Podcast About List - Ep. 176 - She 5ing on my 1 till i 500,000,000

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

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Come in, come in, come in, and me see your butt. All accounts to the ball list. Every crap monster. Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Went and saw Lickrish Pizza last night.

I was waving at Alana Hame like that on the screen. I was sitting there going, hi! Hi! Yeah. Because I really respected what she did to that boy. Yeah. She didn't say anything back to me. Pat's in a pitch meeting two weeks later.

He's like, what if we did a gender-swapped licorice pizza? And I play the older one. And it's just called pizza. Well, think about it. Hold on, hold on. Why is that movie called pizza? I don't know. Think about it.

Think about it. You're doing some, what's that shit called? Q&N. Q&N. Q&N? Q&N. Q&N? Q&N. They don't even go to licorice pizza.

Maybe I was in the bathroom. I think there's a store called Lickrish Pizza. Why do you have to leave the movie and go to the bathroom? I think that's true. Isn't a liquorish pizza a word for like a record? Shut up.

Isn't that what that means? Shut up. Just shut. Why do you have to know everything, you fucking stupid asshole? It would be funny if that's not true. I feel like I saw somebody say that. I hope that's not true

And I just made that up No, that is it That is true Oh, that's cool Look at what COVID-19 is doing In my face Liquorice Pizza chain Looks completely normal

To American Canyon Oh, there was a store? Liquorice Pizza Southern California record And video store chain That got its name From a 1960s record album Is being sold to the Music Land

Group That's some of the L.A. Times in 1986 Music Land There's a land I'd like to visit Tax Haven Music Land Oh, man.

I'd love to go to Music Land and kill Stevie Ray Vaughn. It's an amusement park with audio-only rides. You sit in a room and you close your eyes and place the sound of a roller coaster. Did Stevie Ray Vaughn also die in a helicopter crash? I'm trying to do the Music Land Amusement Park planning here. Yeah, but that's the thing. Okay, well, if you do the Music Land Amusement Park, you cannot have any helicopter stuff. Because of Randy Rhodes and Buddy Holly

And Skinnerd, come on Yeah Okay, I guess any kind of, any kind of like music land There's gonna be no plane There's gonna be nothing that goes in the air And JFK Jr. Uh-huh I don't think there's usually planes in amusement parks

So I think they're probably fine No nothing no we can't have the sole plane I don't think they usually ride planes in amusement parks Can't have the sole plane It's usually roller coasters That's a big downside More than planes Well a plane themed

A plane-themed roller coaster They have that already Yeah, I know, there's tons of plane roller coasters Yeah, Cameron, you idiot You said you can't have any planes Well, we can't have any plane-themed stuff In the music land You can't fly a plane over Disney, right?

It's like an airspace thing I don't know what you're saying There's no plane thing already No, I'm saying you can't have any plane-themed rides Yeah, there'll be no planes there They'll walk from ride to ride You don't need to take a plane that you can't fly a plane

like are they going to shoot you out of the fucking sky they're allowed to shoot they have this guy are they gonna iron dome you if you fucking fly your plane over the haunted mansion

somebody flying a plane over canopy lake park and it just gets shot down immediately no there is you can't fly a plane over Disney because of 9-11 really yeah there's like a no fly zone

over it so they said Disney World is the only place that we don't want another 9-11 to protect you can fly a plane over anywhere but Disney World Imagine if on 9-11 one of the targets was Disneyland

They should have said you can't fly a plane through a building That would have been a very good That's like an unspoken rule Yeah I guess you're right Yeah If they'd take it out Disney World We'd be living in a much

scarier and more tint security security security If they took out Disney World, they would have fucking launched a nuke. They would launch a nuke. Immediately. No questions asked. As soon as the plane hits the rock and roller coaster, fucking one big nuke

going over to the Middle East. Bush loved Aerosmith, man. Yeah, he did. All the rides would do that thing from the Jimmy Neutron movie where they'd blast off and they'd all fly into the Middle East and explode. Yeah.

But then they'd accidentally... Space Mountain goes all the way. On the way up But what if all of the explosives malfunction Now they just have a Disney world And they just ride all the rides That was their plane all along Right

What if they 9-11 They hijacked the plane And they like And they made sure they got a bunch of They packed a bunch of luggage With magnets in it And they flew really low

Over Disney And they got them all the riots Way more of a tragedy Dude Yeah We launched a new Because they stole Disney Worlds from us. So much

Imagineering gone to waste. Yeah. It's not like you can build a new Disney World. That should be Ocean's 14. Yeah, Vernor von Braun is dead. He's the one of design. Oceans 14. He was a Nazi Imagineer. What is the biggest thing? In Operation Paperclip was the creation of

Disney World. Dude, we had all these Nazi Imagineers come over and design all the rides. What is there was a roller coaster that was done with the music of Arrowsmith. Well, sir, what What the hell is aerosmith? We will have to create

Arrowsmith. That's what all the twin experiments were. They were doing experiments on groups of guys. That's why they, that's what, uh, that's why they, uh, Stephen, not many people know this, Stephen Tyler was a Nazi experiment to create the most beautiful man in the world. The most beautiful looking, uh, androgynous person.

Yeah. The perfect mixture of a girl and a guy. Yeah. Yeah. He had some crazy shit going on back then. It's cool that Liv Tyler didn't know that was her dad until she was like 18. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, you look at her and you're like, really? How the fuck do you not know? Yeah.

Also, her name is Liv Tyler. Yeah, I feel like it's a dead giveaway. Hey, bitch, it says it on your Wikipedia page. It's like, oh yeah, that's Stephen Tyler. He comes to my house sometimes. Yeah, he feeds me. Sometimes he'll go to the kitchen and make it. sandwich it's weird. The story is that she had a poster of

Stephen Tyler in her room when she was grown up, which means that she used to fucking rub one out. Thing her one. She used to thing her one. She used to thing her one. She used to go she's to go thing her one or go thingy on her one.

Yeah, and then to her own father. Yeah. And now she's her, his daughter. Yeah. Now she's Elron's daughter. Exactly. And that was her way of begging for forgiveness from the universe.

She became one of the most chaste of beautiful races of all time and elf. The most beautiful elf of all time. Facts. The most pure of heart. Yeah. That's crazy, though. The whimsical elf. If your dad was a rock star.

My dad is. Really? Yeah, he's in Saxon. My dad's Saxon Your dad is Saxon Your dad is Saxon from Saxon Okay, that's sick That's sick as fuck, dude

Yeah, my dad's ACDC Yep That's true That's my dad Yeah My dad sings back in black Mm-hmm No, just like

I was gonna ask like Fuck, I don't remember I was just gonna ask What would you do if your dad was a rock star? Probably rock out with him. Probably shred. Probably learn how to fucking shred. Probably fucking fuck his groupies, too. Hey, if you're like my dad, you're going to like my young penis.

Do you like, like, Kevin Gates with his dog? What? Didn't Kevin Gates say that, like... My dad's not going to, like, make the girls fuck me. Kevin Gates said he was like, if you in my, if you're in my bed and you fucking sucking my dick, you gotta suck my dog's dick. And apparently he kicked a girl out of his house for that.

Yeah, it was a, dude, that is so fucking funny. It was a werewolf, like, from Twilight. Yeah, it's his werewolf, homie. Yeah, it was. Hot-ass Taylor Lautner. Exactly. Sitting there. And if you don't, if you're not going to fuck Taylor Lautner, if you're not

fucking the crew, especially with a haughty like that, you get better to get a fuck out of my bed. If you're not fucking, if you come over my place, you suck in my dick, you got to suck the wolfman's dick, you got to suck the mummy's dick, you got to suck Dracula's dick. You suck in a whole squad, dude. Yep. yeah you're in if you ain't sucking off the creature the black lagoon in my house in my

if you're i live at the black lagoon if you're not you got you gotta suck me you got suck flubber my number one homie and abbott and castello you got to figure out how to who's on first who's on my one calling it your one dude I think that's gonna catch on I think it's gonna be a it's gonna be a it's gonna be my one

that's where the number one comes out of that yeah you go number one out of that yeah it's gonna be called your number two is your number two I don't want to talk about that no that's nasty it's gonna be a number one winter well you have no it would be your number your butt would be your number three

because there's two under the one what there's two balls under the one penis why would your ass be number three though because that's behind it you only got one hold on i'll tell you Caleb i guess you do have three things there take a three in a butt hole yeah take the three right flip it on its side what does it look like it's a nine now what turn the three upside down it's a nine now you no it's a drake's song i was well the three upside down it's a three now Three upside down looks like butt cheeks. I turn the three upside down that's an E now.

He should have done that like 50 more times in that song. Yeah. Yeah. I turn the eye upside down. It's a line now. There needs to be more math. She thinging on my one and then I run my hand through her 10,000. That's her hair.

Silly you. Only God knows the number of hairs on a person's set. She's thinking on my one until I have four. What? Four isn't on my one until I have four. She's one hundred thing on my one. Oh, no, because four, four is because there's two balls and that's what they make. Wait, she's fiveing.

She's fiveing my one. Oh. Until I, Google how many sperms. She's a, she's 32ing. How many sperm is in a spray of sperm? 100 million per milliliter. No way. I have way less than that.

She's fiving my one till I'm 100 million. Oh, that's disgusting. I have way less sperm than that. Yeah. Yeah, I guess, yeah. I think I have one big one that shoots out. Until I, I, 30 million plus 70 million microplastics. I can feel the microplastics, dude.

I can see them in my cum because I have micro-eyed. yeah they're pink they look like the beads in a hand soap that they used to have remember they used to have that I really thought that was a good idea to just put pieces of plastic in hand stove yeah they put pieces of plastic in hand soap and then it would fuck up like fish yeah you just you'd fucking oh you'd bite into a fucking roll of sushi and you'd get just like plastic in your mouth so cool dude yeah such a genius imagining feet I think it's cool to put like a toothpick through a sandwich. Yeah.

It always gets stuck in your throat. That's right. Uh-huh. They put a fucking napkin on the side of your plate. It's like, okay, I'm gonna eat this. What I'm supposed to do with that? There's food on it.

Yeah. I'm gonna get the food off. These days, I might think the napkin might be cake or something. Honestly, the napkin, the napkins is one of the worst garnishes of all time. Definitely.

And when they fold it to look like a swan, I want swan. Yeah. I never taste of this before. Now I'm hungry for swath. Have they made Is there a swan burger? I'm so hungry for swan

I need swan Oh I need to get home I'm so hungry Oh my stomach I need to get home I need some swan I need swan so bad I need a swan sewer

I need to get home and butcher a flamingo I need emu I need jerk flamingo so bad Oh I need peacock I bet any one of those tastes pretty fucking good Yeah, they probably all taste like chicken

Yeah, birds are so good Oh, I need emperor penguin nuggets I heard penguins the one that doesn't taste good That makes sense? I looked up what penguin tastes like And I guess it tastes like It smells like shit and tastes like it too I guess it's like super oily

It says they taste like a piece of beef Odiferous codfish and a canvas baked duck roast together in a pot with blood and cod liver oil for sauce what they taste like the meat is smudge like pork

sweet succulent rich where did I read then you read it about that dukey penguin dude probably what it tastes like to eat penguin out of the trash was the alcohol

we at Vicerland or taking penguin meat out of the trash I feel like a penguin probably taste pretty good. I don't know. I don't know. I think it's too cold.

I mean, I've never touched a penguin, but it looks rubbery and disgusting. Yeah. I'm looking up Penguin Burger. I feel like Penguin would be hard to chew. Yeah. Especially if it was raw. Yeah, the feathers on. Well, you're not going to eat it raw.

Also, they're covered in oil, aren't they? You know, it might taste really good. Andy and Condor. You think, now, Condor is not. Any scavenger is not going to taste very good. Nah, dude, I think condor would taste amazing. I think some, yeah, some condor tenders. Condor wings?

Condor tendies. Look at, think about how big those wings are. Yeah, okay, okay. That's the biggest way in the world. If you put it in fucking any bird, if you cover it in garlic parmesan or hot honey will taste good. It's going to be good. That'd be like a wing the size of this fucking mic arm. Yeah.

You don't mind, man. Dude, that's, yes, I do. eat a flintstone-sized wing. A condor's way bigger than your mic arm. Really? Congars are fucking huge. Condors are like seven full wingspan. I'm so scared of big birds.

But I mean, who knows how much of that is actual wing meat? Dude, look at. Pat, I have a prehistoric animal for you look at. Oh, man. If you're afraid of big birds. This guy, dude. Oh, fuck, dude. The California condor, it's like, oh.

I really hate, I really hate this link right now. Okay. Am I going to be scared of this? It's a teradactyl the size of a giraffe. This doesn't scare me because it looks like it's made in a PlayStation 1. Look at the size comparison to a human. Okay. It's fucking, it's huge.

Oh, that is. No, no, as darked. That thing's weird. It's the largest flying animal, but they believed they were ground hunters. So they would run around and eat shit up. This thing could fly? Oh, fuck. Dude, he would run?

The size of fucking giraffe? Holy. Shit. Dude, a big bird like this shit, like, a big bird like this is so fucked up. I saw, like, a video of a, like, a bald eagle at the vet. And it was just like, it fucked me up realizing, like, how big a bald eagle is. Yeah. For the listeners, the, as dark it had a wingspan of 33 to 39 feet.

Oh, God. Oh, look at it. And it lived alongside humans in the garden. God, I fucking, you know what I hate, too? Looking at baby birds. Baby birds look. You sound sarcastic. You know, and I hate looking at baby birds.

You hate looking at baby birds. You only hate looking at the bird part, right? Yeah. What? I don't care. What? I hate baby birds. I hate looking at baby birds.

Yeah, you hate baby birds. Oh, I hate baby birds. Yeah. I hate when babies are birds. I hate when somebody tells me you're going to show me a baby and then they say a bird. Dude, the fucking, ugh. Oh. I'm just looking at pictures of baby birds now.

Stop retching and squatching and being weird when you look at a baby bird. A chick is cute, though. Like a little chicken. Condors have some serious cock face on them. Yeah. They got some cock and balls head. Holy shit. Condor face.

Oh, yeah. Wow. Serious fucking nuts and cocks and balls for their face. I hate big birds, but I do love a card. You hate big birds? I love one that'll change your mind. Yeah? Yeah.

You hate big birds so he turns out. I don't fucking know. Some fucking hippie piece of shit town. Yeah. Some liberal. Some liberal fucking echo school where they have a jammer. Muppet now. What the fuck is that?

Fucking college town. That's right. That's right. That's right. They got all these fucking stupid. It's liberal fucking preschool town. I'm so sick. I'm so sick of these motherfuckers.

I'm so sick of not living there. That's what you say, Put these signs up in front of their fucking restaurants and shit that say, today's letter is M. Fucking bullshit. Yeah. Singing to me about sharing.

I'm not sharing shit with you. Tell you what, there's a whole lot of America between San Francisco and Sesame Street. And a lot of the people in Washington seems like they forget that sometimes. Yeah. I would hate to live on Sesame Street, bro. Yeah.

Every day you wake up. Dude, you're trying to, there's fucking babies everywhere. That's not condor. That's suck, dude. Don't no adults at all. No, it's all with, it's all a famous actors. Dude, yeah, a famous actor comes to town and then. Starts talking to Mr. Hooper.

Yeah. Yo, I would, I would chill with Snuffy. You'd be, you chill with fucking, what's his name in the fucking toilet? or the track. Oscar? The green one. I was Oscar. Did I ever show you my Oscar to Grouch costume?

Was it similar to your Grinch costume where you chose a much too dark of a shade of green? No. Okay. It was light green. My mom did it. And what color were the lips? Brown. Look, that was...

And what do you do with your hair? That was a mistake. I didn't realize how dark that green was when I was the gritch. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. And you didn't realize how gold the chain was either. That was a big problem. For your costume.

Go ahead and make excuses. I don't think the green was that... I don't think the green was that dark. I think the only problem... You are losing your fucking mind if you don't think that you wore full blackface on Halloween. I didn't wear blackface. I was dressed up like the Grinch. There's photos of me as the Grinch.

You were blacked out Santa all the way. I was not black Santa for Halloween. You absolutely were. You were black Santa with Morgan Freeman Freckles. That you thought... Oh my God. What is it? What the fuck, dude?

A slime monster. Just came out of a face. No. Oh. Oh my God. That was so gross. Oh, my God.

That was insane. Where did you put it? Where did you put it? I just sucked it back up my nose. No. Oh, dude. It's going to come back later. For sure.

It's under his desk. It's under his chair right now. There's someone like, oh, fuck. Dude, I got to, hold on. We got to pause. I got to get a napkin. We can't pause. Just go.

We'll just keep talking about it. Holy shit, dude. That was insane. It was like, did you know? It was like blue. It was like perfectly blue. It's like when the fucking android dies an alien, he just sprays like milk everywhere.

Yeah. Yeah, no, he's definitely, like me and Cam have this theory that Pat's just going to get COVID every two weeks for the rest of the year. I think that's going to happen. I think he's back. I think this is round two. Yeah. I think this is hard proof.

This is hard proof that you have COVID again. I don't have COVID again. You do. No, I don't. You can't get it within, no. I can see the microbes. Yeah. I saw it in the slime.

I, uh, no, I did like a nasal spray thing. I think that's what it's been doing. You sprayed blue goo in your. fucking nose. Yeah. You spread flubber up there? Yeah. What's this file you're sharing?

This is my Oscar costume. Okay. Let's assess the color. Okay. Fine. See, it's, it's, it's, I think it was that shade of green. No. Are you, it was the shade of the eyebrows, maybe.

It was not the shade of the eye brown. I didn't wear black face on Halloween. You, I have, there's so much photographic proof. that you did I did not wear blackface on Halloween I was dressed up like the crinch Why did you not get a lighter green The Grinch is such a light green

I literally I went to the one Like I went to a place in my neighborhood And found a dollar tube Of green face paint and just put that on Hmm There's so many pictures of me And like hanging out in my apartment that

all we really need is one picture that shows how it looked in the bar lighting it doesn't matter how many that'd be so funny if like that comes out like people like try to like cancel me whatever for it I'm canceling you for it here's Patrick Dorrit

I have it right here I have right here I'm gonna do it I'm literally I have oh man No, no, that's green That is green

That is full green I'll text it to you right now So you can have it That is green It's straight up not Who am I with in that photo? Uh, I don't know I think it looks like a good

It's Jesse Oh, me and Jesse, okay But yeah, that's not green Looks like a good photo Is that a good photo of me and a friend It looks nice Super blurry and you're in You're in a brown grease paint

No, No, no, no. Stop, you clear, you have these moments of clarity. That's green. That's green. Bro, no. That is, that looks green, dude. No fucking way.

That looks green, then post it right now with no caption. It's way worse, by the way, that you didn't do your neck. You did a perfect circle over your face and the rest of your body's white. Yeah. Fuck you, man. Put it on Instagram right now. I did. There is a picture of me on my Instagram.

Put that one on Instagram right now. I don't have to do it. Halloween's over. You're like a deleted boss from Cuphead. Don't snort again. Please don't slide me again. I don't take it once. Oh, man.

All right. You guys want to do our beautiful list? Yeah, okay. Is there anything else important we have to talk about? Oh, by the way, I was going to come with a costume today. But I have COVID and I can't go to the costume store. So Patrick, you have kicked the can down the road just one more week. But I'm going to get you.

Yeah? I'm going to get you good. I can go outside. If you, no. You can't go outside. Yeah, I can. No. I can go by costume.

Right now. No, that's cheating, by the way, because we're going to have a war, and that's not how a war works. You can't cheat in a war. I can't because I just looked up the rules of war on Wikipedia, and it's one of the Geneva Conventions that you can't actually cheat. You can't cheat in an actual war. You can't call them that, Patrick. What? You can't say that.

You can't say that. Oh, my God. Stop. Stop. I'm sick of these Genevavers at my convention. Oh, my God. I was laughing to myself last night I was actually thinking about war

You were laughing at the war I was laughing about war You must be a psychopath The seagulls from finding Nemo But they're saying war, war Strife, strife Pain, pain, pain That was really getting me

Pretty good So I'm glad you reminded me of that. Okay, anyway, today's list. Top 10 Most Wanted Superpowers from L-9M-E. Line 9-me. Line-9-me. It's probably line-9-me. Yo, she-nining on my 1.

Line me, 9-me, get down on my 1 and make my spine creak. She-nining on my 1 because the wedding ring finger doesn't count. True. Is she not married tonight? Okay, number one is teleportation. This first person is very creative with the power of teleportation. If you could teleport yourself on other objects, it would be the most powerful power, in my opinion. Teleport sickness out of others' bodies, teleport heads off villains in a superhero villain world.

Teleport yourself out of bed, your clothes on, dirt off dirty things. It beats seeing the future because you don't need to if you are ready for anything. even someone with regenerative powers just teleport every atom into a star in our universe you could even see how big the universe is or if there are other dimensions by teleporting there this is however just hoping that you can also teleport other objects that's a good point

that's very liberal with the term teleport bro drop me into the fucking jumper universe and I'm gonna change NBA history forever he's teleported and he oh and Caleb Pitts comes with a beautiful teleportation dunk over LeBron James. Only teleported into LeBron's body, and he made him explode. Do you think they would make a...

LeBron James' brains and entrails are all over Madison Square Garden. Oh, God. A little bit of my mouth. You would play... You'd be playing for the Knicks? Yeah. I'm New York near Pride, bro. I would just teleport...

I'll just teleport... Fuck the Nets. It's over and over and over and over, like, 100 times a second. Yeah. You get to do what? I teleport to a million times a second, just go very fast and just the ball back and forth. I also, if you could teleport objects, teleport to the ball. I'd teleport to Disney World. I'd teleport the ball. I'd score one point on a free throw.

I'd miss the second one. Then I'd teleport the ball into my stomach. Oh, I don't know where the ball went. Oh, me? Oh, I don't know. I've always been this fat. I'm the pregnant. I guess you just had to wait for that time to run out. Oh, no, my baby's being born, and then teleport a random baby. maybe from the hospital onto the court. Oh, no, it was twins. Now we have two. Now I'm just wasting time.

Yeah. But yeah, I think teleportation, the obvious move is to go sports, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. I mean, I would teleport. I'd teleport to the front of the line.

Yeah, at the line store. At the queue. Here's a comment from Master. hand. I would definitely want this. I can go anywhere without having to spend five hours just to get to my destination. This guy takes five hours to go anywhere. Okay. Wait, this is five hours to go to the grocery stores. This is good. Okay. Would you, would? Would you rather have travel as it is now, you know, where different things take different lengths of time? Or teleportation. Or it takes two hours to get anywhere in the world. Two hours to get anywhere. Okay, does that count like?

If I want to, like, step, take one step. No, no, no, if you're going from city to, or not city, if you're going, if you're leaving your neighborhood, it takes two hours. Okay, my neighborhood's the whole world, because I'm a, I'm a world. You're not, you're not a world citizen, you're not a citizen of the world. I would be in this world. No, in this, in this world, you're explicitly, as the god of this world, by the way, I'm God in this universe.

Okay, I would not want to live there. You would be, you'd be lucky if I was your God, by the way. You'd be very lucky, because I'd take good care of you, because I'd take good care of you, because you're my friend. Lucky in the way that people who get struck by lightning are lucky. No, thanks. No, lucky in the way that, like,

50-year-old guys who hook up with 18-year-olds say that they got last night. That kind of lucky. So you are going to get seriously lucky if you let me be God. Lucky like the first guy who dies from 5G. No, thanks. No, I'm not talking. It's going to be, it's going to be one of us. 5G, first guys?

I think it could be me. You might be 5G. You might be completely 5G at this point. Yeah, there's nobody in this world who has more artificial things sitting in his body than you. Yeah. Thank you for saying that.

Welcome. So you're not going to answer my hypothetical then. You're just going to complain about me being God? No, Patrick, you can answer. I already answered. What'd you say? I said two hours. You take the two hours thing?

Really? Yeah. I feel like that's cool, man. You could split your time between here and Seoul. Yeah. Oh my God, are you kidding me? Dude, if I wanted to go to a Korean Costco. Oh, man.

I go to India. You got some crazy shit. I come back. You go to that. I can bring Yomi and say tummy back to my house. We're like, Pat, where have you been? He walks in with 50 bags from Hitler men's clothing. He's like, ah, just shopping.

I just went shopping. Bring stuff. Dude, are you kidding me? I would, that would be so funny. What do you mean? What if you bring stuff with you? I go to, I go to Yomi's who tell me I bring the whole restaurant back and I put it in my neighborhood. It doesn't take me two hours to get there anymore.

Okay. Even if I'm carrying something, it'll still take me two hours, so I'll just carry the whole restaurant. Here's, you know what? If I'm your God, I might, I might make it so you have super strength and you're able to pick up a restaurant. But if you don't accept me as your God in this, then you're fucked, honestly. Okay, I definitely accept you as my God Okay, first thing I do I definitely do

Make camera to girl, make camera to girl Make camera to girl, make camera to girl Yes And we're doing one to one recreation Of the book of Job with you It's going to be the book of Cameron And I'm going to punish you And I'm going to kill your child

I would kill myself first tribulation Really? I might, yeah, I'd lose my keys And I'm out of the window Oh, I must be the new Job I'm going to go and kill myself Yeah. Is there any other good comments on this one?

I could visit every single tourist attraction in one summer. Wow, that guy's a serious tourist. Yeah. That guy takes a tourist seriously. I would visit every single tourist attraction. In one summer, not even like a week. Oh, here's a whole summer. Here's a comment here.

Can't go and come back. True. That is what teleports. White, this power, you can do anything. Cool, yay. Yeah. Nightcrawler jumper or that book about jaunts. True.

Dude, I love night crawler is the best. I love night crawler. Night crawler's cool. The blue guy? Yeah. I wouldn't recommend you dress up as him, though. Why? I thought it was blue.

Guys, I thought it was a dark, dark blue. Yeah, he is dark blue. Yeah. That's you. Damn, I can never be Nightcrawler, huh? No. Number two, you really, you really brought down my energy just now. I'm sorry, you could be a night crawler.

This will bring you back up. This will bring you back up. I'm in like, like, completely, like I look more like a mime than night crawler. I'm like, no, I'm white crawler. Yeah. I'm scared. I'm scared of what would happen. No, I'm a white baller.

Damn. Damn. Yep. Did you just slime again? I did. Stop sliming. I put this like nasal decongestion in my nose, this like aphrine stuff. And yeah, no, it's been cleaning me out.

I'm getting slime. You know what I've been doing to battle my COVID-19? I've literally been eating candy that I can't taste at all. And I've just been eating tons of candy because I got a big bag. You got the no taste? I just, I can taste it a little bit. You've been had no taste. Oh, shit.

Shit. Damn. Who? Fuck. Fuck. Mm-hmm. True. I've great taste. I didn't get the no-taste thing.

My taste is like, I wouldn't say I have no taste, but it's definitely let, it's, it's muted. So, today I ate like 15 Reese's pieces and wreathy pieces. That's, wait, that's not very much. It's just a handful. Yeah. It was just a handful. That's a small amount. I thought you're supposed to eat like one.

What are you talking about? I get, no, I know, I get the individually packaged one. I get the individually packaged one as a, they all come in a little box, you open the box, they're twist-grap. The individual package, Reese's pieces? Yeah. I just get, I want at a time, so I had 15 today.

It's just like, you know, when you get like the, um, the, the, the Advil from the book, like the, like the, the, The one thing, the two of them. It's just one recent pieces. Yeah, my stomach was hurting last night because I had seven grains of fun dip. Oh, my God, my stomach, I'm having a, I had a pop rock. Yeah. Imagine flying over everything and seeing everyone super tiny down below, and yet you are up high doing your own thing.

You would feel so good and free. Flight is A, M-A-Z-I-N-G. Flying is the best superpower, and no one can argue. with that. Fun kind of transportation and helpful for certain situations. I believe I can fly. Ever since I was little, I have dreamed of creating a device to make us fly.

What does this comment mean? Poscow Dodo Kendo's Poscow Dodo's Kendo's was the way I can get the one room to get my baby. True. Who is a... Postco Dodo. Here's a comment. Flight is a born savage.

True. I can fly to not get bullied. That's sad They'd get bullied way harder If they were the one kid in school Who was flying Yeah What's up you fucking flying ass

Pussy bitch Yeah haters at school would see you fly And say this kid can't take the bus True Yeah That's right This guy's too good for the bus

That's right His mom don't have a car That's why he needs to fly to school His mom don't have a car Dan teachers should probably say Like get your head out of the clouds Come back to Earth Hmm

Hmm. Yeah. And people online would probably bully you and say touch grass. Yep. Touch grass with your feet. You can't. You're levitating. Yep.

Plus, the football team would probably fuck you if you were, if they caught you. Probably turn you out. Yeah. Probably fuck you out of your sandals. Yeah, they fuck you silly, probably. Probably fuck you to death. They might corner you in the locker room and, like, I don't even.

want to go there yeah yeah that would suck so bad let's just say it includes ones and twos yeah right yeah there's gonna be a thing on your one yeah and unfortunately a 65 oh oh sorry number three is telekinesis what telekinesis telekinesis telekinesis species yeah i think okay okay two, these two battle it out in my superpowers, I think. Flight and telekinesis? No, no, no, no. Teleportation

and telecanesis. You don't want time control? Hmm. Time control. Listen to me. Time control. It's too much temptation to do crime and shit.

You can do anything because you can make yourself stop motion into doing that power. That is kind of true. If you want to breathe fire, you stop time, and you put some fire in front of your mouth. And you start it again. You breathe fire.

I guess. think about it i would get scared if i had time control i would be scared that i would do time control stopping and then i would maybe like accidentally kill myself like fall off a bridge or something yeah and then time would just be paused forever yeah that'd be kind of scary right you worry about getting paused forever that's crazy to think about yeah i know yeah that's some real shit that's some fucking isa gassimov shit i wouldn't do i wouldn't do time control because um I don't want to, I don't want to waste any time on anybody else's time, you know? I don't want to, just think about everyone else.

Oh my God, if you were in for, if you were in charge of time, kill me, man. Yeah. I don't want to, for you to be, I mean, it would be horrible, man. You just fast forward every 10 minutes. Like, because you got bored. Yeah. Everybody would be like, this is a bad 10 minutes. Yeah.

Yeah. Here's a long confidence. I know this one. about telekinesis, if you really think about a telekinesis would be considered to be one of the most destructive superpower you could have. Let's say if you are somewhere surrounded by people and your nemesis is in the same room with you, you could inflect pain upon your nemesis by using your power and move things around. You can move and item towards that person and he, she can trip or you cold make something fall on top of them. And the best part is that no one can see you doing it. If you wear among for the kill, you can just move an random object and keep

hitting the person until they die. Also, it is also good for stealing things. You can just move the things towards you, and then you can claim that item as yours. It also good for defense, too. You can just move and object around you quickly so that no one can come through you. It also save you from doing the bloody job. Like if you want to cut a carrot, but you are afraid to risk your hand. There are many stuff you can do with telekinesis, including conjuring water, freezing ice, and et cetera. The bloody job? Yeah, cutting a carrot. Oh. What is the bloody job? Like if you want to cut a carrot, but you you are a free ad to risk your hand.

The bloody job. That's the bloody job. If I was a free ad to risk my hand, I'd wear a glove. I would use my telekinesis power. Yeah. That's true. It's basically just like the force if you think about it. Now do you like it, Pat?

Whoa. Okay. I can get stuff with my mind if my arms are weak. True. I would just feel like if I had telekinesis, I'd probably pretty, quickly reached six, seven hundred pounds. Yeah, that's true. It'd be no reason for me to ever fucking move.

You could remove the food out of your stomach without having to throw up. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. That's a good point. Yeah, I guess so. But I wouldn't do that. No, of course, I would be...

No. If I had the chance to be 700 pounds, I would... I would do it. If I could just skip directly to 700 pounds right now... You would do it? I feel like I would do it. I think it's the in-between stages. That's the issue.

for one day. Yeah. You know? What, be 700 pounds for one day? I just want to prove to people who are 700 pounds that you can actually walk around still. Like, I just want to, like, kind of rub it in their face. Like, be 700 pounds for one day, immediately be, like, the most fit 700-pound guy at all time. If I was 700 pounds for one day, you know my ass rolling down a big hill.

I'm rolling you down the big hill if you were 700 pounds for one. And you're also 700 pounds. What if, like, it's all three of us and we're 700 pounds and we're playing with a stick of butter together? That might be good if, like, all three of us got, like, really, really fat. Like, insanely. Like, I feel like we would pretty quickly have, like, a comedy central 15-minute sketch. What if you guys become, like, 700 pounds, and I become, like, 50 pounds? Yeah.

We took all of Cameron's weight. You should be one of those guys who, like, loses every part of your body except for, like, your head and, like, half of your torso. Yeah. Yeah, and we're two 700-pound guys who just carry you around, like, a backpack. Yeah, like, we have a travel show. Yeah. Thunderdome. I was singing about that.

When you got nothing like that, you might as well just be like a slice of bread. Yeah, absolutely. Might as well be like a paper bag at that point. You put food in there. I mean, if you can't. If you were just a torso. There's guys who were just torsos. I'm going to search up just torso, man.

It's one by Metallica. They invented it. Yeah. Isn't that, yeah. Wait, is that what one is about? Yeah. I thought it was about a guy, a fan that killed himself. What?

I thought that one... I think of Stan? By Eminem. I thought it was a Metallica fan who killed himself. Imagine me in this guy. Let me take a look at this fellow. Let's see here. That guy is not much.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, good for him. He's, like, wrestling and shit. Yeah. That's sick. It's cool when, like, someone's, like, like, half a torso or whatever,

and then they, like, are, like, there's, uh, what's his name? I mean, because it's cool because he's trying really hard when he, he might as well as to be a plant. Like, he doesn't have to do all this trying hard shit. Oh, Felipe, Felipe Nunez. Felipe Nunez. What about it?

Sick. Felipe Nunea is sick as fuck Is he a skater? He's a skater with no legs Alright, I'm looking at him and he has legs They're just very small Well Hold on, does he have legs?

Yeah No I'm looking at him right now He has legs Oh, he does have little legs What? Oh, and here he has big legs Oh man, this guy's faking it

I think he's faking it I think he's just faking the whole thing He's got legs under there Number four is invisibility Here's a comment Invisibility would be fun I love being invisible Can be good at hide and seek

Imagine you've been You've had the power to go invisible For like years And you're like you're keeping it a secret Like the CIA is after you They finally catch you because they trace your IP because you posted on the top tens.

I love being in a video. We need you. We need you to be a spy. I would just go invisible in that situation too. True. When would you guys pull out your invisibility? Cutting in line?

All the time. Yeah. That'd be really good for cutting in line. Wouldn't the teleportation be better for cutting? No, because then people would see you teleport to the front of the line. People would still see you teleport to the front of the line

and freak the fuck out at you. So you think that if you're invisible and you cut in line, people would just hold the empty space that you were standing in in the line? Yeah, I think so. It'd be funny if you're invisible, you only cut like three people ahead,

like, you know, just walk in. Yeah, well, yeah, I would just go straight. I'd go right into wherever I was going. And then I'd, you know what I'd do? I'd walk to the front of the line. I'd walk into the bathroom, invisible, and then I'd come out of the bathroom. Mm-hmm.

I'd be like, oh, I was checked. What if all the stalls are taken? There's a line for the stalls. Then I would just open the door. I'd pick something up and pretend to be a ghost and scare everyone out. That's pretty good. And then after there, yeah, and then you'd walk out and say, there was a ghost in there?

That's the thing. I think invisibility, there's two ways to cut a line here. I think teleportation is the one that people will get mad at you for because, like, yes, you're cutting the line, but, like, they can see you teleport from the back to the front, but, like, invisibility, you can just get rid of the line by becoming a ghost. Oh.

Yeah. That's another good power. Like, scaring. Scared. Because invisibility is, is, the second, if you're invisible, you have two powers, which is the power, yeah. It's the two powers that you have. You have invisibility, then the power, the fright.

And then also third power, uh, lined, destruction. Third power. Line destruction. Fourth power toilet paper suit. Toilipaper suit. That's part of fright.

Is that, okay. Yeah, because that's a mummy. So that falls under fright. Yeah. All right. If you're the Invisible Man under the mummy suit. The Invisible Man wore a mummy suit in the movie.

Remember he wrapped himself up With those bandages They should have called that fucking movie The mummy He was the cool mummy He was just wrapped up in bandages With sunglasses on True

That was his shit He saw the mummy He thought I'm gonna go cooler Number five is immortality Is this a You know the question is Is this a power or a curse That's a curse

Because if you're immortal But you're like aging I ask myself that question About everything that happens to me in daily life Is this a power? myself a sandwich, I think it's just a power or a car. Going to the bathroom. We'll find out. Yeah. Going to the bathroom, kind of

a little both, depending on the day. Yeah. Oh, screw off, naysayers. I think that immortality rocks a long invincibility. Besides, who wants to be weak and mortal? Okay, the devil. Yeah. Okay, the devil. Here's another comment.

It is the best. That's the same guy. He's invisible and fucking immortal. If I was immortal, I don't think I'd have a good time. Here's a comment. It would be useful to a chicken. True. That is true.

Chicken's a pretty short lifespans, I guess. Yeah, that is true. Number six, predicting the future. I wouldn't want this. This comment. See if I get a beard. I mean, this is. It's useful pretty much only for the lottery, right?

Yeah. Like, everything else is like, you're kind of like, you don't really want to know. Yeah, definitely. Oh, are you kidding me? Here's another good comment. Imagine knowing what comes next at any time or in any time zone. If I could predict the future, I'd see who my spouse was, and then I would immediately... I would see who your spouse was and marry them.

Yeah, I'd seduce them instantly. I'd see who my spouse was, and then immediately... play a trick on them because then it's like, well, I know that you're going to be my spouse in the future, but I do you know. You want to start a relationship founded on deceit and cruelty. You'd rather

like kind of subdue someone into marrying you with tricks. You didn't trap them more than like... I didn't think this out of. This relationship is founded on tricks. I'm doing it. I'm doing a jester thing. What? Number seven.

Shapeshift. Shape-shifting. Okay, shape-shifting maybe is a third place for me. I think it's like teleportation, telekinesis, and then shape-shifting. Because then I could just be, yeah. You want to just be Kirby. It would just be cool. You want to just become Kirby. You want to just turn into like a monster or something.

That would be tight. I'd give myself two huge boobs if I was bored. Disguise yourself as a sexy girl would be a great choice, but I prefer disguise as a president so that I can fix this poor country. I left that comment. You better. That's actually pretty good. That is really, yeah. It would be awesome.

I love animals, and it would be cool to be able to become one. Someday, if I'm rich enough, I'll hire a scientist to make a vaccination or something to give me the power of shape-shifting. When I was a little kid, I was convinced, like, that I had this, I had this, like, this, like, necklace. I got it, like, a swap meat that had, like, a little piece of, like, blue stone in it. I was convinced that it was going to give you superpowers. and so it's sit in my bed for like an hour a day just like trying to turn into an animal it never worked though I just put it on I just sit there and be like it's time to become beast boy for me nights right now I wanted to be beast boy so bad oh he was so sick

he's the coolest one here's a here's a comment a bug enough said that would suck to turn into a bug for one second just immediately gets spoiled dude yeah you're a fly and you get the fucking shit kicked out of you or you like because they they have such short lifespan you like turn back to being a person you're 15 years older yeah that suck dude uh whilst i love what i am sometimes i wish i was human damn holy shit damn that guy's a bug that was a bug that was a fly jumping on keys yeah Uh, could you halfway shape-shift stuff? It would be awesome to go to school with a fluffy prehensile tail and giant wings, please.

Plus, you could shape-shift yourself so you have more powers. True. True. True. Okay. Number eight, super speed. What do you guys think? I think teleportation is just better.

Yeah, in every way. Yeah, super speed is worse in every single way. Definitely. I can't even think of one upside. I don't know. I think maybe super speed would be kind of cool. No, it's worse than teleportation.

Okay, you're right. It's worse than teleportation. Yep. Well, all right, what could you do? I mean, like, I guess if you had a job. If you were like... All right, it's better than teleportation now. Okay, number nine.

No. No, if you had a job as like, if you were like... All right, it's worse. If you worked at UPS or something, and you had to like do something. stuff like we like you had a package shit all day well is it speed manipulation or super speed what what explain to me what you think the difference between those two things are like like okay so caleb's positing the question here if you worked at uPS what got into you in the last 30

seconds you're you're positing the question if if you worked for uPS do you mean usPS or uPS because whoa like you're driving you're driving a truck for uPS And that's what I mean by speed manipulation. You would have to manipulate the car, not like... I was thinking you could still drive a truck. Well, yeah, but, like, I'm talking about, like, a U.S.PS guy in, like, a neighborhood. Like, you see them, like, walking around here at the carts. I'm talking about the carts guys.

The guys with the carts. Still can drive a truck. Yeah, they can still drive a truck, but it's speed manipulation when you're driving... I feel like I've been violent. I know what you're talking about now. You have completely hijacked my hypothetical and in general. words that make no sense and turned it about it's a now it's about your mailman what are you doing to my question i'm gonna i'm trying to kill my mailman i'm skipping my question now i'm so

upset i don't even want to hear the answer super speed sucks we're moving on number nine time manipulation oh is this where you got the speed manipulation thing from no it is it's not you You looked at this and you were like, I'm going to combine the two. No, he was thinking about the other manipulations he's doing to people. Yeah. Why do you do that? You're a manipulator. I didn't do anything.

You talked about you're going to manipulate your future bride. I'm not going to do that. You said that. You said, I'm going to manipulate her. You said, I'm a regular Robert Durst. Yeah. Time manipulation. It should just say time travel.

That just means, like. slow and slow it up and speed it down and pause it and play it yeah okay so this is click subtitles on yeah this is click yeah that is click i will say click remote might be my number one yeah click remote would be sick click remote you can do pretty much whatever you want i mean yeah it was awesome in the movie he farted on girls boobs he fucking he would uh take a shit on his boss's He farted in David Hasselhoff's mouth. Yeah, he would rewind and press play when the girls jumping boobies were running and jumping. And, I mean, I feel like I'm very much, I'm probably not anything like the real Adam Sandler, but I'm a lot like his characters.

And so I feel like that appeals to me a lot. Here's a comment that's very mysterious. I could go back in time so the list I regret making was never made, and I could time travel to June 20. What's on June 29th? Whoa. What's on June 29th? I don't know. Let me Google.

This guy's a sear. June 29th. June 29th. June 29th. It's Colin Joe's birthday. What are you going to? That was Colin Joe's who left that comment. He loves his birthday.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. June 29th, 2012. Day Ted was really used. Oh, my God. June 29th, 2001, Pouti Tang. Wow. That's a, speaking of,

re-watch that and my parents on Christmas, that's a perfect movie. How can you steal powers with this? Nobody's saying you can steal powers. Whoa, hold on. Number 13, released in 2018, the movie, Patrick. Oh, my God. You're in trouble.

This guy's going to find you. Number 10 is super strength. Pretty lame. I already have this pretty much, so it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, I got this by earning it in the gym, right? With G fuel. So, it's not, I would never ask for this power.

Here's a bunch of comments, consecutive comments. I can lift heavy stuff. I cold lift a building. You could punch planets. You could eat turtles. Give me the power of devils. That kid needs his internet Prover just taking away

Boy needs net nanny, bad Number 11, mind control Random website is supposed to give me the power of the devil. I need to be the devil Make me the devil now. The kids are not like looking at like port or like ISIS execution videos He's just putting up

He's on the devil. I must be the devil. I have to become the devil, please. Give me devil power. So the contenders, we have mind control. Mind control, I think, would freak me out too much. Yeah, I would not.

Here's a comment. I'm going to go jump off the Golden Gate Bridge now. What the hell? That's on mind control. That's somebody's suicide note on the top tens. I control you. You're now a pig.

I don't think that's how that works Number 13 Super Healing So if my bro beats me up again Then healing powers is the best Then I could heal my friend Ellie Who currently has cancer Oh

Oh Don't let the devil see that one Don't worry Ellie I'm getting the power of devils To get super healing And I will save you And then I will send you to hell Dude, the power is the devil's superhearing.

That's not good. Healing for the devil is hurting. True. Number 14, intangibility. Yep. Wow. Number 15, superintelligence. Again, I already have it.

I would take a super intelligence bill. Number 17, this is pretty low for this one. Number 17 is omnipotence. Wow. You would essentially be Bruce Almighty. I think I'm nip in it, I think. Bruce Almighty. Yeah, Jim.

Number 19, mind reading. I would love to have this power because then I would know why my dad is always so mad at me. I would hate mind reading. Are you kidding me? Yeah, that would suck. Dude, that'd be the worst one. Appendage generation. It's just me walking around, like, hearing everybody's thoughts.

I'm going to hear them, like, talking about. about me or something and they're all just saying bald, bald, bald, bald over and over again. It's all I hear. Number 24 is X-ray vision. You can see girls' boobs and footsies. Hell, you can see girls' footsies in the summertime. They're wearing them damn flip-flops. Omnilingualism.

Mm-hmm. Shrinking ability. Magic? A smaller you means a bigger world that's ripe for exploration. number 34 or 35 make anyone love you true yeah that there's a comment here are you a bit messed in the brain you could do that and much more with that useful nun sad loner style power number 39 summoning levitation that would be pretty good vision replication yeah i don't know what that means sensing death freeze ray just like grew from despicable me Nihilichenesis And then number 53 The last one

Concussion Blasts Dude, I would do concussion blasts Yeah You've already been blasted With plenty of concussions I'm sure Yeah Okay Okay

Oh wait, can I plug Can I plug this something? Oh yeah Yeah Me and Kai started a podcast About monsters If you like monsters You should listen to it's called Monster Crazy

Don't listen to it Only listen to this one Only listen to this one. But if you like monsters, you shouldn't. And you don't listen to his traitor podcast. When does it come out? It's out. Oh, my God.

It's out today. I listen to it. All right. Listen to this. And then I had to record this fucking shit. Yeah, I said, I'm not done. I didn't even finish listening to it yet. I wanted to listen to it more.

Pray for me because of the sick I am. And don't pray for Caleb. Yeah. Nope. No. Go to Caleb's house and make him sicker. I do have the devil in me. Which is why you should pray for me, because otherwise I'll revenge you.

If you're sick right now, you have a free pass to go on the train, go to Caleb's house, and sneeze in his mouth. I'm going to put a clit on you. Caleb's address is... I'm going to twist one part of your body so many times that it turns into a real sensitive clit, and I'm going to flick it to death. Yeah, Pat, so keep talking, buddy. See what happens. So I'd have a clit? Yep, but I'm going to put it somewhere really inconvenient. You will never be able to find it.

I'm going to put... Hell, I already can't. Clit on that one part of your back that you can't reach. Ah. Yeah. Rats. Good luck, buddy. Bye.

I'd love to go down on my thing.