Podcast About List - Ep. 184 - The Beautiful Invader

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

we finally have a villain buy tickets to the tour at www.swagpoop.com/shows

Come in, come there, come in, and we see a butt. All the counts for the ball list. Every crap monster. Bam, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, bah, ba, ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba-na. You can't go back to the, you can't. No, because when, when the guitar starts, like, that's when the fucking, they're still doing the, oh, they're still doing that and that. I don't think so. They are.

I think you have the Halo some wrong song song wrong. No, do you? Yeah. They, they, it goes over it. It's like an accent or whatever. I'm gonna go over you when I dunk on you. You dead.

You bombed. I'm gonna get some hops. I'm gonna jump eight feet. I accidentally drank soap this morning. You drank soap? Mm-hmm. Why? I didn't clean out a cup enough.

I'm so not used to having a dishwasher. He saw the blue color. He's like, oh, Mountain Dew. I saw the soap and I was like, that could just be, because I was putting the cold brew in. And I was like, oh, that could just be like... The head. Yeah, that could be the head.

Yeah. And then I mixed it with the milk, then took one sip, and immediately was just like, oh, fuck. It's just spit it out. You can have soap. Yeah, it's normal. Yeah, I know, but my tummy hurts now. And I need you guys to rub it. That's just, that's the coffee.

That's not... And I need you guys to rub me. Soap doesn't... Soap makes your mouth taste bad. I need you to rub me. Soap has no effect on the human stomach. I'm a scientist. I've researched this.

And I need a rubbing on my belly now. A lot of different ways. And soap. debate practically disappears by the time it gets to the stomach it's not about it's not about what you're talking about it's about my belly and how i need it rubbed and i'm scientifically saying that's false i just polished facts are not your feelings yeah just a pinch of pussy so i got to buy the we got to buy the i think that that is a good first first uh mini fridge item yeah so we get like a bunch of pussy we get like a 64 pack of pussy energy yeah same one jack got

with the shirts. Mm-hmm. I think that's a good choice. I've never had it. Oh, I wish that you had anything about it. I took a sip. Wait, there's at least one sip left in that. Yeah, yeah.

Get that sip. Drink it like a genie-flavored. Something might come out. That was way too small sip to tell anything about what this is. Nope, you got it. It feels like it's prickling my tongue. Well, it's prickly pear flavored, so that makes perfect sense. Mm-hmm.

I think it's leachier. Prickly pear, yeah. Sparkling, passion fruit, and leachy-flavored energy drink. Wrong. That's way off. Produced in the Netherlands. Same place as Red Bull. Is that true?

Do they have like a natural spring there? Zero grams of salt. They do have a spring, though. It's the freaking, it's the way I jump around and bounce after I drink a damn can. It gives you a little spring in your step, that damn, Red Bull. Yep. That's right. I was buying, I put on a bad pair of underwear today.

It's like, you know when you, like, put on a pair of underwear. underwear, you're like, oh, my God. I'm going to throw it out. The ones that have holes, just your balls just pop out of the bottom of them? I had a pair of boxers where the elastic has completely deteriorated and it makes that crunch sound. And I was, yeah. Okay, that's not.

Yeah, I don't know about it. You've been nutting on those. No, it's not. It's not a nutting. It's the elastic. It is a nut. They're filled with chips. The band has like completely deteriorated.

You've been completely nutting on the thing. I can go get it for you. It's in the trash right now. It's in the trash in the office. I'm going to shatter the waistband. Why do you throw away the underwear here? Because I bought the underwear on the way here. I bought a new pack of underwear.

And he swapped? Yeah, I swapped out here. You are a monster. Can we have a no shitty underwear in the... It's not... I didn't shitting. You literally said it's covered with dried shit and comb, and that's why it's so dry that you shatter it.

You ate granola bars into it, and that's why it's crunching. It sounds like when you pull it, it sounds like styrofoil. It probably tastes like styrofoam, too. It sounds... That's so gross. Yeah. It cracks like a salt field. Yeah, pretty much.

That looks bad. I bought underwear on the way here, and I was in the store. And there's like a little kid. Is there an unders outlet around here? No, I went to some place called Jimmy Jazz. I bought some Nike dry fit underwear. Damn. These things are nice as hell.

That's sick. Yeah, but watched a kid just get smacked in the face by his mom. You said that. What did he do, though? He was sitting there. and he was just moving around and she said stop moving and then he just got the shit smack to me

to me that's a clear cut case yeah hey buddy you moved she said she said if you don't stop moving right now I'm gonna smack the shit out of you harder when we leave so she gave a warning the store yeah she gave him a warning and then the kid said to the mom the kid said

we're not in a store we're in a shoes store and I was like oh you are buying yourself He bought himself six more slaps. I would have knocked his teeth out. Yeah. I can't believe that, dude. Yeah, crazy.

We're in a shoe store. We're not in a store. We're in a shoe store. What a fucking brat, dude. You should have gotten some licks in. Dude, I, I turned and I was like, oh, no, dude. Hey, you need some help over here. Yeah.

Yeah, that kid's going to be in a coffin. He should have destroyed him, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on one second, man. Ha! It's a good idea, dude. You should be able to phone a friend to hit your kid.

Yeah. Yeah, like... I mean, because then it's not... If I were that, if I were that mom, I would be... Exactly. I'd be dragging him from the sneaker section of the dress shoes section because I'm dressing him for the coffin. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah. Go get fucking formaldehyde injected into his skin and make him puff up a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Give him a fake eye. Dude, that was, I mean, I haven't seen a good, good old fashion. You should be able to be able to...

You should be able to hire a hitman to punch your kid in the face. Like, you should, like, as a... The guy walks up to your kid and just smacks them and he goes, that's for misbehaving at home. And then you can be like, what are you doing? Yeah. Oh, well, I'll have to chase you away around this corner. I guess that'll happen every time that you misbehave from now on.

And then the kid will be like, oh, I'm going to get... But it's not going to harm to my mom or dad's fault. Yeah, well, that would make any sense. I'm not going to get a complex about this. Yeah, she tried to do it. It was just a guy. Yeah. It's a crazy bald guy.

She chased him away around the corner with money. Because that's the thing. If you hit your kid too much, they get too talented, like Michael Jackson. I don't want that bullshit. I don't need that life. Then they get too talented, but then they develop weird crap. Exactly. And also, you know, the worst thing.

Because he did a bunch of weird crap. Here's the only reason to not hit your kid. Okay? They, you know, make them too talented at something. And then eventually they'll become super famous and write a memoir where they talk nonstop about how you hit them. And then they tell some weird things. It's like, yeah, my dad used to eat. peanuts with the shell on.

Yeah, they definitely, they'd latch on to something. Yeah, it's like, man, my dad was so, my dad was so weird growing up, he would hit me and he would eat peanuts with the shell on. Exactly. I don't need, I don't need some kid to tell my fucking business. Uh-uh, no way. No, fuck that, dude. My dad used to put peanuts in the microwave and eat them.

Well, that's just boiled, that's bold. No, my dad didn't do that. I'm just saying this is a thing that's fine. That's what they would say in the memoir. That's what they would say in the memoir. Yeah. You'd be in like a nursing home and they'd start to shun you because. Here comes

Here comes Mr. Shell. Here comes Mr. Shell's, yeah. Mr. Shell's a better name than Shelley. Unless it's mom who does it. Maybe they call you like Mr. Peanut. Like after Mr. Peanut. That's a pretty obvious name. Yeah.

But like, you know, Mr. Shell. Mr. Shell's better than Mr. Peanut. Yeah. What? Mr. Well, as an insult. That's an insult. Mr. Peanut's a distinguished man. True.

Mr. Peanut's a millionaire. Mr. Peanut's so. Rich, nothing embarrassing about that. You call someone Mr. Peanut, and they're like, Mr. Peanut, how's that an insult? Mr. Peanut? You call someone Mr. Shell, and they go, oh, they probably eats peanuts with the shell on. Or he might eat shell. That's from Mr. Peanut.

So we know what this has to do with peanuts, not like eggshells or something. Immediately, they're like, well, that's a, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, they just called you shell. They might get confused. Exactly. The Mr. helps a lot. Mr. Yeah. It's kind of like a, yeah, like a signifier.

It's like a, it's a peanut-based insult that's coming. Yeah. You can't go anything other than Mr. Monsignor? No. Nope. Monceor show? Then it's a snail thing.

Yeah. Are you guys on high alert? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So we have a DefCon. First of all. We need, wait, can we get a DefCon thing? Yeah.

Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. Like a sliding scale. I would say we're 10 minutes to midnight. Yeah. We're in, we haven't, we got an office. Yeah.

We're in our, we're recording in our office. We're here. We rented this office. And then after we moved all of our expensive cool stuff in here, we were like, you know, dusting our hands off long, hard days working. We're walking out. I moved my whole computer in here. We meet the superintendent of the building. She's an old Italian lady.

Well, she's Italian, Dominican, and Puerto Rican. Okay, so Italian. Triple threat. Yeah. Yeah. She made me, like, she made me, like, she made me know. She was like, like, I'm, like, first two sentences. She was like, I'm not going to say her name.

That's funny that she does have the accent of mixing all three of those. Yeah, she does, yeah. Oh, she thought I was Italian, too. She looked at me and went, oh, yeah. She guessed all of our races. You were Russian, Ukrainian, and I said, no, I'm Italian. She said, oh, Italian. Yeah, and then she looked at you and said, what are you?

She said, no, she said Italian, I said no. She said, just a bunch of stuff. She's like, oh, yeah. She doesn't like you. She doesn't like me at all. But we walked out and we were talking to her and like, just like, all people love me. That's not a fact. That's completely false.

Our boy, Phil called you Lamerin. Whoa. Remember that? I do remember that. He called you. He hasn't stopped thinking about it. I didn't hear that. I actually didn't think of that.

We didn't have to reconsider that. You've been thinking about that a lot. He got you so good. He got you so fucking good. I'm an old soul. You're an old soul. old soul. No way.

Old people see me and they know I'm wise beyond my ears. Old people see you and they can have a conversation. They look at you and think you're on their level and that's why they don't like them. The thing is, I have, I have inherited the worst old person traits from my grandparents. Like I like, I like, I'm like, stomach problems. Still, yeah, stomach problems. You got that smell. No, just like, like, like, weird smell.

No, just like, like, like, hoarder, like, just picks up like, like, books out of the trash and brings them home. Like, I'm going to read this. And like that, that kind of. that kind of like just telling telling people about being like, oh, did you ever hear about this thing that happened in the 1950? Yeah, horrible, terrible, terrible. Yeah, really annoying. I would love to find a deal with the grocery store.

I would love to fast forward to be 70 years old because I think I'd be a really, really good 70-year-old. You'd be a good perfect grandpa. But I'm a really annoying 20-something year old. Yeah, we'd be the perfect grandpa of all time. You would get so good. That's what I'm saying, right? Like this long hair could be really wispy, right?

And gray. You'd be so good at metal detecting. Dude, I would be so. That's so good. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You need to get into that stuff, birdwatching. Yeah.

Anyway, the... Anyway, yeah. So, this lady, she's talking to us. She's so excited. We're renting the place. And she's like, oh, and just so you know, you'll see walking up and down this block, there's a beautiful 31-year-old white man. That's what she said to those exact words.

And he... He used to live in this apartment. He used to live here. And he fell in love with the place. But then he loved. the apartment, and now he tries to get back in because he loves it so much. So he broke that window right there, and he went in

there a few weeks ago. He just, he loves the place. He's beautiful, by the way, a beautiful wild man. And she's also like, he's so clever. Like he's a Velociraptor. He's so smart that he figured out the combination to the building. And we were just sitting there, oh, awesome, great news. No, that's cool. That's really good.

And so she's like, we put a security camera down there and like that's going to help us at all. He loves the apartment so much he's trying to get back in. He just loves it. No, he has to get home. He needs to go home. If he pays us rent, I mean, I'm down to hang out with him. That's what I was saying. If he shows up and he's like trying to break in, we'll just be like, we'll give you a tour, bro. Like, you can come hang out whenever. If you really need to hang out that bad. Yeah. If he's, if he's really that beautiful. Also, yeah, if you're good, like, we could probably use a, like, a good looking guy in the crew, like a really good looking guy.

Yeah. You know, let's just do it. Also, he used to be a construction worker. He could help us set some stuff up around here. Oh, dude, yeah. Also, he used to be a construction worker, but now he's into drugs. We could get some drugs from him. I love drugs.

Drugs are cool. I love doing drugs as long as he's not pressed with Fent. Yeah. And he probably wouldn't, he wouldn't have drugs that are pressed with Fent, though. I don't know. He would have drugs pressed with friend. Yeah. Yeah. After he's done with us.

Friendship. That's right. He could live under the stairs there. But so we're pretty much. calling him the lovely invader. The beautiful invader. We have to deal with the beautiful invader now. Yeah.

The loveling honor. The craziest part of it is like, is not, to me. The handsome strangler. The handsome homebody. She told us this whole story about how he, so he walks out, he runs up and down. She said, she also said, oh, the other day, he was running up and down trying to get in, but he saw me, and he left. Running up and down.

She's so powerful, dude. He said he ran by and tried to get in, but he saw her, and he was out of there. He's trying to displace enough air that it just pushes the doors open if he runs by fast. He's running around the building and trying to create a tornado. He's building up speed so then he can just run, he phased through the door. He's trying to dive kick through the window. He's running around to, he's trying to run fast enough to spin Earth's rotation backwards so he can go back to when he lived in the building.

He's trying to Superman out. That's a really good point. The whole thing, it felt like a cruel joke is that he like, he got into the unit directly next to our like she told this whole story like he tries to get in he's not going to get in don't worry but by the way he broke the window right next to your window and he went

in there also he must be a thin man because it was a small hole tiny tiny holes and he's good looking yeah yeah and 31 dude I bet he's shredded dude definitely I bet he's like I can't stop fucking thinking about him yeah perfect ripped body

I want to I want to I want to show him I want to show him that he can have a better life. Can you imagine his cum gutters? Oh. This is his V. I bet he's so cut, dude. What if we see him?

And he's got to have a small cock to fit in that thing, too. Yeah. Definitely. No, that was a tiny hole. It's not a power thing either. Maybe he can like, yeah. Maybe he can like squeeze his body like an octopus.

See, oh. Because that really didn't look like a human-sized hole. It was a, it was a very small hole. And also there was there was jagged glass pointing like, like, surrounding the hole. Yeah. And so he might be cut up, too. Damn. I have to nurse him back to health, too.

He literally is like a Dark Souls NPC. He's probably covered in scars. Definitely. He's chasing some long-lost, like, sorrowful spirit of his, like, past dwelling. Yeah. And he's called The Beautiful Invader. And then I heard, when I was trying to figure out something and I went into the lobby, the apartment building the other day, and I heard from the apartment that she pointed to

and was like, that's where he lived. I heard that one Spanish song was like, so maybe he's just trying to get back into the party oh true maybe he's got a non-stop party house up there she also another detail she told us that i i forgot about until uh the other day is that she after she said after he lost the apartment his roommate left too oh yeah he probably doesn't even realize his roommate's gone he's probably going to get back into his apartment teamed up they might have a team rocket kind of thing oh shit the thing is we either have a nemesis or a best friend and either way, I'm, like, really happy about it.

Yeah. Like, it's cool. It's a big change in our lives. It's nice to finally have, like, a villain. Dude, I've never had, like, a actual, like a, I've never had, like, an otherworldly villain in my life. A slasher villain, basically. It's fucking sick, dude.

Like, we have to defend ourselves. We've been talking about it just being five nights at Freddy's every time we're at the office. That's cool, dude. Like, I want that so badly. Yeah. Playing, like, like, maybe one. And also the best part is. Dude, maybe one night he cuts the power.

Oh, shit. Oh, God. He cuts the power. and then we just start hearing... Yeah, it's all dark. We start hearing chains just dragging the floor down the hallway. It'd be cool. It's a grumble.

Yeah. Oh, my God. That would be so sick. We open the door. He has one huge arm. Damn. Like Popeye? Like a Charger and Leffered dead.

Yeah. I'm thinking more Popeye. No. Or like Pop-I. Maybe his roommate could be Popeye. Okay. So it's the charger. It's the charger and Pop-Pi.

And we have to... I don't know which one I'm more scared of. Maybe it's like a boss fight where, like, We had been, like, eating spinach, so we have to, like, hit the pop-eye guy before he gets to the spinach we were eating, or else we'll get more. We have to throw. Well, you know what we need to keep her on here. We could poison the spinach by putting soap in it. You know what we need to keep around here.

Some red barrels. Yeah. That we can throw out of him. No, that makes the fight way harder. If you're standing next to one. We just throw red barrels at him, though. What if he uses a chain spinning attack and he blows up all the red barrels at once? I'm not going to pretend that I know the game fact on this guy.

I just, I, I, I hate. Well, red barrels respond if they're needed. Exactly, yeah. And also, you don't need to keep a little floating cross, a little floating plus sign. Yeah. Get some health. Those are, those will be good. Yeah, they're expensive though, man.

Well, hold on. Green floating, holographic plus sign. Yeah. If, yeah, we keep one of those. Barbarian, rogue. Yep. Wizard. Okay.

Okay. Can I have a bow and arrow? What did I say you were? Rogue. You can be a ranger. Archer? Yeah, archer. All right.

Thank you. I was going to say, I think if we, we keep some chew jellies around. If we keep those in a bottle, we can bring them to the hat. and then she'll turn them into potions. If we get some blue... Oh, we got to turn this into a crafting table. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're going to need to upgrade our stuff.

You know, once we get the bone arrow and the sword and the... Oh, fuck. Dude, we can get chain mail? Yeah. We're going to need chain mail for sure. I'm supposed to go to medieval times soon. You're supposed to? Yeah.

You have an appointment? I do. You have a portal? Yeah, my girlfriend has tickets to medieval times. Oh, we're going to need a portal. Yeah, we need a portal. We're going to need a portal to our home. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Also, we're going to need to invite, maybe invite some other players. Yeah. Yeah, to defend our... Oh, my God. We could do a raid. What if he... He's doing a raid? No, yeah.

No, what if we're, like, we go home for the night? We come back in the morning. He's in here. He's, like, terraformed it to be, like, his layer, and we have to do a raid. We have to recruit the other people from the apartments and stuff. If he terraforms our office into his place, do... So once we defeat him, it goes back to normal. Okay, I was going to say...

Or we have to use a converter shard. that's true but all of our stuff would be repurposed into new things right so it would be like this would probably be like this would be like a drug table the computer would be like drugs the computer would have the

Silk Road OS on that skateboard would probably be a pile of drugs to be a giant pile of crack yeah yeah Alex told me my room looks like a crack den your room yeah Alex has never met anybody who's ever done crack

that is so funny Your room is, like, full of, like, British comedy DVDs and the bed's on the floor. The bed's on the floor right now because the bed frame broke and the move. Okay. That's why it's on the floor. I guess so it's not even your bed. It's a mattress on the ground. Yeah.

You don't have a bed. No. You're a bedless man. Yeah. What's that like? Dude, it's been crazy. It's insane. It's like I moved.

It's so hard to fall onto a mattress on the ground. Yeah. When you are really tired from a long day's work. I love falling onto my bed. It's a what? You know, it's not like... Yeah, you got to have a comfy mattress. Yeah, you go down, like, if you go off the way down too far, yeah.

Did either of you do that mattress scam? No. The purple mattress thing? What is it? You could, you, it is a, anybody can do this, I think. Yeah, that's someone like Chloe. A million people in New York did it. You just order a purple mattress.

Or maybe it doesn't work anymore because, because they... But when, like, a lockdown was real serious, they wouldn't take returns on mattresses. Because it would cost more money for them to get the mattress back. And then clean it and everything. So you would, so you,

you say it doesn't fold out correct. I think I know where this is going. So you just order it. Yeah, you buy the mattress. You kill the delivery. And then it's like, good luck trying to bring this back.

Exactly. Yeah. But yeah, you would just order it. And then you would say like, it's too weird. Yeah. And then they would,

it's like a $2,000. I mean, that's a scam. You can, that's not just mattresses. That's a lot of stuff. Well, It has to be something where they won't take returns. Here's a crazy fact.

Maybe it's why they know, Purple Mattress, big Mormon company. Owned by the Mormons. Those stupid idiots. Those stupid freaks. I love Mormons, actually. You can do that on Amazon, too, though. Really? You get free shit.

Yeah, if, well, so you can get free shit. You can say it's stolen or something. But also, you can also just, like, if it's a thing that you're only need to, like, if it's not something you need permanently, it's just something you, like, say you order, like, this is a dumb example, like scissors or something. Oh, that's so fucking stupid, dude. Oh, you idiot. Why would you say that? Returning $8 scissors is so fine.

Not scissors, obviously, but you know what I mean. You can just return, you can open stuff and return it, dude. It's a scam. Just ordering scissors and using them to cut one thing. Yeah, you're only going to need them one time, right? These scissors aren't sharpened. Yeah, they had the, the sharp end was facing the wrong way. They sharpened to the wrong side of the scissors.

Yeah, you could order a full. set of silverware, eat a bunch of meals, then return them. That's a really good idea. It's a scam. But then what about the next time you need to eat? Well, you do it again. Or you can eat a year's worth of food in a week. That's the best part about the scam is they don't get mad at you because they still get the stuff back. True. And you can do it infinitely. Leave all the food on it. Well, yeah, I mean, it's not your job to clean it. Well, that's, you, you order dishes and then you get them all dirty, but I don't want to do the damn dishes. So then you return them. Exactly. That's really smart. Or you can order food on Amazon like groceries, right?

And then you eat, listen, you eat all that, you eat all the groceries. Then you go to another grocery store. You buy those same groceries and you say you're returning those groceries. And you just little they know, it's completely different groceries. You keep doing that forever. Exactly. Yeah. And then you, and then you're basic, you're saving a lot of money every time.

Save like $30. Depending on, yeah. Well, no, because you. So if you buy the groceries expensive from Amazon and then you buy them cheap from somewhere else, you return them. You make... That's called a profit. Exactly.

It's a profit deal. That's how businesses are run. Uh-huh. Yeah. Profit. And we have a business. We need to start getting into drop shipping or something while we have a space. Or maybe, like, scams.

Or maybe robbery. Yeah. Yeah. We should rob something or somebody. And then we plan it all here? Yeah. Oh, then we can buy a whiteboard to plan it. Listen, it's subterranean.

This could be a, a crime den. This could be a really good crime den. You know? I can't wait. Yeah. We need to get, we need to hire a kingpin. We're going to, because let's be honest, I mean, none of us have. We're all criminals, but none of us have the build that's required for a kingpin.

I'm bald. Yeah. You're square. I'm clever. You're just boxy. That's true. But we need to double your width. Exactly.

If I was, if I like, if I got any wider. Yeah. With my shoulders and my belly would go. That's why, that's why we need like, I'm all torso, baby. I'm built. That's why we need to get some like cloning pods or, genetic modification stuff, because if we combined all three of us, the combined width of all of us

would definitely be wide enough for a king pin. I should get into synthal injections. Oh, yeah, that'd be good. Do you get my arms huge? Yeah. You could be the muscle. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Instead of the muscle, we call you the salempsil. But like, I'm, no, I'm not working out. That's the funniest thing about the synthal thing is like, you don't get any strength. Yeah, it looks so strong. And then, or not even, you just look like. You look like a mutant. You look like you were in the microwave. Like, you look like a hot dog in the microwave.

Yeah. It looks, yeah, the weird bubbles and stuff. Yeah, that's cool. But, you know, that's what I should do. I should get into Synthal. I'll get some BK bold shit going with me. If you run at someone, if you run at someone with giant balls like that, they're going to cower. You could do that.

I think I might get a beak. A beak. Yeah. Because I think that might be really scary to. You should get like a pelican beak That has a pocket Really? I was thinking maybe like a Tucan beak

Oh really that would be so beautiful on you That'd be really beautiful Okay well I don't really want it to be beautiful I'm kind of more looking to be intimidating You would need the other bird of paradise That you need like a plume Okay I don't want a plume Because I'm not trying to be beautiful

I'm trying to be scary So you want to look like a condor Okay so what's a scary Maybe a chicken's beak could be pretty scary No the scariest thing about a condoes The whole thing about a condor is the fact that they're like... It's the wings. That they're bald.

Yeah. Maybe I'll get no beak and I'll just get wings. Wings would be scary. But how do you fight with wings? Look at Sephiroth, dude. My feet, maybe. I could kick. Oh, well, you're going to need claws on your feet.

I could just get like heavy, heavy shoes. You know what we should do? You know, we should all do? That's true. Well, but he has arms. The sword is the scary. I wouldn't, I wouldn't have arm. I would be turning my arms into wings.

Here's what we do. Okay. We all get, we all get an extra, we all get an extra. The two-wing and angel. They call him the two-winged angel. He's the scariest villain. I think... They call him the one-haloed angel.

That's the scariest part about him. I think the simplest way, the simplest body mod we could do to make us all seem scarier is get an extra toe right here like a dog. That could be really an extra toe halfway up our calves. Actually, I have an even simpler idea. We could just get our iron. our eyebrows slanted so we look angry. Yeah. Oh, that's good.

I got pretty good eyebrows for that already. I think that... No, but it's not... That's sick. You have not... I make a perfect M. That was a really... No, that doesn't make you look angry.

What are you talking about? M stands for mad! You look like a baby. Yeah. But you're not like... This is not anything. That's a baby pooping diaper face. You do look like you're shitting yourself.

You look like you're doing a... Like the... No. You do look like, just with the face, you look like you're pretending to be like an old Mexican guy. Chingate, but I'm saying we need, our eyebrows need to be rotated at a 45 degree angle. They need to be slanted down. No, that's your, you're raising them up. You're slanting them the wrong way.

Yeah, like that. Exactly. That's, but more. That's not bad. That's getting there. Yeah. And imagine how scary if you saw that running at you out of a crime den. Cherry on top.

Terry on top Oh Oh you know We could all get is a rattler Oh shit Would we need to get a tail installed Or what would we put the rattler on These are our penises

Yeah Oh true It's a little extra length And it's ripped Yeah And we got to start I'm telling you now Strongest thing we could do

Start hissing You sound like a tornado siren. Yeah, I know. I'm adding scarier things to it. We could get... What's scarier than being in a tornado? This, boo! Also, sentry gun.

Yeah, definitely. Century gun? Century. Century egg. Century egg gun. Century egg gun. Century egg gun. Century eggs are probably pretty.

hard. It would hurt if it shot out of a gun. And they smell. They smell. They smell good. They probably smell good. Those don't actually take 100 years, do that? Yes, they do. They don't. They don't. No, they take like a couple months. A hundred months. It's called a century egg. Yeah, but it's because it doesn't take. I know. I can

sue. I can tell you that it doesn't take 100 years because I've Googled literally probably like 20 times. Does a century egg take 100 years? Because I forget every time. Well, then that means I can sue. You can't sue China Yes I would love to This is how we take them down Finally

You look badass right now Yeah Do we all look like some badass Dons Why are you not letting Cameron use this chair right now No he can take it Why are you letting him use this chair He yelled at me when I tried to sit in it

No it's two chairs And he yelled at me when I tried to sit in either of them No I yelled at you and tried to sit in this one The only time that you should look at your ass To see if you have two chairs Is to make sure that you have two So your neighbor can have one for his ass And get this, he yelled at me before for sitting in this chair, too, because it squeaks.

You're allowed to use my computer chair when you record whenever you want. It's not what you said before. You're putting on airs because we're recording. And you don't want, you don't want the fight to be air. But I'm, I'm making it public. You better fucking. No, everyone harassed Patrick about this. No.

Take him down. Don't take it down. Once and for all. You need to be taken down a pig. You need to be taken down one. I can't move. I can't move this chair up or down at all. Look, it doesn't go up anymore when I had to, when I had to move it.

You will never fix that. I will. You will never in a million years fix that. I will. You will not. Because I mean, I'm just, it's, I'm going to make money if I fix it. What? What?

Because then I can flip it. Is there money stuck in there? Fuck you, dude. Thank you for giving me this chair. The guy who you scammed for free chair. I didn't scam him. He was giving him. He sounds like you scammed him.

You're a scammer. Thank you, Will. Getting free shit from him. All right. So here's a list for today. Top 10 questions to ask male top tenors. So this is kind of a top ten community. We're three male top tenors in a major way.

I would say we're the three most high profile. Probably the most male. Yeah, the most high profile is what I was going to say. Well, definitely high tea. I'm losing my hair. He has none. High on the top ten. But you have a beautiful girl locks.

I do. So what's up with that? What's up with it? Girl. It's cool. Girl. You guys enjoy that you're a man right now. Prove your test.

I don't have to. Show me your balls in your penis. How do you get your testosterone tested? Why? We should do, we should... What are we the fuck? We're the try guys now? I'm not going to do that bullshit.

We should get our testosterone tested and then whoever has the most... If you're worried about it, go ahead. Whoever has the most is the alpha of the show. No, you will never be the alpha of the show. Even if you... Literally, it doesn't matter how hot you are. You have dangerous levels of testosterone. You literally will never be in a...

headlock. Well, you will always be the Omega. We'll see. That's cool, right? Omega. You like that. Oh,

it sounds cool, right? We will see when we get tested. Omega's the best one, right? Omega's cool. Google right now how to get your testosterone test. What do you mean? Why would we Google that right now on the show? I'm the alpha.

Google the testosterone test. No, no. I don't think we will. You can use your phone if you'd like little guy. Go ahead, little boy. Why you sit and so little. You look really short. It's the chair.

How about you roll your shoulders back? You literally look like a slug. I don't look like a slug. Get off your phone. You started this. You started this trying to alpha dog me and Cameron. The two co-alpha dogs. Same day testosterone check results in work with that.

Roman testosterone. What the, don't pull a fucking box cutter on me? I didn't pull it on you. You just opened a box cutter. scared right now? Which one do you think wins? Open it back up, bitch. Let's go.

No. I don't need to do this. We're going to sword fight live. Okay. That's going to snap off. Ow! Did I hit you? No.

But you believe me, you fucking idiot. Yeah, you got so worried. Non-Alpha. Yeah. Omega. Omega. Oh, you Omega dog. That's a cool nickname.

I can get an everly well testosterone test for $50. That's a bad. That's a bad thing to be sitting on your... You can buy it at CVS for 6179, but at Walmart for 40 times. If you take a girl home, she sees that on your dresser, though. Oh, God. Oh, I thought it was a COVID test. I'm sorry.

That was a $50 you're saying. I'm sorry. The test goes down one point. I'm sorry. If you search that on your phone, I think it adds you to a list where you will be like the first person they test the remote control on the microchip for the vaccine on. Yeah, they're going to explode your head first. Yeah.

If you do anything like that, you get, you also will get ads before it forever. I get ads for dog DNA tests because I mentioned it at one time. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we talked about it in the car. Yeah, just keep getting dog DNA tests. Yeah. Fuckers.

You should test, because I swear to God, he's part German Shepherd. That'd be cool. He would be cool. He's getting huge. It's so scary. I know, he's going to get really big, dude. I hope he grows too big. be so awesome.

I hope he stays the same, like, low to the ground, but gets like, like, you stretched him, like you open him up in Microsoft paint and just opened, like stretched him up. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Now, first question, are you homosexual, bisexual, or transgender? Hole is a hole.

A hole is a hole. Okay, then why don't you fuck an animal if you think a hole is a hole? They call me an animal in the bed. What's up? No, no. If you honestly think a hole as a hole, I dare you to fuck a chicken. You dare me?

I double-dog-dare-you-to-fucking. Oh, I would hate that. I'd double-dog dare you to fucking chicken. Here's a comment. I'm talking like gossip. Oh, boy, I would hate that so much. I have ascended above the need for sexuality. And that's a comment from Freddie Mercury Fart Queen.

Freddie Mercury? Freddie Mercury. He did not ascend above sexual. urges. I'm a nothing. I am completely gay. Crusher Hammer 1. I'm not trans, bi or gay.

I'm heterosexual, to be honest. I added this. I'm straight as a stick. Are you, though? Straight. Straight. Ha, ha, no. That's from, read that name?

Which one? Oh, I can't see from over here. What does that say? Does I say PM? Oh, that's PFTT, okay. Like, you gotta move the laptop closer to me. Okay, this is why we need a super extra large 50 inch TV. Yeah, if you have a 70 inch TV, then first of all, congratulations.

Second of all, it's ours now. Can we have it? Number two, question. You don't ask if we can have it. See, it's ours now. No, so you got to negotiate. See, this is a classical omega dog mistake you're making right now. You got to negotiate, and then you tricked them into buying something out of

duct tape maybe and then like a wallet trading it yeah duct tape wallet that's a definitely good option we need to make duct tape wallets with the spitfire logo on yes so bad that would be sick number two question are you sexist yes here's the top comment I would say definitely not and I'm honestly

proud of being socially acceptable to everyone whether they're LGBTQ or anything like that I don't judge unless you are either A hate sloths B have murdered people C are a certain person called Donald Trump D, are a rapist, or E, are sexist. Or F are gay. It's the F stand for.

Never mind. No, and I don't think anyone here really is. Femin Nazis are quick to call men sexes for the dumbest reasons. That's facts. Kind of. I like talking to girls a lot more than boys in some cases. So if that counts, then yeah. Did you guys see the video where it's like 100 women with their tits out?

out in Paris and they're sitting and they have the Ukraine flag painted and it's like stop the invasion of Ukraine. Mike's going crazy. Someone has a crazy mic. Oh, is that mine? Probably Patrick's. Probably Patrick's. It was stuck under

the chair and I was trying to move it. I mean, sorry, probably Omega Dugs. But the video is so funny because they're like they have on their tits, it's written like, it's like a feminist against like Putin. And I just think it's so cool that they're like, that's good.

Yeah. He's going to be like, the feminists are showing their tits and parents. The women is so powerful. I will have to go see the women in Paris and I will have a long talk with him. I will have to see them. I will have to see them in person. I will have to walk up. I need to understand their points.

I have to walk up and down the rows and look at all of their boobs to make me finally decide no more war. Women really think that boobs are going to work against Putin. That's happened before. Remember there's that picture of. of some girl. Yeah, the white lady who's like shows her tits. She's sitting like spreading up.

Oh, that's what to Putin. I thought you meant the lady at the fucking chaz or whatever that like sat down with her damn pussy out at the police. Well, it's because Putin has been known on occasion, several occasions to be gay with Donald Trump. No. And a gay guy who sees boobs will become enraged.

That's true. That's a, actually there. It's like a thorn in a giant's foot. That's a really good. They chimp out. I didn't even think about that. They go crazy. When a gay man sees a boob in person, I can't like that.

There's like a phone. That's what he's coming out of their ears. They're whistling like a train. They say, why you little like Homer Simpson chase the women around. Yeah. So that's what they're trying to get him so angry that he kills himself.

Yeah. Because he's watching that video and the guy goes to... His head explodes like scanners. Yeah. That would be the best, like somebody committing suicide because they're so angry. It's so funny. It's getting so.

mad that they just jump out the window. Not even, yeah. Jump at the window. That's what I'm just like getting so mad and just, just charges, just smashing out the window. I do want to jump out of a window. It would be sick. It would be so cool. Maybe like a parachute.

You know what would be really disappointing? I met it. Jump out of the window and the glass shatters in a way that it kills you before you. True. I met a guy who jumped out of a window and I, he was like on crutches. Did he live? He lived, yeah. I wanted to ask him so bad if it was fun.

But I feel like that was like, yeah, I didn't want to ask him that. He, was he sensitive about it? I think it was a sensitive subject. He jumped out of the fucking window. Nobody pushed him out of the window. He did it on purpose. That's what an idiot. That's true.

What did he did? He survived. He's a God. There was a... Probably had a great time, too. There's like a... Not that you would know. It's like a tower of terror.

I guess he's all sensitive about it. Well, what if I had asked him and he said no, that would be really, like... Like, I wouldn't want to know that. Yeah, that's, that's a secret knowledge. That's not for us. That would be, that would be, if you ask somebody, if you ask somebody, if you ask them that instead of getting mad, you're just like, no. That's like, that would break my heart.

People, they say that, like, if you, like, a third degree burn actually feels like really good or something. They say that. Yeah. It's like, if you, if you burn all over your body, it feels really good. The heat miser said that. Yeah. It burns off all your.

The heat miser said that. Yeah, it's, exactly. Pete Miser came into my elementary school. None of the thing about it, a presentation. It was the devil. The degrees of burn is how good they feel. If you feel it, if you go, if you're trying to run away from a fire and you hold your hand to the door and it's hot, that means it's a fun room. Now that I think about that, that probably definitely is a little kid myth.

Yeah. I've never heard that before. First degree, first degree is the worst. First degree. Second is the best. Second, yeah. And third is the one. your chest.

Yup. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Number three, are your fingers large? Yeah. Are your fingers large?

Look at my shit, dude. Who is the? My fingers are small. Let's compare hand sizes. No. Wait. I bet you definitely, yeah. Yeah, you have big hands.

I have small hands. Oh, we have done this before. Oh, we have done this before, yeah. You omega dog. Wow. Whoa. That's why we're, that's why we're out. We're in love.

We have the example. No, no, no, no, no, your hands aren't lined up. Caleb, move your hand down. It has to be palm to palm. They have palm to palm. Dude, they're literally exactly the same. No, no, no, no, no. Caleb has smallest hands.

No, dude. I don't care. You know who else has small hands? You know, who else has small hands? Literally the biggest alpha of all time, Donald Trump. Facts. Literally alpha dog to everybody in the nation. Yeah, who do I get?

John Kerry. Yeah, fucking pussy. That Frankenstein-looking motherfucker. I wish you got a second purple heart for dying. Yeah. Yeah. Who, John Kerry? I wish you got him

Yeah, he's a purple heart Yeah Guys with big hands You know what You should get that checked out Guys with big hands They play piano And that's female

You guys with little hands They can only hold Like hammers The only thing I can Yeah A hammer a drill A hamburger A gun

A combination of a drill And a hammer Yeah Only cool things like I wish I got like You know I wish I had like A tiger mom

Who made me play piano As a kid I would love to Everybody wishes that Dude oh I wish I wish I could play like a thousand miles from my... That's probably the most common thought in the history of the human race is I wish someone forced me to play piano and I was a kid.

I got forced to play piano and I suck at it. I did too and I stopped. I didn't. Yeah. I kept doing, I started playing. I taught myself, I tried to teach myself bass. That somebody could have forced you to play piano as a kid. Somebody could have forced me to play piano.

I feel like there's no way. My dad tried to get me to play hockey too and I didn't want to. Exactly. You would have gotten stuck in the... And the piano wires like a cat. You think that, like, oh, there's, I wouldn't have, like, forcing me to learn hockey didn't work, but piano, like, that would have been the thing. Well, I would have been stationary. What are you talking about?

I would have made it harder. That made it. That's true. Yeah. Well, well, then I would have seen, like, a video of Little Richard, and I was like, you can move while you play the piano. You were, you were like Jerry Lee Lewis. You didn't play the piano with your feet? Who's the, the, the, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, from the wild thornberries?

Squidward I don't know I never watched that show What's his name Too much nature Is his name No Darwin's the monkey Futter

Futter Futter Futter Futter the monkey baby Futter Thornberry Barry It's cool that they adopt him Thing

His name is His name is it It's like they They like adopt him And he's like part of the family I think his name's like Lyle It's probably closer to

wild and thing. Nigel's the dad, the mob is... And I don't think he speaks English if I remember correctly. You remember those funny-ass pictures where they put Nigel Thornberry on people's faces? Uh-huh. Oh, my God. No.

You never saw those? And Nogh Thornberry would be like... Brother, you are in for a lot. You know that? Tonight, if you're feeling down any night in the future, I could be. Open up your Google Chrome, put your cursor in the URL bar, and I want you to go to know your meme.com

slash Nigel dash Thornberry. Okay. I'll have to check it out. You are going to... Donnie. Yeah, see, that's not... It was Donnie. Thing.

He was voiced by Flea. Did you know that? He was yelled by Flea. Yeah. Yeah. It would be funny if his... He only spoke in slap bass. That would have been way better.

That would not make any fucking sense. You're a fucking idiot. You don't have an imaginative mind. Number four, do you play video games? No. Yeah, you could say I'm a bit of a video game player. Definitely. I hate games now.

Oh, I hate games now. Oh, I hate... games now. Omega. Omega. You don't know what it's like to fail your enemy in battle, that's why.

One of the skills of an alpha is putting yourself in the shoes of others and understanding what it's like to lead the pack. So when I play for example an RTS, like StarCraft, I become the leader of the Zerg and I know what's right for my people.

That's what makes me an alpha. And you play StarCraft and you're like, I don't understand. I'm this little guy in this unit. I can't. Oh, I'm that little grunt who dies instantly. Yeah, that's me. It's like, no.

You're supposed to, when I play Animal Crossing, I become a deer. with a fancy suit on. I just look at all the Zergs dying and stuff, and I just get sad because they have families too. Omega. Omega dog.

Yeah, alphas are about commanding the pack, but they hate families. I would literally kill every family in America instantly with one button. I hate families. The family unit, I think the family unit should be a one-by-one cube that I compact them into in a machine. That's what the family unit should be,

a foot by a foot by a foot. I'm more interested in the family eunuch. I'm going to be castrating every last one of them so they can reproduce. That's right. Fuck. And the girls. Yep. I'm taking one cool guy from each family and I'm making the biggest pack the world has ever seen. That's right. And all the girls, I think we're doing female castration, which I'm pretty sure is when you put a cork up there. Like a bottle of wine.

When you get home and the family eunuch hasn't taken the chicken out of the fridge to defrost. It's his job. Yeah. My eunuch always being misbehaving. Dude, he's got two jobs. Yeah.

When I was in, I was at the story the other day and I saw a mom beat the shit out of her eunuch. That's fucked up. Yeah. She was like, sing a jaunty ditty. You guys remember we used to be able to have. And he was like, we're not in a story.

We're not in a store. We're not in a shoe story. We did it. We did you take. I wish I had a hunchback too. Oh, yeah. Dude, the hunchback, I mean, your church would get so clean. Every family should...

I'd use that hunchback like a lunch pack. Every family should have a eunuch, a hunchback, a mutant, and a slave. Yeah. Yeah. That's the real family unit. Yeah. That's right. And they all live in the basement.

They party. They're having more fun than their owners. Definitely. They basically... You said eating dinner and talking. All of them are slaves. They live like the gorgons and small soldiers. Well, actually, no, the hunchback owes them a life or death favor.

he has a life he has a he's a servant yeah oh and like a a genie or like a bound spirit but yeah okay does your does your hunchback be reanimating people no he's not unless you're a mad scientist family okay no yeah the hunchback doesn't do that on on his own mad scientist that's something he does with the mad scientist american family sorry yeah yeah uh number five do you go to the gym hell no The streets are my gym Here's a comment No, these are perverted True

Facts, the gym is low-key perverted The gym is kind of perverted Here's a comment There's nothing stopping Someone from smelling The machine After you use it

Me That's my job Your job is to smell The machines After people use them Well yeah I get all the stench out And then they can go in

Like if a girl With a big ass Does a bench press And gets up Off the bench Oh bench Then I go I go and I smell

To suck it all up Yeah I got To suck up all the stench stench so fucking Stanley Stanley sniffer. He doesn't smell it. He's the Jim Seller. Stanley Sniffer, the Jim Seller. Sucks.

I have a similar job, but instead of sucking up all the smell, they want me to, like, mask the smell. So I have to rub the smelly as part of my body all over the machine after. Which is? When I've done, my thing. He's got pachuli on his thing. Yeah.

I must get up before. I forgot your thing has like mushrooms growing off of the other stuff. It's like, yeah. You know, they say like, your grandparents ever say like you're growing potatoes behind your ears? Yeah, yeah. I got a... I got a...

I got a... What? Not in my balls. You never heard that before? If you have, like, dirt behind your ears, old people will say you're growing potatoes behind your ears? They're not... They don't have very good eyes.

Yeah, they can barely see anything. And they also, they're from... They're from back in time when, like, Jack and the Beanstalk was, like, real. Yeah, exactly. Jack and the Beanstalk was, like... They lived through this shit. My great grandpa, like, hung out with them, actually.

Yeah. Apparently, he was, like, way different. My grandpa had always talked about, like, turning. the TV on and seeing the giant falling from the Beanstalk. They used to be called... They used to be called... They're hearing it on the radio.

I mean the Magic TV. Yeah. The Magic TV. I mean the portal. The mirror. The Magic Mirror. Yeah, I mean, his window. He lived there. They used to call it... I mean, it's called PTSD now, but they used to call it Bean Shock. Yeah.

My grandpa was actually a prisoner of jar. He was stuck in one of the Giants jars for a while. Damn, are you serious? Yeah, yeah, he survived them. It's crazy. That's crazy. I would love to sit on his ear. He would bang on the jar old dark. And people make jokes now, but like if you do, if you say, if you say Fifi Fofum near an old person. Some of them still just get flashbacks, PTSD.

Yeah, they sit there and just go like, yeah, no, it's really, it's scary. It's really, yeah. Yeah. We tried to bring my grandpa out of the Redwoods, the Great Redwoods. He started convulsing. He thought there were beanstocks. Yeah. Yeah, he was like, not again, not again.

It's like, you know, I mean, like, it's good they got rid of beanstocks. stocks that go to Giants castles. Definitely. The thing is, and now people want to be like, oh, well, if we don't have the beanstocks, we're being isolationists. I mean, yeah, it is kind of, there's a clear. going on with Giants right now, like, is kind of our country's fault, I feel like. I mean, absolutely.

I don't really want to get into it, honestly. I mean, yeah, but you have to. I don't want to alienate anybody's listening, but, yeah. People know I'm like a libertarian, so, like, I just don't, I don't think that we should be involved with giants, but whatever. And people know I'm like a pescatarian. Yeah, and I'm also. People know I'm a Rastafarian.

Yeah. Well, yeah, that's my whole problem is I'm a Rastafarian. Yeah, I try to promote one love. People know, like, I'm like a cafeteria, so I like only eat cafeteria food from a cafeteria. Yeah. Just like. Yeah, I'm a cafeteria and my diet is just all appetizer samplers and it's just like. Yeah, just like tiny pieces of orange chicken.

Yeah. My diet is tiny piece of orange chicken. Every, every cafeteria know the excitement when you wake up and you see it's pizza day. Yeah. My diet is tiny pieces of orange chicken. piece of cafeteria orange chicken and then doing the backwards man back over to there and pretending to be another guy and grabbing another yeah definitely yeah and then trying to put it into the back of my head where i drew a mouth oh dude but it doesn't taste very good in the back of my head

the day uh the fucking i mean pizza day is probably one of the best holidays charlie suz is a great cafeteria food oh yeah sorry i can't come into work today i have a religious holiday it's it's french toastics day yeah you should be able to claim and one of the lunch ladies has a crush on me so she gives me five is there a way to

to like schedule your year where you convert to every religion in time to have every high holiday off I don't think you can just do that I don't think you need to schedule anything I don't think that no I think I guess you kind of have to soft seat it you have to be like

when the holiday's coming you're like I don't know guys I feel like I think I feel like I might be becoming a Muslim right now I just don't I don't know I've just been fucking I feel like you can kind of only do that for one year before they catch on. One year of you just being like an indecisive guy.

But then like also every Christmas you just go back to Christianity. You're like, I need a full. Well, then maybe the next year like, well, I finally decided I'm just going to do them all. That could work. Because then I mean, you have that you're like, well, I, like I have proof. I tried them all. I like them all. It's not like I'm just doing this for the holidays.

It's a very soft cult of like just a religion that takes off every religious holiday. yeah that is a good idea and and also is like what are they fucking called can we take off Halloween Jehovah's Witness we can that be part of Halloween and we can take off her birthdays okay yeah and we take it's

it's like a reverse Jehovah's Witness so somebody's never even seen but also Jehovah's Witness just for birthdays yeah yeah well they don't celebrate exactly you can't you don't celebrate your birthday but if you go into work people are going to be giving you a cake people are going to be saying happy birthday

Guess who's going to hell now? You. So you got to stay home. Yeah. True. Yeah. There was a, I knew a kid. It was a Jehovah's Witness.

He stayed home on Halloween every year. I knew a kid. He had a stinky butt. I'm serious. He would like smell up the entire school with his butt. That's part of, that's part of being a Jehovah's Witness. Can't wipe. Can't wash your ass.

Can't wipe. Can't wash your ass. You got to stay the way God made you. Yeah. You can't use a wash cloth. Uh-huh. Fucked up. Mm-hmm.

You can use a stick with a sponge on it, though. Are you a, number six, are you a virgin? Nope. Nope. Nope. I pretty much had sex a hundred times. I can't say. I had sex when I was nine.

I don't, I don't kiss and tell. I had sex when I was nine. Bad ass, dude. Okay. Okay, alpha. That's alpha. That is alpha, dude. Teacher?

That's the funniest teacher. I totally talked about it before. It's like old men on Facebook where it's like, When's the, like, in those, like, horny groups, they're like, what's the first time you had six? I fucked my janitor. My babysitter, let me eat her pussy when I was nine. That's a badass, dude.

It's an obvious lie, but it's like, you realize you're just saying you got molested. It's so funny. I know a kid who claimed in, like, second grade that every day when we had nap time, he was fucking this one girl. Yeah. He was like, we fuck every single day. We just go into the corner, we fuck. And I never stayed awake long enough to try and get a look, though.

Yeah. Yeah, his name was Jesse. He's the biggest fan of the show. He's cool. This is a good question. Number seven, favorite female user? My favorite female user was Britney Murphy. Female user?

I'd have to say myself. Whoa. Because I'd be using these females. Hit it and quit it. What's up, boys? Facts. Come on, come on. Yep.

This is just, I mean, the comment section here, the comment section here is literally just a list of usernames. Yeah. Except for this comment from Pokemon, Fantanels. 10 that says, I'm not going to say anything yet. Yeah, let's go. I'm not going to say anything yet. Don't let these women take you down.

Don't let these women discourage you. That's right. Don't let these females discourage you. He said yet. He said yet. It's literally, they're listing, there are people who list like 10 of them in one comment. Is that listed by age? What?

That last one? What was that? Why do you care? Oh, oh, Jen. What is that? Is that listed by age? Is there anybody 13 to 16? No.

That's you. Oh, Matt. Back to Omega. You just got downgraded. He just got demoted. Omega. We'll say Omega pedophile for now. Okay.

We'll just say that. We'll just call you the Omega pedophile of the office. That's like a metal gear solid boss. We can put up a clone. The one clone that they don't talk about of like solid snake. And he's like, can we put up a one son? This is an omega pedophile. Snake.

Snake. You're going to have to be careful going around there. There's a. that turns you into a child as soon as you walk into this building. Yeah, he has like a cutscene where he's just like flipping around a lollipop in his hands like, just like a full minute. He's dressed up like Donald Duck, Omega Pedophile. He's like walking around.

He dresses and talks exactly like Donald Duck. Hello, Snitch. Donald Duck is a really funny costume for a pedophile to wear. He'll be like, this is going to work. Yeah. I don't wear pants. It's part of the costume. Because the little hat is getting me.

That's really. Yeah. It's just a sailor's outfit with no pants on. Yeah. Did you guys ever meet like an adult who? Did she you guys ever meet Donald Duck? Yeah. You guys ever know like an adult who would do the Donald Duck voice to kids?

My Papa. My dad does it to my neck. That would, they used to scare me. If strangers did a Donald Duck voice to me when I was a little kid, it would scare me. Where is it coming from? What is it's just like a loud, violent voice? Spit out Donald Duck right now. my grandpa, he's just like scaring me when I was a kid.

So he would do the Donald Duck thing and then he had dentures. You would just shoot his dentures out. And they would hit me in the face. But like the... They would hit me in the forehead. It's so scared. It's scared the fuck out of me. The like, the pizza place near my house growing up where we would go like...

Donald Duck Pizza. There was like a, yeah, it was like an old Italian guy who like, who ran it or whatever. And whenever he saw me, he would do the Donald Duck voice, but he was like not good at it. So it would just be like, hello, Cameron. It would just be like we'd, like, go in, and he'd see me, and he'd be like, whew-w-w-w-whi-whi-w-w-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. It's like, like, making a scary hissing noise. And I'd be like, whoa.

I'm Donald the duck, yeah. That's a scary voice if you don't have it down. And I'm giving you a pizza. Well, favorite band, shine down. I'm a guy. I'm a male user. Oh, you'll have a be as a faded memory. Shine down, sick.

You know that? I just so hail it's come at you way. You know that shine-down song from, uh, I saw them live. Really? 2013. Then you heard bully? Of course, dude.

Dude, that song is in... They had a guy open for them who just had a, like, a 50-piece drum set. Hell yeah. And he was just... That's tight. Doing one man... That song was in... That song, bully was in one of the NHL.

I think is NHL 12, I think. NHL 13, one of them. And it's so funny to have, like, an anti-bullying song in a fucking game where, like, one of the... Like, you just, like, one of the options is fighting. another player. What are people saying their favorite band is? Well, my username is Bon Jovi 117. So do you expect me to say Maroon 5, Bon Jovi 17?

Oh, yo, we got to go to the Bon Jovi rest stop. I'm down. You know that? In New Jersey, there's like a rest stop that is Bon Jovi, like, it's a tribute to Bon Jovi. It's named after Bon Jovi and is Bon Jovi themed. That's sick, dude. New Jersey is like New Jersey sucks

New Jersey's one of the sickest places on earth You are you are from the worst state in the union What New Hampshire? Yeah It's not the worst state in the union You're wrong, I'm sorry You don't even have like cool western stuff We had the old man of the mountain over there

No New Hampshire is not Old Man of the Mountain I've been to more states than any of you guys I've trekked around this entire country It doesn't matter Yeah but New Jersey's sick because it's just stupid it. They got medieval times. They have the Bon Jovi rest up. That's literally a...

Oh, shit. Wait, did I tell you guys? Any intersection in America? No, no, no. Hold on, on. There's a new mall there. Okay. It's like one of the... I think it beats... I think it beats... I think it's an indoor amusement park at this mall. We talked about this. The ski slopes burn down. No, I don't think we talked about this. The ski slopes are burned down. This is a different mall.

Nope, that's a mall I'm thinking. But anyway, on the 1st of April, first and second, it's the... Don't go there on the 1st of April. You guess who's getting... Do not leave your... house on the first of eight dude it's going to be it's going to get i i mean i don't want to scare anybody but that is a prime time for russia to you of course yeah russia's pranks well just imagine no one will believe it

how many texts forward how many forwarded texts you're going to get that day yeah about i mean you hear you hear an air raid siren yeah yeah oh sure this time yeah exactly and then also even if the i'm staying in the bunker all day if the bomb hits somewhere that you're not you're going to be like well that was if that was a fool exactly i got fool again okay So on Friday, April 1st and Saturday, April 2nd at American Dream Mall in New Jersey, DJ Polly D, Nickelodeon Universe amusement Park Takeover. Okay, I will go there. We got to go to this. Yeah, okay, fine.

We're going to do a meet and greet. April 2nd, though. All right, yeah, we're not going on the first. We're going to meet and greet at the world still fucking here. Yeah. At the American Dream Mall in East Rutherford, New Jersey, at the Polly D show. They have an Americone Dream Mall? Yep.

Damn. All right. Number nine, what kind of list do you make? I would say that I might actually have the most diverse range of lists, whether it's a unique, miscellaneous one, animal, people, movies, companies, products, or sports. I have a featured list in almost every category,

so I don't think I strayed one side only. I'm bookmarking this person's profile. It's not working. Mostly music. All sorts, actually. We should start making more lists, I think. We need to. We need to contribute a little bit.

but we're just leeches on this community yeah you know we're not even giving back to the number 10 are you gay last one um um hmm uh here's a here's a cut though the last comment on here is no ugg i know what this list is for someone says i am 100% heteronormative i am leaning towards gay but i am a chill bisexual Hey, good comment, Pat. Thank you. All right. Go buy tickets to our tour.

Oh, yeah. Swagpoop. Swagpoop.com slash shows. We're going to Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., Richmond, Atlanta, Austin. Oh, no. Fort Worth. Then Austin. Then, Los Angeles, then Chicago. In May.

In May. The dates and the ticket links and everything. Swagpoop.com slash shows. Slash shows. Buy the tickets. Come see us. It's the Swag 19 Super Spreader Experience.

Bye. Featuring PeachCampion. Peace. Peach. Peach.