh mama And I literally want to puke my guts out My mom is such a fat piece of shit And guess what And my dad loves her

She fucks my dad, dude. It's so gross. She doesn't do that. Nasty. Look, if you're going to be fat, at least get a license first, and then consult your fashion stylist. You've got to be aware of your current body state. Also, please refrain from McDonald's or Burger King. Wendy's is also not acceptable.

Wendy's is the healthier option. Yeah. Wendy's has a salad that has Mandarin oranges in it. Pretty fucking good salad, too. They have a salad with strawberries. They got like literally five salads on the menu, bro. Damn. And they got strawberries.

It's a healthy option. Do they still have chili? I hope so. After that woman, that woman pretended to put her thumb in it or something. What? Or who cut off their finger and put it in a chili's, or Wendy's chili? I don't know.

Someone cut off their finger and then placed it in a Wendy's chili? I don't think so. Yeah, I've never heard about that. What? Yeah. Are their toe or something? Or a bandaid or something? A Band-Aid

Downgraded to a Band-Aid? I remember there was some body part in Wendy's Chili. A Band-A it's not a body part. Band-Aid is a body part when you put it on, but when you take it off, it no longer is. So, Checkmate. He just said Checkmate. I think he won. I think the Raptor is

controlling his brain, dude. You got a little... Dude, he's been acting so much like a Raptor since he had the Raptor. His arms just shrank into his body so much. He's so fast now. Wait, the Raptors have time. tiny arms?

No. You have a T-Rex. No. Yeah. T-Rex has tiny arms. They're not that. The Lossar Wrafters have big toes.

They have the bigger legs and arms, which I don't have. What are you talking about? Yes, you do. No, my arms are way bigger in my legs. No, they're not. You have short arms.

I walk around on my arms. Hold your arm out. Hold your arms out to your side right now. See? If I do this, it looks like it's bending. You can't even measure. Look at this. All right, look at this.

Ready? Abracadabra. Whoa, it looks like your arm's moving up and down I know But he's holding it still How do you do that? It's magic, I learned it at school What school?

Magic school School for the giftedly magic For the clinically magic Yeah Number three, vomit P-U I think vomit's funny It doesn't really gross me out that much

Yeah Yeah except like That's a lie Wendy's chili finger lady comes clean It was a lady put her finger in a chili I put my finger in chili before Yes how else you eat it True

Eat it one finger off her finger and put it in chili Like that over and over again Yeah puke is funny sometimes There's some type of puke are funny And sometimes a puke is A chunky puke is gonna put me in the dust Yeah But a fucking

If someone pukes out like a white Puke And as long as they don't make a crazy noise, I'm golden, I'm fine. I'm not going to freak out that much. If somebody puke's, like, vile. Yeah. Not for me.

A puke that shoots out is one of the funniest things in the world. Yeah, a dribbling puke is disgusting. Horrible. A shooting fire hose. A fountain, or like a magic missile. That is really funny. Yeah.

A shit-seeking. If you have, like, a puke after a Thanksgiving meal, funny as hell. Yeah. A puke after like... That video that I sent you where a guy takes one drag of a cigarette and then pews all over his entire body. It's not weed. He's lying on his back and he goes like, blah! And it shoots out like a fountain all over him. You puke's like up into the air.

It's so fucking good. Oh, Jerry, Jerry hits the bong and spuse. That's a good, that's a classic video. Never seen it? Yeah, you have. It's that fat British guy. He's sitting on his couch. He hits a bong and spuse. I've seen it. He hits a bong and spuse. And then it's like now in slowmo and then it puts it in like the rainbow like windows movie maker. What's his name? L.A.B. Crystal Pepsi puke. Yep. Funny. That is a perfect.

L.A. Beast, one-month-old milk puke. Funny. L.A. Beast has perfect puke. Perfect puke is the faded family, Modelo chug. That is like the best puke of all time. Fated family. I think those videos are offline. No, Will got someone to, like, upload a backup.

Oh, sick. I'll find it for you guys. I guess that's pretty tough to get a job if you search your name and you get faded family. And if you're drinking Modellos until you vomit. Puking literally, like more Modelo than you drink. Or 32-ounce modello challenge. I said $32. That'd be a big-ass medello.

Yeah. Hell, I could drink. No, I'll have one right now, though. Yeah. I love to. Number four is people not flushing the toilet. This is nasty again. That is pretty nasty.

This is the same one, I feel like. I mean, but if you're, like, sitting down to pee and you forget, because you're on your phone and you're playing, like, you're playing Marble Clash. I think people who forget to flush the toilet should be, like, executed. that's like, I agree. That's like, literally you should be like

in like a special program if you forget to flush the toilet. That's one of the most pathetic and disgusting things you could possibly do in this world all the time. When you pee, it's not that,

it's not that bad when it's pee. But for, in general, if you forget, that's like the, come on. Flush that it's not hard to do. You know what else is,

you know what else is fucked up now those like top flusher toilets? If you don't push that thing hard enough. Yeah. I do hate, I do hate going to someone's house and they have like, Like every toilet has a different like handle

That you have to hold down a different amount of time Or else it won't flush When someone has a fancy handle The two button ones Those ones are the worst Because you think you can just press the button once But no, it's not all going down Some of it's going to come back up

You gotta hold that thing down To you see it go down Yeah There's a technique to it Yeah Oh yeah Don't fucking don't put a technique into your flushing No it should be a like

It should be the perfect flusher Handle in a public restroom Those fucking, super flusher. Those ones now that are like, that have like pressure in them, and it shoots like a gun. Good. Those ones are perfect. Good. It gets everything gone.

Strong toilet. Here's a comment. But those top button ones? Fuck that shit. Here's a comment. It's annoying. And plus, don't want to look at somebody's poop. I mean, really people?

Some people who I know who does it. Zander, Gladath, and the worst Sarkanda. Really, Sarkanda? Sarkanda. You fucker. Dude, fucking Gladath never flushes a toilet. Gladath and Sarkander, they'd be fucking going in one after the other for getting to flush in the toilet.

And Voldemort, too. He's always doing that shit. Don't even get me started on. My boy, Bowser, this guy tears it up when he comes over. Dry bones. Dry bones. He, what is it the worst because it's all dust? Yeah, what's that in the toilet? I ain't ever see a shit like that.

I ain't ever seen a shit like that. You got to send that board. Stop trying to get me to you, Seinfeld. Stop, dude. He poops, and it's dust. Stop, dude. I didn't know poop had a bone in it Stop

Stop trying to make me do He wouldn't eat bones He wouldn't know He's his bones Yeah but what does he eat He eats bones too Yeah but he wouldn't eat a bone He would be a bone in his poop

He literally eats bones He wouldn't eat bones You wouldn't eat like an arm I'd eat meat I'd eat meat every day Checkmate I also checkmated you Oh my god

You've been checkmated twice in one episode No I'm made out of meat No I eat meat But you're not just made out of meat Of meat he's just made out of bone Wings are just made out of meat

just made out of meat. They're made out of bones and meat. But he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't eat an arm. That's, come on. Literally what a wing is. Wings is a bone, checkmate. Dude, you are getting fucking destroyed. You don't eat the bone. My God, dude. You don't eat the bone. What about bone marrow? You can eat bones from bone marrow. Dude, you are getting taken down and he's getting mad. He's getting so

checkmated. You guys sound stupid right now. You literally are saying that I've been I eat an arm. I mean, you don't eat an arm. Chicken wing. No, you don't eat the bone there. Chicken leg. I've eaten a bone. You don't eat the bone. I've eaten a bone hole. I eat the bone. You don't eat a bone hole. You don't eat a bone hole. That's not true. That's false.

You guys are lying to try and make me look stupid. If you get a microwave way and stupider by the second. I agree. You can chew on that bone. Yeah. You can chew the marrow out of the bone. But it wouldn't go in your poop. It would go in your poop. No, it wouldn't. Let's eat a bone right now. You can expect my poop. Yep. You can expect my poop. Okay, go do it. No, it's not a checkmate until you eat the bone. Hey, how about a dog? Dog eats meat and a bone. Yep. Not together. It also doesn't eat the bone. Not together. Dogs eat the bone. No, they don't.

Yes, they do. They did, no, they don't. You've never been around pit bulls. I've been checkmated as, I've been re, I've been reversed checkmated. You've not, stand your ground. All right, yeah, you know what? Double checkmate. Double checkmate.

Well, how? He'd eat the bones. He'd get the bones out. It's too easy. Mm-hmm. But a dog wouldn't eat a dog leg. A dog would eat it. A dog would probably eat another dog.

Have you ever bet you a dog fight? No. They eat the, have you been to a dog fight yeah okay checkmate dude you're going to jail no looks like we're in a mexican checkmate here the statute of limitations triple checkmate what's the statute limitations on going to a dog fight i don't know like 10 minutes right yeah yeah yeah if you get out of the park you see the other the other thing is gone so there's no evidence yeah yeah yeah yeah hmm where's the dog you know these two dogs weren't fighting one of them dead

See, if the cops pull up to, if the cops pull up to your dog fight, if you're having a dog fight, all you have to do is just say, hey, officer, maybe there's something that we can work out, and then you point to the dogs and just start doing, like, a gun signal. Yeah. Cops love to shoot dogs. They do. You owned them. Take that, cops!

Number five. Some of those who work forces are the same that person are the same. Some of those that Workforces are the same. Some of those that walk dogses are the same that Fuck. What are the Fuck, dogs is?

I don't like that. I don't like it either. Number five is Justin Bieber. We went from Poop and Pee to Justin B. This guy is monstrously disgusting. Here's a comment from a Justin Bieber fan. I think you should put dirty water on your mom's head.

Shit. Oh, man. Dude, you better watch out Justin Beaver and clean it. Yeah. Want to see pictures of the back of him with no clothes on and covering his private parts,

L.O.L. Oh, I need to see a makey pick of Justin Bieber like yesterday. Didn't he show his cock at some point? It's funny that, like, if you're famous for more than... He peed into a bucket and said, fuck Bill Clinton. If you're famous for more than, like,

five years, people will see your cock. Yeah, that's true. It's kind of inevitable. Someone's going to, ICloud hack you. Someone's going to, like, fucking, if you're, like, super famous, your cock is going public. Yep. Yeah. I mean, maybe...

Maybe we can do something about that. Yeah? What would we do? Like, maybe some kind of cybersecurity thing we could invent. Why would we do that? Like a cock destroyer? A cock lock. Cock lock. It's like, it's an encryption. I see you would just destroy their cocks.

It's an app, right? That encrypts your cock? Yeah. So every photo. It's just like a matrix. It's, okay, so you know those, like, those AI things where you take a, you upload a photo of yourself, and then it describes your face. It says, like, this is what the AI thinks of you. It says, like, a lot of them said, like, yeah, a buck or whatever.

I do remember the description that Caleb got when he put his face into that. What was it? I don't remember. Oh, don't know. Isn't it like predator? It was worse than that? Oh, right. I don't remember what it was.

Oh, well, yeah. Never mind. You have to tell me. You don't remember? I don't remember. It said rapists. Oh. That is funny.

Yeah, the AI said that, well, okay, so it's that. Everyone was posting their face of their thing, their screenshot of the AI thing online. It said, it said, I'm a cowboy. It said, I'm an IT worker. Yeah, no, that was definitely, the thing is, yeah, I mean... It's so funny, they put that into their, like, their AI's knowledge bag. And also, they uploaded, they were like, hmm, should we disable this one for the website? No, no, no, we use that one.

People love that one. Yeah, no, that was a, that was a dark day. Mine said Young Buck every time. I don't remember what mine said, to be honest. But, okay, so that one, so we use that same technology, right? and then we use that AI thing to write detailed descriptions of the of penises Okay

And then if a celebrity takes a They take a photo in the app And then the photo The penis is removed From the photo Okay Content to wear, fill style Soft Ken doll

Ken doll soft nub And then at the bottom it just has a very vivid description Of what the penis would look like Oh that's a good idea actually So anytime a celebrity takes a cockpick, they do it with this app. Yes. Send it to whatever, like... Send it to Selena Gomez or whoever.

And then she can imagine it, right? And then there's no... And she's getting 99% of the experience of the cock photo. Those women like words, too. And it don't get people to read again. That's a big thing. None of these kids are reading. And here's the thing, it doesn't get sent over your phone.

It gets sent in a book. Yeah. It's like a pamphlet, and then you have to read it. And the ad is celebrities only. Yeah. Like riot. Yeah, it's like Raya. And then also you like, it would need to be, so like we'd work on this, right?

Yeah. So probably it's going to be grueling hours of us looking at cops and writing the descriptions. And probably getting really good at it too. By the end, we might be able to like. We'll be the Joyce Carol Oates of. Well, here's the end game. Then once like a bunch of celebrities join, they don't realize what they, what they accepted in the terms of service. We turned all of them into a coffee table book.

And we sell that. Celebrity penises. Yeah. Celebrity penis. Celebrity penis. Time life presents. Celebrity penis is such a good idea. It's like an art book where it's like celebrity penises and it has like essays on them. Yeah.

They describe what they actually look like. But then it's mostly, most people get it. A soft nub. So that they can see most people, surprisingly short. Like most people get it so that they can see like the background of a celebrity home. Yeah. You know? We could actually make a lot of money making a celebrity penis's coffee table book and just putting

like just random other penises in. I'm just saying it's celebrity. Probably gets sued, really bad for that. Pictures, yeah, no, no, probably not. You do, like, at, you spell all their names in Leet. Yeah, you spell, you just change one letter and all their names. Yeah. Brood Pitt.

Yeah. Bradley Gooper. Christopher Lloyd, Christopher Lloyd with one L. and Lloyd. Christopher Lloyd's cock. Jesus Christ, that's horrible. I saw, he was in that. You think it has hair like that? He was he, he was in that, that, that, um, that movie with Bob Odenkirk, the John Wick movie with

Oh, yeah. He looks like fucking shit. I watch that over, he's insane that he's still in movies. Yeah, I know, it's nuts that he's still, like, alive at all. Dude, he was like 45 on taxi. It's crazy. I mean, he, he, he, how old is he now? He's got to be late 80s.

He's got to be late 80s. No. I would say he's 88. Yeah, 108. 88 or 89? No. Let's see. There's no way he's.

He's like... He's probably 90. No, he's pushing 100. He's 82. Whoa. Dude, I fucking overshot up. He's just looked old forever. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, he was old when he was like, like 50. I mean, he had at least gray, not white hair in taxi. And a little bit more of it. Yeah, no, he looks like the devil now. He looks very young when he was Fester. He looked young and... Yeah. Maybe he should just do an Uncle Fester thing all the time now, if that's the case.

It's really, it's the hair. Yeah. Oh, yeah, because in one flew over the... cuckoo's nest he looks like you know he doesn't really look that young as Uncle Fester but he looks he has he has life force he looks like like yeah like

there dude he's looking rough man yeah oh god he's got vigor as Uncle Fester he kind of looks like my grandpa yeah he kind of looks like my lawyer your grandpa's loiter up yeah I think he yeah my grandpa looks like a fucking

like a like an eight ball yeah yeah he's black big and round Brown. Oh, brown. I guess he's like a seven ball then. Yeah, my grandpa's like insanely brown. Okay.

Yeah. And he just like rolls around. Yeah? He's awesome, dude. Yeah? Yeah, he's a man. I can't wait. I'm seeing him.

Grandpa Roly. Seeing him in a couple weeks. Roli-poly. Can't wait to see. As soon as I get to his house every single time, he's like, I haven't seen him like a year or something. He's like, oh, great to see you. Can you move 400 boxes from my garage to my bedroom?

Yeah. Yeah, granddad. No problem. Then he makes me the worst food ever. He's an absolute penalty. When my grandpa lived with me, he would make his own food, but he would make it too hot. Grandpa food is... Too spicy?

He'd make it too spicy and then eat it. We would hear him eating it in the other room. He'd just be like... My grandpa made... He would make this thing called... It was Egg McPitts. It doesn't sound good at all. My last name is Pits.

My last name is Pits. So it was like... It's like an egg McMuffin, but it's egg McPits, and it's all the ingredients of an egg macmuffin, but he chops them all up and puts him in a bowl. So he makes like eggs, bacon, cheese, an English muffin, and he just chops it all up. It makes it no sense. Why does he chop up the ingredients just make an egg sandwich, chops everything up, puts it in a bowl, and calls it an egg McPitts.

That's a horrible name, too. I mean, wouldn't it be like an egg pits muffin? Well, he uses his last name when he makes it for himself, but when he makes it for me. But I'm saying egg pits muffin. makes a lot more sense. Yeah, but it's like, Mick, Mick Pitts is like, the, you see what I'm saying? No. Because it's a McDonald's.

Yeah, oh, yeah. It's a Mick muffins. No, he's not smart. It should be like a Pitts muffin. Yeah, no. He thinks that the guy's name is Donald, and it's like, like, MC is like some kind of like, like, old Donald. Like, it's like, McDonald. Ronald.

He thinks it's the name is Ronald, middle name, middle name, Mick, last name Donald. yeah mc donald ronald yeah he's made a lot of fucked up food he used to make a thing where he would just make he would just boil olive oil and then pour it over pasta like a soup

soup what the fuck yeah he wouldn't put any seasoning in it I mean like salt that's it yeah he salts every he individually salts I mean you put you put red you put crack red pepper and garlic he'll do and parsley that's pasta giloh that's from chef He'll, listen to this, he'll, we'll go to a Mexican restaurant, they serve chips beforehand, individually salts every single chip that goes into his mouth.

Sits there, just salts him. Damn. Not even the good flaky salt they already have on him. Nah, dude, he's fucking putting tail salt on them. This is called it an egg mchip. It's a chip micmee. It's really good. It's the best thing ever.

He also goes to Mexican restaurants. He's a hamburger at the Mexican restaurant guy. Oh, yeah. always and then when I was a kid he used to bring we didn't have like milk at our house and he would come over for dinner he'd bring a gallon of milk just pour you drink a half gallon of milk at dinner damn he's alive yeah incredible how old is he he's like 78 maybe nice 79 something like that very nice number what is this five yeah we gotta go pretty fast here oh yeah we've done a lot of i think the raptor uh the raptor took a big chunk of change out of this

a lot out of this episode. Let's see. I mean, we'll just read through the rest of it. People spitting on you when they're talking to you. Yep, that's pretty bad. Two girls, one cup video. It's not that bad. Snoddy-nosed little kids. Patrick might disagree with this one. What? Number nine is poop.

Well, no, do they mean snoddy-nosed little kids like kids? We don't have to get into it, Patrick. Yeah, it's okay. I'm not going to visually describe what these kids look like to you. We're just going to move on to the next one. Because when I hear snoddy-nosed, I think, like, a rude kid. You don't like rude kid. Good kids. You're like, you got like what polite ones that acquiesce. Alight submissive kids? I'm trying to move on to number nine.

Number nine is poop. You're the one who wants to keep talking about this. Number nine, which we also shouldn't maybe bring up in front of Patrick. You might get hungry. That's true. Ew, poop just grosses me out. Like, I don't think it should be seen at all. I hate changing pamper's, although I can handle it. I just feel like the sick emoji, green. And I feel as if I am going to pass out, but I live. This is just ridiculous. Anytime I like see it somewhere, I just want to die. I can never change a diaper. You've never changed a diaper?

No. Never have, never could. Never could. He lets the kids' moms do it after. Fuck you. If you have a kid, you won't change the diaper? If I have a kid, I will not change the diaper, no. You being a dad would be so funny.

Yeah. It would be horrible for everyone involved. No, the kid would have a very, you would, you would. I mean, I'd rather adopt a kid at, like, you might be able to raise, honestly, you might be able to raise an ex like Bob Dylan. A kid with like Just the most fucked up life It just becomes a genius

Because he's like My dad He fucking Slipped on banana peels All over my house My dad was always going Yeah Yeah

Writing all these songs about you Oh man Oh man My dad kept asking me Banana peel Why are you on the floor My head keeps asking me Who's on first

I'm like I don't know I don't know who Dad's throwing a dead parrot The parent teacher conference On the fucking death Trying to return it Yeah

Yeah you might honestly raise like an amazing artist It's like good investment Accidentally raising like One of the most The greatest musicians of all time Just because your dad Just because you as a father Cannot stop doing three stooges

Bits Like There's a song called whoop-pub-pub-pub-pup-pup-p-p-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-a-n-a-old-old-a-old-a-old-a-law-a-a-law-a-old. For those who say dog-poop is not gross, I've had it on my shoe before, and that, my friend, is Not pretty. Dog poo on the sidewalk sounds like a cool, like Houston hip-hop slang. Dog poo on the sidewalk? Like a zero song.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. I eat so many poops. I got dog. I eat so many poops. I got dog poop poisoning. Okay.

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