Podcast About List - Ep. 195 - We’re Back From Tour

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Mona lisa got creamed www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

Come in, come there, come here, come in, and we see your butt. All the counts to the mom list. Every crap monster. It was a trip of a lifetime. It was four friends in a car. It was a trip of a lifetime, and we did go so far. It was a trip of a lifetime. We went to Los Angeles, Great Canyon.

The trip of a lifetime And it was so much Anions And there was so much fan Anions And we ate some Grand Anions Grand Anions

We ate some grand Nians What's up? We're back What the fuck is up? Can you believe it? Listeners I can't believe it

You're off of you're done You're out You're too excited to be doing this I could not believe that what I just heard What the fuck is up? Listeners. that can't be allowed to happen what just talk like that yeah he can't be allowed to do and also to say to say listeners that was just too that was way too much i couldn't handle that

it's that yo that took me out yeah i thought it was did you guys see the mona lisa became smeared by cream by the epic prankster of the century i didn't see i still i'm gonna look this up yeah so this guy dressed up as mona lisa he dressed up as an old lady in a wheelchair and then when he got near the mona lisa he leaped out his chair and smeared it with cream all right i'm just going to search Creamed-on-Lisa. Uh-huh. The Mona Lisa smeared with cream by the night of protest her from South China Morning Post.

Wow. Man in disguise attacks Mona Lisa with cream in apparent climate protest. It's literally the best news store. I'm so obsessed with this. She's covered in goddamn cream. She got smeared with cream. Holy fuck. She became smeared by cream.

Man dressed his old lady smears cream on Mona Lisa. We were busy. We were so busy. We could have stopped this fucking prankster. And we were not. I'm not busy. This happened yesterday. The Lerve. Yeah.

We were supposed to cancel. We were supposed to do our show with the LERV. The LERV. Yo, I lerve the Mona Lisa. The painting reportedly unharmed. Yeah, it was on a protective layer over it, I guess. They have a cream blocker. Yeah.

That's, I will see. That's probably one of the main things that they install. I think that's probably why he shows cream because that might be the one thing that they don't have a blocker on the Mona Lisa. Yeah, clearly they did. Well, maybe he thought they didn't. You know how. He was like, who the fuck would put smear cream all over Mona Lisa.

I mean, if it's a climate protest, I might try to light it on fire. Yeah. Also, cream, that's from a cow. Cows produce a lot of methane. Methane. This guy's an asshole. He's using cream.

He's supporting the cream industry. He's supporting the cream industry. It is one of the most harmful industries. It is really fucked up. Yeah. Have you guys ever read that Upton Sinclair book about the cream industry and how evil it is? No. It's terrible.

I read the Downton. Downton. Okay. Downton, good layer. Good layer, yeah. The Downton Good Layer, yeah. A Downton Good Layer video. I watched his essay.

The implications are terrifying. Epic sauce. The implications are terrifying, I have to say. Was he in Tifa? The thing about one of the evils parts of the cream industry is that I would say that, I mean, this is in the book. Roughly 75% of the cream output in the world is being smeared on priceless paintings. That's got to be an absolute bullshit of a stat. It's actually a completely true stat.

I don't believe it. I'm going to go ahead, but he's probably one of the greatest writers and facts check. I don't know how to fact-check stuff, and I don't know how people do it, so I'm just going to have to believe you. Well, is he upped in Sinclair that called him a muck raker? Yeah. The hell is that? That's basically, it's the opposite of a cream maker. Ah.

He fights the cream. Because if you spell muck, if you spell cream backwards and upside, and upside down, it says muck. Yeah, it kind of looks a little bit, like a look a little bit. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Not too much. But basically, it's like, kind of like, well, it's like Yan and Yank, cream and muck. So he's, like, raking up muck to fight. Because the only way you can clean cream off a painting, if it doesn't have a

cream blockers do you add muck to it and it goes neutral yeah i hate cream rakers i'm fucking sick cream rakers destroying our beautiful paintings he's fucking cream rakers dressing up like old ladies and smearing if a cream raker came in and tried to get that i would shoot him on site we tried to put that on the breath of the wild painting something that i'm just realizing now that would something i'm realizing now is upton sinclair he's a muck raker right he's digging up muck to smear industries wow Yep. It's almost like kind of even good and evil are the same, where even the muck rakers are smearing the cream smears.

What's he doing it for? Money. Monet, Lisa. At the Monet Lisa. Leitz of Mona. Monet, you could at least give some Monet to the cream man. Yeah, exactly. That's the least that you could do, Monet.

Yeah. It's really telling, I mean, that people talk about, there's a lot of talk about milkmen. Nobody ever talks about the cream. man. True. The cream man. Well, that's because they have half as much stuff to bring me.

That's true. The milkman dropped out some cream. No one needs six bottles of fucking cream. The milkman dropped off some cream in my grandma and that's why my uncle looks like. The milkman. What?

Is that true? I don't know. Your milkman fucked your grandpa? That happened in my family too, but the milkman dropped a bunch of muck. to my grandma. Yep.

And she died. Holy shit. She filled her milk with muck. Yep. Yeah, and she threw up pretty bad. Yeah, she threw up a bunch of muck. Yeah, she's skinny as a stick figure and in a grave now. Yeah.

What? Yeah, she's bones. It's awful. Man. Bones, dirt, and some muck in the stomach area. I've been playing a lot of... That stuff does not go away over time. I've been playing a lot of awesome iPhone games.

Yeah. Still. You have been. Yeah. You have been. would tell people what you've been doing. So while we were driving in the car, I would download any game that showed up on an ad.

Uh-huh. And I ended up using, I have 50 gigabytes of data for my mobile plan. Ooh. And I used all 50 gigabytes on tour, downloading games like Fat Man Run. Games that also are the same game just re-skinned. Yeah.

Instead of a guy, you're a hot dog. Uh-huh. There's What's the one? Oh, sword maker. Yep. It sounds like you're making these up as you go. What was the?

I downloaded one. I think it was called like 3D Avatar Judge. Oh, that one was cool. And yeah, the first case that I got, it was like you can play, you can do this case for gems. And there's a guy named George Flood. Yeah.

And it was a white guy. I took a screenshot of it. because I was like, damn, that is fucking nuts that they made him white. That's not a, that's not, you think that's the worst part? A little bit. No, it's that they messed his name.

They made him white, but then they made the cop black in the story. Hmm. Okay, so it was kind of a reimagining. Yeah. It was a reimagining for gems. It was like a Guillermo del Toro style, like kind of like fairy tale version.

Yeah, retelling, yeah. And then I think the other one was someone named, like the first one I got, but I couldn't do it, because we were driving through Amarillo and there's like no service there but it was like

OJ Simpson but it was spelled wrong I feel like they're probably they are they so that that's it's not like randomly generated they like do that they must do that on purpose right yeah those are the stories

yeah I think those are the stories that you play for gems but that's the thing the thing about that though they made both of those guys white yeah to avoid whitewashing history much you're pretty much obsessed

with race right now yeah it is I mean He's been getting really into thinking about race all the time. He has, yeah. And just he walks into a room and he just says how many of every race there are in the room, like a little kid. It's a counting exercise. Yep.

He's also working on math. I'm working on counting. Yeah. I'm learning how. What was your guys' favorite stop on the entire tour? Grand Canyon or just most of Arizona. It has to be a certain place we did. Yeah.

I forgot about Myrtle Beach. It was so long ago. Yeah, it was. Myrtle Beach didn't feel like part of the tour. It felt like heaven. It was a vacation from the tour. If anybody's listening and they have like a honeymoon coming up or what else do people do shit for? Wedding.

Oh, you have a wedding after. If you're celebrating, you broke a world record. If you're running away, if you're a child. Oh, yeah, we have a lot of young listeners. If you're planning on running away from home, go to Myrtle Beach. Or the forest near your house. Huh? The or the forest near your house.

Yeah, yeah. If you basically, if you head from, I think almost anywhere, if you head north, you'll hit Myrtle Beach. Yeah. Or just going to the forest and lie down. We went to the, where did we go? We went go-kart racing. We went go-karting. We went to the arcade.

We went dinosaur minigolf. Yeah. Dinosaur mini golf. Worst minigal course I ever played. Not fun. I hate minigolf. We went to the pool. We went to the hot tub. We went to the lazy river.

I went in the lazy river at night and it was too cold. It was too cold. I sure my penis shrank. I got in the lazy river and my penis shrank. Don't you want, hey, when you're in the pool. When you're in the pool, you want your penis to shrink so nobody can see it. Nobody can see his penis in the pool. It's disgusting.

I don't want to see... Exactly. I'm like, my fucking bikini bottom showing my penis hanging out of the bottom. Yeah, I don't want my thing. I don't want my thing trying to bust out, like, the Kool-Aid man. I honestly, I'd say, oh, no. As a grown man, I would prefer if I could wear a shirt in the pool and it was just normal. Yeah.

I would rather wear a shirt. Yeah. I don't want to have all... I don't want to be completely naked. I don't know. Well, you don't have to be completely naked. You get to where swim, you're... I want, like, like, a girlfriend.

I want, like, a big shirt that covers my pants. Yeah. In the pool? Yeah, I got to use the jets for something. I want everyone to see my foes. Do you guys, like, I still go put my wiener up against a jet like a kid. Yeah, me too. You have to.

You have to. You have to. You have to. You have to. You have to. You see if it's as good as you remembered it when you were a kid. Yeah. It makes you feel, you feel so guilty when the jet turns off because you're too close.

Yeah, that shit is fucked up. Oops. Dude, they... It thinks I'm, wait, it thinks my penis is a leaf. It's so embarrassing. They, they, uh, at the public pool I went to as a kid, they made the jet stop going so fast because too many kids are fucking nutting. Too many kids were going up to the thing.

Yeah, they did, including me. Tell you what? My fucking, my aunt's hot tub did not get the memo. Yeah. Yeah, that thing had to, honestly, that thing had to have been half by the time that I grew up and stopped hanging out with that. Imagine being like a lifeguard at like a summer camp. for like little kids and like you're like you're like you're sitting up on the high chair

and you have to you're looking down at the at the pool from above and you just see you're seeing the little the kids just cluster around certain spots like iron filings on a magnet it's like or like ants when they see like a caterpillar you just see everyone yeah and you can't go you can't break them up you can't do anything about it you're fucking lose your job instantly yeah yeah yeah the parents won't they won't understand but as a lifeguard you know what's up yeah yeah the kids you were a kid once you love the pool that's why you became a life I went there and pretend I was deep in thought. I heard they,

I think they put a jet in the seat of the life court chair. Yeah. You should. Yeah. I don't honestly. I mean, that's why Badais feels so good. Yeah.

We should put jets in here on the wall. Just a jet pumping water out. I'm down in the floor. I think we should, we should get a, for the backyard, we should get a little kiddie pool. Yeah.

That would be fucking nice. That would be swaggy. Oh my God. Our feet. Yes. And we can do that thing where you put a bunch of like minnows in there. Oh, yeah. leaves?

Yeah, when you leave the pool out overnight and the fills with leaves. When you leave the kiddie pool out in the fall. You just leave it in your backyard. I was saying you put like, we put a bunch of fish in there. And they can eat the dead skin off our feet like in Vietnam. I would actually love to have one of those fish do that to me. Yeah.

I wouldn't like that. I would put my thing in there. I don't really like getting eaten by an animal. Shave my foreskin off. You're not getting eaten, though. I mean, it's the same as a dog licking you. Yeah. It's functionally the same

My dog has a name I didn't say your dog I just meant a dog Every dog has a name No not all dogs have names I met a dog today in pickles He had no teeth And he had no name

He tried to bite my hand over and over again You let him do that right? No Dogs in India Don't have names Yeah none of them have names Yeah they do You may not know them

It's a race guy again Oh yeah Well there's just a lot of stray dogs In India I've learned He thinks that Indian people Don't have names too From an Indian guy okay

and did he have a name no oh wow I did learn that there are a lot of evil stray dogs in India from following a bunch of Tom and Jerry meme pages yeah because they all post every other meme on there is a picture of like a of like a dog that looks like

it's from Bloodbourne and it says final level of walking home they think it's about it's Tom and Jerry versus Spike yeah well it is sometimes some episodes some episodes yeah hey I don't want to I don't want to nerd out on it.

Yeah, I don't want to nerd out, but I have to. I mean, when I hear some Tom and Jerry misinfo being spread. I think that's not a misinfo. Do you still have? Yeah, I have. Do you still have the... I thought you knew exactly what I was going to talk about.

Do you still have? Do you have? Do you still have the popper? Yeah, it's in my house. Okay. I don't have anything to clip it onto on these pants. Interesting. You do you literally, I bought you a Scooby-Doo popper.

You didn't touch it once the entire trip. So you do not have any grass. Because there was no drama until he brought up. Let me explain the situation. I bought a Tom and Jerry Popper at a gas station in Myrtle Beach. Nobody knows what a Popper is. I don't know. I don't know what it's called.

Fidget Popper. Okay. Move on. I bought one of those. I showed Cameron and then he immediately took it out of my hands. You held it up to me. I held it up to you to show you. You held it out to me.

To show you. And then you took it. and then I just decided it was yours after that. There was no way I was getting that. You went scary Bilbo and you attacked me for it. No, I took it because I thought you were giving it to me because I thought you knew how lunch I loved Tom and Jerry. And I realized, and then when you brought it up later,

I realized my mistake and I bought you a Scooby-Doo Popper and you basically threw it away. It's not thrown away. Where is it? It was attached to my bag that got lost. It was in my bag that got lost. Oh, the camera bag? I lost my, I left my camera bag.

bag at a hotel in San Francisco, didn't you? So where is it? So where is it? It's at my house. Oh, he's so ungrateful. I'm letting my roommates play with it. I'll even, I even offered to give him the Tom and Jerry thing back and he wouldn't take it back. So he's trying to make me out to be the bad guy here, but it's, it's... I don't understand how he's the bad guy at all. I don't think there's... I made an honest mistake. I made an honest mistake fueled by my love of cartoon cat and mouse. I will say, I was there when you gave, when you handed it over. It really seemed like you got it for Cameron.

I'll still give it back to you If you want it back Nope I got a Scooby-Doo one now You're much more of a Scooby-Dooer Than you are a Tommy Jerryman I guess that's true Yeah what would yours be

We have to get you one Probably Royce to 5-9 Yeah Bad Meets Evil Popper I'll take that dude Those things They had like a hundred of those

At every gas station I've never seen It was weird It was like see I saw the first one at Myrtle Beach The first one I've ever seen I bought it, and then they just kept... Every single gas station had them.

Yeah, it was like I fucking, like, installed some texture into the world. Are you talking about race again? No. I'm talking about poppers. I tried to, I heard the first one I've ever seen. I was so confused and curious about those things popping up. Hey, I couldn't help it. But that I did something crazy and I asked the person at one of the gas stations, like,

when did you guys start stalking these? Because I want to know. And he was like, I don't know. uh like a long time ago oh that was it that was at staples was it at staples okay yes again staples which is an even crazier one yeah because i was just so curious i feel like i've never seen them before this trip which staples was it it was the staples in l a god it was in texas oh texas okay texas great great state great state one of the best states big big state Texas is one of the best states.

One of the better states that I've been to. Texas, Richmond. Richmond is my favorite state. Yep. Atlanta and Richmond. Okay, this guy's seriously a geography idiot. Those are great cities in states. I'm going to put you on a U.S. geography crash course. Okay.

Yep. We should send them to the Geography Bee. The 8th grade geography B. Love Atlanta. They have a geography B? They did in 8th grade. That shit's easy. I remember everything, but basically D.C. and San Francisco.

Francisco? I remember they gave us like, it was a thing where like we were in class in eighth grade and they gave us like a sheet of paper that we had to fill out answers. And if anyone got them all right, they like were like, they were entered to be a contestant in the geography beer or something. That shit has to feed into something. I mean, all that shit's got to be, got to be, yeah. I think like two years after that, you're at Langley.

And they're like, quick, what is the capital? What is, yeah, what is an archipelago? That was one of the questions I remember. man and I got that one wrong yep archipelago I would hate to work for the CIA I would actually like to and if they'd like to reach out because I'd have to live in fucking DC

you don't know you live anywhere you get to live in Thailand and you get to do your whole thing werewolf attack people yeah okay and you get to you have to learn I got scared of the Lincoln Memorial you learn how to do it he thought it was going to come alive I thought it was going to come alive

that city is evil there's an evil lurking behind it same with San Francisco here's got attacked by a bunch of ducks. That was pretty funny. Pierce was walking on the street. He saw a bunch of ducks on the street and they couldn't get on the curb. They thought they couldn't get on the curve. There was no evidence.

Picking up all the ducklings and the mother bid his arm. Yeah. I got a good clip. It was very funny because before that like cars stopped and like a guy was stopping traffic to let the ducks and ducklings cross the street and everyone was like clapping for him. And then Pierce walks up and he's like, oh, it looks like they can't get up on the curb and pick them up and just everyone's completely silent.

And then he got attacked and. one person was like, oh. Yeah. No claps for. Yeah, no claps for Pierce at all because he just was like, he was wearing like a, he's wearing like a fucking embroidered like a, a bedazzled CIA hat.

Yeah. Yeah. Picking up ducklings on the street and being like, oh, I don't know. That's cool, dude. Yeah. You should have started chucking them. Yeah. See if they fly?

DC, you got to, you got to put a bankruptcy on that Washington monument. Yeah, that shit's boring. as fuck you gotta bring spider man back to that like in the movie remember what spider man was there in the movie i thought we were gonna see spider man fighting the vulture there you really honestly thought i 100% thought he was gonna be there your brain is childish man i seriously thought i mean it's like it's i thought maybe it'll be like in like you know disneyland where you go and kaila ren comes out every once in a while i thought maybe spider man in the vulture they should have a george washington stand there and be like looks like my penis why would he say that it doesn't look like his penis

he didn't have a right angle penis yeah he did if anything it's He did and he stole it from a slave. If it was abnormal at all, it was wooden. He had a perfect wooden penis that he stole from a slave? Yep. That is fucked. I didn't even know that. A lot of people forget.

And he also grew weed. Criminal. Yeah. Huge criminal. If I was George Washington, instead of building dentures out of slave teeth, like a freak, like a freaking criminal, I would build dentures out of dog teeth. That would have been awesome. That would look so cool.

That would look cool as fuck. He would have been the king. But only the big. dog. Like, I wouldn't do, like, I wouldn't do one dog. I would take, I would take, I would take the canines from like a hundred different dogs. A hundred teeth, by the way. That's basically a shark.

You know? You're making yourself into a dog shark. No. I, yeah, that sounds cool. I would do chicklets. Chicklets? Like Dennis the menace. You wouldn't have to.

You already looked like chicklets. Bitch ass. Yep, I got loned. I would probably do something that if I got. I actually know. Wait, no, you say, I'm going to look at a picture to show you what I would do. But you say what you do. I think I would do food.

Food? Yeah. You could eat them whenever. Yeah, exactly. I do pickles and onions. Onions. Onions where my teeth should be. Because onions wrap around like braces anyway.

Yeah. I think I would do a sunfish beak or a turtle beak. I would do whale teeth. You know, they have those like bristles. What the fuck is that? This is a sunfish teeth. I would have these. I've seen that before.

Just two really, like just two, like one buck tooth on the top, one buck tooth. tooth on the bottom. I think I might get an angler installed on the top of my head. That would be fucking sick. Yeah, what are you going to, is it going to, because, I mean, you're not trying to attract fish.

So what are you putting on the end of the? Yeah. Probably something for me. You've got hair on the sides. I'm trying to lure myself. Caleb, yeah. I'll like use it to motivate myself to do stuff. So yeah, poop on the end.

I don't know if everyone's seen it. Yeah, poop on the end. Maybe poop if it was opposite day, but unfortunately it's not. So it's not opposite day? It's not. It's so you're doing, it's not opposite day. Day, and you're putting food. It's not buggers day.

It's a buggers day? It's a buggers day? It's buggers day. Is it actually a buggers day? Can you survive just eating your own buggers? You need dust to get buggers. So what if you're in a really dusty room? At first one you asked, I thought, I thought you meant like, can you, can you eat them?

Like, will they kill you to eat them? My mom told me that they killed me as a kid and I still believe it. Yeah. No, they'll kill you. What? If you eat them, yeah. It's just shit from your body, right? Yeah, it's just from us.

collecting. It's mucus. It's mucus. It's mucus and dust. And dead skin. Yeah, bugs dead skin. And smog and poop doesn't come out of your butt

goes up there, I think. Really? Or no, you know what it is? It's whatever poop you smell. The particles from the smell. When we turned in the car, they did the inspection, I was really, really happy.

They found no boogers. They didn't find all the boogers I hid in there. I probably hid, honestly, 400 bogers in that car. The booger fee on a rental car? Pretty high. Dude, I probably put 400 to 500 bullers in the front seat of that car. I mean, I would just blow them out the window, but I knew they were going to

That's embarrassing, dude. I'm trying to sneakily put them. Yeah, wipe them under the seat on the floor. I put them on the back of my leg and then whenever we'd get out, I'd scrape them off a parking break. I think I got hemorrhoids from the tour, speaking of. You got hemorrhoids? I think so from sitting down so long. What?

If you sit down for a long period of time, you can get hemorrhoids. We weren't sitting all that much more than you probably do in your daily life. No, that's not true. True. Four or five hours a day? Yeah. Sitting longer in the car than I ever have sat down. What?

And that's longer in the car than I ever have sat down. Period. Is that on period? Mm-hmm. It's on period. Speaking of period, is your hemorrhoids, are they bleeding constantly or just like when you should? No, it's just I wiped one time and I saw blood. Did you eat blood for dinner?

I did eat a steak at a cracker barrel and an outback steakhouse. Oh, I forgot about that steak. Oh, man, that steak. You know, I never got sick. Yeah. Yeah. You had a blue steak. It wasn't blue.

It was pink. It was pink and red and raw. It was, yeah, it was raw. That's what it's called when it's like. A blue steak, listen, I'm not eating no blue steak, man. Yeah, blue, what is it? I like green eggs and ham, though. What's up?

That's what it's called when it's like blue rare. The fuck are you even fucking talking about? You're not making, you're saying the wrong color. Yeah, a green egg is actually when it's scrambled. That's right. That's actually what it means. Yeah. For an egg.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. out back. I'd like to take you out back. Fuck you. And fuck you in full view of the neighbors.

Yep. Amarillo was cool because every street. Oh, shout out young Javanchi. Oh, true. Shout out my guy. Oh, boy. Young Javanchi. Yeah, we said we would.

Our waiter, we'd shout him out. Our waiter at Outback. Very kind young man. He's a rapper. Young Javachi. He's got two songs. But he goes crazy. He goes.

Yeah. It's cool because like every single street or every single like block of like it was like steakhouse. Steakhouse, Steakhouse, Steakhouse. Yep. I've never seen that many steakhouses in my life. Yeah, it was swaggy. We just got off at a, it was just a truck stop.

Oh, is that why? Yeah, I saw just restaurants. Ah. Mm-hmm. I thought that that's how it was. You thought that was like the steak district? Yep. Yep.

I think a lot of, I think there is a lot, there's a lot of beef production in Texas, so I did think that. So you thought that all the chain steakhouses need to be next to the beef production capital? Yep. All right. I mean, the steak was better by, so. Texas. All those cows? Those,

were those, are those like slaughterhouses? Yup. Yeah, those were crazy. Yeah, it is crazy to see that... Where do we go? We went to love it. It's insane to look at like,

10,000 living things and be like, you will all be dead in like two days. Yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah, you guys are done. Yeah. Ha-ha. We did a lot of that.

Oh, we went to the asses to them. We were mooting them. Yeah, we saw all those cows. Then we went to the knife guys. We went to the knife guys. Yeah. It was in a mall. And the mall, we went there.

As soon as it opened. Yep. The second, we were literally waiting outside the doors. And a security guard opened the doors and we ran in to go to the knife guys. And we went into the knife guys and I bought a pocket knife that says Freemasons. Yeah. I bought a knife that says Operation Desert Storm. Yeah.

That's what it was. That thing is sick. It's pretty cool. Two bags of Skittles. No, you bought, it wasn't Skittles. You bought a Freemasons hat and a lollipop. I remember that. Oh, I did get a lot.

They had lollipops. And I said, dude, the guy was being an asshole. I was like, how much for the Freemasons had? He was like, $15. I was like, okay, let me get that. There was a bucket of lollipops. I was like, also the lollipop. And he started laughing.

Damn. It's like, dude, I'm giving you business. First of all, second of all, I'm fucking hungry. I have blood sugar issues. You should be thankful. I don't have a knife in my hand. I mean, that guy, he can laugh at whatever he wants because he's got a samurai sword right behind him. I really was tempted to buy ninja stars, but I didn't know if they'd love me get home.

I wanted to buy that night helmet is so fucking bad. The $1,500 night helmet. And then they had the left, the left corner of that store was all fairy figurines. Yeah, that was such a six store. That was so cool. And there was like a guy in there with like pushing his little kids on a stroller. Yep. That was so cool.

Like he was buying them their Christmas gifts. Yeah. Their Christmas gifts, yeah. We need to go back out right now, dude. I'm having, I'm having, I'm having, like, I know. I know. I have like a phantom steering wheel in my hand. I need to be back.

there. Yeah. I need to be back in the south. Dude, we should move the, let's just move the whole operation of Texas, man. To Lubbock. Go just full.

Lubbock, we can go to the pool city. Yeah, not fuck Austin, dude. Yeah. Lubbock's the next. Lubbock is next up. It's next to. Lubbock, Texas. We love it.

We love Lubbock. We just need some air fresheners in the office and we're good. Yep. Texas is, uh, uh, I think, I think that's going to be the next like big place where everybody lives. It'll be the next, like, California. New York.

Yeah. Yeah. I think at 10 years, probably, probably Texas probably going to rival like India and population. Yeah. Probably over a billion people. Yeah. I think that's,

it was cool. We saw the Texas Chainsaw House. Yeah, we did. It's now a shitty restaurant. It's a restaurant on a bed and breakfast, like, um, camping. It wasn't open.

What kind of restaurant isn't open? Yeah, it was only open on like Wednesday. A terrifying restaurant. It honestly was put there just to scare us. It was very funny because it's called, they changed the name. It's now called the Grand Central Cafe.

Yeah. And they have a picture of, like, they have a giant picture of Grand Central Station, like, right at the front. And, like, it's, like, I don't, that's, like, the, that's, like, the only themy thing. And then we, like, went around, I looked on the other window,

and, like, they just have a, they have a huge, like, life-size figure of leather face. Yeah. Why would you not call it the letter? Yeah. Yeah. Trying to split the difference is insane.

Yeah. Like, one of the, like, pretend that it was never a movie murder house. And the only, I think it's only called Grand Central because it had a, It has a train track that goes next to it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, but that's, it's way more important that they made the murder movie here.

Right. I know. And the only Grand Central theming was literally just a big, a print. Yeah. A picture of, of Grand Central Station. But yeah, it's very funny to not be able to decide. Yeah. So we do, yeah.

Well, why are it going to make more people walk in here? What do people like? What are people like? What are going to make people want to come in here? Also, don't make it a, make it a. Make it an awesome playhouse, not a restaurant. Make it a mosque. Yeah, or an arcade.

That would be cool. Those things are the same. Texas Chainsaw House. Yep. And that's okay with me? You know what I saw? What? If you look in the background of the final shot of Texas Chansaw.

What can you see? You can see seven Muslim guys cheering it on. Really? They're saying yes. They're like, this is the best movie ever. On a rooftop. Go leather face? A rooftop in New Jersey?

From a rooftop in New Jersey. Holy shit, dude. You need a telescope to see it Wow Yeah You know the actual story with that Is there's like four Israeli dudes in a van Really?

Yeah That's so funny That's awesome dude And they weren't cheering But I think they were probably Just hanging out Yeah Listening to some kind of club music

Some ungodly music Yeah Full Zohaned out Watching 9-11 happen Yeah Man I forgot that You don't mess with the Zohan is about Israel Yep

It's kind of Yeah, I will see it crazy. It's about how awesome the IDF is. Yeah, and the guy from Transformers, what's his name? John Tuturo. John Tuturo is Palestinian in the movie, and he's... He's the villain? Yeah, and he's just getting shit kicked in.

Yeah. By old Zohan. Nope. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I can't believe we're back, dude. Yeah. It's pretty crazy.

It's fucking insane. I want to issue an apology for saying it's not the people in D.C. and S.F. that I don't like. Except for one person in SF. I don't like the people. I hate the people in both those places. I'll say I hated, I hate every single... All of our fans.

I hate every fan. I hate the fans for sure. Yeah, every last one of them. Okay. Yep. One person in S.F. You know who you are. CJ?

Yep. CJ, suck my dick, man. CJ, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back there. Even though you don't live in San Francisco, CJ, but I'm coming to meet up. We're gonna meet up in San Francisco. Mm-hmm. And I will make you my food slave. Uh-huh.

You will truly become my one food slave. Yep, I hope you like making... I hope you like making... PBMJ. PB&J. I hope that's not too much for you, C.J. A peanut butter jelly sandwich with Jif extra crunchy. You're probably so weak.

You can't even... Yo, extra crunchy, though. You probably can't even mix in the organic natural stuff, the oil and the peanut butter when it separates. So I'm going to get you the crunchy one. That's right. For your sake, we're coming back to San Francisco, and then we're going to go and we're going to attack you.

Yep. And if you have a brother who could be a... a toilet slave, that'd be cool, too. And if you have a sister who could be a TV slave, then we might have a whole slave family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We have top ten nastiest April Fool's Day jokes today on the top tens.

On the top ten's. This is from Heather. From Heather. That's all they say, Heather. Heather. That's all they say is Heather? I'm very happy. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I just opened this up on my phone, too. I don't know. We've seen her before. I think we've talked about this lady before. I'm very happily married to the creator of this awesome website. I love hanging out with my husband,

traveling horror movies, music, and my pets. This is kind of, this is a conflict of interest. You shouldn't be allowed to make a list if you're married to the website creator. This is like honestly fucking disgusting. Especially to get, like, she gets her, this is the second time we've had one of her lists on our show. What was the other one we did?

I can't remember. It was a very long time, years ago at this point. I can't remember her at all. Number one, nastiest April Fool's Day joke is I'm gay. Damn. Damn. No, I'm not saying I'm gay. What?

No, I'm not saying I'm gay. I'm reading the list. You're saying you're gay. No, number one is saying, in quotes, I'm gay. Caleb's gay? Here's a comment. Someone said this in the lunchroom at school and everybody believed it. Then a few days later, he said he wasn't, but no one believed him because he done told everybody he was gay.

I mean, they would freak out you parents, really. Yeah. Beck, you need to get some better parents, buddy. When I told my parents that Caleb was gay, they said, what? What? L-O-L, probably the funniest. It's more funny when a guy says that. That is true.

It's funny when a girl says it, it's just hot. It's just cool. When a girl says it, it's just, I have to leave. Really? When a girl says it? Yeah. Oh, okay. Do you guys think I have to leave right now?

That's a good April full stay prank. Yeah. Guys have to leave. It's genius. Yeah. It was a complete accident, but I could tell by the way you reacted that I accidentally. I thought you just got a crazy notification or something. He said, I have to leave.

I just looked right at me. I can't believe I actually got pranked. Yeah. You guys fell for it. Here's the comment. I'm going to try this next year. Whoa. I'm going to try this.

You got to wait until April Fool's. Yo, I'm going to try this. You guys ever do an insane April Fool's joke on someone, something next level? I mean, I've talked about it before, but it wasn't really that, like, it was more on the viewers of porn hub com you pranked the viewers but did you upload something i uploaded something and then four minutes he cut out the com shot of him jacking off so people didn't even get to see the cum on his face yeah it was in high school and i've i edited four minutes and 20 seconds in it's just the cori in the house team song and then it cuts back to the video that honestly i'm not kidding that's the

funniest bullshit i've ever heard my fucking life four minutes and 20 seconds in it was in 2014 are you fucking are you have to give me are you have to give me you have to give me you have to give me. I have to give you props and a word cash proff. That's what I have to give you because that shit is fucking... I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm falling out, bro. You have to... No. Can you please...

No, bro, I'm sliding out of my chair, bro. That shit. Can you please give me the benefit of the doubt? That shit was insane, dude. Oh, my God. I was 16. Oh, no. I was 16 when I did that. It's too good. My sides. I don't want to even tell you where my sides are right now.

Well, I told you guys about it before that my cousin's side. My sides are over 9,000. My cousin's side. kidding me, bro. And tried to show me. Huh? My cousin saw it and tried to show me. Smoke weed every day.

Him that I did that. You should have put that in there. You know what I was doing in 2014? What? I don't remember, dude, but it wasn't that fucking funny. Yeah. Nowhere near that shit. Whatever it was.

Yeah, I was like, I was, uh... You, my friend are a meme lord. Shake my hand. Shake it. Dude. Yes. He agrees he's a meme lord. I'm never washing this hand again.

Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, Pat, can you sign my forehead and also my chin in impact font? I'm going to find your Reddit account where you talk about Magic the Gathering. You can find it easily. I had, you deleted it all, but I had all your old Reddit posts on our hip-hop heads. So don't you dare, don't you dare, I don't even know what you're talking about. There must be a cool hip-hop scholar who maybe used to, has the same name as me.

Probably a scholar, very knowledgeable, who used to know a lot about. about the Dirty South Mix. The Dirty South Mix. The Dirty South Mix. 2012. Yes, sir. I think so. Yep.

I'm sorry I wasn't a fucking internet comedian, dude. I'm sorry I wasn't trying to be... Who did you like when you were in 2014? Who's your idol? My idol? Yeah. Because mine was Nas. Yeah.

Yep. Mine was Shrek. Yep, I can tell. Oh, no way. He still got it. No way. He still got it, dude. Wait, wait, check this out

Wait, wait, hold on, check out my shirt Is Galaxy Print with Shrek? No shot, bro. You are fucking on one right now. Guess what he's wearing? Guess what he's wearing? What's he wearing? Deal with it sunglasses. Are you fucking kidding me, dog?

Damn. Yo, I want an animated shirt where those sunglasses come down. Me too, bro. They need to invent an animated shirt. They have those. That's the, what's the word he always says? Lenticular. What's the word he always says?

Lenticular. Lenticular. There it is. He says it a lot. I know exactly what you mean. It's a really good word. It's a good word because it's very useful. Yep.

Comes in hand to a lot. Yeah. I don't think I was a... I mean, I think we're... I don't know. You're trying to defend 15-year-old you now? Yeah. I think that we should get like a printer

that can make that kind of thing, like a lenticular picture or bookmarker. something like i don't know how those are made but i think that's the next frontier yeah leticular stuff but just bookmarks and stuff that would say the next front you don't you don't really see those anymore like that was they were on the cover of books and and movies and book that's because you don't nobody no kid wants to look at that anymore it's because they lost technology but probably kids nowadays don't even know that that existed and if we bring it back we're probably going to make a fucking killing i mean it's like dude if if if if we if if they made if

like, fucking, if a Toys R Us started stocking, like, hoops and sticks. If Toys R Us wasn't out of business, Victorian times. Toys R Us is gone, yeah. Yeah, well, if they came back, then probably they would sell a bunch of tours. Remember when Toys R Us went out of business and then there was a GoFundMe? Probably don't even know about Toys R Us. That's what I'm saying. You bring it back.

There was a, there was, Toys R Us went out of business. Then there was a GoFundMe where they were like, bring Toys R Us back. They should bring it back. Some people tried to buy Toys R Us out of bankruptcy. I probably got to go to Toys R Us maybe three times in my life. Me too. That's a store. That's a store.

Any parent that knows what's good for them will never set foot in that store. That's the first place I never shoplifted. Like Target is bad enough. Right. Yeah. I only went there, I think, one time, and I stole some Pokemon cards and got caught. Really? My mom got me a Playmobile treasure chest.

I remember after she was like, you can't tell your dad I bought that. I bet a treasure chest is expensive. Yeah, it's got a lot of treasure No matter what fucking material it is Uh huh Yeah Yeah Uh number two

Someone died Who He got dude he got He got a god What? Just saying Hey guys Someone died

Who Oh my god It worked again No but seriously Number two is someone Drey top 10 says This should be number one One time on Super Mario

Logan Bowser Jr. Pranked chef Pee By telling him That his mom died He should have been Grouted forever For doing something so harsh

Thanks As this list is The Nasty April Fool's Day jokes. This one has to be voted upon by me. Not a joking matter, says cheesy nachos. My cousin has done this before. Moose 4-Life 19. My cousin did that. I beat the crap head of that. That would make someone cry slash emotional slash suicidal. Spam-peeper approved. Spam-peeper? Who the fuck is Spam-peper? Who's spam-peeper? I don't know, but he approved number two. Oh, oh, Sam Pepper. Remember him? Remember that video?

it was like a video where it's like a pranking my friend to tell him that I died and it was a video of him like uh like I think he put like a a bag over his head and then his friend that video was fucked up bro I wasn't a fucking I in 2014 I wasn't a legend I didn't watch this kind of stuff okay I wasn't no I was a normie I watched I didn't watch it I didn't watch it I didn't watch it I didn't watch I didn't watch I didn't watch I watch I watched I was I was just I was a damn normie and I would just watch fucking breaking bad like a normie dude i wasn't doing awesome legendary shit like that hmm i didn't even know who h3 h3 was he's he's judging me and i like it i should be judged

number three i'm pregnant you're what huh i'm pregnant are you actually pregnant are you expect me yes i'm pregnant holy fucking shit wow holy fucking balls i'm pregnant with Holy shit balls. Holy crap tits. I think this pregnancy might be amazed balls if I actually put my mind to it and stop smoking. I said this to my mom. She ended up going through my phone. I regret nothing.

Huh? I told my mom I was pregnant and I found out that day I was. I was like no way. I tried it too and I am an 11 year old girl. I could never pull that off. I'm only 11. It's not about it. It's just it would be too much logistics, too much planning.

I tried it. It doesn't have the executive function. I tried it. My friend believed me, and I'm an 11-year-old boy. The hell, dude. I, uh... If you, if you, like, swallow something, can it show up on an ultrasound? No.

Yes. Yeah. So if I ate, like, if I ate, like, a volleyball and I wrote on it, like, April Fool's. That, I don't think that they would see the text on it, me. Okay, what if it was like, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. What if it's like, okay, a dinner plate and the letters, Aprilfuls are like cut out of it. I lost me at dinner. I'm too hungry now. Okay. Well, I would say eat before, way before that. So you should have been, you should have lost it that.

Because eat is more delicious than dinner. Eat is any meal. Eat is any meal or snack. That's true. Or anything that's, you could eat this. I can't eat that. You could eat this. That's what eat could also be poop or piss. Dinner is just going to be a normal food. Dinner could be anything. You could prank somebody by... But anyway, then they could ultrasound and seed. It would look like I... That would be funny. You should do maybe like a bunch of shit.

And it wouldn't... That wouldn't show up very well, though, right? I mean, that... Because there's already a bunch of shit in there, so it would be hard for it to have a contrast. I took a bee reel. I took a be real. You don't have a be real?

Bro, how much... many times I have to tell you, man. I'm not with it like you. Yeah? Yeah, dude. I'm not fucking up with all the different apps and shit. This app, you take a one photo. I hear, I don't even know what pingus means. Pinguish? Yeah, what the hell is that? Well, then you should have seen it at the Chicago show. Who the fuck is Mama Luigi, man? I don't know this shit, dude. I knew that shit. Which old legendary ass. It's making the cable go crazy. Number four, I'm moving away. I used to do this a lot when I was that. Really? Yeah. You ever tried to run away? You were You were you like attention starved?

Probably, yeah. That's like the male, that's like the equivalent of like, I haven't eaten anything all day. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I was six. I don't think a lot of six-year-old say I haven't eaten anything all day. I know.

I'm trying to think of, yeah. Well, no, that's what I mean. That's like, that's probably the same type. That's the same type of behavior, though. I actually did this on April Fool's maybe two years in a row. And I would just pick somebody and tell them that. I don't remember what. I did for April Fool's last year.

It's not even a prank, dude. It's just rude. What if I told you guys I was moving away? I'll be pretty sad. What? Guys, I'm not, I just was, I was just saying, like, I was just saying I'm moving away. I'm not moving away.

No, Pat, I'm not moving away, man. I'm staying right here, but. He wants you to move away. He knows it's a prank, and that's why he said. He's distracted. Look at him. He's distracted by his shadow on the floor. I got distracted because I just remembered

what's in this bag. What's in it? Wait, what's in that? bag what i don't think we can say it what's in the bag oh i i just remembered what's in that i don't know what's that's in that bag i don't think so we'll tell you later yeah i think it might fucking blow your mind and you might enter a new dimension yeah wait what why what when did you guys get a bag that i can't know about you don't remember what's in this we're just going to hold the bag i think you should what's in there was i here when the bag was arrived i think so i think you're

I ordered this bag. When you ordered the bag. Can I see a part of it? Oh, shit. Yep. No way. I completely forgot about this bag. This bag is swag.

One day, that's going to pay off. Yeah. That's going to pay off. Until then, it's going to sit right there. You guys are going to look back. And you at home, you have to guess what's in the bag. You guys are all going to look back in like a few months or a year or whatever you go, oh, my God. That's what they're talking about.

Exactly. In the bag. 500 of something. Yep. They ordered 500 of something that they didn't use. They was supposed to be used on the tour. Minecraft Crazy 530 says, I need to do this to my enemy. It's like your enemy would be happy about that, you asshole.

Yeah. Well, maybe it's like a bad man joke or situation. Hard as fuck to their username, though. Yeah. I just did this. Was it, Minecraft Crazy 530? Yeah, 530. You know I'm cracking a beer open.

530, you get home from work. exactly 530 hop on the beer hop on the computer hop on the beer yeah yeah I shove that beer up my butt I jump on that like like Zangy from Street Fighter

the hell you jump on your butt yeah I spin around and I land he jumps his butt on it it jump my butt onto the beer it opens it if you spin around

if it's a twist off and you spin around that is true that actually is kind of sick if it's not a twist off you just have to pull number six I'm dying

no you're not are you actually dying Are you okay? I'll tell you this much. Are you okay? Are you okay? I remeber this year. I put red pin ink all over my face on a scissor and on hand and leg, and it looked like I stabbed my leg.

I watch out pretending to trud down the hallway. Everyone, what? Trudd down the hallway. Trudge. Everyone was screaming and running around in Curtis. They were frecking out. Then I stood up and everyone gasped. And I said, it's red pink, April Fool's, but everyone was tramped for the rest of the day.

damn that is fucked up i did you skipped one dude i did something you skipped number five oh shit i did he skipped we have to go back to number six okay but like wait now what did you do that was similar um it was like my friend decklin's like end of the year party in uh seventh grade yeah and uh i took a marker and i like i i convinced my friend's mom that this kid Mike punched me in the nose and I had like red ink all over and I was just like nothing nothing happened

we used to do all sorts of fucking Harold and Maud shit with my parents we would like do the pretend you're dead and cover yourself and catch up in your room thing and then call for your we would call we'd be like mom or dad and then they would get to our room

and we'd be pretending to be dead it's like well how could you die so fast yeah how could you And they never fell for it even a single time. Yeah, that makes sense. But literally, I just took a marker and just drew on my upper lip. Nice. And I was like, I'm fucking bleeding.

Yeah. Number five is someone wants to go out with you. Here's a comment. That'd be rude. LMA, I almost got slapped when I told my cousin this. Who wants to go out with me? Your cousin? My cousin?

Yep. I have to call him. Here's one. I have to call him right now. Just had this done like five minutes ago on messages. enemy did it to me. I'm so upset. Damn, if someone, this guy's getting sexual. If someone tells me this joke, I'm going to

smash them into oblivion. Whoa. Oh, you want to go out with me? I'm going to smash you. This one, the one that just had it done five minutes ago, do you think it's a coincidence where they, like, pulled up this list and they're like, oh, like, somebody just did this, or do you think that that happened in them and they opened up the top tens and searched

prank someone wants to go out with you so they could comment on this? Someone says, I am going to walk under a truck. Why? That's all they say That's just cruel Especially when after you go and talk to the person It is so embarrassing

Not that it's ever happened to me or anything Fidget Fidgett Number nine, remove The frog Fidget frog right that Yeah what a frog right that Fidget Fidget Fidget You know how they'd be saying that

Frogs Wait I'm thinking remembering now they say They say ribbit ribbet Yeah wait Pat Why are you calling us a fidget Oh my God Oh my God, look at him.

Look, just look at him. Just look at him. That's all you can do. That's a good face. You'd be a great female librarian. Yeah. With your glasses like that. Like down on your nose?

Yeah. That would be good. I'm trying to look like when Ernest dresses up like a grandma. That show was honestly fine. Yeah, that looks like it. Yeah. Well, back to I'm dying. Here's a comment.

I mean, come on, I'm gay. That's sort of making fun of gay people, but saying I'm dying, people will like, hate you. This is definitely the cruelest. Damn, I'm gay and even I think this is me. I'm gay and even I think it's cruel. You say you're dying. Number eight, we're breaking up.

Who is? We. We? The show's over? Fuck. Never say this joke to your love interest. Don't do it. My friend's cousin did this, and her boyfriend committed suicide.

It's not funny. damn damn what he he pranked her harder than she pranked him yeah that's a better prank yeah kill yourself yeah that's a good prank in in what world is that something you guys are okay with joking about you just got pranked yeah oh my god i actually think that's fucking horrible to kill it's fucking atrocious to kill yourself it's a it's a it's a disgrace yeah exactly it's not okay to joke about you're actually it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Yep.

And also, that life that you just took could have gone to an aborted child. Yep. Yeah. And instead, you used it to fucking, what? You used it to, you used it to fight abortion and then to kill yourself. You could have cured cancer if you weren't so lazy and sad all the time. Blown it up with you inside. But instead, you've fucking wasted your, you just put your dad's bullet in your head.

Right? You could have done a bullet. Yeah. He's going to get gored by a wild boar. Yep. You could have jumped out of a plane onto an Antifa race. Valley, but instead you didn't. You decided to kill yourself.

Instead, you took cyanide. Yep. That's right. You'd kill yourself with cyanide. Yep. Yeah, you could have flown over Russia and talked some damn sense into Vladimir Putin. I do feel bad for people who tried to kill themselves before we had, like, guns and stuff. Why?

Because it must have just been hard. Probably really easy. I don't think anyone tried to kill themselves until they invented depression with corn syrup. True. When NAFTA was created. Yeah, I think it also, you could. I think there's way more ways to... You could just walk into an animal.

Let's be real. How many ways to die are there? You could walk to an animal. There's 1,000 ways to die. But what if the animal, what if it's a straight yogi bear situation? Then that gives you a reason to live. Best friend situation. Yeah.

The win-win, dude. Either you're raised by wolves or... Here's a thing about a thousand ways to die. Craved. Craved by wolves. Here's the thing about a thousand ways to die. There's a thousand ways to die, yeah. But really, there's only...

four subsections of how to die. Elaborate, please. There's like, you know, impaled, poisoned, drowned, shot. Okay, so what about when you fall? You're getting impaled by your own bones. What about my grandpa dying into sleep?

Poison. What about cancer? Is that poison? Cancer is definitely poison. Yeah, that's what I thought. What about getting sucked into a propeller. Getting sucked into a propeller.

What about a... What about struck by lightning? Struck by lightning is a pale because you're... No, electricity poison. That's shot. Yeah, that's shot. That's shot. That's shot.

That shot into a propeller. What if like a wizard makes you instantly vanish? Yeah. What if you... What about that? That's a shooting. That's a shooting because he shoots his wand. What if he doesn't use his wand?

He's really got us, honestly. If he doesn't use his wand, he probably uses his finger or a thwart. We're both shoot at him. Okay. But yeah, you're getting shot with a ray of magic. Wait, so it's impaled. Isn't being shot also impaled? Impaled?

Impaled is the same as shot. Impaled? Those are both shot. No, no, because you don't shoot with a knife unless it's a ballistic knife. What if you load a gun with a knife? That's still an impale. I think it's not a shot? I think instead of impale, it's hit.

Yeah, what if you get hit really hard in the head? I think, yeah. Because then that covers falling, too. But a hit, yeah. A hit could also be an impalement. I think an impalement is a hit. Okay, so it's hit. Poison, shot, poison, and drowned.

Drown is poison, though. Drown is water. You are getting poisoned by water. We're not suffocated. The last one is peaceful death. Peaceful. Fourth is peaceful. Suffolating is poison too.

Because you're being poisoned by. No, no, the fourth is break. Break? What does that mean? That means you break. Like you broke in half? Yeah, you broke in half or your neck broke. What about if you get like torn apart by, so if you have, so if you

If you get torn apart by chains like this set of bites, that's a break. Yeah, that's break, because that's not anything else. He's smart. Damn. What about being hanged? Being hanged, that's a break. Break your neck. Break your neck.

Unless you're suffocated, then that's a poison. Right. Because you're getting poisoned by air. What about... What about being eaten? Eat, you swallowed hole. Eaton is a break. No, you're swallowed hole.

No, because think about it. You're digesting. That's poison. Think about a poison. You get eaten. think about eating a flat wing the flat of a wing quick sand

quick sand is a poison does that suffocation oh yeah that's because you have to break the flat of the wing heart attack is poison heart attack is poison or is your heart hitting you it's a poison

I think it's shooting it's a point pain shooting pain your blood is called a shooting pain no it's a poison your blood doesn't get poison your blood turns into poison your heart attack

that's just not true that's sepsis okay then it's a break because your heart broke What if you die for no reason at all? If you die for...

What if you cross your eyes? What if you just die for no reason? What if you make a weird face and you hold it so long that your face gets stuck like that? That's a break. Swooped by a gargoyle. Hit.

Yeah. Fell off of the earth. That's a hit. Running, just flying through space forever. That's a hit because you've hit the atmosphere. Frozen. Frozen solid.

Frozen solid is a poison. Frozen liquid. Frozen liquid is a poison. Frozen. frozen in an odd manner. That's a shot. Okay. Poisoned.

Poisoned is a poison. Turn into a dog. I can get them. Poison is a poison unless you're shot by a poison dart. Turn into a dog and then your owner dies and you die of a broken heart. That's a break. You set it right there. You die.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Turn to stone. Turn to stone. Turn to stone is a poison. By my stone poisoned. Okay. You grow too big.

Grow too big. Big is a break. Because you're, what, how is that break? That's bigness, poison. Because you break the rules of nature. Yeah. Okay. We're running out of ways to die.

I thought there's a thousand of these fucking things. Printer. Printer, you get printed. You get printed. That's ink poisoning. Okay. Computer. Computer is a shot.

Lost in a chocolate river. Lost in a chocolate river. Oh, yeah. Glooped. August is glooped. Yeah. Glooped is a break because you're not breaking. What?

That's a break. That's a break. That's a break. That's a break. That's a break. That's a break. No, think about it. Because you're in the tube, the tube compresses you.

He doesn't get broken. Think about the 3D, the Augustus Gloop was stuck in a tube. The 1,000 Ways to Die announcer says, like, he was stuck in a tube that compressed his ribs, which broke into his heart. Over 3,000 pounds of pressure applied to the boy's ribs. Yeah. I think right now, Augustus Gloop is the funniest thing in the world to me. I think in the past few weeks, literally, the other day, like, after he got back before

sitting at home and I thought about Augustus Gloop and sort of. laughing to myself. It is so funny. You always mention the name being... The name is the, it's the funniest thing ever. I think we even talked about on the show, but just them having a board meeting. Yeah. And deciding who's going to get killed which way.

Maybe what do we do with that gloop boy? With the gloop fellow? I don't know. Maybe we turn them into a blueberry? Maybe what kind of chocolate should we kill Augustus Gloop with? Should it be solid chocolate? I don't know. Maybe a giant chocolate anvil.

Maybe, hmm. Yeah. Or maybe gloopish... Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let's go through. So, Augustus Gloop, that's a break. That's not a break. I don't agree with that.

That's a break. That's not a break. I don't agree with it. Violet Beauregard. You're the tiebreaker for a gloop. I think Gloop is poison because I think it's drowning. I think it's drowning, which is not poison. You know what? Drowning is poison. But he gets into the tube.

I think it's a die in the tube. He drowns from lack of air. Yeah, it's a drown. I think it's a, well, drown. Didn't we say drown is a poison? No, we already have drowning. Drowning is one of the things. I thought it was shoot, shoot, shoot, poison break. Yeah.

Okay, so drowning's poison. Drought is a poison. Suffocating is poison. Suffolkating is a break. Broke all. No, she's blue. What's the first thing to do? That's a grove.

What's the first thing that happened? Her buttons fell off her jacket. Her buttons shoot. Her button shoot. But her body broke. I think it's poison. I think that all of them are poisoned because they eat crazy candy. Okay.

What about Varuka salt? Okay, that's a break because she calls. That's a break. What about Joe TV? Mike TV. Mike TV. You fucking idiot. Mike TV.

Obviously, the name is Mike TV. How do they kill? Mike TV is a shot. He got killed by a TV. You think his name is Joe TV? No, it's Mike TV. Because he got shot with a TV. Because he liked TV.

A TV has a microphone. He was shot with a shrink ray and shrank. But it probably broke all his bones when he was shrank. That's also, that could be a break laws of physics situation. Yeah. You know what? I think it's too. Or smallness poison.

It's two poisons and two breaks. All right. Juice world. Juice world. Just world poisoned. Yeah. That's pretty. Fair cut, I think.

Broken heart too, though. XXSatioen was poisoned by a bullet. He was hit by a bullet. Yeah, he was hit by a bullet. Yeah, he was hit by a bullet. Allegedly. All of them are kind of like, Buddy Holly,

Buddy Holly, Big Bopper, Richie Valens, all poisoned. Leonard Skinnerd. Leonard, Skinnered. They, I think that they could, by fire. That's a hit. You hit the plane hit the ground.

And they break, too. They break apart on the ground. This thing is fucking falling apart. Yeah, you were not good at this. They were poisoned by a bad pilot who A perfect system, and then you couldn't stand to see it thrive, so you had to destroy it. But, you know, I think that they all... I had to break it.

They all could be their hit by death. I think it's the only two ways of die are hit and wife. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the only two things that kill you. Those are also the words that echo in your head every time when you go to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. If you die in your sleep, it's wife.

Yeah. When you died from wife... Phil Hartman died from wife. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, Elliot Smith died from wife, probably. But it was framed to look like a hit of a knife. Uh-huh.

The hit of a knife. Yeah. That would be a sick fucking name for an album. The hit of a knife. And then... I would say the blade of a knife would be known. Robert Blake, the hit of a blade. Robert Blake did a hit of a knife's blade.

It's going to be the sharpness of the knife. Robert Blake did a hit on his wife. Yeah. So that's an opposite's react situation. Yeah, and then... Opposites React is the third way. Phil Specter... Which is the show we're working on.

It's opposites attract. No, we're doing opposites react. Phil Schecter and Robert Blake did the same thing, right? Is Phil Spector a ghost? He looked like one in the court photos. Okay, then I don't know who that is. Look up Phil Spector. Look up Phil Spector.

Yeah, I've seen that photo before. Pretty good photos. Number 10. Our hair is a bird. Number 10, I drowned your puppy. That's a drown. That's got to be a hit. That's a drown.

Yeah. I've been stripped. for money. You have? Um, no. Uh, update your status on Facebook with your birth date and date, your birth date and date of today and saying RIP. Um, switch lotion with mayo. Nah.

Nah. That would be a poison. Say, I broke something. That would be a break. I broke something. Say, excuse me, sir. I think you just dropped your pocket. Awesome.

I love this one. I was laughing for an hour. Ha ha ha ha. let's see fake winning scratch off lottery ticket i slept with your mom i love you pranked i love you too let's see what the last one i was on here what's the final one um i'm a pet of final what all right uh that's a pretty good last one yeah okay bye everybody bye we're back