Podcast About List - Ep. 170 - No More Gas

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

we're finally gas free. subscribe to www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist for tons of stuff

Come in, come in, come in, and we see a butt. All the counts for the ball list. Every crap monster. All right. You realize that when you tell stories, you are the hero of the story, so you have to have a happy ending. You can't just fucking hurt yourself. A beginning, a middle, a happy ending. I'm just telling you, it's not a story.

It's an anecdote of when I got hurt skating. An anecdote is a story. It was not a story. There was events that happened in that. story. No, it was an anecdote. There's a very different. There was a set. An anecdote is a boring story. Exactly. And that's exactly what an anecdote is. And that's all I'm good at. You're not, no. That's all I can tell is anecdotes. I don't want to hear about you getting hurt. That makes me feel bad. You add a happy ending to it. That's a story. Just make something up. Turn it. So I went, I went to grab some beers for my roommates last night. And I went down a hill on my skateboard.

Oh, I love this story. Beginning. Beginning. Beginning and inciting incident. Yep. And now we have the rising action. Yeah. It was wet from the rain. That's rising action. Rising action. Because it rained previously.

Climax. Climax. Okay. And I was trying to do a power slide. It's a boring climax. To slow down speed. Still the climax. Okay.

Still the climax. The peak. And then I snowboard slid out. Falling action. Mm-hmm. Well, he's about to have some falling action. Hey-oh. Story.

And I got a bruise on my hip and my wrist. So, and then, low point. Low point. Low point. Low point. Then my board rolled into a tire and shot back out at me. Okay.

Second low point. But then I picked it up and I walked to the grocery store and I got beers for my friends. Happy ending. Day new mom. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then we drank the beers. Happily ever after.

Back to the beginning, but something's changed now. Yes. He has beers. The new normal. We drank the beers and then I ate some chips. Okay. So this is the beginning of a second story. Okay.

And then what happened? The chips were so good that I rubbed my belly. Rising action. I rub my belly and I went. This better be a big, oh, that is a big climax. Oh, that's great. So good. Wow.

That's very exciting. Actually, I didn't buy chips. I bought crackers and I had cheese and crackers. Okay. This story sucks. This is the worst story. Is it possible to plot this story? How am I supposed to make a movie out of this?

If that happened in like movies like at the end of clue where they're just like, they go for like 10 minutes, and like, oh, wait, no, actually, no, no, it was something different. That didn't happen. That's what they do. At the end of clue, there's like at the end of clue. If movies did that more often, it's in the middle, like, you know, in Star Wars. They're like, oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Actually, Darth Vader, he wasn't, that wasn't true. The chips were, yeah. Maybe he's, like, his... We'll think of something else. He's just a friend. The chips were poker chips, actually, and it was a million dollars worth of him, and I ate all of them. Happy ending.

Day new mom. Day new mom. Folks, we're supposed to have Mike Christine on the show today, but he has come down with some... He has a... flesh-eating disease in his face. Yeah, he's lost half of his body. He looks like Two-Face.

But he's two-faced, but he's two-body. Yeah, yeah. And also, he's really short. He's one-inch tall now. Yep. And, oh, smelly. He smells like complete shit. I could tell from the picture he sent us.

He sent us a picture. Yeah, a picture of his decayed flesh on half of his body. Oh, see, I didn't even recognize him. Yeah, because he looks like such shit. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, hey. I got served him at a restaurant. I'd be happy.

It looks pretty moist. Lay him out in a little corn tortilla. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Mm. Have the waiter come over, crack pepper on them? Oh, my God.

Say when? And then you go, when? Yeah. You know? Oh, I love doing that. I love it. Waiters, they fucking eat that shit up. Oh, you do.

Waiters, I eat that shit. Whenever they, that's right. Whenever you do that, if you say win, that laugh, you don't have to tip. That's enough. Yeah, that's enough. Yeah. To just, that'll get them by just on laughter. Yeah.

is, hey, laughter's the best money. Yep, it is. True. That's what they say, too. We get paid in laughs. Lafter's the best money. I don't need money. I need money.

I want money. I'd rather, I'd... Yeah, I give all my money away to bars. I give my laughter away, because I'm, like, charitable. Lafter's, like, way more important than money, so I give away my laughter, and I just keep the money. And all I ask for in return is money. Which is basically nothing. It's, what, paper made of dirt?

Yeah, it's basically nothing, man. It's paper made out of green. Metal made out of circles? Yeah, what is? It's just like a t-shirt, pretty much, and they cut a bunch of squares. Wait a second. Yeah, what is this. I never learned what money is.

This is a credit card that's wiggly. Yeah, what? There's some kind of wet credit card you did. A credit card. A credit card from the bottom of your shoe that's crumpled up. Doesn't make any sense. All the money I get is so wet. And I never have to pay it off.

You guys, do you see something cool? Yeah, check this out. Oh, the gas detector? Yeah. Let me put that up to my butt. Are we going to play? going to play with this time i mean you tell me no wait i have to calibrate it first let's know we also have to oh yeah we we have to explain i mean not everybody has seen the news i've had a gas leak

in my house for maybe since i moved in and i which is over a year dude so yesterday i so i bought this thing because i was like first of all this is cool to have also i've been smelling gas maybe there's something maybe i have a gas leak who knows there's literally been so there's been so many instances on the show where we've recorded here and been like, there's like a gas leak or something. Does that mean there's still gas? Put this on your penis?

Okay. Wow. That's a red alert. Did that feel good or what? It felt. I know that my penis extrudes gas now. Wrong word. Expunges gas. Wrong word. Expells gas.

Yeah. Oh, that's pretty good. uh yes i i had a gas leak and i was literally i just per i turned this on for shiss and giggles i was like oh it'd be funny if i had a gas leak started moving around my apartment and i was like i got near the oven and i was and it like went up one bar and i was like oh that's interesting i was like oh okay well that makes sense this is where gas comes out i'm sure there's some residual gas around here and then i put it behind my oven and it hit the maximum reading on the thing and i was like okay i'm fucking out of here so i left there's that fucking the video you made with Joe and Alex, you literally say, like, there's a Catholic in my oven.

Yeah, dude, God was telling me something. I didn't even know. But I, I, so I called National Grid. They came out, and the two guys seemed like very non-plus. You know, they do this shit. They do this all the time, right? Yeah. Until they got to my oven, and they put their meter, which is more sensitive and has a higher cap than this one behind my oven. And the guy, who, again, this all day, every day. It's his only job is investigating these things. It goes, holy fuck! Dude, how, like,

it makes so much shit makes sense. Dude, I literally... I feel like we've lost the fifth member of the show. Dude, I literally have just spent, like, every... The fifth member of the show. Yeah, Patches. Yeah, but he's not in these ones. Yeah, but he's not, but he's the fourth member of the show.

I'm kicking him out of the podcast. Wow. Yeah. Patches, we're sorry. Yeah, yeah. Uh, he... I, like, just sit in my apartment all day for the last year, just like, oh, am I so tired? And then I walk outside, I'm like, I feel incredible. This is, outside is amazing. Yeah.

And my apartment makes me feel so sleepy. And so I think it might have been a mixture of natural gas and carbon monoxide. And my brain hasn't been getting enough oxygen for close to a year now. Yeah. Maybe even longer. I mean, truly, I don't know. That's, I mean. And they showed me the fucking, there's a, the, you can look at the tube behind my oven.

Just a giant hole in the tube. Just like a huge ass hole And it's just been spraying gas You think maybe Maybe your mice friends did that? I maybe considered that But then I was like A mouse doesn't like it eat metal

They do I don't think so Every mouse eats metal I don't think a mouse can eat straight through a metal A metal hose Maybe it wasn't eating it Maybe it was like grabbing onto it You know

And swinging swinging on it like parallel bars It could be I don't think so But you could be right That could be it, though. Yeah, he's having a little adventure back there. It could be like a gremlin who did it, too. They put a sticker out front of my apartment.

I don't know if you guys saw it on the way in. It says, warning of hazardous conditions. It's still hazardous. It just says you can't. No, it's not still hazardous. It just says that you can't set it on fire. Don't set my house on fire yet. But I do still have this.

It'll go on fire too good. I guess it's good that you don't. I'm going to actually calibrate it, and I'm going to try to burp into it. I guess it's good that you don't. I guess it's good that you don't, like, smoke weed. I do smoke weed. Like, they also, like, lighter? I literally, that's what I said.

That's the window right next to the... Oh, right. Yeah, you've burned incense. Also, right next to the, uh, to the oven. That's the window that I will smoke cigarettes out of sometimes. It's pretty bad. All right. That's crazy.

We got him. Caleb's landlord, if you're listening. All right, let's try this out. Okay. Holy shit. It hit four bars on that. There's only six bars on the thing. Clearly there's some...

That's crazy. It's like a breath of legend for first. Clearly there's some residual gas still in my body. That's so awesome. Oh, my God. I think that would work The bitch band is so funny It goes

Burr Yeah It's a pretty fun Little instrument Yeah I mean somebody has to fart into it Yeah Yeah

Let me know if If anyone has to fart We'll stop whatever we're talking about And we'll The thing is like You should have Just raise your hand Just raise your hand

I honestly thought about like Yesterday I was like Before we record I'm going to eat like A fucking just a can of Pinto beans cold or something, but I forgot to get them this morning. Damn.

Yeah, that would have been so funny. That would be great. Because if my burps are doing that, it might, it actually might catch on fire if I fly out of it. Yeah, that thing's diabolical. But yeah, so now I'm recovering from my gas leak brain. There's so many, there's so many times.

Like, literally, like, I think I've said the word gas leak in this apartment probably 50 times. Specifically in this apartment. Yeah. 50 times in my life. Do you guys feel different? Does I feel different in here? No. Do you feel like you can take a deeper breath?

I mean, I feel completely normal. Most of the way. Like, sometimes there's, like, I'll come here and I'm out of breath already because I, like, skated over or, like, walked over. Mm-hmm. And honestly, it feels no different. Yeah? You still feeling out of breath?

Yeah. I feel amazing, dude. Yeah. I feel incredible. I don't know if it's just, I mean, it's definitely my brain pulling a trick on me. But it also, I read that if I, if I, if there was trace amounts of carbon monoxide in there and I got poisoned, it'll take 120 days for me to recover for all my platelets to be replaced. Holy shit. They have been deoxygenated.

So you have about 120. I have 120 more days before I even know who I am anymore. Right. Yeah, because of the, and the effects of the gas leak could have. It would be so funny if like 120 days later you like test into like Yale. Well, I've been, dude, I've literally for the, like, last year been saying, like, I feel stupider since moving here. Like, like, I feel noticeably stupider. I barely have an attention span. I can't, like, read a book for more than, like,

20 pages. Yeah. And that's crazy. Yeah. And I think it, it might be that I have had a gas leak and that my brain has been, I've been neurotoxined. Could be. Yeah. Well, that, I mean, I can imagine, like, we've probably, we've probably got 60 days. I've also got a lot worse. I think we've been in here. I've been a lot worse just singing. Yeah. That makes sense. I think I've lost my key. He's a perfect pitch.

Gas makes singing so hard. What should I sing? Just sing something. You got the right temperature for shelter to meet you from the storm. Oh, I'm going to run that thinking turn you on. It doesn't sound as good as you used to be. You can be the mom. Oh, oh.

When you roll with a player like me, with a brother like me, there is no other. A cloud like a person. I was scared the sun when you started singing. See, that's a sign, dude. My perfect pitch has been robbed. Rob for me. I used to sing all kinds of cool songs. Yeah, I remember your ditties.

Nobody knows. The troubles I've seen. That's pretty good. That's crazy. What, you think that's crazy? A cookie monster? Yeah. Whoa.

You sing C is for cookie real quick? C is for cookie. And cookie is for me. God, you sound just like him. That's crazy. Maybe that's the, maybe the gas is making. What a wonderful wild. That's a real.

That's a fun one. You have a deep voice. Wow. I think there might be a grumbling fire in my belly that's spitting out. Just trying to order like that at the dund. There is a house in New Orleans. Can I get two pounds of cheese? They blow the rise and surge.

And roses, too. I see. We're going to do the whole episode like this. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts me. It is a, it's a rough one.

It's one of the most fun voices, though. It's so fun, but it's just, you can't do it for more than 30 seconds, dude. What are you talking about? I can do it for way more than 30 seconds. You're not rolling. No. You got to hit the, you need to be heard. It feels like there's a dust in my voice.

When I do it? It feels like there's such a natural baritone. I feel like I have a dust in me. I feel like I have a dust in me. That's such a beautiful baritone. You do have a beautiful baritone. Pull it out, come on. Yes, I do.

Do it normal baritone. And I have a beautiful alto. Yeah. Man, we got a... Can we keep each other company? Oh, company. You don't have to call. Yeah, that's right.

You need to sing something beautiful right now. I did. This is the sing-along episode. All right, what should I sing? I gotta testify. Come up in the spot looking extra fly to the day I die. That's a rap. That's not singing.

I got to testify. Drink a little star. This sucks. God damn, dude. See, the gas leak's fixed, guys. There's nothing weird in here anymore, and we feel normal. Oh, my God. I feel completely normal.

No. Yeah, see, that's, that's, I'm glad that I immediately felt normal. uh uh because if it if i just felt the same i i would have probably probably ended my own life yeah i probably would have gone over to that their gas valve which they claimed they teed off concussion and gas league well it's not even back to back it's middle of yeah i got concussed my brain has been through the ringer you know and now mac could like the ringer you know what you're saying i know exactly what you're saying because i'm athletic right And I can do hurdles, better than some people at least.

Yeah. Crazy Brian Cox is in that movie as the evil uncle. Yeah, he's kind of a, it's like, was that after Rip Torn died? It feels like he's just kind of doing Rip Torn died like pretty recently. It feels like he was just doing Rip Torn in that movie, right? They kind of just couldn't get Rip. Yeah, he was busy with Dodge Ball. Yeah, so they got, is Rip his full first name? His name is, I think.

Is it Ripley? It's not. No, it's a nickname, but it was, it was. It was his dad's nickname, too. So his dad was also Rip Torn, and he went by Rip Torn, and then he had a brother who also went by Rip Torn. That's not, shouldn't, that shouldn't be allowed. I don't like names like that.

Army Hammer, Rip Torn. Yeah. You know, just fucking, just get a normal, I want your, first name and your last name should be complete opposites. Whoa. Rip Torn's real name was Elmore Rural Torn Jr. Whoa, that's cool as fuck. Elmore.

Elmore torn? That's a good name. Yeah, that was wasted. Yeah, Elmore. Elmore. Not even Elmer, Elmore. I'd wish he would L.S. He's dead.

He didn't catch a single L his entire life, dude. Yeah, exactly. He had an ideal life. Did Dodge Ball? Except when he died. Yeah. That, honestly, is, like, kind of has ruined so many lives. It ruined his life, for sure.

Oh, great. Life is, my life's officially ruined. I died. Oh, crap. My life is over. I'm dead. Great. Oh, this is so embarrassing.

I just died at the mall and all my friends saw it. My life is over. I've also been here. I can never go back to high school again. Only in this house, I just have crazy dreams every single night. Then I wake up and I text you guys about sometimes. But anytime I sleep anywhere else, I've had almost a perfect dreamless sleep every time. I don't dream anymore, really.

If I do, it feels very lucid and it scares me. I would say dreaming is a byproduct of a gas leak. I hate dreaming. Me too, man. I had a dream where I was in a dark realm the other day. It sucked. I woke up. I was in a dark realm version of my apartment.

There's spirits everywhere. I had one eye. Couldn't use my right arm. I was walking around. I was like, this is fucking fucked man. Dude, I thought dreams just always make me sleepwalk.

I'll have dreams where it's like, I think I've definitely talked about this. I've had dreams where I'm like landing skate tricks. That is cool, though. And then I wake up and I'm like, I'll never, I'll never be able to do that. I never have a dream.

that's like aspirational though the only dreams i have nowadays that are like it's either like stress nightmares or i'll have a dream where it's like my in my dream i'm like i need to open the window shade and then i sit up in my sleep and open the window shade it's horrible you might have the berbiglia disease what's that where he has he sleepwalks and does crazy shit and he like jumped out of a window i haven't jumped out of a window yet well i think he hadn't done that either until he jumped out of a window i don't think i've done anything that would approach that though it's mostly opening a window shades and putting on pants. Those are the two things I usually do.

You never know, man. You might have a window dream pretty soon. Who knows? I mean, if I, who knows what I'd do after I put on pants? Probably put on a shirt. But after that, it could be anyone's guess. You should go the other way around. What other way around? Put the shirt on first, put the pants on last.

I would if I was awake. I put my shirt on first. Yeah? I always do. I always put the pants on first. I put the pants on first usually, I go underwear. I go bottom. I usually put underwear on last.

Yeah, that's typically my... I'm totally serious. And then, for me, the first would have to be my hat. First hat. That makes it really hard, though. Then I put my shirt on, and all my shirts have... I use extra wide collars. You guys sleep in your chain?

I sleep in my clothes. Yeah. Yeah. I sleep wearing my chain, and I wake up, and it'll be, like, on my face or, like... You ever wake up and... You ever get caught on something? It's choking you to death? It's gotten caught on.

my chest hair before. That's horrible. I've had to yanked it out, yeah. That sucks. Getting a chain was the best decision. You guys sleep with all with a little, with a popped bubble gum bubble on your face?

Yeah. A big giant popped bubble. Sleep with a feather on your nose? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, you go, oh, me, me, me, me, me, me. It's just to make sure that Janah knows that I'm breathing. She gets worried sometimes. You guys use, like, nose and mouth and ear plugs?

Yeah. Yeah, of course. I breathe through the, you know, that like, a little bit of air that can get through your eyes. Do you guys usually let you guys usually fold up the Murphy bed when you're sleeping in it? Yeah, I like the feeling. I have a secret bed that folds out of my door. Yeah.

It's in my door. And I fold myself back in. Right. And I just like to, I really like being squished. Yeah. I like the Great Muppet caper when they all get stuck in the Murphy bed. Yeah. Ever since I saw that as a kid, I've always wanted to swing up into a Murphy bed.

You, weren't you telling me that you got stuck in Murphy's bed? I got stuck in Murphy's bed. bed, but not in a Murphy bed. Uh-huh. Yeah, Murphy Browns. Cool. Yeah, I'm the, I was one of Murphy Brown's boyfriends. I've never seen that show.

No. I thought Murphy Brown is what they call Frosty the Snowman. That's in the spring. That's when he's made out of mud. They call him Murphy Brown? No, oh, you're thinking of Parson Brown. Parson Brown. Yeah.

Do you remember that guy, Parson Brown? No, I don't know. I just told you. I thought, first of all, I thought he's a different guy. Second of all, I only know him from Frosty, the Snowman, the Song. Isn't that Frosty a Snowman? He's Parson Brown, the Snowman. And they call him Parsons Brown.

And he can do the job when you're in town. He's Brown the snowman. Who do they call Parson Brown? Is it Frosty? No, they build the snowman, and then they pretend he's Parson Brown, and then he asks you if you're married, and then you say, no, man. And he says, well, you can do the job when you're in town. Oh, you're right.

That's not Frosty. That's different. And then later on, by the first. fire you'll have a sexual desire yeah you'll have a sexual desire for parson brown right that makes sense to me he was like so crazy in the 70s though parson brown he was honestly like he changed the game yeah yeah yeah well there's like all those pictures of him at like studio 54 yeah yeah shit with like elton john yeah yeah and they're like remember he died in the hot tub too yeah he died in the hot tub because he melted yeah

He took all those drugs at first, though. Well, he took really hot drugs, though. He was taking a hot, heroin. He was heating up the spoon. You got a heat up heroin to put it in your vein, and then he was like, oh, my glove's on fire, so he jumped in the hot tub. Yeah.

And he melted. Oh, what a tragic loss. Yeah, dude. Very sad, dude. Yeah, but then they had that tribute show to him or, like, Prince played. I was just going to say Prince. They were really close, right?

Prince played, like, while my guitar gently leaped for him. A lot of people got kind of mad because they thought that Prince was the one to kind of, like, put him on all that shit. Prince used to be like, yo, try that, try the fire pill. Like, there's a pill made of fire. You know, it's like a little ball of fire. And Parsons was, like, super green.

Like, he was literally from the ground. Yeah. So, like, he did not know what was going on really. Exactly. He also didn't speak any English, like, kind of, because he never went to school. Well, he spoke. I mean, he speaks the sentences that are in the song.

Yeah. That's the, that's, if he learned those from, like, a phrase book. Yeah. He can say, are you married. That was about it. Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like, that's how we pick up.

Do you know where the bathroom. he'd say are you married and they'd say no man and he'd say we can do the job okay okay we can do the job in the bathroom okay he'd say that a bunch yeah he didn't understand what they were saying back to him he knew one spanish word yeah and and a one phrase in english and they all the rest was in snowies yeah which no almost nobody speaks anymore right except santa and it's like ho ho ho there's like a million different things that could mean it's like aloha yeah exactly exactly Aloha can mean almost anything Yeah

Can mean get out of my house Get out of my house You're touching all my shit Mm-hmm Stop touching all my shit Get out my damn house Exactly And that's why they say

Aloha Aloha is Yeah It can mean It can mean like I'm gonna surf this big wave I'm gonna sit down and watch you This big wave

I'm gonna sit down And I'll watch TV I'm gonna sit down And turn the TV off I'm gonna stand up and watch TV I'm going down to the beach to watch you serve this big wave I'm going to sit at the beach

I'm going on the beach I'm going home from the beach to watch TV I mean there's just like a million meanings I mean what's the deal with these Hawaiians though I know hey Pat you want to weigh in on this one not again I want to I want a rating from one to 10 what you think of Hawaii and the people that live there indigenously I think that

indigenously I just want to make sure it's clear what Pat's talking about Um, I'm just chilling, honestly. I'm, like, doing so much in my life right now. Blow the vap smoke. Oh, that's smart. Oh, yeah, let's see that. A vape smoke into the gas detector.

I got to calibrate it. Hold on. I love that it makes, like, a fallout. It sounds like the mousetrap timer. I don't know that. I think it's a cool. It's already, I've used it so much. It's already saying low battery.

Yeah. Just put batteries in it. Maybe that, maybe the warning for the gas was just, um... All right, I'm going to do it. Okay. Wait, hold on, I got to calibrate it more. This thing loves being calibrated. Whoa.

Okay, let's try it. All right. Let's see if this vape is made of gas. Oh, my God, the smoke's coming at the tube. Yo. I breathe that in every four minutes. That's pretty good. Yeah.

That's pretty good. It's pretty good. The smoke, like, the vapors, the vapor is just coming out of, of like every hole on the device. I think I need more devices that can detect them. Dude.

Detecting devices. I think I'm like literally like I'm I think I might get into detection. I'm not even kidding. I mean it. Like I kind of want to get a metal detector. Metal detectors.

Oh my God. Yeah. I was just going to talk about metal detecting before. I had a metal detector when I was a kid. It's so cool. Yeah. I got one from my birthday

for Christmas or something. I would just do it in like my backyard. It's just like, I, well, there's a, I should have taken you guys here. There's an island, there's an island in North Carolina called Topsel Beach, which apparently where Blackbeard, like, buried his shit. That's cool. Yeah, so there's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, I mean, it's, that's, like,

his last recorded place was, was Topsel Beach. I mean, this guy's also a pirate, he might have been fucking lying. Yeah. You know, he might have went to Las Vegas. Yeah. But, yeah, it's, there's a bunch of shipwrecks and shit around there. When I had my metal detector. as a kid.

I was like hanging with one of my friends and I like he was wearing like a baseball cap and I was like I was holding it because you know

they had the little metal thing like at the top of it and I would hold the I like held the detector over his head and like it would like beep beep beep

and I'm like dude you have to go to the doctor like there's metal in your head that's sick I would love like honestly I feel like

there is a 20% chance I will find treasure in my life like I feel like I have pretty good luck with stuff like that. And I feel like I have a true cosmic

feeling that I will find a like a bunch of gold bars or something that would be cool. I actually thought this so earnestly, again, Gas League in my home for a long time, that about a month ago I like Googled how many golden bars would make me like a millionaire. I was like I should shoot to find that many gold bars. How many

was it? Sixteen. It depends on the size though. If it was the big ones it would only be five. That makes sense. Yeah. Well there's big ones that are they're like 200 gram or something. Yeah. And those are the, those are those ones,

you'd only need probably five to become a millionaire. I think they're 200. And the ones that are 1,000 gram, you'd only need one. Yeah, it would be just so, it'd be such a bitch to carry that. Not for me because of my strength.

Yeah. I'd probably just walk around with them. I'd probably like not, I'd probably forget there were you on me. Well, it's like, yeah, it's like the safest place is in your pocket. I would like to buy this restaurant. That's what I would do.

A gold bar on the counter. Well, what I would do is, if I had gold bars, if I'd like found gold bars, I definitely wouldn't sell them. Yeah. Like, I would have people, like, shave. I wouldn't even put them in the bank. I'd just, I'd carry around a little, like, potato peeler,

and I'd shave off little pieces of gold to give to people instead of money, you know? Because if it's $250,000 for the entire bar, then that means there's $250,000 valued little shavings that I can give people that make up the bar, you know? And who cares if it's exact, you know? I'm a golden air. A golden air. I don't care anymore. Yeah.

I'm a golden air. You know what sucks? You could have like a cookie cutter type thing that just like presses out coins off the head. You know it would stink? What? A fart. You deta...

That would stink pretty bad. Yeah, that would, you know that would smell. I'm not gonna lie to you. It would stink to be on a treasure hunt and you finally get the big hit. You fucking dig down 10 feet or whatever spent all day doing that, maybe even takes two days. Then you open up the, you find a chest.

You're like, this is, I've struck gold. You say that out loud. I've struck gold. You open it up, silver. That'd be fine for me. I like silver. It's not worth as much. I probably found diamonds, though.

In my scenario, I found diamonds and platinum together. I'd find it a stadium first try. I also found the dragons hoard. Diamonds aren't worth a single thing. Well, in this story that you told, I already had found the dragons hoard with treasure a goal or so. The dragon's hoard was found like forever ago by some fuck. Yeah, by me. No.

It wasn't by you. It was by me. I have it in my treasure box. What do you think about that? It sounded good. It was awesome. Just gargling. That was so cool.

That's me gargling on my mom. I used to love gargling. Yeah. You know what sick is blowing bubbles into drinks. Especially milk? Yep. Yeah. Yeah, when the milk comes out your nose.

That's when you know you laughing. I forget. You know you laughing when you spit out that food. Forget who I was with, but I thought it was really funny. to blow bubbles into a gin and tonic sitting across with them when you shoot the boogers in the tissue you know you sneezing.

What's the funniest food you do a spit take with? Probably a bunch of ham. Yeah. Something with bones in it. Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe just bones. Bones? Yeah.

Maybe a fish skeleton. Yeah. Oh, ribs would be perfect. Or you put a whole fish in your mouth and then you shoot out the skeleton. A entire hit you a comedian in the face. Or a bunch of chili. Like an entire crock pot.

of chili I guess you don't spit take food so it's usually some kind of liquid Yeah Well the funny As liquid

Would be like Well that's why it's funny True For it to be food Yeah I guess you're Yeah Yeah I guess you

But most people Don't laugh that Hard that they need To spit their food out Or like If it may be just like A single Like concentrated stream

Of boiling hot oil Yeah That melts anything In its path Yeah Magmo It just a hole Right through somebody

It would be funny Or a laser beam. Yeah. That'd be pretty funny. Yeah. If you were eating a laser beam and shut it out. Yeah.

I mean, we're just going for a laugh. Yeah. Let's see. A dozen eggs. Yeah, that'd be funny. Pink pong balls. It might also be funny. Yeah.

Toilet paper. Yeah. What else would be funny. Maybe a Rubik's cute. Oh, hold that popcorn. Or a shootout. You eat like a bunch of popcorn curms. Oh, or a watermelon and all the seeds would be good too.

Yeah. Anything that has tiny projected like ball bearings? Maybe ball bearings. Could be bananas. And a peels or fake vomit or maybe a Chinese finger trap or a whoopee cushion. Chew'd up gumball, but not. Because when you spit take, it comes out as a bubble. Or a bubble.

A bubble. Bubble, like bubble mixture. Maybe a whole cup. You ever try to flag in? You ever as a kid drink bubbles and then try to burp out bubbles? like this like i didn't live in the in the whatever candy land you grew up in where you thought that that was how it worked you see that in a movie or in a cartoon like kids are like i you know what i did when i looked at when i looked at cartoons like like the bubble the stuff you make

bubbles with yeah i was i didn't do that yeah well i guess i was a very smart kid impressionable well you looked at you probably also drank a poison potion based on movies yeah you ever eat an apple and get so sick that you fall into a coma and until you become kissed. I saw, I did that all the time because I just saw it on a cartoon. I would like, I told you guys like two weeks ago. I basically used smoke weed when I was nine.

That's true. I saw them in Woodstock. Yeah. I basically like eat a hot pepper and run around turn red and shoot steam out and run around and bounce around out everywhere. So it was mad embarrassing when I was a kid. No, it was like so strange. When I like ate a piano and the keys were my teeth too, it was like, I felt like weird doing

that. Remember when Nancy Reagan tried to get the Looney Tunes taken off a TV because they were a bad influence on... You're thinking of Marge Simpson. I remember that. I was like two years old. They were like so many kids are painting streets on the... I wasn't alive for the Reagan administration motherfucker. You weren't alive for when Nancy Reagan was saying that too many kids were walking off a cliff and standing there for a minute, looking down, and then realizing that they were going to fall and that's when they fell.

Wait, holding up a sign. Cartoon logic got to love it. No, wait, no, no, no. You're thinking of tip of war. You're thinking a tip or gore. I'm going to put my tip in you till you're gored. Okay. Check, mate.

Yeah. That's right. That fucking... That burn was epic? Yeah, you're right. That was a good burn, honestly. Yeah, thank you. I think I might post that.

Was that trial when she put twisted sister on trial? Do they put twisted metal on trial? Yeah. Yeah. Time trial. You see how fast I can go around the track. This is making kids go too much... Twisted.

Uh-huh. And they're too mean when they drive. These kids are trying to turn the metal on. their arms into wheels. Yeah, great. Awesome. Cool. Okay, this kid's got a flaming clown mask.

Okay, awesome. Yeah. Awesome. What is he? Some kind of evil clown now? Great. This kid's granting wishes. Oh.

This kid's holding a tournament to grant ultimate wishes. Great. Is that this is what we want? Yes. Ultimate Wish. Calypso. You don't want an ultimate wish? What is your deal?

Every, every video game is about an ultimate wish. There's not a cat. Everything where someone fights someone else is about an ultimate wish. Right. Like, how many modern warfare too is the wish to destabilize Iraq. Exactly. Yep.

Talk that shit. Yeah. And what else? And what else? What else politically is getting call of war, call of duty? Call of war is about, it's, I wish Hitler was dead. That's the first one. Whoa, damn, you savage.

Okay, that's scathing. Yeah. And that's, I like how sarcastically you said it too. He went there on Hitler. Yeah. He really did. He went there. He snatched him.

He was doing a Stephen Colbert thing, too. I know you guys are friends with. him but I'm not I don't fuck with him anymore yeah no he was like weird that one time yeah he was I found out he's like weird to women yeah and I made a lot of other people too no I only heard about women yeah Hitler was like mad weird to Jewish people he's just like weird you know it's like clear just like yeah it's just like yeah just like yeah just misbehaving just like I don't he just like honestly racist I heard honestly just like some real I mean he's just putting out like weird vibes too when I last I was with him like he was just

Plus, like, he would always be like, yo, check out my music, check out my music. Yeah, he would, like, corner people and talk about his music. Yeah, and it's like, dude, it's like, like, like, IDM is like over. Like, you don't, you don't know, he's making. Nobody has a fucking cassette player either. Like, he's, like, trying to sell cassettes people for, like, $20. He loved, he loves Apex Twin. Yeah, no, it's like, good over it, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, dude, you're not going to be, you're not going to be, you're not going to be the next James Murphy. Exactly, dude. Yeah. And I know that you guys are already friends. Like, burial, like, you're just ripping off burial.

just complete, just garage rip off. You're not even from, like, the U.K. This feels just weird, you know? Yeah. And plus he did some shit, too. It's just killing. Just killing. He was a killer. Plus, he was a killer.

He crushed on stage. I'll say that much. Absolute killer. He used to do, I always said, do open mics, bro. Yeah. And then he would go, and he would crush you to kill. And I'd be like, dude, you come back next week. He's like, no, I just wanted to make sure.

I just wanted to, like, prove to myself I could do it. Yeah. You know? What is that? Yeah. Yeah. It's like, dude, just like, have some fucking. like have some dedication

of something right i know you're not busy yeah like you like already made it like you have rich parents you know yeah just fucking just do it yeah a lot of people think he didn't go to art school he did he did and he was like pretty good you know I've actually never seen Hitler's paintings

were they any good no not really boring they're just uh like all paintings are boring no paintings there was no they're a good painting here look they were so life they're just like houses and landscapes and stuff. Arts.

Here, look, this is his paintings. That's pretty cool. I mean, they're just boring. It's pretty good, I think. They're pretty dumb, actually. He was decent. I mean, he's better than me. Yeah, dude, I can really...

No telling what I might do. Maybe he was this good, and that's how he ended up. There might be trouble in my future. I'm a much artist. I'm kidding. I was better hope I would set my sights on a career in art. You're not getting accepted anywhere. Just, like, poorly drawn, like, circles.

Yeah, stick figures. Yeah. So, come on. Let me into art school. I'd like to do art school here. Yeah. That's why art school is easy to get into now. It's all bullshit because they used to be something,

but then they turned down Hitler and look what happened. They said we're going to change our ways. Yeah. Yeah. All right, the list for today. Before we go any further, we seriously hate Hitler. I just want to clarify. Why are you rubbing my foot with your foot?

This is a secret message. Oh, okay. Oh, now both of you are doing it. Okay. Ooh. Keep talking about how much you ate Hitler. I'm not going to lie. It feels so good that I couldn't think.

I didn't not like that. It's not as... You have all of my male friends I find the least repulsive to touch. why that's for us to figure out later shit i guess you're right top ten things your parents don't want you to know by finch everyone alive has or at one time had parents chances are that when they had their kids their lives changes forever probably not for the better sure they tell you they love you and that you were an angel or a blessing but in reality the first words out of their mouths when you were born were probably a little different below are the top ten things

that your parents don't want you to know either about you your siblings or you or life in general. Yeah, now I can't see it. So, like, great, thanks so much. You see this? No. Is my middle finger. This is my penis.

I swear I got it is. He's putting his pinky. It's not your penis. Then suck it then if it's not my penis. Okay. I dare you. Bring it over here. Like that shit is.

Okay, all right. Ow, he bit it. Did not prove it was my penis because he didn't suck it. Ow. What do you mean? Why are we touching so much? I never did it before, is that not right? Dude, the gas leak is gone and we've become so sexual.

Oh, my God. This is insane. Number one, your parents have sex when you aren't around. No! Whether you're asleep staying at a friend's house or just down the street at the store for 30 minutes, your parents have utilized that opportunity to have sex. Next time they send you out on an errand or say that, yes, you can stay at your friend's house for the night. Know that they're at least considering what to do with their privacy.

see i'm freaking i don't think so i'm ready to throw up i don't think my parents were ever really i think my parents are not having sex yeah they're divorced probably 15 years now i think it's pretty unlikely that they're doing that when i'm not home yeah i think that i they're not even trying to keep it from me anymore the fact that they don't have sex yeah yeah i think they tell you that yeah they i mean pretty every time i see my dad he's like i'm not having sex with your mom anymore yeah i say okay they see it might just be an act though me either dude At the table every month And you're just like just to let you know

We're not having sex Yeah That's nice That's a nice reminder Have you guys ever walked in on your parents Fucking? No No

My parents don't They do Patrick has eight brothers and sisters I have some drawings that prove your parents have sex But you drew my dad And my mom having sex Yeah your dad is like

It's a beautiful Like rendition of your dad And it looks like the one from the Titanic. And then your mom's just a stick figure. Your mom's just like his like big beefy cock. And then it's just like just a stick figure that says an arrow that says Bat's mom. Core Force says, I hear them almost twice a week when I'm asleep.

They think I don't know. They think I'm an innocent person. Whoa. What does that mean? That's a serial killer. those horny parents created a villain yeah that's a super villain you know what i fucking hate dude did you ever know anybody growing up maybe you guys had parents like this but like did you ever go to someone's house or something and their dad says to their mom like he's like oh i love the

love the meal hun can't wait to eat your pussy later or like some shit like that you know you ever know people like that who were like just we yeah they were like i'm I'm going to give you my thanks for this dinner. I feel like Patrick is maybe the first person I've ever been friends with whose parents are like, don't seem like they hate each other. Yeah, like just being in the same room as each other. Yeah, it's a, uh, uh, yeah, most parents don't like each other very much.

Yeah. I think, I think having kids. My parents like to hang out. Yeah. Did they ever do, oh, did your dad ever do this? No. Like Homer? Like a homer.

No, but we're talking about like the, the sexual parents? The sexual parents. Does your mom ever do? I go, homie, homie, homie, come on. Homie, homie, homie, homie, homie, hello, homie. It's cool that you heard of Disney. No, I had a, I had a thing about the sexual parents, and then I forgot it. Yeah.

Anyway. I do somebody who has parents still. You guys know this guy. His parents. Oh, yeah. His parents. Who? Say it. Mouth it again. Noah.

Oh. His parents are disgusting to each other. His parents are so... It's freaky. I don't like being around. It's like, dude, if you're 50, like, you shouldn't be in love. Yeah. You should, at least not publicly. Yeah.

I mean, you know, that's what you guys think. My parents are happily married. I don't care if they're happily married. It's not about being happily married. Yeah. They're being like, they're being horrors to each other. Yeah, no, that's disgusting, dude. They're smoozing up on each other.

They're sliming all over each other, like slugs. Until you, if you're, like, if you're, like, 80 years old, it's sweet. If you're, like, if you're 80-year-old guy, and you're like, I'm going to eat your butt. It's very cute. That's adorable, yeah. If you see a really old couple. A really old couple and the guy, and the old man is, like, horny as hell. Yeah, he's like, I'm addicted to your sliz.

Like, that's fucking cool. These mashed potatoes were great, hon, they're almost as good as your pussy. Yeah, that's good, dude. That is great. You have a clit like a rhino horn. I mean, I can't wait to brush my teeth with it. That's really good. That's adorable.

That's, like, so sweet, you know? It reminds me the couple and up. Because you know that big shit of the fuck was hitting it wrong. Yeah. You know, he's getting nasty with it. They were using balloons. Yeah, talk about using a rubber. Rubber balloon on his dick.

Yeah. She used to blow it up and then let it kind of like reverse kind of explode. Yeah. On it, like, she was sucked in the helium out of that thing for sure. Oh, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, who do you think blew up all the balloons?

Uh-huh. It's her. Yeah. And then she did it all by hand. She used up all her breath. Yeah. She used up every breath she had. You can see like, oh, the wisp of her soul leaving her body and she blows up the last balloon.

Keep fucking blowing the balloons, you bitch. I've in love with you. Yeah. And then, yeah. She died and you had to get a little. like a little slave boy with strong vitality and millions of breaths left

yeah he had so many breaths you give you only have a finite amount of breath that's what he said that was what deleted scene start blowing little boy yeah yeah I need you to fill my sacks very low Dutch angle of him hands on his hips

he had giant he had giant mystical sacks filled with breath that he stole from people that's why they were trying to knock down his house he was he was a serial killer He was stealing everyone's breath away, and I don't mean that he was handsome, but he was handsome.

Why do you think he had to flee New York City? Yeah, exactly. Sexual assault charge. It's true. The up states, uh, stands for urban predator. That's why I'd flee New York. Yeah, you don't see the little tiny periods between the U and the P.

And he was a much more dangerous urban predator than the one in Predator, too. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's what they should have called Predator, too. Urban Predator. I mean, that's literally what the movie is. Yeah. The Urban Predator?

Well, they're like, what if instead of the jungle, we do it in L.A., the big city? That is kind of cool. I haven't seen the movie. It's a cool. It's a cool movie. I haven't seen any. The only Predator movie I've seen any of, the only one I've seen any of the first one? That one's so bad.

Yeah, I watch it. Yeah, I watch it in three. Yeah, I watch it in three different sittings on movie past. Horrible. I just would go and I'd watch 30 minutes and leave. Hmm? No, that's Predators. Oh, okay.

That one's okay. That one's okay. That's pretty good. Yeah, that one's directed by a guy named Nimrod. Whoa. Wow. Nimrod, Himrod. No. That's not his name.

Number two, your parents considered abortion at least once instead of having you. Not true. I don't think that that's necessarily true. I was way too quick. I wouldn't say my parents. I would say my dad definitely did. Me and my older brother are 13 months apart. So you think they just didn't even have time

To think about a boarding you? Yeah, I think I like I got in mad quick You knew that there was not a lot of room for error To pull this off Yeah, I did the heist Got in, got out Yeah, that was a big heist

Here's so here's some comments Oh gosh, I hope not I'm the only one That isn't spaced out I would call you pretty spaced out What? What are we talking about? So my sister is four years older than me

My brother is a year older than me And then my little brother's two years older than me Or two years younger I think you're pretty spaced out Yeah Hey My mom tried to have me aborted But she keeps denying it

Here's a comment I have Asperger's autistic And sometimes my mom wanted to know why I had to be born Well that's very racist and offensive That's a It's not a very nice Number three, other kids are smarter, kinder, and better looking than you. Not true.

Yeah, son. Not true, I'm a man-pants-in-boy. Come on, son. Let's be real. You see all these hot kids over there? You're not nearly what you look like. Why can't you look? Why can't you dress like them?

They're all dressed in the gap. This is funny because this person messed up the joke here. Me, Phil English. That's impossible. What? What's that? Where it's like me fail English, that's Unpossible. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but they wrote impossible, which is just correct. This guy, well, he's just too smart. Maybe it just actually means that. Proves his anti-point. Maybe very good at me grammar, yes? Yeah, I feel inferior to others sometimes. I felt so, I was number one when I was a kid, bro. Yeah. I was probably the number one person I...

Are you the... No, you're the second child, right? Yeah, I'm the middle, dude. That's why I'm so beast. They say I'm the middle child, but I'm the third. That's a middle child is a state of mind, and you definitely are a middle child. I would say you're a little child. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I'm the tallest one in my family, bitch. What's up? That's so embarrassing for you. I'm five-nine. My dad's so tall, and then the rest of us are like, my little brother's five, seven. How tall is your dad? It's like six one.

So you're not the tallest in your family? I'm the tallest boy. Your dad is a boy. No. He's a dad. Check out my drawings. The boy's a man. Yeah.

Man. Here's a comment. This one's really sad. They always would say you are the most beautiful kid in the world, but that is not true. And that's from Mickey Mouse. Are you, that's so heartbreaking. Oh, boy. You would think Mickey got his kind of every, every need.

I know, I mean, you look at him, you think that's a successful guy. Yeah. He has problems too. Why do you think he's like opening up all these theme parks and shit? Yeah. It's for the kids who don't feel loved by their parents. They're on a sailboat by himself. Yeah.

That was when he's young, too. Why do you think he's doing all this shit? He's zero. He's looking for his parents' love. Wow. Validation. Yeah. Yeah.

It's true. Mr. Mouse and Mommy Mouse. They never loved him. Yeah, they didn't. It's true. Number four, your opportunities in life are limited. Not true. Not true.

Sky's the limit for me. Not true. My mom told me this. I pretty much have an unlimited potential. Watch this. You guys want to see me become a superstar? Yes. Hold your breath.

Hit me, baby, one more time If I can sound Than in a friend I just believe Give me a sign Hit me baby one more time Wow I have to hold my breath for that

When's it going to happen? I've already became one. I popped a blood vessel in my eye, I think. I became one so fast. I was holding my breath so hard. Don't mind the paparazos when you walk out of my door. Yeah. Yeah, they're there every second.

This man has not registered with the sex of my register. No paparazzi, please. Please. Come on, make way. Make way for my client. It's just me. Come on. He's coming out any minute now.

Get the fuck out of here. I'm going to grab that camera. That's a gun Um Any good comments here Everything depends on money these days So true This one comment that says

What I know when I was for What I know when I was for Yo what I know when I was for So now the list takes a turn here That's making me laugh Number five is R movies are realistic True

We're just talking about Predator Facts It's realistic as hell Uh huh Some alien fucker Yeah there could be alien right now. What's another

Raider movie that's realistic? I mean, Matrix is probably one of the most realistic movies of all time. We are basically stands for realistic when it comes to these movies. Yeah. Yeah.

Matrix reloaded. Matrix realistic. Think about that. Lill. And Pitch stands for like pretty graphic. Probably Great.

G movies are pretty much never are gross. They're never realistic. Yeah. Basically stands for, G basically stands for, stands for gross

Lester's lucky day greatly distorted from reality Yeah Fogo and Grouchland Phoebe's Friendly Fun Day Didn't happen

Is Elmo and Grouchland G or PG PG 13 is I think They got raunchy In that Probably just Happened 13 times

Yeah Ever Yeah probably a round They average it out Probably just 13 Probably just 13 times No chance this happened 17 times

Yeah either more or less But not 17 times 17 no chance No chance. I would say NC-17 movies might be the most realistic. True. Because a lot of times it's just like some French girl showing up at a French guy's house, and then they put fucking fuck.

Yeah. Fucking. Like the brown bunny? Yeah. On each other. Do they do that? Mm-hmm. Yuck.

And they put all sorts of plugs on each other. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's right. Eye patches, too. Oh, man. No. They get the peg leg on? Oh, you don't want to see the peg leg, right?

They get a peg leg on? Yeah. Oh, no, he put the peg leg on. Oh, what you doing it? But they're wearing clothes. yeah wait till you see the movie they're not oh yeah that's right no yeah you guys want to go see an NC 17 movie no I don't it's completely normal there's nothing going on in it yeah except for all the sense yeah it's since we're not crazy except for the 17 crazy things that happen yeah

not crazy unless you think 17 assholes on the screen at the same time are crazy because of mine we should we should watch a NC 17 movie count how many times so I've seen what's that one movie Nymphomaniac Nymphomaniac That's a 17 What was your first NC17 movie? I don't think I've seen

An NC17 movie I've seen Calicula What is NC 17 Like what movies are NC 17 It's like never gone to the theater To see one for sure Man bites dog I think that's a good movie

I think I haven't seen that one Oh Bad Lieutenant That was my first one I think a Ruffland's pretty scary Yeah with the 90s Bad Lieutenant

Oh yeah the 90s one Yeah He smokes crack and like shows his full dick on the screen. Who directed that again? I think it's Able Ferrarra. Could be wrong.

I don't know. I accidentally searched NC7 movies. No children under seven can watch this movie. It's like, did you guys ever play an adult only game? Yeah. Which one? TurboTax. I think, what was the one about the pervert?

Leisure Suit Larry? there was a leisure suit Larry that was A-O, right? Oh, evil dead was NC-17? Yeah, they had some, yeah. Well, no, I said Evil was A-O for a little bit. The first one.

I assume NC-17 was just porn, but I got, like, eyes wide shut as NC-17. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. It's usually movies that have... American Pie.

What? That's what it says here. No. Maybe there was a cut. Yeah. Yeah, dude, Unrated. Oh, my God.

Freddy got fingered, it says here. What? Yeah, dude, this is the fucking poster. Bad Lieutenant. Dude, Harvey Kitell's such a beast, they just have Harvey Kitell's, like, full... There's no way that was the 90s.

92. Really? 92, Abel Ferraro. He looks so young. Well, yeah, it's like before, I think it was before Reservoir Dogs, or at least after, maybe. It was before, or at least after.

Could have been one of the two. At least it was before or after, at the very least. It definitely wasn't at the exact same second. Well, I think, I think Reservoir Dogs did come out in 92. Or at least after. Hold on. Not even before. after before or at least after

To be at the very least. No, no. Reservoir Dogs came out in 92. It was really, Reservoir Dogs was before, but only a month before. Or at least after. Or at least after it. Well, no, Bad Lieutenant was at least after. Okay. Yeah.

So wait, that's even funny. You're saying resident dogs, Reservoir Dogs was before. You're not even making sense. Reservoir Dogs was before or at least the other one was after. Yeah. That's what you were actually saying. Just admit you just got headshoted from a. cross the map 360 no scope

just fucking admit it oh oh yeah I got that in a DVD combo pack when I was when I was 12 the only yeah I think the only in AT17 movies for a very long time were just ones with with you could put a cock in there yeah yeah yeah that's

yeah now let's show some big heaters to noodle cock 17 chunky ones bro yeah he smokes he smokes a bunch of crack in that movie yeah Yeah. He's a bad... He's the fucking worst.

Brother. The good lieutenant. Hey, some of those lieutenants walking around, I mean, nowadays, he might be one of the good ones. True. That's what I'm saying, some of the stuff that's going down

in lieutenant ship. Well, here's the thing. This might get you on his side. He loves gambling. Yeah, let me watch a movie, let me, please. All right, number six, they love your sibling more than you. Not true.

I'm the favorite child. I'm the favorite, too, because my mom lets me drunk drive her around. Yep. my mom oh i don't know how to drive but that's the gauge for favorite child my mom my mom one time let me do that and i was like i'm definitely the favorite she would never trust my brothers with this task yeah drunk driving dude that's like that's a serious that's like a fucking that's like a family heirloom passed down in my family bro yeah yeah that's like me

getting a ring you know true i might be i might be the the favorite Maybe if you'd be the favorite boy Your parents don't know the answers To many of your questions That's true as hell Do you guys? That's fine That's actually fat

Dude I realized this growing up My dad My mom Anytime you ask her anything She has an answer And it's almost always wrong She'll just say something Parents do like they won't

They don't say I don't know They'll just say something My dad though would just He doesn't know anything Both of my parents would say I don't know And then tell me to fuck off My mom will just make something

Well, you, I mean, your questions are probably deserved that. Yeah. Yeah. It probably wasn't like, why is the sky? It was like, yeah, like, why is the Death Star so big? Yeah. I don't know, son. I don't know what the Death Star is. Please leave me alone.

It's 3 a.m. It's 3 a.m. on Christmas Eve. There was one time, I think I was showing, I was watching Revenge of the Sith and thought my dad was watching it with me, but he was asleep the whole time. I kept turning to him to ask him stuff and didn't realize he was. was asleep until my uncle came in the room and laughed at me because you thought your dad was just icing you out? Yeah.

Damn. Well, and you thought he was answering all your questions like this? And you thought, you thought, I'm going to still do, I'm going to still. You were like, Dad, what does the wookie language sound like? And you're like, not really, but thank you for try, I appreciate it. Yeah. Number eight, do you ever been to Kishik? Their health isn't as good as they lead you to

believe. True, they're all dead. That is scary to think about. Not for men. Now that my parents are getting older. We can potentially die from anything. My Asian parents. Facts. Well, yeah, we could die from this person's Asian parents. My Asian parents said the same thing.

Yeah. And number nine, your parents hate driving. Facts. I don't think that's a secret. My dad loves driving. I think one of the things of parents is they do, they do tell you that they hate driving. My dad, my dad loved driving so much because he would, my dad would always, until maybe a couple years ago, I think his girlfriend got him to stop. he would read a John Grisham novel while he drove.

He would literally just hold it in front of him like one hand on the wheel, one hand on his Diet Coke, one hand on the wheel, holding with his thumb and his pointer finger. I would probably do that. If I drove, I would probably be reading and driving at the same time. And just get into audiobooks.

Well, it's different. It's different. Audio books are not very good. My dad, well, also, I mean, listen, my dad's being gripped by John Grisham spy novel, some of the most like intense, well-written things true in the history of literature yeah so he's not going to let i mean who's going to read that shit right who's going to do that justice all right number 10 last one your parents get scared

too you ever seen your parents get scared you ever scared your parents so hard um no no i think my mom i remember my mom uh i would always i mean this doesn't really count too much this isn't like it's like terrified or whatever but i would always do a joke when i when i got really tall. I would, I would, I would, if we went into a room with a low ceiling, I would, like, turn my mom and be like, like, mom, like, look how high I can jump and, like, go, like, I was about to, like, jump, like, my head, like, right into the ceiling, like, at full speed, and she would always freak out, like, every time. You know what? I, okay, the one time I saw my ceiling fan, that's a good, it's a good joke. The one time I saw my mom really scared

is also why I'm the favorite. I think I've told this before, but my, my, my brother, basically, like, we, we took, like, a two by four and, like, oh, yeah, we, like, sawed it almost all the way through and then he broke it on the back of my head and then uh it was a big prank and my mom was she thought i was like dad or something for a moment yeah um and then my dad is like me he gets scared by loud noises nice that's why he used to live downtown and then he moved because he was like all right ambulance is damn scared me two in the morning i saw my dad one time this is like the weirdest this is a very i think uh a life-changing moment so my dad get scared of a frog that was in a shop vac.

He knew that there was a frog in it and then made me empty the shop vac because he didn't want the frog to jump on him. Whoa. That's serious. Oh yeah, my mom's really scared of bees too. But I don't fuck with bees all that much. Like my dad's not like a scaredy cat at all.

Now I think about it, both my parents are just fucking pussies, dude. Scared of everything. My dad scared of loud noise. My mom scared of bugs, dude. My dad's not a most afraid of. My dad's not a pussy, but my mom is afraid of fucking every... Like, my mom, if there's a tornado warning in, like, Rochester or somewhere, she'll send me, like, I found out that there's a tornado warning in New York City.

You need to get inside. She thinks it's going to be, like, day after tomorrow. Just, like, giant tornado, billboards fucking smacking the news anchors. Dude, I hope, honestly, we'll leave it at this. I mean, I don't know if you guys agree, but, like, I... do hope by the end of my lifetime i see one movie level apocalypse climate disaster absolutely wouldn't that be so so we're gonna all right um subscribe to the patreon yeah sullivan quest part two just got for the ten dollar tier patches worked really hard on it it's really sick so subscribe and give it a listen we unlock the first

part of it too pray for microsein pray for microsein he has a disease bye bye