Podcast About List - Ep. 194 - Will Smith Did WHAT!?!?!??!?

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

only chicago left on tour go buy that shit up its gonna be crazy AF. www.swagpoop.com/shows

Come in, come in, come in, and we see a butt. All the counts to the ball list. Every crap monster. All right. I started. Say that you were lesbian, girl, beep boop. I don't get it. You're saying, say that you lesbian, go beep boop?

Girl beep boop. You said, go beep boob. Girls want shirts where I'm from. Say that girls are a lesbian. Say that you a lesbian girl beep boop. Has three boobs. Oh, yeah, like from Total Recall Yeah, because I totally recall that movie

Yeah, no, I totally recall that movie. Not just one scene in it. No, I remember every other part of the movie. I recall it perfectly. Not just the one scene with the huge perfect boobs. Do you see that silverfish on the top of the ceiling? That's a water bug. That's not a water bug.

A water bug is a cockroach. A water bug would be in water, too. And it's swimming on the ceiling. Water bugs, first of all, they're not in water. I just noticed that the second we press record. I was looking at it and I was hoping nobody else would notice because I know you have a fear of bugs. If you swat that towards me, I will fuck you up. Just leave it alone. I hate bugs, man. Stop. Dude, what are you doing? Why are you doing that? Stop. This is you.

That's you. No one can see that. It doesn't matter. He could see it. I've had a hard couple days. Yeah. Antifa stole my backpack. Oh, really? Antifa stole my backpack. You didn't just forget it in the front of the, in front of the office. And then they put it back. They put it back. Because that's their whole thing. They take it and then they redistribute it. Turns out. Robin Hood. Yeah, robbing hood from the hood.

They robbed my hood and they took my backpack and then they put it back in a place where I might have left it. And they tried to frame myself for losing the backpack. We were like driving somewhere this weekend, you were like, dude, I don't know. I totally like left it on the street. I thought I totally left it in front of my apartment. I thought for some reason I just left my backpack. On the road. Why did you think that?

I don't know. I just was, I was stressed out about it. It's okay. I saw Wicked, so it's all good. Nice. Yeah. That's cool. I went and decompressed.

I just, I just every couple weeks, I got to go to. Yeah, you got to go see Wicked. I got to see Wicked. Oh, my God. I see Wicked. I go to Broadway every few weeks, too, to perform. I see Wicked.

I'm thinking it's great for stress. Really? Yeah. Are you just rocking a crowd of a thousand people? Yeah, no, you love to go to stomp. We've established this before? Well, he acts and stuff. Well, acting is.

kind of to it's yeah well i would say that's one kind of simplifying of what you do yeah makes me a threat yeah there are three things that make me a threat the other things are my my claws and my attitude and your singer dancer yeah yeah that's one singer dancer i thought it was too i thought you you were trying to make a choice have you been in well that's what because i haven't made a choice it's one because it's like it couldn't go either way you know yeah have you been in a production of wicked yeah who'd you play munchkin Munchkin, interesting. Yeah, I did the shoes on the knees thing, and I have not performed a wicked since,

because I brought the house down, and I made the other munchkins look bad. I bet. You made them look short. I made the other munchkins. They were already pretty short. They were, I mean. I was just telling him about this. Oz refuses to, they refused to put little people in their show.

Really? Yeah. There was not a single little person. There's not a little person. Dude, I was hoping for it. And then the guy comes out and he's like, you're never going to. You're never going to trick me, or I'm not the best munchkin in munchkin land. And he's the big, he's a normal size guy.

Yeah, he's like, five, seven. I audibly went like, oh. Well, let's not call five, seven, a normal size. He was actually a little bit short. He wasn't munchkin status. Yeah, short. He wasn't like, no, I would say it's average. There's a difference between stage munchkin and movie munchkin.

That is true. Yeah, you still, like, they need to still be tall so you can see them from the back. That's true. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah, I've had this crazy tooth problem. It's going to derail the whole tour. Really?

Mm-hmm. You need to go to the island of misfit toys. Yeah. And you need to have that dentist elf operate on you. Oh, yeah, he's good. He's actually very, very well regarded by lions. So my top wisdom tooth is growing in, or it's grown in, but now is very sharp for some reason. What?

You're growing a sharp tooth? I'm growing a sharp tooth in the back, and it's digging into the bottom of my gum. and I wake up every morning in immense tooth pain. Do you guys ever see that? And I don't feel like, because I don't want to ruin the tour. I don't want to get wisdom tooth surgery. Did we talk about that lady who had that baby and the baby just grew a fang? Maybe.

Yes. Isn't that awesome? Oh, I think so. I think so because I think you said that and I was like, oh, like a snake and you're like, what? And I was like, oh, snakes grow fangs when they're babies to get out of the egg. I think I remember that exchange. Is that true? Yeah, they have something called an egg too.

That's not true. Um, okay, prove it. Where's the shell? Aided it to get out. You don't eat the shell to get out. You break it. You can't eat the yolk. Wait.

You eat the yolk. You eat the, that's, is that what it is? I, yeah, the baby's the yoke is. No, the baby's the white part. No, the baby's the white part. There's no baby's the baby. There's no baby in the eggs. The white part is what's the baby.

That's the baby's cheese? No, it can't be. I mean, baby chicken jizz? Every time I get a bacon egg and cheese. That can't be it. It must be the boogers. All right. I'm more.

comfortable with eating a baby's boogers and a baby's jizz the same as boogers yeah mine is it's essentially the same sometimes it's got that like red streak of blood in it yeah and it comes out after you sneeze it's like it's the mclofflin group what it's like it's the mclofflin group and they're like his jiz boogers what's the mcloffin yeah what's that something from saturday night live i know my fucking sarah mclofflin in the arms of the angel i know the heck macmuffin i know that shit's good and Moff Tarkin. I know when I watch

Family Feud, I be Laughan. What's today? It's May 1st. Yeah, it's May 2nd. And it's a Monday? What? I'm trying to fix the office calendar. What do we have a calendar?

That's not a calendar. You haven't looked at, I've been changing this every day that I've come here. It's a date shower. You must not be doing a good job if people aren't noticing it. It says it's a good day

to have a good day on it. You should be underlined. lining the date so everyone knows and adding flashing lights and emojis that'll really grab my attention yeah and it's monday there's nothing like an emoji to get me going me neither did i was really hoping they would have emojis and wicked but they didn't they just had some stupid singing and dancing yeah i think i'm i'm i heard i'm starring in the emoji musical i think i'm gonna be maybe try to become a singer i've decided a brother's singer yeah that's i mean i'm gonna try to become a singer i mean i'm just going to talk to everyone and tell them not to give you a part

Why? Because there can only be one of us per podcast. There can only be one of us per podcast. Do you hear this guy? What, white people? I have a perfect ear because I'm a singer. No, you don't. You're perfect ears.

I'm going to put your ears in the dirt. I'm going to put your ears in the dirt. I have a million grains of dirt right now. You can count how many grains of dirt there is. Oh, yeah, and the whole earth, idiot ass, bitch. May Monday, 02. Great job, Pat. You killed it.

May Monday, 02. May Monday, oh, 2. This looks awesome. I do have a perfect year. I'm like Charlie Puth. Okay, what am I saying? Charlie Puth. Charlie Puth.

Pooze. Pooze's his fucking dad, Sylvester, the cat. Is that the guy who named him? I'm going to name my kid Puth. Charlie Puth. I'm going to name my child. Charlie Puth. Charlie Puth.

Charlie Puss But I do have a perfect year It's Charlie Puss Yeah, I can pretty much do all the Looney Tunes Yeah That was Bugs a Bunny

Bugs a Boney This is Daffy duck Bugs Bugs Bugsie Who the hell's Daphne duck? She's beautiful I want to tell Daphne from Scooby-Doo to Duck and I can see up her skirt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wouldn't she have to let you duck? Yeah, film my... Yeah, film my me having a sex out with you. Feel my balls. Oh, y'up. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hey, Fred. Fred on this, my dick. Yeah, it's kind of shaggy. And it's kind of Scooby, too. Uh-huh. Don't fred my penis, Fred. Don't Fred. Hey, Fred, don't fret this penis.

There should be another boy in the mystery crew. Yep. Fred's. Fred and Shaggy and Scooby-Doo doesn't count. I was saying for a long time they should have put Fat Albert in there, but then Bill Cosby was a seriously not, he's excommunicated from Hollywood. Yeah, from Scooby Lynn. From Scooby. He told a very bad joke. They unmasked him.

Yeah, so I don't. If it weren't for you, for 30 of you meddling women, I would have been, I would have been. I think it was like 150. Yeah. No, no, there's no way. Yeah, that's just crazy. Yeah. Cool guy.

Bill Cosby awesome. Pretty swag. They're going to have a new Bill Cosby. Really? Yeah, I heard his name's going to be Patrick. No, no, no. I mean like, and I'm going to be looking at him this instant. No, no, no, no, like, you know, like Little Bill grew up and it's going to be,

it's because that's a different guy. Little Bill? Hmm? Little Bill's, that's, that's, Little Bill's about time travel. Little Bill, that's the same guy back in time. Have you guys gone back and watched Little Bill recently? No, fucking horrific, dude. Have you gone back and watched Little Bill recently?

Yeah, it's like you see that it's like the beginnings of a monster. He doesn't share sometimes. He's dropping smarties into women's juice. They're juice boxes. That's true. It's true. He's putting smarties into their juice boxes. I'm sorry, I'm just distracted by my calendar again.

Stop looking at that. Dude, I did the, I did the stupidest thing. I've ever done yesterday. What? I get it, May Monday, 02. I went to the grocery store. You with me? No, I was not with you at the grocery store.

Okay, story's over. You asked for it. Literally. Literally. Zing! Okay, I went to the grocery store. Okay. I...

Oh, I was there. Do you... People, listening, do you see how hard my fucking life is? I'm trying to tell my two closest friends about just something that happened to me. All right, go, go. Just say it. You're building up to too much. Caleb's the one to get them. I'm getting antsy, dude. I went to

the grocery store. I bought some canned pumpkin, got myself a year of a machete. Oh, hell no. Got some Fair Life chocolate milk. What? Right? And I check out, it's $24 and 60-something cents. Yeah. And then the pumpkin wasn't on the receipt and you're like, what's this? No. I said, you got can't pumpkin. Not

canned pumpkin. No. Literally. No, not literally. I was pretty hung over and like, why is this receipt so long? What is it? CVS?

Literally. Literally. I didn't literally say that. I was, I was hung over and it was really early in the morning. It was earliest I've ever gone to the grocery store. How early? It was like 8.15.

Oof. And I ate 15 cans of pumpkin. Literally. Yeah, but you actually didn't because they were cants of pumpkin. They were canned. Literally, we established that earlier. So I, when I, I put my card in and when it... It was a bugio card.

Literally not. And when I asked if you want cash back, for whatever reason, I thought that it was asking me to give a tip. And so I saw like 10, 20, 50, 100. I was like, holy shit. So I clicked other. And then I put in $2. And she was like, she was like, I can't give you.

you $2 of cashback. And I was like, what? And then I had to redo the hole to like scan everything again because I was like I was like a crazy guy trying to get $2. And then also I'm trying to tip on a grocery order. Dude, there's a there's a grocery store by my old apartment that they do have a tip jar. You shouldn't have to tip for anything. First of all.

I agree. Second of all, you definitely shouldn't have to tip for anything where the person isn't bringing something to your table. If a tip is on an,

if a tip is on an iPad, if a tip is on an iPad. If it's not something you write down, if it's something you press on a screen, that person who's getting the tip should be dead. Yeah.

There should be a big tip of my saber. There should just be different options. You should be able to tape. But you should also, there should be like virtual buddy options on the iPad. Yeah. Slap.

Yeah. Throw a thousand balls at them right now. Yeah. I got my chapsday, Cameron. What are you doing? Stop recording. I have to go home and get it. What do you have to get?

I had a dream last night where I was walking somewhere and I saw like a, there was like someone was having a little yard sale and there was a video game. Like some of they were selling a video game in their yard sale called Dragon. And I was like, I need to buy this. And then I like had, I was like, oh, but I'm late. And I like went. And then I was like, and then later in my dream, I was like, I forgot to buy Dragon. And I got so mad and upset that I did buy Dragon.

to buy it? Yeah, well, I forgot to go back and buy it. I was like, I have to go back and buy Dragon, and it wasn't there anymore. And I was like, I was so mad that I couldn't buy Dragon. Sounds like a great dream. It was, it was a bad dream because I didn't get to play or buy Dragon. But you got to, you got to develop your video game. I wonder if there's a game called Dragon.

There is. Is there? What is it? Purple Dragon. Well, that's not, it's called Purple Dragon. Spiro. Yeah. He seems a sky.

No, it has to be just called. It was called. I remember the box of the original, the first Spiro game was called Dragon. It's not true. It was an NES game, too. It was like an old, it was like a retro game. Oh, so it was double dragon?

Yeah, that's a second one. Well, the first one is called Dragon, and then the second one is called Double Dragon. Guys, that's not true. The Dragon is also Spiros. All right, when I search Dragon game, it just gives me a list of every game that is a dragon in it. So if anyone's listen to this, read them, read them right now.

Okay. Double dragon, double dragon, double dragon, double dragon two, battle toad slash double dragon, dragon, dragon spirit, the new legend, legend. Dragon Quest, Dragon Spirit, Double Dragon Warrior 3, Double Dragon 3, Double Dragon 3, Double Dragon 2, Double Dragon, Nintendo World Cup, Castle of Dragon, Dragon Quest 4, Super Double Dragon, Flying Dragon, Colorful Dragon.

Oh, let's get that one. Actually, can you order that? Check that out. Colorful Dragon is a adult dragon game. Colorful Dragon is a maze game, developed and published for the Nintendo Entertainment. Look up, um. Oh, this game looks, look at this cover art.

This is cool. You need to look up Bad Dragon. Yeah, book up Bad Dragon. Oh, and then, yeah, like, Bad Dragon. Bad Dragon. I heard there's a really good peripheral for the N.S. Look a bad dragon. It's like the...

It's like the... It's like the duck hunt gun. Yeah, yeah, the virtual boy. You use it to play... Yeah. Big Dragon. You use it to play Bad Dragon. Look at this.

Box art for the colorful dragon. Whoa. Great. So now I have to move my own damn head. I just don't want this to unplug. They make... They make... Well, that's so bad. ...that are like...

It's a Chinese game. Like, probably like, as big as that... I don't understand, because apparently, like, four inches is good enough for girls. So why did they, like, why? I heard it was three. Why is it every, there's all these videos of girls putting, like, like, a, like a, a squash into their ass or more pussy? Well, it's the flavor. They have taste buds.

Oh. Like, you know how guys have tape? You can, you know if you put peanut butter all over your balls and you don't have a dog, you can taste the peanut butter through your balls? And if you do have a dog, you do have a dog, you can taste your dog's tongue. I am sick. I am sick of my dog licking the peanut butter off. I'm trying to taste this shit, dude. Get the fuck away from me.

Don't lick that! It's not for you! It's got too much sugar in it. Yeah, well, so, yeah, they have taste buds in there. That's why they put, like, squashes and cucumbers and stuff. And that's how you can tell when a girl is really weird or a freak, because there are some girls, I don't want you to look this up because it's nasty, but there are some girls that try to taste traffic cones.

Oh. Well, what does a traffic cone even taste like? And that's what on the street all day. So you can imagine. It doesn't taste like candy corn. Oh, that's what they think. Oh, it looks like a candy corn. And I think that if they maybe, you know, if they're putting a glass bottle or something like that, they might think that it's like a wax bottle in flavor.

Maybe it might have some Coca-Cola jelly in it. Yeah, it's sort of that type of thing. So what do they think of, what does bad dragon dildos smell like? Probably smells like a dragon. I don't think it does. I think it's most. No, that's just for people who want to fuck a dragon. That has nothing to do with flavor.

Oh, but they're too big. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. It's setting unreal expectations for my penis. I don't have scales. Have you ever seen one of those bad dragon things and been like, damn, I wish my penis looked like that. Damn, I wish I had that in my butt right now. Yeah, of course, dude.

If I had a huge knot on my penis? Yeah, foot and a half fucking green and blue penis. You know what they need to do? It was so cool. They already, they do like ones that are like based on like characters, right? Do you think they would sponsor us? Like they do, they do like xenomorph one and like like avatar one and stuff, right? I think the company should make one based on a guy.

They should make them based on, yeah, on people. They have, that's just a normal dildo. Yeah, no, but you're buying what, it has a name on the dildo. They have the craziest, we have the craziest, we have the craziest. But also, I think what they should do. I think that, I think that Bad Dragon is an unfair monopoly on the market. And I think, you know, companies like Nintendo should be making Bowser dildos and, like, you know, like McDonald's should make a Ronald McDonald's dildo. You know, it's just let Bad Dragon take all.

And a butt. You know what I want? And a Mermeccheese. I want like a stark white, you know those sex toys that are like a butthole and a pussy and butt cheeks and it's just that? Yeah. I want a stark white one and it's Ronald McDonald's big red butthole. And it jiggles a lot. I'm imagining this.

Well, I want to make double that heads of a vagina on the bottom of it. There's a huge controversy with like a sex toy company because they make one of those like butt and pussy sex toys. but they put like they put like legs on it and make it run away for it. It does backflips like that

like the eye dog or like wind it up and it runs around the house runs like an ostrich you have to chase it down and fuck it oh no

no it would not happen it would be a controversy is the point there should be more advanced sex toys that have Boston Dynamics

should make a sex toy that obliterates your penis and vagina yeah have seen those like guys that do the real doll things like they're like like those things are really expensive and they're not very they're hard to talk them down they should there should be one that's just one of those can return machines and it just sucks your thing in and crushes it yeah i agree yeah there should

be there should be a there should be a uh uh you get five cents per thrust there should be a fleshlight that looks exactly like wally and turns your penis into a cube yep i've been saying this i I think if I got a fleshlight for free I would not use it but I would use it. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish.

I would drink something out of it one time. What would you drink? Diet Mountain Dew. Diet Mountain Dew. Dude, that's a gross one. That's going to get like, The coating is going to dissolve. You should drink like chocolate milk out of it.

And why only one time? I mean, if you're going to drink something out of it, it might as well just drink something out of it all the time. They could just be your cup at the office. You can just get a flashlight, dude. I'm not going to fucking... I know you're not using it. Also, if you use a flashlight, that's okay.

I don't care. And if you use it and then drink out of it and drink your own nut. It's okay if I do. I don't care if you use a flashlight, dude. It's normal to use a flashlight. Is it? I don't know.

I think it would probably... It is a crazy concept because they have... My hand already feels better than a vagina. I don't need a, I don't need some silicone thing. It is a crazy, like, they have them modeled after real people, and that is a crazy idea that you can just sell, like, a body part and someone jacks off with it. What? Literally, like, you're selling, like, a fake body part.

That's, like, selling the fleshlight for someone to jack off to is the same as... You ever think about how, like, the stars we see in the sky are, like, already dead? Damn. It's the same as selling, like, a prosthetic leg to someone for them to fuck. No, it's different. because that's a leg and this one's a pussy. Do you think the food that I see is the same as the food that you see?

Like a strawberry could be green for you. No, like I don't, maybe that's not even a strawberry to me. Maybe that's a piece of steak. Oh, it is a piece of steak. I see it now. That's an audio recorder. It's not a piece of steak, idiot.

Do you ever think of me? Somebody doing that. Like, oh, you're right. Oh, shit. Oh, you're right. That is green. Wait a second. Whoa.

Well, you got me. We need to go on CNN right now. Damn Damn Stop talking about your damn tooth boy I really hope this I'm about to smack your shit up I'm gonna smack you up

I looked that up this morning I looked up emergency dentist I'm gonna have you laid up in that Harry Potter hospital My other side of my mother's running too This is not a good day for me I think you got a double demented dental situation Double demented dental Welcome to double demented mental

We're too crazy Easy dentists. Whatever you do if you're booking an appointment, do not go to the Dementist. It's an easy mistake to make, okay? It's only a few letters. I've done it a few times, trust me. But you do not. I'm still paying on a list, pal.

If you've seen Little Shop of Horrors, okay, Steve Martin ain't got nothing on the Dementist. Yeah, the Dementis actually has guns. One of his eyes is way bigger than the other, and he goes like this. And he looks great and sticks his tongue up. And he really sucks it on your teeth. And when he comes into the room, and when he comes into the room, tornado. His toothpaste is actually sad. Great.

The Dementist is giving me screaming gas. Awesome. His toothpaste is sour, but then it's sweet. Then it's gone. No. Really? Mm-hmm. I hate the Dementist.

Yeah, dude. The Dementist. He wears that metal circle on his forehead, too. Uh-huh. You know what that metal circle is? And he doesn't, and he doesn't even, you don't even send a chair. You have to stand up. No.

Yeah, I'm serious. I'm dead serious. And he will make you dead, serious, dead. My idea of a Dementis is just a normal dentist. I'm a fucking hate them. I hate the dentist and I am like $3,000 in dental debt. Yo, Sandra Miles, if you're still practicing in Wilmington, North Carolina, I'm going to come and I'm going to ice you. My dentist was Dr. Robert T. Christ.

Really? Dude, we had crazy dentist names. Sandra Miles was Smiles. That's her first initial. He was Christ, and he was, like, really into God. Nope. And if you called him, Dr. Christ, he was like, no, it's pronounced Christ. And it's like, dude, just fucking own it.

Yeah, you do have to own it at that point. I mean, it might be a little embarrassing when you get to heaven. Yeah, my dentist's name was Dr. Craze. Really? Yeah, he was a doctor. He wasn't a doctor. Oh, was he not a dementist. Well, yeah, well, he was like, I think he trained under him or something.

Because he had similar techniques, but he was more just, it wasn't as mean. Just kind of just, he was crazy. I didn't even honestly have a dentist I'm just making it His first name was Cray Yeah I didn't see a dentist From the age of 14 to 18 I don't think if you're an adult who sees a dentist

Yeah you gotta fucking figure just to hit out You have a you like to be controlled You have a subordinate nature You're basically a sheep Like you belong Jumping over my brain while I'm counting You're like in a dystopia movie You're like the person who works a 14 hour job

At a typewriter and then you're like happy Yeah you're free guy Yeah you're literally no you're not not free guy. You're the other free guy. You're the blue shirt guy. You're a blue shirt guy. That's not a blue shirt guy.

It's not a slave guy. He's not a slave guy. You're like the Lego guys in the Lego movie. They want the same movie. That's kind of the same movie, isn't it? Lego movie and Free Guy? It's all the same, yeah. Dude, whoa.

I mean, once they, I mean, it's that thing where, you know, like, I'm waiting for the Prego movie. I mean, the New World Order is here? Look down. And people, people like Phil Lord and Chris Miller, is that their names? They're trying to warn us about Ryan Reynolds, the New World Order. They're showing us, dude. That's the only way you can bring free from the hegemony.

Wait, let's think about it. It's to be a free guy or a Lego. Aviation gin, right? Yeah. So how do you reach the top of a pyramid? Aviation. A plane. You aviate.

Or a generator. Or a generator that runs a elevator. Uh-huh. Right? An Nintendo rakeetor. Elevation, ginn. And where, and where? And where's the pyramid?

Egypt. Where is the Lego movie three that I'm writing set? Egypt. No way. It's true. And what's at the top? And I, what does Ryan Reynolds have? iPad.

Gose of. Oh, Eckys. Echis. Right? Echis. Echis. Thinking about DJs, talking DJs now, right? DJ Smith.

The Jewish conspiracy. No. No? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That connects, yeah.

And so we got Eke Eke. We got Aviation Jin. Dude, I'm telling you. Eke Ech Echest Tentacion. Gin from the office is who's he now? He's the boss of a sports betting company at the end of that show. No, he's the CIA. He also, dude, he's in the new Dr. Strange movie.

Really? He's Mr. Uh, Dr. Crazy. Fantastic. That's his name is Mr. Fantastic. Yeah.

Yeah, he is. No, sir. they leaked no sir it is i know i thought they hey i thought i thought it should have been i thought they should have used the real guy yeah i don't like that they recasting they keep recasting everybody just thinking that specifically mr fantastic is a real guy he's a scientist i would say most stretch i saw him in new york one of the more believable superheroes stretchy

everybody's stretch tons of stretchy people i'd say the most i'd say the most uh the most realistic superhero of the Fantastic Four is probably an invisible woman. Yep. Yeah, in the workplace. Yeah, exactly. Or in my house. Yeah. Hear no evil, see no evil. Richard Pryor. And that conversation prior was about

Free guy. Free guy. Free guy. Free guy. Free guy. Free guy. I. Freig. I. Who's Freig? We don't know yet. He's that scientist. He's that scientist that said that everyone wants so fuck their mom.

Yep. Frege. Because he was a damn freak. So Freak's eye, right? The dollar bill. Who's Bill? Bill Clinton. Right?

Bill Cosby, Clinton. Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton. Bill Cosby has a weird eye now. I think we've cracked the code. Hater. I hate her the New World Order. Mm-hmm. I hate her.

Orders. You eat them at a party. And what? The Democratic Party. Oh, my. God. The Democratic partly involved in this

conspiracy with a freak eye. And the Lego movie Lego my rights. Yep. And give me my damn rights back Democratic Party because guess what? I just found out that you're a pyramid-based system. Dang.

Mic drop. Mike drop. They should, you know what they should do? We should go back. and we should replace all the all the democratic elephants with pyramids

yeah I think that we should do that in all the political cartoons so if you drop it you can get it again easy I agree you bounce it comes right back up to your hand yeah if you make a point you can make another point

right after so you don't have to stand there and be like is this the point what that I make that I want to drop my mic because if I drop I can't do two mic drops if you have a bouncy mic you can drop your mic everything you say the thing is about a mic drop man

you're fucking up you're fucking up and then it could bounce into the audience I mean, it's disrespectful. It could take someone's eye out. It's like wearing shorts on stage or something. And here's the thing. I won't wear shorts on stage. I'm going to wear my damn miniskirt though, no worries.

I'm going to wear my damn mini-kilt. And then I'm putting the mic stand up my skirt. Yeah, Mike Stan. Who's Mike stand? You're all going to listen to my thing. Mike's tan. I can't stand. Mike's tan.

Yeah, Mike Roe, because he's working these damn dirty jobs in the sun all day. So he's tan. My, crow, crow, raven, Edgar Allen, Po. Mike Poe. Mike's Poe. He's poor because he works all these damn jobs. Mike Poe's nerd. And they don't pay him a sit. Police. Mike Poe's ner. The Democrats think they're cooler than me. I took a pill in Ibiza, right? Ibiza, what's that? Gay Heaven. So I took a pill in gay heaven. Where's gay heaven? Where's gay heaven? Where's gay heaven, the Democratic Party. Ebiza. He sees the truth. I took a pill in Ibiza. Ebiza. Jeff Bezos is buying eBay very soon. E. Beza.

Edina. Edina Madel. Wicked. Wicked. Oh, my God. That's where I was. Adele Dzeem. No.

No. The wickedly talented. Bidel Dazim. Yep. Dezim. Travolta. She's Greem. She's green in the show.

She's green as hell. She's green on Dezim. Wait. Which one is green? The witch. Who's green? The green one is green. The green witch.

The witched witch of the green? Yeah. Yep. The witched wist, who's the best? The freaking witch of the wist? Yep. She's green. And it all goes back to the top.

Mm-hmm. His two-thirds. He's got two thirts. Hey, Pat. Does this ring a bell? Thirt. What's a thirt? Explain yourself.

A third is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, T-shirt. T-shirt. T's hurt. T's tooth starts with a T-T. They hurt. T-shirt. T-shirt.

T-s-shirt. T-s-hit. He's the shit. He's the coolest guy around. Pat, you are cool as hell. You are holding your nose. Yep. Oh my God.

He must have ate a warhead before we started recording. He's got a serious sour face. Is it the first? full moon by any chutes? I don't know. I hope not. I'm growing fangs in the back that are cutting up my shit and it's hurting so bad. Are your wisdom teeth really just coming in right now? Yeah. Well, they've been in, but I think one of them got impacted. What does that mean impacted? It's when it can't come in, I think. I'm literally like every single one of my teeth hurts. This is like the worst, like, pain I've been in in so long. Hmm. Did you get

punched or kicked or hit in the teeth? No, I ate a lot of candy. Okay. All right. Did an animal get your mouth and run around all your teeth? Maybe, oh, did you perhaps pick up, did you maybe pick, I think I figured this out, guys. Did you pick up a lollipop from the ground that had a wolf-shaped bite out of the lollipop and lick on the wolf bite part?

But I was wearing silver, so I thought it was okay. No, see, that's what's going to get you is it's, it's spread. But you probably need to take that silver off because it might actually start burning. That's actually probably what the pain is from. No, my fillings are silver. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. You're probably going to need to take all of those out.

That's a good idea. And I can help you with that. Yeah, I'm Dr. Smart. I'm a knowledgeologist. Knowledgeologist. This is cool. Pat's, you're trying to do Rubik's Cube stuff to his teeth? Yeah, I'm trying to just move them around so they stop hurting.

Dude, you're going to, you look like you're doing like the centibite, the chatterer. What? The one with the teeth? Cineabyte. Gigabyte. That's a new age. I'll be a new age soon in July. That's true.

Yep. They made that movie today. It probably would be called gigabyte or terabyte. Yep. The Gigabites. Wait, which movie? They didn't call them movie Cena Bites. Hellraiser.

They would be called Gigabytes, the guys. Okay. right they're called that and instead of solving a box yeah they'd solve an app they're called that in hellraiser three i thought nope there's a cd player one in hellraiser three that's that is that hell world no hell world is like that's the one with the computer yeah that's like six i think or maybe five three is there's six of those damn movies three is hell on earth no there's like nine there's nine of those damn movies it's hellraiser and then um hellbound and then hell on earth and then um bloodlines and then i don't know what's it and then i think something else and then hell

world and then tokyo drift and then revelations and they're making a tv show too what the hell is with this shit yeah they want me to believe i mean hellraiser the amount of money they're spent on these movies just call them fundraiser yep and revelations they want you to believe in evalation at public school no no no i came from a guy named adam yeah yeah and a girl named steve public school These centenobites are publicly cruel. I was birthed from cane. They are. And it's like, why is this one new butterball?

Chill, chill. Yeah, yo, that was disrespectful as fuck naming that one, butterball. Yo, we know he's fat as hell, but you didn't have to say it like that. Yeah. Drew. And he left everything. They should have called him skinny mini. Yep.

And he tore up everything butterballs. I think these days, I think these days even fat people can be thin. That's right. Don't say that. He tore up everything but her balls. They should have called him butterbox. because he came out of the box and then it makes sense

that you say he tore of everything but her box Yep Why would you tear up everything but her box? Because he's weird He's from hell and shit I don't know I don't know How am I supposed to explain

He's from a cube Yeah I don't A demon's job He lives in the gay cube Really? Yeah Because it's what is it Must be getting crowded in there with you

It's supposed to be about Clive Barker How much he loves S&M right? Yeah Clive Barker is Rihanna's song Plive Barker is one of those guys where... One time I no hands nutted to Rihanna S&M as a child.

It's so sick when you can read a guy's book and... Swear to God, swear on my... Swear on my fucking mom's grave. No hand nut to S&M by Rihanna. Is that true? Yep. You grab your phone like you're going to look that up. No. I'm looking up S&M right now to see if I can do it.

She's wildest hell for saying I love the smell of it in that song. Dude, honestly, that's the part they got me. I was thinking about the smell of a sex swing It was her smelling my stuff Like my maybe my like my taint I was like she loves to smell of my taint I was going for a run And I had that song on it and no hands nutted

Damn Yeah Wait so Hellraiser Yeah well I would say it's like it's so fun When you have like a movie or a book where you can like Read it or watch or whatever and instantly be like Oh yeah the guy who made this is gay Yeah

Because it's all because they go they go crazy Patrick goes to job Allie B. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, it's so funny because it's like, yeah, well, you watch Hellraiser, yeah, and it's like, you go to a different dimension

where you wear leather and you get attacked by evil men and we all attack each other and are evil to each other and are we're demons from hell. It's the same thing with Chuck Palinuck, dude. You watch Fight Club and it's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, a bunch of sweaty guys hitting each other. Yeah, I watch that, I'm like, uh, okay, can I at least hit him?

Hit girls? Because I'm straight. Okay. We need to have a fight club that has boys and girls. Can I at least just hit some girls? Okay. I'd be watching a fight club like, damn, tag me in. My pants are already off.

I want to see Meat Loaf Punch Olivia Munn. Let's do it in Fight Club, too. Is Meat Love dead? Meat Love died. Fuck. Meatlove died in the movie, but he's alive. Oh, great. He's alive in real life.

Oh, good news. Oh, his name is Robert Paulson. Oh, my God. His name was Robert. rubber pulsing. Whoa, you guys, wait. Oh, my God. Are you guys referencing that shit right now?

No, I just came up with that. Damn. You must be a... I just came up with a name. You must have a writerly soul. I had no idea. Yeah. Stop.

Why are you... You're doing like what my stepdad does when he doesn't want to curse? Where he goes like, that scared the... Yeah, that's what my mom does. Really? Oh, that's very funny.

You're hitting all the consonants. You know, another one that always gets me is, oh, sugar. You ever, my mom says that, says that sometimes, yeah. Yeah, my mom says, I guess now that, fuck. Yeah, it was more when we, when I was a kid that she would do that. My dad says, my dad says, fuck you.

My dad says, when he says, when my dad stubs his toe, he goes, Pissy, pissy penis. My dad, when my dad hits, when I, my dad accidentally hits the. Oh, son of a bat. Dracula. My dad. Dad, you okay. The vampire prince.

Bloody Fang. Oh, garlic. Oh, shining moonlight. Wow, wooden steak in my heart. Yeah, when my dad hits a curb or something, though, he says damn ass. Really? Like the damn ass rock video? Damn ass curb.

Broke my tire. Broke my fucking shit tire. He says it? My dad says, and my dad says, I'm fucking pissed. No, he doesn't. I'm fucking pissing. My dad says, we're all trying to find the guy who did this. Mm-hmm.

My dad says I'm fucking pissing. Literally. Yeah, my dad says, holy shorts. My dad says, holy shirt. My dad says, holy shit, I'm pissing. Oh, my shit. It's coming out of me. Oh, my, damn it.

My dad says, there goes my shit. Gray, there goes my shit. Directly into the fucking damn. toilet. There goes my shit. The fucking toilet is going to be... Oh, great. And it's next to all my piss. And thus flows my poop. Great. The poop is flowing out of me like absolute water. Awesome. And great. It's messing up all my piss that I put in there. Oh, hot shit out of me. Oh, great. Hey guys, somebody accidentally mixed all my piss with all my shit in your toilet. Oh, mother, stinky, stinky pants. I'd rather do it in... I'd rather have shit in my pants. And here's

Top Ten Reasons Why. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What is it? Top Ten Reasons to Crap Your Pants by user Topman, who I looked at his profile. Username Top Man, Location Top Man, about, hello top 10 users. Only list Top Ten Reasons to Crap Your Pants. I mean, this is a good...

I'm a classic, man. There's not no reasons to crap your pants. I've always thought that'd be a good kind of like... There's a reason. Of course there's reasons. Dude, it's a good defense mechanism, man. imagine like somebody's trying to like attack your butt like you just shit all over yourself nobody wants poop isn't there a video isn't there a no no no no I'm thinking of the video

it's like the fight and the guy just gets completely naked oh yeah I don't know that but there's a lot of anytime that you're in a combat situation I mean that's what the cavemen did really yeah yeah really they took their clothes on their loincloths really they get in a fight yeah oh I didn't even know that they put the poop under their eyes like football players That was how far where that's from? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But it's foot rock.

It used to be club rock. I was trying to find the video. I was in club rock the other damn night. I was trying to find the video of the guy in the fight when he pulls his pants off. I go to Planet Hollywood and I think it's called Club Rock. I'm trying to find that video. It's like an old vine and something completely different just showed up. Yeah, and now for something completely different.

And now for something. completely different. Oh, my God. Number one is I thought, you thought it was going to be gas. Listen, I've been there. Yeah. This is what happened to me last time. That's not so much a reason as an excuse, though.

That's true. Wait, these are just two naked guys touching each other's balls and jacking off. They're not fighting at all, Patrick. Patrick, this isn't fighting. They're fingering each other's butt holes. No, they're fighting. Look, look. He just bit his butt hole.

He did bite his butthole. That was a good move. That was a good move. This honestly looks so fun. Oh, my God. That's great, dude. They're so pissed off at each other. They're so pissed off.

They're doing, they're doing croft my balls. Whoa. I guess he was the loser. Dude, they're doing, they're doing croft my balls. Grab my balls. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's a strange technique.

I haven't seen that in my training. Let's see how this pays off for him. Odd. He must have a different. master than me of Krav Maga. Grab my cock. This is what happened to me last time. Oh, that was in 2006, and I'm 11 right now.

I was sitting there and whoop, there it is. This and having a dream with Freddie Kruger in it. Oh, my God. Having a dream with Freddie Krueger in it would absolutely make me crap my pants. There's a comment here from, I think this guy might have been afflicted by this disease, crapping your pants, says, what are you guys laughing about? It's not funny. True.

They should make a scene If they ever make another Nightmare in Alm Street movie they should make a comedic scene so this is an idea if you ever want to make a comedy version guys

Wait so how would you get Just don't worry about it right now So here's the comedic scene is that Freddie Krueger tries to go into someone's dream and it's a dream of them having sex with a really ugly woman And he goes

What the hell? And then he leaves That would be funny Yeah Ugh You could go Yeah What the hell

Woof What That would be a good What? What? It's DMX. Oh, she's ugly. Ew.

I don't want no part of this shit. No, no, no, no. And I thought I was ugly. And I thought I had scars and red on my face. And I thought I was a butter face. But look at her. Because Freddy Kruger total butterface. Ugly ass face with that body.

Oh, my God. Those hot fucking fingers. Fucking body. Dude, imagine those around your thang. Oh, Jesus Christ. Just shaving, just shaving little curls of skin off you. I dream about Freddy Kruger. Sanding wood.

Did I really just say that? Never trust a fart. Yeah. It happens to everyone at some time, says Hollywood fan eight. Hollywood fan eight. Good thing, this never happened to me, says Freddie Fosbear. Whoa. From the game?

I guess so, man. I'd be pretty weird. Good thing. It only happens to me at home with capitalized words. I guess I very rarely have shit myself out in public, and I shit myself pretty off. You shit yourself in public. You only have one time, dude. You shit yourself in public with us

and then you didn't tell us till we got home. So I didn't know, dude. You didn't know. I couldn't remember if I was... I think a wet bug crawled into my pants but it's probably nothing. I did.

I thought that I splatted a green bug from a cartoon and it was the green goo was all over my butt. It was fine. You guys just made too much... I feel like I've shipped my pants in public before but not like around people. I shipped my pants in...

first grade and then I went back to class and sat in it for a little bit and tried to I was just like okay this is fine you ever accidentally sit in your squish your pants I sat down I sat down in the poop and then I was just like oh no do you guys remember what it was like to wear a diaper yeah yeah me too not really I had to wear pull-ups to bed because I peed to bed so much I don't have so good I don't remember stuff like I you were bed peeped I kind of have like I was a bedwitter yeah I was a bedwether too whoa dude oh my god that's why I'm so much smarter than both of you no that's why we're so much more cruel and sociopathic yeah you two are i agree that's why i'm so kind that's why i love animals he yelled and rage what do you heard that you're kind yeah

kindness just so weird that just fixed all my teeth problems that was so weird problem problems problems problems problems problems that was the that was the the evil spirit escaping from your tooth. It's the pressure behind your molars. Yeah. I sneezed out the Osmosis Jones. Yeah. Demon that's in my mouth right now.

What's his name? They were demon. Watching Osmosis Jones is like a shot. I thought he was the devil. Those are all demons. Dude, I thought the bad guy was the devil in that. Like a Christian, like a really like a Christian parent is teaching them. Like, yeah, those are demons.

Those are evil spirits in there. And you see that blue guy? That's God. That's a. Angel. That's Little God. Mm-hmm. Number two? Couldn't hold it in.

Kind of the same. Yeah. No, that's not the same as... Actually, no, you're right. That's different. That's different. It's not the same as thought it was going to be gas. Because couldn't hold it in is like, even if this were gas, I wouldn't have the ability to...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. You're right. Listen, I misspoke, and I'm taking accountability for it. One time I was recording a podcast for those good old-fashioned values, and I was in the middle of talking, and I had to... I didn't say anything. I just ran to the best. through me. I was like, I'm going to shit my pants right now. I've had probably two or three

times. Luckily, it's only ever been over Zoom podcast. I've definitely almost shit myself before. Yeah. It's pretty, it's so hard when you're recording something or you're doing something and you're like, like other people are there and you have to be like, I have to go right now for no reason. Yeah, yeah. For eight minutes. Yeah. I usually try to do that, but I hate when you do that and then you leave and everyone's like, yep, he's going to jack off. And maybe... I don't hate that. I think that's funny.

Do you guys think it's wrong to jack off at another person's house? Yeah. Depends. Depends. How long are staying there? You have to be wearing the pens? Yeah, so it doesn't touch...

If you're in their house... If you're, like, at a... I swear you've said that on the podcast before. Maybe what. I've had this... I swear that we've had that exact interaction before. Somebody please see if you can find this. Where I say it's wrong to Jackoff...

Is it wrong to Jack off at someone else's house? You say it depends. And he says, you have to wear depends. I swear to God, dude. Yeah? That has happened before. I believe it.

I mean, basically we just say that the exact same three things to each other over and over and over. It's crazy that people listen to twice a week. Mm-hmm. It's crazy. That's not. I think that we do good radio.

Okay, I think that too. Yeah, I've been thinking of this new thing is called Awesome Culture. Yo, wait, that makes no sense. Wait, okay. You seriously just said that bullshit? We're going to have roast you. for fucking 20 minutes, brother.

Yep. Prepare to be flamed, my good... Once again, let me check my notes for a good roast on you. Awesome culture. That makes no sense. You're thinking of epic culture. Number three,

getting your first kiss. That wouldn't make me shit with my reason at all, yeah. Yeah, I had my first kiss from Peter Mayhew. Oh, yeah. I didn't know who that was. Yeah, I had mine from the Burger Brothers. Yeah.

No, no, I didn't, though. I didn't. It was my girlfriend in high school. Mm-hmm. Yeah, last week No, I just want to clear the air Oh What?

No, literally. Dude, I'm not in high school. Literally. Wait, I'm not a high schooler, okay? I'm not a high schooler, even a little bit. I'm not a high schooler, oh my God. If I was a high schooler, I'd be mid-homeworked.

I wish you were so old. If we were all 37, how pathetic would this be? Yeah. Why don't you go ask those fucking geysers over at the child? Chapo trap house. Oh, my God, yeah.

No, you mean the Chappo Trap home. Because old folks' homes are a trap. Because I'd like to trap those Democrats in a home and light it on fire. Yep, those freaking Democrats and Chappo Trapets. Yeah, dude, the damn Democrats. Democrats. Yeah, that's what I call them. Demo Chaps.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm starting to suspect either Will Minnick or Felix Biederman was the Antifa soldier who decided to prank my backpack. Oh, 100%. I'm putting two and two together. Felix Elderman. Yeah. Matt, Christ, man, you're so old.

Yep. Yeah, and Will Giesiger. And Will Older curse. Will oldest curse. Oldest curse. Owned. Yep. Chris weighed too old.

Yep. Take that. Yep. Chris aged. Yeah, that's probably better. You aged a lot. Mm-hmm. Over a long period of time.

He didn't age a lot quickly because then he would be young. He aged a lot over a long period of time. It's a really good point. Number four. Yeah. Explosive diarrhea. We'll table that. Yeah.

Well, we'll leave that for another episode. Feel this older man. What? Oh. Oh. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

I forgot. I said table it and then you kept going. So it's kind of like I wasn't prepared for you to disrespect. me, I guess. Last Will. Oh, that's good. That's it, dude. That's it.

Test a meniker. Yeah. Yeah. That's perfect. Uh-huh. You are a magician, my friend. Mm-hmm. Will magician.

Yeah. Felix. Yep. Matt Christ's, like. Matt Christ's miracles. Yeah. Yeah, these guys are wizards. Mm-hmm.

That's how well. Because they're so fucking old. They got long white beard. Democrat Wizards. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Wizards in the KKK.

They are actually that and because we did their show and they showed us their, they showed up on the Zoom call. All in Klan Roads. Have you guys ever noticed the name of their podcast, Capo Capcause? You ever realize what that stands for? Four Ks. Four Ks. They are in the KKK. We cannot stress this enough.

we can't listen there's no two ways about it the entirety of Chappo Trap House belongs to the KKK They're white supremacists They just are man They tell us every single time We stop talking

We stop recording with them They say thank you for furthering our ideals And we say we're not doing that at all What do you mean? No You bastards Don't you dare release this episode I don't want a high five

Wait what the hell are you doing with your hand And we don't email them our audio Because we don't want to appear On that type of program But they somehow get it anyway They're hackers. And then later on, sometimes we forget and we do other shit with them, okay? It's so some people forget stuff.

Sometimes, you know, if we're doing a live show, we like to try. We try to assassinate them. When we were backstage, I saw, I saw Will Menacherd. When he showed up, he took this red armband off and sat down. Yep. And then he put it back on. And then when he got back off the stage, he put it back on. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. And I didn't see what the arm band. was. I actually think that he's so old, he was taking his blood pressure. Yep. Number five, girlfriend turns out to be guy friend. Now, tell me you would not crap your pants. I don't know.

I don't know if I'd crap my pants or not. Would you go full Ace Ventura? I would go full crying game. I haven't seen that one. Honestly, if I found out my... I would go full crying game. I would throw a car bomb in London. What?

Huh? That's what the client game is about. Neither of us have seen it still. Oh, it's about the IRA. We haven't seen it. Let me watch it. Okay, I just watched it. Okay, I'll get anything you say about it.

It's a good movie. It's really good. I think if my girlfriend turned out to be a guy friend, we'd probably just play more video games. Yeah. I'd be like, we might have no excuse them. We might drive racing cars together.

Yeah. We'd probably just like become even closer and more sexual. Oh, my God. Personally. I saw them drive racing cars on Fear Fife. like yesterday? No. That's so sick.

Dude, it's crazy. Also, who's afraid of racing an awesome car? Yeah, the fears on that show are pretty funny. Yep. Yeah. There was one where the fear was like, you will be put in this, you'll be put underwater with,

now like, don't scream, crabs. And two of the people quit, two of the people who got too scared of crabs. Crabbs, dude? I'm afraid they would pinch my penis. Well, yeah, one lady, so you went,

oh my God, it's biting my butt! and then she quit. The crab isn't going to, it's not going to, it doesn't want human meat, dude. It's a crab, it's not like a spider or a demon. It's similar, it's a mixture of the two, but I don't, I'm not scared. Fear Factor, but then, like, your challenge is seven minutes in heaven with a demon. With the dark demon churnabog. I'm sending you to hell for 30 seconds, but you can tap out and have your teammate take your place.

Three rounds of, of, of, of, physical combat with scorpion from mortal combat and yeah he's not wearing his mask and you can see his skull that'd be too scary man yeah that would seriously factor my fears into it your first challenge

boom your second challenge I just wish they would factor more of my fears into that show yeah number six like student loan debt yeah okay so basically take that chapo we're swinging at you again we're taking your crap. Actually, my fear would be if they erase student loan debt. Yeah. Hey, buddy. Maybe I want to pay off my loans like a good citizen. You know, asshole? Oh, so I'm supposed to like it when the number

goes down? Great. So the Democrats are trying to, that's basically net worth. That's, I, that's my net worth. Uh-huh. And you're turning it into zero. Yeah. You asshole. Yeah, you're siphoning off everything. Hillary Clinton, you witch. How else am I going to prove I went to college? I already drew all over my diploma. Yep. I don't have a diploma. I had to do math for a tip. I dropped out of school because I knew that there were being too much of Democrats there. You are a Kanye West type figure in my eyes.

Yep. Yep. Do I look like white Kanye today? And I'm your... You do. I'm your guy who cameraifies your entire life. What's his name? Krusty.

Krusty the cloud. Krusty the crab. Lacky too. Lacky two. Oh, yeah. I'm walking around. Is that how you say it? Yeah, lackey two.

I've never... I've always said Lacketatoo. So then I was following Kanye on a giant shell. That's the movie. You're going the wrong way, Kanye. Turn around. Kanye went to this castle, and he put on a hat with wings.

Kanye turned into some type of raccoon creature, and he was jumping around flying. What's that thing called? Tanuki. Tanuki. I watched Kanye hit this green box, and then he turned straight up into metal. I was imagining. What's the song? I was imagining Kanye, like, Kanye had some, like, award store or something, like, or, like, at the Taylor Swift thing, and he's, like, walking up on stage, and, like, five Locketews just, like, swarm around him with the wrong way thing, and are trying to get him to go back to his seat.

He's grabbing the lock, he's just, like, knocking the wrong way. Get the fuck away from me. Woo, wow, wow, wow. Yeah. Did you hear what Will Smith did? He wasn't going to do anything, but he was sitting in his seat, and he just heard in his head, did, do, do it. Did you guys hear what Will Smith did at the Oscars? Yeah, I heard he threw a red shell.

Yeah, I heard he threw it. He slapped Chris Rock. No. No. On what, where? The face. He slapped his butt. He slapped him in the face.

Oh, that's okay. If he slapped his butt, that's sexual harassment. That's true. And that's out in Hollywood. But you know, it's in girls. And that, and that's on Weinstein. And he said, that's on baby. Keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth.

He said this. Who's his wife? Okay, so this is sounding a big, like, sexual. Really? That's his wife? Damn, I thought that was a damn marble.

I thought he was married to Willow Smith. Yeah, he's married to her too. They're probably. Oh, they're both. Okay. His wife has no hair. I thought she was straight up a bun. Isn't that crazy?

I thought she was, okay, you know, say what you will, but she was so fucking good in shape of water. Yep. And when she fell off that damn wall,

yeah. Oh my God. His wife has no hair. but surely she has eyebrows i heard that i heard that she just got uh i heard that she actually look closely she's in talks to play judge holden and in blood meridian really yeah that's awesome yeah i heard that actually and he slapped chris is that true wait jada pinkett smith slapped i heard she's gonna play no she's bald but she's not a boy did that wait did the light did the light from her shiny head going someone's eye to hurt them

Is that what? It was like Are we talking about the same thing? I thought that that was a Lindor Truffle. That's a woman? Yes. What? And it was at the Oscars.

But she doesn't have any hair. How could that be a woman? I thought that was like a placeholder mannequin because the person wasn't there yet. And he said, Keep my wife name out your fucking mouth. I thought I was watching MythBusters and that was a crash test dummy. And he said keep his wife's name out his fucking mouth. To Chris.

I thought it was like one of those. Well said that to Chris. I thought it was like. one of those Ronald McDonald's statues on a bench that you sit next to, but it was for Humpty Dumpty. I thought it was like a storyland scenery thing that got brought there. And it was a slap at the Oscars.

It was a slap to Oscar himself. Would you say it was the slap heard around the world? Mm-hmm. It was a slap in the face to audiences, too. And the performers. And the celebrities. And wait, so Will Smith's slap, Chris Rock. How did his wife, Mike Wozowski, react?

She wasn't laughing. But he was laughing, and then he stopped laughing. Yeah, because when I see her, I say, put that thing back where it came from, so help me, so help me. And they slapped. They slapped. They slapped. They slapped each other.

They both slapped on TV. But they just got to fight. That's fun. If they both slap each other, that's just yin and yang, which is also what Jada Pickett Smith looks like. They slapped on TV, and it got real this time. No, wait, it was on TV? I didn't know that part. They slapped on TV.

Yeah, Jayden Pickett Smith has TV. I wish you could see my face right now. The bald head. Yeah. I wish you could see my face right now. Yep. Literally. Yeah, literally.

Literally. Literally slapped on TV. Yeah, she was sitting in that, she was sitting in that chair at the Oscar so long. I was surprised at Magic Beanstalk didn't grow out of her head. Bean ass, bitch. Listen, bitch, you look like a bean. You actually just look like a bean to me, okay? A kidney bean, a pinto bean.

Any bean is what you look like to me. Some type of bean is what you are. You're a bean, bitch. Oh, wait, so you're Jaden and Willow Smith etamami? Okay, yeah, because you're a bean. And they slapped on TV. Yep. And wait, you have kidneys?

Kidney your bean. You've got to be kidneying me with how much of a bean you. you look like yep all right you're not supposed to slap on TV

mm-hmm the only show left on tour is Chicago that's tomorrow when this comes out so shit go ahead by I hope no one comes on stage

and slaps on TV enough enough I wish I had a can of coins you're doing this right now this is what I want yeah I think I mean unless it sells out by the time this comes out

which hey probably is going to sell out today who knows we added a late show that has I think 18 plus so if you couldn't go to the first Chicago show because it was 21 plus. You should go to this one instead. It should buy tickets. It'll be the last show on the tour

and we're going to do something crazy. It might be slapping. If you're one of the college co-eds that comes up on stage and slaps me, then I salute you at the 18 plus show. And if you ask me to sign your boobs, I will not, I will only sign your arm. Yep. Hey, I don't

even... I've done a lot of thinking about this. I don't even see boobs because I'm so in love. I just see two beans. And if you look like a bean bitch in the front row best believe i'm gonna make fun of you bean no slapping don't bring your husband and if you dress up like a bean i'm gonna eat you it's not advised to bring your husband because he could slap us yeah all right bye i'm going to eat a bean