Podcast About List - Ep. 198 - Doper’s Rot

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

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Come in, come in, come in, and we see a butt. All the counts for the ball list. Every crap monster. Okay, I low-key thought that this was a drink. Yeah, it looks like a yogurt drink. I was doing my laundry here yesterday. And you decided to put the bleach bottle that is a drink-sized right next to all the drinks on the table? Yeah.

Genius, dude. That's a serious fucking HIPAA violation. That is a prank. OSHA violation. Most OSHA and HIPAA violations are just awesome pranks when you think about it. I don't think so. I don't think it's true. That's true. That's not a prank. Making your friend drink bleach is not a prank. That's an assassination attempt. You can do that in Hitman. You can laugh about it later. You can do that in Hitman. You won't laugh about it. You'll laugh like this.

Yeah. Like Dracula. Yeah, you'll laugh like Dracula or a villain. You would not laugh like a friend in a friendly way. A friend wouldn't laugh. A friend would not laugh about hurting or killing your own friend. Okay, what if that bleach bottle was filled with soda? That's closer to a prank. Yeah, but that's also not a prank because they wouldn't drink it. Yeah, but also, like, if your friend is drinking it, that means that they're trying to maybe kill them.

What if your friend is trying to kill themselves? That's not a... It's bleach. And then they drink it. But there's still traces that you didn't wash it fully, and they still die. How do you know I didn't wash it fully? Well, no, I'm bleached it out. I bleached out on the chemicals.

I'm talking about an imaginary situation here. Yeah, and I... In this imaginary situation, I wiped out all the chemicals with bleach. All the bleach chemicals, I used more bleach. You didn't do that. He didn't do it. What if you accidentally put just a car? What if you ate a bug?

That's not a prank either. What if you ate two bugs? That actually, that would be a funny-ass prank if he did that pet. Oh, yeah, that would be a fun prank on us. You would get me so good if you ate two bugs. Yeah, you should need two bugs. Actually, I would hate, don't do it. I would hate, I would hate it.

It would annoy me if you ate two bugs. Now I want to do it. It would be so. It's so annoying. Okay. I'm going to do it now. Do it then. Seriously, don't.

Okay. I'm not going to do it. Are you waving your hand like that? You're waving it so much. It's like a horse's tail. Stop. Stop. It's too.

Stop. You have to stop. That's actually cool. You can't do that. Okay. Get that thing away from your chest. Mm-hmm. That's not near my chest.

I was right on your chest. It was right on your chest. It was touching your chest over and over. So this weekend, I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot.

I forgot. this so this weekend my friend charlie uh had a runway show for his his clothing line uh capsule collection dot love go check it out uh this fucker better be paying us money he's going to give me a shirt so well he did you plugged it on my show so i'm going to need a shirt you can also get a shirt from i think i'm going to have to hit up charlie and get a shirt um so charlie had this runway show where he hired a pit bull impersonator uh-huh um dog or guy guy guy he was really he was cool dude he rocked me and me and joe got there really late um like right at the last second and the only seat left was like a really small room and the only seat left was like right up at like the very front

so we were literally we were just sitting like probably like less than a foot away from the pit bull guy the whole time yeah then he started he started walking around and dancing but he started walking He was throwing a fit. That's what we were right next to him for. He was though like speakers or microphone and stuff weren't working. Yeah. Well, he, so Charlie told me he requested specifically to use his own MP3 files. Like Charlie was like, oh, I can just play the Pitbull songs off of Spotify.

And he said, no, these are louder. Whoa. It was like, insistent, hold on. I have his business card somewhere in my wall. But yeah, he was throwing a fit. He was like, can you not make it louder? it was working a second ago, what's going on? And he just, like, wouldn't get, he wouldn't, like, relax.

And the pit bull impersonator was a diva. He was a huge diva. And then, and then that he, like, he was like, well, if it's not going to work. Like, he also said he was a stand-up comedian at one point. Cool. And he's like, well, if it's not going to work, I'll just, like, do my thing. Look at him, dude. That's him?

That he looks nothing like pit bull. Wow. I think I could do a better pit bull. He was like, I think you should. He made a lot of money. He was like, okay, I'm just going to do my thing. like started walking around and he's talking the microphone is not on but he's talking into the microphone just yelling um and he's just going to he started he started saying he started saying um

what they won't tell you is that grains have zero nutritional value the food pyramid is lying to you the fda they're fools they're lying to you doctor oz he's not a real doctor it's all fake and and it and it makes sense because think about it Oz the wizard of of Oz, they saw the Wizard of Oz and they looked behind the curtain. It was just a little guy pretending faking to be something larger. Dr. Oz. Everyone's going crazy. I was in the back. I was in the back waiting to walk, but there was like, you know, we're trying to figure out the technical difficulty. So he just cooked for like five minutes. He was going for a long time. He also said that agave syrup, um, as you should, you will give you diabetes. Then he said tequila is his

favorite liquor. But he said, no, what happened, what happened was he was like, he was like, yeah, you can't eat agave syrup it'll give you diabetes and then somebody in the audience was like well do you don't you like do you not like tequila and then he said he like he like got like in their face and he he was like well that's a different form of agave syrup so like he was like super aggressive too like whenever somebody would like quite like a few people like questioned him or something and he and I forget what he said he said something and one girl was like said something that was like no that's not true and he like he was like what's your name up and she was like no no no

it was crazy he's a beast dude he was so cool so at the end of the show what do you know his name huh do you know the impersonate i think his name is stephen stephen yeah i mean i have his business i would just like to i'd like to put them on a little bit yeah yeah um if we're gonna put on charlie we got a charlie i think charlie deserves it i think step no i think stephen is people did a better job i've gotten more about stephen from this story than about the clothes so So I'm going to give it to Stephen. So, like, the show's over, and I was, like, getting a photo with him.

I had Cam take a picture. And then Cam said, like, oh, you guys look like brothers. And then the guy was like, I'll have what he's having and pointed at Cam. Nice. He said, I'll have what he's having. He said, I'll have what he's happening. He's like, I'll have whatever he's on. Yeah.

He's a multi-impersonator. Yeah. He can impersonate anybody from any movie or any musician. Yeah, exactly. Then I did the joke of just looking like really confused and then saying, you're being really weird right now, man, which I think I guess is a funny thing to do to like your friend, but probably very rude to do to a pit bull impersonator. I think Stephen knows that.

I think he knows that a role. He didn't. No, I think he does. If you think he didn't, then that means he got you, okay? So I was backstage changing out of the clothes and then the pit bull impersonator walks up to me and is like, man, what is up with your friend? does he not smoke and I was like no he doesn't

he's straight edge he doesn't he's never done a thing in his life and the pit bull impersonated like he was like man because like I think if he did smoke or drink or something he probably would have had the prior experience and probably would have understand

because I said I'll have whatever he's on which I meant like if he's on drugs thinking that we look like brothers then I want what he has I want what he has then but if he does nothing then like he probably wouldn't get the joke

and then I was back there for like I was just trying to put my pants back on I'm back there for like like five minutes because he's like trying to explain the joke this makes me wish I had gone dude you should have come dude I got my license plate stolen

oh shit yeah I couldn't couldn't make it out because I got my license This plate is stolen. But what? They just stole it off my car, dude. What are you, what, what's the benefit of doing that? I do, we do it. So if you do it out or something?

If you do a crime, so if you do a crime, you switch out the plates with stolen plates. I know this from GTA 5. I think, I think, yeah, it's to put on a stolen car. Okay. Yeah, I said it's less easy to, so it's untraceable. But then they'll trace it back. But they'll, yeah, to the stolen. They'll pull this person over in a Lamborghini and be like, are you driving, is this some kind of

body kit for a 2009 forward focus yeah well it's also it's also pretty bad for you because you made some uh threats in your lifetime yeah that maybe that that might not show up well if a if the police i think the police aren't going to aren't going to immediately give you a chance here luckily car's not in my name i am worried about the thing is i have luckily attached those plates i probably have 850 dollars in unpaid tolls and tickets to the state of new york So you're going to get your plate back pretty quick. I made money by them stealing my plates. Yeah.

Like, yeah, I wouldn't. They're going to bring the plates back. Because I'm going to order some new plates brand fresh start. You know, blank slate. Blank plate. Does it work the same as like a debit card? Yeah, license plate works the same as a debit card. Like, when you get a new card, it cancels all your other subscriptions.

No, not really. Your subscriptions to tickets. It canceled. your Netflix. Honestly, it might have been a fucking, like, it might have been a parking cop who fucking just took my plate. They were just so sick of writing me tickets.

It's, like, easier to just not have to look up my... That would be so sick if it overwrites your tickets or whatever, and that would be the best way to do fraud. That would be so sick. Oh, yeah, my plate got stolen. Yeah, my plate got stolen. You guys ever get a, like, I don't remember... I have a piece of white paper sitting in my back window that says,

my plate got stolen, and then my license plate number. I'm going to jail I drove here today sick oh did you bring that bike no son of a bitch you have to go get it

I gave him $20 you have to go get it there's no bike I figured yeah but there is 20 bucks of my damn Zell I got Zelled

I don't know why Zell is the funniest way to say I said it on Zelle because I was like oh then he won't have to deal with the instant transfer the only time I get Zell

is when unlike my birthday my grandma sent me like $5. I love Zell. I love Zell. That was my first experience with Zell, too, is that my, well, my, my, like, grandfather who lives, like, out of the country, he just sent, for my birthday, he sent, like, some money to my dad on Zell. And that was before Zell was, like, I think, like, neither of us had ever heard of Zell before.

And he was just, like, yeah, I just sent some Zell money. And we had to, like, go through this whole thing of figuring out how to get money out of Zell. You get some text message. from some random numbers, like, this person has zeled me, five. You're like, what the fuck is zell? What does it mean? What is it mean?

I get it. Somebody zeled me. Somebody zubed me. Yeah. 20 bucks? What does that mean? Yeah. It's a good,

nobody's ever zeled me money. I've only had to zell money to people. I think I zell for rent. One time I zeled, I think I told you guys this, I zeled the wrong person at a liquor store. I was trying to sell a liquor guy. guy and I zeled some random fucking person because he gave me the wrong

phone number and I was like and then I zeled him again so maybe he was double-dipped on me. You zelt the guy at the liquor store? I zeld him. You zeled all over the place. I zeled completely all over his body and into his phone. Yeah. First you zeld the wrong guy. There's I zeld a completely

different dude. A complete stranger. And then I was and then he said no you were one digit off and then I zeled on him. He zeled up in him. Yeah. What are we doing here. What the hell is that? Are you trying to make this about me coming and being gay? Is this a sexual thing? No, we're talking about money and Zell. Oh, okay. That's better. I would have said you cumbed in the wrong guy by mistake. That's a good point. Yeah, that's, that is a good point.

What if we'd make a new money thing called? New app of money. Bingo. Bingo's good. Bingoed him. Bingoed, yeah. That's pretty good actually. You've downloaded, there's these new bingo games you can get on your phone where you can play for real money. Really? Yeah. Have you been playing them? I did for a week.

Do you miss that? Have you guys seen that one ad on YouTube? Do you miss that thrill of a slot machine, but COVID's got you in a quarantine. Now listen up, I got the thing you need. It's an app that's free. It's called Lightning Link. I've gotten a few slot apps on like Hulu and stuff. I haven't got one on YouTube yet.

My mom plays so many slot apps. Do you know what ad I love? My favorite one is the, is the solitaire one with the dog. I ain't seen that. They're on a bunch of the trains here, but they also come on on, like, Hulu and stuff sometimes. And it's a dog that has human teeth. Like, it's like a cartoon animated dog that has human teeth. And he's like, and he's like, the cards will show me the way.

And he's playing Solitaire. I don't watch too much Hulu. Or, no, you know, it's on, it's on Tooby. I get that out on Toobie. Oh, I thought I got a new slot app. I actually got a, I've been playing this game called Tune Blast. Tune Blast. Or no, Royal Match.

How did you get Tune Blast? Tune Blast and Royal Match are made by the same company. Oh. That made you mix it up? It's just candy crush in a castle. Oh, okay. Instead of the candy, what do you have? Squares.

All of them are squares? Royal squares. So shapes. Shapes. Okay. All right. And I'm on level 73. Wow.

Nice. That's pretty good. I don't play a bunch of solitaire on my phone. Solitaire. is good. What's, do you know what the average win rate is for Solitaire? I'm not sure if I have a higher low win rate. I think I probably have a pretty low win rate.

Depends on it. Do you do a random deck? I assume. Yeah, I assume. I think a random deck is, is, uh, it's just, it's just the Solitaire app. I don't know. It doesn't, I will, speaking of apps, I got this new app. Okay, I'm going to say my, my win rate is 12.96%. I think for a random deck that's about it. It's about 10%. I got this new app. It's called Supercook, and you just put in food in your pantry, and then it tells you what recipe.

you can make and I was looking last night and good news I can make what? Pardon? I can make sing huh? All I need is one cup of milk to make

sung. Yo, that looks delicious. Can you spell that name out for the listeners? S space, n space n space n space NG And if you view the full recipe It looks like ribs But it's just milk

It's ribs and chips Oh okay You can make it with one cup milk It's called only one cup And this is a dessert too It's a dessert Sweet ribs Can you rate that five stars?

Yeah Rate it five right now I'll rate it Well I was looking at Amazon reviews last night It's not letting me rate it I was looking at Amazon reviews For all the All the sex toys

I was looking for a sex toy that was, and I found it, it was just, it's two boobs with a pussy and a butt hole on the bottom of the boobs. Yeah. Yeah, and I found... Why are you looking that up? I was just curious,

and I found a bunch of reviews, and they were all... It was like 50 reviews in a row just saying that the holes were too big. That's so awesome. Here's another one, milk macaroni. Oh, that sounds good. That sounds really good.

I used to love... Let me redo this. recipe. Okay, let's hear it. There's a goldie-goldie from Yvonne Sohn's childhood. Okay. Add your pre-cooked pasta and milk together in a pan as if you were making soup. Heat until warm.

Add salt and pepper and a couple pats of butter. Once the butter is melted, eat and enjoy. I've had that before. That's fine. Really? It's like Al-Fredo. Milk macaroni. You're not going to flour or anything in it.

It's just milk and macaroni. That's okay. There's enough starch on the outside of the pasta that it kind of... I don't think so, Tim. kind of makes it a little bit of a of a rue back when when facebook messenger was was a thing when people still used to that yeah i used to love they had you know they had like little addons that nobody ever used that you would like be able to like add to it yeah they're like um there were some really good ones but the my favorite one that like i that was you they had like a recipe add on

so you could just send recipes from like some recipe website directly through like facebook messenger and it would just come up like as its own like a sticker like as its own thing and there would be so many recipes where you just that you just find you'd be able to find stuff that people make called like monster slime and stuff because like searching for like Halloween recipes on a recipe site and then yeah like finding like just sending somebody a recipe called like nightmare or something that make me laugh so hard I don't like Halloween recipes I don't want to eat a piece of bread that looks like poop is a good one how to freeze milk how to freeze what is the directions let me see from the low the slow roasted Italian can you freeze milk

yes that's a great recipe yeah what do you do what do you need to freeze milk for a freezer no what no not what do you need to freeze milk i mean what why do you need to freeze what yeah a popsicle a popcicle a milk sickle just milk ready here's a here's a here's a recipe that's ready in less than five minutes how to scald milk you have to burn milk? If you ever want to... How to scald. Skulled.

Are you saying it like that? It's a four star, it's a four star recipe. Really? But milk is five stars, so it brings it down to four because you're sculled. Can you put in, like, can you put in two ingredients and see what recipes? Can we see what recipes we can make out of stuff? Can we, can me and Caleb each name an ingredient and see what we can make? Let's try that.

That'll be fun. Let me go off of what's... No, just make just two, only two things. Well, no, because then I'm lying to the app. I want you to lie to lie to the app. Okay, here's one, hoisten sauce. Oh, my God. Yeah, we had such a good idea that would be a funny thing to do for the episode.

Okay, this one's going to go to look at his phone. Trust me, trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Okay. So based off of what I have in my pantry. Okay. A recipe with the key ingredients, hoisten sauce, and Chinese five spice powder. This is, there's going to be a crazy recipe. Just let us play our game. This is not, yeah. What's going on here? Okay.

You're killing the episode. It's ruined. We have to start over. Okay. Name an ingredient. You want me to go first? See, you don't even. Shut up.

Shut the fuck up. I'm thinking of an ingredient. Do you want to go first or should I? Cameron can go first, but I know how to think of an ingredient. Eminem's. I'm going to go first here. M&Ms. M&Ms.

Wait, let me, I have to add it to my pantry now. So now I have to go and buy Eminem's when I'm done. on recording. Good. Come on, Caleb. Flavor? It's flavor. That's close.

Eminem's is not showing up as an ingredient I can use. Water. Okay. Eminem's in water. The only ingredients we assume you have are salt, pepper, and water. Fucking shit.

Okay, we'll start... Salt. No. Pepper. Peppers. Okay. No, wait, wait. Paprika.

Rabbit, rabbit. Oh, rabbit meat. Okay. Rabbit meat. Okay. And paprika. Let me look up. Chocolate.

Rabbit meat and chocolate. Chocolate. Oh, yeah. Easy as shit. You're so stupid. My God. That's the most obvious thing ever. Can you spying me?

I can make rabbit on rabbit grilled. Okay. What else? Any reviews? Beer-based rabbit. Beer? Ooh. Rabbit in the crock pot.

Fried rabbit. Rabbit in a crock pot? Yeah. You come home from work. Easter bark? Easter bark, yeah. That's got rabbit in it? Fuck.

I guess. So how come the rabbit wants eggs when he doesn't lay eggs? What? You come home from school. Your mom's cooking something in the crock pot. You're like, oh my God, I can't smell so good. I can't wait for dinner. You like, you open.

the lid just a little bit to get a whiff to see what it is and it's a full rabbit fur on nothing else no liquid no braw it's a rabbit being just burned by the bottom of the crock pot i bet that still smell pretty good it would smell delicious a rabbit it smells so good i've never had rabbit i don't want to eat no damn rabbit i love walking by some of the restaurants here and seeing just a whole rabbit picture oh dude i went to a key foods you know the one off uh lormer It's a grocery store Yeah It doesn't really matter where

Or what grocery store probably Well they sell It said Cui C-U-I And I looked And it's a plastic bag And there's just a hamster in it Or a guinea pig

Sorry What What country eats guinea pig? South American countries Yeah Some Saudi meat guinea pig And like Peru Yeah

I've never seen it Like It's just a skinned... A hamster is so much... ...in a plastic bag. Like, you know, when you get, like, those microwave corn dogs? Yeah. And they're in those plastic.

Same type of... Like, it looked like a Jimmy Dean... Guinea pig. I would not eat that. I don't think I like any meat except beef and chicken. What about fish? I had... You know, I fried some fish last week, and I was, like, so disgusted by the way

fish falls apart in a bunch of pieces. I love fish. I usually love salmon, but I was eating Alaskan cod and get this. The layers of the cod, it was like stacked dollar bills are just falling away. That sounds so good.

It sounds amazing. There's no, and also there was no salt. And I put, and they were covered in fucking peanut butter. He doesn't even care about the best tuna salad I've ever made. I could, I could out tuna salad you with my eyes closed. No, you could. And blindfolded.

And a spike through my head. I made, it was the best one I've ever made in my life. You don't know what. you're talking about. I ate tuna salad every day for like five years. I made awesome cereal this morning. That's amazing. All right.

I guess he wins. That's amazing to hear. Yeah, you win. Yeah, you win. Cameron wins. I did half, Raisin brand, half Cheerios. Half what?

Raisin brand half Cheerios. You're mixing cereals? You're mixing cereals? You're the worst thing I've ever done. He can't mix two cereals. There wasn't enough left of either of them. I was telling you, I always, before. Make an egg.

What are you doing? Because I'll never eat either of those. otherwise he's not going to put an egg on his cereal i don't i'm not saying i'm okay so save the two cereals for a late night snack and make something else for breakfast cereal for a late night snack because a perfect late night snack i eat honeynut chiros every night there isn't enough there's been for a late night snack you get a small bowl i have small bowls huh this month or last month i don't know small balls big recall of uh honey nut chirios and lucky charms a lot of people were getting diarrhea i get diarrhea any i don't notice if i can't go on for a while yeah

Lucky Charms of just... I didn't know it was... Something is happening at the Lucky Charms factory. Yeah, something's going on. Ever since that freaking shrimp, I guess that was cinnamon toast crunch. Yeah.

It was a shrimp and cinnamon toast crunch. Oh, you didn't see this? Brah! Brah! Literally, though. Literally, though. I don't even want to fucking get into it. I mean, this is like...

How long is that? I don't want to bring it up now because it's almost like Harambe or something where I don't want to talk about it. How long? It would be like a Harambe level meme. How long ago? A meme.

Speaking of... I'm going to kill both of you. Today's list is the top 10 most cancerous memes and trends that are on society. It's the top 10 most cancerous trends and memes of the 21st century. I said that exactly the same.

Do you say society? Of the society? Of the society. Here's and it's by Kristen Grant. I decided to... I decided to... I decided to something different

from what I usually do. So here's some trends and memes that are the cancerous. Okay. Number one, I would say... Yeah, let's hear your guess. My guess? I'm going to say... Not bad Obama.

Wrong. Number one is Dab. The Dab isn't a meme. It's a dance. Well, it's a trend. It's a trend. Hold on. I feel like I'm going to vomit.

Continue? The first person I saw Dab was a kid I really hated. So I used the mentality of If he does it, I don't. That's smart. That is smart. I saw my grandma dab in 2014. Really?

Yeah, changed my life. Wow. She's dabbing because of Cam Newton. Wow. Panthers game. Yeah. Dabbing is so sad. Fortnite is so sad.

Everything in this list is so flipping sad. I just find it sad that kids are dabbing still. Yeah. Dab was originally a strong way to smoke marijuana. It's the purest form of marijuana. When you smoke it, you cough. The first thing you do, is puts hand in front of mouth and coughs.

That's where dab came from. H-TPS-C-S-Modder.com slash the-dash-culture slash 2016-0-208 slash do we really need a dab of drug culture in our dancing? We don't. We do not. I hate drug culture. I want to go to this work. I've been outspoken about marijuana abuse and how much it's fucking disgusting to me.

I fucking hate dopers. Yeah. Dopers. This is a Christian science monitor. I saw some. Listen, I saw some. piece of fucking dog shit dope fiend right lighten up he's sitting in a wheelchair

both of his legs were in cast he's lighting up in the middle of his living room with the windows open okay and you know what I was saying I was saying you know what I'd really like right now is a red sniper dot directly on this guy's neck brace through his window and I'd like for somebody to shoot his trachea absolutely so that he can hey try smoking dope now buddy it's gonna fly out of the hole in your neck

you know what I saw I saw this ball woman eating and edible Yeah and it's like listen First of all She's at the hospital And she looked sick And she looked sick

Probably because of the dope Here's what's happening Okay She's bald She's a lesbo Okay She's complete lesbo Right

And she's a dope head Right And why is she at the hospital Because she's Because she's done With her dope heads Fucking starter drug And she's trying to get opiates

She's going in there Faking minstrel blood So she can get A A prescription description for some kind of opiates. I hear what dopers will do nowadays is even before they'll go to the hospital and some of them, they're not, you know, they're not even, they don't even have the courage to upgrade

to opiates, but they'll go to the hospital. They'll think, how can I get my hands on more dope? I don't want to, I don't want to have to get in a car with my, my, my, my dirty dope dealer no more. I need to legitimize this. And I hear what they'll do is they'll go into the hospital. They'll complain that they have rot in one of their limbs. They'll get it amputated.

Yep. And they'll get a special card It's fucking disgusting That lets the government throw dope in their mouths Like a freaking clown game at the arcade It absolutely is It's a, yeah That's what it is

It's Nintendo I've seen these these rectangle dopers They've got no arms No legs Nope They're crawling around like an inchworm They had all their Trying to put their mouth

It's disgusting On a drainage pipe Just to suck out some dope additives And you know these dispensaries They're just giving them more They're putting more stuff in the truck So that people can get rot.

It's true. They're trying to get more rot in their limbs so that they can be removed by a plastic surgeon so that they can deal with the quote unquote pain. I mean, this fucking dope. Pain, it feels amazing to lose a limb. We're going to listen. People did these, first of all, when this, when dope started out, people are like, we've got, we have a nation of zombies, you know, but more and more

it's looking like we're going to have more of a nation of mummies. I'd like to bring. Because they are mummy, yep. They're covered in bandages. I'd like to bring their arms and legs. are falling off. There's sand everywhere. Their skin is turning to sand. I'd like to bring you guys back to a different time and place, okay? Okay. I hope it's not, I hope it's not ancient Egypt. I hope it's not ancient Egypt, BC, because that's where all the mummies are. It's 1969, right?

We start the Vietnam War, okay? Awesome. Nobody wants to go, right? Until a couple of these because why don't they want to go? Until a couple of these hippies get an idea. Somebody says, some of a war man recruiter says hey who wants to go to vietnam and get uh PTSD and get all your limbs blown off and they all these dopers go oh me me me me me yeah because one day there's going to be a place called concierge dispensary where I can deal with my quote unquote pain and quote unquote lost foot and PTSD free with a skittal free dope for pillow humans yeah exactly right and now all of a sudden you got these guys they wear American flag bandanas They pretend they're homeless, and then they turn around, they go outside,

and they actually have a 1994 Ford Focus and parked in the back of the grocery store. And they're walking into the dope dispensary. And they're saying, give me the strongest pin that you have. Give me a drink, give me a strain of dope called Hitler's killer. Yeah. Give me Hitler's pussy because I'm so fucked up from the war that, oh, I have to think about times when I killed people. It's like, buddy, that's awesome. And you know what they were doing in Vietnam?

They were smoking a weed out of a shotgun. That's right. Because they wanted to blow their head off so they could get more weed. These quote-unquote veteran dopers, okay? I mean, they're coming back here. They're coming back here to the U.S. to get more free dope. They're, you know, they're waddling into these dispensaries. They look like, they look like Freddie Kruger's finger under these tied-eyed shirts.

These dopers with no arms and no legs are getting pulled into dispensed, pushed into dispensaries They look like, folks, they look like Flupes Fuglies. Yep, and they're being just completely just tossed into the dispensaries like bricks through a window. They're saying, they're saying, you know what? There's a guy who pulls them,

pushes them in on a hand truck and then drops it on the floor and then they're face down on the ground like, who plays out some wood? Yep. They'll pose out some awesome dope. It's like, okay, they're coming in.

They're like, all right, my arms and legs were pulled off by a robotic arm at the Ford Focus factory. But you know what I, you know what? I haven't lost yet, my mind. Yep. And listen, I know how to fix that. I'll smoke a freaking pack of dope.

Yep. It's going to pull up my brain right out of the top of my head like an Egyptian mummy. I want to taint it with weed cigarettes and give myself mummy rot. Some of these grassheads are actually even genius artists, unfortunately, and we've lost some of them. Speaking of Nirvana's own Kurt Cobain, he stuck a shotgun into his mouth because he thought it was a slice of pizza because he was so high and now he's dead like a mummy. Yep. same with Jimmy Hendrix he threw up because he smoked so much

and he thought that his throw up was pizza yeah and now he's dead like a mummy and Jim Morrison was eating pizza in the tub underwater yep and now he's dead like a mummy you can't eat pizza underwater most psychotic spree killers are dopers yeah okay but

even beyond that the ones who don't go out and red a tat tat kill a million humans you realize what lives on the dope plant is insects and ants and they get burned up and killed when a doper smokes the dope. And the bug goes in their brain and is so mad at the human race.

They got spider webs in there. Take a looky loo at the the row of mass shooters we've had in the last 20 years, right? James Holmes and all those guys looks like a fucking fish concert. Okay? That's what it looks like

when you look at these guys there, right? Your eyes are blood-shocked, right? They have completely blood-shocked eyes. Yeah. And they're looking at you at that fucking THC Delta-9 stare. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. And it's disgusting. And they probably thought that all these kiddies walking around the school were slices of pizza. Yeah. And they needed to cook them with their big pizza gun. Yeah.

Because that's what dope does to your brain. It makes you hallucinate. The Boston shooters, they were getting that strong, that strongky Kong from the Middle East, right? Getting it shipped over to the brothers, right? The two brothers of the two dope brothers of Boston. I thought you were talking about the Middle East Club. You know what they thought, you know what they thought, they thought that the pressure

cookers that they dropped in the um they thought they were cooking a pizza they thought that they were just cooking a damn pizza in a volcano vape yeah right and all of a sudden you got and don't get me started five years later mark walberg's making a movie with no legs right and guess how that guy treated his no leg syndrome yep smoking smoking it goes all the way to the top of the hip all the way to the bottom of the ground which is where the guy was because he didn't have any legs you know and i mean think about think about these um these these these types of uh these these types of uh these These bands that dopers will listen to. I mean, seriously, a band called the Grateful Dead.

It's great to be dead and full. Also, none of these bands are spelled correctly. Grateful Dead. Right? Fish. What the fuck's going on? Dave Matthews Bang? The Beatles.

Yep. The hell is that. Oh, my God. The Beatles is spelled with a double E, you moron. And this is all, ever since 2001, when Doug Benson started talking about this shit. Doug Benson, listen, super high you? Yeah, I wouldn't even say hi to you, you fucking drug addict. I'd rather super low you.

I'm going to put you six feet under for ruining this country with pot. You're actually a drug addict piece of fucking dog shit. And getting dug with high, buddy, the name doesn't make any sense. It's wrong. It's in the wrong order. This fucking idiot got so fucking high that he swamped two words in his own show name. How is that show going to look professional? That's like list about podcast.

That doesn't make any sense. What if we were so high when we named the show that we named it that? Wouldn't that be some fucking bullshit? That would fucking be dog-shitly bullshit. That would be the worst thing that's ever happened. I'm sick. I'm sick. No, I'm sick.

No, I'm actually fucking sick. You're sick? Yeah, I'm sick. And I need to go to the hospital. But I can't go because they're going to prescribe you. They're going to prescribe you dope. They'll prescribe me dope weed. You know what kind of...

Because I have phantom limb syndrome for a bigger penis that I never had. these these these these these these dope freakers are doing what you think about the earth right you think about millions of years ago well that's you know millions of years ago but sure the earth is green yeah green and blue planet okay nowadays earth is gray and brown and yellow and golden and silver and um red and black and white but it's much less green do you know why it's much less green? Because they're smoking. The dopers, they take the green, they turn it brown.

Yep. And it turns their inside's brown. It turns their shoulders red, and then it turns their arms black and gray. And they're combining the green and the blue in a bong and just using up all of these resources. Exactly. Yeah, where's the water go?

Where does the bong water go? They waste it. They don't even use it. Because they're waste. You could filter that bong water and start making spaghetti for homeless people. You could found a desert city with that water. You could found the city. And with the glass, oh, my God, a futuristic glass city with water and green grass.

It would have been amazing, but instead, it would have been it would have been Babylon. And I'm not talking about the Babylon that Bob Marley, that fucking dope head was talking about. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And listen, Jamaica, listen, I don't want to say it, but it should be just completely wiped off the face of the planet. I wouldn't say that. Just completely one giant, one. Giant waves, just a wrath of God should just wipe it out with one single wave. I think that they should just make weed illegal there.

Jamaica should just be... Are you kidding me? No, no, no, no, no. I do not understand why God hasn't done something about dope. Could you imagine how less spicy Jamaican jerk wings would be if they weren't smoking weed when they made it? Exactly. So we got the recipe. Listen, Jamaica, you gave us the recipe, buddy.

Now get the boot. We're sending you to Mars. That's what's happening. Red planet. By the way. Not a speck of green to be seen. God. That should be a penal colony.

That's right. For dopers. I mean, those dopers, they'll probably, I mean, some of these dopers. They'll probably try to smoke an alien on Mars. They probably try to smoke a green alien. Yeah. But some of these dopers, I mean, they go without their green for, for practically one second. They're throwing up, they're shitting their pants there.

You know who I would have, they're clawing at their own face. I would have trusted Sir Elon Musk to send these dope has. to Mars, but then he actually joined their ranks by going on Joe Token and actually lighting up in front of millions. That was so disappointing. I mean, he was honestly a hero of mine, right? I had always wanted to make a car. I mean, what's next? An electrical way to smoke weed? Is that what Elon Musk is? That's probably what he's working on. A cigarette powered by electricity. Oh, we're going to waste electricity, too. It's not enough to take the green and the blue out of the earth and the glass. The other day, this is actually true. I'm not making this up at all.

I was at CVS, and a lady started talking to the, it's like one of the CVS is where they have a cop that stays there because there's so many people like stealing shit, probably dope heads, by the way. But she said something about it. She was like, I bet you light up when you get home. And he said, yeah, it's legal. And she said, I used to light up in the 90s.

And then my cousin, who is one of the beat cops in my neighborhood, you said, chase me down the street with a taser. So it actually tears families apart. It does tear, feel. Literally their arms and legs are being torn. Torn limb from limb because they'll walk into a wild chimpanzee cage just so that they can get their hands ripped off so they can smoke weed. Listen, Charlotte Nash, there's a reason what she told the monkey, she said, rip everything off except my mouth so I can still smoke weed. Yeah.

And that's what he did. It weakens your joints and your ligaments. Yeah, it does. A doper will try to hold the door open. Their arm will fall onto the ground. Exactly. Like a leper. The door will pull off the arm when they open it.

It'll look like sponge-started. That's why there aren't any. dopers that have automatic doors in their houses. And don't even get caught in the automatic doors. See, like me, I have an automatic door too. It's so convenient. I love it. The bathroom door, an automatic door, every time someone walks by it opens, I can see

what's going on. And it's glass. And you go to downtown... It's a 7-Eleven on it. You go to any major city... I installed it two weeks ago. You go to downtown L.A. Skid Row, right? It's called Skid Row because you smoke so much weed that you believe skid marks in your

in your pants. It was founded by dopers in the 60s. And you watch. walk around these people are zombies, they're looking at you, they're going, come watch Fantasia with us. Come watch Disney's Fantasia. I'm like, I don't want to watch Fantasia. It doesn't make any fucking sense.

Do you realize Chernabok is a fucking demon? You do realize that a broom can't actually walk. You are literally gaining satanic entertainment. If we're going to watch a Disney property, we're probably going to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or we're going to watch one of the Scrooge McDuck films, right? I don't want to watch Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers. Mickey go and he's dancing with hippos. Listen, a hippo's a boy.

They got him dressed up in tutus. These dopers, too, they'll want to watch a Disney movie like Frozen. Yeah. It's like, don't you realize this movie is so subversive? It's ruining the image of princes. It's disgusting. People think princes are evil now because of, because dopers at Disney are making these dope movies. One of the biggest dopers of all, Walt Disney, cut off his own head.

Yeah, he got the rot, is the rot spread to his body. He cut off his own damn head. Yep. I heard. grows that thing so that he could smoke more later. And then he made a movie called Frozen about his damn head. I heard that high-ranking Disney employees and officials actually get to use Walt Disney's head as a bong because it gets him high too while he's in, while he's in there. Color of his brain.

Well, he's in his brain. Yep. I love being in my brain. It's really disgusting what dopers do to the society. I know. Cheech and Chong. Don't even get me started on Cheech Morin and Chong Marin. Chong Mering. Yeah.

Tommy Chong. How come when they go... Listen, these dopers are so stupid. It should have been called Marin and Chong or Tommy and Cheech. Yeah. But they went first name, last name. And who's and? Yeah.

Yeah. Which one of them is and? Mm-hmm. Probably the same guy from the and one shirts. Oh. Oh, that guy's a serious dope heads. Yeah. Right?

He's so rude. And the dope turns people rudely mean... I don't think because if he smoked, he wouldn't have been able to do it. do any of that. The sad part is the weed has actually infested our sports culture where you have celebrity's NBA players like Lamar Odom who admit to marijuana abuse. Yeah.

Bill Walton. Yeah. They admit it? They admit it. They think it's okay. I think it was weed. He had to leave one of the sexy Kardashians to go to rehab. Rehab. Really? Thank God. Because the weed actually made him a

compulsive liar. I wish that these dopers, instead of going to rehab would head to Dhab Yep And be completely eliminated From the face of the planet Which I'd go to 8 by whale Yep

Mm-hmm I think it should be a Ahab I think it should be like The Dead Space Eyeball machine Yep I think so

Yeah And I think it should be called Dhab Mm-hmm I think a drill should be Just And don't even get me started Through them like

Bioshock Don't even get me started On Seth Rogen Seth Rogen His brother Joe Listen but the Rogan brothers There are a couple of fucking potheads, right?

Snoot, and listen, Snoop Dog, you're liable too. Willie Nelson, I want you to get it by a train. All you people are fucking disgusting. You need to stop glorifying. Stop glorifying. Stop glorifying smoking weed to little kids. It's not right. It's not cool.

Smoking, I will kill you. If you glorify smoking a single joint in front of a child, I will actually fucking strangling. And you know what? Don't even smoke. Don't even smoke. And don't you mean? Don't glorify or even do it. Don't you dare.

Don't even. Stop smoking right now. Culture. American culture, you listen to me. You better stop smoking. But cigarettes are fine. Smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes actually remove a lot of the harmful THC molecules.

They actually go to your lungs. Cigarettes are the anti-weed. Exactly. Think about it. Because they're brown. They use up. Also, it makes you more stressed out than we use it. Listen, we're talking about dope turns into a mummy.

It uses up the green and blue to the earth, turns it sandy like Egypt. Yep. A cigarette, what's it wrapped in? White paper. What's it wrapped in? White paper. The cigarette uses up the white paper, and it prevents mummies from being created. And I smoke a cigarette. I feel exactly like Napoleon Bonaparte.

Right? And I'm out there, and I'm slaying all of the weed heads. Yeah. All of the poor weed heads. You know who smoked cigarettes? Who? Clint Eastwood. That's right.

And you know who else smokes cigarettes? Who? Cowboy. Cowboy. Who's, oh, a cowboy. Yeah, I feel like a cowboy. And I feel just like a cowboy. And the Napoleon Bonaparte when I smoke a cigarette.

See, weed turns you into a sissy. Uh-huh. Cigarettes turn you into a macho man. A macho man who's not afraid to tell these chairs what's up. Yep. That's right. Exactly. Just like Clint Eastwood.

Clint Eastwood. These chairs, this chair represents all the dope heads. Yeah. And you might think it's okay to mix cigarettes and wickets and weed but it's not okay you know what happens you know you know who did that who's famous who little naz X that's true and it's you know what they call it it's called a split right because you split as you split yeah and it splits your reality where half of your brain your left side your more creative side is into nicotine now yeah your right brain your robotic mathematic brain is so high

on weed that it actually loses its ability to count and it defunctions just There's a basic division and multiplication. It's called de-stop. It's de-stopping. It de-stops. Yeah. So basically, weed is actually going to, and it also closes your third eye, right?

Yeah. So what is known to open your third eye? Nicotine, fluoride, hamburger, meat, McDonald's. Yeah, the paper around a McDonald's burger. You know what it is? It's when you try to eat the cheese, when you get a hearty stick burger,

and the cheese gets stuck to the paper, and you eat the cheese off. And listen, I don't want to keep people. I don't want to keep harping on this, but what color is the McDonald's paper? And the cheese. They're yellow. What color is the sand and pyramids? Yellow.

You're using up the yellow. Stop. The dopers are trying to turn this to Egypt. They wanted to be ancient Egypt again. Listen, buddy, you know who built a pyramid? Tutankan. Slaves. Uh-huh.

And you know, teutton-common. Dopers are slaves to the dope. Yeah. Weed heads want slavery to come back so that we have slaves out there picking all their weed plants in the fields. Uh-huh. That's what they want. Yep. That's exactly what they want. That's what weeders want.

Listen, okay, if you play Doug Benson's super high me backwards. It says, I want a slave. I want a weed slave. I want a slave to pick my weed. It's fucking disgusting. And honestly, he needs to be executed by a military tribunal. Yeah, I mean, you can't even trust the military nowadays. Yep. Also, here's the thing, these weed heads, they think it's extraordinary, like Doug Benson.

He thinks that it's worth a podcast that he loves movies. Listen, buddy, I like movies too Okay, but I'm not walking around saying Caleb love movies Oh, Caleb love movies Because I'm not fucking addicted to weed That's right Yeah, dopers, they'll start the

They'll start podcast just for interest that they have Just for no reason Instead of for money Instead of doing you're supposed to do a podcast For money and to spread an important message Yeah What's the next list item? Number two.

Wow. Rap dance songs. Like. With crap, like watch me hit the Kwan and juju on that beat getting popular. Just proves how bad popular pop and rap music is it today. Juju on that beat. I don't think I've heard that one. There's a comment here that says,

remove cancers from the title and replace it with annoying. Or weed. Yeah. All right. We're not going to get into it. Number three is twerking. And here's the top comment from top 10, Ted. This is supposed to be from tribal Africa,

but it was obviously more tolerable as it was an ancient tribal dance. Now it's for perverted men to gaze upon the buttocks. The Charleston has died in place of this horror. Help. The Charleston is gone. Dude, these dopers killed the Charleston. He just killed the Charleston and bastardized the twerk. The ancient warrior dance.

The Power Puff girls are twerking. My childhood is officially ruined. I thought Miley Cyrus invented twerking. Yeah, with her giant butt. Smiley Cyrus, say what you will about her, serious pog. Yeah. She a pog. But it's just a bet.

You should be using your butt to do the Charleston. You should be using your butt to wipe. I know, your hand to wipe your butt. Yeah, or to sit down. You should be used, and now, you know what they turn the hand wipe, the wiper hand in? too is the nay-nay. Yeah.

Right? So now you're torquing and you're throwing your poop all over because you haven't wiped because you're too busy nay-naying. Yeah. Right? And your poop is getting flown into my face.

Yeah. When I'm on the street. That's disgusting. Yeah. It's really disgusting. I don't like poop in my face on the street. It's a lady and get into an argument with a guy on the street the other day

and then instead of she was like yelling at him. He was yelling at her. She was like, shut the fuck up. Fuck you, fuck you. And then she just started like shaking her ass at him. And just being like, ah, and like shaking. your ass in his face.

Whoa. I was like, that's kind of, yeah, you win. You can win pretty easily. And he just stopped yelling at her kind of. Yeah, you can't really do much. And I crashed my car. You crashed your car? Yeah, I was too busy watching her asshole shake.

Yeah. It's pretty cool. Just crash my car. Into her. Enter her. Number four is Damn Daniel. Damn Daniel. I haven't heard of this one.

Here's a comment from I hate school. It's very sexual if you think about it. Damn Daniel? That's what they said. Isn't it about it? It's, uh, Lena Dunham said it's one of the biggest pieces of queer performance art of 2016. Damn Daniel is? Yeah, Lena Dunham said that.

I thought it was a guy with no shoes on. No, he has shoes on that are white shoes on. What's the matter of having white shoes? It's, I guess it's, according to Lena Dunham, it's, uh, queer. Queer? So, wait, so the video, the guy calls this kid queer. But it's that MF Doom song where he says, why do all you college boys wear those? His name was Daniel.

Daniel? Daniel Dumeyle. Oh. Dammiel. Oh, it's all starting to make sense. Yeah. Yeah. And we've doomed.

Doom Daniel. You know what I always thought is funny about Damn Daniel? You know in the video he was like, Dom Daniel? He has like that kind of accent. You know, Dom Daniel is a name for hell. Whoa. Damn. Wow.

Yeah. D-O-M-D-M-D-U-M-A-L-L-E. It's like a circle of hell or something. It's starting to make a little bit of sense. Not a lot of sense, but just a little bit. Yeah. Pretty interesting. No meme is worse than this one.

Oh, no, my bad. It's a fictional cavernous hall. the bottom of the ocean where evil magicians, spirits, and gnomes meet. Dom Daniel? That's a lot different from hell. It's from Arabian Nights. That sounds like actually fucking heaven. Arabian Nights, what's that?

It's a movie of Eddie Murphy. Isn't that a song from Aladdin? Is a collection of Middle Eastern folk tales compiled in Arabic during the Islamic Golden Age? So it's like Middle Eastern. It's fairy tales. What? You know monkey? What?

About Wu Kong, Sun, Wukong? Oh, yeah. Monkey? You call it monkey? Journey to the West, isn't it? The English translation is just called Monkey. Yeah, but that's a stupid name. It's a way better name.

Monkey? It's a way cooler. Monkey. It's a book called Monkey. It's a good name, but you can't just call it that. Nobody else would know what it's called. I think people know. Monkey. What other book called Monkey is there, Cameron? I wouldn't know one book called Monkey.

That's the issue. I know one? Monkey. This is funny to say I'm reading Monkey. You're reading Monkey? Yes. I think you've been reading monkey for a long time. I phase in and out of reading books. I go in, I'll read 30 pages of a book, switch to another one.

Yeah. Yeah. I started reading a book in January, and I have not touched it. That's nice. Yeah. What's happened in a monkey? What is it? Masters of Atlantis.

What is it? What's that? What's it about? It's about a guy who starts a cult. Oh, it's not like about like. Atlantis? No. Oh, I want to read

an Atlantis book It's by Charles Portis. It's about it His name is Portis. His last name is Portis. And he wrote a book about Atlantis? Whoa.

The way he's going to Atlantis. Charles Porpois. Oh my God. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. Yeah. He could have been. That actually,

maybe if I reread the book with that lens. What's number five? Number five is Tidepod challenge. Oh, hell no. I actually like this because it actually kind of thinned the herd. Yeah.

Yeah. Darwin Awards. Yep. Yep. Darwin Award. Only drunken people eat tied pods, it says. Wow. Wow.

Okay. That must have been written by a doper. Yeah. So I guess we're attacking alcohol now. Yeah. Alcohol is good for most of your organs. This is dangerous. Whenever I see these, I just think, wow, these people really want to die right now.

People that do this challenge are giving themselves a first class ticket on a ride to their tombstone. Their tombstone? Their tombstone. They're opaque. They're actually attacking alcohol fans. Yeah. Because alcohol is one of the most like enlightening psychoactive substances on earth.

It's actually within every single molecule on earth. Because it enhances nicotine. And then when you die, actually a lot of people know this, don't know this. When you die, alcohol is secreted by your third eye. Yeah. So nobody really knows what happens. But you might actually enter like an. kind of blissful state that because of the reality is being warped, it feels like eternity

to you, just those last couple moments. And it's just like, that's what heaven is. Yeah. Right? But it's actually just some alcoholist being. Exactly. Yeah. People with near-death experiences, they often report that in the moment when their body is dying

and it's releasing this alcohol to their third eye, many of them have visions of something horrible they did in fifth grade. Yep. And a lot of times they see geometric shapes. like dartboards and, uh, and, uh, or like a just a big black rectangle that they can just, that just, they clip everything. Yeah. So they're just a black. It's a big geometric shape, a giant black room with nothing in it and no sound at all. And nothing. And just nothing. And just nothing, which is, yeah, and that's like the geometric alcohol shape. That's like the spirit of

alcohol, the alcohol spirit. Yeah. They'll also meet these like some of them, some people will, they'll have a little bit of a longer kind of journey through this hypnagogic realm and they'll, they'll meet these supernatural beings called bartenders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The machine bartenders. Yeah, the machine bartenders. Yeah, there's five of them. Yeah. And it's a recurring kind of motif where everybody sees, and they'll say, they'll say, you need to, you need to have another round. They're still, they're also dressed like clowns. Yeah, they are. Yeah, they're machine bartending clowns. Yeah, they're gestures. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The gestures of the alcohol realm. Yeah. And then they get thrown out by a bouncer and they come back to

life. That's what happens. Damn. Yeah, they like pick them up and they throw them back out. Because alcohol can actually get you laid too, which is the owner. It gets you hella laid. Yeah. Yeah. About Tidepod. Smart person, this is stupid. Stupid person. I should kill myself doing this garbage. True as fuck. Stupid people. Also, by the way, if you have suicidal ideation, you're inherently not stupid. You're probably really smart. That's probably true. Yeah. You're probably a spiritual gangster who's clearly experimented with alcohol.

And you're, yeah. Yeah, number six is bottle flip. I don't remember this bullshit. Yeah, it's like, listen, but you're not supposed to flip the bottle. You're supposed to drink what's in the bottle. Mm-hmm. Trinker's mark. Yeah, you're supposed to, or you can eat the bottle.

You can eat the bottle. You can eat the bottle. Or if it's like a wax bottle. I think that every bottle should be wax. We should be wax. You can eat it or chew on it at the very least. Can you imagine if you got to eat, if you made it to the bottom of a bottle of Don Julio

and then you just get to chew on it if you just get to chew on it yeah is that great that is great

it's a great idea I think that that could change everything and then you drop it doesn't break yeah oh my god

it's bouncing up into your hand it's bouncy it's so smart yeah yeah or what if what if the wax

yeah it's all made of wax and the floor is all those springs from Sonic and then whatever you drop and listen while we're out

let's get some golden rings in here because I would really like to wear golden rings but the one thing I would not like to if I get hit drop all my rings can I just keep them?

Here's something I'd like to Can I just keep my rings? I'd like to say just one thing about Sonic, okay? Uh-huh. This fucking game must have been made by a doper because where does he

keep all these rings? Yeah, he has a pouch. He has a pocket. Now listen, these rings are giant. He has, when I play 300 of them he has a high score. How does he keep

these on his body? They shrink. Why? You see the movie Sonic the Hedgehog Absolutely made by a dopeer I mean a blue hedgehog that runs And fights an egg man

First of all blue hair Blue hair I don't want to bring this back to lesbos Yep But that's a serious pothead lesbo Kind of situation Right A hedgehog

A fucking made up animal Not real Might as well be a unicorn It's right I just call it a pig The hog You have his His best buddy is named

Tails Which, that should have been a pig, too. Yeah. It should have been a pig. What? A multi-tailed animal? It should all just been pig. The tail spins in spiral.

It's clearly a pig. It should have been a fast pig. Twisted tail. Well, I don't know about the fast part, because that's pretty... Twisted tail. The Simpsons movie. Mm-hmm. Right?

Remember the Simpsons movie? Twisted tail? Twisted tail. No. You don't remember that? Spider pig. His tail is twisted? Yeah.

And remember Epa. I remember Epa. I remember Epa. I remember Epa. epa, epa, twisted tail, a million eyes. Yeah. Epa, epa. That's what grandpa was saying.

Yeah, and everyone's like, oh, wow. Yeah, so that's kind of, you can apply that to Sonic too. Everyone's like, oh, the EPA, yeah. Yeah. Everyone says that when he says, remember when also the president is the Arnold Schwarzenegger guy who says, I pick three. Remember when he, remember when they're like at the phone calls and it's like, you hang up first? No, you hang up first. And then he's like, okay.

And he hangs up. And she goes, oh, my God, he hung up on me. So the point is. Oh, and it says Dome Sweet Dome. Yeah, so that's... And Green Day is there. Green Day! Those are the kind of jokes.

I fucking hate Green Day. You realize that's a dope type band. Those are the kind of... You realize that's a dope title, right? Because it's a Green Day because you're smoking someone's not 420. Yeah, they name it after Doe. Also, yeah, Hitler, 420. Hitler was born on 420.

Oh, my God. This is evaded our... Yeah, that's why all the weed strains are named after him. Holy shit. I just got that. Every single weed strain has some relation to Hitler. 420 is actually a... Green crack.

It's a satanic. they're trying to Resurrection Alaskin Thunderfuck Right? You know what? You know what a thunderfuck is? A Blitzkrieg.

And you know where Hitler fled to, Alaska. Yep. Yeah. He's in Alaska frozen his head with Walt Disney. Yep.

They were like this. They were... They were best buzzed. It's something called a head bong and people are smoking it. That's a new story that just came out.

Really? Yeah. Wow. They're saying Walt Disney and Hitler both did this as well as many people who are important, so their names don't matter.

I would say no weed smokers ever lived was important. Okay? Yeah. And we'll give Bill Clinton your right on the edge, buddy, because you didn't inhale. Right? I think not inhaling. He never inhaled. He never inhaled.

Yeah. Yeah. You can tell he wouldn't have been able to play that, that, that, that, that, no, his lousy-ass instrument. His lungs would have suffered. He would have been a decent president had the pious Bush family not, uh, uh, immediately usurped him with one of the greatest presidents who ever lived. Oh, absolutely.

Mm-hmm. Capitán George Bush. George W. Bush. Yeah, right? One of the most anti-weed presidents ever. The Wede Eliminator. The W. The W.S. Or Weed Eliminator.

Or Weed Killer. Or Weed Destroyer. Yeah. Speaking of weed destroyer and weed elimination, Portland and Seattle, we're coming to you. We're going to eliminate every last doper in here. Every drop of weed is going to be deleted from Seattle. We have the vacuum from Luigi's mansion. We're sucking it all up and we're shooting

it into the sun. Yep. And I hope that the smoke does not reach the earth when we do that and create a weed world. Also stop trying to smoke the ozone you fucking pieces of shit. August 18th and 19 swag poop.com slash shows, go buy tickets and also

on swag poop.com I think right Wednesday. We'll put up the... Oh yeah. There will be our shirts. Swagpoop.com slash shop should be up by now. And we're going to put some shirts on there. And there are pre-orders up for some for some shirts there's the the shirt we're selling on tour that says i tested positive or swaggantine finally get the shirt and then also a another cool shirt this one's going to be pretty

cool yeah so go pre-order them on at swag poop.com slash shop have fun bye bye