Podcast About List - Ep. 183 - Licensed Child Videographer Mace Windu (w. Patches)

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

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Come in, come in, come in, and we see a butt. All accounts to the ball list. Every crap monster. All right. Let's unlock a premium. Yeah, let's just unlock an episode and say it during this one. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. This has been a little intro to the Unlocked episode, which will start now.

Now. Now. Sorry, I'm new. Yeah, this is, Caleb's not here today. Caleb's very, very sick. He has a new type of COVID where his butt can't breathe because his underwear is too tight. He was in Boston and he ate like the shell of a point. Yeah, like a two-week-old lobster roll. Oh, yeah, dude.

I love this. That's your Caleb voice? Oh, yeah, man. I love eating lobster rolls. My name is Caleb. Yeah, we got patches with us. That's a really funny. My name is Caleb.

How are y'all doing? It's me, Caleb Pitch. I'm Caleb. I'm Caleb. It's me, Caleb Pitch. I just love having diarrhea. I'm not recording. Oh, it's my favorite.

I love eating doo-doo. I got diarrhea. You know how? Eating my own poop. I'll be pooping from the front and throwing up from the back. Everything's all backwards where I'm from. That's right. I live in a swimming pool.

I live in a swimming pool. I'm supposed to live in a swimming pool, but I'm not allowed to go in because I have active diarrhea. My landlord makes me sit outside. Yeah, my Caleb voice is, it's just if you live below, like, the 40th latitude to me, you're just immediately. Of course. Oh, really, well, you know, good, yeah, does that sound good or bad? Yeah, you immediately sound like you suck your, you got a dick and you're whatever. You got to be in your mouth.

Yep. I was also in Boston over the weekend. I didn't get to go. Well, I was waiting, while me and my girlfriend were waiting for the Amtrak in South Station, we were sitting down at like a table by the like Obampan. The what? The Obampan. Oban Pan?

Are you familiar? Albon pain. The Oban Pan? You mean Aubon Payne? You mean Albon Pan? Oh, I forgot it's Boston. Yeah, the Albampagne. Yeah, you can't call.

You can't speak French around people. We were sitting next to a middle-aged couple who was on, like, a date. Yeah. Like, in South Station? That's pretty good. There's nothing there. Dude, it was so fucking funny. Well, let's take you just look into their eyes.

Yeah, they were having a conversation. This was like one of the best Boston guys ever. So on a date and South Station, you have to imagine it was his idea because the woman seemed pretty normal, but he was like terminally Boston. And at one point, at one point, at one. They know me down there. They know me at the tavern and the square. Yeah, exactly.

At one point, she was like, she said something about, like, having epilepsy. And he was like, epilepsy, what's that? What's epilepsy? And she was like, well, I haven't had a seizure in a long time, but epilepsy is like when you have seizures. And he's like, oh, a seizure. So what, do you see a vision or something? Get the fuck out of here. I siege you over there.

I see you over here. Like, what the thing? It was so fucking funny, dude, I couldn't get over it. I love dudes who, like, talk like that where, where they're like, when they ask questions, it's always at you. Yeah. It's like, it's like, Cesar's, what are you doing? Yeah.

It's like, I don't, what did I do? I don't think of it. Why are you mad at me? I can't control that about himself. He was, he was so fucking good. He, then they were talking about, like, like, like, religion and stuff. And, of course, he was saying, like, yeah, I was raised super Catholic. I'm super Catholic.

And then, and then she started, like, saying something about the Bible. I don't remember how they got on the topic. He's something about like healing lepers being in the Bible or something, right? And he's like, oh, I don't know about any of that stuff. I just have an adventure book. That's so fucking sick. Oh, my God. So cool, dude.

He also told him that he got into Harvard on a full scholarship for sports. Yeah. Oh, my God. No. That's what he said. No, Big Poppy, sign my adventure Bible. You want to take a look at that. He was so fucking sick, dude.

Like of you at this, you know, with your girlfriend, just listening to this conversation, like, you're back completely away from her and just like, it's like, no, this is sort of what I'm doing here, right? Well, it was, it was literally so. You're like you have a newspaper, like you're spying on the date. It was, it was even more awkward than that because we were sitting, like, me and my girlfriend were sitting across from each other at the table and then on the chair next to us, they were sitting across from each other. Oh, yeah. So we were, and we were not, we were not talking at all because we were both. just listening intently to this conversation completely.

So we were just looking at each other and every once in a while just looking at the people and looking back at each other. Yeah, kind of like, like, yeah, like peeking up from behind the luggage to be like, oh, my God. Because at one point she also started talking, they had a crazy conversation. It was a crazy date conversation. I wonder if they met at South Station. Like, I wonder if this is like an internet thing. I couldn't tell if they were like, went there on a date or if they like met and like, he just started like, he crawled out from underneath South Station. Yeah.

At some point. a girl at one point she also started talking about and frank's diary and how like it was like edited out that she was gay or whatever oh yeah the guy got really quiet you're just like a lot of things i want to say about that but i'm not going to say him you're just like yeah everything else he was jumping to interrupt her to say his thing now you're just like hmm yeah yeah that's gross She was like Portuguese. What is just like anything, anything to change the topic. Who that?

God bless him. Who's that? Yeah, who's that? And Frank? She has seizures. Who is that? Who is that? Maybe that's why I just didn't know who she was.

Or he like in his, he's like, oh, and Frank. Oh, and a blind one. A blind one. A blind one. Oh, the one who picked up the iron hair. That's the, uh, underground railroad. right he's just like sitting here like all those slavers or something did i go to school with her do we both know her like oh yeah oh sister and frank sister had frank yeah she hit me with a ruler

great ass no offense yeah she used to whack my fucking hands with a ruler oh that's so i would we've definitely talked about it before it's so funny that like every fucking townie in boston has some story about just like Oh yeah The harshest abuse ever fucking Like ever fucking like Done to a child By just some

It's always like They always went to us They always went to a school That's called like Yeah like like Like our lady of the afflicted By the faith And they had the story

That they were like They were like they're Like they're the nun like Slice them with razor blades Or something And they're like Yeah but it was fine Because we pranked it back

Yeah Yeah we put a thumbtack Under a chair Yeah We covered the chalk and paint So it propelled us on the blackboard It's it's uh there there was like a I forgot like a little while ago

There was like this massive article just about like About like nuns This like one particular parish Yeah there's like this massive article They made a movie about it Yeah it was apparently a bunch of Catholic priests Yeah doing something weird They made a game about it too

I think Jackbox made a game about it Yeah Yeah, what was it called? Spotlight the game. But it was a story about these nuns just like, it opens with like, I never finish it. I was like, this is too fucking long, but it opens with like, like, Sister Mary Margaret Mathis, you know, like tosses the child out of the window and like, like, like, it's talking about from the perspective of somebody else seeing a child fly out of a nun or. or like something like fucking school and then like just seeing like

a nun in the window and then like a nun not like just moving out of the way it's just like it's like a horror movie John Wick is to is to like us as Mrs. Trunchpole is to a nun that's like that's their like success win idol

yeah nuns watching like a real recut, Matilda, where she just, like, crushes. It's like, Matilda. They have their Pinterest is all just pictures of the chokie. It's like, it's like Matilda recut, but then, like, the other scenes, like, anything that happens to, like, a kid is, like, some scene from, like, funny games or something.

Yeah, it's just like, yeah, yeah, get him again. Tie him again. Yeah, feed him the cake. It's crazy. They made that kid eat so much food. Yeah. Damn. That, honestly.

They should have done that to Bruce. Yeah, that was fucked up, what they did to him. That cake looks so fucking good. They wanted that cake really bad. Oh, my God. I think about that cake every time that I like... That's probably the best of cake has ever looked in the movie. That's, I hate cake.

That's the best of cake has ever looked. Every time I see a cake, I want to eat that cake. I have to imagine I'm eating that cake to eat the cake. You walk into a bakery and just have like an episode. That's a beautiful metaphor for porn addiction in this picture. Yeah, every time I have sex, I just hope it's that cake. Turns out it's... I was hope it's mistrunchful.

Did you know that cake is a lie? What? True. Wait, is it actually? Did you know that that cake is a lie? I don't... I never played Portal, which is a huge blind spot for me. I heard they actually killed all the kids on Matilda's on the set.

They did. The real kid that died of Matilda died. I heard they actually threw that kid out the window by our pigtails. No shit. Yeah. I heard it was, like, actually a really fucked-up set. You know, that's because the kids don't have unions. They don't have kid unions.

It's a problem. Man, hold on. Going back, that cake and portal also looked damn. The cake and portal looked good, too. That's the best of cake has ever looked in the video games. We're going to rank. We're going to talk about cakes. All right.

Yeah. What other cakes are there? I mean, wedding cakes always look good. The wedding cake that someone ruins. No, wedding cakes, I can't eat all that. I feel like wedding cakes always look good, but I feel like they're not. You're not supposed to eat at all. You're animal brain.

How am I supposed to eat this? I got to eat the whole. whole thing. Well, thank God I got his wife to help me finish it. You walking into McDonald's and looking

up the menu and starting to cry because you think you have to eat everything. I can't eat all that shit. Can I just get one thing? Am I allowed

to just get one thing? Looking at the McDonald's menu and being like, ah, 12 course meal. This is all, this is all prefix, right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be like, okay? All right, here's my money, okay? Okay. How much does it cost to buy the whole McDonald's menu? I'm sure that I could find that on Google right now.

That's so true. Well, I mean, I'm sure it's like... Or we can stop the episode. Pause and then do the math. Do that, do that, and then come back and try to record after doing that. Yeah. We eat the whole McDonald's menu. We bring the whole McDonald's menu back.

I feel like if I was ever I feel like I would fast for a week to do that To eat the whole McDonald's well no because if you fast for a week your stomach's going to get smaller Okay so in in 27 special thing In 2017 in May 2017 the answer was $194 and 90 cents That's fucking Biden's inflation yeah go on how much is it now I don't know that's just the most that's That is way less than I thought it would be. It was $194.

I thought that buying the whole McDonald's menu would cost like $2,000. In my brain. What the fucking I don't know. I don't know why. We're forgetting. We're forgetting small, medium, and large. You get every size of everything. And we're also forgetting the golden McNuggets.

Oh, true. Those are really expensive. You ever go to the McDonald's and say, I want the golden McNuggets? And then the guy has to, like, go to the back and talk to the manager. Then the manager has to, like, go to the vault and unlock that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I heard you can only get those in Dubai.

Yeah, that's true. That's one of those international menu items. I mean, there's a lot of articles where Steve Harvey is just like, when I go to Dubai, I'm always eating the golden McNugget. That's maybe, you know, Steve Harvey's favorite Dubai meal, may shock you. That's one of the funniest foods to be, like, to have gold in. I think. Yeah. It's like,

yeah, like, have like a really rich person like a gold, like a little, yeah. Big Nugget. Yeah. Because it's like a golden nugget.

Like the salt bag. Yeah, they're always getting like Tomahawk sticks and like create like luxurious stuff. I would love to be a salt bay guy but for McDonald's. Yeah.

Like like cooking McDonald's like you see me in the back and I'm doing some crazy shit. You're like squeezing it. You're holding like the sweet and sour pack it. Yeah. Like just squeezing it. It's running so hard. Yeah.

It just runs down my arm. Down your arm and your arm onto the McNugget. You're so, you're so, like, sweaty and gross from working in the kitchen. You can see the sauce is a different color when it leaves your arm and then it works at the top of your arm. It just smells by that area. Like, I keep doing that. Keep squeezing the shit. I like, the idea of, like, of, like, uh, like, gently putting salt on and then, like, you're wearing a long-sleeve shirt and you do it, and it runs down the sleep and then, like, filters and drips through the elbow of the sleep.

Like, yell for, like, assistants! Assistance! I need help. Like, we drain it out of there and put it on the prize. Oh, my God. We would kill opening a salt-based style restaurant. Oh, yeah. I've been thinking about, like, doing, like, opening, like, a Chick-fil-A or something.

I feel like, I feel like... Chick-fil-A's really easy to open. You make a shit-ton of money opening Chick-Fllay, right? Chick-Fle-Well, no, Chick-Flea's cheap to open, but then they take a bunch of your profits. Yeah. And you have to, like, write, like, 10 essays. Yeah. But I think it's only like 10,000 bucks. It's only 10-K, yeah.

You're to write, like, all. this stuff like, oh, I just writing like your whole Chick-fil-A essay, like, and I would bend down and I would suck. And I would let Christ fuck. I would let Christ pipe me down. I would let Christ bust it while. I would let Christ squirt his hot nut into my butt just to open one chick-fil-A.

I would let him breed right into my prostate. Holy shit. I would let Christ use his magic ET finger on my prostate, making me nut 1,000 nuts 1,000 liters of nuts Christ turn my cum in the wine and just drink it up

Dude Oh my God I would be I would be fucking It's Renaissance Halo And I'm a woman By the way This is not gay

I'm a woman in this scenario Not I'm not Not trends I'm not I'm just an action This is a woman thing I'm not trends

I'm a woman in this scenario A little bit Yeah I think I'm not gay either. This is the most heterosexual

Christ sexual fantasy. Writing like a letter to Chick-fil-A and just titling it, if I were a woman. Writing your whole? You're a whole. Yeah.

And let me tell you Chick-fil-A, I would be letting the Lord give me a different type of my pleasure. This is a scenario. No, I know that. This is a scenario. where I was assigned female at birth

which that means and they just you have to explain everything and then realizing you're writing to Chick-fil-A and being like but I don't agree with any of that but that stuff not for me the footnotes are going to cover this

yeah you'll see but straight up think this is bad I have foot notes that are like I will let Christ fill me with his nut and then like a little one and you like flip to the end of it and it says like the nut will be hot

I would let An infinite jest to me Yeah I would let Jesus Christ I would let Jesus Christ go go Go fucking buck wild on my ass And it's like it's like my ass will be good Like my ass is a woman

Emissizing all the yeah My ass is a woman's ass Yeah my name is Jeanette Yeah my name is Jeanette Yeah like a footnote after that Being like Jeanette is 5-4 36 24-36 24-36 blonde, beautiful.

Yeah. This is all written from the perspective of Jeanette. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, I would love to write a Joyceian essay. Tight hole the exact size

of Jesus's cock. Here's a picture. Oh, man. I would love to... It fits like a sweater on a snake. That would be so funny of like, oh man, just like having a, well, have you seen those like Chick-fil-A commercials now where they have like the, like, it's like how great their service is? I've never seen a commercial.

I think I've seen, I think I saw one Chick-fil-A commercial recently, but it was in Spanish. I came on Hulu. Yeah, I haven't like seen commercials in a while. Yeah, I saw, I think I saw it in Hulu. Should I check this shit out? Hulu. That shit will blow your mind. Yeah.

Well, I didn't used to have Hulu with ads, but then they made it more expensive. So now it's all, now you always have ads. Yeah. But what's the Chick-Fillet commercials? There's like these Chick-fil-A commercials where they're like, all of, all they talk about is just how great their services. So it's just like this one. Oh, you know what it was? It was like a commercial where it's like a woman who had recorded this like employee.

And it was like, he was like the singing Chick-fil-A employer some shit. And it's like, I think I'm, I'm honestly, I think it was just a show that chick-fil-a-oh. fillet hires gay people right yeah it was like it's just like a crazy PR move they have like a don't ask don't tell thing with that too yeah they're never going to say it but it's it's like look like look we know i mean we know this guy is our fabulous employee yeah right yeah yeah we know he's wonderful we know he's yeah on fleak like like can you guys cut us of and because we're a message from the CEO well look at this thing we brought in Can you give us a break?

And because we love him so much, we are letting him wear this beautiful, fabulous badge all the time, whatever he works at our store. The most fabulous employee at Chick-fil-A. We are giving him the privilege of being constantly identified. Just like, just the idea of Chick-fil-A, just like being like, okay, well, let this person get in, and we're just going to, okay, yeah. It's a pink triangle badge We put on every employee Who is fabulous And we have this star

We have the star for the people who are People who are serving Count Right? Like we have another thing for that Yeah We are so excited to debut Our Fleak badge program

When you work at Cracker Barrel you get a you get you get like stars so like like do they do that yeah i i was only a one star i didn't work there too long but there's like you know you get like you get stars like you're general yeah yeah that thing that's like such an ingenious um way to break people's morale down oh geez no no at the cracker barrel kitchen is is the saddest place in the world yeah no it's what you see that when you see that like at grocery stores too where you'll see like an old person walking around with like a 12 year like it says their name and then 12 Like market basket?

Yeah, it's so, it's so nasty. Oh, yeah. It's so ingenious. Well, yeah, because, yeah, it does this, like, it does this, uh, uh, because there's the way that people, people for not great reasons, think of you as scum if you work there. Yeah. And then it's like, you should be proud of how long you've worked at this place. Yeah.

It's such a smart move. It's genius. I'm going to do that. We should do that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to do that for my neighbors. Yeah.

You flip next door to me for. you could do that to me and jubio for how long we've been working with you guys is like yeah it's you've been our you you have like one more star than jubio i know and i lord it over him every day yeah you just say like oh yeah they're they're uh they're paying for my vacation yeah right yeah i got i got and then once both of you guys level up we'll need to hire a third person absolutely i can't remember what the fucking the stars men at cracker barrel though yeah because it was like you had one star did that just that's because i i just that's because i i just that's because i just started working. Actually, I never got

my star, because you're supposed to get an apron that has the star. You were zero stars. I think I quit before that happened. You were zero star. Wow. No, I did. I was a, dude, I was a dishwasher too. They were putting me on, like, I had to do like lunch rushes and shit. Like, there was one I came in and there was like six

bus tubs lining on, like lined up on the floor. And someone was like, oh, thank God you're here. Yeah. Oh, cool. I'm going to quit. If you ask me, nobody working at Cracker Braille should have any star. They should be everyone zero Every time about the fight that broke out in the kitchen

I don't know Go on There's a like a fat bald guy Fought a guy What that's Come on You copped out so hard there I copped out hard because then I realized

That the story wasn't that interesting That sounds cool What was a fight? The fight happened during the breakfast rush Okay And I don't have a time It was a fist fight during the breakfast What was it over?

I don't remember I just saw one guy the shortest guy in the kitchen fighting the biggest guy in the kitchen

who was bald and had so they were trying to reenact a biblical myth yeah and he

he screamed like you do heck on your fat bald fuck I'll fucking kill you and I think the I was my own

I'm just imagining I'm imagining the little guy just running back and forth like the giant boss fight in Resident Evil

4 running through his legs and trying to stun him so he can climb up his body yeah yeah yeah the problem was that the big guy found his weak spot so he was trying to find his week he was like i'm going to find your weak spot now yeah prostate they were doing crazy yeah yeah that is that's a that's a perfect spot to hit during a fight yeah if you can get your fist up your opponent's butt and hit him right in the prostate well glowing red glowing red boss weak spot once you're above a certain height in a certain weight you get you get a glowing red thing on your

You're back, that's your weak spot. Like, that's, like, how we evolve. It's like, okay, you're too big. You need to have, like, a weak spot. So that's, that's, that's what happens. So that big guy probably had one. My only other coworker there, that day, at least, was a 65-year-old man named Buster. Whoa.

There was four people working at Cracker Paril that day. Yeah. Like, like, oh, it was just me and him working dish. Oh, okay. They were just like, there was like, yeah, there was four of us. Yeah. nobody was serving like no no i mean you know it i mean the only other person in the dish right cool but i think i think i've talked about buster on here before but first day i was

working there was my birthday my uh my 19th birthday no yeah yeah yeah it was it doesn't matter was my birthday yeah he was teaching me how to take the trash out oh did you have trouble with that beforehand no before buster showed you how to do it yeah yeah I'd never done it before. Yeah, right. It was the first one. Well, no, he was telling me how to, like, because there's, like, some system where you're, like, he's like, wait. You got to tie the bags like this.

And, uh, right. He's putting the bag, like, he empties one out, and then it's, like, putting another one. And he's like, see, you put it on like this. Right. Kind of like putting on a rubber. Hey, this trash can's almost as big as me. Was he, who's, oh, penis. I wish that was that big.

You're just not responding, yeah. No. I actually don't wish I was that big He like fucking went through the thought process Of like like oh what if I had a penis that was the size of like Trash barrel that is meant to like hold like like Like probably probably like a ton of grits like an actual ton of grits How is putting a trash bag on anything?

Right? You put it in I think he made well what if like he's the only like guy in the world that used dental dams. I mean, the guy's name was Buster. Yeah. Like, he had something on his mind.

He rolled his own cigarettes and kept them in an old Winston box. And I don't know how long... That's pretty tight. I don't know how long he had that Winston box, though. Oh, yeah. That's true. I guess that is... That's pretty gross.

Yeah. But it's still cool, though. Yeah. It's cool to be that dirty. I hope when I'm old... Dirty old guys kick ass. Oh, they fucking sick. I hope I just...

I get too close to you. I smell weird. Face with me. are amazing if you're a dirty old guy. Look at this one. It's a minion, and he's horny. It's a horny minion. I want to sound like a lawn mower when I'm older than 65.

I've had the type of, when I worked at the liquor store, you would see a bunch of the type of old guy who would hand me like money that was literally covered like in dirt. Because like as if he was like storing it like underground before he walked into the store. Yeah, it's so cool. It's so sick. Yeah, there's just like a, there's like, there's like some step. There's like, I guess what it is is that we haven't figured out that guys when they're older than 35 or something, you start, you just start to produce dirt and crime. You do. Like, it's so like a pig.

You don't have that step in your, like, hygiene process. It's just going to grow. Yeah. You have no choice. There's something, it's either that or you do something like, you have some crazy private secret. Oh, yeah. If you're like a well-manic. Like you're a man in his 40s.

Oh, yeah, right. You did, you killed a guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's like, why isn't your dirt sack working? Uh-huh. What did you do wrong?

Where's your dirt go? Yeah. Yeah. Where's your dirt? It covers the bodies. Walking up, walking up to just like... The cleanest man on... Yeah, no.

Just someone on like, like, someone walking out of like sacks fit that out and just like being like, give me, show me your dirt. Show me your dirt. Show me your dirt now. I need to know where your dirt is. Let me see your dirt. Let me see your dirt sack. Come on.

Come here. Come here. Come here, come here, come in. Amen. And he opens his mouth, it's all in his mouth. Oh, okay. You're a mouth one. You're a mouth dirt.

You're a mouth dirt guy. My apologies. No worries. Enjoy your time at Sax Fifth Avenue. I'll be here all night. You know what it is? You know, it's also, I think the amount of dirt you have is the amount of dirt you produce as a man is also.

Also, it's, like, correlated with your, what's the word I'm looking for? Like, your willingness to wear your favorite sports team's pajamas out to get coffee. The word I'm looking for. There should be a word like that because I know exactly what word you, what quality you mean. Yes. Yeah. That's 100% it, though. Yeah.

That's another sick Boston thing. That's one of my favorite Boston guy. The Duncan's run. Bruins pajamas. Bruins' pajamas pants, Celtics, Swet shirt, no, no, no. The Celtics, like, slippers or something. Yeah.

Actually, no Celtics gear at all. No Celtics gear at all, but, like, Patriot sweatshirt. Pat's, yeah, Pat's sweatshirt for sure. Yeah, the Bruins, the Bruins' pajamas pants are my favorite, though. Those are the best. I might get myself a pair of Bruins' pajamas pants. Those are my, those are, I would, I love seeing those around. Oh, dude.

They're so sick. Oh, yeah. The Bruins have the best logo for pajamas pants. Absolutely. Best logo and colors. I'm outing myself as a fucking scrub. What's the Bruins logo? The Bruins logo, it's either a bear or a bee that has black and gold.

Oh, that's cool. It's either a bear or a bee. Yeah. It's usually a bee, the one that I'm the ones that I'm thinking of. That's interesting. They're just kind of like any bee animal will do. No, a bee like the letter. Oh, I'm...

You thought it was a... fucking be i don't know i have to find the specific pants those are the ones right there the fucking the ones with oh it's dreadful oh well those are actually never mind but these ones these ones yeah yeah these ones that are the bruins logo and they just say bruin's yeah bruins where's the bumbleby there's no bumbleby in my mind there's no bumbleby on the bruin's patches oh man yes isn't that the perfect logo for that is sick yes the bruin's logo the brun's logo is all so sick that's sick It's just a fucking... It's so sick because of Happy Gilmore.

Oh, yeah. I never even thought about that. Oh, dude, look at this family. This is going up with the episode. Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, man. That's going to be my family.

We got to get... When I grow up, we got to get Bruins' pajamas. And it's like, of course, they have four kids. Like, they can't fucking help themselves. I know. Literally my family. Yeah.

That looks like my family. Yeah, it's like... There's a, there's like a latent gene in the Irish. It's like, there's still. a famine like we have to. Yeah, we have to produce as many fucking kids as we can. It's not even like a Catholic thing anymore. It's just it's just like something

stuck. Yeah. It's like, we think this works. Just in case a comedy writer eats two of your kids. You're still safe. Yeah, that's the new problem. The Irish Catholics keep producing kids because all the fucking, all the Harvard people are going out

at night and stealing their kids. It's those two groups both have like ancestral genetic memory of a modest proposal. Yeah, right. The Harvard kids can't stop doing satire of eating babies and placenta and doing and doing those things actually. Doing blood rituals. Yeah, whatever, yeah, that stuff is.

And the Irish people just love popping them out and fucking. Absolutely. And not even like anything. And not being able to eat. Yeah. And dying. It's smelling like shit. And living in Shrek's house.

And fucking Shrek. Yeah. In the mud baths. Yeah. And there's bubbles whenever they thrust. There's a footnote and it says, yeah. And the bubbles, they're stinky. Well, those are stinky bubbles.

Oh, man. Okay. I would love to, yeah, you're like, I thought that, like, as a kid, I thought that farting in the bathtub, I think it was just because I had. Would do that every time. Yeah. Yes. It's done it before. I've seen that.

Has it really like like like legit like you know what I mean like real I saw a bubble come up to the surface that's awesome man did it smell did you like smell it was it was the worst smelling fart I've ever had so I thought that if you fart in the bathtub it makes it smell more I know why you thought that I can't get mad at you yeah no you're like you're like oh dude it's gonna travel through the water and then blow up like yeah it's like no it'll it'll all that just gets absorbed mm yeah I think it's the stink the stink air can and, like, combines with the filth of your day. Yeah.

And then it goes up. Patty, you know that about being, like, a scientist? Yes. You know what's so funny? My hypothesis is that the stink air combines with the filth of the day. No, it's so funny when I was like 10 years. The filth of the day. When I was like 10 years old, I thought I could be a doctor when I was older.

I was like, I'm going to like, you know, I'm going to dick around this. like a kid, and then one day, one day, I'll just be a doctor. Yeah, I'll just sort of sort this shit out. Yeah. My sixth grade teacher, we had to do a, he was like, my sixth grade social studies teacher made us do vision boards. Of, hmm. Made us do vision boards.

All right. And on my vision board, it said, I'm going to be a doctor. Dude, that's so admirable. I feel like every kid that wants to be like an astronaut or like a doctor or an inventor or something is like, well, I better get going now. I better make an invention. I better start practicing going to space because I'm going to do that. But yeah,

you just want to be a doctor and be like, yeah, I'll do that later. That seems like a thing that happens with time. That's how you become a dentist. It's just like, yeah. I don't know.

I could be a doctor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

A dentist is a doctor with no will. Yeah. Like, it's a doctor who just like was too fucking, who was bored. We want to party more. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to party with a dentist? You're a dentist in that they bring you into dental school to punish the students.

They're like, oh, this guy's getting too cocky. You're like the choky of the dental world. They have to operate on my shitty-ass fucking British teeth, half-British teeth, quarter British. I'm not claiming that. Okay. We got a list today. This is sent in by our boy Charlie. By Charlie.

Thank you, Charlie. He hosts most controversial. Go listen to that. I've been on it. I've been on it twice. So Cameron, I went on it one time. Cameron went on it one time.

I went on it twice. I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm a better guest. Yeah. Or maybe because... I'm just like a 10 times the guest that Cameron is. Maybe because you're so stupid, it takes you two episodes to say what I could say in one.

You had to stop in the middle. 25 things parents should never say to their kids. This is from bestlifeonline.com. Think twice before saying things to your kids that you'll wind up regretting. Okay. I don't subscribe to that. I think that you should say whatever to your kid whenever. Oh, my God.

I was having a real conversation about this the other day. Yeah? Yeah, that we, that like that. Number one is, hold, you keep going. Sorry, sorry, no, I'm just. No, you couldn't know what it was, his camera was in front of me. you're like, Patches isn't here.

Yeah. I have no object permanent. Yeah, that's my bad. Oh, no, it's very, I, I thought the Bruins had

two animals as they're logo. Like, I can't come back from that. I genuinely did not mean any of you. Oh, it's very funny. Oh, that's fine. No,

I was like talking about how just like, I was like, how do you, because you see, it's like, you don't want to be a shitty parent, but you're like, you're like,

And kids are sometimes just fucking, like, genuinely unreasonable. Yeah. Like, what am I supposed to do except be like, fuck you? Like, either, like, kill yourself. They just want some, like, you know, like a parent. Like your dad would do. I don't like that color shirt. Yeah.

Fucking kill yourself, dude. Shut up. Like, like, I can all fix that for you. I don't care. Oh, grow up. Oh, grow up. Yeah. Our parents are not supposed to say that to you?

No, I think that's just a funny thing to say to it to your kid. I got told this all the time as a kid. Yeah, well, it was, it's fair for you. That is true. No, the opening paragraph is boring. You don't know what you're talking about. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Number one.

You're so dramatic. Yeah, I got told that a lot, but like I would freak out over tiny things. Oh, yeah. I mean, I still do. Yeah. You definitely do. I do too And I was definitely

Told many times You're saying you're being You're being dramatic Yeah I mean like if we go to like A bar or something And I think that like The vibe is corny

I'm like I'm not Oh yeah I'm not going there ever again Oh yeah I will never I will never step foot in there Ever again Right yeah

That's the last you'll see of me Yeah Last you'll see of me I just didn't I didn't like That like Modellos were $2 more than like a different place.

I'm like, well, see you never. Have a nice life. I must be gone now. Tata. And I won't tip. And then you just spit in their face. Yeah. No, I feel like with when you tell a kid you're being dramatic, you're just making

sure they understand that like, you know, there's times to be dramatic. There's times to be comedic. No, you should absolutely tell your kid when they're being dramatic. like when they're telling you way too enthusiastically about their favorite Pokemon. Yeah. You're like, shut up. You're so dramatic.

Just say you like it. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah, I don't care. It's a kid's show. I don't care. Why would I be interested in that? Yeah.

I don't even know what that is. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a Pokey man? Did you guys get that growing up? Pokey mans, yeah. Yeah. I, I never, I don't think I ever got like, because I was thinking about like the shit, like,

when you're a kid where you're just like, that's not how you say that. And I don't think I ever did that with Pokemon's, but I don't think I never did that with Pokemon's, but I definitely did that with like, like, I feel like my parents would like, if I was playing like, this is so bad, like, playing like a final fantasy game. Yeah.

They'd be like, what is that? What does that say? Like, Sephirith? And I'm like, that's Sephiroth. I definitely did that to a doll's atone with like Godzilla type stuff. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I believe that. No, it's battera and it's the evil mothra.

Yeah. It's, yeah. Maw! I did, like, the complete opposite, I think, I was watching, I was watching Revenge of the parent. Yeah, I'm my dad. They're the kid. Yeah. No, I was like, I guess it's not the complete opposite.

But like I did something, like, I was like watching Revenge of the Sith with my dad, and I had the visual dictionary, and I was telling him what the names of. What's the visual dictionary? I'm sorry. You don't know the visual dictionary? Damn. All the, all the, all the, it was like a New England thing. whose houses you hated going to had those The only thing you could do with their house

What is the visual dictionary? It's so cool. It just has like the names of Blasters and shit. It's a bunch of pictures of all the Star Wars stuff and it has like just It's like an encyclopedia. Yeah. Oh. But it's like all the pictures and stuff. It's so cool dude. Oh yeah. They're so sick. That is all the kids you hated had that.

Yeah, exactly. All the all the rich kids who were super annoying. Yeah. And you'd go to their house and they'd be like, I just want to read your book. Every visual. Yeah. I had a friend growing up, I didn't hate him, but he had, like, the full, it was the full encyclopedia of, like, everything from, like, the, like, beginning of, like, from, like, EU to, like, everything before we got retcon. I used to fucking read that shit all the time, but, um, the one time I was watching Revenge of the Sith with my dad and, like, show, like, and that's Plow Coon. And Plow Coon is a Keldor and, like, saying, like, shit like that and realized, like, my uncle Paul came downstairs and, like, it was, like, Dude, your dad's asleep.

I remember, I think probably the worst of that type of thing that I did. I was saying about Godzilla stuff specifically as I was a kid who, like, if someone says something about Godzilla breathing fire, I'd be like, no, he has atomic breath. Oh, man. It's different. It doesn't breathe fire. Which he doesn't. I was right.

I know it's so unimportant that you're right about that. Man, I got upset. I will never be your dad. I'm going to get so mad at you Number two is you're selfish Again Tell your kid they're selfish Yeah it's okay

It works It does work They all at these works Yeah they do exactly What you want them to do when you say to them Yeah, exactly You're only thinking about yourself How come you don't think of me

Constantly How to make me feel good Yeah I want to watch TV And I want to pick you up from school Every fucking day You can't get home on your own That's so gay You're six

You can walk home It's really not hard Hey hey hey Give me a refresher Hey kid kiddo kiddo How long ago did you Did you learn to walk It's been one about like five years now right

Okay No that's I was just trying to do the math Because it seems like I guess if I was able to do something for five years I would just do it Oh you want me to pick you up from first grade Great. Okay. Let me ask you a question. Did you do my laundry? Did you give me a back rub?

Yeah. Oh, uh, you think gas is free, huh? Okay. Well, you want me to pick you up. Yeah. How about this? Yeah. Smell that. Take a big whiff of that. Does your dad ever fart in your face since they smell that? My dad never farted in my face. Not in my face, but definitely pull my finger was done. Really? You didn't pull your finger dads? I mean, my dad just lets them rip, dude. that's sick i hang out with my dad and he just fucking like he like i think we were uh we were walking

we were hanging out around here walking to a bar one time it was like um outside he just fucking he's just like walking just blasting heaters and it's like man i should not be able to smell these outside yeah that's dangerous yeah yeah dangerous number three you don't feel that way The picture of this is so funny too Because it's a kid who's like clearly like hurt Yeah You're so sick Yeah you don't

You're not hurt Yeah Yeah that is that is actually This is the first one that I like actually think you should say to your kids Right Like you Like literally the first example is like Even the believe to be less than completely true

Like your kid saying I hate you to you Yeah Like what the fuck like No if your kid says I hate you You say well I hate you too yeah yeah you just say right back i hate you bitch yeah i hated you first i i hated you i hate you but you were even bored yeah i knew this would come uh yeah you don't feel that that is actually like that's one of the funniest evil things you can say to yeah that is such a funny

thing especially to a child who's like just sort of figuring out how like these things like cause and effect and all these things and to be like no no no no no no don't trust your gut here Trust me I know how you see No you're wrong No no no sorry It's like I'm hurt It's like interesting

Let's look at that from a different angle Yeah I I do like that one I think that's a good one Number four is I wish you'd never been born Why isn't that one number one That's like God It's so crazy

No that one's okay In the right context that one's okay Yeah Yeah. Like, okay, I'm, if you're in a scenario where it's you and your kid and your kid is like, if your kid wasn't born, you know, you wouldn't have to get drafted to go to Ukraine, right? Then, then that would be an okay time to say it, I feel like. Well, yeah, so like, yeah, so we're not supposed to say, I wish you'd never been born. But what if my kid just killed everyone else in my family? Yeah, right. And when in a killing, she killed 5,000 people. I'm not supposed to say, I wish you'd never been born to them. I'm going to say it. I'm going to say that. And I'm also going to say. You don't feel that way, too.

You don't feel that. And you're dramatic. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the most dramatic shit you can do. My kid goes on a 5,000 person killing spree. I know 25 things I'm going to say to him right off the bat. Exactly. My kid goes paddock mode.

I like the last sentence here, but it's like, when you're feeling frustrated enough to say something this hurtful, simply remove yourself from the situation until you've cooled down enough to respond in a more level-headed manner. And just like, imagining, like, a parent who's so. so angry at their kid like like how angry i guess it's like you have to be i guess completely fucked but it's like being like like i'm really frustrated like that word is so like i'm so frustrated i'm going to tell you i wish you were never born i like that that that makes a lot of sense yeah like after he's not cleaned his room yeah yeah yeah it's like okay before i go in there and say i wish you were never you never existed and you're a little fucking shit you know

yeah or like being like really pissed off and being about to say that and then be like, okay, wait, I'm going to leave the room, I'm going to cool down, and then coming back, and then coming back and saying, I wish you never been bored. Wait, shit. It's like, yeah, when I was supposed to think of a new thing to say when I was in the other room. I said I said that really calm. I still had that loaded off. Saying it calmer than you've ever said it before. Yeah. More sincerely with more honest emotion. Number five, why can't you be more like your

sibling? Oh, that happens all the time. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Yeah. Usually, one sibling's evil the other one's good everyone got that one damn everyone got that one sibling oh yeah I mean everyone has one sibling

everyone got that one sibling one got that one evil sibling yeah this one's boring I don't know I'm going to say about it number six you're stupid my mom said that shit the problem is the problem is the problem is my way that my brain is wired

I will say this to my child 5,000 times without meaning because that's just like I just say like you're an idiot yeah I just say oh you're stupid

oh you're stupid oh you're stupid oh you're stupid oh you stupid I have to like train that out of myself in the next 10 years because I will be saying that

a hundred times a day oh yeah absolutely and I'll be doing the pose that this guy's doing in the picture too this pose with that caption so funny

imagine the dad taking a knee like brow furrowed pointing his finger really sturdily in your face you're stupid you are stupid number seven

you're the man of the house this is this is this is the one well you can't you shouldn't this is one you shouldn't say because it's not true yeah

all the other ones that stuff it's like could be damaging this is just it's false you can say this on opposite day maybe but you shouldn't be saying this because you don't want

to be a liar when did you guys first know you were the man of the house when did you guys first know I'm not the man of the house even in my apartment no you don't think

I think you are. I think I knew when, like, I was in high school and I had a girlfriend and I did well on a test. I mean, I kind of went home and I told my dad, get out. I said, you got to go. I had two and a half good things today. I need you to get out of here. Yeah, he left right after that. This one says, this puts too much pressure on the child to fulfill.

fill a roll he cannot and should not yet have. It's the equivalent of a chef going on break and telling the dishwasher you're cooking now. Which as we went over, dishwashers only have one star, so how are they going to start cooking? Well, you get more stars.

Oh, okay. A child getting like permanent psychological damage because his dad told him, like, I'm going to take a nap, you're the dad while I'm asleep. I'm going to say, kids, be like, oh my God. I'm going to be a dad How to do taxes

Yeah Immediately start shaving Like shaving And then getting Like he's asleep The dad's asleep For like Sit like four hours

Just like he's like I'm taking a nap Before a big flight Or something And then like He already has the whole How like the family audited Like this is

Obviously a chef Should tell the dishwasher To cook But that's not like A terrible thing to do No like On break You're supposed to go on break

Yeah right Yeah I like the implication here being like, being like you, you can't go on break. Like, you'll never take a break. Well, being a five, there's a 24-hour job. And so is being a chef.

A chef should never leave work. Chef should never sleep. They shouldn't. If someone, they do. I mean, what happened to Anthony Bourdain? He slept. He did a bunch of, he did cocaine and drank beer all the time. And he slept a lot.

Yeah, no, that's what happened to him. Absolutely. Number eight, no dessert until you finish dinner. Shut the fuck up. Fuck you. This article I'm sorry My 13 year old

I know I told you first Deh Like what Like Listen to this Enforcing the clean plate Club

Rule your house can have serious ramifications In terms of your kids autonomy and eating habits Oh my God Oh my gosh Sounds like someone's pissed off They never made the clean plate club

Yeah Yeah Oh my little hummingbird stomach I can't eat one whole rib. Oh, my God. I remember joining the clean plate club and just like, oh, my God, and watching everyone else in my family not joining and feeling so fucking good about it. You get benefits when you join.

Immediately. Immediately get benefits. Sky Miles. Sky Miles. Oh, yeah. The dining club? Amtrak. It's all just clean plates.

Yeah. This is they gone. Okay, but to be fair on this one, the parent scientists need to recognize. that children have been telling y'all for years about the dessert dessert and dinner stomachs. They're separate stomachs. True.

Okay? They've been new. I want to read this quote because of who this person is, what their title is, yeah. You're already having difficulty getting your child to eat their food, and this actually increases your child's perceived threat

and creates an increased power differential, explains registered play therapist. So it's like, It's like, oh, are you just a gamer? Like, what are you describing here? Yeah. Okay, wait, listen to this last sentence. Instead, Rees recommends telling children that they can choose to have dessert if they

choose to finish their food first. That's the same thing. Yeah. There's no difference there. You're fucking stupid. I think when you do that, you're just fucking with your kid. Yeah. You're just like, oh, yeah, it's all a matter of choice.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's a, I don't know, can you? Oh, yeah. That's treating your kid like a, like a computer. Where it's like if you don't have the exact right words, it's going to, like, malfunction. It's like, no, no, no, if I tell my kid to eat, like, the vegetables that I know are good for them before they have the candy. Nah, but candy's better.

I mean, candy, but candy better, though. I mean, it's just, it's true is a thing. Number nine, hurry up. This is insane. This is list. I hate this list. Yeah, Jesus Christ. The phrase is more stress and anxiety in children who are most, I'm doing Caleb again, who are most likely all right. Doing their best to find their shoes to get out.

Yeah, this was written by, I'm telling my kid, hurry up constantly. Oh, yeah. Just everything. Doesn't matter. Even if they're on time. Hurry up, let's go. Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Snapping in their face.

Yeah. Yeah. It's good. I mean, it's training. You know, he doesn't have to, you know, never has to say hurry up to as a German kid. Yeah. They're famously very punctual. I also like, it's like, but telling them to hurry up isn't actually going to motivate them.

It's not about that. I'm trying to hurt them. You're fucking stupid. Yeah. Not about motivating. I didn't even, I didn't want to bring them to this dinner anyway. Oh my God.

Yeah. That actually does, like I think about like I do. I would like to get apple dopers though. Yeah. Like it would be, I think it'd be fun to be a parent, but I don't know how I feel about like bringing a child with you to places.

It just sounds. Yeah. I think it can either be, I think it can. be really fun probably because it's probably fun to watch a child just like make a mockery of any, you know, situation and be like kind of blameless in that, right? Like if I show up to dinner and I, you know, I don't, I don't want to wear my shirt anymore. Yeah, right.

The collar hurts on my shirt. I don't want to wear it anymore. The waiter's Chinese. Yeah, it's like. Gosh, geez. I got to remove it from the situation. Sorry, sorry my husband gets like that. Yeah, no, he's in his terrible 32s.

Yeah, he was told hurry up too much as a child. He's told to hurry up too much, you know. Yeah, the terrible 32s. Number 10, what did you do to yourself? What do you mean? What did you fucking... Let's find out what they would be all right? While you might not be a fan of your kid's new hair color or nose ring,

when you start a conversation with an accusatory question like this, you're shutting down communication right off the bat. Your child will constantly feel judged and not good enough. They shouldn't do stuff to themselves then. Right? You walk in your kid has cut... I've done this before. I've cut like...

I cut like up and around on my hair when I was in the third grade. And like there's a family photo where... I mean, it was taken on like an old cell phone so you can't really see it. But like I have just like one giant chunk missing from my hair. You just like created a like a sort of like a puzzle piece. Yeah.

I think I tried to. I think I saw like a dude with like... Sounds like you're trying to make your... It sounds like you were trying to do trunk's hair. Yeah, I think so. The thing is, if parents don't want kids to give themselves... They'll give themselves fucked up haircuts and stuff. They need to stop putting it in movies because it looks so fun in movies.

Yeah, that's true. It's in every movie, ever. Think the utility of what did you do to yourself is like to let them know you did this to yourself. Yeah. You need to understand that. I think you did this to yourself is worse than what did you do to you? This is a kid coming home with trying out of a nose ring or something, you know. And you're just like, you just don't even say, you just say, you did this to yourself.

Number 11, stop crying. How are they going to know to stop? How are they going to stop? This is very obvious. Yep. Just tell them to stop. Just tell them to stop. Okay, here.

Yeah, let me predict what this is going to say. Cut the waterworks. Licensed crayon therapist. Who even knows what liberal name is for? Freakaz says that Instead of telling You're

Instead of This Instead of Instead of saying Stop Crying to your children Which creates a threatening

power attack You should actually You should actually A triangle triangle square combo You should actually

You should actually use the empowering phrase Start laughing You can Stop laughing. Start laughing. Yeah, Diesel Antwerp, child psychologist, says, instead of telling your child to put away your toys, which is a...

Which could actually mutate them. You should say, you should say, like, use your mind and your body to move yourself slowly over to the blog, like, just take, like, as long as possible to articulate this. I don't understand I don't understand why you can't say Stop Crying Child linguist Nick Cannon says that You should

Never say Clean up your room Instead You should always use the empowering phrase I don't fucking know I know I know I'm I ran out of steam I'm getting zero I'm getting zeros on these two Yeah

The licensed License Child Scientist Dr. Evil says that it's okay to say stop crying to your child as long as you also sometimes say it when they're not crying. You have to balance it out, he says.

Number 12, don't be a baby. What if they're being a baby? Yeah, that's kind of obvious. Yeah, number 13, you're the best at that. Hmm. Child videographer, Mace Windew. Claims that saying Child videographer

Mace Winding the phrase Saying the phrase Saying the phrase Good job Makes a child Act stupid later in life And instead you should say Fuck you to your kid

Infit gymnast Boba Fett Claims that Claims that tickling your child can actually rupture their soul and cause them to explode into hell. You're the best that

if my fucking parents said I was good at anything I wouldn't be here. Yeah, you need to say your kid did the best. Yeah, 14, you were an accident. My mom did tell me that. Yeah.

You seem fine. No, I mean, yeah. I'm like, like, I know that I was but, like, that's okay. I mean, it's not like you can't tell. Like, I'm like, my sister was born two years, two years before my brother. Yeah. My younger brother is two years younger than me.

Right. I'm 13 months away from my brother. Right, right. My brother's birthday is 13 months from mine. Yeah. Nobody wants that. It's very clear who in the family was the one that was like, ah, well, shit. Well, let's try this.

Let's try this out. Let's take this for a spin. Yeah. Yeah, licensed child biologist, Charmander, actually thinks that you should specifically tell your child that they were on purpose. Yeah, yeah. No matter what. Provide beautiful details for the scene.

John, you were on purpose. Number 50 and you're okay. We covered that kind of already. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. What is it? Wait, what is this? Telling kids that something does not hurt when it does

challenges their reality, says Nance. Who's Nance? Who's Nance? Wait, hold on. Enhance. Nants? Enhance. You're going to say,

you wouldn't want to challenge their reality. Licensed Nance. Licensed child predator, Mr. Nantz, says that parents should actually not teach their children about strangers or day. It forces them into a state of just distrusting everyone who comes to their door and offers them treats and fun times. Child psychologist Jimmy Savile says that he'll fix it. Let's lightning around these.

Why can't you do anything right? What's wrong with you? I don't believe you. That one's okay to say. There's nothing to be afraid of? What? Shut up. There's a lot to be.

You're not just missing their feelings. You're trying to comfort them. them. Number 20, you're lazy. Mm-hmm. Who have a kid's fucking lazy? I was. When I was a kid, I went to see the Star Wars movies when they were released in theaters.

And I was really afraid of Darth Vader, so my dad told me that he just had a cold, and that's why he was breathing like that. And so I just thought for like too long that, like, he had a cold. Then someone was like, that's not why Darth Vader.

He's in that suit because... I was like, yeah, he's got the pool. It's because he's Darth. Yeah, right. He's Darth. Yeah, that's why. Number 21, you have to give them a hug or kiss. About who?

Yeah, it really depends what you're talking about, I guess. We also addressed this earlier. Yeah, number 22, your friends don't do that. What does that mean? Yeah, me and my friends play or we're going to play some online games. Your friends don't do that. Your friends don't do that.

Your friends don't play online games. I've played with them. They don't play that game. Yeah. I game with your friends every night. Me and my friends are going to play Halo 3. Your friends don't fucking play Halo 3. Dude, they think Halo 3 sucks.

Your friends hate Halo 3. I wouldn't do that if I were you. I wouldn't do that if I were you. It's very funny. That is such a sick thing to say to my child. Yeah, that's like a villain one-liner. Yes, yeah. Well, like, I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't do that if I were you. I'll be back. Yeah, right, yeah. Never ask, never tell your child, do you feel lucky punk? Yeah. Number 24, you should have done better. Your father. You should have done better.

It's the second and the last one here. And then the last one is you should be ashamed. What if you caught your kid? We all get dead silent because you're all raised Catholic. Yeah. Got upset. I know. I know.

That actually happened. Yeah. We're like, just shut up. Shut up. Shut up, Liz. Yeah. All right. Well, that's it.

I think that's it, right? Dang. Buy tickets to the live show, which passed. Patches will be DMing in Brooklyn on the 31st of March at Union Hall. I'll put the link in the description. And also subscribe to the Patreon at $10 because we do a bunch of D&D episodes that Patches does. And he gets money from that. And they're really fun.

And you'll like that when there's a bunch of them now. So there's a big backlog. Yeah. We have like what, like four campaigns? Like 400, I think. Yeah. I think there's 400 episodes. And that's not like fraud or false advertising.

No, why would it be? Yeah. There's 400 episodes if you split them up into five minutes. I've been trying to explain you. You don't have to do anything if you just count them the way I count them, where you count them all until you reach 400. You do the skip a few method. I think we have like, I think we have like 50.

Yeah, at least over 1,000 seconds. Yeah, right. Of content. All right. Bye. Bye.