Podcast About List - Ep. 218 - Sweatshirt Day

Episode Date: November 23, 2022

Today the guys talk over a Black Friday list, be sure to get the best deals this Black Friday by going on patreon and looking up "Podcast About List" on there and get a subscription for a discounted price [$5 down from $1000] Watch the video for this episode https://www.youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Get extra premium and D&D episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

Hi, it's me, Patrick from Podcast About List. I'm sure at this point you're already aware that every single one of these video episodes is started with a little cold open to get you excited for the episode you're about to watch. So this week I was tasked with creating the cold open and I just wanted to say that I'm very proud of it. and I hope that you like it just as much as I liked making it. We have a great episode for you today, and thank you for watching. And then start the... So, I'm going to be able to be.

So, you know, the Okay, and start us about this. Okay, now sing it to the microphone and start over. Okay, so I have to sing. Okay, just do what you did, but start over. Okay, am I positioned correctly?

Do I look like I'm in some kind of red, racist clan? No, wait. Now you do. No, you look like E.T. Okay, so I'm never wearing anything ever again. Really? Asshole. That's exciting.

And our plan worked. I'm never wearing anything ever again. You're not going to get me to be naked all the time just by making fun of my clothes. We're going to do a red hot chili peppers episode. Dude, where we only wear a sock on our penis. It was huge for guys like me who think aliens are sexy as fuck. Not only do ET get to be naked. naked at the beginning.

I think he dresses like a girl. Yep. That is a serious score. That is hot as fuck, yeah. The first movie you get to watch with your family and Jack off to. You get to see a naked alien. And you can see a naked alien. And then a girl-dressing one.

Yeah. And it's the same alien. But naked alien. Yeah. Yeah. He does go completely sheet white. He looks like a, there's a scene in E.T. I always forget that that scene existed where he like, like,

he turns white? E.T. What do you say? Nice to meet you. I'm E.T. Let's say something like that. Let's go. Yeah, he says, gosh, golly.

I want to watch Parks and Recreation. I need to go home. Yeah. White-ass alien. Uh-huh. They fuck you, E.T. They queer eye him, too, at the end. He's already queer as fuck.

That's right. Because he's under five feet tall. Yeah. But the scene where E.T. turns, like, sheet white I forgot about. And then I get seeing, like, uh, like that picture posted of like ET turning like they just eat dead ET on the ground in the river half dead he's half dead okay he was half dead continue half dead alien half dead white alien all right that's how you find it when you want to if you want to google search it you look up

half dead white alien and that comes up ET in a river pops up what were you saying though I just forgot that that existed. I forgot that scene existed, and I thought that it was a nightmare that I had when I was a kid. Okay, that I understand. I've definitely had nightmares before, and then, like... I've had a lot of nightmares where E.T. dies. I've had nightmares before, but where I'm like, man, what a weird nightmare. And then, like, two years later, it's like some weird holiday.

I'm at home, the cable's on, small soldiers comes on, and I'm like, oh, fucking shit. It wasn't even... It was just a memory I have. Yeah. I think specifically the E.T. River scene, I think that's one that everybody thinks they just experienced. Yeah. I thought that I was convinced. I'm pretty sure we've talked about it.

I've never heard you guys talk about this before. I think Pat might be right. I was convinced that that was filming in the Charles River. I'd love doing that when you were a kid is just being like, oh, that's where the, oh, I recognize that. I think that building is actually the office building in my town, which is a little different growing up in Boston. and then growing up in Wilmington, North Carolina. The only movie... There's some movies filmed in Womington.

Growing up in, like, Leland, like, an hour outside, I was like, I'm pretty sure that's actually the back of the best buy. I remember when in the office, when Jim and Pam have, like, they, like, when they finally have a kiss or whatever, get married or some shit like that, you see, like, the back of a... It's like the back of a warehouse or something. Oh, yeah.

And I was like, that is... I was like, that's the best buy in one. homington, North Carolina. All Best Byes look exactly the same. But it also wasn't a Best Buy. You know, it could have been filmed at Best Buy. The police station in my town was in a movie one time, and it was scary. Cameron caught red-handed.

But you're not supposed to actually recognize. I don't remember what it was in. I can't remember. It was probably in tons of movies with the fucking Sarniav's they made you your shit famous. No, dude, that was Watertown. But isn't that one town over? It's one town over. The only movie I remember.

It's not the same. police station. Yeah, you're right. Growing up the, like, I never pieced it together that it was filmed in New Hampshire was a Jumanji. Really? I thought they filmed that in the jungle. Jumangi. Wait, I thought they filmed that

inside of a board game. What the fuck are you talking about? No, Key in New Hampshire, that's where that's where all of that was like shot. They filmed a thorough in space. Yeah. For real? For real. I love it in the thorough. Is there a scene? Is there a scene in that movie where the guy the kid is like

oh fuck there's something at the door and he goes and he opens the door and it's just space out there I think so yeah that's so awesome that movie's so sick dude it's Kristen Stewart and then it's like and then there's the lizard what are the lizard aliens called Jubio

Jubio's Thurra? Searchs a thorough lizard alien but there's a scene where like it's Dax Shepard in that movie and Kristen Stewart's character is like that's the hottest guy I've ever seen and then it's revealed that it's just the little kid at the end. Oh, yeah.

It's been grown up. Oh, yeah. This is the alien. No, search lizard aliens. This is definitely him. This is him. But put this up on screen. Yeah, you got to put it up.

That's him. I just want to know what they're called. I remember thinking the name of them was really cool. They're probably called Character Alien Lizard with Gun 3D rigged. That looks like like an internal way from toy machine. I guess I'll look it up on my phone. If they made a third, so they went back to Jumanji. Yeah.

But if they made a third, if they went, they went, Jumanji is Africa, which is the past. And then they do Zethro, which is, which is, which is, which is space, which is the future. I don't think, I don't think Jumachi takes place in Africa. I think it takes place in a fictional world of Jumans. No, it's Africa. I don't remember that movie that well. There's, no, maybe it is. You're not going to believe what the lizard aliens are called in Zahura.

They're called Zorgans. Whoa. Holy shit. I bet you're glad I looked that up. I am glad. Zorgons. Did you see it in one of the new Jumanji movies, one of the plot point, like the entire movie, I guess, I didn't see the movie, but I read about this, is I think, like, part of it is like, Kevin, there's like a mix-up when they go into the game, it's like a video game, and it's like Kevin Hart and Jack Black's body. And Jack Black is just doing, is just doing Kevin Hart the entire movie.

Jack Black does Black Jack that we've talked about many times. does black jack he finally gets his opportunity to go black jack how many of those did they make because i feel like they made the kevin heart the kevin heart was heavy heavy fart yeah that's jack black heavy uh bart yep keep going kevin heart's heaven fart he dies in the movie he has a spoiler fart he's playing heaven car spoiler alert up there that'd be pretty good that'd be a good video game all your grandparents car barrio card situation it's not a bad idea it's pretty good Well, check this out. Pull this photo up, Jubio.

This is going to get demonetized. Don't do that. Don't fucking do that. But, yeah, if they make a third Jumanji style, Jumanji, okay, I'll admit, Jumanji isn't in Africa. It's in a board game. It's in a board game.

Yeah, for now. You're going to go over. You're going to go to Africa. I will. I'm charting an expedition to see maybe if there's a town called Jumachi in Africa. But Zathura, that's in space. You don't need to chart an expedition.

Here's my... Here's my pitch. I mean, it needs to be a trilogy, right? They already... They have Jumanji, that's in the jungle. They have Zathura. That's in space. So then I think maybe that they could have

like a third one that's just called like... In the water? Okay, no. No. Just let him do his thing. That's really fucking stupid. That's basically the same as the jungle. That basically...

You know what? You're right. I forgot there's a fish in Jum. And you wouldn't be able to hear the lines. Yeah, asshole. And I'm sorry. And Cameron, put her there. Thank you.

Okay, continue your third, Jumanji. Coolsville. And it's a town. Holy shit. It's a normal town. That's where Scooby-Doo lives. That's a good point. They could make the third one, a Scooby-Doo movie.

Yep. That's a really good point. Well, that's what you could get, it could be like one of those themed, like, you know, they'll have like a Scooby-Doo version of Monopoly. Yeah. You get sucked into that. Wait, what if the third one is just random stuff? They just go, don't go, they just go in there and it's just all stuff everywhere. Yeah, there's just dicing.

But it's just an actual board game. They get sucked into it. Now they're on a tiny version of life. Oh, my God. And they're like, that's the thing about Zathurro. And there's just shit everywhere. There's tons of junk and fucking shit everywhere. Just garbage and all that.

It's left over food. All the kinds of stuff, diapers and nasty shit like that. There's shit and junk everywhere. There's life and payday I played a lot of growing up. The same thing to me. They're pretty much the same game. Life was one of those games I never played, but I always looked at it. And I was like, whoa.

One day when I get older, I want to play this every day. Did you guys, if you could get sucked into one board game, what's you going for? Not mouse trap. Guess who? You would be so good in guess who? You look just like I guess who got. Do you have a punch in on the hat? Take your hat off.

No, a hack him part. He looked just like, guess who? Does your guy look surprised? When I have a longer hair, I look just like a guess who character. You already looked just like him, dude. Oh, my fucking God, dude. This isn't showing a, oh, there it is.

God. Guess who? Yeah, that is crazy. If you got sucked into Guess Who, though, are you just going to... That does look like me. If you got sucked into Guess Who, are you just going to sit there all day? Like, I feel like that one's pretty boring. You know, you don't really have to do much and guess who.

You got to hold that face until you get stuck like that. You're trapped for eternity. Wait, I'll try it right now. That is good. That is a good guess who face. That is a good guess who face. So what would say, yeah, what would you say if you were guessing who? So you and me are playing guess who

We're both on this guy We're both on this guy Okay I'd be like Is your guy a girl? Yes Okay And I'm putting down

A bunch of pieces Yeah Um Yeah because Well my god My guy's moving Well My guy's moving

My guy's talking to me Well which one of you has me We both do Oh so you both have There's one guy And we don't know It's a new version of guess who There's just one tile

And we don't know That we have the same guy We open up the thing It's just a picture of him It's not a cartoon at all I go It's a gif

It's just being like Yeah Is your guy I mean yeah Is your guy Did he just put a hat on? No Oh my God

I know Now you look like guess who Looking so sly and coy Is your guy sly Is your guy coy Is your guy kind of I don't even really specific Is your guy clever

Does your guy have a rye smile What's your guy's favorite food I think pizza Oh okay Put down a bunch of them Yeah These guys don't like pizza These people couldn't like pizza

Their skin's too good Pizza's good though Pizza is good as a motherfucker No fucking lie True Yeah I'd probably go into Scattergories though Yeah

That's not a good one That's Categories guy The logo I'm probably going to The Scatigories or Sudoku. The Scatigories logo go hard. Yeah. No, you need, man, shut up.

There's two logos that go hard as fuck, and it's Shirlin Williams, and it's Gatigories. Who's Gattigories? That's what I, when I play. Gattigories. Should I actually feel it? I go into Hot Wheels. Hot wheels.

Hot wheels. Oh, my God. Wait, a hot one board game would be fired. We should do hot wheels where we make celebrities eat toy cars. See if they need 10 toy cars. Sitting there with Hallie Barry. She's too deep, but she fucking dies. She instantly does.

Intoritis? Intoritis? I don't know. You learned it yesterday. Your cat had it. Why are you just dropping? Because it's an intestinal blockage. Is that what that means?

Yeah. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. I'd love to give Hallie Berry. I thought it was like a disease that cats catch from weird human bones. Intestinal blockage. What? Don't say that.

What? What? What do you guys want from? Okay, yeah, I'm a pervert Yeah I want to give her gastro and tineritis No, I want to give her gastro and tineritis That's not what I sound like guys

It's not very funny to do that Yeah, I want to put my finger in her butt No, I didn't sound anything like that Yeah, I want to smell the fire after Yeah No, no, no, no, no no no No, no, no I didn't say I want to make her a puppet With my finger

I didn't say anything like that I said something on accident I wish I'd talk like that Yeah, dude, it's so cool that, like... You'd be a laughing stock. It's so cool. It's so cool when, like, like, Patrick Warburton, I feel like has that voice because he's so tall, but it's so cool when somebody is, like, like, six foot eight and they have the voice of a mouse.

Who did? I met a guy the other day where he was, like, really, really good looking, like, model good looks and, like, dressed really cool. And I was like, man, this guy's cool as shit. And then I met him, and he's like, hey, it's very nice to meet you. I was like... You met a gay guy? No, he was straight. That's the worst part.

The worst part. He was straight. I couldn't even suck his cock, dude. It was awful. Yeah. But it scared me. I was like, you really do. It is all just to fucking create a character randomized sometimes.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, that's all what, like, hey, you know what? That's why life is one big game of guess who. Mm-hmm. Bringing it back to that. It is a bit of guess who, but it's guess that you're trying to guess who's the correct religion. Yeah.

Yeah. Guess who should be, in every, like, you know, in every sci-fi, and like Star Wars, they play, like, their fucked-up future chess and stuff. I think in every sci-fi movie where they're playing fucked up future chess they shouldn't, chess will not survive, it's going to be guess who. Yeah, it's going to be four-night. That would be so cool, too. Categories will survive.

But imagine, imagine future guess who, dude, and you're like, is your guy a Zabrak? 22X. They're like, yeah. They're like, yeah, well, there's only one Zabrack. Yeah, everything but one. Yeah. Oh, my God. 22xx

fucking people like Scatigories Yeah Some big ass like Yeah okay What's a Zorgonian that begins With Zee

Everyone's like Oh Zoblo Zarbons Zobos Zobobos Yeah I don't know I think I've only played Scategories Way too easy

But I played with There's so many words By that point in the future Categories is what That's where you come up with things It's like it's like Categories And then you have that

Yeah it's like You roll a little dye I played Scatigories one time, and it was, but it was, I played it, basically, the two teams were essentially one of the teams did not speak English very well. Yeah. And it really made the game a lot funnier. Yeah. They were just throwing out Spanish stuff. And we were like, oh, I don't even know if that's, that's okay.

We don't know if that breaks the rules. They like, fucking, the scoreboard is just like, you guys are just getting demolished. They were putting the numbers in Spanish, too. I had no idea what was going on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think there's numbers, really.

More of a letters scam. There is numbers. There's numbers? 20,000 leagues under the sea. Oh, 20,000 leagues under the sea. Because you get points by the letter when I play it. We should be playing, we should have a game night. Yeah.

We had one the other night, which was pretty fun. When? We had a game night at the pub. Did we? Yeah, do you guys don't remember? No. Okay. Oh, we played Connect 4.

No, we played. That was a while ago. meme or something. Oh, right. Yeah, I do remember that. I mean, I didn't even remember that as being a game because it was so damn fun. No, we played, what was it? It was called, like, crazy, fuck you.

It was too fun for me to remember. We played some game, some drinking game. It was called, yeah, it was called. It was, if you laugh, you drink. If you laugh, you drink. And it was a lot of, there was, and almost every single card. I almost don't want to spoil too much because I want to play that. It was pretty fun on today.

It is funny. It is, it is funny that they do have just like board games at bars. I've never really like, like, just go there and hang out with your friends. Yeah, it's funny they have drinks at bars. No. What? Board games at bars is not as common as drinks. You're trying to be Bill Maher with your face.

The board games at bars thing is a newer kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's like why they have axes to throw a baby-ass culture. That, I've never done the axe throwing thing yet. Yeah. Yeah. I bet first try I do that, bull's eye. Probably.

Didn't we try to in Philly and they were all booked up? Yeah, we're awesome What an evil city Yeah Middle of the day Yeah No noon Completely booked up

The axe throwing bars Completely booked We can't even The guys you want to go To make fun of it Can't even get an appointment What a cesspool It's fucked up dude

City of fucking brotherly Fuck you Yeah I didn't even think about that Yeah True that's crazy That's because they took away All the guns in that liberal

Democrat city So all these kids You gotta go out there And instead of having Draco's in their pockets They got axes That they're throwing Yeah.

It's just like London. I got an axe to throw with you. That's what video games are doing nowadays. People are playing God of War, stuff like this. They think it's okay to carry an axe around and throw out of people. They go, it's okay if I kill 10,000 people with this axe because they respawn. Yep. No.

You learn that from a video game. Kids nowadays think that people respond when you kill them. Yeah. That's not true. You think so, but they don't do that. They should have a video game that when you die, you die, the game shuts off. They have that. I know one guy who responds.

And he's way more. important than any video game. Who? Jesus Christ. Although he's not. So, yeah, what I was saying about picking religion, I think I'm leaning heavily towards Islam again. Yeah.

I think I'm getting back into Islam because of all the World Cup stuff seems pretty cool to me, where you have an entire country called guitar, and you can not, you can't have any beers there. Yeah, they call it guitar, right? And you think hard rock. Yeah, you're thinking, oh, shit, guitar. Oh, shit. You got the, you got your beer can sitting on either side of your head.

You're like, I'm ready. I'm ready to play. I'm ready to rock. I'm ready to. I want a rock and roll. They're saying football, football. You're going, oh, my God. A fucking country name guitar with 100,000 people watching football, you get there.

Your beers get confiscated. They cut your head off and they start using it to play soccer. And then you get there thinking it's going to be all hard rock. And then look who's there. Maroon 5. Yep. God damn it. What's going to?

going on, guitar. I'd show up to this hard rock country and I'm seeing all this freaking girl music. What the hell is this? Hell no. Where's Maroon 5 can be boy music. Maroon 5 is not boy music. Maroon 5 can be boy music. See?

But my body keeps on telling me yes. Tell me that that's not a guy's sentiment. You've changed my mind. Tell me that's not a boy line. Having your body say yes to something that your brain's saying no. That's seriously some guy. Look for the guy with the fastest car. Look for the home with...

And he's in Qatar. He's in... Yeah, they change all their lyrics up when they go to Qatar. Yeah, they have to. Yeah. Yeah. That's like when you go to Austin. Qatar is in...

Awesome. It's called guitar. It actually is called guitar. It's called guitar. Pretty much, yeah. Okay. Pretty much. Pretty much. Or it is.

There's a big difference. There's a big debate. It's like Sunni and Kofi... What's their name? Sunni and Shiites. Yeah. It's like Sunni and Kee. Sunni and Shiites

Shites. Shiites. Oh, Shiite. Sunni. Sunni. I will sue. I will, Sunni, Shiite. I will go to

Guitar, Sunni, and take a Shiite. No. What the hell am I talking about? Yeah. Take a Shiite on the whole world. I'll take a Shiite in the World Cup. Yep. And then I'll fucking.

Yeah, and I have my football. Yeah. And I'll put my foot in my own balls. The guitar, what's next? A country called the bass. Yeah, and then drums and vocals. And vocals and keyboards and... Keyboards?

Not so much... We're not really... I'm not really sure about the... I'm popping into the USA and more cowbell all of a sudden, right? Where's the cowbell country? More cowbell. It's the capital of guitar. You know, they should have...

I'm from cowbell guitar. The original version of that sketch, he comes in and he says, more guitar he says I want there to be more guitar and they were like this is already really funny you don't make it even funnier

if it's an instrument that everybody likes well he improvised it yeah he did it live that's why they broke uh they broke Jimmy Fallon yeah yeah they buck broke him

yeah look that poor basser on TV broke him over their knee I think he's being held hostage I really do yeah I think Jimmy Fallon did something nobody has ever had more fun than he's head yeah dude every day

he gets a wake up fall down fucking fucking stairs he's so drunk so awesome dude i think he's living in like he's actually my best friend and he's being held hostage i think he has some kind of like vision thing i think he just sees candy land around yeah yeah i think he has like pyrovision from tf2 they inject him with something every morning that makes him see everybody is a puppet that's why he that's why he laughs so much during his own questions and stuff because he'll be talking and he'll see like a unicorn fly by or something. A gum drop man.

He's talking he's talking to like fucking like Drake who's just made out of so entirely out of gumdrops. So people say you're so sweet. What? What are you talking about? So what flavor are you?

He's just so fucking crazy. So your mom was a wax bottle. And your dad was wax lips and you're up in Candyland

Jimmy the cameras are off Joker They film all his parts separately He's green screened in Yeah But in his case He has to be rainbow screened in

Because his world is Because he's LGBT Yep that too Yeah Yeah We should maybe have a triple host of the next tonight show Maybe us three could do it

Yeah Jimmy if you're listening buddy Jimmy, I would prefer, we consider you a mentor. I'm kind of, I've been kind of tired. And you consider us mentos because you're so fucking crazy. No, I'm kidding. I have been kind of tired lately, so I would prefer if we could maybe have it changed to this evening show.

Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Because I just a little earlier. Not so much. I've never stayed up until tonight. I'm a very early riser in the reverse sense. Have you, uh, have you? Yeah.

Have you? No, you guys have... Well, you went to Universal, right? Oh, yeah. And I did it big. Do you go on the Jimmy Fallon ride? I didn't go to... I've never been to Universal.

I was busy at the Universalty. Wow. Studying. Actually, everyone's in the Universal. Yeah. Damn. Drop that mic. Drop that mic.

That shit was... I rode the Velasicoaster, do. Really? I did, too. Yeah. No, you didn't. He's lying. Did it blow your shit back?

Yeah. I wrote the Veloccoaster. You're lying. He's lying. He hasn't been there when the Velocaster. The philosophy coaster was built. A kid got killed on it. That's not true.

Three kids got killed at the same time because it was so scary. That makes it cooler, first of all. I read the philosophy raptor. Oh, the meme? Yeah. So that actually changed my perspective on quite a few subjects, including math and science. Yeah. Yeah, when I wrote the Velasicoaster, Shaquille O'Neal was on it.

He's a liar. They wouldn't let him on. He's too tall. His head would get chopped off. His head wouldn't get chopped off. Wait, did his head get chopped off? Wait, that's actually the most awesome. story I've ever heard.

Wait, you've never been on that. I've been on it three times. And I almost bought a hat on it. Oh, oh, and Shaquila O'Neal's wife was on the ride with him. And I hear she's only one inch tall. Yeah. And it's like, how do that work? Uh-huh.

Yeah. His wife is Tinkerbell. It is a little, it is a little bit weird that, like, every woman that Chiquela Neal is publicly dated has been, not just normal size, but, like, really small. Yeah. I mean, it's almost women are five, too. Normal size is going to be really small anyway to him. But he only dates.

only dated women who are like... I know, but what I'm saying is I don't think there's much a difference. There's a difference probably with his penis. No, I don't think there's... You think he's ever picked his girlfriend up by her head? Like, just like this?

Just palmed her like that. Oh, definitely. It's like, hey, I need to grab something on top of the fridge. Like a claw in a factory? Just like moving her along. He's picking his girlfriend up by her head so she can get like...

Or like, oh yeah, we let put the paper towels up high. This week... All right, go grab them. Yeah. Like, did you see, you ever see the video of, like, that, like, spine training thing for a baby where it, like, holds the top of the baby's head, and it, like, swings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how. That's how he entertains his girlfriend. Yeah. She's like, dude, that's kidding of questions. She's like, who are you texting? And he's just like, I was, I forget what I was talking about.

If I was that tall. And I had a hand that big, I'd be holding a... Shit, I'd play basketball. I'd be the greatest baller of all time. Dude, I'd be so good at rock paper scissors if I had a hand that big. I would use... I would use all my powers. I'd use my powers to just get every cat out of a tree.

No, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. Leave that to the firefighters. I've never seen a cat in a tree. I have. Okay, I don't care. I've seen a bird in a tree. Me too.

But I'm, and I called the fire department because I got confused. I saw a partridge in a pear tree. Really? Anything else? Yeah. two turtle doves anything else a french hen one yeah oh okay it was just at the store all that birds are that song should should should be like and 100 ornaments in a tree yeah in a pine tree i mean i we'll probably get into it closer to christmas but let me tell you what there would be some

serious if i was in charge of writing that song for the next year there'd be some serious revisions i'm talking nintendo switch i'm talking fucking a couple of kansas soda pop yeah Spirit of Christmas. Eggs. Most of my groceries. They do need to add the spirit of Christmas to that song. On the first day of Christmas, I got my groceries. Yeah, all of them.

On the second day of Christmas. You still have to get groceries during Christmas time. Twice as many groceries. I got more groceries. Guess what? I'm having people over. Yeah, who are you having over. Third day of Christmas, I'm having people over.

Yeah. Fourth day of Christmas, the people are going home. They slept over. Oh, all of them? All of them? Wait, did you guys have like a sex, group sex thing? Fifth day of Christmas, I'm getting. You have groups.

You had group sex. For what? Did group sex? On Christmas. Doing a whole screening. Well, it's not on Christmas. Wait, you did it. You did a screening of your orgasm?

We're doing screenings after to make sure that none of us got. Screenings. You're all sitting there doing like film review, like a high school football team. You're all sitting like this with a with a notebook. You're sitting back in the theater chairs. There's a flicker of the projector. Benshes of the locker room with you with a projector here. And you see that?

What's that? That's a wart. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Fifth Day of Christmas. That's like Al Pacino and... I'm getting that wart burned off. And once upon a time in Hollywood.

Yeah. That he's in there with you and he's just talking about the movie. What a picture. What a picture. It's a picture of my penis zoomed in. It's a word on it. It's a picture of your balls. What a picture.

Oh, my, what a picture. And zoom in. If you can zoom in on it. Right there. Wow. That's just beautiful. Look at that scroot fold. That's nasty.

That'd be some nasty crap. That's from nasty crap. Oh, my God, I'm burping. You know what it is, that ghost energy. You know what it is? It's Black Friday. Yeah. Yeah.

So everybody knows what happens the first Friday, or I guess the first, what happens the first Wednesday that is a... Wednesday is when you get prepared for Black Friday. Right. So that's not what I'm saying. So maybe you let me finish my little segue introduction here. Or maybe you want to do it. Okay. I'll do it.

You know what? Okay. So, Black Friday was invented by, and I can't say it, it was invented by, and I'm going to say it. It was invented by turkeys. Why did they invent turkeys? I don't. And you know what? A turkey invented Black Friday?

You know what? Your job is so hard. Doing segways into the list is so. So hard. Everybody knows what happens. The Wednesday that's four days after Stinksgiving. It's Black Friday. Wait.

We actually know who invented Black Friday. Jay Gould. And that was a famous turkey. So we're going to talk Black Friday today. All right. So let's pull up this, yeah. So this list here. Now I just want to give you a little background on this website before we get into what.

So this is Rancor. We've been on Ranker. I know we've been on rancor, but I'm just showing off the website a little bit first. Okay, show off. Okay, so we have rancor. I mean, we can see the type of stuff that they're showing on rank. Yeah, we do have rancor for the Republicans. We do.

Yeah. Say nay more. Why nay more has so much beef with Black Panther and Wakanda. Say nay more? No, I get that. Yeah, and he has beef with Black Panther and Wakanda. Is he the bad guy from the new movie? Yeah.

Oh, shit. Did you see it? No, I did not see it. I was going to ask you for spoilers. That's one. You could look at this article maybe to find some spoiler because it says he's why he has beef. He's pretty timid about spoiling the bloody pictures.

Okay, wait, you have to go, you have to click on the thing. Okay, yeah. So here's some other stuff that we have on Rancor. Actors who played roles written for someone completely different and nailed it. The most epic moments in World Cup history. Underrated movies based on real life crimes. All the known rings from the Lord of the Rings and what they do.

So you're getting the general idea of what kind of thing we'll see on this website. And for the first one, there, actors who played roles written for someone else and nailed it. I heard that Optimus Prime was not supposed to be in Transformers. I heard that that was supposed to be Kevin Costner. It was supposed to be

Kevin Costner. Yeah. Kevin Costner was supposed to play that, but he got sick. He got really, really sick. He got sick. It's called the Cybertron curse. Yeah. It was supposed to just be Kevin Costner walking around and doing all that. And he's supposed to be doing the same exact voice from JFK. He's supposed to be going, Optimus, we got a...

He's an optimist. Well, he's talking to the mirror. Optimus, you got to get your damn self together. We got to stop the deal. Optimus is just so beautiful. He was very sweet. Optimus is you're the most beautiful. And he was going like,

Outobach. Back and to the AllSpark. Back and to the AllSpark. So you get the general idea of what's going on on this website. They have a science section that I was looking at here. Probably where I would probably spend most of my time on. Wait, hold on. So we're looking at the science section here.

We got science. Ross Geller is the number two best fictional paleontologist Ah Chicken is number one Best kind of bird to eat That's true Penguin number two coolest animal that lives in the tundra

I mean so that's the science section What's a pinkle? I don't know that's why I didn't read that one Oh shit okay It's a meat eating plant So we're on the science section today And you're thinking what how What science?

What could that why are we here And I found this list on Rancor On the science section What happens to your body when you die In a Human Stampede by Laura Allen. And you can see this is categorized

under the weirdly interesting section of the science. I'm finding myself weirdly interested by this. What is it? I mean,

I guess this is clear the tide of Black Friday. Yeah. Right? Which is it. In Black Friday, you get...

There's somebody that died in a... In the service of trying to get something very cool, you know, maybe a TV, maybe they re-released

another version of the PlayStation that's eaten thin or something. Right? And you're running. And you're fucking jumping on people's heads like Gumbas trying to get that Nintendo. It could be worth it to you to die for this.

I would give my fucking life for a Sony Erickson. Dude, for a new salad spinner. Oh, my God. A suvied. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. You want to cook all your food. You want to cook all your food in a water bag?

Yes. I would rather fucking die than not have a suvite in my house. So either way I'm winning. I bought my dad a suvied for Christmas two years ago and I haven't seen them use it. Really? Yeah. How expensive? it was like 150 bucks oh i thought they were like a thousand dollars no oh man i might have to

get one i i had my siblings chip in what the hell do you use it for you cook a steak really good but what you can cook a steak really good with a damn cast out of band yeah but you boil it first in a water bag oh boiled steak that sounds damn good huh sounds so good um yeah so i kind of just took selections from this list. It was kind of long, but we can just start off here. Every year we hear about some poor soul dying and the massive shoppers on Black Friday.

Death by human stampede isn't the most common way to go, but it definitely is one of the most horrifying. But what causes human stampedes, and why do you die in a stampede rather than being helped or picked up by others? The answers will rock your faith in human goodness to the core. That's okay. Yeah, I'm ready to be rocked.

It's a perfect time of the year to have your faith in humanity completely rocked to the core. I love that this list is on Ranker. It was going to laugh so much that Ranker put this out

for Black Friday. And it's weirdly interesting. It is weirdly interesting. So first of all, you won't be able to move.

When trying to avoid being killed by a crowd, you should be sure you're able to move. I will say, I've definitely been at things

before where I was like, there's too many people up in this bitch, I'm out of here. Yeah. Yeah. So I do think about that sometimes.

Oh, yeah. If you can't move in a room, just don't be in it. But I also have been I've been at shows before where I'm

where you're like on the floor level thing and there's a million people around you and I do convince myself that I have superhuman strength and that I could hold back everybody doing this. Yeah. And then but then you get somebody crushes you to death.

Yeah, you die and there's a bigger guy. Yeah. Yeah, so the mistake you're making here is you should make sure that you're able to move. Yeah. I have definitely, I remember, I might I think next time I go to a big crowded

concert, maybe a stadium show or something, I'm on the floor, there's a crush, I'm scared. I'll just kind of pull out my exosuit. That's smart. You hit the button on your chest. You hit the button on your chest. The worst crowd crush I've been in was a one of the

What the hell, boy. Click it back. I just clicked a button on this by accident. Nice. Damn. The worst one I ever was in, I think, was when the Patriots won the Super Bowl. I was living in Boston. I lived on the corner on or I didn't live.

I worked on the corner on Boylston, and I had to go, like, a quarter of a block to get out of that. And it took me an hour to get, like, 40 feet. Yeah, it took me a fucking hour. And I was literally, and I was like, an hour being the biggest piece of shit of my life. Like, I'm fucking throwing elbows in Granny's face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pushing people over.

Well, that's, yeah, you're getting out of my fucking way. You're doing that in Boston anyway, so it's, like, everyone there is used to it. Exactly. Nobody gave, it really cared. I also had, like, a giant backpack on. Yeah. And I'm like... You had, like, you had kind of like, um, like arm blades.

Yeah, yeah. So I'm doing this and stuff. Conflictin and dyson. Yeah. Yeah. And your legs are replaced with blades. I'll admit it. I'm the guy who threw the beer at Gronk.

For real? Yep. I hit him right in the head. I was drinking beer at work and I got so fucking mad. You gave him more CTE than he already had. Yes, sir. I mean, he keeps, his name's gronk, dude. Yeah.

You knocked him back to normal for like half a second. Yeah, he had a British accent. Ew, what in the world was that? Another beer can comes up and hits him. I've been playing American, football for so long. Did somebody thought...

I need to make an energy drink. Huh? Yeah, he's talking to British accent and he gets hit again and that's immediately when he had the idea to make his energy drink.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, the gronk monster was actually really good. Yeah, I'd like to see Gronk's monster. His penis. I'd like to see his penis suck on it.

Yeah. I'm going to slurp that shit out like spaghettis. Yeah. All right. Next up here we have you're going to get very, very hot.

Initially, the only warning you might have that something is wrong will be the fact that you're getting hot, like really, really hot. This is going to be problematic for you from the very beginning. Well, thank you for saying that. Hey, I think you accidentally switched into what happens when your body falls into a volcano.

No, so that's actually what's surprising is no. Yeah, this is weirdly interesting. It's weirdly interesting. That's why it's so weirdly interesting. You have to admit it would work for that list as well. You're going to get very, very hot in a volcano. I think that you might have a different warning that something is wrong. Yeah. No, because you're going to

Fall in, you're going to be like, hmm. I feel like the first thing is that you're going to be in a volcano. I feel like that's the first warning. You can be convinced that's anything. I'm in a black and red room. I'm jumping on a red trampoline. You know what? You know what you could have said?

What? It's supposed to be on the list of if the floor actually was lava. Yo! We should write that list. That's a good idea. That's a very good point. Just pick and choose from this list. You're going to get very, very hot.

And then I think it'll work out. I just, I love that. the language in this list is this is going to be problematic for you from the very beginning. Yeah, it kind of makes you imagine somebody who's like, thinks they're about to die in a human stampede because they're getting crushed and they're like searching desperately for how to survive and they get this. This is exactly, yeah. They're reading this on their phone.

The lens I want you to look, yeah, to look at this through is somebody who currently is dying in a human stampede and they look up what is happening to me. They're on their phone. They're on their phone, and there's, what happens when I die into human stif? You're only very, very hot. This isn't how to survive a human stambi. How to get out of one. This is what happens when you die in one?

I think it probably is no way to survive if you're already in a human stampede. Well, there is some advice they put at the end. I don't remember if I put it in the slideshow or not, but it literally is just like, try and walk away. Try and go out of there. Okay, as tempted as I am to jump into that human stampede, I'm going to resist. Okay, next up we have. the group will basically become a liquid so this works for the volcano one too

actually. See I'm telling you this would work perfect. Think of it this way. If you took an hourglass and poured sand through it you'd see that all the grains flow through with the ones on top moving to follow the ones on the bottom. Now imagine you're just a single grain of sand somewhere in the middle. And now imagine that the grain of sand has lungs, a rib cage, a heart

and needs to breathe. It's easy to see why this would be problematic. They should make hourglasses with all that. They should make sand with hearts and lungs. Yeah. You should make a living sand that hurts that it feels pain when anything happens to it when you step on the beach. Yeah, they should make a sand man. So, yeah, now I'm in the human stompid.

I'm being crushed. I can't breathe. I'm scrolling on my phone. I'm three deep. And I'm like, oh, it's problematic. I'm figuring out now. This group is almost becoming a liquid. I'm almost a piece of sand in this group.

What do they mean by the group will basically become a lick? It's like, you know, like, when you see like a physics simulation of like water or something? and there's all those little beads. Oh, yeah. They're just being, like, thrown to and fro. Yeah, that makes sense. I would say you end up becoming one of those beads. It's also if you're at a demonstration of the liquefire ray.

Yes. That's also, I think that might be specifically. It says the group will become a liquid, and then their example is sand. Sand is a liquid. The goop, maybe I meant to say the goop will basically become a liquid. Yeah. That makes more. I'd be so scared in there, my pee would become a liquid.

My poop would become a liquid. My poop would become a liquid because I'd be shooting poopy diarrhea everywhere. Maybe that's how you survive. That's how you survive. Nobody wants, even in a human stampede, I mean, if people are stampeding, it's going to be a full stop if they smell shit. Oh, who did that? Oh, my God, my. Who did that?

Yeah, their legs were going like, wada, want, want, and then they completely stop because they're like, it actually smells like fucking baby shit. Everyone's going to go home. Yeah, someone's shining a flashlight in the air. Yeah. The poop cleanup squad comes through. It's pushing everyone aside. Dress up like Monsters, Inc. Carrying the guy who puts his pants out on a stretcher.

Code 2319. Oh, yeah. That shit's scary. Blowing up all those hats and shit. Just donate them to a fucking shelter, man. I'd wear them. Yeah, fuck. I'll wear those fucking little boy socks.

Whatever. I'll give a fuck. Not a problem to me. Send them to me. Yeah. Send them to me. Go ahead. I want them.

Why are you blowing them up? You know, yeah, it's not even that I would wear them. I want to wear them. They look dope. Send them to me. Send me those clothes. They look comfy. They look comfy.

And my feet. Give them to me. Now. Right now. You damn moms. What's next? Next up is someone in front of you will probably fall. I don't believe that for a second.

Look at this. I love this picture. Someone falling to you. Stampede is definitely what's going on there. No. That's the first victim of this. It looks like a damn music video. It does.

So, like, tattoo all the things she said, music video. Yeah, it's from that. Other people are going to fall on you. Holy fuck. See, I do kind of... I want to be that guy. I want to be the guy at the far out of the picture. I'm not going in there.

No, thank you. I'm going to be the guy in the top right corner there. I would like to live. I would just like to live in every situation. That's true. I would like the outcome to be me living. Yeah, that would be huge. I've been thinking a lot about just dying, just getting hit by stray bullets all the time.

I was like, yeah, I see too many videos of people. You know those videos where it's like, that is why I would. Just another day in wherever. And then it's just like, you hear like 5,000 gunshots. I'm like, one of those bullets is going to fly all the way from Detroit into my apartment building. It hit me right here in the middle of my head. That's why I would never go to war.

Yeah. War would suck due to that. I wouldn't go to work as. The possibility of getting shot. Yeah, it's not that for me. I think it's just like, I just like my stuff here. Yeah, that's true. I like mine too.

I also, Cammo looks like fucking. shit, honestly, on me. Yeah. Fucking goofy. It makes me look fat. I also, yeah, all those utility belts and shit that you have to carry, I do look kind of chubby and that stuff.

I don't want that. Helmet makes my head look so round. I had a teacher in... And I hate that it's as born to kill on it. Yeah. I had a teacher in middle school who told me that if I was like, I was asking him

about the draft. And I was like, he was saying like, oh yeah, if you're on medication, they won't draft you. And I was like, wait, so If I take Adderall, will I not go to war? He's like, yeah, you probably won't. No, dude, you'll be sought after you. Adults, adults will take Adderall, you're going to be like the fucking, you're going to be like the precogs from minority report.

They're going to have you in a fucking tank in your line. They just, they drop like 10 Adderall pills down your throat. And you're just with your mind controlling like a hundred drones at once. And they're all flying around. They're all flying over like a wedding. They're supposed to drop bombs on. They're like going down and touching all the curtains. eating, taking little bites of all the food

and flying around and getting distracted and leaving. They played a good song at the wedding. I wanted to dance. It's like 10 drones. They just make a human shape. They played the electric slide. Fuck.

Yeah. Next up. Oh, this is, so here, this is actually part of other people are going to fall on you. So you've fallen down in a crowd. No big deal. Just get up again quickly and you'll be fine, right? Nope.

Eventually people are caught in a crushing effect from which there is no escape. Oh, fuck. Yeah, there's no escape. I can't imagine what it's like to be crushed. Why even pose the question. Yeah. I met a guy who liked to be crushed. That's so rude.

If I was dying in a human stipend and I'm looking at this. I'm like, oh, you'll be fine, right? Oh, great. Nope. Eventually people are caught in a crushing effect. Did I tell you guys about that guy I met? What guy? Kevin Carpet.

What? This is this dude who wraps himself up in a carpet in New York And then just like lays down places Did you crush him? I stood on him, yeah Did you try to like really get him? It's a sexual fetish, right? It's got to be.

I think I enabled a sex guy. Well, it's thought that you enabled it. It's that you had sex with him basically. Yeah, yeah, in his way. In his alien world. Well, he puts himself, I saw a video where he wrapped himself up in a carpet and just put himself on a crosswalk. What an easy way to satisfy your sexual fetish is by being,

being like, oh, no, I'm like a funny thing that happens at bars or whatever. Yeah. You know. And Pat, his pet season was like, I'll have sex with that guy. Yeah. I'll do it right now. Hey, you know what? Was he fine?

I didn't see him. I only saw a carpet. You didn't see him out? You only knew him as a carpet? Yeah. So he could have been empty. Yeah. It could have just been a carpet.

You just stood on a carpet and said, that's Kevin. Now, somebody said, oh, do you see it? Like, he's in front of the bar. And someone was like, yeah, that's Kevin. he's in a, there's a man in that carpet right now. You wouldn't say, I mean,

nobody would be like, uh, the bartender wasn't like, hey, get this fucking carpet out of here. The bartender was like, yeah, that's Kevin.

What the hell is going on to this damn city? We live in Sodom and Gora. Yeah. I know. That is the, that is a cleansing. Yeah. This place needs to be fucking nuclear annihilated.

I guess he's been doing it since the 80s. Since the 80s. Then it's been that bad that long. Probably smells bad. Yeah. That long. Hey, he probably got a new carpet.

What are you, washing in a giant washing machine? Yeah. That thing's huge. How do you wash that? How does he wash himself in there? He's a guy, he sits on the floor, he's a carpet. He's a man, not a carpet.

It just doesn't make sense. It makes no sense. Oh yeah, I mean, it makes sense. You will not be able to escape, even though your brain will tell you too. Yeah. I think that's true of most ways that you die. Yeah. Because your brain's like, don't do it, bud.

Come on. Try escaping. Knock it all out of here. You need to not do. this. Yeah, just don't do that. You're going to experience some horrifying things. This could be, I mean, okay, but riddle me this,

you fucker. Sure. Playboy Mansion, Human Stampede. You're dying by, there's breasts and fucking stinky wet pussy getting all over you. Dude, with my look, I'd be between the guys that we're there. Exactly. Be realistic. A little wall of guys. There's like a thousand women who are all getting crushed to death over here, and

I'm pinned in a corner by five sweaty, fat guys. Yeah, the waiters. You're dying with Andy Dick on top of you And all the girls are over there dying And Andy Dick is in your face, and he's like, hey, hey! There's biting you. Yeah.

Let's die together. I actually like this stuff. Yeah, that, you're right. With your luck, that would happen. That I hate my fucking love. With my look, all the fucking animals that live in the playboy. That's my fucking luck. Your luck sucks, dude.

And even worse, I took it away from you. Oh, my God. That's how bad you love is. Oh, well, no, you have... My arm just fucking broke. I think you're having a stroke. You're not a stroke. You're not a luck thing.

You're having a stroke. I have a pretty good stroked out face. Yeah. Yeah. Can you imagine if one of us had a massive stroke on there? It's going to happen to me. It would be incredible. Can we promise to release it? Oh, if any of us, like, die during an episode or have a stroke or like...

Yeah. make a pact right now all of us would anything that happened I didn't any met any this would work

this is actually more of an achievement than anything we've ever done terrifying if we if we explode into blood

suddenly on air then it's going to be released it's live yeah yeah that's important that would be like it'll be called the red mist episode

that is the that's like what I think everything is kind of maybe working towards one or all of us dying on air yeah I'm going to

start working towards that. We're going to start eating really unhealthy food to try and die. Okay. Yeah, because I want to die. That'd be so funny if you just end up looking like me. We all just start eating like shit

and turn in a pad. Yeah, we want to die. We want to eventually die on air, so we're all eating junk food. You guys die. I'm trying to budge wire myself by just eating chips every day. That'll tell you.

This guy's a death wish. Fuck. Like, what horrifying things? you're going to experience in a human stampede. Oops. Oh, you got to click back on that. Oh, my God, Jubio. Okay.

If you're in front of the crowd, you could be the first to die. It makes sense to me. In front of the crowd, like, but is there anyone in front of you? Because I'd just run my white ass away. I'd run backwards. I would just say, I would go like this. Stampede is about to start, right? Everyone's coming towards me.

I turn around, see, there's a stampede. I start doing this so that everyone thinks that something weird is happening. Okay, that's smart. And then you cause a stampede the other direction. And then the people, other people on the other side, they're in the front, they're first to die. Not me. We all go down like bowling pins, right?

It's easier. Like, we're all going down backwards. Uh-huh. You can breathe up. Yeah. You can breathe up. You know what I would bring? Silly straw, like, killer clowns from outer space.

Uh-huh. Big long ones. So it doesn't matter how many fucking 50, fucking lifeless children's bodies deep I am. Uh-huh. I'm underneath that whole thing. I got a giant thing. Like a reed in a pond.

Yeah, like a snorkel. Yeah, and I'm just, you're like a, you're like a ninja. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You're going to go deep in a 50 dead children's ways. Is what you said? No. No, I'm at the bottom of a pile of kids.

If you're in front of the crowd. If you're in front of the crowd, that means you're safe. Or adults. You're at the Wiggles concert. I'm not. Stampede at the Wiggles Conference. That's funny to you? Wait, that's fun

That's way more tragic The fucking pit During fruit salad was insane Shit went stupid If you're in front of the crowd That means you're safe right They're all going to crush you That's bloody mental

They keep asking They keep going like You're fine right No you're actually You're going to have the biggest disaster Of all time and die and suffer You will actually die asshole No one will be able to help you

God God might be able to Or hopefully maybe a pregnant mom Who gets that strength they get Yeah that could be huge If I'm at a concert and I'm in the pit throwing elbows, that's why I stay next to a pregnant mom. Yep.

If I'm like, you know. If I want to jump into the pit, I turn to that mom and I say, I'm your baby. You need to always convince, if you need a pregnant mom to do something really well, you've got to convince her that her baby's about to die.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. These dishes are so dirty. They're going to make your baby die. They're done instantly, dude. Superpowers. Uh-huh.

It's true that security personnel And maybe a few helpful bystanders Could try to help you But they're not going to do much good You may crawl over bodies You may push people You may clot them, fight them Even bite people in rare instances

Expect to be pushed, bruised, scraped hit and screamed at While you struggle to live Okay I expect that's how I will die anyway Yeah It is getting screamed at Pushed bruised

Screamed hit and screamed at Yeah Well I die of slowly on my deathbed old age I'm dying I'm dying getting screamed at

yeah dying by getting screamed at because that is how you're going to die yeah that is don't eat that don't

don't you don't even eat it you just die from beings you get startled by the scream and die you're eating like a radioactive

like rod of your radio don't you dare don't you dare don't you dare don't you don't be able here's a three lightning round

okay you won't be able to breathe, your ribs may crack, you may die of a heart attack. That's like Dr. Seuss. You won't be able to breathe. You may die of a heart attack. Oh, the ways you'll die. That's what the freaking book this is from. I wouldn't

want to read that book. I'm not sure anybody would. You have to make that parody book. I know. I would read that as like an adult who's into twisted parodies. Like, I don't know. One of my favorite types of shirts, I don't know if you guys have seen these shirts, and it's like a picture of kids playing with a board game and it says, let's summon Satan. That shit is fucking

awesome. That's the type of shit I think is funny. His favorite shirt is a picture of kids. Other people, well, they're summoning Satan. It's not really, doesn't, it's kind of a stretch. You know, and I like, I like ones where maybe it's like, he likes to stretch the kids over his body. It's like an old milk ad, right? And it's like the milk has been poured in a cereal bowl,

but then it says at the top says, that's jizz or something. Yeah, that's good. No, not got jizz. Well, that's too much of, yeah, I guess that's a better priority. It's a cut milk shirt, but it says got tis. See, he actually thinks that's fine. He likes that. He likes shirts that go hard.

Yeah, I do. Yeah, he really does. Yeah. I like shirts that go hard like this. Yeah. Yeah. It's sweatshirt day, y'all. Sweetshirt day.

Sweat shirt day. Every day is pretty much been a sweatshirt day. You didn't even get excited for sweatshirt day. Fuck, yeah, motherfucker. Oh, yeah, motherfucker. Sweatshirt Day, motherfucker. Let's fucking go. Then we have, you will not be trampled to death, probably.

These guys are getting crushed by some kind of communist block. Yeah, look at this picture. God. This makes sense why people die in human stampedes, and I'm looking at this. Yeah. Why is that thing at the concert? That's the stage, dude.

Yeah, it's a new guar prop. For this next song, I want you to go fucking crazy! And they just start dropping his giant hydraulic press. Oh, yeah. It's not really a stampede at that point. Yeah.

But it says you won't be trampled. It's a hydraulic press. Well, yeah, you'll be crushed to death by a giant press. Yeah, that's something like death clock. That's awesome, dude. So if you're in a crowd, and you feel like it's getting too dense,

don't panic. Go with the flow of the crowd and try to move in a diagonal direction towards the side. Don't try to stop, keep your hands to your chest to defend your breathing space and don't fall

because the next moments after that could be your last. So that's how you avoid a human stampede. That's the instructions they give you. So you scroll through 15 list items that I cut those down a ton. Those are all really long. You read, it's probably a 10-minute read.

You get to the bottom, and they say, just go with the flow. I feel like you should lead with, Like how to survive. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a different list. This is what happens when you're talking.

I'm calling 911. Yeah. That's a good call. I'm stuck inside at the Brockhampton concert and I'm getting completely crushed to death. I'm calling 911. I'm being crushed by 4,000 4'4 foot 11 guys. Dude, that's actually genius. They're all wearing overalls and dresses.

Oh, man, I'm getting stomped out by a golf lift, flue, a sneaker. That's why I carry around a strobe light with me, okay? Because, right, I'm getting, I'm getting, like, crushed from all sides at the snail mail show, and I'm holding out my strobe light, okay? It's flashing out people who are saying, oh, my God, that guy's excited. Yes, sir. Yeah. Like, oh, Levi, my guys having fun.

Crushed it, that is. What's another concert that you would be crushed at, you think? Like, girl pool. Hame. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. God.

You didn't even crush at the hand. I was here. I got, I got, like, basically flattened to two dimensions at the Iron and Wine show. Yeah. I know we're joking about this, but my friend did die getting trampled at the Frankie Cosmos show. Yeah. A friend of mine got turned into fucking mush at a perfume genius show. It's actually true.

It was really, really bad. Yeah, completely turned into a bloody pulp. He was just like a bunch of meat with two eyeballs sitting there by the end. Yeah. It's actually cruelly, kind of a cruel irony, but my friend actually got turned to dust at a duster show. No. Oh, my fucking God.

Really scary shit. My brother died at a Burt Cratcher show. He started doing the machine, and people just started running. Immediately mass panic, dude. People are just fucking dying everywhere. We need that, dude. We need to be the first comedy show.

where somebody dies by trampling. People get fucking human stampeded. We book, here's what, we book like a five-capacity video. We try to fit, like, 150 people. We booked the bathroom of a theater. Yeah. We just try to shove people into there. And then we turn the lights off, we seal it,

and then people just dive asphyxiation. Yeah. It's not a bad idea. And just to remind you what website we're on here, here's some, here's the recommended stuff at the end. 11 details about what it's like to be skinned. creepy things you didn't know about falling to your death, plot twist that happened right in the middle of the movie

and change everything, and underrated sci-fi movies that flopped at the box office. Oh, my God. Did you look at all at the falling to your death one or no? No, I didn't. Oh, man. That'll be a list for another day. Yeah, we're just going to do death lists on Ringer now.

I would love to fall to my death. I look creepy things you didn't know. Yeah. You will turn into a ghost. Did you ever hear the... Your bones will come out of your body. It's not true, but they say you die before you get the ground.

Yeah. I can breathe. They said, I remember that's a fact. I remember learning that fact when I was a kid, which I don't know if it's true, but they're like, if you fell off the Empire State Building, you wouldn't be able to breathe because you're falling so fast because the air is going. I feel like you learning that as a kid changed a lot of things in your life. It was different stuff that changed me.

Okay. It's fair. Yeah, it was more of my experiences. Yeah, mostly my experiences changed my life. Yeah, it was mostly the things I did. did and had done to me. Nice. What's funny?

I'd love to see you work for Rancor. Dude, I could do a good job. I had the best resume ever for Rancor. I've talked of 500 hours talking about lists. That's a good point. I've read more lists than the people who work at Rancor. Once we retire from all this, we definitely could. Which, God, I can't wait.

Yeah, just started the video stuff. We're ready to go. Yeah. We put all this money into the set. We're done. Yeah, it's good run. six more episodes. Yeah, that's about all you guys are getting.

It gives a crap. But if you want more episodes, just go over there to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash podcast about listen. We just did an episode where he ate food out of a dip, or I have multiple diapers. It was Dipper Talk 4. Stinkgiving.

I'm sure you guys have heard of diaper talk. Who hasn't? And today I messed up the camera angles. All right. Now go to the other camera. So that's not that. You're kind of stealing my thing now. I can't even get a, I can't even get my own thing.

So go on, go on, go on, uh, Patreon and subscribe. Can you cut to my camera real quick? Okay, hold on. Okay, wait one second. Okay, now switch to this camera and go on Patreon and go on, um, Patreon. And YouTube. And, uh, and, uh,

I like to take my stuff back. Bye. Thank you.