Podcast About List - Ep. 166 - The Backwards Universe

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

caleb is having head problem www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

Come in, come in, come in, and we see a butt. All the counts to the ball list. Every crap monster. Okay. I don't feel like, you know, they invented the wheel and whatever, all that shit? I don't feel like the wheel was all that useful. Which came first, the wheel or the egg? Well, the wheel or the car, because, like, what are you doing with a wheel?

Stop touching my leg. What do you do? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. I can't talk that. Dude, stop. I have a concussion. Yeah.

You're stressing me out. My cortisol levels are spiking, and I'm going to be stuck like this forever. I'm stuck in hell, and you don't know. I just, I don't have control. Caleb insisted that he didn't have a concussion for however many days. Literally, like, two days ago we were on the bus, and he was asking when something was, and I was like, oh, it's a week from tomorrow. And he was like, oh, yeah, it's four days away.

When were we on a bus? We were going to see the movie. You don't remember that? Holy shit I'm without a paddle man I'm doing really badly We were in North Carolina last week Um

And Caleb fucking full speed Bonk his head Stopped a sexual assault on the street No At full speed At maximum velocity I stopped an assaulter on the street

He hit his head on the corner of a shelf Which was Yeah What the guy's name who was trying to do He was And he was a box man Yeah and his name was a shelf and he did have he was wearing shoulder pads he's a businessman you got to look out for those and I hit my head on the steel-toed shoulder pads yeah yeah and little did I know they yeah he did he was he was packing some heat in there Caleb and I are at the same level of brain I'm at the same level now I got knocked I used to be between you guys I'm gonna knock down one whole strata yeah yeah no it's gonna be interesting to see how we keep up with Cameron I'm gonna need a it's

I just said a big chop cheese, so I'm like halfway down to your level. You're at where my old level was? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's going to be a couple weeks before I recoup. I'm going to need to get a lot of rest, and I can't, I'm not, you're not supposed to look at screens when you have a concussion. So I just have to sit in my bedroom with all the lights off and just kind of hope I don't get

terrified by something on the dark. I'm also pretty scared of the dark is a big problem. for me. Why don't you just get, I feel like you just got blue blockers. I don't think it's the blue. I think it might be the blue. I don't think, I don't think blue is bad for you when you have a concussion.

That's not true. Well, because your brain is red or the blood is red. Well, no, it's blue. So if you think about it, it's blue until it touches oxygen. Well, yeah, your forehead turned red. It did turn big and red. So you're in the red, don't like blue. If you ever seen red versus blue. Oh, I have. They versus

each other. Yeah. So you block the blue from the red I love watching two things versus each other versus is one of the best genres of anything ever That's why deadliest warrior was so great

warrior I love the warriors Oh the wires Yeah Patrick is kind of a deadliest voyeur That's true In a lot of ways Yeah

Because he looks And then he touches No Yep Yeah Yeah you do No Mm-hmm

Not true Yeah you designed You know those like There's no designs You know, like the play-place versions of, like, kitchens and stuff that the kids used, you did one of those for that hotel in Vegas where the guy was like walking to a day. Walking through the air ducts and looking at people's bedrooms. When was that?

You never heard about that story? I didn't hear about that. I think you made that up. No, I swear to God. I think he did that. I think Caleb did that. Dude, it's one of the coolest stories ever. There's this guy who ran a voyeur.

I don't know if it was in Vegas, but it's somewhere in the middle of the country. He ran a motel that he constructed specifically so that he could just watch people in their rooms. Is this different from H.H. Holmes? Yeah, yeah, no, this was like, this was like 20 years ago. Okay. Yeah, and he was just like, he had like a whole upstairs thing where he could just look through all these like holes in the shit. Are you eating a hichu? I tell you the most fucking amazing story of your life.

You can't eat a highto during the podcast. That is so disrespectful, you fucker. Why are you eating a highto? Because I'm hungry and I didn't eat lunch. That's not going to, it's not going to, it's not going to, satiate you. You know what that's going to do? It makes your mouth wet. It's not going to fucking fill you up.

Makes the worst sound of all time, too. You have a plugged salivary glands, so this is medical. This is not medical. It's annoying. My doctor told me I have to eat candy. You have to do it. When you're at your job. Yes? No.

Yes. You can't wait one hour. They did not write a you a prescription for a hichu. They told me that. Also, they said sour candy. Hichu's not sour, you fucker. This is kind of sour. It's assayee.

I'm through with you. I'm done. Do you carry your backpack just so you can bring Asaii Haichu with you? No, so I could carry my microphone with me. I think it's because of the high chew. No. You look like Green Day. Because usually you just wear that thing over your chest with your mic, right?

You are giving me Green Day vibes. Is it because of the tattoo? No. Oh, speaking of, we all got tattoos in North Carolina. I realized I did, I really was paying respect to North Carolina by getting a concussion and a tribal tattoo. Yeah. It's like the most OG. North Carolina shit of all time.

Yeah. Yeah. Camera got Mouser. I got Mouser. We did, we did hang out in North Carolina. We were hanging out with Ducker. Chilling with Ducker a bunch. I don't know what happened.

I think we might have left him there. Really? I think he didn't get on the flight with us. Well, he's been going through a lot. He has. Yeah. He's been figuring his stuff out. I mean, you know, like Guber saw him.

Yeah. Goober saw him. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Yeah, I heard. And you know what happened with Mommy Duck. Well, that was Tom. Tom, Mommy Duck was angry. Well, it's been stressful in his house.

No. They don't live together anymore. They don't? No. Well, you know, Mommy Duck's always calling him. No. Oh, I'm angry on Tom. I'm angry on Tom.

I feel you, like, don't know him that well. Yeah, it doesn't sound like... I don't, honestly. I just know he's going through it right now. Yeah, because the Mommy Duck situation's bad, but that's a whole other thing. I mean, that's more of, like, a product of, like, Jerry with the brain. True. There's a lot more of what is affecting, you know, the Tom and Mommy Duck situation,

which is angry on. by the way, is the situation there. I've been walking around just in every store I'm in just doing the thing where you point at things and say, and you know I'm a steeled out. It's so good. Did I get a restaurant? Yeah, I did it at the restaurant. I'll get a Dr. Pepper and you know that's going to be free.

Yeah, can I get a, I'll get a Caesar salad with shrimp and you know I'm not going to pay for that. It was making me not to do that on the train, on the plane. too, get on the plane and be like, and you know, I'm stealing that. Like, just pointing in the cockpit at some, like, instrument. Yeah.

And you know, I'm going to drive the plane. Can I get a, can I get a ginger ale? Just like a crimson. You know, I'm not paying for that. It's like, if someone who can only read out loud, he just, like, can't think in his head. Yeah. Yeah.

It's very funny. And you know, I'm stealing the decoration of independence. When you know, that belong in the museum, though. low key he's doing like a tour in like dc he's just walking around like the air and space museum he's like and that up there is the uh the uh the apollo 11 sir you and you know i'm a steal that ship

i'm gonna steal is it true that you know arms had to do that yeah yeah yeah yeah you sir i'm gonna steal it i'm gonna steal the Hubble telescope so here's the Menalisa, it's the most famous banding in the world. Oh, really? I'm going to steal it. It's what I'm thinking about him being the tour guide itself.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm going to steal it one. And I'm going to steal it later. He's pointing at things that you. He's like, here's the Washington monument. It's the largest structure in fucking D.C. Plus, I'm going to steal it. And this is the Lincoln Memorial.

It's a bust of... And you know, I'm going to steal that and live in there. And you know, I'm taking that. be funny. They're like, yeah, they, they're like, the Washington monument has been stolen today, and there's one suspect. They, like, roll up to his house,

and it's just the Washington Monument. And he walks out, he's like, what are you talking about? I stole the Washington. Because my house kind of looks like the Washington Monument. And you know I stole it. I hate windows, okay?

Plus, I stole that. I stole that shit. No way. Yeah. Yeah. And you know I'm going to tickle the camera man and you know

there's about to be a tickle fight you want to look into that camera I'm gonna take that and that guy I'm gonna tickle him yeah and how does it work in the van and you know I'm gonna steal that van though

I'm gonna drive the van away in this man he's like I'm gonna say why are you mad at me I'm just saying I'm gonna throw the van away And you know I'm going to do my own new show out of there

I'm going to do a new show I'm going to do a reality TV show about how I live in the Washington Monument that I stole When there's laptops in the van And you know I'm going to play Tune Town on them And you know that's part of the show too Is there an arcade cabinet in there?

No I'm a still at arcade cabinet in there Yeah There isn't That guy would be a great We'd be probably the best criminal Probably, yeah Yeah

It's just so prolific Such a prolific thief He kind of steals everything When you think about it It's a kleptomaniac In many ways I don't like Kleptomaniac does sound

Sex A bit Peptomaniac sounds like a disease Are kleptos people Who they steal shit And they go Fuck that Making me come

Yeah Fuck Fuck fucking hot shit. I got hot milk. I'm stealing shit. Woo! Fuck.

Well, that's how you can identify a kleptomaniac versus a normal shopbook. They walk out going, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Huge score. I stole it. I got a bunch of pencils from Staples. Fuck.

Oh, fuck. Walking up to the CBS employee, it's like, I'm not supposed to be walking out with this. I'm not supposed to. Yeah, well, they're more, that's the thing. They're more of a maniac where a shoplifter is more of a lifter. True, yeah. Yeah, shoplifting is a, you're doing it because you need it.

Clectomania is you're doing it because you're a mania. Because you're a crazy. Yeah, you're a Cepto. Yeah, a CLEPto. CLEPto. CLEPto. Claims is like, sounds like a really fucked up CGI character from like a Pinocchio movie. From the Eternals.

Yeah. True, it is the new Eternals character, yeah. I wish I was a maniac. Oh, I'm going to steal the projector at the movies when I see that. And you know, I'm in the movie. I was thinking, when I was watching, when we were watching the new Halloween, I was saying it would, just once I want to go to a movie in the theater and I'm like in the movie and I didn't remember being in the movie. That'd be so cool.

I want that to happen. I want to see myself on the screen and be like, whoa, I don't, I was, I didn't know I was in this. You're not invited to the premiere. You're seeing a bat, man. I'm just seeing it, yeah. And I didn't realize I was in it. Yeah. You get to stand up at the end and just like.

thank you thank you everybody yeah but just I want that so bad just but now see now that I'm saying it people

you can't ask now I know it's coming right I know somebody's gonna put me in the movie and not tell me so I shouldn't this I might edit that out

because I really wanted to I really want that just to happen like you know just a shot of you in the bathroom no I want to be like a character where the hell

this is all the toilet paper in here they put a picture of me and my older brother on click hole once like a photo of us when we were kids and then my mom what I show my mom

I was like, isn't that funny? Like, they used some photo. She was like, where the fuck did they get this? They, like, ripped it from her Facebook. Whoa. And so she, like, I, she was like, emailed them and got it changed. What? Isn't that weird?

Yeah. Yeah. It was a photo of me and my brother Josh. How did they get that? Why did, like, which clickhole writer was, like, trolling Facebook for photos of kids, man. Don't you have, you have, like, a fucking stock photo library you can use? Why are using a photo of my ass? Hey, that guy, that was a bit of a stalk, a stalk photo.

He tried to click on my hole, that fucker. Yeah, and he's on Facebook. Check this out. He tried to click on my hole. Yeah. I already said that. I tried to, on Facebook. Try to put his, try to put a book in.

Wait, okay, now we got this. We got this. He tried to click on my face and put a book in my hole. He tried to bury my face in a book and then put his clicker in my, hole. Clicker. Yeah. It's clicker.

Well, yours doesn't click? Not anymore. Really? Mine, when I come, it goes, yeah, it's double jointed. Yeah, I don't. I don't come. You don't come?

You retain it? Yes. I'm getting into that, dude. I think it's the way. I think it is too. Yeah. I think that you, I think that there's... I personally think it's poison.

You've got to get it all out of you as fast as possible. Really? As many times a day as you can. It's weighing me down. You know when your stomach's really upset and you take like a really disgusting poison shit and then you feel better? I think it might be like that. It's like that. I think it could be like that.

Well, it is, it is the, it is white poop. It's the white poop. It's not white poop. Well, the stuff that I shoot out. Is white poop? Yeah. Comes out like silly. It comes out like a big white snake.

Yeah. Give yourself a lot of credit there. No, no. It's small as shit, but the poop come that. come the white poop that comes out mine is like i mean i'm taking i'm holding it in yeah mine's like when a spider shoots a string and a cartoon yeah it just has a little wiggle to it yep i can wrap people up mine that it looks like white plato when it comes out really looks like white plato snakes yeah for me it's kind of it's like a bunch of dots like mine's like when lebron throws the chalk

in the air at the beginning of the game there's a warm up dust yeah mine's kind of like if you like when you're like washing the dishes in the sink and you turn the water on and you accidentally like hold a spoon under the water it's kind of like that yeah you've seen that guy he's a he's a seaman retention Satanist I have seen that guy he rules he's cool I think I'll become that yeah I feel like honestly I've never met someone who is like super into semen retention or heard of someone who's super into semen retention who wasn't like a Catholic yeah you know Well, like they're... That's two roads.

No, no. Catholics aren't semen retention people. Well, they are inadvertently. Well, they just don't... God wants you to retain semen. I mean, Catholic guys love to jack it. True. They do.

They jack it and they go, Oh, no. I'm going to need so many Hail Mary. I'm going to need to hit my wife so many times. That's got to be such a nice feeling as like, because like, they, all they have to do to feel like real freaks is to jack off. Yeah. You know, they're not like getting...

It doesn't even matter what it's too. They're not getting a mind. microwave involved. You know, they're just fucking... Microwave. Sometimes. You know, there's some freaks out there. There's probably a guy who puts this thing in the microwave.

What are you talking about? You put your thing in the microwave? Not in the microwave, but I put my thing in stuff that's been in the microwave. Yeah. Hot pocket, watermelon. Not a hot pocket, they'll destroy my penis. Watermelon. Watermelon is going to explode.

No. What about a tinfoil? Rhymes... Here, if it was an animal... If it was an animal, it'd be an alope. The thing, but so a deer? No, a beer. That's right.

Okay. Fuck a beer some to a hot beer. They do. I do think that it's funny that the, they make like the fleshlights that are shaped like a beer can. Do they? They do? That's cool.

You're not fooling anyone with that. I know. It's definitely for college kids who want to hide it in their room. Oh, I see. But the thing about that can, it's not, the same size as a regular can no and it's like and it and what's like beer light somebody's gonna throw it out too yeah that's like that's like that's like if i like someone's gonna try to think it's think it's thing it has one sip left drink my cum out of it oh that's like that's like having

like but that's like having something like that's like it's like oh it's money but it's disguised like a crumpled up piece of paper yeah like what yeah people something's just gonna get rid of it Yeah, the one that I always liked was the flashlight. You know what it should be? The one that it's named after? No, something that they'll never throw away if they find your room. It should be, it should be like an urn. Oh.

Because nobody's touching that ever. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, but then it'd be like the smallest urn in the world. Yeah, it was for your baby brother. That's, yeah, that's my baby brother's earned. But then if someone walks in on you. Yeah. And you're fucking, the bottom of the air, dude.

That's a, oh, fuck. We have to delete that and send this to American Pie. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's a bad situation to be in. Your mom walks in. She, first of all, she didn't know you had a baby brother. I had a baby, and it died? Oh, my.

Man, yeah. That's nasty. It is. That's nice. Why do we say that? That's terrible. We didn't say it. You said that.

Why did Patrick say that? Pat, why did you pretend to be Cam and throw your voice and perfectly do an impression of him and say some nasty shit about fucking a player? Ready? I'll pretend to be Cameron again. It's very offensive. Yeah. Oh, cool, dude.

Very fucked up. Do you want to hear something that I think is, I don't know if you guys have fun this is funny? They really did de-de-de-de-de-d-d-d-d-d-do. I did Tuscan Raider voice. Is that what you call them? What? Well, at least I didn't say sand people. What the hell?

That's what they say in the movie. Isn't that fucked up? Sand people? Yeah, in Star Wars, they call the Tuscan Raider. The people who were like, like, like, coated like that. They're like, oh, fuck, the sand people. I feel like, well, I feel like if in real life you called,

you called, like, somebody a Tuscan Raider, that would probably be worse. Yeah. Well, Tuscany is in Italy. so yeah now now i'm just confused as hell something that's i this has been making me laugh a lot the i've been sleepwalking recently which i really i don't like i need to find a way to stop so if anybody if anybody in who listens this knows how to stop from sleepwalking if we have any hypnotist listening please um but

i sleepwalk the other night and i sat up in bed and i i like opened the window curtain and i was like looking out the window and and i woke up she was like why are you looking out the window and in my sleep I was like what I can't look out the window dude I'm like that too and I when I sleep block art I'm like so defensive when she told me that in the morning I was like oh my God that's so me apparently I turned to Jan no sometime recently she was like dead asleep and I woke her up and I said you need to make me some food like fucking four in the morning I'm completely asleep You need to make me some food.

That's just what happens when you sleepwalk, I think, is you just become really rude. Yeah, yeah. Is that, yeah. I think there's something about, I think it's maybe just because you're tired and you're half awake. You know, when you're, when you're, like, really sleepy and everything's pissing you off.

Yeah. I think, because that's the ultimate, you're already asleep, but you're half awake. To me, what I think it is for me is, like, when somebody talks to me and I'm sleepwalking, that'll, like, wake me up. Yeah. And then I'll be like, I'll wake up and I'll like realize that I'm like up doing something that I'd, like, I'll be up like putting my clothes on for some reason.

And I'll but I'll like feel like I had a reason for doing it. So I'll just get like defensive about it. I'll be like, I'll wait, continue. No, no. I just remembered something so funny. Yeah. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I like looked over at Jana and I was like, what the f that's not Jana? And I thought it was you.

And then I was like, I don't want to sleep in his bed with Cameron. And I went and got on the couch. And then Janice was like, why did you like go to the couch? I was like, oh, I thought that Cameron was in the bed. You didn't want to sleep with me? Well, you were like pushing me off the bed. Oh, okay. Yeah, and I was like, it sucks.

This guy's a fucking, fucking comforter hog. You just fart. No. You did. No, I did. I heard that. No, that must have been his chair. I did not fart.

That was your ass. I would admit to a fork. That is your ass and I can see it in your face. No. You're a fart fibber. I'm not a fart You are, dude No, I'm not.

Yeah. I did not fart. You're probably a fart fibber. No. Speaking of fart... Speaking of fart... Yeah, where should be... Now I have to fart just so I can prove that it wasn't me.

I'm loving the concussed era, dude. Yeah. I think it's a... It's tonally different for us. Welcome to my zone. I hate being in your zone. Yeah. You guys were in my zone.

We didn't even talk about being in North Carolina much. I know. We went hogh hovering. Yeah, no, that's what I was going to say. Speaking of fart stuff, your dog crash is a... Oh, my fart slave. He's a fart slave.

Yeah. So my mom is a dog is addicted to farts. It's a mini dachshund who every night when you go to sleep, he buries his huge, like, evolutionarily long... Ant eater. Like, yeah, big nose that's made for sniffing. He shoves it in your butt like a vacuum and just sucks all your farts out. He drinks out.

Yeah. he's a stink drinker he completely he's addicted to it before and i forgot about it until he did it to me one night he's just he's a slut dude he is he is he's a he's a he's a a fart hag he's absolutely a fart hag he's a yeah i mean we were all just we all took we got our turn with no i was yeah i was pumping i ran i was on the top bunk i ran a toot train on that yeah well yeah that's the thing too is like well we also were on that like boat so we're getting seasick and getting, like, shaken up, like... I didn't get seasick.

Yeah, Cam's had he's shaking up like a can of soda. And Crash Popped his tab. Yeah. Just shoot... Dude, I just... Shoot clouds down his throat, dude. I was blasting the kid, dude. He was like, he was like a cartoon snake who's, like, eating, like, eating a bunch of animals.

You can see, like, the shape. Just puffy clouds going down. I was bursting hadukies into him. Yeah. Yeah. I was saying he's a... A bit of a sart harpy. One of the...

A lot of ways. One of the best fucking stink detectives we have. Absolutely. Can you imagine he, you know, people get hounds and shit to fucking hunt murderers. If we were, if we had to find out who fucking dealt it. He's not a bloodhound. He's a mud hounds. Yeah.

Exactly, dude. He was on the trail. He could have, honestly, we should be canning people's farts and if they go missing, give him a little sniff of it, he'll find him in an instant. He'll literally... He's tiny as shit, so he can run... Yeah.

I mean, not, he's a doxon. He can't run that fast. He can't run very fast. But he will... But he'll search out that part. But he'll have fun with your ass. He'll find it eventually, yeah. Yeah.

He'll find you, but it'll take like three days. He'll gobble your gas. I literally blew him up like a balloon one night. And then he flew around the room. He was really, just burping out my fart. We were talking about shooting. We were shooting just a constant. concentrated line, like an Anton Chigur.

Yeah, just, uh, just, uh, yeah, the most insane PSI behind the shit that I was putting, like, I think I'd maybe blinded him. Yeah. Swear to God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just shooting a hole through his head with just concentrated air.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like one of the, you know, like an old-fashioned fireplace where you have like the bellows. Yeah. Yeah. He's one of those. That's what I was doing to him and he was, you know. I mean, yeah.

I was throwing some smoke stacks into the boy's face. Oh, yeah. Just. black clouds coming out of my ass I'm having dreams that I'm It's like using like a It's like using like an airzuka at Chernobyl A glowing green gusts

Yeah I mean he is He's like elephant's foot radioactive now He's like walking around Everybody's face is melting when they get near them Try to pet him dude My mom throws treats up in the air They vaporize as soon as I get within a radius of him He couldn't get to the top bunk I didn't

You saved so many lives. I know. He would have, I mean, if I was there, it would have been true. It would have gone down different. No, dude. Me and, me and Cam were putting down heaters, bro. You couldn't compete. I was eating barbecue all week.

So are we. I'm been eating barbecue on the whole life. Okay? You've heard. This guy, this guy was like the fucking, was like the sultan of shit the entire fucking week, dude. He was like having, he was leaving the bathroom and just being like, yeah, just blasted a crazy rocket into the toilet. I was so constipated, too, before that.

And then I was, well, I was, like, I already was. Like, my stomach was already not doing well going into that trip. Damn. Yeah, it was rough. I'm glad I did, I, I did, I took my, my first really disgusting shit on the boat, because I feel like it would have left, like, a grudge. Oh, you did on the boat? Like, I think it might have, like, haunted a bathroom permanently if I did it on land.

Just a Japanese ghost stuck in the boat. bathroom forever because of how nasty your shit was. Yeah, I think it could have happened. Dude, the boat bathroom is crazy. When people walk in a very soft blue light. Yeah, the, uh, yeah.

Yeah. Dude, it was, it was a rough weekend for my butt for sure. Yeah. Yeah, my butt was taking a task. Day one, we went to Smithfields and like, I think we like went out like immediately. I think we went to the, uh, what was that

museum oh oh the museum of the bazaar the museum of the bazaar yeah it was sick but like we went it's hard oh yeah true yep we went there and like as soon as we got to your house after eating the the barbecue in the car i was just like man i just i got to lay down dude i got like the itis i got to fucking i got i got i got lay i got spread out the patricitis uh-huh i got the patricitis uh-huh oh boy it's known as the patrick ius yeah and i had to we had to we had to to walk all the way or did we drive there yeah yeah okay then we just walked around down we had to walk all the way i for i completely forgot whether or not if we walked that we were hanging out in no that was they had they had pinhead there they did i do have a picture of you guys with pinhead

they got they got uh they had pinhead they had freddie they had michael had chuggy they had they had the mirror they had mini me wait did they actually have chucky i don't think they had Inflating Chuckie and Mini Me. They're pretty much the same. They had a laser maze and a mirror mount. Which one of those do you think is haunted? Oh, I think it's the laser maze. Yeah?

Yeah. I think there's a green ghoul in there. Uh-huh. I think I disrupted this. I kept, the goal of the laser maze is to get the fastest time as it can without touching the lasers. I just ran through all of them and hit the button. And you lost big time. Yeah, my score was like two minutes.

Maybe we should have been blasting farts in there to reveal more lasers. Yes. That's probably what it was. Yeah. You know, when they throw a little smoke to reveal the laser? Maybe we needed to take a stinky cloud with us. Yeah, we did throw. I think all the lasers are present.

Oh, dude. I mean, dude, I was, like, fucking, it was like a, I was like SWAT team level smoke grenades that I was popping off through the entire week. Oh, yeah. Especially alligator adventure, dude. The alligators, they were literally smelling me when I walked by and then, and then fighting them up. Yeah. And then just sitting there. They were just sitting there with their mouths open.

They wanted, dude. There was, I think it was one of the, the crocodiles we saw. But that thing opened its mouth And I got a wave of stink Oh, he bucked at you Yeah Yeah, he was like, what's up? And then he burped

And then he smelled my fart And he turned a stone Swear to God Dude, that's the fucking Oh man, that was the weirdest part About fucking looking at all those Alligators and crocodiles and shit They just sit there in the sun

With their mouths open Yeah Fucking. Like nobody I know Who are you talking about? I had to pat at Maria Hernandez Just Yeah

it's not what I do I'm spinning a circle there no you're throwing high your only thing that's moving is your left wrist as you just arc a high chew right in your mouth don't even chew it

you just swallow it like a big pill well that's the they don't have like a do they not have a mouth hole till they close their yeah that's what was tripping me up to I didn't realize

I'd never seen a crocodile in person me neither they don't have gators like me they don't have they don't have they taste great they don't have thrice.

How have you never seen a gator, but you've eaten it? What is that? I've seen them at zoos before, but I never saw one in the wild. Oh, yeah. I had some... I had some alligator bites one time. Oh, really? Yeah, they were good.

The tail is where it's at. The tail is... The fried alligator tail is very good. Fucking strong, dude. Delicious. Yeah, I wish we had done some other southern stuff, though. I might have seen an alligator, like a baby alligator, but I don't count that. Yeah, yeah.

They definitely brought a baby alligator into, like, my school. We should have tried to see some hogs. Oh, yeah. We did. What? Saw you, bitch. Are you kidding me? You're going to do that to me right now?

Yeah. I've literally been mortally wounded. Mm-hmm. Okay? I'm bleeding. And you don't... Didn't we see a hog? No, we didn't see a hog, you fucked her?

What are you wrong with you? What did I see a big pig? The mirror. What? What is up with you? What is happening? Can you... Can you stop?

doing this? Can you just... I saw a big pig at hemp fest in 2018. They had a pig that smoked weed? Some guy had a pig. I forget the pig's name

but it was some kind of weed pun. They had Snoop Piggy Pig. Mm-hmm. And that thing... Snoop Hodgey Hogg could have been it. I don't remember. That was a hemfest in Boston.

This pig, it would come up to you and it would like basically knock you over if the guy wasn't like... You could go up to it and pass. edit but it would like you know come up to you was very excited to see you and then it would just like just trying to eat you it's a fat pig fucking eat you bro yeah I wonder if that guy feeds his pig edibles I mean if he's bringing it to him fest he totally feeds his pig edible I never see you ever see the show that show handible no cool stuff with pigs in

that show really well pigs will eat anything right yeah they'll eat some cool some cool stuff happens with pigs in that show I've seen snatch plenty of times yeah me too I'm saying I had it on DVD is a kid. What? That's a movie? Mm-hmm. I'm talking about a sexy milf snatch. Yeah.

I'm talking about DVD. Dick, vagina, dick. Stacked up. Yep. I've had... Stacked up like a Dr. Mario pill. In that order. I've had milts on the brain, dude.

That's cool. I've been having a milfest. In your mind? In my mind every day I get on the carnival. And I get on the Ferris wheel And then I get off Every day on the carnival What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Can I Can you guys finish the episode And I can think about a milf? No What carnival are you going to? What if she's sucking my balls? The Milfest Carnival

Oh Milfest. Yeah Where they deep fry my cock and balls And they feed it to themselves What kind of dreams have you been having? I don't remember

what's real and what's not. Yeah. I think Cameron was in my bed. You were in my bed last night. You did already tell that story. I had a feeling I did. Yeah. Yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah. What? He's gonna kill us. Yeah. How am I gonna kill you? I am killing myself. He's gonna go do your say-o on us.

You're gonna go Chris Benoit. I don't know who that is. He's getting too close. Back up. Why? Back up. Are you afraid of me? Back up.

Well, you think I'll do something crazy because my brain's broken? I think your brain's too broken. They put a hole in my head. Who's they? Shelf. Shelf. Put a hole in my head. When?

A couple days ago, you were there. When? You were at my house. I found a better list. What day? Oh, you did? Yeah. Top 10 everyday aspects of life that would be weird in a backwards universe.

Okay. Okay. All right. Positron Wildhawk. Oh, there's our boy. Yeah. Imagine these things acting where time runs backwards. They would certainly be bizarre.

Oh, okay. All right. So the saying, if you saw this in reverse, it wouldn't make a sense. No, it would be weird in a backwards universe. Yeah. There's an important distinction there. This is not, it does not say a reverse universe. It's a backwards universe.

Are you so concussed? You don't remember what a backwards universe is? No, that's where he's living right now. I am living. So backwards universe is a forward universe to him. That's right. I've felt this for the last four days, I felt like I had a half of a, of a clonopin.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just kind of walking around, like, kind of enjoying myself, honestly. Concussion might be like, I might have ascended to a higher plane. I tell you that the first week I was here, I went to Blue Park,

fucked up a 50-50, and fell straight to the back of my head. Did anyone check you? No. Nice. That's badass. I just kind of went home. Did you take a couple naps?

Yeah. All right, you're fine. Yeah. I'm just a couple naps short of being normal again. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Could be. Could be.

Could be. Number one, pregnancy. Okay. Let's hear them out on this because it's already pretty weird. This would be a tough ordeal for both child and parents. When the kid ages backwards, it shoves itself up into the mother before the baby shrivels into nothing. And nine months later or earlier, splits into a sperm and an egg, the former of which promptly shoots back up into the father. A backwards world would be odd.

So you're the mom would be. be older than the kid. Here's another comment, though. This doth fair makeeth the eyes water. It shoves itself up into the mother. Such grace, such style. This would be bizarre and extremely traumatic for all involved. Thank goodness this is impossible.

Could you imagine just like, like, mother's just running away as their child is just cosmically, just like leashed to their pussy trying to get back in? It'd be kind of funny. You think it would be like a goo? No, it would be like a gravity that's pulling them. Like fate. Yeah, exactly. It would be this invisible kind of like fishing line of fate.

I was thinking like the mom's just run around. You were thinking like trying to keep. The umbilical cord shoots out like a hellraiser chain to the kid. Yeah, that's what it would be. That would be pretty cool. Yeah. So it would be like even if you lived, if I did say corn, I found a hair on my hair. he he has truly descended to my level i have hit a wall i've hit a wall i've been up too long i was in

you've already fucked up a word and said something that just makes no goddamn sense i found a hair oh my hair i i like a mom's in china and then the and the kid that's the opposite of china You almost say Japan You almost said Japan It is though All right The mom's a child The kids in Japan

On the other side of the world And just yeah She's just sitting there Reading a newspaper And then she looks at the day It says oh no And then a fucking giant Tenticle

Tenticle climbs out of her Yeah but then imagine How often that would happen Because it's something We have to have like air traffic controllers Yeah They were just kind of The wires got crossed

The wrong kid Went up the wrong mom The kids would just be colliding In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean Just it'd be bad dude Yeah If I was the mom I'd probably sit on a plate

I think it might stop it Maybe put a cork up there Yeah That thing's beasting through a cork Yeah Can you me the pressure behind that A wooden cork That might actually work

See if you put a steel No even a steel door A bank vault is not going to hold a mother from its child. You just got to snip it. Sniff it? Snip it. Oh. Yeah, they could just snip the cord.

Yeah. But no, it regrows. It's like a lizard tail. Well, you're just making up rules for this. Wouldn't it be the kid. It's unstoppable and it's invincible? Wouldn't the kid have to die for this to happen? Well, the kid dies when he turns into nothing in the wound.

Well, the kid dies at the beginning of his life. It's backwards world. He undies and then he unborns. Oh, man. This is breaking my fucking. Well, here, if you want something else that's going to blow your mind even more, number two, money. Money would be avoided like the plague in a backwards universe, as when you buy things, you are in fact selling them and vice versa. So throwing out your money would make you richer, but you'd also be unable to buy something unless you sell it.

God, I hate living in this backwards world. I hate. It's confusing me so badly. It's like everything that I know has been flipped upside down. Backwards even. No, upside down. Number three is education. When you graduate, you're basically confirming in a backwards universe that you don't need your knowledge anymore.

And over your backwards courses, you lose it into thin air as your teachers teach it backwards. And you'd begin to lose your degrees as your exams are undone until at the end of your life or after your reverse education. You're no longer toilet trained. Horrific thought, right? Well, that's just Jupiter. True. Or girls go to get it's stupid. That is Jupiter.

So I guess the backwards world is Jupiter. Here's how dumb the concussion made me. I googled the day. After, I literally went on my phone and Googled, can a concussion make you stupider? That said stupider. What's wrong with that? That's the right word.

Stupider is not the right word. Stupider. No. Yeah. It's not a real word. Yeah, it is stupider. Well, what else rhymes with Jupiter? Almost nothing.

Yeah. Cupiter. Something could be more loving. Compupiter, which is what you use on the computer. It's an app. Yeah. It's an app where you, mind poop.

You say mind poop? Mine. You have a mind poop. You do. I don't. You have a, you have a butthole on your forehead right now. I don't want to do that again.

I forgot about that. I thought you took an IQ test as drunk as shit and I took an IQ test and got an 85. I was trying to pee test. run it? No, I watched it. You were giving yourself way more credit than you. I didn't try to speed run it. I really don't remember that night.

You went through fast, but that was because I think you kept getting distracted. Yeah. Yeah. True. It was so funny, though. It was one of the funniest things ever. Yeah. I mean, I don't doubt that I, I don't doubt that my IQ is probably.

I think you got past 100, brother. I probably shaved, like 10 points off. I think it's probably around 95. I think I'm probably at 95. Hey, that's an A. Exactly. That's right. Mm-hmm.

You know. There's no way that I'm an intelligent person. You know, who knows? There's no way, like, because you look at those pattern things that you're supposed to look at. I love, it's all lines and squares. It's all gobbledy goof. Yeah. Put it in words.

Yeah. I don't, fucking, you think I can. Smart enough to read. Yeah. I can read words. Mm-hmm. Maybe, maybe just turn the shapes into the words that the shapes are. I think that might help you.

So it's, but then you're also just like line, shape. Oh, yeah, true. So you'll be fucking up all that, too. Maybe you are stupid Maybe Number four No wait Here's a comment on education

I was waiting to read this one Okay To be honest Our education system Is kind of backwards Already instead of learning stuff We are wrote memorizing Shit

This guy should be maybe The president Or the queen of England Or something The president of the queen of England Okay now you can do number four Number four I believe this is

Healthcare You're just No I take a 90 second break. You were faking. You're completely faking. You can't, no. Health care.

I said health care. You said health care. You can't be. Fucking up words is not concussed. You guys are stupid. You've never done that before. I've fucked up words all the time. Not like this.

I do that constantly. I'm like known for that. No, Patrick is known for that. I don't. That's what Patrick does. You guys are supposed to make me feel better and just, ignore. I just need a couple naps and I swear it. You don't.

No one ignores it when I do it. Well, that's different. It's different. Oh, God. All right, what does health care say? This can be a minor irritation like a doctor taking your cough pills away while your throat feels like sandpaper. Or

it could be an immoral Armageddon like it would be if surgeons were to implant a pus-filled appendix into you before applying anesthetic. So it's just my doctor true is that what your doctor does

my doctor's a damn savage this loki is how health care is in the normal universe too it's not gonna lie it's already backwards you tell you what go ahead and backwards let's see if I give a fuck that's right

yeah your number five is puberty would not like to have that happen backwards that's the only thing I think that'd be awesome there's one other comment that says that would be so awkward

that would be are you kidding puberty did you read of of sexual desire? That would be perfect. It would be so cool. You lose all your fucking...

My top hair comes back. My bottom hair go away. My penis is extracted. And my balls... They hide from me. That's just like the perfect life. Plus, I get really short. What?

You guys wouldn't like that to go backwards puberty? No. I'd love that. I just pretend I'd never... I do want to accelerate it. I want to get my balding done. Patrick does want Caleb to go through reverse puberty, though.

No. You do. And then you want to control my body. Disgusting. Control. You want to put an R.C. receiver in my brain. You want to do Being John Malkovich with baby cable. You want to shrink, I'm, you want me to shrink into a child, you to shrink into a

microscopic object, and then do Gundam with my body. No, I don't. And then you want to fight me and kill me because you hate me. It's not true. And then... That's how you know this isn't true at all. Maybe it's not true. Maybe it's not true.

Maybe we're just making this. Number six is memory. Maybe it could be real. Memory. Memory. I'm very familiar. How would anyone live with memory capacity acting back through time? I also couldn't remember what a glove box was yesterday.

But I think that's a normal thing. What are you talking about? I forget the name of the glove box all the time. I text. I was trying to text. Like, were you looking at a glove box? I was like, what is that? I couldn't remember the name.

You couldn't remember the name or you were like, what is that? No, I knew what it was. I just couldn't remember the name of a glove box. Why is this in my car? What is that? What's the one under the passenger seat? That is the glove box. Oh, okay.

All right, I feel way better about this. Wait, Patrick said that. I thought you meant that you, like, didn't know what it was. Not like what it was called. I thought it was another car in the car or something. Or no, you were just like, what is this? Oh, yeah. What is this is this is very different from what is this.

called. The thing I get fucked up now is because all cars have like the center console or whatever the center console, yeah. The thing. Yeah, the console. Yeah. There should be a better name for center console. Yeah.

Because glove box is great. Glove box you can tell, but now that they're throwing all these center consoles. Based on my mom's car, they should call it the sand area. It's always filled with sand in that car. Get off the beach, you idiot. What the hell's going on? Bum. Why are you putting sand in there?

Should be on the floor. Like people would tell me like, oh, like this is in the center console or like this is in that. I would always go for the- Digging through people's cars a lot? You know, they get stuff out of the car like my mom or my dad asking me. Is there sand in there? People tell me. My mom or dad, people tell me all the time.

People are always saying. People are always telling me to take out the damn trash. You notice that people always tell you good a dish. And people are telling you it's your bedtime. People are always like dinner. People are telling you. It's your bedtime. People are always like, dinner's ready.

You're going on stairs. It smells horrible. I hate people. I hate dinner. I hate dinner. Oh, he loves dinner. Oh, true. We have established that he loves all food.

Yeah, food signfeld. Come on, fuck. What was that? Foodfeld. We were doing food sandfeld. Dinefeld. Damn. It only took us 60 episodes.

We were doing Dinefeld in North Carolina. Yeah. I forget what we're, oh, it was like. Why is it called a sandwich? Oh, no, no, no, no. All the sands. And some people. center consoles

who's that the comedian we made up oh dog dog the comedian oh I kind of don't want to tip that honestly I think we have big plans

yeah we have big plans for dog the comedian but trust you guys are gonna love this crap what's to do with this guy dog the comedian

is he a hot dog is he a guy is he a dog I wish he was a guy so let me get a hot dog with him what's a glove box I can't get over how funny

is it Patrick's trying to generalize people as your mom and dad is so funny well i was going to say my sister do people my sister i hate when people make me do stuff uh number seven is invention true that's actually pretty funny yeah a world where people already have things invented and then they just forget they have to invent it not existing yeah yeah like like lying yeah it's like no tom the invention of lying Thomas Edison comes in and he's like what if it was really dark in here. He's just smashing light bulbs.

The hammer. Yeah. Yeah, the guy who's like really sick and be like, what if that guy just died? What if we just let him die? Oh, fuck. Who's another guy who invented something? Yeah, what are the guy who passed?

Yeah. Lou Pesterer's like, just put in a bunch of nasty shit in the milk. Yeah. Make it like It's just undrinkable I took a shit in all the milk bottles Whoever

Yeah the Whoever invented the car It was like I wish this thing was alive I wish this was Yeah I wish there was like Four or five animals That pulled me instead of this crap

Yeah The Wright brothers The Wright brothers Get us down from here Oh fuck Oh no! Yeah Yeah, Oppenheimer, he's like, just chill.

Now I am become, what? Now I have become party. Woo! Fucking, let's go! Yeah. That would totally happen in Backwards Universe. Yeah, they call it a pussy hounder. Now I become MTV's Cancun.

What was that? Oh, God damn it. MTV's spring break in Cancun. Now I've become. Now I'm become MTV's spring break in Cancun. Destroyer of worlds. Destroyer of beers. It's pretty good, actually.

I didn't give you a chance there, my bad. Yeah. Now I've become girls gone wild. Destroyer girls, dude. Destroyer of girls. Number eight, crime. Criminals will put money into vaults and seal them up or might suck knives and bullets out of corpses before they come to life.

Sucking a knife. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. I know you ain't sucking a knife and bullet out of that corpse. Here's the other comment. Ha, ha, ha, ah, that's epic. From toucan.

Here's a good, number nine is menstruation. Ooh. Plasetron Wildhawks says, I don't know how it feels four words, but I can imagine that backwards would be a lot worse. I feel like it'd be fine, right?

Yeah. Might be, well, you would start out in pain. Just be like an oxyclean commercial. It's, yeah, it cleans up. Yeah. It's a cleaner upper. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, yeah, like when they put like the, you know, the bounty wipe.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. What is that? What? That was a really scary cough. I had something in my throat. You made like deep eye contact with Patrick and we're like, ugh. Until now.

Forgot out of cough. Number 10's digestion. Oh, oh, hell no. I think I know where this is going. Oh, hell no. me I'm going to upchuck a full hambert, full BTS meal. Here's the top comment. See, this is why I like the world, even with its problems.

Do you what would make me hate life? Having your poop being shoved up your butt every time you try to eat something. But where is the poop if it's not being sucked up yet? It's not in your rectum. You're still trying to eat something. Like you're like, you know you're in a backwards world, but you go in like, maybe this time I'll actually eat it. Oh, it's just poop going on my ass. Fuck.

See, but poop going up your ass is not as bad as poop. poop going in your mouth, right? I don't know. That might be one of the greatest questions I've ever had to think about. Well, because a backwards universe, that's poop going up your butt. But like a topsy-turvy universe could be that you're eating poop, you know? I much rather live backwards than topsy-turvy in that kid. Or like a twisted universe, maybe.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, some kind of fucked up genie magic universe where, everything's wrong. That is, I definitely don't want to eat poop. Would you rather? Would you rather eat poop or have it shoved up your butt by a force?

It has to be by a force. By a reverse gravity. So, okay. It's an easy question. It's two very simple and attractive options. Each has,

it's pros and out of your mouth in the other one. You put, well, okay, it's... Eat from your mouth. Okay, well, we're not considering that. Right now, it's just a would you rather

of those two things. But if you're eating poop, that does mean the food goes up your butt. But just ignore that. So I think the second one probably. The second one, eating poop? No. Well, did it come out of your mouth?

Oh, first one, eating poop. Okay. So Pat would rather eat poop. What? No, the second one where the poop goes into your butt. Yeah, in your mouth, yeah. And out your butt. You want one that goes, you want a version where you get poop up your butt and in your mouth?

Yeah. I guess I didn't consider that. That's a third option. Went back out. That's the backwards Topsy-Turvy universe where you have to eat the poop and it goes up your life.

Well, there's also one where you have to... Well, if it's a backwards world, isn't poop food? No, that's ToxyTurvy. Oh, but in the Topsy-Turvy universe you would like the poop because I like food. Right.

So, yeah, I'd rather have that. Rather eat poop. If I liked, every day I was like, if I was putting a bib on to eat poop and crack it open like a lobster tail, that'd be good. It's got meat in the... Yeah, well, it is meat.

But you'd also... I mean, at a backwards universe, you'd probably like putting the poop up your butt, right? I like normal pooping, and I like eating, so... Yeah, so you'd probably like both of them. I guess you're right. I mean, I'm agnostic then. You two hash this out.

The backwards one, you... Food comes out of your mouth when you... When the poop goes up your butt. But then what happens to the food? Someone just in the universe... Well, in the topsy-turvy universe, when you eat poop, does food come out of your butt, or is it just poop again? because it did go through your digestive system.

It's not like it's running backwards. I think we got it out of your butt. I think we've got a message of scientists about it. I think we need to get Neil deGrasse Tyson to do some kind of math about this. I think we're going to put it, we'll put it, we'll put it comes out of your butt, right? Food would come back. We're going to, we'll dog hear this conversation. We'll come back to this and we're talking to a science expert.

Okay, all right, we'll get a scientist on. Wait, so a full, you would poop a full burger. No, it would be. bites of a burger and then when it lands. It depends on which universe you're in. If it's backwards, upside down, tops you turvy, twisted, or strange.

There's also the poop universe. Where everything is all just poop. It's made out of poop, so you don't really care. It doesn't matter if it goes up your butter in your mouth because it is your butt and mouth. Yeah, exactly. It's called the poop averse.

They're actually doing a Spider-Man movie about... Venom's going to... With Alfred Bolina. Dude, poop, I'm so excited for poop venom to enter the... Oh my God. PCU. You want to find a venomous poop?

Yeah, I already found one. It is in his own mouth. No, it was in your mouth. Why are you looking at my mouth? Because you were eating poop and it was disgusting. You were on the hunt for poop and you looked at my mouth.

Why are you watching another man's mouth? Stop mouth watching. All right. Now we're to the contenders. Yeah, we're to the beautiful contenders on this lovely list. It is a lovely list, isn't it? Well, oh, there are some,

there are another comment here. Maybe there's some people with the answers. There are two really good. You would have to sit on a toilet Before crap rises from the drain and into you Which would materialize into pieces of poop Or into pieces of food Which are fused together by your teeth

Until you, before you pull it up your throat And out of your mouth I think I'll pass And then here's the other comment Crap rises from the drain And here's the other comment From the toilet to the plate It's farmed a table, dude

From the toilet to the plate That's by Tucan Number 11, murder You'd bring people back to life? Can you imagine the thrillers? Detective. Who brought him back to life?

Murder victim. It was him. That sounds thrilling. That didn't sound thrilling. It doesn't sound... Well, it's backwards universe, so it would be a chiller. Yeah. A chiller.

You know the answer at the beginning. You can just relax. It'd be a relaxer. Yeah. Yeah. Of a movie. Yeah. Watching a movie.

Number 12, yeah, watching a movie you started the credits. Number 13, farts. That's similar, I think, to food. I think it would be burps. Would you... What? It sounds like burps out of your butt. No, you'd suck the farts all day, like crad.

He's already living in a backwards universe. He escaped from the backwards universe. The backwards topsy-turvy universe, where you suck up farts with your mouth instead of with your butt. Yeah. He was a professional cloud chewer. Yeah, and he slipped through a rip in space time, and he ended up in my bed with my butt hole in his mouth. Just absolutely sucking up farts, I'm giving him for Christmas.

I literally do go there most. on Christmas and I that's like you just you just pump dumps into yeah and and my mom's always like what did you get like the dogs for Christmas and I said I already got him a present brother yeah yeah and it's not not safe for work absolutely

yeah yeah PG 13 number 14 crying yeah they should people just should stop crying that'd be a better universe crying so annoying number 15 proposing yeah the woman would do it oh my God are you fucking some backwards fellows already

already happening like that's already a couple backwards fellas you heard of this this bitch sadie hawkins what the hell is her deal stupid backwards bitch i gotta kill you she came from the same universe as crash yeah she actually and crash she was farting and crash sometimes it's it feels they came here together sometimes it already feels like we're in a backwards universe all these all these masks and vaccines yep so true you can't say that on a podcast i have a i I legally concussed, masks and, and, you know what's. You know what. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what's. Um, number 16, death. Here's the top comment. This would be a birth. It's true. Okay, this is officially a birth.

Yep. And then when you reach age 0.0-0-0-0-0-1, death. Why don't they just let you keep going? I don't get it. Yeah. True. So you would start out dead, then wake up somewhere just like, you'd be old.

is fuck. Here's a genius here. Dude, that would actually suck. What if you woke up, like you're born, right? Uh-huh. But you're like 18. Yeah. Oh, that would suck.

18, you're climbing out of a car and you're like so drunk. Oh, yeah. You're wearing prom clothes. Yeah. You're like, oh, this is going to suck, dude. Yeah. But then you also, you're like reversing. I dad like this, I'm going to be in a lot of pussy.

Yeah, what if you wake up and you're like one year old and your, your college-age brother's dorm room on his shelf. Yeah. What about that? Yeah, you wake up in your... Yeah, you wake up in O.J. Simpson's putting your head back on your body. You're like, fuck me, dude. Oh, shit, I'm Ash.

That's what you would say. Now, here's a really smart comment here. Number 19 is writing, and the comment from funny user is, would you write with your foot or just type everything? That is pretty funny. It's probably right shit backwards. It is pretty funny, funny. Right, probably erase stuff. Oh, yeah, true.

It would be like painting. Painting would be who can get rid of paint better. Right. So it would kind of be like, it would be like garbage men and painters would switch places. Yeah, yeah. True. Garbage men might be the highest people in society. Garbage men, people would hate garbage men so much in the backwards universe.

Every week they show up and drop the stinkiest most disgusting trash. And then you have to make it good? Yeah. Yeah, that sucks. You have to use it to make your, all. your meals for the rest of the week. Then you have to shove them up your butt. I hate this world. You have to shove poop up your butt to spit out a banana into the peel and they have to bring it back to the store.

They're going to drop groceries off. They do give you money to do that though. Damn, that's kind of worth it. That's everyone's job. But you also have to throw the money out to become rich. Shit. I don't want to move here anymore. They thought of everything. Yeah. Number 20 hangovers. Well, you can reverse a hangover. over pretty quick. Hair of the dog. Blogging. That would be so weird.

Yeah, people would read them. Yeah, people would read them. Yeah. Hey. That was insane. How'd you do that? Injuring yourself. You would be healed all the time, I guess.

So true. I guess that person injures himself all the time. Number 31. Number 31, we already discussed. Yeah, the final comment. 30 is urinating and 31 is pooping. That's a nasty crap. I will say it feels probably pretty good to watch the water go white when you suck up a pee.

That would be pretty good. You know what would be annoying, though, is it would leave streaks of poop all in the toilet bowl. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be sucking the poop back up. Yeah. I love playing that game.

Yeah. Get the poop stains off the toilet bowl with my penis. Yeah. Oh, so awesome. With your penis? My penis is my tool. You kill someone with a gun, not a bullet. okay

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