Podcast About List - Ep. 175 - This defines my cousins

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

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Come in, come in, come in, and we see a butt. All accounts to the ball list. Every crap monster. All right. Yeah, my mom got you guys a present. No, she didn't. I don't believe you. Look right here.

I got her a present. That's a white piece of paper. That's a package. My mom handed this to me and said, it says, I'm looking here. It says, I'm looking here, it says, St. Pete Warehouse. I gave her my Peter St. Lee. Yep.

Mm-hmm. She saw me wear a house. Mm-hmm. Let me open this up here. I housed my wares in your mom. Yep. She opened up my package, too. Hold on. Hold on.

Yep. I'll open this up so you can or take it out of the house. She unpacked me. My mom got you beer cooosies. I taped your mom up. I was in your mom's coozy. My mom, I'm ignoring it. I don't care.

What is it? What is it? My mom got you beer coozy that say, why does it burn when I pee? Nice. It should say, why does it burn when I pee inside of Patrick's mom? We can add that part in. I'll write that in Sharpie. I can log off the fucking.

Why does it burn when I pee inside Pat's mom every day? You know, it makes sense because the label. And use her like a toilet. The label says right here, to burn pee. that's your mom's name she signed it yeah i know two barn poe two barn poe two barn poe that's what it says that's my neighbor here uh too how is your christmas guys mine was incredible i'm back in the south you it's based on your background you're as small as an aunt yeah right now oh my background A blade of grass.

Sorry, I'm actually, I'm on the, I'm on the, I'm on the, I'm on the, uh, I'm on the links right now. I'm back to golfing. No. Yeah. I don't believe you. I got, I, I decided to become a golf ball. Oh, dude, you're, you're living out Uncle Matt's, a TV show idea. Yeah, yeah.

You're getting it, you're doing the Meisner thing. You're, you're trying to, you're trying to, you're trying to, you want to, he wants to have me star. I did see Matt the other day, he's doing well. He sends his regards. Nice. He laced me up with an apple. gift card $25. Oh, thank you, Matt.

That was huge. I'm going to buy, um, can you even buy, yeah, you can have it. I don't, I have no idea what to use it on. I'll actually, what am I going to use an Apple gift card on? I already, I sat premium. Yeah. Oh, that's actually, I think that's what I did last year when he gave me the same gift, actually. Yeah, that's what I would do if I, if I got it.

If I gave him, uh, I gave him an Amazon gift card. also $25. He just gave me a worst $25. No, not equivalent. Equivalent. I can only buy digital goods. This guy could buy weight protein if you wanted to. No, no, no, no.

You could buy a phone charger. What? I don't... You probably... You could buy a phone charger with an Amazon. You probably couldn't buy a phone charger. Those damn things about $100 now, due to inflate them... These days, 25 bucks, what does that get you?

What is that going to get you? A McChicken? What's gonna get you? A gumball these days? Yeah. $25 for a fucking gumball? When I was a kid, $25 would get me two and a half albums on iTunes.

Now, you can barely get one song. You have to buy the first 10 seconds of the song. For 25 bucks, I could have sex with Pat's mom 50 times. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, it does. And nowadays, it's only 25 times. It costs $1. Do you have sex?

She bought you. She bought you these wonderful gifts, you two, and you're treating her like this. I'm treating her like a beautiful... She likes it. She'll never listen to this. Oh, wait, she listens to every episode. Oh, shit, I forgot. How's y'all's Christmas this has been?

It's been, I mean, I didn't get to go home for Christmas. I'm the only one of us who didn't get to go home for Christmas. And whose fault is that? That's right. 50 gig. guys in Manhattan that you hang out with. Yeah. Yeah, you deserved it.

I honestly, yeah. I don't believe that, I don't believe that there's, that people should, like, moralize about, like, about, like, oh, I should have been more careful about COVID except for Patrick. Yeah. It's funny. It is literally 50 gay grinches ruined Christmas for about 4,000 people in New York. That's so funny, dude. I had a good roommate Christmas, though. Fifty gay grinches hanging out at...

Are you kidding me? The gay guys I hang out with Love Christmas. Yeah, well, they shouldn't have ruined it then. They loved it so much. They should stay at home and watch The Matrix like me. Yep. True. Yep.

I did not stay home to watch The Matrix. I went to IMAX because I did it. That's pretty cool. Baller. Baller alert. I'm not sacrificing that ticket. No way. Yeah, I'm finally back home.

I beat COVID. nice um how was it what was the what was the what was your highest high and your lowest low rose and thorn for co frozen thorn for covid um basically i'm not afraid of it anymore you guys know how you guys know how scared i was of it because it damaged that part of your brain that it damaged it damaged fear in my brain i'll be afraid of it as soon as the as soon as the atlantic publishes a new article about it yeah yeah yeah not true the new the name of the new variant you'll be afraid of it again don't worry What if it happened to me?

When I first saw Omicron, I was like, oh, here it is. But then I'm going to get it. Yeah, you guys should totally get it. You think there's, anyway, we're literally all going to get it. Now that Christmas is over, I don't give a fuck if I get it anymore. Yeah. That's fine. That's fine by me.

I'm going to be out in about every single day. You can come hang out with me. My cousin is coming to visit. Oh, swag. Okay. So I'm going to be probably giving it to him. We're getting it from him. Um, yeah, it's going to be a good time.

When that cousin comes up, you know you got to link up. What? When that cousin comes up, you know you got a link up. Yeah, that actually is. That is actually so true. So, that's low-key facts right there. You have a, that's a Christmas vibe. Uh-huh.

That's a whole Christmas vibe. No cap. When you link with that cousin, you know how that is, too. When you link with that cousin, you know you got grandparents involved. When you link with that cousin and you go on that Thanksgiving walk? When my cousin link, my reaction? and be like. The Thanksgiving walk

when you both split a Gatorade? Sheesh. Blue, laser blue color. Submarie sandwiches with my cousin before Thanksgiving so we don't have appetites that we don't eat the gross food my mom makes.

Changing my gifts to my cousin before Christmas. Eating like Shaggy and Scoopy with my cousin before Thanksgiving. So we don't have that Thanksgiving fullness? I hate that Thanksgiving. Fulness. And so is my cousin.

Turkey on Thanksgiving. Drinking a toilet with my cousin before Thanksgiving so I don't have to eat my grandma's damn-ass food. Me and my cousin throwing up after Thanksgiving so we don't have to keep the turkey in our body and fall asleep. I love eating turkey, but I hate poop-pooing it. And me and my cousin feel similarly about this issue. So basically me and him split a pound of sugar-free jelly beans before Thanksgiving

to make sure that we can't eat a single bite. Going on a walk with my cousin before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving and smoking 100 cigarettes, so we turned green at my optics were an alien? Oh, you know that's a vibe. That's that cousin vibe. When you pretend to be aliens with your cousin? And you walk around the Thanksgiving going, when you scare your grandma by doing the robot dance at Thanksgiving with your cousin?

When you flatten out the tips of your fingers and your cousin's figures to make them more alien-like? When you put your fingers and when you do. Spock hands with your hand and you do your cousin do spot cans with his hands and you put them together and you look inside and it's a vagina and you show your grandma. Experimenting with my cousin before they give me in the woods.

Seeing whose pee smells worse, me or my cousins in the woods doing a science experience with my cousin. Science experience. Yeah, I had a science experience with my cousin. Chasing my cousin through the woods. I'm making mud pies.

Making mud pies with my cousin in the kitchen? Bringing in mud from outside and bringing it into the kitchen and making mud pies in the same. Feeding grandma, our new potion recipe at Thanksgiving. Yeah. It's leaves and dirt and water. Yeah, Mark brought his potions again. I don't know what to. Yeah, like a grown man making, like when your little kid, making like dirt berries and pine needles and stuff.

Yeah. He's wearing a big green robe. Yeah. Cool, man. Yeah, that's our cousin, Mark. He does, like, potions. He does posturing. He's the potions master of the family.

He calls it, he calls it, he calls it's potionery. He got into, like, over the pandemic, you got into, like, warlockery. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. He rolls his eyes. He's like, I'm not a warlock, okay? I'm a potions master.

I hate this fucking family. I hate this gay-ass family. My gay-ass family call me a warlock when I'm clearly going to wizard school. Yeah. Shit's... Ugh. When I'm, like, my fucking uncle is going to go on his rant. again about how warlocks are trying to halt the rotation of the earth to bring an infinite

winter it's like god dude what is the difference between those oh warlock and a wazard a warlark i think a warlock is evil and my southern accent is cool your your southern accent yeah i'm back in the south so i my southern accent to coming out hi me it's from south i'm from south i've been riding around in my slab what Basically drinking lean in my slab. Your slab. My slab. What's your slab? Big ass fucking box Chevy with fucking huge rims and a stintzel.

Stensile on the rear window with a dead kid. Yeah, that's cool. With angel wings. Yeah. Rest in peace, Miguel. Yeah, 1999 to 1999. yeah yeah i've been riding around in that car yeah listen into listening to the the boberg doll season of cereal really loud

that'd be that'd be so funny to get like an in-memorium thing on the back of your car but it's your own face it says 1997 to like 3,050 Like, one of those like... Red eyes have glowing red eyes. Rest in peace, Caleb, Michael Pitts. Rest in peace, Caleb, Turbo Pit.

1997 to 2000 X, X. Yeah. You have, you have like a half robot face and it says, Forgotten, but not gone. Behind you when you least expect it. yeah i need to i need to we need to uh i need to put we should make some car we should i want to i want to be i want to be an ice man so bad yeah like ozsy the ice man like free i want

to freeze and then be like unfrozen oh yeah yeah no that you want to be american pickled is that in but in ice america that's what happens in america what's what's you never saw american pickle on a plane no oh no no It's a, it's a movie where Seth Rogen is the, he's a guy in the 1800s, and then he becomes a pickle, and then they un-pickle him, and he's hanging out with himself, but now. That sounds cool. I'm glad you brought this up. Yeah.

Yeah, it's really bad movie. It's terrible. Yeah. Maybe if he wasn't smoking so much, you wouldn't have written that fucking shit. To unfreeze me after, like, thousands of years. and, like, they've, like, eradicated the common cold, and I, like, destroy the human race because I'd have some sickness that they...

Oh, yeah, that would be cool. Dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The sniffles. Yeah. The sniffles plague destroys all of those.

They cut me out of the ice, and, like, they... Somehow, like, everyone on the earth catches depression, and they all kill themselves. Yeah, because you're so damn ugly. Damn. I will be ugly after thousands of years in the ice. Hey, I'm not even taking that as an insult. I'd probably be wrinkle like a razor burn.

You get freezer burn on your shit. Yeah. I look like a damn hot dog. Mm-hmm. You wouldn't look like an American hot dog. I'd look like an American hot dog. You're claiming that we would do a movie called American hot dog about you coming out looking like a dog? Yeah.

A dog. Your parents ever put hot dogs in the freezer? Huh? Yeah, I ate some freezer hot dogs this week. Yeah. Yeah. You ever put hot dogs in the freezer? What?

No. Preserve them? They already preserved. with nitrates. I know. You don't have to put it in a freezer. Speaking of what, I don't know what.

I literally also ate freezer hot dogs this week. I don't know what. Are you saying you ate him cold out of the freezer? No, no, just in the freezer. They were in the freezer

and then I cooked them. I thought they cooked them. Oh, okay. That makes more sense. You thought I was eating them like a popsicle? Well, I don't know why else you would put a hot dog

in the freezer. To preserve it. Probably for, probably, you could, probably room in the room in the fridge. You can keep them in your car. On the counter. Yeah.

You can, Yeah. They're fully cooked. You don't have to put them anywhere. Yeah. But did you, what, you guys get potato, or Cameron, did you get potatoes at Christmas? No. Instead of coal?

No. My, do you, I, no, I just got coal. I just got coal before as a joke. Yeah, that's a funny joke. Well, that's the thing. It's like, that's so, like, I don't know if it was just like my, my grandparents trying to cut costs or something by putting potatoes in the stocking instead of coal but what my parents would do is we would get stocking stuff that would be like a bunch of like like tiny like random toys and stuff and then we would just

get we I've literally got the same same like not the same items but the same exact things in my stocking like every year for my entire life they would just like because I would open them up and it would be like and then they just put them in the attic and then give them again the next year it's a good system yeah because you always forget about it by the next next year. My mom has multiple times just wrapped up shit that I left here last year. Yeah, that's a good. That's a good move. Because you forget about it and you're like, oh, thank you. Right? I actually do want this because it's something that I have. And then I just forget it again. Yeah, it's perfect. It doesn't happen with me. It's very clever. I remember all my

stuff. No, you don't. I'm a hoarder. You don't remember a single thing. I get to see you becoming a hoarder. Do you guys ever, do you ever see that one video that lady? If I didn't live with a girl, I would be the worst, hoarder of all time. Literally everyone in my family, every, like, old person of my family lives in, like, hoarder palaces now.

It's really, yeah. Did you guys ever see that episode of Hoarders? Where the lady, she, like, uh, she eats food, like, in her bathroom. No. And she gets pieces of, of poop from her, from her toilet,

like little specks of poop that fly everywhere. And she, like, puts them on her food and she eats them. What? No. It was like, talking about it was like i know it was like in the middle it was like in the middle like we've talked like we've talked about eating poop on this show so much i don't know why that just grossed me out it's so disgusting because it's like also i'm watching hoarders to see like how many like game

cubes that they have in their basement and then they just 10 minutes in there's a woman just eating her own poop and it's not they don't even blur it out exactly well because i guess she also oh yeah she hoards her poop yeah i forgot that's big part of it. She hoards her poop. But how does the poop get into the food? You said it flies everywhere? I don't remember. I think she like puts it on the food, if I remember correctly. She like scrapes it up and like it gets on her food. My aunt just hoards DVDs. Well, she's better than this lady. She's a lot better. Yeah. But yeah, she like eats specs of like she, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like lorries. She like sprinkles it on. Tony Sasserie's Tony Sachery's flex of poop You gotta want to put the flex of poop on there

You don't want to you get no flex of poop in the gumbo You get the flex of poop in the gumbo It's gonna be you're gonna take five Or you gonna put the orange oil Then the poop My uh Even take good on a cracker My eccentric grandfather

When I was growing up he started He's a big hoarder And one of the things that he hoard That he started collecting and gathering and hoarding as when I was growing up was he started collecting and hoarding these engine powered pogo sticks

called hop rods that are like that's so sick diesel powered pogo sticks do you get like mad air on those I don't think they're like very dangerous I don't think he ever even like used them or anything I think he just thought

they were going to like either be worth something or that he was going to be able to like build something using them or something I have no idea what the The ultimate jumper. But he, like, bought a bunch of them. He was planning to build the ultimate jumper. I mean, he's going to duct tape all the form. He probably was.

He sounds cool as fog, too. Like, the whole town, the whole town coming, there's a big event called the ultimate jumper. And it's him just with all these hop rocks, like, duct tape to his legs. And he's just like. Ladies and gentlemen But then he flies into space Yeah Oh, hell no

Everybody's doubting him But then he flies past the atmosphere He goes who's laughing now Baumgartner Mm-hmm Yeah Go on Felix Baumgartner Going Baumgartner no Red Bull

Mm-hmm Yeah Sheesh He's uh he's crazy Yeah He when When uh When I was in high school

My high school girlfriend met him And she played the French horn And that came up in conversation somehow and he was like oh if you play the french horn you need this record and he gave her a record that was like uh it was like a brass orchestra but they were playing instruments made out of bicycle tires wow he was like damn you need to check this out here was it was it really good why do you know the title of it no let me see if i can find it that sucks bicycle music

my uh my uncle rick one time got my brother a brick for christmas yeah that's sick he just wrapped up nope nope this was probably 2004 he just wrapped up he wrapped up he wasn't even a full brick they probably stole the idea for the supreme brick from him for brick yeah dude rick was a pioneer he also one time he also one time gave him uh when he gave him uh i think the next year a broken softball bat and he was like i broke this in my softball league Pretty cool, right? He wants him to have it. He wants him to have a piece of history.

He just was giving him trash every year. It's pretty cool. Oh, never mind. That was a different thing. What? I was thinking about something from earlier. What are you talking about? I think I told you.

All right, I'm not going to press him on whatever this is. I told my nephew that a poop guy got arrested. There's a poop guy going to jail. Oh, I think I told him. I remember that. Yeah. I told my nephew, there's a poop guy going to jail, and then he asked me, does he have a heart that pumps poop instead of blood?

It's a really good question. It is a good question. That is, I mean, that child's going to grow up and be a genius. Hey, speaking of that, today's list, top 10 most annoying things little kids do. I'm just kidding. That was annoying. That was funny and cute and adorable. Oh, no, but he's been, yesterday I was trying to watch spy kids and the whole time,

like I was trying to watch spy kids with him. and the whole time they're like, Uncle Pat, is that the spy kid? Uncle Pat, is that the spy kid? Are those helicopters carrying the spy kids? Which ones are the spy kids? It's two, three minutes into the movie, and they can't fucking stop asking me, which ones are the spy kids? They learned from the best.

Yeah. Yeah. I can't imagine just like how annoying those kids. are going to be when they get older under your tutelage. Me? Yeah. Not my tutelage. You're going to tutelage all over them.

No. No. Yeah. This is from, this is things little kids do. My niece and nephew always want to bother me when they come over. This is the top ten most annoying things little kids do. Yeah. This number one is from user Patrick.

It says run away. way. No, it's not. Okay, then what is it? Number one is they see you doing something and ask you to play with them. That literally, that happened before this. That literally happened right before this. Did the kids want to, they wanted a podcast?

Yeah. Willie was in here. He picked up the microphone and asked me if he could try it. Dude, that's a dark path. Yeah. Save him. Save his soul. I know.

Dude, if he started a podcast, wouldn't even be good. He's a Glees four years old. No, he's five. Oh, it might be pretty good then. Yeah. Otis is this many now. Oh, really? How many are you, Pat?

I'm, um... No, wait. Forty-five. Wait, hold on. No, hold on. Sorry, I, I've missed up counting. Okay. or 14. He missed up.

You're five. You're five. You're five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Four. I'm four. I'm four. Yeah. Patrick. Patrick going up to a kid. He'd be like, hey, I'm five. I'm this many. I'm this many. No, we're just like the bouncer. He looks at your ID. He like, he flexes. He says, how old are you? I'm this many. One, two, three, four, four. Oh, that's cool. I'm this many. The bouncer's like 60. He's 60 years old. He just sit there doing 10, six times.

Have a good night. And a half. He holds up half a finger at the end. I'm 21 and three quarters. It is so fucked up when, if you're an adult and you ask how old somebody is and they're like, Well, my birthday is next month. And it's like, who's fucking cares? It doesn't matter.

You're the aides you are. Don't try and get cute with me. Or I'll kill you. I hate cute shit. Absolutely. I like ugly, fucked up cool stuff like Ghost Rider. Yeah. And Vug's Bunny.

And Bugs Bunny, whose head got chopped off. Come on. Yeah, I'm twisted. That's an American institution. Yeah. What the hell, Cameron? Next thing you know, you're going to be telling me. You're going to be telling me, Squubbyte's up on his own.

You're going to tell me, Squiboney. Woodward is doing a suicide. You're going to want to look something. You wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen about cartoons being killed. Yeah. You wouldn't believe some of the fan theories that I have in my twisted brain. You wouldn't believe some of the dark ideas I have about what kind of blood comes out of different characters. Do you guys have any fan theories?

I heard a song the other day about Elmo having a gun. No. My fan theory is that Tom and Jerry are brothers and that's why they fight so much. Or my theory is actually that they're married And that's why they fight so much Jerry is a kitten theory Yeah Jerry is a small cat

It's true He is Yeah They're step brothers No they're blood brothers They're blood brothers They're blood brothers They're brothers by blood

They did a pact But they didn't need to Because they were actually real brothers My other theories That bug's bunny stay being funny as hell In the episodes Oh that is my theory too we share that theory

I have a theory that Sylvester has a speech impediment One of my theories I'm funny to laugh One of my theories I developed is I think SpongeBob isn't in real life Under the Ocean I think he's a cartoon That does exist under the ocean

You wouldn't find him if you went down there I think you're a fool for thinking that It's a theory okay I haven't I think that's a fool's theory I think SpongeBob has no holes And those are just, he has black spots Yeah. Yeah, like a cheetah.

That's a really good theory. Yeah. And Patrick, I don't, Patrick is, um, he's a girl. My fan, one of my fan theories is that Patrick's, Patrick's actually in purgatory and, and he actually is, all his characters in his life are in his imagination. Which one? I've had this theory that crusty the crab is, is really cheap. Krusty the Crabb. That he's really, really, really, really.

cheap and he loves money. My, well, my theory about Krusty the Krab is his redness actually comes from blood because of how much he kills. You think he's a murder? Also, he's a murderer. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, one of my theories is that the seven deadly sins are in SpongeBob. Yeah, my theory is that Squidward actually has depression. Gay, yellow. Yeah, yeah. Girl, blue, crab,

The Sea, Squirrel, stealing the crown. Stealing the Crown. from King Neptune. Flankton and gluttony. Because he works at a restaurant. Oh, he does work at a restaurant. Yeah, hamburger.

Yeah, hamburger is the seventh deadly sin. So this is under, they see you doing something and ask you to play with them. This happened a few minutes ago. My brother asked me to play with them, and I said no. So he stole my books and hid them, and when he gave them back after a long time,

he said if I would play with him, and I said no, and then he started crying. And my mom had to get involved, of course. And ugh. That sounds like a nerd. That sounds like a nerd, and the kid is actually a bully, and I'm on the bully side. You're pro-bullied? I'm actually, here's a comment here.

If it's against a nerd, but if you're bullying a jock, that's not cool. Yeah. You don't know what's going on at their home that's making them act that way. Their dad could be putting out cigarettes on them. So true. I dread the day where either Caleb or Nate or Alfie comes over to our house. Ten times worse, when I have friends over, it went like this. Friends and I played Minecraft together.

Alfie. Corey, why don't you play with me? If you don't, Mom will make you. Lucas, one of my friends. Oh, that's annoying. Alfie. And I want Lucas to play with me too. Lucas.

What? Reluctantly plays with Alfie. See what I mean? It is never a good experience. Yeah, dude, when you get Caleb and Nate together, so annoying. I'll admit, as Caleb is an annoying kid name. Yeah. Yeah.

And here's a reply to that comment from the same user. From Alfie. One of my not-cringe comments back in the day, I am proud. This person came back to this list. We're doing like in-memorium with their old posts. Here's a good one. Doesn't this happen in Jeff the killer's backstory? Says X-X, severed humanity, X-X.

Severed humanity. I think it does. Jeff the killer got annoyed What do you think Made him start killing? True, I guess that's a good point I love this if it is with my little brother My seven-year-old brother is the opposite Very big introvert

Wouldn't ask me for anything unless necessary And kind of mature past his age Unlike my nine-year-old sister Little kids want to play with me Because I look like an eight-year-old That's a comment from anti-Billinoctus Yeah There's a lot of scripts on this one

Too many scripts for my taste This one's very long too The one at the last page The very bottom, yeah Do you want to read it? You know what? Sure Sure.

Sure. Do you want to be me or kid? Or six-year-old. I think six-year-old might be kid. Yeah, I want to be... You'll see if we read the script. Just choose six-year-old for now.

Holy shit, this one is long. I'll be six-year-old. All right, I'll be me. Okay. Walks in the kitchen. Do I have to be a kid? No, you don't. Just wait. You're sitting this one out.

Oh, I hate being six-year-old. Okay, restart it. Go ahead, camera. Walks in the kitchen. Let's play brothers and sisters. The brother has to act like a girl. The brother has to play with dolls. Can I have that thing over there to play with?

No. I got it for my birthday, and it will break. I won't break it. Think she said you won't break it. I said you won't break it. Fine. I'll be the ugly Elsa doll. Doesn't look like Elsa?

You have it, but don't break it. I said it's fine. Okay, Pat, this is where you come in. Okay, by the way, now the six-year-old will be called kid. That's a stage reaction. I said I'm fine. Let's play. I don't want to play.

You are mean. What? I just didn't want to play. I hate this game. Second scenario. I sit down next to my laptop and guess what? Thanks for helping me. I was using my dolls to make a movie on your laptop.

You know you can't do that. Oh, wait, I got to expand this. Can you be the mom? Elsa is the mom. Come on. After a bit of normality. Pretend the mom fainted. Thinks no, I'm bored this little kid.

I'm going to also be the last. little sister with the big sister please I won't have anything to play with oh this is you pat kid's mom what is going on I'm playing and he wants to be the little sister but I am you should not be playing together decide what you are going to play

there we go I want to play Roblox on your laptop I want to go on my laptop you're not sharing I am I let you on the laptop to play earlier give it to me and my dad said you can't use it I've suffered getting told of by my parents just to let you on it. Fine. I'll play on the Nintendo Switch. Finally. I convinced the kid to leave me alone, but she kept asking me to do stuff,

and she said, I have to help her. She calls my name and tells me cool stuff that she made and did in Minecraft. That was a beautiful story. Wow. I mean, it had a, a, a big plot twist in the middle, too. Yeah. Yeah. A huge plot that the six-year-old will now be called kid. Yeah. Well, I think when that, if you can do this in post, put, what's the song from Fight Club in there? Yeah, it's kind of a split personality thing, yeah. For the Pixies. Pretty cool.

Yeah. Number two, they force you to watch annoying little kids shows with them. True. Yep. This is facts. This is facts. My brother is 13 and watches my little pony. He makes me watch it, and I hate it.

I'm 11. I'm sick of it. My cousins forced me to watch Disney Jr. with them a few years ago. At least I don't have to And that's from Pancers for the win Patriots for the lose No This is Caleb's comment

Patriots for the bro keep pounding No lose Like Lazy Town for example True I would not watch Go ahead Let's say it together Okay

I would not watch one If you paid me $1 million. Miss Winnipeg Jets. That was amazing. My sister makes me watch Peppa Pig, and then the reply, that's a good M-Fing show. Okay, wait, there's a script here on the second page.

Oh, wow. Oh, here we go. Okay, so. I'll read stage directions again. Okay, I will be, I'll reprise my role as little kid. Yeah, you're typecast. Yeah. And then, Cam, you also.

I'm also typecast. I'm always playing me I wish I could play against We're looking for kind of a me type All right All right Here's a tip to prevent a little kid forcing you to watch What you don't like to watch

Plan A Let's watch telitubbies Let's watch F0GP legend anime The Super Cool futuristic race car packed with exciting racing And light comedy No Telitubies. I'll give you candy

and Disney channel all set of Barbie dolls and telitubbies if you watch F0GP legend anime Plan B Trick the little kid by disguising

F0GP legend anime DVD as a Telitubbies DVD Plan C scare the little kid with the monster mask if she tries to change your favorite show

The monster mask Plan D scare the kid with a Chucky doll. Wow. I hate it with the monster mask as a kid. The monster mask? My dad pulled out the monster mask.

Dude, when you know as a kid, you didn't take the chicken out of the freezer or the fridge to thaw. Yeah. Your dad's coming home with that monster mask. Daddy's going to pull up with the monster mask. If your dad comes home, you find out the chickens not, he finds out the chicken's not thawed.

That's right. You know. Patrick. Up late a night under your covers playing Nintendo DS. You hear your dad's, footsteps, you better, you better shove that DS between your mattress and the wall, because he sees you, he's going to leave, and let me tell you, the monster's coming back into the room.

The monster's coming in, and I'm throwing my Game Boy SP into my butt cheeks. I'm waiting out that storm. And don't even think about trying to explain it away by saying you were playing Big Brain Academy. It's not going to work. Yeah. No, that's not homework. It's still a game.

It doesn't count as studying. It's still fun. What's the one that Penn Gillette was in? You're playing with too much fun. That's what your dad's going to say. The Pendjolette game? I don't know. I think he was a big brain, right?

I don't know. Oh, wait, no, it was a magic simulator for D.S. Magic fat guy thing. Yeah. For D.S. Yeah. Pendjolet, libertarianism is magic. Libertarian atheist, fat guy, magic thing.

Little, no-talking friend for D.S. Where, do you think he found... Little, no-talking... Do you think he found Teller in like a tree trunk? Yeah. Teller, this guy ain't telling me anything. That's the thing about this guy. How do you even learn magic?

He can't talk or read. You ever see that run-DMC music video they're in? No. You're thinking of Aerosmith, walk this way. Oh, yeah, that's right. Number three, they whine for their parents because you got mad at them. True.

Mm-hmm. That is fast. A 12-year-old is not a little kid. My cousins scream a lot. I tell them to shut up. They cry for my relatives, and I end up getting in trouble. Need I say more?

Here's a comment from Dogs Unleashed. There was some... That's such a good username. Yeah. There was some kid at a party, and we were arguing over who was going to hit the pinata. Long story short,

I didn't get to hit the pinata. Damn. That's so fun. all you people are sick talking about your siblings like that they might never see you again in their life even in the biggest events sickos these people that put stories in here i have to say this to you those younger kids are bitches yo that's pretty harsh there's a lot of scripts here man there's way too many scripts what has gotten into these people they heard our last episode and they they they realized that we're really we're scouting

screenplays from the top tens true sensitive gangster productions is going to have all of these movies made by 2020 yeah doing that thing what was it the end of 24 that thing where they're making like a movie like a Travis Scott movie or something and they like just a picture of a screenplay that said by Travis Scott we're just posting like 20 pictures a day of just stacks of paper that say like like like yeah like by dogs unleashed yeah by XX separate humanity the cousin mistake by dogs Unleashed. They're like, yeah, like, 500-page scripts, like, bound.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we'd do a big. A-list celebs, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We get Javier Bardem to play the cousin. Yeah.

Who's going to play? Who's going to play... Andy Circus is the Pignada? Cameron has to play me. Yeah. I'm always me. Yeah, I know. Little kids.

I'm straight up, I'm straight up just like me. Like, I think I think I was born to play that role. I think, uh, I think little, little, little kid and six-year-old are going to be like that duo of roles is going to be like the next like Joker kind of thing where you have different or James Bond you know there's like a rotation every yeah it's like a prestige role people want to play yeah yeah people are going to be looking phone's going off the hook you know why can't we have why can't we have a female cousin that's right yeah yeah there's like a bunch of think pieces yeah huge news idris elbow will be playing

six-year-old in the next cousin mistake movie. In the cousin mistake saga. Yeah. Number four. They get you in trouble for something they did. So in Roblox, she was in my account, and guess what? She was online dating on my account, and she tries to see and grown up, but in reality, she's being stupid. That's so funny.

Getting really mad at your... your sibling for getting, like, groomed on your account. I remember my friend of mine got in trouble because he was dating a girl. I think Patrick froze. Look at his beautiful expression. Who froze, me or them. He's stuck. He looks so cute.

I'm going to take a screenshot. Now he's gray. Oh, no, he came back. Oh, dude, my internet sucks here. That gave me time to reflect on the story I was about to tell, and I've decided to it. Yeah. Yep, nope.

That is, I say, maybe that's what I need. Maybe I need, like, a timeout type thing, so I can decide whether or not I'll tell you. I should be able to give you timeouts, like a coach. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a comment. That's a pretty good idea. I have experienced this a lot.

So much pain in life. I hope my parents die because I literally don't need them. Long story, but I don't need them. And the reply is, I hope this comment haunts you for the rest of your life. For wishing death on your parents. They may be annoying, but there's still the reasons you're alive. What? Did you guys read this one?

On Christmas 2015 my cousin hit me with an iPad Then she told me I was being annoying to her I told them that I didn't do anything Guess who they believed that's right My cousin Here's another here's a short but sweet comment This defines my cousins

This is a very cousin heavy episode Yeah Listen this one Yes my neighbor got me in trouble Because she threw a water bottle on the ground It wasn't even a big deal but now her parents hate me and every time she sees me

she beams like a son and does cartwheels as if that's a show-off thing whilst I'm skating and doing cool tricks so who's the show-off now you little brat F-U Michaela

you are the reason your parents are divorced I hate when people do cartwheels as if that's some kind of show-off thing me too make a go-in and make grounded video of your cousin to teach her a lesson Imagine, imagine, like, your family court, you're, like, being asked, like, which one, which parent you want to stay with, and you just bust out a fat cartwheel.

Yeah, they're just in your... Car wheel as if that's a show-off thing. Who's the show-off now, Michaela? The judge is like, well, Michaela did an amazing show-off trick, and I cannot... Objection, a cartwheel is a show-off thing. Overruled. Michaela, your parents are forced to get back together. Your Honor

A cartwheel is clearly a show-off thing Number six Wait one more One kid broke my dad's laptop by dropping it down the stairs And blamed me for it I was so grounded Then they caught him on the surveillance video The next day

And ungrounded me right away And apologized for not believing me And they called his parents he was grounded Having a surveillance video In your house To catch When I was a kid My dad had a

one of those like air air freshener things you plug into the wall oh yeah but i i thought that it was a security camera and so i i would like act really weird in this one part of the house i would like never like if i would like wake up or like in the middle of the night i would like try to avoid uh an air wick because i thought it was a security camera it's pretty cool all right number uh five they never shut up This is much like Sonic Boom, Rise of Lyric, where instead of awesome music, you get to listen to the four main characters not shutting up. True. Yep.

Lots of long comments on this list. Yeah, it seems like this one brought out a lot of anger in people. Definitely. Happened to me once when I was 13. Once in the car, my 5-year-old cousin asked 5,000 questions about a horse. I was like, enough questions. It was so annoying. Yeah

My brother talks about dinosaurs all day every day That sounds like a blessing Sounds like a cool kid Yeah I just got to learn more about dinosaurs Field guide This is so true You guys have to come over and look at it

It's so awesome Well we should go look for dinosaurs This is so true The little ones are louder than the rocket launches True That is fact A few minutes ago My Thorat heard it

of screaming my ass off at my four-year-old brother. My thorat. My thorat. Did you read this one? My thorac. My brother slapped me in the thorax. Number six, they ask you to do ridiculous things for them. Mm-hmm.

Once my mom would force me to make videos of myself singing terribly to random songs just to entertain my cousins while they were eating dinner. Hi, I'm 12. My nephew always asked, would you choose a hand? anger over me and will you let me in your room if someone busted up in the house and would you let someone kill me? I'd be like, yes, I would let someone kill you and he'd be like, I know that's

not true and then I'd be like, then why you ask, he'd be like, I don't know. And then the cop reply is could you please cut the I be like and he be like? That's a cool way to talk. There's one. It's so funny being 12 and having a nephew and your nephew

just asking you constantly, would you, would you let me die? Would you save my life? I would say yes. Would you care if I even died? Yeah. Would you even give a four-year-old? Would you even give a shit if I died?

That's such a good thing for, like, yeah, a little kid to be obsessed with asking. By the world, make me fly. Eat an entire school lunch without throwing up. By the world, make me fly. By the world, make me fly. Eat entire school lunch without throwing up. My nine-year-old cousin was younger. She forced me to wipe her butt.

for her after she used the restroom she was like three or four at the time i'm never wiping anyone's butt but by my own yep and i too i barely do that yeah i'm if i my if i ever have a kid i'm gonna get a robot to do it yeah hopefully they'll have those by then yeah i yeah i don't want ever know or a maid yep definitely a maid yeah just a wiping made a wipe made a wipe made yeah made wiping only yeah wiping only made there's a different made to clean yeah and the wipe maid gets paid less

because she only has one thing exactly yeah it doesn't matter harder job I guess I could pay you more if you wanted to wipe me and my wife too yeah if you want to if you want to get really deep when you wipe I'll pay you extra yeah if you want to wipe a little bit of the poop out of the inside of my butt

yeah and then like a month later being like do you still have that poop you wiped off me a month ago I need a stool sample and then six months in you go to the National Inquirer like a tabloid and you break

a story that's like you on the front page it's like my maid won't stop wiping my butt you get her just like put her in jail yeah number seven they never leave you alone it's so true

I'll play with you, says Anonymous. That's creepy. Yeah, I'll say. This one, all the comments here are too long. Yeah, how about some one-word comments? Hey, wait, here's a... I'm never going to play with you, so go away. Here's a script, a very short script on the last page,

where I can reprise my role as a little kid. Sure. And, Cam, you be big kid, please. Okay. Okay. Hey, Sissy. Shut up, L-O-L-L. See, that one doesn't have as much going on in it as some of the other scripts.

Really, not much at all. No, I'm not even really sure what the... That one's going to be hard to... That's going to be... It's an unadaptable script, as some might say. Yeah. But, hey, they said that about Dune, and look how that went. True.

That's true. Yeah. We could be saying a Deneve-il-Nove, little kid, sissy, big kid. movie pretty soon we could yeah you never know um number eight when you ask for something your parents says no but when the little kid asks for the exact same thing they get it immediately how come when i ask for a diaper i don't get one but when this kid does he gets a diaper it's so messed up what they do the definition of my annoying nephew if our world depends on the youth of today i can see the earth lasting another 20 years that makes sense

because then they won't be young anymore. Yeah. True. There'll be new kids. Yeah. This one also has no good comments. Wait, wait, me, can I have a YouTube account? I'm 26.

Mom, no. Me, why not? My cousin has one. She's nine. I show my mom my cousin's YouTube account. Mom, I said no is no, okay? Why is a nine-year-old allowed to have a YouTube account, but not a 26-year-old? That makes no sense at all.

That's so true. I'm the reply. Mum has no right to stop you creating a YouTube channel. Computer Fan Zero. That's the first ever computer fan, guys. Yeah. Came before Computer Fan 1, yeah. That's actually, that's a very adaptable screenplay. That is a really good screenplay.

Kind of a controlling mother, controlling a 26-year-old, not letting him have a YouTube account? I feel like this could be Tom Holland's chance to break out of the MCU playing 26-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. he would be so good as 26-year-old Probably the best They stare at you I sometimes have to wear an eye patch

Because I just had a surgery on my eye And we went out to eat This rude little kid kept staring at me Because I was wearing that Then she loudly asked her mom Mommy why did that girl paint over her eye Mind your own business you brat That's so rude

That poor that poor kid just wanted to Just wanted to know what was going on Mm-hmm. Years ago, I was at Ocean City, Maryland, and I was playing final furlong at one of the arcades, and a baby was staring at me. Also, years ago, I was at Wildwood, New Jersey, riding a coin-operated horse at Ed's Funcade, and a toddler was staring at me. I was a teenager at the time, and I was just being random and having fun. My sister always stares at me for, like, 10 minutes before she goes to bed. Don't underscore Blake 7. that's the that's she she doesn't blink that's what he's trying to say with his username yeah this is this comment i think we can all relate to here um this summer in 2019 we went to india for five weeks which i don't enjoy and we met my three-year-old twin cousins who were fine two years ago but turned super obnoxious and i was watching youtube on their tv and mom made me stop and i got into an argument because i was dying of boredom and depression due to the fact that there's pretty much nothing fun to do on india trips except watching tv and my cousins were staring at me me i was so mad that day how is there nothing fun to do on india trips i know do indian

there's so many big restaurants you could go to there's those there's those really curvy boats yumi si to strike tandoori strike uh-huh you got to hit tandoori stop when you're in town absolutely every single time bro the number four combo i don't know i like ysitami tummy is probably one of the best ones there plus they have mr beast burger oh true yeah dude dude they have Mr. Beast, but they have, like, it's cool because they have, like, you know, items that you wouldn't get in the States. Like, you can't get, like, the Mr. Beast panier sandwich.

True. That is true. Nice. Yeah. Anonymous commenter says, I stare at them. Yep. Yep. All right. Number 10, they act spoiled. No comments. True. And we can just go through the contenders here. This one's actually

true. Number 11, they asked you to play annoying songs Oh yeah yesterday dude what is up with kids in these fucking annoying songs? Kids love the most annoying music in the world Was I like that as a kid

Did I No I was I was into the classics like twinkle twinkle ABC Well I was like I mean maybe I must have been annoying people

When I was asking them to play like Beethoven And Japan and stuff You know I was asking them to play 433 by John Cage Yeah What

That That song, that song, I mean... Look, I'm singing it right now. No, no, you didn't sing it. That's too short. That was, you were singing two by John Cage. That's a completely different song. Oh, the photo is the gummy bear song.

A naked gummy bear with a stub singing in a high-pitched voice. He might taste gross, but I want to eat him anyway, so he dies. I don't know. That must have been in the German version if he had a stub. Yeah. It's kind of disgusting To gummy, meow Uh, 12

They report everything you do Yep Kids are tattletails, period They are X Number 13 They hog all of the attentions Yeah That's so funny

Being like a 26 year old guy And just being like My fucking My little cousins Like getting so much More attention than me Plus they're allowed On YouTube

Yeah Number 14 is They sing songs Over and over again And here's a comment If you thought that's bad I once saw two kids doing the whip-n-n-nay dance while waiting at the cinema lobby. This is why I am pro-choice now and that abortion should be legal worldwide.

True. The whip and the nay-nay, dude. Those are some of the coolest dances ever. Well, you have a problem with those. They're awesome. There's a comment here that says, I saw a little girl with a shirt saying, I know all the lyrics of Frozen and I will sing them to you.

Unbelievable. That is unbelievable. Now the kids, now the kids are doing the whip and the nay-nay, but we used to eat the chips that were lays-lays. Yep, yeah. Nowadays, kids are doing the whip and the nay-nay. Back in my day, we used to get the school on horse using the whip and the hey-hay. Yeah.

Yeah. That is, that is really true. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Back in my day. Now we do the whip and the nay-nay. Back in the 1800s, we used to be on ships and say, nay, nay. Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yeah. I mean, hey, now kids used to do the whip and the nay-nay. But now, a few years later, kids nowadays are just Crips and don't want to play, play. True. True. And on the streets of L.A. You will get slays laid by the Crips.

Yeah. Growing up, yeah, back in the, nowadays, kids are doing the whip in the nay-nay. Growing up, I had Uncle Chip, who was gay-gay. We used to do the whip and the... No, never mind. The kids now do the whip and the nay-day. Mm-hmm. It gets hard.

It's hard to think about this way. This might be the hardest one yet. No, this is, like, kids nowadays, their idea, their idea of a good, of a good summer is, is doing the whip and the nay-nay. But back when I was a kid, I'd rather have a trip or vacay-k-a-k-a-way. That's right. Nowadays, these kids just want to do a fortnight dance.

I want to go on a food tour, use a fork-and-knife at France. Yes, sir. It's a Michelin-Star restaurant in France. Kids nowadays are too focused on learning the floss dance. I'm trying to stack my paper so I can buy some Hugo Boss pants That's right

Yep Yep I heard that Definitely What else the kids like these days? Jujubes Tick-Tock Jiu-Bs, sock hops

Playing jacks Nowadays kids are doing TikTok When I was their age I was I was jelking with hair ties To get a thick cock Yep

That's pretty good Yeah Back in my day We didn't have TikTok Oh TikTok What did you have, brother What'd you have? What did you have?

I don't remember. I don't remember guys, fuck I remember I sang the La Cucco Racha song Too many times to my older sister Yeah La Cucca Racha, that's a damn annoying song Yeah, that's a good song Yeah, if you hate Mexico, me, I love it

It's a catchy song It is catchy I sang that song a lot as a kid Number 16, they follow you wherever you go I am from Somalia Who wrote that shit, the damn Pied Piper? Come on now That's right

Yeah. Uh, I am from Somalia. Yes, you are. Number 18, they ask, are we there yet? Uh, I don't know. Does it look like we're there? No, then stop asking. This is why your kid should play with Google Maps.

I've been using it since I was seven. Number 21. That's a bad app. Number 21, they act like teens. If I had a sister, in order for me to shut them up, I'd head to my drum set and play a Neil Pert style solo. Wait. Oh, that'd just make them scream.

louder. Here's a script here Cameron and Caleb can do. On what? On, they act like teens. I think Caleb, you should play, you should play Gretchen. Yeah, I play me.

Caleb's definitely a Gretchen type. How am I a Gretchen type? Okay, whatever. What are you doing? Playing Blood-Born and ignores her. If you don't tell me what you are doing, I'm telling mom. Set up.

You're not my parent. Damn, that was a good line read. We're going to have this. everywhere by next this one's gonna be huge in China we're gonna have to remove a lot of references so that it plays in China this is actually what I want the

I would really like the Wachowski sisters to adapt this one here number 23 they spit at your face if they can't beat you up here's what I this is this is the Matrix 5 okay yes my five year old cousin once tried to hit me so I grabbed her wrist stop

she tried to hit me again with her other hand so I grabbed it too when she realized she could move. Both of us can't. Since I'm holding her hands with both of mine, she spat straight at my face. It was a big saliva that landed between my eyes, so my reaction is violent. Since then, she would spit at me when she is angry or just want to piss me off. In other words, she spits every time she wants. She loves my reaction. It is gross. I hate it. I can already imagine that as a monologue. I can imagine the eight bullet time. Yeah, yeah, going into spit time.

That's cool as fuck, dude. Oh, my God. That would be sick. And it's just like the rain scenes from the Matrix where all the spit is just suspended. Oh my god Hello cousin Anderson Cousin Anderson Cousin Anderson Cousin Anderson

Cousins like you are a disease I finally I finally watched one and two I got to still see three You'd never see you What's wrong with you? I never finished the Matrix That's why you're not as conscious

As me and Cameron Well I never watch it Because it's my grandpa's favorite movie It's your grandpa's favorite movie favorite movie? Oh yeah, he was driven to insanity by the Matrix, you told me? That's pretty cool. That's cool to be that weak will.

Driven to insanity by the Matrix. Yeah, I almost was driven insane by how good the action was. Yeah. I mean, I was just going crazy. I was going crazy watching Lawrence Fishburn in that movie. I was nearly driven to Kung Fu by the Matrix. I was nearly driven to F.Y.E. to buy the

box set. Damn. My mom said she had an appointment. Damn. All right. All right. Subscribe to the Patreon. And that's not.

On the Twitch. No, I actually do that. And the Twitch. And to nothing else. And Caleb's home address is. All right.