Podcast About List - Ep. 213 - Candy Planet

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

A world of candy will appear 🍬🍭🍫 Subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch an exclusive video interview with Matt Devita on October 26th! https://www.youtube.com/podcastaboutlist Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and D&D episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Hey there guys, Caleb here. Basically, Jubio's making me record this. You need to go over to, you need to go right now and pretty much you need to subscribe to the YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash podcast about list. Because we're going to be doing a lot more video kind of stuff. There's going to be more videos on there and more some fun stuff on there pretty soon. And also Jubia, including Jubio, is going to be doing some singing videos. He's trying to get on American, Mexican Idol. and Mexico's got talent and Mexican, the Mexican shore. So go check that out. Okay, bye. Come here, come there, come here, and let me see your butt. All the counts to the ball list. You're a crap monster. Oh.

I had a chicken Caesar wrap just now. I mean, the old makes it sound like it was maybe a bad booth. No. I had a chicken Caesar wrap, and guess what I had with it? Would you have? Die, Dr. Pepper. Wow. Look at it's over there.

I do, I believe it. I can see it from here. I only see a white table. Let me go grab it real quick. No, I think it's really. No, I think it's fine. No, I think you should sit down. You want to grab it?

Okay, he's going to grab it. He's grabbing it. Oh, he got it. It's in his hands. Wow, he actually grabbed it. Wow. And he's grabbing a. No, no.

No, no. You can't bring, if you bring that recorder over here, I will fucking ruin your life. He put it back down. He took it deck down. You don't want me to play the recorder on that? I really don't. I really don't. That's maybe my least favorite thing in this office right now, which is a, there's a few things.

I feel like that that's in competition with for a worst thing in the office. Take a look at this. I can give you at least a top two. Give me a top two. Top two are the recorder and that grabber. Oh, the grab. Do we still have the grabber? The grabber's somewhere in here.

I feel like maybe we hid the grabber. I didn't do that. Yeah, the old lady grabber. I think you hid the grabber. I did not touch the grabber. Okay. I guarantee it's somewhere in here just under all this stuff that doesn't matter. Yeah.

All this is random ass crap. All the junk? Yeah. There's no junk in here. We just own a lot of junk, man. Yeah, I guess we probably shouldn't have started letting our neighbors put their trash in here. Yeah. For a dollar a day.

We're not, that's not even that much money. That's a tiny amount of money. It's barely anything. I thought that if we started letting the neighbors bring in the trash, then we, you know, be able to maybe convince him to have sex with us. No, I thought it would be our treasure. Right. Oh, because it's someone else's trash.

One man. Maybe this will be treasure. Turns out it's a lot of banana peels. Yeah. It's mostly trash. It's mostly trash. I don't think I've seen one piece of treasure. What?

A golden coin. Oh, yeah, but it turned out to be chocolate. Yeah. And it also had banana peel juice. It was actually, it was vintage, though, and the foil was worth a lot of money. That's true. Yeah, I actually went and sold the foil. Well, that was your treasure.

I haven't found a single piece of fucking trash. All I'm getting is box. What I'm saying is under all this trash somewhere, there might be a piece of treasure that is a grabber. Diet Dr. P. What's your policy on if you... I got two beverages right now. I see that. A ghost energy and a diet.

We're done with beverages. I want to ask about this is, I think, going to be probably something we, honestly, we could talk about this for two hours. I'm not sure that we're going to, but we could. What is the policy on food or beverage that you find on the street? We've done it. We've talked about this a million times before. It's in the wrapper. We shouldn't even touch it.

Okay, I just had one question, because the other night we were out and there was a full slice of pizza. Okay, that's different. What is that? Can you eat that? Is it in the box? It was in the box. Okay, and you look at the cheese, is the cheese still warm? From look, I don't have heat vision.

No, no, no, you know, like when cheese pizza, when cheese pizza, like starts getting cold and the cheese goes back to it, like it doesn't look like a liquid anymore. But I kind of like cold pizza. I'll fucking say it. Don't eat pizza. The pizza's out of the question. It really, you know, it depends on how hungry I am. You're hoping us into, we haven't eaten in days. Okay, then yeah.

Okay. But if I hadn't eaten in days, I might eat a deer on the side of the road. Good luck catching a deer, you asshole. If it's on the side of the road. You just disrespected hunters everywhere. It's really easy to catch a deer. Here's something. Ready?

No. Here's a double standard I've just realized, right? You find a candy, Hershey bar in the wrapper on the, the ground, right? Society says, don't eat that. You find a Hershey bar in the wrapper on the ground at the parade. Society says, run and grab that before someone else gets it. Yeah. Go grab that right now. That's actually a very fair point. Yeah. But if you think about it, the variable is that a clown through it. So it leaves a clown, if a normal guy drops it, a normal guy drops a candy on the ground, you know, you shouldn't touch that. A clown. He's a clown for dropping his candy. A clown arcs it.

That's the other thing. Can't be drunk. If a guy's walking a parade and he just drops candy straight on the ground, I don't think you're supposed to go get that. If you take, but it's a toss. If you see it be tossed onto the ground, I think you can get it.

What about a pill that you find on the ground? A pill, you take it. Yeah, I think you can take it. But what if it falls out? What if it's a parade? What if it's a Super Bowl parade, it falls at a Gronk's pocket?

Do you take that? Yeah, you return it. That's going to be good. Why don't you return it, though? I think that pill might kill you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you seen that?

Have you seen that video? It's like the older... It's like a woman driving like a Porsche Cayenne or something and she's driving on three tires and like the fucking the bumper is scraped up her... She's driving on the fucking like...

Was it the bearing? I don't know car parts. That's a skateboard part. She's driving on the fucking thing. The axle? She's driving on the axle and somebody... That's also a skateboard part.

I was so close. You're a pro. But she's driving on it and then somebody pulls her over and is like you have to stop driving you just bumped into this guy and she looks at him and is just like I somebody was helping me out back there

no he just starts like making like lizard faces at him I've never heard of this while she's leaving the car they zoom in on her seat and you see like two big ass like Xanax or something like she's like she laid them no they fell out of her purse oh okay they zoomed in on her seat

she laid too that's what I think The guy looks at her and is like, like, you're on painkillers or something. You can't be driving. She goes, no, I'm not. For those who didn't who can't see, he went bha. Yeah, I did a blam. He did a Yoshi Blu.

It's a good video. I haven't been seeing all that many crazy people as a play. It's been too, it's been, I really just, I don't see him on the torch here. I just talked to a crazy guy at the store. Really? Yeah, I asked him where. the paper towels and he said no English I was like what the fuck are you saying

what are you a fucking lunatic? That's not that's not an answer to that question yeah this guy's fucking he can't understand he's out of his mind he's in his own little world yeah I know I could make it up crap I see these people all the time listening in this music doesn't make a goddamn lick a sense they're in their own little world

they made their own music where they just go like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah it would be awesome to have mute like to drive around and blast music that is in just a made up language to just have music that you made for yourself. That's just, that's funny. It's just in a language

that you created and just translate every song you like into an imaginative language. Or just go around listening to the Simlish version of Katie Perry last Friday night Simlish. Cooler than me. Simlish. Oh yeah.

A sabaduwai, peekaboo a boo-a-boo-a-boo-ow. And you have mixed tapes. You have a bunch of Yeah. Have you heard this? And then you put it in. Yeah. That's what you would say before you put it in. Right. Have you heard this?

Abby Broward? And then just put it on. Yeah. I just thought Segar Rost was somebody fucking up the pronunciation of Sugar Ray. I think we also talked about this. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I think we... I think it's time to end the show.

We is two episodes in a row. I think that we've had a complete conversation that we've already had. It's been way more episodes than that. I'm trying to be more vigilant about it. That's the only... We do it. I'm trying to finally say we talked about this. Don't talk about that.

Why not? I don't know. What if we just... I think we need to break new ground. I think we're going to do something that changes the medium forever. Let's talk about a brand new topic. That's what I'm saying. All right.

What's something we never, what about homework? Okay. I think we've talked about it. Okay, what about the Grinch? I swear to God, we've also realized this and have done this. But we need to actually. We have done this where we try to talk about. And it worked for a long time.

We didn't have to do this. Yeah. We're back at it. We have to find the next thing. So we did poop too. Yeah, we did poop. Man, there's a worst show ever. What are we talking about poop?

Candy? Didn't say candy made of poop. Yeah, but we have talked about candy. We never talked about candy before. It is a complete Groundhog Day situation. Oh, it is a Groundhog Day. You know, have you guys ever thought about what you would do in that situation? We haven't talked about this.

Maybe. But if you were in a Groundhog Day situation, you realize... Probably kill 100 people than myself. Yeah, am I Bill Murray? Yeah, you're the Bill Murray. Then I'm committing every crime I can fucking think of. Have we talked about this? No, we haven't.

You're just, now you're just, you know what you did to him? You see what you fucking did to him, Cameron? He thinks, look at him, his eye, I've never seen his eyes this big. He's freaking out. He'll get used to it. All right, we haven't talked to the new paradigm. Let's just keep talking about it. Did he die?

Did Bill Murray die? Yeah, in 2019. Oh, God. Yeah. He was executed by military tribunal. Yeah, exactly. Did we talk about this? Maybe in 2019, it's been a couple years at this point.

We've, we've been doing this for four years now. Groundhog Day, though. I'm, I guess it's the, which crimes are you like, even if I could do that, I wouldn't do it. Probably raping. I wouldn't do that. He was, he was baiting you into saying that. Yeah, this guy admitted. Now there's a sound bite of you saying that word. Yep.

Admitting he would never do it. Yeah. Oh, we got you so good. He doesn't understand how audio editing works nowadays. They can remove words from sentences and change context. Yeah, wait, wait. Which crime would you want to do first? And then we can cut to that.

That'll be really. easy. Yep, perfect. Yeah, I guess that one's a big one. I probably wouldn't do it. Probably not. I probably wouldn't do. I wouldn't do that one.

I wouldn't do that one. I don't think I would kill anybody else. I don't think I would eliminate the world. I think I would kill, like. The thing is also. I think I would kill, like, a bunch of small animals, right? I would kill a bunch of little animals. And then I would start wetting my bed a lot because it's, you know, I'm going to wake up

with clean sheets tomorrow. That's a really good... You can shit your... You never have to wipe again. Exactly. I'm going to wake up... Bill Murray's not waiting. Is it worth waiting 24 hours, though?

He's not... Yeah, maybe now. He's not wasting his time every day. I can either wipe my butt now or wait 10 hours and not have to. Also, does he have to... I don't remember the rules of the movie. Does he have to go to sleep?

He has to go to sleep or get killed. And then he wakes up in that hotel room. I've never seen the movie. And then, but the way he solves it Is he helps somebody find true love or something or realizes that true love? I thought he kills the groundhog, not a chicken. He kills himself a bunch of times. Is he the groundhog?

I never understood this movie. He's there to... He's not a groundhog. He's a news reporter. He's there to be a news reporter. But is his name like, like David Hogg or something? No, his name is Bill Hogg Murray. The Bill Hogg Murray begins.

Bill Hugg Maregans. And he's a dwarf. I don't think I would kill anybody. I don't think I would either. I would kill myself. I don't want to hurt my... So what would you do? I honestly would just probably just look at my phone.

Pretty much every day. I'd go somewhere probably. Or I'd take that time. You know what I'd do? I would know, even if I found out, oh, I got to give this bitch a kiss to win, I would still probably do a, like, duolingo lesson a day for like five years, learn everything.

Here's what you do. Every morning you spend Because you remember the next day Yeah, I'm learning Japanese Yeah First of all you gather all human knowledge That's a gimmie Also every day

You spend all of your money in the morning On one on like an experience Like on something like the best food ever Or a day trip True Any you can you have Your bank account's gonna reset Exactly

You can spend all the money you have Every day To do something that will not go away That's like going to a roller coaster He'll remember the neck He remembers everything I'd get a master class subscription.

Yeah. Judd Apatow Masterclass. I learned how to write the funniest fucking movie ever. I would do that. Yeah. Yeah, I'd do the Steve Martin wouldn't learn how to do stand-up, too.

Yeah. Have you seen that the news report that came out? No. The news report? Why am I saying it like that? It was a fucking

Rhett and Link interview with Seth News. That news report that that came out. Yeah. From the news. A red and Link interview. It's a Rett and Link interview

with Seth Green where Seth Green is like, when I was a kid, I wouldn't give Bill Murray my seat, so he picked me up by my ankles and shook me over the trash and said, this trash goes in the trash. That's funny. That is one of the funniest things.

Picking a kid up by that. Yeah. Oh, what a bitch. There's a, I mean, maybe if Bill Murray did it, I wouldn't like it. And I didn't. I also, I'd be like that's dope. I definitely, I feel like maybe I brought, There was a substitute gym teacher in my school who used to do that. He used to pick kids up by the ankle and shake him around. What the hell?

That shouldn't be allowed. Yeah, that's a little. I definitely shouldn't. I would rather. I know, but that's what I'm saying. I didn't like that and I didn't want that to happen to me. Wait, it happened to you? No.

Oh. You died. I stayed away from him. Do you know anybody who got shook? Yeah, like everybody. Everybody but you got shook? He was like, he was a tall kid. I mean, look at him.

No, I was, I think, I think even a scary freak like that who shakes kids upside down. knows that there's one kid that if you do it that kid will bring the whole operation down. I feel like I would have cried and I probably would have like... You were putting on I was a shy kid. You know what I mean? I was a shy, quiet kid and I feel like you either you pick the shy quiet kid up by the leg and it's

you're either getting killed in 15 years or you're going to jail for molesting children. Yeah. I had a P.E. teacher maybe do a pull-up. I never forgave that bitch. Amanda fucking would love to put a bullet in her head. The worst thing you can be as a teacher like if you're a gym

the worst thing you can be is a teacher that is that's what i'll say that thanks but like the worst attribute you can have like if you're a creepy teacher the worst one you can be is gym like a gym teacher yeah yeah but like a creepy math teacher it's just like yeah like that's a math that's a math that's a math yeah he's obviously a gym teacher likes children's fitness see i wanted exactly i had the wrong kind of gym teachers all i never had i wanted like All of my gym teachers were fat because, like, oh my God, I fucking love Wiffleball. What job can I get where I can play Wiffleball and watch people play Wiffleball? Just giving way too in-depth notes on the Wiffleball technique and stuff.

All of my P.E. teachers in school were fat or, like, really short? Or lesbian? Yeah. Yeah, I had a hot lesbian. And I was like, dude, this sucks. I want like a Rob Riggle. I know. Like, I want Rob Riggle.

with a whistle and his shirt his shorts are too small i had an australian gym teacher i had a heavy boston accent lesbian gym teacher i had another so there was like two gym teachers i remember like the only one who wasn't the two who weren't fat yeah were the australian guy and you met an ossie that young yeah holy mr mr levis mr levis mr levis mr levis and he said cow cow puffs like because he was also a health teacher he was also a health teacher he's also a health teacher He said, do not eat Cocoa Pops. Do not eat. Do not eat.

Whatever you do, do not eat cow cow Pops. Cow Cops. The other one was... That's just what they call it over there. He lost the accent, but that's just the name of it. Car Pahs. The other gym teacher was in first grade, and it called him Tiny Toney. Tiny Tony.

He's like a regular at my mom's restaurant. I shouldn't talk about it. Talk about, do you still, they still call them Tiny Tony? No, but I think we call them Tiny Tony. How tiny was Tony? He was like, probably like 5, 7. It's not that short. It's not short.

Tiny Tony Tony. You have to take any opportunity you can to call someone Tiny Tony Tony. If someone's name is Tony and they're even a little bit short, they have to be Tiny Tony. You're going to be Tiny Tony. Yeah, I mean, that's like, but Tiny really, I'm thinking like 4 or 11. He's a nice guy. I don't even know why I call him that. Tiny Tony because you small.

And I was just my gym teacher and I was just like. I don't want to go to gym. Tiny-ass Tony. Tiny Tony. He's a good guy. Tiny Tony. They're all good guys. I disagree.

Teachers? I did have a fat gym teacher in second grade who taught a scarf juggling, and I've definitely talked about it. Probably taught you out of scarf down food, too, a fat guy. He was legally blind, and he rode to school on a bike, on a bike, and he also had, like, a carriage that he, like, dragged his kids on the back. There were these three blind kids. who went to my school.

Three blind ones. And we always saw how they ran, yeah. Did they stick together? Yeah. Really? Yeah. You're getting quiet because it's true. They were little mice.

No, I was doing three blind mice. No, it's true. It's true. You saw you had three blind kids at your school, didn't you? Yeah. And we always saw how they ran. Really? Yeah.

And how they run. And we saw how they ran. And they stuck together? Did the farmer catch him with the carving knife? Yeah. You had a farm, I didn't ever, you know, I was, it was devastating. I'll say it. It was fucking devastating.

When the farmer caught you went to carbon wave. When I found out that blind people don't just see black, that devastated me, bro. I usually that makes you, I feel like that makes you go, whoa, like a high guy. That just, I was devastated. I always assumed. Blind people see, like, shapes. I mooned so many blinds. Well, not my asshole.

Some blind people can't see it all, though, right? People, very few. Yeah, but, like, I. But legally blind doesn't mean you're actually. Yeah, but I thought just any time I met a blind person, anyone whose eyes went the wrong ways, I was like, okay, I'm going to be showing this guy if I can picture my balls.

Yeah. Telling him it's the weather. I had a friend who was legally deaf. Yeah. And she... Like, a rapper? I think we all knew her. So I just won't talk about it.

Okay. Okay. Rather odd. Yeah, I actually had a friend who couldn't... I actually had a friend who couldn't... taste or touch or smell or see or here. Yeah. I had a friend who was completely made up in my head.

I had a buddy. My friend was made up and he was squagin. He was a rock. I had a friend who was a nose, just a nose. Really? Yeah, he fell off my other friend. Wow. He had to, he was surgically removed from my other friend. Yeah, but he was chill. Yeah. He didn't do much. Could he see or here? He couldn't do anything.

Could he smell? No, his name was nose, too. His name was Devin's nose. He couldn't smell? He couldn't smell because he You have to, something has to be, he could smell for somebody else. Do you remember that, you remember that video? Yeah. The blind guy on the French voice and he sings, lose yourself. Yeah.

Oh, speaking of French people, I also was devastated when I met my first French person. It was the first person from another country I'd ever met. And he stayed with me. He was like, some missionary guy. He was a missionary. He was like, dude, you did missionary with me? He's sitting there. He's a little older.

I had to give up my. He eats a snail in your house. You had to give it up to him and he did a missionary with you? All right, let me, yes, yes, he fucked me, and I was, like, devastated. As I said, I was devastated when I met my first French man. No, I had never met him before. I've never met a person from another country before. I mean, except for, like, I guess, like, Peru.

But then I, he was, like, the first European I'd ever met. I know, I know what he was being by that, but that's just a funny thing to say. I guess Peru. But I, so he was a missionary or some shit. or his parents were, and he had to stay in my room for, like, a week, and so I had to sleep on the couch. And I thought that I was going to have, like, a new French best friend. And he fucking, he went, he spent four minutes with me,

decided I sucked so much ass that he made his mom driving to GameStop. He bought 2K, and then came back and just played it on my Xbox for a whole week. Never talked to me. Whoa. Bastard. Wait, why was he there? His parents were in town doing something for some church, and they were staying with us. Wow. And he came, too, and he's from France.

He's from France. And he just played 2K And I would come in I'd be like Do you want to Do you want to look at my book? Right And he'd go

No No No No I want to be I want to play And LeBron James And then he was always

Dunkin And then he made me And he made himself In 2K He made me in 2K And he He hacked the game or something He made

himself Fuck my character In the game To death To death To death There is There was some little, like, French Canadian kid, one of my mom's co-worker.

Some little last French Canadian kid. My mom's co-worker, like, it was like her kid, and we had to hang out with him one time. And he was the most annoying person I've ever met. Frankophile? What? He's a Francophile. It's getting near, he's French-Canadian. It's getting near Halloween.

No, what do I call that? Francophone. Francophone. Frankophone. Right? Yeah. Frankophile is you like the disaster artist or whatever. Frankophile.

Frankophile's monster is completely different. Yeah. Franco file is what he was doing with his damn students at NYU. Those 17-year-old kids who were in his acting class. He was speaking French to them. Frank O'File? Franco is being a file. Oh, he was being a file over there. Yeah.

Yeah, he was being a complete file to 24-year-olds. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. I thought it was NYU High School. That's still not right, though. Yeah. I agree. Yeah, it's still not right to do that.

It's still not right to be James Franco. Yeah. I just don't like him. That's saying a lot of these men don't understand about this Leonardo Caprio thing. Yeah. 24 is basically a child. Do you guys ever watch the Planet of the Apes Reboot trilogy? Yeah.

The one with Walberg? The one with... I thought you were talking about the Walberg. It's the one from 2001. The trilogy... Oh, the new ones. Yeah. I've seen the first one.

So how, like, the first one is, like, James Franco, like, raises... Caesar. Caesar, the chimp. Yeah. And then Caesar, like, gets, like, a knowledge virus or whatever. It becomes super smart. And he eventually, like, goes to war with the humans and the other movies.

And it's so funny, it's like all it's just all James Franco's fault. You just destroy the world because he was like, I really like this chimp. And then just like years later, just the chimps are declaring war on humankind and exterminating the play. I love the original like five. Those movies are so good.

Dude, the reboot trilogy was really good too. I got to see the reboot trilogy, but the original, I got the originals on Blu-ray. Yeah, come over. Nice. I've, um,

What's it? The third one, it's like Planet of the Apes, and then beneath the Planet of the Apes, then the third one, which is like... Is that escape? I think it's escape. Escape, it's like, they somehow go back in time to the 70s or whatever, and then they're, like, treated as, like, the biggest celebrities in the world. The monkeys are? Yeah, they're like, hey, in the future, we're going to take over. The second one is so sick with the mutant, the underground mutants and the, like, the crucified apes and stuff. Oh, yeah, it's so tight.

I do often think, like, if I gave Phil, like, a gun and the ability to think better, and I put it at my head, I wonder if he'd pull the trigger. Because he'd be like, well, I don't need this guy. Yeah. Or if he loves me, you know. Right. Do you think he'd eat you if you died? He would eat me.

I've come to terms with the fact that, and not all dogs will do this, if I pretend to be asleep for too long, he'll eat me. He will start eating. Yeah. He will start trying to rip my flesh off. Yeah, that's okay. Maybe try to be stinkier. Yeah.

I've been trying to my hardest. No, what are you talking about? Dogs love it when stuff is stinky. He tried to lick the poop off my ass the other day. I was sitting on. I was worried that my cable would go. I was wiping my ass. What are you doing? I was wiping my ass, and he resumed into the bathroom and tried to eat the poop off of, like, I was like, you know, I hiked my right ass cheek up so I could put my hand under.

Yeah. And he, like, tried to shove his mouth and lick the poop off me. I guess dogs really do learn from their owners. Dogs, dogs, no. How would I do that? You know, it's fun. Dogs always seem to look like their owners, and it's Phil eating, eating poop and kill

and this has a big brown ring around his mouth. Yeah, I don't eat. I don't actually eat poop, though. I know, it would just be a funny scenario for a joke or for a real photo that was taken recently. No, that's nobody's taking that photo recently. If Mo ever gained, like, sentience, sentience, I think that

I would at least be able to reason with him to stop trying to eat my hand. He's going reason with the cat. I am crazy. I am kind of worried that if I, like, if I leave the house for too long, my chokobo is going to run wild and, like, rip up the couch.

And it's true, your chokebo sucks. Yeah, he kind of has a bad temperament. I mean, I don't, I don't, it's not cool for you to say that. I can kind of say it, I guess. I don't want you to kind of badmouth my chokobo because I do love him. He talks shit about my animal.

every pet that I've ever owned. You just don't like my chokobo because I named him Patrick. Yeah, I don't. I don't like that either. All right? What's wrong with it? I just think it's a cute name for a chocobo. It's not a cute name for a chocobo, especially because it's a fucking green one.

That's normal. It's not a good one. It's not green because it's sick. It's just green on its feathers. It's sick. You feed it chocolate. You're thinking of my yoshi, whose name is Caleb. Okay.

You look up a picture of a chocobo so I know what this is. It's from Final Fantasy. It's the bird. that you ride okay um and this is a Pokemon no this is a final fantasy chokebo it looks like an ostrich are you stupid are you completely daft i'm a don't you ever bloody say that to me again you nods don't you are you what are the what are the pets called in club penguin penguins what are the pets the little ones they're penguins they waddle the little the little the hairy the hairballs i never what are they called i never played like club penguin i never

I never played it either. I didn't play that to like middle school or runescape. Yeah, what are those called? Puffles. I want one of those. Yeah. Until it fucking gets into your food. I'll just hit it.

It's just like any other pet. Just smack it if it does a wrong thing. Just smack it on the nose. Imagine what kind of sick freak in the club penguin universe would put peanut butter on his penis and let a puffle lick it off? I don't think a dog maybe. Okay, a dog I get it. It's got four legs.

Yeah, that's enough. But a puffle, that thing is small. A puffle is, in human. It's a goddamn ball. It's barely human at all. Do you guys, you get, like, you see, like, the, like, people being, like, nostalgic about, like, club penguin or something that you didn't, like, do as a child specifically. Uh-huh. That's every day with, with you guys.

Yeah. Well, it's, like, a universal experience. Yeah. And then you just get so annoyed by it because you were like, yeah, but when I was a kid, that was, like, baby shit. That's how I feel about Pop Tropica and Homestar Runner.

Yeah. Because I never knew nothing about those. And then people are like insanely nostalgic about it and you're just like, I don't shut up about this. And I go,

buddy, I was on the computer. I was looking at pornography. I'm actually, I handle it with grace and I don't even care. It doesn't bother me when people talk about

stuff I didn't do. But what if somebody What if the conversation about something I know about it? Do you care if people brag though? I like when people brag. Oh, I have millions.

Like, does that bother you? No, because I have more. man well yeah you're you might be a special but then millions at least i i maybe if someone said they had trillions i'm not going to say more than that if somebody says i do have billions i mean i shouldn't say that if somebody says like just like i have more i just have more does that bother you or no no because i know they're wrong i hate when people have more pretty much yeah even even if i have more when they say i you know it does bother me being lost on the moors with a wailing spirit pursuing me

that's annoying as fuck i don't like the moors at i hate it i hate it when i hate it when a blonde lady and her boyfriend tricked me into going up to the Moors. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I hate. You have to get more detail if you're saying something.

It's about Myra Hinley. It's a Myra Hinley joke. Who's... I don't know who Myra Henley is. I don't know what a Rihnly is, and I don't know where you got yours, but I don't have one either. I don't have one.

There's a Smith song about it. Oh, okay. Yeah. Wrong crowd. And there's a brass eye episode. What about me and the... Right crowd. What about me and this guy looks like?

Brass eye! Brass eye! My rightly is at the store and she's buying ropes to tie up a child. Did she do that? We're taking the hobbits away. To fucking...

Brass eyes in God. We're taking the hobbits to brass eyes and God. And they're going to watch the day today. Yeah, the big eye on the tower in Mordor. Yeah, the thing was looking around. That's next. I never understood why his eye is up there and where's the rest of his body. They explained that in the new Amazon show.

And they're going to say, they said... Yeah, that's what I like, actually, Patrick. His fucking explanations. That's what I like. Instead of fucking mysteries of God's universe. They said the new... They're going to reveal who Sauron is in season two. And he's going to be exactly evil like Walter White and Tony Soprano.

You Souron. You soured on my balls. You put your Souron. You soured on this ghost energy. warheads, which is a candy-flavored drink. Guys, look, speaking of ghost. Speaking of candies. No, stop. I have a whole, I have an, let me, let me do, let me handle the segue here. Okay.

Oh, you hit my chin and my mic. And I want to just have a higher voice. Wait, he chipped his tooth. See, I chipped his tooth. Look. No, your tooth got chipped. He chipped my teeth. Okay, so now I'm completely thrown off in the episode's over. Ghost candy. Speaking of ghost, uh, ghost.

You know, it's Halloween month. Okay. It's October. All right. We've done, we did ghosts. Uh-huh. We did a scary story. Yeah.

We did jump scares. Oh, fuck you, man. We did. We're supposed to have 21. What episode is this? We actually did soda. That's kind of a Halloween thing, maybe. You drink soda with your candy.

There's one huge Halloween thing that we've been missing out on that I found an important database to handle here. And that's candy. So today I found this. I found this. blog called Candy Fest Gummyville and they have an article here

called Top 50 Candies Everyone needs to try and this is under the category candy world and I want you guys to take a look at the picture

of the person who runs Candyface Gummyville and I just want to read you here you scroll up a little bit there so I can read

White Keegan Michael Key but he's in a gummy candy sweatser and he says I'm obsessed with candy You don't have to look far to see my love fest with a sugary treat

of starting to engulf my life. Once I gave up candy for a month and I almost cried when I found a gummy bear on the floor, I accidentally dropped days before behind the kitchen table. It was as hard as rock, but tempted me with his tiny gummy face, his super tasty tiny pineapple gummy face. So here I am, starting a candy block. I wanted to kick it off with a Cleveland Indians logo made out of Skittles to showcase their 2016 championship, but obviously I had to switch my plans.

Thanks, Cubs. Rolls eyes. Let's go Cubs. But I couldn't decide on just one topic. So you get 50. Here's my list of 50 candies I think everyone needs to try. And no particular order. And who knows, maybe it'll inspire you to turn into a gummy-loving, sweet-obsessed candy-gushing

Maniac 2. Hashtack high-five. I remember that World Series. It was extra endings because of a, because of, there was extra ending. It was like a two-hour rain delay. It was a great, it was a great night. Yeah. I was in community college and this kid was running around, like, the dorms that we stayed in.

this kid was running around in his underwear, and then I went and hung out with him in his room, and he was so drunk he told his friend to punch him in the kidney as hard as he could, and I got a video of it. Really? Did he piss blood? He punched him in the kidney so hard,

and then he passed out on the floor for like a second. Go cubs. That's sick. Yeah, I also, I don't want to go into... What if we pause right now and go buy all of this candy? Okay, we just did that. All right. We're back.

All right. That's just a good idea. So we'll just taste test each of these as we get on the list, I guess. I don't eat candy, man. Come on. I'm not going to eat 50 candies. I'm not going to eat 50 candies. You eat candy tober.

You eat candy. You eat candy. You eat candy. My dentist tells me this knock it off. Candy's good, A.F. I don't care whether you eat candy in general or not. We're doing a candy episode today and you're going to try candies. I'm don't, you don't have to eat them.

You can just try them and spit them into a bucket like wine. Okay. And then he'll have. He'll eat all the chewed-up stuff. I'll eat the chew-up stuff. I'll put it in a blender. Yeah. Number one is Eminem's,

which the other day I found out you can, if somebody is sharing your location with you, you can notify them whenever you go to like a specific location. It'll like give like a notification set it up so that my dad gets a notification whenever I go to the M&M store. So that he can get like send you an order basically? Yeah. Yeah.

It's like if I'm ever on. 1,600 Broadway. It's like, you will get a notification. Dude, I will say, last time I went to the M&M store, I got a fuck ton of M&Ms, and they were, I was getting the key lime pie. I was like getting the other flavors. What did you just say earlier?

They're pretty good, man. What? I don't eat candy. I don't eat candy. Probably the only time I ate candy. That's the only time, yeah. Last time. I guess that's probably the only time you ever ate candy.

Yeah. But let's see, there's a bunch here. Number two is Skittles. Skittles. Okay, so kind of starting, kind of seems like he's a yeah he just was thinking about hard shells taste the rainbow and tropical orchard spooky lurking lemon anyone and more flavors i remember lurking lemon i don't remember lurking lemon i don't either i remember liz lemon he knows that he knows a secret skittles flavor you're lying you're lying that you know exactly what it is did you know there was a huge backlash when they switched from lime skittles to sour apple skittles apparently the lime and lemon were too similar to some i was in favor for the switch sour apple for life with a wide instead of a I do I uh yeah I didn't even know that they switched the flavors until there's all those

commercials they're just talking about that oh yeah yeah right so for this for this right here before we get to this one I do want to take a little sidebar here uh hula if you go to the next tab I just want to show you a little of this guy's background just so you understand all the pictures on this list yeah I want to read you this guy's Instagram bio candy fest gummyville life is better in color all photos I snap candy and gummy lover so he take he's a candy photographer yeah I wasn't going to you know say where he lives so it's all it's all good but um you can find anyone can find his instagram it's right so he just takes pictures of candy

you'd rather to say it directly to a bunch of people he's a candy photographer this guy's awesome he does a pretty candy lover it's incredible candy lover and gummy addict and sugar king born and raised in p.a sharing photos of my fave treats oh my god he's a can't look at this oh wow he takes he does professional candy photography so i'm pretty sure all of the pictures on this list that we're reading he took these pictures look fucking incredible i

thought these were all stock photos they look like stock photos of of they're so good. A lover of all things candy, especially gummies and sour treats. He's so talented. He's extremely talented. But the reason I bring that up now is because this next one, the picture. Oh, that's him with a peach drink. That's him holding up a peat drink.

And he looks terrifying like Gallum. Yeah, it does look like Gallum holding the one way. He does not, he's not a person who should ever be out of focus. He looks like the insidious demon when he's out of focus. He looks a little bit like epic meal time. Epic candy time. It was a most candy meal of all time. He's the spin-off epic treats time.

Having one single piece. I don't know. I like this guy now. This guy's cool. I like him, too. I called him White Key and Michael Key. I think he's actually... You think that's an insult.

Okay. Yeah, you're white. Yeah. You think that's an insult. Okay. If he had said he looks like Keeke and Michael Key, you'd be like, yes he does. That's awesome. Yeah.

But if you say white, it's like, ugh. What's wrong with being white? There's a lot of things wrong. There's a lot of things wrong. There's a lot of stuff wrong in being white. Would you say that? Yeah, why would you say what's wrong with being white? What do you mean?

Patrick, why do you say that? Juvio, get off the White Pride Wikipedia entry. You're going to start saying some weird crap if you read that. Number four, gummy bears. The classic gummy delicacy, seriously, Haribo is the top-notch kind. Even come in super tiny form, bottom right pick, but Albanese from Indiana, USA are also amazing. Albanyes are, Albany's gummy bears are so good. they have like those are i used to be i used to be a big horrible ho but now i've been albinese freak

i don't know if i've ever had them all right i'm in albany's pleaser albany's albany's but now i say albany's or scrooge is my name that's good yeah yeah albanys or scrooge i've never even heard of albany's gummy berry i haven't either i don't think if you can find them they're i usually see them at like they're they're uh they're like the t j max snacks usually see them at nonsense stores you know you know like they're The T.J. Max snacks that you can find that are, like, it's like, uh, these are like a dark, chocolate pretzel, like, milk snacks. I do know that. Yeah. They're like Trader, they're like Trader Joe's type thing. Trader Joe's candy. Trader Joe's is like one run below. Milf chow. That's what you're

talking about. Yeah. All of the snacks at T.J. Max. Yeah. Like, uh, like, like, truffle potato chips that come in a tin. Dark chocolate stuff for milfs. Yeah. To chow on. Yeah. Like a dove. Yeah. What are you signing? Go back to the list, Julio. Yeah, what are you doing? You have to stay on that. Don't buy it to stay on the back.

Chicken feet. They taste like heaven blended with cherry lemonade. Seriously, so good. I agree. Those look great. Yeah. I don't like them against the green background. No, but those do look tasty.

I've never heard of those before. God damn it, dude. But there must try. I'm straight up. I've got a sweet tooth like this guy, and this list is making my mouth water. Some of these candies I really want. All right, let me put my finger in your mouth to check If it's watering

That was sour Where'd you put that? Number six is airheads What actually is the mystery flavor? That's a good question I thought it was just random No, the mystery flavor I'm thinking of that's the lollipops

That's what, yeah Like dumb-dums Yeah, dumbs Yeah, I'm looking at two right now Yeah, I'm looking at, I'm between two dumb-dums right now. Yeah, I'm between two dumb-dums, too. What do you...

You're the true dumb-dum. I'm between two dumb-dums. Okay, we're both doing in one-dum-dum-dum. Actually, you guys are stupid because you don't realize the earth goes all the way around. I've really... So actually right now, Patrick is behind me. No, he's not. Yeah, he is.

If you go all the way that way, he's straight up behind me. That is true. That's kind of scary. Yeah. Oh, my God. He's blue. You blew my mind. He is behind you, technically.

If he looks that way, he's looking at your back because of the round... Don't look at my back. What do you say? Stop, he's looking at my butt and trying to lick on it. It's way too far away for you to lick in that direction. You don't know how the biggest tongue is. What have you measured it? Gay.

Yep. I measured it. Number seven is a Hershey's Kiss. And yeah, you know what? The cherry, quarters of ones are to die for. I haven't had those in so long. Read this paragraph here. Also, one time my friend dressed up is a Hershey's Kiss at Hershey's Park.

Oh, summer job memories in high school. And was rolled down to my guest. Think about it. Each time I eat one. Always hilarious. I also love that this guy worked at Hershey Park in high school. He's been on, he's been, Candy has been his life, his entire life.

Look, I used to think the Candy Man was a horror character. Now I think that the Candy Man is an awesome character. He's an awesome guy. I love this guy. This guy's awesome. Yeah. Number eight is Wilbur buds. These sound crazy.

Wilbur buds. Hershey gets all the love in PA, but Wilburbuds are arguably even better. Try these ASAP. Plus, have you ever visit Lilitz P.A. Littitz. Littitz. Littitz. Come on, man.

A super cool town. They have a new store. Rage comics vibe. Yeah. My girlfriend's showing me Littitz. What is a Wilbur bud? That seems like a euphemism for something on a pig. That's, uh, this is what,

Wilford. Oh, never mind. I was going to say this is what Wilford Brimley ate that gave him diabetes, but then I remembered his name is Wilford and not Wilbur. Wilfred bud. Wilfred, yeah. It was a Wilfred. Bud hey.

Those are, you're thinking of Wilfred. You're thinking of you're being seriously awesome. You're thinking of Wilfred's Bain. Ah. Yeah.

Wilfred's Bain, which is still sugar. Number nine is Kit Katz are something special about this candy. Side note, it was my favorite candy bar to impersonate at Hershey Park.

Again, summer job at its finest. Kit Katz in America. This guy also is so into candy that when he dresses up his candy, it's not dressing up as it. It's impersonating it. He's like doing a Michael Jackson

Tribute show almost. God damn, he doesn't just look like a kit cat. He fucking moves like one. Look at that. He's got everything right down to he's... Look, you just gave that guy a break. Oh, my God, he's snapping off left and right. This guy goes up to people dressed as candy and does stolen valor stuff.

Yeah. Halloween. What flavor are you? What factory were you made in? Number 10 is nerds, and I'm between two nerds. Yeah, I'm between two nerds, too. We are... Hey, look, if...

I actually am between a nerds. This guy has a theory about the Earth. If you're around me, nerds are in the vicinity. Classic. I don't get it. That Nick Cannon video. Oh, yeah. I consider myself to be a member of the Wonka family.

I don't remember this. And we think about the meaning of the word nerds. That is a perfect video. It's a really good video. Remember when you get those little boxes with two flavors and you just dump them in your mouth, but then your spit would make the box all wonky? And you'd be all, it's falling apart and nerds are falling into the cracks.

Hashtag candy pros. I've never... I know exactly what he's talking about. What? You get your spit all over the nerds box? What the fuck you're talking about? Like this and you're trying to like shake it in. And your spit shoots up like a fountain into the box.

Well, hell are you two? No, I don't understand. The computer and him. Look, if you were a real candy fan, you'd know. What, you just pour them, you didn't pour them into your hands? You were pouring them directly into your mouth. Like, pouring him directly into the mouth because they got the two that's... You're feeding yourself like a fucking fish?

Yeah. Put it in your, just put in your hand. Hey, hey, the thing about being a candy. candy fan is sometimes you get to pretend that you're a different animal and you're eating the candy like it's like fish food. I don't think I would ever pour the nerds directly into my mouth. This is how to eat them. This is a video on how to eat nerds. See, this is what I do. This is what you would do? You'd chuck it like a Gatorade. What am I going to do? What are I going to do? Pour it in the hand, shake it like a rich guy and like pop it. Yes. Yes.

That's how you're supposed to eat it. Um, next is Reese's. I do like races. Yeah. Reese's pieces, Reese's cups, nut-rageous. Get in my belly. Did you see these new Reese's pieces? Did you see these new Reese's pieces of stuff cups yet? Also, it's Reese's Pieces, not Peacys. Well, that he wrote it as, it's Reese's PCs, not PCs. Oh, yeah, and honestly, Reese's sticks are probably the most underrated Reese's products.

They're amazing. Oh, yeah, Reese's sticks. I've never heard of a Reese's stick. You really are a candy guy. Yeah. This is fucking crazy. You know all these candies, man. Number 12 is Ring Pops.

The only one I did know was Wilbur Buds. And I will. It'll be trying them. Ring Pops says, candy bling, check. Number 13 is a whirly pop. I don't know this one. Oh, yeah, I do. What am I talking about?

I know this one. Oh, he took a phone. Again, he decided to insert himself in the candy. He looks so, he looks like he looks like he's wearing the Robert Patton's and Batman makeup. I think he's allowed to insert himself with the candy guys. Oh, 100%. So I just wish he would, he would not make that face.

This is the one of those big... That's just the face of the big spiral lollipops. That's the face of a podling being drained of energy in the dark crystal. That's not... That's so mean. This is one of those lollipops that gets stolen from babies. But I don't know why anyone would ever want to eat one of these. No, they're pretty gross.

They're the worst candy. Yeah, they're really bad. Is this top candy? But you do have to try it. You said no particular order. No, these are the ones you have to... You must try. These are his favorites.

These are must tries. And I will say you have... Even though these suck, you should have one once in your life. Hey, I sucked on one and I hated it. I feel like these always get stolen out of your hands. This is also, this is the one that you learn instantly. As a kid, I think you see it in the candy store and you go, oh my God, I want that. You get it once, you lick it.

You're like, this is disgusting and you never get it again. It's going to taste like it does in the cartoons. Yeah. Yeah. And then it doesn't. Yeah. I'm going to be like, hey, I'm going to feel exactly like Ed and nutty. Like a kid, a kid can jump off.

Kid can jump off the roof 10 times and not and get hurt every time and still do it. But you get one, a one whirlie pop and you will never get. get it again yeah yeah that's true yeah number 14 is smarties the white ones are so good and i have no idea why i want all of the white ones hook me up smarties do you know in canada smarties are chocolate he's actually right the white the don't switch white smarties he's back jubbio's back on the white pride wikipedia get off that page it's a different that's a different it has nothing to with smarties yeah and i'll say those guys are dummies yeah yeah i'll say those white pride nazi're dumb they're definitely no smarties in that buncher quite a bit of dummies jolly ranchers

This guy is right, though. The white smarties are the only good ones. I love smarties. I think smarties are at top-tier candy. I'm just only the white ones. I don't really care what you have to say. I don't know if they're a top-tier candy. I really, really like smarties.

Yeah, you don't care what he has to say, but trust me, you come to me with that shit. And what? I'm going to tell you. I'm going to put you in your place. This is a candy guy. In what place? I'm the candy man. All right.

Let me see a debate on Smarties. I think they're really tasty, and I like their texture. You like their texture? buddy, how would you go eat a piece of sidewalk chalk because it doesn't taste like smarties? Okay, he counterpointed. Now, you need to... What if they made sidewalk chalk taste like smarties?

You'd probably eat it. All right. I've been bested. Okay. Shake hands, please. I've been besting in the field of intellectual debate, candieism. That's fucking incredible. I cannot believe you guys squash that.

Number 15, Jolly Ranchers. I love a rancher. I used to have them at church, and I just fucking pop them in. I'd pop four at a time. Watermelon, Jolly. Rancher? Did you know that these are the most popular candies out there? Always a top seller and for good reason.

Number 16 is a tootsie roll. Dude. I fucking hate this. I don't like to, I don't like tosy rolls. And not only do I hate tutsi rolls. When I lived in Boston, I lived like four blocks away from a tutsi roll factory.

So every day I would. What? Yeah. So I was in Cambridge as a tutsy roll factory. You never told me that. Why would it matter to you? Patrick, I live four blocks away from a Tootsie Roll factory, just so you know, before you come over. Yeah, you should have done something like that.

You can't, they don't do tours, and actually they have like 16 armed guards. They don't do tours or anything, but if you save all the Tootsie Rupp, if you find the Native American with the star, if you save all of those and you give them to them, I think they give you like a t-shirt. And I had a bunch of them. What the fuck are you talking about Native American with a star? On the Tootsie Roll rapper. I know what he's talking about. I've never heard of this. Tutsie pop rapper.

Yeah, I know that a Tootsie Pop, I didn't know what he's talking about. And if you save up, and I always wanted this shirt, if you saved up 20 Dum Dum rappers and you, like, sent them in, you got a T-shirt with the Dum-Dum logo on it. And it's a little, it's a little pop guy. Listen, I didn't do that because I didn't know that you were so weird at the time that you would want to go just sit outside of the T-Cyroll. You did also. You didn't know me that well back then. Throw rappers at a factory and say, give me, give me a T-shirt. Give me a T-shirt.

That would have a weird about, I think. I would love it. I would love a tootsie roll piece. I think you would have been shot on sight. But anyway, every day that I would like, I would be so hung over and I'd be waking up at 6 in the morning to go work at folding towels at the gym job that I had. And I would have to walk in proximity to this Tootsie Roll factory.

And the smell was so fucking disgusting that it just drove me crazy. And I just can't. I'll never have one again. They were never good in the first place. Yeah, I never liked. Always terrible. Number 17 is gobstoppers. Don't bite them right away.

Just don't do it, but they taste so good. So many layers. Wonka is definitely the best maker of candy. I'm actually with you. I think fictional Wonka is really good, but not real level. This guy forgot what the fucking entry was. In 11, Wachemichita. You had a Wachemicholet?

No. Oh, my God. They've never had that. Every time I went to the pool growing up, I would get one of these at the snack bar. They were from the freezer. Definitely freeze these. Do a frozen Wachim Cawley. Oh, my God, wait.

I have to read this next one. I'm sorry. I just sussling here. Number 19, jelly belly beans. My grandpa, one of the best people in the world, just FYI, and I get a 40 flavor box and transform into mixing beans recipe extraordinaire. I was also part of the Jelly Belly Taste Bud Club when I was little. Yes, that was a thing.

I'd get sneak preview flavor packs in the mail and everything. Also, Dr. Pepper Jelly Belly Beans, enough said. And he has a photo of Dr. Pepper Jelly Belly Beans. That photo is great. Second of all, the Dr. Pepper Jelly Belly Beans and the Snapple ones, are so fucking good. This fucking guy has been in the game so long. Uh-huh.

Yeah. This guy is the candy king. And he's a mixing beans recipe extraordinary. Oh my God. He is a... He transformed into a mixing beans recipe extraordinary. With his grandpa. He was one of the best people in the world.

Yeah. Number 20 is grapefruit gummies. His grandpa Joe. I do like these. I like this is... Oh, my God. These are probably my favorite ones. The Haribo, Haribo fruit salad.

Any kind of fruit with fruit-flavored gummy with a sour thing on it? Those are good. Those are good. Haribo fruit salad is a slept-on bag, a bodega snack. I'm going to sleep on you. You're going to be,

better not. You will be my bed in four hours. Better not. I will be duct-taping you to the ground and sleeping on you. Number 21, pop rocks. You know, not my favorite. What was the myth? It's a fun, it's a novelty.

Yeah. He's always fun. These are never not fun. I'm 28 and they're still so fun. True. The myth. What do you mean they're still so, are you like picking up a pack of these on the way?

home with like a, it's been a long day of work. That's what I do when I have popped. I'm going to throw back of pop rocks. There's a myth in the 70s that a kid drank a Coke with pop rocks in his mouth and he died. And his head exploded. Yeah. His stomach exploded. That's what I heard.

There are a bunch of different versions, I think. And then it was crazy that that turned out to be true about Mentos and Coke. Yeah, that it kills you. I don't think it kills you. It doesn't kill you, but it kills you. It makes an alien come out of you. Oh, wow. Well, I'm just saying like the, like, like, it was.

It was like, oh, yeah, Pop Rocks and Coke is just a myth. And then, like, finding out, like, from YouTube that, like, if you did mix a candy with Coke, it will, there was one candy, but they were just off. Yeah. I don't think it will make your head explode. It will make your head explode with soda in it. Soda will come out your ears. So if you poured soda and mintos in your brain, that might. No, you pour it into your mouth and it's going to go out your nose.

If you have holes in your mouth that go up to your brain, it might go on your brain. Yeah. Yeah, that makes complete. sense. I don't think Coke's going to come out of your ears. I think it'll come out of your mouth. The throat and ears are connected. But I don't think you're, I think it's going to come out of your mouth first. The throat and ears are connected, though. You're useless. If your mouth is closed, it might come out of your ears. Number 22 is flavored candy canes. I do like these. These are always, oh, speaking of

these are always in the white. The sour patch kids, candy canes. He mentions them right there. Those are the best. All right. So candy canes are a staple of the holidays. Minty, cool. Christmasy, but flavored candy canes are literally the best version of this holiday tradition. Sweet tart candy canes, sour patch kid candy canes, you name it. Sign me up the red one. And right now they're hitting stores. Also, just saw Trolley

has a version. What? Damn. What? A gummy candy cane, sounds good. You want to... Trully has been... I was in a laundromat and the... I wish it was a candy store. I wish I was like, I wish this is a candy store right now. But I was doing my laundry and the Chinese guy who runs the laundromat.

He's watching a video on his phone in Chinese. And it had that, you know, the, like, YouTube video editing where it just cuts to short clip, like reaction clips of, like, clips from movies and stuff. He's watching something. It was completely in Chinese. But literally every, like, three to five seconds, it just played the Lil John what. Like, really loud. Oh, wait.

I think I know that's, they do, there's, uh, the foodie, Foodie China 88 on Instagram. Is it in Chinese? I mean, it's not the one I watched, but it's like, was it like, was it like, a cooking video. I didn't, I was only heard the eye. I wasn't up over his shoulder watching this video with them. Every couple of, every couple of seconds he'll do like a, like he says like put the, give the food a Thai massage, mix it with water from the Mississippi River, mix in evil chicken bouillon, and they'll go, what? Maybe that was it. Yeah. I think I've seen this show. Number 23, peppermint patties. Love peppermint patties. I love peppermint patties.

No, thank you. Well, he's patty and you're definitely peppermint in your attitude. Number 24, Buckeyes candy. Oh, H, even Michigan fans have to admit these chocolate peanut butter candies are way better than anything a Wolverine candy could be. Hashtag am I right? You've done a little Ohio State

gummy worms. In dirt pudding or a road trip snack, sour or sweet. So many options, but you have to go with trolley warm. Trolley has been doing some crazy things with gummy worms lately. I don't know if you guys, remember the neon burst The bursting crawlers.

And the crunchy ones? The crunchy worms were pretty good. The crunchy worms were pretty good. I have had a bite of those. Oh, Paige not found. Who was that beautiful woman? That beautiful character. Number 26 is dumb-dums, classic lolly, tons of flavors.

Yeah, I'm between a couple of dumb-dums right now. Come on. I'm also between some dumb-dums. I'm between a Mike and an Ike right now. Number 27 is Mike and Ike's. The Mike and Ike's mega-mix? You can kind of tell these. Is that a song?

The blue pack? That shit was good. I'm snacking on that blue pack Snacking on that blue pack You can tell he's kind of running out of energy With this list Because he used to be writing a paragraph About each one and now

They all just are just one sentence Of what the candy is He needs to he needs to candy up If you got a sugar rush Yeah if you got a sugar rush Eventually you're gonna crash He's crashing right now Yeah because then we got starburst

And he just says let's be honest These are the coolest candies Also did you see the gummy versions Get them now The gummy versions were disgusting I had terrible That's the one of the recent gummy drops Those are the new

Those are the air ones Oh those are terrible Yeah, those are different. Those are bad. I'm realizing every candy I've had in the last three years has been something that you've handed me. For the most part, me too. I have not had any candy that I've bought for like years.

It's only been him coming and been like, try this and put something in my mouth. I think the only candy I bought is probably those Starbursts gummies. I'm just an adult man who eats candy. You really are. Yeah. Oh, I had some Sour Patch kids recently. I didn't buy them.

When was the last time you had like a steak? Oh, I couldn't tell you. Probably never. You eat candy. No, I had, I've had, like, like, Karnay Asada, if that counts. No. I think the last time I... I mean, like, a meat and potatoes meal.

Like, I cooked myself a steak. Last time I cooked myself a steak. Sure. Probably, like, November 2021. So not that long ago. Yeah. A year ago. But when was last time I made candy?

Like, yesterday. What'd you have? What'd you have? I'm so curious I had a Reese's cup You just And what makes you I had

I bought a two pack What makes you When you're at the store What compels you to buy the candy I'd say to myself Would you say it's the fever? I haven't had candy in a little while I've been good about

Because my I saw a dentist And they were like Yeah you're like You have the only reason They told me the only reason I have cavities Is because I grind my teeth

and not the candy that you buy all the time. I didn't tell them about the candy. When they ask how often you eat candy. So they must think that you're in there. I think they usually don't ask that to adults. I don't think that's a question that they ask. A guy who comes in dressed in. Dressed in real tree.

True. They're probably not going to ask you how many times a week you eat candy, even though it's probably three. Yeah. I think I do. I think I will say maybe three times a week I will get a candy. Yeah. If it's a small,

obsessed with gummies. If it's, if it's a small, if it's a small serving, I think it's fine. I think you do you. Look, I think, I think it's okay to do whatever you want. You know, I have, I have a, I don't get candy. I'm realizing my candy is that I do, I'll get one of those Oikos Greek yogurts every once in a while. That's my candy.

And then every once in a while, I'll have one piece of a dark chocolate bar before I go to bed and it keeps me up all night. The worst thing, I like ice cream, that's my candy. The worst kind of thing I, the worst thing that I ever picked up at the store and I realized that I needed to stop eating so much candy was I bought a ruby chocolate bar like it's like a red chocolate and it had it was like with guava filling yeah those are bad the red chocolate is bad red chocolate it's really bad I never heard of red chocolate I was like oh man this is not good one and two I'm just I'm a I'm a candy freak you're a male candy addict yeah I'm an adult candy

addict. You're skipping ahead a little bit. 31 is Hershey's Bar. One word, classic. I do love a normal Hershey's Bar. Great. Now, I want to read 32 is Turkish Delight. I love Turkish.

I haven't had this. It's good. Just tasted this candy this year. Now I know why Edmund was so tempted to destroy his family to get an unlimited supply of this. If you don't get that reference, I'm disappointed. Dude, I was such a fucking CS Lewis super fan that I, for four years in a row. I asked for Turkish Delight for Christmas. I had the box set.

Ordered some. You had a Turkish delight. It does come in a box set. Yeah. It's really good. Dude, take five is the perfect candy bar. That's a great candy bar. Take five and Baby Ruth.

Those are two very underrated ones, yeah. Swedish fish, that's got to be the worst candy ever made. I like Swedish fish. It's terrible. They said, nothing going on. He said, I never had a candy that tasted so unique. So this is a candy expert, and he says it's at least unique. Cadbury eggs, pretty good.

This is a Halloween episode. We don't care about Cadbury eggs. That's easier food. Warheads, hey, look. I like Warheads. I drank a Warheads thing. I like warheads. Red cherry slices.

It's a picture of him with his grandpa. It says my grandpa and I would sit and eat these while watching baseball in Ohio. That's so sweet. All right, we'll leave your fucking...

Peachy penguins. Try being a little bit just like, I don't know. Why is he bringing all his personal shit into this? Stop going so fucking fast, Juby. Stop, yeah. What's wrong with you? I'm scrolling.

Go back to peachy penguins. I want to learn about these. Patrick, read about peachy penguins for us. You don't understand. They are peach flavored. I know they're black and white. That makes no sense. a peach flavored and they're absolutely delicious.

Try them ASAP. I don't think I will do it. I don't think I will either. I want that candy so bad. Orange tic ticc's. Orange ticc's. I can't handle them. One time I got in trouble at a summer job because I ate all the orange tic ticcs.

They were supposed to be used as breath mints for all employees. I ate the whole thing in the first hour of my shift. Also, I used to get these in my stocking at Christmas and it was the best. Yeah, these are not breathmints. I completely relate to that. Yeah, I forgot how much I love those. They are really good. Tic tics are good.

Fun day. Lindor white chocolate? Come on. Yeah, shut up, dude. Actually, you know what? I don't hate white chocolate as much as much as everybody else says. I can enjoy a white chocolate. Like a white chocolate and macadamia is pretty good. I really don't like white chocolate. I think white chocolate. I think white chocolate. I think it. I think it. I think of white chocolate. I think it. Remember the cookies and cream Hershey's bar? No. Oh, you don't, you haven't, go try that. Those were bad. I didn't like those. Yeah, those were terrible. I'm telling them. I'm going to say my candy, my knowledge of candy, probably anything that came out past 2009, I don't know about.

I, the cookies and cream Hershey's bars, I ate too many of them as a kid. And now when I think about that flavor, I want to puke. Why? You don't like candy. The cookies and cream Hershey's thing also made me want to puke as a kid. Yeah. It's too sweet. It's specifically a puk-making flavor.

Is it just really sweet? Yeah, you could go get them at the bodega, whatever. All right, let's split one, man. Oh, you know what they do have now? It's a crave candy so much. A blueberry muffin kit cat. Is it good? It's so good.

Hubba-bubba gum. I got that in my hair when I was five, and my mom had to cut all my hair off. What? I ate a whole thing of hubba-bubba, and then I was trying to get it. I like, you know the bubble tape? I do love Pez. I love pegg. Number 47, pixie sticks.

My mom wouldn't let me have these until at least 15, I swear. Some family choking problem. Not that that would ever happen to me or anything. Hashtag almost died when I was 22. Hashtag on cherry gummies. Hashtag on her birthday. Hashtag maybe she was right. Wait, he almost died from a cherry gummy, and he lists cherry gummy is like 37?

What the fete, wait, wait, did we? And he didn't mention this in the cherry gummy thing. He just said, I ate these with my grandpa when we watched baseball in Ohio. Maybe you skipped over it. Oh, I'd scroll back. No, no, no, that's all he said. Do not tell you to be able to scroll anywhere. All right.

Dude, I want to hear that story. He ruined his mom's birthday by choking on candy. Dots, dude. Dots are terrible. Dots are so good. What are you talking about? Spree is good. Spree is really good.

That's a really great. I'm glad we could agree on that. I'm glad we saw. I'm glad we saw sprees. So at the end of the list, what did you think? Is this all the best candy ever? What did I miss? Hope you enjoy my candy ramblings.

though go get these delicious treats you know what i will say and total world candy domination i will say what he missed and going back on the i like white chocolate sometimes i mean i mean you with you with this guy i think you two could together create an amazing list because you're both kind of candy monster chandelaholics yeah but uh a zero bar white chocolate nugit uh some kind of like you know the ingredients to the candy bars yeah that's dangerous yeah you it says it on the label so if you want to If you want one of each of these candies, you can come to the Halloween live show or we'll be giving out one of each of the candies we just said.

I know it is. It's time to be real. I'm trying to do the thing here. But yeah, go buy tickets to the Halloween show. Swagpoopop.com slash shows. And, yeah, I think that's basically it, right? Anything else? You can come to my house if you need somewhere to be.

Oh, go to my house. To the candy store. Yeah, the candy store is open. Bye. All right. Okay. Bye, everybody.