Podcast About List - Ep. 197 - We Are Mentalists

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

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Come in, come there, come in. And we see a butt. Welcome back to podcast about list. Yeah, that's what you put up at the beginning of a radio station. Oh, W. What's up? Yeah, waves. Waves.

That does stand for wave length. Yeah, I'm whistling to P.A.L. I'm listening right now. Yeah. Oh, I'm not doing too hot. No. I had a really bad week. Yeah, I had a, I had a, you know, there's a lot of ups and downs in my weekend.

Yeah, I had a crazy day yesterday. Yeah, I broke my toe. Yeah. I broke my toe. I wasn't even doing anything cool. Yeah. Well, how'd you break it? I slipped.

Damn. It was just like a patch of ground that I think might have been wet, and then my skateboard, I was trying to just, like, turn around so I could go do this trick. Oh, but you were at least on a skateboard, though. Yeah, but I did, so it's cool. Yeah, it was a true. It wasn't cool. It ruined the whole sash.

Not the sash. That's awful, dude. The sish was ruined for me. Sounds like you had a bad fash yesterday? Bad sash is bad vibes. I don't even want to say what was my week was bad now. Yeah. You guys won't even, it's nothing about it.

What was bad about your week? I broke my toe and continued to walk for, or continue walking skate for another. That's awful, dude. Now, I don't even want to say mine. My toe hurt yesterday, too, because he told me he broke his toe, and I cared so much about him. That's really sweet. Yeah. I didn't even hurt it.

It just started to, I didn't do anything. He didn't do anything. Caleb didn't do a thing for my toe. I'm sorry, I thought. You should have had your toe hurt, too. Okay, it hurts right now, then. And then I got in a city by dispute. Oh, no.

A dispute? I had to just, because I put it into the dock and the dock was broken. I was imagining you got in a fight with some. You're calling it a dispute. No. I had to... I put it in the dock and... I mean, thankfully, I'm still in my 15-day free trial of Lyft Pink.

Uh-huh. But I put the city bike in the dock. It locked, but the dock is broken and it wasn't registering that my city bike was returned. Oh, no. So I technically went on an 18-hour city bike ride yesterday. Damn, that sucks. I was charred. wasn't charged, I had to call and take photos of the thing in the dock, but it said that

it would have been around $150. That's worth it. That's one of the troubles with technology nowadays. Might as well just buy your own city bike at that point. I want to get a bike. You should take the one that he was going to give to me. Yeah, you can have it. You should take it for a small price.

You'll use it more than me. I can pay for it. $20. That's too high. Okay, then you can't have. Okay, I'll take it for 20. Yeah, I had a pretty bad week, too. Not as bad as yours, but I was actually in a gangland shootout.

That sounds way less bad. Yeah, it wasn't a big deal. That sounds fun, maybe. No, I mean, I got, I probably got hit four or five times by different calibers of bullets, and I actually had to use my, I'd use my, uh, Draco in the gangland shootout. I actually killed a couple of kids, too. Damn. Yeah, that sounds like it could be a video game type activity.

It was in real life. Yeah, I had a bad, all my limbs lost feeling and I died. What? I'm just joking. I didn't die. That's a completely made up story. That's kidding. It's not made up, it's a joke if you say kidding.

How is that? That is not true. I'm literally telling me and Pat both had really bad real weeks. And you know what he said them? I did too. I don't want to say it because we're recording it for millions of people to hear. Maybe I don't want to say the horrible things that happen to me. So I make a joke to light in the mood.

That is actually, that's how you cook. That's the, that's the fucking, that's the, he's making light of some real shit. He's making light of some real shit that happened to us. And he doesn't even care that even after I broke my toe skating, I still went to a party. I do care. That's why my toe hurts so bad is because you, I would try. I went to a party and I walked around and people stepped on my toes. Because I was trying to, I was trying to psychically share the pain with you.

Not on purpose. I was trying to take some of the burden off of him. I was trying to take the pain into my body. And put it on me. And put it on me. He doesn't even care. He's like, oh, oh, yeah. Actually, I lost all feeling in my limbs. He doesn't care that I had a broken toe and I went to a place with an open bar.

Do you guys even care that I play too many video games and lost all feeling in my arms? That's not funny. That doesn't happen. Do you guys even care that I made a face so long that I got stuck that way? I bet he doesn't. I care. Look, I'm making a face right now because I feel so bad. Well, I would say, I want to carry your pain for you.

I really like this phase, but don't hold it for too long because it will actually get stuck like that. I'd rather my face be stuck than yours. That's not going to help my face to get unstuck because you're making this face. You just look ugly. Stop. You look fucking disgusting. I'm sorry. You look like, oh, you look so fucked up.

You look, you straight out, you look like a spider right now. You have a complete spider face. I don't have a spider face. Stop. It's stuck. It's stuck. Oh, great. No, you make an old face. I guess you know what? I can make an all face too. I guess now he does share our pain. Okay. But have you been, have you been riddled by bullets? Yeah. Did you break your toe and still have to go to a party? And then have to go to a party? Mm-hmm. I didn't even get to go to a party.

My tail hurt and I didn't even get to go to a party. Did you say three boobs? I got three poops. He went to, he went to the party from Total Recall. Open boobs Yeah Bring your own boobs And I also got free stickers too That happened in total recall too They had but they had it

Instead of open bar they had open air lock See he doesn't even care He's talking about total recall It doesn't care that I had a broken toe I have free stickers I have total recall of your broken toe situation Is what I have Do you just think that in the future

Instead of drugs and alcohol Like we won't like physically drink Or consume them We'll just like download a chip or a feeling If we're robots maybe you don't think that we're going to have some kind of new gland well i guess i'm you know what i don't think it'll be i bet it'll be like a helmet that you wear yeah and like make an electrical attack on you yeah it makes you feel a little weird it's like the thing it's like the this thing that you put on

your head oh yeah that's a thing that makes you that makes you shiver that is honestly i think i i could easily no hands fucking come with one of those i when i was home of my my mom's house mom has one of those and I snuck up by my girlfriend. She didn't even know that we like had one or that it existed and I did it to her. And that was probably the most scared I've ever seen her in my life. Dude, that feeling is so fucked up. It's so it was like, it's not a massage. It's not anything.

I don't like that people pretend that they're not only for pranks. Nobody's sitting there doing that to themselves like, oh yeah. My head is so massage. You are weird. You do that. You do that? It feels nice. I hate that feeling.

That's because you're really, you don't care of the cushion. I probably scratch with you. I haven't even, for your information, I've never used one while I was bald. You should try it again, maybe you'll like it. Maybe I will. You know, it feels good if you got, like, popcorn ceiling, like, with the little specs. Yeah. And when you're in, like, the third grade and you have triple bunk beds and you rub your feet on the ceiling, that feels good.

You know what I always thought would feel good is if you, you know, is like, after you have sex with a woman, if you could just leave it in there and just go pee. and if the girl could just like absorb the pee I always thought that would feel really good yeah yeah you just don't have to leave that's how you make a special kind of baby you stay in the in the girl a different kind of baby is made that way all of your pee into her

that's how the X-Men were made and then she could tell you if you're dehydrated or not yeah hey kids in the ports yeah She can just feel it. The pee comes out of the board, and if it's like...

No, there's like a little... It feels like the white of her eyes. Yeah. The more yellow it gets... The more you need to drink some water. Yeah. What else would feel really good? Like...

A back massage? No, but something that you've never felt. A back massage from an expert. I bet honestly... A back massage. I bet honestly... A... Ha ha ha ha ha.

Can you imagine... Oh, that probably, no, that feels too good. What if, like, what if a rhino or a hippo or an elephant had, like, you know when someone, like, steps on your back, right? Yeah. What if one of them did that just, like, the perfect amount with those big circular fucking legs? Wouldn't that feel so good? You know what I'd feel good is if my toe was fine. Your toe is fine.

Really? You painted it for attention. Did you see it? Did I show you it? You painted it purple. Yeah, it's completely purple. attention my shit's completely purple and it was such a non-accident like it look it should have you were involved so it was a non-s accident nope damn she's those shoes i bought i bought those

you guys are size 11s right yeah so anyone want to does anyone have any better skate shoes like a trade me me personally not a fan of the adidas tishon lows dude those are the ugliest stupidest shoes you've ever owned what the black ones yeah the tishons yeah i don't know Why you have those? It's because they were the only things they had at the shop. And they didn't work? They broke your toe? I think they're just a size too small, yeah, or like an inch too small.

Do you want to use my clogs? I don't know. If anyone, listen, if you're in the New York area and you have new or equal to or greater skate shoes, size 11, 11 and a half. If you want to trade or greater, why would somebody with greater? It's called psychic driving. How is this psychic drive? That's not psychic driving at all.

And you're going to give me your shoes and you're going to give me your shoes and you're going to give me your shoes. And you're going to give me your shoes. This is kind of working. Yeah. Have you guys ever pulled up one of those sissy hypno videos? Yeah. I watched a bunch of those ones that were like, you can find them on YouTube. Makes a price.

Cameron's watched a bunch of those. No, that are like the ones that are like hypnosis to like, it'll be like hypnosis to make you the joker or like hypnosis to make you handle spicy foods. Yeah. And then it's like it's like a spiral. And it's like, and they say like, I love spicy foods. Spicy foods are not that spicy to me. And it just like plays a bunch of those. I do think that I might be the most susceptible to hypnosis of any person in the world.

I'm not. I can't shut up. I like, I can't, the thing that you need in your brain to shut off and become like intelligence. Yeah. Oh my God. Pound it out. Damn. The thing, I can't stay on one thought.

I think I have a genetic advantage to hypnosis. So people have tried to hypnotize you multiple times and it hasn't worked. Is that what you're telling me? What's the scenario? Name one time you were you were attempted to be fucking hypnotized asshole. Because I will, dude, I will right now, I'll pay $1,000 to get an expert hypnotist in here right now to prove you wrong. All right, then let's do it. We're going to get me hypnotized.

I will fuck, we will, we will rent, do you rent? You rent a hypnotist. Well, you could hire one for like an event. We could throw like a party. A three-man party. Yeah. With the hypnotist. We just see if somebody can hypnotize Patrick.

I think half of hypnosis in events like that, like it's like, oh, we're going to get everyone on the stage. That is like, if I was on the stage and the guy is like, I'm going to hypnotize this guy right now and it wasn't working, I would still do the things because I don't want that guy to feel like an asshole. You think hypnotism is fake? Yes. Whoa. But I think if you're on the stage and the hypnotist has to like do. that shit. I think hypnotism is pretty

provably real. No. Yeah. They've been doing it for since the cavemen. Dude, you're on stage.

You're on stage. You're on the, you're on the, you know, back when they started doing hypnotism, yo, they didn't have,

they didn't have stages back then. Yeah. So it's not, it wasn't a party's either. I will say, I think that I would

never have, what is happening? I would never have a hypnotist or a magician do their for anything less than 10 people because I feel like you're in danger

because like there's not enough people to like yeah like he's got like exactly fucking powers like he's if these a hypnotist if there's a hypnotist and there's just us three in here with him he could hypnotize all three of us

it's like we'd be like exactly you have to have a huge or something nobody's going to stop us we don't have an extra you need a guy who's wearing those eclipse glasses so he's immune to or like cotton in his ears or something or yeah he has caught in his ears

but he doesn't The hypnotist can't see It can't tell And the hypnotist tries to hypnotize The three guys to fuck each other And that guy starts to go along with it And then he's like, psych And he punches the hypnotist

He may be trying to hypnotize me But for my own production I've brought somebody He's completely deaf and blind To just sit here There's a Like they had a hypnotist show At my high school

They like brought in a hypnotist For like a fundraiser And I just remember thinking like everyone here is just doing this for attention this is not real you were jealous you were jealous of the hypnotist i think hypnotist one of the maybe maybe i was i don't know i was probably jealous that they got to experience magic one of the jealous that they were controlling a room of high schoolers one of the funniest things i read oh ever read was like one time my we got like a christmas card like like newsletter type thing from one of my younger siblings like

high school friends who had like a super rich family like insanely rich and it was like this like long like letter of everything that they did that year and it was like it was like during covid they went to like some like tropical island to like they were like writing about how much a great a time they had and they're like and they're like and we had like a fantastic birthday party uh and we even hired a mentalist in 2021 hiring a mentalist even hired a mentalist what is it what is it I don't even know what a mentalist is. A mentalist is. A British magician. Okay.

Yeah. It's mental. Yeah. Look, it's mental. I'm a mentalist. Look in this. It's fucking mental. Yeah.

My fingers have formed a chain. There goes my thumb. And it's back. Look, I've got your nose. I've got your nose, in it. Yeah. Mentalism is a performing art in which its practitioners, known as mentalists, appear to demonstrate highly developed mental or intuitive abilities.

I think I might be one. It's literally like a mentalist thing, like a mentalist show is literally like write down a number, any number. Now add two. Now add, you know, like doing that whole thing. It's like, well, was that your number? Here's, think of a number. Okay, I'm going to do a mentalist thing to you right now. Think of a number right now.

One. Multiply that by one. One. Now write down your number on a piece of paper. one is it the same number you started with absolutely

this guy's a fucking mentalist yep I think mentalism is more mentalism is like it's like hypnosis and like uh... let me try mentalism on Patrick okay

okay hey hey Patrick he got me no listen can I continue please he got my name first try Patrick okay

it's just you of me here just you and you're the mentalist I'm looking right into your eyes okay what color your panties Just think about it, don't tell me. Black? Don't tell me, don't tell me.

Are they black? Yes. Oh, my God. What color is your ass hair? Black. Is it completely black? Yeah. Your shirt's black, too.

My shirt's black. Triple black attack. I think I'm doing it, right? I don't know. I'm not sure. Let me try it on you. Okay. Cameron.

Yeah. Where in the world? Anywhere? Am I supposed to say something? I don't know. I'm just, let me try again. All right. Try, well, you have to tell me what you do.

Cameron. You don't have to tell me to do something? Cameron, think about your first memory, okay, as a child, all right? Your first memory that you can remember, okay, and think about it really hard. and also being born okay it's not being born it's got to be past that okay uh inside my mom's mom's what i didn't want to say what it was inside of wait what did you your mom's what what are you talking about her what her butt her body her body her body what part stomach what what okay and in this memory what color are your panties

Don't have none Invisible Invisible See through Let me take that I don't think I don't think you're doing You're immune to mentalism

You must be I think that I might Google how to do mentalism Easy right now They should be a duolingo They're probably You know what I bet there's a WikiHow

Probably And that might be useful for us How to do mentalism Okay Oh yeah No it is exactly Ten mentalism tricks

and how to do them like a pro from man-telligence.com. Man-telligence. Wow. I like that website name. Man-telligence. All right. You check really quick just for my scoreboard if there's a woman-teligence. Here's what's really cool about mentalism tricks. It can absolutely and pretty easily be learned by any man.

Wow. But women, not so much. Oh, so it just doesn't say. Are these like mentalism tricks to pick up women? I would say mentalism is magician plus pickup artist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

And there's that show The Mentalist, and I think that that did a lot. They talk about that show at the first thing here. Mentalist. Yeah. Wow. Holy fuck. Now, before we get into these mind reading tricks, I want to note, they're just tricks. So just keep that in mind, guys.

They're just tricks. Okay. Here's the first trick. So maybe I'll read it out and then one of us can practice it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Gray elephants from Denmark.

This is a simple trick that you can do with any audience, even just a single friend. That's perfect. Okay, I'll plug my ears up. Now, okay, good idea. Now, ask that audience to think of a number between 1 and 10 and multiply it by 9, then ask them to add the digits together and subtract 5. Now, here's the crazy part that only you know, no matter what the original number was. Keep it, keep him in.

Their final answer will be 4. It's just a funny quirk of math. Cool, right? Next, ask the audience to assign each letter of the alphabet of number. A is 1, B is 2, C is 3, et cetera. Tell them to stop when they reach their number. What you already know is 4, so the letter D. Now ask them to think of a country that begins with their letter.

And because there aren't many countries to start with D, most people will choose Denmark. And then when you ask them to choose an animal with the next letter of the alphabet, which for everyone will be E, most people will come up with elephant. Ask them to think of the color of the animal. Finally, guess out loud that they're thinking of gray elephants from Denmark. Amazing and simple, right?

But how does it work? Well, I won't say how it works yet. Okay, so try it on, try it on how it. I have to try it? I can't remember all that. Me neither. You have it in front of you, though. I'll read it.

Patrick, think of a number between one and ten. Gray elephants from Denver. Fuck you. Fuck you. What? You ruined it on purpose. I read,

we read so many instructions. That took so long, so boring. And you just fucking ruined it. Completely took the air out of it. You look through your fingers at boobs when your mom tells you not to. Huh? When you watch. movies with boobs in them.

What just happened? You put the hands on your eyes and then you look through your fingers. You're a piece of shit. That was a mentalism trick. That was not mentalism. That was a mentalism. Caleb. Caleb.

I do it. Caleb. Mentalism is not just you do something. Yes, it is. It's what it is. Oh, yeah. That's what most things are. Yeah, watch this.

I'm going to do a mentalism on camera right now. I don't want you to do one. I want to do one from here. I didn't get to do a single one yet. I didn't get to do a single one yet. He pulled you his soul out of his head. That's not mentalism. That's sorcery and we frown

Just do it on me, whatever. I'll be a fucking victim like I am every fucking day. Okay, well, just be quiet now so the trick can work. Think of a shape like a square but not a square. Okay.

Okay, you got what that could be. Now think of another shape around the first shape. Okay. And it says, amaze them by telling the shapes they were thinking of. The triangle inside the circle

Nope Like a square but not I just did rectangle Why would I do triangle That makes no sense It says This is Here's a pro tip with this trick

Well you ask the person to think of shape Oh I'm gonna start it over Okay this is that I realized I missed part of the instructions This will this will I'll do it to Patrick this time Okay Patrick Okay Patrick Think of a shape that's like a square

But not a square that's part of it that's what it says you're not supposed to say it and then think of a shape around that shape triangle and then it's a circle

and a triangle this is called subliminal programming the part of the thing was that you draw the shape in the air way you ask the person to think of shapes discreetly trace the shapes in the air with your hands

subconsciously planting the image in their mind it's called subliminal programming wait wait wait wait think of a shape that's not a square Okay Now think of a shape

Around that shape Around that shape I It's a swastika What the hell? You drew it that I didn't draw that I drew a rhombus and a trapezoid

Yeah that wasn't right That was a complete That was a rhombus and a trapezoid, you dumbass? What are you talking about? You did this and then this. No. Yes, you did. That's a rhombus and then that's a trapezoid.

What do you mean that and that? This. Look at it. He did it again. I didn't draw a swastika in the air. You did. No, I drew a rhombus and a trapezoid. That's fucking, you understand how.

And your mind is going, look, but this mentalism trick does not work. We've just, it's caused too much. It's cause. Here's the new, I just came up with a mentalism trick. Okay, then go ahead and promise me that you won't do it to me. Think of a guy in the room that's not me or you. That's in the room right now. Guy?

I can't think of one. Oh, my God. Whoa. Our Lord and Savior. What's up? That's it. Pound that out. What's up?

Nope. Get it, get it? No. Okay. Okay. All right. And then think of what he's sitting in. Were you thinking of Patrick in a chair?

I actually fucking was. Damn. That's fucked up. But that mentalism trick works. I've turned around. I think that that mentalism trick works. Think of your favorite color. Okay.

Now tell me what your favorite color is. Red. So now think of your favorite color. I'm thinking of it. Is it red? Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit, man.

Wow. Think of your favorite food. Spaghetti. Do you want to eat that? No. I just ate for it. Does it make you hungry thinking about it? No.

Have you eaten it before? No. No? My favorite food is cobstoppers. Yeah, mine's the copstopper. No. Not from, not the one I'm thinking. Mine's the chocolate cake from Matilda.

Huh? Oh, the chocolate cake from Matilda? That is a deep, dark chocolate cake. Oh, yeah, and I never ate it before. That cake was so deliciously black as night. I wanted to eat it so bad. Bruce Frenchwell was kind of a mentalist. He forced him to eat the whole cake.

Oh, boo-hoo. I have to eat a whole cake, plus I'm the fat kid of the movie. Yeah. Who cares? I know. You have to eat the best cake of all time. Yeah. I want to look this like a shirt cake right now.

Sorry? What? Schwartzreldekech torta. What the fuck is that? Schwarzenfeld-de-Kier-Storta. What is that? Will you tell me, instead of just saying it? Schwarzenfeld-the-Kirstorta.

Is this a mentalist trick to me where you mentally fucking annoy me? Look at that cake. What? Is this the cake from Matilda? A cake from Matilda. Yeah, it looks super good. It looks so delicious. Look at that.

that kid ate poop. Oh my God. That's probably the best looking cake in the world. Is it kind of insinuated that there's poop in that cake? I feel like that's a fair assumption. I don't think there's supposed to be poop in the Bruce cake. The Bruce cake? It's his name.

The cake's named after him. Well, I guess the kid's name is Bruce. Well, it's probably because it's Trunchbull's personal cake. And he steals a slice. Yeah. Oh, true. So it's whatever is in there, she likes to. eat too. I mean, and she's a naughty bitch.

Yeah. It's probably got some poop in it. Absolutely. And with a name like Trunchbowl. Yeah. Oh, it says at one point, Ms. Trunchbowl even mentions that the cook's sweat and blood went into this cake. That's, oh, yeah, that's what I remember as a kid is that it really grossed me out that she says that. Yeah. Even though there's nothing inherently scary about it, besides the blatant child abuse.

Well, hey, if eating a chocolate cake is child abuse, abuse, abuse me. Yeah. Abuse the fuck out of me, Mom. Come on. Fucking abuse me. I do wish that I'd gotten more abused as a kid. I'd probably be so good at something. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, all of the best people at anything got fucking owned. I'd probably be so good at piano or something. Also, a lot of the homeless people also got abused as kids. There's two ways to go.

They got abused as adults. Maybe you have a sweet spot. They got abused by society. Like, whatever the Michael Jackson spot is, that's going to make you a fucking brilliant musician and artist, you know? Yeah. I mean, I remember I watched, there's like a biopic about the Jackson's as a kid, and I remember seeing that on VH1, and there's just a scene where it's like Joe Jackson

makes them go outside and get the stick to, they have to pick out the stick to beat the Oh, that's a common thing, yeah. I remember seeing that and be like, damn. Do kids ever get abused and then grow up to become like, brilliant mathematicians or scientists or is it all artists and artists? He wasn't abused. He was an abuser.

It's true. He abused the world when he created the E equals MC squared. Can you imagine being the Jackson's like neighbor growing up and just hearing just like beautiful singing and getting the shit beat out of them

all day long? Yeah. He's like, hey, I like the singing but the screaming. Yeah, I could do without all the screaming. I'm real, listen. And where am I? You're completely destroying my tree.

Yeah. There's no sticks in the backyard anymore. Look, I can't even, I have no kindling because you're making your kids go out there and get all my sticks. And I'm not sure it's worth it. Okay. Can I borrow a cup of milk? Your kids have beautiful voices and stop burning them with the stove, please. Rock and Robin, I love that.

I bet, Dad, stop it. I don't want to hear that. I bet even their cries and screams for help were actually beautiful. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, how do you think he got that beautiful falsetto voice? Yep. Yeah.

That's where he developed the leaning technique. He's leaning out of the way. Yeah. He's leaning forward. He's leaning, yeah, to avoid the spanking. Yeah. Maybe he's going into perfect spanking position. No, because he was escaping it.

All right. Yeah. How many Jackson kids are there? There's like a hundred. I think there might be five now that I think about it. I'm so stupid. I'm such a fucking idiot. No, no, because there's, uh, because there's Latoia and Janet, so I think there's probably like seven or eight.

Was Janet not on the Jackson Five? No, no, no, no, no. The Jackson Five was all boys. I don't know. Yeah. What do you mean? It's, it's five girls. No, it's, you know, Michael, Michael Jackson.

Have you not heard the songs? It's five girls. Tito Jackson, Michael, Jermaine, Kruz, Charzard. Yeah. And Mopee. Yeah, Bopi Jackson, he's saying all the low notes. Janet is that slut from the Super Bowl, right? Yeah.

Yeah. He ruined Justin Timberlake's career. Who tried to ruin Justin Timberlake's career, tried to destroy a good man. Who wears a suit and tie? He wears his suit. He loves his suit and... He's a gentleman. That's such a funny fucking song.

Suit and tie. Dude, so... What a boss, dude. especially making that when it like in like 2013 or whatever yeah so like that if he did come out with that song in like 2004 I feel like that would have been way better because like the guys at the time who were like like guys who would wear like vests to clubs and shit yeah that makes sense he it kind of started that thing of like yeah fedora vest guy fedora vest like flare jeans yeah and like he's a beast bro dude it's so

Everyone got mad at him this weekend because there's like some video of him performing and he's like dancing and he just looks like a dad now. Oh, is he not supposed to dance at his performance is now? He's like 50 years old. Who gives a fuck? America tried to ruin Janet Jackson for this man.

He's like, yeah. All the way around. No, America didn't do shit. Have you heard sexy men? What do you mean America ruined it? Her fucking tit flew out of her. She wanted to pull her thingy out. She wanted to pull her thingy out

and the world said no. And the world said, put that thingy back where you found it. That's probably one of my earliest memories. I remember it too. I think that's the first boob I ever saw. I didn't see it, but I remember my uncle Kevin standing up and going, That's a fucking titty! Dude, that was a great day.

I remember, I think my great grandpa died the day after the day before. And that's the only reason I remember. That's a great day to use. Yeah. I saw my first boob and my great-grandpa. Dude, my great-grandpa sucked. Everyone hated him, bro. So it was like one, two great things happening.

Boob's on TV. Yeah. I'm... Remember, there's, like, kids upstairs. They probably just heard me scream. That's a fucking tit. Yeah, this is going to be their first memory. A monster in the basement.

Yeah. Yeah, that's scary guy in the basement. I wonder what they think of this. He has spider webs on them like a monster. Yeah. Dad, the spider monsters yelling in the basement again. The spider monsters yelling about titties. Yeah, two weeks ago, he was yelling about eight-legged bug.

You're an actual fucking spider monster. I think that's, I think subliminally I accidentally made myself get a spider tattoo when I wrote that beautiful song. I think you might be some kind of Spider-Man. Yeah. No, that doesn't sound right. Yeah. Man, Spider. What's that?

There's that cure song. is that song by the cure where he says like the spider man is having me for dinner what yeah it's like having you over yeah my that's my fucking dream playday well that song that song came out

like after spider man had been in the public conscious for years the public conscious the public conscience I feel like now more than like I feel like there's there's a there's a grace period in the past where you could say Spider-Man and there's a benefit of the doubt that you mean

like a Spider-Man monster like a half-spider half-man. I don't think maybe superheroes were as popular. I think they were nerd. They weren't nerd shit. Right? When I realized with fright that

the Spider-Man is having me for dinner tonight. That is such a scary line. That is too scary. On candy stripe legs, the Spider-Man comes. Oh, then yeah. They're not talking about it. God, I love the cure so much.

I don't even know what the cure is. It's a band. It's a band or they act all gothous-as-fuck. They're a band that dress up like Edwards'-sor-hast. They dress up like girls, but they sing about boy problems. Yeah, it's oddly weird. Yeah. That's so funny.

Like, when I was growing up, I thought that the cure was like that band Christian Death. Like, I feel like in my head, like, the way that my parents and shit talked about it was like, yeah, only like emoes who like dark stuff listen to them. And then I listen to the cure. Yeah. Exactly. you think they're like they're like MCR or something yeah exactly yeah you think like I actually swag as fuck like have you like like like what's that fucking uh like those that christian death song where he's like in a sea of incest and then i thought it was like shit like that like i thought they were

gonna sing about weird crazy shit it's legal they actually say about love it's legal to have a band called christian death yep i bet you if that guess what if that band was called muslim or atheist death I bet they'd be banned in every fucking country in the world. They'd be banned everywhere. Yep. And guess what? Guess what else they say? What?

First line of the song, Real Meals distress. No, I don't want to hear it. Well, I can't say what they say. Why? It's the worst swear of all. They say the worst cuss possible? They say the worst cuss possible. And it's about a, it's on someone's lawn.

No way. They say the F word? They pull a... Nope. It's what Marilyn Manson said that, too. holy shit that is funny to somebody starts being like saying the N-word you say like

can we just not cuss can you just leave the cussing you're saying the ultimate swear can you just not fucking do a super cuss yeah there is cusses and then there's super cusses got gd is a super cuss yeah yeah all right gd is just as bad as it's the worst dude it's taking the fucking lord's name in vain guys we need to get to the list

oh yeah we need to stop listen we need to no we didn't that would barely count it as a list okay don't try and cheat the listeners right here because i don't i don't know about you but uh i don't think a mentalism tricks are gonna hold up much longer yeah i think that maybe we should kind of stop doing this kind of you know childish mentalism pseudoscience i'm honestly fucking over juvenile shit yeah and i might want to get a little more mature that's why i was talking about music i just want to be mature and kind of uh i'm less interested in potty mouth uh i won't even say bs i'll say i'll say

I'll say gobbledygook. Do people actually think that pee-pee, poo-poo, shit, fart, asshole, fucking come, piss, balls, tits, nipples, mouth, tits, ass, and shit on my ass and shit on my face is actually interesting to listen to it? I'm not laughing. I hate that kind of thing. It's actually disgusting. That's why I've brought a more kind of mature and educated type of list today. Oh, my God, yeah. Top 10 weirdest facts.

Because I've been into facts lately. I don't know about you guys. Factoid. Yeah, well, no, factoid is actually, so don't know what you would call someone who's into facts. I'm more of a scholar. I would refer to myself as such.

I'm more of a schooler because I love, I love to go to school. I love school too. Yeah, school. I won't, hey, I won't say it's busing because that's, you know, that's a big childish to say. I will say it's, um, excellent, you know, and women these days are saying,

I would say that, yo, my sandwich, excellent, excellent. Mm-hmm. I would say that our past behavior, were quite elementary. Absolutely. And sophomoreic. Yeah. To say the least.

Completely prehistoric. To say the matter. Yeah. Oh my God. Medieval. Yeah. Downright medieval. To say the least.

To say the least. Our past behavior definitely very, very childish. To say the least. To say the least. To say the least. Yeah. Preschool-ish. Preschool-esque.

Yeah. To say the least. To say the very least. To say the very least. So give me a fact. Okay. Number one, number one, weirdest fact.

Uh-huh. More than 950 Beatles can live in a sloth's fur at one time. Wow. And that is not the musicians. That's far more than I anticipated. Yeah. I thought at the very least. My estimations would be greatly lesser. Greatly lesser than that. Greatly lesser to say the least. I would have had lesser expectations. Yeah. But actually, it moored my expectations. Well, speaking of lesser and greater comparisons, we have a comment here from a fellow fact scholar that says that's still less than the amount. of beetles in my bed. Oh, they're having a laugh. This person needs, I mean, we have to take it at face value, Patrick. Not everybody's as juvenile and goofy

as we used to be. That's true. You know, maybe they're actually telling the truth and they're in dire need of... They could live in an impoverished country. An exterminator. Gosh, that bed must be mighty uncomfortable. Absolutely.

Uncomfortable. I can hardly imagine laying my head down at night to find it is hitting over 900 Beatles. Over 900? Over 900? Yeah. Yes, greater than 900. Lesser than 9,000. Yep. Here's another comment from Venomous

killing machine. I have a scary yet advanced username. That is why slots are slow. So an animal scientist here. I guess that makes sense. They're weighed down by all the Beatles. Yeah, lots of beetles. Wait, well, at that point aren't they like, it's like a jellyfish? Like,

they're just a bunch of shit moving as one. They're just a beetle. They're only beetles. Yeah, at what point does it become more sloth than beetles? You know, jellyfish is a bunch of little organisms together. It's not just one thing. That's not true. Yeah, it is.

What are you talking about? Jellyfish is a bunch of stuff. Everything's a bunch of stuff. No, jellyfish is a bunch of little things. I'm a bunch of stuff on my feet, on my knees, on my balls and penis. At Google are jellyfish a bunch of things? Of course, everything's a bunch of things. That's simply an elemental fact of the,

universe. Nope. I'm looking to stop. I'm going to prove you wrong. Okay. It seems like having a bit of spirited debate. We're having a fact off. A fact off is most fascinating to my sensibilities. Well, what doth

What doth? What doth thy handheld device? It says it's not a fish. Yeah. Yeah, it's an invertebrate. It's an invertebrate. I think you're an invertebrate.

He called me an invertebrate. What a childish insult. He's dragging himself down into the mud with these kind of schoolyard insults that I'm far above and I will not be retaliating in color. Fine, okay. Call him a sea slug. Maybe I'm not a scholar. Kinnaderm or anything of the sort.

Maybe I'm not a scholar, but a writer and an artist. Oh, interesting. An artist. Hard to get much more childish than that. Not-uh. And I'm past fist-bumps now. We do it. We're doing handshakes instead of fist-bumps now.

Okay, well, I'm actually throwing up different kinds of gang signs with one hand at one time. Look at that. How barbaric. You think gangs are barbaric? Wow. Hold on. Okay. You think it's actually barbaric to be in an awesome gang like me?

I think it's barbaric to move your hand in any way other than on a calculator. Also, I'm the writer and the singer of the gang, and you see. still think it's fucking barbaric that I'm making music? You're a music. I'm an engineer. Your music is more like dissonant noises. You're about to get dissonant noise. I just made a train.

You didn't make a train, dude. I'm an engineer. He built a elevator. You're just a faker, okay? Whoa, whoa. You are out of control with the insults. It's, listen, I know we're doing a thing. No, I'm not, idiot.

But this is, this is beyond the pale. You're beyond the pale. You're just damn white Oh my God And I'm an engineer You're not an engineer Stop saying he's not an engineer Stop saying he's not an engineer

Okay then prove it Do make anything We couldn't even get through one fact Without going back to being childish I made that I think I've changed my ways He did make that I made that

He didn't I did I made the I put the lens on the camera That's not making anything I made the lens bigger What's the next fact Are we done

I've grown out of my childish artistic face If you are the tenant of my old apartment I know you stole my camera lens I got it delivered to your house And I asked if I could have it back And you said I saw it in the hallway But it was definitely opened And it wasn't

And I have not I have not contacted the eBay seller So this is a message to the tenant of my old apartment I have declared war on you. I'll talk about barbaric. I'm declaring war on you right now. That was a $30 lens that I bought for a camera

and I'm declaring war. And we can end the episode here. Continue camera. What's the next fact? Number two is the Eiffel Tower gets repainted every seven years. That's not true.

It's not true. Okay, we would see the paint. Yeah. Yep. Well, it says, it says, here's a comment from a fellow scholar. Very effort pushing indeed. Ah. I was thinking the same thing.

That is very, very scholarly. Insanely effort pushing of them. Yeah. It's normal to repaint this tower. If people wouldn't repaint it, this tower will lose its color. Eiffel Tower is useless, to be honest. Many people from Paris hate it. What color is the Eiffel Tower?

Gray? no with a certain scene it's iron color right it's like brown it's made out of copper right and that's why it's green because when they brought it to america when they brought it's not green the iphel tower the iphel tower used to be copper you're thinking of the statue of liberty no no statue of liberty was made out of green plato no the gree the iful tower they didn't bring the i phil tower to america it's in paris that's not true it's the color of the iiffel tower is a color called iifel tower brown I knew it was brown. I'm a genius.

It's called Eiffel Tower Brown, dude. It says, since 1968, the choice has been a fairly neutral color made up of three shades of brown called Eiffel Tower Brown. Oh, they changed the color of it over the years. Wow, look at this. In the 1800s, it was red, and then it turned yellow. And now it's... Look, why'd they turn it brown? What the fuck, it was yellow?

The red and yellow looks so much better than the brown. That's sick, dude. What the fuck? Is there any pictures of that? Here's a painting of it as red. Yeah, it's called... They painted the Eiffel Toller. It was...

Eiffel Toilet. Eiffel Toilet. The Eiffel Toilet. They painted the Eiffel Tower yellow and brown because... No, don't even say it. Don't go there. Take it back. We're done. We're done with that kind of thing. Come up with some other reason why, because you have to finish your sentence.

Because those are the... Golden Bronze medals. that's sophisticated. Say something about golden bronze. Don't, I see your eyes. Stop. You're thinking about a toilet. Don't say anything about.

Why? Did they do it yellow? Because you put... Don't come on. Come on. Dude, you got this. Because when someone becomes an Eiffel Tower, no. No, I'm not going to say because when someone becomes an Eiffel Tower,

you put the thing that makes yellow in their brown. I'm not going to say that. Good. Don't say that. As long as you don't say that, then we're fine. That would be, and plus, it's not even that well thought out. What do you mean? Yeah, who knows what becomes an Eiffel Tower means?

When someone becomes an Eiffel Tower. That's what you're talking about. The Yellow thing. Also, the Eiffle Tower as a sex position does not really mean ass sex either. But it can. It can definitely, but it doesn't always. See, that's why it's not, that's why it's juvenile not thought out. If it made perfect sense, then you could let it.

to fly, but the fact that there's so many caveats that you can't really do it. I hate caveats. Me too. I fucking hate caveats. Yeah. The fact that there's so many caveats is just, I mean, I'm just, you know, I want to apologize. Thank you. That's very adult. But I don't apologize to the people I'm declaring war on.

Number three is there are about three pounds, 1.4 kilograms. Kilograms, I apologize, of bacteria living in your stomach. I have way more than that, I think. I have 60 or 70 pounds of bacteria. Yeah, I'm all bacteria. Yeah.

I'm a bunch of stuff. Aren't you supposed to have bacteria in your stomach? Yeah. He's taking care of all this cheeseburger. It's called gut flora. Mm-hmm. Isn't that a cool name? Yep, and you have a gut biome.

Yeah, you have a whole biome in there. And if you drink really nasty, thick yogurt, it can... I love it. I love that stuff so much. Me too. Oh, my God. I mean, it's basically just fucking damas. Yeah. So good.

Kiefer. I always said Kiefer. Somebody told me it's not pronounced that way. It's pronounced kaffir. in my life am I going to call it? I know. That was the first time I ever said it and I feel it feels wrong. It is wrong. I have so much they call me Kaffir Sutherland.

That was actually pretty airtight. That was honestly the word play that you just exhibited. I'm like Mo Raqa. Yes. NPR humorist Mo Raqa. Okay, here's a comment from somebody we've seen before still less than the number of bacteria

on my bed. This person has quite a disgusting bed. I mean, you have to take it at face value. Their bed is... The disgust quotient must be off the chart. Damn near, unsleepable, this bed. Believe me. Number four, mullets are illegal in Iran.

Now, this... Now, this just makes no sense. They've lost me, okay? Iran has officially gone too far. Iran, you have gone too far. Well, I have good news. And I have to, we are declaring a war. I'm going to invade you and I'm going to kill every single person in your country.

It says they were illegal 30 years ago. I'm from Iran and I have a mullet. Oh, okay. All right. Well, that's fine, Iran. Okay. I take back the war. We're going to, I'm not going to invade you and kill every war.

Here's a comment. So Elvis couldn't have flushed himself to Iran. Now, that's just funny. So Elvis tried to flush him. He tried to do flushed away. Yeah. So I died on the toilet. Okay, so this is a non-sequit.

He got his butt got sucked out, like, in that short story by Chappelleau-I-N-A-K-K-K-R-K-K-E-K-K-K-R. Yeah, it wasn't. This is a perfect example of a non-sequitur, which is just something that's just so weird, it has to make you laugh. Yeah, that's basically, non-securter is probably my favorite kind of humor. Say, speaking of, an egg. Speaking of non-sequitur. Hello. Um, hello, my name is an egg.

My name is egg, and two eggs. I'm three eggs old. I'm hungry for four eggs. Scrambled. Scrambled eggs. What's this next one here? Speaking of non-sequitur, odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

Oh, wow. Okay, that's suitably random for the midpoint on this list. I mean, like, on this sequence. Fear of teeth in what way? I'm afraid of teeth of teeth being shot into me by some kind of tooth gun. I would be afraid of all my teeth having a disease that killed me. me too might that might scare me

you're just showing me a picture of Mo Rocca non sequitur the master of non-seqa Patrick actually is the master of non-seqa no no no no Mo Rocca is I would say that you are yeah you definitely are check this out you spent two minutes of the episode talking about a package that you didn't get delivered to your house I got delivered to my old house

and they master of non-sequitur It's not a non-sequitur. That's an anecdote. It's a non-sequitur anecdote. Because it has no sequitur to my life. I think we could maybe have some interesting discussion on number six, perhaps. Number six fact is a Korean man married a pillow. What does his nationality matter to me?

Well, that's what someone says here. Why does it have to say Korean? It's just weird for anybody to marry a pillow. But that's what I call desperate. They must have had some very soft pillow babies With heads, it's just making dolls I think I've seen a picture of this guy And he looked pretty happy

I'm not too upset about this fact, basically Yeah, it's definitely a fact No question It's definitely a fact What are you doing? I'm sorry, I'm really busy right now You are just useless Do they do the blowjob

With that open space and the pillows cover? This is just I don't like this. Yeah, you have to chill. This is the worst. You're ruining.

You're ruining it. You're ruining it. You're showing pictures on a podcast. You're so stupid. I hate sleeping, so I hate pillows. That's probably the bed person. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they probably...

I have 1,000 pillows in my bed. Yeah. Now, yeah, here's a comment that I think it's the wrong idea from this fact. Ew, Korean is weird. Yeah, that's not the weird part of the fact. Yeah, they stopped. A Korean man.

Oh, what a crazy fat. What a strange fat. That's Korean men. Oh, my God. Number seven, a girl ate nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years. Have you guys seen that guy who, the video, no, the video that YouTube tries to make everyone watch that's like, if you, this guy eats mac and cheese every meal and has for 20 years or whatever?

No, I haven't seen that. I just, I watch that video and I got it's so made up. I think the guy is just. literally just like made that up so that vice would make a video about him that guy i mean i did see as soon as i saw the guy i did i watched that video and as soon as i saw the guy i got so angry i shut it off just just by how he was talking yeah i could tell that he talks with the mac and cheese in his mouth and i was hearing the noise in my head of somebody talking with like craft mac and cheese in their mouth like like you know he does velvita he he made he doesn't

do craft oh that's even worse Yeah, so it was like really cheesy, gooey, and thick. I do. I'm not going to say what I hope. He's about to vomit. He's about to puke. Yeah. I mean, we don't talk about puke.

Imagine him sucking your balls with mac and cheese in his mouth. Okay, I'm imagining that. Yeah, so. Now imagine yourself coming. Wouldn't that be awesome? Same texture. I'd be so awesome to come. Here's a comment.

That sounds like my friend. I'm a five grader, and I have a friend. friend named Raphael and he brings lunch from home every day and he always has dino nuggies. That's the only thing he's ate in for a quarter and a half. The only thing other than dino chicken nuggets is that he has ate in this school year is probably a turkey sandwich once. I wouldn't be surprised if he broke the record. I ate dino nuggies last night. I actually did two. Really? Yeah. Whoa. My mom gave me a big giant bag of them and I haven't touched them and I didn't feel like going out to buy food. Yeah, I was in a very similar situation.

I'm not sure if I've ever eaten Dino Chicken Nuggets. Really? Yeah. They're not so good. I don't believe you. I mean, I've eaten chicken nuggets a bunch.

I don't think I ever got, I don't, my parents ever got, Dino chicken nuggets. No, I never got the Dino chicken nuggets. I never got, you haven't?

That's very strange. No, that's not even like a brand or type of, that's like a very large swap of food. That's a fucking crazy thing to say, I don't know why you would say you have any of a sandwich? I've seen you ate a sandwich right before you're saying. He said he didn't eat chicken nuggets that of dinosaur shaped.

That's exactly what I said. Yeah, But then you said that you haven't eaten a sandwich, which is way fucking crazy. Yeah, because we saw you eating blue cheese. That's what you sound like. Okay. What?

I don't know what you're trying to do. You've never eaten blue cheese either? Or a sandwich? I saw you eat blue cheese with the cheese crew. I mean, well, you weren't part of the cheese crew. Yeah. Nobody knows to the members of the cheese crew. Because obviously nobody knows.

I wasn't eating cheese with the cheese crew. You were eating cheese with the cheese crew. No, but no. You were eating. Shut. No, listen, you were eating cheese with the cheese crew is there who is not any of us. Yeah, it's not us. And we were with them, which proves it's not us.

Some kind of secret cheese crew who rolls around at different events and eats all the cheese and the cheese table. And the reason that we were eating with the cheese with the cheese crews, you're trying to fight them off. You're trying to eat the cheese before they could eat it. That's right. Which is the most noble thing you can do when the cheese crew comes in town. And we're just going to. Yeah, that's, that and that's it.

The cheese crew is coming around and me and my two friends, we're just going to really quickly eat all the cheese so that they don't get to have any. Okay? We're kind of an anti-cheese crew. All right. You have to give us all the cheese right now before the cheese. It's not safe, okay?

The cheese crew, they're like locusts. The cheese crew is going to eat this cheese, okay? So we actually, as us three who are not the cheese crew, okay? But we did form because we have similar heights and builds to the cheese crew. Uh-huh. So that we can sort of perfectly match if we ever have to fight them. These are our anti-chees crew costumes that we wear. Yep.

Yep. And there's no, and the pockets on my pants are not lined with plastic bags so that I can fit more cheese into them. That's right. To have cheese on the go. Yep. Yep. I'm just in the army. And one of the cheese crew members who doesn't look anything like me, maybe, does not, definitely does not have a giant butterfly net that they used to capture the cheese.

That's right. And there's not a car that has big Parmesan wheels. Mm-hmm. And it's not a cheese-weared car. We drive it to not the cheese crew. If you see us driving that car, it's because we stole it from the cheese crew. Yep.

To try and stop them from getting around. And when we eat the cheese, which we're not the cheese crew, but when we eat the cheese to keep it from the cheese crew, it doesn't make the sound of a wood chipper and have cheese filings fly everywhere as we eat it with our big buck teeth. Exactly.

And we don't eat the cheese filings out. And there's no mouse. There's no mouse. And also, a way to stop us is not to put a giant piece of cheese on a big mouse trap that could fit three friends. Yep. And listen, if after we don't live in a hole in a wall. If after we eat the cheese to keep away the cheese crew, our body is shaped like a giant wedge of cheese, that's normal. That's what happens when you eat cheese.

And it doesn't necessarily mean that we are the cheese crew. No, that might also happen in the cheese crew, but it happens to anyone who eats a lot of cheese. What's the cheese group? We don't even know. Yeah, I don't even know we're talking about right now. I'm just going to eat cheese. From a wedding. Yeah.

Yeah. A lot. A lot of cheese. From a wedding. From a lot. I'm thinking of being... Oh, we don't know each other. No, we just happen to walk up all and all snapping our fingers together.

What is happening? It's perfectly surrounded this cheese table. I see you snap your fingers too. Oh, yes. Oh, you snap your fingers while you approach the cheese table? Oh, do you like cheese? You could say that I kind of like cheese

Are you also snapping your fingers? Oh, I think I remember We drove to the wedding together But we don't know each other No, not that I was on the We were in the same Yellow shuttle Yeah, we were in the same car

Which was not yellow It was not called It's not called the cheddar bus Mm-hmm Oh I remember We repelled into this wedding together Oh, the ceiling The giant yellow helicopter

Yeah, I remember now That's where I recognize you from Do you want to eat this cheese with me? I mean, I guess Everybody back the fuck off. And then there's yellow caution tape and all cautioning. It doesn't say caution.

It says chair. It's a different shade of yellow, yeah. And it has holes in it. Then that'd also be cheese. Yeah. Oh. And the girl member of the cheese crew is not named Brie. Nope.

No. And there isn't one until the many episodes later. And she's only there for one episode like the Venus de Milo. And in the fan. Demanded that she be canceled out of the show. Yep. And she got her own movie that bombed. Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. And Brie is not a computer's expert. Speaking of cheese crew. And there's not cheddar bob from 8 Mile in the cheese crew. The Romans used crushed mouse brains as toothpaste. Really? Yeah, this is probably the most horrific thing. Why not just use sand?

Or toothpaste. Yeah, they should have just used toothpaste. Crush up mouse brains. Have you seen this guy? the carnivore carnavore doctor yeah actually I was watching a video

of him the other day where he's like I don't use shampoo I don't use toothpaste I smell normal yeah I eat raw liver he does look amazing

dude yeah that's the thing all those guys who eat raw meat all day are so fucking shredded yeah

him liver king huh shredded that's the thing if you go if you go carnivore diet though

no cheese cheese is off the menu Well, I did see a video, yeah, he doesn't eat cheese, but he eats fruits and vegetables still. He eats, yeah. He got to eat some fruits and veggies, come on. No. If he's going carnivore. A boy said he eats six bananas a day.

Really? You can't eat those and then not eat cheese. Six bananas, that's yellow. Yeah. Yeah. If you can eat fruits and veggies, you can eat cheese. This guy's eating six bananas a day. It seems like he's more on the monkey diet.

Yeah, that's a good point. What's, so the mindset behind his diet is that, like, he can only eat, like, raw food, or he eats, like, raw. No, it's supposed to be, like, what, what people would have eaten 10,000 years ago. Oh, so, like, before, you know, before agriculture, yeah. Elephants. Does he eat elephant meat? He's eating, like, I mean, a liver is mostly, like, the big thing that he advocates for. Is he an elephant meat, though?

No, he does not eat elephant meat. Okay, so, I mean, that's the. number one thing that cavemen were eating probably elephants mammoths yeah they literally that's all you see a picture of caveman they're eating a woolly mammoth I saw a giant have what mammoth cheese I saw that what say that sentence again there's a giant and if you go up to him they are hostile but they do have mammoth cheese What the fuck are you talking about? Is this from...

Is this from a Mooram? Yes. This is from Skyrim? I saw a giant eat mammoth cheese, and if you want to be strong like a giant, I feel like you still like to eat. You and they ragged all into the air, funny as fuck.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's all I did in Skyrim. It's to run into the giants and go flying. That's how we have to end the episode. Is Patrick saying a giant? I know. You know how I'm good.

going to end this episode. I'm going to turn. I'm going to turn 180 degrees this way. I'm going to go on my computer and I'm going to play Skyroom. I'm going to grade your episode today. I'm giving you a D minus. You had a poor performance today. I'm giving you a complete D minus. You're on your phone. You're talking about mammoth cheese. It was a poor showing. You threatened of just a, you didn't even, you just said. It was a family. You complained about. It was a family that you're threatening. Actually, I'm going to give you a D plus because you scared the people upstairs. I don't know that I would go as low as a D, but I definitely a C

definitely a C performance. No, that's passing. This is not a passing one. This is a this is a, this is a, okay, fair enough. Like next episode it's like extra credit zone. That's what you're in, okay? Because you might, semester is coming to an end, right? And I'm the hot teacher and my legs are about to uncross on the desk. Okay?

So that's going to be fucking awesome. But don't think about that. And I don't like that you made a smelling noise right as I said that. That's not good. Don't go you can't. You can't you can't smell my thing the teacher drops like the chalk on the ground

and like bends over to pick it up and his 20 kids just like oh my back is turned that's an A minus from camera today I think it's a seriously good grade let me see if I got a 95

okay a little bit of credit here right this is like a bonus question Go to Swagpoop.com slash shows. Buy our tickets to Portland and Seattle. We're going to be playing at the Crocodile in Seattle. Hereafter at the Crocodile. Hereafter at the Crocodile.

And then in Portland, it's at Mississippi Studios. Don't get confused. It's not in Mississippi. It's not in Portland. It's weird because in Portland, most of the neighborhoods is the fact I learned. They're very weird. Yep. It's weird.

A lot of the neighborhoods there are named after other states. Yeah. Hey, and if you look at the map of the states, you notice all the states are different colors. Yeah, that's people's hair is like in Portland. Yep. Yeah. And in Portland, Mississippi Studios has no river next to it. Yeah, so if you're in SJW, go to swag poop.com slash shows because we're coming to both of the SJW towns. Yep. Yeah. We're going to Blue Hairsville. We're going to all the blue hair capitals of America. Yeah. Uh-huh. And so I hope that you guys have your nose rings all packed because the We were basically going to show them there.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Yep. And if you have a septum ring at the Portland or the Seattle show, tell the bartender that you know Fred from Portlandia. And they will believe you. That you know, no have no hole in your nose. Yeah. Yeah.

If you come to the show with a septum ring, I'm going to be up on stage in a cowboy outfit and all of you are going in a cage. I have a big magnet that I'm going to use and anyone with facial piercings of all it's a neomodium magnet I don't remember how to say it The strongest magnet So if you guys want to just come get

Completely super offended and triggered Come to our shows because it's actually going to be insanely offensive and triggering For all you guys, it's going to be the most triggering thing that's ever happened In Seattle since the Chaz It's going to be like probably Millions will be triggered and we'll probably kill themselves

Yeah, honestly. So if we want to come see that happen, go to Swagoup.com slash shows because we're going to do the most... It's called the Chaz 2. Yep. It's called Triggered? Triggered much?

Triggered much? We're starting another Chaz. Yeah. Yeah. Colin. All right. We're doing a Chaz for just normal Republican guys. Yeah.

Yep. It's just going to be only Republican guys. All right. Bye. Bye.