Podcast About List - Ep. 201 - The Cowboy Princes of Cannibalism

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

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Come in, come there, come in, and we see a butt. All accounts to the ball list. Every crap monster. Okay. Okay. Go. Okay, I'm going. Okay, go.

There was a... Go. Okay, I'm trying to go. I'm trying to go right now. Faster. Okay, there was a guy. That's just higher. There was a...

Now I'm just re-correcting. Faster. There was a guy. There was a... Higher pitched. Why, why, why am I? Musically. Every time I shit, for some reason, I can't just enjoy my shit and I have to read something.

So sometimes I read the ingredients on the shampoo bottle. True as fuck. Isn't that true? That could be a good rage comic. That would be a good-ass rage comic. Why is that, though? Why is shitting just not enough for people to just take a shit? Because it's, I don't want to, I don't even want to think about poop.

But it hurts so bad. I don't even want to think of it's completely hot. It's one of those things where... You're struggling. It's like muscle memory to poop, right? And if you focus on it, you get all in your head and you fuck it up. The poop can go back up in. Yeah, because something weird can happen.

You've been holding a shit in and then you take a shit and it feels like it fell out of you sideways. No. No, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, he knows what I'm talking about. I don't know if I know what you're talking about. I just have shit questions, honestly. I have a lot of shit questions. What is it about, I can tell that I need to poop,

but I won't be able to poop until I have a sip of coffee. And it doesn't even need to hit my stomach. I just need to have it in my mouth. I think my gut biome is probably very disgusting. The biome? I think you have like acid rain in your biome and your gut. I feel like most gut biomes are really disgusting. It's all gross creatures.

I think that mine looks like my gut biome looks like the lower level of corosant. Yeah, I think that my gut biome is. I think that most people, like, have, you know, they have bacteria and stuff. I think you have, like, macroscopic animals. Yeah. You could see them with your eyes. I think I have a bug that walks around. I think you have a lot of bugs.

You have, like, land before time stuff. Yeah. It looks like the other world from Half-Life, whatever is called, the other dimension thing. Yeah, that he goes into. The Forgonauts. Yeah. Yeah. Vordagonts.

Fortagont. How does it pronounce? Have either of you even played Half-Life? I played Half-Life. I played Half-Life, too, episode two. You guys need to play a V-R-A-R-R-E-R. half-life. Yeah.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Because you can actually grab a trash can and you can throw it as hard as you can. You can do it with the gravity gun. No, but you actually use your hands to do it

in Half-Life, Alex. That's way less cool than a gravity gun. Can I just get... Can both of you just get into virtual reality and we could just be... Why don't you buy me one? Why don't you buy me a VR headset? Yeah, why don't you buy me one?

I'll do that for you. I'll gladly do that for you. But I know he's going to break it. Yeah, he's going to do something. He's going to use it for weird stuff. Yeah, you're going to use it for porn. VR porn, by the way It's too low quality

It's like 480P video Yeah And also you look around You see the GoPro Where your dick is supposed to be Yeah, you can see the GoPro And then you can probably just see Like how disgusting the room

That they're filming it in Can you look in the mirror You can do anything you want I guess it's not like a game It's a video You can't move around It should VR porn where you can move around And you actually feel the...

That's not VR, that's just a like Guy or girl That's like a movie screen that's 360 degrees. That shouldn't count as virtual reality. It's not really, it's something immersive about it. Unless there's like inputs I can put in. They should just add on top of VR porn. They should just add like hands, like bad, like low poly, like arms and hands.

So I can just wave my hands around. It should be, yeah, it should be exactly like super hot. It should be. Yeah. Every time you move. Super hot. Yeah. You come and she explodes.

Super hot. Super hot. And then it plays it back really fast. You should play as the girl and you have to dodge the come or you explode. Because that's the fun part of... Or you dodge... That could be the multiplayer. You dodge squirt.

Like, you got to look in this, like, VR porn room, and it's just like one of those rooms, like, pink walls with white carpet. And you can see a stain in the carpet from when they filmed before. Yeah, that is how a lot of it feels. Yeah. Well, yeah, you look around if it's like a model home, you know, there's like... It's like not a real house. You walk by a bathroom and it's completely unfinished. There's no...

tile or toilet you know you should it should be like it should be a whole MMO type thing there's a hub world that you can go to different raids which are the different sex scenes right and and you can like there are cosmetics you can sell like maybe I could like trade a cosmetic of like a three inch penis for someone is giving me a cosmetic of like dirt kicked under the fingernails definitely yeah yeah no that's a porn VR MMO you can customize how how disgusting You want him to be balding? Yes.

Yeah. I would like to have the hairy difference. 400 GP for stomach acne. But you can't fuck other people in the game. You can only fuck that. Yeah. It's like you can only fuck the... You can tag team with other people.

It's all PVE. Yeah, exactly. That's a really smart idea. I think that that could be huge. I would really like to get into it. Yeah. Sex of Girlcraft. He's playing Pokemon Go while we record in his lap and he thinks that we won't notice.

I have to get a streak. You have to get a streak? Yeah. I would like to see you a streak. You know what we're doing? You know what we're doing? Okay. So there's no other hour of the day where you could work on this? Yeah, it was going to reset.

It resets at, what is it? 3.30? 3.40. Well, I did it around like 4 yesterday. I don't think it's a 24, it's a 24 hour timer. I don't think it's 24 to 24. That makes no sense. All right.

Well, because then you will figure that hour before. every day or something. I don't know. You could have done it beforehand. I could have. Yeah. I don't think that makes any sense. I think that we should get into game development, though.

We've been talking about that a lot. Woman Go would be great. That's the, like, the mobile version of World of Sex Crafts. And also, you can actually scan in women that you see on the street and then capture them digitally. Man, would you also know why I do a 360 around you really quick? I'm a street photographer. Last night, I was leaving the bar and somebody took a picture of me.

Well, some random guy took like a picture of me. I was like, what? And I was like, what the fuck are you? doing? And he was like, I'm a street photographer. And I don't know why that. I was like, okay. And then he just, what? And then he left. Did you ask him for his credentials? He was standing you into a woman go. He took a flash photo of me. Yeah? Yeah. On his phone? No, on a, with like a DSLR. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, you should be doing that. Yeah. I hate when I see people doing that. That's a violation of my shit. And I told him, that's my violation.

And you're leaving. Was it on film? Was it like? Why are you obsessed with the camera? I don't know. You could have asked him in that moment to delete the photo. It's not, honestly, I'm with Caleb in that, that I feel like him had, to me, it's less about, it's less about him had the photo existing and more about him taking a picture. I more like wanted to fight the guy. I didn't give a fuck if he had the photo. Because if that guy took a picture of me and I didn't know, that's, I'm not, I wouldn't, it wouldn't know. It wouldn't matter.

And it was like, there was still light. I wouldn't even notice if he didn't, I was like sitting there waiting for an Uber and I just got a flash. lash in my face. It's okay to take a picture of something from behind on the street. If you take a picture from very far away with like a very big lens, that's fine. I'm so bad at taking stealth photos of people. I'm really good at taking stealth photos. Oh, really bad, dude.

I bet you have a lot of practice of that. I have a lot of stealth photos I've taken of you. I tried to take a photo of a guy who was a, who was a barista the other day because he looked like somebody that we know, and I just couldn't get a photo of them. I just got too nervous every time I'm. Yeah. Because, like, what do you... The thing is, it's 90% of the time it's not worth it.

Yeah, it wasn't worth it. 90% of the stealth photos I've taken or, like, him in the bathroom or, like, him. And the other 10%... He has taken photos where he just... Where he just puts... The first show he did on tour, I was taking a shit, and he just popped his phone on top of the stall. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He just took a photo of me taking a shit.

I forgot about that. Like five minutes before the show started. Yeah. I forgot we did that, and then I have a photo before my, um, my point and shoot broke. just a photo of you in a wah-wah bathroom, just pissing. Yep. He thinks that's funny. It is funny.

You realize you can go to, you realize that's why Dr. Disrespect was banned from Twitch. Really? Yeah, because he brought a camera into a bathroom. He took a picture of Caleb peeing. Yeah. You get in trouble for taking cameras into the bathroom, really. I'm for real.

It's fucking illegal. Really? That's illegal now. Yeah, it's fucking illegal. That's illegal. That explains a lot, then. Yeah. That explains a lot.

Thanks, Brandon. I don't think Brandon had, anything to do with it. I think Brandon actually is bringing executive against it. Yeah. To stop it. Oh, so you're pro Brandon now. I mean, if honestly, if he makes it completely illegal to take pictures of people shitting and wiping their butts, then yeah.

I think, yeah, here it is. That's a really nice photo. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. That's taking a Portra 400. The fuck, he... Portrapati. That's what I was peeing in. Can we go back to our game? There's another guy. That's a guy peeing on the street.

You should do a whole, oh, that would be so awesome To do a whole series of guys peeing Yeah, everybody really fucking like that shit And then, and then this is, I think this is Pierce also peeing Yeah, you're snorting like a pig And then That's Cameron peeing That's not Cameron peeing, that's Cameron sitting in a car

Get your hand out of your pants while you're showing these pictures, okay? Okay, yeah, this is Pierce I think this is Pierce pooping that looks like a poop to me yeah that does look like a poop it's not enough of his body to actually tell but i bet he's right at the like the bar for old people and handicapped people to sit down on the toilet so he's about there that bar is also for uh sitting down if you want to do a trick shot definitely from above the toilet yeah yeah and then that's kneel he's not peeing though no it's just neal can you stop showing us photos and can we get back to developing this because i have a game development these photos got developed first of all women go was great yeah woman i would like to add to to Woman Go. Yeah, okay.

So we were talking about, you can take a picture of a woman on the street scan it in to become part of your team that they fight against each other like Pokemon. But yeah, that's one option.

It depends on the gym you go to. Okay. But so do you remember there was that game that was I think for like, I don't remember if it was GameCube or it might have been PlayStation, it was like Monster Rancher or something where you could put a CD in

and it would scan it and make a monster out of the like just the like metadata on the CD. like Skylanders. Like Skylanders. So it's like that. Where instead of putting like a random CD that you own, but you can get that like the credit card reader for your phone

and if you swipe a woman's credit card on your phone, it like puts her into your game. That's smart. Because from the credit card bill, you can also basically devise all her stats. Also women are basically, women are just what they buy with their credit cards. Yeah. And then what they look like.

So we can get pretty much with the scanning technology, that is my idea, and the credit card idea that is your idea, we have an entire woman completely digitized. And then Patrick basically hasn't worked on this at all and did nothing. Yeah. So that's who will be cutting them out of the profits. Okay. And I have a-

Think about this. Think about this. This better be a good feature. The theme song is like, it's a game, not a show. There's no theme song. That's football. That's football theme song.

Now, here's another, so I think that what we can do here, I think that the most, the best part of this game is going to be the peripherals that you can buy to connect to your phone that you can use to play it. So we have maybe a really big telescopic lens that you can attach to scan the women from a distance. And then, of course, the credit card reader. And then maybe the top of the line. A controller shaped like boobs. That one's important too.

I don't think you need a controller. It's already a mobile game. You need to come up with some actual good features here. Okay, like the Pokeyball Plus, like the Pokeyball Plus for Pokemon Gap. Here's at the top of the line, the most expensive. Offensive peripheral you can buy that we will sell and make a lot of money off of

is a really big 3D printer and after you've scanned the woman into the game you can print her and have your own version of her in real life. That's really smart

subclasses of women That's really fucking smart. That's just a thing in real life. Electric type There already are electric type women on the street And also Another thing we can

You can connect the duck hunt gun Yes so you can shoot them Another thing you can do is we'll get a hula hoop and we'll surround it with iPhones and we'll walk up to women and be like, hey, we're from like a hula hoop

YouTube channel. You should, and we do street hula hoops. See how many hula hoops you can hoop. And then they'll actually just scan themselves. Yeah. By doing the hula hoop. Well, you know, you don't even really need the hula hoop. Honestly, all you can do is, excuse me,

would you take a selfie of yourself? Yeah. Most women say, like, power ups for the women like Diet Coke. Yeah. and handbag handbag and what would we throw

what do you throw to catch them you think a lasso lubitons no just a lasso I like a lasso a net a butterfly net a polky ball

yeah any of that works well but we need more peripherals sometimes it'll be hard to catch one so then you can dangle things in front of them like a ten dollar bill yeah that's true or yeah yeah yeah we need also more

a Starbucks gift card I think peripherals are what's going to sell this game. Definitely Diet Coke is a thing that you can use as a power of. Haptic gloves. Haptic gloves. Haptic shoes. Haptic shoes. Haptic knee pads. Oh, my God.

Nose nasal inserts so you can smell the women when they're on screen. A haptic, like, lip cover. It should be an entire haptic suit. And kiss all parts of their bodies. It's an entire haptic suit. It looks exactly like the still suit from Dune that they wear when they go in the desert. Okay? you can feel the touch all over your body

and the little tubes that go into your nose they pipe in the musk and I don't even want to say what types of smells but I think we all know crevice smells yeah the smell of the crevice yeah the crack gashal aroma the butt crack

a piped in poop odor odor she I'm still thinking of the lures here's how we make money on this besides it 20 30% off at sheen what's sheen it's a website where women buy clothes for $3. That's funny, Pat.

I just held up my phone with a woman going scanned you and it actually added you to my game. Hmm, you must be a registered woman. And it seems like my phone is detecting you as one. I know a lot about women, huh? Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, because you are a woman. Takes one and no one. When it comes to women, that is. I watched that movie with Mel Gibson. Oh my God, and I'm rubbing your crotch on my phone and you're coming. You're turning red and your eyes are rolling back into your head.

That's coming from his phone, not Patrick, by the way, listeners. I think that another thing we could do is... Okay, and I'm exporting a gif of this and posting it to Reddit. That's going to be next level. I made this woman nut with my phone.

The other thing that we could do is a way to make money on it is it's a free app, right? But then for 99 cents, it adds feet to the one. Okay, yeah. They have no feet. They float around.

They have like chopstick legs. Yeah, like tentacle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something disgusting, not tentacles, because that's serving another audience. You have to pay more for that. I just think that the feet are going to be the thing. We rope everybody in. It's like, have you guys used that replica app?

No, what's replica? It's like this thing where it makes you a little person that you're supposed to talk to, a little AI person. Oh, it's like a chat bot thing? Yeah, but it has like, but there's like a 3D model. So it's like smarter child, but it's got like legs and stuff? It's not a child. I don't, it's not a child. Do you remember?

No, no, no, smarter child was a bot on AO. It's basically What's their name? A lot's... Patrick Oogood, child chat. A.O. Why are you going on child chat on AOL? Looking for smart children on AOL.

Get off of child chat. Looking for very precocious, smarter children. No, I need a smarter child. What are the other apps? I think you could talk to... But Replica, if you say to the app, you're like, because it'll just be like, what's the weather like?

How are you today? And if you say to the app, like, I want a nut in your... your mouth, then it's like, read that intent. No, it'll say like, yeah, it'll say like, you can tell me that if you pay $5 to get the pre-de version of the app. That's smart. It's really smart.

That is really smart. I think we could have that really easily. I think most of the money, honestly, is going to be on peripherals. I think that maybe, yeah, we can also have maybe like a power glove. Remember the power glove? Oh, you could talk to Austin Powers. Well, you get an Austin Powers glove. And Austin Powers Club.

I think if we could just download the API or whatever the fuck that they'd use to have the Austin Powers AOL chat bot, and Austin Powers can teach you, you can ask Austin Powers questions on how to pick up women. That's smart. That's really smart. Well, yeah, he could be like the Professor. Yeah, like the Professor Oak of the game.

Yeah, Professor Powers. Yeah, right, we're going to catch some women today with a big buck net. Yes. And you can pick one of your three starter women. Uh-huh. Yeah. And I'll tell you... Michelle...

Quine. The... Figure skater? Yep. And then... No, is that? And then Asa, Akira. Uh-huh.

And then a random woman from the Facebook. Jennifer Aniston. Mm-hmm. A Facebook woman. Yep. A Facebook woman with one mutual friend, and it's your mom. But I will tell you guys what one peripheral we won't have for a woman go. And that's the freaking steering wheel.

Okay, why? Why would we not have the men play the game? Well, we just wouldn't have the steering wheel. It's like, it's a joke I was telling. No, the men would play the game, so we would have the steering wheel. The men would have the steering wheel. So that the girls don't drive the cars. Yeah, I know.

The girls don't drive the cars because there's no steering wheel. But who drives the car then? Is women go already an app? I feel like I've heard of this before. Women go? Yeah. It's definitely not. I haven't heard of it at all.

Even a little bit. There was a screaming, dying child upstairs. There was, they were going, the children here were dying all day today. Whoa. That was crazy. Patrick just did a fucking dude perfect. That was nuts. I was moving, I guess I tried to move my phone.

That was fucking awesome. That was the craziest pencil flip I ever saw. The pencil did a quadruple somersault mid-air. It didn't even break either. It was more than quadruple. I forgot, like, how much. of like childhood is just like just running around and screaming.

Maybe for you. I was learning. I keep hearing like the people who live upstairs like screaming and running around and shit. And it's just like, man, don't they ever get tired of it? And it's like, no, you don't. You don't. Like I remember when I was a kid,

there was a, we were playing Star Wars and there's like the screaming like things in a Jedi Academy. And I was trying to mimic that. and I just was in my grandma's backyard just screaming and she came out. I didn't really do that. Yeah, I think that's... You didn't practice screams and stuff?

I was using my imagination for stuff. I was writing my own Magic Treehouse book where they hang out with Hitler. I was inventing video games back then, too. Yeah. I made a... Me and my friend created a game called Monster Attack. Yeah.

Yeah. Tell you the coolest thing I ever did is a kid, I'll never forget it. I made chocolate moose. I had a magic bullet, and I made, that my aunt got us, and I made chocolate moose. I did tinker toys. I made it one time. Yeah, I did, I did, uh, there's this, we'd have, like, buckets of, uh, we had, like, a big, like, toy bin.

I was using thinker toys. And, uh, the, the, the game that we would play was that we would take all of them and then throw them all over the ground. Ah, the games we play. Pick that up. And then pick them up, but then not put them back. Oh, my God. I am. 52-car pick-up.

Yeah, I was just like a giant, like, rubber-made thing of action figures just all over the floor. Canfield was my preference. Devilishly difficult solitaire game. Yeah. I was playing, um, Mankala. Oh, I did actually play so much Mankala as a kid. I loved Mankala. And Chinese checkers.

It's got the rectangle board where it's two rows. They're not quite marbles. They're flat. They're a little bit closer to a pearl. a bit different. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like if you stepped on a marble and you were really strong.

And you had a hot foot. Yeah. So actually, drunk foot. Yeah, like melted it a little bit. Yeah. I also did, like, I had a little marble collection as a kid.

Oh my God. Did you ever build a marble track? No. You ever try to roll you a marble, get like a marble to roll at a little Goldberg machine? I had a rock collection, but it was like rocks that I found outside. It wasn't even like rocks. I had one of those two.

I also had, I had a dead boat collection. No, no, the little boys love collection. Like, I wanted a collection. so bad. I had a sick dead bug collection. And then I told my dad that and he was like, well, I have a coin collection. Brings out these two huge binders full of coins. None of them was worth a single fucking dollar. Yeah.

They were just shit. I had, my mom got me this thing where it was like a board where it was the map of the U.S. And it had like quarter-shaped holes for every state and you're supposed to like collect every state. Oh, yeah, I know that one. And I think I got to like probably like 20 or 30 different states and then I just like took them all out and like bought a DVD. Yeah, that's smart. You save up money. Yeah.

Yeah. There's the other realization that I were like, oh my God. It's money. That's like $6 right there. It's free money. There's this like 04 Red Sox like pin collection thing that you could get. And it was like pins of like each of the players and like a like a headshot of them. Like their number and their position.

I'd like to do a head shot to the Boston Red Sox players. Whoa. That's right. Watch it. I hate it. You're a bald ass bitch. What are you talking about? You are kind of acting like a bald ass bitch.

I normally wouldn't call you that. off the face of the plane I just decided. You are a bitch. Good luck. You were a white bitch. Some England sucks ass. These two brothers tried and they couldn't do it. Yep.

They were heroes. They weren't heroes. They were failures. They were trying to destroy the worst country in America. Yeah, your heroes are complete failures. Oh, you can get the whole set for $6. I want to do the Civil War again. Yeah, it was the Boston.

The Boston Globe made these commemorative pins. Just for Boston. I want South versus Boston. You want to be on the side of the South in the Civil War. Yeah, and the second Civil War. that had nothing to do with the first one. It's just called that. You get, like, picture of, like, Poki Reese.

You're going to make me side with Caleb if you don't put your phone down. Here comes the Civil War. It's coming right now. You don't want to go Havsies on this with me? I want to cut the country in Havsies and do Civil War between the two Havsies. I don't, I don't even know what you're saying. Look at that. That's David Ortiz right there.

If a new Civil War... We could share a David Ortiz pin together. If a new Civil War happens... I don't need any beers. Where's the dividing line? You guys can't both. I might have a better... He's talking about bullshit.

I know. I'm talking about a fucking insanely cool war. So, don't shut up. Fuck you. I did already. Bitch ass. Civil War. Where's the dividing line?

I think it might be East versus West. Yeah. And it might be a wrap thing. And we can cut out all the middle stuff. That's the battlefield. Yeah. It's the East Coast versus... It's L.A. versus New York

in the entire middle of battlefield. I think what we can do is just squibed. squish the whole country horizontally so the east is touching the east coast is touching the west coast and just kind of like there's a border there yeah yeah it's just a well yeah because it maybe we can go down and become like a bottomless chasm and kind of like fold in you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah and then really tall and become like a wall and then the earth kind of becomes like an egg shape that would be cool and we also get rid of Mexico by doing that wait how would the earth become an egg shape like we're all that awesome we're getting rid of some fire asses no longer from

The Earth would actually be more of an M shape, I think. I don't think so. Well, because we're making the seam like this. It'd be more like a tear drop almost, right? A teardrop. They're connecting both ends of the Earth? We'd take two longitudinal lines, and then we'd delete the middle so that it would be almost like a sharp top.

It'd be like this. I don't understand what this round part at the bottom means, though. What round part of the bottom? And why are the two ends touching at the top? What do you mean two ends? If you looked at a side profile of the bottom, the world. Yeah,

like this. Let me slide like a line, give me this here. Side profile of the world would look exactly like this. No, no, you're thinking of

too, we're getting rid of too many things here. Okay, so we take the world like this, right? That's not what the world

looks like. Okay, fuck you. We take the world and then we take these longitudinal lines, right? Uh-huh.

And then we, we get rid of those, right? Yeah. So now the world looks a little more, it's like not as wide, you know?

It's like that almost. Here, So, here's what I, here's, this is what, this is what the world looks like, side profile. It doesn't look, oh. And then we'd be getting rid of this, and it would maybe look like this, or like this, if we push it into the ground. Maybe look like it. Are you saying the world is flat? No.

You're not saying the world is flat. You're saying a side profile of it just looks like a line. It just looks flat. It just looks flat. It's not flat, but it does look flat. Yeah. I think that's a good idea. Yeah, I think that that's...

If there was one part of the world to get rid of... I want to be involved in a civil war, but I want it to be civil because I don't want the people to be like... I don't want to feel bad about killing the other people. I think the next civil war could involve robots in a cool way. Because if we do a civil war, then it's everybody's just like also a fucking dumb American guy.

So I'm like, oh, it's fine. I just kill you. It should be Americans versus robots. That's smart, because then we don't care. And also the robot... We should build a robot army just for us to defeat and they're not very good at fighting either. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they're not

even robots. That would actually be really genius. Well, wouldn't Boston have an advantage there because of their dynamics? Because of the Boston dynamics? They know how to defeat the robots? Those might as well be Roombas. Those are completely useless. Don't they make Roomba? I don't know. Do they? I think Roomba

makes Roomba. Does Roomba stand for Roombot? No, it's a robotic operating, awesome. Managerial. My big My big ass. I don't think.

I think it's my big apartment. Oh, right, because it cleans your big apartment. Robotic operated awesome. My big apartment. I think it's short for room bat. It's like a bat that flies around your house. It does zoom a little too fast for me. Yeah.

My mom got a... Oh, no. I robot makes Rumba. Yeah. My mom got a movie. A rumba. And it's very, it's very, funny to see a dog interact

with a Roomba. Yep. It's all, it's like funny every time forever. She's had that Roomba for probably like two years. It's like a knockoff Roomba and every single time that it like starts to move around, my dog just freaks out and goes crazy. Yeah. Phil's been doing this thing where

we, anytime we buy him a new crate or like something like that that has a picture of a dog on the box, he starts, he thinks the dog is a real dog, he starts barking at it. Nice. It's just a pig. The dog's this big. Like, it's the, it's three inches tall image of a pit bull. Yeah.

And he's cool. Ooh. It's so weird. It's smart if you can see that on the box. I think he's not so smart. I think he's a good eye side. I feel like most dogs would, wouldn't be able to see a picture of a dog, right?

What? Isn't, can't they, like, not see stuff? Phil watches TV all the time. Yeah, I feel like most dogs don't can't see stuff on TV. He does watch, he just watches TV. Anytime it's on. He watches Jimstones. He loves girls.

Girls is his feet. favorite show. Yeah? Yeah, because honestly, here's the truth about Phil. When he was a kid, he looked like Lena Dunham. No, there was not a kid. When he was a little baby,

there was like three or four days in a row when we first got him where like the only people we saw on the street were really big fat women. And they would like give him, they'd like give him attention and he just loved them. And so now every time we walk by a fat woman on the street, he just starts like, roo right to her.

Like she's targeting them and trying to get them to pet him. And then also on girls, he loves Lena. on him. Yeah. Yeah. Whenever there's a fat woman on TV, he loses his mind. You should show him Big Mama's House. I think that would confuse that. No, he'd like that a lot. I think Big Mama's House and Medea

would probably confuse him a lot. It's important to challenge him. He just loves big women. Well, I guess Medea wouldn't confuse him, but there's scenes in Big Mama's house where he's, Martin Lawrence is halfway in the suit, and then there's scenes where he's like not in the suit.

He just sniffs him out for me. He sniffs out big mama He sniffs out big old women Yeah On the street I think I think he need to let me Walk Phil

Come on Phil Go boy Come on Come on Phil He's doing the pointer thing He uh It's like a It's like a heat seeking missile

But he only goes to Torid Yeah Yeah Yeah, just giving him like a bloodhound just like 39 waist jeggings Just being like, go get and Phil Sniff out these Go find these from somebody Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah maybe he thinks they're a ball and he's trying to fetch them I don't think so I think he just really likes And fat women are just fat people are generally more jovial More jolly. Not in the summer. They're fucking falling over.

Yeah. In the summer, it's horrible. You see so few huge fat people here. And the other day I saw giant, giant enormous humonguses. And they were, and he was walking down the street. And he was like, it was hot, but he was barely moving. And he was having the worst day of his life. Yeah.

Just big old Heather Gray, a t-shirt, just sweating right through it. And then he did the thing where the guy, where he folds up his shirt just over his belly. So just the belly's out. That's a sick move. Cool for you. I do. I do that at home because my living room is so hot. Yeah.

My living room, it's just my apartment is shit. I hate living in my house. If anyone wants to give me a big mansion. I don't think many places, many people do that. It's not very common. If anyone wants to sell me a mansion for, like, maybe I can live in a mansion for, I don't know, 7.20 a month. In New York City. Yes.

You're not willing to move. no we could move to texas and live like fucking kings i know i think about that so much i don't want to leave the east coast though but what if we were in texas and we could maybe have like we could literally have a mansion we could have a huge mansion we could buy a mansion that us three just lived in and we can get rid of the girls yeah we can just ditch that's right get out of here get rid of all the distractions yeah we could actually be cowboys my girlfriend has a house a hundred percent she can live there she's got her old place.

Yeah, exactly. So, but we'll just go to us to go to Texas, do a cowboy-style mansion. Oh, my God. It could be, we could call it a

pinball machine. We could call it the cowboy, we could call it the cowboy palace, and we could dress like cowboy princess. Oh, my God. Crowns and cowboy hats.

We could be, we could be like a mixture of royalty. Meet the new royals. Think about this. Think about how, meet the royal podcast cowboys

who are taking the left wing by storm. What if we don't, like, okay, so Texas. These three cowboy princes The three cowboy prints

Of Texas Who are actually saying That Bernie Sanders isn't far left enough Wow Yeah That sounds like an amazing headline And it's us three And we're grabbing our nuts

Doing the middle finger Yeah Chewing tobacco And we're holding a 3D printed Rifle in each hand Yeah And we're scalping people I need to be a cowboy prince

Scout people Yeah Holy shit Well you think about it Like how cheap it is for it to live in Texas. I bet it's even cheaper to live somewhere like, I don't know, like, Ohio.

Myanmar. We can move to Myanmar. That's a really good idea. Aleppo. Aleppo. The Congo. Aleppo, dude. Walk around Aleppo,

Aleppo, you just do, it's awesome. You do fucking battlefield, bad company, explosion physics on everything. You just knock it down buildings and shit. Plus they got a whole pepper named after. And we could literally, we could move to Syria and us three could become cannibal serial killers

and nobody would know. We could literally just kill people all day, eat their clown. The cannibal cowboy princes that are taking Syria by store. Then you're making Syria a little more socialist. I think that if we... These three American cowboy princes

who are crowns are eating right-flats. Are eating right-wing children's bones in Syria. Okay, guys, I have I have like crazy news I just I just googled something because we know we're talking about starting a palace becoming cowboy prince cannibals yeah no shit and I think and you know we could you know we could move to a city we could move to a place yeah but that's that's like we're going so we need our own place right you know on this I just googled this here um prices can range

and I'll just read you the full sentence prices can range from approximately US one to three million dollars for smaller islands holy shit One million dollar island? A million dollars? A million dollars. Because when you get an island, you start doing weird shit. Well, we wouldn't do weird shit. We would not do weird shit.

We would dress like cowboys, eat flesh, and have royal ceremonies. We want to eat people. I want to kill people. Yeah, but that's not weird. Okay. Well, then whatever your definition of weird is, here's what I want, okay? Weird is like, like sex. I want to kill people, I want to eat their bodies, and I don't have a 4K TV.

Okay. And that's basically the island's done. That's all I want. You can do that in Texas. Dude, it's less than a million dollars. $475,000. We just save up podcast money for like 10 years. Yeah.

Very attractively priced 2.765 acre island lot for sale on a private island located in Belize's blue ground range. Bluebleese. Less than, less than $500,000. Look at this beautiful island. This could be ours. This could be ours. We're going to kill people. We're going to eat their fucking bodies.

And maim people. We're going to make it. hurt so bad too. It's going to be disgusting. It's going to be a completely Guantanamo Bay, but we get to eat them at the end. It's going to be like Texas chainsaw meets Texas Chainsaw 2. You will never, you cannot even imagine the pain that we will be inflicting on the people of Belize. And there's going to be people that are probably taller than us. They're going to be, and we're only targeting poor people. I call the name King, Anthropophagus. Okay, I'm going to call the name Patrick the Tormenter. I'm going to be called the eater. That's it.

Do you see this island? I'm going to sharpen all my teeth. Can we save up for this island? Hold on, let me see. Yeah, we could do it. Look how beautiful it is. Wait, do we get all the islands or just that? No, just that one, I think.

That was big. It is really big. That's not that bad. Just like a lot on an island for torture. Look at how big that island is. It's long. Yeah, that's too big, I think. That's a, wait, long island.

No, because we could have, we could put. Whoa, that's shaped like a teradactal. It is shaped kind of like a teradactal. We could call it Teradactal Palace. Oh, how much is it? it? It's $500,000. $475,000. Wait, really? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's what I'm saying, dude. Dude, we could take out a loan. We could take out a parent plus loan. Yeah. Let me sort by lowest price here. For private islands.

Okay, that's the cheapest one. Okay. Next one up is a, at least on this website. How expensive. This one has a cave, though. Or no, that says K. Never mind. Can you imagine us three on... Hold on. This is the type of shit we'll get down to on the island. A dance like that? That's a sick dance. That's a good dance. That's a, yes. We could also just, like, once we have kids, we're basically just indigenous people of this island. Uh-huh.

You know, and then we could start our own culture as well. Yeah. Eating completely poor people is basically who gives a fuck, right? Eating completely poor people, like, if we, so then we start a religion. What do you think is going to be the tastiest part of the person, the poor person? But. I feel like it's going to be their eyes or maybe their heart. Maybe the liver.

Liver might be like that. I want to eat a liver so bad. A human liver? Or start out with animal No, I want to dive full Head first into cannibalism And I want to eat somebody after killing them Really, really disgustingly

And violent Okay I want to, I don't know I still, if I'm eating a person I still want to pair it with some good vegetables I want the rivers of Belize to run red with poor ones Yeah, I'm not no, no, it's raw Raw person

Raw, no seasoning I'd like to actually have a This white boy don't even want seasoning on this person I'm sure you don't Belize, yeah, they're not, it's not going to fly down there. Yeah. Yeah. We're starting, it's our own thing.

I don't know if anyone, if anyone makes fun of me for, he's not even going to want to use the seasoning on the island. If anybody makes fun of me for not seasoning my flesh, I will eat them. I would like to start a human factory farm on the island where we have a constant nonstop flow. That's people that we don't eat Perry Perry poor. That feeds perfectly into the cowboy theme too, because we can be cowboys and lasso the people and lead them into the. Yeah, no, we just do totally. We let them. Perry, Perry, poor person, but...

Also, we teach them, like, how to, like... We teach them how to, like, call for help and, like, dial 911 and shit, just to make it kind of, like, fun. It could be, yeah, it would be... It's like that, um... What's that Yorgos Lanthamos movie where they teach everyone the opposite? Where they teach... Invention of lying? Invention of lying.

They have, like, it's like, look at this fucked-up family. No, it's not Jorgos Lantthmos. It's Ricky Derviervars. They teach... That is kind... That could have been a... Jorgos Lantamos movie. Yeah.

That, like, like, if it was made by him, it would have made a little sense, you know? Like, that's the kind of premise he would come up with.

I don't think I've seen, I've never seen the invention of lying. It's fucking on opposite day. Oh, oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Holy shit. The invention of opposite day,

the sequel? The invention of opposite day is a way, let's start writing that right now. That is a way better movie. It's open up Celtex. Let's do this. Okay. I'm down to write the invention of opposite.

Interior. Who's the lead? Dentist's office. Yeah. Day. Mike Shinoda is getting his teeth cleaned. Mike Shinona. Is he the main character?

No, this is just a cameo. Oh, okay. It's cool. You know, you get like a big cameo. It's open with the cameo so people are like, oh, it's like in Scream when they got like Drew Barrymore to be right at the BAM. She dies immediately. Okay, next action line. So Mike Shonota.

His head explodes. Yeah. His head explodes and his dent. lead character walks in. The lead character is the dentist. Ricky, it's got to be Ricky. Ricky, Jervais. Ricky, the dentist.

Is his name. Ricky, the dentist is the character's name. And he says, what if we did like a... Hey, mate, your heads down exploded. You fucker. Your head's exploded, it is. Yeah, fucka.

You fucking twat. How's this opposite day, though? Wait. Okay. It's fucking rising action. So then he comes out. You're seriously killing my rising action. He says, he walks out, he walks out.

He walks out of the... He walks out of the office and into the waiting room. Sitting in the waiting room, Mr. Hahn, the DJ for Lincoln Park. Okay. His head explodes. And he goes, what the fuck is going on in my fucking office, mate? If you think... It's a bloody Sunday, isn't it?

Yeah. He says, it's a bloody Sunday in it? Is it about Bloody Sunday or is about opposite day? No, he's just being insensitive. And he says Bloody Sunday, because he's British. It's a right proper bloody Sunday, isn't it? Yeah. And then, so then he are, okay, so then he goes to the store and he goes up to the counter and he says, he buys like a, he buys like a bunch of shit.

And the cashier, the cashier is, the cashier is Fieldy, the basest for corn. Yes, Fieldy the basis for corn. And then Fieldy says to Ricky Jervais, he says, that's going to be $200. What? And then Ricky Jervais looks at him and he has, you can see the geese. gears in his head turning and he has an epiphany and he says you can literally see them there's a hole in his head you can see gears inside yeah and then he says it's opposite day mate and then his head explodes and he just walks away with it yeah with with with groceries he's the one making people's head explode no no no no that's the plot twist at the first you think it's just because they didn't want to pay for to like for the cameo for that long they just want like a 10 second cameo but and and and at the you're like oh it's a funny like it's a funny like meta thing. But then at the end of the movies, so I mean, we'll go through the whole movie or whatever, but the end, the police bused down the door and they say, Ricky the dentist, you're under arrest for not exploding people's heads. But by that point, by that point, that's right when opposite day drops when that's when you realize it's been opposite. I love twist endings to movies. I always thought it'd be great to do a rom-com movie where it's just a normal rom-com and then at the end, the guy gets arrested because he has multiple personalities and he's killed over 100 people.

Wouldn't that be a good idea? It's like Ryan Gosling, Jennifer Aniston, he's her little more older boss. He's, she's his older boss. He's kind of like a down on his luck, like tax guy. They have to work together for a little bit. They fall in love over,

they go, at first I hate each other, but they have to do a work meeting, a working lunch, they say. They go to a sushi bar that has the conveyor belt. They're picking things off. They're flirting. He puts top sticks in his mouth and says he's a walrus. Can I suggest something?

Yeah. Instead of a sushi place with a conveyor belt, they go to a sushi place where it's a nude woman. They eat off the... Yes, because we want the sex appeal. And also it's kind of foreshadowing. Like, this isn't a normal rom-com. They wouldn't normally have nibbles.

And a close-up of a pussy shot with rice on it. Yeah. But this is going to be a completely different type movie. It's like a full, like there's two chopsticks. That's where you get the chopsticks from. It's the woman's vagina. Yeah. And she shoots it.

out she yeah it's like you know when you go to a restaurant they have the cup for forks yeah yeah at the sushi at the nude sushi place it's and her mouth is full of napkins yeah yeah it's because that's how they i don't know it's a weird place and have you ever seen that movie uh something wild that's kind of like that i don't know something wild it's like a romcom and then um ray leota plays like the woman's like uh ex who comes and just like tries to kill them at the end it's cool it's really cool it's sick i was thinking it would be more like but like yeah he's Maybe you could do like a sequel because what's his name? Jeff Daniels is the guy in that.

So maybe he could, that's the plot twist. The devil went down to Georgia? Or no, Jeff fucking, what's his name? What are you thinking? You're thinking of Charlie Daniels? No, yeah, Jeff Daniels, yeah. No, I'm thinking the devil went down to Georgia. Yeah, by Charlie Daniels.

The devil went down to Georgia. He was looking for a soul of steel. That song. By Jeff Daniels. There's the Primus cover that has a Claymation music video. That's not for me. Primus literally has a big song called My Name is But. They just don't make fucking good.

No, it's my name is but His name is mud My name is butt You're miss her hearing it My name is butt You don't know anything about Fucking awesome metal But basically they would

He would go down on one knee To propose at the end Uh huh And immediately He shifts his personality Yeah And he starts twitching And going

Actually I don't want to get married And then he starts with I want to completely murder you And rip you to shred and then he would try to kill her and then he'd get arrested give the death penalty And then the last shot is him getting

Electric chair executed And he says I love you And then he says wait no I switch back to my first personality again And I'm actually in love of my girlfriend Whoa double twist And I want to propose to you She goes no stop the execution

He's actually the good version of himself At the moment because of the electricity cured him And then she switches personalities And she goes now kill him actually Actually you should kill him I like that he's I like that he's nice and he's dying.

And then he switches personalities to evil. And then she's still evil and she's like, wait, don't kill him because he's evil. And I like evil people and I don't think evil people should be killed. They should survive. They need to let him out to kill more people. And he's like, and the cops listen because he's like, no. And then he's like, no, you should kill me because she doesn't want you to kill me. So that will make her upset because I'm evil.

I want her to be upset. You are so good at writing movies. And then maybe like. He took my idea and just ran with it so well. And then maybe she switches personality. She's like, I'm a firefighter now. I have to go fight fires. And then the dog.

They have a dog together. The dog switches his personality into a cat, and he starts acting like a cat, and he's drinking milk out of a little bowl. Yeah. And he's like, this could all fall under the opposite day umbrella, too. And then we zoom out,

and it's actually just a guy playing the Sims. All the characters are different Sims that the guy's playing. And then he switches personalities, and he kills all the Sims. Yeah, he goes, I'm actually going to be in a little video game sim player, and I'm going to put them all in a hot tub,

and I'm going to delete my save file. I'm completely deleting my save. And then you can't watch the movie ever again. Yep. And then we zoom out, and it's actually a movie, and it's Donald Trump, and he's sitting in an empty theater by himself, right? And he says, you're fired. This is my favorite movie.

You're fired. I loved how crazy it was. It was completely unexpected. It was entirely unexpected. I didn't know he was going to switch personalities. And then it's another to us who's like, I think this movie just inspired me. I think I might have to run for president. Whoa.

And then that's the beginning of the Trump campaign. And that's the most evil movie ever. And then we zoom out, and it's Hitler, and he wakes up from a dream. But he says, this is my favorite dream. my favorite dream ever. He wants it to have again. I'm going to do a Nazi thing. But then it's another dream. It's the pizza monster from the episode of Jimmy Neutron. And he's waking up from his dream. And he says, and then his wife says, go back to bed, honey. You know kids aren't real. Whoa.

Just it's just same scene from Jimmy Neutron. And then it zooms out again. Okay. And it's the guy from the rom-com, the original guy. It's all a dream he was having. Yes. And then, and then, and you're like oh it was all a dream none of it actually happens and then he wakes up and he and his wife wakes up she like here's a wake up she wakes up too and she turns and was like wasn't all that stuff that happened to us yesterday crazy and that were you and he was like yeah I just dreamed about it all in a row yes and then what do we hear ban on the whole thing was a simpson's couch gag wow oh my god and then the simpsons episode the rest of the episode plays yep and then the end of that um it's he's dream he dreams homer was dreaming it yeah

This is so fucking good. This is going to be fucking one of the hugest movies ever. The movie is called Homer's Dream. Yeah, and it's actually, yes, it's called Homer's Dream. Because that's because you're kind of waiting. Because you're watching that and you're like, oh my God, I know there's going to be a plot twist that makes this Homer's dream. And all the other, you're like, you kind of know it's going to happen. How the fuck is this going to be Homer's dream?

But it's like a seven-hour movie because it's so by the end, you kind of forgot it was called that. And then when it finally shows Homer Dreaming it, it's like, oh, Homer's Dream. It's not like ambiguous as to who. who the Homer is. Homer is on the cover. He's on the poster. He has a pink donut and he's dreaming. It's the exact same poster as the Simpsons movie.

Oh my God, he has a donut shaped pillow. Yes. And then, oh, and when he wakes up from his room, he's thinking of what happened in the movie. And he goes, oh, no, sushi. Because he had, because he ate sushi. Yeah, that proves that it was all the, yeah. That's so good.

And then he goes, crazy personality changer. Ah! Yes. Yes. And then he's like, Donald Trump. Woohoo! Yeah. And then he's working,

and then he's right back to his radioactive job. He's got the kids that fucking don't respect him at all. And then he mutates into the rom-com guy. Yep. Yeah.

Oh, my fucking guy. And then it's a closed loop. Right? Closed loop. Yeah. This is just like that movie. Marge, you know when Marge takes off

her hair and she has bunny ears. Yeah. And then she takes off the bunny ears under that. She's the woman from the rom-com. What's that time travel movie? Which one?

Primer. Primer, not powder. Powder's about the white kid Primer They made a movie about a white kid Yeah it's a movie Powder is a movie directed by a pedophile About a white kid

Same guy who did Jeepers creepers I think Victor Salva Yeah He also made a movie Which I never saw this movie I'm mad that he made it Because it sounds like the best movie ever But it's called clown house

And it's about a haunted house That's filled with clowns That sounds sick That sounds so good But apparently that's the movie Where he like made it like two abused boys. Oh, that's not very good.

That's not very good. Yeah, so I didn't watch that movie. But I feel like I would like someone to remake clown house and take out the kind of pedophile stuff. Isn't that the one? You won't even watch it? Just watch it.

I mean, I don't realize. There was somebody that fought really fucking hard for that guy to still work in Hollywood. Probably a lot of people. No. I think it was Patrick. Francis Ford Coppola. Who gives a fuck?

He's awesome. Yeah, I know. He made the best movies ever. Victor Selva was probably the funniest pedophile to fight. Like, the guy who made Jeepers Creeper, like, at least fight for, like, Polansky. The funniest pedophile. The funniest pedophile to fight for. Yeah, at least fight for a guy makes, like, really good movies.

Yeah, like, incredible. Yeah. Victor Selva made a movie about a green guy. Yeah. And a movie called Clown House. A white kid. An albino. Oh, he's albino.

I don't think he's albino. I think that the thing about that movie is that it's a Disney movie, too, powder. And I think that it's, he falls from the sky and he's completely. stone white white is a stone white is a white stone yeah that makes sense he was as blue as a blue stone I do think we have a list to get to right

oh don't worry about it let's do it come on we got 10 minutes why I would even do the list but I'm looking about I'm reading about clown house now tell me about clown house Casey holy shit this is a list of a list of plot elements from clown house I just want to say one thing that the guy from boondock Saints is the guy in powder the white kid

Wow. That's crazy. It's crazy you can be Irish and white. Here's the plot of Clown House. Casey is an adolescent boy whose life is constantly influenced by his intense fear of clowns. His two older brothers, Jeffrey and Randy, are mostly disobliging. I don't know what that means. One night the three boys are left alone, so they decide to visit a local circus despite Casey's uncontrollable.

I'm reading, Patrick. What does it say? Look at that thumbnail. He looks good. Despite Casey's uncontrollable. colrophobia. That's fear of clowns. While at the circus, Casey innocently visits a fortune teller, and she reveals to him

that his life has been cut short. That his lifeline has been cut short. Meanwhile, three psychotic mental patients who have escaped an insane asylum, murder three clowns and steal their identities of Jizo, Bippo, and Dipo by taking their makeup and costume. Psychotic mental patients who escape the asylum

in a crazy way. That is like he goes to a fortune teller. You're going to be killed by three clowns in your house. That's why I will never have my cards read or my hand just discovered or whatever they call that shit. Oh, Sam Rockwell is in that. It says, yeah, Francis Ford Coppola gave Victor Salva the money to make clown house.

Controversy. The list today, speaking of Homer's dream. Yeah. Top ten things most kids dream of. Oh, this is Bobby the Brony? This is about to be a banger list. Let's save this list for another episode. Because I think it's going to be a banger

And we don't do it justice in 10 minutes Well we should do a short list Yeah We want to do a short list Because we have less than 10 minutes I have a list Yeah let's hear it My top two best friends

Let's hear it What is it? Cameron and Alex I love Alex too He's also one of my close friends That's it To the end of the list Let me I'll do my top three

I'll do my top three best friends Okay, all right. All right. This is going to be good. Patrick? Number one. Yeah. Yeah.

Probably also Alex. I'm thinking Alex. Of course. Who doesn't like Alex? I love Alex. Yeah. So it's like a third one now. Yeah, I know.

I'm trying to think. One second. Yeah. Kate. Yeah. Kate Lynn Olson. Oh, she's great. You know Kate Lynn Olson?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wait, let me do my top three because I did you, Alex, and then three. Yeah, give me the third one. Romeo. The rapper? Yeah.

The child rapper? I guess I could... He's grown now. He's older than me. But I know him from when he's a child rapper. I could go four. I could... Okay.

Let's just expand it, right? I want to just see who make the list. Yeah, we'll see. Patrick, Alex. Yeah. Caitlin Olson. Okay. Uh, Kane, the wrestler.

Oh. Uh-huh. Cane. Do you know Kane? Oh, but biblical, I don't know the biblical King. You don't know the biblical. My fourth one is Bow Wow. Bouser and Bow Wow.

Bouser is not, he's not real. You don't know Bowser? Fifth, probably, uh, little J.J. Who's Little J.J.? From Jess Jordan on Nickelodeon? I don't know that one. He's cool. So, um.

I honestly just have one question and it's what the fuck. What's it why? Because basically I was omitted from each and every one of these lists. Let me keep going on the list. It's kind of like when McElw won the Grammy over Kimmer. Number six. Yeah. Kay Crusader, Batman.

Cool. That's cool that he's your friend. I'm very close friends. Not as close as some of my other friend. Well, it's number six. So it's not close. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Number seven, slightly less close than Batman. man. K. K. Slider. Because you're just random people you know, right? It's not like your best friends are names. My top friends list. Number six for me is Shane Lyons. Who's that? From all that.

Fat white kid from all that. Okay. Why is everybody, why are you specifying when people are white today, huh? Yeah. I'm saying, oh, yeah, they're, oh, whitey. Yeah, powder is about a white guy. Oh, there was a serious white guy over there. Shut up, man. That's fucking rude.

Not everybody, it doesn't matter if somebody's white. There's a fat white kid. But he's just fat. Why does you have to be white, too? But you got to specify his race. What are you racial? What are you racial? Oh, that is a fat white kid.

Okay. Yeah. I'm ready to get, I'm ready to say my next one. Tell me. It's Caleb. Landry Jones The actor You don't know him

He starred in three billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri You don't know him at all And he did not star in that movie Right number what did I say In the movie That was my fifth friend I say he starred in it

Because he's a close friend And I want to give him A lot of credit for what he does You're a shooting star in my fucking life And I don't fucking Well yeah You haven't Speaking of one of your friends

My top two friends are fucking tied For number one Cameron and Patrick Oh well speaking of good Speaking of good friends, best friends, one of my best friends, Joe Gleason just texted me and said, have you guys played this game of Fall Guys?

I'm just playing it alone in my living room and just laughing my head off. That's such a sweet text to get. What an adorable text. That is so lovely. Oh, yeah, him. Definitely put him on the list. And then Angelique Bates.

Who's that? From all that. And I'll do a tie... You did a tied one that it was in spite of me. I don't have any other best friends. It's just you too. But I think the next one... Tied.

All of the actors from Stranger Things. Oh, Lori Beth Denberg, one of my best friends. You don't know Lori Beth Denberg. I met her, actually. Where? Last week. No, you didn't. I did, actually.

I met Lori Beth Denberg. When? We were at the Sourapatch Kids store. Where's that? that it's on it's like around avenue a right it's like in the lower east side the sour patch kid store yeah there's a sour patch kid store it's not around avenue no it's more it's near like union square where'd you guys what what did you meet her like we were eating the same sour patch kid not the same flavor the same kid it's like a big one it was like a eating contest you did an eating contest

with lory bet denberg the sour patch kids and you that's how you met yes did she win yeah I shook her hand, I said, good game. And that's how you met. Yeah. And now she's in your top ten friends. Yes. From eating a patch kid. Once you meet her, you'll get it.

Would I even invite to meet her? I met Katrina Johnson. What's that? From all that? Oh, she did a, she was a little kid who did a Ross Perot impression. It was very cool. K-list friend ever. That's what I call my coolest friend ever.

What's his name? Patrick. He's your K-list friend. ever. Yeah. Not Caleb. Oh, I forgot. That my name is Caleb.

No, Caleb Landry Jones also would say as one of my K-I-S friends ever. Be straight up with me. Where am I on both of your lists? Tell me. I think you're probably after Danny Tamborelli. Which is what spot? That's 10, but I don't know where. So I'm just after 10.

You don't know where I am. Yeah. Because you haven't ranked that far. Where am I on your list, Cam? You're probably like right after Sydney. Sweeney. I will say you're definitely after Nick Cannon. I would hope so. If you know Nick Cannon, I don't even know you fucking... But you're not big that would be for a podcast. You get Nick Cannon on the show. But you are before, you're definitely before Mark Saul. I don't even know who that

is. You're, you're before Mark Zuckerberg for me. Yeah, he's not cool. Yeah. But he's, I mean, you're like one above him. I'm one above Mark Zuckerberg on your list of everybody that you know my best of my friends yeah and he's not your friend at all i like a little you're i mean you're directly before you're directly before jack decina is that your friend he's from all that and he's my friend oh you're also you're tied with uh with um christiano rinaldo that's actually the soccer player yeah of course the soccer the most famous soccer player well because above you is a different christiana rinaldo is just a different guy who lives on my street this is not all that fun for me to hear this kind of

a list. I really, it's not like, it doesn't make me feel good to know that I'm like, not either of your friend. Like, I thought that we were like, three best friends. Okay, I'll give you the number. Yeah. 2002. I'm number 2002 on your fucking friends list.

2002. Well, you're, you're one. You're higher, you're higher than than Kell Mitchell. From Keenan and Kell? No, from all that. What spot am I on your list? Look, I got to re-organize the list because Josh server just texting me some crazy shit.

I'll move you up some. This is just fucking, I just don't, I can't even fuck. I might be able to slot you in at 1970. On my list, you're now both tied for spot number two. Who's number one? I don't have one yet. We're looking, I can't think of anybody else that I'm friends with. Well, don't text.

But I do have a lot of other friends that have been on different TV shows, even as kids. and maybe they've played soccer before, okay, and they've done tons of awesome fucking shit, and they've done eating contests too, and they're big and fat. Okay, but I have tons of other friends. But you guys are tied for number two and you actually went down

an entire fucking spot on my list. That's really fucked up. That's not nice to do. All I can say is that you have just moved definitely below Leon Frierson. What's he from? All that. Yeah.

You're off my list. Until you move me back to place number one. I'm going to come back next week and we're going to have a I might have a new list that's my friend's list that has different cartoon characters and things that I've seen

and food that I've eaten and you guys will be probably below number one on that. That's fine because that stuff's not real. Yeah, all right, whatever. I'm fucking done. Turn the show off. Yeah, go buy tickets for Brooklyn. Brooklyn Show.

August 5th and 6th. Swagpoop.com slash shows. Of August. Of August. And Seattle and Portland. still also at that same link buy a shirt or two or three or four or five or six or seven, eight, nine, ten.

Any number, it doesn't matter to me as long as that's not zero on swag poop.com slash shop, not store. Dot shop slash shop. Slash shop.com. Slap chop. Slap chop. All right, bye. All right. To play us out, we'll be playing all that theme song.