Podcast About List - Ep. 187 - Kung Fu Panda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

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Come in, come in, come in, and we see your butt. All the counts for the ball list. Every crap monster. All right. Beef and dosin. We got it. I thought it was super brown. You already said I thought.

No, kill him so. You know what's the other one. What are you guys doing? Terwin. What is that? Creven. What is that? Brebin.

This is not going to help me understand it better. Delpeteth a de horn. Gakana, got that one? Gakana, is that? Gakana, is that a song? Gakana, kha-kana da-twana da-twana-ta-twara. Is that how the song goes? I don't remember it doing that.

Bo-do-bo-do-wo-wo, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bo-in, strogi-do, bach-bis-cabidu. Is that really how the song? Turkey sandwich, bag, bag, bag, Wait, you just said turkey sandwich. That's a real word. Cobedito? Cobadito. Cobedito.

Follow, follow. Have I been wrong about what I thought is called Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star? What's it called? Gerbon turkey sandwich, gono wadia. Gerban turkey sandwich gobo wanda. Wow. My life is different. Sorry, we've been listening to a lot of Sigur Rose.

Who is Seeger Rose? it's um they sing that song spread your love and fly they sing that they sing that twinkle twinkle little star yeah oh really that's how they sing it oh damn damn damn damn oh damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn i'm sure that's not how you say that fucking band's name and they're got a damn little made-up language it's a band that it's a band that sings entirely in a made-up language what yeah i've never heard one of their songs though really i just know that i've heard that name i've heard ciger rose before i literally you know that i i've heard their name before i think

they probably like, I thought it was Sugar Ross. They probably like performed at like Boston Calling or something. That's the type of place that I would have seen their name. Dude, that's like one of those fucking. I didn't know they had a made up language though. That's one of those like millennial bands that like everyone in like a like a dude who's probably like 32 now and he was like our age. It's like one of the greatest shows you'll ever go to.

Yeah. They, they, they, they, I feel like they're in the same category in my brain as a band like and I don't know if I'm. pronouncing this right. Toro Imois. Toro I'mua. Toro imua is very different. I love Tori. It might just be because they have weird names. Yeah. Yeah. But in my brain, it's like, oh, those are the same band. In my brain, both of those bands are centered around banjos. No. Toroiemois is like, like, they were like the start of the chill wave thing. You all got to check out Briaking Benjamin. They weird as hell. Yeah, dude. They weird as fuck. Shinidone.

Shin-I-Dowen Shin-I-Dowen Shin-I-Dowen is pretty good Japanese band they are Yeah Yeah Shin-Dowin and fucking

Yeah What's that other band Oh Oh, oh Pudle Oh my god Pud Oh my god

CREED CREED is so good Crazy Bro Yeah CREED goes crazy Squendie Squendie some

Bendida Yeah Yeah. They're awesome, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God. That song, It's Been a Whelay. No, that's Stahen-ed. That's Stuy-E-Ned.

Stuy-Net is good, dude. Stuy-Ned kicks ass. Yeah, they're actually really good. Yeah. If you asked me. Hey, we heard a squid on bed, scuba. Didn't a bunch of bands do a simlish version of their, of their songs for the sims? Katie Perry did.

Yeah. Katie Perry did Hot and cold Mike Posner Ketipar Oh yeah You mean You mean

Ketiparai Isubu Bada Yeah And Miquet Possner Paskner Pascar Miquet Miquet

Possne Yeah I bet Mike Posner Is like huge In some Like You know how

Like the Bloodhound gang Is really big In Russia I didn't know Yeah I bet he's huge in Sim City He is huge in Sim City Yeah

Did you, uh, did you know that Mike, Mike Posner, when he did his one song and then he got real rich off of it? Well, he, he did another way. I took a pill and abitha. Yeah, but after, I took a bit on Ibita. After that, or before that, he went, he walked across the entire country, like, Forrest Gump. Really? Yeah. He went full Gump.

Damn. Yeah. He just was like, I, I need to be, I need to do something awesome. So he did that. It's funny that is, like, a, he did it because he's, like, in the, like, Zen Buddhism. stuff and he was like let's yeah and then he was like I'm gonna take a pill with avichy yeah which by the way pretty bad taste to put out a song after Avichi died of that was before was it no it was after no it was before it had to be after dude

before Vichy died in like 2015 that's not just like I took a pill in Abitha came out like 2014 no Vichy died in 2016 because I dude because it was I swear a god it was the first casualty of the Trump president I thought I Thuk Abil and Ibita came out like two years ago no you're like literally I looked at a picture of myself from seventh grade and saw the time stamp in the corner was 2010, and I got so freaked out. 2016, I took up healing in Ibiza. Then Avici must have died 2018. Let's see.

No, I think it was 2016, wasn't it? Avici, Swedish DJ, born 1989, died 2018. I bet you feel stupid as hell. I just said that. Whoa. What? I said 2018. No, you did.

You were right. No, yeah, I was right. Oh, my God. No, not you. Yeah, I was right. Not you. Because it was June, and it was like Chester Bennington and Vichie. Yeah, yeah, I remember everyone.

I feel like Chester Bennington died 10 years ago. No. Really? That wound is still fresh. Damn. It's still a very fresh wound. Not for me. I'm glad you.

You know who killed him. You know Avichie and Chester Bennington are jamming together in hell right now. That's right. You know Chester Bennington died, he turned into liquid metal. Like really bad, like early 2000 Citi liquid metal. And he went down to shower. It went down like a snake, like a snake trail to hell. I heard he died exactly like his death in Saw 7, where all his skin got ripped off in a car.

Oh, shit. He was in Saw 7? Yeah, he was cool, dude. All his skin gets ripped off and he screams. He goes like, ah! Like his Lincoln Park scream. Oh, my freaking skin! It's peeled from my bones.

He literally does, like, just his singing screen. He just, like, he's like, like, pull, his skin is getting peeled off. He was like, I can't stay in Lincoln Park. I hate screamo stuff. Really? Yeah. I hate screamo and I hate emo, because it's gay. I mean, something about, something about gay, having, guys having long hair. Screamo is basically about who can be screaming about having a pussy the best.

You're so stupid because scream, because when it comes to Screamo, some artists like Chester Benison, they may have the screams of a devil, but they have the singing of an angel. I don't, I don't even care. And the rapping of a gangster. No, that's. Lincoln Park was, if you, Mike Shinoda. was the... Mike Shinoda

Mike Shinoda is basically the biggest thug on earth pretty much if he asked me Why is he not in prison

for being such a gangster thug dude? Did you see him? You should have heard his side project. Oh yeah There's a lot of

songs about being in prison for a large population of people being in prison for being gangster thugs. Yeah.

And he named his song after he named his band after making a fort with children. What was he on Stiles of Beyond, no, Fort Minor.

Fort Minor. Yeah, he also named a, he also named a song after what my grandma can't do anymore. Remember the name. I forgot that was him. I thought that song was called 10% Look for a second. For a split second, I was like, that's what it's called. Dude. Those songs were swag, though.

Am I misremembering this? Is there a Lincoln Park music video where they're in a giant sink? no you're thinking of Narls Barkley Narls Barkley Gone Daddy Gone where they're bugs You're thinking of the movie

flushed away where the rats go down the toilet I have a very specific memory of a Lincoln Park music video where they're in a giant like bathroom sink and they're all really small and they're singing like

what the truth you can have you I think you're thinking it was supposed to look like like a ruin an ancient ruin Maybe I thought that it was a... I don't think you thought it was a sink.

Because, I mean, that early 2000 CG is not... It was so cool, dude. I feel like they're probably three different music videos where they look like they're in a sync. Yeah. The thing about Lincoln Park that says some apart from other bands is most other bands would be too scared to perform for Transformers.

True. Yeah. They actually... What I died? Dude, their songs and Transformers so sick. Dude, going to see the new Transformers movie every year on my birthday and be like, damn, what Lincoln Park?

The first Transformers, the first time I ever had caffeine. Wow. I stayed up to go see it at midnight. Dude, those movies are so good. I had a small Red Bull, and then I sat in my bed until 8 in the morning, just like shaking my legs like that. I had a, my dad took me out of school one day and took me to this, like, skate demo outside of Snowboard Jones in Manchester.

And I had my first Red Bull there, and my dad was like, yeah, I won't kill you. I was nine years old, had my first Red Bull. I was so annoying for the rest of the day. Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I think that maybe that Red Bull ruined my life. Me too. Dude, I'm like... That Red Bull made me want to do extreme sports forever.

I don't think I had my first Red Bull until probably like three years ago. Really? I was always a coffee. I feel like I got you into caffeine. I didn't, I don't think I had caffeine against us 15. But I never drank energy drinks until I met you. Yeah. Only coffee.

Yeah. I mean, I still don't drink energy drinks. I didn't. I had maybe had maybe had 10. energy drinks in my life before I could probably still count on two hands how many energy drinks I've had on my life yeah I've had a lot now I didn't get into energy drinks until I transferred into Emerson I was like not I was I wouldn't drink coffee I was on Adderall anyway so I figured I don't that's the thing too yeah it's like I was on Adderall too

I feel like an energy drink probably would have killed me when I was like 16 or 17 I would like I wasn't I was like somebody who like tried to be like I was like yep I would smoke cigarettes but I was like any do drinks that shit's so bad for you and then like I like once I turned like 18 19 I was like everything that I like did in high school was like yeah fuck it like I don't care anymore like I'll just like drink like two monsters a day yeah yeah I was like it's documented on this show like I was up to like two monster zeros a day and That's not that crazy. I feel like you used to drink bang, right?

Yeah. Well, there was that week where I was drinking rain and I'll just have panic attacks. Yeah, that's too much. Yeah. That's too much too fast because I fucking chug every, like, look at how gone this coffee is already. That coffee's gone as hell. Yeah. You're supposed to drink, you're supposed to drink a coffee throughout the day.

You're not supposed to like I. That's not true. You're lying. Yeah. I am. You're stop lying. I thought you were supposed to drink it throughout the day. You're supposed to drink it in the morning.

Yeah. I had a really, this morning. I woke up and I had a cup of coffee and I was like it like made a noted difference in my day which I haven't had that in a while I'm like whoa I love chugging a mug of hot coffee it's the best and just feel just the worst feeling of your life

for one hour you can feel just a pump shotgun of shit just like in your ass that's what I yeah it's just fully loaded you walk into the bathroom boom I mean it's literally yeah it's a five second scatter shot yeah all over the toilet every cleaned out Yeah, but the toilet doesn't.

And then for days, there's just a black, like, spots. There's a little black spot above that one spot where the water doesn't hit in the basin. You all don't spread your toilets? My shit gets on the bottom of the seat. That's how explosive mine is. It gets on the bottom of the seat? Yeah, dude, I'll pull the seat up to go pee and there will be like a ring of my shit all away around. I've never looked at the bottom of the toilet.

I mean, I live with three men. That's true. I live with two men, actually. You always keep the seat down. You always keep the seat down. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah.

Yeah. So is that a thing? What's the thing girls get mad at? If you leave the seat up. If you flush, because they want to look at it. Yeah. They want to inspect your bed. They get mad if you flush.

They can tell about your poop if you're cheating on them. They can. Yeah. It has your wedding right now. It's like, it's like, oh my God, a hot girl. Then you ate your wedding ring. Oh, I think you're getting fingered by a guy joke. I would never do that.

That's gay. It's like when witches in like medieval. times could read animals intestines to like to tell the future a girl can read a poop yeah tell the past all women are witches that's actually true these are the witches i don't think they're witches i think they're queens yeah evil queens yeah these are the daughters of the west that we that we that we couldn't burn so let's finish the job you know what i'm saying you know here's something i was thinking about the other day you know so you know snow white so you know the story you know how like the evil queen yeah the evil queen

has like a magic mirror and every day she goes to the magic mirror and she's like who's the fairest and who's the most beautiful woman in the land and every day the magic mirror says it's you and what and then one day snow white turned 18 and the magic mirror

changed its answer yeah well let's I mean let's be real on that day was it her 18th birthday that was the only explanation I could think of did she do her hair a different slightly different way I mean, let's be completely... I mean, what is the real practical difference to this mirror?

The mirror's never going to fuck her. It doesn't care. Also, it's medieval time. Unless he... It's medieval times. She must have turned like 13, actually. That's true. It's way worse.

That mirror. The mirror... The mirror is probably like a demon. Yeah, the mirror was... You know the mirror was like... Checking in every day. Yeah. Well, that's the thing.

The queen goes up to the mirror every day in acid, and it has to, like, scan the cake to... Scanning every pussy in the world. Fairest? Who's the fairest? True. Who's the whitest? Who's the... Yeah, yeah. Who's the white? True.

Fair? If I'm going by rhythm game standards, should be who's the perfect of them all? Yep. That's true. That's a good. The faire is the exorcist. Yeah, who's the excellentest? It's all about white stuff. Snow white. Who's the fairest? We need a... We need black as night. The new Disney princess, yeah. What's...

Pitch black. Yeah. I think that there was actually a, like, black-faced version of snow white. Really? Yeah, like, really bad. Snow black? I think it was called Cole Black. I was going to say that.

Oh, come on. I said, that's probably better than what I was going to say. I was thinking Cole Black. Why do you have the, why do you have an encyclopedia knowledge of racist parodies? I'm a princessologist. Really? I just, you know, ever since I was a kid, I thought princesses are beautiful. No, you're not going to get any arguments for me.

I just try to research which princesses are mighty fair. Which princesses are problematic? Which ones have done? I'm glad I didn't go to Disney as a kid speaking of princesses. I'm glad I didn't go because if I saw the Disney princesses at like age three or four. Oh, you could not hold me back. No, no, I probably would have turned out like a much gayer child. I would have knocked him with a tree branch and put him in back.

It was funny to go to, to go to, what's the one in Florida? I would have asked my mom if I could land. I don't even know. It's probably Disney World or something. It's Disney World. Okay, I went, going to that the first time last year. I mean, like, this sucks ass. This is the worst shit of all.

Universal, though? Like, Universal Rock. I've been wanting to make a Disney and Universal trip as a grown man. Oh, dude. Universal as a grown man is so sick. I'm so glad I didn't go as a kid. I want to see. Dude, I don't give a, I like roller coasters.

I want dark rides. The mummy, right? Velocaster will blow your minds. I want to get in a room and be and be transported to a new world. You got to go. the mummy ride. I want to go so bad. Mummy ride.

Gringott's. The Spider-Man, Dark ride. Spider-Man. Dude, really good. But I'm telling you, Velascoaster.

Do we got to get Island's Adventure. The thing is at Disney's you can go on the... The New Star Wars? Or is that Universal? Oh, okay. That's the one with Velassocoaster.

Universal and Hageritz Motorbike Adventure. That one fucks, dude. I've always wanted to be on his back. You're not on his back. You're on his bike. You get to choose. You get to choose if you're on the... I think he said Hagerd's motorback adventure.

Or in the sidecar. You would be in the side car. Why would I be in the sidecar? Why? Because I'm loyal like a dog? Yes. Yes. I would...

Your brain goes to what goes in a sidecar, a dog. You watch too many cartoons. Have you ever seen a real sidecar? Yeah. Yeah. No. I saw a little person in one. I don't think so.

I saw a little person in one. No, dogs with goggles going inside. That's so funny that that was your immediate. I honestly think I still think sidecars are for dogs Why would you want to be embarrassed if you were

If you were a human sitting in a sidecar And dogs What? It does make the riding the motorcycle Way easier Yeah You can't fall over And it's basically like a training wheel

Just laying on your damn dog He gives a fuck Right That's a good point I almost got I almost got Phil A backpack to put him in Yeah

But I was like Dude, you're becoming way worse than I am with pets. I'm going to be, like, it sucks, bro. I got boots, he got boots, man. You got your dog boots? Dude, he hurts his paw. You have to get your dog boots. He hurts his paws.

That's a normal thing to get a dog. You know, he came back from the city in New York, yeah. In general, there's a needle on the ground. Because salt, because salt hurts their feet in the winter. He came back from a walk a couple days ago, and I wipe his paws when we get inside. And I was, I wiped him on a saw blood. Immediately, I was like, we're going right now

we're getting him boots and I got on boots does he walk funny with the boots on I'm gonna show you a video I mean I was it was two straight hours of me losing my mind

watching him walk around he walks like yeah he's flapping his shit that's how I walk when I put shoes on me too yeah it's not natural dude

you know what I realize I haven't done in a while is put my bare feet on like grass yeah you know it feels really good that feels so good this is very specific

to my childhood my my my room in the basement had a popcorn like wall you know like the little like the popcorn ceiling like a little like with the spackle on it I'd like rub my foot on that

like it was a pumice stone dude I'd sit on the I'd sit on the opposite wall and just rub my foot on it oh yeah god damn that's disgusting it felt so good then your fucking cat comes and licks it

no no because it was it was on the stairs so no one could really like I would come and lick it it. My mom would not come in lick it. She did, dude. She cleaned it off. Oh, God. You're just rubbing your dead fucking foot skin.

Dude, I remember... It felt so good. I remember... I don't care. I felt really good. Yeah, dude. I remember my dad, one time I touched his heel. Changed my life. Oh, do you feel how, like, crusty is? My dad's heel is a, is a volcanic rock. It's got a perfect right angle. I feel like I have a similar, like,

seeing what, like, just my dad's, like, toenail. And it's being like, yeah, dude. Whoa. Oh, my dad's toe is like, is like bright and yellow like this light. When they're like corrugated too. Oh, God, dude. Just realizing like your dad's like not taking care of his damn feet. Yeah.

Well, there are two epiphate. The first one is like when you're, yeah, you see your dad's toenail for the first side. And then the second one is when you see your dad naked in the shower. And then the second one is like 10 years later you realize, oh shit, wait, that means my toenails going to be like that too. And now my toes look exactly like that. Yeah, it's crazy. My toes look pretty.

I take good care. of my feet. I don't. I spit all over my feet and poop and pee all over them. Do you guys remember when your dad, he would bend over to take the trash out and you'd sniff his butt? Do you guys remember that? No.

You guys remember sneaking a little peek? Uh-huh. Your dad's smell. Hey, dad, take credit cards because my nose is a credit card and then you slide your nose up his butt crack. Yeah, like a credit card. Like a credit card would? Yeah.

Yeah. It takes chip. Yep. All right. So we got to talk about the news, man, the big news that happened the other day that everybody's talking about. Oh, everybody wants it. Everybody wants to hear about what we think about Trump getting a hole in one. Yeah, that was pretty big news.

I think it's awesome and I'm really happy for him. I think it's cool. Yeah, he obviously practiced a lot. Did you see the video of him walking up to get the ball out of the hole? No. It's so cool. I actually didn't see. see this?

Trump got a hole in one. You show me the video? Dude, I'll find it. Yeah, it's like... I really want to see this. Dude, he walks up and he's just like... At Trump Links? No, it was at a Trump golf course.

It's the only... Yeah, Trump Links. No, it wasn't that one. He has like, fucking 50 of them. Wow, that's so cool. He should be president. He honestly... I watched this and I was like, we have to get him back, dude.

He's like, he definitely recharged him. Yeah. Like doing this, you know? Oh, fuck. Dude, he should play Frolf. Oh, God. Dude, Trump should play Frolf. True.

He should be, Trump should be an unlockable character in Ribbitt King Plus, too, if they ever make it. I would love to, I would love to see Trump playing mini golf and getting really confused. Oh, yeah. Hitting the golf ball into the windmill over and over and over and over and over. What is this? I can't even get into it. It's broken. The windmill is broken.

The golf course is broken. I can't open it. He walks. That's a good impression. He's a good one. I know. I can't open up the windmill. Folks, you're not going to believe this.

The ball did a loop to loop. The ball went around the loop The loop Is that, that's not really That's John Daly It's there It's there It's there

He picks it up And everybody comes walking out of the woods I got a picture with you I got a picture with you sir Just the fattest guys And the biggest polos of all time It's so funny that he says It's there

Because he's just losing object permanence He just doesn't He wasn't sure it was going to be there It's there He didn't even hit a ball I, uh, dude, hole in one, I mean, as a golfer, dude, that's like, that's like, I mean, like, you can do, a lot of presidents have a lot of achievements, a hole in one, he might be the first president to ever have a hole in one.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Whole and one is like, most, most, most. That's not true. Who has a whole one? Um, Obama. Does he? Yeah, was that wedding? That's right.

That's right. Mm-hmm. He's standing up to salute me right now. Uh-huh He's saluting me Uh-da-da-da-da-da-da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ha-ta-old. Yeah. That's a hero.

I heard... Obama, if you listened to this, your playlist last year, Hey, sucked. Yep. Obama may have got... I don't think you even listen to all the... Who has time to listen to 30 songs in a year? Obama may have got a hole in one, but I heard Bill Clinton put his one in a hole.

Yes, sir? Yep. Uh-huh. We have a take-no prisoner's attitude when it comes to a cigar. Yep. Hey. Did he really,

he put a cigar in her thing? Yeah, and it was on fire and she exploded. She smoked it through her thing. He just was so stupid. She thought it was a cigar. She's not stupid. Monica Lewinsky?

I'm a huge Monica defender, dude. Yeah. I bet you want to defend her. I love her, dude. I want to defund her. No. Defund. I'm going to give her as many funds as I can.

I'm trying to keep her from ever getting a fund again. Open invitation. You can come on the show whenever you want. I'm trying to defund her. One-on-one interview, me and Monica Lewinsky. I know where that's going. Do you like me? Yeah, what do you think of me? Yeah, you just act like she's like trying to fuck you the whole time.

She's like a very serious woman. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, are we doing this or what? Listen, the cameras, they're just for show. They're off. Dude, she's sick, though. She's got, she's got like, she's got a lot of good jokes about what happened. Really?

Yeah. Her TED Talks also very good. What kind of jokes can she do about being taking advantage of like Bill Clinton? She's like, um, yeah, that happened. That's a good joke. Yeah, that's not bad. That's not bad at all. I told you.

Yeah. Maybe we should have her on. We should. I mean, we got to get Trump on. We got to get Trump and Michael Lewinsky on the same episode. Dude, that would be so good. That would be awesome. I mean, Trump went on some other.

Trump went on, uh, I said, Some stupid podcast, some, like, video podcast, right, yeah. The fucking, like, the alt-right Mr. Beast. Yeah, we could get that. The nard boys or something. We could get that, dude. Is it the nard boys? I have no idea.

I don't know what you're talking about. We're like the alt-right what? We're the alt-right chapo. Yeah, we're like, exactly. So we could get Trump, you know. Yeah, if we just told him, maybe we could convince him, like, this is an interview about your golf performance dude we're like we're like we're yeah we could be like yeah

do you think they paid Trump though I think they probably paid for his appearance no no no he doesn't do he doesn't he's yeah he's not like he's not like that he's literally the richest man in the war is more money in anybody he's also yeah I mean I just like he knows what's it like he understands the community he knows he does everything for the culture yeah it's not about money you know he knows that that's true he loves the culture he loves the culture yeah the community have you seen like there's not a lot of photos of it because like you know he's always like in a suit he's

always bossed up but when he's in his like his plain clothes like you know like him going to the store he's like full he's in full like ame leon d'or he's in like but when he's at the club when he's in the bait hoodie he turns out oh my god he's got the full the full zip stewie stuie pajama pants trump in the bait hoodie in the stewie pajama pants yeah he takes a lot of inspiration from luke blovod and the and the tiva sandals he had there was like and the cowboy hat the cat underneath

360 waves perfectly lavish 360 waves dude did you see that picture of him in 7-11 with the astronaut space suit on yeah dude I mean it's funny but it's also like fire

Trump is low key lurking the Kanye to the forms he's on the he's on the clothing he was apparently going to be one of the members of Brock Hampton but they just moved forward without him because he didn't want to move to you see when he went to the Grammys and he was

who's dressed as a perfect cube. Mm-hmm. So, gold cube. Yeah. Uh-huh. Good, and people were like,

who's that? People thought it was Celo Green. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I mean, and speaking of, like,

outfits he wore, when he, I don't know if you guys saw this, but this was like, I mean, it's a little different, but he was using the Bruno Marskin in Fortnite.

He was. He was, he was, like, he was headshoting fools left and right. Yeah. Yeah. He was actually kind of sick with the sticks. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you guys remember, you guys remember, Do you guys remember when he was, he played, he was like, had that pro smash career for a minute? Oh, my God. He went to Evo? Damn, that was, I forgot about that. That was cool.

People forget that about Trump. Yeah. People forget about Trump, too. He was, uh, he had a, like, a guest trick in the illegal sieve, legal sieve two. Yeah. He did a south lip down Wilshire. And he also had a speed run of Civ 5. That was, there was a world record.

He was in Mr. Show, him and fucking Maynard, dude. He was in fucking Pusufor in Mr. Show. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. No, no, Trump did a south lip down Hollywood high. Really? That's what it was. Yeah.

That's crazy. People forget that about him. Yeah. Do you remember when he was on Broadway? Mm-hmm. He played Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. That was like, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. It's like a touching-ass performance of show.

I know, yeah, it was magical, too. Yeah. The Cursed Child. Yeah. When he did that whole thing at the end about being the cursed child. Oh, my God. I was like, he actually believes he's him for a second there. Yeah.

Like, this guy is like mind-blownly heart-breaking. This is like the actor of our generation. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's just, like, done everything. Like, I just, I don't know. I saw him jump rope 100 times outside my apartment. Do you remember when he did the robot?

Remember when he did the robot? Yeah. Remember when he was on Wild and Out? And everybody got mad because. He was so, when he did not get kicked out of the classroom once. But Nick Cannon tossed his hair. Nick Cannon did tossle his hair, but he was like so cool about it. Yeah.

Dude, you know, it was actually, like, crazy, though. It was just like, one of the, I feel like one of the first times in history in one did this, when he made that crab leg aspect on Chopped Jr. that was like that just like changed because he made so he made it so like the crab legs were sticking out of the aspect yeah so it was like it looked like a jello crab or like an alien yeah yeah and he called it he called it uh trump's alien delight and he won yeah he won the whole it was pretty damn impressive dude it was it was I mean he did the whole he ran the whole spectrum of of food competition shows okay definitely on triple g let's be real he crushed it okay

If one, it was him against Kinji in the final. And then he, you know, he kind of, I think he had the better dish. I think they just gave it to Kinji because he had a book coming out. That's true, yeah. From being real. He was on, I mean, he was on Iron Chef, you know, but who beats Bobby Flea? Right. Nobody, except Trump, which he beat him.

He was also, he made ice spaghetti. Yeah, dude, so it was crazy because it's like, you think he wouldn't have enough time to put the spaghetti in the ice cube trays with the, Yeah. With the ice, but, like, you think, like, his whole thing was he, he, he already had this spaghetti pre-cooked, and then he put it in the ice cube trays, put the water on it, and then just stood there with his arms crossed while it froze in the freezer. Y'all, y'all remember when he was a contestant on The Bachelorette, and he won, and then he was like, I didn't even like you anyway. I was just pretending. He said I'm already, I'm already happily married to Melania.

Yeah. Yeah. But he did wear a fake mustache the whole time, so no one knew it was him. Yeah. He said his name was Donald Scrum. and everyone was like you don't normally say your last name on these shows i don't think usually it was donald s but he kept saying i'm don't scrump and i'm going you know what i want so badly dude i want uh i want like a uh curb with him oh my god wouldn't that be so fucking

the best show ever they did right yeah they did no you're thinking of You're thinking of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David. No, I'm thinking about the one with Anthony Animaniacs. No, I want a real one. I want actual Donald Trump to do Curb. That would be sick. Be so sick. That would be really good.

Maybe I'll just start doing Curb. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you throw that at me? I don't know. Who cares? Cue the music. Bam, bam, bam.

Ban. Don, da, da, da, da. Ow! On the main character. You can't throw stuff. I'm doing kerb now. No, you're not doing curb. I'm doing curb.

Larry, I'm doing curb. Listen, Larry. Both my friends think they're doing curb. Oh, I'm Jeff Garland now. I'm Jeff Garland now. Fine, I'll be Leon. That would be... I'm stuck in the dishwasher, Larry.

He's doing this thing. I'm like... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. How do you're stuck in a dishwasher? I don't know. I don't know, Larry.

I'm stuck in a dishwasher, though. How stuck are you? Oh, that'd be so funny Larry, Larry the Curbel guy Larry the Kerbal guy Larry the curble guy Isn't that the aliens

and makes spaceships? Larry the Kerbal guy walking up to his stepmom who's stuck in the dryer How stuck are you? Your big boobs are stuck in the dryer I'll just pull you out I'll just pull you out

I'll just pull you I can't No, I have to go to the Yeah, I got to go do the thing At the jewelry store I gotta go get the Come on Larry I'm stuck No no no

I'll call I'll call I'll give him a call And he leaves And then Leon walks in And he's like What What?

She was stuck in the dryer Why did you? She was stuck in a dryer. Why did you fuck her? Listen Larry I love that he eats all day All day and all night I've only I started watching it.

It's so funny. I only watch episodes if my roommates are watching them. You should watch every episode that has... Anything before Leon, take it or leave it. Yeah. They replace his wife with Leon. It's like the biggest upgrade ever, man. It gets so good.

I think I got through the first season and then just forgot to finish it. The fur, come on. The first season of every show sucks, man. That episode with the jewelry store and Richard Lewis is good. Yeah, it's all very funny. I never said.

Actually, the whole show is good. It's all very funny. The whole first season was so good. It's all very funny. Listen. What's the list today? What time to re-at? Uh,

we can do we have to start the list? Are people complaining about us not doing the list soon enough? We'll just, we'll just, well, if they do, they can suck our pricks, man. I don't give a fuck about it. Hey, here's a list I got for you. Top 10, top 10 gayest nerds, number one, you. Yep. And I don't give a fuck about anything.

And number 9 through 10 is also you. And then, yeah, and it's fine if number 11's one of us. But number 2, gayest nerd, Adolf Hitler. Come on. Yep. Why'd you say 9 through 10? 9 through 10? Because I meant to say 9 through 2 and then I said 9 through 10.

So this person is 1 and then also 9 and 10. Yeah, then there's a few other people in the middle. Give me 2 through 8. Who do we got? He said Hitler's number 2. Oh my God, Ned Schneebly. Ned Sneebly. I fucking hate Ned Schneeby, dude.

Get out of my damn way. Uh-huh. Yeah, I stepped in a puddle. It's none of your fucking business. Yeah, Ned Schneebley, you're damn nerd. Mm-hmm. Then after that? He used to be the bass player.

I thought Ned Sneebley was the guy in, uh, in, uh, in a groundhog day. It's right now. After Ned Sneebley. You got to shut up about rock and roll, pal. Yeah. It's not cool anymore. The only thing worse than a rapid fin. Red Snailay slash Dewee Finn.

Yeah. The only thing worse is it. Three is Lawrence, or number four is Lawrence on the piano. Oh, my God. That kid, he says you're a fat loser and you have body odor. You know what I really hate that? He transforms, though. That's one thing about him.

He becomes cool at the end. Yeah, he becomes like Ray Manzarek after. Yeah. A liar. What's Miranda Cosgrove's character's name? You're a joke. You're the worst teacher I've ever had. Yeah, and then she sings that song.

And he says, shut up, you bitch. Yeah. That's awesome. I'm the teacher of Rack and. He tells her that she's a groupie. Yep. You remember that? You're a groupie slut.

Ding, dang, dang, dong. You're a groupie slut. The legend of the groupieslis. You're all going to suck dick. You're 10. Yeah. You're a little child slut. It is, and it's funny that he.

Ricky, dick, dick, you suck dick, you're four. It is funny that he did go into that school. You're a group. groupie. That's so, it's so funny that he went into that school and called two, like, nine-year-old girls groupies. You see all these fucking other kids in here, man? You're going to suck their dicks, man.

Rackenroll teacher. Listen, you're going to suck their dicks, man. You're a preschool whore. It's going to be you, them, junior bacon, chi. You're going to suck their penises. You're going to suck their d's, okay? I'm going to be eating the junior bacon. cheek.

You're going to be sucking their You stupid slut. Come here. See that drummer boy? Sucks dick. You're groupie. Why did he call him groupies?

That's so fucked up. It's very cool, man. Well, he's not supposed to be the good guy. It's true. No, you're not supposed to idolize him. You miss a point by idolizing Dewey Finn. The principal.

Dude. She's so hot in that movie. It's crazy, dude. That's the hottest a woman's ever been. No, not true. Do you see the new Batman? No. I was in that theater sprung.

Straight up. Straight up. They almost caught me on a Pee-Wee Herman charged. Don't do that to him. Yeah. Say Coney 2012 instead. What? The Coney 2012 guy had the...

same thing. No, it wasn't in a movie theater, but he didn't put some respect. I'm outside. I'm outside. I'm looking at the poster. I see Batman. I see Catwoman. I see my thing. I see my hand. I don't know what happened after that. I blacked out. That's right. That's what I like to hear. My pee-wee squirming. It's funny that the Batman Five Stars. This movie got my peewee squirming.

It's sad that he he kept getting in trouble for sex stuff after that. Yeah. He had like a child porn charge. And his excuse was like, I bought tens of millions of pieces of porn in bulk. And, yeah, odds are some of them are child porn. Because he said he bought, like, 1930s like kitsch art. Yeah. Kid. No, no, it's not kids' art.

It's kitsch art, yeah. Yeah. Shame, though. Paul Rubin's very funny guy. I don't think of Peewee Herman, even funnier. I find that peewee humor immature. Pewee human. Me have power talking a while.

Don't you hate it how nowadays, like, everything's kind of being destroyed by pee-wee culture? I feel like there's everything so small now because of pee-wee culture. Pee-wee culture keeps trying to make the dance every, every piece of furniture talk to you, all these smartphones and all these smart TVs and smart fridges and stuff. I bet Pee-wee would like sitting on the couch and he sits on a human tongue. Uh-huh. Yep. Yeah.

Even the Globes are talking, you know. I don't want that bullshit. Mm-mm. Don't tell me about shit, Glob. Fuck you, bitch-ass, fuck you. Bitch, fuck you. Yeah. Hey, keep going on.

You, you stupid bitch-g-ditch-dink-ding-ding. You're going to be your child slut. Such an awesome movie. You are my slave. You, you're basically going to be the sex-slazy slave. You are my slaves. It's named you. That's a different.

I feel like there's like a, that's like, that's like, Like, that's a very, in an alternate universe that's very, not very far away from School of Rock. He goes in there and he's just, all right, you are all going to be my slaves for three months. You're going to be my slaves, okay? You're going to be pressing license plates. Awesome. You're going to be making me shirts. You, we're not to sell for me to wear.

We're doing school of prison. We're all going to be different prisons. I'm going to be the warden, man. Okay, you can't talk back to me. You're going to be the guy who, who, uh, He has a cell phone in his ass, and we're all going to fuck this one. And yeah, that's Little Wayne.

It's 2008. You're going to be, you... This is the drummer kid, or the piano kid. You're Little Wayne. I'm not cool enough to be Little Wayne. You're Little Wayne, man. You're Weezy, man. And the F is Forensie.

That's right. I love Jables, too. Dude, he's so sick. I would be nowhere without him. Dude, I love, I listen. School of Rock is such a good movie. I listened to a Tenacious D song the other day. Yeah.

And I was like, Kickapoo. This is funny as hell, dude. Kikpoo is fucking sick, man. Kipu is my favorite song in that movie. Tenacious D is sick, dude. With the dragon's balls were blazing, that's how walked into his cave. That movie, I watched that movie like a year ago, too. It's so good.

It's perfect movie. Meatloaf as his dad. Yeah. Kung Fu Panda. I didn't see that. What? What? He's not.

What? He's Kung Fu Panda. Angelina Jolie is the snake woman. Yeah. What's his name of that movie? Shumu? His name is Kung Fu Panda. Kung Fu Panda.

No, he has a name that's Shumu. Morshu. No. The Morseshoe Shopkeeper. What's his name? Kung Fu Panda. His name is the Mor Shoe Shopkeeper. His name is his name Derek or is it Chinese?

Kung Fu Panda. Po. Po. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so the list today is a Chinese goose. Yeah. Do we do the list today?

what time are we at people are really going to want to listen to this list okay okay we really need to get to it we're hopping into this one this is the top 10 greatest internet memes so he has a chinese goose dad right his dad's a chinese goose who makes ramen i think yeah right and who there was someone i was talking with someone recently there's somebody in that movie who there's one oh kevin spacey the dad the dad is the guy who voices the like the master the like kung fu master. I don't know, but the dad is voiced by the guy in, uh, in big trouble little China. Which one?

The dad. No, which guy in the big trouble? The China guy. He's not like, he's, he's little China. Okay. I'm looking up the cast list for Kung Fu Panda here. Okay. Um, oh, it's Dustin Hoffman is the master. Really? The turtle? Or no, no, no,

the red panda. Yeah. It's Dustin Hoffman doing like an Asian voice. No, no, he's just doing himself. Oh, okay. I just remember, I was like, what else is Dustin Has Dustin Hoffman been in it? Because I was like, the only things I can think of Dustin Hoffman being in our Rain Man and the Graduate. And yep, David Cross is the monkey. No, it's Jackie Chan is Master Monkey. David Cross is, David Cross is the snake.

Oh, Lucy Lou is Master Viper. David Cross is in that. Which one is David Cross? Crane. Crain. Oh, David Cross is the manager. Ian McShane as Thai Lung. Wow.

That's one of the next level. Oh, my God. Randall Duck Cam has Uguet. Uguer is Master Uguet. That's the turtle. I've never seen this. James Hong as Mr. Ping. James Hong is a good.

James Hong rucks. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking of, I think. Dan Foebler, Zang. Gedi, Gedi, Guantanabe. He's not in this movie. I'm just, I thought it would be Gettie Watanabe. Oh, my God.

He's the karate teacher in UHF and he plays long duck dong in 16 candles. Yeah, the stupid you are so stupid guy? Yeah. He's awesome, dude. He's so funny. Fucking love that guy. People don't talk about this performance from Kung Fu Panda that much, but Stephen Kieran as gong pig slash Grateful Bunny was actually like next.

Fire. That was flames. My nephew got into, I don't know how he found out about 16 candles. He's five years old, but he called me the other day and said, you should be watching five candles. Yeah, you should be, that's way too many candles for him to be watching. He called me the other day and just said,

uh, Donger needs food and I was like oh geez yeah that's not a good movie for a child to watch no I don't know how he I think my I think maybe my dad said it in front of him yeah or something but he's watching my son just turned five we're watching 16 candles breakfast at Tiffany's and uh team America yeah but just the Kim Jong-un part we're getting them prepped yeah yeah that's crazy that's a crazy move number one is Rick roll yeah he called me so he called me and then he'll call me and then do that and then know this is Patrick now that's so he does know this is Patrick that's so awesome what the fuck man he calls me and says is this the

crusty crab you need to kill what do you say no this is Patrick I used to but now I say I'm not doing this he's a better question dude why why does your why does your nephew have a direct line to you bro my sister's phone you should just never answer yeah there's nothing important that this kid's going to tell you it's not true What does he ever told you that change your day? He got a new Lego set. And he thought about that later? That is pretty big.

He got the Batman Lego set. Nice. I was with my family this weekend. My cousin Jeffrey saw the, he picked up the cat woman and lifted me and said, you're going to put this in a jar or something? I said, whoa. That's pretty funny. That's a good joke, but don't say it in front of these damn kids.

If I was a kid and I got a Batman Lego set, I would eat all the villains so they couldn't kill Batman. Because those films are small I'm a monster compared to you This Joker has no I can't do anything to me I will chew you up You know like the fucking

It's like oh like no Like ages 3 plus Like we don't want like younger kids To like you know To play with a choke on these right Yeah My little brother when he was like Three years old

His whole thing He would eat every fucking tiny action figure that we had We had Star Wars micro machines He would eat the fucking things He would eat all the the like figures like he there's a tiny chubaka that came with this uh the fucking i think it was the endor one he fucking ate it i remember him taking it out of my hand and swallowing it i think

that you're an immoral child if you're not eating the evil toys in your collection one time my little brother he he was eating the good guys dude my youngest he's gonna grow up to be he walked into a dark overlord he walked in the living room like crying his eyes out and he he was like we're like what he's like i put a lego or there's a lego in my nose and i was like no there's not and i looked up with a flashlight and like an inch into his nasal cavity there was like a little red Lego like I have no idea how he got up there and I took him to two different doctors and they finally like when they had to like stick a balloon in his nose and inflate it from the other side to pull it out and he hated it he was like four and he was like okay I'm going to do this for my

family he said that out loud and then he did it and then when we finally got the Lego out we were like why did you do this and he was like oh I didn't even do this the dog did it the dog put the lego of my nose and he maintains to his day he's like a teenager now and he's like yep the dog put the lego of my nose so cool dude yeah number two is doge i think this is the dog that did it uh he does look a little bit suspicious yeah did you guys ever put anything up your nose no but i swallowed a i was like laying on my back you could say that yeah i've put some things in there i was laying on my back tissue five finger and i put a Lego in my mouth and it it like went down and I got up and I like looked at my parents I just went

and it was the first time I ever had the heimlich done on me the first time you had multiple heimlicks I've never had the hymlich done on me I've never I've never even I come I come close to choking every once in a while I'm eating because I thought the heimlich and CPR were interchangeable oh that's bad yeah yeah I'll eat I eat sometimes I'll eat too fast and it'll be like one second where it's like well I can't breathe or swallow I'm dead and then it's fine every time but It's happened enough times that I'm getting regster to get really scared when I eat. I try not to eat alone. You just chew your food better.

I don't know. Something I just never learned. I never learned how to chew. I had a problem with that in preschool. Really? Yeah, my parents would tell me you have to chew your food more. You'd say, no. I'd be like, no.

Why would you want to chew any more? Why would you want to chew your food? It's true. A good point. I want to taste that bullshit. Get it out of my mouth. Get it into my book. My tongue's in there.

Put it in my stomach. That's where the flavor gets processed. I never learned how to chew my food. Is that a funny, like, icebreaker? You're on a day with it, girl. So one thing about me is, so cool. My little brother choked on water one time,

and we told him to drink. Oh, that happens to me all that. He was like at the kitchen table, like, and we were like, what do you? like, what are you doing? Like, just drink water. It was choking on the water. Oh, I mean, yeah, just eat something.

I mean, if you're drinking in water, you've got to eat something ASAP. Otherwise, you'll die. That's true. Number three, Chuck Norris jokes. Hell yeah. That shit is funny as hell, man. What's your favorite Chuck Norris jokes? To me, to me, Tom Brady is like Chuck Norris.

That's the joke? Yeah, here's my Chuck Norris joke. One time Tom Brady and Chuck Norris were playing football. Chuck Norris won. Holy shit. That's actually really good. Yeah, one time Chuck Norris and Michael Jordan were playing basketball, and Michael Jordan lost Chuck Norris won.

Yeah, one time Andre Agassi and Chuck Norris were doing what Andre Agassi does. And Chuck Norris won it. One time Robert De Niro and Chuck Norris were acting, and Chuck Norris was better at it than Robert De Niro was. Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris killed Darth Vader. Yep. Yeah, basically, if you use Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is made out of Nokia phones.

Basically, Chuck Norris did better karate than Jackie Chan the other day. Yeah. Chuck Dorr... Chuck Norris beat Jackie Chan. Yeah. Yeah. And Chuck Norris did that. For real.

Chuck Norris counted to zero. Chuck... Yeah. Did you know Chuck Norris counted to zero? Chuck Darts fly higher than a bird. Yeah. Chuck Norris flew on a plane once. Chuck Norris. Yeah, with the plane.

Yeah, with the plane. Yeah. And he sat because he sat for his class because he's so rich. Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is more awesome than Superman. Yep, so these are pretty much my show. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, comedy store.

It's been amazing. This was what Kramer said at the Laugh Factory was going to be before he got rudely interrupted. It's amazing to be here at the comedy store. So amazing. I'd love to be here. Chuck Norris is here tonight. Yeah, he's here all around us because he's God. Listen, I'm good at comedy, but not near...

I'm good at comedy, but not nearly as good as Chuck Norris. Is that Mark Norman? Yeah. He's got a Chuck Norris guy. Yeah, there's a... You see Chuck Norris is here. Yeah. Yeah. Or we're here at Chuck Norris.

Yeah, it makes sense. Comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Number four is, it's over 9,000. Yeah, it's over 9,000. It's over 9,000, and Chuck Norris's bank account. Yeah, that's how much Chuck Norris weighs.

in stone 9,000 Yeah, Chuck Norse weighs 9,000 pounds Or over, I should say Yeah Chuck Norse weighs 9,000 pounds He's a ball of spaghetti Yeah, Chuck Norris is as big as a house

Yeah, yep And he has a support beam Like a house Chuck Norris has a stronger smell Than anything on earth Chuck Norris has a load bearing Pull, his penis is load bearing Yep

Because he's so old He's not over 9,000 years old I can't bear how many loads I've sucked out of that thing. That's right. And it gave me so many calories, I became as big as a bear. I'm strong. But I don't need honey. But I can't be Chuck Norris.

Nope. But you couldn't load me into a truck. I heard apparently Chuck Norris fought Godzilla. And apparently neither one of the one because Chuck Norris is Godzilla. That's how big and strong and crazy he is. Chuck Norris got in a truck, floored it, and ate a puck for his dinner. Because he went and played hockey And he used his mouth as a goal

Because he's so big Yeah Chuck Norris said Fuck Norbit Because he hate that movie Yep He got confused He thought it was all different actors He wanted to meet the entire cast

And when one guy came out He got pissed And then he did karate to him better Than Jackie Chan One of those pictures of like a celebrity With like the news thing And it's like Chuck Norris got confused

At Norbit Yep Number 5 is we are number one What's that one? That's the one where they did the dance from... Oh, that's Lazy's Town. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

It's cool that that show looked like scary. It was cool, look. It looked like a Robert Rodriguez movie. Yeah, I think that's a cool-ass show. I've never seen it, but I've seen it. I used to watch that shit when I was like a kid. I don't think that came out when we were kids. I don't...

That came out well after we had a... That was when I was seven. I watched it when I was seven. I don't think that's true. Yeah, it is. I think this was like a, like, 2011. No. Pretty sure.

No. Lazy Town came out in like 2004 and it was came out first in Sweden or some shit. I have no, he's always right about this kind of thing. I learned from the Lazy Town come out. 2004.

Dude, what is wrong with you, bro? August 16th, 2000. I'm going to stop trying to, you're always right about stuff like that every single time. And it was, it's from Iceland. Iceland, that's what it is. Same thing.

They all come from damn Viking Chuck Norris is even colder than Iceland. Yeah, he's colder than Greenland because he accidentally named Iceland Green. I learned something really cool yesterday. Did you know that people used to believe that that sperms had a tiny guy inside them, and that's how babies were born? He showed me the diagram. I showed you a diagram with this.

So it's deeper than that, right? So they believe that a sperm had a tiny guy inside that would grow into the child. But then, like, philosophers were like, well, then doesn't that mean that every, like, the, like, the guy inside the sperm also has a sperm inside him that has a guy inside it and a sperm inside that has a guy that has a guy inside it to infinity and then the the science the people who believe this who are called spermists were like yes that's that's true that's how it is and they disproved it because they're like well then why why why how come sometimes babies look like their mothers and the people of the sperm is who are just like I don't know

sperm is that's what they call me down a damn glory hole what's up you're yeah i'm sucking all them off well i would have ate the cum and said it doesn't taste like anybody to me this doesn't taste like chicken this doesn't taste like anybody i've ever ate yeah this doesn't taste very small this doesn't taste i've eaten a small guy before

this doesn't taste like a small guy substantial i would say yeah what is what do you guys think it's like to be sperm I remember. What was it like? I remember everything. Have you ever seen... Do you guys think that you guys were like popular as sperm?

Yeah, probably. I mean, that's the thing about every... All of us were the most popular sperm. Yeah. No, I feel like we were the... I was... I don't know, maybe you guys was speak for yourselves. I was like an underdog.

Because you were pathetic and lame. No, no, listen, they doubted me. Yeah, because you were pathetic and lame. I guess you reached it to the top. In sperm high school, I was like the... which one were you I was the jock I was the jock and I was the prom king

I was the prime that's cool I was the principal but that's cool too wow I was sperm yeah I rolled over the entire sperm school

I was basically sperm Hitler in my high school do you guys think in our in our sperm lives we all knew each other we had to do it right yeah do you guys think

we all came from the same load do you guys think when twins or sperms they are like are like in they're like boyfriend and girlfriend and girlfriend Yeah.

They got to be, right? There's a boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, sperms. Like, why are they, why they holding hands? Yeah. You ever seen Luke who's talking? Of course, dude. I've seen all of them.

The intro of that movie, the intro of that movie where it's all the sperms run into the damn egg. Yeah. I saw that when I was six, and my mom did not explain what that was to me.

You know what? They're running a stork. You know what other movie has that is a seed of Chuckie? Really? They have a bunch of doll sperms running into a doll egg. They showed Chuckie jacking off

in that movie, too. You think Chuck you, I mean, he's raw dogs, right? Yeah, but yeah, they show his sperm going into the egg. One of Chuckie's catchphrases, you know, like, you get the laugh, you get the, like, want to play. And then the third one is, I don't use condoms. I hate condoms. I hate the feeling of condoms. One of his big ones.

I'm already rubber. He's not rubber. Why do you say that? Chuck, he's rubber. His arms are rubber. He's plastic. He doesn't like condom because he's allergic to latex. Watch child's plate, watch the intro of Child's Play 2 again.

No. It's too scary. skin condo. I'm allergic to latex. I'm already made out of it. He's not made of latex. Look, in Childs Play, too, the intro. He's made of wood, brother.

No, he's not. He's not. He's made of horse teeth. No. He's carved teeth. He's made a pure evil. Yeah. He's a kid.

Yeah, he's a kid. Is it a Childs Play, too? When I was re-watching Childs Play, it's so funny in that movie. They, like, the whole time in that movie, they try to do the, like, the whole game of like, oh, is the little kid crazy, or is the doll actually alive? But the first scene in the movie is literally, like, is literally Braddorff, like, calling a lightning bolt down from the sky

of being, like, does saying a magic spell to become a toy and go to a toy's body? And then the whole thing, I'm like, who knows? Is the toys the doll really? The food aspect of that movie is so funny. It's so funny, dude. It's a good movie. Is it two or three where, like, it's the intro where they're, like,

scraping the, I think it's three, where they're scraping, like, the char off of the doll's face and two is the one where they go where he goes to military school no three is military school three is well two is the one where he's in the family and the dad's played by the uh the redheaded pedophile yeah yeah and he's also in and he's in uh a phantom of the paradise why does chucky have all these scars onto his face huh why is chucky have all these scars on because a child's play three he falls into a uh a fan blade three was the three is three the military school and also the amusement Park? Or is three, is two, the factory?

Two is the factory. And then that's when he gets melted down into plastic. And then, like, his blood gets into the vat of latex. Those movies are so good, dude. It's crazy. Every one of those movies is good. That shouldn't be true. How did he reach the kitchen counter to grab the knife?

He climbed up on the stool. Okay. And how does he use the bathroom? He doesn't have to. Neither does diapers. Yeah. So it's kind of embarrassing. Well, that's also a tell-tale sign of a serial killer.

Was it? How does, I haven't seen. I haven't seen Childs play 4 and 5 That's realizing That's one where Jennifer Tilly Comes back to life Jennifer Tilly is

Four is bride of Chucky Yeah And five is... I watch that at a bar With Neil actually Five is Seed of Chucky That's with Glenn and Glenda Yeah yeah

And then Oh dude have you seen the new series Where he's like I got a kid Non-binary Kid I mean that's literally already what it is in Seed of Chuck He has a non-binary kid

In the fifth one Yeah And then there's... But then they split them to twins. Then there's Twix of Chucky and cult of Chucky. At the end of Seed of Chucky, they split them into twins. Dude, I don't remember. I don't think so.

That's because the concept of non-binary in movies in like 03 was just so foreign that they were like, well, you know, they can't be a boy and a girl. I don't remember that. They have to split up into... I think you invented that in your brain because you don't, you think you don't, you can't understand non-binary people. The final scene of the movie, the final scene of the movie, it's Jennifer Tilia at Glenn and Glenda's birthday party. I don't remember. And then Chucky comes back at the end. No, it's like a screamer engine comes back.

Curse of Chucky and Cults of Chucky are the ones where they have Brad Doriff's daughter as the main character. Oh, really? Yeah, and those ones are really good. And then they're in an insane. It's not the remake I thought was fine too. Really? Yeah, I didn't hate it. Is that the one where Chucky says, you want to play the game, you can only play with your high?

Is that the remake? I've never seen a single one. No, that's, that's a sequel. Dude, I got them all on DVD if you want to come over and watch them all in a row. I do really want to watch Childs Play 3. Childs Play 3 scared the shit out of me when I was a kid because the fucking, the kid who jumps on the grenade. The best part of Childs Play 3 is that is one of my favorite, like, side characters in a horror movie ever where it's like in military school and there's like a character is just like an evil barber who's just never explained. And he just was like, he just sneaks up on kids and it's like, I'm going to cut you a head.

hair. I remember really vividly, there's a scene where he, like, really violently cuts one of the kids' hair, and then he goes, presto, you bald. That's not very cool. And that's just, like, one of the things, like, oh, yeah, there's an evil barber at the

military school. Like, oh, that got me so good. Like, military school is, like, the most evil place a kid can go in movies. Did you guys ever know when I went to military school? No. I knew someone who wanted to, but who

I knew this one kid, and he was literally, he was too cool, and they sent him to military school. His name was Dylan. He was fucking awesome, dude. He was the coolest kid I ever met, and his parents were like, were like, you're too, you're too fucking cool. He used to snort pixie sticks. Oh, man. He would pull it in one rip, dude. And they were like, you have to go to military school, and then he got really good at soccer.

That's tight. Yeah, so it's really upsetting to talk about. Yeah, but, like, you know, as a kid, the scariest thing you can go to is the military school, and then, you know, when you're, when you're grown up, they expect you to go into this damn draft to fight to fight for Zelensky. Fuck you, Zelensky, you little bitch. Here's my fear about going to a military school. What if I become like the perfect human weapon? Yeah, exactly.

You know, and I'm responsible for thousands of civilian casualties. And I'm the perfect human weapon, and I have to go over and be like, fight for this funco-pop president of Ukraine. Fuck that shit. What if during a hazing ritual, I discover a taste for blood, you know, all of a sudden I'm in Aleppo and I'm chopping children's heads off. Yeah. Like, I don't want that.

They call me the butcher of Syria? Exactly. Just because I went to military school Because I was playing too much video games What if I'm the first soldier who fights in space And they call me the hound of the stars And I spread hatred through the galaxy What if that happens?

That's what they're exploring that in the new Buzz Light year What if I put every single one of my victims Into a big trailer that I pull behind my spaceship And the scent of death Permeates the entire galaxy Yeah, what if I accidentally become an overlord That would fucking suck Dude, what if I get so evil, and I start growing horns and tusks, like, I went to the dark side and

Cotaur? What if I start wearing, like, World of Warcraft armor with the giant shoulder paul guns and stuff? Exactly, dude. And I have, like, spikes on my back that, like, have, like, human heads and, like, small animals and stuff on them. And I grow gills and shit. Yeah. And I got particles all over my face. What if my name changes into Crendor, the hateful?

It's all because I pretended to, I smoked a piece of rolled-up printer paper. And my parents got scared, and they sent me. me to do those academy? Now I'm the scourge of the universe. They didn't. Great. I became a scourge. Awesome. So when do you feel like you first started becoming a scourge? It all started with my parents with military school, actually. I listened to Live at Leads by the Who and then I tried to smoke printer paper.

Number six is troll face. Number seven is Mama Luigi. Number eight is Pepe the Frog. Number nine is Sanik. Number 10 is this is Sparta. Go buy tickets to the Toro Red Sox. We filled the whole hour without talking about the list. We did, we mean, we talked a bunch about it. This is Sparta? Yeah, we spent a lot of time on those. Swagpoop.com slash shows. Please buy tickets.

And you won't regret it unless you do. Yeah. High ticket warning, Fort Worth. Please buy tickets for four. There's a lot of tickets left. Low ticket warning. DC, Chicago. I don't know.

Normal tickets warning. Everything else. Austin. You know what? Actually, now that I say it, now that I think about it, I just actually got an email that says there's a low ticket warning for every show. And if you want tickets, you've got to buy them now. And it also, I'm also seeing...

Can you say them again? It's too long now. I got another email just now that says that if you want to buy one ticket, you have to buy two. Because now two tickets counts as one. Yep. And it could go up again. Two could mean four very soon. So you better hurry.

At the rate the gas is going up, you're going to want to buy more tickets than you thought. Yeah. Also, bring your friends. Bring your mom. Bring your mom in your mom for... We'll bless her. And, yeah. You could also bring, like, you're trying to go into, like, an HOV lane.

You could bring a dummy. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Well, you have to pay for their ticket. Yes. Yes. Okay, bye everybody. Bye.