Podcast About List - Ep. 199 - Patrick’s Phone Number is 617-299-6257

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

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Come in, come in, come in, and we see your butt. All accounts to the ball list. Every crap monster. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm sick of what the news media has turned into these days. Yeah.

How do you like your new phone? I love it. We used to have Walter Cronkite announcing that John F. Kennedy had been assassinated right now. it's all just ginsenackles nude ass and sexy in the boys I fucking hate that shit too I mean we used to have we used to have uh Rachel Maddow doing the whole Mueller report yeah and doing a just in expose real fucking hard hitting shit

now we have Chris Carmack naked and erotic gay scenes in Nashville wow that's crazy I don't understand how this qualifies as news I mean seriously Love him on Gray's Anatomy, had no idea he played a gay character. He's so sexy, more Chris, please. What, I mean, like, how is, what kind of news anchor uses this kind of language? Yeah. These videos, by the way.

What is it? Are you reading CNN? Um, gay. I mean, it does it all. I think it's a CNN network site. It's gay dash male dash celebs. Because look, I'm looking at CNN right now. I'm looking at that.

Darryl McCormick, nude cock, and sex scenes. Yeah. How does this mean? What does this have to do? Like, look here. I mean, yesterday, I don't want to, like, there was a pretty tragic story, but all they're talking about is Robin Thick, paparazzi shirtless beach photos. I know.

It's like, can we just focus on? Like, there's actually horrible things going on, and all they can talk about is Adrian Grenier, one of the most desired bachelors in Hollywood, is definitely this guy. His curly dark hair is perfectly combined with his cute smile and amazing body. He may have hairy legs, but we assure you that his junk is shaved. Because within his junkies shape, you can see how this kinky bastard plays with it. It's kind of weird. People really care about whether or not his junk is shaved or not.

You guys are talking about these articles that are getting written. But I mean, I don't know if you guys have been watching the videos they posted these websites too. I mean, the news is totally off track. Like, yeah, it was the 4th of July yesterday. There's a lot of stuff went down. And here, I mean, all I'm seeing is a video called Gibby the Clown fucks Jasmine Banks outside in broad daylight. Exactly. And it's like what, this is news.

Worthy? Why is this trash on the news? Fetty J. The January 6 hearings are happening and all I can see on the fucking news is gorgeous hunks, nude, and extra scenes from north of the border. It's fucking insane, dude. An election is coming up. First of all, Roe versus Wade is overturned and all these people can talk about is Fetty

Wop and how nowadays he's one of the most popular rappers. Although this rap is not like that good old stuff because old rappers weren't known for their sex tapes. He used his popularity to film some Ebony Girl. Oh my God. What the hell? And I'm on the front page of CNN right now

And I'm seeing another video It's labeled Breaking News This is the big this is the big thing on the website And it says clown fucks girl in public from drone view Dron View you say That's what it's Wow And I guess they're more concerned about the clowns

On the getting fucked up by a drone Than the clowns in Congress That's right Focus on How about How does CNN.com think I want to watch this video called Evil Clown Fux Teen.

Why are we focusing on Nate Cerncovich's nude big cock scenes? How about the nude big cock scenes in the White House? Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and Donald Trump is still on trial for January 6th. Meanwhile, all they're talking about is Jason Momoa shirtless ridding the motorcycle. It's fucking insane, dude. It's like, seriously.

Who's going to, who wakes up in the morning, gets a cup of coffee, they open up the news, they want to see what's going on in the world. They're like, oh, here's a new video. I'll check this out. She fucked a clown in the girl's bathroom? It doesn't make any sense. Really? Focus on the jerk-offs over on the hill instead of Dylan McDermott's new jerk-off videos

in American War's story. Why would any, you know, journalism-minded individual? Why would they think that this is okay content to put on CNN? Gibby the clown fucks girl 2,749. feet in the air. Wow. They're talking about that. They're really talking about that nowadays. That actually, I feel like that is kind of

newsworthy because it might be a world record. And I'm seeing here, I mean, this just happened. This was just published seconds ago. Cheating BBW neighbor gets fucked by a clown. You know, Gaby the Clown? They should do an expose and give me the clown because he's not actually fucking these girls.

Have you ever noticed that? You never see it. You never see his penis. He's never fucking them? No, look at, pull one of these videos up. He does not ever, you never see his penis. I don't even want to. Show me his, show me his penis. Crazy ugly clown fucks juicy pussy of sex appeal brunette. Crazy ugly clown.

Crazy ugly. Here's another one, Pennywise the fucking clown. Really? Yeah. They got Pennywise on this news now? I know. It's like what? Oh my God.

I just feel like the news has completely gone down the toilet. Absolutely. It's so disgusting. It just doesn't make any sense, you know? There's some of the stuff isn't even original. It's got this clown sucks and fucks too. That's disgusting. It's like the first one wasn't enough.

You're focusing on the second time it happened. It's like, who cares? I have even bigger news. Wow. There's a birthday boy in this room. There is a birthday boy. I don't know. And he is in this room.

It was his birthday yesterday. And I think I'm going to do a birthday freestyle for him. Oh my God. Wow. Yo, yo, it's Cameron's birthday. Yeah, yeah, and it was yesterday. Okay, it was on the 4th of July. Yep, yep, as American, as an apple pie.

Whoa. Oh, oh. He got a new hat, yep. Mm-hmm. And he got a new hat, yep. Yeah, wait, I also pointed it to. And he got it from... And he got a key chain, yo.

It came straight from my brain, yo. It has three things in it, yo. It's three peas in a pod, like the guys on the pod. Whoa. Three guys watch Hot Rod on my... couch, laugh it up, go ahead, laugh it up while you watch Hot Rod, go ahead, got the laughter in your head, got you smiling from your head, and then you go out to, you go down to bed and you have a funny dream. Is it as funny? Is it seems? No, it's not. Wake up, back to the

real world, back to the grind, nine to five. Wow, that was amazing. I had a dream last night that a volcano erupted. I broke all the windows. Me and, uh, me and Cameron now have the same hat. Yeah, we're matching. I'm good at fucking rapping now. Fuck. That's cool. It's cool that you're good at wrapping.

It is cool. I'm proud of you. Fucking thank you, man. Yo. Caleb doesn't, I forgot to get him one of the hats. Yeah, but that's okay. Yeah. That's fine, yo.

He's fine. He's good with his wrapping. Oh, gee. But you know what I got, actually? What? Holy! It's a different flavor. Oh, it is, isn't it?

It's a completely different. I got, I thought you would feel left out that me and Cameron have matching hats, so I got the same. It's a completely different. It's a completely different flavor. Thought he did me a favor. Turns out, he is, he's not a saver. No. He did, I am a saver, it was only a dollar.

But he's about to savor, the drink that he drink. The flavor. The flavor of the savory drink that he's drinking. And he's not thinking, just drinking, just slurping. And he wants more things. He's slurping, the flavor that is perping. He's getting. the flavor into his mouth on his taste buds.

Perping, I mean pink. You're a wasteoid. You're a wasteoid. I've been to my wraps like M&M. Waste Stuart? Wasteoid? Wasteoid? You're wasteoid?

Yeah. I'm feeling pretty good. I hope everybody had a good Monday yesterday. Yeah, I don't want to say the name of the holiday. Yeah, I don't even want to tell you what yesterday was. I call it, yeah, I call it a certain day in July. How did Cameron's birthday, actually. I call it my grandpa Rick's birthday,

because it's actually his, I knew about him before I knew about you. Yeah, that's fine. But then if he dies, I'll call it your birthday. Okay. That's fair enough. So fingers crossed. Okay.

Grandpa Rick. Okay. Ricky. Ricky. That's his legal name, Ricky. His legal name is Ricky. Yeah. That's cool.

He didn't find that out until he was like 40, and then he looked his birth certificate. It said Ricky. How do you not find that out? What do you mean? He didn't have his birth certificate. What did he think that his legal name? Rick or Richard.

Oh, okay. Yeah. You would always put Richard on stuff. That's usually the name somebody has when they're named Rick. But his mom is just like a hillbilly who just named him Ricky. Have you ever seen that movie? It's like the something world of the whites. It's a movie about this like family.

Yeah, your house. Yeah. This movie about this family in Virginia. This is some kind of something world of whites. Yeah. So it's a world of whites. It is definitely a world of whites. But it's this family.

Jesse Go White is the dad He's like an Appalachian tap dancer And One of the daughters is named Sue Bob That's a cool name Subob Have you seen that movie That's short for SpongeBob

He's my daughter Spongebob Is my son Patrick Southern people have the most fucked up names Have you seen that movie But the Like that NASCAR guy Tell the Dagan Nights name's Ricky Bobby.

Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. Two first names, Ricky Bobby. Yeah. Like, how much of a southern fucking hick do you have to be? A redneck. He said, some of the things to... Basically, like, a hick and a redneck...

And also, I watched the movie. And he has strange ideas about Jesus. They're, like, insanely just the religiosity who just made me almost want to fucking vomit. Yeah. Of the teens in the movie. The gay character... The gay character...

No characterization. No, he didn't show him getting shafted. I should have. That's what I'm saying. If they should have been unapologetically gay. If they should have been a pretty good representation of gay life. It's true. But it wasn't.

He was gay because he was sponsored by Perry. I heard that the gay actor, the gay man from that movie actually is well known. I don't know if he had seen this movie. He played the brat. The brat. Yeah, from that movie Brat. Is that like the pest? No, it's from that movie Brat where the Brat goes around to different places in America.

He asks, you know. He's being like a total brat. He acts like super cranky because he's a brat. He probably needs a nap or something. He like ruins the national anthem. Oh, okay. The brat. Yeah.

I'm sick. He's like, I don't want to do the national anthem. Yeah, yeah. I think that's what he's doing. Yeah, and then there's that guy who's like, you know, we're in a plane with no sound. Yeah, then there's that guy who he meets who's like, you know, what we do to brats where we don't like the country that brats come from. I'm sick of these brats from other countries coming over and demanding toys and stuff. Oh, yeah.

It's like, why are you demanding toys? They're not, toys aren't made here anymore. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to bring that up. It's almost like nothing is made in America anymore. They're actually made in China. You look at, uh, American, you pull up an American flag on your phone. Look at this construction on this hat. You look at the back of your phone.

It says made in China. Yeah. Makes no fucking sense. You pull up a picture of a Ford F-150 on your phone, right? But then you turn your phone around. Fucking phones made in China. You'd think Ford would make it. The guy, Ford.

Yeah. It's a machine. Because you use it. Ford calling and ford using the internet and Ford ordering yourself some groceries and Ford ordering a pizza and for watching Netflix and YouTube. Yeah. Right? But they don't.

But it's actually that's, yeah. They have a machine ford making it. Yeah, exactly. Not even a, yeah. It's not even a guy whose entire job is for making a phone. The guy is not for making that. Exactly. No.

He's ford sitting around lazily using his phone ford apps. And Honda, they should, Honda should make it because you get it to get Honda internet. and get on the YouTube application and watch. And another thing that's not made in America is toy yodas and toy Luke's and toy Vaders. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. And it's like those are American movies. And Hummer, when you get a phone call, your phone is almost a Hummer because of the vibration. Yeah, the vibration is a hum.

And my friend's uncle, see, it's not even made in America anymore. My friend's uncle was Kia in Vietnam. He's Kia. He's Kia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Kia, yeah. And his name was Subaru. And that's just how the world even works now. When I was...

And he went... Yeah. He went Hyundai... He went Hyundai. He went Hyundai. He went over into Vietnam, Hyundai. Han died. Yeah.

Yep, from As fast as a race car That's how fast he hun died He injected him with Formula One He He murdered He went to another plane Of existence

Like a plane Yeah What is with everyone getting into Formula One now It's the cool thing The fuck is you talking about I know like three What the fuck can you can't say everybody's getting into Formula One.

I know three different people who have gotten into Formula One. The fuck are you two? What planet are you on? I've never even... I don't even know what Formula One is. I didn't either. I can't remember if that's the long ones or the wide ones. I don't know.

That's the long ones, I think. And then the wide ones are NASCAR. But those are the ones that look like a... Like a Daring Mantis? I can tell you, it's not the small ones. Those are hot wheels. The hell? You're seeing penises of.

on cars? I didn't say... My dick is much closer to a NASCAR than a Formula One. I thought you were going to look up what a Formula One looks like. No, I...

Mine looks like a Star Destroyer from Star Wars. No, it doesn't. Mine looks actually like a Death Star. If it looked like a Star, if it looked like a Star Destroyer or a Death Star, you'd actually have a serious problem. It looks like a Death Star

if you hold it closed while you're peeing. You know, it's so funny to do. Like, as a kid, When I would, like, tie off the end of the... Do you ever push... I have that end of my foreskin, I would pee. When you, yeah, are you, like... Or you would, like, thread a piece of floss into your wiener

and, like, pull stuff out of it? That is really good. You ever put a piece of pencil lead into the tip of your penis? No. No? Me neither. There are people who, like, sound, like, urethral sounding. Yeah, I don't even know.

There are into that. I don't get that. I don't get it either. I guess the rod goes. down and all the way into the through the tip and pokes into your prostate. I think it goes to the ball. I don't think it pokes your prostate.

I don't think you do it that far. I've seen a video. You've ever seen the video of the guy drilling into his penis hole? No. He has a like a drill and he's just drilling. Remember that website Kids in Sandbox? It's the guy who has like the he has like

a, I think he got a surgery to get his penis to give it a bigger hole and a woman is sticking like a sex toy into the hole. Can we stop? Can we just stop it's icky? Yeah, that's actually kind of nasty.

What is nasty about that? It's natural. It's not natural. That's how mommies and daddies make you. That's fucking cap. That's how mommies and daddies make you. That's just lying. No, that's true.

Do you think it's just completely normal to lie about what mommies and daddies do your respectful sounding? Mommies and daddy's, daddy's and mommy's kiss and the daddy's, a sparkle goes from the daddy's mouth into the mommy's body and goes down into her tummy. No, no. Daddy makes an orb and mommy sits on it. Call up their friend who's, he's a pool boy. A pool boy.

And they both fuck him. And that's how you're born. No. Daddies have little homunculi inside their balls. It really hurts the homunculi to be in your. your dad, so they're trying to get out. You get out of the balls, because the balls are over a hundred degrees. And the mommy has a little house inside that the humunculus wants to go into.

See, I didn't, I didn't see that. I saw that mommies and daddies go to a hole in the wall and a penis comes out. And then... A penis. A penis comes out of the hole. Well, why are we bringing penises into this? It's kind of nasty. And you don't know who's on the other end of that hole, but they suck the glue out of the penis.

And then you're born from that glue. I think it was a situation where... But first they show the camera how much glue they can fit in their mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Look, my mouth isn't even sticking clothes from all this glue. Nah. Yeah, there's so many videos of Mommies and Daddy's making babies.

Who's your favorite mommy right now? I would have to go with Gabby Carter. Very talented mommy. Very an amazing glue holder, Gabby. Carter. Well done. I heard that mommies and daddies are, mommies talk to a stork. Uh-huh.

And the stork gets the baby. Oh, that's Fred's stork. And then mommy's get in big trouble. And the storks, the stork comes in and takes the baby away. Whoa, really? Yeah. And the mommy, the daddy pretends the baby doesn't, isn't there. Imagine why you, the baby is, your child is born,

stork beak Yeah Imagine your Imagine mommy's fucking the stork for Yeah Because she just don't understand Or born with a Santa Claus beard Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Okay Weird question Baby Have you been fucking Santa Claus

I said I was born On September 25 He has a beard and a big red belly. And look at, look, he's exhibiting jolly behavior. Yeah. I don't have a jolly bone in my body. You know, I'm the least jolly guy in the world. We need to do a cookie test to see if he, if he's actually my son.

I mean, Loki, that's the plot of elf, though. Yeah. That's not the fucking plot of elf. That's the entire plot of elf. He didn't have a fucking, oh, he didn't fucking fucking an elf. You did not watch the director's cut. Also, how the fuck did... James Conn is, like, 5, 5 Italian guy?

How the fuck does he... The mommy is tall. Will Ferrell's a NBA player. Sometimes I'll see there's like a tall mommy and a tiny daddy. Really? Do you look that up specifically? No. Tall mommies and small daddies.

Small as daddy. Yeah. Tallest mommy. Huge mommy. Huge mommy. Giant. Huge mommy looks like Bigfoot. And it's a drawing.

It's a drawing. It's a drawing. The drawing. Have you seen the ones where the mommies and daddies eat each other? And they go, oh, my belly's so full of a daddy. Yeah. I really like that. I've seen the ones where the mommy eats the daddy.

But the mommy looks surprisingly much like a sonic. I've seen one where the mommy's a Pokemon. I like those. Yeah. The mommy's dressed up like a perfect Pokemon, right? Or 2B from that one game. Yeah. And they eat 2B?

2B from near Atomata. Yeah. And then they swallow Mommy Scorpion for Mortal Kombat as a daddy though And they go Oh, I'm so full of him Yeah

And you can see the little outline of Yeah, the mommy's butt is big Yeah, because that's where the food goes Yeah The daddy go Maybe the food gets pushed from the belly Into the butt Sometimes a baby can be made from two mommies

I've heard of this Yeah, I think they did that on Glee And I've heard about two daddy's Situation too A lot of two daddy's videos And let me tell you I heard that sometimes It looks like it stinks in there

A little baby can come from As many as five to ten Mommies and Daddies Two Daddy's It's just too much glue And not enough little hole Yeah it's mostly glue In a two daddy's video

But the glue actually mixes up With other I heard the strongest baby comes from one mommy ten daddies 10 daddy businessmen Yeah Yeah On a train in Tokyo

In a strange land Oh yeah Sometimes the daddy's a tentacle Yeah And that's okay too Yeah You know Sometimes a daddy

That's a scary baby though Yeah that baby's gonna be scary And in certain videos The daddy is actually just a cucumber Or a vegetable Yeah I've seen videos where It's two daddies

Yeah And And they're doing real estate really believe it or not that's like a dad job yeah it's pretty not that hard to get a license

I guess I've never seen a male realtor really yeah yeah I guess it's mostly mommies doing that yeah there's a lot of realtors

but they flip the script and it's two daddies in a real estate situation and do they make have a glue party they have a glue party but he with a

with a fist really oh he's trying to get he's helping him He's trying to wipe his butt. He's trying to pre-wipe his whole butt so that he doesn't have to wipe later. So he reaches him to wipe out all the poop so that you, like, hey, your daddy, or other daddy, you're going to have like three or four days.

We don't have to wipe. They use something called a fleet before and they get all the poop out. What's a fleet? There's nothing. I don't know. What the fuck is a fleet? What are you talking about? Brand of what?

Dush. Oh. Oh, come on. That's too far, dude. From South Park? Oh, gosh. Giant douche from South Park. That's fucking disgusting.

And it's gross. It's gross when you see two deadies. Oh, shit. Yeah. I heard sometimes it's like, now it's like, there's like, mommies and daddies, but the mommy is the daddy's mommy. Interesting.

I don't even know that works, but the mommy is the daddy's mommy. But they're, They're also mommying and daddying together. They're doing mommy daddy. They're playing mommy and daddy. Okay. Oh, yeah, the daddy's daddying the mommy and the mommy's mommying the daddy. Oh, that makes a lot of sense, actually.

Mommy is the daddy's mommy. Oh, okay. So there can be two mommies, but one of them's a daddy? I've heard legend of a thousand mommies. Really? I've never been able to find it for my research. You know, one, there was one mommy who set a record. She had like 400

Daddy's Daddy her in like one day Wow Yeah That looks like it stinks in there It completely stunk up the entire room Honestly the mommy and daddy's smell of that room Would probably

I'd probably be comparable to like an earthquake shelter Yeah I'd go in there with a with a power wash tool I'd spray all the daddies off It's like yeah it's like the scene in like a Roland Emmerich movie Where there's a thousand people in a basketball stadium How do mommies get made? Well, mommy's come from two daddies.

Do they get shot in the- That's why they have videos of two daddies because they're making a mommy. When they're born, say clip off a daddy's penis when you're born, but then do they shoot a hole in the front of a mommy with a gun? See, I think what happens, because I've seen videos, I've seen videos where it's one mommy and two daddies, and the two-dadi's do two-daddy things, and then the mommy's just there.

Watching? No. Wait, she's just there? She's just there. There's one video where mommy is eating salad in a kitchen, and two daddies are doing a daddy mommy scene. Really? Mm-hmm.

You ever seen the one where the mommy does mommy stuff and the daddy is a chocolate cake? She just sits on it. Yeah. And she makes... Yeah. And she poots. Really good.

Mm-hmm. I don't really like those videos. Yeah. Yeah, I don't really like mommy daddy stuff. If it wasn't, if it wasn't for, like, the pursuit of figuring out how babies come from, I probably wouldn't be watching this. Where the mommy was just a normal mommy, but then the daddy was actually just a pit bull. It's really interesting stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's actually disgusting, bruh. It's not, it's, some of those videos are not. Some of them are not, yeah, not okay. Yeah. And I don't know why the hell they're on the news. Yeah.

It makes no sense. It's like, the reason that they're on the news, I think, is just to educate people. It's, I think, parents don't want to parent their kids like us. Because, like, it's fucking hard for us kids, you know? Especially, like, future rap star, future skateboarder, future artist. You know what I mean? Like, we all have our own kind of, like, cool trifecta-style shit, three-ps in a pod. Shout out to my keychain.

I got you for your birthday. Yeah. So, like, I don't, I feel like we're so focused on kind of figure. figuring out our own identities in this crazy-ass day and age as teens that it's fucking tough as fuck to actually learn about life skills like mommying and daddying. I know. Well, the thing is, though, I don't, I like, I don't want to open up, like, Fox News or whatever.

Yeah. And I don't, I mean, well, I mean, if I, if I have forced, you know, CNN websites out or whatever, I got to get my news somewhere. It's like, I open up Fox News and I don't want to, I don't want to read about the daddy train. Yeah. The daddy train that got, that they're conducting on a mommy. It's like, bro, I'm. only 15 years old. Like, I can't actually manage working on my new rap lifestyle and also trying

to fucking understand mommy and daddy and, like, which hole is the, is better for daddy, which holes are, have mommies in the US. And the thing, it's so confusing too, because I'm trying to learn about how it works with mommies and daddies. Some of the, and some of this, some of these videos that I'm saying, that I'm learning about, it's literally, it's just a mommy. And she's talking about, about daddying. But it's just a mommy. And it's like, I don't understand how this works. What am I supposed to do? You go on to CNN front page, and there's a video where a mommy's meat is spinning. Really?

Yeah. Holy shit. A mommy? A mommy's meat is spinning. That's insane. Uh-huh. Yeah, like, I don't know. Like, I just not, I just not even care about it.

And it's playing 80s music. What the fuck? Yeah. See, like, that's obviously, like, just a previous generation status. Yeah. like 80s. That's like an entirely different generation that had a different music scene and an entirely different genre or kind of movie that will see there's a...

That's so true. Yeah. Yeah. It's like at least if I'm going to have to watch this, at the very least play some, you know, like modern cutting edge hip-hop. Maybe play like a remix made by Flowrida. It's like, yeah. Bro, I'm trying to decide if I'm going to be a thug rapper. or straight nerdcore with it.

And then all these news stories are making my fucking making my penis get strong. Play some JPEC Mafia. Yeah, like that guy was actually lit AF in the military. Yeah. And it's like these 80s rappers and movies don't understand. You could not bring an 80s movie into the current Netflix style status and try to make that. Because they don't have 80s movies on Netflix. They shouldn't.

They have actually homages to it like Stranger Things was actually one of the most fucking groundbreaking pieces of cinematic history. because it's modern because of its modernity. But that's what they're trying to do now. They're trying to turn 80s movies into Netflixers. And which team? Are you team Steve or are you team, Jonathan? I'm team Minecraft, Steve, because he's actually got building abilities.

Yeah. And Smash Brothers. I'll put that down as team Steve. Yeah. Yeah. So I just don't understand. I think it's Will. I don't know.

I don't understand. Like, I don't mean to paraphrase a song, but like, we are the kids of America. Uh-huh. And I mean, nowadays you're seeing movies like Top Gun Maverick. And it's like, Okay. These planes were high-tech in the 80s. Yeah.

But this is going to have to be spaceships or laser cars or something. Like the planes, we all know planes go side to side like this for the future type movie. Yeah. Like, bro, can we get a neutron movie? Yeah. Come on. Can we get a neutron movie? Just tron it up.

I mean, that's way more closer to the day. No, think about a tron movie where instead of blue lines, it's red. I mean, that would actually be insane. I thought you went, I think you wanted a nude, uh, a new drone movie. I don't give a fuck about shit. That's why the new Matrix is so dope, because it's basically about the doptness of the internet, meeting people on the internet, meme culture. Yeah, it's actually like, top guy, I mean, the shit like Top Gun, it's like they're flying in planes and it's like, okay, you guys have nicknames. Nicknames, that's 80s. We have screen names now. Exactly. We have gamer tags, right? Because we're a generation raised on new shit like MSG.

And none of these, and none of these news anchors or anything on CNN could even last a minute in a cod lobby. They're too busy talking about Justin Long as a babycock on a kayak. We can't. They're too fucking busy talking about celebrities and their daddy parts. Bro, I'm actually trying to fucking invent new kinds of music. I'm trying to listen to music while I do my tasks. I'm thinking of a new blend of rock and hip-pop and trying to actually express myself through that bullshit about different shit I'm going through with my fucking grades.

And it's like, yeah, and it's like every news website nowadays has these 45-minute videos about like court jester is fucking this other slut in the castle. It doesn't make a sense. Old. Yeah. We don't have castles anymore. I don't even know what a castle looks like, bro. What's that?

Like, Gotham? There's one castle. There's only one place you can go to see a real castle now, and it's medieval times. That's the shit that I'm talking about, right? How come there's no restaurant that's future times? Here's the thing. We used to have the Flintstones, and now we own that Jetsons tip. Yep.

Right? Yeah. Because I honestly, the Flintstones, I don't give a fuck about your rock shit and about fucking dinoes and bullshit like that. Yeah. The Jetsons, I'm way in. into the robot maid status who she actually has a microwave in her vagina and i that's the shit that i'm rocking with these days and judy jetson 16 year old wife yeah she's only 16 the father is like old as hell so it's like a mommy a young mommy old daddy thing yeah which is these days becoming more and more

just like actually fucking futuristic yeah and that's weird it's fucking weird yeah and let's just go back to a normal time i know we can't we can't i mean we i mean we i i i i We just can't keep having these videos. My first public caveman fuck beauty who came from the sea. How the hell is that news? Exactly. That's old. It's not news.

Yeah, exactly. That's the oldest shit ever. The sea? Caveman gets a woman to fill with come. And why is George Jetson on that treadmill? Bro, what the fuck is the sea or the ocean? Because I've only experienced water parts these days. Yep.

Me too. And actually insanely high drops. And the bath. And I've actually had a couple of baths. but those are even getting old by the day. I can't wait to get to showers. Yeah. Sh showers are on another level

because there's actually no dirt in them. Yeah. But a bath is basically a dirt pile. It's a puddle. It's a complete dirt puddle. It's like, this is old news, okay? On XNXX, that's a news network, I think.

Yeah, well, it follows the... But it's like, it's like, this is, this news is so old. This is your front page. Chinese cavewoman gets fucked by British caveman in 60,000 BC. Bro. That's so... that I don't give a shit about it. That's literally pre- fucking 80s.

Yeah. And like the 80s bullshit is already way too fucking old, right? The Goonies, bro, I literally don't care about some fucking old-ass fat guy. Yeah. Who's a kid. Chunk. Yeah, in the Goonies. Right?

We don't give a shit about that. Treasure is old A.F, and I don't fuck with it anymore. If they were actually looking for a new technology or a motherboard, I might be interested. They should have looked for, like, a spaceship. Or maybe like a fucking fire-ass, like, recipe. video, like something mad sharable. If they should have looked up like this pasta noki will make you literally melt

in your mouth. Exactly. Some kind of like air... That's news. If they were looking for... That's news. If they were looking for an air fryer recipe, then I might have actually hopped on that wave. Yeah. But I actually didn't because it was... Do you know what's... What is it? Like whipped feta, whipped feta with apricot spread?

That would actually... I would be interested in that because that actually looks bustin. Do you know what's... Do you know what's not news? though? What? Dracula fucking a women. No.

That is not news. It's not newsworthy. Here's real news. Blood curdling facts you wish you didn't know part 15. Yeah. That is news. That is news. Here's real news.

Plum and olive oil cake. Yeah, like that should be fine. Like olive oil cake that's insanely moist or like avant-garde vegan recipes. Like that bullshit is actually fire. Like this lady who makes these cakes. Yeah. And I watch these and I pretend she's making them for me. Yeah.

And it's like, news. That's news. Patrick watches this woman and thinks she should be a mommy for him. Exactly. And it's like, what is this? Rich Noble Brunette wife fucked by Dracula in prison? How the hell is that actually a fucking top story? And how does Dracula get to prison?

And you know what? I'm getting distracted by the news right now. And also Dracula here, let me speak on Dracula real quick. Yeah. That fool should have been in prison from the jump. Yep. Absolutely. Because he was actually, if you do, people don't know this.

if you do your research and your investigation, he's out there suck in women's blood, which is actually low-key assault. And this yellow-tailed Carpaccio with Herbie Agu-Chile actually looks fire as fuck. It's just the truth. And what, and this actually could,

this actually might be newsworthy. Okay. Apparently, I'm seeing this on the front page. This just happened. Lady fucks werewolf to death. To death? To death. That's overrated.

Mm-hmm. And over-aged. Because a werewolf is actually some old, BS, right? That's true, I guess. A lot of people don't know this, but women were executed for being witches, but a lot of men at around the same time in, like, Salem and shit, were actually burned because they thought they were were were wolves. Damn. Turns out they were just, they were just a hairy guys. It's a guy who's a very hairy. Turkish kind of. I'm so scared to live in that time. I, if, if God is real, then you will never have to. That's the other thing.

How about fucking report, if you're going to report on old bullshit, I'm not, why not the fucking infinite miracles of Christ. Yep. He was literally water to wine, bread and fish for fucking hundreds of people. And he could float. And he had a floating ability, especially when he interacted with a water source. Look at that picture of him. Look, he's got a 3D fucking effect.

He's got a 3D effect and his heart is on fire. How fucking... That's based. That's based as hell to be fucking Christ-like. You know what's cringe? What? Living in flames. Living in fucking sin, too.

Yeah, absolutely. Like, that bullshit is fucked. do you think this is I mean this is more and this is something that is a little more timely so I think this could be news but I really need you guys opinion on this

I mean we're talking about caveman we're talking about Dracula but what do you think about this is on another news website X I think X is like extreme news X videos extreme news I think it might be like

examples examples examples of the news yeah but this is thick robot gets her big ass fucked and it's in all capitals fucked and I don't know if you guys think this is news or not

wow because it's it's current though A robot fuck a girl Yeah A female robot machine Fuck recharge eight minutes Wow And we should have a list right

Guy roughly fucks the girl robot Oh yeah we do shit we do have a list of robots That could get fucked Do you guys fuck a robot Would I fuck a robot? think I have all that much of an interest. You know those, like, machines that have the, like, the... Pussies and buttholes on them?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I would fuck one of those, but not a robot. Yeah. You know when you, like, you know when you, like, look something up on, on Amazon, like, you're like, oh, I need a new, like, I need a new charging cable or something. And then you get ads for, like, months for charging cables. Yeah. I would not fuck a robot because I don't want to see what the equivalent of that is.

For fucking a robot. Yeah, that's true. No, because you know that robot, you know that robot if you don't like... Do you have a dangerously curved penis? Yeah. Here are five tips. If you're not careful of that, robot's gonna... It definitely would collect...

Collect all your data after you fuck it. Yeah. Was your son just born with Asperger? It tests your sperm. They can tell what, like, deformity of your children are going to have. That's actually a pretty... That's what the 23 and me think should be. They send you a sex toy.

You ejaculate into it, and then you ship it back to them. All drip and cum and... That's not how you did it? Like fucking honey out of a bear's mouth. That's not how you did it? No. Oh. All right.

I guess I got a mad different test. Really? It was hella different? Yep. Yep. So what's this list here? It's the number... It's the 69 phone number.

Phone number jokes. Phone number jokes. Upjoke.com slash... phone number jokes. We've been a little serious on this and I guess

we can fucking get into some jokes. Everything we said up to this point has been completely serious. I'm not really

I'm kind of rant, it's kind of a rant day today today, sorry. I just kind of don't give a fuck about like fucking comedy

these days. I feel like it's so fucked with like PCE woke-wikism and shit and I think I think now we do the jokes. But these are like

literally fucking wokeest PC fucking SJW bullshit. So we can call them out. Like look at this. like phone number jokes. I literally only

know two phone numbers. 9-1-1 and J-G Wentworths. Like that's fucking that's woke. That's woke as fuck. What's J-G? Is that? Just girls. Just girls. Wentworths. Wentworth is that... I think Wentworth is actually a university and women's only

university. Wow. Just girls at Wentworth. Here's another... Here's a thing here. I don't know if there's a phone number. Actually, here we go. My dad always said, work until your bank account looks like a phone number. So I did account balance. it's 9-11. So that's the thing.

Liberals do not have any respect for victims of, like, tragedies and stuff. They're like, and the war overseas, whatever. It's like, you're making light of 9-11. It's actually mad fucking disrespectful. These are phone number jokes. These are not supposed to be. I mean, the other one had it too, literally 911 and J-G.

Like, that's what's funny to you? Oh, I'm so fucking, I'm so lefty that I can fucking disrespect the troop. Hell on earth. Yeah. Dozens of people burnt to a crisp. Yeah, at fucking Benghazi. Yeah. It's like you're literally like, like Benghazi, like American tragedy is like 9-11 and Benghazi.

You're like fucking just disrespecting them constantly. Oh. It's like those are like one and two interchangeably like probably the worst things that have ever happened in this fucking country and or up to this country. Yeah. And you're just like making light of it. It's phone. And this is a good place for my phone number joke right now.

It's like, oh, I just don't fucking get it, man. There's loyal Americans. Got turned into Freddy Krueger. Yeah. By evil nasties from across the ocean. Yeah. By fucking Hillary Clinton, bro. Yeah.

Yeah, she's from Kenya. She is from Kenya. Oh, great. I saw her at Kenya one time. Great, a trigger warning. This joke may contain profanity. Awesome. Yeah, so I got to press, I'm over 18.

Listen, you shouldn't have to be 18 to watch porn. They put those trigger warnings at the beginning. of all the porn websites. It's like, that's bullshit, right? How the fuck am I supposed to learn shit? A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone

number, but the driver told him, get the fuck out of my cab. There's the F word they were talking about. He walked all the way to the airport and got home. Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again, and this time he wins big. He gets his bags and is ready for the airport. with all his new winnings. There are a line of cabs, and at the very end, he sees the driver from last time that kicked him out.

He stood for a moment and thinking how he can get his revenge on that driver, so he gets in the first cab. How much is it to the airport, he asked. The driver says, $15. Great, how much is it for a blowjob on the way there? The cab driver says, get the fuck out of my cab. So he goes to the next one and asks the same thing. How much to airport?

15. How much for a blowjob? And the cab driver also tells him to get the fuck out of his cab. He does this all the way down the line of drivers, each one kicking him out. He finally gets to the last driver, the one from his last trip. Hey, how much to the airport? Driver responds 15.

The guy hands him 15 and says, great, let's go. And so the driver leaves, slowly passing all the other drivers who are staring out their window while the guy in the back smiles back with a thumbs up. Bruh. It's like, listen, fucking I don't... That's disrespectful to service workers. Literally, these guys, first of all, taxi cabs are one of the last bastions of free speech in this fucked-up shit.

You can say whatever you want in a taxi. Say whatever you want. Listen, if you want to listen, you can literally ask them, like, you get into a cab driver, right? It's usually a patriot. He's listening to the Tim Dillon show. and you can't have them turn it off, too. In Uber's, they say weird things. In Uber's, you get into an Uber, bro.

They're fucking 15 songs. They have a 15-song Caroline Polichick playlist that they play five times in a row. That's some gay bullshit. I was in an Uber a few days ago, and the Uber driver told us that in the future, he said, in the future, maybe there might be zombies in the road.

Wow. He said that to us. Holy shit. Yeah, he really did. Liberal, dude. He played the fucking telltale walking. Dead game. Yeah.

Because that's the intro. That's the intro? That makes so much sense. Yeah. So he obviously, which that game is about what? Fucking emotions and bullshit like that. And you actually is a walking simulator.

Yeah. And you know, so you know what his GPS's voice was that he had to sit to? What? Christina Aguilera. And you know what his GPS? It's like what happened to using a military commander. You know what his GPA was at his fucking,

his $80,000. Probably like, probably like 8.0 because they cheat. Yeah. Yeah, because he literally's taking AP fucking fucking pussy fiction and doing fucking Duky detective work at for free. Yeah. At Wentworth? At Wentworth University.

Yeah. Yep. He's literally, there's a class at Wentworth where you just put a guy's butt in your mouth. Mm-hmm. I heard they found new T. Rex bones. I heard they found new T. Rex bones and they destroyed them because it was a male T.Rex. They actually, no, they, they thought, well, I heard that. But then they also found girl T. Rex bones.

And they actually gave all the bones to different Onlyfans women so they could put them in their vaginas to make more. money. Yeah, I heard that too. You make money putting a bone in your thing. It's a fucked up world with fucking fucked up shit, right? Is that really true? Yeah, that's why I picked up a mic to fucking spit. To spit.

Yeah. It rhymes. Oh. Yeah. It sounded like you're using the mic for something else when you said that. No, I'm not using. Oh my God, dude, this is literally your fucking lib brain poison getting to your brain. Okay, here's one.

Should we exchange our phone numbers? Are you kidding? That would confuse the people who try to call us. What? That's a good point. That actually, this is the first one I agree with. That's like a Confucius saying. Here's one here.

Confuse us. Yeah. These two are the same. Confucius, he was sent by Mao Zhe Dong to confuse us into being complete communists. That's true. That is so true. But look, this one here. I got this German girl's phone number.

She was being difficult about it, but I eventually got it. it was 999-99-99-99-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9 and then that says possible OC I just got it what is that Pat you should read the one that's right above that I just want to hear this one yeah because like if you're a real fucking patriot that you don't see this one's between these two jokes let me let me read this one yeah I asked a girl for a Chinese girl for her phone number I asked a Chinese girl for her phone number she said nine nine nine nine no that's not what it says. What did she say?

6.6. 6. 6.2.9. All right. So you're basically as bad as the fucking people who write these fucked up. I said, wow. Then her friend said she meant 6663629. You're basically a fucking anti-Christian piece of shit. How is that anti-Christian? As a true American patriot, I always put phone numbers I want to ignore under the contact freedom because I always let freedom ring. Oh, so it's a joke to you? It's like parody to you to fucking do.

What are you? You're fucking weird owl? Fuck you. Some people literally live inside a computer. I know. It's fucked up. And they're forced to live in a computer. And it's like you think it's funny to joke about that. Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?

Every time I call a machine answers. Like Stephen Hawking was actually one of the most fucking amazing like pure images of American masculinity. Uh-huh. Right? And he's like one of the last bastions. And he was American. Yeah, he was a full-blooded American. Okay.

I think he didn't have full blood. I think that was the issue. This one actually is actually really patriotic. I'm actually liking this one that I'm going to read out for you. Was that a Capital One cafe and asked the waitress for her phone number? Oh, now they start guarding personal data. Damn. Yeah.

That's actually pretty good. Yeah, that's right. I fucking hate the shitting banks. Yep. All right. See, this is bullshit. Wait, here's another one. Yeah.

That I just saw. That's total bullshit. Yeah, big surprise. I asked a newly immigrated Asian lady for a phone number. She replied, said, sex, free sex, free sex, two night. Took me a minute to realize she meant 636-36-2629. Seeing like that one is actually fucking mad racist. Yeah, I don't know why you chose to read that.

Insanely racist and you just like chose to read that racist bullshit. You literally chose to share that to thousands of people just now. Yeah. Really? Yeah. There's thousands of people listening? No, I don't think so. I've deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.

Now it's Hans Free. Like, that's actually anti-Germany. That's not even nice to them either. Yeah. I asked a cute statistician if I could get her phone number. She said probably not. That's kind of like a saddest story and short amount of words. Yeah, I don't really understand that bullshit, but whatever.

Let's see. I gave a girl my phone number and told her to text me when she got home. I guess she's homeless. Here's one here. This is a weird one because it involves a child. It says little Johnny asked a newly immigrated Asian lady for a phone number. And she replied, sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight. Is there more or is that this the end?

It's the whole thing? oh and then it took little johnny a minute to realize she meant six three six three six two nine yeah okay oh that involves and they're just letting shit like kids do this now i have another one here about little johnny that's even more uh liberal wow big surprise the teacher in little johnny's school asked the class what their mothers did for a living one little girl said her mother was a doctor another said her mother was an engineer when it was little johnny's turn he stood up and said my mom's a street walker. Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office.

Then 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked, did you tell the principal what you said in class? Johnny said, yes. Well, what did the principal say? He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple, and asked for my phone number. Wow. So the principal is a pedophile. Great.

The principal is a pedophile. So these days, they think it's okay for a principal to pedophile. This is another one that I saw that's fucking bullshit, leftism. Yo mama so fat When she steps on a scale I see my phone number And then it says under that says It's completely okay to be fat these days

Wow Yeah It says fatness is actually better than skinniness Yeah And also it says It says fat women are actually better Than women who are so fucking skinny That you can see every single one of their bones

Yeah And it's like what dude Women are you just as a bone Is the hottest shit of all time The bones are a hot part of the women Yeah Just little bones And it's like I hear this joke

I'm like, what if my phone number is one? Yeah. Here's a perfect woman. She's completely so skinny that she doesn't even exist and only you can see the bikini part of her. Okay. What are you guys saying?

That's interesting. Yeah. I'm intrigued. Which they would probably think. Oh, great. Hello. Why, hello. Thanks for calling the mental health hotline.

Yeah. Big surprise they're doing mental health jokes as if that's fucking real. If you are obsessive, compulsive, press one repeatedly. If you're a codependent, please ask someone to press two for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.

Stay in the line so we can trace your call. If you're delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership. If you're schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you're dyslexic, good bullshit. If you're low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you. First of all, that's like fucking way more than nine numbers.

Yeah. Yeah. That is way more than 9-day. That's crazy. Listen to this one here. This is some liberal fucking bullshit. Yeah. Your mom is so fat.

When she steps on a scale, I see sex, free sex, free sex tonight. Oh, and it says right there, it's actually a Chinese girl's phone number. And it says your mom is Chinese. Yeah. Wow. That's messed up. Listen to this one. I mean, this is kind of what I think they want to do to the Constitution is they want

to change. This is 20 things to do before you die. I don't know if you guys see this one. But if you want to go through this, I mean, these are kind of like, they want to add these to the Constitution. These are things that people have to do. And it's number one is, look at see-through glass. And when someone is on the other side, shout, oh, my God, I'm hideous. It's like, really?

Come on, man. That's rude. That's fucking rude. Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door. And when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say, we've been expecting you. Look at this fucking bullshit. This is about some bullshit medical doctor crap here. Okay.

This one's disgusting. This one's disgusting to me. But I'm going to read it just so just so everyone knows how pissed off I am. Doctor, my husband just can't have enough sex. A married woman goes to her doctor's office and starts complaining. Yeah, go figure. Yep. It's just too much, doctor.

My husband just wants to sex me up all the time. In the bed, in the kitchen, in the backyard, after dinner before breakfast, standing up, sitting down, and I can't take it anymore. Is there something that I can give them? The smirking female doctor then takes, the prescription pad, write something and says, here, give him my phone number. It's sex-free sex. Free sex, two-nine. And this is just some bullshit. A salesman position, right? And they think this is okay. English is not my mother languages, so ignore any grammatical mistaking. They think that

that's okay for someone and not speak English, first of all. Yeah. And so here's the actual fucking joke. A guy is interviewed for a salesman position. The interviewer asking the guy to take his laptop saying, let's see if you can convincing me to buy this laptops. I want you to walk in again thinking of me as a customer. The guy walked out as the interviewer said, but didn't came in. The interviewer calls him to get in, but the guy isn't there anymore. The interviewer realizing that the guy had just stole his laptop, so he went to check the guy's phone number from his resume and start calling him. The guy answers and the interviewer speaking immediately say, bring me my laptop now and has all my work documents

which the guy replied on to by saying are you buying it? It's like listen buddy go back to your fucking country it's that fucking simple which guy in the story needs to go back to his country both of them okay I have this one's kind of intellectual are you guys ready for an intellectual one

do yeah okay all right I'll just read it in college so already you can see oh sick of this college I became... Confidential bullshit. In college, I became obsessed with the concept of a doppelganger. I began a quest to find mine. After a year and a half of tracking down leads,

I uncovered his phone number. I immediately called him, but the line was busy. It's kind of... It's a thinker. It's more philosophical. I don't really get it, but I guess like... Okay, well, how about... Okay, well, what about this one?

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This is another intellectual one. fat that's in all capitals oh my god ugly chick i think it's okay yeah yeah fat they think it's okay to be an ugly chick too these yeah fat i think it's in capitals it stands for fat as thuck um ugly chick came up behind me grab my behind which well and said you're kind of cute you got a phone number i said yeah you got a pen she said yeah i got a pen i said you better get back in it before the farmer misses you wow that's actually so i think

that's actually fucking yeah that could actually that might be is a farm animal type this farm animal type ugly yeah if maybe these jokes were more along the lines of yeah so a fat ugly girl walks up to me and I said you're a complete fucking cow you're a monster you literally should be skinned like a bear and I'm gonna throw you you're a monster you are yeah you're a monster you I honestly throw a pokey ball at you and catch you like a poker here's a good joke a woman who is completely as fat as Lizzo tap me on the shoulders at a bar and said, hey there, Hey there, Guy.

Yeah, can I have your... A guy who's completely fat at the top with a tiny little waze or a girl with a fat top and a tiny little waist and a black shirt, short SJW blonde hair, right? Jeans on, so, hey, pretty mama. And I said, what the hell are you talking about, you fucked up girl?

You almost look like a guy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Look at this one here. This is disrespectful. This one is just disrespectful. officers of the law.

Yeah. And it's so fucked up that they have to deal with this shit. I think it's bullshit. But let me tell it. A police officer once told me we'll never forget 9-11.

And I said, of course you won't. It's your phone number. Sex, free sex, free sex tonight. And that's they're saying that's the cop's phone number. And listen, everybody knows that when you need to call the police,

you call 666. 6-36-29. 636-3-6-2-9. 6-6-2-9. Now what I'm realizing about this joke and I'm curious about is that's not enough numbers for a phone number. They're missing the area code.

And normally I'd think, okay, well, the area code might just be the area code we're in. But this woman's Chinese. I don't know any area codes in China. It might be a Chinese area code and I might get the number completely wrong. This is a different joke.

This is a different joke about a pop. I was just remembering one that we told earlier. Basically, if you specifically told earlier. If an SJW wrote it, it's probably San Francisco area code, Seattle area code, Austin, Austin area code, Worcester, Brooklyn area code. North Korea. North Korea area code based on SJW. There's so many hipsters in North Korea. They all have the same.

They all the same hair cut. They basically, you know that they actually, because Donald Trump was a 45th president, the hotel in, there's a hotel in North Korea and that they did. It's missing the 45th floor. Really? I'm serious. That's so fucked up. The hotel, all those, all the, what did it happen to you? There's something crunchy in that drink.

What? I think there was a grain of sand in this Arizona energy drink. That's how you know that it's honestly organic. Guys, I heard the hipsters in North Korea, they go to, well, first of all, they go to Starbucks. Yeah, yeah, that's a no-brainer. Normally, and we go to Starbucks, some people will get coffee cake. I heard in North Korea they get yellow cake uranium

because they like nuclear in North Korea because they're so hipster people go and they say what the hell nobody's walking around it's like nobody lives here there must be some kind of camps first of all they're not in camps they're all inside and they're on their phones I heard that in North Korea they're so hipster

that a lot of people actually get killed for trying to swim across the mainstream or for trying to go to underground Trying to go under, yeah. Trying to leave the underground. They go underground, they try to, yeah. Kind of, yeah, it's some bullshit happening over there.

The Kim family is fucking complete hipster bullshit. Yeah. And I, I, like Eminem's wife? Oh, M&M, I just put that together. Holy crap. Yeah. Wait, Eminem? Wait, like the candy?

Holy shit. He's actually named after candy? That's some gay bullshit. I thought that he was an actual fucking patriot because of bagpipes from Baghdad, but it turns out he's not. Another thing I heard about North Korean hipsters, apparently, and I mean, I just heard this, but I heard that, you know,

after they kill them for trying to go into the mainstream, I heard that they violate the bodies before they're cool. They're still warm. It's pretty good. And they like churn them up.

That's bad. That's bad. You know who probably loves it? the fucking gay brother's Ben and Jerry, the ice cream gays. His name is actually Ben Jong-I-Eel. And Jerry... John Eil.

Jerry Ilson. Yep. Ben and Jerry, basically, you know how that ice cream gets made? Ben fucks Jerry in the butthole, and he comes out all the cream into the ice cream. That's how they make the fucking Stephen Colbert shit. And Stephen Colbert was actually insanely fucking Republican

for all. a long time, and then they fucked them over. And then he changed up. Yeah. He changed up when he finally, you know what, you know what it was? He was the vaccine. The vaccine did that to him. As soon as he got the Pfizer shot, you know.

As soon as he got the Fauci-Oachie, I think is what they're calling it. And then he does this whole, he does a whole song about the vaccine on his little show. Yeah. And it's like, listen, buddy. Have you seen that? Not to bring it back to Eminem, but like, if you listen to even fucking four songs from relapse, you'd have an entirely different point of view. Have you seen that video?

No. The vaccine? Why would I see anything? it's a video it's Stephen Colbert and then a bunch of people dressed up like needles come out and it's sickest shit ever and what does he do what did he like beat the shit out of the needles like a family guy chicken nope he does a he does a dance with him he does the peewee herman tequila dance with them is there uh oh because there's tequila because there's worms in the p.C herman yeah that's right because there's worms in the vaccine is that what he's

trying to get across yeah i don't know i think so probably i heard there are I heard there are pregnant. Or maybe he's trying to say the vaccine will make you so anti-heterosexual

that you'll actually get into singing. Yeah. Yeah. Where rapping is actually what straight people do but singing is like a girls and gays

kind of thing. Yeah. Like dancing on a table, really? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What are you trying to watch? What are you doing?

I'm looking for the dancing. It's all over. He's watching a video on your phone this is all right now you have to okay because you're doing this you have because you're showing love with your phone you have to give out your phone number on air right now to end the episode what did give out your phone well actually before do you should do that but also uh

seattle and portland buy tickets uh it's coming up swag poop dot com slash shows and shirts at swag poop swag poop dot com slash shop oh yeah go check out the shirts and the shows but patrick is he does have to give his actual real phone number okay no funny business you don't want your real number. 6172996257. All right. Good enough for me. Bye.