Podcast About List - Ep. #222 - The Official Podcast About List Gift Guide

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

Gearing up for Christmas, still? Don't know what to get a loved one in exactly 4 days time? Caleb, Cameron and Patrick have just the thing for you: gifts from the store. Watch the video for this episode youtube.com/@PodcastAboutList Buy tickets to our latest live show https://www.swagpoop.com/shows Get extra premium and D&D episodes at https://www.patreon.com/podcastaboutlist Follow us https://www.swagpoop.com/links

They're supposed to call soon. I'm pretty excited, I don't know. I'm not sure if I got it. Oh my god, this is it. Okay, hold on one second. Hello? Hello, am I speaking to Mr. Cameron Fetter? Yes.

Hi, Mr. Fetter. I'm just calling to let you know that we've accepted your application to be a volunteer usher at the Women's Choir. choir? Oh my god. I can't believe that. Are you there, sir? Yes, yes. You can count on me. Okay, I'm going to be a great usher. I've wanted this my whole life. Okay, sir. Do you have me a dress? Yes, I do. Great. We'll see you on Sunday at 315. Thank you so much. Oh my God. I'm going to be an usher. I've always wanted to be an usher. So over the years I've practiced a lot.

Sir, your seat is right this way. Ah, welcome, man, to the show. Here's a program, your seat is right this way. Sir, this is a counterfeit ticket. You need to leave. Get out, immediately. Out! You might not expect it from looking at me,

but yeah, I clean up good. The heavy is the head to blaze the crown, I'm singing, I'm singing, oh, care I'm saying, oh, can't stop me now. Now, baby, that's right, we got nothing about time, you get all the reactions, you're the main attraction, it's no, it's no support, Pride, got to like your style, you're the perfect destruction, your main attraction. And barely even 24 hours after my massive success as an usher at the choir, I actually landed the gig that every amateur usher dreams of. That's right, I went big time,

I now work full-time as an usher at McDonald's. No assigned seat. You can sit wherever you like today. No assigned seat today. You can sit wherever you like. You can sit anywhere you like. There's no assigned seat here today. Go on your ticket.

Go on in. If you have a ticket, you can go straight in. I'm a celebrity and even I know I should help the community. I'll tell us. Okay. Oh, my God. Leave that in. You have to leave that in.

Do it again. Oh, my God, dude. How do you believe that? That was unreal, bro. You are the worst. No, I'm not. You fucking suck at everything. That was insane.

If you weren't doing this, what do you think you'd be doing for a job? The restaurant? Probably still work at a restaurant. Were you good at working at a restaurant, or were you terrible? I was all right. I worked front of house. You were like a hostess? Yep.

You were a hostess. All black. I wore like a black, like, polo shirt and black pants. It's so funny that they just picked the hottest waiter and to say you're the hostess now. Yeah. That is really funny. And you walk in and you're like, yeah. Thank you for saying that about me.

No. Not you. Not as waitress. You were at a reverse restaurant. Yeah, you were at a reverse restaurant. Yeah. You were at the reverse restaurant. You were not at a regular restaurant.

The only backwards thing about the reverserant is that the ugliest waitress is the hostess and everything else is the same as a normal restaurant. The food's normal. Yeah. They don't walk backwards or anything. Yeah. If you want a restaurant or they walk backwards, you need to go to backwards, you need to go to backwards these. Have you guys ever been to Dix's last resort?

No, I'm too scared. I really am scared. Actually, no, I haven't gone. I feel like I've been in the vicinity of one. I feel like even when you're in the vicinity, you feel like the evil tendrils spreading up. It's like where it's like the Lord of the, it's like Mordor. There's like a fucked up.

You can see people leaving it and you're like, oh, this is like purple things like veins or trunks just like comes. Just roots through the ground. Yeah, it's like in a movie when someone gets bitten by a zombie. There's like black veins going out of their arm. It spreads out into the rest of the area. I remember we were planning on going there just to cry. I remember, like, I think me and Neil were like, we should go there and just like when they start doing the thing, just be like, can't you fucking see that I've already had a hard fucking day?

It's scary. It's scary to go there, yes. It's kind of be even scarier to work there as a waiter. Oh, for sure. Especially these days with cancel culture. Oh, my God. Getting canceled. No, I do feel like, what do you think the percentages on people who go in and they just don't, they're completely blindsided?

How many people do you think go in there and they're like, just have truly no idea? And even are maybe oblivious enough that they don't see it happening at other tables where they're waiting for their to order. There is a new one. There's a, there's a Dix that's all women in the UK called Karen's. No way. Yeah. I just remember that. Oh, my God.

What do they do? What do you think they do? They probably ask to talk to the manager. Yeah. They ask the customer. Dude, oh my God. I was like, can I have a hamburger? The worst.

Can I speak to your manager? I'm like, I don't have a manager. The worst thing in the world. He doesn't work here. Wait, you want to call Staples? Yeah, I guess you can do that. The worst thing in the world, the Karen is the manager. No fucking way.

Nightmare scenario, bro. It's like when, uh, it's like those like, what if Marvel comics? Exactly. Yeah. It's like, what if... Dude, that's Darth George R. Binks. The manager is a Karen. What if the manager was a kid?

It's like in a hundred page comic. And all those comics, it's always like... What if the Hulk was evil? It's always like what... Yeah, the question is always, what if this character was evil? And the whole comic is just him, that character killing every other character.

Yeah. It's always the same. This is a Marvel they do? Yeah, they always do. What if? What if? Well, sometimes also, it's... like, what if this person was a girl?

What if Wakanda was all whites? Have they done that one? No. They've done an all white Wakanda? Whites? What if it was white? I think they did, they did make a... Patrick would say, Patrick was like, Wakanda's all blacks now.

Yeah, Wakanda changed from when I grew up there. When I grew up, it was all Italians. It was all Italians in Irish. And, yeah. Change over there. Hey, I'm not saying it's... It's good. I think there is, like, a, somebody made it, it's, like, pretty recent, but they made, like, a Rhodesia equivalent to, like, Wakanda.

I don't remember what the name is, but it's, like, it's, it's so insane to just be, like, like, a fictional Rhodesia that, like, borders Wakanda or something. Yeah, one of the funniest parts of Marvel to me is that, like, they have this, their whole thing is, like, okay, it's super here. Heroes, and we have outer space, too, and we have magic and wizards. And also, we're going to make up a few countries that are interesting. Yeah, like, Aldova? Yeah, Dr. Doom comes from a made-up country, too, and he's just like... Where's he come from? I don't know the...

I don't remember the name of it. Oh, it starts with Sikovia. Is it Sikovia? I think so. But, yeah, anyway, they're just like, we're just going to come up with a few countries that have... Sound like they could be in these areas. Lot Varia. Yeah, exactly.

Lott Varia. So Cicovia is a real place. Cicovia is a Marvel thing too. Yeah. But yeah, it is just like, we're just, basically it's like, so we have superheroes. So I guess the next thing we have to come up with this. We're other countries where superheroes are kings there. Yeah.

Why do they come up with different, why does D.C. comes up with different cities too. Like, why do they have Gotham and Metropolis? That's true. You know what's so funny about, no, no, metropolis is supposed to be like Maryland. It's supposed to be in Maryland. Man, shut your bitch ass up. It's not even in, it's like, why the, who the fuck is, like, thinking, like. Yeah, and that's like, it's like, you have guys like, like, Superman, and it's like, why not just have like Bill Gates?

Yeah. Yeah. He's real. They do have him in there. Yeah, he's called Lex Luthor. Damn. Yeah, that's right. Bill Gates, suck on that.

Fuck. That's not a great. I would say that's not a great close up on your middle finger that we just got right there. If you could maybe move it. Yeah, that's not. This one's good. Man, fuck you Bill Gates. Stop fucking curing

Bill Gates If Bill Gates got a superpower Maybe he could do something With doors or gates or something Maybe he could like lock doors But dude he would He doesn't need a superpower for that He's already doing stuff with dorks all day

Yeah You know when you see those signs That say post no bills Uh huh He could post bills Damn That could be his superpower Oh because Bill

What the hell are you on about? On Gates On Gates What the bloody hell are you fucking Bill Gates Bill Gates Bill Gates from Windows. That doesn't have anything to do with...

What is Superman's last name? Flyer? No, he doesn't... Seedis. Seattle. Seattle. Seattle? Seattle.

Seatus? Superman Seattes? I have my cousin is Seattle. Dude, well, you know, Ghost Rider's name is Johnny Blaze. That doesn't mean shit to me. He's on, and he's on fire, and he rides a... You know what? The only reason why I'm pushing back against this is the...

Human Torch was, Johnny Blaze. The implication of what my... Or no, what's... Johnny Blaze is Human Torch. No, he's Johnny Storm. Johnny Storm. See, that don't make. no fucking sense.

That doesn't make any sense. The only reason I'm pushing back on this is the implication of what my superpower would be, I think. Yeah? You can make pits. No. You can make holes in the ground. No, moving on to the next topic of the day.

Yeah, okay. Well, yeah, my superpower wouldn't you be a fucking thing. You would be the same as Bill Gates. You also have a door power. Yeah. A door and. I could open any door. Door and another power.

You could stink like a durian. You could stink with it. I get another power. Dude, you could be spiking. Dude, the durian would be such a good super power. super spiky and super stinky. He smells like shit. You kill him. He smells like shit.

You can squirt stink pods around the... Dude, that's such a good idea. We should start a superhero universe. I was thinking about getting a durian for an episode, bringing a durian, we all eat one. But they're like $95 to get one. And also, they smell fucking shitty and there's no windows in here.

Ice cream bean. Well, once we get Bill Gates... Once we get Bill Gates in here. That's true, dude. He'd create windows. He could create a window or a gate. What was yours be? Fedder. You can get fatter.

Oh, Cameron Fatter. You can get fatter like the blob. How have we never talked about that? We've talked about that because I told you what the meaning of my name. Fatter? I thought it was Peters. Fetter. Well, Fetter, the etymology of fetter means fat man.

Oh, yeah, fat criminal, right? It's like, is there fat man or thief or something? Last night, I was talking to, me and Noah were talking about a friend of ours, my buddy AJ. And he, his middle name, the way he got his middle name is that while his mom was giving birth, I just heard this story last night for the first time. While his mom was giving birth, she passed out from like the epidural or the pain or some shit. She passed out and his dad, her husband started just filled out the birth. certificate while she was passed out. And they had agreed on like this whole name.

It was like her grandfather's name for his first name. And then his middle name was going to be like her brother's name. No, listen. So the dad's name was Arthur. So while she's passed out, he brings him Arthur, first name Arthur, not what they agreed on, gives him his own first name. And she wakes up and she looks at the birth certificate. She's like, wait. Okay.

So you named him Arthur. What is this middle name? Why is it just the letter A? And he was like, yeah, I couldn't think of anything. So AJ's middle name is just A. Just the letter A. It doesn't mean anything. That's the same.

His name is Arthur A. I do know. That's really cool. I knew somebody in high school who she told me her, like, legal name was P, like, dot. P. Diddy? P. like, period. What? Yeah.

P dot? P dot That's cool Yeah that's like I'd be having a P dot When I walk out of the bathroom Yeah I don't shake We were just talking about how that's like

Me and No are talking about how that's got to be like A huge red flag at a bar he's at If he hands them Oh yeah I just says A I keep talking about your middle name's A Have you seen those videos of like Bouncers just snapping people's real

IDs in half Because they don't know what they are Dude I always think that that's going to happen Because my ID is so shitty And I always have that feeling when I'm like somewhere where I have to fly back home. Yeah. That almost happened to me at the bodega

where the guy I get, he asked for my ID when I was buying beer and I gave him my ID and he pointed to Massachusetts on it. He was like, where is this from? And I was like, Massachusetts. And he was like, where is it from? I was like Massachusetts. What do you mean? You got ID at a bodega? Yeah. It's a

crazy L because it's the one next to my house that I go to. So I think he got in trouble or something at some point. But I bought I bought beer there so many times. I would just show a bouncer this. That's what I've literally had to do that before. If they don't believe my idea, I've had to take my hat off and go, I'm bald. Yeah.

What are you talking about? I'm fucking bald. Dude, it is, it is humbling getting, like, carded when you look like this. You look like this? It's like, oh, well, not humbling, but like, you know, it's, I guess it makes you. It's youngling. No, it just makes it makes, it makes you feel young. Yeah.

I guess it makes me feel a little better getting carded because I'm just like, Oh, thank God. Thank God somebody doesn't think I'm 35. I don't think you're 35. When people find out that I am 25, they're like, oh. Yeah, you're just like a very ugly 25. Yeah. Yeah, you're ugly like an old guy.

But you're actually just... People usually think I'm 12 to 13. I'm going to start telling people I'm 30. Why? Because then they'll think I look good. People think I'm either 40 or one years old, usually. Yeah. Yeah, it's because you're wearing that diaper in that bonnet.

And in the crib. It's New Year's. it's true somebody's got to do it you're gonna have to do it for new this year yeah you're gonna do it man I just noticed on the fucking on that

just how stretched out the dude I love these there's a picture of a cup on the cup the mugs these are my favorite they have this mug has a just has a picture

of an actual mug of coffee like full mug of coffee and it's a they misspelled mocha misspelled mocha and it's a short black it says mocha coffee short black

one of them just says coffee it's fine It's the best Yeah Everything should have that kind of all overprint on it Definitely Yeah So you know what it is always

Yeah I just love this because it's like You know You should get this for the coffee fan In your life Yeah The guy who's talking about Different kinds of coffees

Yeah coffee capito Well yeah this is a good coffee cup Because you can put any kind of coffee in there Because someone's like Because if this just said espresso on it Right You can't be drinking a latte You're gonna look like a fucking asshole

Although I like an idiot. I like that, like, they put the word espresso in brown over the brown beans. Yeah, they designed it very well. I think most things should also have the base ingredients on it. Like, this has the beans on it. Yeah. Right? You know, if I get a sandwich from the store, I want it to have a picture of a loaf of bread on it.

Yeah. What are you doing? Sorry, Noah texted me. I thought there was something about something crazy going on. I flipped his phone over. Damn, that was... I have the thing queued up for the later.

Oh, the thing for later. The birthday song. And then I had to... Yeah, I did just read Noah's text really bad. Mm-hmm. He's diet. He's diet. He's diet. Noah, his weak-ass plate guy,

as you guys done him, he has passed away. Noah... Thank God, dude. He's passed away. Apparently it was from malnutrition. Yeah, so I was just about to say that. He just died of Mount nourishment.

Thank God he's dead. Never have to see that damn plate again, dude. I have to see another weak-ass plate. And Christmas is coming up. The holidays ain't over. He's still got Christmas. He's got another Christmas plate. He's got to take a picture.

And Christmas, he's going to try and he's going to fail. He's going to pull up at Christmas. He's going to get one piece of pin A and a fucking one leaf of a Christmas tree cookie. And then all of a sudden, you know, he gets to that. He's going to be eating the berries off the mistletoe. This is the hard. This is the hardest time of the year for him, because then you got a couple months' break, but then it's Easter. Dude, yeah.

And even, I bet this. Bro thought he did something with his Easter basket. His Easter basket's going to be weak, dude. Oh, my God. A single Reese's piece. Not him with a Valentine's heart with one chocolate in. Oh, Starburst jelly bean. And not the flavor you like.

No, no, no. You imagine. What's the Starburst flavor that everyone like? Pink is the one. Everyone, oh, no, the one everyone hates. Oh, red. Yeah. Really?

Or yellow. Yellow. Yellow is probably the more. Red's my second. Red is close. Red is basically pink. No, pink is the good one. I know it's the good one, but I feel like they're not, those can't be the best and

worst, red and pink. Pink and red, you could probably make it look like a pussy if you put them all together. Or a pink and red painting. You know what I did one time when I was a difference between our minds? Artistic, sexual. Pixel art. You know what I did? One time, as a kid, I took the blue, I took, not the blue, the, the, the, the, the banana blue pill.

The banana, laffy taffy, and I curled it up, and then I rolled the, the pink laffy taffy, and I made a laffy taffy, and I made a laffy taffy hot dog. That's actually genius. It's amazing. It is, honestly a fucking miracle that you're not 600 pounds. Yeah. It is a fucking miracle. I thought that was so cool. I was just, I was just playing with my food like it was Play-Doh.

God gave you the fattest brain of anyone I know pretty much. The way that you think about candy, you go into Predator Vision in every store that we go into and start picking on candy. You go to Predator Vision when you see a woman on the street. No. At night. No. At night, maybe.

I have a night vision. Similar to the predator, the only way a woman can escape him is to cover herself in mud. And even that doesn't work sometimes. That I would say. Even then he gets hungry because he thinks she's covered in poop. That would provoke me. No, the only way to stop me is like, you know how.

See, Caleb walking down a dark street towards and jumping into a mud puddle. Just moving slowly. Like an alligator. There's three red dots up here. Just jump into a mud puddle. I wouldn't happen. I wouldn't do that. Yeah.

No. I finally watched Predator 2. Speaking of. but it's not as good as Predator 1. Nothing is as good as Predator 1. Yeah, Predator 1. APP is so sick. I mean, none of the Predator movies.

My recommendation, Patrick's Movie Club, is something I'm going to be starting. Patrick's Movie Club, and this week we are watching all of the alien movies. Nice. And for my movie club, we are watching Finding Nemo again, and hopefully this time the mom doesn't die. And mine will be just watching TV. and see what's on.

Just seeing what's on. We'll just go on Pluto TV and see what's on. I was actually watching part of Mad Max before I came over here on Pluto TV. You watch part of it? I watch five to ten minutes of random movies on Pluto TV. That's a good. I think that's good. We really need to go back to that.

It is the most joy. Like, it's so much more fun than rewatching a movie. I think that TV, not everyone having TV and watching movies and shit like that. I think it's definitely changed our brains. There really is no greater joy than turning on Pluto TV. and like Johnny Mnemonic or some movie Some movies on and then you call in your girlfriend You say look this is the part where this happens

And she doesn't care at all That's the bit look he's going into the internet Dude it's so fucked up that streaming took over cable I miss cable TV in the way But it's so expensive When my wife dies I would honestly No cable Pluto TV is a godsend I would honestly think when my wife dies

I would like to get her taxidermied So that I can put her on the couch and explain the movies to her until I die Just sit there And just like, yeah Fury Road is on I'm like you know they had to delay it A year and a half

Because grass The best part of watching movies The girlfriend is explaining And telling the behind the scene stories And then the second that she asked a question Be like, just watch the movie Yeah They're gonna explain it

Just watch it There's some good movies coming out That I can't wait to explain, dude Fucking Oppenheimer I was just thinking to I'm gonna go so They would literally be

every couple, the entire fucking audience is going to be couples and just guys going They should have those They re-created the nuclear explosion They should have those audio tours They have in museums You know where you can get put the headphones off

If you're a single woman you should be able to get There should be one single boyfriend sitting in the back And he has a little mic He talks to me and every woman in the audience gets to listen It's actually It's all just like Now I don't actually remember exactly what happened in real life

But Oppenheim was actually a crazy guy That's a badass quote from the Bhagavad Gita. And Christopher Nolan's other movies are crazy. Yeah. He plays with time. He loves to play with time. He does time stuff. For example, this episode of movies, the time went backwards into a different time.

Yeah. There's no way he's not going to put some damn-ass time stuff in that movie. For real. Bro, have you seen the previews? It's literally counting down a clock. Time dilation. He's watching those views is mind dilation for me. Yeah, right?

And I think that it'll be a cry nation. The entire nation will be crying at that movie. Yeah. Because they'll be realizing what we did to the beautiful country in Japan. Somebody, I think I saw a tweet or something about it. That's how you say it. What do you mean? Japan.

That's how you're supposed to say it. But just that it's so funny that this guy fucking hair. I bet you call them tacos. Japan. And sushi. that's how you're supposed to pronounce it you think that's funny I'll have a sushi roll

going to your hand for something going to Japan and just pronouncing everything like you're trying to like like Peggy Hill there are a lot of Peggy Hills in today's and they all look exactly like us yeah me

No I'm really sorry to say But probably you You second most I don't know anything about Japan I'm the least person who cares about Japan But there are a lot of guys who live in Japan Who look like you

I don't know anything Those are the guys who went there Who like got deployed there And then they were like I'm a cool I'm a stay here This is actually beast here I think a lot of the guys who looked like you

Actually went over to try and get some damn pussy That's fine Just telling the truth I'm not trying to make a joke I'm just telling the truth All right Well, this is a joke show, so stick to the jokes. Maybe.

You know how all the Oppenheimer, like, posters have, like, the built-in timers. Yeah. Countdown to, like, the movies release. Actually, I did know that. Yeah, you can see. I just said, yeah, because I wanted to move the conversation along, but that's pretty cool. I appreciate that. Wait, they do?

I also said, yeah. I haven't seen that. Really? They have posters that have. Yeah, they have the big, you know the big cardboard stand-ups? Like, it's not a poster, but the cardboard stand-ups, they put a movie theater lobbies. And they have, like, it has, like, a countdown to the movies release. like an actual countdown on it

and it's so funny to imagine it because anyway it's pretty long before it comes out movies like that always get delayed so it's very funny to I really want to be the guy to catch them changing the countdown coming it is trying to stay in the theater overnight and see them switch the timer and be like I got you

I haven't watched the last like three movies he made but I'm going to watch that one yeah I mean yeah tenant I don't know I didn't watch tenet it's tenant it's tenant it's tenant tenant yeah tenant tenant i got i got a tenant is the the skate shop down the street thanks pat our address is one one one the one the one three tweet one 102 floor can you imagine empire state building imagine if we just gave that address of the office out no can you imagine being killed by a nuclear bomb yeah i can yeah i imagine that really really frequently do you think

that it would hurt or just be completely instant? I think it's completely instant. You think so? Yeah. But what if it hurt? What if you survive? You don't even get to see the... Yeah.

Well, then there's also the radiation sickness thing where it's like, oh, if you get enough radiation but you're not actually hurt, you feel completely fine for like a week and then your like body falls apart. Yeah, that's pretty cool. It's called like a walking corpse or something. There's some like phrase for it. And like if you touch people, they'll get it too. Yeah.

That's so cool. I really really hate the idea of war. Is that true? I would have to agree with you. Especially nuclear war. Unless I'm fighting in it. Yeah. I'd be like this.

Bop, bop, bha, gah, gah, cag, cag, cag. Because I'm about that. Damn. I'm about that for every other country. I'm coming for y'all. I saw him on the no limit tank. If I saw a nuclear bomb flying through the air, I'd probably shoot it down. Yeah.

Yeah. I'd probably just pop some shots at it. Yeah. Fa, five, five, five. Dude, yeah, I'd have the silencer on, so it would be like, people wouldn't even notice. they wouldn't even care but I know that I save New York

I'm putting the silencer on so that like if nobody knows that I'm doing it so I'm just kind of like you That's the other thing is like I'm only interested in saving New York because that's my home turf And other people they can deal If there are other people

And other cities who are about that like me They can do that shit But I'm not helping you all out For sure I'm the savior of New York And I'm They're gonna call you And I'd like throw a grenade

You see the same noise Eight times And then I get it I go like Star Wars I do get really scared thinking about a nuclear attack

There's no reason to be scared Because you live close enough To where they would bomb That you would not know that it happened You would have eight minutes Of the worst fear of your life You'd probably call your mom And then you would be a white light

Yeah And it's probably fun to be light You've already True I just don't That's just, that is gross. It's gross. Maybe gross as in huge, gross in size.

Yeah, it would be a huge, probably a worldwide conflict. Wait, are you afraid of death? Yeah. Oh, what's wrong with you? Nothing. Probably the most normal. Me, I don't give a fuck about anything. I mean, as a huge monster movie fan, the nuclear war thing's pretty scary,

but I would maybe be more scared that the nuclear bomb would wake up Godzilla and he might step on me. That is true. That might be a lot. scarier to me. That is really scary. I'd be more scared of the biased media coverage than it would happen after. It probably would divide us. If there was one nuclear bomb that dropped in America,

I would rather be the person whose head it fucking goes into than live so that I don't have to watch all the different angles on YouTube. Dude, can you imagine how fucking divisive and evil Fox News would be about mutants? Oh, God. They probably call them the M word. About the what word?

M. What is the Muntent? Muti. yeah whoa you said it whoa it didn't even barely even had to you made it up so that you could say it

though yep barely even had to push you into it either because I'm a piece of shit really

I kind of like that I kind of like yeah yeah all right no come on hey all right

come on the show this goes out to all the fans that is not cool that off no we're gonna change every all right

okay here we're gonna we're a segue here to Uh, we're going to check in on Santa, because it's still Christmas, it's still December, a Christmas perspective. Despite this fucking piece of shit, screwed to make sense of a grunt. You see, I stopped him in his tracks.

I flipped them. Don't slack. It did not stop me in my tracks. I kept talking. What does stop me and my tracks mean to you? You, you paused because I put it on my fingers. I paused in my tracks. Stop it.

Are you scared? Remember that time I smacked you? I was really hammered and I just like, fucking just, you know, I was talking about that last night. You better not be... I'll beat the shit out of you. Yeah, you did. You smacked the shit out of me after.

Oh, I did? Yeah. I'm a good guy. You got in a slap fight. Yeah. We got in a slap fight one time. Yeah. I would kill you.

Yeah, I know. I'd rip your arms off. I know. I don't know why it was... I think I think I was... You're the one... You're the person I think about when I'm in the gym.

Yeah? Yeah, I think about fucking killing you. Mm-hmm. I did it this morning. I was literally listening. If Patrick ever had fucking tried anything, I'd destroy him. Like a fucking, like, like, like, just like, like Batman montage of you training

and think about Bain breaking your back when is Patrick slapping the back of your head? Yeah, I just think about all the time. Oh, God, I would kill you. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't actually think about it. I think about my entire fucking family getting raped and murdered.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think about that ever. I don't think about that at all. I do know. You're changing what you think about too much. There's a couple people. I think he thinks about getting buffed for other guys at the gym. That is actually what I think of it.

Whenever I'm there, there's this one guy who, It is so hot and I sit there and I'm like, man, I just want him to give me a compliment one day or like slap my ass or something. But I do know a couple people who they're like, yeah, when I'm in the gym, and they're always like really skinny guys or aren't very good at weight lifting. They're like, when I'm in the gym, dude, I think about my fucking brothers getting their throat slit. It's like you're a psycho, dude. Yeah.

You're lifting weights because you were a crazy person. You're not doing it for the right reason. Yeah, you should impress another guy bigger than you. That's the whole reason why you go to the gym is. Girls don't give a fuck about the gym. Girls want a guy to be bad as hell. I literally think it's gross. I don't think about that kind of stuff when I go to the gym.

Usually I think about my whole family getting, you know, defiled in their throat slit when I'm cleaning my house. This is a really good scrub. Just get in there. This is his face. I just think about all that crap before I go to bed and then I get super scared. I wake up happy. If you're buying, like, clothes to impress women, you're, doing it wrong if you're going to the gym

it's all about the guys to impress women you're doing it wrong uh huh posting uh music on your instagram story to impress a woman you're doing it wrong that's right it's all for the boys it's for the fellas you always and for god uh-huh working as also it's not even for the big guy of ties it's not even for like gay guys that you

could fuck because they also don't know it's for it's only for straight guys to look at you and go that guy is awesome you can't have sex with those guys that you're impressing no it's just for them to go oh Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Oh, this guy likes a... It's the same... It's the same... It's when you're at a museum and you see a guy, you go like this at a painting. That's what you want. There's a buff janitor at my gym, and he's so buff,

and I'm always like, man, I want him one day to hand me something. I don't know. Give me a mop and... You're now my apprentice. I do want to... Yesterday, I went to the gym, and I'm sitting there drinking... Jalm. I'm sitting there drinking water.

Yeah, you don't want to fuck with me. I'm saying they're drinking water out of the water fountain. Bro, sitting at the water fountain. I'm at the water fountain. I'm getting water. He walks out of his janitor closet, and he looks at me and just started laughing. I was like, and I wanted to be like, okay, you're the janitor. And you deserve it.

I don't even know what you're laughing at. A buff janitor at the gym, do you think that he was? Oh, my God, you can't too far away. Do you think he was like a janitor? He was a janitor by trade, and he's like, I really, really want to work at a gym. Maybe. Because I like working out. He also got, he got, you know what I think it was?

He clearly just got like a hair transplant because it hasn't grown in yet. So I think he looked at me and he's like, baldy. Right. Or maybe the follicles are in his brain. What are my good friends in high school was the janitor. Really? Brutes. Oh, yeah.

Brutes. Generators are usually pretty good people. Ballers. Mine is their stink. They don't stink in their outfits. And usually, sometimes they've killed. They look pretty hurt. I think that was his name.

I don't know if I should say that guy's full name on the podcast. You just said his first name. I said his last name. Which was a rum shoddle? Rum shottle? His name was Bruce Janitor. He took a shot of rum at his old job. Probably.

My friend Alex worked at the school in the summer. He was like a janitor's apprentice. That's a good movie. That was a good job you could get. You only work in the summer a couple days. Janitor's apprentice. Imagine what nasty shit they make the apprentice do. The janitor is already sucking turds out of a toilet.

They'd probably make them build the mobs. That wasn't the official job title. That's what I call. I called it. I called him Janitor's Apprentice. All right now. Okay, let's see where Santa is right now. It's Christmas month. It's Christmas month. It's December 21st. Okay, so he's on Earth still guys.

Thank God he's on Earth. Where's that? I know this. This is the Holy Land. Oh, my God, he's on. Oh, he's on MECA. He's on Eich. Haij. Hajee. Haji. Haji Beats. Oh, look at him. Wow. Wow. So I wonder what that means for Christmas this year.

I bet this isn't even inside. Saudi Arabia. What? That's clearly Saudi Arabia. Oh. Holy crap. There he is. It just converted.

That's amazing. We don't know that he was Christian in the first. That's true. I guess we don't. Maybe he's, yeah. He was delivering it all over. He's giving it all over. Yeah, that's true.

He probably didn't. I mean, well, yeah, he wouldn't be Christian because he's not getting presents. It wouldn't be anything in it for him. Yeah, so he can be Muslim. He can be. He probably was Muslim. whole time. You can be agnosticly atheist?

No. No. Like me? Too far. Not cool. I'm agnosticly atheist. No. I recently converted to that.

Okay. I don't even want to. Ask me any scientific question I can answer it. Why is water blue? Not my fucking problem. I want to ask your funny baloney god. You told me. He told you what.

Because it reflects the sky. How does it feel knowing you're going to hell? Feels fucking dope. Hang out with fucking Elvis and fucking hit her. I don't want to hang out with Hitler. I don't want to hang out with him. Elvis, though. Elvis is in heaven.

Do you think Elvis and Hitler get along in hell? Yeah. And Michael Jackson, too? No, I don't think Michael Jackson and Hitler are... Well, I think at first. Oh, I'm very nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you, sir. Yeah.

Hey, those dance moves you're doing are amazing. You look so beautiful. I love to color your eyes and your skin. Yeah. Wait a second. Hold on. Wait, that dance, you're too good at dancing. Wait, hold on

No, Hitler wouldn't say that Or he probably would He probably would If at the very least he wouldn't say it in English Yeah, but I don't know Whatever he spoke Yeah What are you doing with your hand?

Trying to remember German This was, yeah, wait That was how you started to remember German You know, I started playing I played a golf game, one of those golf simulator game Yeah, Golden Tee Dude, the only way that you can get a good swing on Golden T is if you end on a full fucking

hile every single time and so and we would always forget. You can curve your arm at the end but then you look kind of stupid. Just close your hand into a fist at the end. Oh true and then you go full Superman yeah that's a good point but I caught myself multiple times like looking at the screen and then my brother's

like you're just doing a full thing and I was like oh fuck and it's not even your turn you didn't even do that you can't do that with that I know I know haircut is a strong word for my head I would say yeah you cut it all off okay yeah you're right

um today excuse me yeah you go Cameron goes first oh he's kind of a firstman I'm not gonna go first

because you guys have oh you're right so you should go for yeah yeah um okay so today we have listen holiday season we're in the midst of it and if you don't have your presence yet

it's Christsember yeah it's fucking December 21st man if you don't have your presence yet it's four days away we'll help you out okay so you're some last minute gift ideas for everybody and your family. What do you think of this, though?

I only had, what? That? That's not a good gift idea. Is that like you? Oh, you look kind of like Vince Vega. Right? That's kind of how you're moving. Yeah. Oh. Just remember, somebody spilled their drink on me at an open mic the other night

and it was like the last person, so like nobody else was like me and three other people in the room. You should blast to that person. No, but they they were like performing and then like looked in the crowd and all they saw was me going like trying to rub the drink off of me so it's like a dead room just like

me going like that doing a he-he-ho-ho yeah rub like it's like oh these jokes are filling the uh I only have one gift because and this was I figured that I'd handle the ones for the for the daddy sure so I got a

I just got a one daddy gift that I think would be good for any daddy you can go head here, JVO. This is major load. Ultimate test booster for men, male enhancing pills, enlargement supplement, men's high potency endurance, drive and strength booster. This is a 30-day supply.

Wow. For 2177, you save 10% if you buy multiple of them. It's from... I like this guy on the cover. Yeah, he looks cool. The flavor is berry. You can really tell by the major load, Barry.

I guess that guy is major load if I had to take Yes. Maybe his last name is Barry. Major load. I think his last name is probably Barry Lode. Oh my God.

Major Barry Lode. He used to be barely load until he started taking this supplement. Go next year. Here's some reviews. Five-star review from Estabon. Etoban.

Really increase my semen load. Sick. I'm 50 years old and my loads were reduced to few drops or almost nothing. Major load increased my loads to a nice shot anytime I come. And I see the word come

is highlighted as if you searched for it here. No, no, I hate come. I hate come. And one person found that helpful, which is nice to know. Charles Johnson. Okay, buddy. Yeah, Johnson, yeah, nice. Five stars.

Great cum shot. Holy crap, these pills are true to their word. After taking one pill for the first time, 30 men later, I was feeling energetic, and well, I noticed I was extremely hard when the time came. I was able to last longer and busted a lot more juice. I definitely recommend. Wasn't sure what to expect when ordering.

was pleasantly surprised by how well it worked. I've never really had a problem with performance, but max load, completely enhanced sensations, also help me keep rock solid. I will probably end up ordering another bottle when this one runs out. I think I might buy this product because I really want to come like I'm peeing. There's a bunch of, yeah, dude, there's a bunch of... I want a one-minute long stream.

I didn't screenshot it, but there was a bunch of reviews that are like, I bought this for my man, and I'm loving it. His loads are huge. And I'm like, isn't that, that goes against what I thought was kind of, of common courtesy, which is that have the smallest possible load when you put it on. It's less of a mess. Yeah.

Also, like, fucking, I'm putting it into my own shirt anyway. I don't give a fuck how big it is. You know, ideally, the woman's never going to see it. What? You don't do that? Dude, I want to, I want to have to, I want to put it in your hand. I want to have to

I don't wipe it like I'm like wiping a spill with my shirt. That's what I do. Or I put it into my hand and then I go like, into the toilet. Yeah, I I want to take this, and I want to have a load that's strong and fast enough that I have to come on the side of the toilet bowl or else it will splash all the water out. Yes, exactly. Shoot it all over my bathroom floor. All over my back.

They have a pill you can take that makes it so you just don't ever come again. You ever get it in your mouth? Ever? Patrick, you ever get it? I'm going to say this one more time. Have you ever? Oh, there's a tracking notification. Somebody is tracking me

Have you ever get it in your mouth? You have to stop it You knock it off Have you ever get it in your mouth? Whoa I almost flew over That wasn't fucking cool You slapped me

Answer the question Answer the goddamn question you fucker Have you ever get it in your mouth? You never once? Never once I got it in my mouth four times I got it my mouth four times Because when I was younger will not say how much younger.

I used to shoot it onto my belly in the bathroom. And one day, I accidentally must have taken a major load because it shot with serious ferociousness into my mouth. Your mouth was open? Yeah, because I go, oh. You were like this? I was like, oh. And I didn't learn my lesson.

You were looking down the barrel. Oh, my God. You were in the bathroom. Because I didn't know, I don't know why I'd never think. thought to use toilet paper onto it and make just aim it down like it's an utter my shit won't shoot down I did know somebody used to jack off

directly into the toilet just squirt into that nasty I thought that was nasty that shouldn't happen that's nasty because everybody at some point sees the toilet pole so you should be doing it into the toilet tank because that's hidden or in your mouth on accident but it does not taste very good

and I depends on the diet that's true you're probably eating lots of cum so it probably tastes like Yeah, I was eating pretty much only come at the time and hot dogs. So it's pretty bad. Yeah. Okay. Is that all the...

Wait, no, I think there's one more reviewment. No, that was it. Okay. Okay. Well, that's a great gift, Caleb. Thanks for the recommendation. I hope somebody buys that for their papa. Here's what I found.

See, I didn't look at any reviews of this stuff, but... That's okay. Reviews aren't completely necessary. Yeah. All right. Let's see this first gift here. This is for the foodie in your family. Oh.

The butter, nutrient. A nutrition funny Thanksgiving costume food Christmas t-shirt It is funny And it comes See, I fucked up here By not putting it in yellow

But that yellow is the same color As the font Here's what I would say If I was walking around with that Shirt says butter It's pretty good Like a criminal wearing butter All right

The next one here For the fatty in your family Swell wimp Sexual exercise as a means of reducing and controlling weight. Swell wimp. Overweight, out of shape. Try Swell wimpa, a revolutionary new program of sexual exercises.

Swell wimp sounds like it has to be an acronym. Yeah. Sexual exercise, I don't like that. No, I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that it's by a man named Perry Blute House. I usually have sex purely for exercise. Or Perry Bathhouse?

Perry Bathhouse. Perry Bathhouse. Holy Bacrissa Flanders. Clarissa Flanders. Perry Bathhouse. Yeah. I don't know why it's called Swell Wimp. But, hey, if you want to learn, pick this book up for $12 on paperback.

Did you read into it at all? I didn't read it. Oh, okay. I forgot that we were supposed to make gift guides. Yeah, I wanted to know what the sample is going to be. I wanted to know maybe if it gives you some kind of, like, are you supposed to be like doing push-ups into a woman's? I think so you're normally supposed to do even if you're not exercising. I guess you're right.

Yeah. Sex is so fucking hard already. It's confusing and weird. It already makes me pure. Yeah, I'm, like, ready to vomit. My central nervous system is just, like, overloaded. I don't want to... What's the next one here?

And I'm just sitting there. Yeah. Oh, this is an album I found. Okay. Well, I need my phone back. It's by Butfucker. No, that's the song. The song is called Butfucker.

By Dirty Boys. And here, check this, let's listen to this album. It's like a... It's kind of like a... I'll do it at a listening party. Yeah, it's like a power violence record. There's 50 songs, and it's homeless. five minutes.

Okay. What's this? Fuck you. Whoa. Okay. Does that one got a secret track or something? Bitch.

Whoa. Oh. They forget to record that one. That's bastard. Well, I can give you a... That one got copyright struck. They sampled that from an old dirty bastardard song.

and then they got it ticking down. What? What did you say? Bit shit. No. Eat shit. Oh. Okay, butt fucker doesn't work.

I love the, I love the long sound. They make it, it's suspenseful and scary. Clit face. Oh. Well, that's out of nowhere. All of them are normal, pretty normal cusses until that one. Cock. That didn't work.

Coochie doesn't work. Coochee doesn't work. Damn, that's disappointing. Coochee don't work in his voice. Coochie. Any other good ones? Dick. All right, yeah, that's classic.

Dick Weasel. Oh, my God. That means are intense, man. You hear him. Dib shit, yeah. Any other exotic ones? Look at this douch bag. Oh, my God.

It's not even playing. Damn Dushbag Well he said it right I think that this was the voice actor for Sauron True From Lord of the Rings A lot of these just don't work

To the Rings Which one? Yeah a lot of these Let's see if this one works Nope Just go to the time I want to select one I want to see how many tracks are there

Oh jackass None of these works Oh that one works Jackass Jackass All right, that's enough of this album. Yep. I think I've had enough of this funny, like he.

That's too far. No, that's too much. That's not right. That's homophobic. Yeah. Penis. And then this last one is for Caleb. Oh, hell no.

I don't have any acne on my ass. Got his ass. I don't have any acne on my ass. Why would you get that? Hell nah. But acne clearing cream. That's a low blow. Yeah, very low

As low as your butt Which is very low to the ground Because you're this tall I'm not that tall Exactly, you're not that tall You're really short I thought I just had a bugger come out No

Keep that shit to yourself Bro It's an inside thought That's nasty Yeah I would love to hear that guy say Bougar I saw a guy the big fat guy

Walking on the street He sneezed and a bugger I saw it fly And do a trapeze maneuver into his own mouth And they went Yeah It's so great

And it stopped I was in the middle of talking to Noah. We were walking down the street, and he did that. And me and no, just, like, froze completely until he walked by. He had a, he probably was shaped like this. Probably was, dude, did a boomerang? Yeah, yeah. That's probably the mechanic.

If you were interested in the physics behind that, that's probably what was happening. I am because of my agnostic atheist knew upbringing. Yeah, what I believe is that God's hand came down and wielded it to go to his mouth because he knew the fat guy was hungry. Oh, wow. He provides. He does provide. He does provide.

Okay. I got some gifts here. If you don't hold it up to the mic, no one will be able to hear it. Okay. But this is my gift guide. I got some gifts here, some suggestions for different.

So this one's a multi-part one. So first here, this is a good gift for children. Okay. This is some things that go together that you could buy for maybe a nephew or a son or one of these types. And first we have a talking. Sometimes a nephew is a son. Sometimes, but not always.

a talky toys products fart speaker remote controlled plays funny poop and fart sounds hilarious prank joke and gag toy yeah so this is great now I want you to go to the next slide here this is an addition to this gift that you can get here are two other things which is an Allen and Heath SQ6 digital mixer 48 input channels 24 onboard preamps 25 faders etc and then a sound town all weather line array system with one 15 inch waterproof line array sub woofer four compact dual eight inch line dot dot dot dot and if you go to the next slide this is a cheap gift it'll only run you about 10,000 five hundred and ten dollars and forty four cents that's pretty good so this is a good gift for kids age six to eight I think they'll find a lot of fun with this you might have to also buy an adapter to get the fart speaker to but this the advantage of this is you can get

multiple this is you know get up to I think even 48 fart speakers and mix them in separate volumes and separate you know effects you kind of do beginning it back to the future you hit the cart right but you just press that fart speaker button and you can do it yeah

A cool, multiple at once. Like that band 10cc where they did all the recording through the mixer. You can do that with the farts where you have like a fart orchestra. Yes. Yeah. And this is also great for it. So this is great for six to eight year olds who enjoy farts, but also any six to eight year old who's thinking of opening a music venue.

This can actually be a great gift. Yeah, but for the little producer in your family. This can actually be huge, but you might want to get a few more of the array systems for that. It depends on the venue side, I guess. Yeah. All right, let's go to the next one here. This is for a nerd and your family. This is 1,000 feet of Cat 6 Ethernet Cable.

It comes in red, yellow, black, blue, silver, brown, and it's $203. That's not bad for 1,000 feet of Cat 6. No, definitely. And this is also great. I mean, say you buy, you think you haven't seen your cousin in a while. You know he's nerdy, okay? You know he's a geek. And then you buy, so you buy this for him.

And then you get to Christmas, and he's like, oh, by the way, cousin, I'm not a nerd or geek anymore. I actually like fashion. I like necklaces and belts now. Oh, shit. That's right. So this is foolproof. He's about to turn the fashion world upside dizzy with this one. And you know who you could also get this for is the office fan and your family.

Really? One of Jim's famous pranks involves the same red cable. Is that true? What's the prank? I don't remember that. He puts a cable. He hooks up the. hooks a cable to Dwight's computer.

He actually... Speaking of the office, if you live a thousand feet away from your office, you can actually connect to your works Ethernet port and use your computer from home. You can probably steal the internet from like a sweet green or something.

Yeah, this is actually really... If they let you behind the desk, you're definitely going to want to bring one of these. I would love to do like a little like high style like get costumes and stuff so you can get it. I just got to get in there. You plug your own laptop. And so you're walking.

Well, they just see you walking out with a giant spool of red cable out of the door and across the street and into an apartment. You haven't hidden in your sleeve. It's like you have the other part of it. It's going up your back and through. Well, it's coming out of the back of your shirt. And they're like, sir, are you running a cable from my story? Like, no, that's just my tail. That's my tail.

I was born with the tail. Hey, I'm the devil. That's my red tail. Don't close it in a door. It'll really hurt me. Let's look at the next gift here. I don't remember what it is. Oh, yeah.

This is a book I found called drugs. secret death pill. And I found this because I was trying to, in case you had an annoying person in your family, I was trying to find an item on Amazon called a death pill. But it turns out they don't sell anything called a death pill. Wow. That's name sounds so familiar. Cagreigur.

Well, it's actually a famous brothers. Cagreigur and Cagree Gurg. Oh, you can look at the authors there. But yeah, not too much interesting about this one. I just thought Secret Death Pill by Cagreigur was kind of getting me. So this one is Luminance Red. proven genital sore device for pain relief and sore management. Holy shit, that's expensive.

And this is $350, and it's the ultimate genital sore device. The luminance red is a breakthrough pain-free genital sore device designed to help you manage sores on or around the genitals. No longer do you have to rely on messy lip creams, gels, ointments, patches, medicines, aclovir, lysine, or a brava. Do you think she's patting that thing and rubbing her head at the same time? Why does she touch her head? Did she hurt her head, too?

I guess so. I think she's trying to, like, go, like. yeah she's doing a yeah you know supposedly that red light can grow your hair back too yeah that you know she's got some hairy ass pubs down there yes do not say pubs because i'm gonna have a laughing attack she's fucking i'm gonna come her fucking pubs are overgrown because of that red light it's like a fucking chia pet well hey you can get it if you think it's expensive you can get it for 25 bucks a month over yeah and that's huge and so this 30% APR This is a great gift for an uncle or aunt who suffers from genital warts or source.

Yeah, that is good. Oh, thank you. Well, because you also have the extra thing of like, oh, I've got to grow my hair back. Yeah. Right? Or, yeah, I have no pubs. My pews are removed in a fire. But then you go, I'm going to put that on my back.

Or just in case, because it can strike it anybody. It's true. I remove my pubs probably once a year. Yeah, I pluck them. I pluck them bit by bit. I would get the laser hair removal on my pubs. Yeah. Just around the ring of the shaft.

So it makes it look. bigger. Yeah. I think I would maybe consider that in a world where final destination doesn't exist, but I've seen five of those movies and I can't ever, I will never be in a room with a laser. So I'll never get LASIC. Yeah.

Is there a LASIC death in that? Yeah. I don't remember that one. It's when she gets stuck in the chair and the laser gets turned on and it like burns a hole through her head through her eye. I don't think that's strong. Yeah. Wait,

something in Final Destination couldn't really happen. Are you serious? I think it, I don't think kids could go on a plane. I think it's practically unrealistic that movie. Yeah. I don't even remember which one. That might be in five, maybe. Yeah, I haven't seen that one.

Five is fire. They got too ludicrous. Five is the best one, dude. You got to watch five. Same problem by the Fast and the Furious. Uh-huh. Yeah. Too much ludicrous.

Go back to rapping. Ludicrous. I haven't heard a ludicrous song, and actually I listened to that song Saturday the other day. All right, next product here. This is for, this is for anybody who might get into a fight. This is a medieval parade Armour of Alessandro Farnisi Farnesei Farnese

Full armor suit replica, $40,000 And if that seems like a steep price tag Just take a look here what it says This item is a rare find It's hard to come by and it ships free Oh wow That's good that he ships free That is difficult to ship

Yeah, that is a suit of armor That's pretty easy to ship you just take it apart Piece by piece. I would get that I want a suit of armor more than I want anything in the world So this is kind of, you know I'm mostly doing the gift guide

to say like, hey, listeners, watchers, look what this is what you can get for your friends, but you know, maybe there are some things in here that you guys might get for your friends. I want to look like a yautja. Yeah. That's a yautja. That's a predator species. Fake fan. I don't think he is

talking about, talking about predator earlier. I've never even seen it. Yeah, I don't know that he's a fake fan as much as just not a fan. I saw like the 2017 Predator movie. That one was ass. It's terrible. Yeah. the one that Shane Black made. He was in the first movie. It took me three times to watch the whole thing.

I'd movie pass, and I just kept going in and watching 30 minutes and leaving. That was the best doing that. I did that with John Wick three. Very fun. Yeah. All right, next gift here. This is for your ticklish friend, and it's a feather. We all got that one.

It's a smudging feather, too. Yeah, but it doesn't matter what kind of feather is. It's just a feather, and it's $6.50. So that's a pretty good deal. That's a great deal for a gift. For a feather, and a gift. Yeah. Fuck me. That's fucking good. It's good

for tickling with. And it's smudging apparently. My agnostic ass loves cuss words. Okay. I fucking don't give up. This is for a, if you have a robot in your family, this is robot maintenance oil. It's special robot oil, 20 liters. It can be pretty cheap or pretty expensive

depending on how much you get. Well, the big red barrel seems like it would be expensive one, right? Well, you'd think that, but we don't really have any point of reference so it could be exactly the opposite. Yeah, I don't Yeah. But, yeah, that's for robots. Okay.

Robot reduction. Yeah. They put a lot of words. It says, you can't read it there, but the red buckets is robot maintenance oil on it. And so does the blue one, I think. But let's just go to the next step. That's if you have a robot. So this is for dancers.

Oh, my God. Wait, that looks like a young. Yeah. This is a grace color life remote control LED robot costumes, light costume, LED robot suit for dancer party performance electronic music. So a DJ or dancer could do great. I have to bring that to fucking Lollapalooza this year.

Just go crazy. Doesn't it look cool? I'm going to make you want to dance just looking at it. I'm going to go to the comedy tent and watch Eric Andre and do this. Dancing like a cybergoth. Okay, next gift here. Let's take a look.

Okay, so this is part of a series. This is for fans. These are a few gifts that are for fans of rice. So if someone in your family is a riceaholic. I got one. Yeah, I know we all do. This is a rice mascot costume. Wholesale custom advertising cartoon rice grain food cereals theme,

anime cosplay costumes. I don't want to be racist. Carnival $2945. And it's only $345 and it looks like a pretty good costume of rice. I think you're going to look at that and recognize that it's rice when you see that costume. So let's look at the next rice gift here. Unless you got eggs on the mind. So here's a rice mascot costume.

This one is $3.49. I like his eyebrow. This is kind of an alternative. to that other rice mascot costume. So if you have a rice fan, two rice fans in the family, you don't want to get them the same thing, a little impersonal.

And if you have three rice fans in the family, this next one will be perfect for you. This is a cartoon rice. A little cheaper, cartoon rice mascot costume, food advertising restaurant mascot costumes for sale, adult-sized Halloween, Carnival fancy dress.

A carnal fancy dress. I'd like to see that as well. Some Rice fans might think of this costume as a bit carnal. This is what, speaking of Carnal, man, can you imagine Christmas, you give this to your baby girl on Christmas, right? As night, she says, let me slip into something a little more comfortable.

It pops out of the bathroom, gets stuck in the door frame. That's right. So, okay, so imagine this scenario, right? I've shown three rice costumes. Okay. Your uncle loves rice. Your aunt loves rice. Your cousin loves rice.

You've got it covered. Three separate rice costumes. Oh, my God. Just a few days before Christmas, suddenly, I have been told that my brother also likes rice. Oh, good. What the fuck am I going to do? Well, next one here. This, if he really likes rice, this is a heavy bag of rice mask.

It's the cheapest one. Yeah, and it's very, it's pretty cheap, and it's a whole bag of rice. So someone who really likes rice, this will be good. And then your brother's like, hey, this is great, but I really want to have a rice costume for my girlfriend, too. Yeah. Are you serious? Are you serious? She's not even coming to family Christmas.

Well, you can get this one for her. This one's a little more expensive, but I think she'll really appreciate how cute it is. And that it's from 2021, it's a little newer. It's decent. It's a rice that's wearing clothes. Yeah. And let's go to the next one here. And so this is, if you have a father or mother, this one could be good too.

This is for adults, adult rice costume, adult rice mascot costume. And this one's $314. Our costumes advantage is. So if you just have someone in your family who likes to dress up as a grain of rice, these are six or seven gifts that may be really good for them. Well, I mean, it says, Great for business, party, special occasions, sports games, and events. Man, you guys remember high school football games, Friday night lights.

It was the Tigers versus the rice. Oh, my God. Man, Randy, the rice piece, we used to, oh, he was a legend. This one also breathed easily from the holes of the eyes and mouths. And you will not feel uncomfortable to have it on for a long time. So that's pretty good. And it's shipping days later. That's good.

That's not bad at all. It's in stock right now. Let's hit up the next gift here. So this is what I found. This is you can buy someone a gold mine on eBay for the low price of $8,500. And let's go forward here. I have some more details about this. This is the mine you would be buying.

So you can buy that for this under $9,000. It looks to me a lot more like a hill than a mine. Yeah, but it actually has been. It has gold and minerals in there. For real? And I found out this is actually a burgeoning industry on eBay. So check this out. People are buying mines and shafts on eBay all the time.

Holy shit. Well, people are listing them. Wow. Look at that. You can buy Nevada gold, silver mine historic mining claim shaft pit for $8,500. Well, how's their shipping on this? I'm not sure. It's the, like, the deed.

It's like the paperwork that says that you own it. True. Or the claim, I mean, I think it's called. $25,000 for a 20-acre gold mine. I mean, that's pretty good. Yeah. Let's go to the next one here. This is a sketch of Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone for $8.

And that's a good deal if you have an art fan. Barney's holding his cock. It's a brand spanking new. It's kind of a Tom of Finland thing. What's fun about this one is if you go forward, you can see what people who looked at this also looked at. And you have pieces of art like slouching on a wing chair, skinny guy wearing open gray jeans,

cute guy lifting up his gray shirt. Executive gives friend a peck on the cheek. God, that's hot. And these are all $8 each. So a good gift for big Some budget gifts. Yeah, or for the office. Get everybody on.

Yeah, Secret Santa. You're saying something? I'll do that. All right. Next up here, goof or dust. 977. That just speaks for itself. Yeah.

Next up here. This is a demon whisperer, class 8, so you can buy her, and you will be soul-bound to a female demon whisperer. She is a special and ancient breed and commands millions of lesser demons, devils, hellhounds, ibis, succubi, and other entities. She always engages to give out the maximum of her best to make you happy. The hardest is not to abuse of them.

What? So you can buy a demon woman. Oh. And she will be bound to you. And they said free ship from Canada. A demon woman from Canada. And apparently it's really hard not to abuse her. Let's get an offer.

That's what they said. Well, I just want you to make sure you have options. So go to the next one here. You can actually also buy a sex spirit or a neurotic sex demon. And these will be bound to you and we'll have sex with you. Wow. Okay, I will do that. And that's pretty cheap for a bound sex spirit.

For a fucking demon? Are you kidding me? They cost more than that to make. Yeah. And then the next one, there's actually some more stuff like that. You can buy some stuff here. You can either become a sorcerer or you can become an alpha male. Wow.

And these are two things. Really interesting. Yeah, sorcerer. I could cast a spell to become an alpha male. I could cast a fucking spell to become a sorcerer. You can't cast a spell. I don't remember which one is which, honestly. Yeah, wait.

You guys want to be a sorcerer? Yeah. Those fucking misogynous pieces of shit? Become an alpha male. No, I'm going to You get a pointy hat, get a wand No, dude, the way you have to look at it. An Alpemail doesn't wear a pointy hat and a wand.

But he does. Book of spells, all that. I think you're mixing something up. I wish I could make myself pass out on command. I have one more gift that take it home. You can spend $34, get some mayo on Facebook marketplace. I would, just if you run out of ideas, ships to you.

Damn. Not bad at all. pack craft real mayo creamy and smooth real. It's real guys. It looks real to me. Yeah. And that's all the gifts that I gift recommendations I prepare. If you get, if you fucking don't

have a good gift by now after that, I mean, you're going to blame us. You're going to blame us. I know you were about to. Yeah, yeah, you were this close, but you got pretty much everything you need. So thank you for watching. Go check out the Patreon. To the Patreon. We want to make a sci-fi adventure movie called

Caleb's Demise, so we need to make so much more money on Patreon. Go do that. Go make us a lot of, and become an executive producer. Become an executive producer. This Friday. No.

Last Friday. Yeah. Was our first shareholder meeting. And it went splendidly. It was baller. Yeah. It was probably one of the best, and you know,

we had a lot of laughs and we had, there was a lot of new inside jokes that we created together. That only the executive producers are privy to. And we gave out details of our personal lives. And we sprinkled. the inside jokes throughout this episode. And there was... And I know your ass is laughing.

An executive producer? Everybody was dressed to the nines. Yes, I was dressed to the tens. Yep. Always because we were doing the meeting. I was dressed to 100. We will say bye now.

Bye! Your seat is right this way. Oh, welcome, man, to the show. Here's a program. Your seat is right this way. Sir, this is a counterfeit ticket. You need to leave. Get out, immediately, out!