Podcast About List - Ep. 208 - The Great Flood

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

The boys have suffered a great natural disaster, how will they get out of this one? Will their friendship crumble underwater? How will they read a list with no service or wi-fi? Remember to venmo request money from Patrick. Get some tickets for our Halloween show at http://swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and D&D episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist

Come in, come there, come in, and me see your butt. All right. It's a crap monster. Basically, something crazy happened today. There's the worst day of our lives. It was not the worst day. It's one of them. It's up there with one of the worst things that's ever happened to us.

You walked in and you went to go buy paper towels. I will say that you're coming right out of the gate saying that it's the worst day. Two and a half hours after it flooded. I asked you to go get paper towels. I forgot that I was supposed to get paper towels. And then you got the worst mop ever, which you already had three of. And then I sent you back to go get paper towels. And then you did come back with paper towels.

I came back with four rolls. Basically, the office completely flooded last night. We lost a lot of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. No. We're going to need a lot of funds. Or yeah.

We lost a lot of... We lost a lot of pieces of... Actually buy some equipment. We lost a lot of pieces of paper. and dirt, which are very important for our creative process. We had things that were priceless. We had completely priceless. You couldn't put a price on them.

So basically, there's an infinite number of money that you could. If you want to donate to us, then go to the Patreon or go to our ticket shows. Just go to one of our shows. Or Venmo at Dr. Phil McGrath. No, don't give him any money. You don't need any money. Everybody requests a lot of money from that Venmo, make it really annoying. Yes. Please do that. That is what you get. Start requesting tens of thousands of dollars. If you're listening to this right now. No, don't do that either. And Venmo Cameron Fedder, 16? No. Why would it be 16? A random number.

The year you were born. I was not born in 2016. Pitts, 1997. No, but that is my Insta, though. Go check that out. Go check out. That's another way you can show support. Go check that Insta. Check out my likes. Also, check out my TikTok, Caleb Pitts. It's 1997. Oh, my God. I think is what it's called. Maybe it's Caleb Pitts the comedian. It might be that, too. I don't remember. I think I tried to do that, and it was already taken or something.

Caleb Pitts. Caleb Pitts the comedian. Caleb Pitts comic. What's up? There's somebody impersonating you. Their name is Cameron, and their at is Nabirah Truth, and it's not you. Because I sent them a video, and they said, why did you send me this? It is crazy.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't go in for all that social media shit. I'm more into books talking with your friends in person. I don't fuck with that anymore. Yeah. I don't go in for that bullshit. Basically, I've gotten my screen time sub, sub 20, 30 minutes a day. Really?

Yeah, so I just, I'm basically just kind of cruising through life, actually putting my head, looking at what's in front of me, got forward amulation going on. Meanwhile, my screen time on my, my sub, my submarine, way up. I've been taking it out on many voyages. Screen time? Yeah, you're talking to talking to Tom. I'm an old old, old captain. in accent i've been practicing for my submarine that i've been taking out on voyages is there

screen yeah it's a radar as i i'm scared that doesn't a radar doesn't count by for screen time well you tell them that because i still get the notifications every week he's got he's got a he's got your radar time is up at 24 hours a day look at what Jesus Christ what am i using radar 23 hours 45 minutes google maps 15 yeah I'm taking my submarine to Taco Bell, to McDonald's, to Europe. They should set it up on Google Maps so that it's like a radar, and it blinks, and you see everybody else who's using Google Maps. I saw the Google Street View car. I think I might be on the street ends pretty soon.

I bet you show you show you nuts. I did a rock-on sign. I can show you. I can show you, because I was at home this weekend. My old apartment building, I am in front of my old apartment on Google, on Apple Maps. Really? Yeah. What are you doing?

I'm looking at the... It looks exactly like Sasquatch. It looks exactly like the photo of Bigfoot. You hit Bigfoot on Apple Maps? I'm blurry. Then it's not you? That is unmistakably me. Oh, that's you, man.

If you want to see it, 200-206 Harvard Ave on Apple Maps, look around. I didn't find that. I remembered, I was showing my girlfriend. I was like, I think I'm on street view. here, and then I looked around the street on Apple Maps, yeah, I'm right there. You can also see me in the door of my old apartment.

Like, I'm looking out... You're in both? I'm looking out at the car, and I'm like, is that the Apple Maps car? You can see like my, like, a tiny, like, thing of my face. I went to check if they put me on Google Street View yet, but I forgot we have no service. Yeah, well, that's a... Apparently the flood took out every cell tower in New York.

It fried out my router, my gaming router that I bought. The flood did break Patrick's gaming router. Naming the flood. I'm hearing the halo sound. Oh. Yeah. But the flood basically, but I want to think of this.

I'm hearing the other Halo song in these headphones right now. Halo, Halo, Halo. We say, Halo, Halo, Halo. I love that song. I want to play Halo. Halo. I want to play Halo. Listen.

Hey, what's her name? Beyonce has got Halo. What's her name? What the hell's her name? What's her name? Beyonce has got Halo. Bruno Mars has grenade. Yeah.

Okay, yeah. Halo Top, I'd like to get some... Jordan Sparks guy has Battlefield? What's next? You're gonna sing Call of Duty? Okay, Jordan is working on the Super Mario Bros theme song in one of their games. Yeah.

Would that be like, ban-a-da-da-da-da-da-da. Something like that. That's not it. No. No, that would be, yeah. I don't remember what you game. Speaking of, we were talking Tom earlier.

You were talking about talking Tom earlier. Well, yeah, there's a... For one second, you're not even talking about it. You just said it. There's a new streamers, and they do these videos where they call Talking Tom and Talking Ben at 3 a.m. And my nephews are obsessed with this shit. And I couldn't get away from it all weekend.

It's called Lanky Vision. So why are you putting them on then? I'm putting them on because I got really, I got really mad because they sell these, like, Lanky Vision surprise boxes at Walmart. And they were saying, like, the only way to save yourself from Talking Tom at 3 a.m. is to go and buy a lanky box from Walmart.

That's just smart marketing. You're getting mad at that? I'm getting mad because there are plenty of other ways to save yourself from Talking Tom at 3. I would say that's clearly. Like maybe I don't know going to a podcast about this live show. I would say that that's clearly some kind of like democratic leftism way of trying to get people to not buy firearms and have legal protection of themselves. They're like, oh, no, you don't need a firearm. Because what else is at Walmart guns?

Yeah, you don't need a firearm. You just go to that aisle. You just need to get a box to defend yourself from Talking Town. Buddy, if talking Tom knocks on my fucking door at 3 in the morning, he's going to meet my steel. I'm blowing him away, yeah. And I have my shotgun filled. Listen, two birdshot, one buckshot, right?

Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump. I mean, it's my buckshot. Yeah, he's going to be my gunshot. I just completely blow his head off with the chain on my nunshunds. I had to register my forehead as a deadly weapon because I was head button. I mean, because look at it. It's got a point. Look at that.

They said that there was EXE dripping off of Talking Tom at 3 a.m., which showed that he was glitching. He was glitching at 3. They said that there was a... The thing that they were saying was that, I forget, I think it was called the Blippy Glitch or something.

He's gonna, I'm gonna glitch him with my blicky. Yeah, do you? Honestly, Talking Tom's, these days, he's getting up there on my list of my ops. I did see, I did see, in that one video, you can kind of see Blippy's glitch, this spot in between his bum and his... Yeah.

His ball holders. Remember when Sharon Stone's blippy glitched on that movie? No, that was her glitch. The glitch is what it's the space between your thinger and your backside. Well, what's a blipy? She was showing her glitch and I was rubbing my blipy. That's a blipy is a man. You're rubbing it?

Rubbing your dick like that. I was rubbing my bilipi. You're blipy? No, Billipi. I found, I accidentally stumbled on one of those child, like four children streamer type guys. he stumbled on a child i stumbled on because i was i was trying to see um you know how you can child and he started streaming all over you were watching these for for i was watching them because my nephews would not you were glued to the control of the tv you said it yourself you could not

tear yourself away from it i wanted to watch paramount plus and all their awesome shows you know how you can you know how you can buy like on eba you can get like a cursed doll or like a cursed like a cursed like antique or a cursed toy yeah i was trying to think like what you do it like a little john Cursed Antique, I'd love to curse Antifa Okay, that's fine I'm listening I'm listening, I'm listening, I'm listening, I'm listening, I'm trying out new You don't even care

I'm trying out new ways of time. You can, well, you could try it out during your own thing. How do you ad lib your own speech? You have to figure it out. Okay, well, you finish your story About a scary doll. Not even that good, it wasn't even about a doll. Okay, well, you basically ruined the whole flood vibe now.

I think the flood is tearing us apart by making you be so mean to me that I want to cry. See, I know, and then I try, you don't even acknowledge. it. Well, because I don't know what this is. I don't know who's... That's my ad lib. Oh.

Double it. Oh, double it. Remember that from... Double it. So it's not your ad lib, then. Remember it from what? My speech pattern.

Remember it from your songs that you make? Oh, no, I don't... But I thought that maybe it would be great if I could find on Craigslist or eBay, if I could find in the... Well, eBay also, they have a whole section called metaphysical. Really? It's all cursed and magic items.

But I really wanted to find either cursed Lego. or a cursed bionicle or like something like that. There isn't. There's none of it. And I found that out because I googled cursed Legos. And all I found was like a streamer for children who was like playing Gmod and was like, I found a cursed Lego car in the game. And it's just like it's a 20 minute video and they're being like, this Lego car is cursed.

Oh my God. It's so annoying. It's literally like. What I found out also, the word cursed is ruined forever because of cursed pictures. Yeah. People, when you search for a cursed bionicle, all you find is cursed bionicle, all you find is cursed bionicle pictures. someone put a dildo on a bionicle. Right.

Like, you know, I want a bionicle that's, like, motivated by hatred. That is completely curbed. Okay, so it's the original. That's how all the streamers, all those, like, children streamers talk, too. It's the most annoying, I literally was not allowed. If I changed the channel, they'd be like, what the, no! And, like, it was, they, it's like, they glue, it's like the fucking, like,

uh, silver shamrock thing. Yeah. For Halloween three, these kids cannot stop watching these fucking streamers. And they all talk, like, they're like, like, like, like, Oh, this is completely haunted. You can actually see the EXC glitch inside of talking about. I don't want to see a haunted glitch. I want to see a haunted real item.

Yeah, I'm with you there. Yeah. I, um, we got to stop talking about streamers because it's making you guys do this. Right. Some annoying voices I've ever heard in my life doing these impressions. Yeah. Yeah, they're really hurting my ears. What was that?

I was just trying on my head. That was a Scooby-Doo. And did I throw a little hissy baby fit when you made your Scooby-Doo so? I don't remember. throwing a hissy baby I remember bringing up cogent and logical points. Oh, you can't say

yeah like little John because I hate rap. That's a thwump. I was doing my adlet Double it. Oh, oh. Oh. They should put a

perfectly tight adlet of all times. That got me so good. We should be putting more adlets I can't wait for the guys who start podcasts and do the head of the soundboard because it's how radio is. We have, I will say the flood is giving us a, the flood. The flood, the, holy shit. Hold up.

The flood is giving us a good opportunity, Homer, to make some changes because it's a, it's a, it's a, what, think about the great flood in the Bible biblical story. Or it's MPC. Canon. Danin. Danan. Danan. The flood was the beginning The flood was the new beginning

The flood was Danon's beginning Listen, the flood is a new beginning Right? Everything is a new Right? And so... I wish Jonah's Ark was in here We have Joe in the office Yeah, that's true I don't know what Novark is

Was here to help clean He was He was. I'll say this He did his piece more than you Oh really? Yeah, no, he did a pretty good job He was here Well then I wish Alex was here to help clean

Alex has a job Oh right Yeah Okay, so I wish Pierce was here to clean up his mess He doesn't even work here I wish Patches came here to clean up his mess Patches is a hold your mic a little closer to your face

Sorry, I was He was taking it away because he said damn Yeah, I'm prepped for my damn Yeah That was so good You sound like a cartoon volcano Jesus fucking Christ I'm about to explode

Oh my God You should be a voice actor We should try What about me? Do you think I should Okay, wait, listen to this. You think I could be a Yoshi actor? No.

See, that was better. That was so much better. And I thought that because he has a little bit deeper of a voice, he wouldn't be able to reach that. What are you, a phone? No, that's what, okay, that's what Yoshi does when he throws an egg. Well, but I'm more interested in this new character now. Okay, we've heard Yoshi before.

His name is Cameron Peter. Really? And can you do some more soundy? I have to say I like these sounds. It sounds a lot better when they're in the middle of someone else talking. I feel like it really elevates them. It almost creates like a soundscape, you know? Can we put this in stereo and maybe we could have...

Yeah, I think we could master this in 5.1. Yeah, I feel like, can you imagine, dude, sit and just cranking up, sitting in front of the full speaker system of guitar center? Mm-hmm. That would have been really good. Mm-hmm. Nice. This is quality stuff. Yeah.

People are really going to like this. No, I was going to be... Holy shit. Don't do that. That's disgusting. What? That didn't do anything. That almost sounds like a mouth.

You ever watch the roast battles where they, like, the guy, uh, keeps hitting the holy shit button too much? No. Oh. Those are the worst. No, because it's, it sounds exactly that's, holy shit. I think that roast battles, I mean, I just don't... I used to be so into those. You used to be big, big into roasts?

Like the ones at the stand? Yeah. Really? I used to go watch all those on YouTube. I watched those on YouTube and Leconia. in a lakes region community college i had nothing i would leave them on in the background i they're all just skinny white guy i used to be really yeah i used to be really into physics or sometimes they'll get a fat person and somebody who has a clear disability and they'll make

them go at each other yeah yeah yeah the guy that there's that one ross comic who's in the wheelchair if he's good rose battles were more like a like a Naruto like tournament arc where everyone has a clear power you have a superhuman ability and there's 32 two of them, and it's a bracket. That's what they try to do at, like, the stand or whatever by putting, like, the hadoucan sounds and shit. Do they have anybody who can control sand, though, or maybe who is, uh, I don't think they have a, oh, who is a Japanese warrior? They do.

They say, if it's at the Apollo, the sandman can come and take you off the stage. True. That's true. He's got a cane. Uh-huh. Can you imagine that happening to you, bro? Dude, imagine you get a tomato. Can you imagine you going up at the Apollo?

You're doing, you're doing Greg Peppers. Yep, you're doing Greg Pepper. You're doing Greg Peppers. I'm not doing that soundscape. And you get pulled off the... The first time I ever saw... Bo Peep or whatever. You know, when you're like a kid and you...

Something that I did in college. Yeah. Material I wrote in college. Absolutely. Just like, get off the stage. Yep. That was a good one. That was a good voice.

When you're like a kid and you see something for the first time and you, it's the, like, just the first time that I saw, like a cane pulling somebody off stage was in... That's the funniest thing. Was in Shrek or a Shrek,

or a Shrek, or whichever Shrek that happens in. It happens to, I think, the three blind mice. And I remember thinking, like, oh, that's a Shrek thing. I think I remember. It's a Shrek joke that they do this. I think it happens in, uh, who framed Roger Rabbit. When you start to notice tropes.

Troops. Troops. That breaks your fucking brain. It breaks your heart, honestly. Breaks your heart because it's like there's no original. And it breaks your creativity most of all, though. Are you telling me there's a, there's a hero and a love interest? Wait, I recognize that trope.

That's scary teeth. That's when the monster has sharpened scary teeth. That's from jaws. That's, That's been in millions of movies. It's in the actually starting... Where's the originality? This is a trope.

This has been in every single one of these war movies I've watched. This is the Hitler trope. Yeah. He's in every single... What are you doing in here? That was the fast and damaging bullet trope. Bullet just killed this character completely. It's fast and damaging.

What's up, Alex? I didn't even hear him come in because I'm wearing these headphones, and you guys, your eyes were just shifting behind me, and it scared me so bad. I thought something was happening. You think you had a beast behind you? I thought there might be something behind. I was ready to say he's right behind.

I was saying Alex is a beast on the mic. True. That's right. Yeah. What if he came in here and he was not Alex, but he's a giant bee? A giant bee? A giant bee. You want to say something, Alex?

Webo, webo, webo. You do not know how on theme that is done for this episode. That was incredible. Yeah. That's a new character everyone we're going on. What's? Webo. When he goes what?

He's a robot from the future. Really? He mostly says his name He's programmed just to say Why are you wearing a lab coat? You look good You look good You look official

Yeah you do look good Are you giving it to? It's not a scrub Get out of here You're explaining someone else's thing Yeah go get the fuck out of here Stop smelling your armpits You might want to wash

You might want to wash it Because there was a flood Yeah. Yeah, we cleaned everything. No thanks to you. But go take your lap coat. Yeah, yeah. You saw the text and you said, I'm not going. Were you, wait, wait, wait. Were you working or were you just at our apartment the whole time? Yeah. All right. That's fair. All right. That was fair. Thanks, man. Yep. We'll see you later. Bye. Bye. This guy's a piece of shit. Completely ruined the episode. You guys a piece of shit. Ruin the episode. And we indulged him by just talking to him.

And look, and look, he's poop, he's pooping on the floor. Oh my God, he's fucking rubbing around. No, he's doing the, he was pantomimeing eating pussy at me. I don't even want to hear that word. Just say eating thing. Yeah. Okay, eating glitch. Guys, I'll say it.

I fucking love eating pussy. Don't say that. I fucking love it. Don't say that. Is that, is that menonist or male feminist? I love eating that thing. And I just love putting another, you know what my favorite part about it is? When you're eating it and then you also put your fingers inside of it.

I'm on that. thing like a fucking rack of ribs doing that thing when that... I'm gnawing it. I'm like a rat at the bottom of a tracts or uvula. That's what's sexy to me is being able to put my fingers into something while I lick it. Yeah, because that's

a gaping hole. Yeah, a hole that I just... A wet hole. It's so gross. You know it's okay. Sex is completely disgusting. No, not so. Women's bodies. Oh, okay. That dude, I'm in there and it's like every second I'm making a sound like a bootstepping in a puddle. I'll say, just

rapid as fire. This one, I'm in there, like, ugh, double it. The penis in the balls make perfect geometrical sense and geological sense, too. And they don't smell. And they don't smell bad. They do smell. They smell normally. Yeah. It is crazy how

why do your balls... It's crazy how much it smells like paper. What? Paper? Y'all know that smell? No. I'm not familiar, but the paper's... Your balls smell like paper. Balls and Dick, both smelled like red paper.

Who did that? There's got to be a Scooby in here. We've detected a Scooby in the old piece. That's Scooby signature. Do you think that you would, do you, okay, so I guess I haven't experimented with this, and I'm curious if maybe you guys have, would you like the smell of another guy's balls, or is it like, oh, you only like your own balls? I think unquestionably I would like the smell of another guy's balls.

I think there's zero down in my mind. two, but wanted you to say it first. I think if somebody gave me jars, and it was, it was, I don't think I could tell the difference between my ball smell and someone else's. It was a, but I guess I haven't. It was a Yankee candle. It's a Yankee candle. It just says Zach Braff's ball sack.

No, no, listen, if it was, if it was three mason jars, it was a Yankee candle, the smell of, like, my, my, like, wife's shirt or something, like the perfume she wears, and then a guy's balls, it random, any guys. balls. Zach Brath. I would be like, Zach Brath ball sack. If I didn't have the context of like, it wasn't labeled, I would smell that and be like,

oh, that smells like pretty good. Like, that smells like home to me, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I think that maybe, I guess, I guess that I probably, I've definitely, I've definitely, I've absolutely have caught indirect of other guys' balls. I'm sure that I've smelled it without realizing it. But not very much.

What do you think I am? You've been to the gym. You know that smell. Yeah, you're looking good. Yeah, all right. Yeah, look at that. But I feel like I've probably caught a whiff, you know, in a locker room or walking by on the street if someone's wearing a stinky underpants that comes out.

Those balls are loud a-f. Well, that's what I'm saying. I can't call to mine when I have. You're right. So I'm not sure that maybe I would have, maybe if I'm like nose deep in a guy's crotch, he's been sweating all day and it might smell completely different than I expect. I might have my own smell and I don't know because I'm not. When you go outside and you smell that, bye-bye.

I'm not little rover fido sniffing up into a guy's between his legs. I'm not going to do it, but I love the mystery of it. I think you're wrong. I think if you smell a guy's balls on the street, it's like passing by a subway. You're immediately like, oh, that's balls. Yeah. That's balls, and I like that. But I'm not sure I've ever smelled balls on the street, I guess.

Then you probably never have smelled them on the street. I'm also completely a mouth breather. I don't smell anything ever. Oh, I didn't know that. You're basically, it doesn't matter. your opinion holds no way. You don't smell anything. You know that smell?

I do smell stuff, but... It's a New York trash smell. Yeah. It's the one that smells exactly like the best cheese in the world, but it's the worst smell. Definitely. It smells like cheese. Your brain is confusing things a little bit. It smells like cheese, and if it was a cheese, it would be like, it's a smelly cheese, but it tastes...

There's a smell connection in my brain that I don't think make, that I think makes almost no sense. And I'm going to open up to you guys. here okay I'm ready so I'm ready for all the jokes here but I really whenever I open a jar of peanut butter it makes me think of the smell of a dog and I assume it's because we feed my dog peanut butter as a treat right just every thing you can't control it every time I it I don't the smells are not the same obviously but when I smell it I'm like my brain is like that smells like a dog it's like a dog has been in this jar just since I'm I'm 100% serious I smell peanut butter I think of my dog And then I looked down and there's just a puddle on my front.

See, this is what the jokes I was, I was trying to get ahead of here. But I'm completely serious. They're lazy. I don't want to go there. I will say, I do kind of agree because, but that's because I realized the other day. Because the thing, there already is a food that smells like dogs and it's corn chips. That's already it. It's corn.

It's cone. Yeah, dogs smell like corn chips. If they have a certain, there's a dry and warm dog, some of them have some kind of like fungus or bacteria or something that creates that smell. Yeah, the top of a dog's head smells like a frito. People say it's like fredos, yeah, exactly. Any time I smell, um, go home and smell Phil, he smells like fritos. Yeah, 100%.

That's, that's, that's documented, that's normal. But I've never met another person who thinks that peanut butter smells like a dog. Yeah. And I, but I can't, I don't know. I think that, I will say since I got Phil, I've probably eaten zero peanut butter. It's like, really. Because I feed him to him every other day or whatever. Yeah, it becomes dog food.

I think, I think that's what it has had a peanut butter in my house. Same with like Doritos. I think that's what it is is that we had a separate peanut butter jar for the dog and maybe that one started to smell like dog or something and then like I don't even, I just don't understand it. I definitely slowed way down on TV.

That, that natural peanut with a teddy. Shit you got a fucking... I got the teddy. I give him the teddy. Yeah, I'm a good dog owner. Yeah, you gotta squirt that shit. What? You don't squirt. You can squirt that shit. What are you talking? It's a jar of peanut butter. What are he squirting? How do you squirt that or?

Dan, do you... Squirt that earl? It's got to be the worst episode. This episode ever, dude. These people are going to... No, no one's going to feel bad about the flood at all. We're just being... No, yeah.

It's the most annoying episode of all time. We're, you know... Traumatized. We're completely traumatized. We're traumatized. There's a lot of emotion inside of us right now. A lot of people use being annoying and using types of humor as coping for being traumatized.

And I've done it my whole life. Saying Danin loudly is a coping strategy. It doesn't even make sense. Double it, double it. You can't steal other people. Guys, I'm not... I'm collaborating. You started it, so you should feel...

You should see that. You're still responsible. Here's a thing I can talk about. So, I... A spot on your pants. You see, well, it's a brown spot. And it's exactly what it looks like. I'm listening. It's poo-poo?

You've been wearing these all day, and you didn't tell us you have do-do on your pants. What if I rubbed your knee? It's a do-do. I tried to get it out with a shout. What if I did a joke about you being Santa Claus? Let me tell the story here. Okay. So I found it.

So I left, it was a Money Mondays. I left a Money Mondays. I found a cat walked up to me in the street with no eyes. Yes, I remember. Turns out it had an infection in its eyes. Yes. But these two cats walk up to me. I immediately, I picked them up.

I'm walking down the street. I walked all the way home from the office with two kittens in my hands. Like French Montana with the tigers. Yeah. I was walking around like that, like two, like probably, I think I live like five blocks away. I walked five city blocks with just two holding two kittens, just going like,

oh, geez. I walked out, like Morty. That's exactly what I was going to say. Oh, geez, Rick, I guys are kittens in my... Oh, geez, Rick, what am I going to do with these two cats? Uh, and then I, well, okay, so I'm, I'm petting one of them and I'm like, oh, man, this one's, this one's like, this one's like, this one's like, uh, he shits all over me. You were like, what?

I was like, this one's like, this one's like, yeah, yeah. My little boy, my little baby. And he fucking shit-shitted all over me. It was that long ago? The stain has not. The stain hasn't left because... No, no, no, no. I washed them.

And then the stain wasn't gone and you put them back on? Yes. You put... Dude, you know what stains are made out of. Yes, I know. The thing that it is. I tried... I sprayed it with shout.

I tried everything. And then you put the pants... You weren't like, I'm going to leave these pants off for a while. These are my favorite pants. I need to put them back on. These are your favorite pants? They shouldn't be any more. They're just green.

are the perfect fit pants. Look at how they look at how they look on me. Right now it looks, it's giving you a fake boner and there's a hole in them. They gotta, they gotta sell these pants somewhere. You gotta be able to get new pants, man. You got doo-doo on them. Well, I can't, because I have to pay you

to fix the whole flood. You're gonna pay you to fix the whole thing. I'm putting all the money down. Okay, all right, that's fine by me. Sounds good to me. If the price to pay for that is some poopy pants, that's okay. And then that cat died. You got what he deserved.

One of them died. Yep. He had panleukapenia. What the hell? Why would you tell people this? Kittenades. That's got to be the quickest way to ruin an episode of the podcast. To talk about a cat that died in your care.

Uh-huh. Yep. It wasn't my fault. No. Yeah. He should have been standing under my foot. Exactly. Yeah.

It wasn't directly your fault. Yeah. And then I, well, I've been taking care of the other one. That's what I tell the police. She just died in my apartment. Yeah. She was just in there. It's not my fault.

She had something. She pooped on me. She pooped on me, so she died. She pooped and ruined my favorite pants. Look at this spot. It is what you think it is. It's a woman's blood. Yeah.

And poop. Tell you what would suck. Having a period. That's, uh, man. I've been thinking about that a lot recently. Look, I have a period. I don't think about trying to get myself a period. You have a period of where I'm eating too damn many chips.

Dannon. And when would that period be? Maybe before your food gets it there. Mexican restaurant. Here's the thing about these chips. Buddy, I'm filling up on the... Let's go. Let's go.

Hey, listen. Here, I'll stand up for this. All right, come on. Hey, come on. Hey, Mexicans, listen. Stop bringing all those chips to the fucking table, bro. Yeah, here's the thing. Okay, let me stand up.

All right, yeah. All right, listen up. Mexicans. Yeah. Okay? You guys. Okay, but you better say the chips thing. Mexicans.

No, no. No, just say it. When I finish. the first bowl of chips. Yeah. Don't bring me a second bowl of chips. I don't want them. Mexicans?

No, all. You're leaning too hard. I'm not leaning at all. I'm standing straight up. I immediately regret it in saying the Mexican's saying. All right. All right. All right.

Pat's standing up now. Yo, yo, Tango. Trabehar. Trapehar. Trapping hard. Trapping hard.

Chabaho. Isn't that Trevago? Yo Tengo Trevago. Yep. and los banio the bathroom

what bano the singer bono impersonation of Bono this is your Bono impersonation

is that what you're saying he's a completely different nationality you think Bono is Spanish speaking He's a baño impersonation nor It er.

Personesion Norner. Perseesioner. Norner. Oh, Norner. Yeah. Oh. Norner, that guy. All right, listen.

I'd like to apologize to the brave people of Mexico. Chips! I'd like to apologize to the brave people of Mexican restaurants, too. Yeah. The chips, listen, the chips, as long as you keep them free. You keep the chips free, you're going to see a lot of me. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Oh, that's good. We should put that in an almanac. Uh-huh. What's an almond? You say almond stack? An almanac. Mm. Oh, I'd love to have an almond stack of wasabi almonds.

How are you going to stack an almond? Their shape is not... You can stack them if you shave them down. You ever do the thing where you try to get all the skin off the almond and leave just the nut? No. And then it doesn't taste as good. No. And then you realize, it's like a rotissory chicken.

I have to say, it's the best part. It's odd behavior. You know, they sell, like... Maybe I'm odd. The keto. Chips. I'm basically normal.

I don't want to I don't want to start a fucking or anything. But normal people don't do that. What? Take all the skin

off an almond. That's weird. Normal people don't smell peanut butter and think of a dog. You smell calm and you think of a dog. That is low.

That is so low. Your penis is low. If I smell a dogs come I'll think of a dog, duh. Why do you recognize a dog's come? Because it came out of a dog's penis

onto my floor or lap. Why is it going on your lap, man? Because it's grinding on my knees. You can't. That's not your fault. If the dog starts using you as like a device to masturbate with. You can't, yeah, exactly.

It's your, I think at that point it is your choice. You don't have a moral obligation to swat the dog away. But it's... What about a cat? Because there's... I don't... Cats don't hump, right? I've never owned a...

No, I've owned boy cats. But I've never owned a boy cat that wasn't fixed. And I'm really nervous because he's getting... Getting around the, my, Mohamed, my little, what's Mo. I think he might fuck your face or something? I think he might cheese all over my couch. That's okay. He's done so much of that couch already.

You're deciding whether or not. You watched him on Saturday. Yeah, he pooped everywhere. He pooped on the wall. He pooped on the wall, the couch, a blanket, the floor. So he's a street cat, and I, uh, when I met him, he had a switch plate, and he was pointing it at me. Yeah, so you slick his hair back? Like, uh, he's a $2.

Shilabuff. Yeah. Tombstone. No. Liam Nees. I think you were talking about, uh, better off dead. Holy crap. Oh, he says two dollars.

Better off Saul. The show's over. Bring it back. Mm-hmm. Um, so he pooped on the wall. Yeah. I think he had already pooped on the wall when, when we got there. Yeah.

Because he was having problems with, uh... He poops. He, so what happens is with this cat, which I learned, which, uh, I was not, I was, we were told halfway through into watching him, which I'm very glad that Alex told us this because I can't believe no one else told us this because this is maybe I'm pretty sure I told you. No, you did not say what I'm about to say. This is the number one most important thing I should have known

watching this cat is that if he meows, he's about to blast diarrhea everywhere. Yeah. And I was not informed about this at all. Every time he meowed three times. I didn't know that. Every time he meowed when we were watching him, he started pooping everywhere.

Wow. And otherwise, we would have assumed like any other person watching a cat that if it meows, maybe we'll pick it up and put it on our lap or something. And we were told that just in time. And I can't believe that that was not that was, that was, yeah. Good God Almighty. I know. But he pooped every, really just, it was crazy. Dude, it's brutal. Yeah, it was really, really, really gross. You clean it up with like a, like a shop sweep, like a shop room? Yeah, we got to do that. And then, like, I have a, I have these wet wipes

that smell like Japanese cherry blossoms And I have to wipe It's chlorox wipes No, no, it's pet wipes Oh, the ones we were using Where Chlorox works Yeah, he

Because that's the That's the opposite Oh, I thought you meant wiping his butt You weren't wiping his butt With chlorox I was not wiping his butt Who's wiping a Why would I wipe it?

You're wiping his butt? I have to Why? Did you see his butt? I did see his butt I'm not touching that thing Dude, it's fucking nasty It's covered in poop

I'm just trying to make sure... I'm wiping his butt every time he poohs. I have to make sure this thing is like okay for the next people who own them. I think if you watch someone else's kid and the kid shits or pisses in its diaper, that's not my problem. Yeah. That's your problem. I'm not clean up the poop, but I'm not going to wipe his butt.

No, you should have emptied him before I got him. Yeah. That's that simple. I wasn't asking you to wipe my cat's butt. Yeah, you were. But you thought that maybe I might. have been wiping his butt. Yeah.

You were hoping. There's been many times where I've had to wipe his butt. I could tell that he needed somebody to wipe his butt and it would not be me. I was not getting paid. I was doing it for love of the game.

Clearly you don't like the game if you're not wiping its butt. That's because he has a impacted anal gland. That is a timeout. That's a huge part of the game. That's a huge part of the game. Love of the game is looking at the cat and going aw and petting it

and playing with it with a toy. That's the game. You have no vitality. Vitality? What do you mean? You have no constitution. Yes. You're weak.

So you would have wanted to wipe the cat's butt while you were there. It's part of the job. I was not getting paid. It was not a job. You get paid. I did not get paid. You don't know that. If I had gotten paid, I would have wiped the cat's butt.

What if he's been withholding payment just because of how? I'll come to your house and wipe the cat's butt if you pay me. How much? $60. Wipe a cat's butt for $60. That's easy. I'll do it for $1. 50. Yeah, there's a much

lower amount of money I would do that for. I'll do it for 40? Wait, I can't, I'm bidding myself out of the fucking thing. I'm stupid. Do I hear 30? 30 going once. To wipe his butt, like a good wipe? Am I doing it all day? Yes. Oh, all day? Fuck you. It's all, I'll do it once. Yeah, I'll do it once for... I'll do it once for 10 bucks.

That was the number I had in my head. I think that's the lowest I would go. His butt legit looks like goatsy. It's really nasty. Legit. He's got yoga. I can, I can, I can, I can tell you as an outside observer, too. It's not just his butt that is the gross part is that he gets poop all over his entire back

of his body. It's been a rough couple. I have barely been home, too. I feel like an asshole because I left this fucking cat that I found. You wouldn't know what a asshole feels like because you've been sticking your finger in that thing. I wish I could just put on a rubber glove

and just poke that gland back into its butt. What about a piece of cork? honestly I'll do any any solution to put to plug up Mo's butt so he stops pooping yeah yeah he does need to stop Mo you know what it is is because he's on the kitten meal replacement uh-huh and I need some of that dude that stuff looks so fire dude it has you his food it looks so good dude I saw him eating it and I was like dude I need that shit is that like is that is that like I can't look up a picture because there's no Wi-Fi but trust me just describe it it's fuck it looks so good dude it's like it's like it's like it's like it's

It's like an AI content-aware fill of chili. Yeah. Looks the same coming out as it does going on. His poop or? No, the food. Yeah, well, his food, I had to mix the white formula in with, like, the pattee chicken and stuff. Pate chicken, this fucking cats live in large. I'm making sure, dude, this cat is eating paté and you're wiping his ass for him?

What kind of fucking richy-rich spoiled brat are you raising? I'm making sure he stays on. Back to health, you're raising him to be a fucking brat, man. You got a spoiled-ass rich fucking cat. Maybe I need to start disciplining him more. You have? You've had a bon-mee.

They put pat-te on a bond-me. Not on the ones I'm getting. They may put mayonnaise on the ones, I get it. No, they put pat-e on a good, no. I don't get a place to we go in Boston. They put the pat-A on it. Yeah, they do. That's a lie. No, it's mayo.

It's like a pat-e. Yeah, it's like a pat-e. No. You're both looking at me like you wanted me to settle it. They don't put in sat-a. Look up bond me recipes. Yeah, let's use the Wi-Fi. I can't look anything up.

Not. Oh, yeah, we don't have a list because we can't have access. I thought maybe we could do a fun, figure out what is a list. Well, the Caleb's Cup has a list. Okay, wait, list of bond-mea ingredients. What? You have access? You have what?

What? You have a service? I have LTE. Why didn't we, what? You didn't tell us? You just let us think there was no hope? What's wrong with you? Okay, bread, pork, sauce.

Oh, my God. Coriander. There's no patte on that? Wait. I've never heard of paté on a Bon Mie. What if the paté is the sauce? Then they would call it paté. Why are you saying?

It's just sauce. Bon Mie patte. Authentic Bon Mee cooking with Lane. I've never had an authentic bond me. I just have the cheap ones. That's true. I've never had patte. I don't know.

And now you're just, we could have been reading the list off your phone. Are you too intimidated? by your local Asian grocery store. Let me help you out. I'll send you a free shopping list to your... Oh, that sounds lovely. Hold on. Okay, now he's just on his phone. Yeah.

Now you're just doing phone time. You found a loophole. You found a trick. A phone trick. Put that down right now. How do you pronounce that down right now? Okay, I just found a list, guys. I'm excited to do this list. I just found a list of what it says on the side of my water bottle.

Okay. Here's my list. 32 ounces, 28 ounces, 24 ounces, 20 ounces, 20 ounces, 16 ounces, 12 ounces. ounces, eight ounces, four ounces. 1,000 milliliters, 900 milliliters. Vietnamese paté for Bonmee. Is there any comments on that?

Adventures. That's all it says. See, it says this first sentence here. Patrick, I'm completely disengaging with you. Oh, it says Naljean on the other side. So there's a list that I found just now. I think maybe we could do a whole thing. I guess.

I spy with my little eye, my list on my... I've never had Ed Bonme to look like that. All right. You had to try so hard to find a bondie. me with patte on it it look here's a list of letters on Patrick's hat can I propose something

oh wait wait can I propose something you guys this one doesn't have the see I should have worn the other Red Sox hat should have worn your list hat the other Red Sox hat had the list of a world series things on it that's the kind of thing we need to find right now

okay wait here's it I'm getting the mad libs I'm getting it I think this is if you can find that's way better make small talk where are the mad lips okay here's a list I'm finding right Here's a list of... List of buttons on this remote.

Okay. E-MOM. Tabata. Okay. FGB. A picture of a clock. So that's the top row of buttons. That's a good list right there.

Here's a list. I'm saving you right now. Thank God. Okay. Guys, I'm going to need... Which one are we doing? You want me to tell you the name of it? Yeah, well, we already did some of them from that book.

I don't think we... Okay, okay. This is the code of the samurai. Yeah, I did that one. Yeah, you did that one. Okay. Here's, how about you read it out and then tell us what word to put? What do you mean?

What? So you read the whole story out and then say adjective. No, I guess we'll just do it with the right way. So let's just get it. Let's get a mad look going here. I mean, I'm a little bit of an academic. Would you guys consider you all academic? Would you, would you consider yourselves academics?

Perhaps. Perhaps and mayhaps. Would you consider yourselves, uh, Thespient? Yes. Would you consider yourself? Through and through, sir. Shakespeare fans? Shakespeare aficionados

A bard Once a bard forever a bard Hard for the bard So What the hell So I'm gonna need a noun Okay William Shakespeare

Sage Which one are you going with He's not even going to tell us Okay good point I guess I'll go Okay yeah All right You guys both give me one

And the surprise will be Who I thought Okay And then the other surprise Will be what the story is With all the words in it Thank you And now I need a person in the room who's female, Cameron

Cameron That's not, you can't, you can't say one, you can't give him one like that Okay, William Shakespeare That's not how you cough I was clearing my throat William Shakespeare That will do that Because William Shakespeare's spirit is all around this

Tell me what your thing is Because he said Cameron And then I said William Shakespeare is a compromise Okay Patrick and Caleb combined it to one person Okay, so it's gonna be You can't say what it is Listen, folks, I know which one I'm picking. I like one of these answers a lot more than you.

This is completely, uh, it's not fair. Wait, why don't we just do Pamela Anderson? Pamela Anderson's the room right now? Um, yeah. Yeah, she's in the room. Oh. So hot. Stop mixing up the mic.

What are you doing? Yeah. My arm is already tired. We will do, we'll do Pamela Anderson. Oh, I'm not supposed to tell you guys. Yeah, I don't know. You're really messing this up. No, you're messing up.

No, you're missing it up. I need an hour. William Shakespeare, nap. I need a nap. Oh, well, that actually works pretty well. And an adjective. Shakespearean. Actually, not too bad.

And I need another adjective. I would probably say theatrical. Heatrical. Okay. I guess I'm saying the same thing over and over again. I guess you are. I don't know if you guys remember how Madlids worked. You're supposed to say something just oh so ridiculous

that no matter what the format is. okay i got you i got you okay so with that in mind i need a noun um the the plays of william shakespeare the are um thing no yeah i think it might be funny and now i need an adjective again remember we go ridiculous the craziest things that you listen it's your professional comedian funny funny okay okay that actually fits and now a plural noun so that's the same thing but shakes Spears actors. Okay. Let me get the next one here.

Okay. Now this is a noun again. Okay. I might say Shakespeare's hat. Shakespeare's bards. Okay. We're almost here, guys. Barred.

I need another noun. Okay. Bard. Okay. And now I need yet another noun. We found ourselves in noun town. Playwright. Playwright.

Okay. Playwright. Okay, and now I need a plural noun. Playwrights. No, we can't do that. Play pens. What? No, that's a plural noun.

Can you just get a better one though? Writers. Playwriters. Authors. Bards. Can't do bards again, guys. And now I need a... Listen, all right, maybe tone it...

I know how extreme you guys have been, so thus far in this MADlib. Tone it back to... or three steps for this next one because you won't be able to control yourselves part of the body plural spunk maker that's that's singular okay brains spunk makers okay that's going to spunk mire remember otis did your school your school also sell cookies at lunch they sold otis spunkmire okay okay okay okay maybe maybe a certain brand of cookie let's hear it can you guys Let me just read this. Yeah, let's hear it.

William Shakespeare is the most famous writer in the history of the William Shakespeare. That's just too. That's rich. He wrote many plays, including Romeo and Pamela Anderson. Again, pretty funny. And a midsummer night's nap. Now, that actually almost worth that was.

He also wrote many Shakespearean poems. Here is a selection from one of his most theatrical sonnets. Shall I compare thee To a Summers Plays of William Shakespeare Thou art more lovely And more funny Rough winds do shake

The darling Shakespeare actors of May And Summers Shakespeare's hat Hath all too short A bard But thy eternal playwright Shall not fade So long as authors can breathe Or punk makers

Can see So long lives this And this gives cookie to the I'm getting kind of distracted by the cookie part at the end of

the cookie part does sound kind of delicious yeah yeah you want to do one yeah I'm gonna do one here

what do you got let me give me a second here I gotta be a new ad load maybe do that one again do you guys

do you guys that Shakespeare was multiple guys a lot of people don't realize it's podcast multiple guys yeah

people think that we're all one voice yeah I did have a guy the other day asked me if we were

brothers really he's like you guys brothers? I said, no. Wait, somebody asked you that? If we were brothers? Yeah. I'm a brother.

You're a brother? You're a brother? You're a brother? Eric and Paul. Mm. My two siblings. Wow. And my sister. I shouldn't say by their names. Yeah, you shouldn't. I shouldn't be saying their names. No, not at all. Yeah. You can't, you just writing? Okay, here we go. All right, I got, I got, okay, so

Um, this one here, I'll, okay. Yeah. You guys ready? Yep. Okay. Plural noun. The curses of the crazy chicken. Can you give me a second to write that down?

Yep. The curses. The curses of the crazy, the slot machine. The curse of the crazy chicken. Yeah. Okay. Since the beginning of time, people have fought with one another for many crazy reasons, but these brave people devoted their lives to helping their fellow men.

Gandhi led. India to freedom from the British Empire who had taken it over. He inspired people all over the world to be peaceful folk. Martin Luther King Jr. led the Civil Rights Movement in America, helping gain equal rights for African Americans by protesting peacefully. Nelson Mandela helped end racist stuff in South Africa. For his hard work, he won the Nobel Peace Prize and the U.S. Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Mother Teresa was a nun from somewhere who devoted her life on helping sick and evil people all over the world. Clara Barton was a nurse who helped found the American Red Cross, which educates children, and gives assistance to the curses of the crazy chickens and need. I mean, that was funny. That one was so funny. There's a single... That was funny, but there was only one thing that was picked.

Yeah, you're supposed to do multiple things. What did you fill the whole thing out? What do you mean? No, it's just one that has one... There's only one blank at the end, yeah. What kind of... There's nothing mad about that live. They must have run out of...

Let me see that. Oh, you can just do your own one. one. All right. You just do your own research. Yeah. Okay. But you have to pick up,

pick apart my MADlib. I'm telling you is this one. Curses. Curses. Curses. We'll just leave it at curses for now. On the crazy truck around. I think I know.

Yeah, curses of the crazy. Well, we'll just say curses. Curses of the crazy chicken. Curses. Another plural noun. Randoms. No. Randums.

What? Randoms. Um, curse pies. Chicken pot pies. No, that's too weird. So you want to do curses or the crazy chicken again? Yeah, we could do that. Yeah, that's fine.

A person in the room. Crazy chicken. The crazy chicken. The crazy chicken is, I mean, it's not really in the room, though. But I guess salt's made up. It's funny. Noun. Crazy.

Chicken. Chicken. No, not crazy. Just chicken. Chicken. Cheese. Sorry. Okay, then plural noun.

Cheeses. What does that have anything to do with the creases and pies? Chicken and cheese. Verb. What? The verb. Cursing. What else you got?

Noun. Curse. TV. Or football. Cursed TV. Monday night football. Monday night football. That's good.

Um, person in the room. Patrick Doran. Patrick Chicken. What is it? What is it? Twerb. A burb? I think he said a twerb.

I think a burb. Okay, I would just say twerb. Twerving. Twerking. No. A verb. Twerbing. Twerking.

Okay, twerk. That's kind of funny. Yeah, it's really funny. It's about butts, you know. Adjective. Um, uh, uh, demented. Yeah. A little off.

Yeah. A little bit off. Place? Place. The chicken coop. The farm. The farm. Yeah, just say the farm yard.

Okay, adjective. Uh, out of this world. Out there. Groovy. Person in the room. Shucky. Shucky. Yeah, Shuckie.

That was Shucky, by the way. S-H-U-C-Y, Pat. Nown. Noun. Shuckie. shoes Shucky's Shucky's shoe

It's a singular now Yeah, true Adjective Shucky Psychotic beyond belief Yeah Audidiness Psychotic and odd

Beyond belief Psychopathically weird Okay All right I think that we're arriving Pretty close This thing's about a 99% On the loading bar

What's the name of this one? Did I do that? Don't tell you what Come on Oops We should thank our lucky Curse of the crazy chicken for these curses of the crazy chicken that were invented by accident.

In 1945, or the microwave, in 1945, Cray, Cray, the chicken, was experimenting with a chicken when he discovered it could melt cheeses and make popcorn cursing. He then built a microwave TV football. It was Monday night football. Monday night TV. football. Yeah. The slinky. In 1943, naval engineer Patrick attempted to help Patrick Doran's. One word? Wait, this guy

is one name? Was he like Prince? Yeah, what's the last name? I'm such a great adventure. I don't even need a last name. This guy sounds like an ass-hast. That helps ships twerb. When he got the idea for a toy spring, hold on, pause. That could twerk down the stairs. Pause. First of all. What the hell is this Madlib talking about? What is it twir? It helps ships

twirb? What is it twirbing? Meanwhile, the ships are twerking as well? Down the stairs all by itself. It became the demented slinky. Potato chips. At a restaurant in the barnyard coop. That's a terrible place for a restaurant.

In 1853, a customer complained that his fries were too out of this world. Why would you complain about that? Also, fries weren't even invented that long ago. These fries are way too out of this world. I can't eat them. The chef, Shucky, cut the potatoes as thin as possible. and fried them in a shucky shoes accidentally inventing the shucky potato chip

or no wait the psychotic and demented beyond belief potato chip that's a terrible name nobody's gonna buy those that's that's confusing if anything i think that's enough mad libs for now i think that i think the madlobs just weren't they weren't mad enough it's not hitting today we have to have a list man we have to that's what we find lists and our okay so here okay i see a list of i see i see a Caleb We're not doing I spy on a podcast

That was the end of my list Okay I mean if you would You know what it's How about list of reasons Why the flood is going to bring us Closer together And make the show even better

Number one it already did That's a very good Is a solid reason No we're not gonna finish the list That fast Finish list You're fucking terrible at this I told you guys a story

About poopie on my pants That was a That's a list of reasons Why I don't like you right now Is because you have stinky poop pants Smell them. They smell good.

Not in any world am I going to bend over and put my nose on that poop spot. Unless you give me $10. Venmo it to you. You won't. Oh, my God. I don't actually want to do it. You have to do it. You just said, you talked a big game right there.

Smell that, smell my knee. You send it to me first and I'll do it. I'm a man of my word. Okay. Send me $10 and I'll smell the poop spot. Come on. Let's go. All right.

This guy's getting fucking. He doesn't know I'd do that for free. I smell poop all day. You should see my pants. I'm wearing brown pants for a reason. Yeah. You see my shorts? They're shorts for a reason.

That's right. So the poop flies out. Oh my God. Wait, you subtracted $10 for my Venmo account? Smell it right now. Okay, hold the mic up so we can hear you smelling. Come on now. Have to do like a deep smell?

I'll hold this mic up for you. Okay. I don't have to do it. I didn't need to do the second one, but that's how much of a man of my word I am, okay? I sat there, and oh my God, I feel like I just, like, railed an Adderall. Yeah?

That is a, that's magical. And it didn't smell anything like poop. What did it smell like? The bad thing is, the bad thing is he does now have pan lucopinia. A dog can't get it. they can a dog can get it

dogs can get it what about humans yeah you'll give it to your dog you just quarantine in here now really are you serious wait you just let him do that for only ten dollars if you had known he had to quarantine here

you should have at least paid him out for the week you should have paid him enough money that he could get food here for a week and you put him up you know he has enough money on his own in one week I'm going to get a text from Patrick this is l-ol can I have that ten dollars back I know it

I just know it It'll be fine Whoa big Oh high roller over here Oh my god He doesn't even need $10 Look at you Guess what I'm gonna do with that $10

What? I'm gonna buy this exact pair of pants And I'm gonna wear them Next time you're wearing them That would be cool If we got matching pants He's not supposed to like it You're lying

If that happened He can't order the same thing As someone at a restaurant I'm gonna start doing that Every time I see you with a new thing A new item clothing. I'm going to buy the exact same thing. I'm going to start. I'm going to set up. That'll make you

lose money. I'm going to set up a security camera outside of your apartment and every time I see you walk out in the morning, I'm going to change clothes into whatever you're wearing. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm going to buy a sideways hat now. Yeah. Wait, where can I buy a hat that's sideways? Walking into lids, it's like, do you make these? Where'd you get a sideways? Showing a picture of the guy. Can I buy a hat like this? No, not. These are all forward.

I want my hat like this. I need it buy a sideways hat. None of these are going to... Go into the barber and have your hat forward. I want you to make my hat like this. Yeah. Can you figure out a way to do that? Can you figure out...

I don't know if I'm supposed to go to the hat store or to you, but somebody is supposed to do a custom work on my hat. I already have a backwards one. Okay, and I have a forwards one, but I really need a sideways hat. Can you please just give me a sad of the habitashry so bad? I need a tilted hat. There's a habitat in Cambridge and Boston.

Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know, I think we've been here. Yeah. I went to the one in Disney Springs. Yeah. And it's like, uh, yeah, I walked by that.

It's like the wand guy in fucking Harry Potter. He's like trying to find, he's measuring your head. I mean, I might have been just me. Yeah, it needs to measure your head. Oh, yeah. Maybe he saw, you walked in, your head was bald and he thought you were just the mannequin that was coming in. I think he, my head is so big, he probably thought that I was like trying to do.

Your head has not put this on. No, you have a, I mean, come on. I have a big head, okay? Put that doesn't mean that you don't have like a freakishly, like, fucked up head size. I've learned recently. I have a normal big head. I fit in a seven and five-eighths. Knowing hat sizes is the ultimate sign.

That just means you wear a fitted hat. No. No. Yeah, it does. No. No. I don't think most people who wear a fitted hat would, off the top of their head would be like, I just learned I can wear this size of fitted hat.

What are you talking about? You're supposed to leave a little. on and you and you feel you feel how it feels if you know the numbers i think there's something up no i mean i just mean i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i think you're just being contrary yeah you were you were just trying to throw a wrench it doesn't make sense that there's sizes i think that i don't okay so it makes it makes sense that there's sizes it makes sense that there's sizes but i think if there's a running commentary in your head of what size you learned you just you just you just mean running comment you He said he just learned that he can wear...

He literally just said, I just learned I can wear this size of hat. I just learned things every day. Does that make me anything other than a myth buster? No, it doesn't. I learned that maybe the flood is one of the best things that's ever happened to us today. I think the flood is making me feel... I will say, always talk about floods making me have to pee so bad, but I'm holding it in because that's the kind of show we are now.

Yeah, I've been holding in my pee, too. Everything is being completely... There's things at work that you fucking small-minded pieces. You wouldn't even know... There are so many things going on behind the scene. You don't know what's coming. And when it does come, it's going to... The storm.

But you better buckle up because it's going to hit you like a fucking freight train, okay? You're going to be bowled over. It's going to hit you like a Ziplock bag of bricks. 100%. You're basically... I mean, what we have planned

for this next part of the year, you're going to die. You're going to fucking die. All of you. All of you are going to fucking die, okay? Yep, so don't come to our live show if you don't want to die. Because we'll fucking kill you.

And we're going to scare you to death on October 30. of our fans in one house so that we can slaughter all of them in one fell swoop. Like fucking animals. Uh-huh. Maybe less like animals and more like blades of grass or weeds. Like nothing, nothing, just without even the option. The bell house. Like, and the type of...

You'll be bringing the bell like a, like to bring the cattle home. It's not even, and you know what, it's not even like animal slutter. It is now that I think about it more like plant slaughter because nobody is nobody even care. Who's going to shed a tear? PETA is going to see this and they're not going to. going to say great. Yep. It won't even make the news.

Pete is going to see this and say... They'll be talking about a high school football game. Pete is going to see this saying, Lois! We hit the clam. I just parted so bad. We have to shut off the reporter and leave that. It's going to break the electronic. It's going to break all the electronics.

I believe that. Okay. But go to the bellhouse. Go to swag poop.com. Slagpoop.com slash shows. Go to the Patreon. Go to the Twitch channel and tell Jubio that Jubio tember is still happening. Bye.

Bye.